HD: Sooners interview

[Tony149 0]

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the return of one of the most celebrated talk show hosts in television history. Please welcome the host who puts Oprah, Maury Povich, Donahue and Sally Jesse Raphel to shame; the host of THE LOUISVILLE SLUGGER... Mr. Jim Cornette!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Chase" hits, and out to the interview stage comes a banana colored suit wearing James E. Cornette, still beaming from his New New Midnight Express sucessfull title defense Sunday night. 

CORNETTE
Ah, shut up, you stinkin' losers. Tonight you're in for a treat, because once again back by popular demand is The Louisville Slugger! You wouldn't believe the cards, the letters, the e-mails and phone calls that came through J.C.E. and OAOAST headquaters asking for the Slugger to return so yours truly could get down to the bottom of the event that occurred after the Anderson Cup Finals at Zero Hour. And unless you've been living in a cave in Afganistan -- and if you are, you're probably in trouble with the United States -- you know two things happened. One, my Midnight Express put Laverne and Shirley in their place and came out still the World tag team champions, and two, the Heavenly Rockers employed a cheap tatic to win the 2006 Anderson Cup and therefore a tag team title match at AngleMania V. So with that, I'd like to welcome my guests at this time, the uncrowned Anderson Cup champions...the Sooner Bruisers! Whooooooooo!

A mixture of cheers and boos accompany the Sooner Bruisers to the interview stage, "Frankenstein" blaring over the multi-million dollar sound system. Jim Cornette greets the brothers with a smile and a handshake, but is shunned away. Always on his feet, Cornette quickly recovers and begins the interview to hide his embarrassment. 

CORNETTE
Let's be blunt here. We haven't exactly exactly seen eye-to-eye in the past, fellas, but as a man who believes in the spirit of competition, what happened at Zero Hour was a miscarriage of justice, in my opinion. When the Man of Tomorrow caught Logan coming off the top and reversed his attempted crossbody into the 69 Driver, the match was over. Everybody knows it. There was no way Logan Mann was going to kickout after the BUTT-kicking he had already receive. But then he goes off and pulls one of the lowest stunts I've ever seen, faking a neck injury so he could buy himself time. I mean, he had everyone fooled...except you, Frank. You saw through that charade. You repeatedly tried to pin the man, only for special referee Arn Anderson, a man who, for the record, retired due to a neck injury and was conned just like the rest of us, to stop you so Logan could receive medical attention. We all know what happened next. He rolled you up for the 1-2-3. I know some in the media are trying to paint you as the bad guys, but I don't blame you for what you did afterwards. I think I probably would've reacted the same. I just want you guys to know there are a lot of people out there, myself included, who understand what you were going through emotionally and still support you. And I'm also here to tell you you have the complete support of my legal team if you wish to take this matter to court and tie-up the AngleMania tag team title match contract for weeks, months, even years so that you can receive the title shot that is rightfully yours. 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COLE
Yeah, and so your New New Midnight Express won't have to face the Heavenly Rockers at AngleMania V. 

COACH
James E. is only trying to right a wrong. 

CABOOSE
He's trying to recruit the Sooner Bruisers into his stable. 

FRANK
If there's one thing we hate more than pot-belly managers in polyester suits, it's attorneys. You see, my brother and I wear our emotion on our sleeves, and sometimes our emotions get the best of us like it did at Zero Hour. The great Arn Anderson put it best a couple of weeks ago, when he stood on this very stage and said the Anderson Cup Finals involved the highest stakes outside of the tag titles themselves being on the line. We gave our heart and soul in that match. My brother and I have been dreaming about becoming tag team champions since we were little kids growing up in Oklahoma and wrestling in our backyard. Sunday night, we came 3 seconds away from getting a shot at gold on the biggest night in our sport, AngleMania. The next thing I know, Arn Anderson is pushing me back, telling me Logan is hurt bad. When I saw Logan wasn't moving and the EMTs rushing out from the back, I became concerned just like the rest of those watching live and at home. Then I got rolled up. If there's anybody to blame for our loss, it's me. I'm man enough to admit it. I've been around this sport long enough to know about the chess games guys play on each other during the match to gain the upper hand. So I apologize to my brother, our fans, and most of all I apologize to the Heavenly Rockers for my actions after the match. I snapped in the heat of the moment, everything the Frankensteiners worked hard for flushed down the drain in 3 short seconds. Logan, you of all people know what it feels like to have something you deeply care about the most be taken away from you. Believe me when I tell you, I regret what I did. 

CORNETTE
(chuckling)
No, no, no. You have nothing to be sorry for. If anybody should be apologizing, it's Logan Mann. Think about it. While you're apologizing, Synth and Logan are still celebrating in Vegas over their win Sunday night. And speaking of our good friend, maybe you've heard they have a match next week against the South Central Militia, a tune up for their AngleMania match. 

COLE
More like a hit. 

COACH
Shh!

CORNETTE (CONT'D)
Now I know you say everything is fine with the Heavenly Rockers, but if, uh, you know, they somehow got injured by "accident or act of God," I'm sure Jim Cornette Enterprises would handsomely reimburse the person or [i]persons[/i] who helped the Heavenly Rockers get to a medical facility, if you know what I mean. 

FRANKIE
Yeah, and it stinks! 

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

FRANK
The only time my brother and I would throw down with you and your goons is inside the ring or over a bridge. We've told our side of the story. Wheather you believe it or not, that's up to you. But we're not gonna stand out here and listen to you shove your crap down our throats. As far as we're concerned, this interview is over!

The Sooners walk off the stage, leaving Jim Cornette all to his lonesome. 

CORNETTE
Well, there you have it. The Sooner Bruisers. Built like trucks, brains like pinto beans. This concludes another exciting edition of The Louisville Slugger. I am your host Jim Cornette, saying keep your feet on the ground and the eyes in the back of your head. Especially you, Heavenly Rockers. 

CUE: "Chase"

Edited March 2, 2006 by Tony149