HD: LOVE SHACK~!

[King Cucaracha 0]

[color=blue]OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents...[/color]
[color=purple][size=6]#~~THE LOVE SHACK~~#[/size][/color]


RODEZ
Listen, I'm been think this whole 'Usual Supsects' name over and well, look, it's just not me. I'm just not feelin' it. ..... What do you mean I can't use that as an excuse? ..... Well, why not? ..... What do you mean I don't have any backstage stroke? Remember the time when I successfully lobbied for the robe making department to get extra budgeting? Or the time I got my sister that contract. And I didn't have to sleep with one executive to get the deal. ..... I said I didn't [i]have[/i] to, not that I didn't ..... Look, look, I just don't think it's 'snappy' enough. What does it have to do with us? Really? How are we 'The Usual Suspects'? .... Better suggestions? Well, now you come to mention it, I do.

Rodez places the phone down momentarily while he unfurls a long sheet of paper.

RODEZ
I still think we should call ourselves The Z Squad. ..... But it looked so good on the t-shirts I printed up! ..... Fine. Well, what about Dicks Over Chicks? ..... Pssh! C'mon Zack, I doubt they even know the meaning of the word lawsuit. Okay, okay, how about Pimp and Circumstance? ..... Oh, come on, that's witty. The Zack and Shack Attack? ..... Hey, hey! Go easy man, I stayed up all last night thinking of these! The New, New Blackjacks? ..... Hello? ..... Hello? ..... Zack? .....

Presumably causing Zack to hang up, Rodez tuts as he shoves his cellphone into one of the drawers on 'his' desk, before ever so suddenly beaming up at the camera as if the previous conversation had never happened.


[color=blue]OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents...[/color]
[color=purple][size=6]#~~THE LOVE SHACK~~#[/size][/color]

(Honest this time.)

RODEZ
YYYEEESSSS! Guess who's back, back again...Leon's back, tell a friend. Another night, another successful title defence. But, that's not what we're here for, obviously. See, it's that time of the week again folks...Love Shack time! And once again we are coming live to you from the majestic backdrop of Grand Rapids, Michigan! Which, if there were a window behind me, you'd be more inclined to believe. But, hey, I've got an honest face, haven't I? (cheesy smile) Now, never let it be said that Leon Rodez isn't a nice guy. And never let it be said that Leon Rodez doesn't believe in equal opportunities. Oh yeah, I support all sort of equal opportunity stuff. Women getting the vote? Fine by me. Chicks on the bench? What's the harm? Foxy boxing? Can't be matched. But...an Upstart, on the Love Shack? Well, it's true, believe it or not. Because tonight, my guest on the Love Shack is an Upstart. Infact, he's the new leader of The Upstarts. And he just happens to be the NUUUUUUU - spelt with a 'U', natch - OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Stephen "Don't Call Me Popick" JJOOSSEEPPHH!!

Cue the now traditional canned applause, as the smug like a mug (!?!) World Champion strolls onto the set. Carrying the World Title over his shoulder, Joseph isn't offered so much as a handshake from Rodez, who is trying his best to hide his destain for Joseph with a forced smile, so just sits himself down.

RODEZ
Alright, Stephen Joseph, welcome to The Love Shack.

JOSEPH
Well tha...

JADAKISS (V.O)
DA CHAMP IS HERE!

JOSEPH
Ha, cute.

RODEZ
Yeah. I'd make the most of it while you can.

JOSEPH
Excuse me?

RODEZ
So, Stephen Joseph! Live on the Love Shack! Who'd have thought it, eh? But then again, you've paid your fee so you're on the show. That's democracy for you. Now Stephen, I hope you don't mind me asking the all important question that I'm sure you get everywhere you go. And no, I don't mean "Hey, aren't you that guy out of Fozzy". I of course mean "Why?" Why Stephen Joseph? Why exactly are you, of all people, leading The Upstarts now?

Leaning over the side of his chair, Joseph smirks at Rodez.

JOSEPH
Well, for starters, because I want to see your good buddy Zack Malibu's career suffer a slow, painful death. (laughs) And of course, I want the young talent in this company to get the breaks they deserve.

RODEZ
Like yourself you mean?

That one stumps SJ, who stammers for an answer momentarily.

JOSEPH
Wel...

RODEZ
What with you being a youthful, virginal 26 years old, going up against the old, decrepid, 24 year old Zack Malibu.

JOSEPH
That's ju...

RODEZ
You see, I simply had it down as a mid-life crisis.

JOSEPH
A mid-life crisis?

RODEZ
Yeah. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but The Upstarts are supposed to be a group of young, disgruntled wrestlers looking to 'throw off the shackles off their oppressors' like little mini, teeny bopper Martin Luther Kings. Now, disgruntled you may be, but Stevey you're hardly young. Infact, you've been around almost as long as Zack has, haven't you? And Dan Black, the man you of course turned your back on at Angleslam.

JOSEPH
Yes, but that's different. I haven't been holding back the young superstars...

RODEZ
What's in it for you? Besides the World Title of course. The chance to go around for the next years reminding everyone how you 'Saved The Fed'. Because, you seem like the type of guy who'd save something, like a message board perhaps, then constantly weave it into conversation. Just a vibe I get from you.

Getting more than a little agitated, Joseph has finally had enough.

JOSEPH
You know, I might have known the only reason you invited me onto your little Talk Show is so that you could try to upstage me! Which is a shame. Because I actually came here with a proposition in mind for you.

RODEZ
What is it, a chance to join the prestigous Lightning Crew? Along with "what'shisface", "who'sit" and that guy who does that thing that he always does that is, like, so totally rocking?

JOSEPH
A proposition that involves you taking your rightful place alongside The Upstarts, where you belong. Because you've been held at bay for too long Leon, just like me, just like The GPX. Your career has been neutralised from the moment you stepped into the company by these so called 'Originals' of the OAOAST. You were X-Division Champion for almost 6 months. An impressive feat. But where did it take you? Nowhere! You descended into mediocrity, stuck tagging with Malibu and presenting a talk show while you were continually passed over time and time again for World Title shots.

RODEZ
(laughs) It's funny you should mention that. See, the only World Champion to ever give me an actual shot at the title was Zack Malibu. And he's supposed to be the worst culprit, right? The guy that's holding the Tag Titles with me, right? The man allowing me to share his spotlight, right?

JOSEPH
Join The Upstarts and I will give you all the World Title shots you require.

Wiping a wry smile from his face and shaking his head, Rodez

RODEZ
The GPX couldn't get me to join up. Drek Stone couldn't get me to join up. What makes you think that YOU can make me throw away my principles and join your pathetic little 'Uprisal'? The promise of a World Title shot? You know what, the fact you're the World Champion and I haven't recieved a shot in well over a year does bug me. So, I might just take you up on part of that offer...let's see you back your words up for once SJ. How about you put your World Title on the line against me?

JOSEPH
Fine! I'm not going to back down from any challenge.

RODEZ
Well good. How about you put that title on the line next week then?

JOSEPH
Next week? I have no problem with next week what-so-ever. (smiling) And, as far as joining The Upstarts goes?

Rodez smiles.

RODEZ
You'll see Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston settling their differences in a live, worldwide transmitted water fight in the middle of Lake Michigan before you ever see me in The Upstarts! I'd like to see that! (glances into distance) You know, come to think of it, I WOULD like to see that...

Rodez continues to stare off into the distance at his...well, rather odd vision, as Stephen Joseph stands up, adjusting his World Title.

JOSEPH
Fine. If that's the case, consider yourself a target for The Upstarts. As far as we're concerned, you're just as bad as everyone single person you and Zack Malibu continue to associate yourselves with. Black T. Caboose. The Parka. Those and the rest of the unco-operative veterans of the OAOAST. You're all our targets. And you have made a very powerful enemy tonight. I'm the Champ! I am the World Heavyweight Champion. If I wanted to, I could pull the plug on this pathetic little Love Shack and replace it with my talk show! An Upstart talk show! A talk show that puts aside the bullshit and...ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!?!

RODEZ
Huh? Oh, sorry, no. I was imagining Angelina Jolia and Jennifer Aniston settling their differences in a li...

JOSEPH
NEXT WEEK! I'll see you in the ring!

Storming off the set, Joseph leaves Rodez to his own perverted little visions. Visions that Leon manages to snap away from just long enough to realise he's still on camera.

RODEZ
Heh. Next week. St Louis, Missouri...it's going to be the beginning of the Silky Smooth Era!

JADAKISS (V.O)
DA CHAMP IS HERE!

RODEZ
...yeah, that too.