KingPK 0 Report post Posted April 7, 2006 A tad late due to the fact we couldn't tear the producer away from Ultimate Fighter 3 (best season yet, BTW), but thanks for staying up with us. This week, we come to you live from our nation's capital, Washington D.C., home of the Smithsonian, the Treasury, and approval ratings that are dropping across the board. Into the arena we go where a raucous crowd is ready for some AngleMania fallout, big, bold and brassy! Over to Triple C we go. COLE We are four days removed from one of the greatest nights in OAOAST history! Hello everyone, I'm Michael Cole along with Caboose and the Coach and guys, what an AngleMania we experienced. CABOOSE That's right, Michael. The Originals certainly showed that when we're on the biggest stage of them all, we don't back down an inch. COLE We have new tag team champions, the Heavenly Rockers who, in a wild brawl, officially ended the OAOAST careers of the New New Midnight Express. We have a new 24/7 Champion in Leon Rodez (Caboose whimpers). Zack Malibu retained his HI-YAH Heavyweight crown AND earned himself a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight title in the first ever Two For the Money match while Black T picked up their first AngleMania victories over Drek Stone and Hoff. But the biggest news of the night is that we crowned a NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, and that man is Alfdogg. CABOOSE Peter Knight gave Alfdogg everything he had but at the end of the night, Alfdogg walked out of Atlantic City the champion. COLE We'll hear from the new champion tonight as well as the former champion, who is not here at the arena tonight as he is apparently protesting his AngleMania loss. COACH And he has every right to. Stephen Joseph had NO RIGHT to come out there and act as a referee while he screws PK out of the title. NO RIGHT! COLE We'll also hear from Stephen Joseph later tonight along with much more fallout from the events of this past Sunday. CABOOSE I sense the Upstarts aren't going to be celebrating much tonight. COACH Oh shut up. CABOOSE What, no witty retort from Mr. Upstart? What's the matter, tired out from crying on Axel's shoulder all week? COLE All right, enough you two. Let's go to Josh Matthews, who's in the ring! JOSH Ladies and gentlemen, please help me in welcoming the NEW OAOAST World heavyweight champion, for the second time, ALFDOGG! The crowd explodes as Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon plays and Alf makes his way out. Confetti and balloons fall from the ceiling, and Alf poses with the belt on all four buckles before meeting Josh mid-ring. JOSH Alf, last year at AngleMania IV, you made your return to the OAOAST as a full-time wrestler. Here we are, one year later, and you stand in this ring the World Heavyweight champion! *crowd cheers* ALF That's right, Josh. You know, last year, I came back to AngleMania IV to create my own AngleMania moment. I got in that ring with Sandman9000, and we tore the house down, tore down the Trump Plaza, and I think I achieved that goal. But as the weeks went by after that match, I started to feel the sense that I had more to prove. And eventually, I made the decision to get back in the game. JOSH And if you remember, Alf, your first opponent on TV after that was the man you took the title from Sunday night, Peter Knight. ALF I remember it very well, Josh. So, I guess you could say I've come full circle in the last year, and look what it's gotten me...the World Heavyweight title! *crowd cheers* ALF And Peter Knight, and Axel, you guys got something, too...you got to take part in another AngleMania moment, created by Alfdogg! Sure, I hear that Knight is finding all the excuses he can and is bitching about unfair officiating and all, but all I know is that I kicked his lights out in the middle of the Trump Plaza, ascended to the top rope and drove the air out of his lungs with the best frog splash in the buisness today for the (as the crowd counts along) one......two......three. *crowd cheers* JOSH So, what's next for Alfdogg the champion? ALF Whatever the OAOAST wants to throw at me, I'm ready. Knight, you want a rematch? I'm ready. Zack, you want to use your title shot right here tonight? I'm ready. Caboose (he turns to face him), you want to face me so I can right the wrong that screwed me out of this title four years ago? I'm ready. I'm not an Upstart, I'm not an Original.....I'm just the man that everyone has to call "champ". Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon plays and Alf poses with the belt again to a standing ovation. COLE Not a lenghty victory speech from the champion, but I think he got his point across. CABOOSE Anything that happened between us is all in the past. I think the Alfdogg Era will rule across this company for a long time. Into the realms of the backstage area we go, where a suited and styled Bohemoth is sat in a locker room, bored with proceedings (and lets face it, there's probably only one match tonight at most) tonight and passing time by playing Luminees on his brand new PSP. Good shit. Bohemoth smirks to himself at a triumphant 11 square clearing but at that moment, the door to the locker room opens and Christian Wright pokes his head through the door. Seeing Bohemoth, Wright seems to breath a brief sigh of relief before storming in. WRIGHT Ah, at last! Bohemoth my monstrous friend, do you not appreciate how much money yours truly invested in our grandious entrance this past Sunday night? And all for nought! Nought I say, nought! Your recent performances have heaped shame upon our collective shoulders, Bohemoth. Our AngleMania debutant exhibition and consequental defeat to those foul vixens of questionable valour, Chicks Over Dicks, shall exist long in the least treasured memories of my inner sanctum. What possible excuse could you possess, my long standing compatriate, not only for uncompromising failure versus Krista Isadora Duncan, but in addition your subsequent disappearance and refusal to create communications with your mentor, moi? BOHEMOTH Look, Chris', cut the smart talk would ya? WRIGHT Oh, would your preference be for unintelligable rambling, incoherent confrontational arguementation and/or crude insults distributed from within my inner rage filled soul? Sighing, Bohemoth stands up with hands on hips. BOHEMOTH You don't have to be the MENSA guy around me, you know that. I get you've got the persona going and that's great but you never used to talk like this back here. And you don't need to. You want an apology...then, I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry. The fruity guy threw some crap in my eyes and I dunno what happened next. WRIGHT You anticipate for me to feel placated by this sub-standard apology? BOHEMOTH For crying out loud... The scowling Moral Highground begins to pace around the room as Bohemoth sits back down and folds his arms, clearly tiring of this lecture. WRIGHT Bohemoth, it was upon the understanding of complete loyalty and competence whence I stumbled upon you that I took you under my substancial wing. Your recent conduct displeases me greatly. Henceforth, I shall require improved effort from yourself. For to erase the chilling memory of the events passed of AngleMania V, you must re-prove your worth to the greater cause! I am willing to attribute these past months as a mere daliance in your performance, pending a noticeable improvement in productivity. On next week's HeldDOWN~!, I shall provide you with an acceptable challenge which I expect you to vanquish. And be forewarned, nothing short of victory will be deemed acceptable! BOHEMOTH Right. Beat challenger. Gotcha. Christian is ANGERED~ by Bohemoth's flippant reply and his head snaps around to face his bodyguard turned tag team partner. WRIGHT I am deadly serious. Improved performance...or, I may just have to contemplate seeking out an improved bodyguard! Storming off, Christian leaves the room with a slam of the door and his angered footsteps sound off into the distance. Snarling, Bohemoth continues to fold his arms for a moment, before picking his PSP back up. BOHEMOTH ...ah, fuck, I forgot to pause it! Commercial break Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted April 7, 2006 We return to HeldDOWN~! with a look at the OAOAST.com homepage, which has a cover story on Leon Rodez winning the OAOAST 24/7 Championship at OAOAST AngleMania V, last Sunday. The crowd cheers when they see this while the funky early 90’s WrestleMania theme song plays in the background. You know the one. The one Linda McMahon uses as her theme song. That funky one. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, and fans, what a night AngleMania was last Sunday. We saw three titles change hands, and one of them was the OAOAST 24/7 Title, which was won by Leon Rodez, ending his two-month chase of the title. CABOOSE I still say that Leon cheated to win. He needed FOUR GUYS to help him climb the ladder and reach the belt. If John Brickston, Spanish Fly, Otaku II, and Colombian Heat didn’t hold PRL back, he would have won that match, and Leon Rodez wouldn’t be the 24/7 Champion right now! It’s a travesty! COACH Yeah, I’m actually going to have to agree with Caboose on this one believe it or not. Tha Puerto Rican had the match won. He was about to grab HIS belt, but he was distracted by that no good punk, that HACK, Colombian Heat. THAT and that ALONE was the reason he lost. Leon Rodez had nothing to do with Tha Puerto Rican losing the 24/7 Title last Sunday at AngleMania V! COLE Well, there is nothing any of us can do about it now. The decision stands. Leon Rodez dethroned “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican last Sunday at AngleMania, ending his record setting 11 month, 360 day 24/7 Title reign. It was on HeldDOWN~! almost a year ago that PRL was handed the 24/7 Title by Stephen Joseph Popick. And now, on HeldDOWN~! almost one year to the day that PRL got the 24/7 Title, Leon Rodez is the reigning and defending 24/7 Champion. Rodez has brought back the 24/7 Title Rule, meaning that he can defend the 24/7 Title 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. We don’t know what’s next for Tha Puerto Rican, who last Sunday, lost one of the biggest matches of his life in that Ladder Match. CABOOSE I don’t think Leon has given PRL his spinner belt back yet. COACH He should. COLE Anyway, Tha Puerto Rican is never at a lost for words, and last Sunday, right after the match with Leon Rodez ended, PRL had a few words for the new 24/7 Champion. A camera followed PRL into The Lightning Crew dressing room, where PRL had this to say. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. The funky WrestleMania theme song ends, unfortunately. We cut to OAOAST AngleMania V last Sunday. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican is slowly walking up the steps through the curtains, crushed at his defeat. “Mama Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J is still playing, and the fans are still cheering as Tha Puerto Rican wipes the tears from his eyes, his face a crimson mask. He is stunned that his 24/7 Title reign is no more as he walks through the curtains and down the corridor. A doctor joins PRL as he walks down the corridor to The Lightning Crew dressing room. Various wrestlers pass Tha Puerto Rican and smile, happy that PRL is no longer the holder of the 24/7 Title. DOCTOR In here, P.R. “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN Oh. Okay. Tha Puerto Rican and the doctor enter The Lightning Crew dressing room. Cut to a few seconds later. Puerto is about to untie the shoelaces on his boots, but the doctor starts checking his face. PRL lunges at the doctor. THA PUERTO RICAN Get your filthy hands off of me! Get your ass out of my dressing room! I don’t need you doc! PRL shoves the doctor. DOCTOR I’m just trying to help you, Puerto. THA PUERTO RICAN Yeah? Well help yourself out of my dressing room before I take that stethoscope of yours and stick it up your candy ass! Tha Puerto Rican doesn’t need any damn help! BEAT IT! The doctor nods his head and leaves. THA PUERTO RICAN Stupid jabroni doctor. I could lay the smackdown on his monkey ass if I wanted. The doctor closes the door to The Lightning Crew dressing room. Tha Puerto Rican starts untying the shoelaces of his boots, while turning his attention directly to the camera. The camera does a close-up of PRL’s bloodied face as he begins speaking. THA PUERTO RICAN Leon Rodez is the new 24/7 Champion. Can’t say I’m pleased with the result. Nor am I pleased with how he won it. Leon Rodez, let me make one thing perfectly clear: here at the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center at AngleMania V, Sunday April 2, 2006, you defeated Tha Puerto Rican. Yeah, I admit it. You left me lying in a puddle of my own damn blood. And you needed four other jabronies to help you climb the Corporate Ladder to grab my 24/7 Title belt. If life was fair, I would still be the 24/7 Champion, and you would be in a puddle of your own blood. But life isn’t fair, and as a result, my 24/7 Title reign is at long last over. But I won’t complain. I won’t bitch. I won’t whine. And I will NOT seek a rematch. PRL wipes his eyes, which are still filled with tears. PRL No, Leon Rodez, I’m going to let you have your moment. I’m going to let you enjoy your 24/7 Title reign. But let me give you some words of warning. Something that’s going to haunt you throughout your 24/7 Title reign. The only reason you will be 24/7 Champion for more than a week is because I ALLOW YOU TO BE. You will NEVER EVER be the 24/7 Champion that I was. You will NEVER EVER hold the 24/7 Title for as long as I did. And you will NEVER EVER be the greatest 24/7 Champion of all-time like I am. And deep down inside, you know this is true. You know in your heart that you will never match up to Tha Puerto Rican. That your 24/7 Title reign won’t compare to my illustrious 24/7 Title reign. That your 24/7 Title reign will be second-rate compared to mine. And that’s going to eat you up inside. It’s going to crush your spirit. It’s going to be a HUGE chip on your shoulder. And you’re not going to be able to take it. You won’t be able to handle the pressure of following up my 24/7 Title reign. You won’t be able to surpass my 24/7 Title reign. You won’t be able to take it! And because of this, you are going to crash and burn. CRASH AND BURN. Nothing lasts forever Leon Rodez, and neither will your 24/7 Title reign. The day will come when you lose that belt. The day will come when you break down from the pressure of holding the PRESTIGIOUS 24/7 Title and you crash and burn. And on that day, I will laugh. Oh yes. I will laugh, laugh like I never laughed in my entire life! For the day you lose the 24/7 Title will be a glorious day in Tha Puerto Rican’s life. Because on that day, you will realize that I was right all along. That I was right in saying you can’t take the pressure that comes with being 24/7 Champion. That you can’t be the 24/7 Champion that I was. PR wipes some of the blood off his face. THA PUERTO RICAN Leon Rodez, on that day you will realize that whether you like it or not, Tha Puerto Rican IS The Corporate Champ. That Tha Puerto Rican IS greatest Puerto Rican athlete of all-time, and without a shadow of a doubt, that Tha Puerto Rican IS the greatest 24/7 Champion there ever was AND THERE EVER WILL BE! Leon Rodez, it’s all right. I’m okay with you winning the 24/7 Title from me. Because you will crash and burn, Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES IT! And when that happens, Leon Rodez, when you crash and burn, I will have…my revenge. The Champ Has Spoken. Tha Puerto Rican pulls off his right boot. He looks up at the camera again. PRL Oh, and can I have my custom-made spinner 24/7 Championship belt back? That is my own PERSONAL PROPERTY you know. You little bitch. PRL spits some blood out of his mouth. He pulls off his left boot as the promo ends. (Cut to Triple C) CABOOSE Wow. Never count Tha Puerto Rican out! He will return, and he will be better than ever! This lost hasn’t stopped him at all! COACH Tha Puerto Rican’s 24/7 Title reign was the greatest 24/7 Title reign ever! What can Leon Rodez possibly do to follow it up? COLE Well he has stated he will defend the 24/7 Title 24/7. COACH So? Leon has an even BIGGER chance of losing the 24/7 Title now! I give him a week before he loses the belt. COLE You seriously believe Tha Puerto Rican is right in saying Leon Rodez will crash and burn? CABOOSE Yes. He will. Leon Rodez is half the man PRL is. Leon has no idea what he’s in for now that he’s the 24/7 Champion. It’s going to be a hellish title reign for Leon, no matter how many days, months, or years he holds the belt and I just don’t think he can handle it. He’s going to crash and burn just like Tha Puerto Rican said. I’m sure of it. COACH Yeah. COLE Well, Tha Puerto Rican’s body might not be 100%, but his mouth sure is! Caboose strikes Cole in his right knee with his cricket bat! COLE Ow! CABOOSE What? What happened? Cole glares angrily at Caboose. Coach tries to stifle his laugh. CABOOSE What? What did I do? What? COLE Let’s just move on now shall we? Please? CABOOSE Always blaming me for something aren’t ya? COLE Don’t start! Please don’t start! Let’s just get on with the show. Okay? Jesus Christ. Cole rubs his right knee while continuing to commentate. COLE Folks, let's get on to some serious buisness. If you've been paying attention, you might have noticed that there was one title that was not defended this past Sunday at AngleMania and that is the X-Division title. As some of you may have known, the man that currently holds the title, The Parka, suffered a knee injury during a live OAOAST show a few weeks ago. Originally it was believed that the injury was relatively minor and that he would be able to return to action soon after AngleMania....but unfortunately that is not the case. Parka will now have to have surgery on that knee and will be out indefinitely, meaning that the X-Division title is hearby vacated because he will not be able to defend it within the required 30-day time period. We at the OAOAST wish Parka well in his recovery and we will have more on how this title situation will be rectified next week. IF YOU MISSED ANGLEMANIA V... Logan Mann piledriving Ned Blanchard on the guardrail leaned up against the ring apron is shown from various angles, before turning into a still picture "courtesy of OAOAST Magazine" of Logan covering Ned for the 1-2-3 followed by the official announcement. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, history has been made. The winners and NEW OAOAST tag team champions of the world... the HEAVENLYYYYYY RRRROOOOOOOCKERRRRSSSS! * STYLISH CLIP JOB * LOGAN Cut the music. There's something I wanna say. We didn't just win the tag belts for us, but for our fans as well. And there's one special fan Synth and I would like to thank, especially yours truly, "Wild Child" Logan Mann. And that's Holly-Wood! Over a year ago Holly became our publicst and eventually my girlfriend. In that year we've been through a lotta ups and downs, but we stuck together. Now it's time for us to be stuck together FOREVER! That line grabs everybody's attention, particularly Holly's, especially when Logan gets down on a knee to everyone's surprise. COLE All right, Logan! LOGAN Holly... Holly... COLE Do it, Logan. Say it. Ask her the question. LOGAN (CONT'D) ... Will you marry me? COLE He did it! COLE & CABOOSE CABOOSE Attaboy, Mann. On the verge of tears Holly nods his her head and says... HOLLY YES! COLE & CABOOSE SHE SAID YES!! "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" "Heart-Shaped Box" cues up once more with a hug and a kiss from Holly. COLE What a night! We have new tag team champions and an in-ring marriage proposal. CATCH ENCORE PRESENTATION TO SEE ONE OF THE MANY MOMENTS THE WORLD IS BUZZING ABOUT! THE ENCORE PRESENTATION AIRING ALL THIS WEEK! CUT TO: "MEAN" GENE OKERLUND at our backstage interview position. GENE It was a jubilant atomsphere backstage Sunday night after the Heavenly Rockers captured the World tag team championship from the New New Midnight Express. While AngleMania has come and gone, the mania surrounding the OAOAST certainly has not. 3 individuals who had a big night at AngleMania and who will be apart of Living Angleously, April 30th, are my guests at this time... new One and Only Anglesault Thread tag team champions The Heavenly Rockers and Holly-Wood! SYNTH (Off-Screen) Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh! It's backstage at AngleMania all over again as an overly exuberant Synth flies into view playing air guitar with his tag belt while Logan and Holly -- or Lolly to be cute -- enter hand and hand. For the first time in months, a smile is splashed across the face of Holly, the engagement ring on her finger sparkling under the bright lights and nearly blinding Mean Gene as she snuggles up against Logan, carassing the tag belt around his waist. LOGAN You keep rubbing that magic lamp and it won't be a genie coming, girl. * KISS * GENE Oh-ho-ho! It's great to see you guys having fun again after all that has gone down in the last year. Let me start by offering you my congratulations on becoming the NEW World tag team champions at AngleMania. Your match was... * SPARKLE, SPARKLE * GENE (CONT'D) ... Would somebody please dim the damn lights a bit!? I could go blind. SYNTH Ain't you supposed to follow the light when you see it? GENE Y-You don't think my time has come? (looks up in the heavens) Don't take what I said at the Hall of Fame literally. I'm too young to die! LOGAN Nobody is dying. That light comes from the reflection of the ring I gave Holly. Take a look at it, Gene. Ain't it something? GENE My word, look at the size of that rock. In a funny little bit, Logan puts his SUNGLASSES on Gene for protection. LOGAN I think you need these more than me. GENE (chuckles) Well I'll be... Can we get a shot of that? Holly proudly holds out her left hand to flaunt her HEART-SHAPED RING. GENE How fitting. A heart-shaped diamond ring. What a beauty. Congratulations on your engagement. LOLLY Thank you, Gene. Logan and Holly laugh after replying at the same time, then kiss. Awwww. GENE If you don't mind my asking, when's the wedding? LOGAN My girl is gonna be a summer bride, Gene. GENE So what are we looking at then -- our July pay-per-view event, AngleSlam or in front of a national television audience on HeldDOWN~!? HOLLY Uh, we aren't getting married on OAOAST television. Have you ever seen a wedding on a wrestling show? GENE I've been to my fair share, yes. LOGAN Then you know why Holly and I won't be getting married on TV. It ends in disaster, Gene. SYNTH Ain't no friends of the Synthmeister gettin' a corba as a wedding present, son. That shit be whacked to the weeds. GENE Well, love is a battlefield. But I'm sure it'll be a beautiful wedding wherever you decide to hold it. I--I am invited, aren't I? HOLLY Of course. GENE I'm sure my friends at the Enquirer will be happy to hear that. SYNTH, LOGAN & HOLLY GENE Just kidding. Anyway, getting back to AngleMania. That had to be one of the most physcially matches I have personally ever witness in my 30-plus years in this great sport. You promised the war between yourselves and the New New Midnight Express would end with the blood of Sarcastic Simon's and Narcissistic Ned's on your hands and you delivered on that promise. LOGAN Just like we delivered on our promise to win the tag titles. If you would've told me 7 months ago I'd be standing here 4 days after AngleMania holding the tag team championship with my best friend and engaged to the woman of my dreams, I would've thought you were a guy who must've hung out with us -- me and Synth -- early in our careers because you had to really be trippin' to say that. But here we are post-AngleMania with the tag belts. And it was 7 months ago that our hopes and dreams of doing just that were shattered one fateful summer night inside a steel cage. That was the night the New New Midnight Express, Jim Cornette, the South Central Militia and Shaynne attacked us 3. I'm not really good with details, but it also may have been the night I couldn't tell Holly how I really felt about her after she blew up on me for not picking up her not-so-subtle hints about getting hitched because the words "I love you" just couldn't come out of my mouth. We males are known to have that problem every now and then, you know. Then to see Synth go down, followed by Holly... it consumed my heart and soul with sin. The only feeling I knew after that was hate! Hate for the men who did the Heavenly Rockers and Holly wrong! Hate for the New New Midnight Express! Hate for Jim Cornette! Hate for the South Central Militia and that whore of a sister Shyanne! But that was all lifted at AngleMania. The Heavenly Rockers got the last laugh. Not only did we take the tag team titles but we also ran our most hated rivals out of town! And Holly-Wood showed Jim Cornette and Shyanne why revenge is a dish best served with Percussion and a piledriver for desert! GENE Now that you're the World tag team champions, gentlemen, every team from around the world will be knocking at your door for a title shot. And the first team to openly issue a challenge to you are the very men you defeated to go onto AngleMania by winning the 2006 Anderson Cup, the Sooner Bruisers. SYNTH Ain't no problem wit dat. Anytime, any place. As the old saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. We haven't been known for our great responsibility in the past, but we ain't oblivious to the opposite of fiction teams are gonna be dropping by our crib asking for a title shot. The Heavenly Rockers know what it be like to knock at the front door of the champs only for them not to open even though you knows they inside. Well, every tag team knocking at our door will get to come inside because we plan on giving everyone who wants a shot at the belts their chance. Ain't gonna be duckin' no one. LOGAN So sayeth the Heavenly Rockers! GENE Yes, siree! Back to you at Sofa Central. COLE Well, that was quite the match/interview/promo/segment thingie. CABOOSE It certainly was. COACH Agreed. COLE Yep. COACH Uh huh. CABOOSE Right. COLE Er..... CABOOSE *ahem* COACH Well then. COLE This is thrilling...what's that?! Folks, I'm being told there's a situation brewing in the back. CABOOSE Oh thank god. Luckily, the camera cuts away to the locker room where Drek Stone and Hoff are having a spirited argument with one another. DREK Do you realize how bad you made us look on Sunday? Hoff puts his head down, looking like he's already tired from being criticized by his partner. HOFF Oh, Christ. What the hell do you want from me, Drek? How many times can I apologize and tell you I have a plan? DREK Your apologies mean NOTHING to me. The fact of the matter is that YOU, solely by yourself, cost us from making history on Sunday night. HOFF If you say so. DREK I do say so. Over the break, you were supposed to train! You knew what we were coming in against. Hoff's head suddenly shoots up in angry disbelief. HOFF Screw you! I DID train! DREK You looked sloppy! You were one or two steps behind of Tony and Dan the entire match. I was on my A-Game and you were hardly on your C-Plus one. HOFF Heh. Cute. My C-plus Game. DREK You're lucky I didn't give you a D. HOFF I told you already! I have a plan tonight to fix everything, okay? It will make everything that happened at AngleMania seem like ancient history! DREK A plan? HOFF Yes! A plan! If you would have shut your mouth and opened your ears for a second, you would have heard me say it. Wait until the end of the night. I promise you. I'll make things right. The two men stop talking for a moment as Drek takes the time to ponder Hoff's announcement carefully. After thinking about it for a few seconds, Drek gives a shallow sigh. DREK Fine. Just know that I want to see the killer Hoff back. HOFF I understand that. DREK NO! I want to see the Hoff that tried to take the Heavyweight Title from me in two of the biggest wars I ever faced at Zero Hour 2005 and AngleMania IV. I want the Hoff that managed to cheat even better than me at the Great Angle Bash 2005! I want the Hoff that is ready to TAKE THIS FEDERATION BACK from the people that have tried to bury our names in the mud -- I don't want the Hoff that's going to get schooled in the ring like he did last Sunday. That Hoff is useless to me. HOFF Oh, believe me, Drek. The Hoff you want... With a smile, Hoff looks down for a moment before turning his attention back to his partner. HOFF That Hoff is back. DREK ...I sure as hell hope so. Somewhat warily, these two conflicted superstars continue staring at one another as we fade into a commercial. Commercial break Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted April 7, 2006 If you missed AngleMania: COLE We need a referee out here now before someone is seriously hurt! Suddenly, the crowd's attention turns to the top of the staircase as Cole's demand is answered. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Stephen Joseph appears, wearing an OAOAST official's shirt. He quickly begins jogging down the steps as Alf uses the ropes to get back to his feet. COACH WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING OUT HERE!? CABOOSE You wanted a referee, so I guess we've got one. COACH But this is BULLSHIT! Alf gets to his feet and Knight prepares to strike, but he suddenly feels someone grabbing the chair and pulling him back. Turning around, he comes face to face with the man he defeated for the title. His mouth drops in shock as SJ points at his shirt and demands him to drop the chair. Knight refuses and triggers an arguement with the new referee, which allows Alf to sneak up from behind and schoolboy the champion. ONNNEEEEEEEEEEEEE TWOOOOOOOOOO THRRR-NO! Shoulder up! Order the replay, airing all this week! Michael Cole We all couldn't believe it, but at Anglemania, Stephen Joseph kept his word and appeared as an OAOAST referee in the World Title Match. Coach His meddling COST Peter Knight the title and you KNOW IT Cole! Caboose It's not like Peter Knight defended the title there Coach. Coach This makes me SICK! Michael Cole Whether or not it makes you sick Cole, Stephen Joseph's involvement definitely swung the match in favor of our New Champion Alfdogg. But he received a big hit with a steel chair for his efforts. Let's go backstage with Josh Matthews, who's got Stephen Joseph standing by in his lockerroom WHOOOSH~! WHOOOSH~! ::And we're backstage. Stephen Joseph is sitting on a bench next to a metal locker, opened, with a "FUCK YOU!" shirt hanging down from a hangar. Stephen straps in his kneepads as Josh Matthews comes into view. Josh Matthews Fans, backstage I am here with a returning Stephen Joseph, who will wrestle later on tonight in his first match back. Stephen, we've got several questions for you, but first, how did if feel? ::Stephen Joseph finishes adjusting his kneepad, and turns with a smile to Josh. He lets out a small chuckle, smiles, and speaks:: Stephen Joseph Aside from the chair shot? Wonderful. Even though I promised to be there, Anglemania V was such an amazing show that everyone had forgotten about my promise. And then when Peter Knight took the low road we knew he would take, look who was there. The crowd loved it Josh. I made him pay Josh. He paid for what he did to me at Anglepalooza, he paid for what he did to Tha Puerto Rican at Zero Hour, and he paid for what he did to the fans last Sunday night. Josh Matthews Are you through with Peter Knight, or can we expect something else? Stephen Joseph You can expect any Josh. But I can tell you, if Peter Knight thinks his issues with me are over...boy you got some learning to do. See, I'm Stephen Joseph BITCH, and until I say something is over, it ain't over. And it Ain't Over For Me! Peter Knight, you may want a title rematch with Alfdogg, but before you do that, I've got a gauntlet to throw down to you and your ilk. How about this Peter? YOU, ME, Christian Wright, The PUERTO RICAN, Bohemoth, and the world's BEST commentator CABOOSE in a 6 man tag team Steel Chair on a Pole match NEXT WEEK on HeldDOWN! Josh Matthews STEEL CHAIR ON A POLE! Caboose WHAT THEEEE FFRRRUUUKKKK? Stephen Joseph And that's NOT ALL FOLKS! Peter Knight, we're going to war. Your Upstarts, MY Originals. And it will not end. Next week, I come for your head. But I haven't forgotten about the one man who gave me my opportunity for a run with the Big Gold Belt. HOFFSTER, I am OFFICIALLY calling you out Big Boy. I don't care how, I don't care why, and I don't care where. I want to say thanks, the only way I know how, by beating the ever-living shit out of your Upstart ass! And if you ignore me Hoffster, I will make sure that you pay me my due attention. Josh Matthews Anyone else you'd like to call out. Stephen Joseph No. Two is company. Three's a crowd. Besides, Axel already knows when he's facing me. And he's already trembling. Josh Matthews Do you have any comment on The Puerto Rican's title loss to Leon Rodez? Stephen Joseph Josh...You have no idea how disappointed I am in Puerto for not being able to retain. But you know, in losing, sometimes you learn something, and if you can learn, you can come back stronger, faster, better. Puerto's got to learn to not make so many enemies at one time. I learned that the hard way, so did he. I'm disappointed yes, but I'm glad the title went to an Original. I'm going to help Puerto rediscover himself, and I guarantee you...THE PUERTO RICAN will hold OAOAST World Title Gold this year. Josh Matthews That's a might big guarantee! Cole, let's send it back out to you. SJ's match will be coming up later on in the hour. WOOOOSHHH~! WOOOOOSHH~!! Michael Cole STEEL CHAIR ON A POLE MATCH?! Caboose Why the hell did I ever agree...he didn't tell me thi.. Coach YES! Peter Knight's gonna wallop Caboose and Stephen with a..::GAK!:: Caboose Maybe I'll just hit you repeatedly Coach. I've been itching for a reason! Cole Yes, use your big bat on him for a little while. Coach and Caboose ........ Cole Heeeey, let's do this now. Michael Cole is with Jim Cornette at Sofa Central. As you'd expect, a look of disappoint is on etched on the face of James E., his tag team no longer apart of the OAOAST after losing their match at AngleMania. COLE Earlier tonight we heard from the new World tag team champions, The Heavenly Rockers. Unlike them, the man we're about to hear from didn't have a happy ending to his night. I'm talking about James E. Cornette, the now FORMER manager of the New New Midnight Express. It wasn't a good night for you and your men at AngleMania, Jim. CORNETTE Oh, shut up, Michael Cole! The wrestling world is still in mourning over the events of AngleMania V as my Midnight Express, quite possibly the greatest version of the most successful tag team franchise our sport has ever seen and the first 3-time OAOAST tag team champions went down in defeat to the Heavenly Rockers. Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned may have gone down, but they went down like men -- fighting to the very end. Both teams paid the price to end the longest battle in OAOAST history. They gave up their bodies and pints of blood that will keep Donald Trump's blood supply in stock for the next 5 years for bragging rights and the World tag team championship. Synth may be stupid enough to tell a girl if he could rearrange the alphabet he'd put S-T-D together, and Logan may not know a wristlock from a wrist watch, but I'm about to do something I thought I'd never do. I'm gonna give credit where credit is due. The Heavenly Rockers did something I didn't think was possible when they managed to come back from all the adversity, all the mind games we put them through to win the tag titles. Certain teams would've folded from all the pressure but they didn't. And let's not forget the accomplishments of the New New Midnight Express. Of course many would argue they wouldn't have gotten as far as they did without my expertise, and they're right, but the men I allowed to carry the tradition of the Midnight Express deserve a little credit. But the past is the past. Out with the old and in with the new. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the team I, Jim Cornette, will lead to the World tag team championship... Moe Wallace and Vincent Santana, the SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA! CABOOSE How soon we forget. Jim Cornette not wasting anytime filling the void left by the departure of the New New Midnight Express. Without the presence of Shyanne, the South Central Militia walk to the ring with that bad ass swagger of theirs -- getting up in people's faces and stealing little kids' candy as they near Sofa Central, where they're greeted by a giddy Jim Cornette. COACH And there they are, 'Boosey. Moe Wallace and Vinny Santana, baby. The team James E. will led to the tag titles just like he did the N-N-M-X. COLE Well, I'm not sure how Jim Cornette Enterprises stockholders will feel about the team you've taken on, but they're certainly big and bad. MOE Big and bad is right, metrosexual bitch! And we's just about ready to bust heads because the S-C-M ain't in the most pleasant of moods. My lil' sis Shyanne is resting at home recovering from a DDT she got from that golddiggin', no good, scandalous ass, trifiling, chicken headed, flat assed, jezebel tramp of a whore Holly-Wood. So me and not-my-cousin Vinny got all the provocation in the word to bust down Synth's and Logan's door and beat the crap outta them like we from the LAPD while we pound the crap outta the bitch who took out Shyanne. But if you don't mind, Cole, there's somebody in this area we wanna beat the crap outta first. So go ahead and give us fifty feet.... * DOUBLE WHAMMY * "OHHHHHHHHHHH!" An unsuspecting Jim Cornette is floored by a pair of sucker punches from Moe and Vinny! Smacked back into 1984, Cornette is helpless as he's thrown into the ring and assault by TELESCOPIC BATONS. If it's any consolation, Jim Cornette's beating is quick but very painful as he's whipped to the ropes and drilled with the simultaneous SPEAR/FLYING FOREARM double-team maneuver called THE JAILBREAK! Pleased with their work the S-C-M exit while officials and first aid attendents enter the ring. COLE What the hell was that all about? This was the last thing I expected to see. We gotta take a break. We'll be back. Commercial break Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted April 7, 2006 If You Missed AngleMania (Hey, I got time to fill here) The GPX and O'Hara now set up the duo of Blonde and Faqu for a double suplex, but now Malibu rolls himself into the ring and takes Jax by the head, and simultaneously the babyfaces execute a TRIPLE SUPLEX on the three Upstarts, rocking the ring AND the Atlantic City population in attendance! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" COLE A TRIPLE SUPLEX! THE FIRST OF ITS KIND! Order. Replay. Now. Don't make me come over there. COLE We're back live with you tonight here with more HeldDOWN~! folks, fresh off of Anglemania V this past Sunday on PPV. It's an event that's been on everyone's lips since Sunday, and we've felt a lot of the ramifications here tonight amongst various roster members. However, one of the feel good stories of the night in addition to Alfdogg reclaiming his spot at the top of the mountain, was Zack Malibu's huge win in the first ever Two For The Money match. COACH Let the verbal fellation commence! CABOOSE As if you wouldn't be doing the same thing if one of your boys had won that match? COLE To be fair, Coach, I thought that all six men put forth a hell of an effort in that match. We watched on as they endured such painful circumstances, and it was that effort that made that an Anglemania match to remember. It was at the end of that match though, that only Zack Malibu was left standing atop the ladder, holding not only his reclaimed HI-YAH title which was on the line in the contest, but an open opportunity to take on the OAOAST World Champion, whomever it is, at any point in the next twelve months! The plucking of bass strings sets the tone for "Getting Away With Murder", and as the lights drop the fans rise, scrambling to their feet as the OAOAST's favorite son is set to appear live and in living color. COLE Zack Malibu is HERE! COACH Thank you, Captain Obvious. Malibu is welcomed by a loud crowd pop as he appears onstage, with the HI-YAH Championship draped over his shoulder, and a pile of papers stapled together in another...no doubt the contract for an OAOAST World Title shot that he captured just days ago. COLE We should also note that none of the men involved in Two For The Money will be in action tonight, as all were given this week off as a healing period. Although no threatening injuries were suffered in that match, we know that James Blonde is in a sling as a result of the damage his right arm sustained, that Faqu had some bruised ribs, and... COACH ...now how you not gonna mention what happened to poor Jamie O'Hara? Dude's been limping around for days because he got pushed off the top rope and landed with his little general on a ladder rung! COLE I wasn't finished! COACH You weren't gonna finish! Bottom line is, it sickens me to see other people putting effort like what you saw the GPX and Jamie O'Hara do Sunday night, and get no props, no respect for it, while THIS man's ass gets kissed on a daily basis! Malibu steps up the stairs and into the ring, circling around and looking around to his numerous fans, all applauding his arrival. Malibu heads over to the side of the ring and requests a mic, taking a moment to address the crowd as the fans continue to chant his name. "MAL-AH-BOO!" "MAL-AH-BOO!" "MAL-AH-BOO!" COLE What a response for this respected superstar! CABOOSE After what he did the other night, he deserves every second of it! Once the fans realize Zack would like to speak, they finally die down, and allow the preppy one to put his mic to use. MALIBU So, I'm guessing you all saw Anglemania V the other night, right? *huge crowd pop* MALIBU Well, in that case, I'm guessing you noticed a few things. You probably noticed that the New, New Midnight Express are no more. You probably noticed that Leon Rodez, my ex-partner in The Usual Suspects, became a champion once again in a brutal ladder match. You probably noticed that Peter Knight LOST his Heavyweight Title in the main event, and that we have a NEW World Heavyweight Champion named ALFDOGG! *huge crowd pop* MALIBU OK, well there's no need for a more descript recap, because I'm willing to bet you've taped it, read the results on the internet, and have the DVD on pre-order. But there is one last thing I'd like to refer to, and that's to what I'm holding in my hand right now... COACH That sonuva...He puts the MICROPHONE over, but he can't give credit to my boys!? COLE What do you mean put the microphone over? He's talking about the contract, you twit! COACH He's gonna put THAT over too? CABOOSE ...you don't quit, do you? MALIBU In my hand right now, is a contract. A contract I pulled off the back of this belt, my HI-YAH Championship Title, when I snapped it free from it's harness to win the first ever Two For The Money match. A match that quite frankly, had everything going against me. The numbers game. My belt on the line. The expected brutality and wear and tear. The OAOAST and HI-YAH put that match together to show good faith towards each other, to show that people like James Blonde and Faqu are on the same level as anyone else in the OAOAST currently. They did it to show that this belt, the one I'm holding, means as much as any championship anywhere in the world. They did it to... It wouldn't be a wrestling show without PROMO INTERRUPTION~! CABOOSE I believe the Latin term is Promo Interuptus. (How the hell did Caboose respond to my description? Anyways...) "Make Her Say" cuts off Zack's train of thought and silences him for a few moments, as Scotty Static, Johnny Jax, and Jamie O'Hara, not looking extremely pleased, head down the aisleway. COLE It never ends! Three sore losers are heading to the ring! COACH Maybe they've got something good to say. They've got just as much right to be out here addressing the world as Zack does! O'Hara, Static and Jax all enter the ring, while Zack makes sure to keep on eye on all of them, ready in case they choose to pounce. Jax waves for a mic and has one tossed to him by a stagehand, then taps it to make sure it's on before handing it over to Scotty Static, the more talkative of the Global Party Exchange. STATIC Now hang on, Malibu. We're not out here to rain on your parade. We're out here to give you your due. See, Anglemania wasn't just a victory for you that earned you your title back, and a contract to get an OAOAST World Title shot, oh no. It was a moral victory of sorts too, because after that match, as the three of us lay in the back moaning and groaning, hoping to heal and wondering what the hell is wrong with us that we were just diving off ladders and using that same cold hard steel to bust one another open, it hit us. See, some of us, like me, Johnny and Jamie, do what we do for the thrill. For the rush. The notoriety doesn't hurt either. That's why we do what we do. James Blonde and Faqu, they do what they do because they're out to prove something to the world. That the stereotype they fell into years ago will be null and void, and people will remember them as fighters. Last, but not least, we know why you do what you do, Zack. Right now, I'm talking to you free from the chains of any group affiliation, any war, any...any anything. I'm telling you, face to face right now, Malibu, that we know you do what you do because it's in your heart. It's in your blood, in your veins. You took this sport, this company of ours, and made it your life. We know that's why you're the one who came to the forefront of The Originals. We hurt the company, we hurt you. On the other hand, you look good, and the company looks good...well let me tell you people, speaking from personal experience, this man right here made this company look pretty damn good this past Sunday night. The crowd roars as Scotty Static, oddly enough, has just given props to Zack Malibu for winning Two For The Money. STATIC Sunday night, you won that match, but you have to call a spade a spade, Zack. Look at what we went through to get that gold belt that rests on your shoulder right now. Look at what we did to EACH OTHER, and we're boys, man...but look at what we did to try and get some glory, some more notoriety. That's what you don't understand, Zack. It's what you've never been able to come to terms with. You get all this glory, all this fame and fortune, and then when a group of us wants the same damn thing...we're the villains? We're the bad guys? Let me tell you something my man, you can paint us in any light you want. The fans can hate us for not staying soft. Everyone here is entitled to their own opinion and we're not gonna front and tell you you're wrong or right. Like the song says, hate it or love it. The reason we came out here, the reason we're in your face right now, is because we want something from you. One thing. Not a title shot. Not a match. Not a fight. There's one thing the three of us want from you, and that's for you to shake our hands, and give us some respect. Malibu looks genuinely surprised at this turn of events. Many fans boo, sensing a trap on the part of the GPX and O'Hara, and are even more shocked when Static lowers his mic and extends his hand to Zack Malibu. STATIC It's all we want, Zack. It's all we ever wanted. We want you to admit you respect us. Forget your hatred. Forget the Upstarts and the Originals and this war we've been waging. As a man, Zack, as a man, we want your respect! Malibu, still perplexed, walks forward, and is now caught in a staredown with Static. The two look into each other's eyes and don't flinch. Jax and O'Hara remain still, not taking an opportunity they normally would to attack Malibu. Zack steps back and looks down at Static's hand, and in a scene unheard of since the GPX changed their attitude 12 months ago, he shakes his hand! COLE Well I'll be... COACH Damn! Now even I didn't know where this was gonna go! Malibu then turns to Johnny Jax and does the same, shaking his hand, and finally Jamie O'Hara's, the young man who may have absorbed the most punishment of all this past Sunday night. The crowd cheers at the sportsmanship of the three normally loathed competitors, as Zack steps away from them. STATIC DID YOU PEOPLE EVER THINK YOU'D SEE THE DAY? Haha, that's what I'm talking about. You wanna talk about your Anglemania moments, well we just created another HeldDOWN~! memory on live TV. The only thing is that, while we do respect you, Zack...we still don't like you. THUNK! In a flash, Malibu is nailed in the forehead with a microphone shot by Static, and as he stumbles around, O'Hara hits the ropes and connects with a jump spinning roundhouse that drills Zack in the chest! Down on the mat, Malibu has the boots put to him by the GPX and Jamie O'Hara, who just moments ago were seemingly turning over a new leaf! STATIC Keep him down! Keep him down! Static shouts commands into the mic as he and his cohorts continue to pound on Zack, who is struggling to get up. STATIC You brought this upon yourself, Zack! It took us this long...now we're gonna make sure you CONTINUE to respect us! The beating continues, until out of the back come Faqu, and James Blonde, complete with his arm in a sling! As the big Samoan comes through the ropes, Jax delivers a hard soccer kick to the ribs, knocking the wind out of the big man who is still reeling from Sunday night! As he ducks back out to the apron, Jax hits the ropes, and NAILS Faqu with a YAKUZA KICK~! that sends him careening down and into the guardrail! Meanwhile, O'Hara jumps on Blonde, but as James fights back with some wild left hands, Jax reaches from behind and rakes his eyes, enabling O'Hara to tear his sling off and start choking him out with it! COLE This is insanity! All that talk about respect... COACH This is how you earn it on the streets, playa! You don't get respect with words, you get it with action, and this is what the Global Party Exchange and Jamie O'Hara are showing us right now! Blonde is kicked out of the ring, discarded for the very fact he dare interfere as the GPX and O'Hara use Malibu to send a message to the world. With Zack down, O'Hara and Jax each hold him down by either his arms or legs, as Static goes up to the top rope and leaps into the air, crashing down on Zack's exposed body with STATIC SHOCK~!, reeling from his own move as his body is still sore from Anglemania~! CABOOSE Well I'll tell you one thing, they did nothing to earn MY respect here tonight! With Zack laid out, Jamie O'Hara picks up the HI-YAH Title from the mat, and waves for Jax to pick Zack up. Malibu is yanked up onto his feet and shoved forward by Jax, as O'Hara charges and leaps into the air, cracking him across the head itwh his own title belt! COLE OK now ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Malibu is officially laid out, as the booing grows throughout the crowd. O'Hara looks and sees the mic on the mat, and picks that up, taking his turn to address the crowd. O'HARA What you just saw...was the beginning of our rise. WE are the next mainstream superstars, and dat's on the REAL, yo! WE are going to be your poster boys. Your role models, icons, and champions. We respect this man laying here, we really do, but we've warned him to step aside. You don't wanna move on your own, g, well we're more than happy to give ya a push, you dig? O'Hara, skinny street thug that he is, disposes of the mic by throwing it down on Zack's unconscious body. The triumphant trio raise their hands in salute before exiting the ring, as officials rush in to attend to Zack as he is laid out in the ring, and the crowd still shaken in disbelief of the actions of the GPX and O'Hara. COACH That's what I'm talkin' about, boys! CABOOSE Disgusting. Just disgusting. COLE Well, while Zack is attended to here in Washington D.C., we're going to take you live via sattelite to the home of the now former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Peter Knight. We go to a split screen with Cole on one side and Peter Knight, dressed in casual clothes while sitting on a nondescript tan couch. He takes a sip from a water glass before setting it down on the end table to his right. Under Cole's the words "Washington D.C." are displayed and it reads "Massachusetts" under Knight's frame. On the top center of the screen is a miniature of the HD logo and the words "Via Sattelite". COLE Mr. Knight, I understand you have filed a protest with OAOAST Headquarters over the result of your match with Alfdogg on Sunday night. KNIGHT I have, and I have every right to believe that the "powers that be" over there will see that Stephen Joseph had no buisness sticking his nose in my buisness and giving Alfdogg an unfair advantage in that match. Because of Joseph's unwarranted, biased and illegal interference, I did not walk out of Atlantic City with the title that is rightfully mine. CABOOSE Now hold on a minute. Thanks to you, Stephen Joseph did not factor into the ending of that match and it was Earl Hebner, the referee contractually assigned to that match, who ultimately made the final count and decision. KNIGHT I had Alfdogg pinned for a twenty count in that match, but apparently Joseph couldn't get his fat ego down to the mat fast enough to make a precise count. Oh, and for the record, I accept Joseph's challenge for next week; I could use a couple of punching bags to release some of this anger I have. It's just too bad I'm not there tonight because I would have gotten my payback the moment Stephen Joseph arrived at the arena. COLE Do you have any comments on the poor showing from the Upstarts this past Sunday? KNIGHT I have tried for months to set the standard for that whole locker room, but I can't wrestle their matches for them. You'll have to talk to them about that. COLE Thank you for your time. We'll be back after this. 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KingPK 0 Report post Posted April 7, 2006 COLE Folks, if you missed Anglemania last Sunday, you missed one hell of a tag-team match! Black T versus Hoff and Drek Stone! CABOOSE Yeah, the two biggest traitors in OAOAST history getting what they had coming to them, courtesy of Black T. When Hoff tapped out to the Heart of Ice-- COACH Now hold on a minute, Caboose! I have it on good authority that Tony Brannigan and Dan Black CHEATED in that match! CABOOSE Cheated? You must be high, Coachman. It was Hoff and Stone that cheated, with their cheap tricks, low blows, shortcuts, and they STILL couldn't get it done! COACH Whatever, all I know is that Black T better thank thir lucky stars that they beat two of the greatest superstars in the OAOAST. COLE Who are your sources, anyway, Coach? COACH Well, hey, I mean, my people, you know, they like to remain in the shadows. CABOOSE Your source is Axel, isn't it. COACH .....NO! COLE In any event a great match, with tons of great action, and a lot of innovation! Let's take a look: HELDDOWN! Tony gets back up to his knees, Black grabs his hand and helps his partner get back up to his feet. The two men start whispering to each other, presumably trying to get a strategy together. At the same time, Hoff and Drek share a glance with each other. Hoff then moves to the side of the ring closest to Black T. Drek runs across the ring - -- bounces off the ropes - -- dashes towards Hoff - -- and lets the big man bring him OVER the top rope with a HIGH back body drop - -- sending him CRASHING into Tony Brannigan and Dan Black with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA! “YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Loud cheers excitedly rise up from the Atlantic City crowd as Drek brings both opponents back down to the arena floor. COACH WHOA! Drek Stone picking up the 7-10 split! *********************** Tony steps into the ring with a smile on his face. With a nod, he addresses Black and then runs across the ring. Only, instead of bouncing off the ropes, he drops and slides underneath the bottom rope, through Hoff’s legs! The fans gasp in surprise as Tony lands outside the ring and lifts the big man off the apron and onto his shoulders in an electric chair position! COACH Wait…what the hell are they going for here? It seems every single fan in Trump Plaza is asking the same question. Hoff struggles to get Tony to release him by barreling several forearms across Brannigan’s forehead. But it’s all for naught. With unparalleled speed, Black turns and bounces off the ropes. He charges forward - -- and dives through the ropes - -- KNOCKING Hoff off Tony’s shoulders with a HUGE diving forearm! The crowd unleashes a massive pop as Hoff tumbles to the floor and Tony helps his partner back up to his feet! “YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” CABOOSE Now THIS is AngleMania! ************************ Without hesitating, Drek charges forward and tries sliding underneath the bottom rope with a baseball slide to Tony. But Brannigan catches Stone out of the corner of his eye. Once Drek gets close enough, Tony lifts the edge of the apron - and Drek goes sliding out onto the fabric of the apron! But Tony continues holding the cloth up, which means Drek is stuck in limbo in this makeshift hammock. CABOOSE That’s ingenious! With Drek trapped on top of the apron, he’s easy pickings for Dan to come over and start peppering the Italian Stallion with hard shots to the face. He then ascends the steel steps as Drek flails hopelessly at Tony to try to get him to drop the apron. However, with Drek still prone and Black standing on the top step, it’s plain to see what’s about to happen. Black JUMPS… …AND CONNECTS WITH A DIVING HEADBUTT ON DREK STONE! Tony releases the apron at that moment, sending both men back down to the arena floor! COACH Is Dan Black nuts?! COLE I’ve never seen someone trapped on the ring apron like Drek Stone just was. How long was Tony waiting to pull that one out? CABOOSE That was brilliant. ************************ Drek jumps out of the ring and to the floor so he could continue pulling Tony towards the post. Hoff immediately climbs out of the ring and grabs Brannigan’s right leg to help Drek continue pulling him towards the turnbuckle. Once Tony is properly straddled against the post, with his right leg and left leg hanging off opposite sides, his two opponents are pleased. Drek then cranks the left ankle while Hoff twists the right, the two men jump up, fall, and - -- SIMULTANEOUS CORNER POST ANKLELOCKS! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” ************************* Hoff grabs Black by the tights and lifts him up in the air! Holding him… …holding him… …HOLDING HIM… …BUT BLACK SUDDENLY SHIFTS HIS WEIGHT, SENDING HOFF OFF-BALANCE! And Both men fall to the mat! “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” With both men down, Black quickly places Hoff’s arm between his legs, grabs his neck and rears back! IT’S THE HEART OF ICE!!! COACH OH MY GOD! CABOOSE YES! YES! The crowd goes even CRAZIER as Black tightens his grip and rocks back on Hoff’s neck! “TAP!!!!!!” “NO!!!!!!” “TAP!!!!!” “NO!!!!!!” Through clenched teeth, Hoff picks his hand up off the mat…. COLE IS HE?! COACH NO HE’S NOT! CABOOSE YES HE IS! Vibrating his arm angrily, Hoff looks like he’s attempting to summon some kind of extra strength to get himself out of his predicament. With one final demonstration of strength, Hoff ROLLS OUT OF THE MOVE.… …TOWARDS THE CENTER OF THE RING… ….BUT BLACK KEEPS IT LOCKED IN! “YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” COACH Come on, Hoff, hold on! HOLD ON! Hoff tries holding on as best he can! But with his screams echoing through the springtime air of Atlantic City, he knows he has no choice! “TAP!!!” “NO!!!!” “TAP!!!” “NO!!!!” “TAP!!!!” “NO!!!!” Hoff taps. *DING! DING! DING!* A huge roar rises up from the crowd as Hoff flops his hand to the mat and Black releases the hold triumphantly. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners……BLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAACK TTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! The referee helps Dan Black back up to his feet, leaving Hoff alone on the mat, clutching his neck. With a smile, Black raises his arm up for the crowd before rolling underneath the bottom rope to check on his fallen partner. COLE What a match. HELDDOWN! The arena lights go down. An eerie, haunting guitar riff echoes throughout the arena. The fans buzz, not knowing what to anticipate. A bass line joins the guitar, thumping throughout the Verizon Center. As the tempo increases, a cymbal joins, the music rising to a fever pitch. And just as the haunting melody reaches its crescendo... *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!* And with that, Hoff steps onto the stage! Strobe lights flash over the arena. The crowd lets him hear it, not quite half of them cheering, the rest fiercely booing the once-popular superstar. With a humble look on his face, Hoff surveys the fans, nodding. COLE The song you are hearing is System of a Down's Hypnotize, available this May on OAOAST ThemeAddict: Volume 2. The man you are seeing is the two-time former OAOAST Heavyweight Champion, the one, the only, HOFF. Hoff walks down the ramp, pointing to various members of the crowd. Among the OAOAST faithful, there are still a few "H" t-shirts visible. COACH And I can't tell you guys how good it is to see this man back on HeldDown. We've been Hoffless for too long! CABOOSE I still don't think he belongs in an OAOAST ring, and I don't know that I ever will. But take nothing away from his talent and what he did last night. COLE Well many feel that Hoff was a bit rusty in there, including Drek Stone! However, he looked pretty good to me. COACH Not too bad for six months away from the ring, huh? Hoff slides into the ring under the bottom rope. Wearing a black T-shirt and jeans, he looks like the Hoff of old as he climbs up the corner. He throws one arm into the air, content to take in the mostly negative reaction. With an unreadable look at the crowd, the big man hops off the ropes, walking to the timekeeper at ringside and asking for a microphone. COLE You have to wonder what's on Hoff's mind. For all intents and purposes, he lost his first match in nearly half a year. That has to be a blow to a man like Hoff. Hoff grabs the mic and walks to the center of the ring, his new theme music fading into the air. The fans are raucous, and a small "HOFF!" chant takes up. It's quickly drowned out by the jeers, however, and Hoff looks out over the crowd, laughing to himself before he raises the mic. HOFF Welcome. "TO THE FUTURE!" Hoff shakes his head. HOFF No. What I was gonna say...is welcome...BACK. Welcome back, not to HeldDown, but to the Hoff show. The greatest show on Earth. A mixed cheer comes up from the crowd. HOFF And love me or hate me, you know I gave you everything I had last night, and along with the one and only Drek Stone, I STOLE the show at Anglemania Five. Just the way I used to do each and every night. The cheers get a little louder as Hoff delivers that lne with a confident smirk. HOFF Now, about six months ago, I came out here and told you I didn't have it in me anymore. I stood here, in front of the world, and said that I didn't have what it takes. But after last Sunday, I'm feeling just a little excited. There's a little of that old blood pumping through my veins. And I don't want to get you all excited...but maybe...MAYBE...I've found myself again. The fans are into it now, cheering pretty well. The little "HOFF!" chant that tried to take root earlier is popping back up, and growing. A full-blown smile creeps over Hoff's face. HOFF And let's not take anything away from Black T last night. Tony Brannigan....well, actually...Tony, you'll never be anything more than a second-rate Hoff wannabe. Like the crack of a whip, the crowd turns on Hoff. Boos resonate throughout the arena. Hoff looks out at the crowd, wide-eyed. HOFF Oh, don't act so high and mighty, people. You ALL know that it's true. I'm a two-time OAOAST Champion, and don't you ever forget it! Tony? He had a cup of coffee with the belt and calls himself a main eventer. Brannigan, the truth is that you are NOT in my league. "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Hoff letting his true feelings show here. CABOOSE I hope he doesn't hurt himself with all that honesty. COACH You guys are haters. The big man paces around the ring, surveying the crowd that has turned on him in an instant. HOFF And if you ever cross my path again...I'll be glad to prove it. "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!" HOFF Now....as for Dan Black... A MASSIVE cheer goes up from the stands at the mention of the Ice Heart. A scowl crosses Hoff's goateed visage. HOFF Dan...I gotta give it to you. Hoff grabs the back of his neck with his free hand. HOFF You and I had never crossed paths before, and at Anglemania, you showed me what you can do. And in front of the world, on the biggest stage of all time...yes. You did the unthinkable. You beat the Future. "YOU TAPPED OUT!" "YOU TAPPED OUT!" "YOU TAPPED OUT!" "YOU TAPPED OUT!" Hoff GLARES at the capacity crowd. HOFF YES, yes, you made me tap out. And for that, I gotta give you a hell of a lot of credit. For one night, for ONE NIGHT, you were the better man. The crowd gets to its feel, cheering and applauding the efforts of the Ice Heart. Hoff looks...less than pleased. HOFF But you better savor the flavor, because it doesn't happen often. And Black, I promise you, that for you? It will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" HOFF Oh, that's right. Because while you were in the midcard, I was on the rise. And while you were beating scrubs to win the "prestigious" Tag Team Titles, I was becoming a two-time OAOAST Champion. I etched my name into the history of this business, and I will never, ever be forgotten. You? You can wrestle, but you're not even CLOSE to my level. Hell, you're not even at Tony's level. The fans are ready to riot. A few stray cups make their way toward the ring. Hoff struts around the squared circle, looking self-satisfied. HOFF And when you think about it, last Sunday ought to have been the proudest moment of your career! You beat the man who may be...MAYBE...the greatest professional wrestler of all time! The man who has never lost the OAOAST World Championship. Dan Black -- and this goes for everyone -- NEVER FORGET WHO I AM! I AM THE FUTURE, AND I-- And Hoff is cut off as Quiet hits to an ENORMOUS cheer! Dan Black strolls out, wearing a black suit so sharp you can almost see it slicing apart the molecules in the air as he moves. He raises his left eyebrow slightly in response to the crowd's appreciation, and takes a couple of paces along the top of the ramp before raising a microphone to his lips. BLACK Mr Hoff. This is quite the surprising evening, I have to admit. The reaction Tony and I have been getting of late...is rather unusual. "BLACK T!" CLAPCLAPCLAP "BLACK T!" CLAPCLAPCLAP Black even manages a small, genuine smile, a strange sight indeed. COACH This is disgusting. Pandering to the limey while an American hero stands in the ring! COLE The fans are just showing respecting for Black's ability, Johnny. BLACK And not only that, but you, Mr Hoff, you admit that I was the better man at Anglemania. Hoff shrugs his shoulders and nods his head. BLACK Very surprising, very surprising indeed. Of course, thirty seconds later you ruin this good impression by reverting to the bitching and whining typical of you "Upstarts". A "whiney bitch" chant starts up, but Black quickly cuts across it. BLACK You can still salvage yourself, my lad. I'm going to walk down to the ring, and you'll shake my hand. You'll have my respect, for that, at least. Dan walks down. Hoff sits on the middle rope and pushes up the top cable to aid his entrance. Black steps in and extends his hand. Hoff looks at it for a long time, but doesn't extend his own arm. Dan eventually snatches Hoff's mic. BLACK Look "champ", just because I come out here with a smile and best wishes doesn't mean I'm suddenly some kind of soft centered, baby kissing pin up. Shake my hand. Such a small gesture that will redeem you in the eyes of the OAOAST and save you a few thousand dollars worth of medical care. Hoff grins, and extends his hand... and then he floors Dan with a vicious lariat than knocks Black onto the back of his head. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hoff stomps on the Englishman, pausing only to SPIT in his face! Hoff then slaps on his anklelock, wrenching at Dan's leg with a furious look in his eyes. COLE I can't believe Black thought he was going to get that handshake! CABOOSE That was pretty dumb. He's obviously succumbed to the 'crowd likes you, lose ten thousand brain cells' syndrome. COACH Hoff needs to break his ankle! Break it off, Hoff! Dan tries to counter out, but Hoff sits down and grapevines the leg! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Three referees and a clutch of security come running down and try to prise Hoff the screaming Black, to no avail. BOOOOOOOOOOOO....YEAAAAHHH! Tony Brannigan comes sprinting to the ring! He dives in under the bottom rope, scattering the officials. Hoff releases the ankle lock and slides out of the opposite side of the ring, a huge grin now on his face. Brannigan stares daggers at the former champion, before bending to check on Black. Hoff walks up the ramp, getting in the face of a camera on the way to proclaim "It isn't over...it's a long way from over!" COACH Now that was how you respond to a loss. COLE With a cheapshot? COACH By moving on! COLE I don't like you anymore. Cut to something else, Mr Director! How about a commercial break? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted April 7, 2006 The cameras cut to the back, where a smiling Drek Stone meets Hoff as he walks away from what he just did in the ring. Hoff smiles confidently. DREK Oh, YEAH, baby! That's my guy! The two men clasp hands, and pull each other into a very, VERY manly chest-bump pseudo-hug. You know what I mean. Hoff nods with a grin. HOFF I told you I'd make it up to ya. You like? DREK Oh, I love it, my friend. That's what I've always liked about you. You get it done. HOFF Hey, you know what they say: ALWAYS have a Plan B. Drek laughs. DREK Plan B, oh man, that's too much. You think Danny liked it? Hoff grins, shaking his head. HOFF I can't imagine. DREK Well, big man...I think we've earned a night on the town. HOFF Let's do it! The two partners in crime walk off, laughing over their heinous actions. The camera cuts to Triple C at Sofa Central... COACH (smiling) Isn't it great how two rivals can become friends? CABOOSE Anyone else pick up a little "vibe" in there? COACH What do you mean? CABOOSE I mean, does it seem like Drek and Hoff might be...MORE than friends? COACH COLE Would you guys stop? Folks, I know Dan Black, and I guarantee you this thing is NOT over. COACH Caboose, you shut your British mouth! COLE Up next, WE HAVE A MATCH! OMG! CABOOSE This'll probably be the only thing Prince Killings main events in his life. AWW NAWW HELL NAWW! Y'ALL UP N DONE IT! BOOM! BOOM BOOM! WHAMO BLAMO! Crowd: YEEEAAAHHHHHHHHH ::music continues playing:: Michael Buffer Ladies and gentleman the following contest is scheduled for 1 fall and a 15 minute time limit. Coming to the ring, he weights in at two hundred and twenty eight pounds, the most hated man in OAOAST history, SSSTTEEEPPPHHEEN JooooooooSEEEPHHH Caboose This is NOT a mixed reaction! Cole This is certainly suprising, but since the last month, Stephen Joseph has become a fan favorite. Coach I can hear the Boos! BOOOOS I tell ya! Caboose Coach is hearing voices in his head. Maybe he'll do what they're telling him to do and SHUT THE HELL UP! Michael Buffer Already in the ring, he weights in at two hundred and fifteen pounds...RAWN "Prince" Killings! Crowd: Meh. Coach What is this, a warmup match?! Caboose What, Peter Knight gets em but Stephen Joseph can't? Coach Those weren't warmup matches...Those were title defenses! Caboose Right...and you're not abnormally small for black man. Coach How did... ::silence:: ::silence:: ::more awkward silence:: DING DING~! Cole Ah, Wrestling! Wrestling in the ring! Guys! Stephen Joseph jaunts out from his corner to meet Killings in the middle of the ring. SJ extends his hand, and for a moment, Killings hesitates, but accepts after a few seconds. They part ways and begin to circle each other. Killings sets in for a headlock attempt that SJ sidesteps. But with a quick reaction, Killings slams his elbow into SJ's jaw, knocking the former champion back. Rawn follows up with right punch to the head, and and a left punch to the head, forcing SJ against the ropes! Cole All Prince right now. Coach Stephen Joseph isn't looking so good against this hot young rookie! The Prince pulls Stephen Joseph foward and whips him to the other side. SJ catches the ropes and bounds back ducking a clothesline by Killings! Back around, SJ ducks a back elbow, stops, and catches the back of Killings' head with a standing Enziguri kick! Killings stumbles forward one step then stumbles back two steps, into Stephen Joseph's awaiting arms. Joseph locks in the full nelson and looks to the crowd! Cole Could it be Finality for Killings? Stephen Joseph picks Rawn up, and holds him straight up in midair, pausing for a few seconds to show off his massive upper body strength and then sends Rawn crashing down to earth with HIS version of the Osaka Street Cutter. Killings pops up from the move, and promptly flops onto his face. Stephen Joseph rolls back over to cover! 1! 2! 3! ----- Winner, Via Finality in 2:52 Stephen Joseph ----- Crowd: YEAAAHHH NO BOOOO! Stephen Joseph has stood up, and pauses when the crowd noise changes. Joseph turns around and is LEVELED with a STEEL CHAIR SHOT from a very BIG MAN dresssed in a black hoodie with the hood obscuring his face. The man grabs the hood and pulls it back....... ......revealing Peter Knight! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" COACH THERE'S your answer, Popick! CABOOSE Gee, I wonder what happened to "Via Sattelite"? COACH That's what a private jet available to you 24/7 can do for you. Knight puts his foot on Joseph's back and lifts the chair, repeatedly slamming it down across Joseph's body as the fans continue to spew their venom towards the former champ. Crowd: YEEEAAHHHHHHHHH Tha Puerto Rican, Tony Brannigan, and Dan Black come running out of the entranceway at the same time. This odd meeting pauses them for a second, but they quickly realize that both groups are here to save Stephen Joseph from this beatdown. As they run toward the ring, Knight slides out of the ring and exits through the crowd, leaving Stephen Joseph with a ringing headache and sore stomach. COLE This will all come to a head next week in a six man steel chair on a pole match! Until then, this is Michael Cole thanking you for watching. See you next week! Fade to black Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted April 7, 2006 WRITTEN BY: Alfdogg Tony149 Zack Malibu Hoff Mystery Eskimo NYU KingPK Ed Wood Caulfield Stephen Joseph AND Patty O'Green once you scroll down! ©2006 OAOAST Entertainment. All Rights Reserved. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted April 7, 2006 (edited) BUTWAITTHERE'SMORE! We're give an a view of the backstage area where Marty the camera man is journeying down an empty stretch of hallway. Empty that is until he comes upon Terrence Taylor, peering through a crack in a locker room door. Unfortunately the audience can't see what Terry is viewing, as he's firecly blocking his intriguing sight from interlopers and onlookers. MARTY Terry Taylor! Just the man I wanted to see! Actually that's a lie. On the list of peeps I want to see, you rank probably next to last. You're right in front of my second wife who I owe six months of back paid alimony to. God damn, mail order brides. She gets her green card, and you get your pink slip, and a one way ticket to the piss stained couch in your best friend's basement. Hey, don't take this the wrong way but people around here call you a bit of a...well a dork. TERRY Let them talk, Marty. Let them talk. When I come to Headquarters packing my AK, and a box full of grenades, I imagine the only thing anyone will be saying to me is “PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! AHHHH! I DON'T WANNA HAVE MY ARMS BLOWN OFF!” Who's the dork now, buddy? ... MARTY You are one creepy bastard. You know that? I bet you got a list in your basement of people you want to kill. TERRY It's more like a ven diagram. I'm a very visual person. MARTY Is visual short for “incredibly frightening and disturbing”? Hey, what's behind this door anyway, Terry Taylor? Watcha got? TERRY Nothing. Go away, Marty. MARTY No can do. If there's a story, then I gotta get it. I am a photo journalist, after all. TERRY You're a non union camera man, who took one non credit community college course in film production and was hired because the company is too cheap to pay anyone qualified! MARTY Like I said, I'm a photo journalist. I was nominated for a Pulitzer! Whatcha got? The Upstarts plotting to destroy the OAOAST within? A furious brawl between The Heavenly Rockers and The South Central Militia? Jim Ross, happier then a pig in shit, because he's managed to commandeer accesses to the buffet table? Tell your man, Terry Taylor. TERRY Fine, fine. Anything to make you and that goomba accent shut up. You have to promise to turn that camera completely off, though. This is the kind of thing that could really savage my reputation. MARTY Was that reputation thing a joke? I couldn't tell, you said it so seriously. Terry scowls at Marty, leading the intrusive crewman to take a tone more agreeable to Taylor. MARTY Okay, okay. Camera's off. (He lies). See? TERRY If it's off, then why are you still holding it like that? MARTY It protects me. To look at the outside world without the objective shield of my camera, strips me of my cloak of warmth and refuge, and leaves me exposed to the comfortless frigidity that plagues our depressing reality. In psychoanalytical parlance, it is with this camera that I stay sane. It is with this camera that I stay alive. I beg of you, good sir, do not take my blood, my soul, my raison d'etre, away from me. TERRY Jesus Christ, I'm sorry. I..I..didn't know you felt that strongly about your camera. MARTY It's a sensitive topic. TERRY You know, I used to have a puppy I felt that I felt that way about. Called him Spot. Because of the little brown spot around his eyes. Such a funny guy. So playful. Loved to eat the December snow. He liked to chase birds outside. That's why we called him Spot, and then.. MARTY Uh-huh, great. What are we looking at here? TERRY This. But you have to keep quiet. With a blank expression on his face, Terry extends his hand towards a crack in the door. Eager to view the display that has captured Taylor's attention, Marty delicately weaves his camera through the slit. Thanks to the miracle of modern broadcasting we're treated to the treasure Terry Taylor has unearthed. And what a treasure it is. Within the spacious lockeroom, 24/7 champion Leon Rodez is pressed against the wall, held in rapture by his girlfriend Alix Maria Spezia, who's devouring his neck with sugary kisses. Alix is wearing a white sleeveless mini top, (with plunging necklines, and ties at the cropped hem), denim cargo pants, and black pumps. Leon is attired in Grey plaid cargo pants, flip flops and a camo patterned tank top. MARTY Niiiiiiiiice, Terrence. Niiiiiiice! You know where it's at, man. You and I should party more often. This could develop into a very spicy situation. ALIX Lee-Lee, my buddy in boning, my friend in fellatio, my chum in cunnilingus, are you wearing lipstick? I already dated a guy who wore more makeup then me. Remember Northstar? Didn't work out well. He's doing Mariah Carey gender impersonation shows at the Flamingo in Vegas. Actually he's really really good. When he sings I Still Believe, I swear you'd think he's Mariah himself. But, what about the lipstick? Now, I love going to Sephora as much as the next girl, but that's not where I want to spend our one year anniversary. LEON It's not lipstick. I just ate a Popsicle. Have a taste. Ally slowly traces her tongue around Leon's lips, as much to get a sensual taste of her handsome beau as to determine what flavor of Popsicle he just consumed. ALIX Cherry? LEON *ERRRRRR!* Wrong answer! ALIX Strawberry? LEON Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Go directly to jail. ALIX Okay, I dunzo. Pittsburgh? LEON That's a city, Ally. Your three guesses just went adios, amigo. No grand prize for you. The flavor is grape. ALIX That would explain why your lips are purple. I dunno. I think I better go in for a closer molestation. LEON You mean inspection. ALIX No, I meant molestation. -ANYONE UNDER 18 STOP READING HERE- -I MEAN IT, PATTY STARTS GOING NUTS IN A SECOND- -DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED- Alix gently massages Leon's arresting face and guides his violet lips into an amorous interlock with own crimson ones. The gentle, lingering kiss slowly and sweetily progresses until her demanding tongue feverishly thrusts her into a fencing match with his. Her tongue chases Leon's around the expanse of his mouth, playing an enamored game of cat and mouse, while her hands explore every inch of his washboard abs. Satisfied with the results of her “inspection”, Alix releases her lover, letting him come up for air. She keeps her lips in an alluring hover over his sensitive skin, driving chills down his spine. ALIX Oh yeah, definitely grape. LEON Alix Maria Spezia, is that a rocket in your pocket, or are you just really glad to see me? ALIX Leon Do you even have a middle name Rodez, it's a rocket. (Alix pulls a toy rocket out of her pocket). See? LEON Thank the good lord! Because if you were a chick with a dick and not a chick over dick, then I'd have to ask Krista for the name of a good therapist and/or a bridge to jump off. My brief cameo appearance in Sluts with Nuts is all the taste I need of that world, thank you very much. You know what? I think we might be able to do something with this little toy. Bang, zoom! You're going to the moon, Alice! ALIX My name is Alix. Who's this Alice ho? LEON It's from a TV show. ALIX Wait, wait, wait a minute Mister Postman! You're cheating on me with a TV star? You're a fine one, aren't you? She better be network, and she better not be that part stealing whore Eva Longoria. That should be me on Desperate Housewives, that should me dating Tony Parker! Instead I'm stuck hooking up with some b-list, sawed off Val Venis wannabe, midcaaaaarrrrrrrrwonderful human being, who I adore so very much and know is a very, very, very forgiving person, and understands that sometimes Ally Cat tends to not think before she speaks! Uhhh, awkward. What DID Krista tell me to do when you and I have these awkward moments? Hit you over the head with a crow bar and dump your lifeless body on the side of highway 101! But I don't have a crow bar. Shucks. Oh I know! Why don't you show me your belt, champ? LEON (digging into his bag for the belt) You know, I may not be an NBA champion like Tony Parker, but in case you didn't notice, I did put down some dope rhymes with LL Cool J this Sunday. ALIX That's nice. I play golf regularly with Reese Witherspoon. She won an Oscar. Grumbling, Leon reaches into his bag and removes his hard won championship for Alix's view. To make up for her rather rude belittling of him, she swoons as though he was holding up an artifact from the lost city of Atlantis. ALIX Aww yeah! You go boy! Three snaps and a glass of Diet Coke! It's berry berry pretty, Lee-Lee. Not as a pretty as me. Who is? Certainly not that skank Eva Longoria. But it's pretty enough that I might try and run over it with my car in a heroin fueled rage of jealously and envy. Kinda like what I tried to do to Eva last week. Damn LAPD, and their tazers, and attack dogs, and guns, and police helicopters. LEON Don't get too close, this thing's not metal. I don't know what run-down Puerto Rican street corner Vitamin X bought this thing from, but my hands and crotch were green when I woke up Sunday night. Nothing a little cream couldn't clear up though. ALIX Soooooooo what does your fancy belt do? LEON Do? ALIX Yeah! Like, can it rescue King Neptune's crown away from the evil cyclops in Shell City, and make it back in time to save Bikini Bottom from Plankton's tyrannical rule and save Mr.Krabs from his hellish tundra? Because Spongebob Sqaurepants can do that! And if your belt can't out do a little yellow sponge that flips burgers for a living and lives in a pineapple, then ya might wanna get your money back. LEON Can Sponge Bob do this? (Leon activates the spinning mechanism on the belt, much to Al's delight) ALIX Gnarly! Lemme see it! Without waiting for permission, Alix snatches the championship out of Leon's surprised hands. She holds it in front of his face, keeping his eyes locked on the mesmerizing spin of the belt. ALIX You're getting horny, very horny. When I snap my fingers, you will wake up and proceed to make me see colours. Weird, halucogenic colours. Then, I guess you'll think you're a dog who thinks I've got dog food in my pocket or something kinky like that. With Leon submissive towards her “spell”, Alix eagerly guides him towards the center of the floor, affording the lecherous observers a better view of the appetizing intimacy. She lies on top of him, guiding her lips to his sweltering neck, nibbling at the point where his collarbone curves so perfectly. He rolls his left hand through her vibrant locks, leading her to groan inwardly when the strands skid along his cool fingers. Her moan makes his body ripple, but that sensation is soon overpowered by the warm feel of her hands weaving their way along the skin beneath his shirt. Unfortunately for Terry and Marty the troubling sounds of feet hitting linoleum can be heard in the near distance TERRY Oh no! Someone's coming. Please don't be Krista. Please don't be Krista. Please don't be Krista. Please don't be Krista. Fortunately Terry's gets a reprieve from death as it's not Krista coming to slaughter him. Instead it's merely HeldDOWN interviewer Josh “J.Math” Matthews and NRG member Biff Atlas. Biff, never one to break character, is in his teeny tiny hula skirt. JOSH What's crack-a-lating, Marty-Mar?! MARTY Josh! My main man! Bro, you just gotta come and see this. JOSH Awesome, you found Fog Horn Leghorn! Oh wait, that's just Terry Taylor. My bad. TAYLOR Hardy-hardy-har! Never heard that one before, Matthews. BIFF Really? It seems like you would've heard it a lot. TAYLOR Of course I've heard it a lot, you moron! Everyday of my life is spent being tormented by the same Rooster jokes over and over again. I'm a human being, damn it! When you try and set me on fire you're attempting to kill me, not cooking me extra cripsy. BIFF Sure, hippy. What are we all looking it? TERRY Nothing. Nada. Go away. MARTY Come on, man, don't be a cock block. Besides, Leon's used to performing in front of an audience. Check it out, gentlemen, and prepare to be astounded. Among other things. Josh and Biff shove a grousing Terry aside to get their own peek at the sizzling exhibition JOSH Jesus Christ in a Mexican whore house! And to think I just paid ten bucks back at the hotel for a movie like this, and I'm getting it for free right in my backyard. Please, tell me you've got the camera on. Please! MARTY (winking at Josh) No sir! Meanwhile, Alix and Leon slash their tongues together, guttural groans roaring from their throats. Finally ceasing the liplock, Alix sucked her lower lip into his mouth, her eyes shooting open, cloudy and dazed. ALIX I can't believe I'm making out with a 24/7 champion. The first new champion in almost a year! That's how many days? Uh, carry the one, divide by seven, multiply by eight to the sixth exponent, subtract the circumference of the ninth unilateral triangle.....Holy crap, that's a lot of days! Leon nods in placating agreement to Alix's failed attempt at kindergarten level math. The majority of his sexually charged attention is captured by the task of undoing the ties of her slinky top. He silently damns the bewildering fabric for withholding her supple skin from his breathless and salivating mouth. ALIX Uh, ya want me to help you with that? It's kind of tricky. (singing) To rock a rhyme that's right on time, it's tricky, How's it, Lee? Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky! LEON Maybe for an ordinary beltless lower mid-carder, but for Silky Smooth Leon Rodez, newly crowned 24/7 champion, and holder of a bazillion and one Angle Awards, it's as simple as walloping a girly voiced Rock imitator with a steel ladder and making him cry till he can't cry no mo'. While a frustrated Leon fiddles with the knot, Alix picks up the toy rocket and proceeds to use it as a microphone. ALIX Folks, I'm here live being undressed by multi angle award winner, brand new 24/7 champion, ex adult film star, and all around sexy-sexaaaaaay bitch, Leon Rodez. Mister Rodez, you're clearly very gifted..ooooooooh....in more ways then one, and..ahhhhh...obviously posses the talent to have been a multi time AVN award winner, but what made you want to give up a life of being handsomely paid to fornicate as many hot women as you want, to come to the OAOAST to grope and fondle other hairless young boys? LEON Oh you know, I had just finished filming Big White Sticks, Little Night Chicks, and I said to myself, I really need a new j-o-b. One that's even less respected then male pornstar. And it doesn't get less respected and more despised then pro wrestler. But what really brought me to the OAOAST were the fans, and the underage ring rats, and the blood soaked panties and snuff stories they send you, and being able to fake injury so I can collect an insurance claim as well as a pay check at the same time, and did I mention the underage ring rats? ALIX There you have it, folks. Behind every great man; creepy nubile nookie, insurance fraud, and more nubile nookie. But on of top this great man, is your crack reporter, who's about to go a little deeper and get the inside scoop. Lemme help you with that top, babe Her fingers gracefully evaporate the final restriction separating her tender skin from his thirsty touch. The fabric of her shirt flutters into the silence of the lockeroom, as his hands lovingly find their way to her exposed silken flesh. Fiery rings of desire envelope her body, and her legs squeeze tightly together, while she tries and fails to fight back a low moan. ALIX Ladies and gentlemen, for AMS news, this is Alix Maria Spezia, getting off. (talking to her breasts) Man your battle stations, boys, we're going in. JOSH Look at that body. BIFF I'll say. And she's not that bad herself. OMG footsteps! TERRY Crud! Someone else is coming. Please don't be Krista. Please don't be Krista. Please don't be Krista. Please don't be Krista. Upon getting a good look at this approaching figure, Biff, Josh, and Marty, hold their mouthes collectively agape. MAN Hello there. I'm the 37th President of the United States, Richard Nixon. TERRY What in the hell? NIXON What do we have here? (Nixon peers through the door, and like everything one else he likes what he sees) Yes indeed. God bless America. You a big fine woman when you back that ass up. This was well worth using my “get out of hell for a day” pass. I won it from Pablo Escobar in a game of backgammon. The man cheats like a drunk Indian! HAR-UU~! The situation further degenerates into total lunacy when another person strides down the walk away. TERRY Son of a god damn bitch! Where are all these people coming from? This time we're not witness to the appearance of a dead president, but rather the mundane arrival of referee Billy Silverman. BIFF Billy! Come on over and join the party! Someone should've brought food. MARTY Someone should've brought tissues. The straight laced Silverman puts on an investigative air, as he works his way towards the exhibit that has captured their unwavering attention. In the background Terry frets that something is about to go horribly wrong. But Billy pays him little mind, as he peers at the titrating sight. Unfortunately, Silverman, unlike the others, doesn't happen to be stimulated by what he sees. In fact the only thing that's aroused within his scrawny body are his keen “referee senses”. BILLY By the gods! Why didn't you alert me to this earlier? JOSH As you can see, it's kind of hard to pry your eyes away from this. BILLY She has him in a pinning predicament! Come with haste, Martin, you must document this! Billy and Marty, who's more then thrilled to get a better look at what he's been gawking at, storm into the room, with the others curiously watching from the door way. Alix and Leon are of course stunned to have a camera man and a referee barge into their private moment. LEON Hey, you came to see me make out. That's so sweet...and at the same time, very disturbing. ALIX Lee-Lee, if you would've told me were going to have an audience, I would've baked cookies or something. Martha Stewart says that's it's impolite sex party etiquette to not serve food to your guests. LEON (looking at Marty) Did she say it was impolite to smash a video camera over your guests' head? ALIX Only if you do it after the appetizer. You don't want the guest to be all gassy when the S&M rolls around. LEON I'll keep that in mind. What the heck are you people doing in here? You either better be here to tell me that I won the lottery, that a family member just kicked the can, or that big breasted ninja zombie cheerleaders have invaded the arena and only a man of my sexual prowess and erotic stature can tame them or something. Because if none of those things are occurring, then I..I...I'll write very nasty letters to your supervisors and parents! And I won't use recycled loose leaf paper, either. That's a terrible threat, I know, but I'm about ten seconds from touchdown here so I'm not thinking straight. No words of response or apology are spoken by dutiful referee. He merely drops down to his knee and for reasons unknown to anyone present, counts a pinfall. ONE LEON Uhm...Billy? I'm a liberal guy, but come on. Could you make like Michael Jackson and... ALIX Molest television's Emmanuel Lewis in a ritzy New York City hotel room? LEON I was thinking more along the lines of beat it. TWO LEON Billy, what are you doing? Did you lick those old postage stamps Jade found in our parents' basements? THREE! Nary a soul knows what the three count is supposed to signify. Currently, all it serves to do is further bewilder poor Mister Rodez. LEON Okay, wonderful. You can count to three. Fantastic, clap clap, applaud applaud. You can count three whole numbers higher then Biff Atlas over there. BIFF Hold on, hold on, hold on. I can count to two. I've done it before. LEON Your cookie is in the mail. Now would you all kindly get the heck out of here! I am the 24/7 champ, for goodness sakes! I've beaten Tha Puerto Rican, and ..uh..and.....well...and ... BIFF And, Mister I'm so special because my fancy smancy education lets me count higher then two, and? LEON I've only been the champ for a few days, give me a break! But, at least I've won a title, which is a lot more then I can say for you, a guy who hasn't even won a match. So vamoose! All eight of you! Eight! There's a number to shoot for Biffster. Reach for those stars, bucko! Ya got the champ behind ya all the way. SILVERMAN I'm afraid you're not the champ anymore, Leon Rodez. ... LEON Watchu talkin' bout, Willis? Leon laughs at his own memory of cult television catchphrases as Silverman, who obviously has severe verbal communication problems, ignores Leon's query. He yanks Alix off her delectable boyfriend, and stands the confused lass upright, taking her arm into his hands. ALIX I don't know if it's the all you can drink margarita's they got in the catering room or getting to leave their parents' basement for once, but something always makes these wrestling nerds really, really, really frisky. I'm sure you've been sprinkled with horny dust but you'll have to wait your turn, spunky monkey! I'll get around to you eventually. Sometime after Clarie the seamstress who designs the costumes, and before Patchy Joe, the one eyed hobo outside the arena. No words leave Silverman's mouth, as he mysteriously scurries to collect the 24/7 title. Shunning Leon's confused protests, he wraps the glittering belt around Alix's slender waist. ALIX Despite the repeated genetic experiments I've conducted on myself, I have yet to gain the power of telepathy, so I can't read your mind. So, I sorta need ya to verbalize just what on earth is going on! Just an idea, babe. I know you've taken off for the moon, Neil Armstrong, but could ya tell Scotty to beam ya back down to earth long enough to explain what's happening? Similar to Leon, Alix's pondering is met with silence. After properly fastening the title around Ally's waist, Silverman raises her arm and makes an announcement that's bound to send Leon running for Krista's stash of liquor. SILVERMAN Your winner of this impromptu 24/7 title match, and new 24/7 champion...ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! Stunned, shocked, and dizzy, all Leon can do is stare emptily into space. Alix does the same for a few seconds, before slowly...very slowly, what with her speed of thought process...her blank face begins to form a huge grin. ALIX Wowie! Lee-Lee! Can you believe it? We're both 24/7 champions! Is that not the hottest thing in the world? Oh, baby. Maybe we can take our belts out on play dates! We can buy cute little strollers, and bassinets, and we can take them to the beach. But we have to keep your belt separate from mine, because your's is a nasty dirty litle man-whore who will try to rob mine of her angelic virginity and womanly innocence the second we leave them alone. I don't want mine to wind up like it's Auntie Krista. Oh baby, this is soooo cool! Big hug, dude, start bringin' the lovin'! Overcome with jubilation, Alix tackles a distraught Leon to the floor. Still stunned, still shocked and possibly still dizzy, Leon puts up no fight. This show of affection is just background noise for the ex-champ, as he mouths the words “How did this happen?" Jumping off of her boyfriend's prone body, Krista takes the 24/7 Title and spins it gleefully. ALIX And to think, it took you two months to win this thing, yet I won it in 5 days! Isn't that CRAZY!?! Leon continues lying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling absent mindedly. ALIX Me, 24/7 Champion! Who'd'a thunk it? Holy crépé, I gotta tell Krista! So long boyfriend, sorry we didn't make it past third base tonight! Merrily skipping off through the door, the humming merriment of Alix Maria Spezia slowly begins to fade off into the distance. Leon sits up finally, still seemingly trying to reason out what just happened. And as a result, he barely acknowledges the crowd still standing around him. BIFF If I had known it was that easy to win that title, I would've slipped some GHB into Tha Puerto Rican's drink months ago. Laugh now, Nixon. But I ain't kidding. I would've done it, and I would've loved that fancy bitch like no woman can. Ay, estoy cansada ese negro solo que perder este pendejo. NIXON I once made out with a drunk Indian on a long distance bus trip to San Antonio. Melody Nerdly enters the scene and gets close to Nixon MELODY Hey dude, you need some bud for tonight? NIXON You bet your pretty little ass I do, young man. Melody and Nixon walk off, arm in arm JOSH Another Thursday, another case of the blue balls. I'm gone. Come on, Biff, let's roll. Later Leon. BIFF Yeah, later, champ. Oh....wait. Excuse my rudeness. How embarrassing and awkward. Loser! LEON I..I...I...oh god. The duo walks off, leaving dumbfounded Terry by his lonsesome. Through an ear piece he hears the words of Michael Cole asking him to explain the situation. COLE Terry, before you get fired for being a voyeuristic creep try and explain to us what just happened? How is Alix the new 24/7 champion? MELODY (returning to the scene) I got this one, Roo-Roo. COLE Oh, god no. Why can't you just be docile and silent like the all other valets? MELODY Relax, dude, relax. Melody is your woman on the scene. Here's the 411, MC. We all heard ol LeRo make a big fat self righteous stink at A-M-V, about bringing back the true spirit of the 24/7 title, and defending it twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Well, dude just found out why no one in their right mind played by those stoooopid rules, because instead of getting his freak on, dude got his strap off. And now Alix Spezia has snatched that title belt for her own. Grrrrrrrl powwaaaaa, man. I think I'll declare myself X-Division champion and Queen Jesus of the world. RAWK! COLE But how did Alix win? MELODY Willy Silverman is obviously a few illegal immigrants short of Wal*Mart, so he thought that Alix was trying to pin Leon instead of teaching him about the birds and bees. So while Leon was trying to turn his book to page 69 and start humping, Billy was flipping it to page 3 to start counting. One, two, three. Now the 24/7 title is movin' on up. And Leon's gonna wanna whip Billy S like miracle if he ever gets past 'Internal Error: Please Restart Your Brain'. It's funny, at A-M-V, Leon said he wanted to kick it old school, but he just got kicked to Loserville, population:him. CABOOSE But, Melody, why didn't Leon just kick out? MELODY How the hell should I know, Elton John? I can't read minds. If I could, I'd be a millionaire in a West La mansion, and not a broke non-wrestling personality on a crappy wrestling show working on some weak pay per appearance deal. That's the beat on the streets, bro. I'm your woman on the scene, Mel to the O to the Dy. And remember, if you're wondering what's that smell, it's probably Caboose's upper lip. Bounce. (BACK TO DA SC) CABOOSE I know you aren't supposed to hit a woman, but could you maybe just shake her really hard? COLE If there were any justice in the world, yes. BUT, that's besides the point Caboose. We've got a new 24/7 Champion and her name is Alix Maria Spezia! It took almost a year for the title to change hands and now, like so many clichéd buses, two come along at once. Leon Rodez put in a memorable AngleMania performance just five days ago, but now it's all for nought and all because he couldn't wait until he got back in the hotel to try and put his mack down on Alix! CABOOSE And the saddest thing is, I doubt Alix even realises what just happened. Edited April 7, 2006 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
