House of the Dead 2

[AndrewTS 0]

I have it on tape, and I had to take a breather after just starting the damn movie. Uwe Boll's an incompetent director, but the scriptwriters from the original HotD are back, and are capable of making an utterly terrible film without him.

 

Anyway, here's the stupidity I ran into in the first 10 minutes.

1. We open to some frat idiots preparing to have a raid...with super soakers.

2. So they prepare to attack what I think it supposed to be a dorm, but it looks more like they're in a suburb rather than a campus.

3. one of the frat idiots bursts into a room where one of his frat bros is about to get it on...and takes pictures of the girl topless. She freaks out and runs away, and he plays innocent like he didn't know. I guess some blurry pictures of breasts > actually having sex to this guy.

4. The pissed off girl runs off...and keep in mind they're in a suburb--er, on campus at night, not out in the sticks...with street lights everywhere. Sid Haig nearly hits her with his car but she jumps on the roof. So he gets out...

5. And is playing innocent, and quickly we deduce that Sid Haig is supposed to be one of this girl's *professors*

6. ...and then he basically bludgeons her to death with a tire iron.. He takes her body back to his little lab, and tries to use his research on zombies to bring her back to life. F'n brilliant to use a live human subject for that without any apparent testing on non-human subjects, and on top of that one you likely caused SEVERE BRAIN DAMAGE TO.

7. She doesn't immediately come to life, so he's pissed, goes over and like gripes to the zombie woman in the rubber room locked up behind them.

8. He makes a reference to not being able to get the secret to bring back the dead from her, and he's "alone in the dark" about it.

9. Recently-dead teen girl is...not on the table any longer. And he's shocked. He didn't tie her down or anything

10 and....she bites him, having ended up...shockingly...a zombie! NO SHIT.

11. We see something that seems to be...I dunno, a montage, a summary of what happened afterwards...? Regardless, it's a bunch of cuts of students being attacked by zombies in a library, on a practice field, etc. So, a short way of showing that we've got a full blown zombie outbreak? Naw, apparently it isn't widespread news or anything, since it seems that no one has heard about it after the credits despite undoubtedly there being lots of possible witnesses.

12. we see the story resumes "29 days later" by the on-screen text. Ooo, cute.

 

And the stupidity just keeps coming, but you'll lose count. Witness Alex and Ellis recapping their sizzling sexual tension (*sarcasm*) as a waiter strapped a gurney turns into a zombie--so Alex casually shoots him in the head, splattering blood all over the two. Well, it ended the scene at least.

 

Remember Casper from House of the Dead 1? She's back...yeah, minus legs. And not as a zombie. Go figure.

[AndrewTS 0]

(the following lines should be recited while sounding as bored as possible)

 

"Could be they're mutating."

"That's not good is it?"

"No."

[randomguy 0]

Dude this movie owned! No, not really.

 

Someone explain to me why the SciFi channel will take a B-movie that really only exists for the nudity and gore then show it without said nudity and gore. What's the point? Especially when they often have repeats at 1 AM. I mean, Species 3 without nudity?

[Gary Floyd 0]

I saw it last Saturday. It's better than the first one (and also better than Return of the Living Dead 4 & 5, and better than All Souls Day), but it still sucked. The thing that cracks me up is the fact that everyone looks lost and uninterested in the movie, like they want to know why the hell they are in this movie to begin with. Plus, it's riffs on other (and better) movies (28 Days Later, the Dawn of the Dead Remake, Day of the Dead, and even Resident Evil) are incredibly obvious. Again though, it's better than the first one. Hell, it doesn't even feel like the first one. It feels more like "Resident Evil Apocalypse" (a movie I consider a masterpiece of unintentional comedy) with more zombies and more gore. Still, it's a shitty movie, and I give it *1/2 out of ****.

[RedJed 0]

Are they releasing this on DVD upcoming? I dont even really want to see it on Sci-Fi edited if they actually will have a DVD release.

[2GOLD 0]

Wait..Sid Haig dies 10 minutes in??

The fuck? I guess he didn't get paid enough for a long part. I was going to see it for Victoria Pratt but I'll get it (rent) on DVD and see if she gets nude. Anyone know if she gets nude?

[Placebo Effect 0]

Dude this movie owned! No, not really.

 

Someone explain to me why the SciFi channel will take a B-movie that really only exists for the nudity and gore then show it without said nudity and gore. What's the point? Especially when they often have repeats at 1 AM. I mean, Species 3 without nudity?

 

Sci-Fi shows a damn good amount of gore these days when compared to the old days. As for nudity, no network on cable does. Parents groups would shit a brick, even at 1 AM.

 

As for HOTD 2, I had fun with it. It's stupid, has plotholes, and has lame sequences galore (like when the two heroes avoid a hundred zombies), but shit, it's a direct-to-video zombie movie. That's part of what makes a movie like HOTD 2 enjoyable. I'm legitamately entertained for a few minutes, laughing at absurdities for another couple, and so on.

 

There's even a line about the original House of the Dead in the film. "So you're telling me a spanish doctor stabbed you through the heart and then your boyfriend brought you back with an immortality serum? That is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever heard."

[AndrewTS 0]

Wait..Sid Haig dies 10 minutes in??

The fuck? I guess he didn't get paid enough for a long part. I was going to see it for Victoria Pratt but I'll get it (rent) on DVD and see if she gets nude. Anyone know if she gets nude?

 

I doubt any version will have Pratt nude. There's a sequence where several of the ladies have recently showered and they use the opportunity to exposition out the ass, but the way it is shot it doesn't appear any toplessness has been cut out.

 

And yes, Sid dies less than 10 minutes in, but he makes an appearance shortly afterwards as a zombie, but then after that appearance he never appears again.

 

There's even a line about the original House of the Dead in the film. "So you're telling me a spanish doctor stabbed you through the heart and then your boyfriend brought you back with an immortality serum? That is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever heard."

 

It was kind of neat to toss that in there, since at least it lets you know what happened with that little situation. However, it doesn't have any effect whatsover on *this* movie, when you would think it should.

 

I honestly have no idea who that actress' name is. Considering that the only notable thing she really did was not die until the end, and run in slow motion so Boll could focus on her bouncing breasts, she's not a huge loss, though.

 

but shit, it's a direct-to-video zombie movie.

 

Direct to Sci Fi Channel movie. You're giving it more dignity than it deserves.

 

lovecraft321 and Placebo pretty much share my attitude on this. However, Apocalypse was pretty painful; I have to believe they went out of their way to make that one stupid, though.

 

Remember that the same guy who wrote this movie's screenplay is producing the DOA movie. Then again, he's not writing or directing.

 

DOA's screenplay is being written by guys who previously wrote for Bill Nye, the Science Guy. So, sadly, it probably still has a hell of a lot more potential to be good than this did.

[DangerousDamon 0]

The best part of this movie was Sticky Fingaz gettin his brains blown out, leaving a hilariously large exit wound.