HD: NRG vs. Sk8ter Boiz

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
Alright, tag team action on the way here on HeldDOWN~! As usually happens when new Tag Team Champions are crowned, the competition in the tag division hots up as everyone looks to stake a case for number one contendership. Case in point, tonight we have two teams who've been out of the loop recently, looking to resurrect their fortunes in the division. Biff Atlas put up a brave fight against the 24/7 Champion Landon Maddix before AngleSlam and won over a lot of fans in the process it seems. Tonight, he's back to tag action with partner Flex Phillips as NRG take on the former World Tag Team Champions, The Sk8ter Boiz, who have virtually dropped off the face of the earth in recent months. Word is, they had a bit of a torrid time over in Japan with HI-YAH and decided to take some time off to regroup in Laguna Beach.

COACH
A few months ago, these four were trying to find the 24/7 Title in Krista Isadora Duncan's backyard. But it won't be as easy as all that tonight. Tonight it's back to wrestling.

COLE
Who'd'a thunk it.

As the beats and rhymes of Sean Paul's "Temperature" encapture the crowd's inner groove, the stage is bathed in yellow light and out through the entrance doors rush a troupe of camoflaged dancers. Of course, being dancers, they proceed to dance. Two green pyro rockets fire through the air and luckily Orlando was last week, so the roof doesn't set on fire. But the loins of everyone red-blooded female in the arena do, as The Marv and Hell Mel make their way out, with a big high-five and a moment to check out the female dancers.

COLE
As The Sk8ter Boiz make their way to the ring, let's hear what they had to say earlier tonight.

Mel and Marv continue to make their way down the aisle as in the top right corner of the screen, old school style, The Boiz appear with a HD~! interview backdrop behind them.


***

MEL
So tonight, we're back on HeldDOWN~! and we're wrestling NRG. NRG are big, they're bad and they're buff. But I'm not worried. Why you ask? Because I trained [i]three[/i] times this week!

MARV
No you didn't.

MEL
(awkward laughter) Marv... I know you're my twin brother and all... but I think I know how many times I trained. And I'm telling you I trained [i]threeee[/i] times this week!

MARV
No way dude, you can't have. Because, remember, you went to see the Dolphins game? And then we went and we swam with the dolphins. But then they got pissed and called security, so we went to Sea World? Remember? Huh?

MEL
(more awkward laughter) I don't know what you're talking about. I trained... count the fingers, one, two... [b][i]THREE[/b][/i] times this week! And there's no way we can lose when I train three times.

MARV
... sure... okay bro, three times. NRG, one question, are you adequately prepared to RAWK!?

***


BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, originally hailing from Edmonton, now residing in Laguna Beach, California... at a total combined weight of three hundred and seventy pounds... THE MARV and HELL MEL... TTHHHEEEE SSSSKK88888TTEEEEERRRRR BBOOOOOIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!

"YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Now in the ring, The Sk8ter Boiz salute the crowd and Mel shows off his three days workout GUNZ~!

COACH
Wow! Mel is JAKKED~!

As The Boiz warm up in the ring, "Adrenaline" by Gavin Rossdale hits and the now vacated stage is... cated (?) by their opponents. Their opponents who get a MONSTER reaction, as Flex Phillips is followed out through the doors by Biff Atlas, reeling in shock as the crowd roar their approval. A stylish cut to the crowd shows that there are dozens of pro-Biff signs and banners in the crowd, as well as one pair of shirtless females, rocking the letters 'B I F F' on their...well, you get it.

COLE
Wow! Would you listen to this? This crowd is going WILD for Biff Atlas!

COACH
I don't get it.

COLE
Well Coach, it's a bit of a strange phenomena. But everyone loves the underdog and Biff's one of the most natural underdogs going. With that in mind, let's hear NRG's pre-recorded comments.


***

FLEX
Sk8ter Boiz... haha, it's been a while punks. Don't think we've forgotten Boiz, about how you conspired to give our NRG brand products a bad name with your pale, nerdy wannabeeing. Sales of our Mango and Melon Muscle Mush have only just recovered from being associated with you scrawny chicken necked nobodies! And where did it get ya, huh? Nowhere! Krista's gone, you're still glorified shrimp toast and you're going nowhere fast. Proof positive that you just don't have the Flex Appeal that we have.

HIGH-FIVE~! WHIP-TOOSH~!

BIFF
That's right Flex, that's frikkin' right! And we're on a roll. After last week, I've been getting fanmail, chicks have been hanging off my pythons in the gym. NRG brand tubesock sails are up 18%. 18! The Biff is getting his popularity on. Nerdleys, give it up. The team to be is obviously N... R... G! Biff Pose: Babyface.

Biff cracks a cheesy smile as Flex flexes the gunz in the background.

***


The top right corner is cleared and we're back to full live action, as Biff is being mobbed by some fans at the end of the rampway.

BUFFER
And introducing their opponents. At a total combined weight of five hundred, fifteen pounds... BIFF ATLAS and FLEX PHILLIPS... NUTRITION'S REAL GURUS, N... R... G!!!!!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Biff manages to pull himself away from the fans and marches around ringside, tagging some hands before entering the ring. Already in the ring, Flex motions to his partner to calm down, as across the ring The Boiz engage in a game of rock, paper, scissors. Unfortunately, they both come up rock. Or, should that be RAWK~!?

COACH
HA! They can't even win at rock, paper, scissors. Against each other no less!

Eventually The Boiz decide that The Marv will start, while Flex steps in for NRG.


*DINGDINGDING!*

Marv sizes Flex up and tells his twin brother that he's 'got this', daring Flex to initiate a greco-roman knucklelock. Laughing the suggestion off, Flex reminds Marv of just who the hell he is, with a DOUBLE BICEP POSE~! that would make Tony Brannigan quiver.

COLE
There we go, big size disadvantage from the get-go here.

One thing the Krista Isadora Duncan diet will do for you, it'll give you delusions about your physical power. As such, Marv offers a test of strength, despite the muscularity of his opponent. Flex shrugs his shoulders and obliges this time, locking knuckles with the confident Sk8ter Boi...who promptly wilts to his knees and cries for mercy!! Mercy is shown, as Flex pulls Marv right back up by the knuckles and releases, instead pressing The Marv up over his head with a Military Press. And with scary ease, the 295 pounder starts to do reps with his opponent, prompting Hell Mel to scramble in trying to come to his brother's aid. Bad move. Flex spots him coming and presses Marv into Mel, sending both Boiz tumbling in a heap under the bottom rope to the floor.

"YYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!"

COLE
Not a very auspicious start for The Boiz.

COACH
No kidding. A few evenings in with a workout video and some heavy hands and they think they're able to match power with NRG? Nevermind L.S.D, K.I.D will warp your mind.

As The Boiz regroup on the floor, Flex is happy to wait in the ring. But out of the corner of his eye, he suddenly spots his tag team partner on the move. And for some, inexplicable reason, Biff Atlas is climbing the turnbuckles, heading up top!

"FLY BIFF, FLY!"
"FLY BIFF, FLY!"
"FLY BIFF, FLY!"
"FLY BIFF, FLY!"

Egged on by the crowd, Biff keeps on scaling the buckles on the outside, even despite Flex's protests. Up on the bottom turnbuckle, confidence is clear on Biff's face. He gives the big thumbs up to the crowd and the big thumbs up to Flex, The Boiz blissfully unaware on the floor as they collect themselves by the ringpost. Biff now steps up to the middle rope, looking down on The Boiz and...


...freezing.

COLE
Uh-oh.

Paralysed with fear, Biff suddenly stops on the middle buckle and is so scared, he can't even climb back down. Flex just rolls his eyes and walks over to help. But that's when The Boiz pounce, Marv sliding into the ring and dropkicking the big guy in the back, sending him sprawling through the ropes and out to the floor. Marv then calls on Mel as Biff is still stuck on the buckles, pleading with referee Charles Robinson or Jesus or in his most desperate of moments his mommy to help him down. 

COACH
This is pretty pathetic.

COLE
Come on now Coach, be a little more understanding. Biff got a little carried away and forgot he's just a little bad with heights, that's all.

COACH
Pathetic.

In the end, it's The Sk8ter Boiz who help Biff down. Just not in the way he'd want, as they double up and slam him off the buckles into the ring!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Rolling to his knees, Biff does what anyone would do after being slammed off the ropes. He begs off. Biff is so loveable that for a moment, it seems The Boiz might just hand him a reprieve. They don't though, eventually attacking with some kicks which earn them no creed with the fans. Pulling Biff to his feet, Mel and Marv wring out an arm a-piece. Rewind, they come back out the front and connect with stereo knees to the gut to double Biff over. Into the ropes go The Boiz, The Marv coming back from the right with a high Million $ Kneelift, snapping Biff upright and into a hurricanrana from Hell Mel then sends him spiralling across the ring and into the Sk8ter Boi corner.

"LET'S GO BIFF!"
"LET'S GO BIFF!"
"LET'S GO BIFF!"
"LET'S GO BIFF!"

COACH
Nope, still don't get it.

As Biff pulls himself up in the corner, The Boiz load themselves up. Marv looks to whip his partner in, only for Mel to reverse at the last moment. 


*OOOOOF!*

And it's a good job he did, as Marv's attempt at an avalanche in the corner is sidestepped by Biff, causing Marv to crash sternum first into the turnbuckles. There he stays, as Biff stands off from Mel across the ring...AND PLAYS AIR GUITAR!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

Mel is naturally furious with this and charges headlong at Biff, but the musclehead sidesteps, guiding Mel into a collision with Marv in the corner! 

COLE
Miscue!

Winded, Marv decides to take a breather and rolls out to the floor. That leaves Hell Mel alone with Biff, staggering backwards and right into a full nelson. Realising someone with the power of Biff could probably rip both shoulders from the sockets before he can blink, Mel tries for an escape, leaping off the mat to try and bottom out. Biff catches him halfway though, lifting him right back to his feet. From there, he then lifts him off his feet, doing a quick 180 towards the centre of the ring before sitting out and planting Mel face-first!

COLE
He calls that the Biff Of Success! And it might lead to success right here...


1...





2...





No!

COLE
No, Mel shoots the shoulder at two!

COACH
The ref shouldn't have even counted that, Marv and Flex are the legal men.

COLE
Since when did that matter?

Biff pulls Mel back to his feet, dragging him over to the NRG corner and looking for a tag. He gets blown off by Flex though, as he just climbs in and reminds Biff that he's already legal, pointing him to the corner as he grabs Mel by the hair, popping him with a forearm. Down goes Mel, rolling back to his feet but only to take another forearm. Ever the glutton for punishment, he gets right back up and weaves underneath a third forearm, spotting that Biff is still in the ring and charging him in the corner...


...but takes a boot to the gut! 

"YYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!"

Biff then rears back and lands a big right hand to send the luckless Hell Mel back towards his partner, who takes him down with a clothesline from behind!

COLE
Poor Mel is getting bounced around like a pinball here! He's getting hit from the front, from the back, from the side...

COACH
Just like The Coach's women! Holla!

COLE
You know, you can't get away with saying anything you want out here. You're not Chris Rock.

COACH
That a black jibe?

COLE
....

Rolling Mel onto his back, Flex makes a confident cover...


1...






2...




Broken up by The Marv!

Rushing the ring, Marv cuts Biff off with a dropkick before turning his attentions to Flex. Flex is pissed and lets Marv know about it, pointing a finger in his face and telling him he's gonna get it. A deadly game of cat and mouse begins as Marv finds himself backed into a corner, ducking left and ducking right and eager to find a way out as Flex approaches him. A quick kick to the knee buys The Marv time though, as he hops to the middle rope and calls for a Tornado DDT. Front facelock on, Marv leaps...



...and gets THROWN INTO THE CENTRE OF THE RING, FACE-FIRST!!

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Oh man! That's a slightly different kind of Noseplant to the one The Boiz are used to.

With Marv out of the picture, Flex now goes back to Mel. A whip sends the Sk8ter Boi into a neutral corner, bouncing out of the turnbuckles and into the arms of Flex, who drops him with a quick Sidewalk Slam. Grabbing a handful of well managed hair, Flex then drags Mel up and over to the NRG corner, making the exchange with Biff to legally bring him in. Whether that matters or not with all four men in the ring isn't clear, but Robinson calls the tag as Biff steps in. Another irish whip sends Mel across the ring, this time into the ropes. And as he bounces back NRG are waiting on him, lifting him up as if for a double back suplex, only to drop him straight down!

COLE
Nuclear NRG!

COACH
Try telling Mel that it's a safe energy source after that one. Yee-ikes!

Flex goes to leave the ring now, but is stopped by Biff who has something else in mind. Despite the protests of referee Robinson NRG then double up on Mel, grabbing one wrist and one ankle each. If it were Mel's birthday, he might begrudingly welcome a case of the bumps. As it is, it's not. And when he's hoisted off the canvas, the last thing he needs to worry about is losing his lunch.


*WHAM!*

"YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Down to earth he plummets as NRG step back and admire their handiwork. Both Sk8ter Boiz lie motionless on the canvas in a sorry state, giving the chance for Biff and Flex to treat the fans to TEH GUNSHOW~!

COLE
That was the Clean and Jerk on Hell Mel. An impressive move, but for some reason one which NRG aren't following up on with a cover.

COACH
Because they're dumb jocks. If there's one thing dumb jocks like to do, it's show off their muscles. Not that you'd know about that.

COLE
I have a vein in my arm. I call it 'Kevin'.

With their own personal Mr. Universe competition over, NRG exchange a big-time high five and get ready to finish the match. As they turn around though, they find themselves confronted by The Marv. Bleeding from the nose and barely able to stand straight, the plucky underdog stares Biff and Flex dead in the eyes (at the same time, yes) and dares them to bring it on!

COACH
Just not smart.

Biff and Flex look at each other and shrug their shoulder collectively, before charging at The Marv with stereo clotheslines. Fearing for his life, Marv drops to all fours and covers his head with his hands for protection. And that act of cowardise ironically allows him to duck the clotheslines. NRG put on the brakes, to find Marv still cowering in the centre of the ring...and smile. Pointing to his head, Biff clearly has a plan and creeps up on Marv, nudging him with his foot. Marv doesn't move, except to cower down further, so Biff again taps the temple before hitting the ropes. Back he comes, measuring The Marv as he leaps off the mat and looks to crush the prone sk8te punk with a big splash...BUT MARV ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
I think The Marv was playing a little bit of possum there!

COACH
And to the surprise of no-one, Biff Atlas falls for it.

COLE
Biff isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, granted.

COACH
I hear Flex keeps him away from sharp knifes altogether. Probably for the best really.

Scrambling to his feet, The Marv now hits the ropes and launches at Flex with a leaping forearm smash. The bigman is rocked but stays on his feet, so Marv rushes the ropes again. A clothesline seems to have even less of an effect and Marv seems to panic for a moment, looking around for his partner to help him out. But with Mel still down, that just proves a waste of time. And a distraction, allowing Flex to goozle him by the throat!

COLE
Uh-oh, this could be the Chokebreaker!

Marv struggles in the choke as Flex clasps the waistband of the jeans, moments away from getting the lift before Marv starts to unleash a flurry of kicks at his kneecap! Kick after kick eventually takes it's toll and Flex releases the choke, pushing away a kick...



*SMACK!*

...but getting NAILED in the back of the head with a Step-up Enziguri!

COACH
Woah, that came from out of nowhere!

COLE
Make no mistake, these Sk8ter Boiz are very resiliant. But defence alone isn't going to win them this match, Marv has to capitalise right now.

Falling to one knee, Flex clutches the back of his head as The Marv exits the ring and heads up top. For once in the match some of the crowd seem to be behind the plucky Laguna Beach resident as he reaches the third floor and encourages Flex back up. Shaking away the cobwebs Flex does get back up and strides over towards Marv. But he does so just as The Marv throws up the "RAWK!", leaps from the top, hooking Flex by the head and PLANTING him with a Flying DDT!!

"YYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!"

COLE
OH! He spiked Flex right on his head! All of Flex's 295 pounds, jarring down on his neck, that has to be all as...uh...uh, what?

The confusion comes as, instead of going for the pin, Marv pops back to his feet and RIDES THE CADILLAC~!

COACH
What the HELL is that!?

COLE (dreamily)
I don't know. But it's... mesmerising.

COACH
It's ridiculous is what it is!

The laydeez in the crowd go wild for The Marv as he gyrates the hips with no sign of stopping. At least, until Biff comes charging at him. Quickly Marv springs up with a dropkick, catching Biff in the chest and sending him crashing out to the floor. Marv then turns to Flex and again encourages him to get back to his feet, despite the fact he looks ready to be pinned.

COACH
Question- do these four guys have enough brain cells between them to exist, or am I just imagining all this?

COLE
Well, now that you mention it...

Flex eventually does shake himself back into some consciousness and starts to climb back up on the ropes. Shaken up, the bigman seems unsteady on his feet as he backs away from the ropes, turning around to be met with a boot from The Marv. Catching his larger opponent under the head, Marv then goes for the G-Spot Jiggy...



...but Flex catches him and blocks, doing a quick 180...




...and hitting the Flex Capacitor!!

COLE
Great counter by Flex, into the Flex Capacitor. And that will be all!

Groggy as he is, Flex still manages to get a burn on Charles Robinson for his 'spaghetti arms' as he hooks the legs, demanding the count...


1...






2...






3!!!


*DINGDINGDING!*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... FLEX PHILLIPS and BIFF ATLAS, N... R... G!!!!

"YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Flex brushes off any momentary trouble he was in and flashes a double bicep pose for the fans, despite the vacantish look in his eyes. More than usual, that is. On the floor Biff is literally jumping for joy and runs around ringside, slapping hands to celebrate his victory until Flex rolls from the ring and calls him away.

COLE
Well, it looked like The Marv had things going his way after that big DDT from the top. But for whatever reason he decided to dance rather than pin, giving Flex time to recouperate and counter Marv's pet move, the G-Spot Jiggy, into his own big move the Flex Capacitor. And that quickly, NRG take the win here on HeldDOWN~!

COACH
That's what I call defeat from the jaws of victory, Michael. When Mel gets out of the hospital and re-watches the tape, he'll see his brother cost him this match.

COLE
To be fair, NRG made the exact same mistakes that Marv did earlier in the match.

COACH
But they didn't lose.

COLE
Very true, Coach. You're really improving these past few weeks. Kudos. Chalk it down to a mistake or just bad luck, but The Sk8ter Boiz come up on the short-end to NRG here in this one. More to come on HeldDOWN~!, NEXT!