HD: GPX/D*LUX segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
In recent weeks, the conflict between The Global Party Exchange and D*LUX has been running rampant, a conflict over pride and over image rather than over titles or simple personal hatred. And in the past week OAOAST President Axel in accordance with HI-YAH officials signed the two warring teams to a tag team match to settle things once and for all at AngleSlam, with the HI-YAH Tag Team Championship on the line. As always, the man with the scoop is...

COACH
THE COACH~! HOT NEWZ STAND UUUUUUUP!!

COLE
...is the incomporable "Mene" Gene Okerlund.

COACH
Oh.

COLE
And our good friend Gene is ready and waiting to get a word with the challengers, take it away Gene.

Cut to the always popular INTERVIEW STAGE~!, where Gene Okerlund is being showered with typical cheers. And Gene, ever the showman, hypes the crowd up before getting a delayed signal that he's on air.

OKERLUND
Ladies and gentlemen, my guests at this time... the OAOAST World Six Man Tag Team Champions... THE HOOOOOLLIIGGAAANNSS!!!

"YEEA - BOOOO - AAA - OOOOOO - AHHH - OOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees,
there finally emerges a group
which has come to set the record straight.
so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard
can you say uhhh na na na na..."

With the familiar sounds of "Make Her Say" by O-Town playing behind them, the trio of Johnny "Jam" Jackson, Scotty Static and Jamie O'Hara make their way from the main stage to the smaller but infinitely cooler interview stage. O'Hara jaws with the nearby fans in the background, while Static and Jax take their positions up either side of "Mene" Gene.

OKERLUND
Now gentlemen, in the past year or so you three have been no strangers to controversy. But what we've seen recently from you seems to have been controversy for the sake of controversy, talking of course about your actions towards D*LUX.

STATIC
Controversy for the sake of controversy, huh? Obviously you've not been paying much attention to us old man.

OKERLUND
I've been paying attention. And might I say, your reasons for targetting D*LUX are pretty spurious.

JAX
Lay off the big words there grandad.

STATIC
We've stated time and time again what our beef with 'G*LUX' is Gene. If some greenhorn showed up with a handheld mic, dressed up in a 20 cent suit trying to imitate your 80 cent suit and called himself "Lene" Dene, you'd punk his ass out on the spot. Cause you've earned the right to. You talk about us being no strangers to controversy and yeah, we ain't gonna lie, we do attract trouble now and again. Newsflash Gene-O, we're The Hooligans. The territory comes with the name. But above that, we attract controversy because we attract attention. When you talk tag teams in the OAOAST, you've got Black T, you've got Ned and Singleton and you've got The GPX. Everyone else, they're just pretenders to our throne. We MADE the Tag Division!

JAX
For real. Ned and Simon were rip-offs from day zip. And I don't see nobody wantin' to dress up like an Eskimo nowhere.

STATIC
Which just leaves us to rip-off. D*LUX have been livin' off of our reputation ever since they showed up in the OAOAST. Now, we figured these kids'd curl up and disappear pretty soon, but apparantly we were wrong. So, we decided to do something about them.

JAX
This boyband shtick they got goin' on? We've moved on from all that dawg. We're real, we ain't manufactured. And we're sick of seein' our old coattails being dragged outta the prop cupboard and put on display by these punk kids.

OKERLUND
Now wait a second here. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you two still call yourselves the Global [i]Party[/i] Exchange?

"YYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Some of the fans cheer that patented Okerlund burn, as Johnny's face drops. O'Hara takes issue with the fans again and starts to wave his hands frantically trying to get them to pipe down.

JAX
What's your point old man!?

OKERLUND
Well, forgive me for saying so, but Global Party Exchange isn't a very 'hooliganistic' name.

STATIC
Since when do you become the authority on what is and what ain't 'hooliganistic' Okerlund? Listen, we established that name. We left our blood, our sweat and our tears in that OAOAST ring to transform the name GPX into a name to be feared in this wrestling business! When people see those letters G P X, they recognise! That name means something to people! We earned the right to live off that name. Us and us alone. That's why we're so pissed off with these greenhorns leeching off of them, as good as spitting on the hard work and dedication we've given for three fucking years!

Ever the professional, Gene raises his eyebrows a little at the language.

STATIC
What have these kids done in this business? What have they done around here? NOTHING! They ain't got shit on us!

OKERLUND
May I remind you this is a family show.

JAX
It quit bein' a family show months ago Gene, be easy.

STATIC
The fact is Gene, these punks have gotten us riled up. Remember all the hostility that got thrown our way when we were trying to make spots for ourselves in this business? The disgust everyone had when we were fighting Zack Malibu? Where's it at now? Aw no, no hate here Gene. These kids have got pretty hair, see. They're nice and groomed, regular trips to the salon. They bring in ratings, so they get a free pass. What about our ratings!? What about real work!? This country's so obsessed with image, it's makin' us sick! We're pretty guys, right?

JAX
No doubtin' it.

STATIC
All these people are getting conned by manufacture. They see cookie-cutter blondes with balloons for brains and balloons strapped to their chest and they think that's beauty. They look at Lindsay Lohan eating herself from the inside and it makes them wanna buy her movies because she can squeeze through a drainpipe. And they think these pretty boys with manicures and pedicures and hair down to their asses are some sort of standard bearer. Since when did being meterosexual become hip? These kids, they're manufactured. Apparantly, they're the 'new GPX'. Guess what, fuck that! The suits in the HQ need to realise, you can't create stars like us! 

JAX
Damn right!

STATIC
Fellahs, you're just boys stepping into a man's world. And I don't think you're ready to change that anytime soon. Come AngleSlam, we might just put you outta this world for good. We don't care about this funny little Japanese belts you're draggin' around. This is about pride. Hooligan pride. And when you insult that pride, you're gonna get hurt.

Weaving into view from underneath camera shot, O'Hara pulls the mic in close.

O'HARA
Hooligans, fuck what ya heard!

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

The cheers aren't for the profanity of for the fantastic lean-in, but for TYLER BRYANT and SHAYNE BRAVE, storming the interview stage from behind and knocking Static and Jax to the floor with BELTSHOTS~! O'Hara takes a spill from the sprawling Jax taking his legs out but pulls himself right back up. Big mistake, as D*LUX grab him and drop him across the knees with the Cowell Movement!! With Okerlund watching on from afar and wondering why this always happens to him and his precious interview stage, D*LUX then take O'Hara by top and tails and PITCH HIM OFF THE INTERVIEW STAGE, A GOOD FOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!!

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

O'Hara bounces off of the unforgiving concrete and rolls to a stop, with The GPX dragging each other to safety from the stage, pointing fingers and talking trash but saving their retaliations for AngleSlam apparantly. With the coast clear, Jade Rodez reclaims the discarded microphone.

JADE
Boys in a man's world? Ooooh, that's a good one! Well if my boys are boys then you've pushed these boys too far this time and at AngleSlam, you're, like, going to be right in our firing line GPX! We're not here to follow in your footsteps. We don't want to be like you. But on Sunday night "Tremendous" Tyler and "Showtime" Shayne are going to show you that they're every bit as good as you two are or maybe even better because we're gonna beat you!

TYLER
YEAH-UH!

That new catchphrase gets the response it deserves: A1's "First To Believe". But the fans seem to be happy enough with the song and they cheer D*LUX anyway, as they watch The GPX on their way. Johnny and Scotty make some last threatening gestures before exiting back through the entrance doors, leaving the wreckage of Jamie O'Hara behind.

COLE
If The GPX were under-estimating the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions, they may just have gotten their wake-up call tonight.