King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted October 10, 2006 Cut to: The make-up table. JADE Sooo? MELODY Sooo? I'm unfamiliar with that particular spelling. You mean 'so', singular 'o', yes? JADE How do you know how I spelt it? Eyes popping open, Melody baulks a little. MELODY Can somebody pick up that fourth wall for me? That's great, thanks. So, what did you mean by 'Sooooo'? JADE It was actually 'Sooo', with three Os. But, I think you know exactly what I mean. You and [i]The Meterosexual Monster[/i]? MELODY Who? JADE Bohemoth. MELODY ... JADE The guy with the belt and the orange glasses. MELODY Oooohhhh! That guy! Bohemoth? No wonder he didn't tell me his name. Yowzas! What kind of a parent calls their possibly only child 'Bohemoth'? I'll tell you who, a world destroying Republican! Lemme tell you from experience missy, they don't know the meaning of the word party. They oughta be called The Republican Crossword and Eye-Wateringly Boring Speeches Guys. They had the nerve to invite me to one of their 'party meetings', they didn't play one Euro dance track all night! In the end, I had to down my entire pocket flask in one go just to survive with my sanity. Schnaps is strong. Trust me. The rest of that night is something I'd rather forget. Lousy Democrats, always trying to tell us what to do. Who the hell do they think they are? Can I get a rewind? Bohemoth's a dumb name. What is he, like, a washing powder or something? Fo' sheez, Rodeeez. They should have called him something more hawt, like 'Ramoné' or 'Jaguar' or somethin'. JADE ...yeah, yeah. So, are you gonna see him again? Standing up from the make-up chair, Melody shrugs her shoulders, roughing her hair up in the small mirror on the desk in front of her. MELODY Oh, I dunno. Depends what the writers want I guess. JADE That's not a very sturdy fourth wall around you. MELODY These geekazoids know the 411, get with the program. Besides that though, I like to hit 'em and quit 'em. JADE Shouldn't that be the other way around? MELODY Yes and no. I like punching. JADE Uh-huh. Seeming happy with the shade of blusher, or something, Jade stands up and fixes her skirt. MELODY Maybe you should pimp your ride and see if he climbs aboard. Then sleep with him. Dig? JADE Me!? MELODY Oh come on. If you didn't wanna be Bo's ho, you wouldn't wanna know 'bout Bo. I assume he likes being called Bo, I only heard his name twenty-six seconds ago. Break the ice with that. Tell him you like the smell of sterilised needles maybe. JADE Mel, I'm only 18! Melody tilts her head curiously. MELODY Are you a mormon? You don't dress mormon. You don't smell mormon. JADE I just don't think he's in my league, ya know. MELODY That because you're a bore. JADE :O MELODY Don't get it twisted. Not a dirty hog thing that eats predominantly slime. I once dated a guy who got lost in a swamp. Couldn't take a haymaker so I ditched him. Man, this anecdote is almost as boring as you! Don't be hatin', but you are, for real. You're turning into a middle-aged trailor woman. Living in a trailor isn't really relevant, I add it for dramatic effect. Plus I like words. 18 is supposed to be the age of living fast and partying hard. You party fast and live hard. You've got it straight twisted lady. I told you not to get it twisted. Don't you know anything about Hollywood? You're young, rich, famous and you've got two guys doing all the work for you. Live! LIVE! Stay out all night drinking, visit a male strip club, starve yourself thin, get accused of shoplifting so your famous rockstar father has more reason to be ashamed of your sudden rebellion against Democratic life! Make a movie and don't show up to film it! Live! LIVE! Call yourself a Chicks Over Dicks member!? JADE ...no. MELODY And you never will without giving in to your adolenscent urge to run riot! Quit living vicariously through me and go find some guy that's named after a World War II fighter plane, rip off his fancy suit and shout "I'm 21 and prone to bouts of post-sexual amnesia! Take me now!" Treat life like one big soriety dorm! Sneak into a pay toilet! Ride a water slide without protective waterproof clothing! Eat your body weight in Cheetos and run through Times Square, singing "Is This The Way To Amarillo" in just your pyjamas while whacked out on vodka shot... As Melody disappears off into the distance, babbling away to herself, Jade sits back down and sighs. JADE That's one giant pot of crazy right there. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
