King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted May 28, 2006 We return from a commercial for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! (PLEASE write something this Thursday, somebody) and find ourselves in mid-entrance, on a PPV. Which would be insulting if this entrance was for a wrestler rather than a commentator. Swaggering around ringside, the OAOAST 24/7 Champion and former World Champion Crystal is making her way around towards Sofa Central, "Plug In Baby" playing her out as ever. Crystal takes the abuse from the crowd with good humour, reminding them that she is of course more successful and beautiful than they'll ever be, as she takes up Caboose's vacated indentation in the sofa and his headset too. COLE (whispering) Remember what we agreed, no funny business. COACH (also whispering) Gotcha. CRYSTAL Hey guys... COACH MAH BABY GUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLL~!~! COLE I give up. Crystal, welcome to the commentary position. I'm sorry about our friend here, he's a lonely man. CRYSTAL Oh, so you're nice to me when I'm out here sitting next to you? That's cute. COLE Ex...excuse me. CRYSTAL Oh come on, don't think I haven't heard what you say about me every week Michael Cole. About what a 'bitch' I've become. About how I don't deserve the 24/7 Championship because Gunner provided a small assist in my victory. Hell, two weeks ago you were saying I couldn't beat The Marv without help. The Marv! I'm a former World Champion and you need to start showing me a little respect because of it. COACH Yeah! Michael Cole, being a hundred pound weakling, accepts defeat as the opening guitar riff of "Vicarious" by Tool starts up. Applause can be heard through Crystal's headset, her own applause of course, as when the main riff kicks in Gunner Sharps emerges to a less than welcome reaction. The monstrous seven footer raises his arms over his head before striding on to the ring. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, he hails from Detroit, Michigan. Standing 7 feet tall and weighing in at three hundred and seventy pounds... GGUUUUUUUNNEEEEEEERRRRRRRR... SSHHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRRPPSSSSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Gunner strides on down the patented PPV rampway, towering even higher over the fans below as he reaches the ring, climbing in over the top. Crystal and the lapdog that is the Coach give Gunner a standing ovation as the bigman pulls away his facemask and removes his orange jumpsuit, readying himself for action. COLE You have to be feeling pretty lucky tonight Crystal, because Leon Rodez actually chose to face the monster Gunner over you, giving you the night off. CRYSTAL Firstly, I don't feel 'lucky'...I feel confident. If Rodez had chosen to wrestle me then I'd have wiped the floor with his pornstar ass and retained my 24/7 Championship. As it is, he's chosen Gunner. Obviously he's all hair gel and no brains. COLE Well, the reason Leon declined the match with you is because he plans on...well, wooing you. CRYSTAL He...he WHAT? COLE You didn't see HeldDOWN~! two weeks ago? CRYSTAL Uhm, duh, of course not! [b]*GOOOOONG!*[/b] "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" "C'mon man" "DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK..." The crowd juke and jive along to the beats of LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out" as decked out in blue, Leon Rodez spins through the entrance way with a beaming smile. Shooting a finger to the sky, Rodez then begins to jig his way on down the aisle, tagging hands with his left while clearly signalling to Gunner that height is no concern to him, despite the full foot of difference between the two. BUFFER And, his opponent hails from Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing in at two hundred and twenty eight pounds. He is a former two-time OAOAST 24/7 Champion... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLEEEEEEOOOOOOOONN RRRROOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Reaching the end of the aisle, Rodez removes his robe and points out his abs to Crystal. CRYSTAL Ugh! COLE So, not impressed then? Not one to give up, Leon climbs up to the middle turnbuckle on the outside, a sufficient enough height to seek out Crystal and make some more grandious gestures. Taking exception, Crystal stands up at the announce table and folds her arms to show her thoughts. But Leon doesn't give up. Which, unfortunately, distracts him from Gunner Sharps striding over and hiptossing him HIGH into the ring! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* CRYSTAL There we go Gunner! Beat this dirty horndog down! Despite a warning from referee Charles Robinson, this minor misdemanour is not enough to halt this match's progress. It happened before the bell too, so if it were deemed a DQ, too bad. Rodez comes up to his knees clutching his back as Gunner stalks over, driving a deliberating boot into the chest. The force rolls Rodez through and back to his knees, where he takes a second boot. Again Rodez is rolled through and this time he's brought to his feet by Gunner, who shoves him against the ropes and DRIVES the knee into the gut. Cue applause from Crystal, which Gunner is spurred on by as he whips Rodez into the ropes, turning to his business partner and giving her a nod...distracting him long enough for Rodez to baseball slide through the legs on his rebound. Confused, Gunner lumbers around in search of Leon... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and finds his arm crashing off his monstrous chest! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...not once but twice! Gunner's chest is pretty impressive though and it absorbs this chops with little effect, allowing him to shrug Leon's attempted third chop away and deliver a punch to the forehead strong enough to drop him to the canvas! COLE Wow, what a punch! COACH You know, I love that double moonsault thing you do, it's really impressive. How did you learn you could do that type of thing? COLE COACH! Right back up, Leon stumbles back into Gunner's grasp again. The bigman grabs an arm and sends Leon hurtling across the ring and into the turnbuckles with an irish whip, causing The Silky Smooth One to nestle into the turnbuckles. Beating his chest, Gunner then looks to squash Leon like...uh, something squashable. The U.S Baseball Team! Holla! Uhm, anyway, Gunner charges in. However, Rodez sees him coming and is able to take action before being crushed by three hundred, seventy plus pounds, connecting with a dropkick to the knee that sends Gunner sprawling face first into the top turnbuckle! Gunner goes stumbling out as Rodez looks to strike while the iron is hot, hopping to the middle rope and balling up the fist...FOR THE ASS PUNCH! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" GUNNER RRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! RODEZ *eep* No selling the deadly Ass Punch, Gunner looks for vengeance as he chases after Rodez. Valuing his good looks, Rodez does what any smart person would do and runs from this chase though and the two circle around the ring, with Leon able to outrun Gunner with ease. That soon becomes tiring for him however, despite his good cardio, so Rodez comes to a stop and lures Gunner in, sidestepping and allowing him to bounce off the ropes. A clothesline is ducked and Gunner bounces off the opposite side, looking to mow through The Silky Smooth One. RODEZ STOOOOOOOOOOOOP! Look up there! Grinding to a halt, Gunner looks up to see what's so concerning Leon on the ceiling... *SMACK!* ...and earns himself an enziguri upside the head! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" CRYSTAL Come on Gunner, don't fall for that crap! Gunner doesn't go down, so Rodez winds up and looks for a clothesline to take the seven footer the rest of the way. A sidestep from Gunner forces Leon into the ropes though. Rebounding back, Leon comes charging with another attempted clothesline, picking up some steam... GUNNER STOOOOOOOOOOOOP! *SMACK!* Not falling for that tomfoolery, Rodez nails Gunner upside the head with a second enziguri, this one enough to send the Michigan monster dropping facefirst to the canvas! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" CRYSTAL Gah, you've gotta be kidding me! COLE I don't think Gunner Sharps should try to match wits with...well, anyone. CRYSTAL You do realise I'll tell him you said that. And I won't hold him back while he beats those hippy beads off from around your neck. COACH HA! Good one Crystal...by the way, what conditioner do you use, because your hair is looki... COLE COACH! With Gunner down, Rodez checks that his washboard abs are undamaged before coming off the ropes. Gunner begins to push himself up just at the wrong time as Leon then comes flying in with a basement dropkick that grazes across the top of the seven footer's head! Rolling his suddenly less intimidating opponent over, Rodez then dives on top... 1... 2... Kickout! Shaking it off, Gunner continues to push himself up so Rodez goes on the attack with some forearms. Brawling doesn't prove to be a good route to go down so Rodez switches up and goes for the legs with some kicks to the hamstring, trying to take away the vertical base of his much taller opponent. Gunner shrugs them off however, palming Rodez away. Rodez uses the momentum to go backwards into the ropes, coming back with another basement dropkick to the knee. Down to the other goes Gunner to the delight of the fans, but he's soon coming back up. Hitting the ropes again, Leon tries again, taking out the other knee with the dropkick this time. But even despite two weakened legs Gunner is climbing back up, forcing Leon to go off into the ropes again. This time though, Gunner is waiting and he strides forward, causing Rodez to run straight into a BIG, Big Boot to the jaw!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CRYSTAL Ooh, not so pretty now are we Leon? However will you get by without your good looks? COACH No need to be so generous Crystal, he was never pretty to begin within..... unlike you of cour... COLE COACH! The head-on meeting with Gunner's size whatever boot leaves Rodez down and dazed on the canvas, unable to collect his thoughts in a way to help him get back up. Stalking over, big Gunner grabs Leon by hair and shorts to haul him off the mat and then grabs on a goozle, ready for a Chokeslam. Desperately Leon starts to hammer down on the arm with elbows to try and break Gunner's stronghold, adding in some elbows to the temple when that doesn't work. More bugged than anything is Sharps though as he shrugs Leon off, only to charge through with a brutal clothesline! Calling Robinson over, Gunner places a foot on the chest by way of a pin... 1... 2... Kickout. CRYSTAL No! Come on Gunner, think! Flipping Leon over onto his front, Gunner now sits down across the back and clamps his hands under the chin to apply a Camel Clutch. Zoom in cameraman! "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" CRYSTAL Aw, listen to the fans chanting for their precious Leon. When are they going to realise they're here to help pay our wages and nothing they do really matters? COACH Dumping these losers was the best move you ever made, Crystal. Gunner pulls back on the head and keeps Leon bottomed out on the canvas, surprisingly good technical execution of the hold from the big brawler. The pain is immediately etched on Leon's face as Gunner turns to Sofa Central, getting a smile of approval from Crystal...and a smile of approval from Coach, who wants to feel included bless him. ROBINSON C'mon Leon, whadda you say? RODEZ IRAN NUMBAH VUN! ROBINSON ...do you give up, I'll ring the bell if you give me the word. RODEZ AAH! UU ESS AY, ACHTOOEY! OH...ow, man this hurts! CRYSTAL What is WRONG with this idiot? Sensing the hold isn't getting the job done, Gunner stands back up and brings back Leon to his feet with him. Showing off his power Gunner lifts Leon in his arms like the proverbial ragdoll and carries him around the ring, before dropping him across a knee with a Ribbreaker! The groan from Rodez indicates that funtime is over and paintime has begun, Gunner brushing him from his knee and making the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! CRYSTAL It's okay Gunner, keep your cool. COLE What exactly is your relationship with Gunner, Crystal? CRYSTAL That's been documented already. If you're going to ask me something, make it relevant. COLE Okay then...are you not worried about somebody coming from the crowd and attacking you to try and win your 24/7 Title while your backup is in the ring fighting a match? CRYSTAL No comment, stick to the match. Gunner backs Rodez up into a corner and clubs him across the chest with an overhand forearm that leaves The Silky Smooth One's silky smooth skin a nasty shade of magenta. Another forearm just worsens the pigment before Gunner grabs a wrist and whips Leon out into the opposite corner. In follows Gunner, with a big clothesline in the corner, crushing Leon against the buckles! Slumping out, Leon collapses to the mat and Gunner makes the cover again... 1... 2... Kickout! Powering Leon back up again, Gunner hoists his opponent over the shoulder with ease and comes running out of the corner, looking for the Running Powerslam...but Leon slips out the back and latches onto Gunner with a back mounted sleeper! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE There's a counter and now Gunner might be in trouble! Gunner flails around in the sleeper looking for the ropes, carrying Leon on his back...and eventually, he finds the ropes. Referee Robinson lays on the obligatory five count. That proves too long for Gunner to wait though and he manages to break up the sleeper grip, throwing Leon up and dropping him snake eyes style across the top rope! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CRYSTAL Shows what you know. As Leon is whiplashed back, Gunner guides him down to the canvas for another cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Now beginning to look a little frustrated, big Gunner glares at Robinson and causes him to wisely back away to a safe distance. Gunner then helps Rodez back to his feet, not expecting to be shocked... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...by a chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...another. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a third, forcing Gunner into action as he knees Rodez in the gut before pulling him in to a standing headscissors. Running the ominous thumb across the throat, Gunner then lifts Rodez up for a Powerbomb...but Leon floats through and lands on his feet in front of Gunner. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...another chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...number five. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and there's a sixth, leaving Gunner finally in a little trouble. Looking to take this up, Rodez grabs on a 3/4 facelock and brings Gunner down across his knee with The Facial, snapping Gunner back upright where he finds himself on the end of a forearm flurry. Rodez lands a succession of seven before Gunner eventually finds a comeback with a boot to the gut. CRYSTAL Okay, enough Gunner, END IT! Able to hear this cry...and see Crystal standing up at the announce table, mouthing the words and running her hands past her throat...and see Coach doing the same...Gunner lands another boot before grabbing the arm, whipping Leon off the ropes. Gunner then sets himself ready to deliver All Guns Blazing (Black Hole Slam). However, at the last moment, Leon hooks an arm around the top rope, despairingly gripping on to stop himself rebounding back. Gunner stops too, his surprise subsiding into anger as Rodez smugly wipes some sweat from his brow and turns to inform Crystal "I'm okay, baby!". And that anger prompts Gunner to charge in. Just what Leon wanted. Swiping out the legs, Rodez lands a drop toehold that sends the seven footer sprawling throat first across the middle rope and pops back to his feet for a special, Jewel In The Crown dedicated JIG~! COLE C'mon Coach, get ready... Rodez then breaks off the ropes and sprints back, DRIVING the weight into the lower spine! COACH ... COLE Oh okay...CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES~! Only looking moderately affected, Gunner eases himself off the ropes, turns around, earning himself a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! A ja...NO! Gunner blocks, grabs the arm and HAULS Rodez forward into a Short Arm Clothesline! Gunner drops to his knees straight away with the pin... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" CRYSTAL Da... COACH DAMNIT! I couldn't agree more Crystal, damnit damnit damnit! "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" The crowd will The Silky Smooth One on as Gunner backs off into a corner and encourages him back to his feet. Crouched down, arms signalling, the grit-toothed monster waits. Impatiently. Slowly Leon begins to pull himself up as Gunner hops up and down, impatience growing as finally Leon stops, repositions his eyebrows (yes, in the middle of a match) and gives Crystal a wink! Crystal is shocked, but the real shock is coming as Gunner sprints across with the MOTHER FUCKING IMPACT SPEAR... *CLANG!* "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ...and makes MOTHER FUCKING IMPACT shoulder first into the ringpost!! CRYSTAL NO! Staggering out from the corner, Gunner clutches onto his arm and leaves himself open for Rodez on the turn. A boot to the knee buckles him down a little, allowing Rodez to reach around the head and step a foot behind, whipping Gunner around as best possible with Shell Shock!! Gunner lands right on his face and bounces over onto his back, as Leon scurries to the apron and begins to climb up top. COLE That was The Shocker and I think our guest commentator is a little shocked in her own right! CRYSTAL GET UP GUNNER! MOOOVE, MOOOVE! Reaching the top, Rodez stands and turns to Sofa Central, blowing a kiss towards the fuming pairing of Crystal and Coach before he tumbles from the top, LANDING the 450 Splash right across Gunner's chest and head! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... LLLLEEEEEOOONN RRROOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZZ!! CRYSTAL GAH! Crystal throws down her headset... COACH GAH! ...and so does The Coach, as Leon pushes to his knees with a smirk. Crystal has already stormed off with her 24/7 Championship in tow and is disappearing out of sight by the time Leon pulls himself up on the ropes and climbs to the middle rope, one hand over his abdomen while the other flashes the thumbs up to his adoring fans. Turning back to the rampway, Leon then leaps down from the ropes and rushes over to the far side of the ring, holding the ropes open and inviting Crystal back to celebrate with him. Flustered, Crystal shoos the suggestion off and continues to storm off, leaving Leon to celebrate alone. COLE Well, impressive stuff and an impressive victory for Leon Rodez. More coming. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
