King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted December 8, 2005 (edited) CHEERS V.O LADY The Love Shack is filmed before a live studio audience...can be assembled. [color=blue]OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents...[/color] [color=purple][size=6]#~~THE LOVE SHACK~~#[/size][/color] Huzzah! The Love Shack is back, Jack! The loved up Judge Leon Rodez presides, sat at his now instantly recognisable desk (okay, so it's a different desk every week, but that isn't important). And this week, amongst the various items of clutter, waste paper, discarded coffee cups and Futurama memorabilia, on the desk sits a framed picture of one Alix Maria Spezia. With a signature, seemingly in lipstick, that reads "From Spezia, With Love. *insert Bond theme here*" RODEZ Oh, dat Shack, dat Shack, dat...Love Shack! Copious greetings to you all from another edition of the Love Shack, coming to you live of course from Grand Rapids, Michigan. As if you need second telling, I am of course your host Leon Rodez. One, here comes the two to the three to the four, er'rybody drunk out on the dancefloor. Well, just like so many of my movies, Climax is just around the corner. And that means one thing. Excitement. And, maybe some deep, breathy moaning. Although, I expect that's only true for the first part of that. Anyway, myself, Zack Malibu and Peter Knight still remain in the 6-Man Tag Team Title Tournament and next week, make sure you don't miss the semi-finals. Otherwise, people might assume I'm not a draw. And we wouldn't want that now, would we. Looking off screen, Rodez holds up a hand and asks for 'a few more moments'. RODEZ Brock Ausstin, Quentin Benjamin and Charlie Moss. Those three remind me greatly of three other people, who by coincidence are managed by a manager who also reminds me greatly of someone. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just ask Tha Puerto Rican. Anyway...I saw your match last week. Zack had me on scouting duty see, which had nothing to do with the Rodez Scouts Of America, which unfortunately is still a work in progress. I watched your match Brock and team-mates. Now, granted, I didn't see ALL of it. And some of the sound was muffled by dry heaving from Miss Morning Sickness. I swear, if Zack goes anymore gooey-eyed over a woman vomiting into a trash can, I'm going to have to call Dr Phil, because something might just be amiss. So, I took the tape away to somewhere private and I watched it again. Granted, I did turn off halfway through. And the sound was muffled by the moaning and the panting and the groaning and the 'Oh Leon, yes Leon, is that legal Leon?' from a certain someone... Rodez, not so subtlely, points to the picture of Alix Spezia on the desk. RODEZ ...BUT, I think I got the jist of it. You guys looked pretty impressive out there, from what parts weren't actually obscured from my vision. But, let's face it, you weren't exactly facing stiff competition last week. Unlike Alix of course. *licks finger and holds it up to camera* SCORE ONE!! No, you guys weren't in against big competition. No offence to The Frankensteiners and Spanish Flea, but you didn't have it nearly as tough as you will this coming week. Without sounding too big-headed, next week, you're coming up against the favourites for the belts. The World Tag Team Champions, +1. Me and Zack are on a roll. You're looking at former X-Division Champions, current slash former Tag Team Champions. A former World Heavyweight Champion. You're looking at th... VOICE EXCUSE ME! Cut off in mid-sentence, Rodez looks up in shock at the blatant disrespect from...JIM CORNETTE! Walking onto the set, Cornette is flanked by The New, New Midnight Express. Singleton keeps his eyes firmly on Rodez, while Blanchard glances around the Love Shack 'set'...if you can call it that'...and promptly turns his nose up at it. CORNETTE Now I know that you have the equivilant IQ of a shaved ape, so I'll go easy on you and explain how this works. This. Is. A. 'Talk. Show'. A second rate one, sure, but a talk show nonetheless. Now we...we are your guests. Here's the complicated bit. You run through your cute little opening speil, crack a couple of jokes and then you as the HOST introduce the GUESTS. What you DON'T do is sit here in front of this viewing audience making yourself look good and talking about what you're going to do today, what you're going to do tommorrow and what you're going to do next week. Especially not at the expence of me and my boys here. RODEZ Your...boys? Well jimminy cricket! I didn't think you had it in you Jimmy! CORNETTE (flustered) Huh...wha...yo...NOW YOU LISTEN HERE! You are NOTHING! Okay? NOTHING! You do not use your little self-indulging, clap-trap, worst talk show since Oprah BUTT to make yourself look good over James E. Cornette!! Do you hear me? Nobody cares about you! Nobody cares about what you plan on doing next week! Certainly not me and certainly not the New, New Midnight Express. So how about you sit there and try not to look so damned stupid, while I take care of this one myself!! Okay!?! RODEZ Sure, go right ahe... CORNETTE *to camera* Ladies and gentlemen. Abandon the search for the remote control, because things just got interesting around here! Allow me to introduce to you, the greatest tag team in all of the OAOAST today! They're the cream in your coffee and the sugar in your tea. I give to you, "Sarcastic" Simon, "Narcissistic" Ned...THE NEW, NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESSSSS!! Ned mugs for the camera, but Simon is still busy keeping an eye on Rodez. Should Rodez attack, The Sultan Of Sarcasm is ready. Of course, Rodez isn't going to attack though. He's a nice guy, which means he's more than happy to take a little abuse from James E. and co. Turning around, Cornette signals for the NNMX to sit down, which they do. Cornette takes the seat closest to Rodez's desk and tries to settle in. RODEZ Well, I've got to admit, that was some intro. CORNETTE No more than they deserve. RODEZ Oh, I'm sure not. Or, I'm sure. I amz not teh grammer expert. So, Jimmy, Neddy, Sim...my? Welcome to The Love Shack. Hopefully you don't fall in love with me like my guests last week did. Or, should that be guest? I think guests, but I have a suspicion that Krista's good at hiding things from others. Speaking of which, how's Maya, Neddy boy? Head snapping around, Ned suddenly loses it and stands up ready to pounce on Rodez. Quickly, Cornette stands up and together with Singleton difuses the situation...as all the while, Rodez watches on with mild amusement. RODEZ So sorry. I didn't realise that would touch a nerve... CORNETTE I suggest you stick to the questions we agreed on earlier. RODEZ Heh. See, the thing with that is, I don't do 'orders' from my guests. I'm here to ask the questions that the fans want to know. And I have it on good authority that the fans are interested in what sort of a father Ned Blanchard is. And besides that, I accidently used your questions as a napkin. But, I'll leave parenthood aside for the moment and ask you about something you're better at, Ned. Wrestling. You guys are two time, former World Tag Team Champions. But, all hasn't been rosy in the garden of Eaton recently, has it? So, what's next for you guys? CORNETTE Wait a minute, Rodez. What are you trying to say exactly? RODEZ Well...it's just, you guys haven't been in great form recently... CORNETTE That wasn't one of the questio... RODEZ And your hopes of getting a shot at me and Zack in the near future aren't looking too good. CORNETTE Now hold on just a minu... RODEZ Infact, it was just a couple of weeks ago in the Survivor Series Rules Match at November Reign that you were defeated by The Frankensteiners. Infact, you both were individually. CORNETTE That was a FLUKE! Nothing more, nothing less. A FLUKE! The Frankensteiners are no match for the New, New Midnight Express in a regular tag team contest! No match! Ned Blanchard went in two on one against those Oklahoma yahoos and he put on the fight of his life, until he was double teamed into defeat. Ned glares at Cornette. CORNETTE Defeat...only...defeat only as far as record books go. In my eyes and in the eyes of everyone who watched November Reign and wasn't under the influence of mind altering substances, Ned Blanchard was a winner! He fought against tremendous odds. He was a moral victor. If it was a fair, two on two contest, we would have gone through The Frankensteiners like prune juice through an 85 year old! They would have surrendered faster than the French! You know that. We know that. And above all else, The Frankensteiners know that! 8-Man Tag Team Elimination Matches should count for zero in the tag team division rankings system. The New, New Midnight Express are former 2-time World Tag Team Champions. And as far as I'm concerned, every passing day that it isn't 3-time is a disgrace to the words 'professional wrestling'. If The Frankensteiners were the World Tag Team Champions, it'd be like the Pied Piper. They'd drive every single OAOAST fan out of town! Where-as my New, New Midnight Express are born winners. Born leaders. Men that can inspire such fat, slovenly, work dodging tax cheats that you pander to into being better people. RODEZ This is you being subtle, right? CORNETTE There's nothing to be subtle about! "Sarcastic" Simon and "Narcissistic" Ned are sick and tired of being overlooked for World Tag Team Titles opportunities. And I'm sick of watching them being sick and tired of them being overlooked for World Tag Team Titles opportunities. Why do you think we agreed to come on this stupid segment in the first place, Rodez? For the intelligent conversation? We're here for just one reason and one reason only... Suddenly, Ned stands up. Simon goes to do the same, but Ned motions for him to sit back down. BLANCHARD Jimmy, you'd better make that TWO reasons. And reason number 1 is, I'm sick and tired of you ripping off my act week in and week out! RODEZ Me? Ripping YOU off? That's a little rich isn't it, Bart Gunn Jnr.? BLANCHARD Leon Rodez, huh? Self proclaimed 'Ladies Man'. A adult filmstar, they say? Quite frankly, I don't believe that for a second. You're nothing but a wannabee Handsome Hustler! Ladies have been flocking for some cocking from Narcissistic Ned while you were still dreaming of the treasured moment that your balls would drop, sonny! By rights, this should be my show. This should be The Handsome Hustler's Half Hour! Instead, it goes to my clone. My wannabee. My mini-me, if you will. If it were any more blatant it'd be tattooed on your forehead. I mean, come on Leon. Did you really have to go so far as to take a page out of my book and find warmth in the loins...of one of the Chicks Over Dicks? Walking over the desk, the smug Handsome Hustler picks up the framed photo of Alix Spezia, prompting Rodez to stand up. BLANCHARD But, of course, like any rip-off...you had to go for the second rate. RODEZ Second rate? And what incarnation of the Midnight Express are you guys? Third? Fourth? You know, they say things get better over time, but you only have to look at you to see that isn't true Jimmy. It looks like you went up against Father Time and came out worse than your boys did at November Reign. CORNETTE Now you listen here Leon Ro... RODEZ No, YOU listen here! Rodez is riled now, but trying to stay diplomatic at the same time. RODEZ I'm a fair guy and I let you on my show despite your track record of being an asshole and of the way you and your latest attempt at milking the Midnight Express name for all the dollars you can get. I even let you on, despite the way you and your boys have treated my girlfriend and her sister in the past. Now, if you guys wanted a Tag Team Title shot, all you had to do was as... [i][i]*SMASH!!!!*[/i][/i] Suddenly, glass shatters, as Ned creeps up behind Rodez and SMASHES him in the back of the head with the framed picture of Alix Maria Spezia! Rodez slumps forward across his desk, as Ned laughs it up. Simon now launches into action, as he starts clubbing away on the back of Rodez's spine from over the desk. Meanwhile, Ned looks at the broken picture in his hand and mockingly gives Alix's image a big smacker before tossing it against the wall behind him. Then, he quickly grabs Rodez's arm. Simon takes the signal and grabs Rodez over arm, holding him in place as Jim Cornette swaggers out in front of the desk. Wielding his trusty tennis racket, of course. BLANCHARD GIVE IT TO HIM JIMMY, GIVE IT TO HIM! CORNETTE Rodez, consider this a challenge! [i][i]*THWACK!* "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"[/i][/i] CORNETTE You better forget about those 6-Man Tag Team Titles and worry about "Sarcastic" Simon and "Narcissistic" Ned! [i][i]*THWACK!* "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"[/i][/i] CORNETTE Because...you ain't gonna make it through next week, let alone to Climax! And Rodez... Reaching down, Cornette pulls Rodez's head up so that he's locked eye to eye with him. CORNETTE ...guess what. The New, New Midnight Express have got plenty more where this came from! *turns to Ned* Show him what to expect, when we finally get our rightful shot at the Titles! Show him! Hooking on a front facelock, Ned tosses the arm overhead. [i][i]*THUU - UUUD!*[/i][/i] SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!! Ned uses the desk as the Slingshot and Suplexes Rodez onto the cold, concrete floor with a sickening splat!! Simon and Cornette laugh it up, as Ned stands smugly over Rodez, nudging him over onto his back with a nonchalant foot. Turning to Simon, he then gives a thumbs up. Which Simon takes as the signal to climb up onto Rodez's now departed desk. Rodez is motionless, as Ned moves his limp body around and gets in Rodez's face. BLANCHARD Tell Alix, Neddy said "Hi". Stepping backwards, Ned reaches up and grabs Simon. The Sultan Of Sarcasm is perched, a little cautious of how much weight the desk can take. But it holds. And as Simon stands, Ned launches him off the desk. [i][i]*WHAM!*[/i][/i] ROCKET LAUNCHER!! Rodez is writhing in agony now, clutching his ribs, as Simon eases himself up gingerly. Grabbing his partner around the shoulders, Ned is in hysterics, as Cornette pats his clients on the back. CORNETTE Good luck next week, Leon. And we'll see you real soon. Real...real soon. Cornette gives Rodez a parting shot to the gut with the handle of the tennis racket, as he and the NNMX leave. Blanchard taking a path right over Rodez's body, making sure to walk right over his ribs as he goes. Loud cackling and whooping can be heard as the NNMX stroll off into the distance. Leaving Leon Rodez downed, spluttering for breath and clutching his ribs in agony. Edited December 8, 2005 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted December 8, 2005 Tony, if you read this, I'll give you Patty-like privledges and let you edit this how you want. I'm not sure how bang on I did or didn't get Cornette and/or Blanchard. So, edit at will. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
