WWE: Bo segments

[King Cucaracha 0]

Back we go to catering, where those unlucky enough not to find themselves on the show have converged to watch the show. And stuff their faces with complimentary free food. But mainly to watch the show, which so far has been one hell of a show, even if I do say so myself, with many great matches already in the... ooh, is that chocolate cake? Excuse me.



Mmm, good cake. Anyway, Biff Atlas and Flex Phillips are there for some reason. I don't know why. Man, this cake is goooood.

FLEX
I really don't think you should be eating that heart attack sandwich.

BIFF
(carrying giant burger)
What? There's lettuce in here.

Biff takes a huge bite out of the burger, which threatens to fall apart due to the mountain of filling.

BIFF
(with mouth full of food)
Biff Pose: Flavour Country.

FLEX
Yeah. I still don't think that's healthy. You grow an extra chin and I'm gonna have to find another guy to market our NRG merchandise with. Nobody's gonna buy our Guava Lava Juice Drinks if they think it'll make them more attractive to giant walruses. Or, should that be walrusi?

BIFF
Relax, The Biff'll just stick a protein bar underneath the bun and it'll even itself out.

FLEX
...hadn't thought of that. Touché.

BIFF
And besides, who are you gonna find to replace The Biff?

Right on cue, Bohemoth strolls past, giving a cool nod to the NRG duo as he approaches the counter. His usual snappy suit is on and the orange tinted shades are being rocked. The only difference now is, Bo can set off the ensemble with the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. Bo makes his order from the window while Biff drops his burger with a big, special sauce smile.

BIFF 
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Flex nods and the two quickly approach Bo, the new 24/7 Champ turning around curiously...


*WHAM!*

...and taking a right hand to the face from Biff!

FLEX
...oh. Okay, that works too.

NRG quickly pounce on their fellow muscleman, laying in the boots as referee Charles Robinson drops his pasta bazool and dives into action. The rest of the crowd of people do what crowds tend to do- they crowd around and watch the fight. Biff and Flex continue with the stomps, Biff taking another chunk out of his burger as he goes, before finally Flex assumes control and drags Bo back to his feet. A big right rocks Bo against a vending machine. In wades Biff with some more kicks, putting a little arrogant snap behind each one, until Bo fights back with a hard punch to the gut! Flex takes over with his own kicks, pinning Bohemoth against the vending machine, ignoring the fact that his partner is now choking on a mouthful of meat.

BIFF
(choking)
Ach! Agg-uchh-ahach!

ROBINSON
DOES ANYBODY KNOW THE HEIMLICH!?

For no reason whatsoever, "Bad Case Of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor)" by Robert Palmer plays through the canteen, cutting to a wideshot as down the hallway in super slow-mo run The Love Doctors, their labcoats waving behind them like comic book capes!

Doctor, doctor, give me the news
I've got a bad case of lovin' you
No pill's gonna cure my ill
I've got a bad case of lovin' you

Brushing past those stupid enough to be moving in regular speed (read: everyone but The Docs), Drs Pigley and Anderson make their dramatic entrance, skidding to a halt and RIPPING off their lab coats.

DR. STEVEN
Stand back...

DR. PIGLEY
...I'm a doctor!

Robinson quickly points out the problem to the heroic medical experts, who rush over...before noticing the 24/7 Champion being beaten down, shoving Biff to the floor and joining in the attack on Bohemoth! Luckily for Biff, he lands on the seat of a discarded chair, the blow to the stomach enough to dislodge the hunk of food lodged in his larynx. Trust me. It may not be hard science, but it's science damnit.


"ONE!"

"TWO!"

Bo throws a shoulder up from the pinfall attempt by Pigley, Flex throwing the Doc away, but ignoring Anderson as he tries his luck


"ONE!"

"TWO!"

Another kickout by Bo. In the meantime, Dr. Steven takes a head-first spill into the front of the vending machine, the power going out from the force while Dr. Max takes a cafeteria chair to the back courtesy of Biff! Biff takes Anderson by the head and over comes Flex, together NRG setting him up and dropping him down across a table with a Double Flapjack! The hard cafeteria table doesn't break like those puny wooden ones out under the ring, instead tipping over and giving Anderson another bump to nurse. Or doctor, I guess.

*WHIP-TOOSH~!*

NRG high-five, celebrating their show of power. But in the background, little do they realise that Dr. Steven Pigley has set up a chair and is now dragging himself up onto the top of the vending machine. Eventually someone in the faceless crowd points the perched doctor out to the muscleheads, Biff and Flex turning around... AND GETTING TAKEN OUT WITH A SOMERSAULT DIVE OFF THE VENDING MACHINE BY PIGLEY!!!

"YYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!"

The crowded catering area goes wild for the high-risk dive, all four men down as Bohemoth drags himself up. Brushing off his sharp tailored suit, Bo glances over at the carnage with little more than a slight grimace as he shakes his head.

BOHEMOTH
Nuts to this.

And with that, Bohemoth is indeed on his way, strolling off as if nothing had happened, leaving behind him four bodies strewn across the catering area.

[King Cucaracha 0]

After his run-in with four prospective 24/7 challengers earlier in the night, it seems Bohemoth has decided it's time to call it a night. Strolling through the quiet parking lot, Bo just has to remember where he parked his rental car now. With a nice hotel suite, night long room service, maybe even a cold ice bucket stacked to the brim with expensive champagne, there's no real reason why Bo should be in the arena. Champion's perks, see. And besides that, the worst he'd have to deal with in Room 93 would be a couple of busboys and perhaps the guy who sets out the complimentary pillow mints trying to take his belt. Here, who knows who's going to confront him next.

Here's a clue. It's THE SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA!

VINNY
Yo! Goin' somewhere, bigman?

BOHEMOTH
Oh no. (checks Rolex) Don't tell me it's 'cryme time'.

MOE
Bitch, it's always crime time when we're around!

MELODY
Straight up representin' dawgs.

Appearing from the shadows, Melody Nerdly's presence is a surprise to everyone. Even Vinny and Moe, whom she stands between, trying to look hip as she rests her hands around the waistband of her jeans, bopping her head to a non-existant hip-hop beat.

MELODY
Looks like homeboy be straight trippin' if he belie' he's gettin' home safe tonight. He wandered into da hood, ya heard? And now, it's gonna go down, gangland styleeee. From the window to the wall, till the sweat drips from my... well, you know the rest. Bounce.

Everybody is rightly confused... 


...giving Hell Mel and The Marv, THE SK8TER BOIZ, the perfect opportunity to attack from the dark and jump the Militia! Mel and Marv end up on the backs of Vinny and Moe, swinging wildly at their respective targets' heads. Moe manages to throw Mel off of him and stomps him down onto the gravel, Marv still battling with Santana. For whatever reason, Melody leaves as quickly as she had arrived, slurping on a thick-shake she must have hidden from view before. Meanwhile, the battle continues. And, then, escalates.

From the apparantly never ending darkness, THE LONESTAR GUNSLINGERS jump into the battle, getting their licks in on the four, soon to be joined by NRG and THE LOVE DOCTORS, who must have brawled all the way from catering to get here. It's now a ten man melee, everybody aiming for the closest person to them.


[b]*BOOM!*[/b]

Suddenly, a huge plume of firey orange smoke erupts in the corner of the parking lot. That must have cost the pyro department something. Everyone's heads abruptly turn, as through the flaming fog here come HELL'S HITMEN, back from months of obscurity and ready for a fight!! JINGUS and The Sadist stride into battle, swinging for the hills. It's Marv vs. Pigley. JINGUS vs. Moe. Vinny vs. Biff. Flex vs. Anderson. Sadist vs. Windels. Mulligan vs. Mel.

And the only man unscathed?

Bohemoth.

Watching these twelve men tearing into each other with an understandably bemused expression, the 24/7 Champion seems tempted to remind everybody that he's the one they should be going after. But, the twelve seem happy enough beating on each other. So, shrugging his shoulders, Bo turns off in the other direction, casually wrapping an arm around Melody Nerdly who goes along with this coolest of pick-up techniques simply because Bo = cool.

BOHEMOTH
Let's go get a drink.

MELODY
(slurps from beverage cup)
Sure thing hunky stranger. Want a sip of my whiskey?

BOHEMOTH
...no, I'm good.