HD: BHB in Japan

[King Cucaracha 0]

[size=5][color=gold]**MACKENZIE DE CENZO PRODUCTIONS**

*IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE OAOAST*[/size]

*PROUDLY PRESENT*[/SIZE][/color]



[color=gold][size=7]~~FRIENDS IN HI-YAH PLACES~~[/color][/size]

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-Sunday, July 16th
10:50 PM (Japanese time)-

BLANCHARD
#Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so#

Ah, Karaoke! One of the weirdest and for my money the cruellest national cultures known to man, especially where HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion Ned Blanchard is involved. Never since Zack Malibu's attempt at stand-up comedy at the OAOAST Christmas party have one group of people looked so stunned and traumatised at one person's performance, as Ned proceeds to murder his particularly inappropriate song choice, "Turning Japanese" in front of 40 to 50 Japanese natives. Watching on from the back of the bar and pretending not to be affiliated with this Gaijin goofball is Mackenzie DeCenzo. Mackenzie sips from her drink, eyes squinted as Ned butchers a high note.

SIMON (off camera)
Is it just me, or do you sense a riot coming?

MACKENZIE
Unless we find a Japanese person who can mix a good martini, [i]I'm[/i] gonna riot.

On stage, Ned brings his solo performance to a dramatic crescendo...and ignores the booing Japanese patrons, as he bows and thanks some imaginary people for their imaginary applause. Simon decides this isn't interesting footage and instead zooms in on a young Asian woman in the crowd. Unfortunately, the woman notices this and lets out a shriek. Which nobody seems to react to, considering the horrified shrieks that Ned has been earning the past four minutes, until some of the staff notice Simon's poorly concealed handheld camera and rush towards him.

SIMON (off camera)
Uh-oh.

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-Sunday July 16th
10:53 PM (again, Japanese time)-

Quick, vaguely professional cut to the open streets of Tokyo. Hunched over in pain, Ned breathes heavily, mainly due to having to carry the high-heel wearing Beverly Hills Blonds Business Consultant on his back while sprinting from a group of angry Asians. That'll do that to ya, trust me.

SIMON (off camera)
(out of breath)
I think... we... lost them.

MACKENZIE
You're a menace to society with that damn camera.

Right on cue, Simon begins to pan in on Mackenzie's rack, until he notices her scowling a hole through his head and quickly re-positions the camera on Ned.

BLANCHARD
Crazy damn country! I can't believe they're forcing us to defend our titles in this ass-backwards place!

SIMON (off camera)
Hey, can you say that again but accentuate the mouth movements? I'm thinking of doing some deliberately bad dubbing on this. You know, like Kung-Fu movies.

BLANCHARD
Another reason why I hate this country. I knew this acclimatising plan was stupid. We could have just watched Godzilla, back home in L.A, then caught the last flight over before our match, instead of having to spend a full fortnight over here. But noooo. How could we miss out on the fun of Japan? We wouldn't be eating raw fish, drinking toxic fluids that barely pass for alcohol, trying to converse with people speaking jibberish. Sure, the karaoke was fun and there's some very impressionable women, but half of them walk around dressed like weird rabbit type characters...

MELODY
Yeah, fuck that noise!


.....


All heads (and cameras) turn, as for no particular reason what-so-ever, Melody Nerdly is standing right behind the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions.

MELODY
Everyone knows all the straight up, hardcore Cosplayers are rocking the Sailor Moon nowadays.

Just as soon as she had appeared, Melody disappears, flagging down a taxi and asking the unsuspecting driver how he likes 'these 10,000 Yen melons', before telling him to drive her 'back to Canada', perhaps not realising that would involve some sort of aqua-car. An aqua-car with a lot of fuel.

BLANCHARD
Wha... wher... you... THIS COUNTRY!

MACKENZIE
Pull yourself together damnit! Look, we can't get out of this, so we just have to make the best of it. Stars like us have to make public appearances they don't enjoy all the time, to placate their public. The secret is to milk every perk going. To milk every BUTT kissing executive and spineless money man going. How do you think the Emmys always get their seats filled?

BLANCHARD
Good point. Go on.

MACKENZIE
Japanese fans are fanatical. They idolise anyone who's ever pulled on a pair of wrestling tights... even The All American Boys. And their tights spit in the face of the entire country! Don't you see? So long as we're the Champions of this insane country, people are going to treat us like royalty. The good type.

BLANCHARD
The money making type?

MACKENZIE
Exactly!

SIMON (off camera)
So, what are you saying?

MACKENZIE
What I'm saying is, quit whining and find some pants with some deep pockets, because we're going to be living in style for the next week or so. We're going to milk this cash cow for all it's worth. We've been given 40 Days, so we're going to take every last one of them. D*LUX can get their title shot and we'll air it on Syndicated for everyone back home to see. Then, we go back to America and wait for HI-YAH to come calling again. Rinse, repeat and watch the money come piling in until the idea becomes unprofitable.

SIMON (off camera)
Just like Hollywood!

A smirk slowly appears on Blanchard's face, as he rubs his chin to show he's mulling what's been said over.

BLANCHARD
I like it. I like it a lot! Tell you what, we need some security. No pictures taken without specific permission. If not, $10 a photo. Mackie, you phone up the HI-YAH offices and tell them we need a hotel upgrade. And, ask about Geisha girls. Ones who can run me a good bath.

MACKENZIE
And make me a good martini.

...

BLANCHARD
You know, I think I might grow to like this country.