King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted October 6, 2005 (edited) *CALIFORNIA LOVE!!!!!* "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" The Calgary crowd pop, as "California Love" by Tupac and Dr. Dre starts up and the crowd rise to their feet as it's HI-YAH Title time. After a few seconds noisy wait, the headlights of The Parka's trademark El Camino shine through the entranceway and the pop resurfaces, as Parka drives out onto the stage. A little hydraulic show follows, before Parka exits the driver's side of the El Camino and raises a fist in the air. COLE A big match for Parka tonight...after proving he still has what it takes at Angleslam, now he has the chance to prove he's still championship material tonight. CABOOSE Still championship material? What's Parka ever done without a partner by his side? Nothing. Squat. Parka and his manager Eddy Kalm walk on towards the ring, Parka tagging some out-stretched hands down the aisleway before rolling into the ring. Clearly The Parka is fired up as he snaps right back to his feet and fires up the crowd, glad to be back after his recent forced absence. And the crowd are predictably glad Parka is back, giving him a rapturous reception. Backing into a corner, Parka crouches down and tries to get himself prepared... ...as the bad-ass strains of "Back In Black" drill through the P.A System. The fans resist the temptation to mark the fuck out for the best song ever, as Christian Wright leads the way for the HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion. Bohemoth carries HI-YAH premiere title belt over his shoulder and is all business as he shows off TEH GUNZ~! before striding down the aisle. He even brushes right past Parka's prized El Camino without incident while Wright seems to think about tampering with the vehicle as he walks past, but decides against it. COLE We haven't seen a lot of Bohemoth in the ring since he won the HI-YAH Title, but we have it good authority that he's been an impressive force over in Japan defending the title. COACH That could just be a lie... COLE Why would it be? COACH I dunno, but it could be. COLE But, it's not. He's been flying to Japan and returning every week to appear on house shows in America. *shifty eyes* What's so unbelievable about that? Jogging up the steps, Bohemoth enters the ring and raises the belt above his head. Seeing this as a taunt, Parka stands up and advances out of the corner ready to fight. But Eddy Kalm calms him down, while Wright keeps Bohemoth from attacking for the time being. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is sanction by the HI-YAH wrestling authorities and will be contested under HI-YAH rules. 20 counts will be observed on the floor and throwing an opponent over the top-rope is an automatic disqualification, at the referee's discretion. Introducing first at this time, in the corner to my left, the challenger. Being accompanied to the ring by Eddy Kalm. Hailing from San Diego, California and weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds...he is... TTHHHHHHEEE PPAAAAAAAAAARRRRRKKAAAAAAAAA!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd erupt as again, as Parka is submerged in multi-coloured streamers that seem to come from nowhere. They also seem to catch Parka by surprise, as he waits for them to settle before removing his La Parka mask. BUFFER And, in the corner to my right is the champion. Accompanied to the ring this evening by "The Natural" Christian Wright...he hails from Greenville, South Carolina and weighs in at two hundred, eighty four pounds! He is the current, reigning and defending HI-YAH HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.... BBOOOOOOHHEEEEEEEEEEMMOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHH!!!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" More streams fill the ring, as Bohemoth steps out of the corner and raises his belt in the air. Wright applauds his bodyguard turned World Champion, as he passes his title to the assigned referee, Charles Robinson. Turning to the crowd, Charles holds the belt aloft for the fans to see, before setting about the task of getting all the frikkin' streamers out of the ring. COLE This is Parka's first match since he was scheduled to appear at Dirty Deeds, but due to the imminent Hurricane in Texas he had to attend to family matters. But obviously, it's a pleasure to welcome him back. CABOOSE This whole Parka bleeding hearts sob story just gets worse. COLE How? CABOOSE First we're supposed to care because he's got a crooked back. Now, we're supposed to sympathise because he was worried about the Hurricane. What next, him getting a World Title shot because his puppy died? *DINGDINGDING!* As the bell rings, Wright pats Bohemoth on the back and gives him some final words of encouragement, as Parka gets the same from Eddy Kalm. "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" The Parka makes sure to acknowledge the crowd, while Wright tries in vain to shut the Calgary faithful up. With the chants solidly behind him, Parka is ready now and Bohemoth dares him on. Parka looks around the crowd, then back up at Bohemoth, who continues to dare him to attack first. So Parka hits the ropes, building up a head of steam and barging into Bohemoth with a shoulder block...but the Champion stands his ground. Bohemoth yells at Parka to try again...which he does, again to no avail. Quickly getting the message, Parka realises he's not going to over power Bohemoth. So instead, he rocks Bohemoth with a boot to the gut before offloading a quick succession of right hands, not letting up until the Champ finds himself pinned against the ropes... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...where he gets a knifedge chop. COLE Parka might not be wise trying to brawl with this monster... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Parka rocks Bo with a second chop, pausing to hear the crowd react. COLE ...but it beats trying to out-power him. Growling, Bohemoth shakes off the chops, shoving Parka back a couple of steps and charging out of the ropes looking to take Parka's head off his shoulders with a clothesline. Parka ducks though, waiting for Bohemoth to spin around before rocking him with another series of punches. Four...five, six connect, backing Bohemoth into the opposite ropes than before and allowing Parka to whip his opponent across the ring. Back shoots Bohemoth, straight into a high dropkick from Parka that catches him right in the BUTT of the jaw and knocks him clear off his feet! Stunned, Bohemoth staggers up and holds his jaw, as Parka sets and connects with a second, standing dropkick. Again the Champion is back up quickly. So Parka goes to the gut this time, hitting the ropes and snaring Bo over with a quick Swinging Neckbreaker! Parka follows up with a cover... 1... 2... But Bohemoth rolls the shoulder. Pulling himself up, Parka brings Bohemoth up with him and again begins to rock Bo with punches. This time Bohemoth catches Parka in mid flurry though, doubling him up with a quick and distinctly desperate knee to the gut. With the challenger momentarily subdued, Bohemoth sets up for a slam. But Parka floats over the back and cradles him up with a California Roll... 1... 2... Bo pushes Parka off. Using the momentum, Parka hits the ropes and ducks underneath a Big Boot from Bohemoth, screeching to a halt at the ropes behind. Turning around, Bohemoth sees Parka waiting on him and charges recklessly. Straight into a Parka drop-toe-hold, dropping Bohemoth throat-first across the middle rope. The Champion bounces straight back holding his throat, as Parka points a finger down at Wright, presumably telling him he'll be next come World Without End. COLE Bohemoth may be an impressive physical specimen, but he's in the ring with a wiley veteran tonight in The Parka. Pulling Bohemoth up, the challenger then sets for an irish whip. Back comes Bohemoth, as Parka ducks his head ready for a back body drop. Bohemoth stops short though, clubbing Parka between the shoulder blades and leaving him in on his knees in agony. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" From the outside Wright applauds and yells at Bohemoth to "stay on the back", which he does by reaching over Parka's head with another clubbing strike. Parka slumps face-first to the canvas, clutching his back in pain as Bohemoth stalks over him. COLE Right to the back goes Bohemoth, which is obviously the smart tactic against Parka. CABOOSE See this is why Parka shouldn't be in the ring. He's walking in with a target on his back every night and sooner or later, somebody'll hit the bullseye. Bohemoth reaches down and pulls Parka off the canvas and whips him into the corner. Hitting the turnbuckles hard, Parka recoils and staggers out holding his back once more. Bohemoth meets him coming out and whips Parka again, into the opposite turnbuckles. Again Parka bounces out hard and this time, falls to his knees. Methodically, Bohemoth rolls Parka over and makes a pin... 1... 2... Kickout. Sitting Parka up, Bohemoth quickly places a knee in the back of the challenger and wrenches his head back with a rear chinlock. CABOOSE Ooh, that can't be doing Parka's back any good. COLE Well, credit where credit is due, Bohemoth is well prepped for this match. CABOOSE Oh, rest assured Christian Wright has given his bodyguard strict instructions on how to dismantle The Parka tonight. He's the smartest man in the OAOAST after all. Bohemoth pulls back on Parka, looking a little impatient in this methodical style, as opposed to his usual smashmouthness. "LET'S GO PAR - KA!" "LET'S GO PAR - KA!" "LET'S GO PAR - KA!" "LET'S GO PAR - KA!" And as the crowd start to rally behind Parka, it begins to get to the HI-YAH Champion. Releasing the hold, Bohemoth clubs his arm around Parka's chest, leaving him noticeably gasping for breath. A second clubbing blow has Parka sucking wind, allowing Bohemoth to re-apply the rear chinlock. "LET'S GO PAR - KA!" "LET'S GO PAR - KA!" WRIGHT WOULD YOU CEASE THIS INFERNAL RACKET!! ... WRIGHT THAT MEANS SHUT UP!! .. "LET'S GO PAR - KA!" "LET'S GO PAR - KA!" "LET'S GO PAR - KA!" Hearing the crowd's support grow and grow, Parka begins to power up and starts to call on some energy. Turning to the side, he then comes to his knees...then to his feet, rocking Bohemoth with an elbow to his well-developed abs. Another elbow connects, followed by a third and a fourth, finally breaking the chinlock and allowing Parka to whip Bohemoth...NO, Bohemoth counters and whips Parka into the ropes. As Parka hits the ropes though, Bohemoth commits the exact same mistake Parka had earlier and ducks his head too early, allowing The Parka to float over top and take Bohemoth over with a Sunset Flip... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Man, Parka nearly shocked Bohemoth there! Both men scramble up, Parka ducking a wild swing from Bohemoth and clocking him in the back of the head with a back elbow. Parka then reaches back, trying to grab Bohemoth's head for a neckbreaker. But Bohemoth blocks. Fighting Parka off with back elbows, Bohemoth then grabs the challenger and pitches him across the ring...causing Parka to crash shoulder first into the top turnbuckle. CABOOSE Talk about power! He just threw 250 pounds across the ring like it was nothing! Parka slumps into the turnbuckles, but is soon pulled out by Bohemoth who applies a full nelson on Parka. Using the power of TEH GUNZ~!, Bohemoth then drags Parka out from the corner. Parka reaches out a foot trying to place it on the ropes, to force a break. He can't reach them though and finds himself drilled with a Full Nelson Slam!! The crowd groan collectively, as Bohemoth places a hand on Parka's chest... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COLE Really naive cover from Bohemoth. You aren't going to beat a competitor like The Parka that easily. CABOOSE I don't see why not. Pulling himself up, Bohemoth encourages Parka up. The Parka is clearly hurting again, but with Eddy Kalm encouraging him on he fights slowly to his feet. Backing into the opposite corner, Bohemoth continues to wait. As finally, Parka reaches his feet and turns, Bohemoth immediately charging out of the corner with a Yakuza Ki... ...DUCKED! Bohemoth scrambles to put the brakes on and does, just by the turnbuckles, turning around to go after Parka again. As he turns though, Parka charges him and hooks Bohemoth with a clothesline, taking both men over the top Cactus Jack style! Parka ends up sat on the apron, while Bohemoth lays on the outside seeing stars. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Scurrying around the ring, Christian Wright goes to check on his bodyguard. But he soon finds himself scurrying back away, as Parka stands up on the apron and dives off the apron, again Cactus Jack style, this time with the Apron Dive Elbow!! COLE What a risk taken by The Parka! COACH Bang bang, his back may be broken! "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" The crowd erupt in support of the challenger who remains down on the floor with Bohemoth. "THREE!" And suddenly, referee Charles Robinson's count comes into earshot. "FOUR!" COLE Both men are down and hurting, but there is of course a relaxed 20 count under HI-YAH rules. "FIVE!" CABOOSE They're going to need it from the looks of things. "SIX!" Robinson continues his count, as Parka drags himself to his knees with a hold of his spine. "SEVEN!" Bohemoth is still down meanwhile, much to Wright's frustration. "EIGHT!" Parka pulls himself up using the apron for support... "NINE!" ...and rolls into the ring. "TEN!" The count meanwhile continues for Bohemoth, who now has Christian Wright beside him trying to encourage his bodyguard up. "ELEVEN!" COLE The Champion's taking his sweet time here. He may be hurt. "TWELVE!" CABOOSE Bohemoth's been in this situation before, he knows what he's doing. "THIRTEEN!" Finally Bohemoth pulls himself up and begins to crawl towards the ring, despite protests from CW to stay where he is and take the count-out. "FOURTEE - " Bohemoth rolls into the ring, breaking Charles' count. Wasting no time, Parka bends down to pick Bohemoth up...but suddenly, he explodes into life, popping up and driving Parka down with a Front Spinebuster!! CABOOSE See! He knew what he was doing! On the floor, CW is in elation already, as Bohemoth makes his cover... 1... 2... 3-NO!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE NO! ONLY TWO! Wright can't believe it. Neither can Bohemoth, stomping to his feet and threatening referee Charles Robinson. But Lil' Naitch stands by his call, much to the duo's chagrin. "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" Turning back to Parka, Bohemoth pulls his opponent up and turns to the outside. Wright looks up at Bohemoth and nods, his smile slowly wiping off his face as he gives his bodyguard a thumbs up... ...and then... ...THUMBS DOWN~! COLE Uh-oh. That's the sign, Wright's calling for the end! Bohemoth nods before taking Parka in his arms and hoisting him up. The fans know what's coming and jeer away, hoping that it will put the bigman off. It doesn't though and he holds Parka's 250 pounds in his arms with ease, turning to the centre of the ring. Bohemoth then sets and swings Parka out, around and...onto his feet, Parka using his momentum to float behind, around and plant Bohemoth on his head with the Float Over DDT!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE WHAT A COUNTER!! CABOOSE No way! Rolling over, Parka drops an arm over Bohemoth and makes the cover... 1... 2... 3-TWOCOUNTONLY!! "OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" As the fans bemoan the close shave, Parka pulls himself up and brings Bohemoth to his feet slowly. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And once up, Bohemoth takes a hard knifedge chop to the chest. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a second. Parka seems to be buying himself a little time to think now, looking for a way to finish Bohemoth off. Eventually, Parka grabs Bohemoth by the arm and whips him across the ring and into the corner. Following in, The Parka clotheslines Bo into the turnbuckles and watches him stagger out from the corner, before climbing to the middle rope. Bohemoth is staggered and stops in front of the turnbuckles holding his head. Wright screams for him to move, but he doesn't, allowing Parka to leap off the middle rope and snare Bohemoth down with a Diving Bulldog!! COLE He planted him! Bohemoth got dropped right on his head!! Bouncing off the canvas, Parka's back again comes back to haunt him, but he grits his teeth through it and makes the pin... 1... 2... CHRISTIAN WRIGHT ON THE APRON!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh, come on! Get Wright out of here referee! CABOOSE He's got as much right to be here as you or me, get off his case. COLE He's distracting the referee! CABOOSE So's your frosty top, but you don't hear me complaining. As Robinson tries to get Wright off the apron, Parka leaves his cover and points a finger at Wright. From the outside Eddy Kalm tries to stop Parka from doing anything stupid, but Parka is too distracted to notice him. And as Parka and Wright exchange words, he's also too distracted to notice Bohemoth recovering. Stalking behind, Bohemoth clasps his hands together and prepares to slam a double axehandle into Parka's back... ...but Parka sidesteps... ...AND WRIGHT TAKES THE DOUBLE AXE!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Miscue! COACH So much for guarding his body... As Wright collapses off the apron in a heap, Bohemoth clutches his hands to his head despairingly, suddenly finding himself taken over with a Calfornia Roll-Up... 1... 2... 3-NO, Bohemoth pushes Parka off. Continuing his run, Parka hits the ropes in front and snares Bohemoth's head, looking for a Running DDT...but Bohemoth throws him off! Parka lands hard, but instinctively pulls himself straight back up. Which is just what Bohemoth had wanted, as he looks for the big-ass LARIAT~!... ...AND CONNECTS! COACH OH SHIT, SON~! The crowd deflate, as Bohemoth hooks a leg instantly... 1... 2... 3-NO, TWO COUNT, TWO COUNT!! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HE KICKED OUT!! Unbelievable!! "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" "PAR - KA!" Bohemoth storms back to his feet and with Wright still KOed on the floor, he gives his own THUMBS DOWN~! to The Parka before pulling his limp body back up. Taking Parka in his arms, Bohemoth then lifts and sets for the Erotic Awakening Of B...but Parka elbows. And elbows. And elbows, elbows, elbows, elbows until Bohemoth drops him, straight into a small package... 1... 2... 3!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HE DID IT!! CABOOSE No way, you've got to be kidding me! The crowd go absolutely nuts, as The Parka releases his cradle and scrambles out of the ring, right before Christian Wright dives in to make a failed attempt to save. The Parka rolls out of the ring just in time though and stops at the foot of the rampway, as Eddy Kalm runs over and hands Parka the HI-YAH Title. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest...and the NNEEEEEWWWW HI-YAH WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... TTHHHHHHEEEEEEE PPAAAAAAAAARRRRRKKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Parka defied the odds and did it! He won the match, he won the title and he proved without a shadow of a doubt that he is BACK, in a big way! Man, the fans watching in Japan must be extremely proud to have The Parka as their new HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion! CABOOSE Eh, what do they know? Parka raises his title in the air to a jubilent cheer from Calgary's crowd, leaving Christian Wright FUMING in the ring. Edited October 6, 2005 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
