HD: GPX/D*LUX segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

Outside the arena and if wherever the heck we are is as hot as England has been, it's bloody roasting guvnor! Bad news for ducks, snowmen and fat people afraid to bare the flesh...or thin people who live near fat people who aren't afraid to bare the flesh. But it's good news for one lucky ice cream vendor who's drawing a roaring trade in the parking lot, as a queue of OAOAST personalities stand lined up and waiting in the heat, some more patiently than others. At the head of the queue, new HI-YAH Tag Team Champions D*LUX and their manageress Jade Rodez can't seem to make their minds up, to the frustration of some of the road agents and underpaid menia staff stuck behind them.

SHAYNE
Do you have any of those... chocolate things, that are like... [i]double[/i] chocolate?

JADE
Double chocolate? Is that wise?

TYLER
Oh, in that case, I'll have a broccoli sundae. Oh, wait, there's no such thing! Bummer, man, so long sixpack!

JADE
There'll be plenty of time to get flabby when your fans forget about you. Now, choose.

A few audible sighs sound out as patience is wearing a little thin. But the threesome don't seem too bothered, Shayne looking over the pictures on the side of the truck again for good measure.

JIVIN' JR (off screen)
ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! I'm burnin' up here bah gawd!

CHRISTIAN WRIGHT (off screen)
My perserverance levels continue to wane presently!

MELODY NERDLY (off screen)
If these bitches don't soon pick, I'm'a bust some caps in this joint!

TERRY TAYLOR (off screen)
Word.

The collection of the OAOAST's most weird, wonderful and forgotten characters' murmuring becomes louder and more noticeable, until finally Jade turns around to give them an apologetic look.

JADE
How about we just get something simple guys? Two scoops of chocolate for me please Mr ice cream vendor guy.

TYLER
Oh, so you can have chocolate and we can't? Harsh!

JADE
Just choose already.

TYLER
Okay...uhm, well in that case...vanilla?

??? (off screen)
That's funny, I woulda thought you two had enough vanilla as it is.

And all heads turn! Stepping out of the queue, the chuckling Johnny Jax seems very amused at his tag team partner Scotty Static's wisecrack as they barge to the front and square up to the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions. D*LUX seem to be all smiles too, which makes the GPX's smiles a little less noticeable. Mockingly, Static looks from Shayne to Tyler and back again, rubbing his eyes in disbelief as Jax smirks at the side.

JAX
You know Scotty, I liked these guys better when they were us.

STATIC
I hear that. Feels like I stepped into the Twilight Zone or something, because I could swear I was looking at The GPX right now. You know, from back when the boyband thing was still cool.

JAX
Back when it was still original?

STATIC
Yeah. Man, those were the days J, those were the days. Sometimes I miss the old GPX man, the days when we'd tear things up just to get a cheap laugh. All those suckers we beat down? All those headlines we stole, those waves we made? Look at what we've become man. The respect, the high standing. It ain't the same. Sometimes it feels...I dunno, a little empty. I feel like throwing down some old school Scotty Static dawg, ya know, throw up the hands, scream out some YAHTZEE~!, dig? But then I realise that luckily, we don't have to, because apparantly we're popular enough to warrant a [i]tribute band[/i].

Static's mid speech jubilance quickly disappears on that last line as he turns to glare at D*LUX. Looking at each other, Tyler and Shayne seem a little confused at what warranted all this hostility. Their manager is far less laid back and isn't going to take this as lightly though, striding in front of her team and standing up to her brother's former running buddies.

JADE
What's your problem exactly?

JAX
How about the fact you and your mealtickets are ripping us off, hotcakes?

STATIC
You're making your names off of our legacy and it don't sit too well with us. See, a couple of greenhorns pretending to be The GPX re-invented takes away from the real GPX, really re-invented. Incase you hadn't noticed, unlike your boys, we ain't manufactured... WE'RE REAL! We've moved on from this boyband jig. Maybe ya'll should step into the 21st Century with us and stop riding our tails?

JAX
Either that, or pay us some damn royalties, because you've gotta be running through some copyright laws.

TYLER
Then maybe you should be paying a certain Canadian for ripping off his catchphrase too. I'm no laywer, but I'd like to see you prove.. that.. wrong! Burn!

Jax scoffs, Static a little less amused.

STATIC
See, that's the thing dawg. We don't [i]need[/i] no stinkin' catchphrases.

JAX
Actions speak louder and we've been speaking loud and proud for years! Trailblazers, that's The GPX. We trailblazed this company. We paved the way in the tag division and we left that path open for wannabees like you to follow on along.

JADE
We don't need to follow anybody's path.

STATIC
Puhlease! Without your bro', you'd be picking up welfare checks every week sister.

TYLER
Hey, easy there buddy!

SHAYNE
What's with the hostility here? We're just trying to get an ice here.

TYLER
Maybe if you're so 'real', you should settle this in the ring instead of out here?

That offer prompts some smiles from The GPX as Johnny adjusts his Six Man Tag Team Championship over his shoulder.

STATIC
Sure thing boys.

JAX
And unless your little 'bodyguard' here doubles up as a wrestler, I'm gonna assume you're not after our Six Man Tag straps. So we'll settle this straight up. No Holliganda, just GPX to D*LUX, two to two. 

STATIC
If you gots the balls, natch. YAHTZ...

Scotty stops himself in mid old-school catchphrase, shaking his head.

STATIC
...nah, I don't think so.

The GPX stride off, curiously without the ice creams they had been queuing for previously, leaving the flustered HI-YAH Tag Team Champions to watch on.