Streetfight: O'Hara vs. Cortez

[Zack Malibu 0]

HeldDOWN~! returns from it's final commercial break, and not a moment too soon, as Jamie O'Hara, sipping on some "liquid courage" from his 40 oz. bottle, walks to the ring. When he's not chugging, he's cursing, acting as belligerent as ever to the ringside fans. He circles the ring, taking drink after drink from his 40 before stopping off at Sofa Central and putting his drink on the table, warning Michael Cole not to touch it.

 

COLE

ME? I don't drink!

 

CABOOSE

You should start, it might make your job more fun. How do you think I'm able to put up with Coachman half the time?

 

O'Hara rolls into the ring and comes up, pumping his fists in the air as the crowd responds with the typical hatred for the brash Brit. After a few moments of crowd taunting, O'Hara's theme song is replaced by a new arrival to the OAOAST theme selection, albeit a song we've already heard once before this evening.

 

One for the treble, two for the bass

Welcome to the great incredible paper chase

Keep your boots laced if you want to keep pace...

 

"OH NO!"

 

Mos Def's hip hop anthem "Oh No" brings up a sea of cheers from the crowd, as the newly crowned one-third of the OAOAST World Six Man Tag Team Champions appears on the ramp, ready for his in-ring singles debut! Clad in his trademark bulletproof vest and shades, the "Urban Legend" makes his way down the ramp, this time for the match he was originally scheduled for tonight!

 

CABOOSE

One would think Jamie O'Hara is a little leery of stepping into the ring under these conditions tonight. Maybe that's why he's been drinking all evening!

 

COACH

Puh-lease, dawg! My man J don't need to be tipsy to beat this poser's ass!

 

Cortez comes to ringside, clutching his prized cross and kissing it as he comes up the steps into the ring. Michael Buffer stands at center ring, ready for the intro's, but O'Hara shoves Buffer onto his ass, and waves Cortez on!

 

COLE

I don't know, Caboose, O'Hara seems pretty eager to get it on!

 

Buffer, shocked, simply rolls out of the ring, as Cortez comes in and goes nose to nose with O'Hara. The two men go nose to nose, trash talking each other, until O'Hara shoves Cortez back...and Todd responds with a jab to the face! Cortez goes into motion, circling like a prizefighter, and stuns O'Hara with another right jab when he turns around, staggering the cruiserweight star! Fed up, O'Hara bolts for Cortez and dives for the legs, taking him to the mat, where he starts wailing on him! Cortez fends him off, throwing the lanky superstar off of him, and getting to his feet. Jamie gets up as well, but this time when he comes at him, Todd's ready, and spikes Jamie's nether regions off his knee with an inverted atomic drop! Cortez then takes Jamie by the head and runs him to the corner, smashing him headfirst into the top turnbuckle before turning him around and sending him across the ring, crashing into the other corner! Jamie is dazed, and Todd follows up by charging across the ring, and crushing O'Hara in the corner with a running splash!

 

COLE

He's just flattened him out with that splash! He still has his bulletproof vest on for God's sake!

 

O'Hara flops to the canvas and rolls out of the ring before any more damage can be done. Cortez finally gets a free minute to remove his vest, which he then takes and hurls over the ropes, throwing it and hitting Jamie in the back! He exits the ring and goes after O'Hara, but when he turns Jamie around he gets a thumb to the eyes from the high-flying wigga, and then a hard kick that connects low! Jamie goes on the offense now, connecting with a pair of right hands, then takes Todd by the arm and sends him across ringside, where his momentum doesn't stop until he smashes into the guardrail!

 

O'Hara charges, but Cortez shakes the cobwebs loose in time to get a foot up, and ram it right into the oncoming Englishman's mouth! He pulls himself up and yanks Jamie's legs out from under him, then hits a low stomp, and then a second stomp that sees his foot driven into O'Hara's sternum!

 

CABOOSE

The term "mat classic" will not be used to describe this affair, that's for sure!

 

Cortez then takes Jamie and hoists him off the floor, rolling him back into the ring. Cortez opts to remain on the apron and not re-enter, as he springboards off the top rope and comes down with a kneedrop to Jamie's temple. Cortez then rolls through and pops up to his feet, leaping to the middle rope and then backflipping himself over, landing atop O'Hara with a quebrada!

 

COLE

What a combo!

 

COACH

What, you at Wendy's now? Combo? Pssh.

 

Rather than try and pin his opponent after that, Cortez gets up and brings Jamie up by the hair, then stuns him with a European uppercut. He sends Jamie to the ropes, but O'Hara reverses, sending Cortez in and then leaping up for a dropkick...but Todd stays back, avoiding contact with the move! Jamie flops to the mat, so Todd follows up with an elbowdrop, but O'Hara rolls out of the way! Todd rolls to his feet only to find himself snared in a front facelock, as Jamie traps the head with the left arm and then pounds on the back with the right, finally lifting Todd up for a suplex but instead choosing to hang him over the top rope! Cortez dangles, and O'Hara lets him do so for a moment before taking him by the head and pulling him into the ring, bringing him down facefirst into the canvas! Cortez is hurting, and O'Hara stands over him, reaching down and pulling his head back, then sticking his hands inside Todd's mouth and pulling back on his cheeks, trying to rip his face apart!

 

COACH

Yeah J, yeah! Show him how we do on the streets!

 

Cortez groans as his face is torn at, until O'Hara throws him facefirst back into the canvas. He kicks Cortez in the back of the head every time it's slightly lifted, making sure the "Urban Legend" stays down. O'Hara then reaches into his boot, pulling out a length of chain and wrapping a portion of it around one hand, leaving enough extended so that when Cortez comes to his feet, O'Hara can attack from behind and wrap the chain around his neck!

 

COLE

He's strangling him with that chain!

 

The arena fills with boos, as Cortez is struggling to break the choke before his air supply runs out. O'Hara pulls back, almost laughing as he tries to rob Todd off all the air in his body!

 

CABOOSE

This is...it's not right, but it's perfectly legal in this contest!

 

Cortez tries to keep his balance, but his legs start giving out, as his energy is fading fast. He falls to one knee, as Jamie keeps the chain wrapped tightly around his neck. Seeing his foe nearly passed out, O'Hara releases the choke by his own will, but as Cortez remains perched on one knee and gasping for air, O'Hara unravels some of the chain and WHIPS Cortez across the back with it!

 

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!"

 

COACH

Whip him! Whip him good!

 

CABOOSE

You mock Cole earlier, and now you paraphrase Devo? What's wrong with you!?

 

Cortez reels, as the shot stings throughout his body. O'Hara cocks his arm back, and once again the chain links come smashing across Cortez's back! Despite his agony, Cortez fights to his feet, reaching the ropes and using them for support, only to have the chain brought over his back once again! O'Hara comes forward and again tries to wrap the chain around Todd's neck, but when he does Todd quickly turns to his side, and hammers Jamie in the ribs with some quick elbow shots! Stunned, O'Hara backs off, and Todd uses the opening to hit a sweep kick, then dives for Jamie's arm when he falls. He scissors it with his legs and takes hold of the wrist, cranking back on it to try and wrest the chain from Jamie O'Hara!

 

COLE

Todd Cortez has him trapped in an armbar! O'Hara has nowhere to go!

 

O'Hara kicks his legs, desperately trying to free himself as Cortez pulls the chain off his hand. O'Hara is freed eventually, and rolls onto his stomach, holding his arm...but now it's Cortez who is in possession of the chain! He gets up, and sees O'Hara on both knees, favoring his arm, so Todd takes the chain he's just ripped from the grasp of his opponent and gives Jamie a taste of his own medicine, whipping him across the back with it!

 

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!"

 

O'Hara absorbs the blow, and bounces like a fish out of water, trying to scurry away from Cortez as he deals with the pain of the blow! He moves to the corner and drags himself up with the help of the turnbuckles, but Cortez is right there and swings again, snapping the chain across Jamie's back once again!

 

CABOOSE

O'Hara must be kicking himself for bringing that chain out here with him!

 

O'Hara finds himself backed against the corner, but as Cortez approaches he fires off a high kick out of desperation, then comes out of the corner stunning Todd with a series of right hands before running to the ropes...and catching a whip of the chain across his stomach! O'Hara keels over, and Cortez throws the chain aside as he pulls him into a standing headscissors, a precursor of his famed RIOT ACT PLUS...

 

...but JOHNNY JAX bolts into the ring and drills Cortez with a running Yakuza Kick, saving his stablemate!

 

COLE

Dammit, there's Jax again! These Hooligans are everywhere when they're not supposed to be!

 

COACH

It's all good, baby! It's a streetfight! Your boys have to have your back!

 

The crowd boos as Jax picks up the chain discarded by Cortez and picks up where Jamie left off, whipping the newcomer across his body with quick, hard shots...and O'Hara ducks out of the ring and leans over the guardrail, his body covered in welts where it was exposed...and steals a chair from a ringside fan!

 

COLE

They've got a chain, they've got a chair, and...THEY'VE GOT TROUBLE!

 

A pop from the crowd sets off the alarms in Jax and O'Hara's heads, as Bruce Blank and Bloodshed are storming down the aisle to back up their partner. Knowing they'll be outnumbered in the ring, the two heat-seekers duck out of the ring, still clutching their weapons of choice, as Blank and Bloodshed each pick a side of the ring and start coming around. Jax and O'Hara stand ready to go, until ANOTHER pop goes up from the crowd, despite the standstill of action...that is until someone hops the railing and tackles Jamie O'Hara down, causing him to drop the steel chair!

 

COLE

What the hell!? Someone just came right by me out of the...wait, it's Zack...IT'S ZACK MALIBU!

 

Malibu, clad in street clothes, and with the back of his head a mess of stitches, is driving the back of Jamie O'Hara's head into the ringside floor! Jax reacts as Blank approaches, and he starts swinging the chain, which the big redneck tries to deflect with his forearm...until Bloodshed races through the ring and dives through the ropes, the momentum of which sends Jax falling back against the railing, him Jax out before he can whip Blank anymore!

 

CABOOSE

It's chaos at ringside!

 

Bloodshed and Blank quickly double up on Jax, putting the boots to him against the guardrail, while Zack pulls O'Hara up...and gets a low blow! He staggers as Jamie backs away and goes to pick up his chair, but as he turns around Zack reaches for the broadcast table, grabbing Jamie's 40 oz...

 

...and BUSTS THE BOTTLE OVER HIS HEAD~!

 

COACH

YO~!

 

COLE

My God, there's glass everywhere, and Jamie O'Hara has been busted open!

 

The cameras focus in on the fallen flyer, head dripping with blood due to Zack's actions, while Malibu just stands over him, sneering. Suddenly, Malibu snaps out of it, looking down at the glass shrapnel, and picks up a shard...then falls to his knees and starts carving Jamie O'Hara's forehead!

 

COLE

This is...NO! Zack, NO! STOP~!

 

O'Hara screams loudly as Malibu takes the shard of glass and opens him up even further, then goes to work on the cut, punching it until his own hand is stained with blood! He then takes O'Hara by the head and hurls him, headfirst, into the side of the commentator's table, causing blood to smear all over the side of it!

 

CABOOSE

Zack, c'mon Zack, that's enough!

 

COLE

He's snapped! Static, Jax, O'Hara, they've pushed him over the edge!

 

All of a sudden, Caboose gets out of his chair to a HUGE POP, pushing past Michael Cole and prying Malibu away from O'Hara, saying "ENOUGH!" as loud as can be. Cortez, who has recovered, pushes Caboose back, but instead of striking fear in his heart, it draws the former World Champion closer into a staredown! Blank and Bloodshed come over and stand behind Cortez, but now Zack pulls Caboose away and stands himself in the middle, trying to calm things down!

 

COACH

C'mon 'boose, smack 'em with your bat! I got it right here!

 

COLE

Coach, shut up!

 

As Caboose argues with the Wildcards and Malibu, various staff hit ringside to help O'Hara, who is dripping blood all over the floor, no thanks to Zack. James Blonde and Faqu are among the people who rush out to see what's going on, and now they side with Caboose, directing their anger towards Zack and his newfound allies!

 

COLE

We've got a volatile situation here! We've got two men down, one bleeding...excessively! We've got Zack Malibu trying to keep the peace, but that...that's tough to do when you're the reason for it all!

 

COACH

He's no good, Cole, I've been saying it for how long? THIS is the guy you want representing us?

 

Threats are exchanged amongst the OAOAST stars and the newcomers, with Zack telling Caboose, Blonde and Faqu that O'Hara had it coming, pointing out the stitches in the back of his head as an example. Caboose questions the role of the Wildcards in all this, claiming Zack they're "not like us" and asking "what are you doing?" of the current HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion. Blank seems edgiest of all out of his stable, ready to brawl it out with anyone who wants a go, but Malibu shouts him down, telling him to keep back, which draws an unhappy look from the redneck brawler.

 

COLE

We've got...we've got a lot of questions that needed to be answered, and I think that number just increased here tonight with the actions of Zack Malibu! We apologize for the abrupt end to this streetfight, and...just...we've gotta go. We'll see you next week.