Tony149 0 Report post Posted March 30, 2006 (edited) [i]"It's raining men Hallejulah It's raining men Amen It's raining men Hallejulah It's raining men Amen"[/i] BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title bout is set for one fall with a 15 minute tag limit. Introducing first...at a total combine weight of 340 pounds, the sexiest tag team in all of Meh-e-co, Mariachi and Moracca... LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO! Los Diablos de Fuego prance onto the illuminated pink and yellow stage, bumping and grinding to Geri Halliwell's cover of the classic 1980s hit. Mariachi and Moracca CARTWHEEL to the ring as GINGERBREAD MEN -- in clear plastic wrapper, of course -- designed like the homies begin falling from the rafters. COLE (hearty laugh) It's raining [i]gingerbread[/i] men. And fans, you can pick up a batch of gingerbread Diablos and other baked goods made by Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties online at OAOAST.com. Guys, I had the pleasure of tasting one of the gingerbread Diablos earlier today and let me tell you, they were delicious. Hm-mm. COACH Little Debbie has nothing to worry about over Alix Spezia. But [i]Mrs.[/i] Spezia's Sweeties? That girl ain't married. Oh, dear God, that doesn't mean she and Rodez are engaged? COLE Sexually, perhaps, but as man and wife, not to my knowledge. The homosexual luchadors get a little kinky with some of the men in the front row, allowing the fans to slap their butts, and Moracca to place his sombereo on a hunky male. Los Diablos slingshot into the ring and spring up to dry hump ring announcer Michael Buffer and referee Nick Patrick. The joyful atomsphere turns into one of hate as "Chase" hits, signaling the arrival of the World tag team champions and their manager. But they aren't alone, as Ned Blanchard holds in his hands the GUITAR he and Simon took from Holly-Wood's home two weeks ago, Spirit. BUFFER And their opponents, being led to the ring by their manager, the legendary Jim Cornette... from Beverly Hills, California, the OAOAST tag team champions of the woooorld... Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned, the NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXXXXXXXPRESSSSSS! COLE There you see it, ladies and gentlemen, the guitar given to Holly-Wood by her boyfriend Logan Mann now in the possession of that arrogant bastard Ned Blanchard and his partner-in-crime Simon Singleton. COACH But you know what they say, Cole -- posession... COLE ...is 9/10ths of the law. I know. CABOOSE It should be noted this is the first match on television for the New New Midnight Express since retaining their championship last month at Zero Hour. For those wondering why the titles haven't been stripped from the champions for not depending it within 30 days, that rule was waived at the request of the Heavenly Rockers. They wanted to ensure the team they'd face at AngleMania was indeed the New New Midnight Express. Now the question is if it will even be the Heavenly Rockers facing Simon and Ned at AngleMania, or if it'll just be Logan. Synth still hasn't been heard from, but Mann says he'll go at it alone if he has to. COLE And in a Loser Leaves Town match at that. I will be interviewing the New New Midnight Express at the conclusion of this non-title match, win or lose, to get their response to Logan Mann's bombshell last week. * DING DING * That sound can only mean one thing -- the match is officially underway! Sarcastic Simon and Moracca starting for their respective teams. How each man views the match-up is clear from the beginning. Mariachi is focused whereas Simon is relaxed, not showing his opponent much respect by casually locking up with him, and flinging Mariachi across the ring with an armdrag takeover. Simon pops up to his feet and jumps into the arms of Ned Blanchard in the corner, the two acting like they just won the tag team titles for a fourth time, throwing their arms up in celebration. COLE The champs not showing much respect to their opponents. COACH Look at it this way, Mikey. You know what they say about Mexicans taking the jobs Americans don't want. Well, Los Diablos will be doing the job tonight! Unaccustomed to the American culture, Moracca doesn't know the champs are having fun at his expense, so he starts grinding up against Simon who suffers a case of the runs as he leaves Ned all alone with Moracca, who hugs and kisses the disgusted Handsome Hustler! COACH That homie is violating the Ned-Man. CABOOSE Ned doesn't like it now that the shoe is on the other foot. He's getting a taste of his own medicine. Simon carefully creeps up behind Moracca, like he's some disease infested mammal. He yanks Moracca off of Ned, but the masked luchador counters Singleton's attempted cheapshot with a jaw-dropping forearm smash. Moracca brings Singleton up by the wrist and wrings the arm, before performing self-molestion by rubbing the back of Singleton's hand up against his genitals! In comes Ned who fails in his attempt to aid his partner, missing a clothesline and eating a dropkick for his trouble. Moracca takes over a charging Simon Singleton with an armdrag, and then one of the Mexican variety. Simon gets up sneering, not because of sour candy but because he's irate. He and Moracca lock horns in the middle of the ring, with Simon gaining the advantage after a knee to the gut. A clubbering shot to the back and many knife-edge chops later, Simon whips Moracca to the ropes. The sassy illegal goes under a back elbow and floors the Sultan of Sarcasm with a spinning heel kick. Simon rolls over in a daze as Moracca quickly steps out on the apron and springboards off the top, driving Singleton face-first into the canvas with a guillotine leg drop! ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! Moracca with a round of forearm smashes to the side of the head. Simon fired off to the ropes, but he slides through Moracca's legs and sweeps him off his feet, pulling him down and running over his back to hit the ropes. Moracca leapfrogs over the incoming Midnight and, in one fell swoop, catches Singleton on the rebound with a drop toehold into ESTACAS INDIAS (Indian Deathlock)! COLE We may have a submission here, guys! What an upset this would be going into AngleMania. Blanchard gets caught trying to assist his partner again, this time by a Mariachi back bodydrop. And things get even worse for the Handsome Hustler as Mariachi places him in an inverted surfboard! The crowd is so loud referee Nick Patrick might not even hear a submission, but Jim Cornette is going to take any chances in the ref not hearing a submission as he climbs into the ring and drops a big elbow...on Simon! Cornette flops around like a fish out of water before he exits, or at least tries to exit. With perhaps the greatest manager of all time crawling on all fours, Mariachi starts riding James E. like a horse, slapping Corny's BUTT as he shouts "Giddy up!" CROWD :lol: CABOOSE Those may be the only english words he knows how to say! Having all been embarrassed, the World tag team champions and their manager regroup outside. Cornette does his best to calm his men, while berating the referee for a lack of order. After stalling for as long as they can, Simon slides back inside the ring and tags out. The Handsome Hustler enters and points at Mariachi, the man who got the best of him moments ago, saying he wants him. Moracca cartwheels over to the corner and kisses Mariachi on the cheek, their special way of making a tag. Mariachi slingshots into the ring and blows Ned a kiss, which Blanchard grabs in midair and throws to the ground, drawing heavy boos as he stomps it. COACH :lol: Ned calls for a test of strength, but things take a humorous turn when he's struck in the chest by one of the gingerbread men that fell from the rafters. Blanchard singles out the fan, a male in his early 20s wearing one of Los Diablos' "I'm a Homie" t-shirts, who threw the item and gets up in his face. Simon jumps off the apron to prevent Ned from going Ron Artest, playfully pleding with his partner not to hurt the guy. Ned takes Simon's advice and returns to the ring. As he steps through the ropes, he picks up the gingerbread man thrown at him and BITES off its head, SPITING it at Mariachi's feet. That awakens the Diablo inside the flamboyant luchador, as Mariachi levels the smirking blond with an overhand chop! Ned gets on his knees and extends his hand out to Mariachi in a sign of respect. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Despite outcry from the fans, Mariachi accepts the gringo's hand...and pays for it with a thumb to the eye! Ned glances over at Simon, laughing as he shoves Mariachi in the corner and unloads with a series of rights and knife-edge chops. Blanchard whips Mariachi to the far corner and charges in, but Mariachi catches Ned coming in with a headscissors, taking Blanchard around the world and down to the mat. The fans go into a frenzy as Ned gets trapped in Los Diablos' corner, each of whom get their blows in on the brash co-holder of the tag titles before Mariachi sends him crashing into the corner with a dropkick. Moracca tags in and climbs onto the middle turnbuckle, driving his fist into the forehead of his opponent as the crowd counts along in Es Spanol. UNO... DOS... TRES... CUATRO... CINCO... SEIS... SIETE... OCHO... NUEVE... DIEZ! Ned brings Moracca down for what he thinks is an atomic drop, but still reeling from the blows in the corner, he releases too soon and Moracca lands on his feet. Blanchard lunges forward out of desperation, his right arm outstretched, only to have Moracca crawl between his legs and spring off the middle turnbuckle with reverse HURRICARANA! COLE Oh, my! COACH Did you see that?! ONE... TWO... TH-- NO! Mariachi steps back in after Simon makes the save, catching Singleton with a kick to the midsection, then firing him to the corner and taking him over with a monkeyflip. Los Diablos back the Midnights into the corner and shoot them toward each other, only to have Simon reverse Moracca's Irish whip. But it isn't all bad for Moracca, who does the do-si-do with the Handsome Hustler, then shoves him into Simon! With Singleton out of the picture, Los Diablos go to work on Ned, drilling him with forearm smashes before whipping him to the ropes...but Simon pulls Ned out of the ring and the Midnights regroup yet again on the outside while Los Diablos hear it from the fans. CABOOSE The tag team champions are rattled. I don't think they expected Los Diablos to put up this kind of a fight. It's clear to me, a former champion, they came in taking their opponents lightly. COACH You gotta remember, 'Boosey, Simon and Ned haven't wrestled a tag match since Zero Hour. COLE Good thing Cornette was smart enough to make this non-title. His champions are on the verge of being upsetted 3 days before AngleMania V. COACH It's just a little ring rust. That's all. Ring rust. The Midnights get into it with the fans, including the one from earlier until security steps in. Blanchard returns to the ring and calls for the test of strength he never got the first time. Mariachi looks to the crowd because apparently he can't make decisions on his own. He might not know too much english, but he does know no means no in Spanish, as do boos, which he gets from the fans telling him not to go along with Ned's request. He does anyway, but the fans' shrieks cause him to back away at the last second. He bites his fingernails, trembling from not knowing what to do. Ned tries to ruffle his feathers by gesturing he's a chicken. Mariachi still isn't sure whether to accept the challenge, now feeling the pressure as Ned points to his right hand, telling him to lockup. Mariachi licks his fingertips and then caresses his nipples before leaning in, only to have Ned kick him in the midsection...but Mariachi sees it coming and grabs Blanchard's foot! Mariachi repeatedly kicks Ned in the hamstring, following it up with a series of forearm smashes. Ned reverses Mariachi's Irish whip, sending him running into the ropes and the knee of Sarcastic Simon, who drove it into the ribs as Mariachi hit the ropes. Ned laughs as Mariachi doubles over, winded, then jerks his head with a big roundhouse. Blanchard sends Mariachi into the turnbuckle and keeps him trapped in the corner as he... * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOO!" * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOO!" * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOO!" ...unleashes a barrage of knife-edge chops, then stomps a mudhole and walks it dry. He snapmares Mariachi out of the corner and drives the point of the elbow into the sternum. Blanchard puts the boots to the fallen Diablos before scooping him up and slamming him mid-ring. Ned walks over to the corner and tags Simon. COLE Singleton going up to the top with Ned waiting in the wings. This could only mean one thing. COACH Rocket Launch in T minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...! But Mariachi gets the KNEES UP, causing Simon to pop right up holding his ribs. Mariachi tags out, and Moracca catches Singleton getting up to his feet with a SPRINGBOARD CROSS BODYBLOCK! ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! Ned steps in, and gets slammed. As does Simon. Dropkick sends Ned out to the floor. Los Diablos de Fuego tag team Simon, whipping him to the ropes for a back bodydrop. With referee Nick Patrick nearing the alotted 5 count to stay in the ring, Mariachi exits. Moracca shows great agility by leaping to the top rope, but has his legs taken out from under him by a Ned Blanchard chop block, causing him to crotch himself on the turnbuckle. Simon rolls over to his corner and tags out. Ned sprints over and up to the second turnbuckle, where he pumpels Moracca with closed fists to the back of the neck. He hooks Moracca from behind and slams him down to the mat by way of a BACK SUPERPLEX! Blanchard quickly picks Moracca back up and hits the SLINGSHOT SUPLEX. He then rushes over to knock Mariachi off the apron. Cornette comes on over and blasts Mariachi with the racket. After a tag is made, Blanchard places Moracca in a bearhug, leaning forward to expose the torso as Singleton comes off the top with a legdrop. VEGOMATIC! ONE... TWO... THREE! * DING DING DING * COLE Wow. And just like that the match is over. CABOOSE Simon and Ned got real serious at the end. They came in underestimating Los Diablos, and when Mariachi and Moracca began posing a threat, they quickly took them out. That's why they are the tag team champions. BUFFER Here are your winners, the World tag team champions... the NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS! As Buffer announces the winners, Cornette tosses Mariachi back in the ring, where Simon and Ned give him a double DDT, a clear message to their opponents at AngleMania V, the Heavenly Rockers. They kick Mariachi out of the ring as Michael Cole enters with a mic. COLE In their first match on television in a month and accompanied by Jim Cornette, the World tag team champions with a very impressive win after a shaky start. Fortunately for them, it was non-title. But gentlemen, the titles will be on the line this Sunday night at AngleMania V. And it was last week that Logan Mann raised the stakes when he said the war between the Heavenly Rockers and the New New Midnight Express will end with one team leaving town. CORNETTE The hype surrounding AngleMania surpasses that of every so-called granddaddy of them all. Everywhere I go people ask me about AngleMania, about the Heavenly Rockers... until I remind them it's Heavenly Rocker because there won't be any "Synthmeister" at AngleMania. You see, Simon and Ned have been preparing for this match for weeks. I've had them study the tapes, rewatch their past battles with the Heavenly Rockers while allowing them to go out and have some fun, if you know what I mean. The time for games is over, Mann. Tonight my boys did their part in curbing the flow of illegals in this great country of ours. The hot button issue in the world right now concerns the rule of law, be it labor or immigration. And there's not a question in my mind Alix Spezia is breaking some kind of labor law by having Los Diablos de Fuego play her Kiebler Elfs. And while we're on the subject... Logan Mann, you wanna go around passing laws like this is the wild west? Well, brother, so can my attorneys. Because you see, we accept your Loser Leaves Town stipulation if you accept ours: no holds barred. I talked with General Manager Axel, and he's agreed not to sanction the tag title match at AngleMania. Now what that means is, not only will the loser be disgraced by being forced to leave the number 1 wrestling promotion in the world, but should the participants -- or participant in your case, Logan -- be seriously injured during the bout, the medical costs will not be covered by the participant's OAOAST contract because it will be null and void immediately after the count of 3. COLE Come on, now. Isn't that going a bit too far, an unsanction Loser Leaves Town match? SIMON Logan said it himself, Michael Cole -- it's war, baby. Our objective of breaking Logan's spirit will be accomplished at AngleMania, because we're gonna break his "Spirit" literally and figurarly. :D COLE Do you laugh at everything you say? SIMON Laughter is the best medicine, and I feel sick from having to look at your face. NED I couldn't help but laugh, Mitchell, when you said it was the first time Holly or Logan really opened up about themselves last week. Mitchell, Holly opened up quite nicely for me a couple of weeks ago. Get it? COLE Yeah, I get it! SIMON Not without slipping something into somebody's drink first. I'm sorry. Continue, Ned. NED So, Mitchell, I'd say that was a misleading headline. But I didn't come out here to argue with you, frankly you aren't worth the breath or the time, I came out here to respond to what that whiner Logan Mann said last week. SIMON His real name should be Logan Womann, because he whines more then any girl I've ever seen. Waaaah you broke my grilfriend's neck, waaaaaah you broke my drummer's arm, waaaaaah you broke my drummer's arm again, waaaaaaaaah you kicked my ass for sixtieth time in a year, waaaaaah you stole my “spirit”, waaaaah my singing voice sounds like a small woodland creature died in my throat, waaaaaaah I'm a big loser and I suck and nobody likes me and my music is radio friendly pop-rock crap and my lame band can't even get airplay on XM satellite radio. Psh! Grow a set and man up, you sissy Hendrix knock off. :D NED Excellently stated, Brother Singleton. Let me tell you something, Logan, you can try to act like a macho man all you want, but the bottom line is, I'll snap you like Randy Savage through a Slim Jim. I've kicked your ass before and I'll damn sure kick it again at AngleMania. But I gotta hand it to ya, punk, you're doing a damn fine job setting up your excuse for failing Sunday night, saying you haven't heard or seen Synth since you threw him under the bus. You hear that, Mann? That's the world's smallest violin playing, jackass. (Simon plays the air violin in the background) Quit cryin' like a baby and just take the ass-kickin' of a lifetime at AngleMania like a man. "YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" NED (laughing) About time people start seein' it our way. The champs hold their belts in the air and pose with their manager as "WILD CHILD" LOGAN MANN emerges from the crowd and storms the ring, blindsiding Ned! Mann unloads on Blanchard, gouging the eyes and biting the Handsome Hustler as Simon and Cornette pull him on their comrade. They hold Logan up as Ned drills him with sharpe right hands to the jaw, rocking Mann's head back. COLE This isn't right. It's 3 on 1, damnit! COACH Logan came through the crowd will bad intentions, now he's the one getting beaten. Poetic justice at its finest. Suddenly, another ROAR goes up in the arena as a man wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses hops over the railing and enters the ring. As chants of "SYNTH" ring throughout the arena, the man gets him some of the Midnights, leveling both of them with haymakers. CABOOSE Is it really Synth? The guy is moving too fast to catch a good look. Around the right size and height, but it's hard to tell. COACH It can't be Synth; he got thrown under the bus! COLE Whoever this person is, he's taking it to the tag team champions. Jim Cornette sneaks up on the person in the ring, the tennis racket cocked. Cornette with a mean forehand, but the person turns around and grabs the racket out of Corny's hands. Simon and Ned hightail it with the belts and guitar. They watch with the rest of us as the person removes his hat and sunglasses to reveal... SYNTH! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE It is him. Synth has returned! Cornette just about pisses him pants. He tries making a quick exit, but the Heavenly Rockers quickly grab ahold of him. Looking at Simon and Ned, Synth and Logan dare them to return to the ring, threatening to take out their frustrations on their manager. The Midnights take a step forward before stepping back, leaving James E. to the mercy of the Heavenly Rockers. * BOOM * Stereo punches knock Corny off his feet. Synth and Logan pick James E. back up and place him in a double front facelock. COACH Oh, no! DOUBLE PERCUSSION (DDT)! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Simon and Ned are fuming from the entranceway, but they remain at a distance as Synth picks up the mic Cole left in the ring. SYNTH For somebody who got whalloped by a bus, the Synthmeister sure lookin' fab-u-lous. Ah know grandma over there in the front row is liking what she seein'. Aintchu, baby? Ah know you wanna check up on ma gangsta lean. Peep this, son. Moi had a couple of weeks to think about what went down, at least I think it was a couple of weeks -- hit the bottle pretty hard, spent some nights in the slammer, but Ah had some time to clear the ol' noggin, work out a few things that had been troubling me. You'd think with a biggie match on the way, there wasn't nothing that could bring moi down. But I could've borrowed a feeling after Ah hear the bus comment. That comment be low, son, and had me feeling down low. The Synthmeister went Howard Hughes on everyone's ass. That shit cut into the man on the deep. Ah was conflicted, couldn't tell what was what or who was who. I ain't trying to drop the hardcore drama on ya'll, but Ah really began to wonder if everything Ah had been doing was just a waste of time. Were dem fans worth it? Were dem platinum albums worth it? Were my platinum grillz worth it? Were anything worth it, if it all be a lie? Ah didn't know, bro. Ah didn't know. Then the caption bubble popped over the brain, saying why the hell would Ah listen to what Ned said? I mean, Ned is a lying asshole! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COACH What? He can't say that. SYNTH Yep! My main Mann n his main squeeze would slice and dice they first born up into bits befo' they ever, ever thought about throwin' they boi, moi, under a Greyhound. Mommy and Daddy would, but they gone. They gone up to Canada because they is pretty hardcore liberals. They don't like moi, the Prez and the red states or meat. Logan and Holly, they's the only family the Synthmeister got left. We ride together, we party together, we rock together, and we gonna die together. And this Heavenly Rocker made a pact with the man, Logan Mann. The sensation from the Sin City nation promised we's bring the belts home to Holly-Wood. A promise from the Synth-a-nator is like 24 Karats, you can take that hot shit to da bank. Word is bond, and bond is word, so keep yo head up and protect yo pencil necks, geeks. Cuz we's coming wit' that hot fire, and we won't stop till ya'll retire! We's gonna show you how we kick it in the S.C. And it ain't no fad like the O.C. ZING~! So bitches beware, unlike Simon and Ned, the Heavenly Rockers will be back in town next week! Synth and Logan share some manly man love as we go to pay the bills. Edited March 30, 2006 by Tony149 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
