HD: PRL/O'Hara segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them:

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

“YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. 

COLE
Well, get ready, because THE CHAMP IS HERE! 

COACH
Oh, I heard him the first time!

A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke comes "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. The crowds' cheers get louder. PR looks at the crowd with a cocky smirk on his face. He is wearing his suit, and carrying his spray-painted briefcase with his right hand. He raises the briefcase over his head to more cheers. He looks at the crowd one more time, and then begins his walk down the entrance ramp. 

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, The Man With The Golden Contract, “The Corporate Champion” THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! 

COLE
PRL, gaining more and more fans as the days go by! Last week, PRL was attacked from behind by Hooligan member Jamie O’ Hara after his match with Barry Horowitz! 

COACH
Now hold on there, Cole! You forgot to mention that PRL attacked J-OH first! Remember? Backstage? When PRL just attacked ‘O Hara for no apparent reason? 

COLE
No apparent reason? Jamie O’ Hara threw a towel in PRL’s face; mocking him for losing the Throw-In-The-Towel Match to Drek Stone at World Without End! 

COACH
He wasn’t mocking him! He was simply *reminding* him of his lost. There was no mocking whatsoever! 

COLE
Oh Coach. Come on now! Jamie was trying to get under Tha Puerto Rican’s skin, and well, he got what he paid for! 

COACH
He didn’t pay for anything. 

COLE
IT’S AN EXPRESISON, COACH!

Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and looks at the crowd. He enters the ring. Puerto spins around; soaking in the fans cheers while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. PRL plays to the crowd, and then heads to a second turnbuckle, where he raises his briefcase over his head. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and raises the briefcase over his head again. PRL hits a third second turnbuckle, and raises the briefcase with his right hand in the air and “smells the electricity” a’la The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, receiving cheers. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the turnbuckle, and calls for a microphone.

COLE
PRL is gonna speak to us tonight. We haven’t heard Tha Puerto Rican say a word since losing to Drek at World Without End. 

COACH
I just hope he makes this quick. Nobody wants to hear him speak for 40 minutes every week! 

COLE
I don’t know, Coach. I think these fans would. 

COACH
So? Da Coach doesn’t, and that’s the only opinion that matters! 

Tha Puerto Rican receives a microphone from a ringside attendant. The lights go back on in the arena. PRL paces back and forth in the ring, sunglasses on his face, a microphone in his left hand, and the briefcase in his right hand. PRL has a serious expression on his face as the crowd continues cheering for him.

COLE
PRL about to let the fans know what’s on his mind. 

COACH
Just hurry up and get it over with! 

“Know Your Role ‘99” dies down. The crowd is still cheering for PRL. PRL paces back and forth. 

“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”

COACH
Shut up! 

Tha Puerto Rican stands in the middle of the ring, and puts the microphone to his lips. 

“THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN
THE CHAMP IS HERE! 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” 

COLE
These fans love Tha Puerto Rican tonight! 

THA PUERTO RICAN
So, it looks like ol’ PRL is becoming something of a fan favorite these days, huh? Well, can’t say I’m surprised. You people were gonna love me sooner or later. Just let me make this clear: I’m not gonna start kissing babies. I’m not gonna start slapping hands. And I’m most definitely NOT gonna start saying, “Okay everyone. Time for sing along with Tha Puerto Rican!” No, I don’t roll like that. So, go ahead. Cheer for me if you want. Just remember that Tha Puerto Rican doesn’t change for ANYBODY because THAT’S how I roll! 

The fans cheer!

COLE
The fans apparently are okay with that. 

COACH
Stealing another catchphrase huh, P.R.? 

COLE
SHHHHHHHH.

PRL
Now that that’s out of the way. Let’s talk about World Without End. 

The crowd boos, knowing that PRL lost at that pay-per-view. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Okay, so I went into World Without End, and I vowed that the show was going to end with me winning the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title. Well, that didn’t happen. In fact, not only did I lose the match, I was SCREWED out of the title! 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” 

PRL (CONT’D)
Drek Stone, you know, in the bottom of your heart, that I CAN BEAT YOU! And that’s why you had to fight dirty. That’s why you had to go low. 2 weeks ago, we all saw just what a disgusting human being Drek Stone is. Hand-to-hand combat is one thing. Using chairs and tables. That’s another. But a gun? A FREAKING GUN!? Drek…man…  

PRL shakes his head, remembering what he felt looking down the barrel of a gun. 

PRL
Drek, you crossed the line 2 weeks ago! Even *I* would never do what you did, and God knows all the messed up stuff I’ve done. Yeah, you beat me. You got what you wanted. Stephen Joseph DID throw in the towel. BUT YOU DID NOT BEAT ME! You may have gotten Popick to throw in the towel, but YOU did not PIN ME, MAKE ME SUBMIT, OR KNOCK ME OUT! Despite what you threw at me, I still fought back. Even when you gave me a powerbomb, and made me spit out blood, I WAS STILL STANDING! Drek Stone, you may have won, but if things were a little different, if the rules were tweaked a little, it would be me standing in…this…very…ring right now with the World Heavyweight Title belt AND YOU KNOW THAT’S THE TRUTH, RUTH! 

“YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

COACH
Those are all lies, PR! Those are all non-truths! 

Tha Puerto Rican is pacing back and forth in the ring. 

PUERTO RICAN
Drek, you used the stipulation I picked against me. You took advantage of that stipulation to keep the World Title. So for that, I applaud you. 

PRL does a *golf clap*. 

PRL (CONT’D)
But Drek let me make one thing clear. 

PRL takes off his sunglasses, causing the crowd to cheer. He looks right at the camera. 

PRL
I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET! 

The crowd EXPLODES with cheers!

PRL
Drek, I’ve still got my guaranteed title shot! And you better believe I will use it soon! So, Stone, hold onto that World Title belt tight, because the day will come when I cash in on my title shot, and Drek, when that day comes…I’M COMING FOR YOU!

“YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” 

COLE
PR is still in the World Title hunt! As long as he has that Golden Contract, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion better keep an eye on him! 

COACH
He’s just gonna blow that title shot like he has blown every other title shot he's ever had! 

COLE
Quiet you. 

A small “P.R.!” chant starts up again. PR is pacing back and forth in the ring once again. He has put his sunglasses back on. 

TPR
Now then, let’s move on to another subject: Jamie O’ Hara. 

The crowd greets this name with a mixture of boos and cheers. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Now, just tell me, what…in the blue hell…is this guy’s problem? Huh? I mean, is he just LOOKING for an ass-kicking? 

The crowd cheers. Then boos. 

PRL
Doesn’t he realize that when you mess with Tha Puerto Rican, your wrestling career is cut short by about 10 years? I mean, hasn’t he watched me in action? Doesn’t he know what I do to people who piss me off? Doesn’t he remember what I’ve done to people like The Mad Cappa, Leon Rodez, “Shooter” Jay Darring, Blurricane, and Panther? I mean, Jesus Christ man; I thought Colombian Heat was bad, now I’ve got to deal with his white, British, doppelganger!

The crowd cheers again, although there are some boos scattered here and there.

PUERTO RICAN
And you know what’s worst than a walking, talking Hispanic stereotype? A white boy trying to BE a walking, talking Hispanic stereotype. Jamie, stop trying to act like you’re a bad boy thug from the mean streets of Birmingham. I’m sure you’re whiter than Stephen Joseph is! No offense, Popick. So, J-OH, lose the doo-rags, the jive talkin’, and the rap theme music, and leave the thuggin’ and buggin’ to the REAL bad boy of the OAOAST, The Puerto Rican Bad Boy, me! Okay? Okay.   

The crowd cheers some more. 

COACH
Tha Puerto Rican a bad boy? HA! He’s The Corporate Champion! What kind of thug goes “Corporate”? 

COLE
He’s a Corporate Thug! Like that song by Bizzy Bone. 

PRL
Jamie O’ Hara, don’t think I’m gonna take what happened last week lying down. If you wanna go one-on-one with The Corporate One, be my guest. However, I must warn you, that you are gonna be on the wrong end of a Puerto Rican ass-kicking as I lay the smackdown (PRL does his “lay-the-smackdown" hand gesture) on your poseur-wannabe candy ass! And then, when the smoke has cleared, and the dust has settled, and the millions…

CROWD
…AND MILLIONS! 

PRL
ANNNNNND MILLIONS of Tha Puerto Rican’s fans are done chanting my name: “P.R.! P.R.! P.R.! P.R.!”

“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”  

PRL
When all that has finished, all that will be left is you, Jamie O’ Hara, lying on your back, looking up at the lights, dazed, confused, and beaten, the victim of a Corporate Nightmare, with a note on your chest that says, “I JUST GOT MY ASS BEAT BY THE MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING, “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN!” 

“YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” 

COACH
He can talk the talk, but he can’t walk the walk! 

COLE
PRL CAN walk the walk. He’s done more than once! 

COACH
Bandwagon fan. That’s all you are. Just like all these fans here. 

COLE
Hey, what can I say? PRL has won me over! 

PRL paces back and forth in the ring again. He puts the mic to his lips again. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
And you know what else? I—

“I’m A Hustla” by Cassidy begins playing. The crowd responds with a mixed reaction.

COACH
Aw yeah! Business has picked up Mikey, to be borrow a phrase, because by boy J-OH's not gonna stand for being badmouthed anymore!

Not looking best pleased, O'Hara produces a microphone from his back jean pocket... which curiously is on the front, because he's wearing them back to front. Oh, you wacky gangstas you. O'Hara continues to walk down the aisle but stops short of entering the ring as PRL seems to be hoping.

O'HARA
You know wot... nobody cares, dawg! Nobody wants'ta hear what else you gotta say. It's the same old shit mate, over an' over. Know ya role, smack some arse, I got screwed outta the World Title. [i]Waa waa waa![/i] When you gonna face the facts, eh? You just ain't got wot it takes to be the Champ!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

PRL seems to be struggling with O'Hara accent a little, leaning in closer to get a better earshot.

O'HARA
You're just a wannabee. An' these people are gettin' sick of seein' your face, 'ear me? You've 'ad years to win that World Title and you ain't done it. Yet ya keep 'angin' round, stinkin' up this show and keepin' straight up Gs like me offa HD! It's about time you stepped aside, geezer. 'Ow many more times you gotta come up short before you recognise that you ain't got shi - ii - iit!

“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”

COLE
I don't think these people agree.

COACH
So what?

O'HARA
Ay! Ay, you wankers better shut it right now! I ain't playin'!

“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”

O'HARA
You 'ear that mate, eh? You 'ear that? Tha's pity! They pity you an' tha's just pathetic!

PRL
No, you know what's pathetic? Some nobody like you making a joke out of one of the biggest names, the brightest stars, THE MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN IN OAOAST HISTO...

O'HARA
NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH! CRAM IT!

Not a fan of being interrupted, Tha Puerto Rican glares down at O'Hara.

O'HARA
Quit the imitatin' already! J-OH be innovatin', I ain't like you dawg.

PRL
This coming from THE SINGLE BIGGEST POSER IN WRESTLING HISTORY!?

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

PRL
Lemme tell you something, kid. I made my name laying the smackdown on one Eminem wannabee, I sure as hell wouldn't hesitate doing it to you too!

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
That's completely inaccurate!

PRL
Let me ask you one question... who in the hell do you think you are?

O'HARA
NAH! I ain't fallin' for that, bitch! You know damn well who I...

PRL
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU ARE!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Bugging out on the outside, O'Hara furiously yells at the fans around him to stop cheering. To no avail, of course.

PRL
You are a nothing. You're an insignificant speck in Tha Puerto Rican's universe! You have done nothing in this company, achieved nothing in this business and not earned the right to stand in the same ring as Tha Puerto Rican! How dare you, you little jumped up yob, even contemplate mocking me!? How dare you!? If you so much as look at me the wrong way, I will slap the white right off of your ass!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
He can't say that! He can not SAY that!!

COLE
I think he just did.

PRL
Let me put this in your language, 'holmes'. My nizzle, you stuck your schnizzle in my bizzle, 'fo shizzle. Homeboy, you be straight bugging if you plan on going one-on-one with Tha Puerto Rican. Sunshine, you're straight ill. Because if you try and 'test my gangsta' then I swear, I will lay the smackdizzle down on your ass so bad, you'll make your country's soccer team look half-competent! Oh. No. He. DI'NT!!

Soccer reference aside, the crowd are roaring as O'Hara cheeks are slowly beginning to turn red with rage.

PRL
You, as you might say, have just been SERVED!

"YOU GOT SERVED!"
"YOU GOT SERVED!"
"YOU GOT SERVED!"
"YOU GOT SERVED!"

PRL
THE CHAMP... HAS... SPO - KU... [b]UUUUUUGGHHH!![/b]

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
YEAH! There we go!

COLE
It's breaking down in Edmonton!

As PRL looks skywards in mid-wrap-up O'Hara spots his opportunity and attack, spearing Tha Puerto Rican down and mounting The Corporate Champion, peppering him with wild right hands! O'Hara is in a rage and chokes away at PRL with his bare hands before going back to the right hands, PRL unable to fend the fiery youngster off. Eventually O'Hara dismounts of his own accord, but only to put the boots to Tha Puerto Rican. PRL tries to pull himself up under the barrage of stomps, but he just can't manage it, everytime he comes close recieving a Nikey right in the side of the ear.

“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”

Things are turning from bad to worse now as O'Hara pulls one of the chunky chains from around his neck and wraps it around his fist, daring PRL to get back up. PRL is completely oblivious and although the crowd are trying to warn him, he's being measured by The Birmingham Bad Boy, fist cocked, ready to strike...



...until suddenly, here comes STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK TO THE RESCUE!!

"YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Wait... here comes some back-up!

COACH
Are these people actually cheering Popick!?

Spotting Popick closing in, O'Hara quickly bails from the ring, just as PRL gets back up. Turning around PRL sees O'Hara running for the hills and tries to follow, but Popick holds him back and tells him now isn't the time.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
O'Hara's getting the hell out of here. He attacked PRL while he wasn't looking but now, he's not feeling so froggy.

COACH
That's because it's two on one!

POPICK
HEY!

Halfway up the ramp, O'Hara turns around at the sound of Popick's voice.

POPICK
Hey, kid... don't run too far. Because tonight, you've got ME, one on one!

"YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

POPICK
And hey, one more thing... Fuck Me?

...

POPICK
FUCK YOU!

COLE
Wow! Jamie O'Hara against Stephen Joseph Popick, later on tonight on HeldDOWN! What a huge match-up that should be!

COACH
I don't think that's fair, but that's okay, because after tonight J-OH's gonna have a former World Champion's scalp.