SWF Crossfire

[Guest BA_Baracus]

["Hate to say I told you so." by the Hives booms through the darkened arena.

 

Suddenly a series of bright red pyros burst forth from either side of the stage.  The pyros streak through the darkness at an angle and cross, forming a bright "X".  Several of these pyros go off then one final huge explosion shoots upward from the centre of the stage and the words "SWF Crossfire" appear on the SWF-tron!

 

After a few seconds the lights return, scan an excited audience then zoom in on the announcer's table...]

 

Curry - Here we are awaiting all the excitement of our latest Pay per view extravaganza...Crossfire!

 

NTD - Get the F out!

 

Curry - Oh right...I mean Crossire!

 

NTD - That's better.

 

Curry - Let's get on with the show!

[Guest BA_Baracus]

DEBUT SINGLES MATCH

Munich vs. ?

- A new SWF wrestler will be debuting this Sunday.  Who will it be, and will he or she be able to defeat the veteran Munich in their first SWF match?

 

HANDICAP MATCH

Johnny Rotten vs. Durandal & Lady Red

- Stubby is intent on completely destroying all who oppose him, including former ally Johnny Rotten.  In fact he’s even bumped the impressive JL talent, Durandal to get the job done.  Will Durandal be able to score a win for the Clan, or will the Lady Red curse rub off on him too?

Match Description – DQ and count-out rules are in effect.  Only 2 people are allowed in the ring at once.  Durandal and Red must tag in and out.

 

HARDCORE TITLE MATCH

Stryke © vs. ?

- Stryke seems unbeatable in the hardcore division, but he’s received an anonymous challenge for this Sunday.  Who will it be?  A new face, a retired face back from the dead or somebody else?  We’ll find out this Sunday!

Match Description – Regular DQ and count-out rules are not in effect.  Submissions, pinfalls and knockouts count anywhere within the arena.

 

US TITLE MATCH

Jay Dawg © vs. Chris Raynor

- These two men have had several battles over the SWF tag titles this past month or so.  This Sunday they’ll be on their own and competing for the US title!

 

LADDER MATCH FOR THE LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

Erek Taylor © vs. El Luchadore Magnifico

- Erek Taylor made a big splash early in his WF career by defeating Magnifico (a former heavyweight champion) for the LHW title.  Since then the feud between these two has steadily escalated and Magnifico challenged Taylor to a ladder match!  This should be a memorable encounter!

Match Description – Regular DQ and count-out rules are not in effect.  The belt will be suspended approximately 20 feet above the ring.  The winner is the first man to touch both feet to the mat while the belt is in his possession.

 

ICTV TITLE MATCH

Sacred © vs. Fallout

- An extension of the Pound/Clan feud the tension between these two wrestlers has been building over the past month.  This Sunday they will go 1 on 1 for the second most prestigious title in the SWF.

 

LAST MAN STANDING MATCH FOR THE SWF HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

Hville Thugg © vs. Perfect Bo vs. Edwin MacPhisto

- On the last PPV, Perfect Bo turned on Thugg and since then has been a constant thorn in the champion’s side.  Edwin MacPhisto has also been a huge problem for da Pound and by extension Thugg as well.  Bo and Edwin were pitted against each other in a number one contender’s match, but it ended in a no-contest.  As a result Thugg decided to challenge them to a match, a last man standing match in which he hopes to destroy them both.  How will things pan out this Sunday?

Match Description – DQ and count-out rules are in effect.  All 3 men are allowed in the ring at once.  If a wrestler can’t get off the mat before the 10-count they are eliminated and must return to the back.  The last man surviving is the winner.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

The fans rush to their seat to watch the splendid Pay Per View of SWF Crossfire. Here in the Savvis Center in St. Louis, the crowd is pumped up as a plethora of fireworks is being shot into the air, as "Hate to say I told you so" by the hives is being played loudly over the stereo system in the Savvis Center. The camera sweeps over the wrestling mat, as the camera's focuses on the two zany SWF commentators, Curry Man and NTD.

 

Curry: LIVE FROM THE SAVVIS CENTER IN ST. LOUIS! THIS IS SWF CROSSFIRE!

 

NTD: Not so loud.

 

Curry: Tonight we have an explosive card. I mean we have a No Disqualification Triple threat match between the champion, HVille Thugg and is up against former stable mate, Perfect Bo who has been a thorne in Thugg's side for a while now, and the Smarks Junior League commissioner, Edwin MacPhisto will also be involved in this little tyrade. This is not a regular triple threat match either, its a Last Man Standing match too. The best of the best I must say.

 

NTD: Your damn right the best of the best, and the best from the rest if you know what I mean.

 

Curry: Sometimes I wonder where your mind is.

 

NTD: {whispers} on other men.

 

Curry: Stop talking to yourself.

 

NTD: I didn't say anything.

 

Curry: I heard you.

 

NTD: Hear what?

 

Curry: Idiot. Also tonight we have Sacred against Fallout for the ICTV Title. Both of them are really good wrestlers, and I hope its going to be a dandy.

 

NTD: Sure is, these two will tear each other apart.

 

Curry: Right...Anywho we also get to see the young gun, Erek Taylor who is very impressive, defeating the Light Heavy Weight Champion, and former World Heavy Weight champion El Luchadore Magnifico, now ELM looks for his belt back. Folks when the Light Heavyweight belt is on the line, usually there is a stip, and it is a Ladder Match.

 

NTD: Insane bumps, and high flying actions. This will be some great stuff, some balls will be bouncing.

 

Curry: Jay Dawg will defend his precious US Title against Chris Raynor.

 

NTD: Ya ya ya. Get on with the card.

 

Curry: Now...these first three matches we might get to see some new faces or some old ones.

 

NTD: Who!? I want to know. My balls are itching like crazy.

 

Curry: Well we know that Durandal, the SJL World Heavyweight champion is teamed up with Lady Red of the clan against Johnny Rotten in a handicap match.

 

NTD: Bah...he's not good looking.

 

Curry: Stryke seems unbeatable with that hardcore belt he has been carrying for a while now. I'm not sure who he is going to face, but i might know who it is.

 

NTD: Spike?

 

Curry: No. I think it is the king of all hardcore, Grimedogg, you know one of the greatest hardcore champions of all time.

 

NTD: He was?

 

Curry: Hell ya, he was simply amazing.

 

NTD: oh i see.

 

Curry: Also we have this opening match. Munich will face a newcomer from the JL who just got recently bumped to the WF. This person has now lived the dream, to become a member of the SWF.

 

NTD: Who is it?

 

Curry: I dunno.

 

NTD: Oh.

 

The first few riffs off "Power Struggle" by Sunna kicks start the opening match, as lights are shut off in the jam packed Savvis Center in St. Louis. After the introduction of the song, white fireworks explode on each side, as you see Munich standing on the enterance way, with his hair dripping wet with water. Munich carrying a microphone in one hand, as he proceeds towards the squared circle. Munich climbs in the ring, and heads over towards the turnbuckles.  He walks over to the farthest turnbuckle, raising both his hands high in the air, as the many fans take his picture.

 

Funyon: For this opening match at SWF Crossfire, at a height of six feet four inches, and weighing in at two hundred and sixty four pounds. From Chicago Illinois, he is the powerful, MUNICH!!!!!

 

The fans cheer after hearing Munich's name, but Munich stops at the center of the ring holding the mic up to his lips.

 

Curry: Munich looks like he has something to get off his chest here.

 

NTD: I'd like to get off on his chest too.

 

Curry slaps NTD right in the face.

 

Curry: I need a new commentator.

 

The fans are in silence, as Munich stands in the ring.

 

Munich: So I come to realize that my opponent tonight was a bumpee to the WF. Now why would I want to fight somebody who should not be up here allready.

 

Curry: Munich opponent has been in the JL. We know its not Durandal since he's in the next match.

 

NTD: I hope its someone hot.

 

Munich: So I'm thinking to myself, I really don't need to work my ass off for this opponent. He doesn't know what he is up against, or this whole damn federation. Hell I'm make him go back to the JL where he belongs. So who ever you are, get out here so I can kick your ass, and make you look like an ass.

 

Curry: Strong statement by Munich, and being a little cocky too. I'm not sure if thats the right way to go, since it seems like every time a wrestler gets bumped, they usually go for gold in no time.

 

NTD: But who can this be.

 

Munich stands in the ring waiting impatiently for his opponent to show up.

 

Munich: Coward? Wuss? Or you just don't think you can defeat me at all?

 

Once Munich finished that sentance, the lights go completly off.

 

Curry: Moments till we get an answer seeing who is this new wrestler is in the SWF.

 

Red lights flash in the Savvis Center, as you hear the distortion of the guitar by James Hetfield. "Master of Puppets" by Metallica kicks up the crowd as the lights are still out. "Master of Puppets" fades out and the lights are turned off. After a few seconds the lyrics begins to pick up. "OBEY YOUR MASTER!" Fireworks explode on each side of the ring enterance as the new wrestler appears to the SWF eyes. The smoke covers the person, as it is hard to tell who it is. As the smoke clears it is...

 

Curry: IT'S XERO!!!!

 

NTD: FTW RENUION!!!!

 

The fans mark out like crazy, as Xero starts walking down the runway.

 

Curry: I don't believe it. Over a year in the JL, Xero has finally made it to the WF. Welcome aboard to your new home.

 

NTD: FTW IS BACK IN BUSINESS!!!

 

Curry: Your not starting that again, are you?

 

NTD: No, but i feel a draft near my crotch.

 

The fans are cheering loud, louder than Xero has ever heard before. Finally he has made a name for himself.

 

Curry: What Munich said, Xero being a coward, wuss, doesn't deserve it. He should just take that back now, lately Xero is on a major rampage. He's actually clocked Edwin right in the head.

 

NTD: Now Edwin can actually fight him in the ring.

 

Munich looks in shocked as he sees Xero walking towards the ring.

 

Funyon: His opponent for tonight, at a height of six feet, one inch, and weighing in at One hundred and ninety nine pounds. From the town of Port Colborne, Ontario, Canada, he has finally made it to the SWF. He is, XERO!!!

 

Xero slides into the ring, as heads for the nearest turnbuckle. Xero grabs a hold of the ropes, and goes up to the top turnbuckle raising both his hands high in the air. The fans cheer wildly, as Xero steps down, and looks at Munich in the eye. The ref singles the bell, to get this Pay Per View started.

 

Curry: Its official, this is Xero's first SWF match.

 

Xero and Munich circle around the ring. Before one of them moves closer to each other, the Savvis Center crowd starts chanting "Xero". Xero waives to the fans. Munich sees the opportunity, and charges towards his opponent. Munich back Xero up into the turnbuckles, and proceeds with right hand punches towards the temple of Xero. Munich with the first offensive attack in the match, grabs the arm of Xero, and throws him into the adjacent turnbuckles. Xero hits the turnbuckles hard, and staggers out of the corner. Munich rushes towards the new SWF wrestler, and sticks out his arm, nailing a vicious clothesline that sends Xero down to the canvas. Munich stands over top of Xero, and starts slapping him in the face.

 

Curry: Munich being very cocky early on in this match, not letting Xero have any offence so far.

 

NTD: Why do wrestler wear pants?

 

Curry: I've answered this a million times, you should know by now.

 

Munich raises Xero up to his feet. The veteran WFer, Munich takes the back of his hand, and does a chop that connects across the chest of Xero. Xero falls down in paing holding the chest. Where he got hit, it is turning red. Munich grabs Xero by his arm, and lifts him back to his feet. Munich grabs Xero by his arm, twisting it a bit, controlling his movement. Munich violently throws Xero into the ropes. Xero slings off the ropes, as Munich lifts up the leg, knocking Xero down with a big boot. Xero laying on the mat. Munich backs up to the ropes, as he runs towards Xero. He jumps in the air, sticking his leg out, but Xero rolls out of the way, avoiding the leg drop by Munich. Xero quickly gets up to his feet, as Munich is slow to get up. Xero has his back turned against Munich, as Munich moves closer towards Mr. Simon. With a lightning quick reaction, Xero connects a back heel kick towards the jaw of Munich. Munich still stands though, as he is backed up to the ropes. Xero charges towards Munich at full speed, but Munich lifts the challenger up off his feet, spins around, and does the damage on Xero's back with the spinebuster.

 

Curry: Nasty Spinebuster by Munich.

 

NTD: I've seen worse.

 

Curry: Spinebuster? or someone doing the nasty?

 

NTD: Both! At the same time!

 

Curry: Right...jackass.

 

Munich quickly makes the cover, hoping that the match can be over. The referee makes his way down and starts the pin count.

 

One...

 

 

Two...

 

 

Th- NO! Xero manages to raise a shoulder up. Munich looks at the referee, telling him to count faster. Xero shakes his head, as he has got to focus on this match. Munich grbas Xero by his bald head, and raises him up to his feet. Munich delivers a series or right hand jabs towards the kidneys of Xero, backing him up against the ropes. Munich grabs Xero by his arm, and throws him towards the ropes. Xero counters the Irish Whip, and instead throws the heavier Munich to the ropes instead. Munich recoils off the ropes. Xero bends down too early, as Munich catches Xero with his head down. Munich kicks Xero right in the teeth, making him to stand up straight. Xero holds his mouth, as no blood has been drawn yet. Munich kicks Xero right in the ribs, forcing him to bend over. Munich grabs Xero around his waist, hoisting Xero up over his head. Munich extends the arms of Xero wide, like a crucifix. Munich drops Xero onto his back, and makes it in a sit down pin attempt.

 

Curry: MUNICH'S EDGE!!!

 

The referee makes the pinfall again.

 

One...

 

 

 

Two...

 

 

 

 

Three...

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Curry: This match ended rather quickly. I guess this showed why Munich is so great.

 

Funyon: Your winner of this match is MUNICH!!!!

 

Munich climbs up the turnbuckles, as Xero rolls out of the ring. Munich walks around the ring, raising his hands high in the turnbuckles, as Xero walks on over and grabs a steel chair.

 

Curry: What's this?

 

NTD: I don't like this at all.

 

Xero folds up the steel chair and slides into the ring. Xero stands behind Munich, but Munich does not know whats behind him. As Munich turns around, Xero raises the steel chair over his head, and clocks the winner of this match right on the forehead.

 

Curry: HOLY SHIT! Xero KO-ed Munich!

 

The fans start to boo Xero for his actions, as Munich is lying down on the canvas. Xero grabs a hold of Munich's leg, and places the leg in between the chair. Xero heads up towards the turnbuckles, as he stands up tall on the top turnbuckle.

 

Curry: Is he trying to end Munich's career?

 

Xero leaps off the top turnbuckle, as he lands both feet on the steel chair, shattering Munich's right leg.

 

Munich: OWWWWWW!!

 

Curry: Xero is sick. He's not a person to be messed with.

 

Munich is holding his left leg, as paramedics come out with a stretcher. A few referees talk Xero to go back to the locker room, as Xero heads out of the ring. "Master of Puppets" plays in the Savvis Center, as Xero is getting stuff thrown at him as he is walking back towards the locker room. EMT's lift the damage Munich on to the stretcher, and carry him off the ring.

 

Curry: Allready in his first match, we have Xero snapped, and nearly ending the career of Munich.

 

NTD: That is just sickining. Wonder what Stubby will do for this kind of act.

 

Curry: Up next is the handicap match, after this Pay Per View advertisement.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

(A woman clad in a traditional kimono walks forward, entering a dark room, barely lit by two candles, placed high in the room. A silouhette sits in the center of the dark room. Without seeing, the Assassin can feel herself being called into the room.)

 

Man: I've heard she is here.

 

(The woman nods in agreement.)

 

Man: She was not supposed to be here. She was not meant to escape. I will have those responsible..... punished.

 

(The woman shivers at the mention of the word 'punished'.)

 

Man: But she is here, and that is our main concern. You're identical. I shall make you unidentical.)

 

(With a calm precision, the man quickly rises, and brandishes an object that glints even in the low light. Before she can speak her first word, the woman is turned roughly around, her hair grabbed and pulled tight, then sliced through roughly. The shocked woman turns back to face Spider Nekura, the man behind her with a cold smile on his face.)

 

Spider: She won't have thought to cut her hair. Now we know who is Lady Red, and who is not. Please leave now, I must plan.

 

(With a curt nod, the woman runs out of the room, unaware of the man following her. She keeps running, fast as her legs can take her, as the man tries to shadow her, but his equipment slows him. Turning down hallways, left and right, randomly looking for a spot she feels is safe. Once there, she simply slumps down, panting and smiling. Two minutes later she is joined by the man following her, taking care to place his camera on the ground gently, before collapsing next to the woman.)

 

Woman: *in husky voice* Did you get all of that on film?

 

Gus: All of it. Barely. I dont know if you can see anything, but the audio is clear as day. Um.... you are who I think you *are*.... right?

 

(The man's worried look becomes pronounced as the woman stares straight into his eyes. Her mouth opens..... and  light, happy laugh comes out.)

 

Woman: Yeah, sorry. Forgot I wasn't pretending anymore. Good, audio is good. Now, send that to whoever hired you, I'm sure they'd love to let the entire federation know who Lady Red is... Did you bring the moist towellettes?

 

Gus: *smiling* Yeah... had to steal a bunch from McDonalds, but hell, how else could I have gotten a story like this? *takes out moist towellettes from pocket* I should thank you, who knows how my carrer could go. Maybe I could report or interview for the league now!

 

Woman: Heh... maybe. Look, *wiping her face point off* I need to get ready. This new Clannie doesn't know yet, and I dont think Red knows I'm here either. Fortunately, Spider didn't think to check *which* one he had...

 

Gus: *standing up* Alright, I'll get this to my boss....

 

Woman: Hey, before you go, could you tell me who your boss is? All I know is I got a message out to someone here in the fed, asking to get me out and hire you. I dont know who got it, and I'd like to thank them personally when all this crap goes down.

 

Gus: Well.... I'm not supposed to tell you, but you would find out eventually, just dont let him know I told you.

 

Woman: *holding up her first three fingers and smiling* Girl Scout Honor!

 

Gus: Well, your message was assumed to be from Red. As she was mainly reporting to Thoth at the time.....

 

(The woman's eyes go wide at the mention of Spider's right hand man.)

 

Woman: THOTH got me out?

 

Gus: Yep. The web gets more and more complicated, doesn't it?

 

Woman: Yes.... yes it does.

 

(Both people stare off a bit in the distance, their thoughts distracting them for tens of seconds. Suddenly, both break off and gain their concentration.)

 

Woman: Right.. *standing up, her face clear of paint* We both got our parts to play now. Give that to Thoth... he'll find that fun, especially as Red has been in his room for nearly an hour now. Thanks for all you've done.

 

Gus: No problem.

 

(The man rushes off with camera in hand.)

 

Woman: ...wow

 

(The woman absentmindedly reaches back to play with a piece of hair, and comes back with nothing, her hair no longer where she thought it would be.)

 

Woman: DAMMIT! *grabbing a short piece of hair and pulling it to her eyes to see* I -loved- my hair! Allison, you are -so- going to pay for this....

[Guest BA_Baracus]

Open up on a panning shot of the crowd in the Savvis Center in St. Louis as "Hate To Say I Told You So" blares in the background. Fans are shown holding signs such as "Thugg Fucked My Wife Too," "So Steams The Clam" and "Anarchy In Bedrock." Many are shown wearing their commemorative Crossfire t-shirts, available for only 29.95 at http://www.swfsuperstars.com/ for a limited time, and they look absolutely fired up for the action. A few lingering chants of "Xero Rocks!" ring through the crowd as the Crossfire logo spins and morphs on the SmarkTron, finally shattering as photos of Johnny Rotten on the left and Lady Red and Durandal on the right supplant it. On the bottom, the words "HANDICAP MATCH" crash on, and the fans pop loudly. Finally, the camera swings over to the announce table, where Curry Man and NTD sit.

 

Curry: Welcome back to SWF Crossfire! We've already seen some tremendous action, and the card's only one match in!

 

NTD: This crowd is ELECTRIC! They're so heated up! Let me tell you, this crowd is so excited, I bet you're wishing you were pantsless, too!

 

Curry: How very unexpected of you to say. In any event, this next match is going to be an exciting encounter between Johnny Rotten and a pair of the Clan's junior members, Lady Red and Durandal.

 

NTD: Man, that Ketchum... he sure knows how to turn 'em.

 

Curry: Commissioner Stubby P. McWeed has had quite a falling-out with his former deputy commissioner, Johnny Rotten. Not only did the two come to blows after McWeed threw Rotten to the wolves against the enormous, dangerous and adulterous HVille Thugg, but Stubby then stripped Rotten of the deputy position and replaced him with the Suicide King! And you KNOW that can't be good!

 

NTD: Rotten is here representing the Midnight Carnival, as always, and so McWeed enlisted the help of the Carnival's evil counterparts, the Bizzaro Carnival. However, when Evil Edwin MacPhisto discovered that Edwin already HAD a goatee, he refused to work the match, and Evil Grand Slam Mark Stevens is still MUCH too green to wrestle, so McWeed settled for the next best thing: The Clan.

 

Curry: That's right, he set up a handicap match where Rotten takes on the Clan's bloodsucking assassin, Lady Red, and their youngest member, the rookie Durandal. Durandal dropped the SJL World Championship to Ash Ketchum just last night. I saw him here earlier and he's VERY pissed off, ready to tear someone's head off in the locker room. He's definitely got the desire, and while Red's only got one win in the SJL, she certainly has the skills to compete. Still, the two Clan members are both extremely small. They weigh in at a combined 353 pounds, just 93 more than Johnny Rotten, and neither of them is anywhere near Rotten's size. What Rotten needs to do to win this match is keep the Clan members isolated.

 

NTD: Cut the ring in half? What a revolutionary idea! I bet the thought had NEVER occured to him!

 

Curry: Hush. Rotten's masochistic streak may be the death of him, though, since both Durandal and Lady Red are intensely sadistic. If Rotten gets worked up and starts hurting himself, you have to count on the Clannies to take advantage of that. In the end, though, it's a tossup, but I have to give the slightest edge to Johnny Rotten.

 

NTD: Whatever you say, Captain Butts. The Clan's got it all over Rotten here, just because they have two brains, compared to Rotten's piece of a frontal lobe. No contest, the Clan takes it hands down.

 

Curry: Let's go to the ring!

 

Funyon: The following contest is a HANDICAP MATCH scheduled for one fall!

 

"Anarchy in the UK" by the Sex Pistols begins to play. As Johnny Rotten sings "Rrrrrright... Now!" a few explosions pop from the entrance ramp. The song continues as Johnny Rotten walks through the curtain to wild cheers from the fans.

 

Curry: Well, Rotten is certainly looking determined here.

 

NTD: Determined to GET OUT OF THOSE PANTS! God, that pleather looks so damn uncomfortable.

 

Rotten walks to the ring, finally sliding in under the bottom ropes to chants of "CAR-NI-VAL! CAR-NI-VAL!" He walks over to his corner looking slightly overwhelmed and begins a cursory stretch.

 

Funyon: From Naptown in Indianapolis, Indiana, and weighing in tonight at a vicious 260 pounds, he's certainly not a nancy boy... representing the Midnight Carnival, God Save McWeed, this is Johnny Rotten!!!

 

The fans continue to cheer for Rotten even as the lights go out. Two red spotlights converge on the entrance ramp. The SmarkTron shows a stylized image of two upturned teardrops, black, on the white background. The low, dragging synthesized notes of the Clockwork Orange theme resonate throught the arena as the image turns white, the teardrops blood red and dripping. The electronic funeral march continues as the enshrouded Lady Red slowly walks out in time, followed by Durandal in his black Clan robe. All business, Durandal follows Lady Red to the ring, looking not so much overwhelmed by the enormous crowd on his debut as he does disgusted at the fact that they're booing the Clan intensely. Once they get to the ring, he walks in front of Lady Red and holds the ropes open for her as she enters. Finally, the dirge fades out as Durandal and Lady Red stand in the corner, Lady Red looking sadistic, Durandal with his arms crossed defiantly across his chest.

 

Funyon: And his opponents... first, from the Shinjuku Region in Tokyo, Japan, and weighing in tonight at a slim, trim 140 pounds, Lady Red... and from Buffalo, New York and weighing in at 213 pounds, Durandal... ladies, gentlemen and NTD, I give you THE CLAN!

 

The crowd boos loudly as Durandal raises his icepick high into the air, then pockets it again before carefully sliding his Clan robe off and folding it. He hands it over the ropes to the attendant, doing the same with Lady Red's ceremonial kimono. The two Clan members discuss strategy briefly in the corner, the Assassin tying up her long hair to keep it away from her face, as Johnny Rotten gets pumped for the match, and then Durandal ducks under the top rope and out of the ring.

 

DING DING DING!

 

Lady Red and Johnny Rotten come to the center of the ring and lock up. Rotten whips her to the ropes with ease. As she bounds off, Red attempts a clothesline, only to have Rotten duck it and immediately spin behind her and lock up a full nelson. As he lifts her into the air to go for the Rotten Mistake, Red panics and quickly snaps her heel up and back, nailing Rotten in the groin to free herself. Matthew Kivell, unaccustomed to watching for illegalities this early in the match, fails to see the low blow and therefore lets the match continue.

 

NTD: Look at this! Red's getting in trouble already!

 

Curry: She does look a bit off her game already... but remember, Rotten IS much stronger than she is.

 

NTD: Yeah, I bet he can lift her up and toss her around ANY DAY.

 

Curry: What's that supposed to mean?

 

NTD: Oh, never mind... I forgot that she's... like that.

 

With Rotten momentarily incapacitated, Lady Red spins around and nails Rotten with a knife-edge chop

 

WHOO!

 

and another

 

WHOO!

 

and one more

 

WHOO!

 

finally culminating with a knife-edge to the throat. Rotten staggers backwards and Red continues attacking. Unrelenting, Lady Red hits him with a right jab, then another and another, finally hitting Rotten hard with a left hook that sends him reeling! Rotten stumbles, finally falling to the mat back-first to a flood of jeers from the crowd. Unfazed, Lady Red stays in her attack stance, waiting to pounce on Rotten the moment he regains his senses. After a moment's hesitation, he gets to his feet and Red charges at him, throwing a vicious kick to his side. Rotten catches the leg, though, and torques it, sending Lady Red crashing to the mat! In the corner, Durandal looks disgusted as Rotten yanks her back to her feet.

 

NTD: Pffft. Just like a woman to try a big move like that.

 

Curry: That was a move she's used on Rotten and everyone else millions of times.

 

NTD: JUST.... LIKE.... a WOMAN.

 

Rotten locks on a side headlock to a mild cheer from the fans. Red shifts her weight and tries to shoot him off to the ropes, but she fails because Rotten is too strong for her. She replants her feet and tries to send him to the ropes again, but once again, Rotten just plants his feet and squeezes harder on the headlock. With that, Rotten spins through and slams Red to the mat with a side headlock takeover, popping up to cheers from the crowd. Red tries to get back to her feet, but Rotten grabs her arm and steps through, then falls to the mat to lock up an armbar with a nervehold. Durandal utters a loud "WHAT THE...?!" and enters the ring, quickly dropkicking Rotten in the back of the head to break the hold and then sliding back out of the ring before Kivell can reach his five-count. The camera follows Durandal back to the corner, where he sits shaking his head in disbelief. Lady Red, meanwhile, gets back up to her feet and shakes off the effect of the nervehold before getting into position and waiting for Rotten to roll over. When he does, she nails him with a baseball slide Drop Kiss, then bails for the corner to tag Durandal in. The crowd boos loudly as the brand-new Clan member enters the ring.

 

Curry: Will you listen to the reaction for Durandal? These fans can't stand him!

 

NTD: What? Oh, man. I thought they were booing because Funyon's zipper was down.

 

Curry: They've grown so fond of Rotten, and they hate Durandal even more than they did during his earlier stint as "The Superior One."

 

NTD: No, really. I know all the guys in the audience want Funyon's junk. They're mad that he sat down.

 

Durandal stalks into the ring scowling, his Doc Martens making small thuds as he stomps into the ring. He grabs Rotten and pulls him to his feet, only to nail him in the sternum with a solid shotei and then hit another stiff palm strike to the jaw. In one fluid motion, Durandal then drops to the mat and shoots on Rotten's leg, swiftly taking him down and seguing into an ankle lock. As Rotten tries to counter the ankle lock, Durandal takes advantage of the mat position to drag him over to the corner. Still cranking the ankle, Durandal tags out to Lady Red, who swiftly runs to the opposite side of the ring and bounces off the ropes. As she rebounds, she nails Rotten in the face with yet another baseball slide Drop Kiss. With that, Durandal releases the hold and slides out of the ring.

 

NTD: What timing! Amazing!

 

Curry: It's a standard tag move, NTD.

 

NTD: No, that teenage girl up in Section 7G. She's been eating that hot dog for the past seven minutes!

 

Curry looks over only to see NTD sitting with a pair of binoculars angled up to the upper deck of the Savvis Center.

 

Curry: GIVE ME THOSE!

 

Unable to resist a peek, Curry looks up, and then mutters, "Wow... what timing..." Meanwhile, Lady Red pulls Rotten to his feet and goes for a snap suplex. Too heavy for her, though, Rotten sits back and tosses Red overhead in his own suplex, slamming her to the mat. He rolls through and covers her for

 

ONE

 

but Lady Red kicks out and rolls to her stomach. Rotten grabs her and pulls her to his feet, only to be thrown back to the mat with an armbar takedown. Red cinches in the armbar, but Rotten spins out to the front and gets back to his feet. From there, Red quickly swings to the side and executes a textbook Russian leg sweep, throwing Rotten back to the mat. Red swings out and boots Rotten in the ribs before sliding to her corner and tagging out to Durandal.

 

Curry: Quick tags, the Clan knows, are essential to winning this match. They look like they've been practicing together.

 

NTD: Of course not! Lady Red swings the other way!

 

Curry: MUST you bring that up every time she wrestles?

 

NTD: It's in my contract. Each month, I also get five comely lassies of virtue true.

 

Curry: They pay you in hookers?

 

NTD: No, collies.

 

Durandal enters the ring again and immediately descends on Rotten, nailing him with a diving palm strike and then knocking him in the side of the ribs with a knee. He slides down Rotten's body and locks up another ankle lock, this time staying in the center rather than tagging out. He cranks the hold, but Rotten is still fresh enough that all he has to do is mule-kick Durandal in the head to break the lock. Durandal falls backwards and Rotten gets back to his feet, grabbing Durandal and whipping him to the ropes. As Durandal rebounds, Rotten nails him with a big boot to the face that sends Durandal crashing to the mat. Rotten then falls down, crashing into his chest with the steely point of his elbow. Durandal curls up as Rotten mounts him and starts throwing punches wildly. Durandal gets his guard up and manages to deflect most of the impact and slide down into a judo-style guard position. Rotten continues punching, but, feeling that Durandal is about to execute a submission, he backs off and drops another elbow into his opponent's abdomen. Durandal curls up like a boiled shrimp and Rotten yanks him to his feet. Rotten bends Durandal over and crosses his arms across his chest, preparing for the Pyramid Driver!

 

Curry: Oh, this doesn't look good for Durandal!

 

NTD: I bet he's shaking in his pants!

 

Curry: Look, Lady Red's going to the top!

 

NTD: I bet you pantsed types envy me...

 

Durandal resists long enough for Lady Red to leap off the top rope and throw a beautiful dropkick... that misses by about six feet. With Durandal unable to resist any further, Rotten lifts Durandal into the air and slams him to the mat to complete the Pyramid Driver! As Lady Red crawls out of the ring and back to her corner, Durandal lays on the mat, and Rotten covers him for

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

KICKOUT! Durandal rolls to his stomach, only for Rotten to lift him to his feet and lift his arms in the air. Rotten rears back and goes for a heart punch, but Durandal frees his right hand and stalls him with a stiff palm strike to the jaw. He throws a few more palm strikes, finally culminating the assault with a two- handed shotei to the chest that sends Rotten reeling. Durandal follows up with a dropkick to the knee that takes Rotten to the mat, and then drops an elbow into Rotten's chest. With Rotten on the mat, Durandal motions to Lady Red to mount the top rope. Durandal swats Rotten once more in the head with a stiff palm strike and then goes over to the corner. He grabs Lady Red by the hands and yanks down, slamming her onto the Carnie with an Iconoclasm! The fans cheer in spite of themselves as Lady Red rolls away and Durandal mounts the top rope, raises his hands high in the air and leaps off, landing hard on Rotten with a flying headbutt! Durandal goes for the cover and gets

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

KICKOUT by Johnny Rotten!

 

Curry: Modified Superiority Complex from the Clan, and Durandal is getting cheers from fans who can't help but pop for the action!

 

NTD: Yeah, but look at Red!

 

Lady Red is limping off to the side, holding her ribs.

 

Curry: Oh my, it looks like Lady Red may have caught the worst of that Iconoclasm!

 

NTD: Kinda makes you wonder if they practiced that at all.

 

Durandal grabs Rotten and whips him into the corner, then charges in as fast as he can with a running palm strike. Rotten dodges it, though, and slides out of the way! Durandal hits the corner sternum-first and staggers backwards. On the way out, Rotten grips him around the waist and nails the Neglected Sword with a stiff German suplex! He attempts to hold Durandal on his back, but he rolls through onto his stomach. Rotten lifts him up and, operating on instinct, whips Durandal into his own corner! Durandal forcefully tags Red, who's still selling the injury to her ribs. She goes through the ropes and attacks Rotten wholeheartedly. She runs at him and starts nailing his left leg with a series of stiff kicks. Rotten sells the leg beautifully, and as Red culminates the attack with a dropkick to the knee, he collapses. With the proverbial taste of blood in her mouth, the Assassin descends on the British rock star and nails him with a series of jabs to the head. She yanks him to his feet and whips him to the ropes. As he rebounds, she nails him with a side thrust kick that takes him back down. Almost immediately, she runs to the corner and tags Durandal back in.

 

Curry: You have to wonder what Stubby McWeed was thinking when he made this match. Durandal and Lady Red are two of the quickest, most sadistic wrestlers in the SWF. How can Rotten even have a semblance of a chance?

 

NTD: The pants. He can choke them with the leather pants.

 

Curry: That didn't make any sense.

 

NTD: You're just saying that because I'm black.

 

Durandal mounts the top rope and leaps off with a somersault senton splash, crushing Rotten's frame between the mat and his back. Rotten sits bolt upright with the impact. As Durandal rolls away, he grabs Rotten's leg and holds it as he gets back to his feet. He gets up and comes around with a spinning toehold, falling through into a figure-four leglock. He signals Lady Red, who immediately climbs to the top rope and dives down with an elbow. She falls and crashes with a great deal of impact, right onto Durandal! He breaks the hold and, as she wears a look of terror, Durandal gets to his feet and shoves her back into the corner. He screams, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" She tries to explain that it was a mistake, but Durandal just grabs her long raven hair and shoves her backwards again and screams, "ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN OUR CHANCES?!?! Dammit, Red, I'm the future of the Clan! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

 

NTD: What the hell is wrong with Red?!

 

Curry: It was an honest mistake, NTD.

 

NTD: Malice. Pure spite and malice.

 

Looking horrified, Red goes to the outside, and before Durandal can turn around, Rotten sneaks up behind him for a rollup pin! He gets

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THR- NO! Durandal kicks out, and he's looking angry. Getting up to his feet, Durandal makes for a palm thrust to the throat of Rotten, also on his feet, but nails air as Rotten ducks out of the way and steps behind him. Turning for a counter attack, Durandal staggers backward from a vicious throat kick from Rotten, accompanied by a huge crowd pop.

 

Curry: That kick got everyone's attention for sure!

 

NTD: That's it baby, one more bite....

 

Curry: Dammit, give me back those binoculars, we're calling a match!

 

The dejected NTD looks into the ring at the competitors....

 

Curry: Ooooooooooooh... give it to daddy....

 

NTD: HEY! I can't believe I fell for that twice!

 

Curry: I can.

 

Rotten grabs one of Durandal's flailing arms and throws him at the ropes, aiming a hard punch square on the left hand side of Durandal, dropping the Clanie to his knees with the force of the heart punch. Running towards the ropes, Rotten makes a running dropkick to the thighs of Durandal, taking the rest of his height out from under him. Picking the stunned Durandal off the ring mat, Rotten places his head between his legs, and crosses his opponents arms. Lady Red sees the Pyramid Driver setup, and  begins to climb the ropes. Rotten catches the movement out of the corner of his eye, and releases Durandal, only to throw him right into the corner the Assassin was climbing, dropping Red straight down, the turnbuckle forced between her legs. The pain from the drop shocks the Assassin enough to stun her, gravity forcing her forward, onto the shoulder of Durandal, and causes her to slide down. Her partner catches his wits enough to grab a hold of her as she slides down his body, making it seem like Durandal was attempting a Tombstone piledriver. Rotten grins at the site, and proceeds to rush full speed at the Clan team, crushing both against the turnbuckle, and dropping both to the mat.

 

NTD: An interesting SIXTY NINE splash from Rotten!

 

Curry: What did you call that?

 

NTD: Sixty nine splash.

 

Curry: That's the dumbest thing you've said tonight.

 

NTD: Really? What would you call it?

 

(time passes)

 

Curry: ...

 

NTD: Well?

 

Curry: ... a sixty nine splash.

 

NTD: SCIMITAR!

 

As the Assassin rolls slowly to her place at the corner, Rotten drops down and hooks one of Durandal's legs, as Kivell slides in for a

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THR - KICKOUT! And Durandal just barely gets his shoulder up. Rotten seems not to mind however, as he picks up the Clannie and throws him to the corner where Lady Red is just getting to her feet. With a rush, Rotten splashes Durandal, slumping him against the corner. Grabbing the Assassin by both of her hands, Rotten proceeds to use her hands to pummel her teammate.

 

Curry: Passive Aggresive! Excellent technique in a tag match, and Rotten has taken full control!

 

NTD: If only she wasn't.... I'd take control of her....

 

Curry: I'm sure you could... you'd just woo her with your charms wouldn't you?

 

NTD: Of course I would woo her. I could woo the pants off off Funyon if I wanted to.

 

(dead silence)

 

NTD: Did I just say that?

 

Curry: What? You mean that you find your grandmother attractive?

 

NTD: No, the Funyon bit.

 

Curry: Didn't hear it.

 

NTD: Oh good.

 

Rotten forces open the Assassin's hand, and roughly slaps Durandal across the shoulder with it and looks at Kivell. Kivell raises his arms and claps signifying a blind tag, and Rotten pulls Red in by her hair. Taking a moment to throw Durandal out of the ring, Rotten then presses against Red for extra momentum, then throws her as hard as he can across the ring, forcing her hard against the far turnbuckle. Following in at full speed, Rotten hits a hard lariat against the Assassin who walks forward three steps after impact and falls face first against the ring mat, much to the delight of the screaming crowd. Rotten lifts the woman to her feet and places her head between his legs, crossing her arms behind her back...

 

Curry: This is his third attempt at the Pyramid Driver, but with Durandal not to his senses yet it seems as if Rotten has no one to stop him from completing it now!

 

Flipping the woman high into the air, Rotten then drives her hard onto her back on the canvas, but then holds the move and rises to his feet. Standing up to full height with the Assassin on his shoulders, Rotten drops her back again to the mat, but does not release the hold....

 

Curry: A double Pyramid Driver, and he's NOT DONE! Will we get to see the rare Quadruple Pyramid Driver?

 

NTD: Better yet, will we get to see Lady Red fall out of her top?

 

Curry: Better yet, can we get a closeup of that woman at 7G?

 

NTD: Curry, she's MINE!

 

Curry: I bet, the ladies just love a man without pants.

 

NTD: You bet! *smiles with thumbs up*

 

Curry: *sigh* I feel like I want to punch you...

 

Rotten holds himself and Lady Red high again, turning slightly and delaying the drop. The crowd cheers for the show of strength out of the Carnival member. With a sudden drop, Rotten slams the Assassin to the mat for a third time, but slowly brings himself up to his feet and lifts the woman high again for a fourth time. Without delay, Rotten drops the limp Red down to the canvas for a fourth time, Red not moving an inch once her body hits the mat. Standing above his opponent, Rotten smiles and looks towards the opposite corner, ready to drop Durandal before he can attempt to break any pins Rotten attempts.... but Durandal is not there. Looking up, Rotten is caught in surprise as Durandal leaps high off the top turnbuckle. Grabbing his opponents head in mid air, Durandal twists his body, forcing Rotten's body to follow his falling head as it gets planted hard on the mat. Rotten's body slumps sideways as he lands on his back. Durandal immediately goes for a cover, but Kivell pulls him off and pushes him towards his corner.

 

Curry: Durandal is not the legal man, and cannot pin Rotten here, he should know that.

 

NTD: In the heat of the moment, Durandal lost his senses and did what came naturally, going for a pin, but this could give Rotten enough time to recover.

 

Durandal fights and argues with the referee, but doesn't attempt to harm Kivell as he turns to go back to his corner. Kivell watches, but pays no attention to the pair of arms coming from outside the ring, pulling on Lady Red and dragging her to the outside.

 

Curry: What is that? Someone is dragging the Assassin out of the ring, can we get a camera over there and get a look?

 

The crowd on that side of the ring cheer, but when the camera gets there to show what's going on, all we see is a woozy Lady Red with her hands covered loosely by the ring curtain. Getting to her feet, she knowingly stands onto the apron as she hears Kivell count 'ONE' and goes high up to the corner...

 

Curry: I'm not sure what happened there, or who that was, but Lady Red seems to have recovered enough from the vicious four time Pyramid Driver, but is now going for a high risk move!

 

Staring down at the fallen Rotten, Lady Red uses her hands to shake loose her roughly cut short hair, leaps high into the air, and somersaults forward one and a quarter times, landing hard with a splash on top of Johnny Rotten.

 

NTD: ANGEL DIVE! We haven't seen the Assassin do that since her JL days as the Angelic Annie E! Kivell for the pin!

 

ONE.....

 

TWO.....

 

THREE!!!

 

DING DING DING

 

NTD: WOW! Out of nowhere, Lady Red gets enough intestinal fortitude to land an Angel Dive and win the match!

 

Durandal comes out of the corner and rushes in, hugging Lady Red and holding her hand high in victory.

 

Funyon: Your winners, as a result of a pinfall, Durandal... and Laaaaadyyyy Reeeeeeed!!!!

 

Kivell holds both fighter's hands high, as the arena is bathed in Red and the theme to A Clockwork Orange plays over the PA.

 

NTD: A glorious win for the Clan, and Lady Red finally gets the monkey off her back, getting a second straight win over a solid opponent!

 

Curry: It was a handicap match! It was two on one, and Durandal landed the setup blow!

 

NTD: Yeah, but I'm not attracted to Durandal.

 

Curry: Argh.... I think that you're not NOT attracted to Durandal.....

 

NTD: Right.

 

The camera closes in on the victors smiling at each other face to face. The Assassin moves to the side of the ring and motion at Funyon, pointing to his microphone. The ring announcer tosses his microphone up to her, and she turns back to her partner. With a smile still set on her face, she opens her mouth for a deep breath.... and sprays Durandal with the Green Mist!

 

Curry: What was THAT?

 

NTD: What's wrong with her! Durandal helps her win the damn match and she turns her back on him? Just like a backstabbing, cheating, immasculating WOMAN!

 

The lights go back to normal inside the arena as Durandal grunts and moans, trying to get the stinging green slime out of his eyes. With a kick to the stomach, the woman forces Durandal to double over from pain. Wrapping her arm around his head, she then grabs at his tights, lifts his lower body up into the air, and spikes his head down with her force combined with his weight on top of him. The crowd pop in confusion and awe at the show of strength.

 

Curry: I'm not sure why, but suddenly it seems as if Lady Red is turning her back on the Clan!

 

Picking up the microphone, the woman steps over the fallen body of Durandal.

 

Woman: Congratualations... on your victory. It will be the last one involving me. You have just joined the Clan, I assume there is no hope of showing you the truth. Therefore you are an enemy. An enemy of myself, and the memory of my parents. Underneath this ring, struggling to regains conciousness is my sister, a woman used by the Clan, and chewed up and spit out. She will have no place for them now that I've escaped and returned. But they won't care, she never was good at what she tried to be, and her failures just made her a better tool. Use, and throw away. Just like the Clan....

 

The crowd falls in a hushed silence.

 

Woman: Spider, I know you're listening, Thoth, I know you are too. Pay attention. I was kidnapped shortly after my release from the hospital, after Renegade beat me senseless with a steel chair. Spider Nekura wanted me back with the Clan, and knew I'd never go back, considering my parents are *dead* due to their allegiance to him. They kidnapped me, and had Allison take my place.

 

The silence becomes deafening... as the crowd waits for the next words out of the woman's mouth.....

 

Annie: Well guess what, happy boy, I'm back. I have a problem with you, I have a problem with Spider, I have a problem with Fallout, I *would* have a problem with Thoth.... but I don't think I'd be here otherwise. So enjoy your run with the Clan. Because they aren't going to be around much longer. I'm back, I'm going to take my sister home, and then.....

 

(silence)

 

Curry: ... and then....?

 

Annie: ...and then... I shall work my hardest to destry the Clan, from top to bottom. So says... the REAL.... ANNIE E!

 

With emphasis, Annie Eclectic spikes the microphone on Durandal's head, the device bouncing off hard and spinning away from the ring. 'Photograph' by Weezer begins to play, and the crowd explodes in cheers as Annie Eclectic has returned to take her place in the SWF.

 

Curry: What a turn of events this is! Lady Red... was never Annie Eclectic, but her sister, Allison!

 

Annie E rolls out of the ring, and kneels by the side of the apron. Reaching under, she rolls her sister out, and lifts her up, cradling her limp body between her arms. She walks up the entrance ramp, tears welling from her eyes as she looks at the face of her fallen sister.

 

Curry: A touching moment, as Annie Eclectic returns, even though we never knew she had left. Lady Red is no more, and the Clan has a new enemy in the former SJL World Champion!

 

NTD: Wait! She has a sister?!?!? Why didn't anyone tell me! Maybe she would enjoy the cock!

 

Curry: NTD, just shut the hell up. Folks, grab some snacks now while you have the time, because this Pay Per View is just going to get better and better! Stay tuned!

 

Annie Eclectic walks towards through the entrance curtains, the crowd singing along to 'Photograph' behind her.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

“Man, those were two great match-ups to get us started!” shills Curry as the camera swings around to the familar announcing table.  “This is going to be one heckuva pay-per-view if those two contests were any indication.”

 

“I’ll agree with you there, partner,” states NTD.  “And we haven’t even reached our championship matches yet, especially that star-studded main event and crazy ICTV title match.”

 

Suddenly the lights cut out in the arena.  The buzzing crowd hushes for a moment as the entire building is dropped into darkness and silence.

 

“What’s going on?…”

 

“I’m not sure-“

 

“Good god, Curry.  Look.”

 

Both announcers shut up as a fog starts to drift lowly over the arena.  Some fans realize what is happening, while some of the newer fans simply stand in confusion.  The silence cuts out as a female voice starts to coo over the sound system…

 

“Ah….ah..ah…….ah…….ah…ah……..ah…

 

“I am the king of this city, top down, windows up…..”

 

St. Lunatic’s “Summer in the City” kicks up as the crowd begins to boo loudly, a form slowly taking shape in the fog at the entryway.  After a few moments, a man steps through.  Chris Wilson.  Former IGNWF Hardcore gamer, tag team and Heavyweight champion of the world.  He smiles as the entire arena begins to boo their hearts out.

 

He looks the same as always, decked out from head to toe in black.  His long trenchcoat, black leather gloves and Ruby Juliet Oakleys are still in place.  So is the cocky, confident grin as he walks down the rampway, sucking in the raw emotion of the crowd.

 

“Sweet Jesus,” declares Curry, his voice nary a whisper as he gives the sentiments of everyone watching the events unfolding in front of them.  “He’s back.”

 

Wilson walks up the stairs and steps through the middle ropes, prancing around the ring a few steps before shouting at one of the stagehands for a mike.  After a few tense seconds and stare down, a mike is chucked into the ring and into the gloved hands of Wilson.  He holds it to his mouth, waiting for the loud “Asshole” chants to slowly die down.

 

“It’s good to see that everyone still remembers me.  How’s everybody doing?!”  Wilson shouts out to the crowd and simply gets a huge chorus of boos as his response.  “Your lives are that bad, huh?  Well, I know I’m feeling absolutely faaaaaantastic.  I’m back here in the old gear, back in the ring, in front of these same adoring fans that shell out their dough for some quality entertainment.  You don’t realize how much you love something til you’re away from it for a while.”

 

Wilson leans back in the corner, casually continuing his promo.  “Not that being in front of you people is the part I love.  I love the part where I come out to the ring, I kick some ass, I win the match and as I leave, you people boo to your hearts content because you realize that there is nobody that can stop me.  Not on a good day.  Not on a bad day.  Not on any day.  I’m just that good.  Makes me feel all tingly inside thinking about it.  Nostalgic.”

 

“Now the reason I left in the first place was pretty simple: The place got boring.  It was the same people getting beat day in and day out.  And Stubby was in charge and all you got was memos telling everybody to ‘Try real hard and make me look good!’.  Who cares.  I didn’t.  I could of gave less than a damn.  I get stuck in some lame pay-per-view match with Bo who was returning for the umpteenth time when I had a gazillion title shots to go for.  So I just stopped caring.  And then I left.  It sucked.  No enjoyment.”

 

“But it wasn’t so bad.  I had already groomed my rightful successor as the figurehead of the federation, HVille Thugg.  He truly did take the ball and run with it.  I couldn’t be more proud of my little protégé growing into such a great champion.  Do you realize where this federation would be if it wasn’t for me?  I made this place.  ME!  Look at your champion and the people who really have managed to challenge him over the time I was gone”

 

“Who brought Thugg into the WF?  Me.”  Wilson begins to stomp around the ring, becoming fierier as he continues his rant.  “Who got him set on the course to ultimate evilness right out of the gate by nearly killing Divefire?  Me.  Who won the tag straps with him, giving him his first taste of WF gold and an addiction he could or would never get over?  Me.  ME ME ME!  Not you idiots or the pieces of crap he rolled over top of on the way to the top or the commissioners that booked the matches or the little punks that hopped on his coattails after I had pressed the ‘Ignition’ key and he was firing up into the stars and no one would be able to catch him.”

 

“Its good to see Wilson hasn’t changed at all,” snips Curry.  “Still as humble as ever.”

 

“You shut up!” yells NTD.  “Wilson is a great WF superstar and we shall pay him the great respect that he deserves.”

 

Wilson begins to pace around slowly, calming himself as he continues.  “Then look at the competition.  ‘Grand Slam’ Mark Stevens.  It was one year ago at this event that myself and Mark lost an ICTV title match to Chris Storm.  But did the people pay to see Stevens go up against Chris Storm?  Did Storm make that match, oozing that Canadian charisma of his?  No, I think not.  People wanted to see Stevens go up against a true heel.  Not just somebody who maybe cheated once in a while to win a match and yelled at the crowd once a month.  And eventually they did.”

 

“Two months later, we had the crazy-ass stipulated Regeneration Rules match.  Basically, five people were in the match and you had to get a fall over everyone of them to win the championship.  I had that match won!  I dominated.  One more fall to go…But nooooo, I didn’t get my full glory as champion.  Because of the bumbling idiocy of Bobby Riley, I was screwed over and Stevens won the championship.  But the people, the ones who love to cheer on a hero but love even more to see a villain they know can take him, still didn’t have their one-on-one match.  But at the next pay-per-view, they did.”

 

“Me.  Stevens.  No-DQ.  Lights, camera and action.  And did you know what they saw?  They saw the better man win.  ME!  Go watch the match.  There was no interference.  I didn’t do anything Stevens wouldn’t have done or did do and I won the match, won the championship and broke the hearts of thousands of little sluggers all over the country.  Boo-hoo.  But what I did was force Stevens to realize what a loser he was.  A nobody.  That the world didn’t want to see some vanilla, America’s pastime loving twit lose.  So he reshaped, and of course, this is all after I left, won the Clusterfuck and then won the championship.  This is all before he LOST again in a retirement match, but there’s no reason to rub salt into the wound.”

 

The crowd boos as salt meets wound and they remember the sad event at the previous month’s pay-per-view.  Wilson leans over the top rope as he continues, staring out into the crowd.

 

“Now people mock the tournament I had arranged for the time leading up to the Genesis 2 pay-per-view.  ‘It was dumb!’  ‘People didn’t have time to feud over other titles!’  ‘It made everything else seem less important!’  Newsflash, people.  Everything else IS less important that the world championship, and I wanted to make sure that leading up to the anniversary that everybody had a fair shot at capturing it.  Now at the pay-per-view, El Luchadore Magnifico, a wrestler who wouldn’t of even been in the main event if not for my tournament, won one of the greatest matches ever as he defeated myself, former champion Stubby McWeed and the WF legend Neilsen of the Jungle, among others, to capture the World Championship  This is, yet again, under the guidance of myself as he was a member of the IGNWO.  Another product of the Chris Wilson Superstar Machine.”

 

“But also in that match, he beat another man who wouldn’t have been in that position if not for the tournament.  The King of Hearts.  Or, as you people would know him, your loving Deputy Commissioner, the Suicide King.”  The crowd boos loudly as Wilson mentions a man they hate just as much as the man standing in the ring now.

 

“But sadly enough, the King would be NOTHING without me.  I’m the one that took his little, piece-of-crap stable and thrust it into the limelight with a feud that took all dozen or so members of it to just compete with me.  I got him the shot at greatness with the tournament and I’m the one that got him to turn to the darkside.  Turn on his ‘friend’, Mark Stevens, and realize his dream of IGNWF champion.  Without me, he would be gone by now.  In a gutter somewhere thinking about what would of and what could of happened.  But no, Chris Wilson and his “Become a Superstar in Two Months” 900 number paid off, and King became the star he is now.”

 

“And other than that, look at the top of your card.  That’s it.  You have nobody.  No heroes.  Nobody that could even stand up to me if they wanted too.  Stevens is gone, people.  There’s no Rane around.  There’s no Divefire.  The Carnival is near death.  Comet ain’t coming back Neilsen won’t be around to save you.  King isn’t planning on kissing any babies, so who ya got?  Huh?”  Wilson gets up on the ropes, one foot on the middle, the other on the bottom as he leans out into the crowd and screams.  “Who do YOU have that you think can beat ME!?”

 

The crowd rises to its feet, chanting loudly back at Wilson “Ed-win, Ed-win, Ed-win” while others shout “Bo-Bo-Bo” and a few others even yell at “Taylor”, “Raynor” or “Mag-niiiif-ico.”  Wilson calms down, dropping off the ropes and listening intently to the crowd.

 

“You just chanted that Perfect Bo could beat me?  I’ve been gone a while, but I bet if I go through the records, the ENTIRE time I was gone, Bo won maybe two matches.  Probably both of them were against Rotten or somebody of that caliber.  Make me shiver, make me shake.  The fact he’s even in the main event, mainly by association, but still, is a disgrace to this entire federation.  I actually feel sorry for you fans.  And its not like I haven’t beat him before.  And its not like I couldn’t again.”

 

The crowd disregards Wilson’s previous remarks as all the Carnival fans rise to their feet and scream at the top of their lungs “Ed-WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!”  Wilson almost seems to be in a state of ecstasy as he hears them, sucking it in through every pore of his body.

 

“Edwin MacPhisto.  Come now, children.  Lets take another trip down memory lane.  Edwin’s never been anything but an overblown second banana scared to take me on.  He dodged me the entire last summer.  Hiding behind Stevens.  Then hiding behind King.  Then hiding behind over he could so he didn’t have to face me.  He feared me!  He saw what I did to his friends.  He saw what I did to him and he realized that he had almost no chance of taking me on.  I would roll him.  I would roll him, then grind him up to bits like he was a nobody.  A nothing!”

 

“When I left way back in November, Edwin was at ICTV level, ready to make The Leap to something special.  But he never did.  This is his first true pay-per-view main event and title match, over half a year later.  Why?  Because he’s scared!  He knows what’s at the top.  He’s seen it, and he wants no part of it.  Tonight, Thugg and Bo will crush him and he’ll spend a few months just dancing around, dodging any real competition because one, he can’t bounce back from a demoralizing loss like that and two…”

 

The crowd is actually quiet, listening to Wilson, and they realize that as he stops speaking and quickly begin to boo again.  Wilson gives them a few moments before continuing,” and two: Because I’m back, baby.”

 

The crowd really begins to roar, already presuming that fact but having it reiterated makes it sting even more.  Wilson just laughs as he spins around the ring, feeling the raw emotion of thousands of screaming fans.  He stops, becoming deadly serious as he stares back at he leans in the corner once again, eyes to the sky and talking slowly.

 

“So anyone that wants on the wagon, hop on.  I’m not going to turn you down, because obviously you’re making the right choice.  And those who want out, well, I’m sure Stubby and King won’t have any trouble filling out a nice pension form and releases for you because you’re scared to go up against the man who had the greatest IGNWF summer last year.  The man, who while in his prime, lost only a handful of matches and handed out a lifetime of beatings and lessons to those that opposed him.  Because its not any fun to lose, and anyone that decides to go up against me will realize just how painful of a fact that is.”

 

“You should of changed that stupid lock or you should of made me leave my key, because you knew, even if you feared that thought and buried it deep in the back of your little inferior brains, that I would be back to reclaim what is rightfully mine and show a whole new slew of fans and a different roster of pathetic little losers how truly great I am.  And don’t think that I don’t already have this all planned on.  You’ll meet the first member of the new regime tonight, and you should know what that means: The fun is just beginning.  So whether you’re a Carnie or a washed up veteran or some rookie trying to become something special, just quit now.  It’s not really worth your time.  I’m going to win.  You know I will.  There is NOTHING you can even dream of doing, let alone actually doing it.”

 

“So tonight is your last night of freedom.  Your last night of actually enjoying the show.  From now on, you won’t sit on the edge of your seat in anticipation of some spectacular move or to see a title switch hands to some ‘hero’ of the people.  Now you’re going to sit on the edge of your seat to make sure that ‘hero’ can ever walk again.  That’s all, ladies and gents.  Have a great time tonight.  I know I will.”

 

Wilson drops the mike as “Summer in the City” kicks up again and the crowd roars in disapproval as he steps through the ropes and drops to the floor, walking up the ramp as Curry and NTD sit in astonishment.

 

“Well, this is great news!” shouts NTD.  “Wilson is back, one of the true icons of my generation in wrestling.  I couldn’t be happier.”

 

“You’re a strange little man,” states Curry.  “Wilson’s a twisted individual and we’re just going to have to hope that half-a-dozen months of off-time is going to slow him up, because otherwise, its going to make it tough to keep him from climbing back to the top.”

 

Curry’s hopeful statement lingers in the air as the show cuts to another short ad for “SWFShopzone.com”…

[Guest BA_Baracus]

Coming to you live from the Savvis Center, where on June 22nd, Britney Spears is coming to town. Britney Spears? YAY!!!!!!!! Well... whatever. I don’t care. Anyways... the loudest crowd in the world rises to their feet, holding up the newly made SWF signs to encourage their favorite superstars. The camera pans through them all, giving an average of 0.5 second air time to the catchiest pictures before feeding a view of our announcers for tonight: Curry and NTD. Curry has on a St. Louis Blues jersey that is getting him mad props from the crowd.

 

Curry: Welcome back to St. Louis, venue of SWF Crossfire! Been a great night so far, huh my pantless co-hort?

 

NTD sits, arms crossed in disgust, as he looks over at Curry Man and sneers.

 

NTD: Not on your life...

 

Curry: NTD... do you have a case of the BLUES?

 

A huge pop comes rushing forth from the crowd, obvious to the St. Louis Blues reference.

 

NTD: No I don't! You're just tellin them that!

 

As the shot pans out fuurther, we see Curry... DRESSED IN A CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS JERSEY. The crowd boos loudly as we can see Curry remove his Blues jersey and toss it aside, a few eager fans trying to reach over and grab the jersey.

 

Curry: Who asked you?! Huh?! Who the f*ck asked you?!"

 

NTD Nobody! Still doesn't give you the right to say I’m blue. That's my job!"

 

Curry: Forget this. Folks, up next is the match that can decide Stryke's fate. We all know this rookie has been running through any competition that has been put against him, including elites such as LDP. We'll see if this kid really has it in him, or if it was all just a momentary lapse. Why? because he has a MYSTERY opponent tonight, and his title’s on the line! Who could it be? Cyclone Comet, Kamen Roja? Vlad De Burrov? Naked Mideon? Stryke finds out, right now!

 

Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one-fall and it is for the SWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP!

 

Suddenly, “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit kicks in, four blue fireworks blasting upwards from the stage, followed a second later by four silver fireworks. Then, in succession, a huge blue flame of pyro blasts up from the middle of the entranceway, and when the sparks and smoke clear, ono other than Stryke stands at the top of the entranceway as the crowd boos him loudly.

 

Funyon: Introducing first, from Sydney Australia, weighing in at 209 pounds... he IS the SWF HARDCORE CHAMPION... STRYYYYYYYYYYYYYKE!

 

The Aussie now begins to make his way down theramp, abosrobing the corwd’s tunderous boos and ducking a plastic cup or two. He heads to ringside, sliding under the bottom rope. He makes his way to the far ring corner and ascends it, raising his right arm to the fans, resulting in another wave of hatred for the Australian champion. As the fans foo their hearts out, Stryke hops down into the ring, headed toward Funyon, and he snatches up the announcer’s microphone, bringing it to his face, crowd delaying him with loud boos, but they eventually quiet down... for now...

 

Stryke: Now, I don’t know who EXACTLY is back there. Brimstone... Strangler... Jeremy Miller... Spark... or even Galatea... whoever you are... just get your ass down to this ring so I can beat it into the ground, one, tw-

 

Suddenly, Stryke’s mic shuts off. He stops in mid-speech, and looking at the mic he holds it up, slamming his opened fist against it and trying to get it to work as the lights cut off, a kickin’ piano piece blastin’ over the speakers. The crowd begins to cheer a little, pyro similar to Christian’s entrance flowing from the top of the SmarkTron and spewing from vents in front of the entrance.

 

NTD: Hey! Who the hell turned the lights out? Now I can’t see Stryke wrestle!

 

And then... the song kicks in at the first verse, crowd cheers pickning up in volume.

 

“I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was...”

 

The spotlight shining on stage reveals Stryke’s adversary...

 

Ash Ketchum, former SJL World Champion and himself a hardcore innovator. Stryke’s eyes widen, his jaw drops, but more importantly, the weight of his pants increases by twenty pounds. As Billy Crawford’s “Pokemon Theme” blasts through the speakers, they know that Pokemania is shifting gears and GOING TURBO!!!! No longer with the ringside announcing actics of Edwin MacPhisto, the common senseness of Axis, and the total sadisticality of The Suicide King, Ash must step it up a notch. Turning around from his Jericho-like pose, Misty on his right side, he spins, making eye contact with Stryke as Misty points out Stryke and says something to Ash. Ketchum nods, then smiles and waves to Stryke, who stands in the ring in awe and shock, as if this were a nightmare. Ketchum and Misty make their way down to the ring, slapping hands with some of the newly-christened Poke Freaks in St. Louis, Funyon raising the mic to his lips, and in a booming voice...

 

Funyon: And from Pallet Town, being accompanied by Misty, weighing in at 255 pounds, the Poke Freak himself... ASH KET-CHUMMMMMMMMM!!!

 

The St. Louis fans go nuts for Ash as he makes his way to the ring. He enters the ring through the ropes, opening them up to let Misty through, who is looking VERY fine in her cute little green two-piece swimsuit. By-passing the stunned Stryke, Ketchum pulls his new “WARNING:” shirt off his body, being sure to pull it off anove his head, and climbing the nearest turnbuckle, lifts it above his head, twirling it a full two revolutions above his head before releasing it, whipping it five rows from ringside, quite a distance for Ash, as he normally only hits the second row. Fans scramble to get a piece of their new found idol’s memorabilia, and the chaos that ensues calls security over to pull the crowd apart.

 

Curry: The fans love Ash Ketchum!

 

NTD: But I don’t. King told me EVERYTHING I need to know about THIS freak.

 

Curry: Come on! You’ve never even seen the guy wrestle!

 

NTD: Remember that match against Grand Slam?

 

Curry: Genesis II Tournament?

 

NTD: Yep.

 

Curry: Sure-

 

NTD: HE LOST. And he’s going to lose TONIGHT. In front of all these... these... FREAKS!

 

The crowd boos NTD loudly, but he ignores their boos as Ash Ketchum leaps off the rope, but suddenly, Stryke charges, extending his forearm out, smashing it across Ash’s back as the crowd boos, and the timekeeper reaches across the table...

 

DING DING DING!

 

Curry: Well, that was fast!

 

NTD: Let’s get this OVER with. I have to go take a bathroom break.

 

Ash staggers forward into the turnbuckle, and Stryke immediately grabs him, clutching his arm and whipping him toward the ropes. Ash bounces off them, flying back at Stryke, who leaps into the air, flipping as he thrusts his legs out and nails Ash in the head with a quick dropkick. Ash and Stryke go down but quickly recover. As that happens, Stryke grabs hold of Ash’s head, placing his own chin underneath it and dropping onto his knees, impacting Ash’s chin upon his head with a jawbreaker! As Stryke releases Ash, he bounces away, falling onto his back and grabbing his jaw in pain. As he remains down, Stryke quickly runs to the nearest ropes, which are parallel to Ash, and leaping onto the second rope, quickly flips back into a moonsault, landing on top of Ash with a move called the Meteor! Stryke remains on top of Ash, and he holds on for a pin, the first of this match...

 

One...

 

Two-Ash kicks out! Stryke seems a wee bit angered, but he quickly gets to his feet, lifting his foot up and stomping away at Ash with right boots.

 

Curry: Stryke is going after Ash right out of the start!

 

NTD: Not a bad idea, if you ask a genius like me...

 

The angered Aussie interemeditely stops his stomping, only then extending his elbow out and dropping down, elbow-dropping Ash’s knees.Ketchum yells in pain as the Aussie pulls him up, grabbing him around the head in a front head lock, grabbing Ash’s kneepads, and lifting Ash up into the air, he falls back, dropping Ash hard onto his back with a vertical suplex. Ash cries, but he slowly gets up, the fresher Stryke getting onto his feet before Ash does. Ketchum holds his back as he gets onto his feet, but Stryke steps aside, catching him across the body and lifting him up into the air, flaling forward and slamming Ash onto his back with a Rock Bottom!

 

NTD: Breaaaaaak-down! Stryke’s signature Rock Bottom is gonna keep Ash down for the count!

 

As Ash remains down, Stryke quickly hooks Ash’s leg, making another pinning attempt...

 

One...

 

Tw-Ash kicks out again! Stryke is frustrated with the fact that this isn’t easy, and he quickly grabs hold of Ash’s arm, pulling him onto his feet, and pulling even more, whipping Ash to the ropes.

 

NTD: Stryke is just DOMINATING!

 

Ketchum, though, counters, sending Stryke flying to the ropes. As he comes back, Ash hooks his arm and flips over onto his chest, slamming Stryke onto his back with a quick arm drag. The move fazes Stryke little, and both men begin to get up at the same time. Ash, though waits for Stryke to get totally onto his feet. At that point does he grabs hold of Stryke’s shoulders, leaping onto them, and quicklywrapping his legs aroud Stryke’s neck, he flips backwards, lashing Stryke around into a hurracanrana that slams him onto his back. Stryke cries out in pain, rolling onto his back and trying to push himself up as Ash gets off his knees. Looking down, he sees Stryke in his situation, and bending over, hooks Stryke’s arms, lifting him up into the air, but Ash quickly drops to one knee, slamming Stryke onto it. Ash releases Stryke, who falls to the mat grabbing his back, victim of the double underhook backbreaker!

 

NTD: Ummm... (NTD shuffles through his notes.) That’s the Blastoise Backcrakcer. Damn Pokemon... DIGIMON IS BETTER!

 

Curry: And how would you know? You can’t even wear pants.

 

NTD: I DON’T WEAR THEM BECAUSE I HATE THEM, CURRY!

 

As Stryke gets up after the move, Ash knees Stryke in the gut, forcing him to bend over. Stepping back, Ash takes a step forward, swinging his right leg up and down, then doing the same with his left. It is the elft one that hits Stryke in the back of the head and forces him down the the mat, victim of a savage scissors kick, the Air Ketchum Deux! Stryke collapses to the mat, and Ash quickly flips him over with his foot, running to the nearest turnbuckle and LEAPING to the top rope.

 

Curry: We might see Ash go for the Snorlax Splash here! It’s an awesome move to see!

 

NTD: Meh... probably a double axe handle.

 

Ash swings himself around, steadies himself, then leaps  off, contracting and extending his arms out as he flies through the air, hoping for the fore-mentioned five-star frog splash, but Stryke rolls out of the way and Ash eats canvas, slamming hiard onto his chest and bouncing right back up, grabbing his chest in pain. Stryke scampers and staggers onto his feet, both men staggering as if they were drunk fighting, but Stryke bumps into Ash, kneeing him in the guyt, and applying a front facelock on the American, Strkye falls back dropping Ash back into a DDT that plants Ash’s head into the canvas!

 

Curry: DDT from Stryke! A qucik move that silences the crowd!

 

As Stryke gets up, he is quickly grabbed by Ash, who drags him back and throws him onto his back, rolling him up into a roll-up pin !

 

One...

 

Two-Stryke kicks out! Ash and Stryke are thrown apart from each other. The Aussie begins to recover first, and he screams at the timekeeper for his belt. The timekeeper obliges, throwing the belt to Stryke.

 

Curry: What the hell is this?

 

Stryke turns to Ash, who is wobbling as he tries to get up, nearly slipping. Stryke quickly turns on him, charging head on as he extends the title out,  hoping for a literal title shot to Ash’s head, but Ketchum, ducks, stepping behind him, and grabbing him around the neck and head, catches him in a Tazzmission! Stryke drops his title as the hold is tightened, crowd cheering for Ash!

 

Curry: LULLABLY OF JIGGLYPUFF!!! THIS IS THE SET-UP FOR IT!

 

NTD: How do you know this? Do you stalk Ash?

 

As Ash locks in the hold, Stryke brings his leg back, arching it up into Ash’s groin. The hold loosens as pain surges through Ash’s body, crowd booing very loudly, but Stryke grabs Ash’s arms, hooking them as if he were going for an Unprettier, but as he drops down, he switches, grabbing Ash around the head and nailing a stunner! Ash dramatically bounces away as Stryke looks for his title frantically, and when he finds it next to him, he grabs it, hopping onto his feet as the crowd boos loudly. He slides under the bottom rope, Ash lying in the ring while Stryke takes off, running up the entry way. Misty, determined not to let the champ escape, chases after Stryke.

 

NTD: Where the hell are they going? GET BACK HERE!

 

Slowly, Stryke staggers behind the curtain and backstage toward a row of golf carts. Ash and Misty follow in hot pursuit, but Misty gets their first, followed soon by Ash, who has gotten up, but is grabbing his neck. Looking up, Stryke sees Misty, and he quickly grabs her, throwing her itno the backseat of a golf cart. As Ash arrives on the scene, Stryke hops into the same golf cart, pressing the pedal to the metal and taking off. Slowly, Ash looks around to see another golf cart, this one running, and with Gus inside of it. Poor Gus never saw it coming as Ash sprints toward the cart, shoves Gus from the driver’s seat, and slams the accelerator down. Gus takes one of wrestling WORST bumps, trying to roll over, but unable to.

 

But enough about Gus. Back to the action, as a roving cameraman picks up Jay Dawg, smiling with his shiny title. Suddenly, Stryke zips by him, narrowly avoiding hitting JD! JD jumps out of the way as he wonders what’s going on.

 

JD: What the-

 

Suddenly, Ash zips by, narrowly missing JD as well, who jumps out of the way. He stares at both carts before expressing his feelings...

 

JD: ...F*ckin’ n00bs...

 

As Stryke rounds a corner, he loses control, careeming into a alrge pile of boxes. Misty tumbles out of the cart unscathed, getting back up onto her feet as Stryke takes off on foot. Ash pulls up to his girlfriend, checks on her, then sprints off in pursuit of Stryke.

 

NTD: This isn’t wrestling! This is WWE sh*t!

 

Curry: Well... it IS a hardcore match...

 

NTD: WHERE’S MY E-C-DUB STYLE?

 

As Stryke runs down the hall, he sees a door, or in this case, three doors, all lined up in a row. He quickly grabs the first door, flinging it open and running into it. As Ash catches, Stryke, he does the same. A second afterwards, Stryke pops out the middle door, runs to the far door, and opens it up. At the same time, Ash opens the middle door, seeing Stryke, and chases after him, copying his every move. The two dissapear for a second before the middle door flies open again, Stryke sprinting out of it and going back to the nearest door. Ash follows, but he makes a left, looping around back into the door he came out of.

 

And then... if by luck, the near and far doors swing open, Ash and Stryke sprinting out of them for the middle door. They see each other finally, but Stryke reaches the door first, swinging it open and causing Ash to hit it slightly. The door swings back, Ash grabbing his forehead, but he quickly grabs hold of the door, following Stryke wherever he goes.

 

NTD: Where ae they going, dammit?

 

Curry: I don’t know...

 

The shot quickly switches to the dining hall, which Stryke quickly enters. Seconds later, Ash follows in hot pursuit. The two men don’t look very exhausted, but instead, they decide it’s time to stop screwing around and get down to business. As Ketchum charges in, Stryke quickly turns, stopping as Ketchum prepares for a clothesline, but Stryke waistlocks him, lifting him up into the air as he falls back, releasing Ash in mid air into a overhead release belly-to-belly suplex! Ketchum FLIES through the air, slamming hard into a table! The table cracks under is weight. Luckily for our hero, he only lands in the crackers and cheese. Covered in fine cheddar and Ritz Bits on his back Ketchum lies motionless, but slowly get to his feet. Stryke turns to face Ash, who is still down. Looking to his left, Ash notices... a lemon meringue pie. Sliding his hand underneath it, he hides the fact he is wielding it as Stryke approaches him, grabbing by the throat and pulling him onto his feet with a snap. It is at this time that the pie swings around into the face of Stryke, blurring his vision as he staggers about, unable to see for a moment.

 

Curry: And Stryke gets a pie to the face! What a turn of events!

 

NTD: DAMN! I WAS GONNA EAT THAT AFTER THE SHOW!

 

Meanwhile, as Stryke has his back turned Ash Ketchum grabs an unbroken table next to him, and quickly, he places mit up against a door that leads to another room. Stryke continues to stagger about, finally wiping the filling from his eyes. Quickly, he sees Ash, and without hesitiation, Stryke charges head-on at the Poke Freak, letting out a mighty cry.

 

Curry: Or who knows what else you might do with it, O’ Pantless One...

 

NTD: Shut your mouth right now... this isn’t your fantasy time...

 

Startled by the sound, Ash turns around, and seeing the mad Aussie charge at him, he steps aside, watching Stryke bypass him as Ash takes a few steps backwards. Stryke, seeing the table in front of him, stops, leaning forward and nearly falling through as he attempts not to hit the table. Ketchum faces Stryke’s back, but the Aussie turns around to confront the Poke Freak. Not the best idea. Suddenly, Ketchum sprints at Stryke, he himself screaming loudly, but he ducks down, benot over forward and arms outstretched as he collects Stryke into his arms, slamming him not only through the table but through the door as well with a gore! The Shuddup, as it is called, sends the door flying open, and both men charge into the kitchen, quickly faling and tumbling, Stryke’s mat slamming into linoleum. Ash’s back hits the tiles as he is flipped, but he is able to somehow roll onto his feet, ready for whatever Stryke may have in store. Thanks to the impact, several pots and pans have flalen off a near-by counter, each making a “CLANK!” as they fall to the ground. Stryke grabs his back and screams literally in pain, while the pots and pans scatter between Ash and Stryke. Stryke slowly begins to try and recover, grabbing his back and screaming in pain.

 

NTD:  I’m afraid what to see what will happen next.... really...

 

As Stryke tries to get up, crouched over, he slowly grabs a pan, and with a heave, throws it Ash Ketchum’s head. Ketchum ducks the wild shot, which goes a half mile over his head, but Stryke only uses it as a diversion as he gets up, revving his feet up before thrusting his leg upward, impacting with Ash’s chin, nailing Ash with a superkick that sends him staggering back into another door. He presses up against the handle, which causes the door to open, and Ash staggers through it, out into the hallway adjacent to the entryway. Ash and Stryke have made almost a complete circle from where they started from.

 

Curry: Ouch! Heatseeker from Stryke! That isn’t good...

 

NTD: You bet! This is the beginning of the end for Ash! Finally!

 

As Ash staggers out into the hallway, the angered Stryke jumps him from behind, slamming a forearm into Ash’s back. Ketchum staggers forward, hitting a near-by wall and falling down. Stryke jumps all over him, quickly charging in. Lfiting his boot up, he begins to stomp at Ash while he his down. Ash cries out in pain as Stryke stomps at Ash. Tired of stomping, Stryke grabs Ash, pulling him onto his feet, and slowly, they move toward the curtain, throwing it aside as they make ther re-entrance.

 

Curry: Stryke’s just toying with Ash now. Come on... someone stop this.

 

The two appear back in the arena, headed for the ring as Stryke drags Ash behind him, walking down one of the narrow walkways next to the ramp. Misty has already returned to ringisde. As they reach the ring, Stryke throws Ash into the ring, then enters himself under the bottom rope. Stryke quickly gets onto his feet, grabbing his back in pain as Ash slwoly begins an attempt to get up. Stryke laughs at Ash, and grabbing him, pulls him to his feet, grabbing him around the head in a side headlock, and quickly taking off, he sprints a few feet before he drops to the mat, slamming Ash to the mat with a bulldog! Ash’s head bounces off the mat and he bounces over onto his back, Stryke quickly covering Ash as the ref drops to the mat to make the count...

 

One...

 

Two...

 

TH-No dice! Ash kicks out! Stryke is obviously infuriated by this call, and he slowly gets to his feet, not even bothering with Ash.

 

Curry: What is Stryke up to?

 

NTD: As you would say, “evil things”.

 

As Stryke rises to his feet, blood dripping down his face from an earlier placed cut, he screams for a chair. A Stryke fan first row hears his calls and gladly sacrifices his seat for his hero. The boy folds his own chair up and throws it into the ring. A perfect throw, is it, for Stryke effortlessly catches the chair in his own hands. Her girlfriend senses tingling,  Misty realizes that if she doesn’t help Ash, he is doomed to lose. Turning the St. Louis, she calls out for a chair. A courteous and concerned Ash fans hands Misty a chair, which she slides under the bottom rope next to Ash. Ketchum ,recovering from the low blow, staggers to his feet while Stryke turns toward Ash, ready to do him in. Slowly, he begins to lift the chair over his head, but Ash quickly grabs the chair handed to him by Misty, rounded end pointing outwards, and with a quick thrust, jabs it into Stryke’s chest. The raised chair lowers as Stryke yelps in pain, jaw dropping for a second, but in that second, Ketchum rises to his feet, bringing his chair over his head and preparing to nail Stryke in the head.

 

Curry: Stryke is about two seconds away from having his ass knocked onto the mat!

 

NTD: Oh, I beg to differ, Spicy One. I beg to differ greatly.

 

As Ash swings the chair downward, Stryke steps back, swinging his upper body up, effectively dodging the blow. And so it begins.

 

Curry: Stryke dodges a bullet there! That chair shot may have ended his title reign!

 

NTD: Always so melodramatic, now aren’t we? One chair shot won’t keep the Hardcore Champion down.

 

As Stryke bends forward, he draws the chair back around to his right side, Ash looking up. At that moment, Stryke swings the chair around counter-clockwise, flat side facing in the direction he swings. His swing is a bit high, and thus, Ash ducks underneath the shot, popping back up as the chair passes over him. Stryke is extremely vulnerable at this point in time, and Ash quickly takes advantage, bringing his leg up into Stryke’s chest. The Aussie bends forward and gasps, Ketchum lifting the chair over his head once more to do in The Showstopper. Once more, before he can dent the chair with the impression of Stryke’s head, the Aussie thinks on his feet, shoving his elbow to the side and into Ash’s chest, thus stopping Ash’s assault. The crowd is cheering for not Ash or Stryke, but for the match as with Ash stunned, Stryke swings the chair back the opposite direction he swung it at first. This time, instead of ducking, Ash ducks, but as he drops into that position, he either trips or purposely shifts his weight, rolling onto his back and hopping onto his feet at the side of Ash.

 

NTD: THIS IS MY E-C-DUB STYLE! THIS IS HOW YOU DO HARDCORE!

 

Curry: How so?

 

NTD: They look like RVD and Jerry Lynn, bouncing around in that ring, playing with steel chairs like they’re harmless Styrofoam.

 

Curry: Styrofoam harms the environment, idiot.

 

NTD: And you’re sure you aren’t or have never been a World Wildlife Foundation member?

 

As Stryke spins, he notices the position of Ash alongside him. Quickly thrusting his leg out, he catches the back of Ash’s let leg, and pushing against it, trips Ash up, causing Ash to fall onto his back, courtesy of a leg sweep. Stryke turns around as Ash hits the mat, flipping the top of the chair so it points downward, then lifting it up, spears it down for a chair shot to the ribs, but Ash rolls away from Stryke a few inches, barely ducking the blow. Stryke follows up, trying for a second such blow, but as he jabs it down, Ash once again rolls out of the way, and this time, he gets onto his feet.

 

Curry: This is turning out to be pretty good…

 

NTD: For a one-star match, that is…

 

Quickly reacting, Stryke spins around, extending his right leg out as he attempts to nail Ash in the face with a spinning heel kick, but Ash ducks under the kick. Stryke continues the spin as Ash backs up, Stryke revolving 360 degrees before Ash charges at him, setting him up for some kind of running chair shot. Stryke, though, ducks down, catching Ash, head between Ash’s legs as he straightens back up, flipping Ash up and over him with a huge back body drop! An “Oh!” comes from the crowd, shocked to see this happen, and as Ash’s back slams into the mat, barely missing hitting himself in the head with his own chair.

 

NTD: How can they do so much with only a chair?

 

Curry; They just might be getting warmed up, NTD…

 

As Ash gets back up, Stryke brandishes his chair, waiting for the chance of another shot. He moves in on Ash, bringing his chair back and swinging it downward at a 45 degree angle, but Ash quickly spins around, attempting a chair shot of his own! A thundering “CLANK!” echoes throughout the arena, crowd marking out as the chairs collide… with each other!

 

Curry: This is simply off the hook! I can’t believe how this match has turned into this!

 

NTD: Please… don’t remind us of this crap…

 

The two men stand toe-to-toe, straining as they push themselves harder and harder, trying to gain control and decimate the other with a chair shot to the head, but as one man even gains the slightest ground, the other responds, and they start back from where they started. The pressure on the chairs increases, the two chairs starting to slightly warp under pressure as the men struggle for control.

 

NTD: What the hell are they doing? Trying to test the chairs for strength?

 

Both men let out a ferocious cry, and applying as much force as they can, but suddenly, there’s a slip, and the two men are forced past each other, chairs flying from their hands as they stagger for a step. Quickly turning, they now face each other, but quickly, Ash bends down, waistlocking Stryke and quickly bending back, lifting him into a northern lights suplex! Stryke’s back hits the mat and he cries in pain, crowd cheering for Ash, but as Ash sits up, Stryke slowly begins to get up. Seeing Stryke get up, Ketchum quickly reacts, grasping Stryke’s arm and forcing him down upon the mat, slamming Stryke down with a quick armbar takedown. Realizing he’s not going to win with this and should focus on Stryke’s back.

 

Using that arm, Ash pulls Stryke onto his feet, and with a whip, whips him to the ropes.

Stryke flies at the ropes, bouncing off them but on the rebound, Stryke extends his arms out for a clothesline counter, but Ash ducks underneath, clenching Stryke around the throat and lifitng the Aussie up for a quick...

 

Curry: CHOKESLAM!!!! Chokeslam by Ash Ketchum!

 

The blow deals quite a bit of damage to Stryke’s pain-throbbing back, but the chokeslam is much weaker than the other ones Ash has done before. None the less, Stryke remains down, and Ash bends over, pulling Stryke up onto his feet.

 

As Stryke is pulled onto his feet, he counters and grabs through Ash's legs, picking him up and preparing to slam him down on his back with a scoop slam, but as Stryke picks Ash up, he wiggles his feet and pushes his weight forward, causing Stryke to bend back. Ash lands on his feet and Stryke ends up in Ash’s arms as if he were goign to hit a scoop slam, but Ash slowly takes off, gaining speed as he runs across the ring.

 

Curry: Ketchum counters... but could this be a Mew Driver he has planned?

 

As Ash nears the ring bell, he jumps into the air, quickly turning his body sideways as he lands hard on the mat, crushing Stryke underneath his body and slamming him into the canvas with a running powerslam!

 

Curry: RUNNING POWERSLAM! A move used by the late British Bulldog, Davey Boy Smith!

 

NTD: Why do we care? I certainly don’t...

 

As Stryke’s back slams into the mat, he lets out a cry, possibly his last as Ash covers Stryke while he remains down, referee dropping to the mat to make the count...

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

NO! STRYKE KICKS OUT!

 

 

As Ash and Stryke get onto their feet, Ash turns to face him. Not a moment too soon, Ash leaps into the air, precisely as Aussie gets onto his feet, and thrusting his legs out, he drops Stryke to the mat with a missile dropkick called the Rocket Launch! The crowd cheers slightly as Stryke and Ash hit the mat, but the Aussie falls back, hitting the ref and crushing him underneath him as he falls. The ref, Ash, and Stryke are all down, but only Aussie returns to standing after the move, staggering forward. The staggering places him near Ash’s legs, and the Poke Freak responds, clutching Stryke’s ankles with his feet and rolling onto his chest as Stryke falls into a drop toe hold, right on to one of the steel chairs! “CLANK!” Stryke goes and down and remains down as he hlds in the toehold!

 

Curry: Could this be the fabled Total Nightmare that Ash Ketchum so skillfully uses to

 

NTD: Total Nightmare? What is it? Another ankle lock? Pathetic.

 

Curry: But it’s not-

 

NTD: Do not bore me like this city does, Curry! I do not need to hear any more trash from your mouth or these fans’ mouths.

 

Meanwhile, Ash crawls up on top of Stryke, twisting the ankle into a stepover toehold as he reaches under Stryke’s 18-inch neck, the veins of his own 19-inch neck bulging as he locks in a dragon sleeper, executing the Total Nightmare! The crowd pops as Ash cranks the hold, Aussie holding out. But as he holds longer, Stryke awakens to find himself in his predicament, and as his feeling comes back to him, he screams in pain, his back throbbing. Suddenly, a hand taps against the mat violently! It’s over!

 

 

 

 

Or is it? No... the match cotinues, for the referee is down. Ketchum releases the hold, feeling though as he has won, but as he looks and spots the dwoned referee, the crowd sighs, the boos, but Ash goes over to the ref, attempting to wake him. The ref moves around a little, and Ash helps him up, pulling him onto his feet. Stryke remains down, and with the referee up, Ash tends to his opponent.

 

NTD: Awwww... how nice... Ash is helping the ref up... woos.

 

Grabbing Stryke, Ash pulls him up onto his feet, but Stryke changes the flow in a second, swiftly lifting his leg up and thrusting it up into the groin of Ash Ketchum, delivering a low blow that silences the crowd’s cheers and turns them to boos. Ketchum relinquishes his grasp, grabbing his groin, letting out a cry of pain, and dropping face first onto the mat.

 

NTD: That’s the way to go. Cheat to win.

 

Curry: Sometimes NTD... you make no sense.

 

As Ash remains down, Stryke pulls him onto his feet, sliding him onto his shoulders, grabbing his arm and leg as he holds him in a fireman’s carry. The obiouvs is that this is a set up for the Downfall, Stryke’s finishing maneuver. However, when Stryke releases the leg hold and prepare to swing Ash back into a 3/4 facelock bulldog, Ketchum shifts Stryke forward, instead spinning the other way and landing on his feet, and applying a front facelock on the Aussie, Ash falls back dropping Stryke back into a DDT that plants Stryke’s head softly into the canvas! Stryke bounces onto his back as a result of the move, but both he and Ash slowly rise to their feet, Stryke staggering and looking a little dazed.

 

Curry: What a counter from Ash Ketchum! This may be the beginning of the end for Stryke!

 

As Stryke staggers about, Ash gets up, ducking down, and Stryke falls, landing on Ash’s shoulders. Ash catches him in a Samoan drop, and it looks like Mew Driver time! But wait! Just as Ash releases the legs of Stryke, he spins Stryke’s body 180 degrees and swings him around, instead dropping into a sit-out neckbreaker! The K-Cutter is executed, just next to the chair Ash dropped earlier. Ash remains sitting up, taking a break as Stryke remains down. Ketchum is exhausted. He needs this break if he hopes to even continue onward. But something tells Ash he is missing something. He looks at Stryke and realizes he should be pinning him to the mat. D’oh. And so, Ash quickly turns to his left and falls over, Stryke’s left arm snaking out and grabbing hold of the chair as Ash covers him for a pinning attempt...

 

One...

 

Two...

 

 

THREE-NO! STRYKE KICKS OUT! WHAT HORRIBLE LUCK FOR ASH!

 

Curry: Damn! Ash almost had Stryke!

 

NTD: Almost? ALMOST? That wasn’t even close, Curry. You need to get your eyes checked.

 

Ash slwoly gets onto his knees, follwed by an ascent onto his feet as he grabs Stryke’s head, pulling him onto his feet. As Ash pulls Stryke up, he pushes Ash away from him, Ketchum staggering back and nearly tripping over himself. The Aussie quickly moves as fast as he can to the other chair grabbing it and turning around to face Ash. Ketchum watches as Stryke opens his arms up, preparing to nail Ash with a one-man conchairto, but as he charges at Ash and swings the chairs closed... “CLANK!” They slam together, nothing in between! Ash Ketchum has ducked the move, the chairs buzzing inches over his head, a small, but important mistake on Stryke’s part.

 

NTD: Bah! What was that? That’s softcore.

 

Curry: Ash nearly gets his head taken off... and that’s SOFTCORE?

 

NTD: Yeah... where are my C4 explosives and barbed-wire ropes?

 

Curry: NTD... you watch WAY too puch puro, my friend... WAY too much...

 

Quickly, Stryke turns around to nail Ash again, opening his arms up, but Ash responds quickly, dropping down and sliding him up onto his shoulders for a Samoan drop, Stryke dropping the title in the process. Ash, though, wastes absolutely no time, and quickly releasing the legs, spins Stryke around, jumping forward as he swings Stryke over his houlder, planting his head between Ash’s legs, which swing upwards into sitting position, characteristic of a cradle Samoan driver! Ash, though, lands on top of the ring bell, dropping Stryke head-first onto the hard, hard mat with a Mew Driver!

 

Curry: THE LEGENDARY MEW DRIVER!!! Ash Ketchum is set to finish this off for good!

 

NTD: Whatever! I don’t care. Stryke’s one tough brute. He can handle this.

 

As Stryke hits the mat, he drops the two that were in his hands. Ketchum notices, and picking them up, he realizes what he can do. Grasping one by one of the bars that hold the legs in place, and doing the same with the other arm, he turns the seat of the chair to face downward. Then, making his way to the nearest turnbuckle, he ascends it, waiting, just waiting for Stryke to recover from the move. As he waits though, Ketchum stands up, chairs still in the same position as before, and slowly as he waits for Stryke to recover, crowd on theri feet, SCREAMING, he begins slowly to flap his arms up and down as if he were a bird. And the crowd now knows that a move not used since Ash was given the nickname the Undercard King by Edwin MacPhisto... a long, long time ago.

 

Curry: MY GOD! IT’S THE STEEL WING! HE’S PULLING THIS ONE OUT OF THE VAULT!!!

 

NTD: What do you mean? I don’t get it...

 

Curry: He hasn’t used this move in since the ML, my pantless friend! And now, here it is in the SWF!

 

Slowly, the crowd cheers Ash on as Stryke gets to his feet, grabbing his aching back and neck as he does so. He is about halfway off and slowly getting up more and more as Ash Ketchum leaps off the top rope, flying through the air at his target. Stryke  watches as Ash opens his arms up, and then, in one fluid motion,  Ash catches up to him and swings the chairs closed...

 

 

“CLANK!” They slam together, in between lying the head of Stryke!

 

NTD: OH MY GOD!!! DID YOU HEAR THE BEAUTIFUL SOUND OF BONE AND STEEL CONNECTING THERE?

 

Curry: Sure did!

 

NTD: Now if they only made a CD out of that... I could listen to it when I’m on the go! “CLANK! CLANK-CLANK! CLANK! CLANK-CL-CLANK-CLANK!”

 

Ketchum opens his arms wide open, Stryke falling to the mat, unconscious out of them. Ketchum releases the chairs after the initial conchairto, allowing them to fall to the mat spearate from him as he flips in the air. Ash slams into the mat with a “THUD!” on his back, screaming loudly in pain. Stryke doesn’t scream. He can’t. He’s out of it.

 

Curry: Ash’s chance is now! He needs to get this pin, right here, right now!

 

Slowly, Ash, grabbing his back, tries to crawl toward Stryke, struggling as the ref watches on with concern.

 

NTD: NOOOO!!! I bet twenty bucks AGAINST Ash! He can’t win! All these... freaks will be happy!

 

Ash crawls, and crawls, inching closer and closer to Stryke. The crowd cheers him on, and he gets closer. He’s just a few feet from glory!

 

Curry: This could be it! He could have this!

 

Ash keeps crawling, inching closer, closer! He’s a foot, sixc inches... he’s there! Ketchum hooks Stryke’s leg slowly, and the ref drops to the mat, crowd counting along out loud as NTD pounds his fist into the table and screams into his headset

 

NTD: KICK OUT!

 

ONE...

 

NTD: KICK OUT YOU FOOL!

 

TWO...

 

NTD: KICK OUT, YOU AUSTRALIAN DUMBF*CK!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEE!!!

 

DING DING DING!

 

Curry: He did it! He did it! Pay up, NTD!

 

NTD: Shouldn’t have bet against a crazy guy...

 

Funyon: Your winner and NEW SWF HARDDDDDDDDD-CORE CHAMPION... ASH KET-CHUMMMMMMM!!!!

 

“The Pokemon Theme” blasts through the arena as the referee is handed the SWF Hardcore Title. NTD reaches into his wallet and pulls out twenty bucks, handing it over to a happy Curry while the referee tends to Ash. Misty enters the ring, and both help Ash onto his feet. He’s bloody, he’s hurt, he’s tired... but he’s happy. And that’s what matters. The referee hands Ash the belt to a HUGE pop from the crowd. They haven’t cheered this loud for Ash in the SWF since the Genesis II tournament!

 

Curry: An impressive return match for Ash Ketchum-

 

Suddenly, Stabbing Westward's "Darkest Days" begins to play over the loudspeaker, and the crowd bursts into a chorus of boos and interrupting thr Spicy One. Stepping out from behind the curtain and onto the stage, clapping, with an evil grin on his face, is Durandal. The Clannie has a mic in his hand, and Ash looks up as he begins to speak.

 

Durandal: You impress me Ketchum. I would come down there and destroy you... but not for now. We shall do that later. I have other things to attend to first. So... enjoy your reign, Mr. Ketchum.  It will be a while before I get you... but you will pay for dishonoring me and taking my SJL World Title in my last match.

 

Durandal throws the mic down, a brief bout of feedback emanating over the speakers as the two men begin to stare at each other, though hundreds of feet away. Stabbing Westward's "Darkest Days" begins to play over the loudspeaker again, and the crowd bursts into a chorus of boos once more. This is our picture we see as we go to commercial break... but for now... Ash is Hardcore Champion of the SWF.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

Back in the Carnival locker room, tensions are high as Edwin MacPhisto looks up at the monitor, shaking his head.

 

"Wilson...ugh...the nerve of that bloody bastard!  Coming back here!   Saying all those things!  If I didn't have to deal with Thugg tonight..."

 

"Chill, mi capitan."  El Luchadore Magnifico puts his hand on Edwin's shoulder and pulls him away from the TV.  "Have yourself a drink.  Don't worry about it now--there is nothing we can do, si?"

 

"I guess you're right..."

 

"I'm as pissed about Senor Wilson coming back as you, Edwin," continues Magnifico.  "But we have our priorities tonight!  We bring the belts back to the Carnival!  Then, if he keeps on whining...then we can deal with Wilson."  Magnifico chuckles.  "And, if he proves to have bark as bad as hit bite, which I surely doubt, then I will just have to break out the pointy-ended piercing Mexican flag again, won't I, amigo?"

 

That gets a laugh, and a satisfied grin out of Edwin.  "All right, Mags.  That works.  If he tries to mess in our bloody business though...ugh!  Why did he have to come tonight of all nights?"  Edwin shakes his head.  "Oh well.  Once more unto the breach we go."  The two Carnies bang fists, and Edwin sits down as Magnifico walks away, still staring at the monitor.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

[Jay Dawg stands in front of Stubby’s desk...]

 

Dawg – I’m telling you, I was in a car accident!  I couldn’t possibly wrestle tonight.

 

Stubby – Accident eh?  You look fine to me.

 

Dawg – Er, yeah…but I’ve got this awful uhm…foot injury.  I really don’t think I should be wrestling on it.

 

Stubby – So…whataya’ want?  The match delayed until Storm?

 

Dawg – Yeah…yeah, I’m sure I’ll be over my horrible emotional trauma by then.

 

Stubby – Well, okay…oh, and did you bring that premium BC shit with you?

 

Dawg – Hell yeah…

 

Stubby – Well give it here, and uhhh…shut the fucking door.

 

[The door to the commish’s office clicks shut and we cut to the announcer’s table.]

 

Curry – This is an outrage!

 

NTD – Let’s call Captain America!  He’ll know what to do!

 

Curry – Oh shut up…

[Guest BA_Baracus]

As another desperate attempt to move SWF merchandise ends, the shot switches to the inside of the Savvis Center, broadcasting the image of the jacked-up, sign-bearing fans all around the world. A pre-prepared graphic suddenly pops up., showing Erek Taylor and El Luchadore Magnfico with the words “SWF Light Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match” below them in slick black lettering while the official Crossfire theme song, “Hate to Say I Told You So.” pounds over the speakers for the millionth time. The camera shifts to the Light Heavyweight title, hanging some twenty feet above the ring on a thin metal rope, before swinging to Curry and NTD, clad in their tuxedos and anxious to get back to work.

 

Curry: And welcome back to SWF Crossfire, being brought to you live from the great city of St. Louis! Once again, this is Curry Man, alongside me, as always, is NTD-

 

NTD: *strokes Curry’s arm tenderly* I’ll never leave your side, my Spicy sweetie.

 

Curry: It’s official, I hate my life. Changing the subject slightly, we have had an incredible Pay-Per-View thus far. NTD, how about you stop stroking me for a second and recap what we’ve seen?

 

NTD: Oh, all right. Firstly, we saw Munich take on a new SWF wrestler in the opening match, followed by a Handicap match featuring Johnny Rotten battling against the Clannish team of Lady Red and the newly-bumped Durandal. Yet another mystery man surfaced in the next match, as he and Stryke destroyed each other for the Hardcore Championship. Finally, Jay Dawggity Dawg defended his US Title against Chris Raynor, which leads us to-

 

Curry: The Light-Heavyweight Title Ladder Match!

 

NTD: Awww, I wanted to do it.

 

Curry: Too bad. That’s what you get for borderline molestation. Anyway, the build for this match began when Erek Taylor surprised El Luchadore Magnifico, and many others, when he defeated ELM for his Light-Heavyweight Title. Soon after, Magnifico challenged him to a Ladder match, a challenge Erek heartily accepted. And, well, here we are.

 

NTD: Way to go, Captain Anticlimax.

 

Curry: Ugh, please don’t use the word climax in my presence. It looks like we’re ready to get started, so let’s hand it over to Funyon!

 

Funyon stands in the center of the ring, looking quite classy in his tuxedo and gripping a microphone in his right hand. Suddenly, a Mexican voice comes over the speakers, shouting “UNO! DOS! TRES! CUATRO!” while a burst of pyro explodes from each turnbuckle with each shouted word. The crowd bursts into cheers as the chorus of “Mission Trip to Mexico” blasts over the speakers, signaling the entrance of El Luchadore Magnifico. The man himself busts out from behind the curtain a moment later, waving his Mexican flag proudly and wearing an excited grin on his face. Pausing on the stage, Magnifico holds his flag high up in the air, posing momentarily before heading down the ramp.

 

Funyon: The following is a Ladder Match for the SWF Light Heavyweight Title! (The fans grow even louder in anticipation as Funyon continues.) Introducing first, from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at 190 pounds...El Luchadooooooorre Magnificooooooo!!

 

ELM quickly makes his way down the ramp, slapping a few fans’ hands as he goes and walking around the set-up ladder. Upon reaching the ring, he slides beneath the bottom rope, drops his flag, pops to his feet, and hops onto the nearby second turnbuckle. Once there, Magnifico pumps his fist into the air several times, drawing another wave of cheering and a sudden burst of light from the flashbulb explosions. After a few seconds, Magnifico hops off, picks up his flag, and hands it to the ref while “Mission Trip to Mexico” fades out.

 

Curry: Both Taylor and Magnifico have incredible opportunities here; Taylor can cement his status as a top guy with another win over Magnifico, and ELM has a chance to become the first-ever four time  Light-Heavyweight Champion!

 

NTD: Wow Curry, you almost make it seem like that belt means something. It’s just a bone we throw to those pathetic Lightweights so we don’t have to pay them as much.

 

Curry: Uh huh. And you’re not a pantsless, sexless freak who’s been stuck here for years on end.

 

Magnifico begins warming up in the ring, well aware that he’ll need to be at his best tonight. Suddenly, the energy and excitement in the arena reaches a new level as Box Car Racer's "I Feel So" blares out of the speakers. The lights transform into a show, every single bulb now portraying a different color, turning the arena into a nightclub. As the music grows louder and louder, flames begin to ignite until it sets off a giant mass of pyro! The pyrotechnics leave behind a trail of smoke and only as the smoke clears is the form of Erek Taylor revealed, crouched and facing the fans with that familiar smile.

 

Funyon: And now, from Anaheim, California, weighing in at 195 pounds, he is the SWF Light Heavyweight Champion...Errrrrrrek Taaaaaaaylor!!

 

Erek suddenly breaks the pose and bounds down the ramp, charging towards the ring and beneath the ladder in the process. Upon reaching the ring, Taylor slides beneath the bottom rope, and remains on his stomach for a few seconds, looking up at Magnifico and grinning cockily. ELM turns away from him and begins stretching against the ropes, ignoring Taylor as he pops to his feet and starts preparing for the match. The referee, seeing that everything is in order, calls for the bell.

 

DING DING DING

 

Curry: Here we go! Magnifico considers himself somewhat of an expert at the ladder match, never losing one in his SWF career and only once in his SJL career. However, Taylor boasts just as good of a track record, only losing one ladder match in his entire career. Needless to say, these two will be great competition for each other-

 

NTD: If it’s needless to say, then just shut up and let these guys commence with the ass-kicking!

 

Magnifico and Erek turn towards each other and exchange glares across the ring. Slowly, their gaze shifts upwards, shifting to the object of their desire: the Light Heayyweight Title, swaying slightly in mid-air. Suddenly, Magnifico turns his attention back to Erek and charges across the ring, looking to take advantage of Taylor while he’s distracted! However, Erek notices Magnifico before he can strike, catching the luchadore with a quick punch to the jaw and knocking him to the ground! Magnifico pops back to his feet, but as soon as he stands, Erek is there to grab him by the arm and whip him across the ring. ELM bounces off and comes back towards Taylor, and as he approaches, Erek leaps into the air and extends his legs, wrapping them around Magnifico’s head and jerking him down to the mat with a Hurricanrana! Erek springs back to his feet and approaches the rising luchadore, only to receive a shot to the gut from ELM, slowing him down and giving Magnifico a chance to get to his feet. Once ELM is standing, he strikes Erek with a quick punch, which is quickly returned by the LHW Champion! A brawl between the two commences, which Magnifico takes control of, backing Erek up against the ropes. With Taylor against the ropes, Magnifico rears his arm back and suddenly drives it forward, driving it into Erek’s chest with a Knife-Edge Chop! The SNAP! that emanates off of Erek’s chest is only rivaled by the WHOOO! that comes from the crowd. After the chop, Magnifico grabs Taylor by the arm and tries to whip him across the ring, but Erek suddenly stops himself in the center of the ring and yanks ELM towards him, lashing out with his arm and pulling Magnifico into a Short-Arm Clothesline! Magnifico is snapped down the mat, which draws a murmuring mixture of cheers and boos from the crowd. With ELM temporarily out, Erek heads towards the ropes closest to the ramp and climbs out of the ring, heading towards the ladder to a definite pop from the crowd!

 

Curry: Erek’s going for the ladder early! Remember, the match doesn’t end until the ladder is set up in the ring and someone climbs it to get the title!

 

NTD: Says who? What’s preventing a gigantic condor from swooping in and air-lifting someone to the title?

 

Curry: Maybe if we weren’t in an ARENA, your idiotic theory would make a thread of sense.

 

NTD: Fine, just be like that! No more stroking for you.

 

Erek heads over to the ladder and gets his hands on it, folding it up while Magnifico gets back to his feet on the inside. Taylor heads back towards the ring, holding the ladder in front of him, when ELM suddenly bolts across the ring, running towards the ropes right in front of Erek! Magnifico leaps right over the top rope, crashing straight into the ladder and knocking Erek to the ground with a Flying Cross-Body! The spot-thirsty crowd breaks into cheers as Erek, Magnifico and the ladder all lay side by side, taken out as a result of Magnifico’s daring and fairly risky dive.

 

Curry: Whoa! Magnifico sacrificed his body simply to take Erek out and knock the ladder out of his hands!

 

NTD: Get used to it, buddy! These idiots are gonna be killing themselves tonight simply to kill each other!

 

After a few seconds, both Magnifico and Erek begin working their way back to their feet. ELM, hurting from the impact with the ladder, holds his chest in pain as he reaches his feet and heads over to the still-ring Taylor. Magnifico delivers a few shots to Erek’s face, before grabbing him by the arm and pulling Taylor to his feet. Using his grip, Magnifico whips Erek, sending him directly towards the steel ring post! Unable to stop himself, Taylor runs face-first into the pole, creating the sickening sound of steel hitting flesh as Erek falls to the floor, cradling his head in pain. While Erek begins struggling back to his feet, Magnifico grabs the ladder, folds it up, and lifts it into the air. He slowly approaches Erek with the ladder reared back, while Taylor uses the ring post to help get himself back to his feet. Once Erek does stand, his head is leaning against the post, giving Magnifico a perfect target as a swings the ladder directly at Taylor’s skull! However, Erek barely manages to duck the ladder, creating a deafening CLANG! as it collides with the  steel post! Right after ducking, Taylor charges forward and throws his head into Magnifico’s gut with a quick Spear, forcing ELM to drop the ladder! Erek hits another Spear, and another, and another, until he pops to his feet and begins unloading on Magnifico with a flurry of punches! Desperate to stop the assault, ELM suddenly throws his knee into Erek’s gut, doubling him over and immediately stopping the punches! With Taylor doubled over, Magnifico grabs him by the arm and whips him, sending the LHW Champ towards the steel ring steps! Taylor crashes directly into the stairs back-first, drawing a cry of pain from him as he falls to the floor and an extended OHHH! from the crowd. While Erek arches his back in pain and leans up against the stairs, Magnifico places his hands on the apron and takes a second to rest.

 

Curry: Ouch! It seems the only steel thing Erek hasn’t been driven into is the ladder, ironically enough.

 

NTD: Hey hey now, Erek may be a bit slow, but that’s no reason to call him a moron.

 

Done with resting, Magnifico grabs the ladder once again, lifts it up, and slides it into the ring, while Erek begins struggling to his feet. ELM helps him out, grabbing Erek by the arm and jerking him to his feet, then rolling him into the ring before sliding in himself and popping to his feet. Magnifico delivers a few quick stomps to Erek’s chest, before grabbing the ladder and starting the set-up process while Erek tries to get back to his feet once again. Magnifico gets the ladder standing and completely set up by the time Taylor is on one knee. Realizing that he won’t be able to climb before Erek stops him, Magnifico goes back on the attack, grabbing Erek by his arm, pulling him to his feet, and whipping him into the nearby corner. ELM follows Erek into the corner, grabs his leg, places it behind the middle rope, then grabs his other leg and does the same. While Taylor squirms and struggles to free his bound legs, Magnifico heads over to the ladder, picks it up, folds it up, and turns back towards Erek, holding the ladder beneath his arm. Suddenly, ELM thrusts the ladder forward, slamming the very top of it into Taylor’s unprotected gut! The crowd releases a surprised OHHH!! as Erek cries out in pain and works harder to free himself. But before Taylor can unhook his legs, Magnifico suddenly drives the ladder forward once more, this time driving straight into Erek’s chest! The fans release another OHHH!! and this time boo a little as Erek finally frees himself and falls to the mat, holding his chest in pain!

 

Curry: Good God! Magnifico just slammed that ladder right into Erek’s unprotected chest! He had no way to defend himself!

 

NTD: That’s the whole point, Curry! Aren’t you paying attention?

 

Curry: Just because that’s what he meant to do doesn’t make it right!

 

NTD: Sure it does!

 

With Erek racked with pain and lying face down on the mat, Magnifico carries the ladder to the center of the ring, carefully sets it up, and begins climbing it, drawing a wave of conflicting noise from the fans. When ELM is nearly halfway up, Erek begins struggling back to his feet, and manages to stand just as ELM passes the half way mark. Seeing Magnifico climb the ladder, Taylor quickly makes his way behind him and tries to grab Magnifico’s ankles. However, the luchadore is too far up for Erek to reach, forcing him to climb up after Magnifico. ELM is only two steps away from the top when Taylor suddenly jerks on his ankle, nearly causing Magnifico to lose his balance! Magnifico tries to shake Erek off to no avail, as Taylor grabs ELM’s other foot and suddenly pulls backwards on both of them, pulling his feet off of the rung and causing Magnifico to slip and hit his chin on a higher rung! Holding his chin in pain, the luchadore falls backwards off of the ladder, crashing to the mat and hitting it flat on his back! With Magnifico out of the way, Erek continues climbing the ladder, heading for the LHW Title! But as he nears the top, ELM struggles back to his feet and slowly heads over to the side of the ladder. Erek is almost on the top rung when Magnifico grabs the ladder and suddenly pushes it over, sending Taylor flying off of the top as the ladder crashes to the ground! Erek looks like he’s going to fall to the outside, but falls just short and collides with the ring ropes left leg-first, drawing a surprised OHHH!! from the audience as Taylor springs off of the ropes and is snapped down to the mat while the ladder lands right beside him.

 

Curry: Oh man, Erek was so close! Both first attempts at the title have been thwarted, which is probably a good thing for the live audience here.

 

NTD: That’s right. I don’t think these fans are gonna be satisfied until both of these guys leap off of the ladder into flaming, barbed-wire covered tables.

 

Curry: ...what?

 

Still holding his chin in pain, Magnifico heads over to Erek, grabs him by his arm, and slowly pulls him to his feet. Magnifico then uses his grip to whip Erek towards the far ropes, which Erek runs towards with a slight limp. As Erek bounces off, Magnifico locks himself down into a side stance, preparing to nail Taylor with a Superkick! Taylor rushes back towards the luchadore, and as he approaches, ELM sidesteps towards him and throws his foot into the air, looking to connect with the stiff kick! However, Taylor manages to avoid to kick by hitting the mat and rolling beneath it, and then popping up to his feet behind Magnifico! ELM spins around and charges at Erek, and it taken by surprise when Taylor bends down, grabs Magnifico by the legs, and suddenly stands up, throwing Magnifico into the air with a Back Body Drop! What’s worse, the ladder happens to be right behind Erek, and Magnifico ends up landing directly on it, creating a loud metallic shudder as he arches his back in pain! A loud pop rises from the crowd as Erek shakes off the pain in his left arm, and then heads over to the corner nearest the ladder-laden luchadore!

 

Curry: Magnifico is laid out on the ladder, and Erek seems to think him a perfect target for an aerial maneuver!

 

Taylor begins climbing the turnbuckles, his leg slowing him down a tad, and reaches the top while Magnifico remains unmoving on the ladder. Erek stands up on the top turnbuckle and slowly turns towards ELM, his body not exactly lining up with the luchadore’s. Regardless, Erek leaps off of the top turnbuckle, shifts his body to the side in mid-air, and crashes towards the luchadore with a Frogsplash! Thousands of flashbulbs go off, lighting up the scene as Erek crashes right into ELM’s gut, shaking the ladder violently and driving the wind directly out of the luchadore! Clutching his gut, Taylor rolls/bounces off of Magnifico and falls to the mat, while Magnifico wearily slides off of the ladder, doubled over in pain.

 

Curry: Beautiful Frogpslash from Erek, driving Magnifico directly into the ladder with the impact!

 

NTD: That’s all well and good, but how does it help him win the match? He’s got to climb the ladder he just used to help hurt Magnifico!

 

Curry: Well, you gotta wear your opponent down first! Otherwise, they’ll just jerk you off...the ladder!

 

Erek slowly pushes himself to his feet, keeping one hand on his gut as he goes. When he finally does stand, Taylor grabs the ladder, picks it up, and carries it over to the center of the ring, where he begins setting it up. Erek begins climbing the ladder once is set up beneath the title, and it’s about this time that Magnifico starts getting up, holding his back in pain as he moves. ELM slowly brings himself to his feet, stumbling into the ropes while Erek is about three-fourths of the way up. Seeing Erek so close to the title, Magnifico pushes himself off of the ropes and heads over to the ladder, then begins climbing up the other side! Meanwhile, Erek is almost at the top of the ladder and takes a swipe at the title, but barely misses. He takes one more step upwards and begins reaching for it, while Magnifico approaches him on the other side. Taylor finally gets his hands on the title and starts pulling it off, but by this time ELM has reached the top of the ladder, and delivers a stiff shot to Erek’s gut to slow down the unhinging process! With Taylor temporarily stunned, Magnifico takes a few more steps upward to reach Erek’s level, and then suddenly pulls him into a Vertical Suplex position! A low murmur, slowly growing in sound, traverses the crowd as the fans slowly rise to their feet in anticipation.

 

Curry: It looks like...it looks like Magnifico’s going to Suplex Erek right off the top of the ladder! They’ll both be destroyed!

 

NTD: Yee-hah! About time!

 

Magnifico holds the position for a few seconds as the low murmur grows to a rumbling roar, then grows into all out cheering as ELM suddenly lifts Erek up and falls backwards, towing Taylor off with him for Superplex off of the ladder! Magnifico and Erek seem to fall forever, until both men crash into the mat, causing the mat to shake violently with the force of the impact! The ladder sways a bit, but does not fall, as Erek and Magnifico lay side-by-side, unmoving except for the occasional spasmic jerk of the arm or leg.

 

Curry: Look at that! Super-Superplex from Magnifico, destroying Erek’s shot at the title and both men’s bodies in the process!!

 

Both men lay unmoving for several seconds, until Magnifico begins to stir and slowly turns onto his stomach. Erek follows suit a few seconds later, and both men begin slowly pushing themselves to their feet, with Magnifico in the lead. After a quite a bit of struggling, ELM reaches his feet and stumbles into the corner, breathing deeply as he leans against the turnbuckles and watches Erek rise to one knee. Magnifico takes a second to catch his breath, then pushes himself out of the corner and heads over to Taylor, who is just getting to his feet. ELM throws a quick punch as he approaches the LHW Champion, which is returned with double the force, knocking Magnifico back a step or two! Magnifico throws another punch, which is taken and returned again by Taylor! Erek begins wailing away at Magnifico, backing him up onto the ropes with the endless punches! Once ELM is up against the ropes, Taylor switches his assault to kicks, destroying Magnifico with an onslaught of kicks to the chest, gut, and shoulders! Finally, Erek stops kicking and grabs ELM by the arm, whipping him across the ring, past the ladder, to the far ropes. As Magnifico rushes across the ring, Taylor leans against the ropes behind him and springs off. He runs towards ELM, who is bouncing off of the ropes and coming back towards Erek, and as he approaches the luchadore, Erek hops into the air and lashes out with his arm, driving it into Magnifico’s chest as he lands with a High Forearm! The sheer force of the Forearm sends ELM into the air and flips him around a bit before he falls face-first onto the mat!

 

Curry: I’ve said this before, but I can’t help but be amazed at the power Erek packs behind that High Forearm. It’s simply remarkable for a man his size to do that.

 

NTD: Bah, not when’s he doing it to another scrawny weakling like Magnifico. Do that on the Hville Thugg, and I’ll be impressed. And perhaps slightly aroused.

 

Erek steps over Magnifico’s body and heads over to the ladder, then slowly lifts it and folds it up. With the ladder ducked beneath his arm, Erek steps back over Magnifico’s body and towards the corner, which he leans the ladder up against. Taylor steps out onto the apron and begins climbing the corner with the ladder, quickly reaching the top rope while Magnifico remains lying motionless in the shadow of the ladder. From the top turnbuckle, Erek puts his hands and one foot on the ladder, and keeps his foot on the top turnbuckle. After a second of preparation, Taylor pushes off of the turnbuckle with his foot, tipping the ladder forward with him on it! As the ladder falls, it becomes clear that it’s going to crush Magnifico, who is still unmoving! But just before the metal climbing device can land on ELM, the luchadore rolls out of the way, creating a loud metallic shudder as it hits the mat! Magnifico begins pushing himself back to his feet as Erek hops off of the ladder and stands right behind the luchadore. ELM finally stands and slowly turns around, coming face to face with Taylor! Erek greets the luchadore by giving him a stiff kick to the gut, doubling him over, and capturing him in a Suplex position! Erek holds the position for a second, then lifts Magnifico into the air and holds him perpendicular to the mat, setting ELM up for a Brainbuster! However, Magnifico suddenly twists out of Taylor’s grip, sliding down his back and landing on his feet behind him! Before Erek even has a chance to spin around, the luchadore slaps on a Rear Waistlock, then lifts him into the air for a German Suplex! Magnifico quickly falls backwards, driving Erek’s head and neck directly into the conveniently-placed ladder! The crowd OHHHH!!s in awe as Erek rolls off of the ladder, cradling his head in pain.

 

Curry: Magnifico countered both of Erek’s attack, leading to a brutal German Suplex directly onto the ladder! What a move!

 

NTD: Now THIS is what the ladder match is all about! Gratuitous violence, baby!

 

As Taylor rolls around on the mat in an attempt to deal with the pain, Magnifico slowly brings himself to his feet and heads over to the ladder. ELM lifts one side of it and places it on the middle rope, leaving the ladder open as he heads over to Erek and grabs him by his left leg. Magnifico slowly drags Taylor, who is too dazed to do anything about it, towards the ladder and places his leg on the top of the grounded side. ELM then grabs the other side and pulls it off of the ropes, lifts it as high as the hinges can allow...then slams it downwards, driving it directly into Erek’s knee! Taylor cries out in pain as Magnifico lifts it up once again and crushes Erek’s leg for a second time! Erek pulls his knee out from the ladder and clutches it in pain, as ELM grabs the ladder, picks it up, and heads towards the center of the ring with it. Magnifico carefully sets it up, then begins climbing it while Erek tries to get to his feet with one good leg.

 

Curry: Clever strategy from Magnifico. Erek’s gonna have to work a lot harder to stop ELM when he has one good leg.

 

As Magnifico passes the halfway point, Erek finally manages to get to his feet, his left leg nearly buckling as he stands. Seeing ELM approach the top, Taylor makes his way over to the ladder, sporting a visible limp as Magnifico steps into the second-to-last rung. Erek finally gets his hands on the ladder as Magnifico reaches the top, and right before ELM is about to make a grab at the title, Taylor suddenly pushes the ladder over, tipping it towards the ropes nearest the entrance ramp! Magnifico tries to hold on as long as he can, but falls off right before the ladder hits the ropes and goes soaring to the outside, hitting the floor hard and rolling onto the bottom of the entrance ramp!

 

NTD: Look out, flying Mexicans!

 

Curry: Erek made it to the ladder just in time, tipping it over before Magnifico could grab the title!

 

NTD: Splat goes the luchadore!

 

As Magnifico lays motionless on the outside, Erek hits the mat and rolls beneath the bottom ring, stepping out to the floor near the commentary table. He grabs a set-up chair near the timekeeper’s table, folds it up, and starts heading over to ELM, drawing an anticipatory pop from the crowd! Magnifico begins struggling to his feet, holding his kidneys in pain as Taylor comes up from behind him, holding the chair high over his head. When ELM gets to his hands and knees, Erek suddenly lunges downwards with the chair, slamming it into Magnifico’s back and knocking him to the ground! The luchadore arches his back and cries out in pain as the WHACK! from the chair draws an impressed OOOOH! from the crowd. While Magnifico writhes in pain on the floor, Erek takes the chair, slides it into the ring, then slides in himself, stands up, and pulls the ladder off of the ropes. Taylor lifts up the ladder and brings it to the center of the ring, where he unfolds it, sets it up, and begins climbing it. The fans, some in support of and some against Taylor, grow louder and louder as he ascends towards the title. Meanwhile, Magnifico is trying to push himself to his feet again, keeping one hand on his back as he rises. Magnifico reaches his feet and sees Erek on the ladder, prompting him to curse silently and head over to the apron as quick as he can. ELM climbs up onto the apron as Erek nears the top and makes a swipe at the title, which misses. After hesitating for a second, Magnifico jumps/pulls himself onto the top rope, bounces off, and flies towards the ladder! As he approaches it, ELM kicks out with his feet, driving them into the side of the ladder with a Springboard Dropkick! The force of the Dropkick is more than enough to tip the ladder over, sending it falling across the ring! Erek holds on for a second before abandoning ship, and ends up falling between his legs onto the top rope! The fans seem to wince collectively as Erek shoots his eyes wide open and gapes his mouth in pain!

 

Curry: Ugh, Erek just got hyper-crotched on the top rope! Magnifico barely knocked the ladder down in time!

 

NTD: I think hyper-crotched in my favorite phrase ever. Right after manhandled.

 

Still in shock, Erek slowly falls off of the top rope, hitting the mat awkwardly as he lands. Meanwhile, Magnifico slowly pushes himself back to his feet, grabs the ladder, picks it up, and drops it on Erek’s left leg, causing Taylor to wince in pain as it lands on his damaged leg. With the ladder in place, ELM heads over to nearby corner, climbs onto the second turnbuckle, and turns towards Erek. As soon as he’s facing the LHW Champion, Magnifico jumps off of the turnbuckle, landing on the ladder with both of his feet and driving it further into Erek’s leg! Taylor’s cry of pain rings out over the metallic shudder of the ladder, as he grabs his knee and clutches it tightly. ELM shoves the ladder off of the ropes, then spots the steel chair left in the ring by Erek. Magnifico steps over Taylor’s body and heads over to the steel chair, then picks it up and heads back towards Erek. ELM stands above Taylor and taps the chair on the mat a few times, drawing anticipatory boos and cheers from the crowd as Magnifico draws the chair high above his head! He suddenly brings it downwards, slamming it directly into Taylor’s knee! The LHW Champion cries out in pain, but Magnifico isn’t finished! He hits the leg again, and again, and again, until he throws the chair to the mat, this time drawing nothing but boos from the capacity crowd!

 

Curry: What the hell is wrong with Magnifico?! It looked like he was trying to turn Erek’s leg into jelly!

 

NTD: He didn’t try, he succeeded! ELM is willing to do anything to put this punk back in his place, and get back the LHW Title! And I, for one, salute his actions!

 

Magnifico looks down on Taylor, who is rolling around on the mat while holding his knee, his face twisted into a painful grimace. Standing there, ELM seems to regret his actions...but quickly blocks it out of his mind, as he grabs the nearby ladder and drags it to the center of the ring, then begins setting it up. Once it is ready and in position, Magnifico begins to slowly climb the ladder, glancing at Erek every now and then as he goes. ELM nears the halfway point when he sees Erek start to push himself to his feet, keeping almost all of his weight on his right leg. Magnifico stops climbing and looks between the title and Erek, as if considering which to go after. When Erek reaches one knee, the luchadore suddenly continues climbing, trying to get to the title before Taylor can get to him! Magnifico nears the top as Erek slowly stumbles to his feet, using the ropes for support as he gazes upwards at the climbing luchadore. Taylor, breathing deeply and keeping his eyes on Magnifico, pushes himself off of the ropes and limps over to the steel chair and picks it up. ELM is on the second to last rung when Erek steps behind him, holds the chair high above his head, and drives it forward, smashing it into the back of Magnifico’s leg! ELM stops climbing and grabs the back of his leg, giving Erek the opportunity to slowly climb upwards and give himself a better shot at Magnifico! Once he is high enough, Taylor draws back the chair once more and drives it forward, this time slamming it into ELM’s back! The impact of the shot is enough to force Magnifico to release the ladder, causing him to fall off of it! Erek sidesteps the Magnifico’s falling body, and watches on as he crashes into the mat, drawing an appreciative pop from the crowd!

 

Curry: What determination from Taylor! Even with his dead left leg, he managed to stop Magnifico from retrieving the title! And now, it looks like he has a clear path to it!

 

Taylor looks down on Magnifico for another second or two, a justified look on his face, before turning back towards the title and continuing his ladder climbing! Realizing that this could be the end, the crowd noise quickly grows, most of it in support of Taylor. Erek approaches the top and takes a swipe at the title...and misses. Undaunted, Taylor takes one more step upwards, reaches for the title...and misses once more. But what Erek doesn’t realize is that Magnifico has pushed himself to his hands and knees, and sees Taylor getting extremely close to the title. Pulling his strength together, Magnifico suddenly grabs the bottom of  the ladder and jerks it upwards with just enough strength to send it falling forward! Erek feels the ladder falling beneath him, and makes one more grab at the title! The ladder crashes to the ground with a rattling echo, but Magnifico is surprised to see that Erek is not with it! He looks upwards to find Taylor dangling twenty feet in the air, holding onto the title for dear life! The crowd goes crazy as a shocked look comes over the luchadore’s face!

 

Curry: Taylor got it! With his last desperate grab, he managed to snag the title! All he’s gotta go is unhinge it-

 

NTD: And fall to his doom! Whooo!

 

Erek seems to be thinking about the same thing NTD is, as he doesn’t begin unhinging the title right away. This gives Magnifico the opportunity to get back to his feet, grab the ladder, and lift it up. With the ladder held high above his head, ELM steps beneath the dangling Taylor, who has begun pulling the title off of the hook! Suddenly, Magnifico juts the top of the ladder into the air, aiming it directly at Erek! However, the ladder only brushes Taylor, not hitting him enough to knock him down! Magnifico tries once more, and this time makes contact with Erek’s right knee! Taylor winces in pain at the blow, but doesn’t fall off! Taylor almost has the title off the hook when Magnifico tries it once again, this time slamming the ladder directly into Erek’s damaged left leg! Taylor cries out in pain as his grip suddenly loosens, causing the title to slip out of Erek’s hands! A wave of flashbulbs illuminate the LHW Champion as he falls towards the mat, his arms flailing in a desperate attempt to stop himself! Erek crashes back-first into the mat, shaking the ring with the impact of his fall! The crowd bursts into cheers as Taylor lies motionless in the center of the ring, unmoving save the occasional spasmic jerk of his arm or leg.

 

Curry: Good God! Good God no! Magnifico forced Erek to let go of the title, sending Taylor crashing down to the mat!

 

NTD: These guys may be idiots, but they certainly are entertaining idiots!

 

Still holding the ladder, Magnifico pauses and emotionlessly looks down on Erek, breathing deeply and holding his back in pain. After a few seconds of this, ELM takes the ladder and drags it in front of the corner closest to Erek, and then sets it up. Magnifico makes sure the ladder is balanced, then grabs Taylor by the arm and slowly drags him a few feet in front of it. The crowd, having a good idea of what is coming next, grow louder and louder as ELM steps out onto the apron and begins climbing the corner with the ladder in front of it.

 

Curry: What is Magnifico doing? Surely he could get to the title right now!

 

NTD: You can never be too sure, Curry! Plus, who’s to say he can’t beat up Taylor a little more?

 

Magnifico eventually reaches the top turnbuckle and stands up on it, turning towards Erek as he stands. The luchadore reaches out and grabs the top of the ladder from his position, then suddenly leaps into the air, pushing himself upward as he jumps! ELM manages to leapfrog over the ladder, and as he passes over it he extends his arms and legs, crashing towards Taylor with a Frogsplash! Thousands of camera forever capture the image of Taylor rolling out of the way just in time, leaving Magnifico to crash right into the canvas, chest-first! The crowd OHHHH!s and cheers in surprise as Magnifico and Taylor lay side-by-side, neither man moving.

 

Curry: No! Magnifico got some great elevation by leapfrogging over the ladder, but he just ended up falling farther and harder!

 

Neither man moves for quite a while, until both Magnifico and Erek begin to stir and begins pushing themselves to their feet. After quite a bit of struggling, both men stumble back to their feet, with ELM getting up a split-second before Taylor. Magnifico uses his small window of time to lash out at Erek, looking to connect with a Clothesline! However, Taylor ducks beneath the arm and steps behind Magnifico, and as the luchadore spins around, Erek grabs him by the waist and leg, lifts him into the air, and dives ot the ground, slamming ELM into the canvas with a Diving Spinebuster! The crowd bursts into surprised cheers as Erek pops back to one knee, catching his breath as Magnifico lays in front of him, his back arched in pain. After a second of rest, Taylor painstaking stands up and suddenly seems to remember the ladder behind him. A grin comes over Erek’s face as he spins around to face the ladder, before walking over to it and beginning the climb upwards! Thirsty for another crazy spot, the crowd only grows louder, as Taylor climbs the ladder, his bum left leg slowing him down significantly.

 

Curry: And now Taylor is climbing the ladder! This has turned into a contest for the title into a chance at revenge for both men!

 

Eventually, Erek reaches the second to last rung, and as soon as he steps onto it, he carefully turns around to face Magnifico. Taylor takes one more step backwards, onto the very very top of the ladder, slowly drawing the fans up out of their seats in anticipation. Erek draws his arms in front of him, crossing them and creating a X! Before that can sink in, Taylor suddenly leaps off of the ladder, falling towards Magnifico! A blinding wave of light illuminates the scene as Erek twists into a Corkscrew Moonsault, but as he comes closer to Magnifico, he suddenly pushes his weight forward, turning it into a Swanton Bomb!  Taylor makes near-perfect contact, driving his head into the luchadore’s chest with the Fame and Fury X! The fans go absolutely nuts as Erek lays on the mat, his hand on the back of his head.

 

Curry: Holy crap! The rarely-performed Fame and Fury X makes an appearance here, as Erek dives off of the top of the ladder and hits Magnifico with his most spectacular aerial maneuver!

 

NTD: Hoo yeah! I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes, but Taylor risked a twenty foot fall just to take out Magnifico! Amazing!

 

Taylor lays motionless on the mat for a few seconds, before he turns onto his stomach and begins to struggle to his feet. Erek slowly stands up and steps over ELM, who is unmoving except for the heaving of his chest. Taylor grabs the ladder, picks it up, and carries it over to the center of the ring, where he begins setting it up to the delight of the crowd. Erek takes a quick breather once the ladder is set up, then begins to climb it, his left leg still slowing him down a bit. Amazingly enough, Magnifico stirs and begins struggling to his feet when Erek is at about the halfway point. A look of surprise and urgency comes over Taylor’s face as he sees this, motivating him to work double time to get to the title, moving as fast as his legs will allow. As Taylor approaches the top, Magnifico manages to stumble to his feet, crashing backwards into the corner before he can fall down again. From there, ELM sees Erek coming dangerously close to the title and making his first swipe at it, which misses. A panicked look coming over his face, Magnifico pushes himself out of the corner and charges as fast as he can at the ladder, while Taylor is making a swipe at the title! But before the LHW Champion can get his hands on the belt, Magnifico literally throws his body into the ladder, knocking it over and sending it careening towards the corner! Erek flies off before the ladder can hit the floor, and unluckily hits his chin on the top turnbuckle on the way down! Taylor springs backwards off of the impact and falls to the mat, cradling his chin in pain.

 

Curry: No! No! Again, Taylor comes so close to capturing the title, only to have the ladder jerked out from beneath him! What’s it going to take to keep one man down for good??

 

After knocking down the ladder, ELM crumples to the mat, his last bit of energy used up to knock down the ladder. Meanwhile, Erek lies in front of the corner, rubbing his jaw in pain after having hit it so hard on the top turnbuckle. Neither man moves from his position for a while, until Erek slowly turns onto his stomach and begins pushing himself to his feet. Magnifico follows suit a few seconds ladder, reaching his hands and knees as Taylor slowly stands up. Erek grabs the ladder as soon as he stands, picks it up, and drags it over to the center of the ring, where he sets it up. Taylor begins to climb the ladder just as Magnifico gets to his feet on the other side of it. Seeing Erek ascending towards the title, ELM begins climbing up the other side, having to catch up to Erek. The fans, their excitement building, grow louder and louder as Magnifico and Erek approach the top of the ladder. Taylor steps onto the second to last rung and begins reaching for the title, unaware of Magnifico’s presence until the luchadore suddenly strikes him from below with a shot to the gut! This slows down the LHW Champ enough for ELM to take a few more steps upwards, bringing himself to Erek’s level. Once he’s there, Magnifico begins snapping right hands at Erek’s face, almost causing Taylor to lose his balance and fall backwards off of the ladder! However, Erek manages to steady himself, and as ELM winds back one final punch, Taylor suddenly throws his knee forward, slamming it right into Magnifico’s gut! ELM immediately doubles over, and it looks like he’s about to fall off, when Erek reaches out, grabs him by the hair, and pulls the luchadore’s head beneath his arm! The fans who know what’s coming next go crazy upon seeing this, and the rest of them burst into cheers as Taylor slowly wrenches Magnifico’s head upwards, until the two men are back-to-back!

 

Curry: Oh no...no, Erek, don’t!! He’s gonna hit ELM with a Fame and Fury from the top of the ladder!! That could very well break his neck!

 

NTD: Well then, Magnifico wouldn’t be a problem anymore, would he?

 

Erek holds Magnifico there for a few seconds, seemingly double-thinking his actions as a struggling ELM tries to escape his grip. It’s no use, however, as Taylor suddenly leaps off of the ladder, towing Magnifico off with him! The two men crash to the mat for what seems like minutes as flashbulbs all around the arena light up the scene. Finally, Magnifico and Erek crash to the ground, with Magnifico’s head landing on Taylor’s shoulder and Erek landing directly on his left leg! ELM springs backwards off of the impact and falls to the mat, as the crowd bursts into a chant of, “S-W-F! S-W-F!”

 

Curry: Good God no! Taylor just destroyed Magnifico with a Fame and Fury from the top of the ladder, and the title must be as good as his!

 

NTD: Not so fast, Mr. Man! It looks like Erek didn’t hit the move exactly right! He landed directly on his injured left leg!

 

True to NTD’s word, Erek is rolling around on the mat, clutching his knee and crying out in pain. The ref goes over and begins to examine him as the crowd suddenly quiets down in concern for Taylor. After a few seconds, Erek tries to push himself back to his feet, but his left leg buckles beneath his weight! The LHW Champ keeps trying, however, but just can’t get to his feet! At around the fifth attempt, Magnifico starts to stir, as he turns onto his stomach and begins slowly pushing himself to his feet, holding the back of his neck in pain. After a bit of struggling, ELM finally manages to reach his feet, stumbling backwards as he stands and falling into the ropes. Once there, Magnifico sees Erek lying on the mat, clutching his knee and being examined by the ref. Pushing himself off of the ropes, ELM heads over to Taylor and has a brief word with the ref. Magnifico looks down on Erek as he tries once again to push himself to his feet, and fails. Cursing silently to himself, ELM looks up at the title, then back at Taylor, then back at the title, seemingly considering either helping his opponent of go after the championship. After a bit of consideration...Magnifico turns towards the ladder and walks over to it, beginning the climb to the displeasure of the fans!

 

Curry: It looks like Erek can’t even get to his feet, and Magnifico is taking advantage of the situation!

 

NTD: Now that’s the sneaky Mexican I used to love! The guy that didn’t give two craps about his opponent and did anything to win!

 

Curry: How can you say that? It wasn’t Magnifico’s fault that Erek hurt his leg, and we need a winner to this match!

 

The boos directed at Magnifico grow louder and louder as ELM ascends the ladder, approaching the title while Erek still struggles to get to his feet. Eventually, ELM reaches the very top of the ladder and looks down on Taylor, his face covered with regret. Finally, he looks back up at the title, grabs it with both hands, and begins unhinging it, getting the fans angrier than ever. After a few seconds, Magnifico pulls the title off of the hook, and immediately begins climbing down the ladder. Once his feet hit the mat, the ref turns his attention away from Erek, and signals for the bell!

 

DING DING DING

 

Funyon: Your winner, and the NEW, SWF Light Heavyweight Champion...El Luchadooooooorre Magnificooooooooo!!

 

As soon as he hits the mat, Magnifico wraps the title around his waist and rushes over to Erek’s side. After examining him for a few seconds, ELM rolls out of the ring, then gently rolls Erek out with him, pulling Taylor’s arm over his head and taking all his weight as his own. Slowly, the two men begin making their way up the ramp, with Magnifico carrying Erek’s weight and helping him up. As this is happening, the boos die down, replaced with silence as the fans look on. After a few seconds, a low rumbling spreads through the audience, growing louder and louder as every fan in the arena begins applauding the effort of both men.

 

Curry: Look at that! Does that look like a guy who doesn’t give two craps about his opponent?

 

NTD: Shut up! And why are all these idiots clapping?!

 

Curry: They’re showing their respect, NTD! Respect for the risks both men took just to entertain them! And respect for the guts and determination Taylor showed!

 

Upon the insistence of Taylor, Magnifico pauses at the top of the ramp and slowly turns around, so that Erek can see his thousands of fans showing their appreciation. Taylor watches the scene for a second, then thrusts his fist into the air, drawing a loud pop from the crowd. A painful grin comes over Erek’s face as Magnifico turns back around and takes them behind the curtain.

 

Curry: We’ll be sure to keep you updated on Erek’s condition, folks, but as for right now we’ve got a Pound-Clan showdown, as Sacred defends his ICTV Title against Fallout!

 

NTD: And after that, the sure-to-be-brutal Three-Way, Last Man Standing Match for the World Title, between the Hville Thugg, Perfect Bo, and Edwin MacPhisto!

 

Curry: Let’s take you to how this match came to be...

 

The shot fades into a swanky video package, showing the setup for tonight’s Main Event...

[Guest BA_Baracus]

The Crossfire logo flashes across the screen as “Hate To Say I Told You So” plays.  First an image of Fallout is shown.  A few seconds later, his picture is replaced with a picture of Sacred, holding the ICTV Title over one shoulder, and the Tag Team Title over the other.  Then both pictures are shown side by side, with a caption underneath that reads:  “Fallout vs. Sacred, ICTV Championship”.

 

*Curry:  We still have two matches left on tonight’s card.  The Three-way Last Man Standing match for the SWF Title is still to come.  But first, we have this match for the ICTV Championship.

*NTD:  It’s The Clan vs. Da Pound.  A rivalry that just won’t die.

*Curry:  Two factions that hate each other.  Two men who have a long history.  Sacred defends his ICTV Title against Fallout.

 

The camera now focuses on NTD and Curry Man.

 

*NTD:  It’s hard to imagine that these two were friends at one time.

*Curry:  I don’t know if “friends” is the right word.  From what I saw, Fallout thought of Sacred as a lackey, not a friend.

*NTD:  Okay, okay.  But they were allies at one time, yes?

*Curry:  Yes.

*NTD:  Then you see my point.

*Curry:  Well…no, not really.

*NTD:  You don’t see it?

*Curry:  No.

*NTD:  You don’t see what my point is?

*Curry:  No.

*NTD:  I can’t believe it.

*Curry:  Maybe if you tried to explain it again…

*NTD:  You don’t understand my point?

*Curry:  No.  Are you going to explain it?

*NTD:  You really don’t know?

*Curry:  NO!

*NTD:  You want me to explain it?

*Curry:  YES!

*NTD:  Now?

*Curry:  NOW!

*NTD:  ………

*Curry:  ………

*NTD:  Now?

*Curry:  NOW!

*NTD:  Okay.  My point is…what were we talking about?

 

Curry Man grabs the pitcher of water on the table and throws the water at NTD, who lets out a high-pitched, schoolgirl-like scream!

 

*NTD:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

*Curry:  That’ll teach ya.

*NTD:  Oh god, that’s cold!

*Curry:  Well, I don’t know what his point was, and I really don’t care anymore.  Let’s go to Funyon.

*NTD:  I’m gonna have some major shrinkage now!

*Curry:  Oh man, I did NOT want to hear that.

 

DING DING DING

 

*Funyon:  The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the Smarks Wrestling Federation Intercontinental-Television Championship!

 

The lights go out. “Scum of the Earth” by Rob Zombie begins to play. As soon as the heavy guitar part starts, an explosion hits the entrance area, a faint green glow lights up the arena, and Fallout comes through the curtain. He heads straight for the ring, getting a few cheers from the crowd, and a lot of boos.

 

*Funyon: Introducing first, the challenger:  From Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 185 lbs., representing The Clan…Fallout!

 

Fallout stands in the center of the squared circle, feet. He closes his eyes, and slowly lifts his arms skyward. A huge green explosion comes from behind him. He then removes his Clan robe and prepares for the match.

 

*Curry:  As I said before, Fallout and Sacred have had several battles over the last year.  More often than not, Fallout has come out on top.  So for those of you wondering if Fallout can defeat Sacred for the ICTV Title, statistically the answer is yes.

*NTD:  Why’d you go and do that, Curry Man?

*Curry:  Why’d I go and do what?

*NTD:  Why’d you throw cold water on me?

*Curry:  You don’t know?

*NTD:  No.

*Curry:  You really don’t know?

*NTD:  No, I…wait a minute…

 

The Screen goes fuzzy, as black and white pictures of Sacred's face flash on the screen, if only for a second. And then the camera returns to the arena. Everything is black and white, as "Seasons in the Abyss" by Slayer kicks up. Sacred walks out, a sly grin on his face. He stands there in the center of the entranceway, as his arms slowly come up from his sides until they are outstretched, holding the ICTV Title belt in his right hand, and the Tag Team Title belt in his left.

 

*Funyon:  His opponent, from Adelaide, Australia, weighing in at 231 lbs., he is a member of Da Pound and the SWF Intercontinental-Television Champion…Sacred!

 

He walks down the ramp, looking at Fallout. He stops when he reaches the ring, choosing not to enter right away. Fallout and Sacred stare at each other for a moment. Then Sacred jumps up onto the apron and steps through the ropes.

 

*Curry:  He is the current ICTV Champion.  But will he be able to keep that belt around his waist tonight?

*NTD:  Sure he will.  Sacred’s record against Fallout may not be so good, but Fallout’s record against Da Pound isn’t very good either.  Remember, he got his ass handed to him by the HVille Thugg at the last pay-per-view.

*Curry:  Perfect Bo had a hand in that too.

*NTD:  Yes, but you’re missing the point.

*Curry:  No!  Don’t go there again.  We’ll be here all night.

 

Sacred hands his title belts to the referee.  The referee holds up the ICTV belt for a few seconds.  The SWF ICTV Championship logo appears on the screen as he does.  Then the referee hands the belt to the timekeeper, and the logo fades out.

 

DING DING DING

 

The bell sounds, and Fallout and Sacred begin to circle.  After a few seconds, they stop circling, move in, and lock up.  Initially, neither man is able to gain an advantage.  Sacred pushes Fallout back a step or two, but then Fallout pushes Sacred back to the center of the ring.  Sacred then turns the collar-and-elbow tie-up into a waistlock, and he takes Fallout down amateur style.  Sacred then gets on top of Fallout, smacks him in the back of the head a few times, and then backs away.  Fallout quickly gets up and stares at Sacred, looking very annoyed.  Sacred motions for him to bring it on.

 

*Curry:  Sacred is looking very cocky at the start of this match.

*NTD:  Does this surprise you?

*Curry:  Not really.  But he should not underestimate the challenger.  Fallout is a very dangerous man, and a former ICTV Champion.

*NTD:  Yes he is.  But that was well over a year ago.  Times have changed.  I hate to say it, but I don’t think Fallout can cut it anymore.

 

Fallout walks up to Sacred, and they lock up once more.  Again, neither man can gain a true advantage.  Sacred goes into a waistlock again, but Fallout throws back an elbow that catches Sacred in the face.  He then reverses into a waistlock of his own, and brings Sacred to the mat with an amateur style takedown.  Now it’s Fallout smacking Sacred in the back of the head!  Fallout backs off, and Sacred quickly gets up.  The cocky expression on Sacred’s face is gone.

 

*Curry:  And now Sacred gets a taste of his own medicine!

*NTD:  Uh oh.  Now he went and made him mad.

 

Sacred walks up to Fallout, and he delivers a very audible smack across the face!  Fallout pauses for a moment, soaking in the humiliation, and then he returns the favor with a smack of his own!  Sacred fires back, with a forearm shot this time!  Fallout retaliates with a closed fist!  Forearm from Sacred!  Right hand from Fallout!  Sacred!  Fallout!  Sacred!  Fallout!  Sacred!  Sacred!  Sacred!  Fallout has been backed down into the ropes.  Irish whip, Fallout reverses and takes Sacred down with a drop toehold.  He quickly floats over into a front facelock.  Sacred starts to get up.  He turns, pointing himself toward the corner, and then pushes Fallout backward into the turnbuckles, which breaks the hold.  Sacred kicks Fallout in the midsection a few times.  He whips Fallout into the corner and charges in after him, but Fallout sticks his foot up and nails Sacred in the face.  Sacred staggers back a few steps.  Fallout runs out of the corner, leaps up, and takes Sacred down with a spinning heel kick!  Lateral press…

 

ONE!

 

…and Sacred quickly kicks out.  He gets up into a defensive position.  Fallout does the same.  Another staredown.

 

*Curry:  You can feel it in the air.  This one’s going to be a classic.

*NTD:  All I feel in the air is a cold breeze, which isn’t helping the fact that I have water all over me.  Maybe I should take off my boxers and let them dry.

*Curry:  NOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Fallout and Sacred start circling once again.  Sacred suddenly holds out his hand, signaling for a test of strength.  Fallout slowly reaches out, and they lace the fingers.  Sacred and Fallout then hold up their free hands.  But just as they are about to lace those fingers, Sacred kicks Fallout in the midsection and applies an arm wringer.  Fallout tries to pull himself free, but Sacred won’t let go.  Fallout then rolls forward to relieve the pressure and kips up.  He locks in an arm wringer of his own, and then goes into a hammerlock.  Sacred bends down, reaches under his legs with his free arm, grabs one of Fallout’s legs, and pulls it out from under him.  Fallout falls onto his back, losing his grip on Sacred’s arm in the process.  Sacred sits down, grabs Fallout’s leg, and gives the ankle a good twist.  Fallout winces from the pain.  He grabs at Sacred’s eyes, trying to force him to break the hold.  The referee orders Fallout to let go and starts a five-count.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

Fallout releases the hold.  Using his free leg, Fallout kicks Sacred in the head a few times, and Sacred finally releases his hold on the ankle.  Both men stand up.  Fallout kicks Sacred in the gut and grabs him by the arm.  Irish whip, Sacred reverses, Fallout tries to catch him with a clothesline after bouncing off the ropes, but Sacred ducks.  Both men bounce off opposite ropes, and Sacred takes Fallout down with a flying forearm!  Fallout stands back up.  Sacred wraps his arm around Fallout’s head and brings him down with a side headlock takeover.  The referee gets in position.  Fallout rolls over as far as he can, keeping one shoulder off the mat.  Sacred tries to use his weight advantage to force Fallout’s shoulder down.  A few seconds later, he succeeds…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

…but Fallout forces the shoulder back up.  Sacred maintains the hold.  Fallout pulls on the hair, which the referee is not happy about.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

Fallout lets go of the hair.  Sacred forces Fallout’s shoulder down again…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

…but Fallout grabs Sacred and rolls him over, and now Sacred’s shoulders are down…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

…but Sacred rolls back into his former position, maintaining control.  Fallout tries to push himself toward the side of the ring, dragging Sacred along with him.  About ten seconds later, Fallout gets close enough to the side of the ring to place his foot on the bottom rope.  The referee tells Sacred to break the hold.  Initially he refuses, so the referee starts another count.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

Sacred finally lets go.  He stands up and backs away.  Fallout rolls under the ropes and out of the ring, giving himself a moment to rethink his strategy.

 

*NTD:  See?  This is what I mean.  Don’t get me wrong.  I like Fallout, him being an evil bastard and all.  But he just can’t cut it anymore.  Sacred was dominating him with a simple headlock.  And now he has to step out of the ring and catch his breath.

*Curry:  The match just started, and already you’re saying it’s over?

*NTD:  I’m a former World Champion, Curry Man.  I know about these things.  Were you ever World Champ?

*Curry:  No.  No I wasn’t.  I didn’t like the idea of having a title handed to me on a silver platter.

*NTD:  Hey, that’s slander!  There was no platter involved, silver or otherwise.

*Curry:  It’s a figure of speech.

*NTD:  It’s not a very good one.

*Curry:  Don’t make me get more water.

 

The referee starts to count Fallout out.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

Fallout shows no signs of getting back into the ring.  He continues to stare off into the crowd.

 

FOUR!

 

FIVE!

 

Sacred tries to walk out of the ring, but the referee gets in his way and orders him to back off.  Sacred steps back, reluctantly.  The referee restarts the count.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

Sacred walks up to the side of the ring again.  The referee tries to hold him back, but Sacred pushes him aside!  The referee yells at him, but Sacred ignores the warning.

 

*Curry:  Wow.  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Sacred wanted to get disqualified.

*NTD:  Good thing you know better.  Sacred would never do something like that just to keep his title.

*Curry:  Right.

*NTD:  One of two titles he has, by the way.

 

Sacred leans over the ropes and yells at Fallout to get back in the ring.  Fallout flips him off and walks around to the adjacent side of the ring.  Sacred walks around with him, still staying in the ring.  As he gets around to the other side, Sacred backs away and stands in the middle of the ring, motioning for Fallout to come get some.  Fallout climbs back onto the apron.  Sacred steps forward, prompting Fallout to jump back down to the floor.  Sacred walks up to the ropes and sits on the middle one, as if he wanted to assist Fallout in getting back into the ring.  Suddenly, Fallout winds up and spits at Sacred, nailing him in the face!  Looking very disgusted, Sacred slowly wipes the loogey off of his face…and then wipes his hand on the referee’s shirt!  He then climbs out of the ring and chases after Fallout!  Fallout leads him 180 degrees around the ring, and then he slides back in.  Sacred slides in after him, and Fallout stomps on him several times before he can get up.  After about ten stomps, Fallout ceases the attack and allows Sacred to stand.  He delivers a pair of right hands to the face.  Irish whip, Sacred reverses, but Fallout takes him down with a shoulder block.  Fallout runs off the adjacent ropes, Sacred slides underneath him, Fallout bounces off the opposite ropes, Sacred leap-frogs over him, Fallout bounces off the ropes again, Sacred goes for a hip toss, but Fallout floats over and counters with a hip toss of his own!  Sacred gets back up, but Fallout takes him down with an arm drag!   Sacred gets up again, and Fallout takes him down with a dropkick!  Sacred stands up again, slower this time.  Fallout pushes him back into the ropes.  Irish whip, and Fallout takes Sacred down with a Hurricanrana into a pin…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

…and Sacred kicks out.

 

*Curry:  Fallout lured Sacred right into his trap, and now he is in firm control over the champion.

*NTD:  He’s taking it to Sacred now.  I’ll give him that.

 

Both men get up.  Fallout hits Sacred with a boot to the midsection, followed by a trio of right hands, backing Sacred into the corner.  Fallout winds up, and delivers a knife-edge chop across the chest of Sacred!  (WHOO!  Fallout winds up again, and hits Sacred with another chop!  (WHOO!  He winds up a third time, and chops Sacred again!  (WHOO!  Fallout winds up again…but he stops.  He slowly lowers his arm.  Someone or something near the stage has caught his eye.  The camera pans over to the stage…and finds Jay Dawg slowly making his way down the ramp.

 

*Curry:  As if one member of Da Pound wasn’t enough, here comes another one.

*NTD:  The other half of the SWF Tag Team Champeens!

*Curry:  He had a match earlier tonight where he defended his US Title against Chris Raynor.  And now he is coming down to ringside to give Sacred some immoral support.

*NTD:  Of course he is.  These two are a team.  They’re inseparable.

 

Fallout steps away from Sacred and starts yelling obscenities at Jay Dawg, who continues to walk toward the ring.  But as Fallout is distracted, Sacred sneaks up behind Fallout, grabs his leg, and pulls him down into a School Boy…

 

ONE!

 

Sacred sticks his foot on the ropes, but the referee doesn’t see it!

 

TWO!

 

TH-but Fallout somehow manages to kick out!  Both men quickly get up.  Fallout takes a swing at Sacred, but the champion ducks.  Sacred then kicks Fallout in the midsection, grabs his arm, wraps it around Fallout’s head, and takes him down with the Knifey Spooney!  Another cover, clean this time…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

…but Fallout kicks out again.

 

*Curry:  Sacred tried to take advantage of the distraction, but Fallout managed to kick out.

*NTD:  Hey, it’s not Sacred’s fault if Fallout gets distracted.  Jay Dawg never got involved in the match.

*Curry:  He shouldn’t even be out here.

 

Sacred grabs Fallout and brings him to his feet.  Wanting to pay Fallout back for the chops he received earlier, Sacred hits Fallout with a chop across the chest!  (WHOO!  Make it two!  (WHOO!  Third time’s a charm!  (WHOO!  Irish whip, Sacred lowers his head for the back drop, but Fallout counters with a Sunset Flip…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

…but Sacred kicks out.  Both men get up.  Fallout grabs Sacred and pulls him down into a Small Package…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

…but Sacred kicks out again.  Fallout takes a swing at Sacred, but he blocks the punch and rakes Fallout’s eyes.  Sacred grabs Fallout from behind and then lifts him up into a belly-to-back suplex…but Fallout lands on his feet!  Fallout applies a waistlock from behind and lifts Sacred up, but Sacred blocks the attempted suplex and rolls forward into another pinning combination…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

…but Fallout kicks out.  Both men are up again.  Sacred goes for a kick, but Fallout blocks it and counters with a Dragon Screw Leg Whip!  Sacred gets up slowly, grabbing his leg.  Fallout grabs him by the arm, Irish whip, Sacred reverses, and as Fallout bounces off the ropes, Jay Dawg reaches in and trips Fallout, causing him to fall face first!  The referee quickly walks over to the side of the ring where Jay Dawg is standing and gives him a few harsh words.  Jay Dawg claims he didn’t do anything.  Fallout gets up, holding his face.  He turns around, intending to go after Jay Dawg, but Sacred comes up behind him and applies a waistlock.  He pushes Fallout forward into the ropes and then rolls backward into another pin…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

…but Fallout kicks Sacred forward and he falls through the ropes and out of the ring!  Jay Dawg runs over to tend to his fallen partner.  Fallout walks up to the side of the ring and steps through the ropes to the apron.  Eventually, Jay Dawg turns around, and Fallout dives off the apron, taking Jay Dawg down with a cross-body attack!

 

*NTD:  What the hell was that?  Jay Dawg didn’t do a thing.

*Curry:  You didn’t see him trip Fallout?

*NTD:  He tripped Fallout?  Are you sure?

*Curry:  Did your monitor go out again?

*NTD:  Yeah, I think it did.

*Curry:  How convenient.

 

Fallout grabs Sacred, who is standing back up, and gives his arm a good twist.  He whips Sacred toward the ring post by his twisted arm, but Sacred reverses the whip and Fallout goes into the steel!  Sacred then walks back toward the ring and rolls in under the ropes.  Then, for some unknown reason, he starts arguing with the referee!  The reason becomes clear a moment later.  Fallout slowly stands back up, but a recovering Jay Dawg runs up to him and takes him down with a clothesline!  He quickly drops to the floor and buries his fist in Fallout’s face while he’s down!  After about ten punches or so, he throws Fallout back into the ring.  Coincidentally (yeah right), Sacred decides to stop arguing with the referee at this exact moment, and he turns his attention back to Fallout.  The champion helps Fallout back up.  Irish whip, and Sacred jumps up and delivers a Harlem Sidekick!  Fallout goes down, and Sacred hooks the leg…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

T-not quite.

 

*Curry:  Dammit!  What the hell is Jay Dawg doing?  Somebody get him out of there!

*NTD:  He’s just retaliating.

*Curry:  He attacked Fallout first, NTD!

*NTD:  That’s not what I saw.

 

Sacred brings Fallout to his feet.  He sets him up for a suplex, and he hits it.  Sacred brings Fallout back up again, and he whips him hard into the corner.  Sacred charges in at full speed…but Fallout dives out of the way and Sacred ends up delivering the Kamikaze to the ring post!  Fallout rests for a few seconds.  He then grabs Sacred and pulls him out of the corner.  Then he applies a waistlock, and he hits Sacred with a release German Suplex!  Fallout stands up and walks toward the corner, and he starts climbing the turnbuckles.  As he climbs, Sacred starts getting up.  Fallout gets to the top rope, but before he can do anything, Sacred runs into the ropes, and the vibration causes Fallout to lose his balance and fall into a very painful position!  Sacred starts climbing up after Fallout.  Once he gets to the top, he sets Fallout up for a superplex.  Sacred tries to bring Fallout down, but Fallout blocks the superplex.  He hits Sacred with a few right hands to the gut, loosening the hold.  Then Fallout pushes Sacred away, and he falls into the ring.  Fallout then leaps off the top turnbuckle and hits Sacred with a Guillotine Leg Drop!  Fallout hooks the leg…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

T-no!  Sacred gets the shoulder up.

 

*Curry:  Fallout hit the leg drop off the top rope, but the double champion won’t stay down.

*NTD:  He wouldn’t be a double champion if he went down that easily.

*Curry:  Well, you’re right about that.

 

Fallout mounts Sacred and starts to pound away at Sacred’s face.  The referee orders him to open the fists and starts another count.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

Fallout stops the punches.  He brings Sacred back to his feet and drags him into the corner.  Fallout slams Sacred’s head into the top turnbuckle, and then, holding onto Sacred’s hair, Fallout climbs up to the middle turnbuckle.  He applies a front facelock, jumps off the turnbuckle…and hits Sacred with the Tornado DDT!  Fallout goes for the pin…but the referee doesn’t count.  He’s busy arguing with Jay Dawg, who has jumped up onto the apron.  After a few seconds, Fallout realizes that something is up.  He looks over and sees Jay Dawg arguing with the referee.  Fallout gets off of Sacred and walks up to Jay Dawg.  But before he can reach him, Jay Dawg jumps down to the floor.  The referee yells at Jay Dawg some more, although his warnings don’t seem to have any effect.  While this happens, Sacred crawls up behind Fallout and nails him with  a low blow!

 

*Curry:  Sacred with a low blow, and the referee didn’t see it!

*NTD:  Well, if he didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.

 

Fallout drops down to his knees, holding his crotch.  He slowly stands up.  Sacred kicks him in the gut, secures Fallout’s left arm with his right arm, and applies a front facelock with his left.  Sacred then jumps up…AND DELIVERS THE CRUEL FATE!!!

 

*Curry:  The Cruel Fate!

*NTD:  There it is!  Another successful title defense by Sacred!

 

Sacred lies there for a moment, feeling the effects of his own move.  A few seconds later, he recovers enough strength to roll Fallout over.  Sacred hooks the leg…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR-NO!  FALLOUT KICKS OUT!  Sacred is in shock!  He yells at the referee, arguing that he should have counted to three.  The referee asserts himself, insisting that it was only a two-count.

 

*Curry:  Fallout kicked out of the Cruel Fate!  Sacred can’t believe it, and neither can I!  I thought that was the end!

*NTD:  You’re not the only one.  This entire building is stunned!

 

Jay Dawg suddenly jumps back onto the apron.  He tries to enter the ring, but is held back by the referee.  Sacred takes advantage of the distraction and slides out of the ring.  He walks over to the timekeeper’s table.  Everyone in the area vacates their chairs.  Sacred grabs one of them, folds it up, and takes it into the ring.  Fallout has crawled over to the side of the ring and is using the ropes to pull himself up.  Sacred waits for him to stand, ready to demolish his adversary with the steel chair.  But while this is going on, the camera suddenly pans over to the stage again, and we find Lady Red and Durandal racing down the ramp!  Once they reach the ringside area, both Clan members pull Jay Dawg off the apron and start beating the hell out of him!

 

*Curry:  The cavalry has arrived!  Lady Red and Durandal are double-teaming Jay Dawg!

*NTD:  That’s just not fair!  It’s two on one!

*Curry:  Was it fair when Jay Dawg interfered in the match?  I think not.

 

The referee has gone into panic mode and is yelling at anything that moves outside the ring.  No one appears to be paying him any attention.  He exits the ring and tries to break up the fight, but to no avail.  Meanwhile, back in the ring, Fallout has pulled himself to his feet with the aid of the ropes.  Sacred lifts the chair high above his head, and he brings it down…but Fallout ducks at the last second, and the chair bounces off the top rope and hits Sacred in the face!  Sacred staggers back, dropping the chair.  Fallout stands up.  He walks over to the chair and picks it up.  Sacred stumbles in his direction.  Fallout tosses the chair at him, and Sacred catches it.  The Scum of the Earth then superkicks the chair in the champion’s face!  He goes down!

 

*NTD:  That’s an illegal weapon!  Disqualify him!

*Curry:  The referee didn’t see it.  So it didn’t happen.

*NTD:  When the hell did you become a Fallout advocate?

*Curry:  I’m not a Fallout advocate.

*NTD:  But you’re favoring him over Sacred.

*Curry:  I’m favoring a fair fight.

 

Outside the ring, a horde of referees have come down to ringside and are having some success in breaking up the fight between the two Clan members and Jay Dawg.  They try to escort the three angry people to the back.  In the ring, Fallout slides the chair away from Sacred and then walks toward the side of the ring.  He steps through the ropes to the apron.  Fallout pauses for a moment and eyes Sacred, who lies motionless in the ring.  Then he pulls himself onto the top rope, flies into the air…AND HITS SACRED WITH THE NUKE!!!  Fallout hooks the leg…but all of the referee’s are outside the ring!  A few seconds later, the referee that was calling the match in the first place looks in the ring and realizes what’s going on.  He abandons the task of breaking up the fight and slides back into the ring…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR-BUT SACRED KICKS OUT!!!  Fallout pounds his fist on the canvas in frustration!

 

*Curry:  Unbelievable!  First the chair to the face, and then Fallout dropped the Nuke!  But Sacred just won’t die!

*NTD:  Like I told you, Fallout just can’t cut it anymore.

*Curry:  You may be right.  Fallout has thrown everything but the kitchen sink at Sacred.  What is it going to take?

 

Fallout walks over to the side of the ring and grabs the steel chair.  The referee tries to warn Fallout not to use it, but Fallout ignores him.  Sacred slowly stands up.  Against his better judgment, the referee grabs the chair and tries to take it out of Fallout’s hands.  But he gets pushed away for his trouble!

 

*Curry:  Fallout has lost it now.  He may get disqualified for that one.

*NTD:  I don’t know.  The referee has been pretty lenient so far.  He let Fallout get away with a lot of stuff.

*Curry:  Sacred got away with quite a few things himself!

 

Fallout turns his attention away from the referee and back to Sacred…who superkicks the chair in Fallout’s face!  The challenger goes down like a ton of bricks!  Sacred tosses the chair out of the ring and makes the cover.  The referee crawls into position…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

TH-but Fallout gets his foot on the ropes!  Sacred looks up at the referee with a confused look on his face, wondering why he stopped counting.  The referee points at Fallout’s foot.  Sacred looks at it, and then yells out a word that is not FCC-approved.

 

*Curry:  Excuse me?

*NTD:  Don’t worry.  It’s pay-per-view.  We can say whatever we want.d

*Curry:  Sacred gave Fallout a taste of his own medicine, driving the chair into his face.  But Fallout got his foot on the ropes.

*NTD:  He’s lucky the ropes were there.  Otherwise, it would’ve been over.

 

Sacred grabs Fallout and brings him to his feet.  He pulls the challenger to the center of the ring, making sure he doesn’t have a chance to use the ropes again.  Sacred hooks Fallout’s left arm and applies a front facelock once again.

 

*NTD:  Cruel Fate, take two!

 

Sacred jumps into the air…but Fallout slips out of his grasp as he comes down, and Sacred hits the mat empty-handed!  Fallout staggers back.  Sacred slowly gets back up.  Fallout bounces off the ropes as he backs up, and then stumbles back toward Sacred.  Once he gets close enough, he boots Sacred in the midsection, applies a front facelock…AND DRIVES SACRED’S HEAD INTO THE MAT WITH THE MELTDOWN!!!

 

*Curry:  Meltdown!  Meltdown!

*NTD:  No way!

*Curry:  Will this be enough to put away Sacred?

 

Fallout rolls over, and the referee gets in position…but he doesn’t go for the pin.  Instead, he starts to pull Sacred back up.

 

*Curry:  What the hell?  Fallout didn’t go for the cover.

*NTD:  What is he smoking?

 

Due to the damage done by the Meltdown, getting Sacred back on his feet takes a while.  But eventually, Fallout pulls him back up.  Then, he applies a front facelock again…AND HITS SACRED WITH A SECOND MELTDOWN!!!

 

*Curry:  Oh my god!  Fallout hit Sacred with not one, but two Meltdowns!

 

Fallout rolls over, and this time he hooks the leg…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!!!

 

DING DING DING

 

“Scum of the Earth” starts to play.  Fallout rolls off of Sacred.  He stays there for a moment, looking down at the mat.  The referee grabs the ICTV Title belt from the timekeeper.

 

*Funyon:  The winner of this match…and NEEEEEEEWWWW…Smarks Wrestling Federation Intercontinental-Television Champion…FALLOUT!!!

 

*Curry:  I don’t believe it!  Fallout has done it!  It took two Meltdowns to do it, but Fallout is once again the ICTV Champion!

*NTD:  He did it!  Go Clan!  And all those doubting Thomas’s out there thought it couldn’t be done.  They thought Fallout couldn’t cut it anymore.

*Curry:  And do you know who was leading those people?

*NTD:  Yes, yes I do.  I can’t believe Ben Hardy would be so stupid.

*Curry:  Right.

 

Fallout finally looks up, and he sees the referee standing in front of him, holding the ICTV Title belt.  Fallout slowly stands up, and he grabs the title belt from the referee.  Fallout holds the belt in his right hand and holds it above his head, and the referee holds up his left hand, signaling his victory.  Fallout then climbs out of the ring and makes his way toward the stage.  He looks at the camera as he walks up the ramp, and he holds out his title belt with one hand, and holds up two fingers in the other hand.

 

*NTD:  Oh yeah!  Two time…TWO TIME…ICTV Champion.  Never doubted him for a second.

*Curry:  Da Pound has lost a title.  Could they lose another before the night is done?  Or will the HVille Thugg be the Last Man Standing?  We’ll find out in just a moment!

[Guest BA_Baracus]

“Do what I please, gonna spread the disease, because I wanna…”

 

BOOM!  A rush of pyro erupts in the Savvis Center as the Hives’ “Hate To Say I Told You So,” the official music of Crossfire 2002, blares through the speakers!

 

“Gonna call all the shots, all the no’s and the nots, because I wanna…”

 

BOOM!  The music picks up and another rush of pyro shoots off the ramp, and the crowd goes wild as the camera spins around the audience, hyped and excited for one of the biggest main events to ever come across the IGN/SWF stage!

 

“Ask me once I’ll answer cause all I know I’ll tell because I wanna!

Sound device and lots of ice, I’ll call my name out loud because I wanna!”

 

“And we’re ready to go with our main event!” shouts Curry Man, over both the Swedish rock and roaring crowd.  “We’ve already had one mind-blowing night so far, with the debuts of Xero, Durandal, and Ash Ketchum, the return of Chris Wilson, and 4 scorching title matches already under our belts!  I’d ask if this show could get any bigger, but it’s pretty obvious that in a few moments, it’s about to do just that!”

 

“A whole 450 pounds of world champ bigger, to be specific!” cackles NTD.

 

Suddenly, the Hives drop out and the Smarktron lights up with graphics, slamming into the screen with authority and loud rushes of sound!  “SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH” appears on the screen, and in the ring, amidst sparkling lights and flashbulbs, Funyon stands, dressed to the nines and microphone in hand!

 

“The following contest is your SWF Crossfire Maaaaaaaaaiiiiin Event, and it is a Last Man Standing Elimination Match for the SWF World Heavyweight Title!  Disqualifications and count-outs are in effect, and the only way to be eliminated is to fall and not rise for a count of 10!  The last man standing will be your SWF World Heavyweight Champion!”  Funyon clears his throat, and the crowd roars.

 

“What an interesting stipulation, NTD—not the typical last man standing match, and quite a challenge in and of itself!  Take a man down for 10, but without outside objects?  It’s gonna be a trick…”

 

“Introducing first, one of the challengers,” booms Funyon, as the lights fade out, a hovering hum rising up and bringing the crowd to its feet.  The Smarktron glows with grey silhouettes, fading in and out, images of a man holding a microphone and leaning on a lamppost appear and disappear.  A familiar British voice rises up over the PA system, toppling even the crowd’s cheers, and hazy blue light starts to glow at the entrance ramp….

 

“And here we are, as we were a year before!  My first world title shot in 12 months!  My first ever Pay-Per-View main event!  Gosh, I feel so young, so old, and so altogether sprightly and fightly that I have nothing but pity for the two big black beasts about to enter 30-odd minutes of brutal, bloody Mac-Daddy-delicious hell!”  

 

As Edwin speaks to the delight of the fans, the human beatbox of the Lo-Fidelity All-Stars “Battleflag” drops in, and with it come two pendulous blue spotlights, swinging back and forth on the entrance stage to the beat.  The music starts to pick up, and Edwin talks faster to match it…  “Granted, I am much smaller than both of them, and granted, my pale skin and genial disposition may seeeem to put me at a disadvantage, but don’t you all remember David and Goliath?  He-Man and Skeletor?  Ralph-Malph and the Fonz?  What?  You don’t?  You bloody bastards!  In any case, it’s no matter, because like Robert Plant before me, I plan to give these two no quarter and take them left, right, down and up again on an express escalator to heaven!  Bo, Thugg, just come right on down, because the devil’s in Pay-Per-View town and this is one show that neither of you can afford to miss!”

 

As Edwin’s words thunder to a finish, the music rises to a climax, and the spotlights careen around the arena, colliding together once again at the entrance ramp and exploding into a wall of purple strobes!  

 

“I said hallelujah-”

 

BOOM!

 

“To the sixteen loyal fans!”

 

BOOM!

 

“Now get down on your motherfuckin’ knees!”

 

BOOOOOM!

 

“Cause it’s time for your sickness again!”

 

The entrance is a wall of amazing, brilliant gold and red pyrotechnics, blindingly bright and immense, sparkling to the ground and giving way to the delirious whirl of red and gold disco lights!  Beneath all the spectacle, clad in a red vinyl trenchcoat and shadowboxing his way into the arena, comes the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache himself!

 

“Making his way to the ring, from Amsterdam, England, weighing in at 239 pounds, he is the leader of the Midnight Carnival, the Mac Daddy, the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache—Edwin MacPhisto!”  The crowd pops huge as Edwin saunters down the ramp, slapping hands as he goes!

 

“The fans have been waiting for this forever!” shouts Curry.  “Edwin’s had a miracle run since returning to a full schedule in December, winning the tag belts alongside Grand Slam Mark Stevens, capturing the ICTV belt from Thoth and defending it in insane matches against the likes of Sacred, winning a retirement match to keep his career going, and now, this shot, this final shot at the big time!”

 

“He hasn’t earned it all!” snaps NTD!  “He’s just been in the right place at the right time…and tonight, in the ring with Thugg, he’s going to learn what it means to be in the wrong place at the wrong time!”  Edwin dives into the ring, slinging his coat over the top rope and winging his mirrored shades to the crowd as he arrives.  He passes his coat off to the referee, and starts to stretch himself out as Funyon brings the mic to his mouth once more…

 

“And the second challenger…”

 

“I keep it thoro, nigga!”

 

The Smarktron lights up with the word “BO” and clips of the Perfect One’s triumphs and trials, and in a flash Bo appears at the entrance ramp, roaring briefly before starting his stalk down to the ring, pay no mind to anyone but himself and the man he knows will be coming out behind him!

 

“Hailing from the Bronx, weighing in at 285 pounds…the original gangster…the true thug…the Hardcore God…he is PERRRRRFECT BOOOOO!”

 

“And here’s another success story—but a much harsher one!  Bo left the fed a few months and returned, rejoining Da Pound, but only as a ruse—at Defiance, he betrayed Bo and revealed his plan for revenge on the man who not only tormented him, but also slept with his wife!  Every day is a winding road here in the SWF, and it’s time for this monster Bo to finally get his justice!”

 

“Or his just desserts!” quips NTD.  “Bo may be a tough son of a bitch, but if there’s one man tougher, that’s Thugg…”

 

Bo climbs into the ring, paying no heed to Edwin except for a brief nod.  Edwin simmers and stands in the corner, and Bo leans on the ropes, looking out to the entrance ramp, shoving the ref away as he frisks him down for illegal objects.  “Always gotta screen the black man, that’s how it is!” snaps NTD.

 

“Stop it.  You’re not from the hood.  Get over it.”

 

“I’ll straight-wreck--”

 

“I’m so not listening to you.  On to more important matters—there are the two heroes, the men the fans cheer for, but they don’t always see on the same page!  On Smarkdown, these two guest referees got into a scuffle and Bo nailed Edwin with the Perfect Pain, throwing a little salt on their makeshift alliance via mutual enemy!  You’ve got to think that Edwin and Bo will be fighting together tonight to take out the Thugg, but that can only last for so long.”  In the ring, Bo starts to pace back and forth, getting frustrated, until the arena falls dark, an orange-red glow lighting up the floor of the entrance ramp…

 

“AHAHAHAHA!”

 

The piercing laughter of a man cuts through the arena, and an electric guitar drops in as a roar of disdain comes up from the stands.

 

“Here comes my man!” squeals NTD!

 

“They don't know...”  

“Who we be.”

“They don't know...”

“Who we be.”

 

“What they don’t know is…”

 

BOOM!

 

The glowing entrance floor explodes into a huge wall of flame, giving everyone seated near the entrance a good reason to sweat!  DMX’s “Who We Be” blares through the speakers, and as it rails on, silhouette appears at the top of the ramp…

 

“The bullshit!

The drama!

The guns!

The armor!”

 

“And here comes the man himself, the one we’ve been talking about in hushed towns all night, the man who’s been all but unstoppable for months on end until he’s met these two—the Hville Thugg!”

 

Thugg stands atop the ramp, boos reigning down with a few scattered cheers for the monstrous man mixed in, glowing as the entrance flames dissipate.  The lights of the arena and exploding flashbulbs glinting off the SWF World Heavyweight Title belt across his left shoulder, and the spectacle is impressive.  Even Edwin, standing in the ring, gives an impressed whistle at the epic sight of the titanic champion, braced before the burning flames.

 

“He’s a monster, Curry!  A monster!  And tonight, he’s going to continue his run as the longest-damn Heavyweight champion we’ve ever had!”

 

“But don’t forget, NTD, he’s facing two of his greatest obstacles ever--”

 

“—in his specialty match!  What do you have to say to that one, spice drop?”

 

“I have to say,” retorts Curry, “that this might be a Last Man Standing match, but it’s one like none other I’ve seen in all my years of announcing!  Disqualifications are in effect, count-outs in effect…I mentioned it before, but the more I think about it, NTD, Bo and Edwin are going to have one hell of a time keeping the Hville Thugg down for 10 whole seconds!  I’m afraid you might be right about this one!”

 

“And their opponent, from the dark streets of Washington, D.C.,” bellows Funyon, trying to overcome the massive hoots and jeers from the crowd, “weighing in at 450 pounds, the longest reigning World Heavyweight Champion in history and your current SWF World Champion—the one, the only, the H-VILLE THUUUUUUGG!”

 

The Thugg takes one step out onto the ramp, traversing well over a yard with a single stride.  “NTD, you’ve got to wonder what’s going through Thugg’s mind tonight.  Does he want to keep that belt?  Does he want to destroy Perfect Bo or Edwin MacPhisto?  What his pri—oh my god, here we go!”  Curry cuts himself and the crowd goes absolutely funky monkey as suddenly the immense figure of Perfect Bo goes diving under the ropes and breaks into a mad dash up the ramp!  “Bo wants a piece of Thugg, and he’s not gonna even wait for him to get to the ring!”  The Perfect One bolts up the ramp and gets to Thugg moments later, but Thugg’s ready—he throws the belt aside and braces himself, the lunges forward with a clothesline…that Bo ducks!  The crowd roars as Thugg stands up, turns, and walks straight into a brutal right hook from Bo!  Thugg looks to counter with a right of his own, but Bo steps forward and lands another shot, this time from the left!  “Bo’s got Thugg backing down the ramp towards the ring, pounding him every step of the way—and Edwin’s just taking it all in!  Get a load of that, NTD!”

 

Standing in the ring, Edwin MacPhisto leans on the ropes and looks out, calling to the crowd!  “Who’s betting, who’s a gambling man?  You want the big black one?  Okay—wait, which big black one?  That one?  That one?  Oh, this is too good!”

 

“What a puss!” shouts NTD.  “He should get in on that!”

 

“Not if he wants to keep breathing…if it was anyone but Thugg or Bo taking those punches, both men would be down in a bloody mess!  These two are the strongest, toughest sons-of-bitches in the fed!”

 

The crowd stays absolutely electric as Thugg starts to fight back, slowing his progress backwards to the ring just a little bit, laying into Bo with his own heavy mitts!  The Mac Daddy backs away from the ropes as the two huge brawlers crash into the apron!  Bo drops his shoulder and starts to ram it into Thugg’s gut, crashing into his ribs once, twice, three times!  “This is getting out of hand, and the match hasn’t even officially started!” rails Curry.  “Bo is a man possessed!”

 

“Well, that’s what happens when you screw a man’s wife, especially a man like Bo…he doesn’t take to it very kindly!”  NTD’s wise assertion rings true as Bo stands to his full height, roars, and lands one more wicked closed-fist blow across Thugg’s jaw, cracking his neck backwards and giving Bo the opening to shove his rival under the bottom rope and into the ring!  Bo crawls him behind him, and as the crowd brings up a boisterous rapid-fire chant of “BO-BO-BO-BO-BO,” the referee finally calls for the bell!

 

DING DING DING!

 

“And this match is officially underway, ladies and gentlemen!  The world title will be decided tonight, but only by a count-down of ten—and Thugg is taking a brutal stomping from Bo as we get started here tonight!”  Curry calls the action as Bo immediately starts to lay the boots into the downed Thugg, the crowd rallying behind him even more strongly as he jabs stomp after stomp into the champion’s ribcage.  Edwin lounges in the corner, smirking as he watches Bo take apart Thugg.  The referee tries to stay out of the way of the thundering Bo, eying the situation and wondering how on earth he’s going to call something a 10-count.  Bo keeps stomping and Thugg rolls under the blows, throwing up his arms, trying to fend Bo off, and finally, he catches and incoming boot and shoves backward, launching Bo back, away, and into the ropes.  Thugg sits up as Bo crashes back, the world champion dizzy, but not downed as he gets to his feet, brushes himself off, and breaks into a grim-faced charge towards Bo, arm outstretched for a clothesline!  Bo’s not as quick as he was on the ramp, and Thugg’s arm takes him soundly in the chest, flipping him over the top rope to the chagrin of the crowd!  “Huge impact from Thugg on that clothesline,” calls Curry, “but now he’s got his eyes on Edwin!  As Bo flips, Thugg turns his gaze towards the Mac Daddy, and Edwin clambers into the corner, but a cheer rises…Thugg turns to see Bo standing upright on the apron, a big ol’ grin across his face as he reaches up two thick palms, grabs Thugg’s neck, and sits out on the apron!

 

SPROING!  The world champ’s neck snaps off the top rope as Bo dazes him with a hangman!  Thugg doesn’t fall, but staggers backward, and Edwin takes this as his cue!  The Crown Prince of Flash and Panache bursts out of the corner to a big pop, leaping with a clothesline of his own, crashing into Thugg’s chest…but not budging him a damn inch!  “It’s the Fey Force against the Immovable Object in St. Louis, Missouri!” cackles NTD as the Mac Daddy backs off, staring up disappointedly in the raging eyes of the Thugg.  Edwin launches forward again with a left-arm clothesline…and again Thugg doesn’t budge!  Edwin checks his arm, as if to see if it needs an oil change, then shrugs and charges forward a third time, but this time, Thugg is fully prepped, and he meets Edwin with a thick right hand, clasped right around the Mac Daddy’s throat!

 

“Untamed!  Untamed!  Thugg’s already got Edwin set up for the Untamed, and this elimination match could be down to two competitors very quickly!” shouts Curry.  The fearful fans let loose a torrent of boos as Edwin reaches his hands around, trying to pull Thugg’s thick palm off his neck to no avail!  Thugg lifts Edwin high and grins, but the Mac Daddy desperately spreads his arms wide, reaches forward, and drives them in, slamming in over Thugg’s ears with a big bell clap!  The counter disorients Thugg, and he immediately releases Edwin’s grip to cover his aching and concussed eardrums!  “Edwin escapes a quick end with a bell clap, but can he capitalize on the brief window!”  The Mac Daddy fires off a quick shotei into Thugg’s chest as he buckles, covering his ears, spinning him slightly, but as soon as he locks on a rear waistlock, Thugg comes to his senses and fires both his elbows backwards, bashing Edwin’s head and forcing the Mac Daddy to fall away.

 

“Ha!  What the hell does Edwin think he’s doing?” snaps NTD.  “He couldn’t even suplex Thugg in the first place—why try?”

 

“He’s got to try, NTD—he’s got to weaken Thugg somehow!”

 

“Well, he sure isn’t going to get anywhere with failed suplexes, that’s for sure.”

 

Thugg turns towards Edwin with a glare, raging at Edwin’s effrontery and bold assault, but before he can do anything, a hard knee drives into the small of his back, courtesy Perfect Bo!  Thugg winces slightly, but turns under the blow and blocks an incoming right hook from Bo, catching the arm and following up with a raging elbow down onto Bo’s right shoulder!  The Hardcore God shudders under the impact and Thugg drops another one as Edwin rises behind him.  “Thugg’s between a Bo and an Edwin place here—this match is every man for himself, but you’ve got to think Bo and Edwin are going to work together as much as they can to take out the biggest threat!” conjectures Curry.

 

The Mac Daddy gets into a fighting stance, bracing himself as Thugg drops a third elbow and brings Bo down to one knee.  “Why doesn’t Edwin do something?” chides NTD, as the crowd starts to calm down and settle back into their seats.  “Some hero he is…”  Edwin watches, waiting for an opening, and as Thugg whips Bo to the far corner, he sees one!  Bo’s back hits the post hard and Thugg gets ready to charge in with an avalanche, but as the big bull gets ready to stampede, Edwin dashes forward, leaps, and pumps his legs out to score a dropkick into Thugg’s back!  The crowd cheers as Thugg stumbles forward briefly, turns around, and eats another dropkick from the quickly rising Edwin, this one to the chest!  Edwin rolls to his feet and dashes forward one more time, and Thugg raises his arms to block, but Edwin feints the leap upward and instead dives down, catching Bo’s left leg with a diving dragon screw and tearing it out from underneath him!  On just one foot now, the giant stumbles, falls…and the ring shakes with incredible impact as he collapses!  

 

“Edwin gets Thugg off his feet,” announces Curry, “giving Bo some much needed time to recover.”  In the corner, Bo has his breath back, and as Edwin quickly rises from the dragon screw, a sheepish and angry Thugg rising more slowly behind him, the Perfect One shouts something at the Mac Daddy.  Edwin nods, and Bo comes out of the corner, hopping to and taking Thugg’s right arm while Edwin takes the left.  “First double-team of the night, as the challengers look to upset Thugg,” says Curry, and Bo and Edwin step back, then forward, looking to double-whip HVT across the ring, but as they shift forward, Thugg flexes his massive arms inward and brings Bo and Edwin around, slamming them together in front of him with ease!

 

“Did you see the 450 pound Thugg just manhandle Edwin and Bo!” cries and ecstatic NTD.  “He just turned their double team around on him and smashes the two of them together like two hunks of ground beef!  Nobody screws with the Thugg, or he straight-wrecks em’ and splits their grill, jigga!”

 

“Please,” sighs Curry, “don’t start with that again.”

 

“Jigga what?”

 

“No, really--”

 

“Jigga who?”

 

“You’re such a--”

 

“Jigga yeeeeah!”

 

Curry can do nothing but sigh, and in the ring, Thugg has an important choice to make.  Which downed opponent does he go after—Edwin, or Bo?  The ref counts 1, then 2, and the crowd stirs bit for the first 10-count of the night, but Thugg can clearly see that neither man is staying down long. He glances back and forth between his two fallen and slowly rising adversaries, and the tougher Bo has the unfortunate luck of getting up first at the count of 3.  Thugg takes a step forward and drills Bo in the gut with a huge punch, doubling his former friend over and taking him into a quick front facelock before cinching his pants at the waistline.  Thugg grunts and but strains only briefly as he wrenches back and up, pulling Bo up into a vertical suplex…and holding him there!  The fans stare on in jilted awe as Thugg turns, holding Bo steady for 5 seconds, 7 seconds, 9 seconds…WHAM!  A full 10 seconds later, the world champion falls backwards to crush Bo with the completed maneuver!  “And that’s why he’s the champ, folks,” cackles NTD.  “Pure, unadulterated power!  There’s not a man who can stand up to the Thugg today!”

 

“Not in terms of mass, anyway…”

 

“What else is there?”

 

“Heart?  Wit?  Drive?”

 

“One’s crappy chick-rock band!  One’s a shitty chick-play!  One’s a…a…crappy…chick…uh…”  NTD stammers, but he’s made his point, dumb as it may be.  Edwin has risen at the count of 4 and the referee moves over to Bo, but doesn’t bother counting, as the battered Bo manages to get a hand on the bottom rope immediately.  As Bo starts to pull himself up, a risen Thugg turns his attention to Edwin, who looks very out of place up against the dominant giant.  The Mac Daddy rears back and launches forward with a left hand shotei, but the blow generates little impact into Thugg’s ribs.  HVT cracks his neck and steps forward, lunging for Edwin, but MacPhisto rolls out to the right and dodges away!  Thugg lunges again, but this time MacPhisto rolls left!  

 

“If there’s one thing Edwin has over these two, it’s speed!  And fashion sense, but really, the former’s going to help him a lot more tonight,” says Curry, admiring Edwin’s agility.  HVT stalks forward one more time, but now Edwin ducks forward under the sweeping, loping arms and starts to pepper HVT’s torso with swinging jabs!  Blow after blow, Edwin sends 5, 10, 15 quick strikes into Thugg’s ribcage and gut, and only at the end do they have any effect!  Thugg slumps forward, barely, but the Mac Daddy makes the most of the chance and snags a headlock!  He dashes forward two big steps and the crowd roars as he leaps…and gets shoved away violently by the recovered champion!  Edwin picks up astounding momentum and crashes into the ropes face first, drawing a disheartened sigh from the fans.  “MacPhisto tried for his Midnight Special, but Thugg played the part of the clock and threw this Cinderella story way off track!”

 

“Your metaphors blow more ass than George Michael, Curry.”

 

“I’m working on it!”

 

With Edwin taken care of, HVT quickly turns in the other direction, barely getting an arm up in time to block a Bo right hand.  The Perfect One manages to catch Thugg across the face with a glancing left, and that provides just enough diversion for him to snare a belly-to-belly waistlock around Thugg’s thick torso!  The crowd roars as Bo starts to vault back, struggling with Thugg’s weight!  “Can Bo get the Northern Lights?” wonders Curry, and the answer is a definitive “hell no, biatch!” as Thugg gets his own arms up, around, and into a clinch behind Bo before lifting him up and squeezing him tight!  “Mafiosos give a kiss of death—The Hville Thugg gives a hug of death!  Thugg just countered Bo’s suplex into a bearhug, and you know what that means!”  The fans certainly do now, and as Thugg crushes away at the thrashing Bo, he grins widely, and then after a few seconds of abuse, falls forward to smash Bo with his full weight in a front bearhug slam!  “HVT has easily and effortlessly counted several of these men’s signature attacks in the early going, and both Bo and Edwin’s assaults have already started to reek of desperation!” mutters a disappointed Curry as Thugg stands and towers over Bo.  The referee looks down and raises one finger!

 

“ONE!”

 

“If either of these men is going to do some damage to Thugg--”

 

“TWO!”

 

“-they’re going to have to realize that there’s no one Thugg can’t take in a head-on fight!”

 

“THREE!”   Thugg looks down contemptuously as Bo starts to stir, but suddenly a roar of cheers comes from behind and a blazing figure dashes and leaps alongside Thugg from behind, catching him by the back of the neck and follow through with a Jericho-esque face-driller onto the mat!  “I spoke too soon!” shouts Curry, as elated as the crowd as the champ’s head bounces off the mat courtesy a daring Edwin MacPhisto!  Edwin springs to his feet as quickly as he can and pulls a dizzied but not downed Thugg up by his skull, punching him in the jaw all the way, bringing him up just enough to take one kneelift, two kneelifts, three kneelifts, four kneelifts, five kneelifts to the gut, just enough to momentarily double him back over!  With his head down, HVT is blind, and MacPhisto quickly capitalizes with a seated dropkick to the big man’s left knee!  The crowd gets into the match even more as Edwin picks up the pace and gets to his feet, backing into the ropes and bouncing off to shoot another dropkick into that same knee!  It starts to give way, and eagerly, Edwin goes for a third…and connects!  Thugg’s left knee buckles and the big man falls on it, drawing a big cheer from the crowd, a cheer that develops into an absolute roar as the recovered and snarling Bo comes up from behind and throws his arms around Thugg’s neck!  The Hardcore God cinches a wicked kata-hajime and thrashes about wildly, choking back on Thugg’s thick neck and causing the champion’s eyes to bulge while his lips sputter saliva!

 

“Wild Out!” cries Curry, and the crowd is on its feet!  “Bo can’t win this match by submission, but I don’t think he cares!  He’s out to hurt Thugg tonight, and that sick Tazmission just might start the job!”

 

“It’s an illegal choke—the kata-hajime always has been!  DQ him, ref!”  NTD’s pathetic pleas go unheard as Bo thrashes about wildly, trying to lift Thugg topple him, do whatever it takes to bring him down!  Edwin gets to his feet and just watches in awe as Bo absolutely rips into Thugg, wrenching back harder and harder every time the leader of Da Pound tries to break free her bust out of the hold!  Another ferocious chant of “BO-BO-BO-BO-BO” breaks out in the arena, and the two former allies, now mortal enemies, crash around the ring, Thugg’s desperate motion sending Bo careening into a ropes, nearly into the referee, all over but never shaking him off!

 

“Bo’s got the Wild Out locked in, and even the resilient Thugg might ride straight to dreamland if he doesn’t get out soon!”  Thugg keeps thrashing in the hold, and he finally manages to catch a break—the two men crash hard into one of the rampside ringposts, Bo’s back leading the way as the Hardcore God gets avalanched under Thugg’s massive figure!  The crush knocks the wind out of Bo and he has to release the hold, but the damage is done!  Thugg stumbles out of the corner after half a minute of concentrated abuse, clutching at his neck and gasping for air, unaware as Edwin MacPhisto dashes in with a flying knee!  Thugg sputters briefly, and Edwin rears back with his right hand, blows a kiss, and slaps Thugg right across the cheek!  The fans let out an excited “woo!”  and Edwin lines up his left palm, brings it around, and slaps Thugg on the left cheek!

 

“What a sissy!  Fighting with slaps!”

 

“He’s a showman, NTD!  Let him have his fun!”  Edwin makes a graceful flourish to thank the fans for their enthusiastic wooing, then steps forward to finish the combo with a DDT, securing a front face lock—but Thugg comes out of the slaps unaffected, reaching out his arms, rising to his full height, and bringing Edwin with him into a high back body drop!  The crowd gasps as Thugg releases Edwin, and the Mac Daddy sails backward, colliding right into a just recovered Perfect Bo!  The two men stumble out of the corner and Bo falls forward on top of an already-staggering Edwin as MacPhisto collapses under the weight!

 

“How’s that for fun?” snickers NTD, and the referee begins his 10-count!

 

“ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!”  At the count of three, Edwin starts to shake his head out at the bottom of the pile, pushing upward weakly, failing to budge a still downed Bo!

 

“FOUR!

 

FIVE!”  The Mac Daddy and the fans break into a panic as Bo starts to stir, but not fast enough!  Suddenly, a thick black hand grabs Edwin by his fiery man and drags him out from under Bo, the Mac Daddy crying out in pain all the while!  The ref returns to his count, but Bo is up under his own power before six!  “Bo took a surprise full-body shot from Edwin there, and with MacPhisto firmly in Thugg’s hands,” comments Curry, “it looks like the champion has finally fallen into his dominant ways!”

 

“I was started to get worried back there!” breathes a relived NTD.  “With all those dropkicks and the ILLEGAL CHOKE HOLD, I was worried Thuggy might be off his game tonight!”

 

“Get over the kata-hajime, for christ’s sake!  And I doubt Thugg likes you calling him ‘Thuggy’ anyway.”

 

“He likes it in my dreeeeams…”

 

“What?”

 

“N-nothing!”  

 

As NTD fantasizes about the true meaning of Big Black, Thugg continues to wrench Edwin up by his hair, transitioning to a quick chokehold before lifting Edwin up and tossing him into an open corner, diagonally across from the one where Bo’s gotten to his feet.  Edwin hits the post hard and the crowd groans, but before Thugg can do anything rash, Bo takes him from behind with a club fist to the back of the neck!  Thugg staggers forward but Bo wrenches him back, twisting with purpose and snagging an inverted facelock!  Bo sits out, snapping Thugg’s neck across his shoulder, but he holds onto the facelock and stands for a second neckbreaker!  He painstakingly pulls Thugg up…and sits out for a second!  The crowd gets into it as a look of dull daze starts to appear in Thugg’s eyes, and Bo pulls him up one more time, still maintaining the inverted facelock!  “Rolling neckbreakers, wow!” calls Curry.  “Bo takes his rolling DDTs and innovates to a pretty damn brutal effect!”  Bo sits out one more time, delivering a third and final neckbreaker and leaving Thugg laid out on the mat.  The ref hovers away a bit, making sure to keep his distance as a manic Bo bounces on the balls of his feet, watching Thugg…

 

“ONE!”

 

Thugg sits up.

 

“No fuckin’ way!” bellows Bo, audible to anyone sitting in the first five rows!  

 

“Good god!” cries Curry, similarly astounded!  “The Hville Thugg just took three neckbreakers from Perfect God-Damn Bo, and sat up like nothing hit him!”  Bo’s jaw drops, and he looks up to Edwin, pulling himself out of the corner across the ring.  The Mac Daddy shrugs, and Bo shakes his head as Thugg rises to his feet, cutting off his challengers’ impromptu pow-wow!  The crowd boos as Thugg steps towards Bo, but cheers as a blinding flash of Carnival pride dashes up from behind and launches yet another dropkick into Thugg’s left leg, this time into the back of the knee!  Thugg falters a bit but still turns as Edwin gets up for another shot, and HVT denies a second attack by slapping a firm claw grip around Edwin’s face!  The crowd gasps as Thugg begins to squeeze, but Bo follows Edwin’s example and makes the save with a stiff boot to the back of Thugg’s left knee!  The giant falters slightly again, releasing Edwin an spinning to take Bo into a sudden one-handed choke!  The crowd roars as a raging HVT looks to lift Bo…and fails as Edwin hits ANOTHER stomp into the back of his left knee!  The leg buckles a little more than slightly and Thugg’s grip slips as he balances himself, then suddenly whirls around with his right arm and levels a grinning Edwin with a big backwards elbow!  A wave of dejection rushes over the crowd as Edwin drops like a sack of bricks.  The ref gets ready to count him down and HVT whirls back to try his luck with Bo, but the distraction of Edwin leaves Bo enough opportunity to barrel forward and spear Thugg, not knocking him down but driving him back, back, back, all the way into the corner with an aggressive roar!  The ref starts to count Edwin down as the bigger men exchange big punches in the corner!

 

“ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!”

 

A light “Mac-Phist-OOOOO” chant rises from the upper deck, and at the count of four, Edwin opens an eye and starts to stir, safely getting a hand on the rope and pulling up at five.  “Not many opportunities for these guys to get counted down yet,” says Curry, “mostly due to Thugg’s two challengers being able to stay on relatively the same page!  Thugg, dominant as he can be, can’t handle both of them at once, but he’s still too strong at this stage of the match to go down to the paced offense of his opponents.  It’s a bit of a deadlock, but this match is still anyone’s ball game.  If Edwin and Bo can continue to wear Thugg down gradually and focus on that knee, they might be able to get him off his vertical base and keep him down for good!”

 

“You’re too optimistic!” snaps NTD.  “As soon as your two so-called challengers get all Zeppelin and suffer a communication breakdown, this match’ll be wide open for HVT to pull another great title defense!  Divide and conquer—it’s the oldest trick in the book!”  As the two announcers bicker, Edwin gets back to his feet in time to watch Thugg throw a right hand out of the corner, but Bo counter with his trademark left hook!  The blow catches Thugg on the jaw but he walks right through it, overcome with rage, and grabs Bo at the waist!  The shocked Bo shouts a profanity or two, but Thugg jerks him upward and then brings him down, crushing him back-first into the mat with a solid jackknife-style powerbomb!  Bo, still tough as an ox, starts to get back a knee, but Thugg drives his mammoth right knee into Bo’s face, dropping the Perfect One back to the mat.  The referee starts to count Bo down, and Edwin stands back, watching as Bo drops his big Timberland down on Bo’s chest and grinds it against his ribs!  The ref shouts at Thugg, telling him to stop, but the champ just shouts back, yelling “count this dogg down,” but the ref refuses!  An enraged Thugg starts to stomp away and Bo begins to coil up.  Looking to preserve his ally in this match, Edwin dashes forward, the crowd roaring with support as he spikes more fast jabs into Thugg’s side, trying to distract him and pull him off Bo for a bit!  He succeeds, but only for a second as Thugg lunges forward and drops the Mac Daddy with a cracking headbutt for his troubles!  MacPhisto skids away, and at the announce desk, Curry cringes!

 

“Big hit from Thugg to Edwin there!  This has been a really unorthodox Last Man Standing match so far,” Curry asserts, “thanks to the DQ rules being in effect!  Without chairs, pipes, microphones or what-have-you as legal objects, the challengers are struggling to do anything to keep Thugg down!  This is the first Last Man Standing match I’ve seen where brains and technical skill are proving just as important as brawn and bold audacity!”

 

The ref starts to count, with both Bo and Edwin down…

 

“ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!”

 

With Edwin out of the way, Thugg aggressively gets to stomping Bo again, and this draws complaint from the ref.  With a quick shout and some muttered threats from Thugg, however, the count is back again…

 

“FIVE!

 

SIX!”  

 

At six, Bo finally pushes himself off the mat, unfortunately straight into pounding elbows from Thugg…

 

“SEVEN!”  

 

And at seven, Edwin stirs and finally recovers from the shocking headbutt!  He pushes himself up before the count of eight, and the crowd sighs with relief, but only for a moment as Thugg continues to dominate Bo.  “Someone’s going to have to do something rash to turn this match around,” says Curry, shaking his head.  “Right now it’s a methodical crawl down Thugg Lane—each time he brings either Bo or Edwin down, they stay down longer!  At this rate it’s only a matter of minutes before Thugg simply drains these two of their faculties!”  Thugg drops another elbow on Bo, and as the Bronx bomber calls out, Edwin keeps his distance and edges towards the ropes, outside of Thugg’s view.  Satisfied with his dominance of Bo thus far, Thugg grabs him by the chin and pulls him up to his feet, then cinches a belly-to-belly waistlock.  HVT pulls up…but Bo kicks back, keeping himself on the ground!  Thugg tries to pull again, but Bo drops his shoulder and drives it into HVT’s gut!  The champ releases Bo, who quickly turns and throws his arms up for a ¾ facelock!  “Perfect Pain!  Perfect Pain!” shouts Curry, and the crowd goes nuts, but Thugg shoves forward and knocks Bo away!  Bo turns around roaring, lunging back toward Thugg, but using the ropes to hold himself up, Thugg balances on his weakened left knee and throw his right foot up to floor Bo with a big boot!  Bo hits the mat and across the ring Edwin bails to the outside…

 

“Where the hell is MacPhisto going?” cries NTD.  “That coward’s running away!”

 

“I don’t think he’s running away, NTD—I think he’s just smart enough to realize that if Bo can’t go toe-to-toe with Thugg, there’s no way that he’s going to be able to either!”  Outside the ring, Edwin stays low and dashes around the outside as the ref starts to count him out, while counting Bo down all the same.

 

“ONE!”

 

Having demolished Bo, Thugg turns, looking for his other victim, but doesn’t find anybody…

 

“TWO!”

 

And suddenly a cheer rises up from the crowd!  Thugg turns back again to see Edwin MacPhisto standing on the top turnbuckle in the corner, grinning out at him…and leaping!  “Edwin off the top rope!” shouts Curry, and the Mac Daddy moves too fast for Thugg—as Edwin falls, he sails past Thugg’s head and catches him in a bulldogging headlock on the way down!

 

WHAM!  Even the monstrous Thugg can’t stay standing under the Mac Daddy’s momentum, and Edwin drives his head into the mat with a reverberating crash!  The Mac Daddy rolls away and kips-up to his feet, and the crowd goes nuts!  “MacPhisto takes Thugg down!  The tides have turned, or at least they’re starting to come in!” hollers Curry, getting excited now.  Thugg sits up and stands quickly, shocked by the move but not too hurt, but before he can stand to his full height, Edwin dives in and spears HVT’s left leg out from under him!  Thugg falls forward, and the ring starts to become chaotic as Bo begins to pull himself up while Thugg crashes down face first!  Edwin scrambles up off the mat and sees the outstretched and damaged knee—he quickly bounces himself off the ropes, darts the few steps towards Thugg, and leaps, dropping a leg over the back of his knee and drawing a mild cry of pain from the champion for the first time tonight!  “MacPhisto and Bo continue to work over the left knee, and it sounds like it’s starting to take some sort of toll on Thugg!”  Roaring with rage and pain, Thugg sits up and swings his arm back, backhanding Edwin across the chest and knocking him away.  The crowd boos as Thugg starts to get back up, favoring the left knee, but they cheer again as Bo charges and slams Thugg with a punch from the left!  From the right!  From the left again, but on the fourth shot Thugg reaches forward, weakly grabs Bo, and stands up, catching him in a sloppy backdrop, lifting him up over his head…

 

…AND EATING A PERFECT PAIN OUT OF NOWHERE!  “BO HITS THE PERFECT PAIN!” screams Curry, “Bo hits the Perfect Pain out of the backdrop!!!  Did you see that, NTD?  What a reversal—ladies and gentleman, Thugg is down, he’s just been hit with Perfect Pain, and Bo is in control!”

 

“BO-BO-BO-BO-BO!”  The crowd is going wild, stomping at their as Thugg goes down hard and starts to suffer the referee’s 10-count!

 

“ONE!”

 

Bo starts to get up, brushing himself and dizzily backing away from his downed rival…

 

“TWO!”

 

Off to the side, Edwin starts to stumble up from his seat against the ropes, recovering…

 

“THREE!”

 

“Folks, Thugg is not yet moving—he could be out of this match right here, right now!”

 

“FOUR!”  

 

The crowd’s excitement builds, and both faces are to their feet now…

 

“FIVE!”

 

Thugg is still down, but starting to stir as Bo groggily backs up…as Edwin dizzily backs up…

 

“SIX!”

 

…as Bo and Edwin back right into each other.

 

The two men turn to face each either, standing at equal height, staring each other down from inches away…

 

“SEVEN!”

 

Thugg tries to push himself up, struggling to get support for his battered left knee, as Edwin and Bo exchange words…

 

“EIGHT!”

 

“It’s all going down!” shouts Curry!  “Right here, right now!”  Bo grins…

 

“NINE!”

 

And just as Thugg pushes himself up off the mat, the crowd explodes with amazement as Bo decks Edwin with a right hook!  Edwin battles back with a right of his own, and the two challengers fall into a huge brawl!  “That’s it!” shouts a rejuvenated NTD.  “That’s the breaking point!  It’s all over for these two if they can’t see eye-to-eye!”  Thugg hobbles away and his left knee almost gives out again, and Edwin and Bo are going at it at full-time!  Edwin catches a Bo right hand and rolls out into a hammerlock, quickly sliding to a waistlock and going for a German suplex, but elbows back once, twice, three times to knock Edwin away!  Edwin rotates and Bo swings a huge right hand…that Edwin ducks!  The crowd goes nuts as the Mac Daddy springs up from his duck with his left hand surging forward, straight into Bo’s face with a blistering shotei!  Bo spins around under the huge blow, and Edwin sees his opportunity—he lines up back to back with the dizzied Bo and in a split second hooks the arms!

 

“ENCORE CROSS!” cries Curry, and the fans explode, but in a flash Bo busts his hands free, shoots them upward, and cinches them around Edwin’s neck!  “MY GOD—REVERSAL!”

 

BAM!  Bo leaps out and reverses the Encore Cross into another Perfect Pain!

 

“They’re destroying each other,” laughs NTD, “and look at Thugg!  He’s loving every minute of it!”  Thugg grins from the corner and gets standing to his full height as the referee starts to count Edwin down…

 

“ONE!”

 

But Bo stops the count, shoving the referee to the side, sitting down over Edwin, and locking his left leg in a single crab!  The crowd fires off a mixture of boos and cheers as he reaches forward to hook the STF, the pulls back in both directions with the Perfect Crank!  “Bo’s flipped out!” frets Curry.  “He’s destroying Edwin with the Perfect Crank, right after hitting him with the Perfect Pain, but he’s forgetting about Thugg!”  Edwin, in immense pain from the strain on his always fragile neck, starts tapping out immediately, but it doesn’t mean a thing in this match!  “Edwin taps out, but Bo can’t beat him that way!  If he just gets off him, he can be counted down for 10!”  MacPhisto cries out and keeps slapping away at the mat, and the ref begs Bo to break the hold, but with rage in his eyes, the Perfect One grins up and barks a loud “I’M DONE WHEN I SAY I’M DONE!” at the striped shirt!  He cranks away wildly, oblivious to the wave of boos rising up…

 

…as the Hville Thugg clasps both his hands around Bo’s throat and slowly but surely peels him off of Edwin, choking him out all the way!  “Bo’s lost focus on his real objective in a fit of rage, and it’s costing him big time!”

 

“Kill him, Thugg!  Kill the Bo!  Spill his blood!”  NTD sounds the rallying call as Thugg moves fast and amazingly lifts all 290 pounds of Bronx beast up off the ground, moving out of the choke into a full nelson, turning away from Edwin…and dropping Bo tailbone first with a sit-out full nelson bomb!  Thugg falls away on impact, and all three men are down as the ref gets the opportunity to start his count!

 

“ONE!”

 

“All three men are down!”

 

“TWO!”

 

“Serves Bo and Edwin right, muahaha!”

 

“THREE!”

 

Bo stirs and sits up, his eyes glowing with intensity as he gets to his hands and knees…

 

“FOUR!”

 

Thugg is on his way up, pushing himself on his still-100% right knee…

 

“FIVE!”

 

But Edwin’s not moving!

 

“SIX!”

 

“MacPhisto might be down for good—but Bo and Thugg are up again!”

 

“SEVEN!”

 

Bo rises and turns to face Thugg, launches a boot into his gut, while across the ring, Edwin stirs, clutching at his neck, reaching for the nearest rope…

 

“EIGHT!”  Thugg walks right through the boot the gut, no-selling it like a beast, and claps a thick left hand around Bo’s throat!  “UNTAMED!” squeals NTD, and elsewhere Edwin almost has the bottom rope…

 

“NINE!”  Thugg lifts a thrashing Bo…and Edwin pulls himself up with the bottom rope, then the middle rope…

 

WHAAAAM!

 

And the Mac Daddy falls right down again—the ring shakes like mad as Thugg drills Bo down with the Untamed spinning chokeslam!  “Bo’s down, and he might be down for good now!” sighs Curry.  “All he had to do was kick out Thugg’s left knee, and he would have been able to reverse, but his mind’s been clouded with rage!”

 

“What the hell is he, a Jedi?”

 

“Yes!  If Samuel L. can be one, so can Bo, damn it!”

 

The ref starts his 10-count, backing away from a rising and raging Thugg, as Edwin and the downed Bo try to pull themselves up…

 

“ONE!”

 

Edwin has the ropes and is already on his way back up…

 

“TWO!”

 

Thugg stares down at Bo with contempt…

 

“THREE!”

 

…and Bo sits up.

 

“THREE?  THREE COUNTS FOR THE UNTAMED?” rails NTD, and the crowd is going nuts!  Thugg looks on in disbelief as Bo staggers to his feet, yells in his face, and swings a big punch—but Thugg blocks and scores a knee to the gut!

 

“Bo got up at THREE after the god-damn Untamed, but he’s in a worse situation now—Thugg is hella pissed!”

 

Thugg, absolutely explosive with anger, sets Bo up in a position for a inverted DDT, and the crowd jeers loudly…but Bo slides back and out of the Thugg Passion!  Thugg starts to turn to face him, but Bo hits the biggest uppercut this side of Uppercut City, Oklahoma, and spins Thugg right back around!  The Perfect One scores a full nelson, lifts…and hits a sit-out bomb of his own!  The crowd explodes and Bo stands up, roaring and pumping his arms…and getting pulled into a Dragon Sleeper from behind as Edwin MacPhisto sees an opportunity!  Edwin gets a pop for his attack, but the crowd soon divides…

 

“BO-BO-BO-BO-BO…”

 

“MAC-PHIST-OOOOO!

MAC-PHIST-OOOOO!”

 

“Thugg’s down—the ref’s counting--”

 

“ONE!”

 

“Edwin’s got Bo in the dragon sleeper--”

 

“TWO!”

 

Edwin, realizing that he can’t lift Bo for a brainbuster, changes his grip a little to an inverted facelock, and reaches forward with his free hand to grab Bo’s waist…

 

“THREE!”

 

“No, a facelock—this is chaos!”  Curry loses control, and so does the crowd as Edwin lifts Bo up at the waist, holds him elevated for a second, and then falls to the mat, drilling the Perfect One with a reverse DDT drop!  The crowd cheers wildly and Edwin rises up, arms outstretched, completely unaware that the ref’s count has stopped and restarted at one as he backs into the waiting arms of the Hville Thugg!  “Now Thugg’s got Edwin!”  The champ takes the man barely half his weight into his arms like a swaddling child…and lifts him up and throws him back with a fallaway slam!

 

“ONE!”  

 

Bo and Edwin are down as Thugg gets back to his feet…

 

“TWO!”

 

And Bo stumbles back to his feet, shaking off the effects of the DDT drop, and immediately roaring and leaping towards Thugg!

 

“THREE!”

 

Edwin’s still down as Bo leaps…and drops the Thugg with a leaping clothesline!  Both men are up in a flash, and Bo runs for another clothesline…and gets it!  “The power of Bo!” shouts Curry!

 

“FOUR!”

 

And Edwin sits up in the corner!  “The resiliency of Thugg!” responds NTD!  Bo drags Thugg back to his feet, tries to get the ¾ facelock, but Thugg shoves him away, not going to fall for the Perfect Pain again!  Bo turns as Edwin starts to stand, and the Perfect One dashes back towards Thugg with another leaping clothesline…and Thugg catches him!

 

“He caught him!  The Hville Thugg just caught Perfect Bo, and it doesn’t look good for the  Bronx warrior!” despairs Curry!  Thugg twist Bo around like he was just a 300-pound rag doll, holding him around the waist with his head down.  A shocked murmur flies through the crowd and an epic 2 seconds later, Thugg drops to his knees to drill Perfect Bo with a Tombstone Piledriver!  Bo’s head cracks against the canvas and he falls away, stiff and still as his whole body collapses to the mat, and Thugg starts to push himself up.  “My god!  Tombstone piledriver—Bo is gone!”  The fans roar and shout, and a “THUGG SUCKS” call starts to rise as the ref counts Bo down!

 

“ONE!”

 

With a shake of the head, Edwin comes bursting out of the corner with a leap towards Thugg…

 

“TWO!”

 

And Thugg catches him, just like he caught Bo!  The Hville Thugg falls down with a thundering sideslam, and Edwin rolls away.  Thugg sits up, but notices as he sits that the count…

 

…has stopped.

 

“BO IS UP!  MY GOD, BO IS UP!  HE POWERED THROUGH THAT TOMBSTONE LIKE IT WAS NOTHING!”

 

“How can that be?” cries NTD.  “It’s a tombstone piledriver for christ’s sake!”

 

“And Bo is Perfect Bo, the Hardcore God—what more answer do you need?”  The crowd is firmly behind Bo as he rises up and charges Thugg, swinging a fist, connecting, swing another, swinging wildly and violently in a blind rage, the sound of bone on flesh blending with the adulation of the fans as Thugg staggers.  “Bo’s in control!   Thugg’s faltering!  He’s got the champ on the run!”  With a cinch of the arm and step forward, Bo fires off a rare Irish whip in this brutal brawl, and Thugg bounces off the ropes RIGHT INTO A ¾ FACELOCK!  “PERFECT PAIN!  PERFECT PAIN AGAIN!”

 

“No, no, NO!”

 

There’s not a fan sitting down as Bo cinches Perfect Pain AND TAKES A KNEE TO THE BACK FROM THE HVILLE THUGG.  “Thugg counters!  He’s learned his lesson!” cries Curry!  Bo loses his grip, and from behind, Thugg cinches the facelock for an inverted DDT to an absolutely overwhelming roar of boos.

 

“Give him some of that Thuuuuuuugg Passion, baby!” cackles NTD!

 

“Can Thugg do it?” shouts Curry, trying to be heard over the crowd.  “Can he finally take Bo down?”

 

Thugg roars, bends at the knees, and pauses three seconds, summoning all his strength…and then lifts Bo up by the waist, flipping him up and holding him for an inverted Last Ride powerbomb!  “I can’t watch…” gasps Curry.

 

“I can…”

 

Bo stares out into the crowd from 10 feet in the air, and suddenly a surge of movement rushes the blood and consciousness out of his head…

 

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!  The Hville Thugg, SWF World Heavyweight Champion, hits Perfect Bo with the Thugg Passion!

 

“YES!  YES!” squeals the pantless heel commentator.  “It’s all over now!”  Bo goes limp in the center of the ring, and Thugg stands tall over him, staring down at his body, as the ref begins to count…

 

“ONE!”

 

“Listen to that crowd, NTD…”

 

“TWO!”

 

“They have had it up to HERE with Thugg…”

 

“THREE!”

 

The fans roar, stomp, and shout, but to no avail—Bo remains unmoving.  

 

“FOUR!”

 

“It doesn’t look good…”

 

“FIVE!”

 

“Au contraire, Curry: it looks very good from where I’m sitting…”

 

“SIX!”

 

Edwin comes charging him from the side, but Thugg just shoves him away, caught up in enjoying the moment over his adversary…

 

“SEVEN!”

 

“Thugg just tossed Edwin away like a limp trout!  He wants to make sure Bo is gone!”

 

“EIGHT!”

 

Bo starts to move, and the crowd starts to cheer!  

 

“He’s gonna get up, NTD!  He’s gonna get up!”

 

The ref looks on as Bo lifts a hand a few inches off the ground, trying to pull himself up…Thugg cocks his head, looks down at the hand…

 

“NINE!”

 

…and SLAMS HIS BOOT DOWN ON IT, PINNING IT TO THE MAT!

 

“No!  No!  Bo can’t…”

 

“TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!”

 

“YESSS!” shouts NTD!  The Savvis Center is in a riot!  The ref calls for the bell to ring!

 

“He had Bo’s hand pinned down—and he still does!” shouts Curry, in a rage!  “That shouldn’t be a count of ten!  Thugg didn’t even let Bo get up!”

 

“Quit your whining, Curry—Bo won that one fair and square, and you know it!”  Curry simmers, and the Savvis Center suddenly has all the wind taken out of its sails.  As Funyon starts to make his announcement, Edwin staggers to his feet across the ring, using the ropes to hold his oft-tossed frame about…

 

“The first man eliminated—Perfect Bo!”

 

Edwin tosses his hair back and glares at Thugg.

 

“Bloody hell.”

 

“It’s just Edwin MacPhisto and the Hville Thugg now!” shouts a despondent Curry.  “It took an Untamed chokeslam, a tombstone piledriver, and a Thugg Passion to eliminate Bo, but it’s been done—and I can’t say that things look good for the Mac Daddy!”

 

“For once I’m agreeing with you, Curry!  Sure, Bo could take all three of those—he’s one of the toughest guys in the fed—but Edwin?  One of those, and he’s toast!”  

 

Bo starts to stir, rolling a little on the mat, as Thugg turns to meet Edwin’s gaze.  The two surviving competitors stare down, and the arena fills with sound as a chant takes over…

 

“MAC-PHIST-OOOOO!

 

MAC-PHIST-OOOOO!”

 

Thugg looks around the arena, taking in the chants, cracks his knuckles…

 

…and grins.

 

With a shake of his head and a what-the-hell disposition, Edwin bolts forward and leaps at Thugg with a flying forearm!  The crowd roars for the burst of offense, but Thugg quickly quells it with a sharp body blow to the gut!  Edwin staggers and Thugg immediately twists the fazed Mac Daddy into an inverted DDT hold—but Edwin shoots his leg backward and clips out Thugg’s left leg!  “That’s what Edwin’s got to focus on!” exclaims Curry.  “That left leg!  If he can keep up on it, he might be able to last this match!”  Thugg loses his grip on Edwin as the leg buckles out, and Edwin twists away, backs off, and then launches forward with a springing sidekick right into Thugg’s face!  The champ staggers and nearly gets blown off his one knee position, but he fights through the blow as he shakes out his left leg.  Thugg rises to his full height, and a desperate Edwin rears back with a shotei, only to have Thugg suddenly surge forward and grab him by the throat!

 

“Untamed!  Untamed!  You can’t keep a good Thugg down—this is great, Curry!  We’ll get home at a decent hour tonight!”

 

The crowd swells with boos as Thugg looks to get the early finish—NO, THUGG’S NECK SNAPS BACKWARDS AND HE DROPS EDWIN HARMLESSLY AS BO HITS HIM WITH YET ANOTHER PERFECT PAIN!!!  “PERFECT BO!” bellows Curry!  “Perfect Bo just nailed Thugg with the Perfect Pain and might have saved Edwin’s chances—he’s been eliminated, but that’s not stopping Bo!  He’s a man on a mission!”

 

“He’s Mabel?”

 

“No—shut up!”

 

“Mo, then?”

 

“I hate you!”

 

The referee angrily gets in Bo’s face and pushes him back, telling him to leave the ringside area, but Bo clocks him in the jaw to a big pop!  Edwin scurries away, amazed at his good fortune, and Bo starts to stomp away indiscriminately at Thugg as a flood of striped shirts and security personnel comes pouring down the entrance ramp!  “The cavalry’s out, and they’re coming for Bo!”

 

“Throw this match out!  That’s cause for a disqualification!” sneers NTD.

 

“What are they going to do, disqualify Bo?  He’s already been eliminated!”  The referees and security personnel pile into the ring, about a dozen in all, and it takes four of them to pull Bo off Thugg—and Bo throws them all aside!  He lunges forward again, but this time four more men start to drag him away, and then the original 4 add in!  “8 men!  It’s taking 8 men a hell of a time to get Bo out of this ring!”  The crowd is going ballistic as the referees circle around Bo and slowly move his raging form out of the ring, starting him up the ramp.  Bo gets a standing ovation, and the original referee starts to come to his senses, rubbing at his new shiner and feeling satisfied as he sees Bo dragged away.  Thugg starts to stir as well, downed by Perfect Pain but not counted out thanks to the hazy referee.  As Edwin sees Thugg rise, he too gets to his feet, and…dives under the bottom rope towards the announce table?

 

“Don’t you come anywhere near us, MacPhisto!” snaps NTD.  “I don’t want Thugg smashing you through my table tonight!”  

 

“Edwin’s on the outside of the ring, and he’s gonna be counted out during this little breather if he’s not careful!”

 

“ONE!” counts the referee, and outside the ring, Edwin claps and jumps to get Thugg’s attention.

 

“TWO!”

 

The champion stalks towards the ropes, cautious of a trap…

 

“THREE!”

 

And Edwin starts gesturing wildly!

 

“That’s…that’s American Sign Language!” says Curry, in amazement.  “I believe Edwin’s making the sign for…oh, oh my!”

 

“What?  What?”

 

“He’s making the sign for ‘this is what I did to your sister last night’!”  With that, Edwin puts his hands behind his head and thrusts his pelvis wildly, drawing a huge roar of laughter for the crowd!  Before the referee can count Edwin out any further, Thugg steps through the ropes and off the apron, ready to kill Edwin for his insolence!  “And Edwin successfully lures Thugg to the outside—they’ve only got 10 seconds out there with count-out rules in effect, but maybe this is how Edwin can turn the tides!”

 

Thugg lunges forward with a big haymaker punch, but Edwin ducks and gets his back to the apron.  Thugg turns and swings again, and the crowd gasps as Edwin ducks under it once more, this time backing against the guardrail!  The ref starts to make his count just as Thugg turns and charges Edwin with a raised right boot, but Edwin dodges to the side!  “There we go!” hollers Curry, and Thugg’s massive Timberland clangs into the guardrail and catches in the rungs!  The crowd roars as the Mac Daddy hits a kneelift to the underside of Thugg’s trapped right leg, then drops and legsweeps the left out from under him, leaving Thugg to topple to the mat, his right leg only breaking free after considerable strain!  “Edwin’s trying to hyperextend that right knee now, while still keeping pressure on the left!  I think he means to ground Thugg totally!”

 

“I think he means to get himself counted out!”

 

“EIGHT!”

 

Coming to his senses and hearing the call, Edwin climbs up onto the apron, then leaps back off onto the Thugg with an elbow drop, breaking the count again.  Thugg starts to stand, putting most of his weight on his right knee, and Edwin dodges another big swing, backing up against the apron and pulling himself off!  “What’s Edwin doing now—OHHH!”  Curry cuts himself as Edwin leaps with a huge plancha, only to get caught and carried over onto the concrete courtesy one Thugg from Hville!  Thugg gets to his feet and drags Edwin with him, rolling the Mac Daddy back into the ring, then hobbling in himself, taking several seconds to get that left leg up and under the ropes!  “Edwin did some damage to Thugg, but did he take more then it was worth?”  The referee turns back to the center of the ring and starts to count Edwin down…

 

“ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE--” but at three, a risen Thugg pulls Edwin up by his hair and breaks the count, going for more punishment!  He steps forward and whips the Mac Daddy into the ropes, and Edwin comes back right into a monster clothesline!  The whiplash is incredible as Edwin collapses into the mat, but the deliberate and punishing Thugg bends down to pick him up again!  He steps forward to whip Edwin again, but Edwin reverses the whip—no, Thugg reverses it back, and sends Edwin into the ropes across the ring!  Edwin hits the ropes, but as he bounces back starts to pick up steam.  Thugg lunges…and Edwin drops into a baseball slide!  As he shoots towards Thugg, he separates his ankles, then closes them around HVT’s left leg as he skids to a stop!  Thugg looks down, and the crowd roars as Edwin torques his calves and pulls them to the side, taking Thugg’s left leg out from under him again!  “This match has taken on an electric pace now that it’s straight-out Edwin vs. Thugg,” comments Curry.

 

“Of course!” chides NTD.  “That’s the only way Edwin’s going to stay alive here!”  The crowd is rallying behind the Mac Daddy, clapping uproariously, and as the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache assesses the downed Thugg, he looks towards the nearest corner, and barely thinking, breaks into a dash!  Edwin leaps to the second rope and flips backward suddenly with a moonsault…right onto Thugg’s chest!

 

To be continued...

[Guest BA_Baracus]

“Moonsault!  Edwin flies high—and he’s going back for more!”  Immediately after landing, Edwin rolls to his feet, leaps over Thugg’s body, leaps to the second rope, then the third, and moonsaults back again, this time from higher up!  He crashes into Thugg’s ribs, and Thugg groans audibly!  Visibly wearing himself out, Edwin gets up AGAIN, and dashes to the corner one more time!  “Shot after shot, Edwin’s wearing Thugg down with big moves, but taking himself out too!”  Edwin hops to the second rope, the third rope, and then he turns to the ring, busts a quick dance move, and leaps off once more, turning and leading with his back and elbow as he sails down!  “Twisting elbows press!” shouts Curry, and another “MAC-PHIST-OOOOO!” chant hits just as Edwin collides and rolls away, clutching at his own exhausted and worn-out body, strained from connecting with three consecutive high-impact dives!  The ref stands between the two downed men and starts to count!

 

“ONE!”

 

“Edwin just battered Thugg--”

 

“TWO!”

 

“-but he battered himself in the process!”

 

“THREE!”

 

“Could those three be enough to keep the Hville Thugg down?”

 

“FOUR!”

 

Edwin starts to stir…

 

“FIVE!”

 

Edwin gets up to his feet, using the ropes to help, looking on as Thugg starts to move…

 

“SIX!”

 

Anxiously, Edwin waits…

 

“SEVEN!”

 

…

 

“EI-” and the ref cuts himself off as Thugg pushes up onto his right knee, then rises!  Edwin gives frustrated howl and charges in immediately to the crowd’s delight!

 

“Don’t get reckless, Edwin!  That’s how Bo got himself eliminated!” warns Curry!

 

Edwin drives a shoulder into Thugg’s gut, winding the still-fazed big man slightly.  He lands a quick uppercut, then grabs Thugg’s shoulder and forcibly spins him around!  Taking Thugg’s arms into his own, he stands back to back with the world champion and hook both arms around the elbow!  “Encore Cross?” wonders Curry.  “There’s no way he can get Thugg over!”

 

The crowd watches in awe as Edwin roars and tries to power Thugg forward…one surge, no dice.  He surges again…gets a little lift, Thugg up off the ground one inch, maybe two inches, but back down just as fast.  Straining with all his remaining strength, Edwin surges one more time…and gets nothing!  “Thugg’s too big!” shouts Curry!

 

“Or maybe Edwin’s just too much of a wuss!” replies NTD.

 

Fed up, Edwin unhooks HVT’s arms and gives him a knee to the back, then reaches up and cinches a facelock!  The crowd hoots as Edwin points to the closest turnbuckle, then breaks into as steady a jog as he can with Thugg’s lumbering steps trailing behind him.  As they near the corner, a desperate Edwin leaps to the second rope, then the third, looking to twist out and bring Thugg back to the center!  “Spinal Tap, one of Edwin’s biggest moves…” says Curry, his voice tingling with anticipation.  Edwin kicks off the top rope, the flashbulbs erupt, but Thugg takes over at the apex of the leap and seizes around the waist, using his own momentum against him as he falls forward with a devastating powerslam!  “Thugg counters, and what an impact!  Back and forth, back and forth we go—this match has been one of the most amazing struggles we’ve ever seen here in the SWF!”  The referee starts to count Edwin down as Thugg stands up, but a huge pop from the crowd signals something going down at the top of the entrance ramp!

 

“ONE!”

 

“It’s Bo!  God dammit, hasn’t he had enough?” whines NTD.  Bo comes raging out of the entrance, shouting profanities at Thugg, and suddenly the flood of referees and guards comes out behind once more, looking much worse for the wear!  

 

“TWO!”

 

They pull Bo backstage again, but not before he flips Thugg off and goads him even more!

 

“THREE!”  

 

“What rage in Bo—he really wants a piece of Thugg!  He’s going have to wait, though…it’s all Edwin now…”

 

“FOUR!”  

 

Thugg turns back towards Edwin as the Mac Daddy starts to stumble to his knees, and before the ref can count five, Thugg has him by the hair and is pulling him up off the mat!  But before Thugg can get him up high, Edwin sends a punch into the left knee, then to the right knee, then goes back to the left knee, hammering at it with right hand jabs!  Thugg cries out, but then lifts Edwin up to meet his eyes.  “Edwin keeps working at that knee!  He’s determined, but it might not matter in the end—Thugg looks unstoppable tonight!”  Thugg clubs Edwin over the head with his huge, hamhock of a hand, as if to say “You can hit my leg all you want, but I’ll just split your grill, son.”  Taking Edwin into an armlock, Thugg whips him against the ropes, but Edwin comes back with a diving shoulder block to the knee—which Thugg dodges!  “It’s getting close now, folks!  One false move and either of these men could be toast!  Thugg with the dodge—but here’s Edwin, coming back!”  The crowd roars as Edwin scrambles back towards Thugg, briefly lacing a dragon screw legwhip before Thugg shakes him off.  Thugg goes for a stomp on the crawling Edwin with his right foot, but Edwin barrel rolls away, kicks off the mat, and finally scores with the diving dragon screw!  Thugg’s leg gives out, and he swings around with his right fist, but only manages to score a grazing blow as Edwin escapes!  Edwin kips up to his feet and bends at the knees before a kneeling Thugg…and leaps forward with a roundhouse kick!  WHAM!  The blow takes Thugg in the jaw, but Edwin flows through hits a spinning back kick with his other leg—and he windmills through again, connecting with another roundhouse!  Thugg staggers to one foot, but Edwin jukes in, rears back, and level him in the chest with a big shotei!  “Martial arts mayhem—Edwin is moving like he’s never moved before!”

 

“All it takes is one mistake, Curry!  One damn mistake!”  But Edwin’s not letting up—Thugg doesn’t fall from the shotei, so Edwin launches a snap kick into his side!  Another to the ribs!  One to the left knee!  Another to the left knee!  A rising snap strike to the jaw!  Thugg’s wobbling, fighting up to his feet, barely standing on his left, staggering back to the ropes!   The crowd is popping for every hit, and Edwin rears back, lines up…and lands a springing sidekick straight into the rising Thugg’s chest!  Thugg staggers back into the ropes and comes off them, slowly, stalking, but dizzy and dazed from the rapid-fire assault!  Edwin crouches and points to the sky, and the crowd goes nuts!

 

“He’s gonna do it!  He’s gonna do it!  Edwin’s got Thugg lined up for the one, the only, the WHIPBACK KICK!”  

 

With a grin, Edwin leaps off the mat vertically, flipping backwards and launching his legs upwards with the lethal strike, the maneuver that’s won two ICTV titles and felled giants…Edwin’s legs hit Thugg’s chest…

 

…and stay there.

 

The crowd goes silent.

 

“Oh my god.  Thugg just caught the whipback kick.”

 

Edwin is in Thugg’s arms.

 

He is one dead Brit.

 

CRUNCH!  Thugg falls to his knees and drives Edwin into the mat with a snap folding powerbomb, bending the Mac Daddy in two and driving all the life out of him!  “HUGE REVERSAL!  MY GOD, I’ve never heard an impact like that before!” shouts Curry.  Thugg stands up, and Edwin is absolutely limp.

 

“ONE!”

 

Thugg looks down at Edwin…

 

“TWO!”

 

And picks him up.

 

“WHAAAT?  Thugg’s a madman!  Let him be, Thugg, just let him be!”

 

“No, no, keep going Thugg!  Blooooood!”  

 

The Thugg pulls Edwin’s raggedy-Andy shape up off the mat, rears back, and clamps his right hand around Edwin’s throat!  “No, no!” cries Curry.  “This is too much!”  The crowd lets out the loudest boos of the night as Edwin’s arms weakly resist.  Thugg lifts Edwin up, lets out a low growl, and starts to pivot…on his left leg!  The knee starts to buckle, and Thugg rushes the slam, falling sideways, still drilling Edwin brutally hard, but not with the full impact of the Untamed!  The two men are laid out, side-by-side, Edwin barely moving, Thugg clutching at his knee…and the ref begins the count!

 

“ONE!”

 

“Both men down!”

 

“TWO!”

 

“Edwin’s dead!”

 

“THREE!”

 

Thugg starts to move, rocking up to a sitting position, crawling towards the ropes, but Edwin stays down….

 

“FOUR!

 

FIVE!”

 

Edwin starts to stir, clutching at his back…

 

“SIX!”

 

Thugg pulls himself up in the corner…

 

“SEVEN!”  

 

Edwin tries to get to a knee…but falters!

 

“EIGHT!”

 

“Goodnight, MacPhisto!” cackles NTD!

 

“NINE!”

 

Thugg stares at Edwin with an exasperated, sadistic grin…

 

“TE--” AND EDWIN PUSHES HIMSELF UP AT THE LAST SECOND!  MacPhisto gets his body off the mat with a desperate leap, and falls immediately back to the ground, but he rises for just long enough to break the 10-count and score a tremendous ovation from the crowd!

 

“How can he do that?  That’s impossible!” snaps NTD.

 

“Thugg didn’t get the full impact on that chokeslam—his leg, the one Edwin’s been working on all match, gave out on him!  And Edwin’s fighting for more than the belt—he’s fighting for pride!  To get back at Stubby!  To avenge Mark Stevens!  He just won’t give up!”  The crowd is absolutely on edge, emotionally and mentally drained, wondering how much longer this war can go on.  Enraged, Thugg storms forward recklessly, determined to end it as quickly as he can.  He wrenches the fallen Edwin away from the ropes, knees him in the gut, and brutally locks on a tight inverted DDT hold for the last time!  The crowd gasps as Thugg lifts…AND EDWIN SCORES A KICK ON THE LEFT KNEE!  Thugg lets Edwin back down, winces, then lifts again…AND EDWIN HITS ONE MORE KICK ONTO THE LEFT KNEE, CRUMBLING IT COMPLETELY!  Thugg staggers uncontrollably and Edwin flips out of the grasp!  He lands one more quick kick to the knee as Thugg weakly rises, and MacPhisto bolts for the corner!  “AMAZING ESCAPE!  MACPHISTO MAY HAVE THE THUGG RIGHT HERE IF HE CAN SOMEHOW CAPITALIZE!”  Curry’s vocal cords are totally strained, and Edwin backs into the corner, hopping on the bottom turnbuckle…and Thugg glares right at him.

 

Cold, dead eyes, with tiny embers burning in the center.

 

The dam breaks, and all of Thugg’s rage comes rushing forth.  He charges forward, letting out a bold, primal yell, splashing into the corner with 450 pounds of pure muscle…

 

…AND EDWIN DODGES!  The Mac Daddy ducks between the second and first ropes and rolls onto the apron, barely holding on as Thugg crashes chest first into the post!  “THUGG HIT THE POST!  THUGG MISSED EDWIN, AND NOW THE MAC DADDY IS ON THE RISE!  THIS COULD BE IT!  THIS COULD BE IT, FOLKS!”  

 

Thugg leans in the corner, dazed, hung up on the ropes, and from the outside Edwin climbs!  He gets to second rope, then reaches through, and with a low grunt pulls Thugg up to stand on the first rope!  The crowd roars, and Edwin takes a breath, then wraps Thugg up again…pulling him to the second rope!

 

“What in the hell is Edwin going to do?” shouts Curry.  “He can’t lift Thugg for Air MacPhisto!  He can’t get an Encore Cross!”

 

“He’s screwed blue!” replies NTD!  “This is a desperate man with nothing left in his tanks!”

 

Edwin climbs up to the top rope, balancing precariously, nearly falling, but holding himself steady.  Thugg looks up, and with his 8-inch height advantage, he stands face to face with Edwin, growls, surges forward…and eats a knee to the jaw!  Thugg stumbles back, but Edwin holds him in place, pushing his head down, folding the grand Thugg at the waist…

 

…into a standing headscissors.

 

Edwin MacPhisto points to the upper deck, and the Savvis Center fills with quite possibly the loudest rush of sound ever heard inside its walls.

 

“NO!  NO!  NO!” screams NTD!  “He can’t!  He wouldn’t!”

 

“I can’t believe it!” shouts Curry, elated!  “Edwin MacPhisto has the Thugg on the second rope—he’s on the top!  He’s going to win his first world, title, and he’s going to do it with…”

 

The flashbulbs erupt, and Edwin pulls Thugg’s arms into a double underhook!  The Mac Daddy looks up into the lights, and with his last burst of energy, lets out a huge primal scream, and jumps out.

 

Thugg sails with him, and the short distance to the mat seems like forever…

 

…forever…

 

…and then…

 

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!

 

“—THE WALK-OFF!  THE WALK-OFF!  EDWIN MACPHISTO JUST HIT THE WALK-OFF FROM THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE HVILLE THUGG!”  The two men fall away to the center of the ring, and there’s not a person sitting in St. Louis!  The fans are leaping out of their seats, pumping their fists as chants and cheers rise up throughout the arena!  “Edwin MacPhisto just hit Grand Slam’s finisher onto the Hville Thugg!  Both men are down—and HERE’S THE COUNT!”

 

“ONE!”

 

No movement!

 

“TWO!”

 

“Get up Thugg, get up!” rallies NTD.

 

“THREE!”

 

Nothing!!!

 

“FOUR!”

 

Edwin shakes his head out…

 

“FIVE!”

 

…and Thugg moves an arm!!!

 

“SIX!”

 

The Mac Daddy rolls onto his stomach…

 

“SEVEN!”

 

…and the world champion follows suit, pushing up to almost one knee…the left knee…

 

“EIGHT!”

 

Edwin gets one knee up, barely rising, and gets a second, the Thugg rising in time with him…

 

“NINE!”

 

AND HVT’S LEFT KNEE COLLAPSES UNDER HIM AS EDWIN ROCKETS UPWARD!

 

“TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!”

 

“OH MY GOD!  OH MY GOD!”

 

The referee calls for the ball, and the Savvis Center erupts into near riot!

 

DING, DING, DING!

 

Edwin staggers against the ropes, his jaw dropped.

 

“HE DID IT!  HE DID IT!  I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!”

 

“YOUR WINNER,” bellows Funyon, “the LAST MAN STANDING, and the NEW SMARKS WRESTLING FEDERATION WOOOOOORLD CHAMPION…EDWIN MACPHISTOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

“Battleflag” starts to bump through the arena, and the ovation is tremendous!  The referee runs to Edwin’s side, World Heavyweight Title belt in hand, and raises Edwin’s arm high in the air!  Tears of shock and joy start to stream down Edwin’s still gaping face as he realizes the truth!  He pulls the belt out of the referee’s hands and stares at it, looking at his own battered, bruised reflection in its gold plating.  The Mac Daddy kisses the belt, takes it into his hands and raises it high above his head!

 

“I can’t believe it, I still can’t believe it!” stammers an excited Curry!  “Edwin MacPhisto, leader of the Midnight Carnival, has dethroned the most dominant World Champion the IGN/SWF has ever seen…and for once, he’s speechless!”

 

“No…no…Thugg!  He’ll get his return shot!  It’s not over yet MacPhisto!”

 

The Mac Daddy ignores NTD’s rants and climbs the nearest turnbuckle, holding the belt high and pumping his fist as huge shower of confetti starts to fall down over the ring!

 

“What a match!  It took everything MacPhisto had, including a top-rope Walk-Off, to bring the Thugg down, and—OH NO!  NO!  DON’T RUIN HIS CELEBRATION LIKE THIS!”  The crowd’s ovation turns to jeers immediately, and a teary-eyed Edwin looks up to see Jay Dawg and Sacred, Da Pound, charging down the ramp and diving into the ring!  “Battleflag” cuts out as he leaps off the turnbuckle as JD dives in…beltshot for JD, and the crowd erupts!  Sacred ducks Edwin’s next belt shot and gets ready to come back with a clothesline, but the crowd roars again as suddenly Perfect Bo comes charging down the ramp, steel chair in hand!  “BO’S BACK!  BO’S BACK AGAIN!  He got away from security, and he’s come to stop Da Pound!  If he can’t get his revenge on Thugg, he’ll at least get it on his buddies!”  The hardcore god dives into the ring and JD and Sacred back away, facing off with the newly crowned world champion and his chair-wielding ally…

 

“ALL ABOOOOOOOOOOARD!”

 

“WHAT?  Haven’t ENOUGH people tried to ruin Edwin’s party already?”

 

The crowd’s boos are phenomenally loud, and the drown out “Crazy Train” as the deputy commissioner himself steps out onto the ramping, snarling at the confetti as the last of it falls down and gets caught in his hair.  “Cut my music!” he sneers, spitting confetti aside.  “Well, well, Edwin,” scoffs King, as “Crazy Train” fades out, “it looks like you finally did it.  No thanks to that big dumb bitch standing next to you.  Bo, Bo, Bo…why couldn’t you get the job done?  I didn’t ask for anything fancy—just a simple crippling!  I thought you of all people could have pulled it off, not this little fey pretender to my throne standing next to you!”

 

“What?” says Curry, dumbfounded as everyone else.  “I don’t get it…”

 

“I guess,” continues King, sighing, “I’ll just have to come do it myself.  But in the meanwhile, Bo, why don’t you take care of our other problem?”  King grins, and Edwin turns towards Bo, a confused look on his face.  Bo grins…AND LEVELS THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!  THE TITLE BELT GOES FLYING AWAY AND EDWIN DROPS LIKE A DEAD MAN AS THE ARENA BURSTS INTO RIOT!  The Suicide King comes bolting down the ramp, and Bo raises his arms high into the air, roaring as he steps forward and bumps chests with Sacred and Jay Dawg!

 

“BO JUST TOOK OUT THE WORLD CHAMP—AND…no, no, I get it!  I can’t believe we missed it!”  In the corner, HVT has finally risen up from the Walk-Off, and as he sees Bo floor Edwin with the chair, he realizes the nature of the deception!  With a bold shout, the battered Thugg lunges forward, and Bo swings his chair, but Thugg ducks!  The Savvis Center explodes with cheers, and Thugg lunges forward…but Sacred and JD each grab and arm of his!  He looks back to them dumbfounded, and—

 

CRAAAACK!  Bo brings the chair down hard over Thugg’s head!  He slumps –

 

CRAAAACK!  Bo levels him with another chairshot!  He passes the chair off to King and he –

 

CRAAAACK!  King takes a swing of his own, and blood starts to pour out of HVT’s forehead as he collapses to the mat!  The crowd is in a fury!  “It was Bo!  It was King!  It was them all along!  Bo’s got his revenge all right—but this was a setup?  I can’t believe it!”

 

“I suddenly like Bo a lot whole more!” snickers NTD.

 

Sacred, JD, Bo, and King stomp away at Thugg, trading the chair off and leveling his head with shot after shot, when suddenly Sacred gets yanked out of the picture!  A bloody-faced Edwin MacPhisto tears him away and swings a fist, but the Suicide King dashes towards him and wraps him up in a half-nelson before he can do anything!  He floors Edwin with the Joker’s Wild, and as the bloody world champ hits the mat, King dumps him out of the ring and goes back to Thugg!  “They’re tearing Thugg apart!  He’s not going to survive if they keep this up!  Listen to that crowd, NTD—I can’t believe, but these people are getting behind the Hville Thugg!”  Through all the chairshots, Thugg is fighting through, sitting up, throwing punches, but he keeps getting put down!  “He can’t last much longer, and Edwin’s taken out!  Where’s the Carnival?”  The Smarktron suddenly lights up on the Carnival locker room, thuds coming from inside, the door barred from the outside!   “They’re walled in!  There’s no one left!  Someone has to do something--”

 

“LIGHTS OUT!  GUERRILLA RADIO—TURN THAT SHIT UP!”

 

The crowd pops one more time—and the music cuts out immediately as Commissioner McWeed comes charging out the back!  “KING!  BO!  You jackoffs!  What the hell do you think you’re doing?”  Another huge pop!

 

“The commish is finally coming around!” cries Curry!

 

“Who gave you the bright idea to beat Thugg down like that?  Huh?  Was it me?  Was it King?  You guys are in big trouble…”  The crowd is behind the commish now, chanting “STUB-BY, STUB-BY” at the top of their lungs for the first time in ages.  “You’re in big trouble, and you know why?  I said I wanted Thugg taken care of!  I said I wanted him out of my way.  But I didn’t say I wanted Thugg beaten down—I wanted him CRIPPLED!”

 

“WHAT?”  The shocks keep coming, and Stubby P. McWeed throws the microphone down as his chant suddenly dissolves!  “The commissioner—the Pound—Bo—they were all in on this!  I can’t—I can’t believe it!”

 

“You better, Curry, cause Thugg’s a dead man tonight!”  Stubby dives into the ring and starts to stomp away, and Bo raises the chair high…and jams the edge down into the back of Thugg’s neck!  Thugg convulses and stops fighting back, and Bo does it again!  Suddenly, a bloody whirl of color comes leaping into the ring, and the crowd goes nuts for one last hope as Edwin charges in!  He clubs Bo in the back of the head and knocks him away from Thugg, screaming and shouting all the while!  Sacred and JD go for Edwin, but he leaps forward and then falls back, catching them with a double DDT!

 

“Edwin MacPhisto’s cleaning house on behalf of the man who, just minutes ago, was trying to destroy him!”

 

“What an idiot!”

 

“Shut up, NTD!  Edwin’s figured something out, and that’s that there’s a difference between men like Thugg, and men like Bo, King, and Stubby!  Thugg’s a fighter—a warrior!  Not a manipulator!  Not anymore!  He’s being torn apart—I don’t think he’s moving anymore!  This is serious!”  The crowd rallies behind Edwin, but Stubby leaps into the fray, stopping the action and dropping Edwin with a brain-scrambling Paranoid Freak-Out!  Bo gets back up as the crowd boos, and continues to lay in with the chairshots!  

 

“Folks,” gasps Curry, nearly wretching as blood and sweat pours onto the mat, “this is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before….the Hville Thugg, quite possibly the greatest world champion, being destroyed by men who’ve had enough of him in charge!  These egomaniacs, leaving the world champion laying, the Thugg’s health in question…this is Curry Man, for NTD, Ben Hardy, and the whole crew, signing off…”

 

And suddenly, all the arena lights drop out.

 

“What the—what the hell just happened?” quivers NTD.

 

“I don’t know…we didn’t cut the feed yet…”

 

The crowd starts to break into a murmur, and the noise from the ring seems to die down as Stubby and King shout back and forth, trying to figure out what the hell happened…

 

…and suddenly, a strange, powerful oscillating sound pulses through the arena, reverberating, and white strobe lights begin to oscillate with it, illuminating the carnage in the ring in brief flashes, then dropping out…

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, we seem to be having technical prob--”

 

“Come with me…”

 

“OH MY GOD!”

 

The blazing riffs of Jimmy Page rocket through the arena, and amidst the strobe lights, a thin figure appears at the top of the ramp, arms outstretched, still shrouded in darkness!  The crowd explodes with cheers, and the figure comes dashing down the ramp as Puff Daddy’s “Come With Me” obliterates the Savvis Center speakers!

 

“NTD, it can’t be!  It can’t be!  This doesn’t make any sense!”  The figure dives into the ring and Sacred turns—spin kick to the jaw!  Amidst the darkness, the men beating down Thugg can’t see much, and the lightning fast shadow in their midst tears them apart!  JD falls to a thrust kick, King charges in, and the figure wraps around him, hitting and astounding flipping neckbreaker, leaving King spinning!  

 

“This isn’t…NO!  NO!  NO!  IT CAN’T BE!”

 

Bo swings his chair at the shadowy figure, but from the side Edwin MacPhisto leaps into action and chops down on Bo’s arm!  The chair clatters away and Edwin fires punches away—but here comes Stubby—no, the shadowy figure hits a spin kick and Stubby sails away!

 

“Edwin and this figure are cleaning house, and if this man is who I think he is--”

 

King is back up, and he and Bo are the only two left standing!  Edwin faces Bo, and the dark figure faces King!  Suddenly, the two heroes bump into each other, and turn to face on another!

 

They lock eyes, and Edwin’s grin breaks a mile wide!  In a flash, Bo and King lunge forward, and the two men break off their greeting—Edwin lunges towards King now, the dark figure towards Bo!  They drop into a crouch…

 

…AND LEAP, EACH MAN THROWING HIS LEGS UP AND NAILING A TREMENDOUS WHIPBACK KICK INTO HIS ADVERSARY!  The crowd explodes, and Edwin and the other man land on one knee each, facing down to the mat, their profiles obscured as, at the announcer’s table, Curry goes nuts!

 

“NTD!  There’s only one other man who can pull off a whipback kick!  There’s one man who taught Edwin that whipback!  There’s only one--”

 

“I know, I know!  GOD DAMMIT!”

 

“It’s…”

 

The lights suddenly flash back on, and the two men rise, as the shadowy figure tears off a bandana to reveal a head full of golden dreadlocks!

 

“IT’S XSTASY!”  The crowd goes absolutely NUTS!  “First Chris Wilson returns—now Xstasy—and Edwin’s the world champion!  Xstasy came back, and he came back…he came back to defend Thugg!  I can’t believe it!”  The two men in the ring share a few quick words, and then turn their attention to the downed and bloody former world champion before them.  A grave look comes across Xstasy’s usually jubilant face as the Da Pound and the commishes clear out of the ring, backing up the ramp.   Edwin retrieves his title belt, and he and Xstasy crouch over Thugg, as Edwin starts to shout for paramedics.  Hovering over Thugg’s fallen form, the two shake their heads and glare up the ramp at the fleeing heels.

 

“Folks, this is a landmark night, and Crossfire has now come to a close—we have a new world champion, a new hero returned to our midst, and….one legend, in very poor condition.  It’s proof, though—blood is thicker than water.  Tonight, Edwin pulled off a miracle, and Xstasy pulled another, returning to save the man who slighted him so many times…but never, never went so far as the treachery perpetrated tonight by Da Pound and by our ‘noble’ commissioners.  But has Xstasy come too late?  What will the backlash to all this be—will Edwin be allowed to recover from this assault?  And what’s to become of the Hville Thugg?  We’ll try to get to the bottom of this on Storm this Friday, but until then—for NTD, Ben Hardy, and the whole SWF crew, this is Curry Man, signing off.”

 

At the entrance stage, Sacred, JD, Stubby, King—the entire crew is shouting at each other in rage at Xstasy’s return and, just as importantly, Edwin’s miracle title win.

 

Except for Bo.

 

He grins.

 

He’s happy.

 

He got his revenge.

 

And now he’s got two more targets.

 

We fade to the SWF logo on the ring, where Edwin MacPhisto and Xstasy kneel over the Hville Thugg, hoping for another miracle…

[Guest BA_Baracus]

DEBUT SINGLES MATCH

Munich vs. ?

- Munich wins.  Who's the mystery man?  Read the match!

 

HANDICAP MATCH

Johnny Rotten vs. Durandal & Lady Red

- Durandal and Lady Red win...oh, and Annie Electric is back!

 

HARDCORE TITLE MATCH

Stryke © vs. Ash Ketchum

- Yes...a guy with a Pokemon gimmick is now the hardcore champ.

 

US TITLE MATCH

Jay Dawg © vs. Chris Raynor

- Postponed until Storm, because these two guys are a coupla' bums.

 

LADDER MATCH FOR THE LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

Erek Taylor © vs. El Luchadore Magnifico

- Who won?  Read the match!

 

ICTV TITLE MATCH

Sacred © vs. Fallout

- Sacred manages to lose yet another one to Fallout!

 

LAST MAN STANDING MATCH FOR THE SWF HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

Hville Thugg © vs. Perfect Bo vs. Edwin MacPhisto

- A very good match.  Just read it.