Thanksgiving HD

[King Cucaracha 0]

Meanwhile, standing backstage, ace reporter Josh Matthews is standing by with fellow ace reporter, albeit part-time, none other than Leon Rodez! But before Matthews gets chance to so much as open his mouth, he's interrupted by his guest.

 

RODEZ

HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE LOVE SHACK! I am of course, your ever-present host, Leon Rodez. Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Oh yeah. And apparantly, joining me tonight is my special guest, Josh Matthews. Uh...I don't in all honesty know why, but whatever. Who am I to argue? So, Josh, welco...

 

MATTHEWS

Uh, Leon?

 

RODEZ

Yo.

 

MATTHEWS

This isn't The Love Shack. This is supposed to be me interviewing you.

 

RODEZ

It is? Oh, I'm sorry, force of habit. I did think that whole spiel seemed a little...out of place.

 

MATTHEWS

Yeah.

 

An awkward silence falls over the two, before Rodez finally glances at Matthews and encourages him to continue.

 

MATTHEWS

HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE TALK SHOW OF MATH DESTRUCTION! Josh Matthews, your host...everybody, rock your body, everybody, Backstreet's back, ALRIGHT! And joining me on the M.D, as the kids like to call it, is my diggedy dizzog, Leon Rodez. *smiles* How was that?

 

RODEZ

That was...uh...yeah, great.

 

MATTHEWS

Honestly?

 

RODEZ

Oh, yeah. You ripped me off superbly. Not so keen on the name though. Math Destruction? More like Meth Abuse...ion. Anyway, Mass Destruction jokes jumped the proverbial shark at least a year back. Other than that, fantastic. Mic work like that'll have Stephen Joseph Pop'n'Fresh quaking in his boots, don't you worry. After all, you've got more victories over Zack than he has.

 

Proudly, Matthews nods.

 

RODEZ

So...uh, questions?

 

MATTHEWS

Huh? Oh, yeah, questions. Coz, this is an interview. Yeah. So, tonight Leon Rodez, before we come to tonight, I wanted to get your thoughts quickly on November Reign which is of course on the horizon. Yourself and Zack Malibu will once again defend the OAOAST World Tag Team Championships against The Global Party Exchange. And, just announced by OAOAST General Manager, it will be a special 30 Minute IronTag Match.

 

RODEZ

IronTag? Is that anything like Laser Tag?

 

MATTHEWS

Uh...

 

RODEZ

Are we stuck in a really dark area with a whole bunch of corridors, having to sneak around like something out of James Bond and stealthily smack each other in the face with Irons?

 

MATTHEWS

Uh...

 

RODEZ

Is Nigel McGuiness going to be the Special Referee?

 

MATTHEWS

No, no. It's like an Ironman Match, but it's a tag team match. Obviously. So, the most falls in 30 minutes wins.

 

RODEZ

Oh. Well, in that case, that's all cool. Last month, me and Zack dealt with The GPX 2 out of 3 Falls. The GPX snuck the first fall, but luckily we had the chance to come back from that and prove that we're the better team. This month...the rules are basically the same. Only, different. Figure that one out. If The GPX cheat their way to victory in the first fall, then myself and Zack have time to recouperate, recover and pull back the score. Difference is, this month, we can come back even if they steal two falls. Or three falls. Infact, The GPX can cheat as much as they want. Until those 30 minutes are up, the party isn't going to be over. And believe me, Leon Rodez has plenty of experience in going 30 minutes...if you know what I mean.

 

MATTHEWS

I'm not sure I do.

 

RODEZ

Sex.

 

MATTHEWS

Oh.

 

Re-cue awkward silence.

 

RODEZ

Uh...next question?

 

MATTHEWS

Oh, oh, yeah. Question. Yeah. Uh...

 

RODEZ

You know, this probably would have been better if it was The Love Shack.

 

MATTHEWS

Oh, I remember now! You're challenging for the X-Division Title tonight, against Peter Knight. And the rules of the match mean that if Peter Knight walks away from the match, he can lose to the title. So, the champion's advantage isn't in PK's corner tonight. Does that give you any added confidence?

 

RODEZ

Josh, if I can be serious for a minute...without being sued by anyone who previously used this catchphrase, of course...the X-Division Title holds a very special place in my heart. Infact, if you were to open me up and slice my heart into little segments, one of them would contain a mini X-Division title belt. So, you may be asking why I want Peter Knight's title if I already have one lodged in my inards. Well, for one, people can't see my heart. Duh. But besides that, I don't want a metaphorical belt. I want a real one. Another one. I'm greedy like that. For damn near 6 months, I had the X-Division Title belt strapped around my waist. Or, most of those six months. Obviously I had to remove it sometimes.

 

MATTHEWS

Are we talking about sex again.

 

RODEZ

No, I meant like showers and stuff. I kept it on during sex.

 

MATTHEWS

Oh.

 

Re-re-cue awkward silence.

 

RODEZ

...Peter Knight, you and I have fought over this X-Division Title before. You and I were involved in one of the matches of the year just a few months ago, Ultimate X. And you came out on top. I said it to you then and I'll say it to you now...I am coming for your belt. Only, this time, I'll actually take it. Not because I have an imaginary belt lodged in my heart. Not because I need something to wear during sex. But because that belt means more to me than it ever, EVER, could to you! Because for 6 months of my life, I gave my all for that title. Blood. Sweat. Tears. All types of bodily fluids. So, hopefully you've washed the belt since you got it. I made that title as important as it is today. Me. And Peter, I want to make this really clear. I have no problem with you. At all. I love each and every one of God's creatures equally. Except owls. I mean, seriously, what are they for? Besides keeping people awake at night when they're trying to get down with two gorgeous non-hookers. If I want something that'll eat mice, I'll get myself a cat. Or possibly a python. Now, that'd be a conversation piece. But Peter...I've completely lost my train of thought, so I'll simply say this. You and I are very much alike. What's been going on with you recently...I don't understand it, but it's not my business. All I ask of you is that you give me a fair match. Because Lord knows I won't get one come Sunday. Tonight, I just want a clean, fair, friendly challenge. Man to man. And that we settle it, in the ring, without you running away. Hopefully, hopefully...you'll give me that.

 

Rodez nods to the camera, then to Matthews...then realises he's run out of things to nod at, so quickly makes his leave.