alfdogg 0 Report post Posted December 14, 2005 *insert graphic* *crowd goes CRAZY* COLE And it's time for the Christmas Deathmatch, Alf looking to regain the Heartland title that he lost at World Without End, to Chris Stevens! COACH And keep in mind, this is Alf's second match tonight as well, Cole! Christmas music plays as various OAOAST agents bring out "presents", followed by a seven-foot high cactus wrapped in barbed wire, little christmas lights covering each barb. An agent climbs a ladder, also wrapped in similar barbed wire, and places a star on top of the tree. The star is comprised of steel spikes, as you would see on the Road Warriors' shoulder pads. COACH Don't you just love the holiday season, Cole? The camera then cuts backstage to show several very extravagant decorations, as well. COLE No disqualifications, obviously, and you can bet these two are going to make their way back here, as well. The ring ropes and posts are wrapped in Christmas lights, as [i]Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon[/i] hits and Alf makes his way down to an enormous pop. BUFFER [i]The following contest is a Christmas Deathmatch, for the OAOAST Heartland championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenger...weighing in at 245 pounds, himself, a former OAOAST Heartland champion, as well as a former Heavyweight champion of the WORLD...ALFDOGG!!!!![/i] Alf is wearing a Foley-style flannel, only it's red and green as opposed to Foley's red and black. wheeling a big gray plastic cart, as would normally be used for taking out the trash at work. Alf gets into the ring with his hands on his knees. [i]*dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO![/i] Chris Stevens makes his way through the curtain, to boos, sitting in a motorized sleigh driven by an OAOAST official. The sleigh has two large wheels in front of it with fake reindeers on the sides of them. BUFFER [i]His opponent...weighing in at 220 pounds...he represents Stevens/Heyross Incorporated, and is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST Heartland champion...CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVENNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!![/i] Stevens slides into the ring, and goes after Alf from behind, but Alf sees him coming and traps him in the corner with right hands! *DING DING DING* Alf pulls Stevens out to the rope, whips him in, and delivers a HUGE backdrop! COLE BIG backdrop, Stevens was up in the lights on that one! Alf with a clothesline! Then another! A third sends Stevens over the top to the floor! COACH And Alf looks to be feeling very little, if any, effects of having already been in a match tonight! Alf follows Stevens out to the floor, where Stevens catches him coming with a knee to the gut. Stevens then sets up a suplex, but Alf blocks. He then blocks a second time, before giving Stevens a suplex of his own! Alf then grabs a strand of Christmas lights from underneath the ring, and begins choking Stevens with them! Alf picks up Stevens using the lights, and throws him into the steel steps! Alf then tosses Stevens back into the ring, then walks over to the tree and grabs a present shaped like a picture frame. As Alf turns around, however, he has the present dropkicked into his face! Alf turns onto his stomach and grabs his face, and Stevens unwraps the present to reveal a cookie sheet! Something else falls out onto the mat, and Stevens picks it up, and it's wax paper from the sheet with thumbtacks glued to it! The tacks completely cover the paper, and Stevens wraps it around his forearm. Stevens begins hammering on the back of Alf with the forearm which is covered in tacks! COLE And an interesting find in that gift wrapping, that cookie sheet, by Chris Stevens. COACH Well, what were you expecting, Cole, Rick Krispie Treats? COLE I'm sure Alf would have preferred some of them, as he's being hammered with those tacks! Look at the forearms from Stevens! Stevens then sits on the back of Alf, and digs the forearm into his face! Stevens then rakes at the forehead before letting Alf fall to the mat. COACH And there you see the result, Alf already cut open here by Chris Stevens! Stevens ascends the top rope, as Alf struggles for the cookie sheet. Stevens takes time to pose on the top rope, then dives off, right into a shot from the cookie sheet by Alf! Alf gets up and takes Stevens down by the legs, setting him up for a slingshot! COACH Oh NO, not the tree. NOT THE TREE! Alf slingshots Stevens right into the cactus-tree in the corner! Stevens comes out holding his hands out and looking at himself, before falling to the mat in pain! Alf picks Stevens up and plants him with a T-Bone suplex, then sets him up in the middle of the ring on his stomach. Alf grabs the ladder used to put the star up and sets it in between the corner and the cactus-tree. Alf then begins to climb the ladder. COACH Oh no, what's he going to do here now? Alf stands atop the ladder, then slowly moves one foot onto the cactus-tree, before riding it down surfboard-style onto the BACK of Chris Stevens! COLE Cactus across the BACK of Chris Stevens! Alf covers... 1.... 2........... Kickout! Alf sets the tree back up, then takes Stevens down by the legs again! COACH Oh come on, not again! Stevens struggles, so Alf drops his legs and comes across with an elbowdrop! He then picks up the legs again, but instead of a slingshot, Alf locks in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Sharpshooter applied! Look at Stevens' face! Stevens is right in the middle of the ring, but eventually manages to turn the hold around so that his face is facing the cactus-tree. Stevens pulls himself towards it, and pulls at the base of it, causing it to come down and hit Alf right in the head! Alf is obviously forced to break the hold and is down on the mat. Stevens grabs the star off the top of the tree, and digs into the already opened forehead of Alf with the spikes! He then goes and grabs another present, which is shaped like a road sign, and upon unwrapping it in fact is the diamond-shaped "stoplight ahead" sign. COACH And you can bet Chris isn't taking that as a signal to stop the abuse! Chris lays the cactus-tree across the back of Alf, then climbs the top rope with the sign. Stevens positions the sign in front of him, and comes off the top flying on the sign, and splashing the cactus-tree into Alf! COLE Wow, that could be it right there! Stevens crawls over and covers... 1... 2......... Alf gets a shoulder up! COLE But no! Alf still hanging in there! Stevens picks up Alf, and sets up a suplex on the cactus-tree! However, Alf blocks, and after a second block, suplexes Stevens right over the top rope to the floor! Alf takes a few needed seconds to rest, then goes to the outside for the tub he brought to the ring. Alf pulls out a giant candy cane, which looks to be as tall as himself! COACH Uh oh...I don't think Alf's thinking about snacktime, either, Cole! Alf rolls back into the ring with the cane, and waits on Stevens to get up on the outside. When he does, Alf hooks him around the neck with the cane and pulls up, attempting to choke Stevens out! After a few seconds of trying, Alf lets Stevens drop to the floor and follows him out, grabbing the curl and breaking the huge cane over his back! Alf then picks up Stevens and lays him in the sleigh, and tosses the driver from the front and gets in himself. Alf then turns the sleigh on and the tires squeal as he drives backstage. COACH Where's he taking him now? Alf drives through the curtains and cuts a sharp left turn, nearly sideswiping the GPX, who were standing backstage talking to Christian Wright and Bohemoth. Alf brings the carriage to a screeching halt, and Stevens rakes the eyes of Alf and makes a run for it. There's a meet Santa area in the background where Alf parks, and Santa can be seen talking to little kids. Alf looks around for Stevens, and finds him hiding inside a giant blowup snow globe holding a 2 X 4. COLE How the hell did Stevens get in there? The camera pans to show Alf looking at Stevens inside the globe, and also shows Santa still talking to kids a few feet behind him. Suddenly, Santa throws the kid to the ground and bashes Alf with his bag of presents! Santa takes off the hat and fake beard to reveal JUMBO~! COLE I can't believe that! Stevens exits the globe through a zipper entrance in the back as Jay Richards walks onto the scene as well, reluctantly, in an elf costume. RICHARDS Did I HAVE to wear this damn thing? STEVENS Hey, it worked, didn't it? Jumbo holds Alf back as Stevens approaches him with the 2 X 4. Alf kicks Stevens in the gut, then gives a low blow to Jumbo! Thunderkid arrives on the scene and brawls with Jay Richards, as Alf gives Stevens a clothesline, then lures Jumbo back to the globe. Alf nails Jumbo in the head with the 2 X 4, knocking him out backwards through the zipper entrance, then Alf sips it shut. TK tosses a staple gun to Alf, which he uses to staple shut the entrance, trapping Jumbo inside! COLE And Jumbo unconscious trapped in that snow globe now! COACH I hope that thing's not airtight! All four men brawl towards a huge tank which appears to be filled with egg nog. Stevens climbs to the top of the tank, and Alf gives chase. They slug it out near the edge, and Richards rams TK into the side of the tank and follows them up. Richards gets to the top, where Stevens has Alf in a sleeperhold. Richards approaches, and Alf ducks, taking Stevens down with him, and causing him to backdrop Richards into the egg nog tank! COLE Oh, my! Into the egg nog goes Jay Richards! COACH Oh, gross! Imagine what Jay Richards must smell like after this! Alf and Stevens slug it out some more before, out of nowhere, Stevens takes Alf off the side of the tub and hits a DIAMOND CUTTER~!!! into a tub of christmas tree balls about six feet below! COLE OH MY GOD!!! Both men down and out after that Diamond Cutter into those christmas tree ornaments, that had to have been a good ten-foot drop! Both men lay in the ornaments for about 20 seconds, then Stevens struggles out and drags Alf out onto his shoulders. He lays Alf in the sleigh, and starts the drive back to the ring. COACH Remember, it's anything goes, but it's not Falls Count Anywhere, the pin still has to be in the ring! Stevens parks the sleigh at ringside, and rolls Alf back into the ring. Stevens slides in, and covers... 1.... 2................. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!! Alf JUST gets a shoulder up! COLE Alf will not be denied here tonight! COACH How does he keep coming, Cole? Stevens picks up Alf and delivers a back suplex onto the road sign, then goes for another present. He opens it up to reveal a bat bag. However, the bat inside of the bag just happens to be wrapped in barbed wire! Alf gets to his knees, and Stevens clotheslines him back to the mat with the bat! Alf spots a stocking in the corner, and reaches for it as Stevens taunts the crowd. Stevens walks back towards Alf with the bat over his head, and Alf swings with the stocking, nailing Stevens in the midsection! As Stevens is doubled over, Alf pulls himself to his feet, then backs into the ropes, comes back and swings upwards with the stocking, knocking Stevens flat on his back as lumps of coal fly all over the ring! Alf then goes up top... COLE Here it is! Alf's gonna pull it off! Alf leaps off the top for the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 But Stevens raises the bat up, and Alf lands on it face-first! COACH Let's give Chris Stevens credit now, great prescence of mind, GREAT counter! Stevens slowly rolls over onto Alf... 1.... 2.............. NO!!!!!!!! Alf gets a shoulder up again! Both men lay on the mat, but Stevens pulls himself over to another present, unwrapping it to reveal two glass panels! Stevens pulls himself to his feet and waits on Alf to get up, then takes a big swing with the panels, which Alf ducks and hits an overhead belly-to-belly! Alf rolls to the outside to his tub, and pulls out a door wreath comprised ENTIRELY of barbed-wire! Alf rolls back into the ring and hammers Stevens in the back with the wreath, then waits on him to get up, and hits him straight in the forehead with it! Stevens is out of it, and Alf lays his arms over his chest Undertaker pin-style, then places the wreath on him. Alf sets up the ladder. COACH He's not done YET??? Alf climbs the ladder, getting to the very top step, and comes off with a legdrop onto the wreath and Stevens! COLE That's GOTTA do it! 1... 2................ NO!!!!!!!!!! Stevens gets a shoulder up! COLE This is INCREDIBLE on the part of both of these tremendous competitors! Alf rolls Stevens over onto his stomach, then attempts to pick him up. Stevens still has the wreath, however, and rams it up between the legs of Alf! Alf falls backwards to the mat, and Stevens grabs the panels again. He sets up one in the corner on the bottom rope, and one on the second rope. He then goes to the outside and grabs a table, setting it on the top rope. Stevens picks up Alf, and trash talks him, then whips him into the corner. Alf manages, however, to do a cross-body, landing right on the table and rolling over the ropes, catching himself on the apron. Alf then goes back to the top again, but Stevens pushes his legs out from under him, crotching him. Stevens then climbs to the apron and goes to the top behind Alf. COLE What the hell is Stevens going for here? COACH I dunno, Cole, perhaps another Diamond Cutter... Stevens hooks Alf in dragon sleeper position. COACH Oh no, it may be an Ace Crusher right through that table and those panels! Alf throws forearms up at Stevens, loosening the grip, then grabs Stevens around the chest and flips him over, managing to stand up on the top rope! COACH No way... Alf drops STRAIGHT DOWN with a SUPER TOMBSTONE through the table and the glass panels! COLE ... The crowd is ballistic as Alf stands on his knees for a second, then simply falls forward onto Stevens... 1... 2............. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* COLE THAT'S IT! ALF REGAINS THE TITLE!!! [i]Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon[/i] plays as the referee drapes the belt over Alf and points at him while raising his hand in the air. BUFFER [i]The winner of the match...and NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW OAOAST Heartland champion...AAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!![/i] COLE Folks, what an unbelievable spectacle we've just witnessed. I really don't know how else to put it, other than that word, unbelievable. These men both put their bodies, and possibly even their lives on the line, and while Chris Stevens may have lost the belt, I saw something in Chris Stevens that I don't think I've ever seen before. But Alfdogg was the better man tonight, and as a result adds another championship to his lengthy resume, he is now a TWO-TIME Heartland champion! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
