Wildcards vs. Los Diablos for HD

[Zack Malibu 0]

Humidity's risin'

Barometer's getting low

According to all sources

The street's the place to go

 

COACH

Ah man that can only mean those two flaming luchadors!

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

The following match is a TABLES MATCH!!

 

“WE WANT TABLES!!

 

COACH

Oh come on people no one is in the ring yet!

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

Introducing first from sunny, funny Cabo San Lucas in Mexico weighing in at 340 pounds: “Mariachi” Javier Manuel Nieves, “Moracca” Luis Mendoza they are the unparalelled LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-O-O-O-OH!!

 

The pink and yellow lights haven’t been seen in the OAOAST lately but Los Diablos are BACK from a well earned vacation to Fire Island and they both look tanned, buff and sensual as they engage in a close, sensual tango for a moment before they start skipping down the aisle. Moracca sees something he likes in the front row as he goes over and writes his phone number on some guy’s shirt and then makes the international “call me” sign.

 

COLE

Did you copy the number down Coach?

 

COACH

Oh har, de, har, de – dumbass!

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

And their opponents. . .

 

That is all Buffers gets out before “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” is blasted over the PA system and the cheers turn to boos and hisses for the invading Wildcarders. 3 seconds later Bruce Blank and Todd Cortez the come blasting out from the back at full speed, running towards the ring instead of their normal relaxed entrances where they slide under the bottom ropes and then go to town.

 

COLE

These guys are not waiting around! They want to get their hands on Mariachi and Moracca!

 

Bruce and Cortez rush Mariachi and Moracca with both fists swinging left and right just as the house lights return to normal. Bruce hammers Mariachi into the corner with a forceful double axe handle blow to the back of the “Alternative Lifestyle” Luchador’s head. Cortez quickly rushes Moracca and clotheslines Mendoza with such force that both Moracca and Cortez flip over the top rope to the floor.

 

COACH

He nearly took off Moracca’s head!!

 

“WE WANT TABLES!! WE WANT TABLES!! WE WANT TABLES!! “

 

Working in perfect unison both Cortez and Bruce start to clubber their opponents over the back with one stiff forearm blow after another until they drive both Moracca and Mariachi to the ground. With Mariachi on the canvas Bruce quickly switches tactics and starts to grind his boot into the back of Mariachi’s head, rubbing his opponents face into the canvas.

 

COACH

Bruce has shown a total and utter lack of respect for more or less everyone in the OAOAST

 

COLE

You mean like the Upstarts have no respect for anyone but themselves?

 

COACH

Oh no, no, no don’t DARE compare the Upstarts to those cavemen.

 

On the floor Cortez has kept Moracca under control with a succession of quick jabs to the face. After about 10 blows or so Cortez pulls Moracca back to his feet by the hair and then hoist him up and over his head in a release Belly to Belly suplex with such force that it actually overshoots one of the tables set up outside and Moracca hits the mat on the other side of the table instead.

 

CABOOSE

Moracca just got lucky Pete

 

COLE

Lucky?? He hit the concrete floor with only a 2 inch mat to protect him – how is that lucky?

 

CABOOSE

Well for starters he didn’t get driven through a table.

 

Bruce raises his cowboy boot clad foot and then quickly brings it back down in an attempt to stomp Mariachi in the back of the head, fortunately for Senior Nieves he’s alert enough to move his head out of the way of the boot that hits the mat instead. Mariachi also rolls out of the way of a second and a third attempted stomp by Bruce but is unprepared for Bruce’s surprise elbow drop that lands all 295 pounds square on the Mexican Cruiserweight’s chest. With a folded up table in hand Cortez is about to launch another attack on Moracca but Cortez underestimated his opponent’s physical condition as Moracca leaps up off the mat…

 

Onto the table he was thrown over just moments ago where he then runs across it to drop kick the table in Cortez’s hands right into the big man’s face

 

*BAM!*

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

 

COLE

You can’t take your eyes off this guy for a second! Man alive he crossed that table like greased lighting

 

COACH

Like an Illegal worker crossing the border eh? So would you say he turned the tables on Cortez?

 

COLE & CABOOSE

*GROAN!*

 

“WE WANT TABLES!! WE WANT TABLES!! WE WANT TABLES!! “

 

Bruce is totally unaware of what is going on down on the floor as he just keeps working over Mariachi without realising that Moracca has Cortez trapped under the folded up table. Moracca stands on the table that’s on top of Cortez and looks at the crowd with a smirk while they start to chant for him. Then El Diablo Del Fuego begins to jump up and down, stomping on the table each time he lands, sending shockwaves through the wood and into the trapped Cortez.

 

VIVA LOS DIABLOS!!

 

The chant gets Bruce’s attention and he quickly turns around to find out what’s going on on the floor. Bruce sticks his upper body out through the top and 2nd rope to try and grab Moracca, but the speedy youngster is 3 steps ahead of him and quickly blasts the King of Pain across the jaw with a flying forearm. The second Moracca gets back up from the drop kick Cortez rushes in and clubbers him over the back and then rolls him into the ring only to follow him a split second later.

 

COLE

And here comes the tables! Cortez is looking to make sort work of Los Diablos here tonight

 

COACH

If he thinks everyone are as easy as these two he’s got another thing coming, especially when the Wildcards come up against the Hooligans again.

 

CABOOSE

And what makes you think they’ll succeed next time?

 

COACH

They’ll be prepared, they’ll have the ultimate game plan ready!

 

Taking advantage of his situation Moracca quickly leaps up onto a table and once again runs across it to drop kick Cortez into the turnbuckles in the corner before the Urban Legend can react.

 

COLE

Again Moracca takes a chance and uses the table to his advantage

 

CABOOSE

Yeah but he got trapped by Bruce though, didn’t he Pete

 

After drop kicking Cortez Moracca gets caught with his back to Bruce Blank. With the table positioned behind him Bruce whips Moracca into the ropes and then grabs the smaller opponent as he comes off the ropes and tries to throw him over his back in a huge backdrop. The more agile Moracca manages to turn his body in mid air and instead of being flipped over Bruce’s head he instead drives both his feet straight into Bruce’s chest with a picture perfect drop kick that knocks Bruce backwards driving his lower back into the table edge.

 

VIVA LOS DIABLOS!!

 

Moracca quickly locks an arm around Bruce’s head and leaps into the air for an extra elevated DDT, but once he’s twisting in mid air Cortez rushes in and totally annihilates Moracca with a stiff as hell Lariat!! The Lariat knocks Moracca to the ground with such force that he flips over and ends up half way out of the ring from sheer force alone

 

CABOOSE

WOW! Did you hear that impact?

 

COLE

I did, it was sick like a baseball bat hitting a side of beef

 

If this had been a regular match odds are good that Cortez would have been able to get the pin fall, but in this match pin falls don’t matter, DQ’s don’t exists and you can’t get counted out – all that matters is driving your opponents through a table. With that in mind Cortez quickly grabs Moracca by the hair and drags him over to the table that’s set up in the ring. The moment the Urban Legend lifts Moracca up in the air Mariachi gets a second win and comes darting out from the corner and spears Cortez in the midsection.

 

COLE

Cortez just took the weak spear but stayed on his feet

 

CABOOSE

At least Mariachi got him to let go of Moracca.

 

Cortez charges Mariachi with a clothesline but Nieves ducks under it sending Cortez into the ropes. When he bounces back off again Moracca and Mariachi team up to just barely lift the bigger Cortez into the air with a back drop. Due to the weight advantage they’re only able to flip Cortez over the top rope where he lands on the apron while grabbing the top rope. Mariachi quickly kicks Cortez in the stomach to double him over which Moracca follows up by leaping over the top rope into a sunset flip power bomb attempt.

 

COLE

Cortez has the ropes!! He ain’t going down that easily

 

CABOOSE

SUPERKICK!!

 

Caboose screams out as Mariachi drives his boot straight into Cortez’s jaw so that the big man releases his grip on the top rope and allows Moracca to finish the power bomb move. Cortez flies off the apron and guided by Moracca’s hands on his tights is driven straight down on the protective mat on the outside.

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

 

With Cortez down on the outside Mariachi turns his attention back towards Bruce who’s still leaned against the turnbuckles in the corner holding his lower back, he’s obviously still in pain from where he hit the table edge earlier. With a 4 step run in Mariachi leaps up onto the top rope and springboards off it aiming a drop kick straight at Bruce in the corner.

 

OOOOOOOOOOOOHH!!

 

At the last second Bruce moves out of the way resulting in Mariachi missing the drop kick completely and hitting the top turnbuckle back first before bouncing backwards, crashing to the canvas.

 

COLE

Bruce was so totally playing possum there, he suckered Mariachi right in

 

CABOOSE

You got to admit, it worked didn’t it?

 

COLE

Well… yeah okay I’ll have to admit that it DID work

 

Moracca grabs the top rope and leaps into the ring behind Bruce’s back, then he leaps up onto the table set up in the ring and runs across it. Bruce must have seen El Homo Loco out of the corner of his eye as he quickly kicks the folding legs out from under one end of the table so that it tilts over on one end causing Moracca to slip and slam his jaw straight into the corner of the table without putting up his hands to take some of the impact

 

COACH

OH SICK! Moracca is going to need a dentist when this is over

 

CABOOSE

I wonder if Isaac Yankeem is busy these days

 

Bruce folds the other table legs and then raises it up in the air aiming it straight at Mariachi in the corner as he runs towards him.

 

*BA-CRASH!!*

 

The table snaps into several pieces as Bruce drives the edge of it square into Mariachi’s gut with all the power he has in his 295 pound frame. The impact knocks Mariachi through top and middle rope and onto the apron as Bruce turns to the crowd and flexes his massive arms to celebrate.

 

“SO THIS IS WHAT THE MIGHTY WILDCARDS DO? FIGHT GIRLY MEN!”

 

Every single face in the arena turn towards the entrance where Scotty Static and Johnny Jax are walking down the aisle, each with a microphone in one hand and a steel chair in the other, every single face in the arena but Bruce and Todd as they keep on fighting, only throwing each other a quick glance.

 

JOHNNY JAX

Ah you know they’re tougher than anything the SWF has produced

 

GPX keep on ragging on Bruce and Cortez as the walk towards the ring, grinning and joking as they go, throwing insult after insult at the Wildcarders but without much reaction from neither Blank nor Cortez. Static looks at Johnny, then he nods as he’s about to pull out one of the big guns in their arsenal

 

SCOTTY STATIC

HEY BRUCE!! That there Ultraviolet or whatever you were talking about last week? – it’s a joke!

 

That got Bruce’s attention as he angrily turns towards the Global Party Exchange with a murderous look in his eyes. With one hand on his bleeding jaw Moracca runs across the ring, then he leaps up on Bruce’s shoulders and locks his knees around the big man’s head before flipping forward, gripping the top rope to guide his body as Moracca drags Bruce out of the ring with a vicious snap to the Huracanrana.

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

 

COLE

HOOOOOOOOOOLY!!

 

We’re treated to Scotty and Johnny giving each other a high five after getting Bruce distracted and then we cut to the other side of the ring where Moracca manages to hold on to the top rope and land on the apron while Bruce flips over and smacks against the floor and the guard rail at high speed. A quick roll later and Moracca is back in the ring where he notices that Cortez is conscious again after being slammed to the ground and is now stalking Mariachi who’s still on kneeling on the ground, recovering from the tumble he took out of the ring.

 

CABOOSE

Where is Moracca going

 

COACH

HE’S COMING RIGHT FOR US

 

Coach yells out in surprise as Moracca runs towards Cortez and dives between the top and the middle rope for a torpedo like tope aimed right at the Urban Youth. Cortez adjusts his position at the last moment to catch Moracca mid leap, then he twists it around and power slams Moracca straight onto the announcers table driving both of them through the wood and sending the monitors and papers flying everywhere.

 

COACH

Oh F*ck!

 

Coach screams like a little girl as he has to leap out of the way of Cortez’s table breaking antics.

 

COLE

Talk about being close to the action

 

CABOOSE

You know what this means fellas? Moracca has been put through a table!! Next elimination decides the match!

 

COACH

Are you sure THIS table counts?

 

Cortez pulls Bruce back onto his feet and helps him get steady before they pick up one of the tables stacked on the outside and grab it by each end. Because Moracca distracted Cortez before he could attack Mariachi he’s has been able to recover and is now back on his feet, ready to resume the fight. But the fighting spirit of the “Exoticó” is quickly snuffed out as Cortez and Bruce run at him and sandwich Mariachi between the ring post and the table that they drive forward with enough force to break it in half on Mariachi’s body.

 

CABOOSE

HE’S OUTTA HERE!! Bruce and Cortez wins!!

 

COACH

Hold on there Boosey!

 

Both Bruce and Cortez think they’ve won as well as they raise their arms in the arm celebrating their table breaking antics when the referee approaches Michael Buffer to inform him of what the official stance on the match is, after nodding a few times Buffer stands up and addresses Bruce, Cortez and the crowd.

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

Since Bruce and Cortez broken the table on Mariachi instead of Mariachi going through the table it has been deemed that this is not an elimination so the match MUST CONTINUE!!

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

 

Both Cortez and Bruce are livid when they hear the announcement, Bruce even goes so far as to grab the referee by the shirt and yelling at him while Cortez blows a snot rocket at some annoying fans at ringside. The GPX on the other hand seems to be highly amused by the Wildcard’s misfortune. Moments later Cortez finds himself in the crowd as Moracca launches himself at the Urban Legend with a sharp piece of table wood in his hands and drives both of them over the top of the guardrail into the crowd. The first row quickly clears out as the two combatants slam down onto the concrete and continue to fight..

 

COLE

Moracca may technically be eliminated from the match but he’s still got a LOT of fight in him and he’s taking it to Todd Cortez

 

COLE

Someone get them out of the front row though, that ain’t right, those damn animals need to keep it in the ring

 

Cortez kicks the piece of wood out of Moracca’s hand before wiping his hand across his forehead, when the Urban Legend sees his own blood on his fingers his eyes open wide and his nostrils begins to flare as he realizes that the Unique Youth has cut him open.

 

CABOOSE

I think Cortez is fixin’ to show us why he’s know as a street fighter

 

Cortez rushes in to strike Moracca with a clothesline but Moracca is just too quick for the Urban Legend as he ducks under the arm to send Cortez flipping over the guardrail. After releasing the referee Bruce turns his attention towards the fight just in time to see Moracca run at the guard rail, leap up and balance off the top of it before diving at Bruce with a twisting body press that drives Bruce back towards one of the tables set up on the outside.

 

*KRESH!!*

 

With the match hanging in the balance Cortez leaps forward and sacrifices his own body by tackling the side of the table, knocking it out of the way second before Bruce would have been driven through it and ends up under the big man.

 

COACH

Damn that’s quite an unusual tactic by Cortez

 

CABOOSE

He saved his team mate, that’s what matters to Cortez even if he has to sacrifice his own body. Cortez is the kind of guy that doesn’t mind putting his body on the line as long as he wins, he’s proved that tonight more than once

 

Moracca is quickly back on his feet and slides an unbroken table into the ring under the bottom rope before he quickly helps Mariachi back to his feet. Together Mariachi and Moracca grab Cortez by the shirt and roll him under the bottom rope into the ring with them right behind him.

 

COACH

If they take Cortez out of the fight then Bruce is much easier to beat, he may be good, he may be big and strong but even he can’t overcome TWO world class athletes . . . well two performers like Moracca and Mariachi

 

Moracca unfolds the table legs and sets it up in the ring while Mariachi keeps Cortez under control with a quick Senton Bomb that drives the air from Cortez’s lungs. Mariachi grabs the Urban Legend by the right hand and Moracca grabs him by the left to drag him back to his feet to then throw Cortez into the ropes.

 

COLE

Watch out Bruce has just crawled back into the ring

 

Moracca and Mariachi leap into the air, extend their legs to snap Cortez backwards with a perfectly synchronous double drop kick that draws a lot of fan approval. Moracca quickly gets back up, leaps at Bruce for a tornado DDT while Mariachi starts to climb the ropes.

 

CABOOSE

Bruce blocked the DDT!! He just put on the breaks and stopped Moracca mid air. I may not like him but that’s an awesome display of power

 

COLE

He better pay attention to his partner, he’s about to get flattened by Mariachi

 

Mariachi bounces off the top rope and flips backwards aiming straight at the prone Cortez on the mat. Bruce quickly grabs the table that’s been set up in the ring earlier and throws it half way across the ring where it lands with the proper side up right in Mariachi’s path. Mariachi is unable to stop the flipping momentum on his Moonsault and comes down on the table with his upper body and head first crashing through the table to the ground.

 

For a second the entire arena is silent until

 

* DING*DING*DING*DING*

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

Instead of waiting for an announcement or the referee to raise his hand Bruce quickly drops down, rolls under the bottom rope and then gets in Static and Jax’ face, hands raise, voice raised even more.

 

BRUCE BLANK

Who invited the local job squad? You better get on out of here before I forget my manners and give everyone a free flashback to School’s out Scooter.

 

SCOTTY STATIC

Why don’t we give them a flashback huh? RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!

 

JOHNNY JAX

Yeah there are two of us here, two of you!

 

BRUCE BLANK

Heh – I know you both suffered a lot of physical trauma recently so I’ll forgive the amount of base in your voice little boy but frankly you guys bore us.

 

COACH

Oh no he didn’t!!

 

BRUCE BLANK

I mean we’ve beaten you, we’ve dominated you, we’ve PUNISHED YOU!! There ain’t nothing in it for us to destroy you again.

 

Bruce waves his hand dismissivley at GPX which seems to piss off the Party Exchange no end.

 

SCOTTY STATIC

You talk big Bruce, you and your card buddies but just like the SWF you’re all talk and no action! Those titles do not belong to the likes of (with a very contemptible tone) you or thes-

 

Before Scotty can finish the sentence Todd Cortez comes off the top rope knocking both Static and Jax to the ground with a cross body block. Bruce quickly grabs Cortez by the back of the tights and hoists him back to his feet, saying a few words to him before both of the Wildcard members head for the locker room

 

COACH

WHAT? COME BACK HERE AND GET YOUR ASS KICKED!!

 

CABOOSE

Like the did at School’s Out?

 

Neither Cortez nor Blank even bother to look back driving home just how little they’re worried about the Global Party Exchange. Moments later both Jax and Static get back to their feet and then run up the aisle for the backstage area with bad intentions on their mind.

 

COLE

Oh look at the time, we’ve got merchandise to flo. . . I mean we got to go to commercials!