KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 1, 2006 TOKEN POSH VOICE-OVER GUY (V.O) LIVE, from the city that occassionally sleeps, Charleston, South Carolina ...it's the 2005, ANGLE AWARDS!! And here are your hosts for the evening's festivities...the OAOAST'S latest odd couple, although only plutonically... CABOOSE! And TONY SCHIAVONE! The camera pans around the mass of tables set-up, all seats filled by various OAOAST wrestlers, on-screen personalities, back-staff, various jobsworths and that tennis chick who lasted a couple of weeks. Behind them, fans lucky/stupid enough to have shelled out their money early enough to get a place are in the back row. I.e, a set of bleachers behind all the tables, covered in snazzy (~!) tarp so it's not a complete eyesore. And those fans are on their feet, for 'BOOSE and Tony Schiavone as they stride out onto the stage all suited and booted. Schiavone waves to the fans in the process, making him look even more of a tool. SCHIAVONE Happy New Year everyone and welcome to the 2005 Angle Awards! A night of reflection and a night of reward, for what has been another jampacked year in the OAOAST's history. It's been a year of ups, downs and creamy middles. And tonight, we're here to honour those who contributed so greatly. This promises to be the most important awards ceremony in the history of our great sport, Caboose! CABOOSE All this hyperbole won't do any good in the long run, trust me. SCHIAVONE Well, we have a number of our OAOAST stars in attendance tonight... "YAY!" shouts one voice, sounding suspiciously like The Marv~! SCHIAVONE ...and, hopefully this year, some of them might even make speeches. CABOOSE Well we've got enough bloody awards. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" CABOOSE I wasn't joking. ... SCHIAVONE Yes, as my partner aluded to, we have a lot of new awards this year from last year's proceedings. And along with that, we've got some big matches in store for you in our second hour of the Spectacular, so let's go to the arena where we have Michael Cole, Coach and......Caboose? Wait, how can you be there and here for the awards? CABOOSE Uh....the magic of television? It's not because this awards show was taped earlier today. Can't be. We head into the arena in Charleston, where 15,000 revelers decided to spend the first day of 2006 with the OAOAST and God bless em' for it. Over to Sofa Central we go. COLE Thank you Tony and....uh...Caboose. Once again, Happy New Year to all our fans watching us live on the TSM Network. Tonight, along with looking back on the year that was here in the OAOAST, we've got two big main event matches that just may tell us the direction we're going to go in 2006. In our first contest, HeldDOWN General Manager Calvin Szechstein puts his position on the line.... COACH Though it really wasn't his decision. COLE ....against Axel, who is suddenly in the political game, using the OAOAST's desperation to retain his services to his advantage and making this match. Calvin hasn't sniffed the ring in quite a while, so there has to be some rust there. CABOOSE Oh, forget that, the real main event is Popick finally getting his ass beat down and title taken away by Peter Knight. Knight is incredibly upset over how their match at Climax ended up and has been in seclusion ever since, preparing for this rematch. He didn't even show up for the awards, even though he's nominated for a few tonight. COLE It should be a great night so let's head back to Tony and Caboose at the awards ceremony to kick it off and we will be back for live action in less than 60 minutes! WHOOSH~! We're back at the awards! SCHIAVONE Thanks guys, without any further ado, here to present our first two awards of the evening, Most Entertaining Character and Most Welcome Return...he is a man who knows all about Entertaining Characters, being a successful filmstar and all about Welcome Returns, due to the OAOAST being a day-job for this supreme Governor. He's also a man who paid me very well to read out this self indulging intro... JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA!!! Applause fills the floor, while the fans in bleachers go wild, as Ventura walks out and gives the people what they want. A double bicep pose of doom! Tony Brannigan stands and applauds, getting a tag bit carried away maybe. VENTURA Thank you And Schiavone, thank you for that under-stated introduction. *looks curiously at Tony* Woah woah woah. If I'd have known this was fancy dress, I'd have dragged out my wrestling gear. What did you come as anyway, the waiter? SCHIAVONE Oh, Jesse. I'll have you know, I paid good money for this suit. VENTURA Then you were robbed blind. Which...I guess makes sense, seeing as you'd have to be blind to think that was stylish. ANYWAY! The nominations for Most Entertaining Character, are... -MOST ENTERTAINING CHARACTER- Alix Maria Spezia: Proof that you don't need brains to be entertaining. Alix is wacky and that's why we love her. That and her sweet ass. Christian Wright: And hark, entertainment is nigh! Jivin' JR: BAH GAWD, JIVIN' JR! JIVIN' JR! JIVIN' JR! So much funnier than pulling impliments out of a dummy's ass, although ironically, this idea probably WAS pulled from someone's ass anyway. Leon Rodez: He's a pornstar, don'tcha know? "Narcissistic" Ned Blanchard: Simon who? Narcissistic Ned's charisma and cocky character make him the stand-out Midnight. The 70's Dude: The most entertaining thing since Nightrider. VENTURA And the winner of the award is...aw, great, she'd better not have to talk to me. ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! The crowd goes wild, until they realise that there's no Alix. SCHIAVONE Well, unfortunately, Alix and her sister Krista couldn't be here tonight...so, to accept the award on Alix's behalf, a man who most of Alix's entertainment was at the expence of. TERRY TAYLOR, ladies and gentlemen! The crowd goes wild. Trouble is, they're booing. They wanted Wacky Alix, but instead they get Terry Taylor. Talk about a bum deal. Jogging up the steps onto the stage, the ecstatic Terry grabs the award and steps up to the microphone for his triumphant speech...only to get hurled off-stage by Jesse Ventura! VENTURA I don't think so, buddy. Time is money and you, most certainly, are not. On with the nominations for Most Welcome Return. Your nominations for this award are... -MOST WELCOME RETURN- Alfdogg: The former World Champion tore in some of the more chaotic matches of the year, on the way to becoming a two-time Heartland Champion. Chicks Over Dicks: Yay, COD! Disappeared after losing the World Tag Titles, but re-surfaced towards the end of the year. Crystal: Left towards the middle of the year, only to return as The Benefactor to the surprise of...everyone. Peter Knight: PK's return in the summer saved us all from Prince Killings. Oh, and he won the X Division Title and is in the World Title picture. Tha Puerto Rican: IntenseZone's most electrifying man laid some more Smackdown this year. The Parka: The feel-good story of the year, Parka fought through injury and poverty (near enough) to make his return. VENTURA Six worthy nominees, but only one winner, who is... ...okay, so there's two winners. This award is tied, between CHICKS OVER DICKS... and, seein' as they ain't here, let's hear it for the co-winner of the award, ALFDOGG!! Alf rises from his table after receiving high-fives from Thunderkid and Reject and walks onto the stage to accept his award. ALFDOGG I've been the BUTT of a lot of jokes around here in the past, but I showed in 2005 that I'm not a joke and anyone that has gotten in my way has experienced that firsthand. Of course, I'm not done and in 2006, I'm looking big, and it starts at Anglepalooza when I win the Rumble and continues at AngleMania V, where I beat whoever I have to to, once again, become the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. Thanks for the award. *Applause* as Alf returns to his seat. SCHIAVONE Well, two awards down and what shame Chicks Over Dicks couldn't be here, eh Caboose? CABOOSE Why aren't they? SCHIAVONE Uhm...I believe Krista is currently conducting a book signing for her new novella, of which I forget the name. But I bought it. Honest. As for Alix...*shrugs* CABOOSE Probably getting a check-up. These stem-cell research subjects need to be monitored regularly, you know. ... CABOOSE See, now they don't laugh. Bloody idiots... SCHIAVONE Ladies and gentlemen, for our next two awards, please welcome a beloved colleague of ours. RANDY "MACHO MAN" SAVAGE!! The crowd and wrestlers erupt for the Instrumental of "Land of Hope and Glory" and the Macho Man, yeeeaaahh!! Savage does some twirls before reaching the podium, which seem to dis-orientate the poor old beggar a little. SAVAGE OOOOOHHHHHHH YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!! SCHIAVONE Randy, good to see you here at the Angle Awards! SAVAGE UH-HUH, yeah, guaranteed, yeah, dig it, represent, UH-HUH! SCHIAVONE Uhm, yeah. The awards please... SAVAGE UH-HUH, okay, yeah, dig it, buy the CD, yeeeaaahhh, dig it, dig it, OOOOHH YEEAA... SCHIAVONE RANDY!! SAVAGE ...nominations. Dig it. -BEST TITLE REIGN- Alfdogg, Heartland Championship (Jun 30th-Oct 30th): The first of Alf's two reigns involved him in a gripping feud with C.S.I Ashley Street, Women's Championship (Sep 1st-CURRENT): Led the revamped Women's Division superbly after inheriting the title from Jenny Adams. Drek Stone, World Heavyweight Championship (Jan 1st-Apr 3rd): Carrying over from last year, Drek's title reign managed to fit in great matches with the likes of AJ Flaire, Hoff and Axel. Leon Rodez, X-Division Championship (Jan 1st-Apr 25th): Another carried over reign, the longest in X-Division history. Tha Puerto Rican, 24/7 Championship (Apr 7th-CURRENT): The longest reign of the year for PRL, who made the 24/7 title his own. He even customised it. How kewl is that? The Usual Suspects, World Tag Team Championship (Sep 8th-CURRENT): Won the belts in TLC and have yet to relinquish them. SAVAGE And the winnaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh iiiissssssssss... LEON RODEZ, YEAH!! Rodez leaps from his seat and begins some over-dramatic celebrations. Zack gets a hug, as does Candie. Neither seem that thrilled, but hey, a hugs a hug. Leon begins to make his way to the stage but stops, as he tries to convince The Parka (who's wearing a tux and his Parka mask, of course) to let him take the X-Division Title with him. Unsuccessfully. RODEZ Wowza! Well, isn't this a surprise. Obviously, before I start this no-doubt long-winded, rambling speech, I really must thank all my fans who voted for me. Thanks guys! You all rule! You know who you are. Uhm...to be serious real quickly, I can credit being the X-Division Champion to being where I am today. When I won the belt towards the end of 2004, it was a big opportunity for me. I'd only been around as a regular for a few months, so I was obviously highly honoured to win the belt from The Blurricane. And I made a vow from winning the belt to make sure I'd make it a memorable reign. The X-Division Title, to that point, had been lost in the shuffle a little. So it's great to see it in the arms of someone like The Parka right now. I'm glad everyone enjoyed my title reign...and, hey, if you want to see me as the TWO time X-Division Champion, get those letters in to OAOAST Headquarters, stat! Peace out everyone! Rodez merrily takes his award back with him to his seat, waving it (the award) in Zack's face. SAVAGE Alright, yeah, dig it, snap into a Slim Jim, yeah... SCHIAVONE NEXT AWARD!! SAVAGE Okay, feud of the year, yeah. As someone who knows all about feuds, I want to take this opportunity to say 'Fuck you Hulk Hogan'. And now, the nominees, guaranteed, yeah! -FEUD OF THE YEAR- Alfdogg vs. C.S.I/S.H.I: Alf spent the latter half of the year battling Chris Stevens and co, culminating in the brutal Christmas Deathmatch at Climax. Axel vs. Hoff: At times friendly, at times not. These two did battle over and around the World Title right up until the Summer when...some other stuff happened. Black T vs. Zack Malibu: One of the most heated feuds in recent memory. Black T and Zack started the year as allies, spent much of it as bitter enemies, then ended it as uneasy allies. Chicks Over Dicks vs. New, New Midnight Express: Krista and Ned have a child. What other feud can boast that sort of personal investment? Christian Wright vs. Leon Rodez: Pornstar Leon meets Morality Man Christian. Chaos ensues. Ended with a high profile match at AngleSlam. OAOAST Originals vs. The Upstarts: The feud that has engulfed most of the federation. Young versus Old, the classic formula. SAVAGE And the winner is... OOOOOHHH YYEEEEEAAAHHH, ORIGINALS VERSUS UPSTARTS!! Confusion ensues, at least after Drek Stone can be seen storming off into the sunset cursing wildly. Nobody quite knows who should collect the award and to be honest, no-one would really want it. The Upstarts wouldn't want to share with The Originals, after all. And, vice versa. SCHIAVONE Uhm, well...let's take a break, before Drek comes back and starts beating us all to a bloody e-pulp. CABOOSE Totally. SCHIAVONE In recent years, the OAOAST has gone through a lot of transformations and re-transformations. The OAOAST you see before you now is a vastly different breed of animal from the original OAOAST, which is a testament to all involved. With that said, we bring you to one of the most prestigious awards for our wrestlers... the awards for Free TV and Pay Per View Matches Of The Year. We've seen plenty of memorable matches over this past year and if anything, this is the most competitive of all the categories. CABOOSE Very true. Although, it's hard to look past my match at AngleMania. Cut to Black T, rolling their eyes. SCHIAVONE As you can see, my friend next to me is no expert. However, the man who will present the award is. He is our good friend, "THE PROFESSOR" MIKE TENAY! TENAY Thank you Tony. This year truely has been a great year in the OAOAST. However, before we get to the awards, we actually have a special award to present. Last year's Awards' timing meant that a front-running match was ommitted from the ballot. Well this year, it proved so popular that the OAOAST have decided it deserves recognition, even though it cannot really be called the PPV Match of 2005. So, we present this... Tenay places an award on the podium. TENAY ...special 2004 Joint Match Of The Year trophy, to the Las Vegas Deathmatch between AXEL and RAGDOLL!! Warm applause greets this announcement. TENAY This match, along with the three other Matches of the Year, will be aired right after the New Year's Spectacular in a bonus third hour of programming! And now, on to the nominations for 2005's Pay Per View Match Of The Year. -PPV MATCH OF THE YEAR- ANGLEPALOOZA: Drek Stone vs. AJ Flaire (I Quit Match, World Heavyweight Title): A brutal match at the first Pay Per View of the year, as AJ looked to defy the medical odds to wrest the World Title from The Reckless One. ANGLEMANIA IV: Drek Stone vs. Hoff (World Heavyweight Title): The first of two World Title Matches at AngleMania, which was a hotly anticipated rematch from Zero Hour. LICENSE TO PIN: Peter Knight vs. Leon Rodez vs. Christian Wright vs. Jay Richards (Ultimate X Match, X-Division Title): The debut of the high-wire spectacular in the OAOAST, as Peter Knight defended his title in a match more suited to his opposition than he. Spots aplenty! BATTLEBOWL: The BattleBowl Match: This one-off Pay Per View event culminated in a Battle Royal, with the winner advancing on to fight for the World Heavyweight Title at AngleSlam. ANGLESLAM: Hoff vs. Axel (World Heavyweight Title): Hoff and Axel's feud gets serious and the World Title got a new owner. WORLD WITHOUT END: Stephen Joseph vs. Peter Knight vs. Dan Black vs. Tony Brannigan (Fatal Fourway Match, World Heavyweight Title): With Hoff's departure, a new World Heavyweight Champion was needed. Four of the top contenders to the title where therefore stuck into this battleground, with a shocking result! NOVEMBER REIGN: Torneo Cibernetica: One of the highlights of the year has been the revamped, never better Women's Division. The ladies got their chance to shine in this mammoth match, which featured the vast majority of the division. TENAY Seven great matches, I'm sure you'll agree. But the deserved winner is in and the award for 2005 PPV Match Of The Year goes to... THE TORNEO CIBERNETICA!! *Applause*, especially from the Women's Divsion tables. They stand and take a bow while Ashley Street, the winner of that match, walks onto the stage to receive the award trophy. ASHLEY All right! I'd like to thank the fans for voting for this match and everyone that was involved in it. It was a hell of a battle and I was honored to have taken part in it. Thank you very much! *Applause* as she steps down and Tenay steps back behind the podium. TENAY And now, on to the Free TV Match Of The Year. Again, a very impressive field, which is... -FREE TV MATCH OF THE YEAR- HD, 3/10: The NNMX & Black T vs. The GPX & COD: Four teams with a lot of history between them were brought together for this 8 Man Tag on the Road to AngleMania. HD, 7/21: Hoff vs. Some Guy (#1 Contendership Match): Number One Contender Hoff offered up his AngleSlam title shot to anyone in the OAOAST and answering the challenge this time out was the veteran, Some Guy. HD, 9/8: The Sk8ter Boiz vs. Black T vs. The GPX vs. The Usual Suspects (Tables, Ladders and Chairs, World Tag Team Titles): The unlikely Champs faced their toughest test to date...three teams, a splashing of table, a little bit of ladder and a whole lot of chair! And for the Boiz, it would be one hurdle to ollie too far. HD 10/27: The Usual Suspects and The Parka vs. The GPX and Christian Wright: An Originals versus Upstarts 6 Man Tag Match, heading into HD, 11/24: Sooner Bruisers, Sk8er Boiz, Heavenly Rockers, Love Doctors, & Los Diablos de Fuego vs New New Midnight Express, Team Heyross, South Central Militia, Hell's Hitmen, & Los Conquistadores (Survivor Series Rules Match): A Thanksgiving tradition revived on the Thanksgiving special, drawing in 20 of the OAOAST's tag team wrestlers for some more gratuitous chaos. HD, 11/24: Stephen Joseph vs. Alfdogg vs. Zack Malibu (World Heavyweight Title): Another Thanksgiving special match, which saw the World Heavyweight Champion going up against two former World Champs with the number one prize in e-entertainment on the line! TENAY And, the winner of Free TV Match Of The Year goes to... TABLES, LADDERS AND CHAIRS!! The crowd roars, and many, if not all (save for The Upstarts, who remain bitter) stand up and applaud the duo of Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez as they walk onstage, where they're presented with the award for winning what was voted the OAOAST's Television Match Of The Year. RODEZ Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah baby! Leon takes the Angle Award and holds it up while pounding his chest, while Zack takes his Angle Award and holds it up high. The tag champs absorb the adulation from their peers (well, most of them), and Leon then hugs his partner, which draws a chuckle from Zack, who has had to get used to Leon's overly affectionate ways at times. Once the crowd dies down it's time to take the mic, and Leon kicks that off for The Suspects. RODEZ Thank you guys, thank you so much for voting for the Tables, Ladders and Chairs match. Thank you for recognizing our efforts that night, which paid off in full since we are the WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, YEEEEEEEAH! Leon backs away and pounds his chest again, then kisses the Angle Award and holds it over his head, while Malibu takes over on speech duty. MALIBU Like Leon said, we're very humbled by this, but not only was this a brutal match featuring eight of the best competitors, it was also the first time Leon and I competed as a tag team, and here we are months later still holding the gold, and now being recognized by the company as two men responsible for putting on a classic contest. Still, despite the friction between people involved in that contest, right now I want to say that you people...Tony, Dan Black, The SK8R BOIZ and the GPX, you were a part of history with us, and you should applaud yourselves for that. Everyone, give THEM a hand, because they were a part of the formula that night, they put in one hundred and ten percent, and THEY helped make that match just as memorable as our victory did. Give it up for them, right now! Malibu and Leon start clapping, and rally the crowd to applaud their fellow Originals, the new and improved Sk8r Boiz, and even the hated Global Party Exchange. All except the GPX thank Zack and give their props right back to the tag champs, who come off the stage and shake the hands of their opponents from that fateful night. When they approach the Upstarts table the GPX rises, but no hands are shook, as instead Jax knocks Leon's hand away, and Static spits in Zack's face! The Suspects break into action, but security is on the scene quicker than a papparazzi on a Lindsay Lohan nipple slip, and the sides are seperated before things break down into a ruckus that could damper the rest of the evening. SCHIAVONE Uh....let's take a quick break here, shall we? We'll be back with more of the 2005 Angle Awards in a moment. TOKEN POSH VOICE-OVER GUY (V.O) The 2005 Angle Awards are brought to you by OAOASTShop.com. Visit OAOASTShop.com for merchandise featuring all of your favorite OAOAST stars, including Chicks Over Dicks shot glasses from Krista's many binges (so you might want to clean the puke from them first). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 1, 2006 SCHIAVONE Welcome back, folks. On to our next award and to present it, someone who knows very little about Romance. Lucky then that he's presenting the award for Most Entertaining Segment then. JIVIN' JR, everybody! Cue the crowd and wrestlers going nuts, in particular Black T, for the Jivin'est Man In All Of Oklahoma, Jivin' JR! JR removes his ol' black resistol and thanks everyone for their warm welcome. JIVIN' JR BAH GAWD WHAT A REACTION! THE ROOF JUST BLEW OFF THIS PLACE! JIVIN' JR! JIVIN' JR! JIVIN' JR! And I'm here to announce the nominations for the Most Entertaining Segment Of The Year. BAH GAWD, ENTERTAINMENT! MORE ENTERTAINING THAN A GOVERNMENT MULE, BAH GAWD! ... JIVIN' JR Yeah, I'm a little rusty. Anyway, the Most Entertaining Segment. NOMINATIONS! NOMINATIONS! NOMINATIONS! -MOST ENTERTAINING SEGMENT- Alix gets a 'taste' of Dan Black's manhood (HeldDOWN~!, January 20th): The great thing about feuding with chicks is you can rub their face in your crotch and get heat for it...which is exactly what The Ice Heart did, on this fateful night. Black T turn on Zack Malibu (HeldDOWN~!, March 3rd): One of the most heated segments of the year, as Dan Black and Tony Brannigan made their feelings on their Original Elite team-mate PERFECTLY clear. And, in the process, broke poor Candie's neck. *CRAZY VAMPIRE~! (HeldDOWN~!, May 5th): The Crazy Vampire returns~! What more needs to be said? The Love Shack feat. Chicks Over Dicks (HeldDOWN~!, December 1st): A virtual mindfuck of a segment that melts the brains of millions around the world. W'Acky Alix + Loopy Leon + Kranky Krista = Ratings! Weekend At Neddy's (HeldDOWN~!, April 21st): You've got the Sk8ter Boiz, you've got Chicks Over Dicks, you've got Ned Blanchard. Entertaining? What do you think, dummy? JIVIN' JR BAH GAWD WHAT A SLOBBERKNOCKER OF A FIELD!! And your winner is... LOVE SHACK! LOVE SHACK! BAH GAWD, LOVE SHACK FEATURING CHICKS OVER DICKS!! Obviously, Chicks Over Dicks aren't in attendance. So Leon Rodez bounds up to the stage alone to collect the award, hugging Jivin' JR before having to prise the award out of JR's hands. Hey, JR wanted Most Entertaining Character. Vince stole his collection of miscellaneous items, remember? RODEZ Oh, wow. You know, it's a shame that Alix isn't here, because everyone's out here and nobody would catch us if we snuck off to the bathroom. But also, because she'd be delighted with this award. As am I. It's heart warming to know that the first meeting of myself and Alix was found to be so entertaining by everyone, it really is. Maybe we'll mention this in our wedding speeches. Rodez breaks into uproarious laughter. RODEZ Yeah, right! Look where that got Northstar. Uhm, anyway, I'm honoured to pick up this award, especially considering it was my own personal talk show The Love Shack that was responsible for the entertainment. Finally, I can now call The Love Shack an award-winning talk show. Take that, Letterman. At the risk of turning into a blubbering wreck like Halle Berry, I have some people I want to thank. And they are, of course, my supporting cast Chicks Over Dicks. Every lead man needs some entertaining background characters...and when it comes to background characters, there could be none more entertaining. In closing, thank you and keep watching The Shacks! Peace out, V2! Rodez jigs off with his award, as we go back for some more discount comedy banter from our beloved hosts. CABOOSE Damn, you weren't wrong about this being a long show, huh? SCHIAVONE Scheduled to present our next award were Chicks Over Dicks, but as you've already seen, they aren't here tonight. CABOOSE *punches the air* SCHIAVONE So, instead, they decided to send a couple of their bestest best buddies from Hollywood. Two award winning actresses. Two of the most beautiful women in the entire world! Unfortunately, they were held up in traffic, so instead, here are THE SK8TER BOIZ!!! The poor Boiz suddenly don't get the positive reaction they were expecting, but they're game guys and take the smatterings of boos and 'We want Paris Hilton, h0m0s' in their stride as they SK8~! to the podium. Yes, grown men skating, in suits. Only in the OAOAST ladies and gentlemen! THE MARV Alright, WOO! HELL MEL I got my trousers caught in the trucks man. THE MARV We want to thank Chicks Over Dicks for giving us yet another great opportunity. Gawd knows we're not going to win any of these awards, so presenting them is like our very own award. HELL MEL Even if we were fourth choices. THE MARV Marv Pose! RAWK! Cut to NRG, fuming at their table while they sip their new Grape And Apple Grapple protein drinks. HELL MEL Well anyway, we've got...damn it, I can't get it off man. It's tied up in my tux! THE MARV Bummer! Nominations for Comedy Match Of The Year...HEY, we're nominated for this! VOTE SK8TER BOIZ! SCHIAVONE Voting has closed, guys. HELL MEL Hell Mel Pose! Bummer! Mel hits his "Bummer" pose, which is basically him hanging his head. Again, NRG are PISSED~! -BEST COMEDY MATCH OF THE YEAR- HD 1/6: The Frankensteiners vs. The Sk8ter Boiz: I'm reliably informed that this was actually a serious match...which makes it even better, because these two teams stunk the joint up! Who'd have thought they'd be credible teams by now? Not me, that's for sure. HD 2/17: Drek Stone vs. Leon Rodez vs. The Mad Cappa vs. Alix Maria Spezia (Run For The Gold, World Heavyweight Title): Three man and a babe, trying to be the first person to reach the World Heavyweight Title. Wacky, off the wall, extremely odd...and that was just David Hasselhoff. LIVING ANGLELOUSLY: Leon Rodez vs. The 70's Dude (Last Man Dancing Match, X-Division Title): Taking place in a real, fake 70s disco, you had to expect a little bit of oddity. And you got plenty. HD, 5/19: Alfdogg vs. The 70's Dude (Falls Count Anywhere at the Indiana State Fair X-Division Title): Alf and The Dude battled all around the Indiana State Fair, which was never the same again afterwards. Or, so I'm told. HD 5/19: Hoff vs. Axel: An abomination or comedy gold? Jury's out, but the two top stars in the OAOAST seemed to enjoy themselves, so it's all good. HD, 7/14: Alfdogg vs. Some Guy (Falls Count Anywhere Mall of America Madness, Heartland Title): Alf strikes again, as he and opponent tear up another public area. This time, the Mall of America. THE MARV Alright, the winner is... HELL MEL Uhm...crap. THE MARV What? HELL MEL When Krista asked us to do this, did she give you the envelope? THE MARV No, I thought she gave it to you dude! HELL MEL Bummer. THE MARV Well, we'll just have to make it up man. Who're we gonna say won? HELL MEL Us? THE MARV YEAH!! HELL MEL THE WINNERS ARE THE SK8TE... SCHIAVONE THE WINNER IS RUN FOR THE GOLD!!! Drek decides not to get this award either, so Rodez happily walks up the stage and grabs the trophy. RODEZ Damn, I'm gonna have to build an addition to the Shack for these babies. Hey Zack, you might have two title belts there, but I've got....uh....one..two....three Angle Awards! Suck on that, baby! WHOOOOO! ZACK (to waiter) Uh, no more drink service over here, ok? THE MARV And now, apparantly, we have to give out another award. I forget which one it is, but it's something about being the best face. Surely we're nominated for that now, right? HELL MEL According to this envelope Caboose just threw at me, no. THE MARV AND HELL MEL (in unison) BUMMER!! -BEST BABYFACE- Alfdogg: Alf was quite the d1ck when he first came back, the master of cheap heat, but he soon mellowed and the crowd warmed to the OAOAST veteran as he did battle with C.S.I et all. Axel: The Dark One's bumpy year was followed all the way by his fans and he won the Lethal Rumble and the World Heavyweight Title. Hoff: Another World Title win for Hoff. Sure, it didn't go EXACTLY to plan, but the fans were always rock solid behind Minnesota's favourite son. Leon Rodez: The nicest of the nice guys. Everyone loves Leon, even if he is a former pornstar turned wrestler. Question is, which is sleazier? Panther: Popularity was always something Panther could boast, even if his run with the company was year was relatively short. Zack Malibu: Yep. Zack was the most hated man in the OAOAST (sorry, SJ) at the top of the year. Black T changed that and now, Zack is once again a man of the people. THE MARV I still reckon we should have been nominated. Look at this face! HELL MEL And, the winne... THE MARV I mean, come on. I've got a better face than Hoff. I swear, he stuck that goatee on with superglue, it wasn't real man! And Axel? You ask Crystal who's hotter, eh? Cut to Crystal, making vomitting motions. HELL MEL Anyway, the winner... THE MARV I may not have been a pornstar, but look at this face and tell me I'm not cute. I dares ya! HELL MEL Dude, chill. The winner is... "YEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!" Leon Rodez leaps from his seat and begins to celebrate the award, much to the embarrassment of Zack and Candie. HELL MEL Dude, I haven't read it yet. RODEZ (off screen) SORRY! HELL MEL Right. The winner is... LEON RODEZ! "YEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!" Leon Rodez leaps from his seat and begins to celebrate the award, much to the embarrassment of Zack and Candie, again. Bounding up the steps, Rodez tags hands with the Boiz before collecting yet another trophy for his collection. RODEZ And to think, I didn't win jack last year! Who says nice guys always finish last, eh? Besides just beating Zack, this award is special because I know now that people appreciate the fact that I'm not a mouthy, popular asshole. It's been a good year for me, on the whole. Sure, I've encountered a few jerks along the way. That's wrestling for ya. But as I stand here tonight, I feel as good as I ever have. I'm one half of the World Tag Team Champions. I've won a truckload of these award thingys already and we're only halfway through. My girlfriend is hotter than all of you. My talk show, The Love Shack, is the most superb televisual experience in the world. And... YOU LOVE ME! YOU REALLY, REALLY LOVE ME!! I might not have a catchphrase that anyone knows or recognises, but apparantly, I'm popular. And that is all the award I need. But, I'll take this trophy thing anyway. Thank you all and I'll see you real soon when you give me another award, no doubt. Rodez takes yet another award with him, stacking them up in front of him at his table. SCHIAVONE Man, Leon Rodez is certainly having a successful night tonight isn't he 'Boose? CABOOSE I wanna know what idiots kept voting for him. I sure as bloody hell didn't! SCHIAVONE I don't remember you voting at all. CABOOSE ... SCHIAVONE Here to present our next two awards, a man who's no stranger to winning Angle Award statuetts. Last year's Wrestler Of The Year, who incidently is in the running again this year, he is The Franchise of the OAOAST... ZACK MALIBU!! Zack gets a warm hand as he strides up to the podium, to rapturous applause from Candie and loud boohisses from The Upstarts table. MALIBU Thank you, thank you. It's great to be hear in front of so many of my peers and my fans, to present the awards for Best PPV and of course, Best Heel. But, we'll put that one on the back foot for now. Zack smiles... ...and gets nothing. MALIBU Come on, that was funny. Leon Rodez walks past, making the sound of tumbleweed rustling past. MALIBU Phff, whatever. Nominations for Best PPV are... -BEST PPV EVENT- AnglePalooza 2005 AngleMania IV Living Anglelously AngleSlam 2005 November Reign Climax (2005) MALIBU Alright, and the winner is, fittingly... ANGLEMANIA IV!! Cue warm applause. MALIBU Well, seeing as there's no-one to collect the award, we'll move on to the award for Best Heel. Obviously, I know all about being 'the bad guy' in the eyes of you people. But, this year, it's a nice change to be presenting the award instead of being nominated for it. And so, the assho...I mean, nominations, are... -BEST HEEL- Crystal: Boo, hiss! Turned callously on her boyfriend Axel and made his life hell for a while. Then, she resurfaced as the evil Benefactor in the Women's Division. Black T: Dan Black rubbed Alix's face in his crotch. He rubbed her FACE... in his CROTCH! Oh yeah, and there was something with that Malibu guy too. Drek Stone: Led The Upstarts for a while, which he won't thank me for mentioning. As the World Champion previously, he was as mean as mean could be and as bitter as a bag full of lemons. Stephen Joseph: The new leader of The Upstarts and the self-proclaimed Most Hated Man in the OAOAST. Tha Puerto Rican: The 24/7 Champion who just loves to be hated, he made the jump up into the World Title picture towards the end of the year. The Global Party Exchange: After turning on Zack Malibu, these two became charter members of The Upstarts and continue to plot the demise of the OAOAST's Originals to this day. MALIBU Wow, I don't want any of them to win. But, somebody has to, so the award for Best Heel goes to... oh, goody. THE GLOBAL PARTY EXCHANGE. The room fills with boos, except for the small Upstart contingent who are all seated together. Jamie O'Hara gets waaaaaaaay too into it, busting out the old Arsenio Hall "whoop whoop whoop" arm motion until Christian Wright calms him down. Scotty and Johnny take the stage and make the "quiet" motion to the crowd, and then begin their acceptance speech. JAX *AHEM*...coughcough...hnnnnnnnnt... STATIC Well, while my partner graphically chooses to clear his throat, allow me to thank you all for this award. Although, I'm not sure how one, or in this case, two, can qualify for best heel...I mean, isn't that just subject to opinion? It's only fitting that the OAOAST gives us this award, seeing as how in THEIR eyes we're heels, but to our fellow Upstarts and to all those people who have felt held back from achieving the greatness they are destined for, we're role models. Heroes. Saviors. We have begun a revolution that the wrestling world will not soon recover from, and surely not the OAOAST! JAX We would like to thank the OAOAST for actually recognizing us for something...we know it must have been a bitter pill to swallow, but this is just more proof that the Global Party Exchange can and will not be denied their rightful place in the history books. We'd also like to give props to the people like Christian Wright, Jamie O'Hara, Bohemoth, and everyone else who supports the Upstart cause, because as the numbers grow so does the sound of our voices. WE WILL BE HEARD! WE WILL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT! POWER TO THE PEOPLE! I HAVE A DREAM! Jax loses his breath shouting out to the crowd, whose mood has gone from attentive to confused. Static just shakes his head and blocks Johnny from getting back to the mic, telling him that he'll handle it. STATIC 2005 was just the beginning, people. 2006 is the year of the Upstarts. You can believe that. As the days of '05 run out...so does the Originals luck. Static then grabs the Angle Award and walks offstage, throwing up the deuce for his Upstart partners. Jax looks to make sure his partner is offstage and then returns to the mic, but is ushered away by security. JAX All right, all right, I'm going! Jax gets thrown off stage by security, which infuriates the superstar. He removes his blazer and tries running back onstage, but Static hooks his partner in a waistlock and pulls him back to the Upstarts table before a brawl breaks out. CABOOSE That's the only award those jerk-offs will ever win. SCHIAVONE Caboose, please. Hosting an Award Show requires some sense of impartiality. CABOOSE Hey, if you want to find somebody else at this time of night, then go right ahead buddy. You're not going to find another me though. SCHIAVONE ...I'm being told through my earpiece to ignore you...on with the next awards!! It's fitting that this duo present these awards, Tag Team Of The Year... CABOOSE Arguable. SCHIAVONE And Romance Of The Year. CABOOSE Ah. Yeah, they're the perfect couple for it, if you catch my drift. SCHIAVONE Two thirds of Triple C... CABOOSE The two expendable thirds. SCHIAVONE JOHNATHAN COACHMAN AND MICHAEL COLE, everyone! Out walk Coach and Cole, Cole making the mistake of giving Caboose a thumbs up and getting a pixelated middle finger for his troubles. COLE (deadpan) Well, here we are at the Angle Awards. And to... CABOOSE Oi! If you two incompetent idiots have concocted some sort of tedious, cringe-worthy comedy routine than I suggest you abandon it and get on with things, before I give you a belated Christmas present. Caboose pulls a cricket bat, inexplicably, from behind his back. COACH ...andthenominationsare! -ROMANCE OF THE YEAR- Alix Maria Spezia and Leon Rodez: The late entry into the running, it was sparks at first sight when Leon met Alix on The Love Shack. The most brain-meltingest of couples you'll ever meet. Candie and Zack Malibu: THEY'RE HAVING A BABY!! All together now... AAAAAWWWWW!! Crystal and Axel: It was fun while it lasted, as long-time sweethearts Axel and Crystal finally stopped all the back and forthing and got back together. Then, Crystal decided to beat Axek down with a chair...but, hey, nothing lasts forever. Holly-Wood and Ned Blanchard: It was unorthdox and at times it was unreciprocated, but it was feisty~! COLE Four wonderful couples, don't you agree partner. COACH He'd better not hit me with that bat. I've got lawyers! COLE *sighs* The winners are... oh, MY! A surprise victory for CRYSTAL AND AXEL!! The fans seem shocked that the most doomed relationship in OAOAST history has won, but applaud anyway. Axel is already on his feet to collect the award, but suddenly Crystal sweeps into view and rushing up to the podium to snatch the award for herself. While walking to the microphone for her speech, she spits right beside her and glares at the crowd. CRYSTAL That's what I think of all of you! You know what though? I actually am quite sorry that I broke Axel's heart the way I did. The out and out betrayal is something I really do regret. The crowd sorta murmurs in confusion and a small clap of approval is heard. CRYSTAL Don't clap for me idiots! I don't care that I broke his heart! I care that because of what I did, he became more of a top star than he was and got a title shot! Sure, he had just an AWFUL title reign... "POT! KETTLE! BLACK!" Crystal looks at how said that and if looks could kill....well, The Cannon Kid would be dead. CRYSTAL Real cute newbie! Hey, we'll see how mouth you are next HeldDown in the ring with, eh? Crystal steps off the stage, goes towards the Cannon Kid, who is nodding as acceptance to the challenge. Crystal puts on her most distained look, and SLAPS THE SHIT OUT OF HER! "OOOOOOOOOOOOH!" CRYSTAL (getting back on the stage) I thank NOBODY! "BOOOOOOOO!" COLE That was...interesting. COACH How much does that bat weigh. You should know, you've been hit by it. 30, 40 pounds? 50!?! Oh my God, he's looking at meeeeEEE!! COLE On to the next award, for Tag Team Of The Year. Whoop, Here It Is. "WORSE THAN ZACK!" shouts one fat fan wearing the remnants of a chillIdog around his mouth. -TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR- Black T: Their feuds with Chicks Over Dicks and Zack Malibu saw them in the spotlight, despite not earning a title reign this year. Singles success kept the team relatively inactive for part of the year. Chicks Over Dicks: Former Tag Team Champions and YOU DON'T BEAT COD! Seriously, they never lose. They're cool like that. The Global Party Exchange: Always valuable parts of the Tag Team Division and the winners of the Anderson Cup, although they couldn't turn that into an AngleMania title victory. The New, New Midnight Express: A consistant year for Ned and Simon, who were always involved in something, somewhere, somehow. The Sk8ter Boiz: They shocked the world by going from laughing stocks to World Tag Team Champions this year, then shocked them again by actually becoming hottiez! SK8 OR DIE! The Usual Suspects: The current Tag Team Champions and unlikely allies at the start of the year. Since TLC threw them together though, they've grown into a true tag team and have been champions for nearly 4 months. COLE Alright, another close vote, but the fans have chosen the Tag Team Of 2005 to be... THE USUAL SUPSECTS!! Leaping from his seat, Zack gives Candie a warm hug and plays to the fans. By now, Rodez is becoming bored with all this winning lark and smiles warmly, before trudging up the steps once more. RODEZ I knew I should have bought a bigger bag with me. Another award. Sorry if I sound a little underwhelmed, but this thing kinda loses a little luster once you come up the fourth time. So, seeing as he hasn't won a thing yet, I'll let Zack do the talking. Zack shuffles over to the microphone, glaring at Rodez as he goes. ZACK Thanks...I think. RODEZ No problemmo. ZACK You know, at the start of the year, if you'd told me that I'd be teaming with this guy and actually get along with him...sometimes...then, I'd have laughed right in your face. As it is, I'm glad we got thrown together for that TLC Match. Teaming with Leon has been...an experience, certainly. Whatever though, he's a great wrestler and it's proven to be a successful partnership. As evidenced by this trophy. So, we wanna thank everyone who voted for us. RODEZ Double thanks to those that voted twice. ZACK Uhm...yeah. Here's to another successful year for The Usual Supects! RODEZ And here's to a sudden and swift name change! Leon And Zack's Tag Team Imporium Of Greatness! Groaning, Zack and Rodez have some off-mic 'discussions' before, after a fist-pump, Zack makes his way back to his seat. CABOOSE Poor, poor Zack. SCHIAVONE Hey, Leon's a very excitable guy and he's had a big night for awards, what can I say? Well, as you can see, Leon has stayed on stage, because he is set to present our next two awards. Leon, take it away! RODEZ Thanks Tony. Apparantly, someone thought it'd be ironic if I presented the award for Feel Good Moment of the year, seeing as I'm well versed in making women 'feel good'. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" On the floor, Zack can visably be seen throwing his napkin down in ANGER~! RODEZ Hey, that's more laughs than my partner good. Awesome. Uh, anyway, nominations for Best Feel Good Moment are as follows... -BEST FEEL-GOOD MOMENT- Axel wins the World Championship at AngleMania IV Hoff wins the World Championship at AngleSlam Leon Rodez's revenge, School's Out Sandman 9000 returns, HeldDOWN~! 11/24 The Parka defeats Vitamin X, AngleSlam The Sk8ter Boiz shock the world, HeldDOWN~! 5/29 RODEZ Hey, I might win again! Wouldn't that be neat. The Angle Award goes to... ah crap. Oh well, I'm sure you'll all be excited that AXEL WINS! Axel, without anyone interrupting this time, walks up onto the stage and accepts the award. AXEL Well, thank you for this. I'm glad that AngleMania IV made people feel good for me but you better believe that no one was as happy as me, holding that title belt at the end of the night was the greatest moment of my life and, frankly, I hope that Peter Knight has that same feeling when he beats Stephen Joseph. Of course, later tonight I hope to watch him raise the belt as the NEW General Manager of HeldDOWN. Sorry Cal. Calvin sneers at him as Axel raises the award and walks back to his seat. RODEZ Aaalright, you crazy Dark One, you! Yield the floor, because it's time to announce the Rookie Of The Year, of which you are not. Before we get to the nominations, I just want to say I got screwed on this last year. But, anyway, nominations are... -ROOKIE OF THE YEAR- Bohemoth: Former HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion, regular bodyguard and members of The Upstarts. This big guy has a big future. Christian Wright: Since arriving to try and oust Leon Rodez from the OAOAST, Christian Wright has been in a prominent position in the company. Involved in Ultimate X, fought Leon Rodez at AngleMania and is the current HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion. Jay Richards: CRAZY VAMPIRE~! *Ahem*. Joining C.S.I turned Jay Richards into a serious(er) competitor and gave him the chance to really show what he could do. The Sk8ter Boiz: "A Tag Team Championship winning team" would never have been a description you'd expect for the Boiz at the start of the year. They've shown a marked will to improve though and have done just that, both in the ring and in their bodies. The Sooner Bruisers: The Frankensteiners were, quite frankly, a joke. They got serious though and as the year wore on, they became more and more of a force in the Tag Team Division. RODEZ Well, hot-dog, we have a weiner... "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" ZACK I HATE YOU ALL! RODEZ ...and, the winner is... oh, brilliant. Christian Wright. The Upstarts table go BALLISTIC and gather around Christian Wright, congratulating The Natural which earns them all a round of heavy boos from all around them. Wright could care less though as he leads The Upstarts with him to the podium, grabbing the award out of Rodez's hand which leads to a brief staredown, before Rodez walks away. WRIGHT Indeed! Yield the stage, for I have prepared some important comments in the event that this occassion occured! Wright begins to unfurl a COMEDY SPEECH ROLL~! which is funny coz it's 10 foot long lol! WRIGHT The award of Rookie Of The Year to myself is an ironic way, for I am unqualified in the naive role of rookie. Lo, my presence has indeed been a recent one on the teleivisual transmissions of the OAOAST. But I have been active in the wrestling industry for some years now. However, I accept this award with much humility. Clearly, I was the only truely deserving candidate in this particular category. Yet, I feel honoured that my loyal followers consider me so that they shalt vote for me democratically in this awards ceremony. It goes to show that while many may still bow at the feet of undeserving miscreatens such as Leon Rodez, Black T and Zack Malibu, some people do have some sense of mental faculty and have voted for the most deserving of men rather than that which they have been weined upon for some period of time. In the crowd, Frank Frankensteiner yawns. A groan can be heard from Foshi, while Colombian Heat asks what this "jigger" is talking about. WRIGHT At this particular period of time, I wish to display my gratitude to some sources. Henceforth, I give my just thanks to my fellow Upstarts. To my bodyguard, Bohemoth, for his tireless years of service. To my young friends Scotty Static and Johnny Jax, two fine young fellows who continue to fight the moral fights that need to be fought for your people's own good. I also wish to express my gratitude to Drek Stone, without whom's support I would not have stumbled upon The Upstarts in the original time I did. Off screen, a producer is frantically signalling for Christian to 'wrap things up'. Good luck with that. WRIGHT All in all, I consider this year a perfectly acceptable platform towards mine and The Upstarts eventually overthrowing of the OAOAST's shackles...and my eventual riddance of you, Leon Rodez. And as HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion of this World, I wish to remind you that I am merely a rookie in OAOAST terms. My time is still yet to come. This time next year, be not surprised to observe me standing at this very podium, collecting far more awards for my outstanding achievements in the field of professional wrestling. And have no fear that I soon shall be 2006, Wrestler Of The Year!! Boos sound out from those who are still awake, as The Upstarts applaud Christian Wright all the way back to their table. SCHIAVONE So, an award for The Upstarts here tonight! CABOOSE Bugger them. Bugger them all. SCHIAVONE .....yes. Well, we're coming up our big awards of the night and one of those is Most Underrated Wrestler. CABOOSE Which is a stupid award. Surely, the MOST Underrated Wrestler would be the guy in the nominations that gets no votes. Or the guy that isn't even nominated. If you're even in the running, then you're obviously rated by someone. And if you win, you're more rated than someone else who would therefore, by default, be more underrated than the winner is. SCHIAVONE .....to present the award, a lady who played an integral part in the year as the General Manager of the OAOAST was much of the year. It's my pleasure to welcome, to present the award for Most Underrated Wrestler... JOSIE BAKER!! The crowd, led by Axel, rise to their feet for the former GM as she makes her way to the podium with smiles and waves for all. Well, not really, but she doesn't exactly flip them all off. JOSIE Oh, what a pleasure it is to see you all again. At least you're not trying to kick each others' asses like you were the entire time I was GM. But, bitterness aside, it's my pleasure to present this award to the most underrated wrestler of the year. Let's get the nominations up already... -MOST UNDERRATED WRESTLER- Brock Ausstin: Returned to the OAOAST and eventually joined up with C.S.I, which really gave his career a boost. One third of the 6 Man Tag Team Champions and now on a collission course, seemingly, with Alfdogg. Johnny Jax: 1 of the 2 Global Party Exchangers, who've had an important year. Missed some action after The GPX's loss at AngleMania, but came back better and more focused than ever as they formed The Upstarts and attempted to overthrow the OAOAST's veterans. Krista Isadora Duncan: Maybe doesn't get the credit she deserves, seeing as she NEVER LOSES and all and was one half of the World Tag Team Champions during her short two stints this year. Peter Knight: Came back and quickly captured the X-Division Title. Has moved on to the World Title picture now and challenged for the title elsewhere on this January 1st show. Scotty Static: The other of the 2 Global Party Exchangers, who've had an important year. Missed some action after The GPX's loss at AngleMania, but came back better and more focused than ever as they formed The Upstarts and attempted to overthrow the OAOAST's veterans. Tha Puerto Rican: PRL has been the 24/7 Champion for nearly 8 months. That fact alone puts him in line for this award. JOSIE Well, there you go. And the award goes to... PETER KNIGHT! Cheers come up from the crowd, but not from Stephen Joseph as he sits at the Upstarts table, though the rest of the group applauds politely. JOSIE PK isn't here right now as he is at the arena preparing for his World Title match later tonight, so I'll accept this award on his behalf. VOICEOVER GUY The 2005 Angle Awards are brought to you by the new movie Killer Kod, starring Prince Killings as a fisherman battling codfish that have been possessed by the devil. Coming soon to 99 cent theaters everywhere. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 1, 2006 (edited) SCHIAVONE Rolling right along, our next award is for Female Wrestler Of The Year. 2005 was the year of the Women's Division, which this year returned and became better than ever. Now more than ever, women in the OAOAST have a big place on the shows and women's wrestling is at it's allround peak in the company's history. So, this year's award is naturally hotly contested. Here to announce the winner, a female who knows all about the Women's Title... she is CANDIE!! The doting mum-to-be makes her way out which gets rapturous applause from The Usual Suspects, amongst others. CANDIE Thank you. Myself and of course, my baby to be, are here to announce the nominations for Female Wrestler Of The Year. And they are... -FEMALE WRESTLER OF THE YEAR- Alix Maria Spezia: She's mad! Mad I tells ya! But she's also a former World Tag Team Champion and proved herself well in singles action at various times in the year as well. Ashley Street: The current Women's Champion, who has led the division by example through most of the latter half of the year. Brodie Lewis: Mean, moody and masochistic. Brodie has been the most dominating women in the Women's Division and when not putting other women on the injury list, she's been hunting down the Women's World Title. Crystal: The former World Champion disappeared for most of the year, but it turns out she was around all along as The Benefactor, making the lives and careers of Ashley Street and Jenny Adams hell from behind the scenes. Also competed strongly against male opponents. Jenny Adams: Won the Women's Title in the tournament to crown the new champion, which came with the division's revamp. Injury meant she missed considerable amounts of action afterwards though. Krista Isadora Duncan: The other member of Chicks Over Dicks (the one that isn't quite so mentally unstable), she's the defacto leader of the team as did I mention she's virtually UNBEATABLE? CANDIE Huh. If I wasn't pregnant, I could whip all thei...AND THE WINNER!! *opens envelope and groans* Well, at least she isn't here. Some consolation. ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! Leon Rodez leaps for joy, for his girlfriend's latest award. CANDIE Seeing as she's not here, I guess I'll just take the award and make sure she gets it... maybe..... Drawing a raucous cheer from the audience, Alix Spezia charges on stage! She happily slides in front of the podium, nearly toppling it over in the process. Somehow she forgot to swipe the award from Candie. ALIX (panting) Uh, yeah. Wow. Oh my god, sorry I'm late. Hi, Lee-Lee! Um, yeah. Wow. Uh, I didn't really expect to win this award. Krista kept saying she was a lock, because of of her whole “unbeatable” gimmick. So she said she was gonna no show and do a book signing and really stick it to the man. That wouldn't be the first time she's stuck something in a man, but you can ask Ned about that. Anyway, she thought she'd prove to them how unimportant and silly these awards are by winning one and still skipping. But she didn't even win! I did! I bet she feels as dumb as Candie looks! Actually the only reason I even came was because I left my Joni Mitchell CD in Lee-Lee's car and I really need to pick it up because I wanna hear Big Yellow Taxi. Do you have it, sugar plum? (Leon, still beaming with pride, nods) ALIX Muchos gracias, baby doll. Well, thank ya for the award. Uh..it's all kind of shocking. It's a good kind of shocking, I swear. I don't exactly know what I did to deserve this award, besides having a nicer ass then the other nominees, but if I can pawn it off to fuel my rubber cement habit then rock awwwwwwn, OAOAST! Yeah! Alix departs to chase after Candie, who still as her award, as we go back to Ton' and 'Boose. CABOOSE Ugh. Who'd have known that whack-job was so popular? SCHIAVONE Well, we come now to our final two awards in this section, the award for Stable Of The Year and of course the big one, Wrestler Of The Year 2005. And who better to present this award than our current OAOAST General Manager. Once a member of successful stables himself of course... Mr CALVIN SZECHSTEIN!! Cal, dressed to impress of course, comes out to a standing ovation from those suck-ups wrestlers who all want title shots and stuff. CALVIN Thanks guys. Nice to see that SOME of you have some respect... Calvin glances in Axel's direction briefly. CALVIN Alright, let's get things rolling. Like Tony said, I know stables. And it makes sense for me to be awarding the award for 2005 Stable Of The Year. Let's take a look at the nominations. -STABLE OF THE YEAR- C.S.I: Sure, it's a pretty dumb name seeing as they're not actually wrestling detectives, but C.S.I were an extremely effective force through 2005, especially when they signed up Brock Ausstin and later combined with Team Heyross to form S.H.I, briefly. The Lightning Crew: Tha Puerto Rican's squadron stuck together behind PRL as ever, helping him out in his 24/7 Title endeavours on numerous occassions. The Original Elite: Before their very public and very personal split, The Original Elite were riding high over the OAOAST. Black T and Zack had the Tag Team Titles for a short while. Then, it all fell apart. And, how! The Upstarts: They haven't been all that successful in what they wanted to achieve yet, but The Upstarts have made a big impact in the OAOAST regardless CALVIN Well, the winner is...or, I suppose that should be are... C.S.I!! Unfortunately, they've broken up, so Jay Richards, Jumbo and Brock Ausstin simply glare at Chris Stevens, none wanting to step up and accept the award. Shrugging, Calvin simply hands it off and puts another award on the podium. CALVIN And, with that, we come to the big award of the evening. The one that everyone wants. 2005, Wrestler Of The Year. This year has been one of many changes. Departures and returns. Changes at the top. Changes at the bottom. But all in all, it's been another great year in the ring. And therefore, we have a very strong field for this year's award. All have seen gold this year, had memorable matches and been involved in some of the big feuds and conflicts of the year. Let's take a look at the nominations. -MALE WRESTLER OF THE YEAR- Alfdogg: 2 Time Heartland Champion, who since his return was supremely consistant. Had gripping battles with the members of C.S.I and others and remains in the running for the World Title as a former Champion. Axel: Won the Lethal Rumble and then went on to capture the World Title at AngleMania. Went away during the year after losing the title to compete in MMA orientated endeavours, before making a welcome return just recently. Drek Stone: Started the year as the World Champion and had great battles over the title before dropping it at AngleMania. Continued to have a prominant role until he left the company towards the middle of the year. Hoff: Another man to capture the World Title, winning at AngleSlam after surviving BattleBowl. Hoff was always one of the most popular wrestlers around, whether battling Chris Stevens or being WACKY~! with Axel. Abandoned the title publicly late in the year and left the company. Leon Rodez: Consistant through the year, without ever really reaching great heights. The X-Division Champion had a couple of World Title matches, but his year was dominated by a feud with Christian Wright and a Tag Team Title reign. Zack Malibu: The other nominee to actually be around all year. No World Title reign for The Franchise, but his role in the Originals/Upstarts battles was pivotal, as were his earlier conflicts with Black T and pretty much every female in the company besides Candie. Now one half of the Tag Champions. CALVIN Six great superstars. But only one can win and that man is... *DRUMROLL* CALVIN That was hardly needed. Oh well, the winner is... a surprise victory, but deserved nonetheless... the 2005 Wrestler Of The Year is ALFDOGG!!! Alfdogg receives a standing ovation from most of the audience, though again, the Upstarts don't much care that there was only one of them nominated. Alf takes the award and steps up to the podium. ALFDOGG I think I said what I wanted to earlier, but honestly, I'd like to thank the voters that gave me this award. There was some great competition in this category, so this is an honor. But I'm not done. Like I said, you haven't seen the best of me yet. 2006 will be MY year! Thank you very much. *Applause* as Alf steps down. SCHIAVONE That concludes the on-screen awards and we give our congratulations to all the winners. CABOOSE Almost all. SCHIAVONE But, we still have awards to present...to those behind what see on your TV screens, the writers. Without whom, none of us would be able to do what we do today. We have six awards and we kick off with the award for the Most Undervalued Writer. Here are your nominations! -MOST UNDERVALUED WRITER- Alfdogg: It's Alf! Controls Alfdogg, Reject and TK, Team Heyross and for a while C.S.I Ed Wood Caulfield: Consistant writer, who never really gets the recognition he deserves. Even if his stuff usually is late. Controls Tha Puerto Rican and The Lightning Crew. KingPK: Returned recently and had the X-Division Title for a while, before embarking on some character enhancement. Controls Peter Knight. LPYC: Formerly The Blurricane, currently X-Division Champion. Controls The Parka. Mystery Eskimo: A veteran writer who doesn't always get his just recognition. Wrote the World Without End main event. Controls Dan Black. Tony149: The writer behind the Tag Team Division, which continues to play a big part in the OAOAST. Controls...pretty much the entire Tag Team Division and Tony Brannigan. CABOOSE Alright. The award for most undervalued writer goes to... TONY149! *APPLAUSE* Tony comes out and I'll be honest, I don't know what the guy looks like, so I won't try and describe him. He's probably wearing a tux though, because it's a special occassion. Then again, maybe he's wearing nothing at all. After all, it's the internet, who are we to know? TONY This is a surprised. I'd like to start off by thanking Mystery Eskimo, Patty O'Green and Stephen Joseph for all their help and support the past couple of years. In my eyes Eski and Alfdogg are the two most undervalued writers here, although Alf is quickly gaining the respect he deserves for all he's done in 2005. The first thing that popped into my head when I heard my name called was you guys must be smoking some heavy stuff because I didn't expect to win at all, let alone get any votes other from Patty and maybe Eski and Popick. I guess I'm my own worst critic. While I haven't written anything I thought was really bad, I also haven't written anything that I thought was really good outside a couple of matches and promos. A quote that stands out to me was made by KC, where he basically said my writing style is quick and to the point. That's true. I'm just a Texan who loves to do things in the fastest time possible. If it were up to me my work would fall more along the lines of people like Zack, KC, Hoff and NYU. One could say they're our verison of the 4 Horsemen, an elite writing force. But as the old saying goes -- just be yourself. You can say I'm now comfortable in my OAOAST skin. No longer do I feel the need to try and write at the level of the aforementioned. I embrace my writing style. I'm proud of my work. And I'm proud of the OAOAST. Little did I know back in 2002 that the OAOAST would grow into what it is today. I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's a testament to the men and woman who take time out of the lives to write fictional wrestling shows, a hobby I never really understood until I became apart of it myself. I accept this award with great pride and humility. This award is very much appreciated. That is until Patty and I win Best Motion Picture at the Oscars...or maybe we'll just settle for a Razzie. Thank you very much. FREE ANGLESAULT! Tony takes his well deserved award and takes his leave. SCHIAVONE A positive and well deserved win...where as now, we go to something well deserved but maybe not so positive. Although, the nominees seem oddly happy with their standings. Well, whatever. This is The Biggest Bastard Of An Idiot Award and we have our nominations. -BIGGEST BASTARD OF AN IDIOT AWARD- Failed Mascot: LOLHEKILLEDTEHPIT1~!1!!~1! Something happened with Leena. He didn't like PRL. And he quit with the X-Division Title, screwing that up temporarily before KingPK thankfully rescued it. Hoff: As if his first OAOAST World Title reign didn't go smoothly, Hoff spent the year challenging for the title and eventually won it at AngleSlam...before abruptly quitting, as Champion, 'vacated' the title and writing a nifty little 'shoot' to explain it all away. NYUntouchable: Didn't like the Originals/Upstarts storyline and his character was strangely scarse on OAOAST TV for many months while he didn't see fit to mention it. Eventually left. (Stephen Joseph Popick): Token nomination. Plus, the main event of Climax nearly went wrong. CABOOSE Okay. And the Biggest Bastard of them all is... FAILED MASCO...!! But Caboose is interrupted by Failed Mascot himself, as he runs onto the stage and sends him flying past the podium as he snatches the award away. FM takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and dons a pair of glasses. He theatrically begins to clear his throat, but as he begins to speak, he flips everybody off before running through the crowd, succeeding in clotheslining PRL off his chair on the way. Man, what a Bastard he is. CABOOSE Little bugger... SCHIAVONE Our next award is for Best Contribution To The Fed. A lot of fantastic work goes on behind the scenes that some of us just don't see. Here, we honour that. Nominations are... -BEST CONTRIBUTION TO THE FED- Alfdogg: He's been around forever, man. Makes a lot of contribution character-wise and obviously, is a valued writer. KingPK: Responsible for a lot of the shows actually getting on the board on time (mostly) and fitting all the pieces together, like a maccabre jigsaw. Papacita: The genius of a man behind the OAOAST's bitchin' graphics. Without them, an OAOAST PPV just wouldn't be an OAOAST PPV. Patty O'Green: QUOTE How'd I even get nominated? My greatest contribution is naming Josh Matthews J.Math and naming the announce team Triple C. Well, there you go. Posts great shows too. Zack Malibu: When everyone started quitting, boy howdy, did Zack work overtime to get us all back on track or what? SCHIAVONE And, the winner of this award is... ALFDOGG!! Alf simply gets his award and sits back down. SCHIAVONE Ok then. On to the next award, for the Best Match Writer. And to present this award, a man who knows nothing about 'Best Matches'... the WWE Champion, JOHN CENA! Feel the BOOS~! as John Cena comes firing out onto the stage, throwing up a little Thuganomics action for ya'll! CENA YO YO YO YO YOOOOOOOOO!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CENA Whassup Angle Awards!?! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CENA Naw, naw, we gonna kick dis off right ya'll. I WANNA HEAR ER'YBODY MAKE SOME NOOOOIIIISSSEEE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CENA *wipes away a tear* Word. Nominations... -BEST MATCH WRITER- King Cucaracha: Notable matches- Leon Rodez vs. Christian Wright NYU: Noteable matches- Drek Stone vs. AJ Flaire, Run For The Gold Pheonix Fury Legdrop: Noteable match- The Torneo Cibernetica Zack Malibu: Notable match- Zack Malibu vs. Drek Stone, TLC CENA WORD LIFE! And yo' winner is... AW, NAW NAW! Time ta throw a lil' mud down in this hizzy for ma boy NEW YORK UNTOUCHABLE!! NYU begins to stand to get his award, but Tony instead flings it at him, causing him to almost stumble into his table. SCHIAVONE Sorry, we're short on time, gotta move along. On to our next award...Promo Writer Of The Year. Promos can make or break a character, as our next guest know very well. He is "THE NATURE" BOY RIC FLAIR!! A pop goes up for 'Naitch... ...but, nothing. SCHIAVONE Uhm...it seems Ric isn't... CABOOSE Oh, great, another no-show. SCHIAVONE I'm sure he's just... *fiddles with earpiece* ...arrested? For what? ... Oh, dear. ... He did? That sounds painful. ... Both tyres? Oh, lordy. Uh...well, I guess we won't be having Ric here tonight, so you'll have to make do with the nominations. -BEST PROMO WRITER- King Cucaracha: Writer of The Love Shack, controls Leon Rodez and Christian Wright. Patty O'Green: Pioneer of Chicks Over Dicks. Also contributed towards The Sk8ter Boiz, The GPX and NRG amongst others. Tony149: Tag Team Division's head honcho. The man behind The New, New Midnight Express. Zack Malibu: Controls Zack Malibu, DUH! CABOOSE Do it. SCHIAVONE No! CABOOSE Do it. SCHIAVONE No! CABOOSE Do it. SCHIAVONE No! CABOOSE Do it. SCHIAVONE FINE! ... SCHIAVONE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! ... SCHIAVONE And the winner is, PATTY O'GREEN Patty, the reincarnation of Christ, heads onto stage, as panties across the globe go moist and dicks around the around go hard. PATTY Unlike my good buddy, Tony, I fully expected to capture this award. Unlike Tony, I don't accept this award with pride or humility. I accept this the same way I'd accept death, or taxes, as an inevitable occurance. I accept this with the chilling and disturbing knowledge that for three years I have pissed away countless hours in an e-fed, and this is what I have to show for it. To all who voted for me, God says your welcome. Because no doubt, every Thursday you read HeldDOWN and you thank the good lord above that you're able to behold the captivating scriptures of the hottest angel to ever be shat out of a human womb. Myself. Patty O'Green. I should thank a few people. Zack would be one. He's a super helpful lad, is always good for advice, and is a wonderful friend despite the fact that I'm a self absorbed prick who relentlessy mocks him. Eski and KC would be two others who I need to thank, just because they're so nice. But the person I owe the most gratitude to is my main man, my boy, Tony149. In my opinion he is without question the best writer in the OAOAST. The man can write deep and engrossing characters like nobody before him. He's unrivaled. Sometimes when I work with him I sit in total awe of what he's able to do. It's probably how Aaron Neville felt when he did duets with Linda Ronstadt. Tony, I'm telling you, you need to stop wasting your talent. At some point even Linda had to leave the Stone Poneys. Anyway, thank you all for voting for me. I really do appreciate it. It truthfully means a lot to me, which is terribly humliating and depressing. Mock and belittle me at your earliest convenience. To those who didn't vote for me, don't think I won't find out who you are and where you sorry pissants live. And don't think that when I'm rich and famous that I won't be heading down to whatever fucked up, ass backwards, Midwestern hicktown you mouthbreathing wrestling geeks waste oxygen in, to beat your ass Jay and Silent Bob Strike back style. And if you thought I'm joking, then you thought yourself right into a real good ass whopping. Ya'll can't never do this like I do this. Believe and accept that shit, you bitch made motherfuckers. Patty says see-ya, and heads to his dressing room where he'll die of an overdose. CABOOSE What is a Patty O'Green anyway? SCHIAVONE I think it's from Ra3^&%$#8*** Suddenly, the screen goes snowy. Static fills the screen, but not Scotty Static...until the actual static fades and the face of the Upstarts resident spokesman is seen in the clear. STATIC Testing...testing...are we on? A voice off-camera asks "is the red light on?" STATIC Uh, yeah. Off camera, Jamie O'Hara is heard shouting "We in the red light dissstriiiict!". The camera pans over to him, and catches Christian Wright slugging him in the shoulder. WRIGHT Way to give us away, Feminem. O'HARA You steppin' to me son? Just 'cuz you use hundred dolla words don't mean your fists are money too! O'Hara goes ghetto and is about to throw down, when Bohemoth, wearing sunglasses despite the fact it appears to be about 7pm EST and pitch black outside, lowers them, intimidating the young thug to back down. STATIC Easy you two. Johnny J., you got that camera ready for this? JAX Let's do it. Jax's camera work is shaky, as he follows behind the group of Static, O'Hara, Wright and the big man, Bohemoth. All of a sudden, Static breaks into a voiceover as he leads the group through an empty parking lot and towards a tall office building that appears to be closed for the holidays. STATIC Gentlemen, welcome to the first ever tour of the OAOAST Home Offices, provided kindly to you by the Global Party Exchange on behalf of The Upstarts. Due to a scheduling conflict, no one will be in the offices during the tour, so you will not get to see those asses that have been smeared with the lip prints of The Originals for the past three years. However, you will find such important information as home addresses for your Christmas card needs... JAX Scotty...it's the 27th, dude. STATIC Do you only send out Christmas cards one year and then stop? JAX Well, no. STATIC Exactly! Get a jump on things! O'HARA Yo man, I'm chillin', and I don't mean chillin'...can we get in here and get our heat on or whizz-at? JAX Damn Jamie, Scotty and I had to play the role of slang spewin' party boys for years and I still have no idea what the hell you just said. BOHEMOTH Inside. With that one word uttered, Bo readies to use himself as a human battering ram and charge through the door, until Scotty jumps in his way. STATIC Whoooooa big man, hold up. I just happen to have the key to the problem! WRIGHT What if they've taken the proper measures for security, Scotty? STATIC Dude, would YOU be afraid of Charlie Hoss? Static reaches into his pocket and pulls out...a key! (c'mon, what did you THINK he was going to pull out?) (PS: Anyone who took that in the perverted sense needs to stop. Now. kthxbye. We now return to the segment.) A chuckle breaks out from each individual in the group at the mention of the OAOAST's former Head of Security for HeldDOWN~!. After fumbling for a minute, Static gets the door open! The Upstarts enter the home office, but the victory is short-lived, as the alarm to the building sounds as soon as the door shuts behind them! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WRIGHT Jesus, that's more annoying than a COD interview! Did you get the alarm code? Static looks at Wright, puzzled. WRIGHT Aw, fu... STATIC Haha, gotcha! Of course I got the code! Wright just rolls his eyes as Static makes his way to the codekey and punches in the numerical sequence that stops the annoying alarm. STATIC All right gentlemen, we are in business! The Upstarts scatter, each of them moving into different rooms and through different hallways. Johnny Jax can't keep up with everyone, so he chooses to tag along with Wright and Bo first. WRIGHT Well looky here, Bo. Looks like we found ourselves in the home of a cowboy! JAX Look what else we found...check out this note on his desk! Wright comes over to the desk and picks up the paper, holding it up VERY close to the camera lens, then pulling back and reading it. WRIGHT Call Agnes...fax contractual options...dear Lord this company must be desperate if they're offering Agnes a contract again. Actually...let's see... Wright picks up the paper and tears it in two, then in fours, and eventually just makes it into confetti and throws it in the air. JAX It's a celebration, bitches! WRIGHT Well yessir indeedy, that's how we do it here on the ranch, like that fellow John Wayne did to them redskins back in the day! Bo snickers at Wright's attempt at Southern twang as he moves around the office of Bill Watts, who has been positioned as a figurehead of sorts for the company by the corporate office. Wright starts opening every drawer in sight, when suddenly the phone rings, and he freezes. Bo just looks down at the phone, and neither seem to know what to do. JAX Should we get that? Wright inches towards the desk, and then quickly grabs the phone before he rethinks it too much. WRIGHT OAOAST Corporate, how may I direct your call? REALLY!? Well, I'll be damned. What can I do for...no, no I'm sorry we can't. No...no seriously, we can't . There's not any space on the roster for you. No, we're still having trouble getting the dead weight off of ours...I'm sure you know what that's like! Yes but...look, no, no we're not interested. I said NO! Have you taken too many guitars to the head? Look, I don't give a damn if that's how you roll! Wright's face is red with anger, while Jax laughs, causing the camera to shake. Before Wright can snap completely, Bo takes the phone from him and just hangs it up, then nonchalantly exits the room. JAX Christian, you have fun, I'm gonna go see what the others are up to. Jax turns and goes down a hall, then stops dead in his tracks and focuses in on a large framed photograph at the end of the hallway. JAX Guys, check this out! Jamie O'Hara is the first on the scene, peeking his head out of an office door and then coming into the hall, stuffing something into his pocket. JAX What'd you get? O'HARA Pens. JAX What the hell do you need pens for? O'HARA Who said I needed them? If it's free, it's fo' me! JAX Whatever man, but look at that. Guys, check it! The sounds of the rest of the Upstarts coming together in the hall can be heard, as Jax plays with the zoom lens, closing in (and then pulling back, and then closing in again) on a framed photograph of an OAOAST legend... ...FRANK STALLONE~! STATIC Dear God, that'd give me nightmares if I had to look at that every...Jamie, what the hell are you doing? O'Hara moves towards the photo and takes it by the sides, sliding it off the wall. O'HARA I might be able to get a few Benjamins fo' this on Ebay! STATIC That's Frank Stallone, Jamie. If you ship that to someone, they'd probably hunt you down and stab you to death with a salad fork. O'HARA Fuck it, I'm takin' it. WRIGHT Fuck it. Ah, what an eloquent young man. O'HARA You know, I don't know the meaning of that word, so I'm gonna take it as disrespect. Watch yo' mouth, cousin. WRIGHT I can assure you wholeheartedly that we are of no relation. O'HARA Yeah, cuz yo' mama didn't have sex! WRIGHT What!? O'HARA You know! Wright mumbles something incoherent as the group continues through the offices. Static starts flipping through a pile of papers during the walk, making sounds of disgust as he does. JAX Whatcha got their, partner. STATIC Just a few copies of contracts. Do you know Caboose gets more money to sit on his ass on that damn sofa than we do combined? JAX No shit? And they say we don't have good reasoning to do what we do. STATIC Damn straight, Johnny Jam. Let's see, who else do we have in this pile. Tony...screw him. Sooner Bruisers...NRG...what the? Who the hell is Max Zorin? A collective "Who" emerges from the mouths of all the Upstarts. STATIC Says he was in The Boogie Knights with a guy named Kotzenjunge? Another collective "Who" comes from everyone. STATIC Eh, if we ain't heard of 'em, they're nobodies. JAX Boogie Knights? Sounds like a second rate GPX to me. STATIC HA! Get this...apparently Bohemoth's real name is Walter! Everyone freezes, and the big man turns and lowers his glasses, glaring at Static, who takes a big gulp. STATIC J..just, uh, kidding man. Everyone keeps walking, but you can hear Static nudge cameraman Jax and whisper "not really" as they continue ransacking the place. The "tour" continues, and the Upstarts come to a door that leads them into a large storage wharehouse portion of the building. Again they scatter, picking items off the shelves and surveying them, although O'Hara does it slowly as he has to make sure not to drop the framed photo of Frank Stallone. STATIC Look at this stuff...ha! Check it out Johnny, our first action figures! Kids, bug your parents to get these, they're definite collectors items! JAX Dude I hate the way they made my face. Real scan technology my ass. I look like I'm taking a shit. STATIC What'd you guys find? Jax twirls around and zooms in on Wright, who is displaying a T-shirt for the camera. WRIGHT Check it out...Northstar T-shirts! These things are still in production? JAX No, I just don't think they sold any. WRIGHT HAHA, excellent point J... "AAAAATCHOOOOO!" WRIGHT Ugh, dammit Bo, cover your mouth. I just bathed myself in your flem and mucus. Here. Wright tosses Bo the Northstar shirt, and he proceeds to blow his nose on it, then folds it up nicely and sticks it back on the shelf. BOHEMOTH Good as new. Bo and Wright continue surveying the shelves of shirts, looking to see what other treasures they find. Meanwhile a little further down, Jamie O'Hara goes klepto, shoving DVD's into his pants, and throwing a GPX logo hat on, tilting it to the side for full ghetto effect. WRIGHT I'd hate to think of how many Damaramu shirts are left. STATIC That's easy...none. WRIGHT You serious? STATIC They never bothered to produce them. One of the few smart things this friggin' company has managed. Talk about a money loser. All of a sudden, the door swings open, and the Upstarts all turn, fearful that they're about to be busted by... ...the maintenance man. Wearing a brown derby hat that covers his eyes, and a red and green striped sweater, the janitor starts tending to the floor, as if he doesn't even notice The Upstarts in the room. O'HARA Yo, uh...'scuse me? But we're kinda busy in here. Suddenly, the janitor starts laughing. First it's soft, but as the laughter grows, so does the sound level. Hahahahaha...hahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! O'Hara steps back, eyes widened, as the other Upstarts just shrug when he looks to them. JANITOR HAHAHAHA...BOO! BOO! I'M THE BOOGEYMAN, AND I'M COMIN' TO GETCHA! O'Hara just stands there with his eyebrows raised, pens in his pockets, DVD's in his underwear, and a Frank Stallone photo in his arms. O'HARA No you're not, you're the janitor. JANITOR I, uh... STATIC Wait, he's not just the janitor, he's Mario Logan! Look! Scotty Static pulls the hat off of the janitor to reveal the OAOAST's longtime horror freak, and leader of the Dungeon of Doom. LOGAN So, you guys were wondering what happened to me, huh? Static puts an arm around the Freddy fan, and walks with him, as Jax captures the moment. STATIC Actually Mario, I don't think anyone gives a damn. JAX HEY! Wait, Scotty...you know Logan was one of the ORIGINAL OAOASTers! STATIC HE WAS!? Oh well in that case then... Static pulls away from Logan, and delivers a back mule kick to the nuts! Logan cowers, and then Wright picks up the mop bucket and dumps it over his head, sending dirty mop water spilling all over the place before Big Bo delivers a running big boot to the bucket covered head of the freakshow superstar! The Upstarts stand over Logan, and O'Hara reaches down and picks up the hat, then puts it on his head over the GPX logo hat, as all the Upstarts just stare at him. O'HARA What!? WRIGHT Hey, check it out! Wright calls to his allies, pointing out a large trophy case, displaying historical OAOAST Title Belts! WRIGHT Are you pondering what I'm pondering? STATIC OK, you just sounded like the guy from Animaniacs, and that scares me. I think I know how we can get this open... Before even asking, Bohemoth backs up, then runs forward and drives his boot through the glass, sending shrapnel into the air and the Upstarts ducking for cover! O'HARA Yo, watch yo'self homey! STATIC DAMN IT! Bo, why did you do that? BOHEMOTH You said you knew how to get it open. STATIC Yes, maybe with THIS!? Static reaches into his pocket and reveals another key, which Bohemoth simply shrugs off. STATIC All right let's see what we got...one for you, one for you, one for... O'HARA Yo playa, what the hell is an F13 Champion? JAX I think Crystal was given that belt after taking on that many guys in the locker room at once. O'HARA Snap, Crackle, Pop, playa! As Bohemoth looks down at the OAOAST HardKore Championship that has been handed to him, he questions stealing the belts. BOHEMOTH Are you sure this is a good idea? Static, who is too busy fastening the OAOAST Adrenalin Championship around his waist, is quick to retort. STATIC Dude, they have like what, EIGHT belts on the show right now? They probably won't even notice! The Upstarts drape themselves in championship gold, stealing all the retired championships from the case. O'Hara is the last one to the case, left with the OAOAST European Championship, which he quickly fastens around...his neck? O'HARA Bling bling, playa! I'm ballin' now! Static looks at the belt he's got in his hand, the OAOAST North American championship, and tosses it to Jamie. STATIC You can have this one, you need something to keep those pants up. O'HARA Hater. WRIGHT Well, what have we here? Christian Wright makes another discovery, this time finding a rolled up banner. They tear the ropes that have fastened it together apart, and unravel it to reveal... ...THE OAOAST LOGO BANNER! STATIC Christian, Bo, Jamie...grab this. I've got an idea. Bring that with us. Johnny, keep that camera rolling, this is gonna be goooooooooooooooooood. JAX Whatever it is, make it quick, I got a flashing battery light here, brah. STATIC Nah, this shouldn't take long. Here, back to the parking lot. Static opens one of the side doors, and the group exits the structure, walking back outside into the chilled winter air. They walk towards one of the lights in the lot, and unravel the banner under it, laying it on the pavement. WRIGHT So, what act of tyranny do you have planned for this fabric? Static comes over and huddles up with the Upstarts, and Wright is quick to pull away. WRIGHT That's vile, that's downright reprehensible. I LOVE it. STATIC Let's get to it then. Johnny, you might not wanna zoom in on this though. JAX What the he...WHY ARE YOU GUYS DROPPING YOUR PANTS? The Upstarts, with their backs to the camera, fiddle with their zippers and reveal more of themselves than was ever needed to be seen on an OAOAST show, though thankfully they have their backs turned, so it's left to the imagination. Moments later, a soft sound, similar to a buzzing noise is heard. The Upstarts are PISSING ON THE OAOAST BANNER! JAX Hahahaha, this is so aces. They're gonna haaaaaaaaaaaaate usssssssssss! Wright, Static, and O'Hara finish, but Bohemoth is still going strong. O'HARA Damn, big man, what'd you do, drink two Big Gulps and break the seal today? STATIC Hey, a big guy like that just has some extra storage space. O'HARA YOU LOOKED? You queer! STATIC I didn't look! And who are you calling a queer...you're parading around with a picture of Frank Stallone under your arm! O'HARA I told you, it's not for me! STATIC Oh whatev...wait...you hear that? The Upstarts stop dead in their tracks, and the faint sounds of sirens can be heard in the distance. WRIGHT That bastard Logan must have called the authorities on us! O'HARA Then let's get to steppin', kid! C'mon! The Upstarts all make a break for it, running to their SUV parked across the parking lot...except for Bo, who's still letting the yellow juice loose! Static gets behind the wheel of the vehicle, with Jax taking shotty and the others piling into the back, and they peel out, driving rapidly through the parking lot before Scotty slams on the brakes besides Bo. Jax, who still has the camera out, zooms in on Bo's face, because the wide shot is not exactly family friendly viewing. JAX Dude, are you done or what? BOHEMOTH Yeah yeah, hang on. Bo zips up and calmly gets into the vehicle, and Static throws it back into drive and speeds off before they get caught red-handed, while Jax closes in on the piss-stained logo of the company as they veer off, the sight of police cars filling the OAOAST Home Office parking lot the last thing we see before the battery in the camera dies. *********************** Back at the Awards, the GPX roar with laughter and high-five each other as the crowd boos and the Originals look ready to bust some heads. Zack stands and begins yelling in the direction of the Upstarts and this triggers the long-expected brawl between both factions, which sends tables toppling over and fans screaming for the exits. SCHIAVONE (Trying to be heard over the din) Folks, we are out of time here! We'll take you to the arena where Triple C are ready to call the action for our two main events in our second hour. Well, it was ALMOST the greatest awards show in the history of our sport tonight, but, like the SOURCE Awards every year, it ends up in a brawl. We'll see you next year, everyone! (FADE TO BLACK) Edited January 2, 2006 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 1, 2006 COLE Welcome back to the second hour of the OAOAST New Years Spectacular ladies and gentlemen. We are LIVE, and what action we’ve seen so far tonight guys, and that's just at the awards show! COACH Absolutely Cole, the Angle Awards were great, but now it's our turn to ring in the New Year with two great matches. COLE But out of everything we bring to you tonight, this match has the biggest implications on all those who grace an OAOAST ring. The direction of our very company could be changed with the result of the next bout. CABOOSE This is one of the only times that the General Managers position has been on the line in a wrestling match, and I can’t imagine what HeldDown would be like next week if the challenger comes out on top. COLE Calvin Szechstein is stepping back into the ring next, and putting his General Manager’s position on the line against The OAOAST’s Most Dangerous Man, former two-time champion Axel. COACH High stakes is an understatement. The winner of this match controls our number one rated Television show, controls the bookings, everything. The General Manager is the main authority in the locker room. Calvin has done a great job as General Manager so far, bringing us Pay Per View spectaculars like November Reign and most recently Climax. Now his position, and his very livelihood, is under fire. COLE And under fire from one of the most lethal athletes that has ever stepped into a ring. He’s only had one bout since coming back, a win over the three hundred and fifty pound monster Jingus, a match that he won by referee stoppage. It was in fact the first stoppage in OAOAST history, a sign that Mixed Martial Arts has indeed invaded our waters, in the form of Axel. CABOOSE Calvin has to be careful here. He’s a catch-as-catch-can wrestler, he’s very quick, very agile, and he needs to hit and run tonight. Axel’s got a huge height and weight advantage over him. A good four inches and an even better forty pounds. Axel’s a heavyweight, Calvin’s a light heavyweight. Cal’s ability to evade Axel and frustrate him will decide the outcome of this one. COLE Let’s send it down to ringside where Michael Buffer is standing by. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, our next contest is scheduled for one fall with no time limit. The winner of this bout will become the General Manager of HEEEEEELLLLDDD DDDOOOOOOOWWWWN!!! “Three-Two-One, I’m the Bomb!” BOOM! Electric Six’s “I’m the Bomb” hits over the loudspeakers, which is greeted by cheers from the patrons. Calvin Szechstein appears at the top of the New Year’s Spectacular ramp, and makes his way to ringside. He’s decked out in his old attire, but instead of the usual singlet, the t-shirt he wears over the top has a simple message: “Who’s The Boss? I’m The Boss, Baby.” COLE Calvin looks as ready as he could be on a weeks notice guys. He’s been taking a break from active competition for a while now, although he’s always in shape. CABOOSE Yeah but can you be ready to take the in ring punishment that Calvin is going to take in this contest, in a week? COACH You have to remember though Caboose, Axel’s only had one match in the last few months as well. Both of these guys have quite a bit of ring rust, so I don’t think there’s any clear advantage to either man in that category. Axel looked good against Jingus, but he was able to hit the big man with some powerful moves, and close in for the stoppage, but Cal is a different animal. This guy held the OAOAST Championship for over six months, and he’s a member of the Fall of Haim. The GM slaps a couple hands on his way down to the squared circle, before climbing up the steps and entering the ring. His ‘thinker’ pose on the turnbuckles garners more cheers from the sold-out crowd. BUFFER Introducing first, from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, weighing in tonight at two hundred thirteen pounds, he is a former OAOAST Champion and the CURRENT General Manager of HeldDown….. CAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLVVVVIIINNN SSSZZZEEEEEECCCHHHHSSSTTEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! Calvin jumps off the ropes and stretches in the corner, as Electric Six dies down, and the crowd get louder, as the Angle Award winner for Best Entrance 2005 is about to grace us with his presence. Cue: I’m on a High Millionaire’s first single hits, the drum beat filling the arena, with those against the entrance way even banging the guardrail to the beat of the drums. The guitar comes into it, and Axel appears, decked in denim fighting shorts, and a camouflage green TapouT hooded jacket. He slaps a couple hands as the music builds, before stopping at the top of the ramp, pointing left, pointing right, pointing with both hands at the ring, and throwing his hood off, and striking the Crucifix Pose… BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~! Which, of course, lets off a massive pyro blast. Axel walks down to the ring, slapping every hand in front of him. He enters the ring and points at Calvin, before ascending the turnbuckles and greeting the crowd with another crucifix pose. Michael Buffer is handed his announcing notes by an official, and Axel, strangely, asks for his music to be cut. COLE What’s this? BUFFER (taking a deep breath) And his opponent, standing six feet three inches tall and weighing in tonight at two hundred sixty eight pounds. He is a submission fighter with the deadliest knees and ground strikes you are ever likely to see. He has a professional wrestling record of twenty-five and twelve, and a mixed martial arts record of five and oh. Fighting out of Hobart, Tasmania, Australia, using Mixed Martial Arts rules he is an eighteen time OAOAST Heavyweight Champion OF THE WOOOOORRRRRRLLLLDDDD… THIS IS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! The crowd roar in approval, with a lot of people laughing at the outlandish introduction. Axel, a smirk on his face, removes his jacket, and the bell rings. COACH Well, it must be in his contract guys… CABOOSE Cocky bastard. I like it. COLE Axel having a little fun to begin with, you’ve gotta wonder if that puts Calvin off of his game. The strategies will be revealed in due time. Both men step toward the other, arms up, ready for a lockup. Pacing around the ring, they come closer, almost within touching distance, and Axel surprises Calvin by springing a hard leg kick to Cal’s quad, startling the GM. COLE Nice leg kick by Axel, he’s not playing by the normal rules tonight, which is why he’ll be so hard to stop. Calvin shakes his leg, shaking the sting out, and puts his arms up for a tieup again. Axel does the same, and they both come forward, ready. They lunge, but Calvin goes lower and ducks behind Axel, evading the tieup. Axel turns around, and eats two quick right hands to the face, and a boot to the stomach. Calvin follows this up by charging the MMA fighter, and pushing him back into the corner, his shoulder imbedded into Axel’s stomach. COACH Very very nice combo by Calvin, he’s the one that fooled Axel that time and now he’s got Axel in the corner. SLAP! “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” SLAP! “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Two tough chops to the exposed chest of Axel, and then another right hand by Calvin, who is taking advantage. Axel pushes Calvin back, but the GM, like a pitbull, stays on Axel, charging him in the corner and jumping on the first turnbuckle, before firing off six right hands to the temple of the fighter. He is forced to stop the barrage of blows when the referee’s count reaches four, as he has Axel trapped in the corner, and therefore in the ropes. CABOOSE Calvin wants to wear Axel down quickly so he can keep bringing the punishment. Cal knows that Axel loves giving punishment, but how much can he take? Cal brings Axel out of the corner and hooks in a front face lock, showing he still has a lot of strength by taking the former champion over with a vertical suplex. The GM picks his foe up by the hair following the suplex, and pushes him back into the corner once again, this time driving his shoulder into Axel’s abdomen once, twice, three times. The MMA expert gasps for air as Calvin goes to the knee of his foe, stomping down on Axel’s kneecap and causing it to give way. Axel goes down to one leg, and pulls himself along the ropes just so he can get out of the corner. Calvin hits Axel with a right hand while he’s down, momentarily stunning him, and allowing Calvin to measure, and connect with a vicious dropkick to the side of the head with such velocity that Axel goes through the ropes and to the outside! “UWAAAHH!” COLE Calvin has taken this fight to the outside; Axel has taken a tremendous amount of punishment in the early stages of this match! COACH He’s on dream street right now Michael, I don’t think he expected Calvin to be this attacking. CABOOSE I don’t think anybody expected Calvin to be this attacking! This is hard-hitting guys, Calvin is putting it all on the line! COLE Wanna throw another cliché out there Brit boy? CABOOSE You’ve gotta be in it to win it! Axel rolls to his stomach on the outside, getting to his hands and knees, obviously shaken by the fall. He is to be shaken even further, however, as he is sent back down face first into the mat by Calvin Szechstein, who comes off the ring apron with a hard elbow to his opponents back! Calvin shows his mean streak after keeping Axel down on the ground, stomping away at his back, and further wearing down the former champion. CALVIN You want my job you son of a bitch? *SMACK* CALVIN Let’s see how good you are now, UFC boy! *SMACK* The crowd groan as the smack of fist against skull is heard throughout the arena, with the current General Manager landing unprotected shots to the back of Axel’s head. Axel tries in vain to cover up, but Calvin has Axel on his stomach, with no way to protect himself from the shots. The referee’s count is at seven now, and Calvin rolls back into the ring to break it, before rolling straight back out again. Axel is struggling to his feet now, with Calvin stalking him at every movement. COLE Calvin has taken full control of this matchup. He’s just relentless! Calvin grabs Axel by the hair and forces the former champion to his feet. Axel stands up, but is rocked by another hard right hand by the General Manager. Calvin throws Axel into the guardrail, but he doesn’t go down, his arms and head drape over the steel rail. Calvin uses this to his advantage, pushing down on the back of Axel’s head and crushing his windpipe in the steel! The referee is at eight, so Calvin rolls back into the ring once again and rolls out, with the referee warning him that he’ll be counted out. CALVIN Just try it! Try to count me out and I’ll fire your ass you sorry bastard! COLE Wow, the boss has spoken. Calvin brings Axel over to the apron and forces his head down against the steel steps. Axel manages to get his hands up to partially block the blow, but his skull still bounces off of the steel. Calvin rolls his opponent back into the ring and immediately covers him for the pinfall… ONE!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!NO! Axel kicks out of the lateral press, as Calvin failed to hook his legs. COLE Calvin with a rookie mistake there, his ring rust is showing, he gave Axel the chance to kick out of that pinfall, rather than forcing his shoulder off of the mat. CABOOSE And you’d have to think that the longer this match goes, advantage Axel. Calvin, while he’s kept in shape, hasn’t trained for twenty, thirty minutes. Axel, through his Mixed Martial Arts training, plus his wrestling training, has trained to go on for a longer period of time. He’s lean; he’s in great cardio shape, so Calvin is trying to take that advantage away from him. Calvin picks Axel up once again and backs him into the ropes, throwing his opponents arms behind him and over the ropes to momentarily show his chest. SLAP! “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” A stiff chop echoes throughout the arena, and Axel’s hands instinctively go to his chest, protecting it from the barrage of chops that could have easily followed that last one. Calvin tries to Irish Whip Axel to the other side of the ring, but Irish Whips are unrealistic, and therefore have no place in this match. Axel gets OFFENSIVE~! With a boot to the stomach, but he can’t follow it up. Calvin comes back with a right hand and a knee to the midsection, before bringing Axel to the centre of the ring. He takes Axel down with a leg sweep, and then comes off of the ropes, hitting a splash for the cover, this time hooking the outside leg. ONE!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NO!!!! Axel kicks with the inside leg and gets a shoulder off of the canvas. Calvin mounts Axel and starts teeing off with shots to the temple, Axel tries to cover up, but instead manages to wrap his legs around Calvin’s head! COLE He might be going for a triangle choke! This is a very successful move in Mixed Martial Arts for the man on the ground! COACH Calvin had better be careful, one wrong move and he could get choked out! Calvin, sensing danger, backs out of the mount, getting to his feet, and taking a second to gather his thoughts. This proves to be foolish, however, as it gives Axel time to get back to a state where he can fight. CABOOSE I know Calvin may have needed a breather, but Axel is getting time to recuperate too, and that’s exactly what Cal doesn’t want. Calvin decides that its time to continue the punishment, walking back over to Axel and connecting with another stiff boot to the back of his head. Calvin brings Axel to his feet once again, and tries a right hand… but Axel blocks it, and hits a forearm of his own! And another forearm! A third! A fourth! Calvin, rocked, staggers backward, and charges at Axel… …but Axel ducks, and sends Cal over with a big Overhead Belly to Belly! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHH!” COLE Axel has his second wind! What an overhead suplex, sending Calvin halfway across the ring! Calvin is up quickly, due to reflexes more than anything, and he charges at Axel again. The MMA fighter is up to the task again, catching Calvin with a deep armdrag, into an armbar. Cal is up, but Axel still has hold of his arm. Axel with a wrench of Calvin’s arm, snapmare by Axel still holding onto the arm, Axel takes a step back, fakes a kick to the back of the head of Calvin, Cal ducks, Axel steps over, and knocks Calvin into oblivion with a stiff back kick! COACH He doesn’t miss twice! Cover by Axel! ONEEEEEE!!!! TWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!NO! Calvin kicks out, despite being momentarily stunned. COLE Vicious shot by Axel, good combination with the snapmare. He’s on the attack now guys, this can’t be good for our General Manager. CABOOSE Calvin has shown that he can take the fight to Axel, now he has to show one of his best traits – resiliency. Calvin has to take this punishment and come back fighting. Axel brings Cal to his feet… SLAP! “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” SLAP! “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” SLAP!SLAP!SLAP!SMACK!SLAP!SMACK! “UWAAAAAHH!” Two hard chops follow, and then Axel opens up. Forearms, chops, open handed shots, he just ROCKS Calvin with shot after shot, blow after blow. Cal, in another world, staggers around the ring, trying to get away, but he makes a fatal mistake, he turns his back to Axel. Axel immediately applies a waist lock, and takes Cal over with a German! COLE German Suplex! COACH The bridge! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Cal manages to get out of the pinning predicament. CABOOSE Axel’s style has changed to become very much like two American former world champions, former ECW World Champion Taz, and former Ring of Honor World Champion Samoa Joe. He is now cool, calm and collected outside the ring, while being deadly inside the squared circle, adopting the ‘strong style’ that many are finding so successful. COLE You can see that Mixed Martial Arts influence coming through, as well as the influences of those two you mentioned. Axel seems more sure of himself nowadays, he knows he can get it done in the ring now, there’s no disputing he can fight a good fight. He’s relaxing, which may be a mistake at times, but it allows him to be more analytical, smarter. Axel brings Calvin to his feet once again, backing him up into the corner, and beginning his attack once again. This time he winds Calvin with two tough knees to the abdomen, following those up with a couple of stiff forearms, enticing another ‘uwah’ from the crowd, as they can hear bone connect with bone, and fear that Calvin’s jaw can’t take much more of the punishment. Calvin stays in the corner, trying to regain his bearings, while Axel rears back eight or nine paces. Axel charges… ..and buries a jumping knee into the face of Calvin! Calvin goes down, slumping into the ropes, Axel rears back again, and this time buries a low knee into the face of Cal, sandwiching it between the knee and the lower turnbuckle pad! “UWWWWAHHHH!” Axel drags Calvin out of the corner, the General Manager seemingly out! ONNNNNEEEEEE!!!!!! TTTTWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOO!! Calvin gets a shoulder up at two and a half! COLE Have we ever seen Axel dish out such punishment? He’s paying Calvin back for the initial attack ten-fold guys! CABOOSE Yeah Cole, but Calvin is staying strong, he’s keeping in this match. He’s hoping Axel gets frustrated and tries something silly soon. Axel on the attack again, landing an elbow drop to the sternum of Calvin Szechstein. The MMA star picks Calvin up by his hair, much like Cal did to him earlier. Axel locks him in a clinch, and starts landing knees to his midsection, vicious knee after vicious knee, wearing down Calvin! COLE Hard knees time after time by Axel, you have to wonder how much of this Calvin can take! It appears the answer to that is not much more, as Calvin drops to the canvas like a sack of shit, causing Axel to step back for a moment, not expecting him to go down. Axel tries to pick Cal up, but no luck, as he seems to be drained. Axel tries again, and this time Cal’s plan is revealed, as he connects with a thumb to the eye, momentarily blinding Axel, and sending him staggering backwards! COACH Calvin doing a little lying and cheating! CABOOSE And, like when Eddie did it, it worked like a charm. Calvin regains his bearings and walks over to Axel, stomping on his foot to add insult to injury. Axel clutches at his foot, and a few laughs escape the crowd, who think this is comedy, but the next act assures them that it is not comedy. Calvin boots Axel in the stomach, hooks his head, and PLANTS him with a DDT with so much force that Axel does a somersault and lands on his back! COACH My god, what a DDT! CABOOSE But can he follow it up? Calvin, still feeling the effects of the vicious attack he was subjected to only a few moments ago, falls to one knee and clutches his head and neck, the two body parts that experiences the most damage. Finally, he has enough sense to go for the cover, but once again fails to hook the legs… ONNNNNEEEEEE!!!!!!!! TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOONO!!! Axel kicks out due to his legs being free, but not until after two and a half. Calvin follows the DDT up with some shots to the head of Axel, before picking him up and taking him down with a back suplex. Landing on the back of his head, Axel is momentarily stunned, and even more so when Calvin grabs both his legs and floats over into a pinning predicament!! OOOONNNNNNEEEEEE!!!!!! TTTTWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!! Axel gets a shoulder off of the canvas, despite the very tough pin by General Manager Calvin Szechstein. COLE Very nice float over, Calvin had Axel worried for a moment there. COACH Absolutely, see, I told you that if Calvin was resilient that he’d come back! CABOOSE That was me, you bald idiot. COACH Bald by choice. CABOOSE Either way, you look like a tool. COACH :cries: The referee checks on both men, who are gassing at this point, due to the beatings that they have both taken so far. But with such high stakes in this match, both men knew that they would have to win purely on adrenaline. It’s just a matter of when that adrenaline kicks in. Calvin sits Axel up and applies the good old sleeper, taking advantage of his weakened state, and the energy he used to kick out of the two pinfalls. COLE Calvin really wrenching in that sleeper, cutting off most of the air to Axel’s brain. Axel is fading! Indeed he is fading, and it is clear, as the arm that was once trying to break free from the sleeper is now slowly dropping down Axel’s side, showing less and less signs of life. Calvin asks the referee to check on the state of his opponent, hoping Axel is totally knocked out due to the lack of air. The referee raises Axel’s arm once… ..it DROPS! The crowd groan, as if they can see what’s coming. Then, something happens. Axel suddenly gets a rush. No elbows, no shaking, just a rush. He somehow gets to his feet, and pushes Calvin away. Like a raging bull Axel goes after his opponent, backing Calvin into the corner, and burying his shoulder into the GM’s midsection like was done to him earlier. Twice now. Three times. Calvin, short of breath, gasps, and tries to get out of the corner. Axel connects with a hard forearm, and lifts Cal up so that the GM is sitting on the top rope. Axel joins Cal on the turnbuckles, and reveals his intentions, trying to hook Calvin in a front face lock. He does so, and grabs the tights of the GM with the other hand, to try and take him over for a superplex. COLE Dangerous for both men up there! Axel tries once, but Calvin holds on. He punches Cal for good measure, tries again, same result. He tries a third time, but Calvin somehow uses Axel’s momentum against him, grabbing his tights and sending him crashing down to the mat face first in a front suplex. Axel clutches at his sternum after the collision with the mat, and goes about getting back up to his feet. COACH Great reversal by Calvin, who knows what he’s going for now. Calvin shifts his legs and shakes the cobwebs out, before standing up, and a ascending to the top rope. Axel, on his feet now, turns around to see this, and runs up the turnbuckles to meet his foe! With both men on the top it’s a fight to see who can pull off what, with Calvin looking to force Axel down to the mat perhaps with an STO, and Axel trying something, but we aren’t sure what yet. Calvin lands a shot to the head of Axel, Axel lands an elbow back, Calvin tries a shot, but it gives Axel an opening to duck, hook Calvin over the shoulder and around the waist… …TOP ROPE T-BONE SUUUUPPPLLLEEEEXXXX!!!!! “UUUUWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!” COLE OH MY GOD! COACH HOLY CRAP! The referee, hands on his head in shock, sees both men down on the mat, a big distance from each other, as Axel threw Calvin halfway across the ring with the T-Bone. He checks both men, who don’t seem to be moving, and begins the dreaded ten count! COLE These guys have to answer a ten count, but I’ll be damned if they can after that move! COACH That was insane. A top rope T-Bone suplex, Calvin could have landed squarely on his head, but fortunately his momentum meant he landed on his back. ONE! TWWWWWWOOOOOO!!!! TTTTHHHHRRREEEEEEEE!!!!!!! FOOOOOOUUUUUURRRRRRRR!!!!! Neither man is moving, and the referee really doesn’t want to be fired for counting his boss out, so he counts a little slower… FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! SIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!! SSSSSEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVEEEEEENNNNN!!!!!! EEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHTTTTTTT!!! Axel starts to stir… Calvin does the same… NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! Axel up to one knee, Calvin using the ropes to help himself up… TEEEEEE-NO! Axel is up! Calvin joins him! Both men are very much worse for ware after that T-Bone, but both men are up! Axel charges at Calvin, but he is stopped by a boot to the midsection! Right hand by Cal knocks Axel backward! Forearm by Axel rocks Calvin’s boat! Right by Calvin again! Forearm by Axel again! Calvin goes for a clothesline, Axel ducks, Calvin charges… …INTO A SPIIIINNNNEEEEBUUSSSSTTAAAHHHHH~!~! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHH!!!!” Axel, fired up now, goes for a cover… ONEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! TWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! THR-NO!!!!!! Calvin gets a shoulder up before the referee can count three. COLE Big Spinebuster by Axel. He may have a lot of influence from Mixed Martial Arts, but he can still throw that Spinebuster with the best of them! Axel asks the referee about the count, thinking that it should have been one more than it was. He soon goes back to the task at hand, however, grabbing Calvin once again, and bringing the General Manager to his feet. Holding Calvin up by the hair, Axel connects with a tough right forearm, then a left, then a right, and starts laying in the forearms thick and fast! COACH Calvin is being rocked with every shot, and now Axel is moving in for the kill! Axel grabs Calvin’s head again and catches the GM in a front face lock, hooking the tights… COLE We saw this against Jingus, Axel is going to try that Brainbuster! COACH Not to mention the knee drop! Axel lifts Calvin high in the air, looking for the brainbuster… but Calvin struggles free, and slips down Axel’s back, taking a few steps away from his adversary! Axel turns around… …SUPERKICK KNOCKS HIM THE FUCK DOWN! COLE WHAT A KNOCKOUT SHOT! CABOOSE He’s out. CALVIN FALLS ON TOP OF AXEL FOR THE COVER! ONEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! THRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! COLE How…how in the HELL did Axel kick out of that? CABOOSE Gotta be instinct. That’s the only explanation. Calvin is in SHOCK that Axel kicked out of the superkick, as is everyone else in the arena, who felt for sure that Axel was knocked out by the shot. The General Manager shows his frustrations now, slapping the mat, and arguing with the referee about the speed of the count. Standing up, Calvin makes a cutting motion with his arms, signalling that he is going for the end. Axel gets up, and is immediately placed in a standing headscissors! COLE The Clash! Calvin is going for the Clash! Calvin lifts Axel up for the Clash… but Axel uses the momentum to change it to a hurricanrana position, taking advantage of Calvin’s shock, and landing a stiff forearm to the side of his head! Calvin tries to get Axel down for the Clash, but Axel slips behind the GM! Reverse Firemans Carry Pickup by Axel, he steadies… …PSYCHO DRIVER AXEL SLAM! CALVIN LANDS ON HIS HEAD! COLE OH MY GOD! THAT WAS SICK! ONEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! TWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!” COLE HE’S DONE IT! *DING DING DING!!!* COACH The OAOAST is about to change! A new era is about to arrive! CABOOSE We’ve got a new boss, guys! COLE What a move that was! A sit out Axel Slam! We’ve never seen that before! That was insane! Axel’s arm is raised by the referee as he recuperates in the corner, “I’m on a High” beginning in the background. BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner, and… NEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW GENERAL MANAGER OF HEEEELLLDDD DDOOOOWWWWNNN… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXXELLLLLLLLLLLL~!~!~! The crowd roars in appreciation, not because they wanted Calvin to lose, but more because they wanted Axel to win. The referee raises his hand once again, and now standing, Axel motions to ringside for a microphone, and then motions for his music to be cut. COLE The new GM, wanting the floor, which is only fair. AXEL WOW! Boys and girls, I told you I’d be the new boss, and here I am. Now, I know that Charleston, South Carolina is excited… “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHTHATSWHEREWELIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” AXEL …so I’ve got a little surprise for everyone out there. You see, I’m in charge now, and that means that not only do I get the best damn office in the world, but I get to give you, the fans, what you want! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” AXEL Now, Calvin, you were great, don’t get me wrong. You did a stand up job as General Manager. But with my first announcement as GM, I’m going to completely eclipse everything you did. You see boys and girls, after HeldDown Thursday night, I jumped on the phone, and I called a little town on the West Coast. And there was a guy on the other side of that phone that greeted my call as he always does, with a “hello”, and a “how the fuck you doin’ man?” Well, we chatted for a bit, and when I finished that call to Las Vegas, Navada… “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!” COLE Oh don’t tell me! AXEL Oh yes, I’m serious. When I finished that call, it was all set. He’s coming back boys and girls….. RAGDOLL. Is coming BACK! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” TRIPLE C AXEL That was my reaction too. So there you have it, a little taste of what’s going to be happening in this company while I’m the boss. And you’d better believe I’ll be watching our Main Event tonight very, very closely. “I’M ON A HIGH!” COLE RAGDOLL IS COMING BACK! AXEL HAS PULLED OFF THE MOTHER OF ALL COUPS! COACH Because of their match last year, Axel was the only guy that could have brought Ragdoll back! But he did it! He did it for the fans! Ragdoll is coming back to the OAOAST! What a start to the Axel regime! CABOOSE I must say guys; that was a hell of an announcement. I still don’t believe it. But the question is, will we see Axel out here again tonight? He already interfered at Climax, and he’s the boss now, so he can do whatever he damn well pleases. This is going to be a wild Main Event. COLE What a night it has been so far! The OAOAST Championship is on the line, NEXT! 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KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 1, 2006 COLE Folks, there's not much more to say about our main event. Peter Knight has one last chance to win the OAOAST World Championship or he will not get another shot for three hundred and sixty-five days. Let's see how this came about. VOICEOVER: There are times when a man is tested, and his true character revealed VIDEO PLAYS: Knight collapses to his knees as the fans scream displeasure. Popick brings Knight to the corner and applies a full nelson – then jumps off and round and delivers FINALITY! Cover! Hebner recovers quickly and gets in position for the count. ONE! TWO! CABOOSE No! No! THREE! VOICEOVER Stephen Joseph, a World Champion who swore to take all on comers. His greatest challenge lay not before him, but in his past. The man he pinned to win this coveted title. VIDEO Imposing look up at the big man, Peter Knight VOICEOVER Tonight, the OAOAST will find out just what kind of men Stephen Joseph and Peter Knight really are... FADE TO BLACK JOSH MATTHEWS Josh Matthews here standing by with Peter Knight. Peter, any thoughts on your upcoming title match? Peter Knight, clad in his wrestling gear, adjusts an armband while looking down, sideways, reflectively. He face contorts into a grimace, and then a smile. He chuckles and looks at Josh through the corner of his eye. PETER KNIGHT Josh, after tonight, I'm going to be the World Heavyweight Champion. The "Face" on this promotion is going to change, for the better, for 2006. And with that, Peter Knight walks away from Josh Matthews. JOSH MATTHEWS Over to Jesse Ventura, with Stephen Joseph ::WOOOSSHHH:: Stephen Joseph is standing next to Jesse Ventura, with THA PUERTO RICAN standing behind him. They're obviously on the other side of the arena from Matthews JESSE VENTURA Stephen, same question STEPHEN JOSEPH 2005 is the MY year. I am not.... NOT. LOSING. Peter Knight, you are going to have to MURDER me to get this belt off of my waist. Jesse, I am a champion, a proud champion, a fighting champion, and by any means necessary, I will remain...champion. Peter Knight, you don't know what you have to sacrifice to be World Champion. You've forgotten the face of your father, of your fans, of your tag team partner. ::Stephen pauses, and adds one last thing:: And Axel, I swear, by my life and my love of it, if you so dare as to interfere in this match, and try to screw me again, I can, and I will, make your tenure as Commissioner a living hell. To me, you would be worse than ... Zack Malibu. Don't fuck with me Axel. I didn't become the OAOAST's most hated man for not knowing how to play backstage. Tha Puerto Rican grabs the microphone THA PUERTO RICAN Fuck with Popick? You fuck with me too! And all the LC! Fuck Us? Fuck YOU! FADE TO BLACK COLE Fans, we are minutes away from what may be the most anticipated rematch of 2005. Stephen Joseph, OAOAST Champion COACH A Champion of Champions! COLE will face Peter Knight in a rematch of their ClimaXxX bought. That match ended in a disqualification when now Commissoner Axel attacked Stephen Joseph CABOOSE I don't like losing Calvin as a General Manager, I thought he did a stand up job, but I love Axel's approach to dealing with Stephen Joseph. COLE Let's bring it down to the ring PYRO! PYRO! PYRO!!!! MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and Gentleman, your MAIN EVENT! This contest is fought with a 30 minute time limit, and is for the O-A-O-A-S-T World HeavyWeight Championship. Introducing first, the CHALLENGER, weighing in at TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE POUNDS, from FALL RIVER, Masssachusetts, he is renowned as one of the greatest wrestlers to have never held a World Title, and the master of the Knightmare....PEEETTERRR KNIGHT! ::The crowd stands up and cheers for Peter Knight, who runs out of the entrance ramp and is FIRED UP! He's out there before his music hit, screaming and slapping his chest with fire and passion. A fan holds out a sign "Stephen Joseph's Worst KnightMare!":: CUE: OHH HELL YEAH! CUE: The flashing blue lights of doom! Peter Knight steps out gingerly from behind the curtain, his face a seething ocean of rage and anger, and he's not reacing to anything the crowd is saying, but to what he's thinking inside. This is his last chance. He ignores requests for high fives, cheers, jeers, but he does pose for the crowd at the bottom of the ramp. He walks determined, straight into the ring. He slides in and begins to run the ropes, all business. Staring at the ref, Peter stops and has a few words, but nothing to serious, as the referee checks his knee and arm pads. COLE Knight is certainly a different demeanor than last time. CABOOSE He's hungry Cole, very hungry BUFFER Annddd, introoducing the CHAMPION, he weighs in at TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN POUNDS, from Atlanta, Gerogia... He is the CURRENT REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST CHAMMPPPIOOON OFFF THE WWWORRRRLLDDDDDDDD, He is the "Most Hated Man in the OAOAST today", he issss STTTEEEPHHHEEEN JOOOSEEEEEPHH!!!!! Cue: It Ain't Over For Me Cole Fans, let me tell you. By order of the OAOAST Corporate Office, BOTH locker rooms have had security placed at their entrances to ensure no outside interference in this match! Caboose That's great news! Coach But what if they just wanted to watch? Take Notes? Cole As if. Coach Whatever, Loser. Caboose(yelling) Shut the fuck up and let me listen to the crowding booing the man I hate more than Regis Philbin! The crowd rains down its boos and jeers upon the self proclaimed, yet no one will argue with, Most Hated Man in the OAOAST. Tha Puerto Rican heads out first, but waits for Stephen Joseph, who hands Puerto the OAOAST belt. Tha Puerto Rican THE CHAMP IS HERE! THE CHAMP IS HERE! THE CHAMP IS HEEEEREE! Stephen Joseph walks down the ramp with Puerto in tow, holding the World Championship aloft like Stephen is a boxer, or something. Anyways, I guess its pretty obvious that Stephen's found a way to get some backup support! Stephen Joseph rolls into the ring and compeltely ignores Peter Knight. He hands Michael Buffer a card. BUFFER And Introducing Stephen Joseph's manager for the evening, THA PUERTO RICAN~! COACH That's so smart. Axel didn't ban manager's from ringside! Stephen Joseph hangs out in his corner, leaning against the ropes as Puerto stays on the ring apron, talking strategy with his career consultant. The two meet fists, and Puerto jumps off the ring apron, and watches from the outside. DING! DING! DING! COLE And we're underway in this title fight. CABOOSE Look at POPICK! prance up there. I'd kick his ass... COACH Didn't he kick your ass a few weeks ago! Go Popick! COLE I thought he didn't like being called that. Stephen Joseph walks right up to meet Peter Knight in the middle of the ring. Its now very obvious Stephen is giving up height and weight to the big man, but then again, Stephen has THA PUERTO RICAN in his corner. Peter kinda sorta ended things with his friend Parka a while back, so well, no body wants to help him out. Knight draws towards Stephen in a proud walk of sorts, anything looks proud when you're as big as Knight. Stephen extends his hand, saying "May the best man win". Peter Knight sizes the hand up for a moment, and then looks at Stephen. The crowd's booing the gesture, and Knight returns the crowd's sentiments with a spit in the general direction of Popick's outstreched arm. "Yeah, guess there's only one man here" Stephen says as he paces in place. "Okay then, lets' go Chumba Wumba." Stephen puts up his dukes and backs away a step, motioning for Knight to close in, start fighting. Knight stares blankly. One can imagine he can't hear the crowd screaming "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" but he does. He's just thinking. Knight steps forward, and Stephen darts a right punch that hits flush with Knight's cheek. Knight doesn't flinch, and catches Stephen's arm on the rebound. " OH SHIT!" Stephen audibly screams as Knight pulls him in. He tries to duck, but Knight's arm is just too mammothly HYOGE, and Peter sends the Upstart to the mat with a thundering clothesline. The crowd roars in approval. Knight bends to pick Stephen up, but Stephen responds with a leg scissors, falling the giant to the canvas. The crowd boos, but Stephen floats over, all business, and sinches in a side headlock on Peter's left shoulder, putting his weight against the crevice of the giant's armpit, keeping the leverage. Peter struggles in pain. Stephen Joseph has studied all of his life on this one side of the human body in an effort to make his finisher more lethal, and more deadly. This locks hurts people, and Knight is struggling. With a flash of insight, Knight realizes he can pull Stephen's hair with his free right hand, and he does, shifting the weight in such a way that reduces the leverage, and Knight gets up to one knee! COLE Knight resorting to tactics normally reserved for Stephen Joseph CABOOSE It's a title match, you gotta expect everything SJ yells at the ref "DO SOMETHING AWWWWWOOWWW!!!" and the ref warns Knight to release the hair. Peter does, and SJ stands back up and drops down with the elbow. It misses as the crowd ooohhs, Knight rolled out of the way. Knight stands up while SJ clutches his elbow mutter "FUCK FUCK FUCK", and Knight goes for an elbow. Stephen's not there though, and even so, he was playing possum, as Knight misses with his left elbow. The arm hits the mat, and Stephen is back on it with a kick to his left shoulderblade, and then the elbow drop connects. The crowd chants "KNIGHT KNIGHT KNIGHT!" as Stephen stands up, applauding himself and pointing at the fallen big man. "You chant for this? He ain't shit!" Stephen runs to the ropes, bouncing off of them with an eye for a legdrop. Knight has gotten to one knee, and lunges at the last second, catching Stephen in a tackle of sorts, and Knight lands on top. COACH OUCH! "GwwawAAHHHHH" says Stephen as the big man's weight takes away his air. Knight in the mount position, and he pulls Stephen's head up, glancing at the crowd who screams in delight. He delivers a punch, and another one. Follow along. 1! 2! 3! 4! Knight looks around, and headbutts Stephen down! 5! COLE Knight with a series of punches to Stephen Joseph CABOOSE I'm loving it COACH I'm not worried Knight stands up and applauds himself, looking at Tha Puerto Rican. "Pissant crony" Knight says, and that draws Puerto to jump up to the ring apron. Puerto jaws with Knight, and Knight jaws back, as the referee tells PR to get down! Puerto does so, but only after he sees Stephen Joseph hit the greatest equalizer known to man, the NUTCRACKER, on Peter Knight, who goes crosseyed. The ref didn't see it, but Stephen takes advantage, positioning himself behind a tear-eyed Knight, Stephen's head under Knight's left shoulderblade, and he lifts the big man up with a big stalling 1, 2, 3 second side suplex! Stephen slides over and on top of Knight for the first cover of the night! The referee turns around and quickly falls to the mat. And a 1, and a 2 KICKOUT! or rather a pushout with authority, as Knight lofts Stephen Joseph up a foot or so and to the side. Stephen lands like a frog, or a cat, and spins around on his left leg with a thrust kick that's caught by Knight's right hand. Knight stand up holding SJ's leg prone, SJ hopping like a retarded kid in a 2 partner sack race (with no partner). Stephen spins down with an Enziguri!, but Knight grabs his left foot. Quickly changing position, Knight sends Stephen up and over with a WheelBarrow Suplex. Knight covers as the crowd roars...1! and a 2! and Stephen Joseph puts his foot on the ropes to break up the pin attempt. Smart thinking by the champion, because kickout out takes alot more energy than the ole foot on the ropes bit. Knight, a bit perturbed, kicks Popick whil he's down in the right shoulder, and then picks him up by his hair! "OWWW OWW GAWD DAMMIT OWWW!" screams Stephen Joseph " FUDGE NUT RIPPLE!" he screams when Knight slaps a knife edge chop with his big left hand across SJ's steps. Knight positions himself again, and pulls Stephen Joseph forward and across the ring to the other turnbuckle on the other side with a big Irish Whip. Stephen hits with his back, and dodges a big boot from Knight as a follow up. Peter crotches himself on the turnbuckle ropes! Stephen Joseph slaps the chest of Knight once, then gets an idea. "Hey, turnbuckles work better exposed, dontcha think?" and the Champion goes to work immediately on untying the turnbuckle pad, which comes off quickly...almost too quickly...nahhh. SJ throws the turnbuckle into the crowd, who fight for the souvenir. Knight, meanwhile, has untangled himself from the ropes and is standing on the ring apron. Stephen darts in two quick punches to the abdomen, and the enters into a suplex position with Knight. He's giving up like 70 pounds and 4 inches, this is impossible! Stephen tries to suplex Knight back into the ring, but only gets him up 3 or so inches. Knight grunts and blocks the suplex, and returns the favor, but pulling SJ over the ropes and down to the ring floor, SJ Thudding hard into the mat outside as Knight lands more gently on his shoulder! The crowd roars in approval as Stephen thrashes about "GREAT GOOGGLY MOOGLY THAT SMARTS!" He twerks and twitches on the outside, and Knight stands up shaking his right leg that he kinda sorta but not really too hard landed on. He points to the ring steps, and when the opportunity presents itself, throws SJ into them. THUD! CLANG! "MotherFucker!" You get the point, and SJ did too, with a red welt on his forehead. The ref warns Knight to bring it back into the ring, so Knight does get in the ring, and hangs back in a turnbuckle corner, just smiling and waiting...This match is his. SJ very shakidly gets himself back into the ring, and Knight applauds in mockage. About this time, a visitor steps out onto the stage and places a chair solidly down at the top of the ramp. The crowd gasps as its the NU OAOAST General Manager Axel, come to check on his most favorite person's title defense. Or, as Cole would say, prevent outside interference. Knight goes to pick up SJ while Tha Puerto Rican goes to stand at the bottom of the ramp, staring at Axel. Knight slams Popicks head into the turnbuckle not once, not twice, not thrice, but fourthethit. Stephen's eyes glass over and he stumbles back. Knight whips Stephen Joseph 180 and places his head between Knight's mammoth's legs. Whirly SitOut PowerBOMB from Knight to Stephen Joseph, planting him firmly in the middle of the ring with a sickening thud. Tha Puerto Rico turns and looks, and Axel applauds. Knight quickly covers Stephen Joseph, grasping at his right leg and begging the ref to count quickly. 1! The crowd buzzes 2! SJ doesn't stir! 2.9 and SJ gets a shoulder up! As he does, he moves his head to the side, and coughs out some blood. Internal bleeding, or he bit his tongue, either way, it is INTERNAL, from that powerbomb. Knight slaps the mat in disgust, but smiles. He lifts a pretty much deadweight SJ back onto his feet, and then quickly rams Stephen Joseph into the turnbuckle closest to them. Knight pulls SJ on top of the turnbuckle, and scales it himself, placing SJ's head again beneath his legs. Stephen tries now to fight it, but one whack on his back quiets him. The crowd shushes as it sense imminent doom for the current champion. Knight picks him up....and powerbombs Stephen Joseph to the outside, onto the ring floor! That's gotta be a 10 foot drop, and SJ lands with no protection, his left arm making a sickening thud! and a snap, crackle, and pop! SJ screams in pain as Tha Puerto Rican runs over. The ref slides under the ring ropes and goes to check on Stephen Joseph. Stephen's screaming "MY ARM MY ARM! OH LILY!" and it appears that his arm is broken, below the elbow, I guess that's the femur bone. Stephen screams at Puerto to pick him up, and Puerto does, but not before the referee goes over to talk an unknown suited OAOAST official. The ref turns around and brings his arm around... And then.... Stephen catches the arm with his right hand. "I AM NOT QUITTING!, he says while Puerto Rico makes a shocked expression. The ref shrugs his shoulders as if to say "Okay, your life, not mine" but then dodges out of the way as Peter Knight steamrolls both SJ and Puerto down to the mat. His left arm useless, Knight picks up Stephen Joseph and rolls him into the ring. He covers, and this could be over quickly. Axel stands up. 1! 2! 3! NO! Stephen gets his right shoulder just milliseconds before the ref's hands hit the ground. A reply shows above that it was literally 1 inch, 1 inch from being over. The crowd moans, and Peter Knight can't believe it. Without any disregard to Stephen Joseph's health, he picks him up onto his shoulderblades, and comes down hard ... KNIGHTMARE! Peter Knight has hit the nightmare. Axel stands up and applauds! The crowd roars. Puerto can't believe it! Knight slides down with the cover, over the right shoulder! 1! 2! Here comes the arm! Stephen's got nowhere to go! 3! NO! Stephen kicks the arm of the OAOAST referee, and hits the referee in the head as well! He goes limp! What a counter! Peter Knight just cannot believe it. The crowd can't. Axel can't either. He storms down to the ring, and Tha Puerto Rican cuts him off, buying Stephen Joseph some time so what, his arm can heal? Puerto and Axel jaw on the outside, and Peter Knight stands over the referee on the inside. Joseph stirs, the crowd goes nuts, and Peter turns around, and Stephen Joseph hits THE GREAT EQUALIZER AGAIN! Knight crumples to one knee, and Joseph slides out of the ring clutching his arm. He goes over to the announce table, and with his good arm, kicks open the first aid kit. Searching with his feet, Joseph finds the first thing he's looking for, a shot of painkiller! He jabs it into his left shoulder, wincing, but the job gets done. He next gets some gauze and pulls his left arm across his chest, making a modified shoulder sling as Peter Knight recovers. SJ must have been a boy scout to know first aid like that. Joseph finishes up and comes back into the ring, with Knight standing up and turning around on the far side. "You gotta KILL ME KNIGHT!" Joseph screams as he runs towards the big man, placing a nice thrust kick to Peter's chest, sending Peter into the turnbuckle. Joseph wails away with his good right hand, pounding Knight down to the ground. And Axel has had enough. He shoves Tha Puerto Rican away, and PR shoves him right back. Axel thinks about it, and backs away, which allows Puerto to look at the action in the ring... Stephen Joseph as lifted Peter Knight back up with his one good arm to a standing position in the corner. Dragging him by his hair, SJ walks out with Knight about two steps, and then lifts him onto his back, in a massive feat of strength. Stephen then walks back and places Peter Knight on the turnbuckle, sitting, facing the ring. Joseph scales the turnbuckle. Hurricanrana? No. Stephen Joseph wraps his one good arm around PK's neck with a half-full nelson, and then lets out a big sigh. The crowd stands up, not believing Stephen Joseph is going to try it, let alone hit...Joseph pulls and jumps/falls backwards, Pulling Knight over in a rolling motion, knees hitting the mat right before Knight's head splats on the canvas. The crowd gasps, and instinctively, without regard for the man that they hate, break into a "HOLY SHIT!" chant for the one-armed Synchronicity Driver. And Cheers! Stephen Joseph looks around, and then falls onto Peter Knight. The Crowd Chants along 1! 2! 3! 4! Stephen Joseph looks around, and the ref is STILL OUT. Then he turns towards the entrance, and he gives Tha Puerto Rican a thumbs open, which transforms into an "OH SHIT" mouth that Puerto doesn't register...until the pain of a steel chair enters the 24/7 Champ's head. Axel went and had gotten a folding chair from a fan, and HOLY SHIT, was that? But its too quick to register who handed him the chair, as he's dragged off by security. Axel stares over a fallen Puerto Rico into the ring where Stephen Joseph stands. Stephen Joseph stares back, and begs Axel to come into the ring. Axel thinks for a moment, and then rushes into the ring, steel chair still in hand "What? YOUR boy is interfering in this match! I'm here to be unbiased! Stephen Joseph jaws right back "YOU?! You backstabbing no good sanctimonious sob of a bitch" Axel stares back and tosses the chair down on the mat. "C'mon, I'll be the referee!" "YOU!! FUCK NO!" And Stephen Joseph pushes Axel back. Axel rebounds from the ring ropes and pushes Stephen Joseph, who bounces back...and into a recovering Peter Knight. KNIGHTMARE! Peter Knight reaches down and instinctively hits his finisher! He collapses into a cover, pulling up SJ's left shoulder. Axel quickly drops down for the count... 1, 2 , NO KICKOUT! The count was a rather fast one too. Knight slaps the mat in disgust, as SJ rolls onto his chest in pain. Knight spies the chair. He picks it up, and goes towards Stephen Joseph, murder in his eyes. He brings the chair back, and brings it down, NO! Axel rips the chair away! He starts yelling at Knight "You can't use a chair!" Knight turns around and says "Oh yeah, why not!" Axel stares back, nostrils flaring, eyes fuming, two men who hate Stephen Joseph now locked nose to nose with each other. Stephen Joseph is recovering, standing up. Axel sees this, and pushes Knight to the side, and BLASTS Stephen Joseph with a chair shot, unprotected, to the head. Joseph goes limp. Axel points to the fallen champion as a hush comes over the crowd."Because I wanted to do that, and now You're going to finish him!" Axel tosses the chair onto the mat as Knight picks up the deadweight that is Stephen Joseph. Looking at where the chair is, Knight positions himself next to it and then points to the crowd. CABOOSE YES! DO IT!! Peter Knight drops down, KNIGHTMARE onto the steel chair! The sound of skull hitting metal reverberates through the arena as Joseph is sent to LaLa Land. COLE My God, oh my God!! Stephen Joseph may have a serious concussion here. Knight comes over , and nonchalantly puts one foot on SJ broken arm which is slung to his chest. Axel, HeldDown General Manger, drops down. Normally the crowd would pick up the count, but they are still in shocked silence as Axel slaps the mat. 1! CABOOSE YES! 2! CABOOSE YES! 3! *DING DING DING* CABOOSE (in full Bobby Heenan at the '92 Rumble mode) YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! As Oh Hell Yeah blasts over the PA, Axel retrieves the title belt and hands it to the new champion, who presses it to his chest and drops to his knees as Michael Buffer makes it official. BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner, and NUUUU OAOAST World Heavyweight CHAMPION, Peeeetteerr KNIGHT! The crowd response is muted, at best, though some cheer loudly. Most of the crowd continues to stare in shock as paramedics rush down to the ring, as its very obvious to well, everyone, that Stephen Joseph is very badly injured. CABOOSE YEEEEAAHHHHHH!!!! COLE But WHY? Why would Knight choose to win like this? Why would Axel interfere like this? CABOOSE Axel decided to use his new powers the best way he can and finally get the belt off that undeserving wanker. Peter Knight was the lucky man to benefit from it. COACH Well, this is great! I don't have to praise Stephen Joseph's bullshit anymore! COLE What's that supposed to mean? COACH Nothing. Knight looks into the title belt and smiles back at his reflection, his three year journey finally ended with his dream coming true. Axel slaps him on the shoulder, smiling broadly himself as he looks over at the fallen former champion, lip readers see the words "Tough luck, mate" escape his lips as he turns back and raises the arm of the new champion. COLE I had a feeling that we were going to kick off 2006 with a bang tonight, but it seems we also kicked off a new era in the OAOAST with Axel becoming the new HeldDOWN General Manager and Peter Knight winning the World Title. We certainly should have more on both these developments on our regular Thursday time, so until then, for Caboose and Coach, I'm Michael Cole. Happy New Year, everyone! Knight hits the turnbuckles and raises the belt in the air to a blinding wave of flashbulbs as EMTs load both Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph on stretchers and wheel them out of the arena. Knight doesn't notice it because he is firmly on Cloud Nine at this point, a dream realized. Peter Knight. New OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. (FADE OUT) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 1, 2006 CREDITS: King Cucaracha for the Angle Awards outline Everyone that wrote speeches Zack Malibu for the Upstarts Invasion segment Nice Guy Adam for Axel/Calvin Stephen Joseph for PK/SJ II And KingPK for putting it all together. © 2006 OAOAST Entertainment. All Rights Reserved. Stay tuned for the bonus third hour, with reposts of the Matches of the Year! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted January 2, 2006 HEY LOOK, ONE OF THE AWARDS GOT CUT OFF!! Wow, what a show. Pity a lightning bolt hit our satellite feed and a bear ran off with the bit that fell off the roof. Meanwhile, we've got our big award to present. The award for the Best Overall Writer. It's the most prestigious award on the writing field and I'm sure everyone's got their fingers crossed right now...that is, if they're not watching porn in the corner of their screen while they're reading this. So, here are the nominations! -BEST OVERALL WRITER- Alfdogg: Responsible for the Alfdogg/C.S.I feud and some of the most entertaining matches of the year involving the Heartland Title. Also wrote the Survivor Series Match at the Thanksgiving HeldDOWN~! Controller of Alfdogg, TK and Reject, Team Heyross. Also took control of C.S.I for the latter part of the year. Hoff: Took Hoff to the World Title during the year. The Hoff/Chris Stevens feud saw some heated matches, before he took on the task of the Hoff/Axel feud, amongst other tasks. Controller of Hoff and C.S.I for much of the year. And IGOR~! King Cucaracha: Consistant through the year. Attempts to debut the Birmingham Bad Boyz failed. Ah well. Controller of Leon Rodez and Christian Wright, plus Bohemoth and Jamie O'Hara. Also took sole control of the Women's Division for a few months to cover for Pheonix Fury Legdrop. NYU: His run as World Champion was highly successful and he was responsible for Run For The Gold, which in itself deserves an award. Which it already got. Controller of Drek Stone. Patty O'Green: The warped mind behind Chicks Over Dicks, who had two valuable if short stints this year which involved the World Tag Team Titles and a whole lot of wacky promos and off the wall matches. Controller of Chicks Over Dicks and also inputted highly towards The Sk8ter Boiz, among others. Zack Malibu: Another consistant year which took in some of the most heated feuds of the way, such as the Black T/Zack Malibu conflict. Controller of Zack, as well as The GPX. SCHIAVONE So, the decision has been made. The winner of 2005 Overall Writer Of The Year goes to... KING CUCARACHA!!! OH MY GOD THAT'S ME!! I FEEL SO ALIVE!! I run onto the stage and people swoon because I look so damn good. Hey, I'm the narrator, I get artistic license. And there I am, grabbing the award as everyone goes wild. Or, near enough. KING CUCARACHA Well, isn't this a turn-up for the books. Best Overall Writer, huh? Well, strap yourselves in because this could be a long one. It's odd to think that a couple of years ago, I had no idea what this place was. To me, you were 'that thing under the SJL' and then eventually, 'under the SWF'. When I finally looked in and understood what was going on, I wasn't sure how I was going to fare because it was something different. I was used to the competitive side and all. And, I ended up having the most forgettable stint possible before I packed it in. Now, I'm glad I came back. The ironic thing is, I really don't feel like I deserve this award. If anything, as my own biggest critic, I feel my work last year was a lot better than my work this year has been. Anyone who asks Zack will know most of the Tag Title reign has been his work and I've lost count of the number of roll-up finishes I've had to write at the last minute just to get stuff in on time. To be honest, I couldn't name one match that I considered 'standout' compared to some of the great work others have done. The past year, I've really gotten into this place. Up until then, I always saw myself as an SWF guy who wrote here part-time. But now I feel I put as much work, if not more, into here than I do on...well, a lot of things I probably should have. Like school. And work. Ah well. Match writing is my kind of thing and it's nice to know people think I do it well. Okay, here comes the soppy bit. First of all, I want to thank Parka for being kind enough to let me have a run with the X-Division Title. Having that really gave me a reason to try and up my game around here. Secondly, I want to thank everyone who forgave me for the piss-poor/non-existant follow up to anything involving Leon Rodez the pornstar. Thirdly, Zack. I'm not Mr Talkative and I don't AIM or MSN or whatever you kids do. But I probably talk to Zack more than anyone through PMs and I'm glad he agreed to me and him being Tag Champions here. And fourthly, I guess anyone else who's actually let me do something with their characters or who I've actually worked with. And therefore, anyone who writes for this place in general really. You feed my addiction, people. If I don't get my weekly slice of Patty, I don't know what I'd do. And by the way, Patty, you're a machine. Seriously. How you write all those COD promos, I have no idea...I burnt myself out on ideas with just the two. Anyway, much thanks to everyone who voted for me...and, anyone who didn't, but secretly wanted to. I'll treasure this imaginary e-fed award like one of my as yet non-existant children! Here's to a great 2006! And here's to my luck with technology blowing up around me ceasing! Also, I honestly didn't vote for myself. Honest. SCHIAVONE Well, that was the Angle Awards. I'm sure you all have places to be a stuff to do, so we'll wrap things up by saying thanks to everyone who voted and congratulations to everyone who one, huge laughs directed at everyone who didn't and get writing for the January 5th show you lazy group of lay-abouts you. Go. NOW! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
