Promo?? Bruce Bruce plays by the rules

[Bruce Blank 0]

(Note: Since this isn’t a competitive match I’ve skipped my usual 3 rounds of editing and just read it through once before posted it – after all this isn’t about gramma but about how to stay within the rules)

 

(Note 2 – my opponent is the character I use in a different fed since I got his move set memorized, except he’s called Bruce-666 there and well 2 Bruces in the same match would be too confusing)

 

In an unexpected move the SWF decided to send a camera crew to the November 28th SWF House show in the Nutter Center, Dayton Ohio, mainly to tape matches for their next DVD release called “Weirdest matches of the SWF” a compilation of old and new. The reason they’re in Dayton tonight is to tape Bruce actually adhering to the “Super Family Friendly” rules which would definitely fall under the category “weird”. Of course the commentary will be added during the postproduction as neither Longdogger Pete nor the Suicide King really felt like going to Dayton (not that I blame them.

 

”Well every time that I come home nobody wants to let me be

It seems that all the friends I got just got to come interrogate me”

 

The second the by now very familiar sound of Bruce’s entrance music kicks in the entire arena begins to boo and shout giving Bruce Blank the warm and friendly reception he’s so accustomed to by now

 

WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!!

 

”Well, I appreciate your feelings and I don't want to pass you by

But I don't ask you about your business, don't ask me about mine”

 

As Bruce steps through the curtains and walks down the aisle the crowd knows that tonight will be something different. Gone are Bruce’s blood soaked jeans and pointy cowboy boots – after all they don’t really conform to the “Family Friendly” image, instead Bruce is wearing a red pair of tights, with a wide blue stripe down each leg and a thin while line separating the red from the blue on either side of the stripe. Inside the blue stripe there is a row of stars down each side bringing just a hint of a certain “Southern Pride” flag but without actually crossing the Stars and the Bars. Finally Bruce has replaced the metal tipped, hard soled cowboy boots with a pair of white wrestling boots that come up to just under his kneepads.

 

”Well its true I love the money and I love my brand new car

I like drinkin' the best of whiskey and playing in a honky tonk bar

But when I come off the road, well I just got to have my time

'Cause I got to find a break in this action, else I'm gonna lose my mind”

 

The big man climbs the stairs and then turns to face the crowd as he stands on the apron, raising both his taped fists in the air with a smirk.

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

”So, don't ask me no questions

And I won't tell you no lies

So, don't ask me no questions

And I won’t tell you goodbye”

 

Bruce grabs the microphone from Funyon as his music slowly fades out.

 

“Ya’ll know that I’m not allowed to compete on Lockdown”

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

 

The fact that people cheer that decision just pisses Bruce off as he says a few choice words off microphone to some fans at ringside.

 

“Well tonight I’ll show you all that it’s not that I CAN’T follow the rules – I guess I just have a problem with authority” Bruce says with a devious grin.

 

WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!!

 

With this being a special DVD Taping house show the SWF has gone all out and actually put the Mega-Tron up over the entrance, which they usually do not have for mere house shows. The Mega-Tron flickers on with an old school movie countdown on it

 

10

 

9

 

8

 

7

 

6

 

6

 

666!!

 

”Please allow me to introduce myself

I'm a man of wealth and taste

I've been around for a long, long year

Stole many a man's soul and faith”

 

They Dayton crowd is quick to boo the apperance of a man who usually plys his trade in the 411Fed/ECF territory but tonight has agreed to show up and face a man he’s travelled down many a road with in the past. The fans knows him under a slightly different name but tonight he appears simply as “666”

 

”And I was 'round when Jesus Christ

Had his moment of doubt and pain

Made damn sure that Pilate

Washed his hands and sealed his fate”

 

As the Rolling Stones introduces everyone to the devil the man known tonight as 666 walks down the asile in a relaxed, cocky saunter as the pale man just smirks at the fans at ringside. 666 appears to be about 220 pounds or so and in the 6 foot range.

 

”Pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my name

But what's puzzling you

Is the nature of my game”

 

Bruce just rubs his hands in anticipation of yet another Cruserweight beatdown while 666 leaps over the top rope and casually approaches the big man, still confidently smiling as if he feels infinitely superior to Bruce – or maybe he just feels that the match rules favors him.

 

“Alright I want a clean fight, I will not hessitate to DQ you if you ignore my warnings! Do you both understand the rules?” the referee asks as Bruce Blank looks down at his opponent

 

Without taking their eyes off each other they both slowly nod in agreement with the rules and regulations for this match. Bruce holds out his big right hand without hessitation, after all the match can’t start without a handshake. When 666 reluctantly raises his right hand Bruce pulls his hand away and puts up his left hand instead. When 666 raises his left hand to shake Bruce’s hand the big man changes back to offering his right hand.

 

“If you don’t shake his hand I’ll disqualify you right now Bruce” the referee tells Bruce in no uncertain terms.

 

“Hey I’m the one with my hand up, he’s the one not shaking it” Bruce says pretending to be totally innocent.

 

666 quickly grabs Bruce’s hand and shakes to officially start the match.

 

*DING*DING*DING*

 

The bell has rung but Bruce is still just smiling and shaking 666’s hand, not squeezing it or hurting it but repeatedly pumping it up and down as 666 tries to figure out what the hell Bruce is playing at. The second 666’s attention turns towards the referee instead of Bruce the big man pulls his much smaller opponent in and aims his massive left arm straight at 666’s chest

 

But the smaller man quickly ducks under the clothesline attempt and strikes Bruce in the back with a spinkick. The impact of the 220 pounder striking him in the back makes Bruce take one step forward but that’s all it does. 666 uses his speed to attack Bruce just as he turns around leaping into a spinning huracanrana motion that spins around Bruce’s head, then behind his back into an attempted arm drag. But the move is broken by Bruce’s tremendous power as he grabs the smaller Cruiserweight around the throat and powers him up over his head for a gorilla press

 

Bruce looks around, perhaps contemplating throwing 666 over the top rope, but is reminded by the referee that such a move is outlawed, instead he just deposits 666 feet first on the top turnbuckle and walks away with a devious grin since the cruiserweight isn’t actually allowed to attack him from the top rope. Bruce goes on the attack as 666 jumps down off the top turnbuckle, but the second the pale man’s feet hit the ground he crouches into a rolling escape from one of Bruce’s big boots.

 

WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!!

 

Bruce ignores the chants as he keeps on chasing 666, the lighting quick cruiserweight bounces off the ropes and runs straight at Bruce, but at the last second he drops to the canvas and slides in between the big man’s legs and spins into a kick right across the back of Bruce’s thigh

 

*POW!*

 

The impact drops Bruce to one knee as 666 kips up to a vertical base once more. With Bruce on one knee 666 bounces off the ropes once more, runs at the big man and quickly executes drop kick to Bruce’s back finally sending the big man to the canvas. 666 points to the top rope to signal for one of his favourite moves but then realizes that he can’t do that in this match, instead he drops a knee to the small of Bruce’s back, then he drops a second one but when he lines up for a third one the referee steps in between the two

 

“No repeated moves to a body part!! If you hit another knee drop now I’ll disqualify you” the referee informs 666, a decision that doesn’t seem to please the 411/ECF import but what can he do about it?

 

Since the referee stepped in to give Bruce a break he’s been able to get back to his knees, but moments later he finds himself rolled into a pinning predicament thanks to 666’s Majistral cradle that’s tied both his arms up and put his wide shoulders to the mat

 

ONE!!

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

Bruce powers out of the hold, it’s going to take a lot more than that to put the Ultraviolent champion down which is a lesson 666 is learning the hard way tonight. The second Bruce is back on his feet 666 leaps at him for a Thez press but the big man uses all his power to stay on his feet, then he staggers backwards two steps and drops 666 chest first across the top rope in a slightly modified Stun Gun. Bruce quickly follows up with a couple of clubbing forearms across the back of 666 that sends the much smaller man to the canvas. Bruce gets in position behind his seated opponent, places one hand on the top of 666’s head and the other on jaw and starts to twist his head to the right.

 

“Hey no headlocks!” the referee warns Bruce as the big man turns the pressure up.

 

“This ain’t a headlock you idiot!” Bruce quite rightly points out.

 

After a couple of moments of the twisting head vice Bruce lands another clubbing forearm blow across 666’s chest knocking him flat on his back. Bruce raises his elbow and the drops all of his 295 pounds straight onto the chest of his opponent, then just for good measure he gets back to his feet and does it again. When he stands up a third time he’s aware that the referee is watching him like a hawk and decides to change tactics and drops a fist to the chest of 666 instead.

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

Bruce grabs his opponent by his black hair and then drags him back to his feet, with the opponent totally at his mercy Bruce eyes the top rope with a smirk, then he runs towards the ropes. Just as the referee is about to call for the bell on account of Bruce tossing his opponent over the top rope Bruce adjust slightly and throws the much smaller 666 between the 2nd and 3rd row sending him to the floor without any chance of breaking his fall.

 

WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!!

 

Bruce just stands in the ring and taps the side of his head as he stares down at 666 who took quite a tumble out of the ring, unfortunately there is nothing the referee can do as it’s only illegal if it’s over the TOP rope. The referee slides under the bottom rope onto the floor to check on 666 as Bruce leans back in the corner and just waits with a shit eating grin on his face.

 

Once the referee has made sure that 666 isn’t bleeding or knocked out he starts the 10 count.

 

ONE!!

 

 

TWO!!

 

Bruce’s attention is diverted as a very vocal section of the audience starts to argue with the Trailerpark messiah

 

THREE!!

 

 

FOUR!!

 

 

FIVE!!

 

When 666 notices that Bruce has his back turned to him he quickly gets back to his feet, revealing that he was playing possum and was able to roll with the fall.

 

SIX!!

 

 

SEVEN!!

 

With his back turned to 666 Bruce doesn’t realize that his opponent is up on the apron already right behind him. 666 grabs the top rope with both his hands, pulls back with all his force and then uses the top rope to catapult him over the top back into the ring where he strikes Bruce in the back of the head with a drop kick.

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

 

Having regained the momentum 666 quickly runs towards the downed Bruce Blank, kicks his leg up in the air and hitting Bruce with a picture perfect standing shooting start splash that draws quite a favourable reaction from the crowd. 666 takes a wide stance as he waits for Bruce to get back to his feet and then the second the big man is upright

 

*BOOM!!*

 

666’s boot makes contact with Bruce’s hairy chest sending the big man reeling backwards into the corner. 666 swiftly moves to the opposite corner and then runs at Bruce flipping over in a handstand about half way across the canvas, spinning around and landing on his feet before leaping backwards into a back elbow driven straight into Bruce’s chest.

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

 

The lighting quick, Lucha Libre inspired action draws quite a favourable reaction from the crowd, especially when it’s directed at Bruce. 666 decides that one good move deserves another and takes another running start towards Bruce, but the big man manages to raise his foot the second 666 leaps into the air for a splash. The boot catches 666 right in the face, the momentum of the leap driving his face straight into the sole of Bruce’s Boot

 

“That’s it you’re outta here!!” the referee yells at Bruce

 

“What did I do? What did I do?” Bruce asks all innocently from the corner as 666 is on the canvas holding his jaw

 

“No blows to the face! It’s very clear Bruce – I’m going to have to call for the bell” the referee says as he raises his arm to signal for the match to stop.

 

“Waaaaaaaaaaait a minute! I just put my foot up, HE ran into it!!” Bruce points out “I mean would you disqualify me if HE used a head BUTT? I don’t think so” Bruce points out.

 

The referee stands there for a minute, playing it all through in his head – Bruce did have a point he didn’t actually kick 666 in the face. Reluctantly he has to let the match continue, a decision that draws a lot of boos from the crowd and a big thumbs up from Bruce.

 

“To break the rules you got to know the rules” Bruce comments to the camera to indicate that he’s studied up on every rule and every potential loop hole in them.

 

Bruce places 666’s head between his legs, but instead of a piledriver that’d be illegal or a power bomb that’d be borderline illegal he flips the smaller man up across his shoulder as he runs towards the corner. At the last moment he flips 666 forward driving the young man’s chest and abdomen straight into the top and second turnbuckle.

 

*THUD!!*

 

Then he backs off, still holding on to 666 and rams his opponent into the turnbuckle once more with force. Knowing that a 3rd ram to the corner would cost him the match Bruce simply tosses 666 to the canvas, making sure he lands on his back. Bruce raises his hand and spins it around in the air like a mini tornado as he looks at his fallen opponent.

 

*STOMP*

 

Bruce brings his right foot down on 666’s left shoulder

 

*STOMP*

 

He hops forward on one leg and drives his foot down, this time on 666’s left arm right by the elbow

 

*STOMP*

 

With another hop he stomps on 666’s left hand as it’s now obvious that he’s executing Trailerpark Tornado on his downed opponent

 

*STOMP*

 

With another hop forward Bruce drives his foot down on 666’s hip, making sure to change body parts between each stomp

 

*STOMP*

 

A kick to the left thigh

 

*STOMP*

 

A stomp of the left foot

 

*STOMP*

 

Then one to the right foot as Bruce works his way up the right side of his opponent

 

*STOMP*

 

WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!!

 

*STOMP*

 

The right hip gets a stomp as well as Bruce just smirks and ignores the hostile crowd

 

*STOMP*

 

The right hand gets mashed against the canvas by Bruce’s size 14 feet

 

*STOMP*

 

The right elbow gets a jolt

 

*STOMP*

 

After stomping 666 on the right shoulder he should technically finish the move off with a stomp to the face to make it a true Trailerpark Tornado but he has to settle for a stomp across the chest of his opponent

 

*STOMP*

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

The referee makes Bruce back off as he checks on 666, after all if 666 is unconscious this match will be called a no-contest as within the family friendly rules. Bruce looks a little concerned as the referee doesn’t get a response back from 666 when he asks him a question. The Ultraviolent champion slides under the bottom rope as the referee raises 666’s hand in the air and lets it drop

 

Bruce slides under the bottom rope again with a cup of soda in his hand as 666’s hand drops a second time. The cold contents of the cup are dumped on 666’s face to wake him up before the referee can rule him knocked out.

 

Bruce just stands in the corner and watches as 666 sits up from the cold soda and ice cubes, if not revitalized at least he’s conscious again and thus ensuring that the match will continue. Sensing that 666 is about to regain his bearings Bruce quickly picks up the much smaller man and then wraps his massive arms around 666’s chest and squeezes tightly in a bear hug.

 

Every time 666 draws a breath Bruce tightens his grip even more, restricting the movement of his opponents ribcage. Bruce senses that he could be on to a winning move here as 666 can’t punch him in the face to break the move, nor can he kick him in the crotch, the two most common means of escape from a bear hug.

 

Each time Bruce’s grip tightens his cocky smile widens, at least until 666 wraps both his legs around Bruce’s waist, hooks his feet and starts to squeeze on Bruce with a painful body scissors that target Bruce’s kidneys and other sensitive organs.

 

It quickly becomes a battle of who can inflict most pain between the body scissors and the bear hug as both wrestlers pour all they’ve got into the moves. The veins on Bruce’s arms stand out from the pressure, but seconds later the bear hug is broken as 666 claps his hands right over Bruce’s ears with enough impact to make the big man break the bearhug.

 

The second Bruce’s big arms releases the much smaller opponent 666 manages to drive Bruce to the ground, then he spins himself around Bruce’s body so that he ends up on the canvas chest down with his legs still locked around Bruce’s waist holding Bruce’s shoulders down on the canvas.

 

ONE!!

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

THR-ROPEBREAK!!

 

To 666’s chagrin the body scissors pinning combination that he’s used so effectively to put Bruce down is negated by one finger on the bottom rope. As 666 gets to his feet it’s obvious that his back is aching from the punishment he’s taken so far, but he’s not one to back down from a fight as he keeps on attacking Bruce. The big man shrugs off a few shots to the back of the head from the much smaller and weaker 666 and then quickly presses his opponent over his head once more.

 

Just like the last time Bruce deposits 666 on the top rope, flipping his opponent off since he can’t attack him from the top rope. Bruce turns around to mock the crowd and thus misses that 666 drops straight down, landing on the second rope with a bounce and then leaps up on Bruce’s back locking his knees around Bruce’s head before flipping forward in an inverted huracanrana that tosses Bruce half way across the canvas.

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

 

666 follows up by bouncing off the middle of the second rope and striking the prone Bruce right in the abdomen with a 2nd rope Asai moonsault. 666 quickly locks his legs around one of Bruce’s massive arms and pulls back on it while hooking Bruce’s other arm with both arms pulling Bruce into 666’s trademark submission “The Rings of Saturn”

 

The effectiveness of the move is very obvious from the pained expression on Bruce’s face as 666 pulls back on both arms, stretching Bruce’s bicep, tricep and pectoral muscles beyond what they were meant to do. Bruce tries his best to power out of the move, but 666 has it expertly locked in, preventing Bruce from powering out.

 

TAP OUT!! TAP OUT!! TAP OUT!!

 

The fans chant at Bruce as he suffers from the Rings of Saturn but he refuses to give up each time the referee asks him. Instead he tries to slowly turn his body just enough for him to place his foot on the bottom rope. Unfortunately for 666 he’s not able to see what goes on behind his own back and thus is not able to prevent Bruce from putting a foot on the bottom rope.

 

“Come on let go of him!! I’m not even going to count, let go NOW or you’re disqualified” the referee threatens 666 when he doesn’t immediately lets go.

 

With the possibility of a loss hanging in the air 666 quickly releases the hold and backs off as Bruce starts to rub his aching and sore arms trying to get the blood flowing back into them. 666 runs at Bruce but the big man ducks down allowing his opponent to leap frog over his back, after 666 bounces off the ropes he runs back at Bruce who once again ducks down. But this time instead of a leap frog Bruce raises his upper body at the last second and throws 666 up in the air for a high backdrop

 

And on the way down again Bruce drills him in the mid section with a stinging right before 666 unceremoniously crashes to the canvas. Bruce pulls 666 back to his feet and tries to whip him into the corner, but 666 puts the breaks on and tries to reverse it only to be thrown into the opposite corner by Bruce

 

Sending him straight into a surprised referee who gets knocked back against the turnbuckles by the impact. With the referee temporarily dazed Bruce quickly reaches into this tight and pulls out..

 

A black hood?? WTF!

 

Of course the point of the hood becomes blatantly obvious when Bruce quickly pulls over 666’s head, effectively blinding his opponent.

 

WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!!

 

Bruce can’t contain his laughter as 666 takes a few wild punches trying to hit Bruce, then he tries to take the hood off but before he can do anything but put a hand on it Bruce spins him 360 in the air with a stiff as hell lariat straight across his opponents chest.

 

Since 666 is blinded by the hood he’s not able to protect himself as Bruce drops a leg straight across the Cruiserweight’s chest. Bruce rolls over for a cover but the moment the referee drops to his knees to count he notices the hood over 666’s face and refuses to count.

 

“What the hell are you doing? If I even suspect that you’ve broken another rule I will disqualify you” the referee yells at Bruce as he pulls the hood off 666’s head.

 

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders, another brilliant plan ruined by “Rules” it would seem. Bruce hooks his opponent up in a front headlock, but the second his arm reaches around 666’s neck he realizes what he’s about to do and raises his arms to make sure the referee did not see him apply a headlock.

 

Without the use of a headlock Bruce is forced to hook both of 666’s arms behind his back in an underhook position and uses that hold instead of a headlock to lift his opponent up in the air

 

And then just hold him there, upside down in the air

 

Just holding him there

 

Stalling in a display of pure power

 

For about thirty seconds before he completes the suplex bouncing his opponent off the mat. Bruce looks at the crowd as he draws a thumb across the throat to indicate that he’s going to put 666 away – but with what? The Blank Bomb and the Sweet Home Alabama are both against the rules after all and Bruce realizes that.

 

Instead Bruce scoops 666 up and drapes him over his shoulder before running across the ring, leaping into a running power slam that drives 666 into the canvas with such force that the pinfall is more or less academic.

 

ONE!!

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

THREE!!!!

 

 

WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!!

 

Bruce leans back on his knees, breathing heavily due to the fast pace of the match, but smiling because he’s done what he set out to do – prove that he CAN follow the rules when he choose to.

 

”So, don't ask me no questions

And I won't tell you no lies

So, don't ask me no questions

And I won’t tell you goodbye”

 

Bruce gets back to his feet and signals for the music to be turned off as he’s handed a microphone.

 

“And THAT is how it’s done! Joseph Peters… if I had any respect for you I could have easily followed those rules on Lockdown – but because you’re such a pussy and a corporate puppet I chose not to!” Bruce bellows out before throwing the microphone down and exiting the ring.

 

Half way down the aisle Bruce spots a sign in the crowd, grabs it and shows it to the camera

 

“Overcome, Adapt, Improvise – the sign of true talent”

[Bruce Blank 0]

No comments on how I didn't stick to the rules?

 

I am disappointed in the lack of negative feedback

[muzz 0]

You sure showed them.