PROMO: Can Of Whoop Ass

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Meanwhile, in the Poke Lair, the same time as Annie's promo takes place:

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*insert Batman-like transition here with a spinning Poke Ball*

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Ash: 41... 42... 43... 44... 45...

 

Our hero is working out with a punching bag.

Stacks of old "The Super Mario Bros. Show" tapes are scattered about the room, as are Pepsi Twist cans. Ash jams to the hopping beats of his old XF9 theme, the remix of "19-2000" by Gorillaz.

 

Ash: ... 48... 49... 50.

 

Taped to the punching bag is a picture of Durandal's face, which is now battered and wrinkled from the punching. Reaching 50, Ketchum stops, puffing and heaving loudly. The song in the background winds to a close, last track on the CD. finished with his workout for now, Ketchum looks down, and at his feet is a small, wrapped box. It is simple, yet its secret is alluring. Ash smiles as he looks at the box. He knows what's in it.

 

Ash: Heh... Stryke's in for some deep shit if I ever get my hands on him...

 

"De... do... de... dodedodeeeeedo..."

 

The classical ringtone of Edwin Starr's "War" protrudes from a cell phone, Ash's cell phone. Ketchum turns to run to it to answer it, but as he does, he runs into a footrest/coffee table between him and the phone, and catching his foot on the edge, trips over it, landing on the carpet. He grunts as he falls forward, but pushing himself up onto his feet, he reaches the phone,. and grapsing it in his hand, he pulls it out of it's place and brings it to his ear.

 

Ash: Hello?

 

Gus: Hello, Mr. Ketchum, I'm claling about Benjamin's interview-

 

Ash: It's supposed to be on Storm. Goodbye.

 

Gus: He requests a change to toda-

 

Ash: No, Gus. Bye.

 

Ash: GOODBYE, Gus...

 

Gus: Just-

 

Ash(pissed): GOODBYE, GUS!

 

Ketchum hits the "End" button, and the conversation ends. Ketchum turns around, placing the cell phone down, but as he steps away..

 

"De... do... de... dodedodeeeeedo..."

 

Ketchum sharply turns around and picks the phone back up.

 

Ash: HELLO???

 

Voice: Hello, Ketchum...

 

Ash pauses for a second, trying to think of that voice... who the hell could it be?

 

Ash: ...Stryke...

 

Stryke: You damn right it's me.

 

Ash pauses, waiting to find out what to do next. And then, he speaks again.

 

Ash: What do you want?

 

Stryke: Oh, just wanted to say hello to my favorite victim.

 

Ash: And?

 

Stryke: Remind you that on Storm, your nightmare begins anew.

 

Ash: What... what do you mean?

 

Stryke: What Durandal and Jacob Helmsley did to you... is nothing compared to the hell I have planned for you and Misty.

 

Ash: You wouldn't-

 

Stryke: No... not I wouldn't... I WILL.

 

There is a pause across the line, but then, the Showstopper brings up another point into Ash's face.

 

Stryke: Oh, and Durandal's going to retain on Storm. I have... ways of making this happen. You cannot win. He will destroy you, peabrain.

 

Ash smiles, trying to make the best of the situation.

 

Ash: Stryke... just remember this one thing. No matter how hard you try, you are a woosy-ass bastard. No one gives a f*ck what happens to you. I don't care if a mouse, no, snake, no, f*ckin' python crawls up your ass and kills you, Stryke the Dyke. Next time you face me, there will be NO happy ending for you. Oh, and Stryke, about the match... let's just say... POKEMANIA'S GOIN' ASS WHOOPIN' ON STORM! WOO-HOO, B*TCH! And if you get involved in my match... I WILL KILL YOU.

 

The statement is met with laughter from the other end of the phone. This continues for quite some time, until the Aussie finally gets a grip of himself. His voice tone changes to serious.

 

Stryke: Fat chance. See you on Storm, loser. I'll be sure to say hi to your buddy Edwin when Wilson and I are beating his ass in!

 

Then, there is a cut-off and a dial-tone. Ketchum stands there, phone pressed against his ear. His face is scowled as he cluthces the phone in his hand. He moves hia arm down, setting it where he had left if before, and turning his back, walks away from it.

 

Ash: ...

 

Ketchum turns back to the punching bag, looking at the face. He grasps the Durnadal face and rips it off, leaving the sticky tape behind that was holding it on. Crumpling it up, he throws it into the garbage. Reaching over into a small bag, he pulls out a picture of Stryke's face and fixes it onto the bag. He begins to move in rhythm to an invsible song...

 

Ash: 1... 2... 3...

[Guest Suicide King]

So Whoop Ass is like Yoo Hoo then?

[Guest Rabbi_wilson13]

Ash writes promos.  Chris likes Ash.  Ash beats up Stryke's picture.  Chris no longer likes Ash.

 

Man, this US Title match gets niftier and niftier.  Looks like we have a better undercard than main event feud at the moment.  And why?  Oh, some bumpees.  They just shoot the whole place up with life.  

 

You go Ash.

[Guest midnight_burn]

Any promo that i'm in has to be good.

 

The build to a Hardcore Title rematch begins. How about you win the US Title and we'll have a match for that as well, i'm sure i'd like being a triple champ.

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Any promo that i'm in has to be good.

 

The build to a Hardcore Title rematch begins. How about you win the US Title and we'll have a match for that as well, i'm sure i'd like being a triple champ.

Stryke nails it on the head.

 

I don't know about being TRIPLE champ... but we'll see.

 

So Whoop Ass is like Yoo Hoo then?

 

Not really. It's more of a cherry-flavored Gatorade...

[Guest]

Good promo Ash

 

With that said I now own the last post on all three boards.

 

M. "owning the boards" Francis

 

+ Many, many points for me! Hehe...

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

OK...

 

Any more comments?

[Guest BA_Baracus]

PROMO (Stubby P. McWeed);

"Uhm...

 

...where was Team Rocket?

 

Mothernature says, that was hardcore!  Well...sort of."

[Guest AnnieEclectic]

A visionary, vision is scary, could start a revolution, pollutin the air waves a rebel

so let me just revel an bask, in the fact that I got everyone kissing my ass

and it's a disaster such a catastrophe for you to see so damn much of my ass you ask for me?

Well I'm back [batman sound]

fix your bent antennae tune it in and then I'm gonna

enter in and up under your skin like a splinter

The center of attention back for the winter

I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling

Infesting in your kids ears and nesting

 

-Annie

[Guest chirs3]

Cherry Gatorade?

 

Ewww.

 

But seriously, nice promo work from the Undercard King!

[Guest Insanityman]

Cherry Gatorade does sound gross... but good job Ash.