HD: GPX segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
Right now, we've got footage shot earlier in the week. And our roving reporter, Josh Matthews, drew the short straw in the 'interview personality raffle' which meant he was dispatched to the mean streets of Miami to catch up with The Global Party Exchange, with no more than a microphone, a Swiss army beginner's knife and his organ donor card.


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We're just hours removed from AngleSlam 2006 and in understandably, it's dark. It's even darker down the dark, secluded alleyway somewhere outside the American Airlines Arena where two shadowy figures can be seen pacing around. The sound of a garbage can being caved in is followed up by a loud, clearly annoyed yell, which only makes poor Josh Matthews even more nervous at the entrance to the alleyway. Biting his lip, the puny announcer flinches as two tough looking skinhead biker types walk past, the one with the most tattoos giving him a wink, to the amusement of Marty the cameraman, making his welcome return to the OAOAST!

MATTHEWS
C'mon Marty, let's just turn back and say we couldn't find them. My health insurance doesn't cover a brick through the skull.

MARTY
At least you have health insurance. I'm just 'the guy behind the camera', unimportant, not deemed worthy of mention. They won't even sign me to a contract, man. I follow the show around in my motor-home. Pity me Josh, pity [i]me[/i]. I live out of a suitcase, and have done ever since my fourth wife left me for that Phillipino midget that looked like Tom Sellec. He looked like a five year old with a pipe cleaner on his top lip, it was ridiculous! I tried to grow a moustache damnit, but it was never good enough for her! At least I speak her language damnit. I never would have chosen her off the damn website if I didn't!

MATTHEWS
So...uhm...let's go then, huh?

MARTY
No way. I started recording like three minutes ago. Besides, I'm a photo journalist.

*SMAAASH!*

Suddenly, Josh is sent scurrying for cover as an empty beer bottle flies into the wall beside him. The glass shards are soon to be followed by the two men responsible for making them, Scotty Static storming out of the alleyway while Johnny Jax follows behind him, sullenly supping from his intact beer.

STATIC
BullSHIT man, bullSHIT!

JAX
Ease up Scotty, looks like we're bein' filmed. We best put on our 'professional' voices.

STATIC
What the hell do want Matthews!?

Still worried about getting a beatdown, 8 Mile style, Josh blanches.

MATTHEWS
Uhm...well, I'm supposed to...we need an interview...about tonight.

STATIC
An interview about tonight. How about you go interview the poster-boys, huh? Find the boyband kids, see if they wanna cut a promo for you. Guess what, you won't find 'em, 'cause we ran them straight outta Miami! One minute we're handing them their pretty-boy asses, the next we've got security and cops streaming around us. The damn parking lot was full of heat man, we got over-run and they disappeared. They said they wanted a fight. They said they wanted to settle this. WE'RE STILL HERE JOSH! Where are they? Nowhere! They ran with their tails between their legs. BullSHIT!

JAX
See, we were tearin' shit up out there. Scotty nailed some crazy flippy thing, I dunno what the hell happened, he wiped me out. Point is, we were rollin'. And suddenly, the ref reckons we're gettin' too real.

STATIC
That's right! We had the match in hand, we had them where we wanted them. I dove off that stage, risked my neck...and for what? To get DQed? To get the match called? To be censored by this god-damn nanny state culture? BullSHIT!

MATTHEWS
Uhm...well, HI-YAH Rules state tha...

STATIC
HI-YAH Rules? HI-YAH Rules!? We don't play by HI-YAH Rules, we play by OUR rules!!

Growling under his breath, Static turns and embeds his foot through another garbage can.

JAX
What did we do that made baby Hebner cry exactly? Ain't he seen anyone takin' dives 'round here before?

STATIC
I reckon he was taking something under the table, if you get what I'm sayin'.

JAX
I dig, dawg. The ref bottled it man! We're still up for a fight. But we come out, down a few cold ones and what? Nothin'! Ain't nobody in Miami up for the battle with The GPX. Man, we ain't even got our boy J-OH with us cause he got blindsighted on Thursday and they popped his shoulder out. This place is all sunshine and happiness. Makes us sick, dawg. This place is full'a Malibus, too busy fixing their do's and trimmin' their nails to throw down!

STATIC
Long story short, we're pissed off!

Matthews raises an eyebrow as if to say 'no kidding', a gesture which thankfully him goes unnoticed.

STATIC
We get pulled apart in mid brawl and now, we can't finish what we started! It's like street fight blue balls, Josh. We need to get our fix!

MATTHEWS
Apparantly, you might be in luck. When they sent me out here, there was talk of a rematch...

JAX
Oh, there'll BE a rematch!

STATIC
Damn right! See, we ain't lettin' this lie. We came here to beat some wannabees down and so far, we ain't done that. Until we do, we ain't gonna rest. We're layin' it out on the table. Any time those GPX wannabees wanna finish what they started, all they gotta do is give the word. Any time, any place, anywhere. But J.Math, they're gonna be doing things on our terms next time. No 'HI-YAH Rules'. Hell, no HI-YAH Titles neither, we don't give a crap 'bout them straps, it ain't about that! Non title. Them and us to settle the score. And there ain't gonna be no sand in the vagina ref out there holdin' us apart, no donut eating fuzz to pull us away. It's gonna be Hooligan Rules. Our lifestyle, our environment...STREET FIGHT! Ain't it ain't gonna be stopped 'till we say so!

JAX
You wanna be like us boys? You wanna know what it's like to live our life...go ahead, come step into our world. But here's a warnin' for ya boys... once you step in, you might not get back out alive!

STATIC
Step up and test us motherfuckers, if you got the guts! Hooligans, fuck what ya heard! Now get the hell outta here, before we get what we want outta you!

Josh needs no second invitation, quickly signalling to Marty to cut before sprinting off into the distance, leaving The GPX to skulk back into the alley and wallow in their anger.

*******************


COLE
So, The GPX laid out the challenge and earlier in the week, OAOAST officials decided to take matters into their own hands, signing that very match for next week to placate the fans who bought AngleSlam and didn't see a conclusion to that building match. The Global Party Exchange versus D*LUX, next week, Non-Title Street Fight live on HeldDOWN~!

COACH
It had to happen, Cole. Regular rules weren't gonna be enough to contain these two teams.