HD: Landon Promo!

[King Cucaracha 0]

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, at this time please welcome at this time... your NEW OAOAST 24/7 Champion...

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Oh boy.

BUFFER
...being accompanied to the ring by The Wildcards and by 'The First Lady Of The SWF' Megan Skye... fresh off of a successful challenge for the SWF World Tag Team Championships! He is LLLAAANNDDOOOOOONN "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXX!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"


"Tell me exactly, what am I supposed to do
Now that I have allowed you, to beat me!
Do you think that we could play another game
Maybe I could win this ti-ime."

"I kinda like the misery you put me through
Darling you can trust me, completely!
If you even try to look the other way
I think that I could kill this ti-ime!"

You could cut the hostility with a knife in the arena as the Virginia crowd keep jeering all the way through the opening to "The Game" by Disturbed. The situation isn't helped by The Wildcards emerging halfway through and walking towards the ring, Bloodshed and Todd Cortez staying mostly stoic about the situation while Bruce Blank is happy to milk the abuse a little. Eventually, as the song kicks into gear, the trio are joined on stage by the glowing blonde female now identifiable as Megan Skye, long-term manager of Landon Maddix, who steps through the entrance doors carrying both the OAOAST's 24/7 Championship belt and one half of the SWF's World Tag Team Championships. If you thought The Wildcards and Landon hadn't came prepared, you'd be wrong, as down the side of the ramp dozens of security guards emerge from the back and line the aisleway as The SWF's Power Couple stroll down the ramp, mugging for all their worth.

COLE
No folks, you haven't tuned into the wrong station. This really is SWF superstar Landon Maddix making his way to the ring and that is the OAOAST 24/7 Championship in his hand. It's been a topic of hot conversation all week and to be honest, myself and The Coach are as much or as little in the know about this volatile situation as you all are. But we've been promised an explanation here tonight, so hopefully that's what we're going to get to kick off [i]OAOAST[/i] HeldDOWN~!

With his three 'associates' waiting in the ring, Landon climbs the apron as Megan holds the ropes open for him. Stepping in, Landon soaks up some more adulation as he spins through the ring, arms outstretched. Coming to a stop, Landon then takes the microphone from Buffer, beaming proudly as the boos continue to rain down on him.


MADDIX
So, it seems I caused a little bit of controversy last week, huh?

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

MADDIX
Good answer. You know, I want to take this opportunity to first thank your gracious president, Axel, for opening the floor up to me tonight and giving me a chance to explain my motives. See all I've heard over the 'net' all week is rumour after rumour after persistant rumour. So let's set the record straight. Number one...no, I haven't 'quit' the SWF. I'm here of my own accord, independent of my other employers. Now, second is that 'I'm not getting paid enough', so I wanted another paycheck. One truth in life, you can never be too rich. I want more money, sure. So shoot me.

Landon puts a finger to his chin in a not so subtle show that he's thinking.

MADDIX
On second thoughts, maybe I should rephrase that.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Oh come on, we don't need that dredged up again.

MADDIX
I showed up in the OAOAST for my own reasons. And I'm gonna let you all in on them. See, for those of you morons who don't pay attention, I work for the SWF. Flashback to June and to a little event we call SWF Ground Zero, where I was heading into one of the biggest matches of my career against my current tag team partner, Michael Stephens. Long story short, we didn't get along. I was ready to defend my SWF World Title against my most hated rival. It was personal. And I was ready. I was focused. I stoof behind those curtains watching the camera and much to my surprise, some low budget promotional video runs telling MY SWF fans to watch OAOAST HeldDOWN~!, every Thursday night on TSM! I took that advert as a personal spit in my face. But if you think it's all about some commercial, you're mistaken. No, that was just the tip of the iceberg, the thing that caught my attention.

For the first time since grabbing the microphone Landon turns to his trio of backup. Neither Blank, Bloodshed or Cortez seem all that interested in what's going on, considering who it's coming from and what it concerns.

MADDIX
See, these three men here have been running roughshot over this company for months now and you people have seen them as representing the SWF. I'm sure in many ways, they are. But as is typical with professional wrestling fans, you've taken a stereotype and lumped it on the heads of as many people as is convenient. Apparantly, Bruce is a 'Hoss'. That's not my beef. See, the 'beef' is that I see people calling the SWF... 'Garbage Wrestling'.

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

MADDIX
You take three men known for their street fighting sensibilities and you assume, without doing any research or paying any attention, natch, that it applies to the entire SWF. And THAT is a spit in the face to me. That's a spit in the face of El Luchadore Magnifico. Of Danny Williams. Of Ejiro Fasaki. Of Tom Flesher. Of Wildchild. Men who wouldn't sully their good name by stepping into this B-show hellhole because they have some form of self-respect! You people dare to say the SWF is 'garbage'? In the words of every black comedian in the past 10 years, "Bitch, puh-lease!!" Take a glance into that locker room, if you dare. You've got doctors running around bumping and grinding, you've got homosexual Mexicans, you've got more rip-offs and wannabees than an American Idol audition room. THAT is garbage! The SWF is the premier professional wrestling company in the world and we pride ourselves on that. We pride ourselves on wrestling. We're not a 'Thread', we're [i]'Wrestling[/i]! Do chairs and tables come into play sometimes? Sure, from some people. But I defy you to name one OAOAST wrestler who could survive in the SWF! Just one! It's not gonna happen. There's not even a valid comparison. All I've heard from you fantasy booker geeks for years is 'oh, what would happen if this guy wrestled Landon Maddix, what would happen if that guy wrestled Landon Maddix?'. 'Leon Rodez can do this better than Landon Maddix'. 'Zack Malibu has better workrate than Landon Maddix does'. Heh. See, let me be clear on this. Wrestling fans in general, I've no problem with you. You support this great industry and you buy the tickets that pay our wages and feed our families. Boo me, cheer me, whatever. But these fans who think they're experts because they've read a couple of dirtsheets and saw that Secrets Exposed thing Harley Race did, that's who I'm talking about here. You compare the SWF to the OAOAST...first of all, we actually have a reasonable name. But in the ring is where the gulf is clear. If the SWF is the big league, the OAOAST is the backyard...compared to us, you're like a group of, to steal a phrase, "glorified stuntmen", [i]playing[/i] at wrestling. It's not competition, it's a running joke!

COLE
Yeah well, at least we wrestle in the real world there champ.

COACH
Huh?

COLE
Inside joke, don't sweat it.

"SMART - MARK SUCKS!"
"SMART - MARK SUCKS!"
"SMART - MARK SUCKS!"
"SMART - MARK SUCKS!"

MADDIX
Uneducated opinions. That's all it is. See, I'm not 'Mr. SWF' and some sort of model employee. But I'm sick of seeing you mutant morons proclaiming the OAOAST as the premiere and the summit of this business. I'm sick of people talking up these mediocre sub-par 'superstars' as equals for the SWF's elite. So, I cornered Bruce at one of the SWF shows and I asked him who to get into contact with. And Mr...uhm, Axel...well, he was happy to help.

COLE
Of course he was, if it meant Leon getting beaten down!

MADDIX
Don't get me wrong, I'm not here to be a Wildcard. I'm not here to 'kill this company'. And I'm not solely here to take the words of the OAOAST faithful and cram them back down their throats. Let's not beat around the bush, I'm out for the glory. I'm here to BE this company. Looking up and down the roster, there's nobody with my ability and my credentials, so hey, if there's an opportunity to be number one why should I pass it up? And if that means an 'association' with these three here every now and then, then so be it. Safety in numbers and all. See...

Maddix turns again, pointing a finger in Bruce's face...

MADDIX
I don't like you.

...then Cortez...

MADDIX
I [i]hate[/i] you.

...and finally Bloodshed.

MADDIX
And I've [b]despised[/b] you for more years than I care to remember.

Bloodshed half-smiles at that, apparantly more than happy to be hated by Landon. Infact, none of The Wildcards seem that concerned that they're not on Landon's Christmas card list.

MADDIX
But the fact is, we share a common bond. Smartmark blood. You and me are pretty recent acquaintances Bruce and we don't see eye to eye, but I respect you, in a way. You do what you do and you do it well. I've done battle with you Bloodshed...well shit, I've lost count. You'll have to show me that tally chart you keep treasured in your basement. Cortez, you and me are former Tag Team Champions. And yeah, we had a pretty big falling out over...things.

Megan shrugs in the background. Yeah, she's the reason.

MADDIX
Whatever you think about me though, you have to respect my motives. (turns to crowd) And with those three following my lead...

In the background, Bruce does a very clear and very noticeable double-take at that last line. Cortez and Bloodshed, who've been associated with La Cucaracha in the past, just roll their eyes knowingly. Of course Landon is oblivious to all this, due to that bright and welcomed spotlight shining in his face.

MADDIX
...then you fans had better get used to seeing Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix's face around these parts, because I'm here to save the OAOAST!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
From what!?

COACH
From gun crime?

COLE
...

COACH
Sorry, got carried away for a second. From what, punk!?

MADDIX
Mark the date down on your calendars, folks. A battle for the ages. August 27th, you've got something called 'AngleSlam' which I hear is a pretty big deal for you all. Well congratulations, because it just got bigger. I spoke to Axel during the week and he's granted me a match that believe it or not, I want.

The crowd join the dots in their head and start buzzing at the prospect of what Landon is getting at.

MADDIX
Oh yeah I know, I attacked the guy, I'm supposed to be scared of the repercussions, blah blah blah. Last week was no coincidence you see. There was a plan. I always have a plan, see.

Landon and Megan share a smile, Landon adjusting the two titles over his shoulders.

MADDIX
I intend to show the OAOAST up and embarrass you all. And sure, I could do that by wrestling 'El Ultra Shango' and dominating him to the point of ridicule. But that'd be too easy. Myself and Megan have done our homework and you, Leon Rodez, are something that comes close to resembling a straight professional wrestler as far as this place is concerned. Sure, you're a 'former pornstar' and you've been wrestling chickens and zombies recently. But apparantly these people and the 'experts' see you as some sort of noteable talent in these parts. As the 'future of the OAOAST'. Which makes you the perfect target. So Leon, what I'm gonna do at AngleSlam is I'm going to take the future of this company and defeat it, soundly, on one of the biggest nights in the OAOAST calendar. I'm going to embarrass you. I'm going to embarrass this company. And I'm going to make my intentions clear straight away. Landon Maddix vs. Leon Rodez. The match nobody thought they'd ever see. But they will, at AngleSlam.

COLE
Wow. That's a HUGE announcement!

MADDIX
And I've got more good news for all you wrestling fans who are sick of watching no-talents wrestling talentless nobodies show in and show out, because the Landon Maddix era in the OAOAST starts live, next week here on HeldDOWN~! Oh yeah, I want to get a little warm-up in see. Test the ring, test the ropes, the lights. It'll be a chance for those of you so set in your ways that you've never seen real wrestling to get a glimpse at why I am a former two-time SWF World Heavyweight Champion, a former International Champion, three-time ICTV Champion, two-time USJL Champion, three-time Tag Team Champion, 2005 Clusterfuck winner...and the list goes on. I don't know who they'll find to put against me. Probably some trainee in a bear costume. Whatever, I'll give you a little preview next week. After all, from what I hear you people need a new hero and quick. And I am willing to BE that hero! OAOAST... Prepare For Landon!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"The Game" by Disturbed kicks off again as Maddix drops the microphone and throws his arms skywards in a gesture which could be best described as 'a little OTT'.

COLE
Wow. Well, Landon Maddix, not a man short on confidence apparantly.

COACH
And we're gonna see him in action next week here on HeldDOWN~! I can't wait for that, I wanna see if this guy is really as good as he seems to think he is.

COLE
You could always buy some SWF tapes, do some research.

COACH
Nah, I'm not gonna be doing that.

COLE
What about the other big announcement Coach, Landon Maddix making his OAOAST PPV debut against Leon Rodez at AngleSlam! What a huge match that promises to be. And speaking of huge matches, remember viewers, tonight we've got Hoff versus Alfdogg for the World Heavyweight Championship, not to mention that big Rumble for the chance to cash in on a World Title shot whenever the winner so desires.

COACH
So basically, what Zack already has?

COLE
Uhm, well, kinda...ON WITH THE SHOW!