Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2005 (edited) The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF STORM, OCTOBER 21, 2005, LIVE FROM IN FRONT OF MOUNT RUSHMORE, WHICH I THINK IS IN SOUTH DAKOTA! (8:00 pm EST, 5:00 pm PST; check local listings) There will be a ring set up under George Washington's enormous head, and the fans will be rioting! It'll be like Richie Rich.. only, uh, not so much Macauley Culkin. SWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP HOUSE RULES: OUR FOUNDING FATHERS MATCH Bruce Blank (SWF Hardcore Champion) v. KOJI Kitano -> On Smarkdown, Blank fell hard to TORU Takahara, while KOJI got spanked in his bid to become Hardcore champion. Tonight on Storm, both men get a chance to redeem themselves, with interesting stipulations! Rules: On a pole in one corner of the ring, there is an old-fashioned quill. Mixed in with Longdogger Pete's notes is a replica of the United States Constitution... of course, Pete doesn't know this, and the wrestlers will be told that the Constitution is just 'somewhere near Mount Rushmore'. The first person to use the quill to sign the Constitution wins. SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP HARDCORE MATCH Jay Hawke (SWF International Champion) v. Johnny Dangerous -> Three shows away from Ashes 2 Ashes, and Jay Hawke will get a pass on defending the International title there; he's too busy helping Landon Maddix with the tag belts. As a result, CC will be throwing two challengers at him in the next three shows, and tonight is the first, as Hawke takes on the man who beat him to win the first International championship, Johnny Dangerous. Rules: HARDCORE! HARDCORE MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins (SWF Championship #1 Contender) v. The Divine Wind -> Eh, Spike asked for it. I'm guessing he jobs again (for angle purposes), but we'll see. Rules: HARDCORE! HARDCORE MATCH Bill Fillmaff v. TORU Takahara (SWF Tag Team Beltholder) -> He's Bill Fillmaff! Rules: HARDCORE! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Edited October 22, 2005 by Chuck Woolery Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2005 The fireworks ignite to welcome everyone to a makeshift platform erected (snigger) right under the head of George Washington. SWF coming to you live from Mount Rushmore: Storm where there are no rules *BOM!* *BOM!* *BOM!* *BAP*BAP*BAP*BAP*BAP*BAP*BAP*BAP*BAP*BAP*BAP* *BOOOOOM* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! ”Well everytime that I come home nobody wants to let me be It seems that all the friends I got just got to come interrogate me” BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The small and intimate crowd gathered in front of Mount Rushmore immediately starts to boo as Lynyrd Skynyrd hails the entrance of Bruce Blank, the trailerpark superstar who’s become extremely unpopular really, really fast. “He’s not scheduled until later King, or are we going to see Bruce against KOJI Kitano right now?” Pete asks. “Well if you’d shut up and be patient I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough.” King responds. ”Well, I appreciate your feelings and I don't want to pass you by But I don't ask you about your business, don't ask me about mine” Bruce steps through the curtains from the back and the negativity in the arena is turned up to 11. Bruce just smirks as he stands there, dirty, crumpled cowboy hat on his head, light, well worn jeans with several dark red splotches all over them and the Hardcore title around his waist. The camera zooms in to confirm that it IS indeed bloodstains on Bruce’s jeans and that the Hardcore title has barbwire strands loosely wrapped around the strap parts on both sides of the face plate. ”Well its true I love the money and I love my brand new car I like drinkin' the best of whiskey and playing in a honky tonk bar” Bruce raises his right hand to reveal a barbwire wrapped bat as he walks towards the ring, a heavy chain about 4 feet long dangles from the other adding to the already menacing appearance of the 295 pound monster from Mobile. ”But when I come off the road, well I just got to have my time 'Cause I got to find a break in this action, else I'm gonna lose my mind” Bruce steps through the ropes and then takes a swing at Ben Hardy with the chain, Fortunately for the big man Bruce is just trying to chase him out of the ring and not beat him up so the chain doesn’t connect but it does send Hardy scurrying through the ropes, running towards the back. ”So, don't ask me no questions And I won't tell you no lies So, don't ask me about my business And I won't tell you goodbye” The music dies down as Bruce picks up the discarded microphone that Ben Hardy dropped in his haste to get the hell out of there. WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! Bruce just stands there for a moment, microphone in one hand, the barbwire bat in the other with the chain tugged into his title belt. “Now if I…” WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! Bruce looks a little annoyed that the crowd cut him off as he was about to speak “As I was saying” WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! “WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!!” Bruce screams at the fans while stomping back and forth in the ring like a trapped bear. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Bruce stops in his tracks and just waits for the crowd to die down a little before he can go on. After a minute or so the boos begin to die down and we can finally get on with the show. “TORU!!” YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!” “Yeah that’s right cheer the stupid bastard, show us all just how pathetic the people of South Dakota are.” WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! “I lost – it happens from time to time to all of us. So TORU lucked out and evened the score between us and now the other little “import” has a shot at MY title – not a chance mind you, just a shot. And this time I ain’t hampered but such trivial concerns as “rules”, this time you’re stepping from the bath house and into MY HOUSE HERE ON STORM!!” Bruce looks up at the huge monument above him before he continues. “You dare walk onto MY show and even THINK that you have a shot at MY title? I’m Mr. Storm damn it, this is where I shine the brightest!!” BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! “A lot of people disrespect Storm and they disrespect this title – they claim it’s not a “Wrestling” title, that it’s not prestigious, that it’s garbage.” Bruce is getting fired up as he begins to pace up and down again obviously annoyed by those that put down the Hardcore title and Storm for it’s Hardcore content. “I guess I could be like the world champion or the International champion who’ve sat in their the locker room with the gold hidden away since the pay per view.” Bruce spits out. Then he un-straps the gold, holds it up next to his face and begins to stroke it while rocking back and forth “My precioussssssss” he says in a pretty poor imitation of Gollum. “They’re the jokes! I’m out here week in, week out putting my body on the line, putting my title on the line while they sit in the back and bask in the glow of their own egos! Or they defend them against guys that have no right even challenging for the title like “Iron” Spike Sharpe! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! “Oh just shut up! I know exactly what I am and where my strengths lie – I can’t beat you with an arm bar, but I don’t have to.” He straps the title around his waist once more and then Bruce pulls a pair of brass knuckles from his pocket and hold them up for everyone to see “If this is what it takes to win a match – then I’ll use it” He pulls the chain from the belt and swings it in the air, whipping the tip around with a audible “woosh” “If this is what it takes to win a match – then I’ll use it” Then he quickly drops both the chain and the brass knuckles and holds the barbwire bat up while staring at it in an affectionate way. “If this” waves the bat “Is what it takes to win a man – then I will damn sure USE IT!! There are no rules!! There are no limits to what I will do to keep this title where it belongs!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! Bruce ignores the chant, he’s on a roll now, and instead he taps the belt around his waist motioning for the camera to zoom in on it. The shot pans over the strands of barbwire wrapped around it, the bloody handprint on the faceplate and the place where it used to read “Hardcore Gamer’s” Which has been grinded out and instead has the words “Ultra Violent” etched into the metal with a crude tool. “You read it right – “Ultra Violent”!! Hardcore is a term that’s been watered down by the use of tin foil baking trays and Singapore canes that are all sound and no impact. Hardcore is a fad, a passing phase – Hardcore is a title that little candy ass pansies like Zyon, JJ Johnson or Todd Cortez have held” Bruce says with contempt in his voice “Hardcore is just an excuse to not follow the rules – ULTRA VIOLENCE IS AN EXCUSE TO HURT YOUR OPPONENTS!! And that’s what I do best, I hurt, I maim, I cripple and I love every single second of it” Bruce’s tone of voice is borderline psychotic as he rambles on about how much he enjoys hurting people. “I look at the Hardcore title history and I see guys like Wildchild on it – WILDCHILD?? He’s Hardcore? How about names such as Ced Ordonez, Longdogger Pete, Manson, JJ Johnson, Zyon or Todd Cortez? They’re Hardcore?” The crowd pops for the mention of most of those former Hardcore champions that are still active in SWF. “That’s just sad, that’s why the term “Hardcore” has become a joke until I came to town – I took this title and I raised it up to a whole new and demented level!! No more cookie sheets!! Now it’s light tubes, barbwire and fire!! You want to step in the ring with the most Ultra Violent Mother F**ker in SWF, you better be prepared to bleed” BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! “Cause I am ready to make you bleed!” WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! “Now Smarkdown doesn’t recognize the legitimacy of this title” Bruce says as he taps the belt around his waist “But they will have to stand and take notice as I bring my brand of mayhem to Smarkdown!! And as for Lockdown” Bruce says with palpital contempt. “Make me shake people’s hands, play by the rules – I got news for you!! I reject your rules and substitute my own!!” Bruce throws the microphone down and stomps off as the crowd boos him mercilessly “What the hell does that mean” Pete asks as Bruce takes a swing at a fan that touched him. “That means that Bruce needs a big wallet to pay his Lockdown fines! Finally a man who stands up the “Politically correct” Bullshit of Lockdown!” King says with a thumbs up. “I’m not sure Bruce is playing with a full deck King” “No but that probably just makes him more dangerous” King replies as the show goes to it’s first commercial break. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2005 “Welcome back to Storm SWF fans,” Pete greets the audience, “and after those slightly indecipherable words from our Hardcore Champion we have our opening match of the night; featuring, I might add, the man who beat him on Smarkdown!” “Indeed we do, Dogger,” King confirms. “And you know who else is in this match?” “The greatest person to ever come from Las Vegas?” Pete says snidely. “Shut up.” Before the announcers get any further some unidentifiable music starts up, probably called ‘You Know I Got Game’ or something equally cringe-worthy. The skinny, shade-wearing figure of the SWF’s newest arrival steps out onto the makeshift entrance ramp and proceeds to swagger towards the ring. He is followed by an even skinnier and stupider-looking man wearing a ‘FILLMAFF = TEH WINNER!’ T-shirt. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and will be contested under HARDCORE RULES~!” Funyon bellows. “Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Steve the Helper; from Las Vegas, Nevada, he weighs in tonight at 160lbs; this is the Worldwide Poker Champion… BIIIILLLLLLLLL… FIIIILLLLLL-MAAAAAAAFFFFFFF!!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Hey King, do you think this guy knows a King beats a Jackass?” Pete queries, nudging his commentary partner. “I told you to shut up.” Fillmaff is pointing and laughing at Funyon for having to specify that Las Vegas is in Nevada - I mean, how many other Las Vegases are there? - and doesn’t seem to have noticed that the crowd have decided they hate him. Not that he’d probably care, mind you. However, what he does notice is when the lights drop down and three letters start to flash up on the huge, portable Smarktron: T K O “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “You know King, it probably says something for the nature of the SWF when, pretty much week in and week out, a kleptomaniac Japanese man with a complete disregard for the rules gets cheered over his opponents,” Pete says as the harsh drums and stark riffs of ‘Teethgrinder’ by Therapy? kick up over the PA system. “Yeah, it shows the humanoids are starting to develop a healthy respect for cheaters,” King counters. “They used to like Landon, too.” “Liking Landon is never healthy. Just look at what happened to Megan Skye.” As the two commentators bicker the familiar trenchcoated figure of TORU Takahara appears, complete with stolen Tag Title over one shoulder. Chris Card and Natasha are flanking him, but as he catches sight of his opponent TORU stops and actually removes his shades to stare in disbelief at the scrawny runt that awaits him. For a second the Japanese Hammer seems completely perplexed, but then he bursts into laughter and removes his coat, then hands coat, belt and shades to Card and motions for Technical Perfection and the Gothic Bitch to head back to the locker room. “And his opponent,” Funyon states as TORU makes his way down the ramp on his own, “no longer accompanied to the ring by Chris Card Enterprises; from Saitama Prefecture, Japan, he weighs in tonight at 264lbs; this is the ‘Japanese Hammer’, TOOOOOOORRRR-RRRRRRRUUUUUUU… TAKA-HAARRRRRR-RRRRAAAAAA!!” ‘TEETHGRINDER! (In my sleep I grind my teeth…)’ TORU is still shaking his head in amused disbelief as he hops athletically over the ropes and even seems to be asking Brian Warner if he’s sure that this is the right opponent. Warner nods his head and TORU shrugs… but Bill Fillmaff jumps him from behind! *DING-DING-DING!* Not that it does him any good, mind you. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The crowd collectively gasp as TORU barely flinches under the assault, then turns around to glare at his opponent. Fillmaff stares up at him but then balls up the fist, reaches way back, and asserts himself… “OW!” The Worldwide Poker Champion clutches at his hand as it impacts on TORU’s jaw without any visible effect. Takahara doesn’t seem offended; in fact the Japanese Hammer places a friendly hand on his opponent’s shoulder, then points to the ropes. Fillmaff takes a moment to catch on but then runs for the cables and even manages to bounce off them reasonably effectively before coming back with the ‘Bullets’ lariat… *whump* …and almost falls to the floor as his right arm ricochets off his opponent’s muscular chest. TORU takes a half step back but otherwise makes no other movement, then reaches down to catch Bill under one arm and bring him gently up to his feet. The Worldwide Poker Champion is looking a little flustered and his shades have definitely been knocked slightly askew, but otherwise he seems fine. Takahara continues to make sure that his opponent hasn’t suffered any unfortunate side-effects from that failed lariat… *CRUNCH!* …then buries his knee deep into Fillmaff’s gut. “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “T!K!O!” “T!K!O!” Bill Fillmaff falls to the canvas, clutching at his stomach and desperately gasping for breath. Nothing seems to be coming however, even as TORU uses one foot to turn him over onto his back and covers with it… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “Bill Fillmaff just mustering the strength to kick out there,” Pete notes, “and I have a feeling that this match won’t last for long, King.” “I’m praying it doesn’t,” the Gambling Man replies, “I’ve got a few grand to win off Fillmaff after the show, and he has to be able to at least hold the cards to give it some sense of legitimacy.” TORU seems at least vaguely surprised that Fillmaff kicked - well, gasped - out of the pin, but his attention is quickly diverted as Steve the Helper realises that his services are required and rushes the ring. Steve jumps onto TORU’s back and grabs him around the neck, but after a brief moment of discomfort the bigger man simply reaches backwards to grab the new arrival’s head, then bends forward and flips him onto Fillmaff! “OOOFFFF!” “Of course, Steve the Helper’s interference is completely legal under these hardcore rules,” Longdogger Pete explains. “A shame it didn’t help Bill Fillmaff, really…” TORU appears to be considering pinning Fillmaff again, but he decides against it and instead boots Steve out of the ring, then grabs the Poker King and hauls him upright. Fillmaff seems to be having trouble breathing as TORU keeps him standing by virtue of one hand under his shirt collar but Takahara appears to have some difficulty deciding to do next. The Japanese Hammer idly reaches out and delivers a couple of desultory slaps to his opponent’s face, seeing if he can spark a reaction, but Fillmaff just flops limply from side to side. TORU shrugs and applies an arm wringer with a preoccupied air… but suddenly Fillmaff rolls forward onto his back, releasing the tension! “Did he do that?” King asks in surprise. “…I’m not sure,” Pete admits. If he did, Fillmaff isn’t following up very well. TORU looks down at him, sighs… and reaches down to grab one of Bill’s legs, crooks it, and then wrenches on both arm and leg to make his opponent perform something that could in some circumstances be mistaken for a kip-up! “No, it seems TORU’s just having a little fun,” Pete amends. Fillmaff finds himself back on his feet, although he doesn’t seem very certain how he got there. Well aware that he should probably be doing something to the big Japanese man currently holding him up by his arm Fillmaff swings desperately with his right fist, again connecting with TORU’s jaw… and this time the big man staggers back! “What in the world…?” Pete asks. Careful observers will notice that although TORU is staggering, he is still supporting the flailing Fillmaff. Bill isn’t that careful an observer though and thinks he’s doing something right, so he lashes out again with a similar result, ‘forcing’ TORU back onto the ropes. From there Fillmaff seems content to lean and suck in air, but the Japanese Hammer isn’t having any of it and pushes his opponent away. Unfortunately for him Fillmaff ‘Irish whips’ him towards the far ropes (although it looks suspiciously like TORU running past his opponent under his own steam), but the big man then rebounds off and flattens the Poker King with a shoulderblock! From there TORU turns and hits the ropes again… but Fillmaff is still down in the centre of the ring and hasn’t moved. TORU comes to a halt with an expression that clearly says ‘do I have to do everything myself?’ and turns Fillmaff over onto his front, where any good wrestler would have rolled to. The Japanese Hammer then goes back to the ropes with his opponent in the correct position and bounces off again, this time hurdling the prostrate poker player! “Well, this is… unique,” King comments. The trouble is, TORU has now found himself with a new problem; namely, Fillmaff is on his front and can’t get up. The big man reaches down and raises his opponent to a kneeling position, then steps over one of Fillmaff’s arms and turns his back on the man from Vegas, before suddenly tumbling over backwards and pulling Fillmaff on top of him! “Schoolboy pin from Fillmaff!” Pete shouts, entering into the spirit of the thing. ONE! TWO! …but TORU kicks out before the confused Brian Hebner can count to three! “I haven’t seen a schoolboy pin that good since Owen Hart vs. Steve Austin,” King remarks. “T!K!O!” “T!K!O!” Both men come up - well, TORU gets to his knees and then pulls Fillmaff up - before the smaller man ‘hooks TORU up’ and ‘rolls backwards’ with a small package! ONE! TWO!! …but TORU kicks out again (honestly, were you surprised?). This time Fillmaff seems almost able to get back up of his own accord, but TORU slaps him in the face hard enough to knock most of what little brains the gambler has clean out of his head, then pulls him to his feet and whips Fillmaff into the ropes. Bill rebounds and staggers, vaguely upright, but at he approaches TORU the big man scoops him up into a fallaway slam position… then, with some ceremony, topples backwards! “Crossbody by Fillmaff!” King calls, figuring he may as well get some enjoyment out of this. ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHH- -no. Not really. “Near fall by Fillmaff in his first SWF match,” Pete comments, taking a swig of PepsiMax. “Yeah. The new guy’s really making an impact,” the REAL~ Gambling Man replies, stuffing some nachos into his mouth. Something in Fillmaff’s brain seems to spark. He on top of his opponent, and he knows you’re meant to win by pinning. So he tries to hook the leg… ONE! TW- -but TORU kicks out so violently the 160lb weakling is flung three foot off the cover! “Well, I guess TORU feels quite strongly about people not playing by his rules,” Pete comments. Fillmaff looks up, clearly trying to work out what is going on here. He was on top of his opponent, and then the world moved suddenly, and now there’s a stinging pain in his knees and elbows and there’s no TORU underneath him anymore… The confused gambler looks around to see Takahara coil his legs under his chin, and then kip up explosively with agility surprising in a man who weighs 264lbs! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “T!K!O!” “T!K!O!” TORU comes striding towards Fillmaff and raises one leg, ready to drop a crushing knee to the back of the head… but Fillmaff rolls away! However TORU was only feinting, and he takes the extra two steps to catch up with his opponent before this time dropping the knee, right onto the back of the gambler’s skull! *CRUNCH!* “Yeowch,” Pete says uninterestedly. “That’s gotta hurt more than having a three-inch penis and being called Ted.” “You got that one right,” King replies, shaking his head sadly. Bill Fillmaff might be clinically dead at this point; the third most talented athlete from Las Vegas in the history of the SWF certainly isn’t moving apart from when TORU rolls him onto his back and leans down to make a lateral press… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHRRRRR- -but Bill Fillmaff kicks out with enough force to send TORU Takahara flying! “What-” “He jumped, Pete,” King stops the Longdogger in midcall. “Fillmaff never moved a muscle; TORU just jumped.” TORU stares around with an expression of mock astonishment, then points a finger at Fillmaff and waggles it menacingly. The Japanese Hammer gets back to his feet and walks over to where his opponent lies prostrate on his back before reaching down and hauling said opponent to his feet. The big man then scoops Fillmaff up under one arm, turns on the spot to show the middle finger of his other hand to all four corners of the arena… then drops Bill Fillmaff over one knee with a pendulum backbreaker. “FILL-MAFF SUCKS!” “FILL-MAFF SUCKS!” There’s barely enough life in Bill Fillmaff to even register the pain, so TORU leaves him on his back and turns to head for the corner of the ring. Once there the Japanese Hammer begins to mount the turnbuckles until he reaches the top rope, then points at Fillmaff once more and leaps off… *BANG!!* …to drive his knee into Bill Fillmaff’s head with the TORU Hammer! Once more the ‘T’ in TKO makes the cover… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- -but only gets a two, as a kickout occurs that looks very suspiciously like TORU pulling Fillmaff’s shoulder off the canvas! In a bizarre reversal of usual events it is referee Brian Warner pleading with TORU that it was a three, but Takahara remains adamant that his opponent kicked out and that the match should continue. “You know, technically I guess Warner could stop this match through Fillmaff being unfit to compete,” Pete says. “That never stopped Landon.” “BURN~!” TORU goes to pick Fillmaff up again… and stops. It appears to have just occurred to the big man that this match is a Hardcore match, and once this epiphany has taken place Takahara wastes no time in heading outside and searching under the ring for a suitable weapon. “Umm, TORU - you don’t need a weapon,” King points out. “King, I’ve visited this guy Fillmaff’s website. He claims to be the King of Vegas.” “What, you mean Max ‘King’ wasn’t enough, now I have to deal with this prick pulling gimmick infringement as well?” the Gambling Man complains. “Go ahead TORU, you waste the bastard!” TORU seems to have found what he’s after, and the Japanese Hammer pulls it out with a pleased expression - several metres of white rope. With a happy smile on his face TORU rolls back into the ring and grabs Fillmaff, but in a sudden and shocking reversal the gambler appears to confuse his opponent into turning around, then ‘grabs’ the ropes in both hands and throws it around TORU’s throat before falling backwards - that at least was convincing - and pulling the rope tight in a vicious chokehold. “Wow, I guess TORU’s finding it hard to breathe,” King says as the man from Saitama Prefecture thrashes around, although not too hard in case he dislodges the rope from his opponent’s lifeless fingers. “Yes, the oxygen to his brain is clearly limited,” Pete chips in with expert analysis, “I can see him going purple from here.” “Pete, that’s his trunks.” “Ah, right. Sorry.” After about half a minute of completely unconvincing throttling TORU gets back to his feet, making sure to bring Fillmaff and his unlikely chokehold with him. The big man then walks to the corner of the ring, supporting his opponent all the way, before carefully lifting and placing Fillmaff in a seated position on the top buckle. As the gambler sways alarmingly TORU wraps the rope around his neck and ties it, before lifting Fillmaff’s foot and pretending to be kicked in the face. Takahara staggers back and falls to the mat, although one end of the rope is still in his fist… “It looks like Bill Fillmaff might be going for the ‘Flop A Straight’, which I believe is a splash off the top ropes,” Pete comments. “This could be devastating. Totally devastating.” “Yes, I dread to think what might happen to TORU when a full 160lbs lands flush on top of him,” King agrees. “Didn’t that hooker in your hotel room last night weigh about that? And was that a diving board I saw her carrying?” “I thought I told you to shut up?” With commentary bicker showing that no matter how bizarre the match some things never change, TORU hauls on the rope and drags Fillmaff off the top rope in a crude imitation of a body splash… but he gets his knees up! *WHAM!* If Bill Fillmaff was still capable of registering pain he would probably roll away clutching his abdomen. As it is he rolls off TORU with no more than a blank expression and a blast of discharged breath. TORU sighs, apparently deciding that enough is enough and it’s time to end this farce, but at the Japanese Hammer gets up to his knees Steve the Helper suddenly appears with a chair in his hand and waffles the big man from behind! *CRACK!* TORU falls forward onto his hands and Steve does a celebratory victory dance, waving the chair overhead… but he doesn’t notice TORU getting up to his feet and holding the back of his head! “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Steve turns back around to find TORU waiting for him, and this time the Japanese Hammer snatches the seating aid from his skinny antagonist before pie-facing him out through the ring ropes! “T!K!O!” “T!K!O!” TORU looks slightly less amused now, and he drops the steel chair unceremoniously in the centre of the ring before grabbing Fillmaff and dragging him to his feet. The Japanese Hammer then bends his opponent over and places him in a double underhook… “Tiger Driver coming up!” Pete shouts. “Onto the chair?” King asks, not sounding entirely displeased with the idea… but once more Steve the Helper enters the ring, this time holding a fire extinguisher! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” TORU hears the boos and turns around, releasing his grip on Fillmaff as he does so, but Steve does something right for once as he raises his hand and fires! *FFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!* “Steve the Helper just engulfed TORU Takahara in a mass of white substance that he discharged through his horn!” Pete yells. “Who do you think you are, Bobby Riley?” King yelps in response. However, gay innuendo aside, TORU is certainly blinded. The Japanese Hammer has released his grip on Fillmaff and is stumbling blindly with hands outstretched. The incredibly skinny Steve takes a firm grip on his heavy weapon and waits for the right moment… then swings the canister into TORU’s gut! “OOOFFFF!” The big man doubles over, but Steve has enough strength left for one more swing, this one aimed at TORU’s head! *THUNK!* “-and TORU Takahara is down!” Pete yells. The Longdogger has called it correctly, and Brian Warner is powerless to stop the interference (even if he wanted to). Steve the Helper’s victory dance is both justified and shorter this time, as the hero-worshipping gimp quickly sees the opportunity and grabs Bill Fillmaff to drag the gambler on top of TORU for the pin… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- -but TORU kicks out! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The fans are happy that the Japanese Hammer didn’t fall to that bout of skull percussion, but Steve is distraught. He hastily drags Fillmaff out of the way, then grabs his trusty fire extinguisher and raises it high… *CHING!* …but TORU slams his leg up into Steve’s happy-happy-joy-joy area! The fire extinguisher drops from nerveless hands, straight onto Steve’s foot as chance would have it. *CRUNCH!* “YEEEOOOOWWW!” With his balls on fire and his foot well and truly mangled the trusty helper tries to stagger away, but TORU is pushing himself to his feet and the Japanese Hammer has had enough of playing around. He grabs Steve and double-underhooks his arms, then wrenches him up high… *WHAM!* “Tiger Driver onto Bill Fillmaff!” Pete winces as Steve comes crashing down on top of his idol. “T!K!O!” “T!K!O!” TORU casually places one foot on Steve’s chest, thereby pinning Fillmaff underneath, and leans down to give both men the bird… ONE! TWO? THREE. *DING-DING-DING!* “Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner,” Funyon booms, “TOOOOORRRRRRRRRR-RRRRRUUUUUUUU… TAKA-HAAAAARRRRRR-RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA!!” “Well fans, that’s it for our opening match,” Pete says as TORU raises one arm before spitting on Steve and Bill Fillmaff. “King, do you suppose that exhibitions like this will dissuade idiots like Fillmaff from joining the SWF?” “We can only hope,” the Gambling Man agrees. “Maybe next time TORU can persuade Frisco that Candace isn’t worth managing, and to bring back Carnage. I quite liked Carnage.” “We shall see,” Pete replies sagely. “In the meantime fans, don’t go away because we’ll be right back after this commercial break!” The last shot we see is of TORU walking back up the ramp and being greeted by Chris Card and Natasha with the stolen Tag Title as we FADE OUT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2005 Back at Cucaracha Internacional's locker room and it's another big night for part of the trio. Jay Hawke is busy lacing up his boots with his International Title defence mere minutes away, while JJ Johnson is making the most of his night off and taking the chance to relax. That is, until the locker room door bursts open and the third third of the team, Landon Maddix, enters the room with a beaming smile from ear to ear washed over his face. "What do you look so happy about?" asks Hawke glumly. "What's not to be happy about, Jay? We're in beautiful, majestic South Dakota. The people here LOVE me!" Maddix beams. "Honestly. Me. Loved. Who'd'a thunk it. Plus, I've got Max King out of my hair for the next month. And, best of all, by the end of the night you are once again going to have two shiny belts weighing down your bags." Hawke looks confused, as Maddix smiles. "You mean..." "That's right...I've come up with a plan." "A good one?" Hawke questions, looking a little unconvinced. "Of course a good one!" Maddix doesn't look best pleased that he's being doubted and sits down, folding his arms and kicking his legs up onto the coffee table in front of him. Exchanging a glance, JJ and Jay sigh. "So...what is it?" "Oh, there's no need for you to worry about that." replies Maddix flippantly as he stands back up. "Listen, you've got your business to deal with. Tonight, I want you to make sure you're focused on Johnny Dangerous and only Johnny Dangerous. I mean yeah, he still sucks, but it's better to be safe than sorry when it comes to championship gold. You just leave the planning to me. Well...me and JJ, at least. I'm gonna need a little help." JJ nods (coz he can't speak, remember, lozl) as Maddix motions for him to 'come with me'...perhaps not realising that mutes can't speak but don't need to be spoken to through sign language. "Are you sure about this? Wouldn't it be better if I were there too?" asks Jay again, to a sigh from Landon. "Honestly, there's no need. It's all under control. You just do some stretches or something and by the time you've dealt with the world's slowest heel turner, we'll be back with ¡¡los títulos!!" "Los títawhat?" "Los títulos!" Hawke stares blankly at Maddix. "The titles..." "Oohhhh." "...yeah, oh. C'mon JJ, let's go. I'll explain on the way." And with that, Maddix and JJ leave on their quest to retrieve the World Tag Team Title belts. Leaving Jay Hawke in the locker room, still not looking totally convinced that Maddix's plan will work as he picks up his International Title and grabs a tin of polish beside him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2005 A black and white video is showed out of George Washingtons mouth. Happy wonderful victorious music, showing Spike defeating Tom Flesher at Genesis … the music then has a sudden turn of EVILNESS and shows KOJI getting the win over Spike. The video then switches over to Bruce Blank hitting the Blank Bomb on Spike. Spike has a look of awe. BAM Funyon starts to say something, but is drowned out by the loud twang of metal guitars. “AHHHHHHHHHH” ‘Hollywood’ Spike Jenkins comes through the curtains, sporting a new t-shirt, makes his way down the ramp. Spike runs around the ring, high-fiving the crowd. He runs into a cameraman, and makes a big X with his hands. And then casually slides into the ring. The music stops. Akira Kaibatsu saunters out of the curtains, with his manager and friend Mr. Kobe, who is holding a trash can of weapons. Pete: On Akira’s storm debut he couldn’t beat pick up a win, so he’s trying a new approach I guess . . . King: Well, BOTH these guys lost to the hardcore champ, so who the hell wins this one? Pete: To be fair, both guys are technical wrestlers. Mr. Kobe hands Akira the trash can, and Akira pulls out the lid. Akira holds it by the lid by the handle, and examines it. He then offers it to Spike, who rejects it. Akira shrugs a shoulder and knocks Spike in the head with the lid, and makes a quick cover. 1 2 Spike throws his opponent off him, but Akira is standing, waiting for Spike, and this Hollywood with a belly to belly.suplex, followed by another quick cover. 1 2 Spike roughly shoves Akira off him, and slams the mat with his hand in disappointment. He turns around to face The Divine Wind, but there’s not much to look at, as Akira attempts a Shining Gamenguri! Pete: going for it all, early! Spike moves out of the way though, and Akira lands on his ass. Spike gets right up, and nails a big kick to the chest of Akira, sending him flying into his trashcan, sending it out of the ring. King: Both men are hitting big moves early in the match up. I think we can expect a quick finish. Spike goes over to Akira, and lifts him by the mask. Hollywood hits a European uppercut on Akira, and then another one. Another. Spike then throws Akira into the ropes, Akira bounces back, Spike ducks his head and hits attempts a back body drop, but Akira manages to land on his feet in the flip! Akira then turns all the way around and hits a kick to the face of Spike. Akira goes for another quick cover, hooking the leg this time. 1 2 No. Hollywood kicks out with ease. Spike gets up, and wipes some sweat from his face, and approaches the Divine Wind. The two lock up, collar and elbow style. King: A tech sequence? . . .on Storm? Akira gets the better of the hold, grabs Spike’s arm with both hands, and twists over to the back, putting in a hammer lock. Spike has a slight grimace on his face, but uses his strength over Akira; buy flipping Akira over his shoulder with the arm for a Judo throw, but still holding on to the arm. Applying a seated hammer lock. “BOOOO-RIIING” “BOOOO=RIIING” King: The storm crowd isn’t exactly fond of chain wrestling I see. Pete: Well if they were they’d go to Smarkdown, now wouldn’t they? Akira throws elbows blindly behind his head, hoping they land on Spike in attempt to break the hold. The 3rd one nails the arm of Spike, breaking it. Akira gets right on the offensive, hitting an arm drag, holding on to the arm, for an arm bar. Before any damage can be done, Hollywood scurries to the ropes, and Akira lets go. Jenkins then gets out of the ring, and gets a breather. Spike climbs back I the ring, and Akira tries to meet him with a Lariat, but Spike ducks, and hits a huge chop to the back of Kaibatsu, sending him to the floor. King: Stiiiiif chop from the Number one contender there. Spike picks up Akira by the mask, and hits a big STO on the Divine Wind. Swift cover 1 2 No, Akira kicks out. Spike is in a hurry to stay on the offensive, and picks Akira right back up. Spike hits a sharp toe kick to the gut of Kaibatsu, and then runs to the ropes, bounces off . . . *THWACK* Pete: Big Lariat from Spike! Cover! 1 2 THNO, Akira rolls the shoulder up. Spike is still looking for a quick win though, so he lifts Akira up by the mask, and sets him up for another STO, but drops to the ground on his knees. King: Spike calls that “The Minor Threat”. That could legitimately take a guy out of action with a bruised larynx. Could pick up a win here. Spike, hooking the leg 1 2 THRNOO! Akira rolls the shoulder up again. Spike, yet to be disappointed in this sequence. Lifts up Akira by the mask again. Akira punches Spikes stomach, but Hollywood just clubs forearms at Kaibatsu, ending any chance at momentum. Spike wrenches Kaibatsu’s arm, and then hits a modified Stroke, but holds on to the arm. Hollywood wraps Akira’s arm behind his head, putting in the Strong Island Stretch! Akira is only inches from the ropes though. Can he get there? “AHHHH” Akira reaches, and he reaches, and he reaches. “BWUHHHH” And he reaches, and he reaches. “FWAHHH” And he reaches. And he makes it! Nick Sopadish motions for Spike to let go of the hold. Akira doesn’t have the strength after that to get up, so he simply rests on the bottom rope. Spike isn’t waiting for anything though, so he runs into Akira and hits a huge Yakuza kick, sending Kaibatsu to the outside! Mr. Kobe runs to Akira to regroup him, while Spike taunts the crowd from in the ring. Kobe rubs Akira’s bald head, and throws his pal into the ring, as deuling chants erupt. KAI-BAT-SU! HOL-LY-WOOD Akira didn’t enter the ring alone though, he brought a chair with him! *SMACK* Pete: A Huge chair shot there from Akira! Hooking the leg . . . 1 2 THRNOSHOULDER. Akira is quick to get on the offensive again, as he picks Spike up by the hair. Kaibatsu lifts him up for a suplex . . . and then drops him hard down on his knee! Goes for another cover . . . 1 2 THRNOROLLEDITUP. Pete:Akira is on a sequence similar to Spike’s a while ago, where he isn’t exactly thinking his moves out, just busting whatever he thinks he needs to win the match. King: And that’s never the way to go with it. Focus on a body part. Target it. Weaken it. Win it. Akira goes to the ring apron, as Spike begins to get up. Spike is almost to his feet, when you see Akira flying out of the bottom left hand corner of your screen, for a springboard front dropkick! Akira goes for a cover, hooking the legs! Pete: Gotta be it . . . 1 2 THRENOO! Akira is finally showing some anger, and picks up Spike by the hair. Akira hits a big knife edge chop. “WHOOOO” Chop! “WHOOO” “WHOOO” “WHOOO” Akira tries another chop, but Spike ducks under it, and goes for Clean Living! Spike starts to spin . . . “HEY HEY!” *BOOM* Pete: ELM, interfering in this match? Just as the music, and Pete predicted, El Luchadore Magnifico walks down the ramp, and Spike Jenkins is livid. He’s stopped paying attention to his opponent completely. King: Well he’s obviously just down for a little scouting, I mean, he’s the champ! He’s gotta be ready! Spike Jenkins gets one last word in, before turning back around . . . to see Akira standing ready for him! Akira puts in a cravate, runs up the turnbuckle, and backflips. Pete: The Divine Wind! Akira makes the cover! 1 Pete: The losing streak has gotta end! 2 Pete: Not like this! 3!! King: ah, a great Mags plan, falling together. Akira is in the middle of the ring, helping Spike get up, as ELM shoes the scene, quickly and swiftly. Spike thanks Akira for helping him up, but only half heartedly. After all, he lost the match. Spike begins to leave, but Akira taps him on the shoulder, halting him. The Divine Wind extands his hand. Spike has a smile on his face, and holds his hand out too, and they greet each other. FADE OUT. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2005 As Landon Maddix enters the Cucaracha Internacional locker room, he sees Jay Hawke sitting on a bench staring at the International Championship belt. He takes a seat next to the champion, who retains his gaze on the belt as if he's in a trance. Maddix: "So." Hawke: "Hey Landon." Maddix: "You alright. You seem...not yourself." Hawke: "You know, you'd think that as much as I sacrifice my body to make this belt mean something that they'd cut me a break. But not only do I get forced to defend my title with four days notice against a man I can't seem to beat in singles action, but they give me hardcore rules to boot?" Maddix: "That's the nature of the beast. You've won plenty of matches on Storm in your career." Hawke: "True. Still, it doesn't matter how good I am tonight. One shot with a steel chair, and this title could go to Johnny Dangerous. I mean, the guy who nearly single-handedly brought the credibility of the World Title to uncharted depths? I'd rather die than lose this belt to him, especially like that." Maddix: "So what do you want to do?" Hawke: "Simple. Find JJ, grab any member of the ring crew you can find, and grab any weapon you can find. I mean anything. If it's not nailed down, grab it. Make sure the ring crew brings them down to the ring before my match." Maddix: "You got it." As Landon Maddix leaves, Jay Hawke takes another look at the title belt. His title belt. Hawke: "They want hardcore? They'll get hardcore!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2005 Pete: “Welcome back to another slam bang edition of Storm, and coming up next should be one for the ages. Jay Hawke defends the International Championship against the first man to hold that title … and the man who defeated Jay Hawke to win that title in the tournament … Johnny Dangerous.” King: “Jay Hawke against Johnny Dangerous? The finest technical wrestling in the SWF against the man who finally smartened up and separated himself from Wildchild? And with no rules? This one could be a lot of fun. But what is with all these weapons around ringside?” Pete: “Well, earlier tonight, our cameras caught Jay Hawke asking fellow Cucaracha Internacional members Landon Maddix and JJ Johnson to find anything that wasn’t nailed down and bring it to ringside, and that’s exactly what they and some members of our ring crew did during the commercial break.” King: “I get the tables, chairs, baseball bats, and chains … but what is with the table that has all the pots and pans on it?” Pete: “I’ve got a hunch there’s more out there than what we see.” King: “Very likely true, and we’ve been told that our ring crew is to give the two combatants any item that they ask for during this match. Some of these guys are training for potential SWF careers, and if they think handing somebody a chair or a pair of brass knuckles is going to get them their big break, you can bet they’re going to do it. Pete: “As for the combatants, these are two men with a lot of history, and it should be noted that Jay Hawke has never scored a one-on-one victory over Johnny Dangerous in his SWF career.” King: “Not in the tournament, not in their rematch after Hawke initially won the time…and until the recent tag team title change, not even in tag team action.” Pete: “If that continues tonight, we’ll have a new International Champion.” King: “Any chance of a time limit draw?” Pete: “Not likely, but let’s stop talking and start fighting. Let’s go to Funyon for the introductions!” Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a hardcore match, scheduled for one fall, and it is for the SWF International Championship! Introducing the challenger…” “Johnny Dangerous!” Suddenly, the lights dim, and a sultry female voice breathes the name of the SWF’s resident super-spy. “After The Flesh” by My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult begins to thump through the crowds. Smoke fills the stage as tons of strobes cut through it and Johnny Dangerous walks out onto center stage to a loud chorus of boos. Pete: “Remember when Johnny Dangerous was one of the most popular wrestlers on the roster?” King: “I was really trying to forget that, Pete, thank you so much.” Funyon: “…From Las Vegas, Nevada … weighing in at 217 pounds … ‘The Barracuda’ … JOHNNNNNNNNNNNNY … DANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGEROUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The boos get even louder as Johnny Dangerous makes his way to the ring. Gone for good are the high fives for the fans. Gone is the kiss on the cheek for the cute females at ringside. This time, the Barracuda is all business as he makes his way to the ring without even acknowledging the huge crowd underneath George Washington’s head. Suddenly, the music changes to Pink Floyd’s “Learning to Fly” at the lights once again dim. Funyon: “And his opponent … from the Hall of Fame City of Cleveland, Ohio … weighing in at 215 pounds … he is one-half of the SWF World Tag Team Champions … and also the reigning and defending SWF International Champion … ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ … JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY … HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKE!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Hawke makes his way to the ring, a lone spotlight reflecting off of his purple and black robe. Pete: “Who does the crowd cheer for in a match like this?” King: “Nobody. I think they’re just rooting for them to beat the hell out of each other.” Hawke makes his way to ringside, glancing around at the various weapons that are hanging around the ring. He smiles as he removes his robe, then he removes the title belt from around his waist. He stares at it for just a moment, then gives it a quick kiss before handing it to the ring crew member in charge of putting stuff where it’s supposed to go. Pete: “Hawke’s not even removing the belt in the ring.” King: “Which is smart. He doesn’t want to be vulnerable for a potential attack from Dangerous.” Pete: “But was he kissing that championship that he has held for over four months goodbye? We’ll soon find out.” Jay Hawke asks Scott Ryder to make sure Johnny Dangerous is back in a neutral corner, then enters the ring when Dangerous is back in the opposite half of the ring. The champion immediately charges, but The Barracuda is waiting for him, ducking down and backdropping the champion over the top rope to the arena floor. DING DING DING! “OHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “Jay Hawke takes the first big fall of the match before the bell even rings, and now the challenger is immediately heading out of the ring after him!” King: “One thing hasn’t changed about Johnny Dangerous. He’s ready to get that first cheap shot in as soon as he can!” The Barracuda catches Jay Hawke in the face with a couple of forearm strikes. He picks Hawke up as if he’s going to body slam him, but instead he drops Hawke face first onto the ring apron. Hawke rolls on the concrete floor holding his face, leaving his ribs vulnerable as he stands. Dangerous unleashes a series of martial arts kicks to the exposed ribs. Dangerous rams Hawke’s face into the apron, then rolls him into the ring. Before he follows the Dean of Wrestling in, Dangerous reaches behind one of the tables, pulling out a broom. He tosses the broom into the ring, then slides underneath the ropes, only for Hawke to catch him coming in with a series of stomps. King: “And there’s a crucial mistake. Dangerous decided he was better off going for a weapon than returning to the ring, and that gave Hawke a chance to recover his bearings.” Jay Hawke levels Dangerous with a couple of forearm smashes as the challenger stands, then goes for an Irish whip. Dangerous reverses, and he catches Hawke coming in with a dropkick on the rebound. The challenger immediately goes for what could be the title changing pin: ONE! TWO! THR -- kickout. Pete: “And Dangerous with the first near fall of the contest barely a minute in!” King: “It’s going to take a lot more than that to put the champion away! I like the strategy in theory, but it wasn’t very good in practice!” As the champion makes his way to his feet, the former Secret Agent kicks him in the midsection, then brings him down hard with a stiff DDT. Dangerous is quickly into another cover: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Undaunted, the challenger picks the Dean up off the canvas, only to take him down just as quickly with a standing vertical suplex. The Barracuda goes for another cover: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Pete: “Three near falls in the course of thirty seconds or so, and it’s clear that Johnny Dangerous has Jay Hawke’s number.” King: “And if Hawke’s not careful, he’ll prove himself to once again be a loser against Johnny Dangerous. Nobody has beaten Hawke as much as Dangerous has, and somehow Hawke just seems unable to make the proper adjustments to win the match!” Johnny Dangerous rolls underneath the bottom rope and looks underneath the ring. When he emerges, he is holding an aluminum garbage can, which he quickly hurls into the ring before sliding back in underneath the bottom rope. The challenger picks up the garbage can and waits for the groggy champion to stand… SMACK! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “What a shot!” King: “He dented the garbage can!” SMACK! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” SMACK! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “Three shots with the garbage can! Hawke is down, the can is almost flat…” King: “…and Dangerous is climbing up to the middle turnbuckle!” Johnny Dangerous leaps, the nearly flat garbage can underneath his left arm… SMACK! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “A flying trash can elbow drop!” King: “But that might have been a mistake! Dangerous is holding his left arm. He might have hurt himself with that high risk move!” Indeed, Dangerous keeps the arm dangled just a little bit to his side as he crawls over into a cover… ONE! TWO! T -- kickout. Pete: “Only a count of two, and you’re right, King. He hurt himself with that elbow drop, and that might have saved Hawke for the time being!” King: “And it might have weakened his arm for the Wing Span if Hawke can get enough of an advantage to lock it in!” Johnny Dangerous walks over to the broom he brought in earlier and grabs it, holding it up for the crowd as they buzz with anticipation. As Hawke gets to his feet, Dangerous swings, connecting with the wooden broomstick smacking across the side of Hawke’s face. Jay Hawke immediately rolls to the arena floor, clutching at his face as the Barracuda rolls out after him, still hanging onto the broom. King: “Jesus, I think he’s obsessed! You’d think Hawke owed him money or something with the way he’s going after him tonight!” Johnny Dangerous holds the broom with both hands, holding it perpendicular to his body. Then, as the champion turns around, he pushes it forward, catching Jay Hawke just underneath the throat with the wooden broomstick. Pete: “I’ve heard of trying to sweep someone off their feet, but this is ridiculous.” King: “Oh, funny. Why don’t you leave the comedy to the professionals, MacDougal?” Dangerous jabs the broomstick into Hawke’s midsection to double him over, then takes the champion down with a swinging neck breaker. He immediately goes into another cover: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Undaunted, Dangerous makes his way over to the nearest table and looks around, finally pulling out a weapon he likes. King: “Where the hell did they find a toilet seat?” Dangerous drives the toilet seat into Hawke’s head, and it remains hanging around the champion’s neck. Dangerous takes Hawke down with a roundhouse kick to the jaw, then immediately drops down for another cover: ONE! TWO! Kickout. King: “Tell me somebody found a kitchen sink just lying around in the back somewhere! That’s about the only thing that can make this any weirder!” Dangerous reaches into the ring and grabs the flattened garbage can, then slams it down onto a prone Dean of Wrestling’s head. Into another cover: ONE! TWO! TH -- kickout. Pete: “Another near fall, and Hawke has had virtually no offense against the challenger here tonight!” King: “Hardcore matches never were his strong suit, and he’s getting asked to defend the title outside of his element here! Of course he’s had very little offense!” As the champion struggles to make his way to his feet, the challenger is there to level him with a series of right hands. He holds Hawke, making damn sure he doesn’t fall down again, then whips him towards the corner. Hawke’s right shoulder smacks the ringpost as the Dean makes a sudden stop. Hawke clutches at his shoulder as Dangerous grabs the lid to the trash can… SMACK! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Dangerous drops the lid and heads over to yet another table. He looks around for just a second, but not seeing anything he wants to use, he simply brushes everything off the table until the table’s nearly empty. That delay gives Hawke just enough time to catch him with a forearm to the back, followed by an elbow to the back of the head. Hawke goes to ram Dangerous’ head into the table, but Johnny puts his hands out to block it, then rams Jay Hawke face-first into the table. The challenger places the Dean on the table, then hops up to the apron as the crowd begins to get to their feet. Pete: “What is he doing?” King: “Taking this one to the extreme!” Dangerous leaps, but Hawke lifts a boot, and Dangerous takes a shot into the face and crumples to the floor, barely missing the table on his way down. King: “Apparently that was an American table instead of a Spanish one.” Pete: “It’s still early enough in the match that I wouldn’t count on that.” A groggy champion covers his challenger, hoping the element of surprise will be enough to get the pinfall: ONE! TWO! Kickout. Apparently, the element of surprise means nothing when the only offense you’ve gotten in four minutes is a boot to the face. Pete: “The wrong time to go for the win in that situation.” King: “Worth a shot though. All it takes is three seconds to get the pinfall. You can’t blame a guy for trying.” Jay Hawke slowly makes his way to his feet, then looks around in confusion before finally grabbing a steel chair. The challenger has chosen that moment to stand up… THWACK! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” …and eat an aluminum chair. Pete: “What a shot!” King: “He hit him harder than Ike Turner smacking his bitches up!” Pete: “You’re trying to get as much in before Lockdown as you can, aren’t you?” King: “You got it!” Jay Hawke reaches into the pile of stuff Dangerous brushed off the table and pulls something out at random. He starts to swing, but he stops when he sees what he grabbed out of his peripheral vision. Pete: “A plastic fish?” King: “What is this, a hardcore match or a bad episode Babe Winkleman’s Good Fishing?” Pete: “There were good episodes of Babe Winkleman’s Good Fishing?” King: “Point taken.” Hawke stares at the toy for a moment, then shrugs his shoulders. He swings, catching the challenger in the back with what might be the oddest weapon ever used in a professional wrestling match. King: “I think he hit Johnny D just for the halibut. HAHAHA!” Pete: “Oh, that’s a riot.” King: “Well, Johnny has been floundering around out there for several minutes now!” Pete: “Will you stop?” As the Suicide King continues to make as many fishy puns as he can possibly think of, Jay Hawke looks around for another weapon, finally settling on yet another garbage can. He rams it into the skull of the Barracuda, who falls in a heap on the concrete floor. Hawke rolls Dangerous into the ring, then rolls in himself and goes for the pin: ONE! TWO! Kickout. King: “I don’t understand that. Why not just go for the cover on the floor and finish it off that way?” Pete: “Maybe he wants to prove to the world he can beat Dangerous one-on-one, and he wants to do it inside the ring where it matters.” King: “That’s got to be the Landon Maddix influence coming through.” Hawke catches Dangerous in the back of the head with a series of elbowsmashes, then pulls his challenger to his feet. Hawke whips Dangerous into the corner, and Dangerous hits the turnbuckle with such impact that he falls face-first to the mat. He instinctively rolls out of the ring, but the champion is quickly out to follow him. The Dean reaches down, trying to pull the Barracuda to his feet, but Johnny lifts his arm, catching the champion … um… shall we say, in a very sensitive area? King: “Now no man should ever touch another man there, even to gain the advantage in a title match!” Pete: “Anything goes, King.” King: “I know, but that one was too low even for me! Have some decency, man!” Johnny Dangerous walks over to the next table and begins throwing some random items into the ring. He then picks Hawke up and rolls him into the ring. Johnny Dangerous grabs one of the items and begins to head to the top rope. King: “What is in his hands?” … Pete: “It’s…” … Pete and King simultaneously: “A plastic Mr. T head!” Johnny Dangerous reaches the top rope and flies, leveling the International Champion in the head with the head of the oversized Mr. T action figure. The plastic head shatters upon impact, and the challenger immediately goes for the cover: ONE! TWO! THR -- kickout. Pete: “And only the count of two! Can you believe this?” King: “No. I mean, if a plastic Mr. T head can’t win you the championship, what can?” Thinking the result is simply a matter of hitting one big move, Johnny Dangerous is beginning yet another climb up the turnbuckle. Pete: “The challenger is going to the top rope again!” King: “You can tell there’s a lot of animosity between these two guys over the six or seven months they’ve fought over this title! I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen Dangerous go up to the top rope back-to-back like this!” Hawke tries to get to his feet, but he stumbles and falls into the ropes. The stumble is just enough to knock Dangerous off-balance, and the challenger lands crotch-first onto the top turnbuckle. Still staggering, Hawke begins to make his way to the top turnbuckle, weakening Dangerous with a series of forearms to the back as he does. He tries setting up for a superplex, but Dangerous blocks it with a shot to the ribs. Hawke goes for it again, but again Dangerous punches Hawke in the ribs to prevent the superplex. Hawke loses his grip just a little bit…and Dangerous gets his grip, lifting Hawke into the air, superplexing him off the turnbuckle… CRASH! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” …and sending both men crashing through the empty table on the arena floor. “HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!” King: “If you disagree with that crowd, you can’t be human!” Pete: “If these two men get up, they can’t be human. How in the world do you survive a move like that?” King: “And I’ve never been one to say this, but that referee should stop the match! I want to see a clear winner as much as the next guy, but there’s no way two men can take a fall like that and continue…” Before King can finish his sentence, the Barracuda begins to pull himself out of the rubble. King: “…fighting…now how the hell is he doing that?” Pete: “That’s the heart of a champion! Both men have to be running on fumes after that superplex through a table on the floor, and somehow Johnny Dangerous is finding a way to his feet!” Dangerous pulls himself into the ring and tells the referee to count Hawke out, but Scott Ryder explains to him that there are no countouts on Storm. The comment falls on deaf ears though, as Dangerous is clearly a bit loopy. Pete: “He looks out on his feet.” King: “And he’s the one who executed the move. Imagine what the champion feels like at this point.” Hawke begins to stir, slowly making his way out of the rubble as Dangerous looks for something else … anything else … to put the champion away. He then sees the weapon he feels will finish the match off and asks a member of the ring crew to hand it to him… Pete: “He’s got a kendo stick!” King: “And here I was hoping somebody would use a stuffed Care Bear or something!” Kendo stick in hand, Johnny Dangerous holds it above his head, celebrating what he feels will be the match-winning shot. If only he was aware Jay Hawke was behind him… King: “Chop block!” Pete: “Indeed! Hawke just went downstairs to take Johnny Dangerous off of his feet, and that’s got the challenger down!” Sensing that won’t be enough to finish it off since he has yet to work on Dangerous’ knees in the contest, Hawke decides it’s time to weaken the knee. He grabs the leg and spins around until he locks the challenger into a textbook figure-four leglock. King: “I love it! Not only does he want that first-ever one-on-one victory against Dangerous, but he wants to get a submission out of it!” Pete: “I doubt Dangerous is going to submit to anything with a title on the line, but you’re right that Hawke would love nothing better but to get the victory right here!” Dangerous tries to turn over to reverse the pressure, but Hawke tightens the hold, and Johnny’s shoulders fall to the canvas: ONE! TWO! Shoulder up. Pete: “If Dangerous can’t find his way to the ropes in short order, Hawke could snap the leg with this hold!” King: “Exactly! We’ll be serving broken barracuda legs in catering tomorrow night!” Pete: “Barracudas don’t have legs.” King: “You have to ruin perfectly good color commentary, don’t you?” Johnny Dangerous reaches back behind him and grabs the ropes, and referee Scott Ryder implores Hawke to break the hold. Hawke smiles, knowing that he can’t be disqualified, so he continues to maintain the pressure. King: “Beautiful! There’s nothing the referee can do about it, and if Dangerous taps out right here, the submission still counts!” Ryder continues to ask for a break, but the Dean steadfastly refuses. Ryder then reaches down and pulls Jay Hawke by the hair until he releases the hold, drawing a roar of approval from the capacity crowd. King: “HE CAN’T DO THAT!” Pete: “I agree, a referee can’t touch a wrestler like that, particularly with no holds barred!” Jay Hawke shoves the referee, who backs up a few steps. The referee retaliates out of instinct, shoving Hawke back but doing nothing of note with it. Hawke reaches out and angrily grabs Ryder by the collar of his shirt. Pete: “We’ve got a problem here.” King: “A problem that the referee caused!” Realizing that, justified or not, doing what he wants to do to the referee is likely costing him a whole lot of money, Jay Hawke turns around, unaware that Johnny Dangerous has made his way to his feet… SMACK! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pete: “Johnny Kick out of nowhere!” King: “Hawke’s only saving grace right there is the work he did to the knee with the figure-four! Johnny stood on the bad leg to shoot off that kick, and as a result, he doesn’t have enough left in him to cover the champion and take the title!” Dangerous uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. He sees Hawke making his way to his feet, conveniently with his back to him. As Hawke stands, Johnny Dangerous moves in from behind… …and he connects with…. Pete: “The MI Slam! A new champion to be crowned!” King: “The four-month reign of Jay Hawke is over with!” Johnny Dangerous starts to make his way for the cover… “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” …but the sudden cheer of the crowd has caught his attention. Pete: “And look at this! Wildchild has made his way to ringside!” King: “What is he doing out there?” Wildchild stops at the top of the ramp, eyeing his former partner the entire time. Dangerous walks over to the ropes and points at his opponent, yelling out, “I’m going to take him down one more time, just to give you a little preview of what’s going to happen to you at Ashes 2 Ashes!” Pete: “One more MI Slam?” King: “He wants to send Wildchild a message, and I can’t really blame him!” Giving Wildchild one final evil glare, Johnny Dangerous turns around, only to see the International Championship belt come flying at his head. CLUNK! The crowd gives off a mixed reaction as Jay Hawke drops the title belt on the mat and covers: ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING! King: “He did it! After who knows how many matches, Jay Hawke has finally gotten that one-on-one victory over Johnny Dangerous!” Pete: “Thanks to the distraction of Wildchild!” King: “Who cares how he got it? He won!” Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, in 12 minutes 51 seconds … the winner and still SWF International Champion … JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HAWWWWWWWWWWWKE!” Pete: “Wildchild’s distraction caused Dangerous to look away, but we need to see a replay of exactly what went down!” A replay from the reverse angle shows Dangerous yelling toward the camera as Hawke crawls toward the ropes. One of the ring crew, at Hawke’s request, tosses him the title belt, and Hawke grabs it and slowly begins to stand as we cut back live. King: “We said it earlier. The ring crew was instructed to hand the wrestlers any item they saw fit, and Hawke asked for the very title belt they were fighting for. Dangerous wanted it? He got it.” Johnny Dangerous finally wakes up and looks toward the aisle, but Wildchild is no longer there. Pete: “All that does is add fuel to the fire for Ashes 2 Ashes. And all that does for us is set up the Hardcore Championship match. It’s next!” Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2005 Storm returns from the commercial break just as the ring crew put the finishing touches on the pole they’ve mounted to one turnbuckle pole. “A perfectly good pole and not a single scantly clad woman dancing on it, it’s a crime I tell ya” King mutters. “Welcome back viewers we are moments away from the main… “ is all Pete gets out before he’s cut off “GOD DAMN MOVE WHEN I SAY MOVE, MOTHERFUCKER!” “Exile on Mainline” kicks in as KOJI steps through the curtains with a stoic face even though he already draws a mostly positive response from the fans tonight. Card and Natasha flank him as always while the lightning quick Japanese superstar walks towards the ring. “Introducing first: from the Saitama prefecture weighing in at 219 pounds, one half of T!K!O! –KOOOOOJI KITANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Funyon bellows as he introduces the main event. “KOJI has been on a roller coaster with the fans, they booed him like crazy when he cheated Spike out of a win, but were more behind him when he fell to J.J. Johnson last week” Pete remarks, marveling at the wonders of “tweenerdom”. “Fickle fans, not like me though – If I don’t like a guy I stick with it” King says. “Like Landon Maddix?” Pete asks. After pulling KOJI’s coat off Natasha takes his shades as well making sure her man is ready for the match. Koji leaps up on the apron, grabs the top rope and then flips himself into the ring where he looks up in the air at the quill. Chris Card taps the side of a metal briefcase that he’s got with him tonight, chained to his hand. “I bet that rat has the Tag-Team title in that briefcase, he just doesn’t want anyone to steal it back” Pete says “Brilliant! Possession is 9/10th of the law and Chris is making sure the gold stays with TKO” King replies. “Actually in South Dakota it’s only 8/10ths King, 1/10th is ownership and the last tenth is “He who smelt it dealt it” round these parts” Pete says in a manner that may or may not be joking. Funyon launches into his introductory spiel again as “Don’t ask me no questions” is heard. “His opponent the defending Hardc…” Funyon stops himself for a second and then reads the notes “Excuse me ULTRA VIOLENT Champion” “Heh old Funyon didn’t want to incur the wrath of Bruce Blank” King sniggers with reference to Bruce’s opening promo. “Weighing in at 295 pounds, the Trailerpark superstar BRUCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BLANK!!” BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! The fans boo Bruce mercilessly as he steps through the curtains holding a trashcan full of all sorts of weapons high up in the air with his right arm. Grinning Bruce walks towards the ring, showing the camera the contents of the trash can, baseball bat wrapped in barbwire, hockey stick, something with nails in it and other weapons that are hard to identify. “Bruce is bringing some hardcore plunder with him tonight” Pete says. “Well if there ever was a man to bring it, it’s Bruce” King replies as he thinks about ordering a barbwire baseball bat for himself, be handy to shut Pete up now and again. KOJI runs towards the corner of the ring that’s closes to the entrance, leaps up on the top turnbuckle and then soars like a bald eagle towards an unprepared Bruce Blank. *THUD!* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! “That was insane!!” Pete screams out as the fans in the crowd leap to their feet. “He caught Bruce totally unprepared with that flying cross body” Using the advantage he created for himself KOJI quickly rips the barbwire wrapped belt off Bruce and then starts to lay in a series of kicks that sends his opponent right into the guardrails. Pausing for a moment KOJI looks at the weapons scattered all over the floor, not sure what to do in the situation. “KOJI is a great wrestler, a high flier and a speedster but he’s not used to these Hardcore matches at all.” King points out as KOJI gets instructions from Card. After finally understanding what Card was yelling at him, KOJI picks up the now empty trashcan and places it on Bruce’s lap. Then he takes a few steps back, runs at Bruce and lands a lightning quick sliding drop kick right to the trash can, flattening it against Bruce’s hairy chest. As he gets up KOJI looks at the quill hanging from the pole, as if he was trying to decide whether to go for the quill or to try and find the paper. “What would you do King? Would you climb that pole or try to find the document?” Pete asks his color-commentary partner. “Well Pete, having been in many of these matches myself” King starts off by boasting “I’d say you would want to find the document first, you already know where the quill is so find the document and you’re half way there” he adds doing his best “John Madden knows everything” imitation while lying through his teeth Bruce takes the choice away from KOJI as he hits the Japanese cruiserweight across the back with a hockey stick, breaking the stick on impact. Then he quickly grabs the trashcan and swings at KOJI’s face like he was Joe DiMaggio swinging for the fence *CRACK!!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Then Bruce grabs KOJI by the hair and around the neck and launches him over the guardrail into the crowd with ease. After looking at the pole for a moment Bruce makes his way to the ring and climbs up on the apron with every intention of getting the quill “See now this is exactly what I would do! Get the quill first and then find the document, if you got the quill you’re half way there” King says as Bruce gingerly begins to climb up the turnbuckles on the outside of the ring. “You just said the complete and utter opposite!” Pete fires at King. “That’s a lie!! A dirty, scurrilous lie!!” King says to defend himself from such slanderous comments. Being so big and wearing those slick soled cowboy boots makes Bruce’s climb towards the top rope a bit slow, but finally the big man manages to get all the way up on the top rope with one hand on the pole for balance. With all his focus on keeping his balance Bruce doesn’t notice KOJI leaping up on the apron on the other side of the turnbuckle before it’s too late. Much, much too late KOJI runs at Bruce, leaps up, grabs the pole and uses his momentum to swing his body around on the outside of the pole, bringing both his feet square into Bruce’s face. *POW!!* The impact knocks Bruce backwards, flying off the top rope into the ring where he crashes to the canvas like an anvil dropping from the top of Mount Rushmore. Natasha throws a heavy chain to KOJI, who wraps it around his right fist and then leaps up on the middle of the top rope, springboarding himself towards Bruce. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! The crowd explodes as KOJI nails Bruce right between the eyes with the chain, busting the Trailerpark Superstar open from the impact. With Bruce knocked into the opposite corner, holding his face in pain KOJI decides to make a move for the quill on the 15 foot pole. “KOJI could get a decisive advantage if he can reach the quill” Pete says as KOJI climbs the ropes. “Look at Bruce Pete!” King says while pointing at the champion Bruce looks at the blood that’s all over his hands, he’s looking at his own blood and laughing like a mad man. “I don’t like the look in his eyes King, this guy needs some serious therapy” Pete says as Bruce leaps to his feet. Bruce rushes over and grabs hold of the pole just as KOJI has climbed to the top of it and is reaching for the quill. KOJI manages to put a hand on the feather but has to give it up and cling on to the pole instead as Bruce is shaking it violently. Bruce has both hands wrapped around the pole and uses all his strength to rock it back and forth. With one powerful yank Bruce manages to dislodge KOJI from the pole and sends him uncontrollably flying into the center of the ring. *CRUCH!* KOJI slams down in an awkward position trapping his left arm between the canvas and his own body. Bruce just grins like a mad man as he unwraps some of the duct tape he’s got wrapped around his left arm and holds it up like a garrotte. “Come on Nick you can’t just let this happen” Pete pleads with referee Nick Soapdish. “He has to Pete, there are no rules in this match. Hell he doesn’t even have to count to 3, just keep an eye on who signs the copy of the Declaration of independence” King points out. So Nick Soapdish is basically powerless as Bruce wraps the duct tape around KOJI’s throat and begins to choke his opponent out. WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! Bruce totally ignores the chants and just keeps tightening his grip on the tape as he keeps on choking KOJI. The Japanese superstar desperately tries to get a finger in between the tape and his throat to catch some air but Bruce isn’t giving him an opening to do so. “This is sick! This is attempted murder King” Pete says. “Yup, that’s why he’s the Ultra Violent champion Pete – get with the program” King replies. KOJI’s eyes begin to get a glazed over look while Bruce keeps the vice grip on tight. With no way of breaking the hold the referee cannot do anything but stand and watch, but finally it’s too much for the veteran referee and he actually reminds Chris Card that he can’t get disqualified for interfering. Card gets the picture instantly and slides into the ring behind Bruce. He raises the metal briefcase and *THUD!* Smacks Bruce over the back with it to make him break the choke hold. Bruce lets go of the duct tape and instead turns around and stares at Chris Card, smiling a demented smile with blood running down over his teeth. Bruce lunges for Card, so deep in his blood rush that he wasn’t even affected by the blow from the metal briefcase. “RUN CHRIS RUN!!” King says as Technical Perfection slides under the bottom rope and then runs up the aisle fearing that Bruce is right behind him. Bruce turns his attention back to KOJI who’s still on the ground, almost out from the choke. Moments later Bruce has KOJI in a position for a power bomb. The big man flips KOJI up and then brings him down hard with a power bomb. *WHAM!* Not releasing his grip on KOJI Bruce powers his opponent’s 219 pound body up again for another power bomb. *WHAM!* After the second impact Bruce grabs even tighter hold of KOJI’s trunks and lifts the bruised and battered Cruiserweight up in the air for a third consecutive power bomb driving KOJI’s shoulders hard into the mat. *WHAM!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! “What a display of power!! Bruce made that look so easy Pete” King says. “Bruce is pulling out all the stop tonight! He’s determined to not lose two in a row to a member of TKO” Pete says. “He’s determined to not lose the title more than anything – but successfully defending it against a member of TKO would make it that much sweeter” King adds. Bruce drops to his knees and then begins to beg off from KOJI’s prone body, clearly a big “F.U.” to his partner TORU and all the TKO fans in the audience WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! Bruce rolls off his knees and under the bottom rope to the floor where he starts to look around. He goes over to Funyon’s time keeper table, pushes the ring announcer out of the way and then stars to throw Funyon’s notes all over the place in search of the copy of the Declaration of Independence they have to sign to win. “I guess Bruce decided to look for the Declaration while KOJI is out cold in the ring” Pete says. “He can’t pin him or make him submit Pete, so what better time to look for the document?” King replies in his usual smug “know it all” voice. Bruce doesn’t find anything in Funyon’s papers – then he sees a fan holding up a sign that says “TORU 3:16 says – I just kicked Bruce Blank’s ass” which seems to piss him off for some reason. Bruce grabs the sign, pushes the fan down and then looks at the back of the sign just in case it had the Declaration taped to it. When he sees that it’s not there he proceeds to tear the sign into little pieces and hurl them at the fan that brought the sign with him. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Back in the ring Natasha is checking on KOJI, trying to wake him up before Bruce can find the document he’s searching for. Bruce walks down the aisle towards the Mount Rushmore monument looking for the document, with Chris Card trailing behind him at a safe distance. “Now that’s clever, KOJI is down but that doesn’t mean TKO don’t have any tricks up their sleeves – Chris is keeping an eye on Bruce while KOJI recovers” King says and can’t help but be impressed by their resourcefulness. “Bruce hasn’t found the document yet, so it’s not like this match is over” Pete replies. Bruce notices a program vendor in the crowd and quickly leaps the guardrail to stop him. After grabbing the vendor’s stash of programs he starts to flip through them to see if the copy of the Declaration of independence is in there. Meanwhile Natasha has managed to get KOJI back on his feet, rubbing his neck and shoulders to get him more alert and able to get back in the match. “I don’t think that vendor has it, Bruce has flipped through all those programs and has not found it yet” Pete says as Bruce gets more and more frustrated, throwing programs everywhere. Finally satisfied that the document he’s looking for isn’t there he resumes his search, looking through the crowd to find anything that could look like a document, any type of paper at all. “We may run out of time here on Storm if neither man can find the document soon” Pete says. “Those bastards in the back didn’t even tell ME where it was” King says not missing an opportunity to take a shot at the idiots in the back. Chris Card watches as Bruce makes his way through the crowd and stops at a guy holding the latest “SWF Magazine” (cover story: Genesis VI). The fan knows better than to mess with Bruce and quickly hands over the magazine without arguing. Bruce flips through the magazine, past the letters page, the profiles – he does stop for a second on the picture spread from the Bruce Blank Vs J.J. Johnson match. “Hey you owe me 10 bucks, Bruce CAN read” King says. “Now hold on, who says he’s not just looking at the pictures” Pete replies, not really eager to part with $10. While sidetracked by pictures of his PPV match Bruce doesn’t notice that KOJI has recovered from the beating Bruce administered to him earlier in the match. Unaware Bruce absentmindedly turns around towards the guard rails, giving KOJI an opportunity to leap up on the guard rail and use it as a springboard for his attack on Bruce. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! The crowd explodes as KOJI takes Bruce down with a breathtaking, very high risk Satellite headscissors that sends Bruce flying into a row of fans. KOJI gets back on his feet and flips off Bruce, resulting to quite a few fans flipping off Bruce as well. “Man the fans really hate Bruce with a passion – He could make the devil popular if he faced him” Pete says marveling at just how quickly Bruce Blank has made himself extremely unpopular with the fans. “You saying that’s a bad thing? Bruce is a man of his convictions – he sticks to his strategy” King responds. KOJI is on Bruce in a flash, grabbing the Trailerpark superstar by the hair and then tossing him over the guard rail back into the aisle. KOJI leaps over the guardrail and then quickly takes Bruce down with a roundhouse kick. KOJI motions for Card to come over and help him and together they pull Bruce to his feet and double Irish whip him towards the ring. Bruce shifts his weight a bit and leaps, ending up on the apron instead of hitting the side of the ring. “KOJI wants the match back inside the squared circle, that’s where he feels most comfortable I think” Pete says as KOJI quickly slides under the bottom rope and drags Bruce in. “Which is all nice and fine, if this was a wrestling match – but Bruce isn’t the self proclaimed “Ultra Violent” champion for nothing.” King responds. KOJI keeps on pressing his advantage by hitting Bruce in the chest or on the shoulder with alternating left and right footed roundhouse kicks that staggers the big man. Then KOJI slips behind Bruce and manages to lock him into an inverted face lock. “INVERTED DDT!! He’s got it locked in” Pete shouts in excitement. Before KOJI drops Bruce he stops for a second to flip off the crowd who just cheers in response, unfortunately for KOJI the momentary distraction has allowed Bruce to reach backwards and locks his arms behind KOJI’s back. Then he uses all the power in his body to arch up from his vulnerable position and stand up straight while picking Kitano up as well. “Oh but KOJI had it locked in” King says mockingly “Don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched McDougal” Bruce has KOJI draped over his shoulder and quickly takes advantage of the position by driving his opponent back first into the turnbuckle. Then he drops KOJI upside down and traps one of the Japanese Cruiserweight’s legs under the top turnbuckle holder. “I think Bruce is… yes he’s going to try and get the quill!” Pete says as Bruce quickly climbs up the ropes and soon stands on the top turnbuckle. Unfortunately for Bruce the blood on his hands makes them extremely slippery so every time he tries to pull himself up the rope his hands slide down like they were greased up. Bruce’s attempts fail repeatedly, giving KOJI enough time to recover and get lose from the ropes. KOJI swiftly climbs up the ropes, then he climbs up OVER Bruce and actually stands on Bruce’s shoulders to reach for the quill “HE GOT IT!” Pete yells out as KOJI reaches out and wraps his hand around the quill and yank it off. Bruce manages to put a foot on the top rope and stands up, dropping KOJI into a seated position on his shoulders. “OH NO!! OH MY STARS AND GARTERS NO!” Pete screams as he realizes what Bruce is going for. “Stars and garters?” King mutters as he’s momentarily distracted from the match by that homosexual phrase. Bruce pushes backwards against the pole, dropping his body off the top rope towards the center of the ring with KOJI still up on his shoulders. The fans leap to their feet as they watch the two men fall backwards off the top rope and… *WHAM!!!* …hit the canvas with such force that they actually shake the whole ring. “THEY’RE BOTH DEAD!!” Pete says in that exaggerated voice he uses. “I wonder if that would make it a draw or a no contest?” King philosophizes. But that is a moot thought, as they are of course NOT dead, just in so much pain that they might wish they were. KOJI took the worst of the impact right on his neck and shoulders, which would explain why he’s curled up in the fetal position in the corner holding his head. Bruce’s 295 pounds coming off the top rope had a similar impact but the big man managed to take most of the impact on his back instead of his neck. “You know this could be a very, very boring match if these guys just lay there for the next 5 minutes.” King says as they both watch the inaction unfold. “It’s not like Nick can do a double count out or anything” Longdogger Pete quickly flips through his notes, trying to find out where Lockdown emanates from because it’s exactly the kind of information the views at home want at this stage in the bloody, brutal brawl and well he has to find something to say to fill the lull in the match. As he flips through his notes he comes upon something that surprises him “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect U…” he reads and then clamps both hands over his mouth before he can say anything else. “What’s that Pete?” King asks off handed as he’s busy watching to see if anyone is moving in the ring. “Oh nothing – nothing at all” Pete says, looking a little pale while trying to play it cool – trying to keep both Bruce and KOJI away from the announce table for as long as humanly possible. With an innocent whistle Pete slides the copy of the constitution under his other notes and then turns his attention back to the ring Bruce finally manages to drag himself to his feet, then he spots the quill that KOJI dropped. Bruce picks it up and immediately gets it all bloody and nasty. He looks at the quill, then he looks at KOJI, then he looks back at the quill. “It’s just a feather – it’s not like he can use it as a weapon” Pete laments as Bruce considers his options. Bruce grabs the quill like a knife and points the sharp pointy writing tip at KOJI while he raises his arm in the air preparing to stab KOJI with the writing implement. Bruce brings the arm down at exactly the same time as KOJI brings a foot up at about a 45 degree angle straight into Bruce’s groin OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! The crowd, Pete and King all wince in sympathy pain as Bruce gets kicked in the nads without a chance to deflect the impact. Bruce sinks to his knees, his face contorted in pain as he holds his crotch. KOJI gets up, shakes his head to clear some of the cob webs and then knocks Bruce off his feet with a spinning back kick. KOJI grabs the quill and leaps on top of Bruce with the quill in his right hand. “He’s trying to jam it in Bruce’s eye!! What a maniac!!” Pete screams as KOJI brings the quill forward aiming the pointy tip at Bruce’s right eye. Bruce is able to get a hand up at the last moment to block the attempted blinding and holds the quill off. But KOJI has the leverage advantage and leans forward putting a lot of pressure on Bruce’s arm still trying to force the quill into Bruce’s eye. “Oh this could be bad, really bad Pete! I don’t think Bruce could pull off a pirate gimmick if he gets his eye poked out” King says, cracking a joke in the face of disaster. “You’re inhuman” Pete replies. Bruce’s massive arms push back on the quill, throwing KOJI off the big man and into the corner. Bruce gets up and looks around for the quill but can’t see it on the canvas, and it’s not in KOJI’s hand either. As soon as Bruce pulls his opponent back to his feet it’s painfully obvious to everyone where it is as the feather sticks out of the back of KOJI’s shoulder. “OH NASTY!!” Pete says as he closes his eyes. “He must have landed on it, cause that sucker is embedded in there” King replies as he can’t help but watch the carnage in the ring. The quill is in a position where KOJI can’t reach it himself, but Bruce can and he quickly yanks the feather out of KOJI’s shoulder. The quill acted as a cork but now that it has been removed KOJI starts to bleed profusely from his shoulder, down his arm, dripping to the floor mere moments after Bruce has pulled the quill out. “Now that Bruce finally has the quill he’s just got to find the document to sign” Pete says. “Easier said than done Pete” King fires back Bruce rolls out of the ring and start to grab people’s signs to see if the document is taped to the back of one of them. Meanwhile KOJI tries his best to work through the pain in his shoulder and goes in search of the document himself on the opposite side of the ring. “KOJI’s only chance now is to find the document before Bruce does. If he doesn’t he’s lost” Pete points out. “He could always steal the quill back” King quips as both Bruce and KOJI desperately search for the copy of the Declaration of Independence. Bruce sticks the quill into his back pocket, rips a sign that says “Mad for Maddix” from a fan and then throws it away when it doesn’t have the document taped to it. With both wrestlers working their way up the aisle checking signs they come upon the weapons that Bruce spilled all over the entrance early on in the match. Bruce sees his opening as he grabs something off the floor, then he levels KOJI with a big boot that knocks the Japanese superstar back against the guardrail. WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! “What’s that in Bruce’s hand” King asks as he sees Bruce raise something up in the air. “I think… oh my god that’s a metal fire poker!” Pete exclaims as he realizes what the long metallic object in Bruce’s hand is. “That thing could crack a skull if it connected” he follows up to stress to the people at home just how dangerous the situation could be. Bruce has KOJI right where he wants him as he raises the fire poker over his head, ready to strike. Knowing that the situation is pretty dire Natasha quickly runs down the aisle and rolls the canister of pepper spray in between Bruce’s legs right into the hand of KOJI. Before Bruce can even register what’s going on the lightning fast oriental has raised the pepper spray and FSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!! “AH MY EYES!!” Bruce managed to partially block the pepper spray with his hands but he got hit with enough to hurt and temporarily blind the big man. Bruce begins to thrash around in pain, blindly swinging the fire poker everywhere. KOJI ducks under a swing and then grabs the quill that’s sticking out of Bruce’s back pocket before running off towards the ring. “KOJI has the quill, now he just needs to find the paper and he’s the new champion” Pete says. “Don’t tell me that Card found it” King says in surprise as Chris Card holds up a piece of paper and yells at KOJI to come over to him. “But that can’t be right” Pete says as they both watch KOJI grab the document with a smirk, then he pulls out the… … tip of the feather, apparently he just broke the top part off of the quill off instead of grabbing it all from Bruce’s back pocket. The referee comes over to check the document, then starts to shout at Chris Card as he tried to fool him by using the booking sheet for Storm. Meanwhile Bruce has found a T-shirt that was just hanging there, doing nothing at all on some guy’s upper body and he’s using it to wipe the pepper spray from his eyes. “How did you know that wasn’t right Pete” King asks inquisitively. “Erm… no reason King, I just had a gut feeling” Pete says while sweating bullets, trying desperately to not call attention to the fact that the document was right in front of him. If Bruce or KOJI knew Pete could very well end up getting in their way and he really didn’t want that. Card finds the barbwire bat that was dropped earlier in the match, picks it up and then hands it to KOJI. Being out of his element KOJI hesitates for a moment as he just looks at the very dangerous weapon in his hand. Before he can even use it he’s been disarmed by Bruce who drills the tip of his boot right into KOJI’s right arm. “Once again disaster has been averted!” Pete says with a sigh of relief. “And that’s a good thing? Are you nuts?” King laments. KOJI ducks under a lariat from Bruce and then launches a spinning round house kick at the back of the big man’s head. The impact of the kick knocks Bruce up on the announcers table, making both King and Pete jump out of their chairs in surprise. KOJI points to the sky which draws a huge pop from the crowd YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! “KOJI wants to go up?” Pete says in confusion. “I don’t think he means up on the pole Pete” King reassures his confused colleague as they both watch the action with their headsets on but 3-4 feet away from their announce table. KOJI climbs up the ring ropes and balances on the top rope for a moment. Then he leaps off the top rope while the collective audience holds their breath. Flipping over in mid air KOJI turns the leap into a stunning Senton Bomb move *KKRRAAAAAAASH!!* That hits the table back first, driving his body through it since Bruce moved at the very last split second to avoid the impact. Bruce quickly finds the barbwire wrapped bat and uses it to lean on as he rises back to his feet, blood dripping from his face and arm staining his jeans even further. He grabs the baseball bat with both hands and gets in a batting position while waiting for KOJI to get back on his feet. “Are we still on King?” Pete asks. “Yeah I can still hear you” King responds a bit disappointed. “Bruce isn’t going to… he can’t” Pete pleads as Bruce readies the bat. KOJI gets to his knees with several of Pete’s notes stuck to his back while Bruce pulls the bat back to hit KOJI across the back “NO DON’T DO IT!!” Pete screams as Bruce swings… And stops before he hits KOJI, he has noticed that one of the pieces of paper on KOJI’s back is the elusive document they’ve both been looking for through out the match. He quickly snatches it off the back of his opponent, places it on the apron and then pulls the blood soaked, bent remains of the quill out of his back pocket and writes “Bruce” in blood red letters across the bottom of the document. *WHAM!* A quick superkick knocks the quill out of Bruce’s hand before he can finish signing the paper, then KOJI quickly picks the quill up and writes “KOJI Kintao” on the document while the fans go nuts * DING*DING*DING*DING*DING*DING* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! “KOJI won the Hardcore title! This has to be an upset King” Pete says as the referee hands KOJI the Hardcore title and raises his hand in the air. “Waaaaaaaaaaait a minute” Bruce yells as he gets back to his feet. “I already signed my name on the paper I should have won” Bruce says to the referee in no uncertain terms. Referee Soapdish takes the document and looks at it, “It only says Bruce” he comments “What does it say after the name?” Bruce asks him “Well nothing… nada… it’s blank” Nick says “Exactly it’s “blank” – and what’s my name? Bruce Blank! I signed the document in full!” Bruce says with a smirk while Nick weights over the options. “He has a point Pete, I mean he did sign first” King says. “NOOOOO he can’t do this!! This isn’t right” Pete says despondently as Nick takes the title belt from KOJI and then hands it to Bruce Blank “Bruce signed his name first! He wins!” Nick declares. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! KOJI is livid over having the gold in his grasp and then snatched away but he doesn’t get much time to complain as Bruce swings the barbwire baseball bat at KOJI. The crowd gasp as the bat and sharp barbs makes contact with KOJI’s chest digging into it in several places. *WHACK!* “OH MY GOD!!” Pete screams in equal parts surprise and disgust as KOJI drops to the floor clutching his lacerated chest while screaming in pain Bruce ignores the chants as he raises the Hard- excuse me, the Ultra Violent title with his right arm and the Barbwire bat with his left to celebrate yet another successful title defense. ========================= SWF Storm, 10-21-05 A Riot Act Production ‘Pimping the Panda since 2000' ========================= Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
