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AngleMania V

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MELODY

Alright, we've chased the haters away, it's Mel to the O to the Dy along with Jade Rodez and we're gonna commentate your brains out for this Sausage Fest Battle Royal! Oh yeah, we don't play. Jade, we've never met but let's pretend we have and are best friends. Who's your money on tonight?

 

JADE

Uhm...well, D*LUX I guess. I don't gamble though.

 

MELODY

Oh. Well, that makes this a lot less fun. I'll put my money away then I guess.

 

JADE

You're not betting on your brothers.

 

MELODY

Heh...good one. Would you bet on your brother if he were in this?

 

JADE

Yeah.

 

MELODY

Fair enough. Your brother's hot, so I guess I can understand why you wouldn't be mortally ashamed of him. Let's go to the ring where there's a whole bunch of sausage inside!

 

 

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Show Before The Show, 20 Man Over The Top Rope Battle Royal! Introducing the participants. First, accompanied by their Business Consultant Mackenzie DeCenzo... BIFF "SHAMPOO" ATLAS and FLEX PHILLIPS... NUTRITION'S REAL GURUS... N... R... G!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

BUFFER

Accompanied by their sister Melody... HELL MEL and THE MARV... THE SK8888888TEEEERRR BBOOOOOOIIIIIZZZZZZZZ!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

MELODY

Fuck yeah!

 

BUFFER

From South Central L.A... MARCELLUS "ONE EYE" WALLACE and VINCENT "WHITEY" FORD... THE SOUTH CENTRAL MILIIITTTTIIIAAAA!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

BUFFER

Hailing from Osaka, Japan... THE DANCE... DANCE... DRRRRRAAAAAAGGOOONN!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

BUFFER

All hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin... they are the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions of the World... NICK, DICK and RICK GARNER... THE TRRRRIIIIIPPLLLEEE THRREEEEAAAATT!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

BUFFER

From the Lone Star State... BARON WINDELS and "THE TEXAS TWISTER" JOCK MULLIGAN... THE LONE STAR GUUUUUUNNSSLLLIIIIINGEEEERRRRRSSSSS!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

BUFFER

Accompanied by their manager Rick Heyross... QUENTIN BENJAMIN and CHARLIE MOSS... TEEEAAAAMM HHEEEEEYYYYRROOOOOSSSSSSSSS!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

BUFFER

Accompanied by Jade Rodez... "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE and "TREMENDOUS" TYLER... D*LLLLUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXX!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

BUFFER

Representing The Lightning Crew... MR BORRRIICCUUUAAAAAA and THE CUBAN WWWAAAAAAAALLLLL!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

BUFFER

From Chicago, Illinois... this is JJUUUUMMMBBOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

BUFFER

And, finally...

 

 

 

 

 

 

"EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!"

 

O!

 

 

 

M!

 

 

 

G!!!!

 

The roof is in danger of blowing clean off the Trump Plaza as "Everybody Dance Now" by C and C Music Factory thumps through the P.A and the aura, myth and legend that is MISTER WARRIOR sprints down the seemingly endless steps that lead to the ring, pumping his fists in the air like a SUPERMANIAC~! The 19 Men in the ring and the 4 managers/valets/hangers on on the outside don't have a clue what to make of all this, as Mister Warrior jumps to the apron and SHAKES THE ROPES~! Warrior goes around to the opposite side of the ring and SHAKES~! the ropes again, pumping his fists to the fans before entering the ring, which causes the other 19 competitors to back up into the ropes.

 

MELODY

Am I the only one who's lost here?

 

JADE

Nope.

 

Warrior stands centre ring, pounding his chest and daring someone, anyone to challenge him. Nobody seems willing to do so and Warrior continues to beat his chest in a futile effort to dare someone on. Eventually, Quentin Benjamin reacts...but not by going after Warrior, instead pushing Biff Atlas a step forwards in Mr. Warrior's direction. Biff freezes in fear and cowers to his knees, begging for mercy. But the mighty Warrior knows not the meaning of the word mercy and presses the hula skirt wearing haircare expert over his head! Finally Flex Phillips sees fit to try and save his partner. But as he steps forward, Warrior hurls the weeping Atlas towards his partner. Flex tries to catch Biff in mid-air, but only ends up being barrelled over the top, taking Biff with him as both of Nutrition's Real Gurus end up on the floor of the Trump Plaza!

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLEX PHILLIPS

LEFT: 1st

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Biff Atlas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BIFF "SHAMPOO" ATLAS

LEFT: 2nd

ELIMINATED: Flex Phillips

ELIMINATED BY: Mister Warrior

LEFT IN RING: 18

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Mackenzie is already halfway up the steps and cursing to herself as NRG lay in a huddle on the floor.

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

And there's the bell to officially start the match, despite the fact two guys have already been eliminated, and the traditional Battle Royal bundle begins! A mass of bodies leap on Mr. Warrior and try to deal with him, another mass going after the two biggest men in the ring Jumbo and Mr. Boricua. The Triple Threat take Jumbo into a corner and work him over while Cuban Wall tries to come to Boricua's rescue from the four on one assault by D*LUX and The Sk8ter Boiz. The other 7 men- Team Heyross, The Lone Star Gunslingers, The South Central Militia and The Dance Dance Dragon all hover over Mr. Warrior and put the boots to the pink wearing one.

 

MELODY

See. Sausage Fest.

 

Jumbo is being hoisted up and is in danger of being eliminated, as meanwhile the 7 on 1 beating continues on Mister Warrior. Eventually Moss adopts himself a leader of the pack and directs traffic, telling the group that they need to dump Warrior out. Baron Windels takes this invitation up and starts to pull Warrior up, bumping into Marcellus Wallace in the process...which kicks off a sudden brawl between the South Central Militia and The Lone Star Gunslingers! They brawl off, allowing Mister Warrior to pop back to his feet and knock down Team Heyross with a double clothesline! Dance Dance Dragon dances his way off out of the way as Warrior goes NUTS~! and throws overhand blows at anything that moves!

 

JADE

Man, what a fruitloop.

 

MELODY

This is what Mel was like when he had his first beer you know. And it was a Canadian beer too.

 

Going a full circle around the ring, Warrior continues throwing wild rights and lefts. Stopping in the middle of the ring he then pounds his chest and lets out a mighty roar...before turning around and getting goozled by Cuban Wall! Reaching for the tights, Wall sets and DRILLS Mister Warrior with a big Chokeslam! Meanwhile, the Gunslingers/Militia brawl still goes on against one set of ropes, as Marcellus and Vincent have Baron Windels up and on the ropes. Jock Mulligan makes the save though, pulling away Vincent and nailing a right hand. Jock nails Marcellus next, then takes a backstep and looks for a clothesline on "One Eye". Marcellus ducks a shoulder and backdrops Mulligan out...but only to the apron, as Jock grabs the top rope on the way over. Turning around, Marcellus eats two quick fists from Jock who then lands a shoulder to the gut. Jock looks to come back in now but as he looks for a slingshot, Vincent Ford charges...

 

 

 

 

...AND TUMBLES OVER THE LOWERED ROPES, TO THE FLOOR!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

VINCENT "WHITEY" FORD

LEFT: 3rd

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Jock Mulligan

LEFT IN RING: 17

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

As Vinny crashes to the padded arena floor, Marcellus grabs Jock and pulls him back up on the apron, rocking him with hard right hands. Clinging onto the ropes desperately, Jock manages to prevent himself from falling out of the Royal. Marcellus grabs Jock by the hair and clubs him with another big right hand before applying a blatant choke, trying to force Jock to release the ropes. But Jock responds by applying the IRON CLAW~!

 

MELODY

Oh yeah, like that hurts.

 

With the Claw applied, Jock drags Marcellus out over the top to the apron. Jock then pulls Mulligan up in the Claw, but gets a boot to the gut. Placing Jock in a standing headscissors, Marcellus gives the signal that he's going for a piledriver, on the apron. Jock wants none of that though and fights his way out with punches to the knees, moving up to the kidneys as he escapes the headscissors...and then lands the Discus Punch on the apron...

 

 

...KNOCKING MARCELLUS TO THE FLOOR!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MARCELLUS "ONE EYE" WALLACE

LEFT: 4th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Jock Mulligan

LEFT IN RING: 16

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

JADE

That's both of the South Central Militia gone...that's good.

 

MELODY

Yeah, I agree. If there were a more street way of saying "they be fugly" I'd say it, but there isn't. At least your guys are cute in a manufactured sort of way.

 

Jock recovers himself and re-enters the ring...but as he does, his partner suddenly comes flying past and over the top to the floor!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BARON WINDELS

LEFT: 5th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Cuban Wall

LEFT IN RING: 15

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Realising what happened, the lone Lone Star Gunslinger left in the battle royal goes on the attack with a right hand flurry on Wall. Meanwhile, The Triple Threat still have their problems with the big Jumbo in the corner, unable to lift him up and out. Across the ring, Mr Boricua is having the same problems with The Sk8ter Boiz and D*LUX. Mister Warrior is recovering from the Chokeslam now, shaking as he gets to his feet. Team Heyross have The Dance Dance Dragon elevated and are trying to eliminate him, but here comes Mister Warrior...DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! Benjamin and Moss wobble around. Benjamin doesn't wobble for long though, as he gets flipped INSIDE OUT with a clothesline from Warrior!

 

MELODY

Great move from The Technical Wizard!

 

JADE

The wha?

 

MELODY

I made it up just now, although I probably should have put in more thought than I did. Oh well.

 

Warrior now takes Moss and whips him into the ropes. Avoiding bodies, Moss rebounds and gets a Big Boot to the face for his trouble! Warrior pumps his fists some more, while The Dance Dance Dragon jogs into view, shuffles the shoulders and drops the big knee, The Strong Style Shuffle! Dragon jumps back up and treats the crowd to a quick DDR routine.

 

MELODY

Welcome to a year ago, everyone!

 

JADE

But I played that in an arcade two weeks ago.

 

MELODY

And you probably also suck on lollipops and play jump rope. You're too nice, that's your problem.

 

Celebrating his kneedrop still, on goes Dragon's routine. But it goes on just a bit too long as when he finally turns back around, Mr. Warrior charges him and bundles the masked dance assassin up and OUT OF THE BATTLE ROYAL!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DANCE DANCE DRAGON

LEFT: 6th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Mister Warrior

LEFT IN RING: 14

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Some of the crowd boo the elimination, probably enjoying the idiocy that is Triple D. Warrior pays them no heed though, shaking the ropes and beating his chest. Turning back to the action, Mister Warrior now relieves some of Mr Boricua's woes as he pulls first Hell Mel and then Shayne Brave out into clubbing rights. Warrior then turns back to Quentin Benjamin. The lifeless body of the Team Heyross member is dragged up and Warrior sets him up for the HUMP Handle Slam, which has Rick Heyross frantic on the floor. As Mr. Warrior lifts Benjamin up though, the amateur wrestling stand-out manages to escape behind. And as Warrior then turns around, Charlie Moss assists his partner and together, they oust Mister Warrior from the Battle Royal with a DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE TO THE FLOOR!!

 

MELODY

Ah well, at least he gets paid. From the looks of things that's probably a novelty in itself.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MISTER WARRIOR

LEFT: 7th

ELIMINATED: Flex Phillips, Dance Dance Dragon

ELIMINATED BY: Mister Warrior

LEFT IN RING: 13

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Landing on his feet, Mister Warrior promptly turns on his heels and sprints back up the steps and out through the curtains.

 

Meanwhile, it's unlucky 13 in the ring. Mr Boricua has fought back and now has "Tremendous" Tyler and The Marv in his clutches, looking for a Double Chokeslam. "Showtime" Shayne and Hell Mel are back to make the save though and they bundle him back into the corner, beginning the process of trying to lift Boricua up and out again. Jumbo has unloaded on The Triple Threat meanwhile, putting down Nick and Rick with a clothesline a-piece. Scooping up Dick, Jumbo now slams the unfortunately named third Garner and bounces off the ropes looking for the XL Splash...

 

 

...and gets clotheslined to the mat by Benjamin and Moss! Team Heyross put the boots to Jumbo and Heyross encourages them on from the outside. The other two men in the match meanwhile are Jock Mulligan and Cuban Wall, exchanging right hands until Wall lands a knee and scoops Jock up. Over the top floats Jock though, spinning Wall around and looking for the IRON CLAW~! Wall blocks though and lands a knee to the gut, doubling Mulligan over for a big Powerbomb!

 

JADE

So who did you bet on anyway, if you didn't bet on Mel or Marv?

 

MELODY

The fat guy.

 

JADE

Boricua?

 

MELODY

No, the other one.

 

JADE

Jumbo?

 

MELODY

Yeah. He dresses like a pimp, so he's gotta be tough I figure.

 

Wall points a finger down at the motionless Jock, adding some insult to injury. However, he should probably be more concerned with Mr Boricua, who's found himself up across the top rope, being lifted by four struggling bodies. D*LUX and The Sk8ter Boiz have spent the entire match focusing on Boricua and they're determined to oust the bigman. Looking around to see if there's any more help, the four realise they're still on their own and with their energy sapping, Boricua is able to pick each of the four off with overhand strikes.

 

JADE

Oh no, we're boned.

 

MELODY

I'm not. I bet on Jumbo, remember?

 

Boricua finally manages to escape from the corner and grabs Hell Mel, dropping him back down with a monster headbutt. In runs "Tremendous" Tyler, only to get picked off with a tremendous clothesline that knocks him clean off of his feet! Next in line is Shayne Brave, grabbed by the throat and dropped with a devestating Chokeslam! Feeling mighty pleased with himself, the bigman lets out a mighty scream...but suddenly, a triple attack catches him by surprise! The Triple Threat attack Boricua from behind with The Mugging, clubbing down with forearms until Boricua falls to hands and knees, at which point they turn to crowd and stick out their tongues Demolition style!

 

:P

:P

:P

 

Kinda like that. Unfortunately, they forget about Boricua's back up. Cuban Wall sneaks up behind and throws Rick and Dick together, apparantely causing Rick to bite his tongue in the process. Realising there's a problem, Nick looks to beg off from Wall. But Wall is already charging towards him, clotheslining Nick up and OVER THE TOP!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NICK GARNER

LEFT: 8th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Cuban Wall

LEFT IN RING: 12

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Still worrying about his tongue, Rick turns around and Wall is waiting, pressing Rick high up above his head. Wall displays his power for a second or two before turning and pitching Rick forward, AND OUT ONTO NICK AT RINGSIDE!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RICK GARNER

LEFT: 9th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Cuban Wall

LEFT IN RING: 11

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Wall is cleaning house, but his spring cleaning is interrupted by a certain Jock Mulligan attacking him from behind. Jock brawls away with Wall as Boricua has now recovered and clambers back to his feet...finding himself face to face with the 440 pound Jumbo, who has KOed Team Heyross with a double clothesline and is now looking to test the next biggest man in the match! Boricua has the height advantage, but Jumbo has the weight, the two squaring up in the centre of the ring causing a buzz around the Trump Plaza. The two bigmen stare each other down, until Boricua finally strikes with a right hand. But Jumbo fires right back! Boricua! Jumbo! Boricua! Jumbo!

 

MELODY

Somebody throw a dropkick already!

 

The two bigmen suddenly stop exchanging bombs and in unison grab each other by the throat, tussling each other towards the ropes and trying to dump each other out. Both men teeter over the top rope, but they know that if one goes, so does the other, which leaves them at a stalemate over the ropes. That's where Team Heyross come in though, as the crafty duo sneak over and barge into the combined 740 pounds, SENDING BOTH TOPPLING OVER AND OUT!!

 

JADE

YAY!

 

MELODY

Yay? Yay!?! This isn't good...c'mon Marv! C'mon Mel!

 

JADE

Wait, you're routing for them now?

 

MELODY

Hey, I need some money now Jumbo's gone, else Terry Taylor's gonna have my legs broke! If they win, we can split the prize money 50/25/25.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JUMBO

LEFT: 10th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Charlie Moss, Quentin Benjamin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MR. BORICUA

LEFT: 11th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Charlie Moss, Quentin Benjamin

LEFT IN RING: 9

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Team Heyross go on the attack now and put the boots to the two members of D*LUX, while Boricua and Jumbo are told by a bevy of very afraid referees that they should now leave...maybe...if it's not too much trouble. The other five men in the match are battling now, Wall and Jock Mulligan exchanging punches in a corner which Wall seems to be getting the better of, while The Sk8ter Boiz grab Dick Garner. Hitting a double backhand to the gut, The Boiz whip Dick into the ropes and execute a HIGH double backbody drop!

 

MELODY

Mel and Marv, sharing a Dick. So many jokes, yet so little time.

 

With Dick down, The Boiz now go after Team Heyross. Mel lands a punchfest on Moss, Marv doing the same to Benjamin as they back them into the ropes. Mel and Marv then give the signal to each other and whip Team Heyross across the ring, throwing up some RAWK before ducking their heads. Marv gets the backdrop on Benjamin, but Moss blocks with a boot to the shoulderblades, popping Hell Mel upright for an Exploder Suplex!

 

THE MARV

\m/ \m/

 

MELODY

Idiot.

 

It takes a few moments and, more importantly, a Northern Lariat from Moss to alert Marv to the fact his partner's backdrop didn't work out. Moss wastes no time in picking The Marv back up and throwing him into the turnbuckles, taking the legs and lifting Marv up for a possible elimination. Marv clings onto the middle rope desperately and makes himself as frustratingly squirmy as possible, buying himself some time before "Showtime" Shayne pulls Charlie Moss away and knocks him down with a dropkick!

 

JADE

Looks like our teams are helping each other out. That's cute.

 

MELODY

Woah woah, my team? Mel and Marv?

 

JADE

Yeah...remember, after Jumbo got thrown out...

 

MELODY

Oh yeah! Sorry, I'm not used to being supportive of my brothers see, you threw me off-guard for a second.

 

Shayne pops right back up and gives Benjamin a taste of his partner's fate with a dropkick too. Meanwhile, as Shayne puts the beating on Team Heyross, Mel pulls himself slowly back up. Still dazed from the Exploder, Mel falls to one knee and shakes out the cobwebs. But from behind, a knee from Dick Garner to the kidneys softens Mel up, allowing him to be pitched CLEAN OVER THE TOP AND TO THE FLOOR WITH A SPLAT!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HELL MEL

LEFT: 12th

ELIMINATED: Nobody

ELIMINATED BY: Dick Garner

LEFT IN RING: 8

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

MELODY

And now I remember why I don't route for them.

 

As Mel comes to a gravity and concrete assisted stop, the smiling Dick backs into the centre of the ring and shows off some DOUBLE BICEPS~! for the Plaza fans!

 

MELODY

You know, Dick's a lot cuter than his brothers.

 

JADE

They're identical triplets.

 

MELODY

Oh I know that, I'm just saying he's a lot cuter than his brothers, identical or not. Don't you agree Jade? Do you like Dick?

 

JADE

Not gonna work on me, sorry.

 

MELODY

You're no fun. Get Coach back out here, he's dumb enough to profess his love for the Dick.

 

Dick eventually re-focuses himself on the match and unloads some stomps on Tyler Bryant. Meanwhile, Team Heyross have ganges up on Shayne Brave and look to lead him to the ropes, only to be stopped by Hell Mel and his Hellish punches! Mel and Shayne now team up and take Moss and Benjamin respectively, sending them across the ring with a double whip and executing stereo dropkicks! Mel jumps up and plays AIR GUITAR~!, Shayne settling for a little boyband style choreographed dancing, before they turn around...DOUBLE CHOKESLAM BY CUBAN WALL!!

 

JADE

Eep!

 

MELODY

YAY...uh...I mean, eep, I guess.

 

Looking around the ring, Wall sees himself as the only person standing and not one person who could easily throw him from this Battle Royal. This thought comes 3/4 of the way around though and probably should have been saved until after Jock Mulligan soars off the top rope with a Diving Lariat! Wall is straight back up, but so is Mulligan, unloading with right hands on the muscle of The Lightning Crew and eventually backing him up against the ropes. Still the big right hands connect, Wall staggered up against the ropes and with no defence as Mulligan rears back one last time and...Wall throws out a foot...but Jock adeptly catches it with one hand and applies THE IRON CLAW~! Wall begins to fight it immediately, but it turns out to be just a set-up move, as Jock quickly releases the hold and nails a Discus Punch, sending Wall OVER THE TOP...

 

 

 

 

...HANGING OVER THE TOP...

 

 

 

 

 

...AND WITH A PUSH, HE'S GONE!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CUBAN WALL

LEFT: 13th

ELIMINATED: Baron Windels, Nick Garner, Rick Garner

ELIMINATED BY: Jock Mulligan

LEFT IN RING: 7

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Mulligan leans over the ropes, revenge sought and found for his partner...

 

 

 

 

...but as his back is turned, Dick Garner creeps up behind and grabs Jock by the head, turning him to the adjacent ropes and pitching him ove...NO, reversed, AND DICK FLIES TO THE FLOOR...

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DICK GARNER

LEFT: 14th

ELIMINATED: Hell Mel

ELIMINATED BY: Jock Mulligan

LEFT IN RING: 6

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

...BUT JOCK ISN'T FAR BEHIND, THANKS TO TEAM HEYROSS!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"THE TEXAS TWISTER" JOCK MULLIGAN

LEFT: 15th

ELIMINATED: Vincent Ford, Marcellus Wallace, Cuban Wall, Dick Garner

ELIMINATED BY: Charlie Moss, Quentin Benjamin

LEFT IN RING: 5

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

MELODY

Now we're getting somewhere. Three in quick succession gone and HOW THE HELL IS MARV STILL IN!?!

 

Benjamin and Moss celebrate briefly before turning back to the ring, where they suddenly realise who's left. Both members of D*LUX, but also The Marv who has been working with the popstar wannabees all match. It's 3 on 2 odds for Team Heyross and now it's a case of mind over matter, staying cautiously clear of the trio for now as they try to discuss some sort of strategy. Rick Heyross climbs to the apron to join in the team conference, while Shayne looks over the ropes and down to Sofa Central to Jade, who simply gives her charge a thumbs up. Not great advice, but good motivation I guess.

 

MELODY

Hey, if you can get your guys to throw themselves out, I'll split the winnings with you.

 

JADE

But you didn't bet on Marv. You only want him to win so you can pay off your losses, remember?

 

MELODY

Oh. Yeah. Curses!

 

Serious looks adorn the faces of Team Heyross as they creep ever so slightly forwards, offering up amateur style knuckle locks. Marv takes the bait from Benjamin and they lock up, but D*LUX have other ideas and go after Moss with a barrage of forearms, taking him into a corner. And it's they who are wiser, as Marv is promptly takes up with a waistlock and slammed face-first to the canvas by Benjamin! Benjamin sprints over and helps out Moss now and it's Heyross vs. D*LUX in one corner of the ring, while Marv rubs at his secksy facial features.

 

"D - LUX!"

"D - LUX!"

"D - LUX!"

"D - LUX!"

 

The brawl continues in the corner until Marv recovers his bearings, coming over and pulling Benjamin around into a big roundhouse right! The Marv gives Moss a right hand too before going back to Benjamin, sending him off into the ropes with an irish whip. Grabbing the ropes on the way back, Benjamin puts on the brakes and tries to lure Marv into a charge. Expecting a backdrop, the suddenly wise Sk8ter Boi declines, forcing Benjamin to run in...and get caught with an Inverted Atomic Drop. The Marv backs off the ropes behind him and looks for a Swinging DDT. Benjamin manages to block that though and throws Marv forward, only for The Marv to land on his feet. In charges Benjamin, but his clothesline is ducked. And so is a back elbow, The Marv on the charge as he leaps to the middle rope...

 

 

 

 

...AND GETS PUSHED OVER THE TOP BY A LUNGING CHARLIE MOSS!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE MARV

LEFT: 16th

ELIMINATED:

ELIMINATED BY: Charlie Moss

LEFT IN RING: 4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

MELODY

Crap. Do you have a hundred bucks I can borrow?

 

JADE

Uhm, no.

 

It's down to a tag team situation now with Team Heyross and D*LUX left. Tyler Bryant abandons Moss to go after Benjamin, while Shayne takes Moss in a waistlock from behind before trying to muscle him up over the top. Moss puts the block on that and grips onto the ropes for safety, as Tyler whips Benjamin into a corner across the ring. He then follows in with a charge, which Benjamin blocks with a boot to the face. Away staggers Tyler as Benjamin grabs him behind the head, pitching him OVER THE TOP...

 

 

 

 

 

...BUT TYLER HANGS ON!!

 

JADE

Okay, that was too close.

 

Landing on the apron, Tyler scrambles to gain his footing and lands a forearm strike on Benjamin. Tyler then climbs to the top as Benjamin is staggering away, balancing himself up top and launching forward with a high crossbody blo...NO, Benjamin counters, guiding Tyler down into a Gutbuster!!

 

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Quentin now gives Moss a helping hand, dragging Shayne off of him and striking him in the back of the head with a forearm shot. Falling to his knees, a grimace masks Shayne's face, as Benjamin strikes him again before discussing strategy some more with Moss. Team Heyross decide on a double front facelock and land some more forearms over the back before, with their backs to the ropes, attempting to take Brave out of the battle royal with a double suplex. Kicking his feet, Shayne re-centres his gravity (or something) enough to land back on his feet. More forearms soften Shayne back up though before Team Heyross try again. This time though, a semi-recovered Tyler Bryant sees his partner in trouble and manages to grab his legs on the way, pulling him to safe ground. Team Heyross don't realise what's happened and try again, but this time Tyler grabs Shayne in a wheelbarrow position. Benjamin and Moss release Shayne, but he gets his hands up and pushes himself off the mat with a little help from Tyler, hooking both members of Team Heyross in facelocks. Tyler then releases Shayne which allows "Showtime" to swing forward and spike Benjamin and Moss with DDTs!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

 

JADE

Wahoo, great teamwork guys!

 

MELODY

Yippee kayyay! Can you be a little less happy here please, I'm trying to work something out here. (calculator tapping) Ah, CRAP!

 

Helping each other to their feet, D*LUX regroup and go through Benjamin with a double clothesline. Moss recieves the same before D*LUX pick Benjamin back up. Tyler lifts QB up and drops him with an inverted atomic drop, Shayne already rushing the ropes for the Yakuza Kick to complete Opposites Attract...but Benjamin ducks, Shayne running into a backbody drop from Moss...

 

 

 

 

...AND LANDING ON THE APRON! Moss turns around and looks for a right hand, which gets blocked and returned by "Showtime". Hitting another two rights, Shayne has Moss dazed enough to attempt a suplex to the floor. However, the heavier Moss drops his body weight and prevents Shayne from getting him over. Shayne lands some more right hand and tries again, but again Moss is too heavy. And this time, Charlie counters with a suplex of his own to bring Shayne back in. Shayne starts to twist in mid-air, trying to slide behind Moss. But Moss backsteps and catches the legs, draping Shayne's throat across the top rope in the process and leaving him in perfect position for some patented Team Heyross, Benjamin leapfrogging his partner and driving his body weight down across the lower back of "Showtime" Shayne!

 

JADE

Oh no...come on Tyler! This isn't good...

 

MELODY

You're telling me, Rooster's gonna have me kneecapped if I don't find $100 in like 5 minutes. He'll do it too. No fooling.

 

Shayne falls across the middle rope holding his back, Moss choking him on the ropes while Benjamin goes for Tyler. Sidestepping, he aims a superkick at Tyler which gets ducked. But Quentin reacts quickly and strikes with a backhand to the abdomen, doubling Tyler over and setting for a DDT. Tyler puts the blocks on though, lifting Benjamin up and over the ropes...

 

 

 

 

...PLACING HIM ON THE APRON ONLY. Benjamin has suddenly tightened his front facelock and is now choking Tyler out across the top rope, wrapping his legs around Tyler's waist with a body scissors. As Benjamin continues to choke Tyler out, over comes Moss with a clubbing shot to the back of Tyler. Benjamin now releases the front facelock to steady himself on the apron and tells Moss to set Tyler up for the leapfrog/guillotine. Moss does just that, raising Tyler's legs up, as Benjamin springboards into the ring and hits the ropes, springing back...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...AND GETTING CLOTHESLINED TO THE FLOOR BY A CHARGING SHAYNE BRAVE, WHO ALSO TOPPLES TO THE FLOOR!!

 

JADE

AAAHHHHHH!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

QUENTIN BENJAMIN

LEFT: 17th

ELIMINATED: Jumbo, Mr Boricua, Jock Mulligan

ELIMINATED BY: Shayne Brave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE

LEFT: 18th

ELIMINATED: Quentin Benjamin

ELIMINATED BY: N/A

LEFT IN RING: 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jumping to the apron, Heyross frantically tries to warn an unsuspecting Moss what happened. Moss turns his head around to see what happened, but in doing so he loses his focus and track of the fact that Tyler Bryant's feet are still over his shoulders. Pushing off the top rope, Tyler tumbles forwards and takes Moss over with a headscissors, sending Moss over the top...

 

 

 

 

 

...MOSS HANGS ON THOUGH, SKINNING THE CAT...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...AND GETTING DROPKICKED HALFWAY UP, CAUSING HIM TO CRASH BACK TO THE FLOOR!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

JADE

YES! YES YES YES!

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHARLIE MOSS

LEFT: 19th

ELIMINATED: Jumbo, Mr Boricua, Jock Mulligan

ELIMINATED BY: Tyler Bryant

LEFT IN THE RING: 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT

TEH WINN0R~!

ELIMINATED: Charlie Moss

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tyler pushes up to his knees and grins from ear to ear as first Shayne Brave and then Jade Rodez enter the ring and join the celebrations. Meanwhile, Rick Heyross throws a fit on the floor unable to believe how disasterously everything suddenly went wrong.

 

BUFFER

Your winner of the Battle Royal... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BBRRRRYYYAAAAANNTT!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

D*LUX and Jade continue to celebrate in the ring, but you're not worried about that, because it's AngleMania time!

 

 

**************************************************

 

 

TV-14

L,V

 

* DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA *

 

Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid shock and delight.

 

oao2.jpg

 

THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~!

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In the beginning, there was an imaginary beltshot.

 

JR: Good Evening, BAH GAWD, and Welcome to AngleMania!

 

 

 

I

 

HHH get's to his feet and kicks AS to the gut to set up the Pedigree once again! AS counter's and grabs HHH's leg and locks on the AngleLock! HHH refuses to tap saying he'll never job to AS! Chris Jericho appears through the crowd and tells the Time Keeper to ring the bell!

 

* DINGDINGDING! *

 

The Crowd go ApeShit!

 

Medal plays as Jericho spits on the crying HHH and leaves!

 

Fink-'The winner of the Match and NEEEWWWWWWWWWW One & Only AngleSault Thread HeavyWeight Champion of the World, AngleSault!!!!!!!!!'.

 

AS picks up the Belt and stares at it and starts to cry! The aWo return to the ring and lay a beating on HHH who has curled into the foetus position and is sucking his thumb! The aWo spray 'aWo 4-Life, Just 2 Olympic For You!' on HHH!

 

 

II

 

...Zack kicks (Anglesault) with his good leg, and hops over his back with a sunset flip...ANGLESAULT ROLLS THROUGH...He's got Zack by both legs...CATAPULT OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE...NO! NO! ZACK SKINS THE CAT! Anglesault sees this and grabs him...ANGLE SLAM...NO! NO! ZACK slips out, LANDING ON ONLY HIS LEFT LEG! ZACK LANDED ON ONE LEG! Kick to the gut...POP DROP! POP DROP! ZACK MALIBU COVERS!

 

1...

 

2...

 

3!

 

 

 

III

 

Calvin stands up, kicking at Zack, stomping, whatever, yelling "why won't you DIE!" to his most hated opponent. He picks Zack up, then quickly grabs the arm, taking Zack to the mat as if he were Chris Benoit looking for a crossface, but before he can get a good grip on the arm, Malibu somersaults forward, dodging the potential submission, and as Calvin gets up to grab him....

 

...SCHOOL'S OUT ON CALVIN STOPS HIM DEAD IN HIS TRACKS~!

 

Malibu collapses across Calvin's body, not even able to hook a leg, as this cover is purely out of desperation! Earl Hebner slaps the canvas, as the crowd counts along...

 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!

 

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

 

BUFFER

(faint)

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner...and the NEW...WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAALIBUUUUUUUU~!

 

 

IV

COLE

No way! He just hit one Axel Slam! Is he going for --

 

Sure enough, with Drek now basically out cold on his shoulders, Axel jumps up -- AND SPIKES THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION INTO THE MAT WITH A SECOND CONSECUTIVE AXEL SLAM!

 

COLE

CHAIN AXEL SLAMS!

 

CABOOSE

Wait! Come on! This can’t be it! IT CAN’T BE IT!

 

With Drek out cold on the mat, Axel rolls him over and hooks the leg. The fans scream wildly with the referee as he counts!

 

 

 

ONNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!~!

 

 

 

TWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO~!~!

 

 

 

THRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!~!

 

 

 

*DING! DING! DING!*

 

 

 

“YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

 

 

The roar rising up from the crowd is monstrous as the bell rings, signifying the Drek Stone title reign has finally come to an end.

 

COLE

HE DID IT! HE DID IT! AXEL HAS DID IT!

 

V

 

The screen fades... to a shot of Peter Knight and Alfdogg, face to face. Voiceovers from the two men follow as their feud is shown in flashes.

 

PK

I will stop at nothing to keep what's mine.

 

ALF

I'm taking my belt back.

 

PK

Alf, tonight is MY AngleMania moment.

 

ALF

You won't be as lucky as you were on HeldDown.

 

PK

I'm gonna finish your career Alf.

 

ALF

We'll see who's holding the belt at the end.

 

THE VOICE~! suddenly greets us.

 

"So it has come to this.

 

One night every year, a legend is born.

 

In this, the fifth year, will that legend be brand new...

 

...or reborn?

 

We will find out...

 

Right Now!

 

RIGHT NOW!

C'mon, it's everything

RIGHT NOW,

Catch a magic moment, do it

Right here and now

It means everything

 

And Now...

 

The One And Only AngleSault Presents...

 

am52hx.gif

 

ANGLEMANIA FIVE!!!!!

 

BOOOOM!BOOOOOMMM!!!BOOOOOMMM!!!!BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!

 

A pretty display of pyro says hello as the JAM PACKED Trump Plaza lights up to welcome the biggest e-fed sporting event of the year. The camera pans around the crowd, while Tony Schiavone's voice greets us.

 

SCHIAVONE

Good evening and welcome everyone to AngleMania FIVE! Tony Schiavone here under the AngleTron along with Jesse 'The Body' Ventura, and a very special guest to kick it off, Jesse!

 

JESSE

That's right Tony, I've been critical of this man in the past, but I can tell you, he's put on a hell of a show tonight, the boss, the General Manager, Axel!

 

AXEL

CRIKEY! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF IT!

 

*all three laugh in a contrived, Million Dollar Man way*

 

SCHIAVONE

Axel, its going to be a hell of a night, and you'd be hoping for a good one for your good friend, OAOAST Champion Peter Knight.

 

AXEL

PK's ready guys, he's trained his ass off for this night. It was my moment last year, its time for Peter to have his moment. If some guys would step into the background and let these youngers stars have the spotlight, then the world would be a better place. But now's not the time for anti-Alfdogg sentiments, that will all come after the show!

 

JESSE

We've got some amazing matches coming up Axel, the Twenty-Four Seven belt is on the line, Leon Rodez challenges Tha Puerto Rican in a ladder match.

 

AXEL

Well you know PR's been a good champion, he's defended that belt against some tough competition. John Brickson, Spanish Fly, he's shown that if you put your mind to it, if you're smart about it, you can be a long term champion. Should be a tough battle.

 

SCHIAVONE

And what about the Tag Titles, The Heavenly Rockers against the New New Midnight Express!

 

AXEL *puzzled*

Whats a tag division?

 

JESSE

Okay... moving along, Two For the Money.

 

AXEL

No comment.

 

SCHIAVONE

And, finally, we have to ask you about the big tag...

 

JESSE

Shut your cakehole, Tony! I've been wanting to ask this for weeks. Axel, tonight, Black T take on the returning Drek Stone and Hoff. We know you had something to do with the contracts. We know you're behind the scenes here. We know you're somehow responsible. What are your thoughts?

 

Axel looks at Jesse, before stroking his goatee for a second. He brings the mic to his lips...

 

 

...and FLOORS Jesse with it!

 

SCHIAVONE

WOAH! WAIT A SECOND!

 

AXEL

That enough of an answer for you? Don't badger me into a response you no good son of a bitch! I'll talk when I'm damn good and ready, and that might be sooner than you think. Enjoy AngleMania.

 

Axel throws down the mic and leaves Jesse holding his head, and Tony flabbergasted.

 

SCHIAVONE

I.. I'm not sure what to say here guys! That was uncalled for, and we still don't have answers! Now I've got to cross to Sofa Central, where Michael Cole is standing by!

 

*CUT TO SOFA CENTRAL*

 

COLE

Thanks Tony, and we now know how to agitate the GM.

 

COACH

He shouldn't have to answer any questions like that! Thats business!

 

CABOOSE

Oh bullshit... and I can say that, BECAUSE THIS IS ANGLEMANIA BAYBAY!!!!

 

COLE

Thats right 'Boose, AngleMania Five! Live from the Trump Plaza! I'm Michael Cole, he's Coach, and the guy in the facepaint is Caboose, former two-time OAOAST World Champion! We're ready, we hope you are too!

 

amVXCH.gif

 

KA-CHING~!*

 

*Come and take your Vitamin X.*

 

COLE

And here we go with the opening match at AngleMania V!

 

“Bling-Bling” by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys starts playing. The crowd stands up and boos loudly. Vitamin X comes out, doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, pumping the crowd up. Right behind him is Mr. Boricua, who grunts, snorts, and cracks his knuckles. Dollar signs are superimposed over the steps and the aisle. VX smirks at the crowd, and then high fives Mr. Boricua. Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X walk down the steps, X bobbing his head to “Bling-Bling”. Vitamin X also does some bad dancing.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the opening contest, here at AngleMania V, is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute time limit. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by the bodyguard of The Lightning Crew Mr. Boricua. From Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 248 lbs. He is the Financial Consultant for The Lightning Crew. VITAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

 

Vitamin X jaws with the fans as he walks down the aisle. VX is wearing yet another custom made jersey. This time, it’s a yellow soccer jersey with red stripes and VX written on the sleeves in red cursive font. VITAMIN X is written on the front in cursive, and there is also black tape on the front, with COLOMBIAN HACK written on it. On the back of the jersey, YO! is written on top of the jersey in red, the AngleMania V logo is in the center, and I JUST BEAT THE HEAT! is written underneath it also in red. APRIL 2, 2006 is written underneath that. X is also wearing black elbowpads, black sweatpants, and black Reeboks.

 

VXAM.jpg

 

COACH

What a great way to start AngleMania V! The X-Man, Vitamin X is set to make his AngleMania debut taking on that piece of lower class filth, Colombian Heat!

 

COLE

Vitamin X is set to finally go one-on-one with the man whose life he has made a living hell since Anglepalooza, Colombian Heat. Vitamin X hates everything about Colombian Heat, and I’m sure Heat has no love for Vitamin X either.

 

CABOOSE

Colombian Heat has bitched and complained and moaned about being screwed by Vitamin X at Anglepalooza. Vitamin X didn’t screw Colombian Heat. Colombian Heat screwed Colombian Heat! If he had only pay attention to Tha Puerto Rican, he wouldn’t have gotten pinned and lost his chance to become 24/7 Champion. Vitamin X had nothing to do with that.

 

Vitamin X hops onto a turnbuckle. He crosses his arms in an X, drawing more boos. Vitamin X hops off the turnbuckle. He high fives Mr. Boricua, who has also entered the ring.

 

COLE

Vitamin X had plenty to do with that! Colombian Heat had the match won! He gave Tha Puerto Rican the Colombian Necktie, and then pinned him to become 24/7 Champion, but Vitamin X revealed that Thomas Rodriguez wasn’t an official OAOAST Referee, so the decision did not count! That was all Vitamin X! He said it himself. He put the bullet in the gun, and Stephen Joseph pulled the trigger. He hates Colombian Heat and that was his way of messing with him!

 

Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua stand close to the ropes. A spotlight shines on the both of them. Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua look at each other, and then do The Lightning Crew Salute, drawing more boos. VX taunts the crowd and points to his shirt, saying, “Colombian HACK! Colombian HACK!”

 

CABOOSE

Well, it’s not like Colombian Heat deserved to be 24/7 Champion. He’s a HACK. He’s Colombian HACK. And tonight, at AngleMania V, the biggest show of the year, Colombian HACK is going to get his ass kicked by the jungle cat, the X-Man, Vitamin X! Vitamin X is going to extinguish the Heat once and for all!

 

The lights go back in the arena. Vitamin X raises his arms out triumphantly, confident of a victory tonight at his first AngleMania. He does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle once again and bounces off the ropes. Mr. Boricua applauds Vitamin X. He high fives him.

 

COLE

Well, he’s going to have to rely on his talent to beat Colombian Heat tonight.

 

CABOOSE

Vitamin X can beat Colombian Heat with one hand tied behind his back. He’s ready for this match. He has to be. It’s AngleMania! I also like the fact that he’s got Mr. Boricua there. Mr. Boricua on his own can kick Spanish Fly, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, Leon Rodez, and Otaku II’s asses. Now Vitamin X won’t have to worry about any of Colombian Heat’s friends making an appearance.

 

Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle staring at the entrance. Mr. Boricua is still in the ring with him. “Bling-Bling” by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys dies down.

 

COLE

Colombian Heat is about to wrestle at his first AngleMania.

 

A piano plays a melody causing the crowd to cheer loudly. The lights go down in the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center, turning back on in tune with the melody.

 

DMX

COME ON!

 

*BOOM!*

 

Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The crowd cheers loudly as Colombian Heat runs out onto the entrance stage. Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat fires up the crowd, pointing to both sides of the Convention Center, and starts walking down the steps.

 

BUFFER

And his opponent. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia, but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN—

 

*BAM!*

 

CUBAN WALL and THOMAS RODRIGUEZ attack Colombian Heat from behind! The crowd boos loudly.

 

COLE

Hey wait a minute from behind! Cuban Wall and Thomas Rodriguez are attacking Colombian Heat!

 

CABOOSE

Hey! Nice!

 

COLE

Didn’t they soften Heat enough last Thursday? Do they have to do this?

 

CABOOSE

I doubt Vitamin X is complaining!

 

Cuban Wall and Thomas Rodriguez punch Colombian Heat all over his body sending him rolling down the steps. They continue the beating on the aisle, laying into him with their boots, laughing manically. Thomas Rodriguez picks Colombian Heat up and holds him in place. Cuban Wall goes to punch Heat. However, Heat moves out of the way and Wall hits Rodriguez, knocking him down!

 

COACH

Oh no!

 

Cuban Wall is shocked, but doesn’t apologize. Colombian Heat grabs Cuban Wall and punches him repeatedly in the face, getting him dazed, and then finishes with a jumping back kick to the jaw knocking Wall down! Thomas Rodriguez gets up again, so Heat punches him, knocking him down!

 

COLE

Wall just clocked Rodriguez and Colombian Heat cleans house!

 

With Cuban Wall and Thomas Rodriguez down and out, Colombian Heat turns his attention to Vitamin X who is in the ring, panicking.

 

VITAMIN X

Uh-oh.

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

You’re mine now, boy!

 

Colombian Heat runs down the aisle into the ring.

 

COLE

And here we go! The opening match of AngleMania V has begun!

 

Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X leave the ring as soon as Colombian Heat enters it.

 

COLE

Vitamin X’s first line of defense is down. His plan backfired, and now The X-Man is going to have to fight a 100% healthy Colombian Heat!

 

“Gasolina (Remix)” dies down. Vitamin X stands at ringside with Mr. Boricua while Colombian Heat stands in the ring ready to fight. Vitamin X shows hesitation to get into the ring, and when Colombian Heat lunges forward, X runs to the other side of the ring.

 

COACH

Get yourself together, X-Man! Then you come into the ring!

 

Mr. Boricua warns Colombian Heat to stand back, but Heat will have none of that. He wants to attack VX, but referee Nick Patrick holds him back. Vitamin X slowly slides into the ring.

 

COLE

I tell you, this is personal. This is not just about what happened at Anglepalooza. This is about Colombian Heat’s way of life vs. Vitamin X’s way of life. Colombian Heat, a product of the streets. Vitamin X thinks that just because he’s made a few million dollars that he can treat people like crap!

 

CABOOSE

Now hold on a second. Colombian Heat is a lazy S.O.B. who coasts through life without a care in the world. Vitamin X actually made something with his life and became a multi-millionaire. Both VX and Heat live in Miami, but X lives in a million dollar mansion, while I’m sure Colombian Heat lives in the sleaziest, most ghetto part of the city. If you ask me, Vitamin X should be cheered, not Colombian Heat!

 

COLE

Colombian Heat is nice. Colombian Heat is sweet. Colombian Heat has a heart and actually CARES about other people. He may not be rich, but you can’t deny that he has a likeable personality. Money can’t buy you that.

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, but money can buy you a lot of things, and that’s the way, Vitamin X, and I, like it!

 

Vitamin X is in the ring. Colombian Heat is ready to fight. Nick Patrick calls for the bell.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

OPENING MATCH

GRUDGE MATCH

COLOMBIAN HEAT vs. VITAMIN X

Vitamin X looks like he is having second thoughts about this match taking place. He looks at Colombian Heat, the crowd, and then at Mr. Boricua. Vitamin X makes some stereotypical karate sounds, and does some faux karate of his own.

 

CABOOSE

Colombian Heat is not the only one who knows karate!

 

Vitamin X kicks, punches, and yells…and then slides out of the ring. Colombian Heat slides out also, and chases Vitamin X around ringside.

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Come here, you lil’ bitch!

 

COLE

And the chase is on!

 

CABOOSE

Look at the jungle cat go!

 

Vitamin X slides back into the ring, followed by Heat. Colombian Heat goes for a clothesline, but Vitamin X ducks. Heat bounces off the ropes, Vitamin X LEAPFROGS over Colombian Heat and stops to pose. When he turns around, Colombian Heat is waiting, nailing Vitamin X with a spinning heel kick to a pop!

 

COLE

Spinning heel kick! Goodnight X!

 

CH waits for Vitamin X to get up. Tired of waiting, Heat grabs X, and throws him into a turnbuckle. Colombian Heat unleashes a combination of punches and chops on Vitamin X’s body. A look of rage appears on Heat’s face as he chokes Vitamin X out.

 

NICK PATRICK

That’s it. Break it up. One. Two. Three. Four.

 

Colombian Heat lets go. He starts hammering away on Vitamin X, to the point that Vitamin X’s head hits the bottom turnbuckle. The crowd starts cheering since they know what’s coming up next. Indeed, Colombian Heat heads to the opposite turnbuckle, does the “low-rider” hand gesture, and then charges forward…but at the last second Mr. Boricua pulls Vitamin X out of the ring. Luckily, Colombian Heat stops before he hits the Broncobuster, and instead lands on the bottom turnbuckle! The crowd boos.

 

CABOOSE

HA! Beautiful!

 

COLE

And Mr. Boricua moved Vitamin X out of the way!

 

Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua walk around ringside.

 

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

 

COLE

Colombian Heat is getting what he wants, a match one-on-one with Vitamin X at AngleMania. We thought we were going to get that match last week on HeldDOWN~! with the Corporate Street Fight, but The Lightning Crew showed up.

 

Vitamin X walks up the aisle, but is stopped by Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat stomps on Vitamin X, and then whips him into a barricade! Heat grabs X and throws him back into the ring.

 

COLE

Where was Vitamin X going?

 

CABOOSE

Umm…it’s strategy. That’s what it was. It was strategy!

 

Mr. Boricua punches Colombian Heat in the back! He punches Heat again! Mr. Boricua picks up Colombian Heat and hoists him up…throwing him crotch-first into a ring post!

 

COLE

YEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!

 

CABOOSE

Ow! Ow! HA! HA! Great!

 

Colombian Heat drops onto the floor, grabbing his johnson.

 

CABOOSE

Have you ever seen anything like that? HA! HA!

 

Colombian Heat lies on the floor in pain. Vitamin X gives Mr. Boricua the thumbs up for that move. Nick Patrick begins his 10 count in the ring.

 

4…

 

 

 

 

 

5…

 

 

 

 

Vitamin X is counting along.

 

 

 

6…

 

 

 

 

7…

 

 

 

 

8…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9….

 

 

 

 

Colombian Heat enters the ring! But Vitamin X is there to meet him with a soccer kick to the stomach! X does another soccer kick to the stomach!

 

VITAMIN X

You like that? You like that?

 

CABOOSE

Funny, I thought Colombian Heat was the soccer player, not Vitamin X!

 

COLE

Both men making their AngleMania debuts, and now Vitamin X is, believe it or not, in control of Colombian Heat.

 

Vitamin X picks up Colombian Heat and throws him into a turnbuckle. VX continues the assault on Heat’s stomach with knees to the gut. He then slaps Heat across the face!

 

COLE

What a sign of disrespect!

 

CABOOSE

Well, Colombian Heat is a piece of lower class filth after all.

 

Vitamin X pulls Colombian Heat off the turnbuckle. He gives him a snap suplex. VX covers Heat.

 

1…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

KICK OUT!

 

VITAMIN X

Damn it!

 

Vitamin X chokes Colombian Heat on the mat. He has an evil smile on his face while doing so. Nick Patrick warns X to let go, and he does at the count of 3, but not before giving the ref a dirty look. X picks Colombian Heat up and sends him into another turnbuckle. He goes back to kneeing Colombian Heat in the gut, driving the air out of the former Second-In-Command of The Lightning Crew. He slaps Colombian Heat across the face again, dropping him to his knees!

 

COLE

Why can’t Vitamin X have a fair fight with Colombian Heat?

 

CABOOSE

Why not? Because he doesn’t want to. He can beat Colombian Heat easily, but he chooses not to. He wants to take the easy way out. That’s why.

 

COLE

Somehow, I have a hard time believing that.

 

Vitamin X picks up Colombian Heat and whips him into the ropes. And follows…with a Spinebuster?

 

COLE

Spinebuster from Vitamin X?

 

CABOOSE

Uh-oh! I know where he is going with this!

 

Colombian Heat lies in the middle of the ring. Vitamin X stands over him. He taunts Colombian Heat and then…kicks Heat’s right hand onto his chest.

 

VITAMIN X

This is for you, Puerto!

 

The crowd starts booing loudly while Vitamin X removes his right elbowpad, spits on it, and then throws it down onto Colombian Heat’s face. He “smells the electricity”, and then does some weird hand signals, before bouncing off the ropes, jumping over Colombian Heat, and then bouncing off the opposite ropes.

 

CABOOSE

It’s now time for the most electrifying move in professional wrestling, the IntenseZone Elbow!

 

COLE

Performed by Vitamin X?

 

CABOOSE

Yeah!

 

Vitamin X stops to do a SHIMMY~!, before dropping the IntenseZone Elbow…that MISSES!

 

COLE

And nobody’s home!

 

CABOOSE

Oh no!

 

Vitamin X and Colombian Heat both lie on the mat. Both men start getting up. Meanwhile, Mr. Boricua gets onto the ring apron. Referee Nick Patrick goes over to him to tell him to get off. He must have some big balls to do that. While Nick Patrick scolds Mr. Boricua, Colombian Heat gets up.

 

*DING!*

 

And he gets hit with a low blow from Vitamin X!

 

COLE

Low blow by Vitamin X! The referee had his back turned!

 

Colombian Heat falls to the mat. The crowd boos. Mr. Boricua gets off the ring apron just after the low blow, so Nick Patrick sees Colombian Heat holding his balls, while Vitamin X is on his feet. He calls for Mr. Boricua to hand him something. Mr. Boricua gets the message and looks underneath the ring apron.

 

COLE

What’s going on now?

 

COACH

I don’t know, but it can’t be good for Colombian Heat!

 

Mr. Boricua comes out of the ring apron with Vitamin X’s blue gym bag. Mr. Boricua unzips the gym bag and searches it, coming out with…a Kendo Stick! The crowd starts booing again as Mr. Boricua gives the Kendo Stick to Vitamin X.

 

COACH

Here we go! Now this match will get REALLY good!

 

Colombian Heat is crawling around the ring. Vitamin X twirls the Kendo Stick in his hands doing some mocking karate poses. Nick Patrick warns Vitamin X about the Kendo Stick, but he won’t listen, as he slams the Kendo Stick over Colombian Heat’s back!

 

COLE

Vitamin X attacking Colombian Heat with that Kendo Stick found in his gym bag!

 

Vitamin X slams the Kendo Stick over Colombian Heat’s back again! He hits Heat with the Kendo Stick a third time! And then a FOURTH time!

 

CABOOSE

He’s taking Colombian HACK to the woodshed!

 

COACH

Look at Colombian HACK squirm! Look at him squirm like the piece of lower class filth that he is!

 

*CRACK!*

 

Vitamin X hits Heat with the Kendo Stick a FIFTH time!

 

*CRACK!*

*CRACK!*

 

Two more Kendo Stick shots, and the Kendo Stick is still in one piece!

 

*CRACK!*

 

An EIGHTH Kendo Stick shot to the back!

 

NICK PATRICK

Okay, that’s enough!

 

VITAMIN X

BUZZ OFF, PATRICK!

 

Colombian Heat uses the ropes to pick himself up. He holds his back, which must be red by now. Vitamin X twirls his Kendo Stick some more, and then bounces off the ropes, charging forward with the Kendo Stick…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BUT COLOMBIAN HEAT BACK BODY DROPS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE AND TO THE FLOOR!

 

VITAMIN X

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

 

COLE

X tossed over the top rope!

 

CABOOSE

X, are you all right?

 

Vitamin X lies face down on the ground. Colombian Heat is starting to get up. He dropped his Kendo Stick on the mat. VX is starting to get up himself. He uses the ring apron for help. When Vitamin X gets to his feet, Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes, and comes crashing down on Vitamin X with a Pescado!

 

COLE

Over the top rope goes Colombian Heat!

 

Colombian Heat lays into Vitamin X with lefts and rights. Heat is just furious, doing the mounted punches on The X-Man while the crowd cheers loudly.

 

COACH

Stop it! Just stop it! This is manslaughter! This could be classified as manslaughter!

 

Colombian Heat then starts slamming Vitamin X’s head on the protective mats, his face now turning red.

 

COLE

Colombian Heat remembers. He remembers Vitamin X’s smug look on his face after he screwed him. He remembers the laughing and the beatdown after the match. He remembers the taser shot. Colombian Heat remembers all of this, and now he’s getting some retribution tonight at AngleMania!

 

Colombian Heat throws Vitamin X back into the ring. But then, Mr. Boricua runs up behind Heat and punches him in the back again! He hits CH with a MASSIVE clothesline knocking him down!

 

CABOOSE

All right Boricua! Teach that Colombian HACK a lesson! Beat his ass! Beat. His. Ass!

 

Mr. Boricua yells at the crowd. He grunts and snorts. Mr. Boricua picks up the weakened Colombian Heat and throws him into the ring. Vitamin X is now getting tired from the match. He wipes the sweat from his forehead, and then gets to his feet. The crowd is booing again, pissed off that Colombian Heat just got clotheslined by Mr. Boricua. Vitamin X picks up Colombian Heat and gives him a neckbreaker! X then unleashes some fast kicks onto Colombian Heat, weakening his former stablemate even more. X picks Colombian Heat and starts doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle drawing boos.

 

COACH

Oh yeah. He’s feeling it. He’s feeling it!

 

Vitamin X taunts Heat, and then does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. He punches Heat. He punches Heat again! VX does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, and hits Heat with another punch…BLOCKED! Colombian Heat punches Vitamin X! He punches him again! Colombian Heat hits Vitamin X with a right jab! Followed by a second jab! Then a third jab! Colombian Heat DANCES~! And then hits Vitamin X with a fourth jab to complete the Shake, Rattle, & Roll.

 

COLE

Shake, Rattle, & Roll from Colombian Heat!

 

COACH

Oh no!

 

Colombian Heat yells at X, and then bounces off the ropes. He does a SHIMMY~! and then drops a knee onto Vitamin X’s forehead. Shaky Leg Kneedrop!

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Punk motherfucker!

 

Colombian Heat picks Vitamin X up. He jaw jacks with him, and then slaps HIM across the face. Colombian Heat Irish whips Vitamin X into the ropes. He goes for a clothesline, but Vitamin X ducks, and shifts his body so that he can give Heat a Floatover DDT! VX covers Heat.

 

1…2…KICK OUT!

 

VITAMIN X

DAMN!

 

“KILL THE X-MAN!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

“KILL THE X-MAN!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

“KILL THE X-MAN!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

“KILL THE X-MAN!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*

 

COLE

Vitamin X has been very impressive tonight.

 

CABOOSE

As if there were any doubt! This is AngleMania! He has to show off his best!

 

Vitamin X gets back up. He sees Colombian Heat down on the mat, and decides that it’s time to end this match. Colombian Heat lies in the center of the ring. Vitamin X leaps onto the ring apron, and climbs the top rope.

 

COLE

This could be it. This could be the end. He could be going for the Leap Of Faith now!

 

COACH

Do it now, X-Man! Do it now!

 

CABOOSE

Finish him off! Finish him off!

 

The crowd starts buzzing as Vitamin X positions himself on the top rope.

 

COLE

Vitamin X is going to climb the ropes now. Leap Of Faith maybe coming up!

 

Vitamin X stands up on the top rope. He sees Colombian Heat on the mat. He looks at the crowd, and then at Mr. Boricua, who is yelling at him to do the move. Vitamin X smiles evilly at Colombian Heat, and then leaps off the top rope, extending his right arm in the air, and then pulling it up, so that the elbow meets Colombian Heat’s head, doing the Leap Of Faith…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE LEAP OF FAITH MISSES!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

The Leap Of Faith misses! Vitamin X has failed to hit the Leap Of Faith! I don’t think that has ever happened before! I don’t think Vitamin X has ever missed the Leap Of Faith!

 

COACH

No! No!

 

CABOOSE

Oh God! This can’t be good!

 

Vitamin X lies on the mat in pain. He holds his back and screams out. Colombian Heat soon gets to his feet. The crowd is starting to get hot, feeling that the tide is shifting.

 

COLE

Vitamin X can be in trouble here!

 

Colombian Heat covers Vitamin X.

 

1…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3—MR. BORICUA PULLS COLOMBIAN HEAT OUT OF THE RING!

 

COLE

And Mr. Boricua has Colombian Heat in his hands yet again!

 

Mr. Boricua pushes Colombian Heat into the ring steps! He then charges forward, but Heat moves out of the way, and Boricua hits the ring steps shoulder first causing the top step to fall!

 

COLE

Boricua hit the stairs! Boricua hit the stairs!

 

CABOOSE

Oh no!

 

Mr. Boricua lies on the ground. CH enters the ring. Vitamin X is starting to get up. Colombian Heat notices that X’s Kendo Stick is still in the ring. So, not surprisingly, he picks up the Kendo Stick and twirls it around. He raises it over his head, causing the crowd to cheer.

 

COLE

He’s got the Kendo Stick now!

 

COACH

Hey, get that Kendo Stick away from him!

 

Vitamin X is crawling around the ring, so Colombian Heat decides there’s no better time than now to slam the Kendo Stick over Vitamin X’s back!

 

VITAMIN X

OWWWWWWWWWWWW!

 

CABOOSE

DISQUALIFY HIM!

 

Colombian Heat slams the Kendo Stick over X’s back again!

 

VX

NO!

 

Vitamin X is on the mat, but Heat STILL slams the Kendo Stick over VX’s back a third time!

 

CABOOSE

Oh no!

 

*CRACK!*

 

COLE

That was for Anglepalooza!

 

*CRACK!*

 

COLE

That was for Zero Hour!

 

*CRACK!*

 

COLE

And that was for the Corporate Street Fight!

 

CABOOSE

Somebody stop him!

 

COLE

Listen to that Kendo Stick across the back of Vitamin X! You can hear it all over the arena!

 

VX uses the ropes to pull himself up.

 

*CRACK!*

 

He STILL gets hit with the Kendo Stick, which is shockingly still in one piece.

 

VX goes over to a turnbuckle, where Colombian Heat slams the Kendo Stick across his chest, and then across his stomach! Twice! Three times! Four times! Five times! Six times!

 

CABOOSE

His body must be so sore now! I can’t look!

 

COLE

Colombian Heat is showing Vitamin X no mercy tonight!

 

Heat hits VX with the Kendo Stick to the chest one more time and then finally throws it away. Heat then goes to his martial arts kicks all over Vitamin X’s body. The crowd comes alive. Heat finishes with a jumping back kick to the jaw knocking Vitamin X down to the mat!

 

CABOOSE

AAAAH!

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

You want some more?

 

CROWD

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Vitamin X uses the bottom ring rope to pull himself up. By doing so, his head rests on the bottom turnbuckle pad. The crowd cheers loudly, since they know what this means. And indeed, Colombian Heat heads to the opposite turnbuckle. He does the “low-rider” hand gesture.

 

CABOOSE

VX is going to need a miracle to win this! I gotta pray!

 

Colombian Heat charges forward…and this time is able to give Vitamin X the Broncobuster!

 

COLE

Broncobuster! Broncobuster on Vitamin X! An AngleMania Broncobuster!

 

Nick Patrick pulls Colombian Heat off of Vitamin X. Heat wants to know why, but Nick Patrick instead checks on Vitamin X. While this is going on, Mr. Boricua has entered the ring, the Kendo Stick in his hands.

 

COLE

Oh great. He’s back! Look out from behind! Look out!

 

Mr. Boricua waits for Colombian Heat to turn around. When he does…

 

*CRACK!*

 

Mr. Boricua hits Colombian Heat upside the head with the Kendo Stick, which finally breaks!

 

CABOOSE

Yes!

 

COLE

Kendo Stick to the face, referee didn’t see it!

 

Mr. Boricua wisely kicks the pieces of the Kendo Stick out of the ring, and then exits. Colombian Heat is down on the mat. Vitamin X is still resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. The crowd boos.

 

CABOOSE

My prayers are answered!

 

COLE

Mr. Boricua is back to the outside. The referee didn’t see the Kendo Stick shot!

 

Nick Patrick begins his 10 count. Vitamin X slowly crawls over to Colombian Heat, who is still knocked out on the mat.

 

COLE

This will be a crime if Vitamin X wins this match!

 

CABOOSE

All you got to do is crawl across the ring and cover him, X! Cover Colombian HACK! Cover him!

 

Vitamin X is still crawling towards Heat. The crowd is anxious, hoping the X-Man doesn’t pick up the win.

 

CABOOSE

What a match! Vitamin X is going to win at AngleMania!

 

Vitamin X puts his right hand on Colombian Heat’s chest. Mr. Boricua yells out. Nick Patrick counts.

 

1…

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 ½

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.999999999999999999999999999999999

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT KICKS OUT!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

And Colombian Heat kicks out! What resiliency from the Colombian!

 

CABOOSE

That was three, wasn’t it?

 

COLE

No, it was a two!

 

Colombian Heat and Vitamin X are both on the mat. Nick Patrick has to do a 10 count again. Heat and VX both show signs of life.

 

CABOOSE

Come on X! Come on X!

 

Vitamin X gets on one knee when the referee gets to 2. X tells the ref to stop the count since he’s up. VX is sweating bullets, breathing hard, and severely weakened by now. Still, he WANTS Colombian Heat to get up. When Heat takes too long to get up, VX just grabs him by his head, causing his Colombian flag bandana to fall off, and picks him up himself. X throws Colombian Heat onto the bottom turnbuckle, resting his head on the bottom turnbuckle pad. He then starts choking Heat with his right foot, an evil smile on his face.

 

CABOOSE

Yes!

 

COLE

This is illegal!

 

CABOOSE

What is?

 

NICK PATRICK

Come on now! That’s enough! 1! 2! 3! 4!

 

Vitamin X lets go. The crowd stomps its feet in unison, trying to bring Colombian Heat back to life. But Heat is resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. Vitamin X walks over to the opposite turnbuckle, causing the crowd to boo.

 

COLE

Are we going to see X’s version perhaps of the Broncobuster?

 

CABOOSE

His version? Vitamin X INVENTED that move!

 

COLE

Oh come on!

 

Vitamin X does the “low-rider” hand gesture, and then charges forward, going for the Broncobuster…

 

 

 

 

 

 

BUT COLOMBIAN HEAT MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! And Vitamin X’s crotch meets the ring post!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

CABOOSE

No! No! No! That’s twice tonight! He’s missed a move twice! Damnit!

 

Vitamin X falls to the mat, holding the family jewels. Colombian Heat is crawling around the ring, slowly getting up. Suddenly, Mr. Boricua climbs over the top rope into the ring!

 

COLE

And again Mr. Boricua is out here, interfering in the match!

 

Vitamin X is holding Nick Patrick’s shirt, distracting him. Mr. Boricua yells, and then charges forward, but Colombian Heat kicks him in the gut to stop any attack!

 

COLE

And this time! This time, Colombian Heat is ready! Kick to the stomach!

 

Colombian Heat beats on Mr. Boricua a bit, and then finishes with a spinning wheel kick knocking Mr. Boricua down! Vitamin X is slowly getting up. Mr. B slowly crawls over to a turnbuckle, using the bottom ring rope to pull himself up.

 

COLE

Mr. Boricua went to the well once too often and paid the price!

 

Mr. Boricua’s head rests on the bottom turnbuckle pad. The crowd starts cheering. Colombian Heat doesn’t even bother to go the opposite turnbuckle. He just runs a few feet, does the “low-rider” hand gesture, and then charges forward, giving Mr. Boricua the Broncobuster!

 

COLE

Broncobuster! Broncobuster on Mr. Boricua!

 

CABOOSE

Oh Dear God no!

 

Heat gets off of Mr. Boricua, who is still resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. Vitamin X is starting to get up, so Colombian Heat grabs him and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Clothesline! Vitamin X gets up. Another clothesline! Vitamin X gets up again! A third clothesline! VX gets up AGAIN! A fourth clothesline!

 

COLE

Colombian Heat is in control of Vitamin X!

 

Colombian Heat plays to the crowd some, and then picks up VX again. Heat whips X into the ropes. X goes for a clothesline, but Heat ducks, grabs X from behind, and brings him down with a Gangsta Slam!

 

COLE

Gangsta Slam! Gangsta Slam on Vitamin X!

 

Heat gets up, and bounces off the ropes. He follows up with the “Where The Hood At?” Rolling Thunder onto VX! The crowd is getting more and more hot. Heat plays to the crowd some more and then exits the ring. Heat climbs the turnbuckle until he is on the top rope. He waits for Vitamin X to get up.

 

VITAMIN X

Get up, foo’!

 

COLE

Heat up top!

 

Vitamin X slowly gets up. He is on his knees.

 

CABOOSE

I can’t look! I can’t watch!

 

Mr. Boricua is still on the turnbuckle. Vitamin X is on one knee. Heat is still yelling at VX to get up. VX gets to a vertical base, but is having trouble standing. Colombian Heat jumps off the top rope, and NAILS Vitamin X with a picture perfect missile dropkick taking The X-Man down!

 

COLE

Missile Dropkick! Colombian Heat is dominating Vitamin X now!

 

Colombian Heat sits up and looks at his right hand. He starts shaking it, which causes the crowd to cheer loudly.

 

COLE

Uh-oh!

 

CABOOSE

Oh no!

 

COACH

Damnit!

 

COLE

It could be time! IT COULD BE TIME!

 

Heat shakes his head like he’s having a seizure.

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

WASSSSSSSSSSSUP!?

 

Colombian Heat does the Spin-A-Roonie to a loud pop from the crowd!

 

COLE

Spin-A-Roonie! Spin-A-Roonie from Colombian Heat! It’s an AngleMania Spin-A-Roonie!

 

COACH

I hate that stupid move thanks to Colombian HACK!

 

CABOOSE

Stupid Colombian HACK!

 

Heat stands up and looks at the crowd. He does an Eddie Guerrero like SHIMMY~! and then puts his hands around his throat and pretends to gag.

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

That’s it! Heat is fired up! He’s ready! He’s ready to hit the Colombian Necktie!

 

CABOOSE

Look out X! Look out!

 

Colombian Heat is FIRED UP, DAMNIT! He points a finger at X, and then gets ready to give him the Colombian Necktie. The crowd cheers while X slowly starts to get up.

 

COLE

If Heat hits his move, it’s over!

 

CABOOSE

Look out!

 

Suddenly, Mr. Boricua grabs Heat’s right foot. Heat turns around and attacks Mr. Boricua!

 

COLE

Mr. Boricua, making his presence known, AGAIN!

 

Colombian Heat beats on Mr. Boricua, not knowing that Vitamin X is on one knee. Nick Patrick has to break up the fight, and then force Mr. Boricua to leave the ring. While he does this, Colombian Heat watches and Vitamin X gets to his feet using the ropes.

 

COLE

Mr. Boricua distracted Colombian Heat. Vitamin X is on his feet and Colombian Heat doesn’t know it!

 

CABOOSE

HA! HA! Always count on The Lightning Crew! They somehow, someway find a way to win!

 

COACH

They haven’t won yet, but I’m sure they will!

 

Colombian Heat watches as Mr. Boricua exits the ring. He smiles. Vitamin X walks up behind him, which pisses off the crowd.

 

COLE

Heat look out! Behind you! BEHIND YOU!

 

Vitamin X smiles evilly. Colombian Heat turns around, and gets kicked in the gut. X places Heat in between his legs, and then hooks his arms.

 

COLE

The Overdose! Vitamin X is going for the Overdose! We haven’t seen that move in a while!

 

CABOOSE

YES!

 

Vitamin X lifts Colombian Heat up…but Heat escapes! Colombian Heat kicks Vitamin X in the gut, places him in between his legs, hooks the arms, and then lifts him up, turning him around so that Vitamin X’s feet are in the air.

 

COLE

Yes!

 

CABOOSE

NO! NO! NO!

 

COACH

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

 

COLE

Could it be? Is this it?

 

Colombian Heat holds Vitamin X in the air for a few seconds, letting the blood rush to his head. Mr. Boricua is panicking on the outside. The crowd is cheering. Colombian Heat saids one more thing to VX…

 

 

AND THEN BRINGS HIM DOWN WITH THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

Colombian Necktie! Colombian Necktie! The Colombian Necktie has been hit!

 

CABOOSE

OH NO!

 

COACH

NO!

 

Colombian Heat covers Vitamin X. Mr. Boricua is still panicking on the outside. Referee Nick Patrick counts. The crowd counts along.

 

1…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 ½

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. 99999999999999999999999

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

*DING DING DING* (11:32)

 

COLE

Colombian Heat wins! Colombian Heat has gotten his revenge over Vitamin X!

 

Colombian Heat pumps his fist in victory. The crowd goes wild! Vitamin X lies on the mat, practically knocked out, while Mr. Boricua groans on the outside. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing.

 

BUFFER

Here is your winner…COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

 

COLE

What a victory for Colombian Heat! What a victory at AngleMania V!

 

CABOOSE

Oh God! Oh God! I can’t believe it! Vitamin X just got beat by Colombian HACK! I can’t believe it!

 

COACH

Damn Colombian HACK! Damn him!

 

Colombian Heat uses the ropes to pull himself up. Nick Patrick raises Heat’s hands in victory. Heat raises them again to get the crowd fired up. He slowly walks around the ring, holding his back.

 

COLE

Vitamin X wanted to prove he was better. Vitamin X wanted to prove that he was the superior wrestler, that his way of life was superior to Colombian Heat’s way of life. But tonight, at AngleMania, Colombian Heat shocked Vitamin X by pulling out the victory here in Atlantic City, New Jersey! Vitamin X now has a 0-1 record at AngleMania, while Colombian Heat is 1-0, and hopefully will add to that record for years to come!

 

CABOOSE

I can’t believe it! Colombian HACK beat Vitamin X. Colombian HACK beat VITAMIN X.

 

COLE

I guess he’s not such a HACK after all. Isn’t he?

 

COACH

Shut up Michael Cole! Colombian Heat is STILL a HACK! He will ALWAYS be a HACK! Colombian Heat was just lucky tonight, that’s all! He somehow managed to win, but The X-Man will be back, because he is better than Colombian Heat in every way, shape, or form and you can quote me on that!

 

COLE

Okay. Okay. Calm down a little bit, geez.

 

Colombian Heat plays to the crowd, a smile on his face. He maybe fatigued, but he still has the energy to play to his fans. He pounds his chest and then does a SHIMMY~! as “Gasolina (Remix)” continues playing. Mr. Boricua has taken Vitamin X out of the ring, and is helping him walk up the aisle. VX is out of it, groggy, and in serious pain. He barely knows where he is.

 

COLE

Let’s take a look at the replay.

 

The OAOAST AngleMania V logo flashes across the screen. We see the replay of the ending starting with Colombian Heat getting ready to hit the Colombian Necktie to Vitamin X.

 

COACH

Heat was ready to hit his stupid finishing move, but Mr. Boricua made the save. Instead of letting him sit there, Referee Nick Patrick FORCED Mr. Boricua to leave the ring. Luckily, Vitamin X still managed to hit the Overdose, but then Colombian Heat CHEATED, gave Vitamin X the Colombian Necktie and got the win!

 

COLE

He cheated? How so?

 

COACH

He did. I just know it!

 

COLE

You don’t know what you’re talking about!

 

COACH

I know more than you!

 

COLE

Get out of here!

 

Mr. Boricua helps Vitamin X walk up the steps to the entrance. Colombian Heat has gotten a microphone. He looks at VX and Mr. Boricua.

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Aiyo! Aiyo! Yo! Yo!

 

Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X turn around. Mr. Boricua is grunting and snorting. Vitamin X has no idea where he is. The crowd cheers. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull dies down.

 

COLE

What’s this?

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Yo, Vitamin X. I told ya. I told ya. But you didn’t listen. And ya paid the price because I DID make you feel the Heat UP IN THIS—

 

“BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH!”

 

HEAT

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn right! HA! HA!

 

Colombian Heat puts the microphone away. “Gasolina (Remix)” starts playing again. Mr. Boricua yells at Vitamin X, who has to be held up by Boricua so as not to fall. The crowd cheers loudly as Colombian Heat taunts Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua, a smile as wide as the Cheshire cat on his face.

 

COLE

He was right. Colombian Heat made Vitamin X feel the Heat tonight at AngleMania V!

 

CABOOSE

He should have extinguished the Heat! It’s like his shirt says, HE should have BEATEN Colombian Heat!

 

COLE

Well he wanted to, but he didn’t. It will go down in the record books. Vitamin X lost to Colombian Heat at his first AngleMania. What a way to start AngleMania V!

 

CABOOSE

Oh well. It’s okay. Tha Puerto Rican is going to retain the 24/7 Title tonight. That should cheer me up. PRL winning, beating Leon Rodez in that Ladder Match tonight. That’ll cheer me up!

 

COLE

Well Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall lost the Battle Royal, and Vitamin X just lost to Colombian Heat, so what does that say about Tha Puerto Rican’s chances tonight?

 

CABOOSE

SHUT UP MICHAEL COLE! THA PUERTO RICAN WILL WIN TONIGHT! HE WILL WIN! HE WILL BEAT LEON RODEZ AND RETAIN THE 24/7 TITLE! HE WILL WIN! HE GUARAN-DAMN-TEED IT! IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TONIGHT! I PROMISE YOU!

 

COLE

Yes. Yes. I get it. I get it. Okay. You think Tha Puerto Rican will win tonight.

 

CABOOSE

He will.

 

COLE

Okay. Okay!

 

Mr. Boricua helps Vitamin X walk up to the entrance stage.

 

COLE

Colombian Heat wins in his AngleMania debut! We still got more to come as we’re just getting started at AngleMania V! What a night this will be!

 

Colombian Heat is still in the ring playing to the crowd. He does another SHIMMY~! for fun. He has a smile on his face as “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull continues playing.

Edited by Patty O'Green

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* DING DING DING *

 

BUFFER

The following contest is the unsanctioned loser leaves town match for the tag team championship of the world! When the bell rings the referees in charge of the action are senior official Earl Hebner and Nick Patrick. Are you ready? Wrestling fans, ARE...YOU...RRRREADY? Then for the thousands in attendence here at the beautiful Trump Plaza and Casino... ladies and gentlemen, LLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RRRRUMBLLLLLE!

 

The lights go funky as "Heart-Shaped Box" begins blaring over the loud speakers. The arrival of Synth and Logan, clad in black jeans and Las Vegas Outlaws jerseys, sparks a big pop for the duo looking to fullfill a promise they made to their publicst and girlfriend of Logan Mann -- win the tag team championship.

 

BUFFER

Introducing first, the challengers...from Sin City, here is the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time, the 2006 Anderson Cup champions... the HEAVENLYYYYYY RRRROOOOOOOCKERRRRSSSS!

 

COLE

The Heavenly Rockers come into this match with heavy hearts. For the past year they have been subjected to abuse from the New New Midnight Express and Jim Cornette. It all stems from when Jim Cornette conned the Heavenly Rockers into signing J.C.E. with promises of tag title shots, cross-promotion with various media outlets just so he could suck them dry of the riches they were pulling in from their records. It was also with the urging of Jim Cornette that he got the Heavenly Rockers to fire Holly-Wood, the one person who saw through his lies. When the Heavenly Rockers finally found out the truth about J.C.E. they and Holly managed to patch things up. That's when it really got heated between the two sides, a war that will end tonight with the loser leaving the OAOAST.

 

COACH

And it won't get any easier for whomever comes out on top because the Sooner Bruisers, the Anderson Cup runner-up, have already challenged the winner. It should be them here tonight, not the Heavenly Rockers.

 

CABOOSE

Let's not get into that again, Coach. But I do concur with your statement, the Sooner Bruisers deserve a title match.

 

A small pop goes up in the air as "Chase" hits, which immediately is overwhelmed by the venom those in attendence hold for the 3 men making their way to the ring. His trademark tennis racket in one hand, the guitar his team took from Holly-Wood's home on the other, Jim Cornette leads Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned to the ring, both of whom are also in street clothes for this unsanctioned match.

 

BUFFER

And their opponents...being led to the ring by their manager, the legendary James E. Cornette... the World tag team champions, the NEW NEW MID-NIGHT EXXXXXPRESSSSSS!

 

Simon and Ned stop near ringside to remove their championship belts, exchanging words with the Heavenly Rockers in the process. Once the belts are removed their attempts to enter the ring are stalled as Synth and Logan wait with smiles on their faces, pysching the champions out. Jim Cornette calls his boys down for a team meeting, concluding with a chant of "champs" on 3. Simon and Ned again stop before entering the ring as the Heavenly Rockers still have that sinister smile etched on their faces, drawing the ire of fans quickly tiring of the champions stall tatics, which plays right into the hands of the NNMX as they use the opportunity to jaw with irate fans ringside. The referee outside, Nick Patrick, tells Simon and Ned it's time to get it going but they ignore his request. Having had enough, an impatient "Wild Child" Logan Mann runs up the turnbuckles and hammers Ned Blanchard with a double axe-handle smash from the top to the arena floor! Logan pumpels Blanchard until Simon pulls him off and throws him up against the guardrail. Simon turns to the ring to search for a weapon and gets wasted by a SUICIDE DIVE from Synth, sending the Sultan of Sarcasm stumbling over the body of Logan! Now back on his feet Ned subjects Logan to a stomping, kicking him right in the heart. Logan fights back, grabbing Ned's leg and after returning to his feet drives Blanchard into the edge of the ring apron, where he proceeds to wail away on the Handsome Hustler. In the aisleway, Simon and Synth brawl themselves, whipping each other into the guardrails. Leaned up against the rail with Simon's right hand around his throat, Synth jabs a fan's Los Diablos "devil horn" mask into the eye of Simon and slams him on the thin piece of carpeting on the arena floor. Just feet away Ned and Logan are involved in a heated slugfest, punching and chopping each other wildly, with the Wild Child getting the best of the Handsome Hustler. The roar of the crowd gets louder and louder as Mann beats Blanchard all the way down to the seat of his pants. Those roars turn into concern as Jim Cornette BLASTS Logan with the RACKET! But the adrenaline flowing through Mann's body absords the blow. Logan dramatically whips his head around and stares Cornette directly in the eyes, causing James E. to just about wet his pants as Logan chases him around the ring.

 

COLE

Get him, Logan!

 

COACH

How can you say that? James E. isn't apart of the match. He's just a poor defenseless manager.

 

CABOOSE

With a tennis racket as a weapon.

 

Down the stretch they come, James E. in the lead but Logan closing in fast. Cornette rounds the corner and hides behind Ned, who, having removed his BELT, clotheslines Logan with his belt and begins CHOKING him out with it. Ned then wraps the belt around his fist and gets ready to drive the point of the buckle into the head of Mann when Synth pulls him off and rams him face-first into the STEEL STEPS! Again. And again! Synth panders to the crowd as he looks to send Ned into the steps a fourth time, but it's he who gets sent into the steel, smacking his head on the RINGPOST following a Sarcastic Simon running knee to the back. Simon scoopes a BLOODY Synth up and tosses him inside the squared circle. Ned, positioned outside, holds the Synthmeister's right arm out as Simon drives the knee into the outstretched arm!

 

COLE

Synth writhing in pain as the tag team champions focus now switches to that twice broken arm.

 

COACH

The Heavenly Rockers wanted it this way. They made such a big deal about spilling the blood of Sarcastic Simon's and the Handsome Hustler's and who's the one bleeding? Here's a hint: it ain't Simon or Ned, baby boy.

 

Simon paint-brushes the bloody Synthemeister before he and Ned send him off to the ropes, taking him over with a double hip toss into short-arm scissors. They crank back on the arms, laughing at the painful agony Synth is experiencing while Jim Cornette tells the timekeeper to ring the bell. Vince McMahon he isn't, as the timekeeper refuses to do so. In addition to that, while his back is turned, James E. misses Logan crash down onto both Midnights with a springboard crossbody!

 

CABOOSE

We may have a double pin!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THR-- NO!

 

Logan might not have gotten the pinfall but he's got the next best thing -- he's on top of Ned Blanchard. He peppers the face of the Handsome Hustler with closed fists, even going as far as to BITE him! Simon gets out from under the legs of Logan holds him up for Ned. Blanchard re-wraps the belt around his fist and hits the ropes for added momentum, but hits the wrong man as Logan torques his head to the left and it's Simon who gets drilled in the face with the point of the buckle!

 

"YEEEAAAHHHHH!"

 

COLE

Ned hits his own partner!

 

CABOOSE

Who's now a bloody mess himself.

 

If you didn't believe that, you would after we get a close-up of Singleton's bloody face as he crawls to the corner and rests his head on the bottom rope. Blanchard, meanwhile, turns around and gets knocked out by a wicked~ left hook! But instead of going for the pin, Logan wants to hurt the Midnights some more. He summons Synth to pick Simon up as he does the same with Ned, and then they ram the Midnights heads together for a meeting of the minds! The rockstars-turned-wrestlers isolate the Midnights in separate corners and climb onto the second rope as they drive their fists into the skulls of Simon and Ned, teaching the crowd how to count in a Romanian accent!

 

1...

* BLAH *

2...

* BLAH *

3...

* BLAH *

4...

5...

6...

7...

8...

9...

10!

 

And for those who love to take a walk on the darkside, Synth bites the bloody forehead of Simon and gets blooded splattered all over his mouth and chin. Then licks it off! Ewwwwww!

 

The Midnights fall to their knees and continue to get the shit beaten out of them, with Logan telling Ned "I'm gonna make you bleed, bitch!" But he won't get the chance to at this time, as Ned grabs the top of his jeans and throws Mann out to the floor. Logan tries to quickly slide back in, but a vicious kick in the face knocks him back out to the floor. With Synth still hammering Simon to a bloody pulp, Ned runs up behind the Synthmeister and nails him with the 90210 enzurigi! Blanchard exits the ring as Simon makes the cover, a weak drape of the arm across the chest.

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

TH-- KICKOUT!

 

While Synth and Simon are down in the ring, Ned unleashes hell on Logan, whipping him so hard into the guardrail it flips Mann into the crowd! Security storm the area to keep the fans at bay as Ned climbs over the railing and clotheslines Mann to the ground. He takes a sip out of a fan's -- female, FYI -- beers and spills the rest on Logan, arrogantly kicking him upside the head. As he seemingly gets off on what he's seeing, the Handsome Hustler smiles as he scoopes Logan up and suplexes him on the concrete floor!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THR-- NO!

 

A big cheer goes up inside Trump Plaza as Logan gets his shoulder up before Nick Patrick's hand slaps the concrete a third time. The belt still wrapped around Blanchard's hand, Ned cradles Logan's head and repeatedly drives the fist into the face of Mann, busting him open from the point of the buckle to the head.

 

COACH

Baby! Baby! Baby! Guess who's bleeding now? Need a hint? Logan Mann, kiddo.

 

COLE

The Handsome Hustler has drawn first blood on Wild Child.

 

What's going on inside the ring, you ask? The longest chokehold known to man. Singleton finally breaks to remove the turnbuckle pad in the corner, where he tries to ram Synth into the steel bolt, but Synth puts up the boot and blocks it. Simon is about to go in face-first when he responds with an elbow strike to the ribs, then smashes Synth's arm down on the steel bolt! The Synthmeister goes down in a heap, clutching the arm. Outside, Logan is sent into the guardrail with such force the railing pops open. The security already down there do a great job in blocking off the area so it doesn't become the Texas/Mexico border. Blanchard picks up the busted guardrail and slams it across the back of Mann. Simon calls for his partner to toss him a CHAIR, and Ned does just that, but overshoots Simon and the chair falls into the hands of Synth! Synth jabs the chair into the midsection of Singleton and front facelocks the head for a DDT, but Simon drives him into the exposed corner and brings him back out, hitting the single-arm DDT he calls DIVORCE COURT ON THE STEEL CHAIR!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THR-- KICKOUT!

 

Simon puts his hands on his head in frustration. What more can I do, he's thinking. Jim Cornette can't believe it either, taking out his disbelief on Earl Hebner, saying that was a slow count. Ned sets the guardrail up against the ring apron outside, throwing Logan into it and grinding his bloody face into the rusty railing. Simon has his own little thing going on inside the ring, using the athletic tape around his wrists to tie Synth to the top rope. Fortunately for Synth, his squirming around prevents Simon from taping both hands to the rope, giving him some sort of defense as Simon tries to bash his skull with the chair. Back out on the floor, Ned has grabbed ahold of another chair and with Logan lying on the guardrail swings for the fences, but Mann moves and the reverberation from steel hitting steel causes Ned to drop the chair and shake off the fingers. In the ring, Simon gets in a few jabs before hitting the ropes and charging at Synth with the chair cocked, only for Synth to low his shoulder and BACKDROP SIMON OVER THE TOP AND ONTO THE GUARDRAIL OUTSIDE!!!

 

COLE

That's the damnest Slip 'n' Slide I've ever seen. Sarcastic Simon sliding down the guardrail after being backdropped from the ring. Oh, my!

 

Synth frees his taped hand from the ropes as Ned sprints around the ring and enters from Synth's blindside, clotheslining the Synthmeister as he turns around. Blanchard celebrates his feat when he, too, is leveled by a clothesline as he turns around, causing the Handsome Hustler to 360 in the air! Logan quickly picks Ned up and sets him on the top turnbuckle, going up to the second rope himself. But just as Logan places Blanchard in a front facelock, Simon clubs him from behind and delivers a back suplex. Ned straddles the turnbuckle, resting, as Simon attempts to brand his footprint on Mann's chest. Synth shows Simon he isn't the only one who can sneak up on somebody, sending Simon on another trip over the top rope. Simon didn't land on anything guardrail this time, but he does get walloped by a CORKSCREW PLANCHA! Jim Cornette waddles over and bashes the racket across the back of the Synthmeister, taking care of him for the time being. Meanwhile, Blanchard and Mann are about ready to get physcial again, as both men shake off the cobwebs as they rise up. Perched on the middle turnbuckle, the Handsome Hustler times his leap perfectly and jumps off as Logan turns to face him...and gets caught coming down in a bearhug! Logan slingshots Ned to the corner, where Blanchard strikes his head on the ringpost! Ned staggers out of the corner towards the center of the ring, jelly-legged and all. Logan hits the near side and grabs the back of Blanchard's head, driving him to the corner and RAMMING NED'S FACE INTO THE EXPOSED STEEL TURNBUCKLE BOLT as he leaps over the top rope onto the apron Randy "Macho Man" Savage style!

 

"YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

 

COACH

Oh, no! Ned is bleeding!

 

COLE

And boy, is he bleeding.

 

CABOOSE

It's like a fountain of blood.

 

Ned's blond hair quickly turns crimson red as the blood continues to pour out of his forehead. Logan remains in the corner, watching with the rest of those in attendence as Ned struggles to get up, an evil glee in his eyes. Suddenly, Mann falls flat on his face. The camera pulls out to reveal Simon holding onto Logan's legs. Every male watching winces in unison as Simon pulls Logan's legs in, crotching him in the ringpost! Cornette helps Singleton place the ring steps to his liking, removing the top deck and placing the bottom deck near the timekeeper's table, then hops up on the apron himself.

 

COLE

What's Cornette doing?

 

CABOOSE

So much for him being a "poor, defenseless manager," eh, Coach? He's been getting involved throughout the match.

 

COACH

Can you blame him, 'Boosey? The man has got A LOT to lose.

 

The fans rise as one after Simon slams Logan on the steel steps and climbs up to the top. With Cornette serving as the launcher, he blasts Simon off the top and down onto...THE STEEL STEPS!!!

 

COACH

DAYUM~!

 

COLE

Synth moved Logan out of the way!

 

Synth decks Cornette and steps inside the ring, pulling himself up onto the middle turnbuckle as Ned remains down mid-ring. SECOND ROPE ELBOW DROP!

 

COACH

Oh, my God! No!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THREE!

 

 

 

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!

 

COLE

He kicked out. Blanchard kicked out! How did he do it? The man has lost a lot of blood; he may have a concussion as well.

 

CABOOSE

Everything is on the line -- pride, money, the tag titles and their careers. It's a tough sport, but I fear for these men. Nobody is going to go down easily. Perhaps to the death.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

COLE

What's this?!

 

COACH

Back-up power, baby boy!

 

The SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA and SHYANNE hit the ring and attack the Heavenly Rockers. Cornette jumps for joy on the outside, a new lease on life for his Midnights. Having been involved in a grueling fight, Synth and Logan are no match for a fresh SCM. Cornette pyschs his boys up as the SCM beat the stuffing out of the Heavenly Rockers with slapjacks. Vincent scrapes Logan off the mat and holds him up for Marcellus, who cocks his slapjack back...

 

"YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!"

 

...only to run into the SOONER BRUISERS! The Sooners and SCM duke it out in the ring until the action spills out on the floor and into the crowd. With Logan down on a knee, his back turned from the action, Jim Cornette sneaks up behind Mann with his TENNIS RACKET in hand. The crowd ERUPTS again as HOLLY-WOOD sprints into the ring and KICKS CORNY IN THE GROIN AND GIVES HIM A DDT!

 

COLE

Holly! Holly! Holly!

 

COACH

What's she doing out here? This is no place for a woman.

 

Holly kicks James E. out of the ring and looks to exit herself, but bumps into Shyanne. The two have a super staredown, each calling the other every name in the book. But it's Shyanne who makes the first move, shoving Holly back. Holly returns favor. Shyanne steps back and takes a swing at Holly, but Holly catches the hand and spends Shyanne around, giving her a PILEDRIVER!

 

COLE

Oh, yeah! Payback is a bitch, bitch!

 

The crowd loves what they've just seen, but Holly isn't out of trouble yet. Now she's face to face with Ned and Simon, blood running down their faces and stained on their denim jeans. Not taking any shit from anybody, Holly takes a swing at Ned but Simon grabs her arm and holds her up for Ned. Blanchard verbally abuses her, saying all the carnage and blood spilled is the fault of nobody but her. Ned RIPS Holly's shirt open, exposing her diamond-studded bra, and wipes the blood off his face with it. If the verbal abuse and the tearing of her shirt wasn't bad enough, it's about to get worse as Ned forcefully opens Holly's mouth and is about to stick that blood-stained shirt into it when Logan jumps on his back, taking Ned down to the mat where he drives his face into it, trying to give Blanchard mat burn and a possible staph infection by rubbing it violently into the mat. Simon repeatedly clubs Logan in the back of neck, but all the anger and adreanline running threw his body absords the blows (like earlier). Cornette tosses in the loaded racket and...

 

* BOOM *

 

...that gets the job done. "Finishing Mann up in front of her," Cornette shouts. Simon and Ned nod their nods having received the order to finish Logan once and for all. And they plan on finishing it with a bang, a DOUBLE DDT. They hook the head and in one last act of arrogance, glance over at Holly with smiles on their faces. DDT... NO!!! Synth springboards off the top as spikes both Midnights into the canvas with a DOUBLE BULLDOG! The Midnights get up groggy, which explains why they walk into a pair of DDTs from the Heavenly Rockers!!!

 

COLE

Oh, they got it!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THREE!

 

 

 

 

NO!!!

 

COACH

HOLY SHIT! THEY KICKED OUT!?

 

That just about sucked the air out of the entire arena. Nobody can believe Simon and Ned kicked out. Only the handful of NNMX supporters can be heard. Logan's like, fuck this shit, and sets Ned up for another DDT, but Blanchard somehow manages to find the strength to ram Logan back into the corner. Ned is like a drunk man walking out on a busy highway as he staggers into the direction of an incoming Synthmeister, who gets caught coming in with a kick to the midsection followed by a botched spinning neckbreaker that results in a modified STUNNER, drawing a large pop because of Ned's striking resemblance to Steve Austin. Blanchard pops up still in a confused state and again gets lucky, HOT SHOTTING a charging Logan Mann and falling right on top of him.

 

COLE

Oh, my! The Heavenly Rockers thrist for vengeance may have just come back to bite them.

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THREE...NO!!!!

 

All 4 men are out of it, breathing heavily as they lay in the ring. The only person standing is Holly-Wood, as Jim Cornette remains down from her DDT outside. Amazingly, Ned and Logan are the first to stir and eventually get up to their feet. They stagger around with stars looming over their heads as they bump into each other. They turn and after a brief dramatic staredown, re-engage in an all-out slugfest to a loud roar.

 

COLE

Not much left to their punches, but the fact they're still coming at each other strong is incredible. Their hate outweighs their physcial limits.

 

Ned momentarily stuns Logan with a thumb to the eye, long enough for him to take Mann to the ropes and set him up for a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX from the inside out onto the guardrail leaned up against the ring apron! Ned tries getting Logan up, the fatigue is heavy at this point. Ned tires again to no avail. He connects with a series of rabbit-punches before attempting the suplex a third time, only for Holly-Wood to reclaim possession of Spirit, the guitar Ned took from her home, and jab the handle into the groin of Ned's! Logan then steps out on the apron and hits a piledriver on the railing, sending he and Blanchard sliding down.

 

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

 

COLE

Mann with the cover!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THREE!

 

* DING DING DING *

 

CABOOSE

The New New Midnight Express are no more!

 

COACH

I can't believe it!

 

COLE

Well believe it, because it happened and happened at AngleMania V.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, history has been made. The winners and NEW OAOAST tag team champions of the world... the HEAVENLYYYYYY RRRROOOOOOOCKERRRRSSSS!

 

"Heart-Shaped Box" cues up as Holly and Synth help Logan up. Synth goes to get the belts and Spirit from referee Earl Hebner as Holly and Logan share an emotional hug and kiss. Synth hands Logan his title belt, who proudly holds it up before putting it and Holly up on the apron. He rolls into the ring after asking Michael Buffer for the microphone.

 

LOGAN

Cut the music. There's something I wanna say. First off, I wanna thank our fans for standing by us each and every step of the way. I know that when we first showed up, we weren't the coolest kids on the block. Hell, we were assholes. But after a while we changed our tune, and you picked up what were putting down. Since then, you've been by our side, when things were at their best, and when things were at their worst. Thank you for that. It's been a long, grueling road to the promise land. We've just been through hell, but finally having these belts in our hands feels like a little piece of heaven. It made all the blood, the sweat and tears worth it. We didn't just win the tag belts for us, but for our fans as well. And there's one special fan Synth and I would like to thank, especially yours truly, "Wild Child" Logan Mann. And that's Holly-Wood! Baby, you stood by me when you could've gone your own way. When Blanchard and Singleton got personal I wouldn't have blamed you if you had decided to run off and never be heard from again. God, I don't know if I could've been as strong as you under the circumstances. But you didn't run and for that the Sythmeister and I thank you. You're so amazing. These belts are as much yours as they are ours. Without you, we don't exist. Without you, we're covering Motley Crue songs in a biker bar in Fresno. You're the heart that keeps our music pumping. You're the heart that keeps my soul alive. And not only did we keep our promises to you, girl, but we also got Spirit back. Yeah, we got spirit, yes we do. We got spirit, how 'bout you?!

 

"YEEEAAAHHHHHH!"

 

Outside the ring, officials help Ned up and escort him, Simon and Jim Cornette to the back.

 

LOGAN

I'm a bit tired, but there's one last thing I gotta do. Over a year ago Holly became our publicst and eventually my girlfriend. In that year we've been through a lotta ups and downs, but we stuck together. Now it's time for us to be stuck together FOREVER!

 

That line grabs everybody's attention, particularly Holly's, especially when Logan gets down on a knee to everyone's surprise.

 

COACH

Is--Is he gonna propose? Is Logan low enough to propose in front of Holly's real true love, Ned?

 

CABOOSE

Pipe down.

 

COLE

All right, Logan!

 

LOGAN

Holly... Holly...

 

COLE

Do it, Logan. Say it. Ask her the question.

 

LOGAN (CONT'D)

... Will you marry me?

 

COLE

He did it!

 

COLE & CABOOSE

:lol:

 

CABOOSE

Attaboy, Mann.

 

On the verge of tears Holly nods his her head and says...

 

HOLLY

YES!

 

COLE & CABOOSE

SHE SAID YES!!

 

"YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

"Heart-Shaped Box" cues up once more with a hug and a kiss from Holly. The two then hug Synth, who playfully hits Logan on the shoulder, lip readers able to tell he said "I can't believe you actually had the balls, bro." The cameras pan around to various woman crying, some kissing their boyfriends, and even Randy Savage twirling his index finger.

 

COLE

What a night! We have new tag team champions and an in-ring marriage proposal. This is what makes our job so great.

 

CABOOSE

And we still have the Alfdogg vs. Peter Knight for the World Title and Two for the Money coming up next, Cole.

 

COACH

Yeah, let's talk about that because The Coach can't take anymore of this puppy love crap.

 

COLE

What a Main Event it should be guys, Alf looking to take back his belt, Peter Knight looking to keep his glory. Should be awesome. But now, we've got a great tag match coming up for you. Wait, we actually have an interview then the match.

 

The camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room where we see a close-up of a drawing of Tha Puerto Rican doing the Corporate Eyebrow with sunglasses on. The camera zooms out to reveal that "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican is in the room looking at the drawing. The crowd boos loudly. PRL is holding his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder, and is wearing his usual Corporate attire of Puerto Rican flag bandana, sunglasses, earring on his left ear, white dress shirt, red tie, black sports jacket, $500 Rolex watch on his left hand, black dress pants, and black dress shoes. PRL has a smile on his face while looking at the picture.

 

"THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN

Yeah, I like it. Real nice. Real nice. Got the Corporate Eyebrow. The Corporate Sunglasses. My handsome face has been forever immortalized in this picture. I love it!

 

Suddenly, an OAOAST crew member bursts into the room.

 

CREW MEMBER

Exscue me, Puerto, you have a--

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

What the hell are you doing here? Don't you have any matters? You're supposed to knock first, you jabroni! Jesus.

 

CREW MEMBER

Sorry PR, but--

 

PRL

But nothing! Now get your candy ass out of my room!

 

CREW MEMBER (scared for his life)

Uh...okay P.R.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Yeah, and go fix Tha Puerto Rican a sammich. No cheese.

 

CREW MEMBER (OFF SCREEN)

Yes sir.

 

Tha Puerto Rican goes back to admiring the drawing. Just then, there's a knock at the door. PRL is annoyed.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Now what? Come in!

 

The door opens, and it's the OAOAST's resident metrosexual interviewer Josh "J. Math" Matthews with a mic in his right hand and an interview on his mind. Josh nervously walks up to the Corporate 24/7 Champion.

 

JOSH MATTHEWS

Uh...P.R. Can we get an interview at this time?

 

PRL

Sure. Sure. Go ahead.

 

JOSH MATTHEWS

Uh, okay. Well, Puerto, you must feel pretty confident coming into tonight's Ladder Match. Many people say over the past few weeks that you've PWNED Leon Rodez. Your match with him at Zero Hour went to a draw when the 15 minute time limit ran out. You gave him the Corporate Nightmare and pinned him to win the Latino Thug Street Fight three weeks ago. And then this past Thursday on HeldDOWN~!, you may have pushed him a little too far.

 

PRL smiles evilly, since he knows where Josh is going with this.

 

J. MATH

Let us take you back to what happened last Thursday on HeldDOWN~!. Leon Rodez was in the ring, speaking on the mic, and you interrupted him. This led to a brawl between The Lightning Crew, the former members of The Lightning Crew, Otaku II, and Leon Rodez. Things were going Rodez and his friends way, but then you AMBUSHED Leon Rodez.

 

The OAOAST AngleMania V logo flashes across the screen. We cut to HeldDOWN~! last Thursday night during the big brawl between The Lightning Crew, Leon Rodez, Otaku II, Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, and John "Rock Hard" Brickston. We see a freeze frame of "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican about to hit Leon Rodez in the back of his surgically repaired right knee with his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt. A circle is drawn over Leon's right knee just as he is about to get hit with PR's belt. The circle remains as we see PR hitting Leon's surgically repaired right knee with his 24/7 Title belt.

 

JOSH (V.O.)

You caught him from behind. You hit him with your belt to the back of the knee, that surgically repaired right knee, taking Leon Rodez out, obviously hurting his knee. And then to make matters worst, you and The Lightning Crew took the ladder that was standing in the ring, placed it on the mat, took Leon's right leg and placed it in between the ladder, and then slammed the ladder onto the right knee, hurting it even more.

 

We see footage of what Josh just described.

 

MATTHEWS

You may have given yourself the advantage as you get set for your Ladder Match tonight. Now my question to you P.R. is this: you must feel pretty good about yourself. This is your biggest title defense tonight. What are you thinking about?

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Well Tha Puerto Rican is thinking about slapping the yellow off of ya teeth if you keep asking stupid questions. The fact of the matter is this...hold that microphone up jabroni before Tha Puerto Rican sticks that microphone where the sun don't shine!

 

PRL turns his attention directly to the camera.

 

PUERTO RICAN

Leon Rodez, you donkey raping shit eater. You one legged man, you have as much of a chance at beating me tonight, as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest! Wait a minute. I just realized something. That analogy came true. You ARE a one legged man, and while this is not an ass kicking contest, Tha Puerto Rican IS going to kick your candy ass all over the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center!

 

The crowd boos.

 

PRL (CONT'D)

Leon Rodez, tonight you go one-on-one with the Corporate One. And your monkey ass is going to be made famous, compliments of PRL! I want to know exactly how you're going to climb the Corporate Ladder and reach for Tha Puerto Rican's 24/7 gold with just one leg. Tonight, Leon Rodez, you're going to pay for what you've said about Tha Puerto Rican. That Tha Puerto Rican is a joke. That Tha Puerto Rican isn't as good as you. That Tha Puerto Rican has been lucky to hold the 24/7 Title for almost one year. Tonight, at the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center in Atlantic City, New Jersey, Tha Puerto Rican is going to go out there and do what he does best, and that's lay the smackdown on your roody poo--

 

CROWD

CANDY ASS!

 

PRL (annoyed)

Uh-uh! No! No! No! You don't do that! Leon Rodez, tonight, in front of the millions and millions of The Lightning Bolts, Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES that he is going to prove that he IS the Corporate Champ. Tha Puerto Rican IS the greatest Puerto Rican athlete of all-time. And Tha Puerto Rican IS, without a shadow of a doubt, the most electrifying man in professional wrestling, and Tha Puerto Rican IS the best damn One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion there ever was and there ever will be! THE CHAMP HAS--

 

CROWD

SPO-KUN~!!!

 

PRL glares angrily at the camera.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Atlantic City, this is not sing-along with Tha Puerto Rican! Tha Puerto Rican says it himself!

 

The crowd boos. PRL takes a deep breath.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

THE CHAMP...HAS...SPO-KUN~!!!

 

PRL does the Corporate Eyebrow.

 

JOSH MATTHEWS

Well thanks P.R. Now back to Triple C--

 

"THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"

SHUT UP! Back to the jabronies at ringside!

 

Tha Puerto Rican smiles a real good bullshit smile. The smile then turns into a sneer, followed by the Corporate Eyebrow. The crowd boos loudly.

 

CABOOSE

I guess he means you and Coach.

 

COLE

Yeah. I bet.

Edited by Patty O'Green

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COLE

Up next we have Chicks Over Dicks against Christian Wright and Bohemoth. This feud got started way back in mid February when Wright, for no reason whatsoever, interrupted Alix's interview with Josh Matthews just to insult her. They fought, and the week after that, Wright attempted to clock her with a bat, but he nearly choked to death on her chili, until she saved as life. As thanks, he cost her and Krista their tag titles at Zero Hour, and later that night they cost him his HI-YAH heavyweight title. On the following HeldDOWN a debate with Snoop Dogg as moderator ensued ,and some other stuff happened after that. More importantly, Los Diablos have joined us at ringside, at Alix's request. They're dressed in fairy costumes and are with a gang of hunks in skimpy fairy outfits! Delightful!

 

A breathtaking diamond encrusted cocoon appears at the center of the stage. Beset with the color and glamor of precious gemstones, this glorious object is pure enhancement to the mesmerized crowd. The lustrous interlocking rings of sterling silver that make sparkle with royal regency under the caress of the off white lights. The stunning array of blue, yellow, green and purple sapphires twilight in the eyes of the audience, as Britney Spears' romantic trance ballad And then we kiss intermingles into the bewitching mood. A bevy of female dancers pours onto the stage, further ornamenting the mythical fairytale-esque scene. Outfitted in incandescent purple ballet tights, and lustering butterfly wings, the dancers glide their bodies around the stunning array of expensive diamonds, while the familiar red pyro fountain ascends to harmonize with the lovely pink pyro waterfall. As the gestural movements of the dancers reach their greatest frenzy, both pyrotechnic displays dissolve, only to be memorialized by a voluminous gold explosion that makes the entire stage it's kingdom. As that bustling yellow star fades into a thick white haze, we see that the mystifying dancers have disappeared, left as mere figments of one's fantasy. Now the only thing on stage is the cocoon. It's spectacular hues of brilliance begin to pull apart, letting it's dazzling allure give way to it's even more dazzling inhabitants, Chicks Over Dicks. Their long awaited appearance evokes a reverberant roar from every last audience member that shakes the building right to it's very foundation. While the radiant cherry and green colored lights sweep across the arena, and the fans' clamorous noise escalates by the second, the targets of this fervor strike an arresting pose of elegance in front of their beautiful shell. Alix, in a spicy red tube top and matching micro skirt, is on her knees, with her body enigmatically turned away from the camera, her head enticingly looking over her shoulder, and her arms wrapped around Krista's legs. Krista, resplendent in a gold tube top and gold mini skirt, is in a stance of provocative domination, standing authoritatively with her her hand slid through her yellow locks, shielding her face and giving her an airy expression of mysteriousness.

 

BUFFER

The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of thirty minutes, now making their way to the ring, first, from Los Angeles, California, she is the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, the 2005 OAOAST Women's Wrestler of the year, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks!

 

While spiraling pink pyro sparklers light up the stage like a marvelous super nova, Alix blows a kiss into the camera, leading adorable super imposed lips to appear on screen. Krista's entrance is somewhat less cute. She gingerly spills the contents of Tequila bottle down her salivating mouth, before tossing it's empty remains over her shoulders and wiping the liquor off her mouth. The duo nears the squared circle, where Krista takes up position on the ring apron. Through the irresistible power of beauty, grace and perfection, Krista stands in a gorgeously harmonious pose, with one hand on the rope, the other at her side, and her head tilted back in dreamy effervescence. Alix just stuffs her face with her Mrs.Spezia Sweeties band Gingerbread cookies while chatting with Los Diablos and playing a game on her cell phone. I guess no one choreographed this part.

 

Two rippling pillars of fire sprout from openings on either side of the entrance door, reaching towards the Heaven's above with their stunning height. Yet the arena starts to feel more like hades thanks to the immense heat given off by the bright orange obelisks. These scorching flames become testaments to the mutual hatred between the soon to be arriving grapplers, and the jeering audience. As the angst pumped intro of Disturbed's Liberate weaves it's way into the ears of viewers world wide, the twin towers rescind into the serpentine underworld from which they came. What replaces them is a sight far more impressive in it's glorious holocaust. An immeasurably large wall of fire buries the viewable entrance area with lustrous conflagration. The only thing that burns hotter then this fiery fortress is the hatred of the crowd and COD for the men who stand behind it. Eventually the flames fade into an erry nothingness, permitting Christian Wright and Bohemoth to take center stage at the biggest performance of their careers. As they step through the smoky haze, it's like the atrocious criminals are walking through the charred remains of hell. Wright, cloaked in an apocalyptic black robe that reflects the stream of orange lights circling him, shoots his arms out to the side in a crucifix pose. It's a purposefully defiant stance, with not a shred of humility detectable in it's airings. He's telling his enemies that he's arrived to punish them for their sins, and not even the flames of Satan can stop him. Bohemoth, wearing simple black trunks lined by a green tribal pattern on the back, is more subdued in his entry, cooly flexing his remarkable guns. There's no need for artifice or affectation with him. He knows he's the man. Tonight you will to.

 

COACH

What an entrance! What a display of power!

 

BUFFER

And the opponents representing the Upstarts....first from Greenville, South Carolina....he is the Meterosexual Monster, weighing in at a fearsome two hundred eighty seven pounds, the PIMPEMOTH~!, BOOOOOOHEMOOOOOOTH! And his partner..from Raleigh, North Carolina, the 2005 OAOAST rookie of the year, he is the OAOASTS Moral High ground, weighing in at two hundred and thirty three pounds, he is The Natural CHRISTIAN WRIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

 

The second Buffer's announcement concludes, Wright violently discards his robe on the steps, shedding that onyx skin like a snake in the grass. He sinks to his knees, and takes a longing glance at the sky above, begging to be blessed with the strength he needs to defeat these heinous sinners. He's now clad only in cargo pants that are made distinct by their bold crimson color. Crimson is the color of blood. The exact liquid he hopes to have Chicks Over Dicks spew tonight. After the two warriors descend from the final stair, each step becomes encased in blistering flames. Yes, they truly are entering from the gates of hell. Christian and his long time friend slide into the ring, where they are met with the loudest boos of their young OAOAST careers.

 

COLE

Bohemoth and Christian Wright are making their very first appearance at Anglemania, while Alix is making her third and Krista is making her second.

 

Bo seems ready and willing to begin what he's sure will be a lopsided drubbing in his team's favor. But his judicial ally believes discretion is the better part of valor and holds him back, to take a moment to discus strategy. In truth it's not much of a discussion. It's more of a lecture from Wright on how to conduct oneself in such a grandiose theatre, mixed in berating for wrongs Bo hasn't even committed yet. The bored fans moan with disgust at the length of Wright's trite sermon, and one portly front row audience member in a New Jersey Devils hockey jersey makes his issues heard loud and clear....

 

“HEY! I CAME TO SEE WRESTLING, NOT A GAY ORGY! DO SOMETHING, YOU FAGGOTS!”

 

“Kind sir,” Wright begins. “Have you paid currency for that seat of yours?”

 

“YES!”

 

“Well then, we already have your four hundred dollars, and seeing that there are no refunds, we are free to do as we like. Now, Bo, as I was saying....”

 

Thankfully, the referee intervenes into Wright's oration, before the snobbish grappler can be responsible for clearing out the Trump Plaza before half the show is over. The official sternly orders Bo to take a spot on the apron. The big man is happy to oblige, just thankful to get away from his preachy partner. The bell is rung and we are underway.

 

Our contest commences with the “leaders” of their respective teams, Christian Wright and Krista Isadora Duncan. Chants of “Krista” buzz through the air, bringing a slanderous snarl to Wright's face. Enshrined in his web of bitterness and acerbity, he lunges towards his despised rival for an opening lockup. However Krissy is staunchly opposed to being trapped in his clutches, and spins behind him for a rear waistlock. Her hands clasp around his stomach, quickly weaving him under her momentary control. Distraught over having been one upped by a woman who he considers nothing more then a bimbo with a thesaurus, Wright begins to furiously pump back elbows towards her noggin. His hope is that he can knock her out so that he may pummel her to his hearts content. Unfortunately, his bestial prayers go unanswered, and she drops to her knees, wraps her hands around his bares shins, and savagely rips his legs out from under him with a double leg takedown! Christian is caught unaware by that basic attack and can't defend himself from a riotous face first landing that has half the crowd wincing in sympathetic pain. His eyes are moist, but his voice is cold as he damns her for her trickery and assures her that she will suffer for it.

 

Krista swings her body to the side of Wright's, then knots her arms around his thin neck for a simple headlock. The blonde bombshell squeezes tightly, limiting the air circulating through his head and causing him a great deal of discomfort. She wrenches in on the move as tight as her little body will allow, making no pretense about the fact that she's trying to choke her enemy to death. Robinson thinks of interjecting himself into her vile hold, but the bitter expression on her face tells him that only a man with a death wish would bother this femme fatale. Wright has no such death wish, but this Jezebel is certainly treating him he does! It isn't long before the extensive aggravation becomes to heavy an albatross to bear, and he's forced to use his sizable strength advantage to push himself and her upright. His quest for relief from his beautiful tormentor reaches it's zenith when he presses his hands into her back and shoves her to the ropes. The cables spit her out, her feet involuntarily carrying her back towards her waiting foe. With jet black eyes gleaming like quicksilver,CW clasps his hands around her slender waist and rockets her into the air for a flapjack. The hang time she gets is incredible, she hovers in the air so long you'd be tricked into thinking she had the ability to fly. The almost levitating property of her elevation is bound to make her eventual landing a most painful experience. Thankfully Miss California is able to evade a cataclysmic fall, extending her arm forward and snagging his head into an aerial facelock! It's obvious she's seeking a tornado DDT, but it's also obvious that CW will do anything to prevent that move from occuring. Thus he presses his hands on her waist and violently shoves her away, ridding himself of her rattling grip. She lands on on her glittering boots, but teeters off balance ever so slightly, giving him a window of opportunity to zoom forward with a shoulder block. That idea turns out to be as wise as Jessica Simpson's idea for edible makeup, because Krissy flourishes forward and wallops CW's face with a spinning wheel kick! Christian is knocked for an absolute loop as he crashes into the mat with a resonating thud. As if he was character from Loony Tunes, little blue birdies swirl in front of his blurred vision.

 

“HEY!” Screams a second row fan in a New York Islanders Jersey “I CAME TO SEE A GAY ORGY, NOT WRESTLING! SCREW THIS, HETEROS!” He declares, and promptly walks out.

 

Meanwhile, Wright gruffly moans to the zebra about the blatant usage of closed fists, despite the fact that nary a single punch has been thrown by his adversary. While his nonsensical ranting and raving is underway, Krista kips up and immediately goes into a showboating jumping jacks routine, which elicits quite the roar from New Jersey crowd. Although we can't be entirely sure if they're popping because they like seeing Wright mocked, or they're cheering because her boobs are bouncing up and down. Smart money is on option B!

 

The only heterosexual male who isn't cheering happens to be Christian Wright. Wiping his hand across his wounded head, he stands up and barrages her with orders to “cease your infernal jesting!” Never one to take an order from any man, Krissy retorts to Wright's demand with a one finger salute! The audience clamors with praise, and it's this joy that stokes the fire she has started within his being. He rushes her, ready to split her body in two with a western lariat. But Krista dodges more clotheslines in a week then most wrestlers dodge in a lifetime, thus is able to effortlessly counter this elementary attack with a simple hiptoss! Wright lands on his ample posterior, but his pride is more hurt the any part of his body. As he's unable to admit a mere woman could ever get one over on him, he efforts another clothesline at her immediately upon standing. This time Krista isn't nearly as gentle, forgoing the hiptoss to snag him into a headlock. This simple move stays held for about two seconds, before Krissy whirls to his side and clasps onto his tattooed arm. He thinks armbar. But that incorrect thought begets his downfall, for Krista snaps him to the canvas with a inverted single arm ddt! Pain lights up his howls, as he starts to honestly wonder if he's seriously erred in an picking a fight with these women. Krista stands up and takes long, overly formal bows, to her legion of worshiping fans.

 

COLE

There's Los Diablos over at ringside with their guys. What a great group! There's D'Shaun, Andre, Lance, Bruce, Anthony, he's from San Antonio he's so wonderful, Paul..

 

CABOOSE

We don't need to know their names.

 

Taking Wright by his mass of curly black hair, she hauls him upright. Shortly after being stood up, Wright regains his bearings and takes control of this match by drilling a knee into Krista's finely sculpted abs. He then traps her into a lockup, which she futilely tries to break free of. Unable to escape, she's cursed with an arm wrench that tugs on her limb hard enough to nearly jerk it out it's socket. Wright then attempts to put her on the run towards the ropes with a whip, but Krista shifts her momentum and sends the maven of morals hurtling to the cables himself. He's thrust back to her, where she threads her legs across his ankles and levels him with a drop toe hold. His face has another grizzly introduction with the mat, and he makes no bones about expressing his pain in a very loud and very vulgar manner. Miss California, now standing, tries to bring even more doom and gloom into his world, by targeting an elbow drop to the small of his back. But Wright, thanks to a timely warning from Bo, is capable of avoiding the golden beauty's attack. Her missing arm bounces off the canvas, and an almost vibrating pain buzzes through it as he lies on the ring floor. Now it's an upright Christians' turn to try and increase her misery, by flinging himself backwards with a standing moonsault directed at that hurt arm! This unexpected aerial attack may have been better left in his reverses, for Krista smartly rolls away from his slow moving body! CW smacks the mat broad chest first. Before he can go into a long winded complaint about his rising pain, Krissy is skirting towards the ropes. Managing to stomach the hurt, Wright stands up, not wishing to leave himself exposed for whatever catastrophic dish she has cooking in her kitchen. He springs into the air, seeking to leap frog her as she returns. But Kris will not partake in his bit of dalliance(look it up, dumbo!). Wearing a devious smirk, she simply drops to her knee, and extends her fist forward. The audience reacts with silent confusion, but they quickly change their tune to one of musical rapture, as CW lands testicles first onto her clenched hand

 

CABOOSE

You think by now people would be smart enough to wear cups to the ring.

 

Sporting a look of horrified aggravation, Wright bounces backwards, clutching his moisture seeking grissile missile, acting as if that region had just been victimized by repeated sledgehammer shots. Krista, rather unsympathetic towards his man pain, violently peels his left arm away from his denture cleaner, and slings that arm over her right arm. He makes a languid go of fighting his way free, weakly tossing elbows at her head. But she handily snuffs out his fire, striking a blaze of anguish across his back with an always en vouge STO! While Wright grouses on the mat, Krista stands up and pulls out a pink Revlon compact mirror out her top, she flips it open and asks it a pressing question,

 

“Mirror, mirror, not on the wall, who is the baddest bitch of them all? There was a rubble dubble, five minutes it's lasted, the mirror said you are 'you conceited bastard'.” Assured that she is in fact the baddest bitch of them all, Krista chucks her mirror into the stands, where a donnybrook over the valued souvenir..

 

Wright stands up on his own power, playing the perfect pawn in Krissy's strategy of letting him waste his energy. But he doesn't expend nearly as much energy as she would've thought, and she's quite stunned when he seizes onto her wrist and throws her to the ropes! Krista is forced to think on her feet (literally!), but fortunately she's able to devise a decent if not roundly simple plan. She slides between the gap in Wright's cargo shorted legs, hoping she can stun him with a side Russian leg sweep when she rises. However those hopes go up in brilliant flames as Wright spins around to meet her with devilish glare. When she stands, he grabs onto her slender waist for the early stages of a body slam. But the early stages are all he'll reach, for Kris' baby oil drenched body enables her to slip behind him. Taking advantage of this excellent position, she grabs onto his waist and runs him to the ropes, seeking to pull him down for a flash pin! But when he reaches the cables, Wright cradles them between his arms as if they were made of solid gold. This causes her to tumble backwards empty handed, while he stays erect (lolz) as a statue. Her temper flares murderously, and she rises, ready to rearrange his face with another one of her kicks. But it's Wright who's the first to try any facial rearranging in this sequence, streaming towards our heroine with a malodorous lariat! Thankfully for her fitness career, Krista keeps her facial features intact, performing the tried and true “matrix counter” off bending her flexible body backwards. The misfiring Wright skids to a screeching halt, making the grave and arrogant error of believing he can simply turn and floor her with that failed clothesline. He's quickly shown the erroneous nature of his thought process when KID kips up and scrambles his brains like eggs from Denny's with a sweet enziguri!

 

“YEAAAAAAA!” belt the crowd.

 

Krista, perhaps owing to some sort of benignity in her blackened heart, feels a pang of pity for Christian's dismal condition. Forgiving for a second his insulting of her daughter, her best friend, and his attempt to slice off her gorgeous hair, Krissy helps her former enemy and soon to be friend up, and sweetly asks “I got some dirt on my shoulder, could you brush it off for me?” Well, Wright doesn't actually know what “brushing dirt off one's shoulder means” but if Krista says it it must be something unscrupulous and lewd! Full of moral outrage, he tries to brush her nose off her face with a whirling punch! Yet Krista is able to keep clear of his propeller like attack, taking her body behind the crimson and ivory tornado. Her arms hook around his neck, limiting the dizzy wrestler's breathing and bringing a worried gasp from his lips. His vision then becomes stained by the blurring lights of the arena ceiling, as Krista hauls him into the air! Finally his sight is stunned into a jarring blackness when Krista's sleeper drop crashes him into the canvas! Los Diablos and their loyal fairies giddily wave their glitter studded wands at the pleasing sight of Wright's defeated carcass.

 

“K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!”

 

Leaving Wright to harrow on the floor, Miss California scampers towards the ring ropes. Predictably they shoot her at Wright's direction, but instead of simply running to him, she arches her body into a picturesque cartwheel. Krista closes on her enemy, and fully extends her 5'10 frame into a body splash! Although her less then optimal for the world of wrestling body weight does a minimal amount of damage, it's still enough to grant her the first pin of this contest.

 

UNO

 

Wright's shoulder comes up before the ref can even think of counting dos! Now Krista's fists come down rapid fire on CW's face, her bloody snarls betraying a deep seeded predatory nature. After her sixth hate filled punch scores and admonishment for a closed fist, Krista tugs CW up by his arm and leads her to her corner where she applies a tag who her gal pal, Alix Spezia! Miss Spezia's entry receives a gargantuan pop from rabid audience, but there's little time to bask in the cheers, as Krista's barking out stern orders. While managing Alix, Krista peppers Wright with forearms to his soft chin. These strikes leave him staggered long enough to execute what she feels will be a splendid double team. She takes Alix's, who's facing away from CW, boot into her hand. This action prompts a shocked Alix to remark that she didn't know Krista had a boot fetish. Groaning audibly, Krista propels her silly sidekick backwards, sending her flipping towards the former HI-YAH Heavyweight champ. The crowd thinks they'll see a basic moonsault press, but Alix has other ideas on her mind. In mid-flight she crooks her arm around his head for an inverted facelock, and on her descent she kicks her legs in front of her into a sit out position. A hapless Wright is left to the unmerciful devices of COD's crowd popping assisted back flip inverted ddt! And the unmerciful devices hurt like the dickens!

 

“Duck soup!” Krista exclaims, dusting off her hands.

 

“No thanks, I'm not hungry.” Alix replies.

 

“No! It means easy. Duck Soup means easy.”

 

“Then why don't you just say 'that was easy', dork?”

 

“Oh, just shut up and pin him. DORK!”

 

Alix follows Krista instructions and makes a lateral press on Wright.

 

CROWD

ONE

 

CROWD

TWO

 

Wright thrusts his shoulder off the canvas, leading Alix to sarcastically mouth the words “Duck soup, huh?” towards her shrugging sistah from another mistah. Near Alix, The Natural wipes a stream of sweat from his forehead; as his head pulses with pain. Even though his performance in this bout has been hall-of-shame worthy, he's fairly certain he can best the more docile Spezia. Thus it's with increasing confidence that the now standing grappler landscapes her upper chest with a trembling melody of left and right forearms. A sharp back elbow impacts neatly on the side of her head, putting a nice exclamation point on his assault. Feeling her weakened enough to be subject to his diabolical schemes, he slips her into a front facelock. Then in one blink and you miss it motion, he plummets backwards, spiking her head into the unforgiving beige mat with a beautiful snap DDT. Standing on the mass of messy coffee colored hair, Alix's body snaps up to it's full height, before going rigid and sinking to the floor. Over on the ring apron, Bohemoth claps for Wright's show of dominance.

 

CABOOSE

Wright could be softening Alix's neck for his Converting The Sinner finisher.

 

Alix starts to shake slightly, her nerves spasming,as Christian deposits a succession of stomps into her lower back. The audience's heat for him grows louder with each passing blow, and they make no effort to stifle their disgust., bringing forth a round of “WRIGHT SUCKS CHANTS” (that's not a typo, that's the actual chant). The Moral Highground churlishly demands silence from the unclean masses while he lifts a groggy Alix to her feet. He proposes that if the onlookers will not afford the respect due a man of his stature, he will make their adorable starlet pay the price for their error. As such the North Carolina native grabs her left arm, and glides it across her chin. To his chagrin he encounters spirited resistance in the form of violent squirming from the fan favorite. For mere seconds it appears that Ally Cat may just be able to break free from her cage. But Wright's calm and measured knee to the small of her back temporailly turns this headstrong tiger into a submissive kitty. With his feline like rival under his direful spell, he twists her body so that her neck lays lazily across his shoulder. Christian then drops down and wrenches her neck on his arm, sending jolts of pain through the limb with an arm trap neck breaker! Alix crumbles to the mat, shrieking as the chilling agony scorches a terrible path across her body.

 

CABOOSE

Wright, again working over that neck.

 

While his opponent attends to her misery, Wright turns towards Krista, his eyes cold, lips shifting into a damnable smirk, and informs her that this is the fate her sin has wrought. To which Krissy calmly replies by reminding him that be spent the better part of the past six minutes getting his ass kicked, and if he keeps talking he can spend the better part of the next six years getting beat some more. Wright just gives her a vituperative scowl, and turns away from the surly booze hound. Knowing the best way to damage Krista is to damage Alix physically, he turns his attention towards the neck his past two (and his only two) offensive attacks have pummeled, and rips into it with vile stomps.

 

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” chant the audience, led by Krista, and Los Diablos and their merry band of spritlings.

 

Wright would very much like to demolish Alix before this swell of support rallies her to trample his short lived flurry of offense. This desire causes him to work quicker then usual, as he roughly yanks her up, and slams a palm deep into her gut. More air is robbed from her when he thuds a carefully measured elbow across the middle of her shoulder blades. She unsteadily totters from left to right, making herself easy pickings for his next salvo. He grabs her around the waist, then with all the force he can muster, razes Alix into a neutral corner. Her back booms against the turnbuckles, nearly knocking off the middle pad upon hideous impact. A grimace of scathing hurt creeps onto her visage, as her sinister attacker steps back to delight in his whimpering handiwork. Elsewhere Bohemoth is getting restless at the lack of action offered him. To cage such a marvelous specimen is cruel and dangerous, and Bo pines for a tag. However Wright merely ignores him, deciding that he and he alone will determine when and if Bo enters the match.

 

COLE

It appears Christian Wright is finally starting to get his act together after a rocky start.

 

The Natural tightly cocks his hand around Alix's neck, and shifts her slumped body fully upright. She mounts an uphill war to sway momentum to her side, battle-ramming her tensed fist into his stomach. However Wright stills her brief mutiny with a punch to side of her skull. With her head ringing louder then a cathedral bell, he angrily thumps her face into the top turnbuckle pad. The impact generates a strenuous and hollow sound of metal on bone, that brings worried cries from the spectators. Ally clutches at the side of her stinging forehead, before The Natural shows no capacity for mercy, and replays the move. Once again the callous sound of metal on flesh screeches along the venue, running hand and hand with her own cries of despair.

 

“WRIGHT SUCKS!” screams a ten year old fan behind Triple C.

 

“Young man, when I require you to open your mouth, I will unzip my trousers.” Wright retorts, prompting the boy's drunken lard ass father to try an climb the guard rail so he can beat Wright down.

 

Miss Spezia paws at the side of her head and staggers back, bewailing in serve affliction. Her unrelenting rival stalks her path, reveling in the prospects of causing her more suffering. He once again assuming a hold on the back of Ally's neck, this time with two rough hands. With a deep throated snarl, he collides Alix's head into that oft-used top turnbuckle. For the third time tonight the harrowing sound of human bone on ice cold metal is heard loud and clear over the ring mics. Feeling a bit of self satisfaction, the rotten Upstart fires her off into the ropes. Shortly after bouncing off, Alix regains enough of her wits to produce some manner of counterattack. She turns her body backwards, and thrusts herself into Christian, wrapping her tanned legs around his waist in a leg scissors position. Her faint hope is that she'll be able to adjust him into a pinning predicament. However, reality is much different then that pipe dream, as Wright latches onto her legs then lugs her into the air for a wheelbarrow suplex. Having been in this situation many times before, Alix staves off the disastrous hold with unerring ease. She rotates her body at the height of her ascension so that she's able to face The Moral Highground and tangle him into an aerial facelock. The bouncy diva dips backwards, ready to splatter his brains across the canvas with a DDT. But Wright is unwilling to let the young lady fight her way into the driver's seat of this bout. Thus he encircles his arm around her exposed waist, and uses his superior strength to overpower her agility and take her for a repugnant ride with a beautiful and innovative back flip Northern Lights Suplex! Wright bridges the move, pinning his elusive foe on the now vibrating canvas. Volcanic tremors pummel her body and pain disfigures her face, as she stays muddled in his abusive web. Charles Robinson gets on his knees to make the count....

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

Alix gets her shoulder off the canvas, letting the crowd and her nearby friends breathe a much needed sigh of relief. Wright is unable to fathom how his excellent attack could only draw a two count, and fixes a stare on Robinson so icy that it could leave the entire state of New Jersey in a cold front. He picks Alix up and takes his sizable frustration out on her tight stomach with a duo of left jabs. Though the blows weren't particularly fierce, Alix's minimal endurance is such that they leave her in a vulnerable doubled over position. The Natural, of course, seeks to capitalize on this. Thus he situates himself onto her back, like she's going to give him a reverse horsey ride. This, however, isn't exactly the most steady of spots, for Alix's weak back means the pair could collapse at any second. And her wealth of exposed baby oil drenched skin makes her a slippery seat. Wright, being the super genius that he is, hooks her arms around his thin legs to offer him a speck of support. Now being in a somewhat better position, he lurches his body forward, attempting the move known as the Code Red. However, Alix in an uncharacteristic show of strength, bends her knees and stays upright, trying to fling him onto his back. While she does avoid the deathly move, she fails to rid herself of her troubling rival. This causes Bohemoth to enter the ring and lend some assistance to his friend that sorely needs it. He runs at Wright, roughly grabs onto the back of his head, and puts his substantial strength to good use by wildly shoving CW forward. Christian actually thinks he's being violated by Krista, and he screams bloody murder as he and Alix go toppling through the air! Imagine his pleasant surprise when he lands on his BUTT and watches Alix's neck crunch against the E in the “Anglemania” written on the canvas! The onlookers jeer the interference from Bo and urge Robinson not to count the ensuing pinfall. But the zebra denies their request and does so anyway.

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

Returning the favor for Bo's unwanted intrusion, Krista destroys Wright's pinfall with a springboard missile dropkick, popping the pro-COD crowd. However, Bo doesn't see this turnabout as fair play, and the agitated monster returns to the ring to get a piece of the pesky blond bombshell. While Krista may be brave to the point of stupidity, she has enough good sense to know a battle with Bohemoth is not in her health's best interest. So she ducks underneath the ropes, and back to the apron, before her fuming attacker can lay a finger on her. While the official directs the rampaging beast back to his corner, Krissy mockingly sticks out her tongue at him, which makes the large fellow all the madder.

 

COACH

What a coward!

 

Outraged, Wright directs a block long diatribe towards Robinson for his substandard officiating. After this long winded denunciation mercifully concludes, Wright hikes his wounded adversary upright. He ravels her into the oft-seen front facelock, then slings her left arm across his right shoulder. From there he assumes control of her left leg, putting her in a pretzel like position that makes escape highly improbable. Determination and cruelty alike registers on the sharp and intelligent facial features of the Upstart as he moves her upside down in front of his body. Muscles bulging and veins sprouting across his skin, he zips forward to nail her with a running Ki-Krusher. Unfortunately for him, Alix detects a sliver of vulnerability in his grip. And the plucky maiden seeks to turn this sliver into an all out gulf. She quickly shifts her greasy body in front of his face, engulfing the entirety of his vision with her bronze skin. Her arm wraps around his head and sortly thereafter the grapplers timber backwards thanks to Alix's sleek DDT reversal! Wright's noggin skips off the canvas with a thud, pleasing music to the cheering crowd who are grateful for Ally's timely counter.

 

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” chant the fans and Los Diablos.

 

Obviously now would be a prudent time to bring in the Upstarts heavy hitter, Bohemoth. However Wright is as pig headed as he is intelligent. Thus he remains in the match despite the fact it's evident he's exhausted his good luck for the night. The reeling star stands up, stumbling and lurching sideways towards the ropes. Alix bulls towards him, her heart yearning for retribution. He makes an effort to delay her charge, feebly grabbing onto her waist for a sidewalk slam. Unsurprisingly this attempt goes down in smoldering ruin, as the twenty eight year old Alix uses his sweat stained body like some sort of playground slide, swinging and spinning around it until she winds up at his right side with a headlock applied. While her annoying trip around his world has come to a close, the real pain is just beginning, for she crashes him nose first into the ring floor with a lovely bulldog!

 

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” chant the fans again.

 

“Nice knowing ya, funky monkey!” Alix gleefully remarks to Christian, as she painstakingly pulls his dead weight to a standing position. With an overwhelming thirst for vengeance claiming hold of her soul, the brunette puts a vice grip on his arm, holding it in front of her body. Wright makes every last effort to squirm away, but he'd need the jaws of life to free himself from his captor. In total control over her enemy, red skirted Alix rocks backwards and nearly separates the man's shoulder with the Courting Alix(Single Arm DDT)! The spectators are ecstatic and Krista is as happy as her depressive personality will allow her to be.

 

COLE

Christian taking the Courting Alix!

 

Wright finally gets the hint that he just may not be able defeat the former tag team champions by his lonesome. So it's with unsteady vision, and jelly legs that scarcely support his six feet and one inch, that he makes the trek towards his loyal bodyguard. Problematically for The Natural, Alix is vehemently opposed to letting him escape, and will do anything to keep him entrenched in the morass of the OAOAST swamp. The level she stoops to to keep him in her domain is one that will trail a canyon deep scar through his emotional psyche. Taking hold of the black waistband on his cardinal red shorts, spunky Alix jerks his ring attire down to his ankles! Perhaps most unfortunately of all, this happens to be the day Wright finally took Jamie O'Hara up on his advice to “fly it free like a bird, like Nelly Furtado”.

 

COLE

Suddenly I feel a whole lot better about myself!

 

Oblivious to what awkward situation has claimed ownership of him, Wright hears the fans' hooting and hollering, and foolishly believes they have finally acceptted him as their righteous savior. He smiles smugly to himself before taking a step towards his corner where he trips over his disrobed clothing! His face takes the barbaric whole of the landing, and through the excruciating pain he realizes that something foul is amiss. It's only when he hears the little boy who he ordered to keep his mouth shut until he (Wright)unzips his pants, scream “CAN I OPEN MY MOUTH NOW? BITCH.”, does Wright turn his head behind him to see the mortifying sight awaiting his aghast vision! A girlish shriek travels through his vocal chords, out his agape mouth, and into the arena air where it joins the joyful cheers of the raucous onlookers. Over on the apron, Krista cusses a giggling Alix out for exposing her to such a repulsing sight. Elesewhere, Bohemoth tries and fails to stifle his laughter for his partner's ill luck.

 

COACH

Do something, Bohemoth!

 

Wright's molehill grows as large as Mount Everest when Moracca, one of only two men who doesn't find this flesh show to be comically revolting, slides into the ring to claim a simmering piece of grade A man ASS! Roaring in a hysterical ecstasy, he mounts anguished Christian for a salacious round of degrading dog n pony riding! To the delight of the rollicking crowd, who can't handle seeing homosexual males as symbols of strength and must view them as effeminate sex fiends, Moracca and his boy-toy cruise across the ring with Moracca slapping CW's full-figured BUTT, and merrily yelling at him to giddy up. Backstage, Jim Cornette is curled up into a little ball on the locker room floor, sucking his thumb as his mind is assailed by abhorrent flashbacks of his own experiences with Los Diablos De Fuego. Back on the ring apron, Krista threatens to kill Alix for forcing her to bear witness to this disturbing visual. Alix replies by innocently stating she had no way of knowing that a sex addicted homosexual would pounce on the first semi attractive half naked man he saw.

 

COACH

Madness. Absolute madness.

 

Bohemoth, like Krista, has viewed more then enough of the emasculation of Wright. Unlike Krista, Bo is ready and able to cease the comedy show, while acquiring himself a taste of Anglemania action for the first time tonight. As the blissful luchadore and his disobliging victim near the Upstart's corner, Bo steps through the cables. Moracca, too wrapped up in his own zest, doesn't detect the hulking colossus approaching. Thus it's that damning ignorance that enables Bo to slice through him with a razor sharp lariat. The charred remains of the Diablo are slung off Wright, thudding to the mat in a steaming rubble. Mariachi and his cadre of hunks collect their serrated comrade, while Bo directs them an inarticulate snarl. His actions put him in the bullseye of public opinion, and the crowd pelts him with jeers and taunts.

 

COLE

Bohemoth has been itching to show off his skills, and now is his chance.

 

In spite of his salty sneer, The Upstarts personal pit bull is clearly overjoyed to be blessed with an opportunity to perform on the grandest stage pro wrestling has to offer. His veins surge exhilaration and his blood pumps with adrenaline, as he lavishes in the bewildering atmosphere. Alix wishes he'd bask in the amazement of Anglemania in the lockeroom instead of in the ring, because she is at a loss for ideas on how to dispatch this Goliath. Helpless, she turns to Krista for advice. Krista's offering: “Shoot him.” Thanks Krista.

 

CABOOSE

Here we go with a pairing between the smallest athlete in the OAOAST and the largest.

 

Alix's body plays like she's enduring an anxiety attack; neck muscles emerge, lines of worry erupt on her forehead, and veins tighten. The doubts about her ability to handle the super sized demon gnaw at her, and force the ditzy wrestler to develop an underhand tactic as a means of scoring victory. After the proverbial lightbulb buzzes over her head, Bo watches in perplexity as a somber Alix lays down flat on her back.

 

“Okie dokie, big dude. Pin me! You're a fairly large gent, and I'm a fairly teeny-tiny dame, and I'd kinda like for you not to beat me to a bloody pulp and devour my tasty brain beat shortly thereafter, so go ahead and pin me. Yessir! Hop to it!”

 

The Meterosexual Monster certainly isn't one to pass up an easy victory, and choses to take Alix up on her cowardly offer. But he feels he'd be remiss if he did not utilize one offensive attack during his first time in an Anglemania ring. Therefore he runs to the ropes, and bounces off to plant an elbow drop onto Alix's face. But what he truly does is run head first into her sneaky trap. Ally Cat speedily pulls her body away from the trajectory of his elbow, leaving the errant limb to rip into the rock solid mat! While the hurt in his ego over being bamboolzed is far worse then hurt in his body for having missed, Alix will take any affliction that Lady Luck will give her. Pleased with the microscopic amount of damage she's caused, she tries a hail mary pin.

 

ONE

 

A tempestuous Bo kicks out like a vengeful giant rising from a slumber. Alix is a left to regret not writing her will before this match began, because Bo is about to take her on a one way trip to meet the spirit in the sky. Having to think as quick as her drug fried mind will allow, she strikes up a another scheme to the delay the inevitable eating of her brain meat. With plan in hand, she and her furious rival rise at the same moment. Hissing like a serpent, he cocks his nearly basketball sized fist, ready to blast her with a punch that would cave her face upon connection. Thankfully for the multimillion dollar contract she just signed with Revlon, Alix postpones this face caving for just a second longer, by putting up her finger, non verbally telling Bo to cease and desist. The fashionable brawler's face is locked into confusion, as he wonders what's going through the mind of this unorthodox creature.

 

Ally answers his and the crowd's unstated question, “Sorry, babe. I got a phone call.” Amazingly enough, she's being neither cute nor facetious, as the perky Californian pulls a cellular phone out of her boots and answers an actual call.

 

“Hello? Oh! Hi, Paris! No, I'm not busy at all!” She turns to Bo and rather snobbishly mouthes the words 'Paris Hilton.', then goes back to having a conversation with the wealthy socialite. “Oh my god! She didn't? She did! Oh my god! No way? Way!” Growing increasingly impatient with this delay, Bo rudely taps his chattery adversary on the shoulder, drawing nothing but an admonishing “I'm busy” stare. “Anyway! Oh my god. Did he really? No way? Way! Wow!?”

 

In no way shape or form could Bo be more frustrated with the situation. To his perpetual dismay, the girl has zero tolerance for anything that interferes with her inane conversation, such as wrestling a match. He takes a deep breath, making an effort to hold in his temper, as he taps her on the shoulder once more. “What?” She replies icily. “No, not you, Paris. Hold on, I think this guy wants to talk to you. His name? I dunno.”

 

COACH

Just hit her, Bo!

 

Alix passes the cellphone to Bo, who timidly holds up to his ear, as he expects some sort of trigger to be pulled and silly string to pop out the receiver and onto his face. “Hello? Wow! It's actually you! I have every episode of the Simple Life on tape. And I...” ROLLUP BY ALIX!

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

Alix's latest plan meets with unmitigated failure as Bohemoth escapes from her pinning predicament without a shred of difficulty. Having bankrupted her vault of convoluted schemes, Alix is at a loss to establish a way to execute this monstrosity. Then she pleasingly realizes she doesn't have to! Krista can do it! Thus she, with cellphone in hand, marches towards her corner to bring in Krissy to mop up the mess she's created.

 

COLE

Bohemoth and Krista met a couple weeks ago, with Krista getting the win..

 

COACH

By DQ, my good man.

 

Krista, unlike her partner, isn't much for foolheaded schemes, and takes a more reckless (and stupid) approach to dealing with this loathsome foe. She rockets herself golden boots first at Bohemoth with a springboard dropkick. She probably would've had an easier time turning water to wine, because Bo does not budge a single centimeter.

 

“Uh? I have a phone call?” Krista says weakly, as she surveys Bo's intimidating person.

 

Much like The Who, Bo won't get fooled again, and angrily tries to side swipe Krista with a roaring back elbow. Krista spins away from this attack, and puts herself behind his astronomic frame. She horsewhips a series of kicks into his legs, hoping to cut the redwood down to her level. Unfortunately her kicks are less like claw strikes from a Tiger and more like bites from a mosquito. Annoying but altogether harmless. With a cry of malice, Bo whirls to drive a series of left and right hands into Krista's midsection. The blows are delivered rapidly, the fatal determination he throws them with accentuating the pain ten-fold. Her body rocks against the explosive force, not stopping until he ceases his reprehensible battering. As she's left dazed by his brutalization, Bo has an easy time trapping her into a waistlock. Krista can practically feel the beast's warm breath on her neck. He leans back and hoists her over him, trying to drop her on her neck with a German Suplex. But the agile lady delights the worried fans by flipping out of his deadly suplex. She lands solidly on her feet, but her chances of survival are still tenuous at best. Bo rises, and immediately gives chase, fangs bared, eager to tear her to shreds. Krista fights for her life, leaping into the sky and twisting with a spinning back kick. As she lands on her feet, her body's already in the process of rotating into another back kick. CRAACK! The sound of her boot hitting his flesh echoes throughout the smoky venue. His bulk tumbles end over end, splashing into canvas. Yet the Meterosexual Monster is up as quick as he fell, snorting and growling like a deranged werewolf as he rests on a knee. Years of hard earned battle experience kick in, and Krista tears towards the ropes, soaring into the air upon returning to her enemy. She arcs over Bo's looming knee, and slashes his face with a brutal high knee lift. Agony riddles Bo's ringing skull, and he slowly drops backwards only seconds before Krista carries herself to the next set of ropes. Taking a page out of Alix's book, she ascends to the top cable, and uses it as a launching pad to project her lionsaulting body at a mat based Bo. But the Upstart has recovered from her whirlwind of kicks, and deftly rolls away from his descending opponent. To the audience's relief, Krista avoids a catastrophic crash into the mats, by making an off-balance landing on her feet. She teeters backwards, and has to make an effort to get her wobbly frame under control. Problematically, Bo is in hot pursuit of her like the proverbial hound out of hell. Feral tenacity lending strength to his attack, he flattens her with a diving lariat, that has the crowd shuddering for their fallen heroine. Bo casually drapes an arm across her chest for a pinfall.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

Krista kicks out, bringing a depressed growl from Bo's lips and a cheer from the pleased fans. Summoning an aura of steely rage, Bo grabs Miss California by her golden locks and stuffs her between his legs for a standing headscissors. His arms tightly lock around her waist, hurting worse then even barbwire. Pain gives way to horror on her countenance as he tries to lift her up for a deadly pile driver. Krista fights for dear life. Sweaty and out of breath, she wildly kicks her legs, barely managing to set them back down to the mat. But her salvation has a short shelf life, as Bo, cheeks flushed with a hollowed red, merely tightens his hold and successfully brings her onto his expansive shoulders. The blonde bombshell isn't ready to concede defeat in spite of the horrific position she finds herself in. She laces her long legs around his tree trunk thick neck, hoping that they'll bestow her the ability to launch a reversal. But Bo stays strong, firmly able to powerbomb her whenever he should see fit. Unfortunately for his team, Bo seems to enjoy the -ahem- scent of a woman, and peek up her skirt, just a wee bit too much and lingers in this enviable position for a few seconds longer then she should. These few seconds allow a disturbed and peeved Krista to peel backwards, and turn Bo head over heels with a crowd popping hurricanrana! Being wise enough to realize she won't pin Bo with any flashy rollup, she stands up before Robinson can count a pin, and attempts to turn his face into mush with a double stomp! Just like her body, her rising spirits plummet downwards, when the big man pulls his face out of the collision course. Over on the ring apron, Wright very loudly berates Bo for getting himself into that position in the first place.

 

COACH

Nice, man, nice! See, If Bo can get this grappling game on lock, he can own this fed.

 

Krista's face freezes as she struggles to conceal her horrified disappointment towards the South Carolina native's avoidance. Bo stands up, looking unhurt by her series of offense. Snarling, he angrily backhands Miss California so hard she nearly blacks out. Her dizzied head lolls to a side, and her vision swirls into a chaotic blur. Bohemoth's black eyes shoot her one last dirty look before he applies her into a suffocating front facelock. Her body, already bruised and aching from his rough treatment, writhes frantically against her jailer. But this valiant escape effort does nothing but waste her precious energy, for Bo will not be overcome. He lifts her up, suspending her like she's in a diabolical torture device. She braces for the awful attack she knows is coming. Yet no amount of preparation could steel her for the searing pain she encounters as he sinks to the mat, stabbing her neck into the canvas with the Bo and Arrow (Falcon Arrow). Bo hooks the legs for a pin.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

But Krista kicks out strongly, whipping the onlookers into a frenzy, and surprising Bohemoth after the fact that he nearly murdered her. The ghoulish grappler rises, and immediately slices at her defenseless flesh, planting an elbow into her exposed stomach. A lupine howl pushes through his lips while he pulls her upright. He hurls her to ropes, where she uses what's left off her depleted strength to scale to the top cable and gracefully rips towards him like an Olympic-class acrobat with a lionsault. But Bo swiftly and uniquely catches her legs in a wheelbarrow type position at the finale of her descent. On the ring apron, panic floods Alix's face as she realizes what terrible activity is soon to transpire. Krista's terror stricken eyes meet her's, leading distressed Alix to try and enter the ring to save her best friend. But Robinson holds Spezia back, giving the gargoyle free reign to unleash whatever destructive move he has in store. Krista strains with all her might, working herself into a lather of sweat and tears, but there's not a damn thing she can do to save herself from this hellion. Bohemoth lifts Kris up like he's going for a wheelbarrow suplex, then dangles her over the ropes, so that Wright may skate across the apron, and pulverize her face with a running knee lift! This savage attack rockets Krista's body upright, easily permitting Bo to destroy her with the teased wheelbarrow suplex. Krista hits the mat with troubling impact, and her hoarse screams join Alix's own raspy cries of sorrow.

 

“LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” sing the fans.

 

Bo has the recipient of the fans' love on her feet, and puts her on a path to a neutral corner. A painful thunder booms loudly inside her back as she connects with the steel of the ringposts. The brawler quickly blitzes his smaller rival, seeking to liquefy her vulnerable flesh with a body splash. However Krista defiantly wars against this attack, lunging at her incoming persecutor with an iron hard elbow! As Alix and the audience applaud this show of gumption, Bohemoth recoils from the woman's strike, stumbling backwards across the ring. With her wet hair dangling in front of her like yellow decorative streamers, and rage surging volcanically through her veins, Krissy furiously advances to the leviathan. However Bohemoth meets her onslaught by thrusting the former tag champ into the sky with a back body drop! The agony of her landing crashes against her like a rain of molten lava, as her battered form lies on the canvas, panting and gasping for whatever air will come to her.

 

“See, Miss Isadora Duncan?” Wright cockily remarks. “You have reaped what you sow!”

 

Bohemoth steps towards her and grabs her hair, and pulls her upright. He brutally yanks her head back allowing himself a full view of her pulped and suffering face. Bo's own face wrinkles in disgust as his fist and knees slam into her badly traumatized form. Yet somehow Krista is able to respond with supernatural speed and tumult, sending heavy chops slicing through the air at the beast. Perspiration, flashing darkly under the glow of the arena lights, skirts off his beefy chest as each chop connects with pin point accuracy. A look of genuine grief flashes upon him, and that moment of weakness brings an eternity's worth of anger. It's with that outrage that he grips onto her thin wrist and throws her into ring cables. Krista returns to him and is launched her into space like a NASA shuttle with a flap jack! Yet, Krista's agility proves to be too much for his basic move to withstand, and she extends her leg forward, pressing it across Bo's neck and pushing the sorrowful warrior down with a modified rocker dropper!

 

“YEAAAAAA!”

 

Bo rests on one knee, his parched throat to dry to utter even the softest of growl. The dizziness from her attack is intense and getting stronger by the second. He faintly hears a perturbed Wright off in the distance cruelly ordering him to halt her ascension to the top turnbuckle. But by the time he can piece together the demands of his nervous leader, her splendid form is closing in on him with a missile dropkick! Forced to react with speed, the normally lumbering brute quickly steps away from the bomb that's about to explode on him. With Bo out of the way, Krista catches poor Charles Robinson square in the chest, connecting with a highly gruesome crunch. The poleaxed official crumples to the mat, rendered ineffective for the time being.

 

CABOOSE

We've got a man down!

 

COACH

Good. Now Christian can cheat. You know he's going to do it, might as well be upfront about it. Go on boi!

 

Rabid boot steps are heard bouncing across the ring, as Christian Wright, taking advantage of the referee's incapacitation, has returned to the fracas. Shaking with fury, the Moral High ground boils towards Krista, eager to make her pay for the earlier humiliation she brought him. Yet things play out slightly differently in the warzone then they have in Wright's mind. His screams explode outward as Alix Spezia knocks the regal superstar off his feet with a gorgeous shinning wizard! Grunting and wailing, Wright slowly rolls to the edge of the ring where he'll have to formulate a new mode of attack against these harlots.

 

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” scream the audience, every last one of them on their feet.

 

Krista and Alix give each other exuberant high fives. However their's and the crowd's good feelings last but a moment, as the six foot seven Bohemoth arises from his stupor to lacerate both ladies with a vulgar double clothesline.

 

COACH

Yes! Yes! That's what weighing two hundred and eighty seven pounds will do for you.

 

Angry black eyes glare down at the fan favorites, and a low rumble begins in Bo's broad chest, angrily deepening in cadence. He positions himself at their submissive sides, then in a not so subtle jab at Alix, rapidly wiggles voluminous derriere, making the crowd vocal with disgust. Their revulsion is so strong that they can't even bring themselves to pay due respect to his awe inspiring standing moonsault. However the loathing fans are given a reason to turn their frowns upside down, as the girls suck their feet into their chests, defending against Bo's arrogant move and rocking his torso with explosive pain!

 

COACH

Son of a! If he hadn't been shaking his ass like he's in a Lil Wayne video this match would've been over! You ain't Trina! You ain't Lil Kim! You ain't even Christina Milian, son!

 

Seething at COD's treachery, Bohemoth rises, surging toward them with another double lariat. His claws flail wildly as his furious jaw snaps at the empty air. Sadly for The Upstarts, Bo's second clothesline is much less successful then his previous. Kris and Al “matrix” underneath his strike, leaving the arms he was wielding like scalpels to be as deadly as feathers. Wasting no time, the lovely ladies from La-La Land kip up and slash their boots across the noggin of the returning mammoth with twin enziguris. Caught between the pair, Bohemoth has less then a second to react before their designer Guess? pumps rip into him, rending the back of his skull like toilet tissue. He flops over onto his back laying at a shredded heap at their feet. Alix sees this a wondrous opportunity to show Bo how real laffy-taffy shakes, and happily invites Krista to jiggle along. Unsurprisingly, Krista heatedly refuses the request, which causes a deeply offended Alix to whine like an unwashed baby. Eager to get back to whupping Bo and Christian's ass, Krista caves in to shut Alix up. The girls get all bouncey-wouncey with their thrusting and gyrating booties, whipping the arena audience's libido into overdrive and sending the home audience stepping over their dead grandmothers for the Johnson&Johnson and box of Charmin. You can't not think of enough baseball stats to contain the WOOD this buttastic exhibition has given you. Did you know Cal Ripken Jr has 1695 career RBIs? Nope, you still have a boner. Once they're done making the erections plentiful, the pair flip backwards with double standing moonsaults!

 

“C-O-D! C-O-D!”

 

Making a hissing noise that isn't even remotely human, Christian Wright reinserts himself into the fracas, unwilling to concede defeat at the hands of these immoral witches. Roaring like an entire pride of Lions, he lunges at the baby faces with a yakuza kick. By sheer chance he targets this strike at Alix, slamming into her like a bullet train and knocking her backwards into the waiting ropes. An all consuming wrath possesses him as he turns to deal with a fuming Krista Isadora Duncan. But this bobcat won't be as easily tamed as her bosom buddy. He swoops at her with a punch, eager to tear apart her face with one fiery blow.

 

But Krista blocks the assault with a whirlwind like back kick, that doubles the conceited gladiator over and throws him at the mercy of her court. Judge Krista sentences him to death by double side Russian Leg sweep. She grapples onto one arm, while a slightly recovered Alix hooks the other. Putting a unique twist on a pedestrian move, the off-beat duo and their unwitting dupe perform a majestic front flip, causing the fans to raise up a titanic cheer for their innovation! While the girls stand up to bow to their fans, Wright lays in moaning fragments on the gritty ring floor. Miss California laughs cruelly, savoring the anguished expression on his visage.

 

COLE

Ow!

 

Speaking of titanic,a man who could've sunk the boat of that name by his lonesome is making his way to the top rope. Perhaps emboldened by the fact he didn't break any bones on his moonsault, Bohemoth is launching an aerial salvo that's sure to literally crush COD if successful. His grimy face twisted in lupine rage, he brandishes his arms in berserk fury as he readies himself for what should be a highlight reel worthy top rope double lariat. The problem is that Ally and Krissy aren't willing to be his personal crash test dummies. Thus they converge on the turnbuckles he's perched on. Before he can react, they shake the ropes, dislodging the king like eagle from his nest and plunging him crotch first onto the top pad! Th

Edited by Patty O'Green

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of the mortally wounded beast drowns out the rest of world, if only for a few seconds.

 

“YEAAAAAAAAA!” scream the audience, who are tickled with delight at Bo's misfortune.

 

Sly smiles pass on the girls' prepossessing features as they nod to each other, having the same insidious little thought. The two women scale the ropes, and the audience hollers in passionate anticipation. Yet their gratification is seemingly delayed indefinitely, when that vexatious Mister Wright, badly bruised face and all, yanks Alix off the turnbuckles. Bo breathes a heavy sigh of relief at his partner's heroic return. Ally lands perfectly on her feet, which is just to Wright's liking as it puts her in an excellent spot for him to gain a glimmer of revenge by pasting her with a right cross. Unfortunately Alix's speed is too much for his slow travellling fist, and she plasters him with a dangerous superkick! The volatile missile impacts gruesomely on the man's chin and propels the overwhelmed pugilist and his loosened teeth over the cables to the ring floor. Wright's busted body lies on the black mats, contorting in a series of shock induced spasms.

 

“WRIGHT SUCKS! WRIGHT SUCKS!” bleat the observers.

 

All this commotion has delayed the gal's double team move and permitted Bohemoth to return to his typically formidable form. He ruefully shoves Krista away from his body, and begins rising to his magnificent six feet seven inches. Alix thankfully catches Krista, as the king of the OAOAST jungle prepares to dismount his throne. Spreading his arms like unsheathed sabres, he surges from the turnbuckles, looking to cleave the ladies with his double lariat! But to the audience's glee, they duck the potential beheading! Bo lands squarely on his black boots, placing himself into the quite the unenviable predicament! His back is turned to his hated adversaries and they have no qualms about exploiting this atrocious position. Stereo dropkicks percuss into his shoulder blades with immeasurable force, pushing the caught unaware fighter into the ropes. He muzzily teeters on the cables, the depressing nature of being at COD's mercy washing over him like a bitter tidal wave. Unfortunately the problems continue to accumulate for the shellacked tanker, as who else should see him in his moment's vulnerability then Moracca, the luchadore he so cruelly clotheslined earlier in the match. Feeling that revenge is a dish best served cold and sparkly,a giggling Moracca hops onto the ring apron and sweetly creeps towards Bohemoth. In his weakened and somewhat delirious state of mind, Bo actually believes that Moracca has come to assist him, and utters a genuine thank you towards the good Samaritan. Picture the abject horror that's written across Bo's countenance when Moracca venomously chucks a wad of glitter into his face!

 

COACH

Get that fruit out of here! Sweet Virgin Mary, I'm about to blow chunks!

 

CABOOSE

Don't you get it? Los Diablos are COD's fairy god mothers. And a fairy god mother always watches out for her “children”.

 

“YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT! YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT!!” echo the audience towards Bo, as Moracca hops off the apron and triumphantly pumps his crotch at the cheering fans.

 

A livid red burning painfully perverts Bo's glitter soaked eyes, blinding the combatant and cutting the giant oak tree down to a harmless daisy. Unable to tell what's what or who's who, he's an appetizing feast for a blood lusting Krista. She wraps her hands around his sparkling face, and thunderclaps the giant into the unforgiving canvas with her oddly named finisher the Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (reverse face crusher)! The impact of the move earthquakes the surrounding area, and besieges Bohemoth with constraining woe. The onlookers erupt in unison upon the extraordinary completion of KID's finisher, while their fairy god mothers, Los Diablos, clap on the outside.

 

COACH

No! Somebody, anybody, do something!

 

Krista lays over Bo's sprawled out carcass for a pin. Alix makes it especially difficult for Bo to kick out by sitting on top of Krista. She crosses her legs and pantomimes smoking a cigarette to show how “easy” winning this affair was. Conveniently for the girls, Charles Robinson chooses this exact moment to stop playing Sleeping Beauty and start playing referee. He crawls over to the pinning scene and makes the count...

 

CROWD

ONE

 

CROWD

TWO

 

CROWD

THREE

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAH!"

 

COLE

Alright! Christian Wright for all his tough talk was turned ineffectual at the end of this match, and America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks, pick up the victory by pinning the largest athelte in the OAOAST. What an inspiring lesson. It doesn't matter how small you are, and how big your obstacle is. If you have faith and drive, you can overcome!

 

And Then We Kiss takes a familiar position as the victorious theme song, as the euphoric audience members exchange high fives for a victory they had absolutely nothing to do with. The elated girls pass along celebratory hugs for their hard fought success. Unfortunately the mood turns dour when Alix remarks that somebody needs a shower. Krista storms off in a huff, forcing Alix to chase after her with half hearted apologies. Los Diablos and their men clear out, heading backstage for some uh...private Anglemania moments.

 

CABOOSE

I'd like to say I'm surprised Bohemoth blew it again, but I'm not. Beaten and outsmarted by a luchadore in a fairy costume and two women who don't weigh as much as him combined. I wonder if Axel is drawing up the man's release papers?

 

amRejectTK.gif

COLE

Let's go up to Michael Buffer!

 

BUFFER

You wanted the best, and you got the best! The hottest band in the world...KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

 

The crowd goes crazy as Buffer points over to a stage set up on the side of the audience opposite the aisleway.

 

*ting, ting, ting, bum bum-bum-bum*

 

The crowd noise escalates as the riff to God Gave Rock & Roll to You II begins.

 

God gave rock and roll to you,

gave rock and roll to you

Put it in the soul of everyone...

 

Do you know what you want? You don't know for sure,

You don't feel right, you can't find a cure,

And you're gettin' less than what you're lookin' for...

 

You don't have money or a fancy car,

And you're tired of wishin' on a falling star,

You gotta put your faith in a loud guitarRRRRRRRRRR...

 

Chorus:

God gave rock and roll to you,

gave rock and roll to you,

Gave rock and roll to everyone (oh yeah),

God gave rock and roll to you,

gave rock and roll to you,

Put it in the soul of everyone...

 

"Now listen"

If you wanna be a singer, or play guitar,

Man, you gotta sweat or you won't get far,

Cause it's never too late to work nine-to-five...

 

You can take a stand, or you can compromise,

You can work real hard or just fantasize,

But you don't start livin' till you realiIIIIIIIIIIIze...

"I gotta tell ya!"

 

(next key)

God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you,

Gave rock and roll to everyone...

God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you,

Put it in the sOOOOOOOOoooooooul...

 

(Instrumental break)

 

(softly)

God gave rock and roll to you,

(to everyone he gave the song to be sung)

Gave rock and roll to you,

gave rock and roll to everyone,

God gave rock and roll to you,

(to everyone he gave the song to be sung)

Gave rock and roll to you,

saved rock and roll for everyone...

 

Saved rock and rOOOOOOOOOOoooooooollllllllllllllll...

 

(original key)

chorus repeats out...

 

"I know life sometimes can get tough!

And I know life sometimes can be a drag!

But people, we have been given a gift,

we have been given a road

And that road's name is... Rock and Roll!"

 

The crowd goes nuts as the final riff plays out.

 

SIMMONS

What's up, New Jersey?

 

*crowd cheers*

 

*ting, ting, ting, ting, (four silent beats)*

 

The riff for God of Thunder hits.

 

You've got something about you,

You've got something I need,

Daughter of Aphrodite,

Hear my words and take heed...

 

I was born on Olympus,

To my father a son,

I was raised by the demons,

Trained to reign as the one (one, one, one...)

 

*At this point, a thunderous boom hits the arena, and two lightning bolts come from the rafters above where the band is playing and strike the top corners of the entryway, causing the curtain to fall to the floor and reveal Thunderkid, who steps over the curtain and makes his way to the ring to a BIG pop.*

 

GOD OF THUNDER,

and rock and roll...

 

THE SPELL YOU'RE UNDER,

Will slowly rob you of your virgin soul...

 

*The band plays out the rest of the song in instrumental.*

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way down the aisle, hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 260 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!!

 

COLE

And TK making his entrance in grand style tonight, thanks to KISS!

 

CABOOSE

Entrances like this are what AngleMania is all about, Cole!

 

COACH

Well, I can guarantee you two that the exit won't be such a fun experience for TK. Like I've said all along, brains will prevail over brawn here tonight!

 

Renegade hits and Reject makes his way through the entrance, to a huge negative reaction.

 

BUFFER

His opponent, hailing from New York City, weighing in at 235 pounds...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!!

 

Reject slides into the ring and poses in the corners, to boos.

 

COLE

And we're ready to go at it here, former partners!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

TK and Reject meet in the center of the ring, and have a brief staredown, then back off and circle the ring. Tieup, and TK tosses Reject off into his corner!

 

COLE

Great show of power by TK right off the bat!

 

Reject gets up and circles the ring once again. When TK goes for the tieup, Reject takes him down with a fireman's carry! However, TK holds on and quickly grabs Reject in a headscissors. Reject kips up to escape, then hits a big dropkick on TK! Reject celebrates his feat, as the crowd boos in response.

 

COLE

Impressive sequence, you have to admit, from Reject!

 

COACH

He's really looking good out there right now!

 

Another tieup, and TK grabs a side headlock. Reject backs him into the ropes, and shoves him off. TK comes back and knocks Reject to the mat with a shoulderblock! TK goes to the ropes again, Reject drops down, then leapfrogs TK. TK stops behind him, however, and when Reject turns around, TK nails him with a big right hand, then backs into the ropes and hits him with a clothesline! Reject rolls to the ropes, and TK clotheslines him over and to the floor!

 

CABOOSE

He's really turning it on now, guys!

 

COLE

And Reject has got to regroup!

 

Reject catches his breath, then slides back into the ring, and slaps TK right across the face! TK chases Reject into a corner, and the referee separates them.

 

COACH

And now, Reject is trying to make TK mad! He's being smart, and if he just keeps wrestling smart, I have no doubts that he'll come out on top!

 

Reject grabs TK in a standing hammerlock, but TK quickly reverses to one of his own. Reject starts to move towards the ropes, but TK holds him back. Reject counters into a drop toehold, but TK quickly moves around on top and hooks an armbar, slapping Reject in the back of the head as he has it on!

 

COACH

Oh, look at this now!

 

Reject takes a big swing at TK, but TK ducks, then pushes him off the ropes and ends up in a reverse sunset flip!

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout!

 

TK immediately catches Reject with another armdrag. TK bars the arm, then picks Reject up. Reject scoops TK up, and delivers a bodyslam...but TK holds onto the arm and rolls through!

 

COLE

Nice counter by TK, as he maintains the hold!

 

TK picks Reject up once again, and chicken wings the arm. Reject, however, drives an elbow into the face of TK, forcing a release. Reject goes into the ropes, TK drops down, and Reject hops over. TK catches him on the rebound with a PRESS SLAM~! Reject gets up holding his back, and TK dropkicks him over the top to the floor!

 

COLE

Reject out to the floor once again, as it's been ALL TK here in the early going!

 

TK goes out after him this time, and throws him back into the ring. Reject immediately goes to the ropes, and comes back with a flying bodypress, but TK catches him in mid-air, then turns around and delivers a fallaway slam! TK picks up Reject and shoots him into the ropes once again. Reject hops over, then ducks a clothesline, then drills TK with a spinning wheel kick!

 

COLE

Great move by Reject, and now the tide has turned!

 

Reject runs to the ropes, and hits a baseball slide on TK, sending him out to the floor! Reject plays to the crowd, drawing more boos.

 

CABOOSE

A little early for celebration here.

 

COACH

Stay on him, Reject!

 

Reject goes to the top rope, then waits for TK to get up, and hits a double axhandle to the outside! Reject then picks up TK and chokes him on the guardrail, before throwing him back into the ring. Reject whips TK hard into the buckles, and as TK staggers out, Reject hits a hurricanrana! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Reject picks up TK and delivers a fisherman's buster, then goes up to the top rope.

 

COLE

Reject ready to take flight here, it looks like.

 

Reject drills TK with a Macho Man elbow! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Shoulder up!

 

Reject delivers a snap legdrop, then turns and applies a triangle hold!

 

CABOOSE

Submission hold here...

 

Reject cranks down on the hold, as TK struggles, but fades slowly. The referee checks the arm...

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TK holds through, then swings the arm trying to turn towards the ropes, and does, grabbing them with the right arm! Reject releases the hold, then whips TK hard into the corner again, and TK falls forward right at the feet of Reject, who of course plays it up for all it's worth.

 

COACH

And now look at TK begging off on Reject! That's how he looked when they reformed their team last year, too!

 

COLE

Oh, stop it!

 

COACH

That's what Reject told me!

 

Reject allows TK to come up, then sets him up for a suplex...but TK counters into a small package!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

COLE

Wow, TK almost snuck one out there!

 

Reject quickly nails TK, then stomps away. Reject picks up TK and whips him into the ropes. TK ducks a clothesline and hits a high cross body!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout! TK landed right by the ropes, and is shoved off the apron to the floor on the kickout. Reject gets up and walks over to the ropes, hitting TK with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~!

 

COACH

Beautiful!

 

Reject delivers a few right hands, then slides back into the ring and does some more preening, to some more boos. He catches TK coming up onto the apron, and attempts a suplex. TK slips behind the back, and attempts a German suplex, but Reject quickly goes behind, then spins TK around and delivers a Northern Lights suplex and bridge!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! TK kicks out!

 

Reject backs TK into the corner and delivers some kicks to the midsection, then brings him out and whips him into the ropes. TK ducks a clothesline, and hits him with one of his own!

 

COLE

And now maybe this is the chance TK needs to regain the advantage!

 

TK leans on the ropes, as Reject comes at him. TK blocks a right hand, and delivers one of his own! Reject tries another one, and it's blocked and returned once again! Reject tries a third, but this time goes to the eyes before TK can return fire. Reject whips TK into the ropes, and attempts a tilt-a-whirl slam, but TK lands on his feet, then flips Reject over, and plants him with a TOMBSTONE~! Both men are out of it, as the referee counts...

 

1!!!

 

 

2!!!

 

 

3!!!

 

 

4!!!

 

 

5!!!

 

 

6!!!

 

 

7!!!

 

 

TK slowly rolls over and drapes an arm over Reject...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! Shoulder up!

 

COACH

And look at the fight left in Reject, I love it!

 

Reject quickly rolls out of the ring, and TK climbs to the top rope. He waits for Reject to get to his feet...and comes off the top with a SHOOTING STAR PRESS~! to the floor!

 

CABOOSE

Whoa!

 

COLE

Unbelieveable move by TK right there!

 

However, TK comes up limping!

 

COACH

Uh-oh!

 

COLE

TK favoring his knee here, and this is the risk of doing moves like the one TK just did right there!

 

TK and Reject roll back in on opposite sides of the ring. Reject pulls himself up into a corner, and starts working on the turnbuckle pad as the referee checks out TK. Reject tosses the pad to the floor, then walks over to TK and KICKS HIS LEG OUT OF HIS LEG~!!!!1 Reject picks up TK, and gives him a Dragon legwhip, then locks in a figure-four!

 

COLE

Figure-four hooked, as Reject continues to work on the injured leg of TK!

 

TK sits up in the hold, and Reject reaches over and slaps him in the face! TK is forced to the mat with the pain, and the referee makes a two-count! Reject slaps TK once again, and TK reaches across and rakes the eyes, causing the hold to be released! Reject picks up TK by the leg, and TK counters with an enziguri!

 

COLE

And TK still with fight left!

 

TK limps over and flips, grabbing Reject in a Majistral pin!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Reject attempts a spinkick, but TK ducks and delivers a Blue Thunder driver!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! Kickout!

 

TK picks up Reject for a slam, but Reject slides behind the back and shoves TK into the corner, but TK stops himself before running into the exposed buckle. Reject lunges at TK, who moves as Reject goes flying into the exposed buckle! Fortunately for Reject, however, he doesn't bounce backwards into the center, but rather stays in the corner.

 

CABOOSE

Wow, big break for Reject right there!

 

Reject rolls to the apron once he gets his senses, and TK reaches over and pulls him up to his feet. TK hammers with forearm blows until the referee backs him off, and Reject goes into his tights.

 

COLE

Wait a minute here, what's he looking for, Coach?

 

Reject pulls a foreign object out of his tights, concealing it as TK comes towards him. Reject takes a wild swing, but TK ducks and picks him up in a back suplex. Reject nails him with the object as TK brings him in, and they both fall to the mat.

 

COACH

What a right hand by Reject! TK is out!

 

COLE

Yeah, the right hand with the weapon in it!

 

Reject lays back on TK as he shoves the weapon back into his tights.

 

COLE

NO! NOT THIS WAY!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!! TK gets a shoulder up!

 

CABOOSE

Two-count!

 

COLE

TK STILL with fight left!

 

Reject picks TK up slowly, and sets up the EULOGY~!!!!!11111...but TK shoves him once again into the exposed buckle, then rolls him up from behind...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!! Reject gets free! Reject gives TK a low blow, undetected by the referee, then sets up a suplex, but TK blocks, and drops him with the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!!!!11111

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!! Reject gets a foot on the bottom rope!

 

COACH

Oh, MAN!

 

COLE

Reject too close to the ropes on that one!

 

CABOOSE

Reject's always seemed to stay close to the ropes in these situations!

 

COACH

Well, that's just like I said, he's wrestling smart, and TK hasn't been able to put him away!

 

Reject backs into the corner, and TK follows him in and gets onto the second rope, delivering punches as the crowd counts along...

 

1!!!

 

 

2!!!

 

 

3!!!

 

 

4!!!

 

 

5!!!

 

 

6!!!

 

 

7!!!

 

 

8!!!

 

 

9!!!

 

 

10!!!

 

 

TK plays to the crowd, which roars in approval...before Reject grabs TK, walks out, and drops him onto the exposed buckle, then rolls him up, putting his feet on the ropes...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!

 

COLE

DAMN IT!!! REJECT STEALS IT!

 

COACH

I TOLD YOU, Cole! Brains over brawn!

 

BUFFER

The winner of the match...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJE

CT!!!!!

 

Reject slides out of the ring, raising his arms as he staggers back down the aisle and TK stares him down.

 

CABOOSE

Well, I don't think weve seen the last of this one, guys!

Edited by Patty O'Green

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am2FTladder.gif

The fans in the arena, having mellowed since the prior encounter, start to cheer once again, as a wire is lowered from the ceiling of the arena. At the end of the wire resides the HI-YAH Heavyweight Championship, and taped to the back of the belt is a contract, one that guarantees one of the competitors in this next contest a chance at championship gold at a point they see fit in the future.

 

COLE

It has been electric here tonight, and that electricity is going to continue to surge through this crowd, as they eagerly await what promises to be a spectactular match. Six men, all vying for not one, but two prizes. The HI-YAH Heavyweight Championship, as well as a guaranteed OAOAST World Title shot later in the year.

 

CABOOSE

Bill Watts dubbed this match "Two For The Money", and the name couldn't be more appropriate, because I'm positive we'll get our money's worth.

 

COACH

No doubt, 'boose, because you've got three of the youngest, hungriest superstars in the world today in the form of Jamie O'Hara, and Scotty Static and Johnny Jax, whose resume speaks for themselves.

 

COLE

There's no denying that O'Hara is well on his way to rookie of the year status, and the Global Party Exchange have always been a force. Combine that with the hungry and well-traveled duo of James Blonde and Faqu, as well as the defending champion, one of the very best in the world today, Zack Malibu, and this match has classic written all over it.

 

CABOOSE

Let's not forget one very important factor...for five of these men, it's all win, no lose. However, Zack needs to try the hardest out of anyone to win this contest, because he DOES have something to lose, namely that HI-YAH strap.

 

COLE

It's a first time ever matchup for the OAOAST, and it all gets underway at Anglemania V, RIGHT NOW!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

The fans are still buzzing, as Michael Buffer re-enters the ring, and stands at the center, just under where the HI-YAH belt dangles in the air.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, is the special TWO FOR THE MONEY match, for both a future OAOAST World Title Shot, as well as the HI-YAH Heavyweight Championship!

 

Post-announcement, the sound of O-Town's pop anthem "Make Her Say" kicks in, and a team that just one year ago got one of the loudest positive receptions of the evening now receive the exact opposite. It's loud, but it's certainly not positive, as Scotty Static and Johnny Jax make their way down the aisle.

 

BUFFER

Introducing first, from Hotlanta, GA and Detroit, MI respectively, they are Scotty Static and Johnny Jax, the GLOBAL PARTY EXCHANGE!

 

The tag partners, who will have to put their friendship behind them tonight, hop up on the apron and enter the ring. Static walks across the ring and nods to Coach, then points to the belt and makes the "belt around his waist" motion...and Johnny catches him. When Scotty turns around, Johnny stares him down for a second before looking up, then looking back at his partner and mouthing "mine".

 

COLE

Some tension right off the bat here with the GPX!

 

COACH

Stop making double D's outta A-cups my man, they know what they have to do if they wanna win. Nothin' but love in our crew, homey!

 

The GPX break apart and circle the ring as their music fades, only to be replaced with the theme song of another star aligned with them.

 

COLE

Well, like the song says, this could be his "one shot", so let's see what Jamie O'Hara can make of it!

 

BUFFER

Coming down the aisle, from Birmingham, England, this is JAAAAAAAAMIE OOOOOOOOOOO'HARAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

"Lose Yourself" is the soundtrack for O'Hara's trek to the ring, and the thuggish youngster does his gangsta walk down the aisle, throwing up the deuce for the camera as he blows past. He gets up on the apron and slingshots himself over the ropes with a flip, landing on his feet and then immediately backflipping before strutting across the ring and removing his hat, tossing it out into the crowd. O'Hara turns around and comes face to face with Scotty and Johnny, perhaps the two people he's closest with in the company, and now O'Hara looks upward at what's at stake, and then just grins smugly to his two friends. Bickering ensues amidst the Upstarts contingent, but when "My Own Summer" starts up, they all take note of who is approaching.

 

COLE

I've got to admit, I never thought I'd see the day that James Blonde and Faqu were in an Anglemania contest, nevermind one of this magnitude!

 

CABOOSE

They started out as a team that didn't get along, but refused to go their seperate ways because they knew they brought out the best in each other. Now tonight as opponents, they're hoping to do the same thing!

 

BUFFER

The next participants, coming down the aisle, first from Dallas, TX, "Strong Stylin'" JAAAAAAAAMES BLONDE! And from Honolulu, HI, this is the "Samoan Tsunami", FAAAAAAAQUUUUU!

 

Blonde and Faqu come out focused, walking slowly to the ring as a pair, while Static, Jax, and O'Hara watch on. The odd couple pairing each climb up into the ring, and are greeted as soon as they come through the ropes by the three Upstarts, who use the numbers advantage to begin a beatdown before the match is even officially underway!

 

COACH

See, you thought they might be intimidated, but my boys jumped at the chance to take on Blonde and Faqu tonight!

 

CABOOSE

Pun intended?

 

COACH

You know it, daddy.

 

The crowd boos loudly as the three-on-two ensues. O'Hara takes Blonde by the head and sends him through the ropes and to the floor, while the GPX send Faqu to the ropes, only for the big man to come back with a thunderous double clothesline! He cocks his head to the side and notices O'Hara, who backpedals as fast as he can, hopping out of the ring and begging off, until the sounds of Papa Roach booming over the speakers make him realize that the aisleway isn't a safe place.

 

COLE

Listen to these fans!

 

CABOOSE

I can't listen to anything over these fans!

 

COACH

...

 

As "Getting Away With Murder" hits, Malibu makes his entrance, powerwalking down the aisle towards Jamie O'Hara! O'Hara turns around and is all "oh shit" and slides back into the ring...coming up right in front of the big angry Samoan! Faqu grabs Jamie by the throat, then hooks the arm and biels him across the ring, while the defending HI-YAH champion starts trading fists with Scotty Static at ringside!

 

COLE

Malibu hasn't even taken off his entrance gear yet, but we are already underway!

 

CABOOSE

Did the be...

 

*DING DING DING*

 

CABOOSE

Nevermind, there's my answer!

 

The Two For The Money match is now officially underway, and all six men are engaged in combat. Zack disposes of Static after a flurry of right hands, and then takes off his vest and throws it down before taking Scotty and sending him into the guardrail. Back in the ring, Faqu sends Jamie O'Hara to the corner, but when he charges in Jamie kicks both feet up, nailing Faqu in the chin! He runs out of the corner and tries a bulldog, but Faqu plants his feet, and O'Hara winds up taking the bump on his ass, then feels some major back pain as Faqu charges and delivers a hard soccer kick between the shoulder blades! From behind, Johnny Jax attacks, striking Faqu with a forearm and then turning him around before blasting him with a European uppercut, and then a hard chop. Jax then hits the ropes, but James Blonde leaps up and grabs the top rope, sending Jax spilling down to the floor, but then O'Hara charges him, and hits a dropkick that puts him down on the floor as well! O'Hara then turns around and see Faqu again, so he hits the ropes, then baseball slides through Faqu's legs...and gets yanked out of the ring by Malibu, who then hits him with an inverted atomic drop before whipping him into Scotty, sandwiching Static between O'Hara and the guardrail! Malibu then starts rooting around under the ring, lifting up the apron, and moments later finds what he was looking for, revealing the first ladder of the contest!

 

COLE

Zack Malibu's not wasting any time!

 

As Malibu climbs into the ring, Faqu grabs the ladder and props it up...then hits Malibu with a kick to the midsection as he gets closer! Faqu delivers two stiff chops, sending Malibu reeling backwards, then tries to send him to the ropes...NO! Malibu counters by swinging back to face Faqu, and delivers a kick to the gut before trying for a DDT...but the powerful Samoan overcomes the attempt by driving Zack back to the ropes...and both of them spill through the ropes to the floor. HARD.

 

CABOOSE

The concrete is very unforgiving, but even more so when you have a near 300 pound Samoan landing on top of you!

 

Taking advantage of the empty ring, Jax slides in and heads for the ladder immediately, racing up the rungs...until Blonde enters the ring as well and grabs him by the ankles, yanking him down to the canvas! Jax lands on his feet and nails Blonde with a forearm, who fires one back, and then takes Johnny's head and rams it into the ladder! Blonde then sends Jax to the ropes and catches him on the rebound, pressing him up over his head...but out of nowhere Static comes into the ring and pulls Jax down out of Blonde's grasp! The fan favorite is stunned, and when he turns around both GPX members lift him up horizontally, then drop him downward, right onto their knees with a double gutbuster! Jax then kicks Blonde and forces him out under the bottom rope...but while he's doing that, Scotty starts climbing the ladder!

 

COLE

Look at this, Static just bailed on his partner and is going for the gold!

 

Jax turns around and snaps out of it, grabbing Scotty and yanking him down, asking him what he thinks he's doing...and Scotty pushes back! Jax then pushes Static, and now the two partners are nose to nose...which allows O'Hara to roll in unnoticed and start climbing for the belt!

 

CABOOSE

If they don't pay attention, they're not going to notice until it's too late!

 

O'Hara is halfway up the ladder when Static notices, and he immediately starts climbing to cut O'Hara off...but Jax pulls him off and then clocks him with a punch before climbing up after their opponent-slash-friend! He makes it up and knocks O'Hara's hand away as it reaches for the belt, but Jamie fights back with some wild rights, and as they duel on top of the ladder, a frustrated Static gets up and pushes the ladder over, sending both men falling along with it...and both men crotching themselves on the top rope!

 

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!"

 

COACH

Oh man, I hate seeing my boys do this to one another!

 

CABOOSE

You're the only one. They've spent months going after everyone else in the company, but now they've got to battle themselves if they want what's at stake!

 

Static now takes the ladder and folds it up, then holds it horizontally...and runs it into both O'Hara and Jax, knocking them off the ropes and down to the floor! Static steps back, but before he can turn around, Zack rushes into the ring and hits a German suplex on him...while he's still holding the ladder! The metal hardware goes flying, but Zack is quick to retrieve it and set it up. Suddenly, Blonde slides back in, and runs at Zack, who turns around just in time to catch a lariat from...NO! Zack ducks, and Blonde winds up connecting with a lariat to the metal siding of the ladder, causing it to teeter but not topple! Blonde immediately begins favoring the arm, and Zack takes full advantage of this, dropping him with a single arm DDT that has Blonde rolling away in agony!

 

COLE

Blonde's arm could be in a bad way after slamming it into the ladder, and it made him easier to dispose of for Zack to make a play for the gold now!

 

Malibu braces the ladder, but he's only on the first step before Blonde's partner returns to the ring and hits a thunderous chop to Zack's back! He yanks Zack off and rocks him with another hard chop, this one to the chest, but Malibu fights back with a European uppercut! He then takes Faqu and shoots him to the ropes, but Faqu switches momentum and sends Zack in...but Zack wraps his arms around the top rope! Faqu then comes barreling towards Zack, so Malibu drops his head and dumps the big man over...but Faqu lands on the apron!

 

CABOOSE

Deceiving agility from the big man!

 

Faqu reaches over and takes Zack by the head and runs him towards the turnbuckle, but Zack puts a foot up to block, then delivers a forearm while holding Faqu's head that stuns him enough to leave him open for a ROARING ELBOW~! which knocks him off balance and to the floor! Groggily, Faqu begins to get up, so Malibu goes in motion, hitting the far ropes and gaining speed before launching himself through the ropes with a picture perfect tope that hits THE CAMERAMAN~?!?!

 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"

 

COACH

YO~!

 

CABOOSE

Holy...Zack just took out the camera man!

 

COLE

We HAVE to see that again! I didn't think I was seeing what I was seeing when I saw it, so let's see it!

 

A split-screen enables us to follow the live action of a groggy Faqu pulling Zack up off of the camera man, while the replay shows everything from the camera's point of view. Faqu was dazed and primed to be taken out by Zack's tope, but at the last second he ducked, and the camera man got an all too extreme close up of Malibu, as Zack drove himself right into him!

 

COACH

Malibu decided to get fancy, and now he's taken himself out of the contest, as well as taking out a camera man at the biggest event of the year!

 

CABOOSE

That's the risk for being at ringside, even cameramen!

 

Faqu, having dragged Zack off the poor guy, thinks better of focusing on Malibu, and turns to the ring, where he sees Jamie O'Hara scurrying up the ladder! Faqu slides in and moves towards the ladder, grabbing it by the legs and pushing it over...but when he senses the ladder toppling O'Hara abandons ship and jumps off the rungs, landing on Faqu's shoulders and snapping him over with a huracanrana!

 

COACH

Atta way, J!

 

Faqu pulls himself up in the corner, but it allows O'Hara to race towards the corner and leap his dimuntive frame into the air, driving both of his knees into the sternum of Faqu! He brings Faqu to the center of the ring and stuns him with some quick forearm shots, then prepares for a suplex, but there's no way little Jamie O'Hara can lift the big man! Still, Jamie struggles, but when Faqu begins to fight, he's blasted with a forearm across the back by Static, who helps O'Hara...NO! Faqu kicks his legs and shifts his weight downward so that he falls back on his feet, and this enables Blonde to come in and stun Static with some left handed jabs...until he's nailed from behind by Jax! The GPX and O'Hara now set up the duo of Blonde and Faqu for a double suplex, but now Malibu rolls himself into the ring and takes Jax by the head, and simultaneously the babyfaces execute a TRIPLE SUPLEX on the three Upstarts, rocking the ring AND the Atlantic City population in attendance!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

 

COLE

A TRIPLE SUPLEX! THE FIRST OF ITS KIND!

 

CABOOSE

Last year I was one third of a triple superkick, but never in my life have I seen something like that!

 

All aching from the united efforts of their foes, Static, Jax and O'Hara clear the ring, all rollling out to the floor for recovery. Blonde, Faqu, and Malibu all get up, and as soon as they do the duo of Blonde and Faqu double up on Zack! Each taking an arm, they send Zack across the ring and hit a double hiptoss, but as Zack is slammed to the canvas, Faqu targets his own partner, wrenching his wounded arm and then driving an elbow down on the bicep! Faqu then backs him up with chops and hard kicks to the upper leg area, before climaxing with a spinning back chop that knocks Blonde against the ropes! He staggers for a minute, but then his powerhouse partner charges forward, dumping him out to the floor with a clothesline over the top!

 

COACH

There's the breakdown in communication we've been waiting for!

 

CABOOSE

The first breakdown in communication tonight came from YOUR guys! Everyone involved is well aware of what's at stake!

 

Faqu turns around, and seeing Zack come up with the aid of the ropes, delivers a lariat while Zack's back is turned, sending the reigning champion over the top and out to the floor. Alone in the ring, Faqu goes and takes the ladder that has been knocked over and pulls it off the ropes, standing it vertical once again under where the HI-YAH belt hangs.

 

COLE

He's cleared the ring, but can he claim the prize?!

 

Faqu keeps climbing, making it about halfway up the ladder, pausing to see how much of a reach he has! He climbs up another step, but the hesitation costs him, as Jamie O'Hara springboards off the top rope and snares Faqu by the head, yanking him off the ladder and snapping him down with a springboard neckbreaker off the ladder!

 

CABOOSE

Good LORD he certainly spiked him with that one!

 

COLE

We're gonna see a lot of things that make us cringe, Caboose, and that's certainly going to be high up on the list!

 

O'Hara stomps Faqu as he lay on the mat, feeling the effects of the neckbreaker. Looking to his right, he notices Scotty Static fumbling around under the apron, revealing another ladder, so he runs up to the top rope, then somersaults off the top turnbuckle, landing on top of Static just as he pulled the ladder free! As O'Hara takes one of his allies out, the other one slides another ladder into the ring. Jax comes in and sets it up, now putting two ladders in play, but before he can climb it he's snared in a rear waistlock by Malibu, who hoists him over with a German Suplex! Malibu keeps the waistlock applied and rolls through, hitting a second German, and rolls to his feet holding Jax by the waist once again. Jax struggles to free himself, and when O'Hara comes back in the ring and approaches, Jax leaps up and kicks O'Hara through the ropes and back out to the apron, using the momentum to float over Zack's shoulder! He starts to apply the Beat Drop, hoisting Zack up onto his shoulder with a pumphandle, but Malibu kicks his legs and frees himself, shoving Jax forward into a collision with O'Hara that knocks him off the apron, and sends Jax stumbling backwards into a release half-nelson suplex by Malibu!

 

COLE

Right on his head!

 

COACH

I hate this, Cole. I hate seeing my boys trying to hurt each other, but knowing that one of them is gonna be the HI-YAH Champion after this sorta makes it sweeter.

 

CABOOSE

You don't KNOW that one of them is going to win. The odds are 50/50 down the line for The Upstarts or Blonde, Faqu or Zack.

 

COACH

Be optimistic.

 

CABOOSE

I am.

 

With Jax taken out of the equation, Malibu starts climbing up one of the ladders, moving as fast as he can. O'Hara scrambles to his feet and darts back into the ring, racing up the second ladder to cut Zack off and try to claim the title and title shot all for his own. Both men each get to the top of their respective ladders and start reaching, and as Zack reaches up for the gold, O'Hara kicks his ladder over, sending Zack teetering down...BUT MALIBU CATCHES HIS FOOT ON THE TOP ROPE AND PUSHES THE LADDER BACK UP!

 

COLE

AWESOME!

 

O'Hara, stunned, lunges across the ladder tops with a swing at Zack, but Malibu leans back to avoid it, then grabs O'Hara's head and slams it into the top step! Zack then kicks Jamie's ladder over, but at the last second O'Hara leaps off the ladder, and grabs ahold of the wire that supports the HI-YAH Heavyweight Championship!

 

COLE

HE'S DANGLING IN MID-AIR!

 

COACH

GET THE BELT, J! UNSTRAP IT!

 

CABOOSE

If he unstraps the belt, he's going to fall 20 ft. down to the ring!

 

The crowd gasps in shock as O'Hara dangles, kicking his legs and trying to get some footing on Zack's ladder, while Zack is reaching for the gold at the same time! Malibu tries to grab the belt, but O'Hara keeps kicking, deflecting all of Zack's attempts, and ultimately using the wire to swing himself onto Zack's shoulders...AND RANA HIM OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER!

 

COLE

OH MY GOD!

 

CABOOSE

He sacrificed himself to take Zack out!

 

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

 

The expected chant breaks out, and once again the screen cuts to split screen mode for the viewers at home, showing the fallen bodies of Zack Malibu and Jamie O'Hara, as well as the spot that led to them being that way.

 

COLE

Jamie O'Hara said he was willing to kill himself if it meant a victory, and by God he's certainly living up to those words tonight!

 

CABOOSE

The kamikaze style could cost the kid though...he's putting life and limb on the line and if he gets hurt, he might not be able to WALK, let alone climb a ladder and grab the belt and contract!

 

Scotty Static slips back in and takes full advantage of the high risk manuever, rolling O'Hara out of the ring and out of his way. He takes the ladder that was toppled over and snaps it shut, then lays it against the corner, and then goes and takes Malibu and slams him down on top of it to make sure that Zack is immobilized when he goes to get the belt! Static goes and starts his climb on the ladder that is still standing in center ring. He makes it up the first three steps, but out of the corner of his eye notices James Blonde getting up from the floor, so instead of trying to get the prize before someone can stop him, Static breaks from the norm and hops down to the canvas, running across the ring and nailing Blonde with a baseball slide! Blonde stumbles into the guardrail, while Static finds yet ANOTHER ladder and pulls it up, then rams it into the ribcage of James Blonde! Johnny Jax, having recovered from the half-nelson suplex delivered by Malibu, comes over and holds Blonde at bay while Static takes the ladder and lays it sideways, one end held up by the ring and the other end held up by the guardrail.

 

COLE

What the...what are they doing?

 

With the ladder in place, Static comes over and takes hold of Blonde along with Jax, and together the GPX run Blonde full force into the ladder, driving his temple into the steel!

 

COACH

Damn son, now that's teamwork! That's what they have to do! Take everyone else out, then go at it toe to toe!

 

Proudly, the GPX work the crowd, but their dominance over Blonde on the floor is short-lived, as Blonde's partner sees what's taking place and propels himself over the top rope and down onto both Scotty and Johnny with a pescado! After landing, Faqu starts to ground n' pound Jax, while in the ring Malibu gets up off the ladder, just in time to catch O'Hara charging towards him...so he backdrops him down onto the ladder! O'Hara bounces off the steel and flops around like a dead fish, and after noticing the four men on the outside all getting to their feet while brawling, Malibu races up the ladder to the top rope and then soars downward with a flying bodypress onto the pile of bodies below!

 

COLE

Malibu has taken everyone in the match out! He's got to get back in the ring and start climbing!

 

"MAL-AH-BOO!"

"MAL-AH-BOO!"

"MAL-AH-BOO!"

 

The chants are strong as Zack gets up off the pile of humanity at ringside and steps back through the ropes...and gets met with a desperation European uppercut by a groggy Jamie O'Hara! Zack reels back, then delivers a right hand that spins O'Hara around, and he then turns and charges, only to get backdropped over the ropes...NO! O'Hara SKINS THE CAT~!, but when he tries to push himself back into the ring, he finds his legs grabbed by Faqu, preventing him from getting up and over back into the ring! Faqu holds O'Hara's legs against his shoulders, while the skinny youngster struggles, clinging to the ropes...until Malibu delivers a soccer kick that causes O'Hara's grip to release, allowing Faqu to drop him with a hard powerbomb on the floor!

 

COACH

Oh no, J-Man is DOWN!

 

Having taken O'Hara out, a sneering Faqu climbs up on the apron, only to be met with right hands from Malibu, trying to knock him off the apron. The big man wobbles, but does not fall down...at least not until the GPX recover and each yank an ankle out from under the Samoan, pulling him down and then smashing his face into the ring apron! Together, the GPX then execute a double-team back suplex, dropping Faqu on the back of his head, while in the ring Malibu is bracing the ladder for a climb! He moves his way up the rungs, but James Blonde follows suit, climbing up the opposite side for his own chance at victory. The two men both get to the top, and just as Malibu is about to grab the prize, he switches gears, nailing Blonde as he comes up the ladder. Blonde fights back with some hard left hands, trying to use his injured right arm as little as possible. Malibu takes a shot to the jaw and nearly falls over, catching himself with one hand on the top step! Blonde uses that borrowed time to reach up for the gold with his right arm, but as he tries to sway the belt into his grasp, his wrist is grabbed by Malibu, who turns his back to Blonde as he jumps off the ladder with him, snapping the arm over his shoulder as they fall to the canvas!

 

COLE

AN ALBRIGHT ARMBREAKER OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER!

 

COACH

I bet he ripped his arm right out of the socket! GOOD!

 

Blonde kicks at the canvas while holding his right arm against his body, in obvious great pain. Malibu too rolls around on the canvas, having taken himself out as he took Blonde away from getting the title and contract. The GPX pounce on the opportunity and get back in the ring, but as Static steps ahead of Jax and moves towards the ladder, Johnny spins him around and doubles him over with a kick, then hits a powerful snap suplex to disable his own partner! Jax then takes the ladder that was propped against the corner and drapes it over his partner, and then goes to the corner and climbs the ropes, as the crowd watches on with great anticipation!

 

COLE

They said they were willing to take each other out, and they're certainly living up to the declaration!

 

Jax gets to the top, but before he can do anything, O'Hara slips back into the ring and runs up the ropes, tucking his arm under Johnny Jax's...AND HIPTOSSES HIM OFF THE TOP ROPE DOWN ONTO THE LADDER DRAPED ACROSS SCOTTY STATIC!

 

COACH

J! J! Those are your boys, man!

 

Jax walks across the ring on his knees, favoring his back after having it mashed against the unforgiving metal. Static is motionless, with the ladder still covering him, and so now O'Hara remains on the top rope, but only momentarily, as he leaps into the air, flipping and flipping and flipping and CRASHES DOWN ONTO THE LADDER WITH A 630 SPLASH~!

 

CABOOSE

Scotty Static may be legally DEAD after all of that!

 

O'Hara now also regrets his actions, as his back is in pain as well. Faqu now enters the ring and hoists Jamie to his feet, and then drives him down with an STO! O'Hara rolls out of the ring as Jax tries running at Faqu with a YAKUZA KICK...but the big Samoan catches the foot and simply throws it down, then throws Jax overhead with a release belly to belly suplex!

 

COLE

Look at the big guy go! He's taking EVERYONE out!

 

Faqu is on the warpath, and picks the ladder up off of Scotty Static, looking for someone to swing it at. Malibu, O'Hara, Static and Jax are all down though, so Faqu turns around to set the ladder up...but from behind comes Blonde, his face bloodied from being rammed into the ladder on the floor, to nail his partner from behind with a forearm! Faqu flinches, and Blonde reaches over and pulls the ladder onto Faqu's shoulders, sticking his head between two rungs...AND PULLS BACK ON IT, USING IT TO HIT A LUNGBLOWER WHILE PULLING THE LADDER INTO FAQU'S FACE~!

 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"

 

COACH

I thought he was dead!

 

CABOOSE

Apparently not! Bloodied, beaten and Blonde just eliminated his own partner from contention!

 

Blonde then pulls the ladder up and sets it up next to the other standing ladder, and begins to climb, moving slowly and having to stop and wipe the blood from his eyes.

 

COLE

His vision isn't 100% due to that wound on his forehead causing blood to seep into his eyes, and it's taking him more time than it should!

 

Blonde makes it 3/4 of the way up, but even the slightest movement to his right arm causes him to wince in pain. Unable to reach the belt from his position, he climbs up another step, but when he lifts his arm again, he gets drilled in the ribs with a ladder, as down on the canvas Malibu has picked up the ladder used on Faqu and is jabbing it into Blonde's sides, eventually knocking him off the ladder, causing him to land throat first down on the top rope!

 

COLE

As if the fall wasn't enough, Blonde just whiplashed himself on his landing!

 

Malibu drops the ladder, but the crowd starts making some noise, dropping hints that the coast is not clear! Sure enough, Jamie O'Hara has gotten back on the apron and is climbing the turnbuckles, but Malibu spins around and catches him in the act, then rushes the corner and shoves Jamie off...AND HE FALLS ONTO THE LADDER SET UP ACROSS THE APRON AND GUARDRAIL, CROTCHING HIMSELF ON ONE OF THE LADDER RUNGS~!

 

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

 

COACH

Aw no no NO! Man, that's just not RIGHT!

 

The replays come in handy yet again, as they show Malibu pushing both of O'Hara's legs out from under him, sending him down crotch first on the exposed ladder.

 

Back in real time, Malibu turns around from doing that deed, and winds up going up and over the ropes with Scotty Static, who hits a running clothesline that takes them both out to the floor! All that's left are Faqu and Static, both of whom are struggling to get to their feet. Faqu immediately dives for the legs and pulls Scotty up onto his shoulders, making an attempt for a Death Valley Driver...but Static manages to slip out, and instinctively shoves Faqu to the ropes! Static makes the mistake of putting his head down though, and Faqu puts on the brakes and locks his arms with a butterfly lock, then starts drilling his knees into the head and upper body of Scotty Static! After weakening the former World Tag Team Champion, Faqu hoists him up, dropping him with a TIGER BOMB~!, and hangs on, pulling him up a second time, but this time running across the ring and DROPPING HIM OVER THE ROEPS WITH A POWERBOMB TO THE FLOOR~!

 

COACH

YO~!

 

COLE

FAQU IS THE LAST MAN STANDING RIGHT NOW! CAN HE TAKE HOME THE PRIZE!?

 

"FAQU!"

"FAQU!"

"FAQU!"

 

The crowd is electric, chanting for the brutal Samoan as he turns away from the ropes and steadies the ladder, starting the climb.

 

CABOOSE

The fans are on their feet, but no one else is...waitaminute, cameraman, get a shot of the far side of the ring!

 

On the floor, both Malibu and Jax are getting up, and Johnny takes Malibu by the head and tries running him into the horizontally placed ladder (with O'Hara STILL slumped over it!), but Malibu pushes off, sending Jax face first into it! He stumbles back around...SCHOOL'S OUT TO JOHNNY JAX ON THE FLOOR~!

 

COLE

He just cracked his chin! Zack, you've gotta get back in the ring though!

 

The crowd watches on, as Faqu has made it nearly to the top of one of the ladders, and is reaching for the belt! His fingers brush the strap, and he's nearly got it...but Malibu hops up on the apron, and springboards himself ONTO THE SECOND LADDER...AND SPEARS FAQU OFF OF HIS LADDER DOWN TO THE RING BELOW THEM~!~!~!

 

COACH

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!

 

CABOOSE

ZACK MALIBU JUST SENT FAQU CRASHING TO THE CANVAS WITH A SPEAR FROM NEARLY 20 FEET OFF THE GROUND~!

 

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

 

COLE

Listen to these fans...we knew this would be a match with the so-called "holy shit" moments, but I don't think words describe the insanity of this contest! These men have gone through hell tonight, and now Zack Malibu just launched himself from the ring apron to one ladder, then dove off that ladder with a spear to prevent Faqu from unsnapping the HI-YAH belt from its harness!

 

COACH

I got one o' my boys knocked out on one side of the ring, I got Scotty Static dead down in front of us, and poor Jamie O'Hara ain't never gonna have kids after tonight!

 

CABOOSE

Yes Coach, I don't think things are looking good for your Upstarts tonight.

 

COACH

...screw you.

 

Zack, the least groggy of the two since Faqu broke his fall from above somewhat, gets up and stops himself from falling over due to dizziness. Once he's able to stand on his own two feet, he goes for the ladder and climbs, never stopping, never looking back.

 

COLE

He's making his way up, and I don't know if anyone is capable of stopping him this time!

 

Jax was laid out by School's Out. Static was powerbombed on the floor. Blonde has taken too many bad falls, and injured his right arm in the process. Faqu is motionless inside the ring. O'Hara is lifeless, with his body still caught between ladder rungs. The only one in motion is Zack, and he moves closer and closer to the top of the ladder, reaching up for his belt with nobody to stop him.

 

COLE

He's almost got it! C'mon Zack!

 

Malibu reaches up, and his hand grazes the belt once before it takes hold of it, snapping the belt and the attatched contract off the harness!

 

CABOOSE

HE'S GOT IT! RING THE BELL!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

COLE

ZACK MALIBU HAS WON TWO FOR THE MONEY!

 

The fans spring to their feet, letting out a rousing ovation for the still reigning HI-YAH Champion, who lays over the top step of the ladder for a few moments, ridding himself of some exhaustion that he gained while trying to retain his title. After catching his breath, Zack stands upright, raising the belt over his head as he stays on the ladder, showcasing his victory for everyone in attendance and at home.

 

COLE

Give it up for ALL of these men, even the Upstarts, because this was nothing short of a war. Every single man lived up to their word. Simply amazing.

 

CABOOSE

Even I can give credit where it's due. Your boys did alright for themselves, Coach, but in the end, it's that man who is standing tall, and I'm willing to bet that both Peter Knight and Alfdogg, whichever one of them wins the World Championship later tonight, aren't looking forward to facing a man as motivated as Zack Malibu currently is.

 

Zack climbs down from the ladder and exits the ring, and upon his exit numerous OAOAST personnell and medical staff start coming down the aisle to check on the casualties of the contest. Malibu gets up to the top of the entrance ramp and tears the contract from the back of his title, and holds each one of the prizes up in his hands, as another ovation comes up from the crowd.

 

COLE

A well deserved response for an amazing contest, and a well-fought victory for Zack Malibu. It was a match full of Anglemania moments, more of which are to follow, but for now we know that Zack Malibu, whenever he wants it, has a guaranteed shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title!

 

CABOOSE

The tides are changing back into our favor, Michael. Whoever walks out of the main event with the strap tonight is going to have to have Zack in the back of their minds every day of the week, because that title shot is guaranteed at any OAOAST event in the next year!

 

COLE

It certainly promises to keep the title scene interesting, and later tonight the highly anticipated matchup for the OAOAST World Championship takes place. Peter Knight vs. Alfdogg, coming up later on at Anglemania V.

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COLE

Here we go! It’s time for the Ladder Match!

 

The camera cuts to Michael Buffer, who is standing in the ring, a microphone and cue cards in his hands. The hook, which will hold the 24/7 Championship belt, hangs over him.

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the LADDER MATCH for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

BUFFER

The rules for this match are: There ARE NO RULES!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

Leon Rodez has said he’s feels that he’s been waiting a year for this match! And in a way, he has been waiting a year for this one match!

 

COACH

Well Tha Puerto Rican is going to make Leon feel like this match has been going on for a year!

 

BUFFER

Introducing first. The challenger. About to come to the ring at this time. From Grand Rapids, Michigan. Weighing in at 228 lbs. He is a former X-Division AND World Tag Team Champion, and tonight, looks to become the 24/7 Champion for the first time ever. He is “Silky Smooth” LEOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN ROOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

*GOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!*

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

The crowd stands up, anxiously awaiting Leon’s arrival. The opening to “Mama Said Knock You Out” plays over the P.A. system. And then…

 

LL COOL J

DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK!

I’VE BEEN HERE FOR YEARS!

ROCKIN’ MY PEERS AND PUTTIN’ SUCKAS IN FEAR!

MAKIN’ THE TEARS RAIN DOWN LIKE A MON-SOON!

LISTEN TO THE BASS GO BOOM!

EXPLOSION, OVERPOWERIN’

 

LL Cool J himself comes out onto the entrance stage, performing “Mama Said Knock You Out” live. A second after he comes out, Leon Rodez appears on the entrance stage, wearing a glittering gold robe and bobbing his head to his theme song. Leon raises his hands to the cheering crowd, and then walks down the steps, with LL Cool J in front of him.

 

LL COOL J

Over the competition, I’m towerin’

Wreckin’ shop, when I drop these lyrics that’ll make you call the cops

Don’t you dare stare, you betta move

Don’t ever compare

me to the rest that’ll all get sliced and diced

Competitions payin’ the price

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUUUUH!)

 

By now, Leon and LL have walked down the steps, and are now making their way to the ring down the aisle, both slapping hands with the fans. Leon does a little jig to his entrance song with a smile on his face, which is surprising, since this is such an important match for him.

 

LL COOL J

Don’t you call this a regular jam

I’m gonna rock this land

I’m gonna take this itty bitty world by storm

And I’m just getting warm

 

Just like Muhammad Ali they called him Cassius

Watch me bash this beat like a skull

Cuz you know I had beef wit

 

Why do you riff with me, the maniac psycho

And when I pull out my jammy get ready cuz it might go

BLAAAAAAAW, how ya like me now?

The river will not allow

u to get with, Mr. Smith, don’t riff

 

Listen to my gear shift

I’m blastin’, outlastin’

Kinda like Shaft, so you could say I’m shaftin’

 

Old English filled my mind

And I came up with a funky rhyme

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out!

 

Break down!

 

As the song hits the break down part, Leon and LL Cool J are at ringside. Leon touches the ladder for luck I guess. Leon and LL get on the ring apron. Rodez holds his arms out triumphantly, garnering more cheers. Leon and LL enter the ring just as LL begins the third verse.

 

LL COOL J

Shadowboxin’ when I heard you on the radio (HUUUUUUH!)

I just don’t know

 

What made you forget that I was raw?

But I now got a new tour

 

I’m goin’ insane, startin’ the hurricane, releasin’ pain

Lettin’ you know that you can’t gain, I maintain

Unless ya say my name

 

Rippin’, killin’

Diggin’ and drillin’ a hole

Pass the ol’ gold

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out (HUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out (HUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUH!)

 

Shotgun blasts are heard

When I rip and kill, at WILL

 

The man of the hour, tower of power, I’ll devour

I’m gonna tie you up and let you understand

that I’m not your average man

when I got a jammy in my hand

DAAAAAAAAMN! OOOOOOHHHHHHH!

 

Listen to the way I slaaaaaaaaaam your crew

 

Damage

 

LEON RODEZ

UHHHHHH!

 

LL COOL J

Damage

 

LEON RODEZ

UHHHHHHH!

 

LL COOL J

Damage

 

RODEZ

UHHHHHHH!

 

LL COOL

Damage

Destruction, terror, and mayhem

 

Pass me a sissy so suckas I’ll slay him

Farmers

 

RODEZ

WHAT!?

 

LL COOL J

Farmers

 

RODEZ

WHAT!?

 

LL COOL

You’re ready

 

RODEZ

I’M READY!

 

LL COOL J

I think I’m gonna bomb a town (Get down!)

 

Don’t you neva, eva, pull my lever

Cuz I explode

And my nine is easy to load

 

I gotta thank God

Cuz he gave me the strength to rock

HARD! Knock you out

Mama Said Knock You Out!

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out (HUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUH!)

 

I’m gonna knock you out (HUUUUUUH!)

Mama Said Knock You Out! (HUUUUUUH!)

 

By now, Leon Rodez has removed his gold robe and let a ring attendant take it away. Leon is wearing gold shorts tonight, along with his usual black kneepads, black elbowpads (both with silver trim), silver braids in his hair, GOLD NIKE brand trainers, black fingerless gloves, and the black knee brace on his right leg. Rodez bounces off the ropes, psyching himself up as “Mama Said Knock You Out” ends. The crowd applauds LL Cool J.

 

LL COOL J

Yeah! Yeah! LL Cool J and Leon Rodez here at AngleMania V!

 

Leon high fives LL, who then leaves the ring. Leon plays to the crowd as he waits for PRL’s entrance.

 

COLE

That was LL Cool J performing “Mama Said Knock You Out”, Leon’s entrance theme.

 

CABOOSE

Wow, what a crappy performance. LL really has lost it, hasn’t he?

 

COACH

I still say Cannibus beat him in their battle. Go back to Hollywood, you overrated hack!

 

COLE

Would you say that to his face?

 

COACH

Yes…. no.

 

COLE

Thought so.

 

The lights go down in the convention center causing the crowd to cheer. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big, white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them:

 

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

A lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role ‘99” begins playing, which causes the crowd to stand up and start booing. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” throughout the song, while smoke fills up the entryway and the lights flicker on and off in the entrance. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smokes comes “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican, his manager and “Career Consultant” Stephen Joseph Popick, AND his bodyguard Mr. Boricua. Popick is giving PRL words of encouragement, while Mr. Boricua just stands there snorting, grunting, and cracking his knuckles. PR is now in his wrestling attire once again: a Puerto Rican flag bandana, sunglasses, an earring on his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, a white sleeveless Lightning Crew shirt that is torn apart, blue elbowpads, Puerto Rican flag wristbands, long red tights that have PUERTO written down the right leg in big white blocky letters, and RICAN written down the left leg in big white blocky letters. PUERTO RICAN is also written on the waistband in white blocky letters, and there is a picture of the island of Puerto Rico with a Puerto Rican flag inserted onto it on the rear, with PUERTO RICO written on top of it in red, neon script. PRL also is wearing his red wrestling boots with the Puerto Rican flag airbrushed over them. Since it’s AngleMania, Tha Puerto Rican has painted two Puerto Rican flags on his cheeks.

 

COLE

There he is. The longest reigning 24/7 Champion in OAOAST history.

 

CABOOSE

THE CHAMP IS HERE!

 

COLE

Yeah, but for how long?

 

CABOOSE

FOREVER!

 

PRL, Popick, and Mr. Boricua look at the crowd with cocky smirks on their faces. PRL has his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder. He spins the belt plate.

 

COACH

Oh, I was hoping for an orchestra to play PRL out. You know, like the one PRL had a few weeks ago?

 

PR jaws with some fans. He looks at Popick and Mr. Boricua, and tells them to follow him to the ring. The three heels walk down the steps as “Know Your Role ‘99” continues playing.

 

BUFFER

And his opponent. Accompanied to the ring by his manager and “Career Consultant” Stephen Joseph Popick AND his bodyguard Mr. Boricua. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is the leader of The Lightning Crew, a former 3-time OAOAST Puerto Rican/Italian/Puerto Rican Champion, a former OAOAST North American Champion, AND is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion, the longest reigning 24/7 Champion in OAOAST history. “The Corporate Champion” THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

 

Chants of “P.R. SUCKS!” fill the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center. Tha Puerto Rican, Mr. Boricua, and Stephen Joseph walk down the aisle to the ring, Leon Rodez staring at the three of them.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is coming out here with some additional backup in the form of Mr. Boricua.

 

CABOOSE

Well, it’s a good idea, in my opinion. Mr. Boricua is 6’9” 300 lbs. He’s going to be the perfect line of defense for PRL against Leon Rodez’s friends.

 

COLE

He wasn’t so much of a backup earlier tonight in the Vitamin X-Colombian Heat match. Colombian Heat still ended up winning.

 

CABOOSE

That was earlier tonight! I admit that Mr. Boricua failed, but it’s okay. He’s not going to fail TWICE in one night! Tha Puerto Rican WILL walk out of here with his 24/7 Title belt!

 

Tha Puerto Rican walks up to the ladder that is set up at ringside. PRL holds his spinner 24/7 Championship belt with his teeth, and then starts climbing the ladder until he reaches the top. PRL then raises his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt on the ladder while the crowd boos.

 

CABOOSE

PRL, climbing the Corporate Ladder, which is exactly what he’s going to do tonight! And he’s doing it right here in Atlantic City, at the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center. Donald Trump must be proud to have a man like PRL, The Corporate Champion, wrestle tonight at AngleMania V!

 

PRL spits in Leon’s direction. He sneers at Leon as he climbs back down the ladder. Tha Puerto Rican continues his walk to the ring, his eyes locked on Rodez.

 

COLE

As of tonight, April 2, 2006, Tha Puerto Rican has held the OAOAST 24/7 Championship for 360 days. If Tha Puerto Rican can make it past tonight, and past HeldDOWN~! on Thursday night, then he will have held the 24/7 Title for one full year, something nobody in the OAOAST has ever done before! For 360 days, Tha Puerto Rican, the survivor, has been the 24/7 Champion!

 

Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron. He sneers at the crowd. Stephen Joseph holds the ropes, and Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring, followed by Mr. Boricua and Popick himself. P.R. spins around; soaking in the fans’ boos while “Know Your Role ‘99” continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK-muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still booing loudly and chanting, “P.R. SUCKS!”

 

COLE

His title reign began on April 7, 2005 on HeldDOWN~! from London, England, when Stephen Joseph Popick, a member of OAOAST Corporate, stripped Devon “The One Man Army” Geddon and The Phenom, co-holders of the belt at the time, of the 24/7 Title due to not defending it for 30 days. Popick then awarded the 24/7 Title to Tha Puerto Rican, despite the fact that Tha Puerto Rican didn’t do a damn thing to deserve that belt!

 

CABOOSE

Oh let’s not start that again! That was last year; we’ve already talked about that situation for as much as we can. Let’s not open a can of worms here!

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican has held that belt for an amazing 11 months. Longer than anybody has held any title in the history of the OAOAST. He has survived each and every title defense he’s had.

 

CABOOSE

That’s what makes PRL such a great 24/7 Champion. He has been able to beat everyone who has challenged him. He has proved his critics wrong each and every time!

 

PRL heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his spinner 24/7 Championship belt over his head. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and raises his belt over his head again. The crowd boos. PRL kisses his belt. PR hits a third turnbuckle, and raises his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt with his right hand and “smells the electricity” a’la The Rock. Leon Rodez is pulling the ropes.

 

COLE

PRL holds victories over John “Rock Hard” Brickston, Spanish Fly, Otaku II, The Mad Cappa, Colombian Heat, and even his opponent tonight, Leon Rodez. He took the Italian Championship away from John Brickston at The Great Angle Bash. He crushed Otaku II’s quest for revenge after what PRL and The Lightning Crew did to his wife, Ayane Mitsui at AngleSlam. He finally got a pinfall victory over The Mad Cappa for the first time since 2003. He made Spanish Fly tap out to the Sharpshooter at World Without End. He SCREWED Colombian Heat out of the 24/7 Title thanks to Thomas Rodriguez at Anglepalooza. And he SCREWED Leon Rodez out of the 24/7 Title last month at Zero Hour when the 15-minute time limit ran out! Through it all, through the title changes, through the arrivals and departures, and through the Civil War, one thing has remained the same. Tha Puerto Rican, whether you like him or not, has held onto the 24/7 Title. He is a survivor.

 

PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle. He receives boos. PRL jaws with the crowd. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the second turnbuckle. He takes off his sunglasses and earring while the lights go back on in the arena. Mr. Boricua and Stephen Joseph Popick glare angrily at Leon Rodez, who is standing at a corner. PRL chats with Popick.

 

CABOOSE

Tha Puerto Rican has brought honor and prestige to the 24/7 Title. He has made it MEAN something again. He has defeated, he’s overcome so much adversity. He has made the 24/7 Title his baby, so much so that he carries around his own version of the belt. A version that cost Vitamin X $100,000 by the way. I’m proud that Tha Puerto Rican is the 24/7 Champion, even though no one else is. He is the greatest 24/7 Champion of all-time. I love it.

 

PRL paces around the ring, still holding his spinner 24/7 Title belt. Stephen Joseph taunts Leon Rodez, while Mr. Boricua grunts and yells. Leon shows no fear.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican has guaran-damn-teed that he will win this Ladder Match, the “greatest Ladder Match of all-time” as he has said in the past. Can he be true to his word? Will his guarantee come true when he goes head-to-head, one-on-one against the 22-year-old, 5’10” 228 Leon Rodez? This is Tha Puerto Rican’s fourth straight AngleMania. He has a 2-1 record, but that one lost. That one lost he has at AngleMania has haunted him to this very day, was his lost to The Mad Cappa at AngleMania III to lose the Puerto Rican Championship in front of 78,000 fans at the Pontiac Silverdome in Detroit, Michigan.

 

COACH

Why must you bring that up? That was a terrible moment in PRL’s career, perhaps the worst day of his entire life! Don’t remind me of it!

 

CABOOSE

Talk about how at AngleMania IV, PRL retired Panther in that “Rage In The Cage” Steel Cage Match. That’s a good memory!

 

“Know Your Role ‘99” dies down. The crowd is hot. A “P.R. SUCKS!” chant breaks out. PRL stares at Leon Rodez. Referee Nick Soapdish asks PRL to hand him his 24/7 Title belt. Tha Puerto Rican is hesitant, almost as if he doubts he’ll ever see the belt again. But the hesitation disappears. PRL kisses his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt and hands it over to Nick Soapdish, who raises it above his head to let the crowd know this is a 24/7 Title match.

 

COLE

Was that the last time that PRL kissed the belt? Was that the last time that PRL had the 24/7 Title belt in his possession?

 

CABOOSE

No, and stop saying that. You’re making me nervous.

 

Nick Soapdish clips PRL’s spinner 24/7 Championship onto the hook. PRL high fives Stephen Joseph and Mr. Boricua. They leave the ring. PRL and Leon stand at different corners.

 

COLE

This is the match Leon wanted. He wanted this match so that PRL wouldn’t find a way to escape. No pinfalls, no submissions, no disqualifications, no countouts, no rules basically. All Leon has to do is climb the ladder, grab the 24/7 Title from the apparatus, and that’s it. Leon is the new 24/7 Champion and there’s nothing Tha Puerto Rican can do about it.

 

CABOOSE

And all Tha Puerto Rican has to do is climb the ladder, grab the 24/7 Title from the apparatus, and that’s it. Tha Puerto Rican is STILL the 24/7 Champion and there’s nothing Leon Rodez can do about it. He can’t complain. He can’t whine about being screwed. He just has to accept it and move on. Hopefully out of the OAOAST forever. Come on God.

 

The crowd is growing impatient. Nick Soapdish has finished clipping PRL’s belt to the hook. He gives a thumbs up sign, and the hook rises to the top of the convention center, Tha Puerto Rican’s custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt clipped to it.

 

COLE

And now the belt rises to the top of the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center. The prize is now hanging above PRL and Leon Rodez.

 

PR and Leon look up at the ceiling, the belt now hanging firmly at the top. Nick Soapdish pats down PRL and Rodez. He tells both men that the match is about to start. He calls for the bell.

 

COLE

Both Tha Puerto Rican and Leon Rodez are talented athletes. Both Tha Puerto Rican and Leon Rodez are charismatic. Both Tha Puerto Rican and Leon Rodez are good on the microphone and good in the ring. But only ONE of them will walk out of AngleMania V the 24/7 Champion. Who will it be? We are about to find out. The time for talking has ended. The insults. The pranks. The jokes. The sneak attacks are finished. This is what it comes down to. This is the match we have all been waiting for. We are about to begin.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

LADDER MATCH FOR THE OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP

“THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN (Champion with Stephen Joseph Popick and Mr. Boricua) vs. LEON RODEZ (Challenger)

The Corporate Champ and The Silky Smooth One stare at each other. The ladder is set up at ringside and so is referee Nick Soapdish. PR and Leon get closer to each other, PR running his mouth the entire time.

 

“THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN

You no good, yellow belly, whining, complaining, wannabe Puerto Rican, block hating punk motherfucker! FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!

 

LEON RODEZ

Motherfucker? Aren’t you the motherfucker, motherfucker?

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

I’m the motherfucker? All right, that’s it!

 

Tha Puerto Rican punches Leon in the face! Leon fires back with a punch of his own! Tha Puerto Rican and Leon Rodez engage in a slugfest in the middle of the ring! Neither man gaining the advantage…until Leon starts gaining the advantage, hitting PRL with right jabs all over his handsome face!

 

COLE

Here we go! A Ladder Match between two sure to be future hall of famers some day!

 

Leon lays in the punches, but Tha Puerto Rican grabs Leon by his braids and applies a headlock on him. PRL cinches the hold tight, but Rodez is able to take PR and himself into the ropes. PRL bounces off the ropes, and then LEAPFROGS over Rodez! Rodez bounces off the ropes, and once again PRL does a leapfrog. When Rodez returns from the ropes, Puerto Rican gives him an armdrag to the mat. Puerto bounces off the ropes again. He leaps over Leon, bounces off the ropes, but Leon is up, and fires with a clothesline knocking PR down!

 

COLE

And now Leon is in control!

 

Rodez gets on top of PR, and starts hammering into him with mounted punches. He gets up and then picks PRL up. Leon whips PRL into the ropes—PRL reverses—Leon bounces off the ropes. PRL puts his head down, so Leon stops in his tracks, grabs PR, picks him up, and gives him Hemorrhoids! PRL holds his nuts in serious pain, jumping up and down. Leon continues on the attack, grabbing PRL for an Exploder Slam! However, PRL clubs Leon down with forearms to the neck, escaping the Exploder Slam. Leon takes a second to recover, and when he turns around, PRL kicks him in the gut, places him in a front facelock, and then grabs a hold of his shorts.

 

COLE

Oh no! It could be time! Time for the Corporate Nightmare!

 

PRL goes to lift Rodez up. But Rodez won’t budge. PRL tries again, but Rodez still won’t budge. Suddenly, Leon escapes the front facelock and kicks PRL in the stomach. The Facial!

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican just got a Facial from Leon Rodez!

 

CABOOSE

If only the name meant the “clean” version of the word facial. Lousy former porno star.

 

Leon Rodez is quick to get up following his perversely named move. He picks PRL up…and The Corporate Champ surprises him with punches to the face! Puerto Rican is on offense with Rock-style punches to the temple. P.R. then whips Rodez into a turnbuckle. P.R. heads to the opposite turnbuckle, and then charges forward, leaping up and crashing into Leon with the Stinger Splash! Leon is still on the turnbuckle, so PRL goes back to The Rock-style punches to the face.

 

CABOOSE

Oh yeah! Look at PRL go to work here at AngleMania! This is how shit gets done up in here! Yah mean?

 

COLE

…Okay then.

 

In between the taunting, PRL is beating up poor Leon’s face. Puerto Rican grabs Leon and gives him an Irish whip…Leon reverses. Exploder Slam! Rodez gets back to his feet. He waits for Tha Puerto Rican to get up. When he does, Leon gets right to work, nailing PRL with forearms to the face. The forearms drive PRL close to the ropes. Leon leaves P.R. dazed and confused, so he heads to the ropes, bounces off of them, but Tha Puerto Rican grabs Leon when he’s coming towards him and throws him over the top rope, crashing into the ladder on the way down!

 

CROWD

OOOOOOOHHHHH!

 

COLE

Good gravy! PRL is the first person to use the ladder as a weapon, sending Leon right into the ladder on the outside!

 

CABOOSE

All right PR! That’s how you do it! Way to go! *Whistles!*

 

Tha Puerto Rican rests on the ropes, while Leon Rodez lies on the floor.

 

COACH

PRL is trying to get Leon Rodez so incapacitated that he can step out of the ring and bring the ladder in.

 

COLE

Well PRL started trying to do that last Thursday on HeldDOWN~! when he attacked Leon Rodez’s surgically repaired right knee not once but twice. First with his 24/7 Title belt, and then slamming the ladder on top of it.

 

Stephen Joseph and Mr. Boricua root PRL on. Tha Puerto Rican is on his feet now. He exits the ring and goes towards the ladder, but Leon grabs PRL from behind and punches him in the face! Leon punches PR in the face a few more times, and then slams his face on the barricade. Leon then whips PRL into another barricade! The Puerto Rican flag on PRL’s left cheek is starting to fade away. Leon punches PRL in the aisle, getting him nice and groggy. Rodez throws PRL back into the ring.

 

COACH

Leon isn’t going for the ladder right now. He’s just concentrating on beating Tha Puerto Rican!

 

Rodez follows Puerto back into the ring. He goes to pick PRL up, but PRL scratches Leon’s eyes. He does a Rock-punch to Leon’s face. Rock punch. Rock punch. Rock punch. Spit into the hand. Rock punch. Tha Puerto Rican shakes his head, trying to get the cobwebs out, and then whips Leon Rodez into the ropes. Leon Rodez reverses, goes for a clothesline, PRL ducks, goes for another clothesline, PRL ducks THAT, PRL bounces off the ropes, Leon grabs him, lifts him up for a hiptoss, but then catches PRL’s legs before they fall to the mat and cradles PRL into his arms. Leon takes PR up, and brings him down across the knee with a backbreaker! No Fat Chicks!

 

COLE

And now Leon has given PRL another one of his signature moves, No Fat Chicks!

 

CABOOSE

You know, Leon has got some crappy names for his moves.

 

COLE

Why? You wish all his moves were named Corporate This and Corporate That?

 

CABOOSE

Yes!

 

PRL holds his back in pain while Leon Rodez rests on the ropes. He wipes the sweat off his forehead and then exits the ring. He goes towards the ladder, but Tha Puerto Rican gets some sweet revenge by attacking Rodez from behind. He does some shaky leg kicks over Leon’s body, and then picks him up, slamming his head on the ladder! Puerto punches Leon a few times, and then makes sure he and Leon are a few feet away from the ladder…so that PR can whip Leon directly into the ladder, causing it to fall!

 

COLE

Down goes the challenger AND the ladder!

 

Tha Puerto Rican kicks Leon while he’s down. The fans start chanting, “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” which causes PRL to sneer at the crowd.

 

CABOOSE

Would you mind telling these fans that P.R. DOESN’T suck?

 

COLE

I’ll get right on it.

 

Tha Puerto Rican picks Leon up and then slams his head on the barricade. He then grabs the ladder and takes it with him into the ring.

 

CABOOSE

Here we go! Tha Puerto Rican is going to grab the belt now! Just grab the belt now!

 

COLE

Rodez is down on the ground. And Tha Puerto Rican has the ladder in the ring.

 

COACH

This could do it right here!

 

COLE

That’s right. All PRL has to do is set the ladder up, climb it, and retrieve his belt!

 

Tha Puerto Rican is shocked when he realizes just how high his 24/7 Title belt is. However he shakes his head, and goes back to setting the ladder up in the ring. PRL sets the ladder up directly below the belt, and the crowd starts buzzing, worried that PRL might actually get the belt. Tha Puerto Rican begins his climb…just as Leon is running onto the turnbuckle.

 

CABOOSE

Leon is back up! What’s he going to do?

 

Leon prepares to leap off the top rope, behind PRL, who is still climbing the ladder. Leon jumps off the top rope…and hits PRL with the Ass Punch causing him to fall off the ladder onto the mat! The ladder falls down itself.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is down! Leon Rodez is down! The ladder is down!

 

PRL and Leon Rodez start getting up. Leon is up first, and he grabs the ladder. He waits for PRL to get up, while Leon himself is on one knee. When Tha Puerto Rican gets to a vertical base he turns around, and gets hit in the head with the ladder thrown by Leon Rodez!

 

CABOOSE

Oh no! PRL might be hurt! Oh shit!

 

Tha Puerto Rican holds his face, screaming out in pain. Mr. Boricua and Stephen Joseph show concern. Leon is still holding the ladder. He walks right up to PR and lifts the ladder over his head…and then starts jamming the top of the ladder into PRL’s chest!

 

COLE

This is just like 3 weeks ago, when PRL did the exact same thing to Leon Rodez in the Latino Thug Street Fight, throwing the ladder into his face, and then jamming the ladder into Leon’s chest. His ribs had to be taped up because of this, and I think Leon wants PRL to feel what he felt after that match!

 

Leon has a smile on his face as he sets the ladder up again. The crowd cheers. PRL is holding his ribs on the mat.

 

COLE

The ladder is in position and Leon Rodez can now climb to get the belt!

 

CABOOSE

Stop him, PR! Stop him!

 

Leon is climbing. Rung. By rung. By rung. While Leon climbs, Tha Puerto Rican is getting to his feet, now feeling the effects of this match thus far. Leon is just at the top when Tha Puerto Rican grabs Leon’s right leg and pulls him off the ladder! Leon hits the mat face first, his face feeling the worst of the fall!

 

CABOOSE

Oh! That’s gotta hurt!

 

COACH

You know, if Leon ever wants to go back into the porn, which I think he will after this match, he won’t be able to since Tha Puerto Rican just messed his face up!

 

COLE

Well, there IS Ron Jeremy.

 

COACH

Touché.

 

Leon holds his face, stamping his feet on the mat. P.R. is now breathing hard, the Puerto Rican flag facepaint on his cheeks now disappearing. PRL stomps on Leon Rodez with the shaky leg kicks of his. Then Tha Puerto Rican grabs Leon’s knee brace, and begins taking it off.

 

COLE

Hey. What’s he doing? What is he doing?

 

Leon fights to keep his knee brace on, but Tha Puerto Rican is in control, and successfully pulls Leon’s knee brace off! The crowd starts booing.

 

COLE

Uh-oh. This isn’t good. This isn’t good news for Leon at all! That surgically repaired right knee, the one that kept Leon out of action for months, no longer has any protection! PRL is free to do whatever he wants to that knee, and there’s nothing the referee can do about it!

 

COACH

That knee is a target, and you can bet that Tha Puerto Rican is going to take full advantage of that!

 

CABOOSE

Hee. Hee. Hee. Now we’re talking.

 

Tha Puerto Rican raises Leon’s knee brace so the crowd can boo even louder than before. He has an evil smile on his face as he parades around the ring with the knee brace and then throws it to the outside.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Now we go to school!

 

CABOOSE

You hear that? It’s show time!

 

COACH

This match has just been turned up a notch!

 

And immediately, Tha Puerto Rican goes to work on Leon Rodez’s surgically repaired right knee, doing shaky leg kicks to it. It looks like the kicks are really hurting Leon’s knee as he winces in pain. The crowd chants, “LE-ON! LE-ON! LE-ON! LE-ON!” PRL grabs Leon’s right leg and tugs on it, causing Leon even more pain!

 

COLE

Leon is going to have a hard time climbing the ladder if this keeps up.

 

PR kicks Leon’s right knee. PRL sets the ladder near the ropes so that he can have more room to attack Leon’s right knee. P.R. pulls on Rodez’s right leg, causing him to scream out in pain. PR then drops an elbow onto Leon’s right knee. He then drops another elbow onto it. Puerto goes back to kicking the knee. PRL stops to pose, receiving boos.

 

“P.R. SUCKS!

P.R. SUCKS!

P.R. SUCKS!

P.R. SUCKS!”

 

Leon is starting to get up now. But PR is STILL kicking him in the right knee. Leon is able to get to his feet, but Tha Puerto Rican kicks Leon’s right knee and he falls right back now. Leon clutches his right knee, as it’s now become clear that PRL’s done damage to it. Tha Puerto Rican grabs the ladder and slams it right onto Leon’s right knee!

 

COLE

Now come on! I know this is a Ladder Match, but still. This isn’t right. This isn’t right at all!

 

PRL taunts the crowd and spits in their general direction. Leon is holding his right knee in pain. PRL grabs Leon’s right leg and places it in between the ladder.

 

COLE

Oh no. Just like last Thursday. This is exactly what Tha Puerto Rican did to Leon last Thursday! He’s not going to do it again is he?

 

PRL raises the top of the ladder over Leon’s right leg, and then slams it down!

 

COACH

He is! He did! HA! HA! HA!

 

PRL laughs as he watches Leon wither in pain. Puerto measures Leon, sneers at the crowd, and then stomps the ladder, causing Leon to scream out in pain! He then does it a second time for luck.

 

COLE

What aggression. What aggression from Tha Puerto Rican.

 

CABOOSE

It’s this aggression that has kept him the 24/7 Champion for 360 days now. It’s his secret to success.

 

COLE

I thought his secret to success was—oh never mind.

 

Tha Puerto Rican exits the ring. He tells Michael Buffer to, “Move out of the way, jabroni!”

 

PRL grabs Buffer’s chair and throws it into the ring.

 

COLE

Why a chair? Isn’t there enough steal in the ring?

 

Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring and grabs the chair. Leon is getting up, so PRL kicks him to keep him on the mat. Tha Puerto Rican SLAMS the steel chair onto the ladder, which has trapped Leon Rodez’s surgically repaired right knee!

 

COLE

That ladder on the chair like a hammer driving a nail. It’s like Tha Puerto Rican WANTS to end Leon’s career here!

 

PRL SLAMS the steel chair onto the ladder a second time, and then throws the chair away. PRL laughs his evil laugh.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

I am good, aren’t I?

 

Tha Puerto Rican exits the ring. He grabs Leon by his legs and drags him into the ring post. PRL then slams Leon’s right leg into the ring post! He is evil. EVIL~!

 

COLE

That right knee of Rodez just wrapped around the ring post!

 

Puerto Rican takes the ladder and sets it up between the ring steps and the barricade. A LOUD “P.R. SUCKS!” chant starts up again.

 

COACH

PRL has some EVIL intentions here! I can’t wait!

 

P.R. takes Leon and walks over with him to the ladder. PRL lifts Leon up, and slams his right knee into the ladder!

 

COLE

Rodez’s knee was just DRIVEN! Driven right into the ladder!

 

Tha Puerto Rican hits Leon with an elbow for good measure. He throws Leon off the ladder and then takes the ladder back into the ring. Leon is on the ground, holding his knee. Mr. Boricua and Stephen Joseph have wide grins on their faces. Nick Soapdish checks on Leon Rodez. Meanwhile, Tha Puerto Rican has set up the ladder in the ring. The crowd starts booing as PRL begins his climb to the top. Mr. Boricua is yelling right now. Rodez tries to crawl into the ring, but falls off the apron. Rung. By Rung. By Rung. PRL is three rungs away from the top. Leon Rodez slides into the ring, still feeling the pain in his right knee. PRL tries to reach for his spinner belt, only two rungs away from the top.

 

STEPHEN JOSEPH

Yes! That’s it! You got it! You got it!

 

PRL touches his belt. Just then, Leon Rodez charges forward and hits PR with a dropkick knocking him off the ladder onto the mat! PR and Rodez are both on the mat, the ladder still set up.

 

COLE

Both men are down! The challenger, Leon Rodez, and the 24/7 Champion, Tha Puerto Rican.

 

Leon grabs the ladder and shoves it to the mat.

 

COLE

Leon shoves the ladder to the mat so that Tha Puerto Rican cannot instantly climb up the ladder again. Smart move by Leon!

 

Leon takes it one step further by pushing the ladder out of the ring, buying himself some time. PRL and Leon crawl around the mat. Rodez is up first. He grabs PRL just as he’s getting up, and throws him to the outside. Leon exits the ring also, and grabs the ladder. He’s walking with a limp now. Leon places the ladder on a barricade.

 

COLE

The ladder’s propped up there.

 

Leon picks PRL up and takes him over to the ladder. He slams his head on the ladder—NO—PRL holds on! PRL elbows Leon in the gut, punches him in the gut, and then pulls his legs from out under him. Tha Puerto Rican catapults Leon Rodez right into the ladder!

 

COLE

Like a javelin, Leon Rodez was thrown into the ladder face first!

 

Leon Rodez crawls around the ringside area; Tha Puerto Rican grabs the ladder again. He lifts the ladder over his head, preparing to hit Leon with it, but Leon is able to find the strength to hit PRL in the stomach (with his left foot), causing him to fall to the ground, along with the ladder! Leon gets up first, and picks PRL up along with him. PR is able to land a few punches almost knocking Leon off his feet! He whips Leon into a barricade. Leon reverses, and it’s PRL hitting the barricade, followed by Leon clotheslining PRL to the floor! Leon takes Puerto Rican over to the ladder. He places PRL in between his legs, and then hooks his arms. However, PRL is able to give Leon a BAAAAAAAAACK Body Drop…onto the ladder!

 

COLE

Leon Rodez just went spine first into the ladder!

 

CABOOSE

HA! HA! I love it! This is just wonderful!

 

COACH

Yeah! Go PR! Go PR! Go!

 

PRL picks up the ladder and throws it back into the ring. Leon is still on the floor in pain. PRL enters the ring, and is shocked when Mr. Boricua throws a taller ladder into the ring.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Oh. Uh…thank you Boricua.

 

Mr. Boricua smiles like an idiot.

 

COLE

I don’t think we need TWO ladders, thank you very much.

 

CABOOSE

Well I knew that first one was so bent out of shape. And now we got a brand spanking new, nice, clean ladder!

 

PRL sets up the taller ladder in the center of the ring. He then starts climbing the ladder. The crowd starts cheering, hoping for Leon Rodez to stop PRL. PRL climbs the ladder, higher and higher he goes. Leon Rodez gets to his feet. Mr. Boricua gets in front of Rodez, so Rodez punches Boricua in the face, knocking him down.

 

COLE

Leon Rodez just KO’d Mr. Boricua!

 

PRL is getting higher and higher up the ladder. Leon Rodez enters the ring…but is stopped by Mr. Boricua! Mr. Boricua holds onto Leon’s right leg, refusing to let go. Leon keeps pulling, but can’t escape Mr. Boricua’s grip. That is until JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON runs down the steps and appears at ringside, grabbing Mr. Boricua and knocking him out with one punch to the head!

 

COLE

John “Rock Hard” Brickston is out here! John “Rock Hard” Brickston is out here, giving Leon Rodez some backup!

 

CABOOSE

What the hell is he doing out here? This is a ladder match! This is one on one!

 

COLE

Tell that to Mr. Boricua and Stephen Joseph!

 

CABOOSE

Oh well. It doesn’t matter now, because Tha Puerto Rican is in reaching distance.

 

The crowd is hot, hoping PRL doesn’t grab the belt. PRL reaches out, barely grabbing his 24/7 Title belt.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is close.

 

CABOOSE

He’s only inches away!

 

PRL reaches out again, but Leon Rodez is in the ring! He pushes the ladder, causing Tha Puerto Rican to not only fall off the ladder, but also out of the ring! Leon collapses to the mat.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican was only inches away from the belt, but Leon Rodez stopped him!

 

CABOOSE

He was touching the belt! He was there!

 

COACH

Yeah! He was!

 

COLE

Leon Rodez took PRL off the ladder! The match continues! We still don’t know who will wind up with the 24/7 Title when this is all said and done!

 

Leon Rodez uses the ropes and the ladders to help himself up. John “Rock Hard” Brickston is still at ringside, along with Mr. Boricua and Stephen Joseph Popick. Tha Puerto Rican is getting up, using the ring apron. Since the taller ladder is near PR’s face, Leon decides to bounce off the ropes, and do a baseball slide into the ladder. This causes the ladder to hit PR in the face! PR falls to the floor!

 

COLE

Oh my! That’s gotta hurt!

 

COLE

I don’t think Tha Puerto Rican is going to be able to get up after this! I think this might be the right time for Leon Rodez to set up the ladder, but instead he’s going after Tha Puerto Rican.

 

Leon is now showing signs of fatigue. He exits the ring, holding his right knee. He picks up Tha Puerto Rican and slams his head on a ring post! PRL is busted open, and it’s starting to drain his energy. In the ring, Leon Rodez has set the ladder up once again.

 

CABOOSE

You can set that ladder up all you want, Rodez, but I don’t think you’re going to climb it. HA! HA! HA!

 

Leon starts climbing the ladder. He’s a little slow in his climbing since his right knee still hurts.

 

COLE

This could all be adrenaline. This could be where he gets the strength to climb!

 

COACH

There are two ladders, but you only have one leg to climb it!

 

The crowd starts cheering, as Leon is getting closer and closer to the belt.

 

CABOOSE

Oh my God, he’s actually climbing.

 

COLE

Leon Rodez is getting closer and closer to the Promised Land!

 

Tha Puerto Rican has entered the ring. Rodez grabs PRL’s 24/7 Title belt!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BUT THA PUERTO RICAN PUSHES THE LADDER CAUSING LEON RODEZ TO FALL TO THE MAT!

 

“AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”

 

COLE

Leon Rodez almost got it!

 

CABOOSE

ALMOST being the key word here.

 

Both PRL and Leon Rodez are on the mat. PRL is still bleeding. On the outside, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, Stephen Joseph, and Mr. Boricua are all worried. The crowd is still hot. Tha Puerto Rican is on his feet first, so he attacks Leon Rodez with Rock-style punches to the temple. Puerto hits Leon with some punches and then gives him a bodyslam! The crowd starts cheering, since they know that’s the set-up for the Corporate Elbowdrop. PRL takes the taller ladder and sets it up next to Leon.

 

COLE

What’s PRL going for here?

 

COACH

I think I know what he’s doing, Michael.

 

PRL climbs the ladder. The crowd is cheering, sensing that a big move is coming up. Leon Rodez is still on the mat while Tha Puerto Rican climbs rung, by rung, by damn rung. PRL stops a few rungs short of the top though, confusing the crowd. Puerto looks at the crowd, then at Leon, then at the ladder. PRL takes off his left elbowpad and throws it to the crowd, who actually cheer.

 

COLE

Oh my! What’s he thinking of doing?

 

CABOOSE

Get a clue, Cole! Get a clue!

 

P.R. LEAPS OVER THE LADDER!

 

AND THEN SHIFTS HIS BODY IN MID-AIR SO THAT HIS LEFT ELBOW MEETS LEON RODEZ’S HEAD!

 

THE CORPORATE ELBOWDROP!

 

COLE

Corporate Elbowdrop! Innovative offense from Tha Puerto Rican at AngleMania!

 

COACH

Good golly, Miss Molly! What a move from The Corporate Champion!

 

CABOOSE

PRL just did a picture perfect Corporate Elbowdrop onto Leon Rodez, and before that he leap OVER the ladder and then shifted his body in mid-air! I mean, PRL is even more innovative than I thought! He is SO talented, it’s amazing. Freaking amazing! Tha Puerto Rican is the Michael Jordan of the OAOAST!

 

Tha Puerto Rican sits up. Leon Rodez is still down on the mat. PRL wipes the blood from his cut. He smiles. PRL grabs the smaller ladder and places it on top of a turnbuckle. Puerto goes back to punching Leon in the face. He whips Leon into the ladder—NO!—Leon reverses—NO!—PRL reverses, kicks Leon in the gut, and then delivers a Dangerous DDT drilling Leon’s head into the mat!

 

COLE

That was the move PRL likes to call C.O.D.: Concussion On Delivery!

 

CABOOSE

And Leon has GOT to have a concussion following that move!

 

COLE

That DDT was like thunder!

 

Tha Puerto Rican and Leon are back on the mat. PRL’s face is now completely covered with blood. Leon is breathing hard. PRL is too. The crowd is booing following the C.O.D.

 

STEPHEN JOSEPH

COME ON PUERTO!

 

MR. BORICUA

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

John “Rock Hard” Brickston is biting his nails now. Tha Puerto Rican gets to his knees, while Leon Rodez starts to move. PRL slowly gets to his feet, and then sets the taller ladder up in the center of the ring. Leon is still on the mat. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican starts climbing the taller ladder to grab his custom made title belt.

 

COLE

Leon Rodez is out! Tha Puerto Rican is climbing the ladder!

 

CABOOSE

Okay. This one is over. That’s it. Throw in the towel. It’s all over and done with. No more. PRL is winning this one, no doubt! HA! HA!

 

COLE

Leon’s eyes are glazed over.

 

COACH

And it looks like the blood is getting into PRL’s eyes! How is he going to climb to the top?

 

PRL slowly climbs up the ladder. Leon crawls over and uses to ladder to pull himself up. Rodez winces with each climb. He falls a few rungs because of his hurt right knee. Tha Puerto Rican is only 3 rungs away from the top of the ladder. PRL goes to grab his belt…but Leon punches Puerto in the face! Puerto punches Leon in the face! Leon! Puerto! Leon! Puerto! Leon! Puerto! Puerto grabs Leon and slams his head on top of the ladder, and then follows that by throwing Leon off the ladder into the smaller ladder that was set up on top of the turnbuckle! P.R. goes back to climbing the ladder, but suddenly, down the aisle comes out SPANISH FLY! Fly enters the ring and punches Tha Puerto Rican in the back! He does it repeatedly, preventing PRL from climbing to the top of the ladder!

 

CABOOSE

Get that midget out of here! He’s ruining PRL’s moment!

 

COLE

Spanish Fly is out here helping his friend Leon Rodez, who is resting on the ropes!

 

PRL kicks at Spanish Fly, trying to get him to stop punching him. After a few swipes, PRL is able to kick Fly in the stomach, knocking him down! However, Fly’s punches have done damage to Puerto Rican’s back, and P.R. is much slower climbing this time. The crowd is worried for Leon, as PR is 3 rungs away from the top. But then, Leon gets back to his feet and punches PRL in the back. Since Spanish Fly was already targeting PR’s back, Leon’s punches hurt a lot more than before. Leon’s punches stun Tha Puerto Rican. So, Leon climbs up the ladder himself, right behind PRL. Leon puts his head underneath PRL’s crotch and hoists him up on his shoulders!

 

COLE

What the hell is Leon Rodez doing?

 

CABOOSE

Yeah! What is he doing?

 

PRL is on Leon’s shoulders, begging not to be dropped! But Leon does so anyway, falling backwards off the ladder with PRL on his shoulders, giving PRL an Electric Chair Drop off the ladder! PR’s head hits the bottom rope!

 

COLE

Leon rebounded! And now they’re both on the mat again! Can you believe this?

 

The crowd applauds Leon for the Electric Chair Drop off the ladder. PRL and Leon Rodez are now on the mat again, breathing hard, eyes glazed over. John Brickston takes the chair out of the ring. He and Spanish Fly are at one side of the ring, while Stephen Joseph Popick and Mr. Boricua are at another side.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is a mess. Who’s going to get up first?

 

COACH

It’s Tha Puerto Rican! No, it’s Rodez!

 

PRL starts getting up. John Brickston hands Leon the steel chair, which is dented now.

 

COLE

That chair’s a little worse for wear there.

 

PRL is on his feet by himself. He pushes the ladder back down to the mat, and then picks it up. The smaller ladder is still on the top turnbuckle. John Brickston and Spanish Fly cheer Leon on, who is on his knees and grabbing the steel chair. Puerto heads to a turnbuckle and hoists the taller ladder over his head.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Watch this. I’m gonna smoke this motherfucker. I’m gonna make this punk wish he’d never been born. You’re going down Leon Rodez. You’re going DOWN!

 

PRL runs with the ladder over his head…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RIGHT INTO A CHAIRSHOT FROM LEON RODEZ!

 

PRL falls to the mat with the ladder on top of him! Leon follows that up with a chair to the ladder, causing PR to scream like a little girl (or scream in his regular voice actually)! Leon slams the chair over the ladder again! And then does it a third time for luck before finally throwing the chair away! Leon then collapses to the mat.

 

COLE

Oh, what a physical, brutal match! These two men are dissecting each other here at AngleMania V!

 

The crowd stomps their feet in unison, trying to get Leon back into this match. Leon crawls over to PRL and pulls the ladder off of him. He uses it to pull himself up, which is also what Tha Puerto Rican is doing at the same time! PRL gets to a vertical base and punches Leon in the face! The punch causes Leon to drop the ladder. With Leon dazed, Puerto places the ladder in the center of the ring. P.R. grabs Rodez and whips him into the ropes. Leon bounces off the ropes, and gets grabbed by P.R., who gives Leon Rodez a SPINNNNNNNNNNNNNEBUSTAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH~! on top of the ladder!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”/”YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

Leon lies on top of the ladder. P.R. stands over Rodez, looks at the crowd…and then kicks Leon’s right arm onto his chest.

 

CABOOSE

Hold up! Wait a minute!

 

COLE

Is he going for the IntenseZone Elbow?

 

Tha Puerto Rican removes his right elbowpad, spits on it, and then throws it down onto Leon’s face.

 

COLE

Yes!

 

P.R. does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, leaps over Leon, and then bounces off the opposite ropes. P.R. looks at the crowd, and then drops the IntenseZone Elbow onto Leon Rodez to a face pop from the crowd!

 

COLE

Oh! That was just heinous! The IntenseZone Elbow driven into the warm heart of Leon Rodez!

 

CABOOSE

Hey, you can’t have an AngleMania go by without the IntenseZone Elbow! PRL has been in four AngleManias now. And he’s done the IntenseZone Elbow each and every time! It’s the most electrifying move in professional wrestling!

 

The crowd is on their feet, hot after all the action they’ve seen. PR and Rodez are both on the mat, breathing hard, sweating, and probably sore. The ladder is still in the center of the ring.

 

COLE

That might have taken all that is left out of Leon Rodez! Rodez has got the bad knee, and then the IntenseZone Elbow into the heart right on the ladder! And STILL the 24/7 gold hangs in the balance!

 

PRL and Rodez start to get up. P.R. is the first one up. He (slowly) picks up the ladder and sets it up in the center of the ring. Leon is on his feet and kicks PR in the stomach knocking him down.

 

CABOOSE

Those rungs are all bent out of shape.

 

The Silky Smooth One starts climbing the ladder slowly. Mr. Boricua yells at PRL to stop him.

 

COLE

Rodez is up on the ladder again, on one leg. He can barely put his right leg on the rungs thanks to his right knee, which PRL damaged earlier in the match!

 

PR walks over to Leon and grabs him by his right leg. He tugs on the right leg, but Leon still holds on.

 

COLE

He’s inches away! INCHES AWAY!

 

PRL uses all the strength he has left to pull Leon off of the ladder with his right leg! Leon hits the mat face first! He bounces off the mat. PRL still holds onto Leon’s right leg, applying an ANKLELOCK on Leon Rodez!

 

COLE

Anklelock! Anklelock on Leon Rodez’s surgically repaired right knee!

 

P.R. screams out while twisting the ankle. Leon screams out in pain, horrible, horrible pain! PRL stares at John Brickston while applying the submission hold!

 

COACH

And John “Rock Hard” Brickston is at ringside, watching this!

 

COLE

I bet Tha Puerto Rican is mocking Brickston by doing this! We know PRL has tapped out to the anklelock many times in the past!

 

PRL turns the anklelock into a heel hook! This further increases the pain for Leon Rodez, who will not tap out, and couldn’t anyway since this is a Ladder Match.

 

COLE

Leon won’t give up! He will not quit!

 

CABOOSE

He should.

 

PR lets go of the heel hook. He gets to his feet, his face bloodied, and kicks Leon in his right knee. Puerto Rican grabs Leon’s right leg and turns him over, applying a half-leg Boston Crab on Leon!

 

COLE

And now this! A half-leg Boston Crab right on that right knee! PRL is intent on paralyzing that right knee! He is obsessed with making sure that knee is damaged beyond repair!

 

PRL pulls back on Leon’s right leg, letting out a scream.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Taste my pain, bitch!

 

Rodez has tears in his eyes now. The pain is excruciating. Tha Puerto Rican finally lets go of the half leg Boston Crab since it won’t win him the match. Tha Puerto Rican picks up Leon Rodez. He hits him with several European Uppercuts to the chin. Leon fires back with a punch! PR punches him. Leon fires back with ANOTHER punch! PRL fires back with one of his own! Leon with a punch!

 

A jab!

 

 

A jab!

 

 

 

A jab!

 

 

 

Another jab!

 

 

 

A fifth jab!

 

Leon blows a kiss to the crowd.

 

 

 

 

And then hits the enziguri…

 

 

 

 

THAT MISSES!

 

COLE

Leon missed the Mama Said Knock You Out!

 

Leon gets to his feet. When he turns around…

 

 

KICK WHAM CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”/”BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

COLE

Corporate Nightmare! Rodez just experienced a Corporate Nightmare! Rodez got hit with a Corporate Nightmare from the 24/7 Champion!

 

CABOOSE

Come on Puerto!

 

PRL and Leon Rodez both lie on the mat! Both men are breathing hard. The blood has dried on PRL’s face. Spanish Fly and John “Rock Hard” Brickston pace back and forth, the same as Mr. Boricua and Stephen Joseph. And then, from out of nowhere, a chant of “P.R.! P.R.! P.R.! P.R.!” breaks out!

 

CABOOSE

The Lightning Bolts are here and are making their self heard at AngleMania V!

 

COLE

This crowd at the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center are into this one!

 

COACH

I bet Donald Trump is on the edge of his seat, biting his I bet well manicured nails right now.

 

Stephen Joseph yells out, “You got him! Now finish the job!” PR gets to his feet, while Leon Rodez is still out on the mat.

 

CABOOSE

Leon Rodez is seeing his chances of becoming 24/7 Champion slip away!

 

P.R. sets the ladder up in the center of the ring. He starts climbing the ladder, with Leon Rodez still on the mat.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is going to try it one more time!

 

CABOOSE

Come on!

 

PR is still climbing. Rung. By rung. Leon is using the ropes to pull himself up, while Spanish Fly and John Brickston offer words of encouragement.

 

COLE

Can you imagine how these men’s bodies must feel?

 

CABOOSE

PRL is almost to the top now!

 

Just then, OTAKU II runs down the steps and stops at ringside! This gets PR’s attention. Otaku II doesn’t do anything. He just stands there staring angrily at PRL.

 

COLE

Otaku II is out here!

 

CABOOSE

What the hell does he want? He’s just standing there!

 

COLE

And he’s got PRL’s attention.

 

CABOOSE

Oh no. OH NO!

 

PRL mouths off to Otaku, saying stuff about his wife, his mother, his sister, and brother. Otaku just stands there, staring at PRL. Meanwhile, Leon Rodez is crawling to the ladder. He uses the rungs to pull himself up. PRL is still taunting Otaku, not having any idea that Leon is right behind him.

 

COLE

Leon knew that PRL couldn’t resist the opportunity to run his mouth! He’s using Otaku II as a decoy!

 

Otaku is still standing there! Suddenly, Leon grabs Puerto’s tights and pulls on them, giving the audience a shot of PR’s BUTT crack, and also causing PR to fall off the ladder onto the mat!

 

COLE

The distraction worked! PRL is off the ladder once again!

 

Otaku pumps his fist. Brickston and Spanish Fly are pleased. Mr. Boricua and Stephen Joseph are not. PRL is still on the mat, while Leon Rodez is on his feet. This gives Leon an idea. He exits the ring and climbs the top rope.

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

CABOOSE

Oh no! Not this! Anything but this!

 

COLE

He could be going up for it.

 

Leon is on the top rope, standing over the fallen Puerto Rican. He looks at the crowd…and then leaps off the top rope…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HITTING THE BECAUSE THE LADY LOVES ON THA PUERTO RICAN!!!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

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COLE

Because The Lady Loves! Because The Lady Loves! Leon hit his finishing move just like Tha Puerto Rican hit HIS finishing move!

 

Leon gets off Tha Puerto Rican and lies on the mat. PRL is holding his ribs now. The crowd is still cheering! And the ladder is still set up in the center of the ring. Mr. Boricua and Stephen Joseph are panicking on the outside. Otaku II has joined John “Rock Hard” Brickston and Spanish Fly in rooting for Leon Rodez.

 

COLE

Rodez hit his move! But can he climb the ladder? Both magnificent athletes are down! They are both down! And the 24/7 Title belt is up! Way up!

 

Leon is starting to get up. So is Tha Puerto Rican.

 

*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!*

 

MR. BORICUA ZAPS LEON RODEZ WITH A TASER GUN!

 

COLE

What the hell? Mr. Boricua just shocked Leon Rodez! He just zapped him with that taser gun!

 

CABOOSE

All right Boricua! Way to go! You get a cookie for that one!

 

The crowd boos LOUDLY. Leon Rodez is convulsing on the mat.

 

COLE

The same taser gun that cost John Brickston the Italian Championship! The same taser gun that’s been used on Colombian Heat, The Mad Cappa, and Panther! The same taser gun has just been used on Leon Rodez, and this may end up costing him the match!

 

COACH

HA! I love it! Leon Rodez is going to lose, proving that he is a choke artist!

 

COLE

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! The referee didn’t see it either.

 

Leon is still convulsing, grabbing the ropes. He uses the ropes to get himself up, but it’s obvious he won’t be able to climb.

 

CABOOSE

When all else fails, go with the taser gun. It’s the one weapon GUARANTEED to bring a man down!

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew has used that weapon in the past, and they are using it again tonight, doing whatever they can to make sure that Leon Rodez does NOT leave AngleMania the 24/7 Champion!

 

Leon holds onto the ladder and tries to climb it. He is slower than before, since he is still convulsing.

 

COACH

Why he is doing this? Just recover and let PRL climb the ladder! Please?

 

Rodez climbs a rung. He climbs another rung. PRL is now on his knees, using the ladder to pull himself up. PRL is on his feet.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is getting back up, and the crowd can’t believe it!

 

The convulsing is slowly going away, but Leon is worse for wear now. He tries in vain to reach for PR’s 24/7 Title belt, but can’t because of the convulsing. As this happens, Tha Puerto Rican climbs up the ladder up the ladder until he is face-to-face with Leon. PR punches Leon in the face! He does it again! And again! PR spits in his left hand. And then punches Leon again, knocking him off the ladder.

 

CABOOSE

Yes! This is it! It’s going to happen! It’s going to happen! PRL is going to win the match! PRL is going to win at AngleMania!

 

COLE

Leon Rodez is off the ladder! PRL can now climb up and grab the 24/7 Title! It’s his for the taking!

 

Leon is at the foot of the ladder. PR is only 2 rungs away from the top. He has an evil smile on his face as he inches closer and closer to his belt. The crowd is getting angst, practically begging PRL not to grab the belt. Mr. Boricua is yelling, and Stephen Joseph is salivating at another PR victory. Spanish Fly, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, and Otaku II are all worried, fearing that PRL will once again win. They just about lose all hope when Tha Puerto Rican climbs to the top rung of the ladder and reaches out for HIS custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt.

 

But suddenly the ladder shakes a little.

 

It then shakes some more.

 

PR turns his attention from his belt to the mat to find COLOMBIAN HEAT holding the ladder!

 

COLE

Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat is out here! And he’s got a hold of that ladder!

 

CABOOSE

What the hell? What is he doing? You beat Vitamin X earlier; do you have to rub it in?

 

Colombian Heat has a smirk on his face. PRL eyes bug out when he sees Heat right there. The crowd is going nuts. PRL yells at Heat, but Heat just stands there, smirking.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Don’t you dare. DON’T YOU DARE! You no good piece of trailer park trash! You punk! You thug! I’ll kick your ass! Don’t make me kick your ass!

 

PRL tries to kick Colombian Heat, but misses each time.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Don’t do what I think you’re going to do? No! Don’t! DON’T!

 

Colombian Heat pushes the ladder causing it to fall, and because of this, Tha Puerto Rican falls off the ladder and crotches himself on the top ring rope!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

That was for Anglepalooza!

 

COACH

No! No! How dare he? HOW DARE HE?

 

COLE

Colombian Heat has just sent PRL crashing off the ladder!

 

PRL falls off the top rope, getting his right foot caught in between the first and second ropes in the process!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

CABOOSE

Oh and now THIS happens! It’s not fair! It’s not fair!

 

COLE

PRL is trapped! He can’t escape! This could be Leon’s chance!

 

Colombian Heat has a satisfied grin on his face. He leaves the ring. PRL is trying desperately to pull his foot out from the ring ropes. As he does this, Leon Rodez uses the ring ropes to pull himself up. The convulsion has stopped completely, but Leon is still feeling the effects of the taser shot. Leon rests on the top rope for one second, and then goes over to the fallen ladder and picks it up. PRL is yelling at Leon, while at the same time trying to pull his right foot from the ropes.

 

CABOOSE

Oh come on PR! Escape! Stop Leon from setting up the ladder! Stop Leon from doing anything! JUST STOP HIM!

 

COACH

He must escape! He’s gotta escape! There’s no way this match ends with Leon winning right? RIGHT?

 

CABOOSE

IT CAN’T END WITH LEON WINNING! IT JUST CAN’T!

 

COLE

Leon Rodez is setting up the ladder. He’s going to climb it! He’s going to end this match!

 

PRL

NO! LEON! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Rodez has the ladder set up in the center of the ring. He makes sure that it’s not going to fall, and then starts climbing it. PRL almost has his foot out from the ropes.

 

COLE

Leon is climbing! He is climbing up the ladder to get the 24/7 Title!

 

CABOOSE

This can’t be happening! TELL ME THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

 

COLE

It is happening! And it’s happening at AngleMania V!

 

PRL just about has his foot out. He gets it out…. but gets his right hand caught in between the first and second ring ropes in the process! The crowd cheers some more!

 

COLE

PR is just unable to escape! It’s like the ropes are cursed!

 

CABOOSE

Oh Dear God!

 

PR tries desperately to pull his right hand out from the first and second ring ropes. The crowd is hot, getting hotter by the second as Leon Rodez climbs rung, by rung, by damn rung!

 

COLE

He’s doing it! On one leg he is doing it!

 

CABOOSE

Where is the ref? No!

 

Then, to make the situation even worst for Tha Puerto Rican, Colombian Heat, Otaku II, Spanish Fly, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston hold onto Tha Puerto Rican, preventing him from escaping anything! And they hold on tight. PRL tries to fight back, but the combination of the four men (well 3 ½ if you count Spanish Fly) holding him, and the effects this match has had on him mean that he won’t be doing any fighting. PRL has no choice but to watch as Leon Rodez climbs closer and closer to his belt.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

COACH

What are those punks doing? They are holding PR back! They are forcing him to watch this!

 

COLE

This is payback for what he’s done to them this past year! Karma is going to get you, PR!

 

CABOOSE

THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THIS! WHERE IS THE REFEREE? STOP THIS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP THIS!

 

Leon Rodez is only 4 rungs from the top of the ladder. The crowd is at a fever pitch now. Tha Puerto Rican has tears in his eyes, as he watches his historic 24/7 Title come to an end.

 

COLE

Listen to this crowd! Rodez is looking for gold!

 

CABOOSE

Get up PR! Get up! He’s almost there!

 

Leon Rodez is three rungs away from the top of the ladder. Mr. Boricua is freaking out on the outside. Stephen Joseph Popick looks like he is about to have a heart attack. Colombian Heat, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, Spanish Fly, and Otaku II are STILL holding onto “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican, who is crying his eyes out right now. He is still trying to escape, but just can’t. The crowd is going nuts, knowing that the end is near. Referee Nick Soapdish watches all of this.

 

COLE

Can Leon do it? Can he grab the belt?

 

“Silky Smooth” Leon Rodez grabs a hold of “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican’s custom made, diamond encrusted spinner 24/7 Championship belt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LEON RODEZ GRABS THA PUERTO RICAN’S 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP BELT OFF THE HOOK! LEON HAS THE BELT! LEON HAS THE BELT!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

Yes! Yes! Leon did it! Leon did it! He did it!

 

*DING DING DING* (25:34)

 

CABOOSE

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

COACH

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

THA PUERTO RICAN

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

MR. BORICUA

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT, JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON, OTAKU II, SPANISH FLY

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

 

Leon Rodez holds Tha Puerto Rican’s custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt high in the air for his adoring public! Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, Otaku II, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston let go of PRL so that they can celebrate their victory! Stephen Joseph is stunned on the outside, and Mr. Boricua is crying.

 

COLE

It’s over! The match is over! Tha Puerto Rican’s historic record setting 24/7 Championship reign is over! At long last, after 360 days, we have a NEW 24/7 Champion!

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest…and NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion…”Silky Smooth” LEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN ROOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!

 

CABOOSE

Oh God! This is a nightmare! Leon Rodez has beaten Tha Puerto Rican! Leon Rodez is the new 24/7 Champion! OH GOD! (Crying)

 

COLE

It’s true! It’s the truth, Ruth! Leon Rodez has dethroned Tha Puerto Rican! We got a new 24/7 Champion, and his name is Leon Rodez! And this time it counts!

 

Rodez has a weak smile on his face. His body took a lot of punishment in the Ladder Match, but it was all worth it since Leon Rodez will go down in the record books as the man who ended the longest 24/7 Title reign in OAOAST history. “Mama Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J starts playing as Rodez continues holding PRL’s spinner 24/7 Championship belt in the air. Nick Soapdish enters the ring to raise Leon’s hands in the air. Tha Puerto Rican is lying on the mat, stunned that he just lost the belt he has held for almost a year now.

 

COLE

The title reign is finished! Leon Rodez has done what no one else has been able to do! He has done what was thought impossible! Leon Rodez is the NEW 24/7 Champion and there’s not a damn thing Tha Puerto Rican can do about it! He can’t complain, he can’t look for a reversed decision; he can’t look for a loophole in the OAOAST Rulebook. He can’t reveal that Nick Soapdish isn’t an official OAOAST referee. He can’t tell Popick to change the decision for him. The decision is FINAL! Leon Rodez has become the new 24/7 Champion! And I for one can’t wait for his title reign to begin!

 

Caboose is still crying. Coach is stunned.

 

COACH

I…don’t…believe it. Oh…my…God. Wow. I don’t believe it. I’m shocked. I’m stunned.

 

COLE

Get used to it Coach, because THAT MAN, Leon Rodez, is now the reigning and defending OAOAST 24/7 Champion!

 

Colombian Heat enters the ring. He jumps up and down playing to the crowd. Leon raises what is now HIS 24/7 Title belt to loud cheers as “Mama Said Knock You Out” continues playing.

 

COLE

What an effort! What an effort by both men! But Leon Rodez did it! With one bad knee, shocked with a taser gun, he did it!

 

Leon sits on the top of the ladder with PRL’s custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt in his possession. PRL is still lying on the mat, crying his eyes out. John “Rock Hard” Brickston, Spanish Fly, Ayane Mitsui and Otaku II enter the ring to celebrate with Leon. Mr. Boricua and Stephen Joseph just sit there watching all of this.

 

COLE

What sweet revenge for Leon Rodez and his friends! The Anti-Lightning Crew has finally taken the 24/7 Title away from Tha Puerto Rican! They’ve been trying since September, and now finally, on Sunday April 2nd, 2006, at OAOAST AngleMania V from the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center in Atlantic City, New Jersey, they finally did it!

 

Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly climb up the ladder. Heat pats Leon on the back and says, “I knew you could do it, dawg.” Leon Rodez stands on top of the ladder and raises “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican’s custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt over his head to loud cheers! Nick Soapdish checks on Tha Puerto Rican.

 

COLE

What a great night for these six superstars. Colombian Heat defeated Vitamin X! Leon Rodez defeated Tha Puerto Rican to become the new 24/7 Champion!

 

CABOOSE

….

 

COLE

I know it’s shocking. But it happened! Way to go Leon! Way to go!

 

CABOOSE

….

 

Leon hands PRL’s spinner 24/7 Title belt over to Spanish Fly. He and John Brickston help Leon off the ladder while Otaku II and Colombian Heat play to the crowd. Leon falls to his knees and hugs Tha Puerto Rican’s 24/7 Championship belt close to his heart. He was right. Everything he went through in this Ladder Match was worth it. PRL is STILL crying on the mat. Ayane kisses Leon on his right cheek, which cheers him up somewhat.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican has LOST the 24/7 Title to Leon Rodez! I just can’t say that enough. Tha Puerto Rican has LOST the 24/7 Title to Leon Rodez! Let me say that one more time. Tha Puerto Rican has LOST the 24/7 Tit—

 

CABOOSE

I heard you the first time!

 

COLE

Caboose, nice to see you back with us. Are you ready to deal with Leon Rodez as the OAOAST 24/7 Champion on HeldDOWN~!?

 

CABOOSE

No, but I’ll be willing to tolerate it. I guess. I still say PRL lost unfairly. Leon’s friends held him back! He didn’t lose one-on-one!

 

COLE

Well there are no rules in a Ladder Match, so what Leon’s friends did was fair and square. There’s no use complaining now. PRL is now the FORMER 24/7 Champion and Leon Rodez is now the NEW 24/7 Champion! The CORPORATE 24/7 Title reign is, at long last, after 11 months, after 360 days, OVER!

 

CABOOSE

I need a drink.

 

PRL is still crying his eyes out. A mixture of blood and tears on his face must be an ugly sight. “Silky Smooth” Leon Rodez rolls out of the ring with Tha Puerto Rican’s spinner 24/7 Championship in his hands. Colombian Heat, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, Spanish Fly, Otaku II and Ayane Mitsui follow him. Stephen Joseph Popick is shaking his head, while Mr. Boricua is crying his eyes out too. “Mama Said Knock You Out” continues playing.

 

CABOOSE

Poor Puerto. Give it an assist to his four friends right there! You don’t believe me; just take a look at this.

 

The OAOAST AngleMania V logo flashes across the screen. We see the ending of the match starting with Colombian Heat shaking the ladder.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican was inches away from retaining his 24/7 Title, I mean inches away from retaining was Tha Puerto Rican, but Colombian Heat made an appearance, pushed the ladder, causing PRL to crotch himself on the top rope. PRL THEN got his right foot caught in between the first and second rope. And if that wasn’t enough, when PRL got out of that, his right hand got caught in the first and second rope. And to make it even worst, Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, and Otaku II held onto Tha Puerto Rican as he watched his 24/7 Title reign come to an end! Leon Rodez got enough time to get the 24/7 Title for the first time ever!

 

The OAOAST AngleMania V logo flashes across the screen again.

 

COLE

Leon Rodez can now add the 24/7 Title to his list of accomplishments. He’s a former X-Division Champion! A former World Tag Team Champion with Zack Malibu! The host of The Love Shack! A multi-time Angle Award Winner! And now, he is the man who ended the longest reigning 24/7 Championship, the longest championship reign PERIOD in One And Only AngleSault Thread history! Things are looking up for one “Silky Smooth” Leon Rodez! And John “Rock Hard” Brickston, Otaku II, Ayane Mitsui, Spanish Fly, and Colombian Heat have all finally, FINALLY gotten their revenge over Tha Puerto Rican! What a match! What a match at the fifth anniversary AngleMania!

 

CABOOSE

Poor PR. Poor PR.

 

COLE

That was certainly one of the most outstanding Ladder Matches I’ve seen. Two men, two great young athletes ladies and gentlemen, putting their bodies for all of us, for a chance to become the 24/7 Champion. That’s how much that belt meant to the both PR AND Leon, and that’s how much belts mean in the OAOAST. Every belt is just as important as the World Title, and we only have the best in the world fighting for them. What a hell of an effort from both PRL and Leon Rodez! What a hell of a night we’ve had so far here at AngleMania V! Unbelievable!

 

Colombian Heat helps Leon Rodez leave the ring. He helps him walk up the aisle up the steps. Leon has a noticeable limp in his walk, but he is the holder of the OAOAST 24/7 Championship so he’s happy. Weakened, but happy. Leon is groggy, out of breath, fatigued, and has pain in his surgically repaired right knee, but he still manages to raises “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican’s custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt one more time to the cheers of the crowd! Spanish Fly, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, Otaku II, and Ayane Mitsui follow Colombian Heat and Leon Rodez up the aisle and the steps as “Mama Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J has to start playing again. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican is STILL in the ring crying. Stephen Joseph Popick is still shaking his head, and Mr. Boricua is now grunting, yelling, snorting, and cracking his knuckles. Now that Leon Rodez has ended Tha Puerto Rican’s title reign, and is the new 24/7 Champion, only one question remains.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s Leon going to do with Tha Puerto Rican’s belt?

 

(FADE OUT)

 

The camera jerks suddenly backstage.

 

Cole: What's going on?

 

The camera shakes ala the Blair Witch Project as the cameraman runs up to a rather horrific scene. Otaku is being stomped down into the ground by Brock Ausstin, Charlie Moss, and Quintin Benjamin. They pause now, seeing the camera. Brock looks threateningly at it.

 

Brock: You wanna see what happens to people who mess with "The Current Big Thing?" Huh? Well take a good look at this pathetic little punk. THIS is what happens to people who mess with me!

 

Brock gives Otaku one last good kick, then rips the mask off his face and tears it into shreds. Otaku tries to get up, to stop him, but Moss puts his boot to Otaku's neck, choking him and holding him down. Brock signals for them to clear out and drags Otaku's battered form by the hair down the hallway out to the ring area and gives him a few good knee lifts along the way to keep him from fighting. Moss and Benjamin follow.

 

Cole: This is sick! Otaku was upset at Brock because of what that beast did to Otaku's wife! That's why he went after Brock!

 

Coach: Brock probably did it intentionally. He loves beating the heck out of people. He gets a kick out of it. Nothing feels better to Brock Ausstin than destroying another man.

 

Ayane Mitsui, Tony Capella, and Mike Guerriero all run out to try to stop this carnage, but they are met by Moss and Benjamin. Tony and Mike start brawling with them while Ayane slides into the ring. She runs up to Brock, who seems to have not noticed her yet, and tries the old "Jump onto a big guy's back and apply a sleeper" approach, but Brock just falls back, a sick grin on his face as he almost crushes her ribcage with his weight. He gives Otaku one last really good knee lift to the gut, knocking the wind out of him. He stuffs Otaku into the corner so he can watch Brock's next move. He peels Ayane off the mat and picks her up onto his shoulders.

 

Cole: No, Brock, don't do it!

 

Coach: Yes! Do it, Brock! Show them what happens when you mess with the Heartland Champ!

 

Brock does indeed do it, hitting the F-Stunner 5 on Ayane Mitsui! She bounces off the mat and then lies there, lifeless. Brock sneers at Otaku, then screams at the referee "RING THE [email protected]#$ING Bell!" The ref timidly complies, and the bell rings as Brock walks over and pulls Otaku out of the corner and picks him up....

 

Cole: Oh no, not again!

 

Brock shows no remorse, hitting the F-Stunner 5 on Otaku, then pulling him up once more.

 

Cole: What does Brock have to prove now? What more can he do to the man?

 

Coach: You've forgotten Brock's mad submission skillz!

 

Brock turns his victim 'round, since Otaku clearly can't do it himself, and applies the standing Katahajime!

 

Coach: He's not just going to beat Otaku, he's going to humiliate him, make him submit!

 

Cole: This is disgusting!

 

Coach: No, it's great! It proves we have a great Heartland Champion here in the OAOAST, one willing to do whatever it takes!

 

Otaku does not, can not struggle against the powerful choke of "The Current Big Thing." The ref does a quick arm test, the arm drops three times, and then and only then does Brock let go of Otaku, spitting on his lifeless body before leaving with his boys, Moss and Benjamin. Tony and Mike, meanwhile, get intot he ring to check on Ayane and Otaku as the medical staff come out to tend to them.

 

*BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL*

 

COLE

What a travesty! I can't believe Brock would attack Okatu so maliciously!

 

COACH

Brock Ausstin is one hell of a champion, and he proved it right there. I love seeing him beat the tar out of those who deserve it... but not as much as I'm gonna love our next match Michael Cole!

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amBTHOFFDREK.gif

COLE

Well, here we go. We have reached what many consider to be the most anticipated match of the night, as Drek Stone and Hoff make their long-awaited returns to the ring to take on the team of Tony Brannigan and Dan Black.

 

CABOOSE

Cole, the history here writes itself. When Drek Stone and Hoff left the OAOAST high and dry when they abruptly quit back in September, it was Black T that had to step up big-time to make sure this company didn’t drown. They received accolades, and in my opinion deservedly so, for keeping the OAOAST strong during a time the federation was struggling to cope with its two biggest stars leaving.

 

COACH

Well, Drek and Hoff didn’t like the fact that Black T were receiving so much credit. In their opinions, Tony and Dan were trying to steal their legacies and take credit for preserving a federation that may not even have survived for as long as it did if Drek Stone and Hoff hadn’t carried it on their well-toned shoulders.

 

CABOOSE

That’s ridiculous.

 

COACH

It’s FACT! Tony Brannigan and Dan Black have never been the type to carry the ball in the OAOAST. Brannigan held the Heavyweight Title for three weeks and only did so because CWM helped him. Dan Black hasn’t even come close to sniffing that belt. This federation, for a period time, was built around Drek Stone and Hoff! Hell, their rivalry carried the OAOAST at the beginning of 2005! High ratings! Record buyrates! The merchandise those two sold….extraordinary! These two men helped give the OAOAST the success it had in 2005 – and they unfairly found themselves disrespected when they made their decision to leave last September. Well, tonight is about clearing a wrong. It’s about making things right.

 

CABOOSE

Oh, you better believe it’s about making things right. Tony Brannigan and Dan Black, perhaps the greatest tag team in this federation’s history, are about to put Drek Stone and Hoff in their place. Drek and Hoff walk around this place thinking the world OWES them something! Well, they WALKED OUT of this federation! Tony and Dan stayed! Black T have earned every single accolade they have received in the past year, and Drek and Hoff are about to discover that very point.

 

COACH

We’ll see, Boose. You’ve seen what Drek Stone and Hoff have done to Black T in the past few years. StoneCutters on the arena floor. Spinebusters off the top rope. Sneak attacks in the locker room with glass shards and steel chairs. That won’t compare to the way they humiliate Black T tonight. It was just the tip of the iceberg, my friend, because Drek Stone and Hoff WILL be walking out of Trump Plaza tonight with their hands raised high in the air.

 

CABOOSE

Will not believe it until I see it.

 

COLE

Let’s get down to the ring!

 

The house lights go down.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, here we go. This tag team matchup is scheduled for ONE FALL!

 

CUE: “Quiet”

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

 

COLE

You have to expect there will be support for both Black T and the team of Drek Stone and Hoff tonight. It’s been like that for the past few weeks.

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, unfortunately. The heads of Drek and Hoff will just continue to swell.

 

Black smoke seeps into the entranceway, swirling and rising into the cool Trump Plaza air, as Tony Brannigan and Dan Black step through with determined expressions.

 

BUFFER

First, he hails from London, England and is weighing in tonight at two hundred and thirty seven pounds. His partner comes from Hollywood, California and is weighing in at two hundred and eighty three pounds. Together, they form what many consider to be the single greatest tag team that has ever stepped foot in the OAOAST! With two Tag Team Titles between them and countless wins over some of the most established superstars in this federation’s history, these two men are looking to fully establish their legacy tonight against perhaps their biggest challenge ever. Folks, it’s Dan Black! It’s Tony Brannigan! It’s BLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAACK TTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

 

Through their long introduction, Dan Black and Tony Brannigan have already made their ways down the long ramp and close to the ring. Dan has come with new attire tonight, dressed in black tights with red trim and boots, while Tony is wearing an impressive glittering silver robe. They slowly step into the ring, reveling in the mixture of cheers and boos.

 

COLE

Quick history. This is actually Tony Brannigan’s FOURTH AngleMania, believe it or not, but his record is 0-3.

 

COACH

HA!

 

COLE

He lost to the Superstar at AngleMania II. Lost to AngleSault in a steel-cage match at AngleMania III. And was defeated by the team of Zack Malibu, Some Guy, and Caboose at AngleMania IV.

 

CABOOSE

Oh yeah, I was in that, wasn’t I?

 

COLE

Meanwhile, Dan Black has a record of 0-2 at AngleMania! Lost to Los Infernales at AngleMania II and Zack Malibu, Some Guy, and Caboose at AngleMania IV.

 

COACH

Wait a second, Cole. Are you telling me…neither member of Black T has EVER won a match at AngleMania?!

 

COLE

I suppose that’s what I’m saying, yeah.

 

COACH

HA! What a bunch of chokers. As if the odds weren’t already on Drek Stone and Hoff’s side tonight, that just sealed the deal. Excellent.

 

Black T are now ready to compete, with Dan Black on the middle turnbuckle raising his arms to the Atlantic City crowd while Tony Brannigan is loosening his muscles in the center of the ring.

 

BUFFER

And their opponents…

 

CUE: “Black”

 

*BOOM!* *BOOM!* *BOOM!* *BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

 

Electric blue, white, and silver fireworks EXPLODE at the top of the stage, causing waves of smoke to cloud the entranceway. The fans immediately rise to their feet and go CRAZY with cheers and boos as Hoff steps out from behind the curtains. Dressed in long golden tights with a black trim, the superstar looks out over the crowd and raises one arm to recognize their reaction.

 

BUFFER

Coming to the ring, he hails from Minneapolis, Minnesota and weighs in at two hundred and seventy five pounds. He is a two-time former OAOAST Heavyweight Champion and a two-time OAOAST 24/7 Champ! He left this federation six months ago amidst a pile of controversy but tonight he’s back and he’s looking to cement his legacy and show everybody that he still IS “The Future”! Please put your hands together for HOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!

 

Another fiery reaction comes up from the crowd as Hoff is now entering the ring and casting an icy glare towards his two opponents.

 

COLE

Another history lesson. This is Hoff’s third AngleMania and he is also 0-2 at this event.

 

CABOOSE

Oh, look Coach, another loser.

 

COACH

Sorry Boose, but I think there’s a HUGE difference between Hoff losing to the masterful Drek Stone last year, and Dan Black losing to LOS INFERNALES only three years ago.

 

COLE

Well, as Coach said, one of Hoff’s losses came against his very tag team partner tonight in Drek Stone. And the other one came at the hands of CWM.

 

CABOOSE

Boy, you think CWM is jealous of Alf’s recent success here in the OAOAST?

 

COACH

I don’t think CWM has ever been jealous of Alf. Ever.

 

Once Hoff gets in the ring, the ring lights turn out one more time. The crowd knows what’s coming next.

Woke Up This Morning

Got Yourself A Gun

Mama Always Said You’d Be

The Chosen One

 

The mixed reaction continues for these four superstars as the fans battle to drown one another out in cheers and boos!

She Said: You’re one in a million

You’ve got to burn to shine

But you were born under a bad sign

With a blue moon in your eyes

 

As the pace of the song picks up, Drek Stone walks out through the curtains to a LOUD collision of cheers and jeers. Smiling cockily as he takes a few steps down to ringside, he takes the time to slap the hands of the fans supporting him while ignoring the ones that do not.

 

BUFFER

And the final participant. He hails from Brooklyn, New York and weighs in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds! He is both a former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion and a former OAOAST Italian Champion. Just like his partner, he wreaked havoc upon the OAOAST by leaving the federation six months ago but he is now back with a focus in mind. Tonight, alongside Hoff, he is looking to conquer the most successful tag team in this company’s history and prove that he’s back and hasn’t lost a step. He’s DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREK STOOOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEEEEE!!

 

“YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

 

Drek steps into the ring and stands alongside his tag team partner, staring daggers into Black T standing across the ring.

 

COLE

And believe it or not, this is only Drek Stone’s second AngleMania. But out of this entire group of superstars, he is the only man to have EVER gotten a win at AngleMania.

 

COACH

Don’t forget he’s the only man to ever successfully defend the Heavyweight Championship at AngleMania as well.

 

CABOOSE

Yeah, of course, he lost it too.

 

COLE

As my colleagues have said, Drek Stone managed to defend the Heavyweight Title against Hoff in the opening match of AngleMania IV last year. But he also lost the belt to Axel later on that night in the Main Event, earning him a 1-1 record.

 

COACH

You see that? Drek has experience winning matches at AngleMania! Black T doesn’t have anything!

 

As Hoff waits near a far corner, Drek walks towards the ropes and pounds his chest twice before raising one arm into the air, sending a shower of glittering red, white, and green fireworks up from each corner.

 

COACH

Oh, I missed that.

 

With that out of the way, the music stops as all four men glare at each other. The referee encourages Drek Stone and Dan Black to move onto their respective aprons, leaving Tony and Hoff in the ring by themselves.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

The bell rings…and neither Tony Brannigan nor Hoff dare to take a step forward.

 

COLE

I got goosebumps. This match is going to be something special.

 

CABOOSE

These two men have been through it all before. Both of them are veterans of this sport – they are well aware of what is at stake here tonight.

 

COLE

I know what you mean. While there can be no doubt that Tony and Hoff do not like one another, there is a certain level of respect between them. They know what each other are capable of, and they want to avoid making a central mistake at the beginning of this match that could end up seriously biting them later on.

 

CABOOSE

Exactly.

 

As the fans in the sold-out Trump Plaza continue to scream and holler, Hoff and Tony start to slowly pace around the ring, their eyes clasped together in an unwavering staredown. Tony takes a huge step forward, encouraging Hoff to take a step back. With a smile, Brannigan rotates his arms, showing off his massive biceps to the crowd.

 

COLE

See, one pitfall these two want to avoid is falling into the intimidation trap. Hoff can not back down from Tony Brannigan. It’s only going to set himself up for frustration later on.

 

Almost as if Cole’s words reverberated through his head, Hoff takes two steps forward, leading Tony to do the same. They suddenly charge into one another and engage in a tight collar-and-elbow tie-up. The crowd cheers as Tony and Hoff push forcefully against one another, trying their absolute best to effectively use their biceps, triceps, deltoids – anything – to help them muscle their opponent to the other side of the ring. Both men grunt and push, trying desperately to gain an advantage in this test-of-strength. Finally, just when it seems Tony has Hoff taking a step back – Hoff releases and traps Tony’s head in a tense side headlock.

 

COACH

See that? Now that’s intelligence.

 

Hoff uses this opportunity to now show off his muscles, just as Tony did only moments earlier. However, throwing his opponent off-guard, Tony shoves Hoff off his neck and into the ropes. Letting his momentum carry him, Hoff bounces off the ropes, rockets towards Tony –

 

-- and the two men collide into each other but with neither man budging!

 

COLE

Like two brick walls colliding into each other!

 

CABOOSE

You could see both men took this match-up tonight very seriously. Hoff’s looking just as muscular as he did when he ditched the OAOAST back in September. And Tony may be looking at his most athletic shape in years.

 

Tony and Hoff stare each other down again following their confrontation, still daring the other one to make the first big move.

 

COLE

Like we said before, it’s the intimidation factor. You do not want to let the other guy think he is scaring you. Not even a little bit.

 

As the two men continue to engage in this showdown, Tony suddenly hears a voice screaming at him from the opposite corner.

 

DREK

Hey Tony!

 

Without thinking about it, Tony turns towards Drek to shoot him a death stare, allowing Hoff to get the first advantage with a hard fist across the temple of Tony Brannigan. Tony stumbles backwards, allowing Hoff to charge forward and hit him with another punch. And another one.

 

COACH

You see that? For all his experience, Tony still made the huge mistake of taking his eyes off Hoff for a second. Just one single second. And now he’s paying the price.

 

With a fourth right hand, Hoff sends T-Bod sprawling into the turnbuckle. Hoff starts unleashing a series of blows across the midsection of the tag team specialist, leaving him gasping for any sort of relief from this onslaught. Pleased with his opponent’s predicament after a sixth shot, Hoff runs across to the other side of the ring. He then CHARGES forward towards Tony, ready to do some major damage…

 

…but Tony jumps out of the way! Hoff’s chest bounces off the turnbuckle, knocking the wind out of him. He stumbles around instinctively, trying not to fall. Meanwhile, Tony has bounced off the ropes and started darting forward, knocking Hoff down with a massive shoulderblock! The force not only sends Hoff falling down to the mat but carries him until he rolls onto his chest and up into a kneeling position.

 

CABOOSE

You see that? That’s what Tony Brannigan can do to you!

 

COLE

Now, it’s important to realize that Hoff has been away from the ring for a good six months. It might be fair to say that he could have gotten a bit rusty in there. And that kind of mistake there, opening the door for Tony to move away from the turnbuckle and knock Hoff down, would be indicative of that rust.

 

A huge mixed reaction of cheers and boos echo throughout the Trump Plaza as Tony proudly flexes his chest muscles in front of the fallen superstar. With a scowl, Hoff shakes his head at the supposed legend. Raising his eyebrows, Hoff then reaches back – and tags in Drek Stone!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

The crowd pops excitedly as Drek slowly steps into the ring, allowing Hoff to stand up and make his way to the apron. Meanwhile, Tony nods his head and steps back, tagging Dan Black into the ring to take care of this.

 

CABOOSE

And the mind games continue to be played.

 

Dan Black dashes into the ring and both he and Drek Stone circle each other quickly, a stark contrast to the lumbering staredown Tony and Hoff just had. Black makes the first move, rushing forward and trapping Drek in a side headlock. Just as quickly, Drek maneuvers his feet around his opponent’s leg, sending Black down to the mat with a drop toe hold. Drek then jumps forward and executes his own headlock on The Ice Heart’s neck. Not wasting any time, Black jumps back up to his feet, with Stone’s arms still wrapped around his neck. He shoots Drek off into the ropes and, once Drek bounces off the cables and comes back, tries to follow it up with a clothesline. But Drek ducks the forearm and wraps Black from behind with a schoolboy pin.

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Black kicks out of the move and pops back up to his feet. Drek’s just a bit slower, so this time, Black falls back and rolls Stone up from behind!

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Now it’s Drek who kicks out. Once he gets back to a standing position, Black darts off the ropes to get extra momentum – but too close to Hoff as the big man jams a knee through the cables and catches Black on the spine. Dan recoils for a second, allowing Drek to charge forward and knock the two-time Tag Team Champion over the top rope and to the arena floor with a huge clothesline!

 

COACH

Excellent teamwork there!

 

COLE

Very impressive action between Dan Black and Drek Stone just now. While Hoff may be a little rusty, it looks like Drek hasn’t lost a step at all.

 

CABOOSE

Well, who’s to say how that situation would have turned out if Hoff didn’t get his roided-up ass involved.

 

Drek smugly smiles at his opponent on the floor as Black looks up and gazes at the former Heavyweight Champion with disgust. Tony’s eyes are focused upon Drek too, leaving himself wide open for Hoff to run into the ring and charge forward, knocking Brannigan off the apron with a nasty forearm to the chin. Once Tony falls to the floor, Black walks over to check on him. Meanwhile, Drek and Hoff laugh and slap hands in the center of the ring, proud at outmaneuvering the more experienced tag team.

 

COACH

You know what, I’m really impressed so far. For two men that have never teamed together before, Drek Stone and Hoff really seem like they are on the same page.

 

CABOOSE

It’s strange. Drek and Hoff know how Black T prepare as a tag team, so it’s reasonable to think they’ve prepared a game plan before tonight. But Dan and Tony are at a disadvantage, considering they have no indication how Drek and Hoff work together. Coupled with the fact that both Hoff and Drek have been away for six months, preparation has been difficult for Black T.

 

COLE

And that could very well be the difference here at AngleMania.

 

Once Tony gets back up to his knees, Black grabs his hand and helps his partner get back up to his feet. The two men start whispering to each other, presumably trying to get a strategy together. At the same time, Hoff and Drek share a glance with each other. Hoff then moves to the side of the ring closest to Black T. Drek runs across the ring –

 

-- bounces off the ropes –

 

-- dashes towards Hoff –

 

-- and lets the big man bring him OVER the top rope with a HIGH back body drop –

 

-- sending him CRASHING into Tony Brannigan and Dan Black with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

Loud cheers excitedly rise up from the Atlantic City crowd as Drek brings both opponents back down to the arena floor.

 

COACH

WHOA! Drek Stone picking up the 7-10 split!

 

COLE

What a move!

 

COACH

NICE! I don’t know if I’ve EVER seen Drek Stone pull that move out before!

 

CABOOSE

This is what I’ve been talking about. If they throw Black T off now, they’ll disrupt Tony and Dan’s pace for the rest of the match.

 

COACH

THIS is why Drek Stone likes to call himself Mr. AngleMania!

 

Drek writhes around on the floor for a moment clutching at his tailbone before forcing himself back up. He grabs a handful of Black’s hair and tosses him back into the ring before trailing him. Once Black is up, Drek and Hoff grab him and whip him into the ropes. They try to follow it up with a double-team lariat, but Black ducks it! He bounces off the ropes and comes surging back with a double clothesline, knocking both men right off their feet!

 

CABOOSE

And Dan Black comes powering back!

 

COLE

There’s no doubt he’s in this for the long haul.

 

Immediately after getting knocked down, Hoff rolls underneath the bottom rope and groggily pulls himself back up to the apron. Meanwhile, Drek has moved himself up to a kneeling position. Raising his arm up to the crowd and receiving a huge mixture of cheers and boos – mostly cheers – Black runs forward and bounces off the ropes. He then thunders back, jumps up…

 

…and CLOCKS Drek Stone out with a shining wizard!

 

COLE

Yes! Dan Black hits Drek Stone with a modified Shining Black!

 

CABOOSE

If Drek Stone wants to go for the high flying action, Dan Black is ready to counter him with it!

 

Drek crumbles down to the mat after having his head nearly knocked off by Black’s powerful kick. With Tony back on the apron now, Black extends his hand and tags T-Bod back into the match. Tony steps into the ring with a smile on his face. With a nod, he addresses Black and then runs across the ring. Only, instead of bouncing off the ropes, he drops and slides underneath the bottom rope, through Hoff’s legs! The fans gasp in surprise as Tony lands outside the ring and lifts the big man off the apron and onto his shoulders in an electric chair position!

 

COACH

Wait…what the hell are they going for here?

 

It seems every single fan in Trump Plaza is asking the same question. Hoff struggles to get Tony to release him by barreling several forearms across Brannigan’s forehead. But it’s all for naught. With unparalleled speed, Black turns and bounces off the ropes. He charges forward –

 

-- and dives through the ropes –

 

-- KNOCKING Hoff off Tony’s shoulders with a HUGE diving forearm! The crowd unleashes a massive pop as Hoff tumbles to the floor and Tony helps his partner back up to his feet!

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

CABOOSE

Now THIS is AngleMania! Tony Brannigan and Dan Black are not going to let themselves get outclassed by these two backstabbers!

 

COLE

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Black T pull out a move like that in my life! I’m getting the sense that they know IF they’re going to beat the unexpected, they need to pull OUT the unexpected!

 

COACH

Oh, they’re running scared. They might be able to surprise Drek Stone and Hoff, but they won’t be able to throw these two totally off their game.

 

With a smile, Tony rolls back into the ring and focuses his attention back onto Drek. Wide-eyed that his tag team partner is now out on the arena floor, Drek scrambles to use the ring ropes to pull himself back up to his feet. However, Tony just grabs his opponent in a strong headlock and rubs Drek’s eyes into the top rope! The former champion screams as Tony releases him and hits him with a malicious uppercut, sending Drek hurtling towards the turnbuckles! Before Drek has a chance to rest, Tony grabs him and holds him up high in a press slam position. Flashbulbs burst throughout the arena as Tony uses this as a spontaneous opportunity to work out, lifting Drek up and down several times before giving Drek a final THROW into the air –

 

-- and sending him onto the mat DIRECTLY on his chest! Drek bounces up from the impact, clutching his ribs, before falling face-first back onto the ground.

 

CABOOSE

It seems, in all his preparation, the one thing Drek really hasn’t prepared for in this match was the overwhelming strength advantage Tony Brannigan has over him.

 

COACH

I’m sure Drek Stone has a plan for it. He couldn’t be the OAOAST Heavyweight Champion for FOUR MONTHS if he didn’t have a plan for it. The type of man that doesn’t have a plan for it….that’s the type of man that wears the belt for three weeks.

 

COLE

Oh tag!

 

CABOOSE

And how long have you held the belt for, Coach?

 

COLE

Double tag!

 

With Drek wriggling in pain, Tony takes this as the prime chance to wipe the sweat off his forehead and deposit it on the now-hurting Italian Stallion.

 

COACH

Oh, how disrespectful is that?! How dare he!

 

Not wanting to let up on the assault, Tony pulls Drek back up to his feet once more. This time, Brannigan picks Stone up and holds him in a vertical suplex position. Only…he doesn’t drop him! He holds him up there for…

 

…one…

 

…two…

 

…three…

 

…four…

 

….okay, a lot of seconds.

 

COLE

Tony Brannigan continues to demonstrate his strength!

 

CABOOSE

Yes he does. And Drek Stone is the victim!

 

After holding Drek Stone up in the air for what must have been ten seconds, if not longer, Tony Brannigan finally falls back and brings Drek Stone down with a BONE-RATTLING vertical suplex!

 

COLE

Oh my! Drek Stone definitely felt that one!

 

COACH

God, the whole ring shook.

 

Tony Brannigan gets up once more, shaking his muscles loose, pleased to finally be in a more comfortable position in this match. He begins walking towards Drek once again –

 

-- But Hoff suddenly dashes forward and hits Tony with a BRUTAL spear, sending the two of them tumbling through the ropes and to the outside of the ring!

 

COACH

Now that’s a teammate! Hoff has GOT Drek Stone’s back, and he is willing to sacrifice his entire body to prove that very point!

 

Once both men hit the arena floor, they pop right back up to their feet, not wanting to give the other the chance to capitalize on that momentary weakness. At the moment they get up, Tony and Hoff start slugging it out with one another, rocking each other back and forth with nasty punches to the face. Dan Black suddenly ruins the stalemate, however, by grabbing Hoff from behind in a rear waistlock, lifting him up, and DROPPING him onto the arena floor with a german suplex!

 

COLE

See, there’s Hoff making another rusty mistake again. He should know where his opponents are at all times – to forget about Dan Black is an error that could seemingly cost him this match.

 

CABOOSE

Well, he paid for it alright.

 

With Hoff down on the floor and Black T preoccupied with the big man, Drek sees this as his opportunity to take advantage. Without hesitating, Drek charges forward and tries sliding underneath the bottom rope with a baseball slide to Tony. But Brannigan catches Stone out of the corner of his eye. Once Drek gets close enough, Tony lifts the edge of the apron – and Drek goes sliding out onto the fabric of the apron! But Tony continues holding the cloth up, which means Drek is stuck in limbo in this makeshift hammock.

 

CABOOSE

That’s ingenious!

 

With Drek trapped on top of the apron, he’s easy pickings for Dan to come over and start peppering the Italian Stallion with hard shots to the face. He then ascends the steel steps as Drek flails hopelessly at Tony to try to get him to drop the apron. However, with Drek still prone and Black standing on the top step, it’s plain to see what’s about to happen. Black JUMPS…

 

…AND CONNECTS WITH A DIVING HEADBUTT ON DREK STONE! Tony releases the apron at that moment, sending both men back down to the arena floor!

 

COACH

Is Dan Black nuts?!

 

COLE

I’ve never seen someone trapped on the ring apron like Drek Stone just was. How long was Tony waiting to pull that one out?

 

CABOOSE

That was brilliant. From Tony trapping Drek on the apron, to Black’s beautiful diving headbutt, just brilliant. And I’ll tell you something, Coach. That’s where Drek and Hoff are at a disadvantage. When a team has been together as long as Black T has, it’s like they can start reading each other’s minds. There were no words and no glances exchanged there – but they knew exactly what to do to put down Hoff and Drek Stone.

 

As Black holds his head, clearly stunned from his high-risk maneuver just now, Tony picks Drek up and rolls him back into the ring. He then crouches down just to make sure his partner is okay before rolling back into the ring and continuing.

 

COACH

As if Tony cares how Dan is really doing. What a disgusting phony.

 

Trying to get away from another onslaught, Drek attempts to scurry away as quickly as possible, but Tony grabs a firm hold of Stone’s belt and yanks him back up to his feet. Grabbing him rapidly from behind, Tony lifts Drek up for a back suplex –

 

-- but Drek backflips out of it, landing on his feet! He then falls to his knees and chop-blocks Tony right at the right ankle, sending the massive superstar stumbling towards the ropes. Tony uses the top rope to support himself, which gives Drek a bright idea. He steps behind Tony and gives him a hard kick across the back of the heel.

 

Followed by another!

 

And another!

 

COACH

Heh! Looks like Drek may have found Tony’s Achilles heel! HA! GET IT?!

 

CABOOSE

Unfortunately, that may be the wittiest thing you’ve said tonight.

 

Brannigan tries hobbling around the ring, looking to get away from Stone, but Drek is determined. He lets Tony get ahead a few steps before running forward and sliding down, colliding against Tony’s ankle with an accurate baseball slide! Tony lets out a yell as he finally falls to his knees.

 

COLE

And it looks like Drek just hit the baseball slide he wasn’t able to do earlier.

 

COACH

You’re damn right he did. And it’s great to see Tony’s smugness suddenly disappear, isn’t it?

 

Once Tony falls, Drek instinctively jumps up and drops a HARD knee right across the back of Tony’s heel. T-Bod screams loudly as Drek hops right back up and drops ANOTHER hard knee across Tony’s ankle. With Tony temporarily incapacitated, Drek takes this opportunity to rub a hand across his forehead and wipe the sweat from his brow onto Tony’s pained body.

 

COACH

Nice! Turn about is fair play!

 

COLE

And once again, the mind games continue to be played. The intimidation factor has been one tossed around for this entire match.

 

Now that Tony’s preoccupied with his throbbing ankle, he’s easy pickings for Drek Stone to charge forward and hit him with a NASTY left knee across his temple, sending Tony straight down to the mat! The mixed reaction from the fans in Trump Plaza continues to break out, as it has all match, as Drek grabs Tony by his arm and pulls him over to the nearby turnbuckle. With a callous grin, he takes Tony’s right leg and places it on the bottom rope.

 

COLE

What in the hell is Drek Stone planning here?

 

That question is soon answered as Drek takes a deep breath…

 

…leaps into mid-air…

 

…bounces his legs off the top turnbuckle…

 

…and falls onto Tony with a split-legged moonsault…

 

…DRIVING HIS KNEE across the right ankle of Tony Brannigan!

 

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

Tony’s anguish is clear as he immediately clutches painfully at his leg. Drek instantly swats Brannigan’s hands away and drops an elbow across Tony’s ankle. He then gets right back up and falls with another elbowdrop against Tony’s leg!

 

COACH

What a moonsault! Drek really has brought his A-game tonight!

 

CABOOSE

This is exactly the same kind of situation Tony needed to actively avoid. If he’s worrying about a damaged ankle, that’s a weakness you can damn well bet Drek Stone and Hoff are going to exploit.

 

Satisfied with hearing Tony howl, Drek pounds his chest in celebration, reveling in the mixture of cheers and boos greeting him from the rafters. With a grin, he then steps back and tags Hoff into the ring, which sends the fans into another undecided frenzy.

 

COLE

You have to know Hoff didn’t like being shown up by Tony Brannigan at the start of this match. I think he’s ready to do something about it now.

 

Before Drek leaves the ring however, he turns Tony over to make him lay on his chest. He then grabs him by his left leg and starts pulling him over to a nearby cornerpost. Once he gets close enough, Drek jumps out of the ring and to the floor so he could continue pulling Tony towards the post. Hoff immediately climbs out of the ring and grabs Brannigan’s right leg to help Drek continue pulling him towards the turnbuckle. Once Tony is properly straddled against the post, with his right leg and left leg hanging off opposite sides, his two opponents are pleased. Drek then cranks the left ankle while Hoff twists the right, the two men jump up, fall, and –

 

-- SIMULTANEOUS CORNER POST ANKLELOCKS!

 

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

The crowd groans as Tony frantically pulls at the ring ropes looking for some kind of predicament. He turns to his opponents and tries swinging at them to get them to release, but with both men hanging off the floor, he’s not close to reaching them.

 

 

COLE

Say what you want about the TOUGHNESS of Tony Brannigan, but there’s no way he can take much more of this!

 

COACH

Come on, Boose! You have to admit it. You’re just a little bit impressed with some of the stuff Drek Stone and Hoff are pulling out tonight!

 

CABOOSE

Coach, they haven’t gotten the three count yet. So I’m not impressed.

 

Drek Stone and Hoff continue to wrench Tony’s ankles unmercifully as the referee counts quickly to get them to release the hold.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

Once the referee hits three, Dan Black comes charging forward and drops a legdrop, connecting with the throats of Drek and Hoff at the same time. Both are forced to release the hold and gasp for air. Black immediately drags Drek up to his feet and hits him with a violent chop across the chest, sending Drek sprawling towards the barricade. The fans start cheering violently as Black rocks Drek back and forth with nasty punches to the head. Meanwhile, Hoff slowly gets up and rolls his way back into the ring.

 

COACH

Dan Black had no right interfering there! Drek Stone and Hoff were going to release that stereo anklelock eventually.

 

Once Hoff gets back to a standing position, he glances smugly at Tony who is trying to use the ring ropes frantically to make his way back up. Hoff casually glides over to him ready to continue the assault – but gets a double axehandle across the chest from Tony! Half the crowd roars as Hoff recoils back for a second to get some air. He walks over a little more urgently this time but, again, gets another axehandle across the chest from Brannigan! Once Hoff steps back, Tony limps forward and hits him with a huge uppercut to the jaw, sending Hoff right down to the mat!

 

CABOOSE

Never count out Tony Brannigan! His foot could be hanging off his leg by a single tendon, and the man will keep on fighting!

 

Once Hoff hits the mat, he dizzily tries to roll back up to his feet as quickly as possible. Realizing that it may be now or never, Tony summons the strength to stumble forward as quickly as possible to continue the assault. As Tony limps ahead quickly, he surges forward with a LARIATTTTTTTTT –

 

-- BUT HOFF PICKS TONY UP AND SPIKES HIM INTO THE MAT WITH A VICIOUS SPINEBUSTER!

 

COACH

YES! THE INNOVATOR OF THE SPINEBUSTER!

 

COLE

Tony hit the mat with SUCH velocity!

 

COACH

Forget the Out-of-Body Experience! Baby, that move is past its expiration date! Long live the Hoffbuster! Hoff, make the count!

 

Sure enough, Hoff scrambles to hook the leg for the cover!

 

 

ONNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

 

 

TWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

 

SHOULDER UP!!

 

 

The crowd collectively screams as Tony Brannigan just manages to get the shoulder up. With a grimace, but almost as if he was expecting the kickout, Hoff grabs Tony’s right leg, floats out of the pin, and moves back up to his feet.

 

COLE

Wait, what’s this?!

 

Sure enough, once Hoff gets to a standing position, he turns Tony over onto his chest and starts twisting his right ankle violently!

 

COACH

YES! ANKLELOCK! ANKLELOCK!

 

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

 

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

 

 

An amazingly loud mixed reaction rises up from the sold-out Trump Plaza as Hoff locks in the ankelock! Tony looks around the ring frantically for any rope to grasp onto, but Hoff has him locked in the center of the ring!

 

COACH

Tap out, Tony! TAP OUT!

 

COLE

This may be it! Hoff NEEDS to get the submission here!

 

As Black and Drek continue to brawl on the outside of the ring, Tony is fighting for his life nearby. Using his hands to claw his way inch-by-inch towards the ropes, Tony uses every muscle in his body to pull the big man attached to his ankle along with him!

 

CABOOSE

And will you look at this, Coach?! STILL…through it ALL….Tony Brannigan will not give Hoff the benefit of tapping out!

 

COACH

Oh, you better BELIEVE he will! Come on Hoff! BREAK HIS ANKLE!

 

Attempting to block the pain as best he can, Tony keeps struggling to reach the bottom rope!

 

Meanwhile, on the outside, Drek Stone grabs Dan Black by his head and bangs it off the announcing table! He goes running off to the side of the ring that Tony’s attempting to crawl towards.

 

COLE

Is Tony Brannigan going to tap?! Are Drek Stone and Hoff going to be victorious at AngleMania V?!

 

COACH

Stop asking that question! YES THEY WILL! Tony’s only seconds away from tapping!

 

Hoff tries desperately to wrench the hold tighter and tighter, knowing this may be his prime chance for getting the two-time tag team champion to tap out. But Tony is determined! He’s determined to avoid giving Hoff that satisfaction. He keeps crawling towards the ropes. He’s getting closer!

 

Closer!

 

He’s only inches away now!

 

Hoff is wide-eyed as he realizes Tony is close to finding relief!

 

With a gasp, Tony LUNGES forward to grab the bottom rope –

 

 

-- BUT DREK YANKS THE ROPE AWAY FROM HIM!

 

 

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

 

The crowd lets out a major gasp as Drek pulls the rope away from its stationary position, leaving Tony short of reaching his major goal. The disappointment deflates Tony for a fraction of a second, allowing Hoff to drag him by his ankle back into the center of the ring!

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

 

Another LOUD mixed reaction rises from the crowd as Hoff continues to squeeze on Tony’s right ankle!

 

COACH

HOW SMART! NOW THAT WAS GREAT TEAMWORK!

 

COLE

Was that the final nail in Tony Brannigan’s coffin?!

 

Tony tries clawing his way back to the ropes once more, but he just doesn’t have the strength anymore to drag Hoff along with him. His head flops to the mat dejectedly as Hoff keeps twisting!

 

“TAP!”

 

“NO!”

 

“TAP!”

 

“NO!”

 

“TAP!”

 

“NO!”

 

Dueling chants rise up from the crowd as Tony shakily picks his hand up off the mat! Hoff looks on greedily and continues bending Tony’s left ankle as Brannigan looks ready to tap! Finally, looking as though he just can’t take it anymore, Tony LETS HIS HAND DROP…

 

 

…BUT DAN BLACK SUDDENLY GRABS HOFF’S NECK FROM BEHIND!

 

COACH

NO!!

 

Standing back-to-back with Hoff, but with an arm around the big man’s neck, Dan Black yanks Hoff away from his partner, forcing him to release the hold! Drek, shocked that Black managed to recover and run into the ring, rolls in quickly to try to stop this. But it’s too late! Black drops down –

 

-- AND SNAPS HOFF’S NECK WITH A RUDE AWAKENING NECKBREAKER!!

 

COACH

DAMMIT!

 

CABOOSE

YES! Drek wanted to cheat for his partner? Well, Dan Black just did the same!

 

COLE

And borrowing his own tag team partner’s signature move to do it!

 

The crowd has just been whipped into a frenzy as both Tony Brannigan and Hoff are now face down on the mat. Black smiles down in satisfaction at the havoc he just wreaked but not for long, as Drek comes charging forward and hits him with a hard clothesline to the head, sending Black through the ropes and to the outside!

 

COACH

…..okay. Okay, good. Drek Stone is here to even the odds once again!

 

With Black down on the arena floor, Drek is free to do what he pleases. The referee screams at him to get back on the apron, looking to gain some semblance of order back in this match, but Drek shoves him off to the corner violently. The referee, not daring to call for a disqualification, can now do little more than stand idly by as Drek grabs a handful of Tony’s hair and begins forcing him back onto his feet.

 

COLE

Look at this. It’s like Tony Brannigan is nothing more than a dead body at this point.

 

COACH

Exactly. Which is going to make this all-the-more-sweeter. Watch.

 

Looking completely out of it, Tony allows Drek to pull him back up into a standing position. His ankle still severely hobbled, Tony avoids putting any pressure on it at all as Drek forces him to stand. Once Tony’s back up to his feet, Drek places him in a front-facelock position.

 

CABOOSE

Oh no.

 

COACH

YES! Here we go! StoneCutter time!

 

The Atlantic City crowd rises up once again as Drek holds Tony in prime position for his finishing move. With half the crowd urging Tony to get out of the predicament, and half the crowd screaming for Drek to put this one away, the Italian Stallion looks out at the crowd with a wide grin. Thinking he may finally have this one in the bag, Drek jumps up –

 

-- BUT TONY KEEPS HIS WEIGHT DOWN! Drek’s expression turns into complete shock as Tony lifts Drek Stone up high for a spinebuster!

 

CABOOSE

HERE IT COMES! OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE!!

 

COACH

NO!!!

 

TONY HOLDS DREK UP HIGH…

 

…BUT HIS ANKLE CAVES FROM UNDERNEATH HIM!

 

COACH

Yes! Tony can’t put the weight on his ankle!

 

Tony’s iron grip suddenly weakens, allowing Drek – in mid air – to grab Tony’s head…

 

…swing around…

 

…AND FALL WITH THE STONECUTTER!!

 

COACH

YES! STONECUTTER!!

 

COLE

I don’t believe it!

 

CABOOSE

Could this actually be over?!

 

The building booms with excitement as Drek sits up in disbelief, staring at Tony now out-cold on the mat. Realizing exactly what just happened, Drek quickly turns Tony over onto his chest. Grabbing Hoff’s arm, he pulls his partner on top of Tony Brannigan’s chest. The referee drops down for the count, with half the crowd singing along with him!

 

 

ONNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!~!

 

 

TWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOO~!~!

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!~!

 

 

NO!!!!! DAN BLACK SLIDES INTO THE RING AT THE LAST SECOND AND HITS HOFF WITH A FOREARM BREAKING THE COUNT!

 

“YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

 

CABOOSE

It’s NOT over!

 

COACH

This is ridiculous! Can’t the referee DO something already?!

 

Drek Stone runs forward to try to take care of Dan Black again, but the referee stops him by standing in his way. Drek goes to shove the official one more time, but the referee screams that if Drek takes one more step past him, he will immediately disqualify him from this match.

 

COLE

Well Coach, it looks like the ref is finally listening to you.

 

COACH

Yeah, but he’s picking on the wrong guy!

 

Drek thinks about the situation for a moment, feigning interest in punching the referee instead of Dan Black, before grudgingly making his way back to the corner. Dan Black also makes his way back to the apron. Meanwhile, Hoff has used the ring ropes to make his way back to his feet. His face brightened to a deep shade of red, he looks out at the crowd….holding his thumb out to the side! He turns it up….then turns it down! The fans go WILD!

 

COLE

Tony Brannigan has just taken a Hoff Spinebuster and a Drek StoneCutter. There’s NO way he’d be able to survive this match if Hoff hits him with the Future Shock! No way!

 

Hoff grabs Tony by the back of his head and starts lifting him up –

 

-- but from the ring apron, Dan Black grabs Hoff from behind and locks him in a dragon sleeper!

 

COACH

COME ON! WILL HE JUST STOP ALREADY?!

 

CABOOSE

Dan Black is not going to stand idly by as Hoff finishes his partner off!

 

Drek screams for the referee to do something as Black rears back nastily on Hoff’s neck, cranking it back against the top rope! Hoff gasps frantically for air as Dan continues to wrench on the dragon sleeper and pull Hoff’s neck to a gruesomely unnatural angle. With Drek yelling in his ear, the referee starts quickly counting for Dan to release.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

At the count of four, Black lets go. Hoff stumbles forward holding his neck in pain, allowing Tony to leap forward and take him down with a HUGE LARIIIIIAAAATTTTTTOOOOOOO across the throat!

 

COLE

And that may have been the turning point!

 

COACH

Oh god, I really hope not!

 

COLE

Hoff’s neck looks like it may be hurt and hurt badly.

 

Sure enough, Black’s neckbreaker and dragon sleeper, followed by that clothesline, has done Hoff’s neck no favors. Laying on the mat massaging his throat, Hoff can only watch as Tony slowly crawls towards his corner…

 

…leaps…

 

…and tags in Dan Black!

 

“YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

 

Dan Black runs into the ring like a house of fire. Drek climbs through the ropes and tries to chase after him but gets a hard punch down for his efforts. Drek pops right back up, letting Black hit him with another nasty forearm, sending him back down! Hoff stumbles back to his feet, letting Dan hit him with a nice dropkick across the mouth. As Hoff falls, Black jumps up and hits Drek with the same dropkick, dropping him just as he did to his partner. Once more, Hoff stumbles back up. This time, Black is waiting. He gives Hoff a kick to the stomach ---

 

--- AND HITS HIM WITH THE BLACKOUT! Upon impact, Hoff does a backflip and settles on the mat on his stomach, sending the crowd into hysterics!

 

COLE

THE BLACKOUT! THE BLACKOUT!

 

COACH

NO!! HOFF’S NECK!!

 

Instinctively, Black drops down and hooks both legs!

 

 

ONNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!~!

 

 

TWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO~!~!

 

 

THRRRRRRRRRRR……NO!!!

 

 

In one fluid motion, Drek yanks Black off of Hoff by his hair, wraps his arms around Dan’s head in a full nelson position, and brings him back HARD with a vicious dragon suplex!

 

CABOOSE

The Recker!

 

COLE

And now BOTH men are out!

 

Immediately after hitting that move, Drek stands up, pleased with himself. But Tony comes barreling forward like a locomotive with a hard clothesline, taking both him and Drek Stone down to the arena floor!

 

COLE

This is just clear and utter insanity. There’s no other way to describe it!

 

CABOOSE

I think this match has surpassed everybody’s expectations. These four just want this win so bad!

 

Tony and Drek are now out on the arena floor and Hoff and Black are down in the center of the ring. After a few seconds of the fans clapping for the incredible contest they have seen, Dan and Hoff start to stir in the ring. They both slowly begin to use the ropes to make their way back up first, not wanting to give the other what would clearly be a crucial advantage. Meanwhile, on the outside, Drek and Tony struggle to do the same thing. With Drek working on two good ankles though, and Tony only up on one, Drek manages to get up quicker. With Tony still on his knees, Drek runs forward and gives Tony a big boot to the head, smacking Tony’s face against the steel steps!

*CLANG!*

 

Both the referee and Dan Black turn their attention to what just went on outside the ring, allowing Hoff to run up and give Black a game-winning field-goal in the testicles!

 

COACH

It’s good!

 

Doubled over, Black falls to one knee! Once again, Hoff places his thumbs sideways, hearing the fans give him a massive mixed reaction in return. On the outside, Drek picks Tony up and places him in a front facelock position for the StoneCutter! Looking right at Hoff, Drek places his thumb sideways as well. Simultaneously, the two enemies-become-friends turn their thumbs up HIGH….then drop them down!

 

COLE

Here we go!

 

Looking on with a proud smile, Drek watches as Hoff grabs Black by the tights and lifts him up in the air! Holding him…

 

…holding him…

 

…HOLDING HIM…

 

…BUT BLACK SUDDENLY SHIFTS HIS WEIGHT, SENDING HOFF OFF-BALANCE! And Both men fall to the mat!

 

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

With both men down, Black quickly places Hoff’s arm between his legs, grabs his neck and rears back!

 

IT’S THE HEART OF ICE!!!

 

COACH

OH MY GOD!

 

CABOOSE

YES! YES!

 

The crowd goes even CRAZIER as Black tightens his grip and rocks back on Hoff’s neck!

 

COACH

DREK, DO SOMETHING!

 

Sure enough, from the outside of the ring, Drek is in wide-eyed disbelief. He immediately drops Tony to his feet and dashes into the ring. He slides under the bottom rope and reaches forward to help Hoff…

 

 

…only inches away, he sticks his hand out…

 

 

…BUT TONY GRABS DREK BY HIS ANKLE! Drek claws away urgently at the mat to try to move a little bit ahead to break the submission up. But Tony is unwavering!

 

 

With one final burst of energy, Drek leaps forward to make the save ---

 

 

--- BUT TONY YANKS HIM RIGHT OUT OF THE RING BY HIS LEG!

 

 

Both men land back on the outside! Tony immediately picks Drek up and SLAMS HIM INTO THE ARENA FLOOR WITH THE OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE! Tony collapses after the move as well, his ankle giving out on him.

 

 

CABOOSE

THE OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE!

 

COLE

And Hoff is still trapped in the Heart of Ice!

 

With no one left to save him, Hoff is in this one on his own. Black continues to twist Hoff’s throat as far back as he possibly can. Hoff, struggling for dear life, tries yelling for help, but Drek is in no position to do anything. Dan Black starts pulling back on the submission even more, pulling Hoff’s neck into an almost unfathomable position. With wide-eyed determination, Black continues to squeeze and add more pressure as the seconds tick by.

 

CABOOSE

Hoff HAS to give up! There’s NO escape!

 

With Hoff’s neck at its breaking point, he really has no other alternative.

 

“TAP!!!!!!”

 

“NO!!!!!!”

 

“TAP!!!!!”

 

“NO!!!!!!”

 

Through clenched teeth, Hoff picks his hand up off the mat….

 

COLE

IS HE?!

 

COACH

NO HE’S NOT!

 

CABOOSE

YES HE IS!

 

Vibrating his arm angrily, Hoff looks like he’s attempting to summon some kind of extra strength to get himself out of his predicament. With one final demonstration of strength, Hoff ROLLS OUT OF THE MOVE.…

 

 

…TOWARDS THE CENTER OF THE RING…

 

 

….BUT BLACK KEEPS IT LOCKED IN!

 

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

 

 

Crowd reaction is absolutely at a fever pitch now as Hoff is trapped in the center of the ring with nowhere to go.

 

Nobody to help.

 

Nothing to do.

 

COACH

Come on, Hoff, hold on! HOLD ON!

 

Hoff tries holding on as best he can!

 

But with his screams echoing through the springtime air of Atlantic City, he knows he has no choice!

 

“TAP!!!”

 

“NO!!!!”

 

“TAP!!!”

 

“NO!!!!”

 

“TAP!!!!”

 

“NO!!!!”

 

Hoff taps.

 

*DING! DING! DING!*

 

A huge roar rises up from the crowd as Hoff flops his hand to the mat and Black releases the hold triumphantly.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, your winners……BLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAACK TTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

 

The referee helps Dan Black back up to his feet, leaving Hoff alone on the mat, clutching his neck. With a smile, Black raises his arm up for the crowd before rolling underneath the bottom rope to check on his fallen partner.

 

COLE

What a match.

 

COACH

This is awful. Drek Stone and Hoff’s triumphant returns have been ruined tonight by Tony Brannigan and Dan Black!

 

CABOOSE

I think Tony and Dan just proved to the entire world how they’ve earned their reputation as the best tag team the world may have ever seen.

 

COACH

This could have been a REAL AngleMania moment – and now it’s nothing! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

 

Dan Black peels Tony Brannigan off the arena floor and coaxes him back into a standing position. Once the two men are standing, they smile and raise one another’s arms, earning cheers from the majority of the crowd. Not because they’re necessarily happy Black T won, but because Black T deserved to win. Placing Tony’s left arm over his shoulder, Black then helps his partner attempt to limp his way back up the ramp.

 

CABOOSE

And it looks like the AngleMania streak has been broken. Dan Black and Tony Brannigan both walk away from AngleMania V with this win under their belt.

 

COLE

And meanwhile Hoff has now moved to 0-3 at the biggest show of the year.

 

COACH

Oh, whatever.

 

Once Dan Black and Tony Brannigan make their way to the top of the ramp, they excitedly raise their arms once more, earning another loud cheer from the Trump Plaza crowd!

 

Meanwhile, from the arena floor, Drek sits up and wipes the sweat off his forehead. He grimaces at seeing Tony Brannigan and Dan Black celebrating at the top of the ramp, having ruined what should have been Drek’s celebratory night. He then turns his attention to Hoff laying in the ring holding his neck and all he can do is shake his head dejectedly.

 

This night didn’t belong to him.

 

It didn't belong to Hoff.

 

Ultimately, it belonged to Black T.

 

*Fade Out*

 

It's celebration time in the back meanwhile, as Leon Rodez is greeted by the whooping and hollering of a jubilant welcoming party. Hey, it's AngleMania, of COURSE there's a happy ending! Spanish Fly, Colombian Heat and John "Rock Hard" Brickston un-cork the champagne and bathe the limping new 24/7 Champion, thankful that finally Tha Puerto Rican has been dethroned. Sister Jade Rodez and her team D*LUX are there too, as well as Leon's girlfriend Alix Maria Spezia. And here to gate-crash proceedings is Josh Matthews, microphone in hand as he barges through the celebrations to get to the centre of the huddle.

 

MATTHEWS

Leon! Leon, congratulations...the new OAOAST 24/7 Champion of the world! What a match!

 

RODEZ

Oh, man! You know, standing here with this belt...unable to walk properly...my eyes burning as champagne fills my eye sockets...Josh, it's all worth it. It's all been worth it. Two months it took me to finally get this belt off of Tha Puerto Rican but as I stand here, I did what I said I would. I beat Tha Puerto Rican and I took his 24/7 Championship. Days short of a year. You know, I'm sure PRL's distraught right now and I'm sure he'll be distraught when he finally sees this. But, if it's any consolation Puerto, you lost to one HELL of a wrestler!

 

FLY

YEAH!

 

JADE

ALRIGHT!

 

SHAYNE

WOOH!

 

HEAT

CAN'T TOUCH 'DIS!

 

RODEZ

And guys, it's been a pleasure to lead you, but I think that now you need to go it alone. Go forth, run wild and free and keep up the good fight against The Lightning Crew. It's been a real pleasure, but I think it's time for a new leader to lead you.

 

FLY

YEAH!

 

HEAT

NO PROBLEM!

 

BRICKSTON

UHM...OKAY.

 

RODEZ

Maybe it's the delirium of getting smacked around with metal ladders talking, or maybe it's the alcohol filling my dehydrated body, but right now I feel like I'm on top of the world Josh! This is one hell of a feeling. 2-0 baby, 2-0!

 

FLY

YEAH!

 

TYLER

RADICAL!

 

JADE

MMM-HMM!

 

ALIX

BITCHIN'!

 

JOSH

Well it's been one hell of a night and you've had one hell of a match, Leon. And I'm sure you're gonna have one hell of a celebration tonight...but once the excitement wears off, I'm sure you'll acknowledge that you've got one heck of an act to follow in Tha Puerto Rican.

 

RODEZ

Yeah, he was good. But at the risk of sounding bigheaded Josh, I think I've got the potential to be even better! Two months is a long time in this business and two months has been a long time to get this belt around my waist. I intend to make the most of it now. And you know, there's been one thing that PRL's 24/7 Title didn't have. And you know what that was?

 

FLY

FAIR MATCHES?

 

JADE

CAKE?

 

SHAYNE

A LASER SHOW?

 

ALIX

WHO'S PRL?

 

RODEZ

No...see, PRL defended his title 'proudly'. But he forgot about the most important thing...he turned his back on the roots of this title. When Big Poppa gave him this strap, he obviously forgot to tell him the rules of this Championship. Luckily, I've got a decent memory and a lot of guts. Which is why, as of right now, I'm bringin' it back. I'm'a kick it old school. That's right OAOAST, as of right now, the 24/7 Championship...IS the 24/7 Championship. I vow to defend this belt 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That means in the parking lot, at the hotel, in Chuck E.Cheese...wherever, whenever! We're meant to be together, people! You find a referee, you can come after this belt, if you daaaaare!

 

Proudly Rodez holds the 24/7 Championship high above his head, before slowly getting a weird feeling that he's being watched. Carefully he lowers his arms and turns around, to find all eyes locked on him. Colombian Heat. Spanish Fly. John Brickston. Tyler Bryant. Shayne Brave. Jade Rode...wait, his own SISTER!?!

 

Maybe this wasn't the best idea.

 

RODEZ

Uhm...heh...I can trust you guys to let me get to the trainer without you guys jumping me, right?

 

...

 

RODEZ

Right???

 

...

 

RODEZ

Uh...uh...HEY, look over there, isn't that David Hasselhoff grabbing himself a Mountain Dew at that catering table?

 

FLY

YEAH?

 

BRICKSTON

REALLY?

 

HEAT

AW, DIP!

 

TYLER

AWESOME!

 

JADE

HAWT!

 

SHAYNE

HE WAS ON AMERICAN IDOL THAT ONE YEAR!

 

ALIX

MOUNTAIN DEW? EWW!

 

All at once, all heads whip around in the direction of 'David Hasselhoff'. Only trouble is, it's not David Hasselhoff, but JIVIN' JR~! grabbing himself a coffee. Admiring the steaming paper cup, JR smiles as he reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a bottle of barbecue sauce and pouring some into his coffee BAH GAWD~! The group look confused for a moment, finally realising it's not the 'hoff and turning back around...

 

 

 

...to see Leon power-limping into the distance!

 

BRICKSTON

HE'S GETTING AWAY!

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FLY

YEAH!

 

TYLER

BUMMER!

 

SHAYNE

TOTALLY!

 

ALIX

LET'S BREAK THE BASTARD'S LEGS SO HE CAN'T RUN!!

 

...

 

ALIX

I mean...HE'S GETTING AWAY!

 

BRICKSTON

HEY, THAT'S MY LINE!

 

FLY

YEAH!

 

ALIX

WHY ARE WE ALL STILL SHOUTING!?!

 

JADE

Good point. Champagne anyone?

 

A collective murmur of agreement goes up and Jade grabs a crate full of champagne glasses from behind her, the celebrating group preparing for some bubbly, while the person they're celebrating for continues to limp off into the night.

 

ALIX

I didn't want the belt anyway.

 

JADE

Me neither. Not if it involved running.

 

TYLER

Yeah, running sucks.

 

FLY

Yeah!

 

 

ampkalf2hb.gif

 

COLE

A fantastic night of action here at AngleMania V has led us to this moment. After two months of waiting, we are just about ready to decide the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. One man is looking to reclaim a title he has held once before, but to get it, he has to go through a man that has shown in the past that he will do anything to remain champion. Let's go up to the ring.

 

CUE: Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon

 

"YYYYYYYYYYEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

 

After the beginning drums, the Atlantic City crowd rises as one as the challenger, Alfdogg, makes his way through the curtain. Standing at the top of the long staircase, he looks around at the cheering fans and their flashbulbs popping to go along with the white strobes throughout the arena and raises his arm in salute before making his way down the steps.

 

COLE

Alfdogg looks ready, guys.

 

COACH

He better be, because you know the champion is ready if this past Thursday was any indication.

 

COLE

Alfdogg was the third World Champion in OAOAST history. He won the World Title in July 2002 before losing it in September of that same year to OAOAST legend CWM under controversial circumstances. This is Alf's first time main eventing an AngleMania.

 

Alf slides under the bottom rope and hops back to his feet. He climbs to the second turnbuckle and raises his arms as flashbulbs continue to pop all around the arena. He hops down and hits another corner, posing again for the fans before hopping back down and going to his corner, getting last minute instructions from referee Earl Hebner as he does so. The house lights come back up as Alf's music fades, only to go dark once more. The crowd on instinct begins to boo even before the music begins.

 

I've been defeated and brought down

Dropped to my knees when hope ran out

The time has come to change my ways.....

 

*Guitar and drums flourish*

 

On this day

I see clearly

Everything has come to life

 

The champion steps through the curtain and into the blue strobing light which reflects off the freshly polished title belt. As he stands on the top step, his focus goes immediately to Alf and it doesn't leave him even as Knight walks down the steps.

 

COACH

Now THERE'S someone who is ready. Look at that stare; he's looking at one man and one man only right now.

 

CABOOSE

But Alf is not going to back down. Not tonight. Not this match.

 

COLE

As with Alf, Knight is also making his first appearance in an AngleMania main event and only his second AngleMania appearance overall, his first being a loss to Sly Sommers at AngleMania III. Both these men tore it up in 2005 with Knight winning the X-Division title and Alfdogg winning the title he christened the Heartland title. Alfdogg won the Lethal Rumble at Anglepalooza to earn this shot.

 

Knight climbs onto the apron and steps through the ropes. He immediately heads in Alf's direction, but Hebner steps in and backs Knight towards his corner. Hebner tries to give instructions to Knight, but it is plain to see that it is like Alfdogg and Knight are the only two men in the universe as they continue to stare each other down. Metalingus fades out and the lights come back up as Michael Buffer takes his place at center ring. The crowd settles, but there is still a buzz throughout the Trump Taj-Mahal.

 

*DING DING*

 

BUFFER

Llladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Trump Taj-Mahal in beautiful Atlantic City, New Jersey! (Cheers) A great night of wrestling action has led us to the following match, which is your MAAAAAAIN EVENT of the evening! There is only one more thing to ask and that is ARE YOU READY?

 

(Cheers)

 

BUFFER

Atlantic Cityyyyyy, are you RRRRRRRRRRRRREADY?!

 

(Louder cheers)

 

BUFFER

Then, from the thousands here at the Trump Taj-Mahal, to the millions watching live at home.....

 

The crowd can't stay silent any longert and joins Buffer in his trademark call:

 

BUFFER and CROWD

LLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRUMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!

 

COACH

Let's go, baby!

 

BUFFER

This contest is scheduled for one fall with a 60 minute time limit and it is for the One and Only Anglesault Thread Heavyweight Championship of the World! Introducing first, to my left, the challenger. He himself is a former World Champion and more recently has held the Heartland title on two occasions. He hails from Anderson, Indiana and weighs in tonight at two hundred and forty pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the challenger....AAAAAAALFDOGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

 

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

 

Alf again raises his arm to acknowledge the cheers.

 

BUFFER

And now, standing to my right. (Raises voice to be heard over the boos) He comes into this match having held his title for three months. He is also a former X-Division, 24/7 and World Tag Team champion. He hails from Fall River, Massachusetts and weighs in tonight at two hundred and sixty-five pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING One and Only Anglesault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the WOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD.....PETERRRRRRRR KNIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

 

BUFFER

When the bell rings, the referee in charge of this match will be Earl Hebner.

 

Buffer exits the ring as Hebner walks over to check Knight for weapons.

 

"LET'S GO ALF!"

"LET'S GO ALF!"

"LET'S GO ALF!"

"LET'S GO ALF!"

 

COLE

Since we have a moment here, what are the keys to this matchup?

 

CABOOSE

Though Alf is outweighed by Knight by 20 pounds, Alf definitely is the quicker of the two. He needs to use that to his advantage and not get into a battle of strength with that man.

 

COACH

Knight also has those submissions in his arsenal. Though he doesn't use them quite as often, Alf's gotta look out for them regardless.

 

COLE

Both guys have scouted each other's matches and they mixed it up this past Thursday, so you have to believe that each man has a strategy for this match to take advantage of the perceived weaknesses of his opponent. Looks like the referee is ready to go here.

 

Satisfied that neither man has anything illegal, Hebner signals for the bell.

 

*DING DING*

 

COLE

We're officially underway in this AngleMania V main event!

 

Knight immediately rushes in and lunges for Alf's legs, trying for a takedown, but Alf holds onto him to steady himself and manages to fall into the ropes to force a break. They lock up and Knight takes him over with a fireman's carry and grabs a chinlock, but Alf slips out of it and grabs Knight's arm, twisting it into a hammerlock as Knight lies facedown on the mat. Alf throws his legs into the air and comes down with a knee to the shoulder, followed by another. Knight propels himself backwards with his legs and hooks his foot on the bottom rope to force a break. Both men get back to their feet to a nice hand from the crowd.

 

COLE

Both men trying to take things to the mat to start here, but neither grabs any advantage.

 

Knight shakes his arm to loosen it up and the two lock up again. Knight grabs a side headlock and cranks it in, but Alf backs him into the ropes and shoots him off. Knight knocks Alf to the mat with a shoulderblock and runs off the ropes again. Alf drops to his stomach to allow Knight to jump over him and quickly hops back up to his feet, leaps and scores with a dropkick to Knight's face. He goes for a cover.

 

1....

 

But only gets one as Knight easily kicks out. Alf bends over and runs into Knight with his shoulder, backing him into the corner and driving the wind out of his lungs with more shoulder attacks. Alf rears back and scores with a chop to the chest, and another, but Knight grabs him by the head, shoving him into the corner and firing off a pair of chops of his own, followed up by repeated knees to the gut, leaving Alf the one gasping for air. Knight grinds his knee into Alf's gut while he wraps a hand around his throat and Hebner, demanding a break and wanting Alf out of the corner, starts a five count, getting a clean break at four. Knight grabs Alf's arm and whips him out of the corner. Alf reverses, but Knight reverses it right back into the original corner and follows up with a quick clothesline, Alf collapsing facefirst to the mat. Knight rolls him over and covers.

 

1.....

 

2

 

But Alf kicks out just after two.

 

CABOOSE

Alf's gotta get the momentum back here; Knight would love to wear Alf down on the mat right now.

 

Instead, Knight pulls Alf to his feet and shoots him off the ropes, Alf ducks another clothesine and bounds off the opposite side, but Knight is ready for him and takes him to the mat with a flapjack slam before grabbing a leg and slapping on a single leg crab. Alf quickly tries to get to the rope, but Knight pulls him back to the center of the ring and switches to an STF. He cranks back the pressure and smack talks Alf, telling him to tap now and get it over with. Alf drags himself forward inch by inch and manages to grab the bottom rope to force another break. Knight releases the hold and stomps the back of Alf's neck hard before dropping a couple of elbows on the same spot. He grabs Alf's head and drapes it on the bottom rope, stepping on his neck to choke him with it.

 

COLE

Come on ref, break this up.

 

COACH

Like Caboose said, Knight's just wearing Alf down right now.

 

Hebner steps in and starts a five count, getting a break at four. Knight pulls Alf to his feet once more and shoots him off, charging in on the rebound and landing a hard clothesline and quickly covering.

 

1.....

 

 

 

2.....

 

 

But Alf kicks out. Knight stays on him by applying a leg scissors around Alf's head and squeezing with all his might.

 

CABOOSE

His strategy is starting to become clear here. He's focusing on Alf's head and neck area because both of his finishing moves are focused on that area.

 

Alf slowly begins to rock side to side and pushes at Knight's legs, trying to give his head room to maneuver around so he can roll facedown onto his stomach. Knight reaches over and delivers some clubbing blows to the back, but Alf pushes him off and bridges on top of Knight, pinning him to the mat.

 

1......

 

 

2......

 

Knight wraps his arms around Alf and does his own bridge to pick his shoulders off the canvas. Alf tries to power him back to the mat, but Knight is stronger and gets back to his feet, locking Alf's arms and attempting a backslide. He starts to slide Alf to the mat, but Alf rolls off his back and hits him with a quick enziguiri to the back of his head to stun him, following it up by wrapping his arms around Knight and taking him down with a belly to belly. He quickly gets to his feet and turns his back to Knight before hitting a standing moonsault and covering.

 

1.....

 

 

 

 

 

2.....

 

But Knight kicks out.

 

Alf pulls Knight to his feet and backs him into the corner, stinging his chest with a trio of chops. He backs Knight into the ropes and shoots him off, taking him over with an armdrag, followed by another and holds his arm in an armbar, twisting and pulling on the shoulder joint. Knight struggles to get to his feet and uses his other arm to deliver a series of left hands to Alf's head and neck followed up with a headbutt to knock him back and a clothesline to knock him down. Knight drags him up and tosses him through the middle rope to the floor before following him out.

 

CABOOSE

I guess trying to wrestle him didn't work, so now he's going to try this.

 

COACH

All part of the softening up process.

 

Knight scoops Alf up and drops him throat first on the ringside barrier, pepperinng him in the gut with rights and lefts before finishing the flurry with another clothesline that knocks Alf over the barrier and into the first row.

 

COLE

Alfdogg taken into the crowd by the champion!

 

COACH

Take a ringside seat Alf, haha!

 

Knight rolls into the ring to break Hebner's count and, ignoring his demands to get Alf back into the ring, rolls back out. He pulls Alf up by the hair and hooks in a front facelock, throwing Alf's arm up over his head and hooking the tights.

 

COACH

Suplex coming.

 

Alf grabs the barrier to block the suplex attempt and blocks another one before firing off some fists to Knight's midsection that stuns him, but it is not enough as Knight delivers more clubbing blows to the neck to break Alf's grip.

 

CABOOSE

Alf just can't fight him off right now.

 

Knight hooks the tights and picks Alf up for a suplex, but Alf turns as he becomes vertical and lands behind Knight, wrapping his arms around his waist and bending backwards, throwing Knight back with a release German suplex that has Knight smacking his upper back on the ring apron.

 

"OHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

What a counter by Alf!

 

Knight groans in pain as he rolls around the mats, holding his back in agony. Alf pulls him up and rolls him into the ring, leaving his head and neck hanging above the floor as he hops onto the apron. He exhales and charges along the apron, leaping and hitting Knight with a legdrop, driving the point of the apron into Knight's back again. Alf slides back into the ring, pulls Knight towards the center and covers.

 

COLE

A flurry of offense from Alf as he puts his own body on the line. This might be it!

 

1......

 

 

 

 

 

2......

 

 

 

 

 

Thr....NO! Shoulder up!

 

CABOOSE

Oooh, almost had it there. Alf's starting to get on a roll in this matchup. Now he's focusing on Knight's back, trying to make it difficult for Knight to lift all 240 pounds of Alfdogg for the Knightmare.

 

Alf drops a quick knee on the back and applies a surfboard, digging his foot into the upper back while pulling on Knight's arms. Knight frantically kicks his feet and drags himself towards the ropes, hooking his foot on the bottom rope to force a break. Alf doesn't let up however as he snaps off a hard kick to the back, followed by another that leaves Knight on his stomach, still groaning in pain. Alf grabs him by the head and drapes him on the middle rope before standing on his back a la Christian.

 

COACH

Hey ref, get in there!

 

CABOOSE

It's only wrong if it's happening to the guy you like, right?

 

Hebner starts his five count and Alf releases at four, pulling Knight away from the ropes and sticking his head between his legs. Alf signals to the crowd before wrapping his arms around Knight.

 

COLE

Look out, powerbomb coming I think.

 

Alf tries to lift him, but Knight drops to his knees, refusing to let Alf pull him back up. Alf smacks him with repeated forearms to the upper back and pulls him off the canvas, but again Knight blocks the attempt to lift him, so Alf instead grabs Knight's tights and pulls back while sitting down to spike Knight on top of his head with a Mick Foley pulling piledriver. He covers.

 

1......

 

 

 

 

 

2......

 

 

 

 

THR-NO! Shoulder up again!

 

COLE

Alf almost got him again!

 

Alf immediately grabs Knight's arm and wraps it in a cross armbreaker, pulling at the shoulder joint some more. Knight shouts in pain as he kicks his legs around again, trying to propel himself to the ropes for a break. Alf pulls on the arm violently every time Knight kicks towards the ropes, but Knight fights through the pain and drapes his foot on the bottom rope to force a break. Alf drags him to his feet and shoots him off, but Knight ducks a clothesline and launches himself into the air, nailing Alf with a flying forearm that catches him flush on the jaw and knocks him to the mat. Knight leans against the ropes to catch his breath and shake his left arm to try and loosen up his shoulder.

 

COLE

Big forearm by Knight stops Alf's momentum cold.

 

COACH

Ok, enough playing around; it's time to get to work here.

 

Knight drags Alf to the center of the ring and walks over to the corner, stepping through the ropes to the apron and climbing to the top. The crowd stands as Knight steadies himself.

 

COLE

Knight's going for it all here.

 

Knight leaps, extending his leg as he falls and crashing it into Alf's head and throat.

 

"OHHHHHHHH!!!!"

 

COACH

Legdrop off the top! Cover him!

 

Knight rolls over to end up on top of Alf.

 

ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 

 

 

 

THRREE--NO! Shoulder up!

 

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

 

COLE

Two and three-quarters! Knight was inches away from retaining.

 

COACH

Come on Hebner! Axel's gonna have to teach you how to count.

 

Knight covers again.

 

 

ONEEEEEEEEEE

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOO

 

 

 

Shoulder up!

 

And again.

 

ONEEEE

 

 

TWOOO

 

 

 

 

Shoulder up!

 

Knight slaps the mat and protests the count to Hebner, who emphatically displays two fingers. He jumps to his feet and backs Hebner up, trying to intimidate him, but Hebner is unmoved, having dealt with guys like this for years. He repeatedly tells Knight that it was only two and tells him to step back. With a sinister glare at Hebner, Knight backs off and turns around......

 

 

 

*WHAM*

 

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

 

Right into an Alf spinebuster, leaving both men prone on the mat.

 

COLE

SPINEBUSTER BY ALF!!! Where did that come from?!

 

CABOOSE

Both men are down. Come on Alf, get your ass over there and win the title!

 

Hebner checks on both men and begins his ten count.

 

1!

 

 

2!

 

 

3!

 

 

"ALF! ALF! ALF! ALF! ALF! ALF!" the crowd chants, stomping and clapping to rally the challenger.

 

4!

 

 

5!

 

Alf begins to stir.

 

6!

 

 

7!

 

He begins to crawl over to Knight's body.

 

8!

 

And drapes an arm on top of it.

 

COLE

Here's the count!

 

 

ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEE--NNNNNOOOOO! Shoulder barely up!

 

"OHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

CABOOSE

Dammit!

 

COACH

Yes! This thing isn't over yet!

 

Alf throws his head back and howls in frustration before slowly getting back to his feet. He walks over to the corner and looks to the crowd, slapping his leg as he does so.

 

COACH

NO!

 

COLE

Alf's looking to finish this off right now!

 

Knight begins to stir as Alf squats down a bit, a snake ready to strike when the time is right.

 

"ALF! ALF! ALF! ALF! ALF! ALF!"

 

COACH

Axel! Get down here and stop this!

 

CABOOSE

Nothing can be done right now. If Alf hits this, we might have a new champion.

 

Knight, eventually and dizzily, gets to his feet, his back to Alf and looking at Hebner as Hebner makes sure he is capable of continuing. He shakes his head to try and clear the cobwebs and begins to turn....just what Alf wanted him to do. Alf takes a few steps forward as Knight turns and thrusts out his foot......

 

 

 

 

*SMACK*

 

 

 

 

But Knight ducks at the last moment and Alf ends up hitting Earl Hebner right in the face! Hebner crumples to the mat, unconscious.

 

"OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

COACH

He hit the referee! Disqualification! Knight should still be the champion!

 

COLE

Knight was blocking Hebner's view, so he couldn't see what Alf was doing until it was too late.

 

Stunned, Alf looks down at the injured referee and curses before turning around......

 

 

*WHAM*

 

 

.....and nearly getting his head knocked off by a clothesline from Knight.

 

COLE

Ohhhh what a clothesline!

 

COACH

Cover him!

 

CABOOSE

There's no referee to count!

 

Knight also sees this, and a thin smile crosses his face. Still shaking his head to clear it, he rolls under the bottom rope to the floor and walks over to the timekeeper's area, shoving Michael Buffer off his chair and taking it.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

 

COACH

Yes! Hebner's loss of consciousness is Knight's gain.

 

Knight slides the chair into the ring before rolling back in himself. He picks up the chair and raises it to the crowd, drawing louder boos than he has ever heard.

 

CABOOSE

Dammit, someone get that chair away from him!

 

COACH

You said it yourself 'Boose; there's no referee to stop him.

 

Knight bangs the chair on the mat like a batter hitting his bat on the plate before raising it up, prepared to strike as Alf begins to scramble to his feet.

 

COLE

We need a referee out here now before someone is seriously hurt!

 

Suddenly, the crowd's attention turns to the top of the staircase as Cole's demand is answered.

 

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Stephen Joseph appears, wearing an OAOAST official's shirt. He quickly begins jogging down the steps as Alf uses the ropes to get back to his feet.

 

COACH

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING OUT HERE!?

 

CABOOSE

You wanted a referee, so I guess we've got one.

 

COACH

But this is BULLSHIT!

 

Alf gets to his feet and Knight prepares to strike, but he suddenly feels someone grabbing the chair and pulling him back. Turning around, he comes face to face with the man he defeated for the title. His mouth drops in shock as SJ points at his shirt and demands him to drop the chair. Knight refuses and triggers an arguement with the new referee, which allows Alf to sneak up from behind and schoolboy the champion.

 

ONNNEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOO

 

 

 

THRRR-NO! Shoulder up!

 

COACH

FAST COUNT!

 

CABOOSE

I hate the guy more than anyone, but that was a perfectly fine count.

 

Alf drags Knight up to his feet and gets a thumb to the eye for his trouble, knocking him back a few steps. Knight bounces against the ropes to build momentum and charges.....but Alf catches him with another spinebuster!!

 

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

COLE

Another spine on the pine from Alf!

 

COACH

If Alf wins with that IMPOSTER as referee, I'm gonna raise holy Hell!

 

Alf sits on his knees to catch his breath and, instead of going for the cover, stands and stumbles into the corner, stepping through the ropes and climbing up to the top. The crowd rises in anticipation of what's to come.

 

COACH

NO!

 

CABOOSE

Alf's going for the dagger!

 

Alf, wobbling a bit on the top rope, steadies himself and looks down on Knight before standing up straight and taking a deep breath.

 

COLE

Here it comes! FIVE STAR ALF SPLASH!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*BAM*

 

HITS NOTHING BUT CANVAS!!

 

COACH

He missed! Thank God, he missed!

 

Alf rolls around the mat in agony, grabbing his ribs. Both men stay down for a few moments until Knight scrambles to his feet and picks up Alf's legs, stepping in between them and crossing them before turning Alf over.

 

COLE

Ace in the Hole! Knight's signature submission!

 

Knight reaches for Alf's arms for the full nelson, but Alf flails them around, desperately trying to keep them out of Knight's grasp. Knight grabs one arm and reaches for the other, but Alf reaches up into Knight's face and gouges his eyes, keeping his hand there until Knight releases the hold.

 

COACH

Hey Popick, call him on that, will ya?

 

COLE

Alf with a desperation move to get out of a difficult situation.

 

Knight clears his eyes and walks towards Alf, but suddenly Alf picks his legs and steps between them himself, crossing them and turning the champion into a sharpshooter!

 

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

 

COLE

Sharpshooter! Sharpshooter by Alf, his signature submission!

 

COACH

Make the ropes! Make the ropes!

 

Knight screams in pain as Alf leans back to apply the pressure and Joseph gets into position to check for a submission. Knight pushes up on his hands to try and relieve the pressure, but Alf leans back again to bring him back down. Knight balls both of his hands into fists as he tries to fight the urge to tap.

 

"TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!" screams the crowd as Knight again tries to crawl towards the ropes, this time making headway. Joseph remains right in his face, repeatedly asking him if he wants to quit while adding in a little smack talk. Knight looks up at him and curses him out while inching closer and closer to the ropes.

 

COLE

Knight is getting close. All he has to do is grab the rope for a break.

 

COACH

Come on, don't give him the satisfaction, Peter. Get the rope!

 

Joseph, who is on his knees, hand extended to call for the bell in the event of a submission, sees Knight reaching out for the rope. Knight makes his way inch by inch towards the ropes until he can graze the fibers with his fingertips. Knowing that one more lunge will do it, Knight gathers all the strength he has left for one last push and reaches forward......

 

COACH

HEY!!

 

.....but Joseph pushes the bottom rope away, a smirk on his face as he looks at Knight. Knight rages at the new referee as Alf stands and drags Knight back to the middle of the ring.

 

COACH

That no good son of a bitch!

 

CABOOSE

Joseph just said, "That was for Puerto, asshole!"

 

Joseph may have thought that would demoralize the champion, but that isn't the case. Knight taps into reserves of strength he didn't know he had and once again crawls towards the ropes. He goes inch by inch again and this time manages to grab the middle rope.

 

COACH

Call the break!

 

Joseph takes his sweet time making sure that Knight has the rope before walking over to Alf and demanding a break, which he gets. Alf pulls Knight to his feet and locks in a front facelock, throwing his arm over his head and hooking one of Knight's legs.

 

COLE

Alf's going for a fisherman's suplex here!

 

Knight fires off lefts to Alf's gut, ignoring the pain that each shot causes his own body, and then turns them into forearms, weakening Alf's grip on him...and picks him up in a fireman's carry!

 

COACH

YES!!

 

COLE

Knight has him up!!

 

Knight steadies Alf on his shoulders, spins him off.....and drills him into the mat with a Knightmare!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

 

COLE

KNIGHTMARE!!! KNIGHTMARE!!!

 

COACH (singing)

Tuurn out the lights, the paarty's overrrr.

 

Knight catches his breath before flopping onto the challenger, not even having the strength to hook the leg. SJ hesitates and Knight screams at him, slapping the mat and demanding him to count.

 

COACH

COUNT, goddamit!

 

Finally, SJ sinks down and begins his count.

 

ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

NO!!!!!!! SHOULDER UP!!!!

 

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

 

COACH

WHAT!?

 

COLE

ALF KICKED OUT OF THE KNIGHTMARE!

 

Knight throws a temper tantrum, slapping his hands on the mat and cursing every diety he can think of. He looks around, seemingly looking for something and rolls out of the ring.

 

COLE

What's he going for?

 

Knight bends over.....and picks up the chair he had gotten earlier.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

 

CABOOSE

Knight's thrown everything he had at Alf, so now he's gotta get desperate.

 

COACH

Like he cares. Use the chair, get disqualified and keep the title. What does he have to lose?

 

As Hebner finally begins to stir, Knight slides the chair in and rolls back into the ring. He picks up the chair, but Joseph is right there grabbing at it. Knight roughly shoves him away and walks over to Alf's body. He steps on his neck and lifts the chair....but again Joseph is there, grabbing at the chair and trying to take it away from him.

 

CABOOSE

Good, get that thing away from him.

 

A tug-of-war develops between Knight and Joseph, with the steel chair the thing both are fighting over. Knight kicks Joseph in the shin to stun him, pushes him back and in one smooth motion, brings the chair around and......

 

 

*CRACK*

 

...slams it into Joseph's skull, crumpling him to the mat.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

 

COLE

Now we don't have a referee again!

 

COACH

Oh look at that, Stephen Joseph fails at life again.

 

Knight uses his foot to push Joseph under the rope and to the floor. He chuckles as he sees his handiwork and then looks over to see Hebner on all fours, trying to get back to his feet. Knight drops the chair and walks over, shoving him roughly, demanding that he get up. He pulls Hebner to the corner and continues to try and revive him, but Hebner is still out of it. Knight dismisses him with a wave and turns around......

 

 

 

 

......but all he sees is Alf's foot rapidly filling his vision.

 

 

 

*SMACK*

 

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

 

COLE

SUPERKICK!! Oh, he got all of that one!!

 

Knight crashes to the mat and does not move. Alf sees that his opponent is counting the ring lights and looks to the crowd, who explode into cheers.

 

COACH

Get up! GET UP!!!

 

CABOOSE

He's out. I think Knight is out cold.

 

A smile crosses Alf's face and he nods his head before stumbling towards the corner.

 

COLE

Alf....I think he's going for it.

 

COACH

GET UP!!!! PLEASE GET UP!!!!!!.

 

Alf steps out onto the apron and climbs up to the top. Flashbulbs pop around the arena as Alf steadies himself.

 

CABOOSE

Alf sees the summit and he's making that final climb.

 

Alf stands straight on the top rope as the fans ready their cameras. Alf takes those last breaths before leaping for the FIVE....

 

 

STAR.....

 

 

ALF......

 

 

SPLASH!!!

 

 

*BAM*

 

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

 

CABOOSE

HE HIT IT!!

 

COLE

HE GOT IT!!!!

 

The impact knocks the wind out of Alf slightly and he grabs his ribs, gasping for the precious oxygen he needs to roll over and flop on top of Knight, making sure he hooks the leg as Hebner crawls over to make the count.

 

 

 

ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

 

 

*DING DING*

 

COLE

YES!!! IT'S OVER!!! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!!

 

COACH

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

 

The roof blows off the Trump Taj-Mahal as Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon hits the PA and Alf rolls off of Knight, tears already running down his cheeks as Hebner retrieves the belt and Buffer prepares to make it official. A quick shot of the Upstarts locker room has Axel and company stunned to complete silence. But there is no silence in the arena. Buffer essentially has to scream into the mic to be heard.

 

BUFFER

LLLLLadies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest.....and NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW One and Only Anglesault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOOOOOORLLLLLLLLLLLD....AAAAAALFDOGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

 

Hebner hands the belt off to Alfdogg and raises his hand to the crowd. On the outside, Stephen Joseph is on his feet, a small stream of blood trickling down his face as he looks on in satisfaction before joining in the applause. Alf cradles the belt in his arms like a newborn before thrusting it into the air to a blinding sea of flashbulbs.

 

CABOOSE

What a moment. Alf and I go back a long way, so I know the elation that he must feel right now. He's on top of the mountain for the second time, joining only five other men, including myself, to do so.

 

COLE

Coach, you ok?

 

COACH (mumbling)

He lost.....I can't believe he lost.....He lost.....

 

Alf hits the turnbuckles and raises the belt in the air once more as fireworks begin to explode around the ceiling of the arena and the confetti begins to fall.

 

COLE

What a night we had tonight. Great matches, great excitement, and we end things with a new World Heavyweight Champion. Well, I have to say that the fifth AngleMania sure lived up to it's predicesors.

 

CABOOSE

Hell Cole, this exceeded them. This was the greatest night in this company's history.

 

COLE

We hope that you enjoyed AngleMania V. For Caboose and Coach, I'm Michael Cole....GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!!

 

We fade out with a shot of Alf staring at his reflection in the OAOAST World Title belt, knowing that the person staring back at him waited four long years for this moment. He once again raises the title in the air to a blinding flash of camera bulbs as AngleMania V comes to a close.

 

Alfdogg.

 

World Heavyweight Champion.

 

Once again.

 

Fade to black

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A OAOAST ENTERTAINMENT Production

 

DIRECTED BY

Nice Guy Adam

 

WRITTEN BY

PK

Alfdogg

Ed Wood Caulfield

Zack Malibu

Nice Guy Adam

KingCucharacha

NYU

Tony149

Mystery Eskimo

MMOM

 

GRAPHICS BY

Papacita

 

PRODUCERS

Mystery Eskimo

KC

Chuck Woolery

Alfdogg

Crystal

Stephen Joseph

Nice Guy Adam

 

CREATIVE CONSULTANT

Patty O'Green

 

OAOAST CREATED BY

CWM

Anglesault

Tony149

 

OAOAST PRESIDENT

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER

Zack Malibu

 

© 2006 OAOAST Entertainment

All Rights Reserved.

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