Ashes 2 Ashes Comments

[The Ill One 0]

Compensation since I didn't write or post my stats, silly me. By the way, this took longer than it probably should have taken. So. Somebody, please, suffer with me.

 

Ashes 2 Ashes Report- By some random fucker

 

Akira versus Grapplah

 

An important match, I bet it'll be an epic... The two tie up and Grappler is able to get the arm wrench. But he flips free of it, sweeps him down, and grabs his legs 'fore flipping forward again for the count- One, two, three. Must've been an amazingly secure pin. Well. How 'bout that. 3/4* At least the moves were crisp, you know?

 

Ashes 2 Ashes

 

Alright, Hardcore Championship match with an interesting stipulation. This should be a great match. First out is Jacob, who can kill half of Korea's army with a swipe of a pipe. It's true, North Koreans hate Luchador. Hey hey, he's got "Excalibur" that beautiful (if I may say so myself) light tube sword. Anyway, Attenborough comes out and preaches followed by Nemesis, and then Jimmy enters the arena.

 

They team up early against the ungodly huge Nemesis, Doom grabs the ladder, and IL is the one to quickly make the first move. Jimmy grabs a branch from the burning pyre while Luchador can't quite unhook Nemesis' huge straw dummy 'fore he gets knocked off the ladder. But at least he's able to rip it down with him on the way back down to the canvas. A lil' scuffle begins and Doom is able to plant Nemesis with a bulldog. He holds onto the side headlock and Nemesis drives Doom into the ladder but it's all futile because Jake tosses Nemesis' dummy out of the ring and into the fire. There goes Nemesis' hope of being the Hardcore Champion. Insane Luchador snatches the ladder and rams Jake with it, sets it up, and rushes up the ladder to snatch his dummy. He intends to drop it towards the pyre but the real Jake makes the save as he catches his dummy. The Ill One glances down and decides to show off his psychotic ways by stepping onto the final step of the ladder (clearly marked not to be stepped on) and lands a beautiful moonsault. The two smack into the pyre and sparks fly, and just Jake's luck- that spark ignites his dummy. Sucks to be him.

 

During this whole time Jimmy the Doom is able to ascend up the ladder while IL scrambles back into the ring. He scurries up the ladder and both men yank the other dummies down before sending one handed punches at one another. Jimmy lands a stiff right and quickly follows it up with a shotei that sends him crashing to the canvas. Doom slides down the ladder with IL's dummy but Luchador is quick to recover (the guy does willingly jump off balconies, after all) and he is able to get the jump on Jimmy by raining down strikes. But the Hardcore Champion stretches out, snatches the lighttube sword, and wildly swings it at Luchador- brutally shattering against his face. Jimmy the Doom gets Luchador's dummy back into his possession but IL rolls to his feet before bailing to the outside. Blood streams down his face in a rather graphic scene and slams against Doom to save his dummy from the fire. Again Luchador gets on top to rain down blows and Doom wisely covers up until he's struck by inspiration. He painfully rips off half his moustache and extends it into the fire before tossing it onto IL's dummy. It bursts into flames and Doom retains his title but not without the sacrifice of -half- his facial hair. Plus. Burning hair smells horrible, absolutely horrible. Somewhat short but entertaining, bonus points whenever facial hair somehow results in a victory. ** 1/2

 

Flesher versus Hawke

 

Now this should be an awesome match that even those damn smarks can appreciate. Muahaha gotta' love cheap shots at Kim Jong-Ill, plus they're so easy to make. As easy as Allison, oh snap! Bbburrrnn, baby, burn. Alright, sorry, I'm done. The bell rings and the two, well, they don't do much besides attempting to feel the situation out. They finally lock up but they both try for a front headlock but it's a stalemate, release, tie up, and another stalemate. This one is going to be interesting once they actually, you know, wrestle. But, hey, anticipation is half the fun. They tie up once again and a small chain begins- headlock reversed into a hammerlock, trip down, Jay trips Flesher and tries for the STF but the Superior One quickly frees himself. There's an exchange of waistlocks, Flesher goes for the lift but there's a block, rolls forward for the pin attempt. It doesn't even get the two count and another chain of attempts for control, including a whiffed kick, but without any success. Finally Flesher is able to get the front headlock and he tries to get a chokehold in but Hawke's too wise for it, so instead he opts for a series of knees to weaken him for a suplex. He gets Hawke into the air but he slips away from Flesher's grasp and lands behind him. He quickly takes advantage with a waistlock as he drives him towards the ropes for a takeover but it's Flesher, he knows to grab the top rope. Hawke rolls away and Flesher turns around just in time to get smacked in the face with a beautiful dropkick. That sends him flipping over the ropes and onto the outside in the first successful exchange that swings in favor of Hawke. Flesher takes advantage of the ten count while Hawke decides not to pursue but that just gives his opponent time to recover, time to think. There's something that's an awful idea if you're facing someone like Tom. He rolls back into the ring at the nine count and remains on all fours in an open invitation to actually wrestle him. Like, legitimate wrestling. Well, not that this doesn't count as legitimate but the shit that'll bore most fans.

 

But that's not me, so I'm amused that Hawke takes the challenge on but instead gets snagged into a hammerlock but he quickly releases it. This time Flesher motions for Jay Hawke to get on all fours with a little smirk and, again, Hawke takes the bait. Flesher goes for a kick to the ribs but Hawke surprises him by rolling away and back onto his feet. They tie up again and Hawke gets caught in a side headlock but he slips away to lock in a wristlock with an added elbow into the shoulder before wretching it into the classic arm wringer. Flesher falls to a knee but he's quick to rebound and reverse it and Hawke tries to roll through it but can't quite pull it off. He then gets in a grapevine but instead Flesher snapmares him over with a fluent transition into the armbar but quickly twisted back into a wristlock. He rolls up to his feet and Flesher tries to twist it again but instead Hawke gets a handful of nose, but without the amusing Three Stooges noises. Can't win 'em all, anyway, Hawke gets a side headlock in and even kneels. Thorough. Flesher pushes himself back up to his feet but Jay Hawke begins to slam palm strikes into his forehead, which is a great way to get a killer headache. Tom grabs Hawke's arm and turns his body 'round 'til he's able to get the overhead wristlock until Hawke armdrags him down. The two get back to their feet and pause, while the crowd cheers and I try to figure out if Carpal Tunnel is worth it to write this review while I watch this. They change things up with a knucklelock this time which is followed by an inevitable kick to the midsection followed by a painful twistin' of the arm, a single leg trip, and there's another wristlock. Christ, it's deja vu all over again, but this time it's so... technically delicious. But the match moves on as Hawke gets his shoulder up before the referee can even drop to his belly to make the one count. He rolls forward to smack Hawke's wrist against the canvas while Hawke pushes himself back up.

 

The two engage again and this time it's a waistlock, roll through, and Flesher gets another front headlock in to follow up with knees to his chest but gets his arm snatched. Not only that but Hawke twists it so hard that Flesher flips onto his back on the canvas and things just get worse for Tom as Jay drops a knee down. He spins through it, shortly creating an odd looking pseudo spinning wristlock, and he floats over to lock in a side headlock while scissoring his right arm before he's able to set the shoulders down for the one count. Finally he stands Flesher up with him with that damn headlock still latched in but he gets shoved off into the corner. Before Flesher can even capitalize Hawke rebounds with a shoulder block that knocks him down. Tom stands up and Hawke runs into the ropes and tries for a lariat but he ducks underneath. Now Flesher is able to snatch him in an abdominal stretch with an elbow to his ribs, as always. Hawke quickly reaches down, pulls away his leg, and then is able to hiptoss him down to the canvas to free himself. He immediately gets right back up and Hawke tries for another lariat attempt but history repeats itself as Flesher ducks underneath it. This time he snags his head and looks ready to go for some sort of DDT but gets snapmared to the canvas followed by a brutal roundhouse kick to the back of his head. Here's another pin attempt- One, two, and kickout. He pulls Flesher up to his feet and lifts him off the canvas in an attempt for a fireman's carry but on the way forward the wily Flesher turns it into an inside cradle- One, two, and there's a kickout.

 

So, for those keepin' score at home, that's a near fall for each man underneath a minute or so. The two get back up to their feet and Flesher bearhugs Hawke, now we know what's next- a huge railgun suplex followed by the cover- One, two, and kickout. Hawke tries to get back to his feet but Flesher snatches him in a front headlock followed by a barrage of knees, again, and another attempt for the choke. Instead he gets taken over with an armdrag, another, another, and then Flesher responds with a knee before getting another side headlock. He shoves Flesher off into the ropes and Hawke leapfrogs over but Tom simply takes it as a chance to leave ringside in a brilliant, humorous move. He turns around to see Hawke taking flight over the top rope with a flying lariat that takes them both down, crashing intot he guardrail. You heard me, Hawke took flight with a gorgeous one. Hawke grabs Tom and rolls him back into the ring, he rolls in, and gets a thumb in the eye. He unleashes a flurry of palm strikes, one stiff one right in the face, a knee to the midsection, and he goes for a Fisherman's suplex but gets rolled forward for an inside cradle- One, two, kickout. They get back up to their feet and after an awkward scene following the two fall into the ropes. The two get up, side headlock by Hawke this time, takedown for the cover- One, two, kickout and Flesher grabs his waist, rolls Hawke over onto his back while still being caught in the side headlock- One, two, kickout. He stands up with the arms still wrapped around the waist and he slips out of the side headlock, and is able to finally hit that German suplex with a bridge- One, two, kickout. He keeps a hold of the waistlock and they get back to their feet. He tries for another but Hawke blocks it, switches position, and then throws him over with his own German with the bridge- One, two, kickout. Flesher's out-of-it and Hawke is able to lock in a Fujiwara Armbar, which means Wing Span may shortly follow, but Flesher has a counter. He rolls forward to break free and they both get back to their feet, again. Hawke tries for another ill-fated lariat and Flesher ducks underneath, Jay spins around... and gets cracked by a Yakuza kick that may have resulted in decapitation. Finally Tom Flesher has a definite upper hand and he follows up by dragging him to the turnbuckle, putting his head along the bottom turnbuckle, and hits a running bootscrape. Double stomp, bodyscissors, and finally reversed into Boston Crab. Flesher pushes up in an attempt to break the hold but Hawke fluently switches it up into the STF. He begins to crawl towards the ropes in an attempt for freedom but suddenly Jay Hawke lets go, scrambles up, and drops down an elbow to the back of his head. Cover- One, two, kickout. Hawke snags the front headlock, Flesher throws a few kick into knees, and loosen the grip so he can get behind him for a waistlock. He transitions it into the full nelson and then Hawke slips out to sink in his own full nelson. He then throws him over with a gorgeous dragon suplex, here's the cover- ONE! TWO! THREE! Jay Hawke takes the win in a fantastic match. **** stars, if not more.

 

--

 

Alright, I'll finish up in a little bit. But this more exhausting than it has any right to be, though I doubt there's any sympathy from the markers.

[Toxxic 0]

You're a glutton for punishment if you plan on doing the EC as well IL. Good to (maybe) have you back though.

[The Ill One 0]

Thanks man, I do plan on doing finishing it up tonight. The only way my return won't go anywhere (excluding not finishin' up for the PPV) is if I die trying to do the E.C.

[The Ill One 0]

Yes, a whole new post for the last two. Because... well, just because.

 

Ashes 2 Ashes Report: Part II- By some random fucker

 

Wild and Dangerous versus The Grand Aerial Armada

 

Gotta' be loving "Grand Aerial Armada," even if it's just for the name. If you don't know who these guys are, well, they're basically like the younger Wild and Dangerous (even Mak says so, damn it). It's the team of Ultimo Phantasmo and Devin Benson versus Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous, one of the best SWF tag teams of all time. So this one should be a pretty good match up. But, the best part, is whoever picks up the win also gets the International title (or holds onto it).

 

It's Dub-Cee against Ultimo to square off first as the bell rings and they lock up. Ultimo gets a side headlock until WC backs him against the ropes, shoves him off, but Phantasmo is able to slide underneath his legs. But it's hard to fool somebody like WC with generic luchador tricks and he gets scooped up soon as he hits his feet, but he must already be sweaty because Ultimo slides right off, lands behind him, and locks in a waistlock. He pushes forward into the ropes in an attempt to get a rollup but WC's too smart for that, or just watched Flesher versus Hawke, and grabs the top rope. Wildchild charges after his opponent but he leapfrogs over him, UP continues to ring across the ring, and WC decides to stop his charge, patiently wait, and then do his trademark Freefall Monkeyflip. You know, Ultimo Phantasmo's name abbreviate's horribly, but that's not going to stop me. It's going to be confusing if I try to put emphasis on some amazing high flyin' move by saying "UP" but reading comprehension's a good thing. However, I digress. A lot. Too much, actually, wait, shit, alright I'm doing it again. See? I digress way too...

 

So Wildchild picks him up but UP plants him down with a dropkick before dragging his opponent towards his own corner. He tags in Devin and it's time to double team him... but not in the perverse way, unless you weren't thinking about that until now. Phantasmo holds him and Benson climbs up to the top rope to leap off with a double axe handle to his shoulder. Huh. That's a pretty bland move for this match up considering that's not too grand, certainly not an armada, and hardly even aerial. But I'll give them benefit of the doubt. The action continues, though, as Benson tries to whip him into the turnbuckle but it gets reversed. Now Benson decides to show off his speed as he hops onto the second turnbuckle, leaps off, and foils WC's charge with a crossbody block, but Wildchild rolls through it to get the pin combination- One, two, kickout. He decides to go cheap with an eyerake to Wildchild as he scrambles back up to his feet.

 

Now that damn storm a-brewin' hits outside and knocked out the feed. So I went off, made a sammich, sulked about the dish network, and then heard it turn back on. I scrambled back in and witnessed Dangerous leaping out of the ring onto the three men with a beautiful plancha. (Read: Actually, somehow, my browser hit back and I couldn't recover what I had. There was a lot. So I'm going to pick up roughly where I was, sorry W&D). Damn Dish.

 

Anyway. So, as it sounds, the Grand Aerial Armada had been owning Wild and Dangerous up to this point and now all four are entangled on the outside. The referee comes to the outside to plea for them to bring the action back to the ring but, of course, nobody pays attention. That pesky referee. Dangerous recovers first and he tries to bring Ultimo back up to his feet but receives an eyerake for his efforts. UP tries to Irish whip Dangerous into the ringpost but it's reversed and the poor referee gets squashed in the middle. Now Wildchild's recovered and brings Devin back to his feet as he tries to Irish whip him into the ring. Instead it's reversed but WC never ceases to amaze me as he leaps into the air, lands on the barricade, backflips off, lands behind Benson. Devin puts on the brakes, turns around, and tries to attack Wildchild but instead eats a Johnny Kick, a really hard kick (if you couldn't make that conclusion). Things for the GAA are looking bleak, as Mak called them. Actually, allow me to now deem that team for having the worst abbreviations. UP is confusing, plus we've covered that, and GAA could be said, "Gah-uh" or, even worse, "Ga-a" or "Ga-y-." Now I guess DB isn't so bad unless you say it like a wigger, "dee-BEE." Anyway. Dangerous begins to pick up Devin but Ultimo attacks from behind with another damn double axehandle. Wildchild rushes over in hopes of bailing Johnny out of trouble but instead gets knocked silly by a superkick from Devin! Now Ultimo picks up Johnny and tosses him over the barricade as he strips the thin pads off the cement. Hey man, they're thin, wafer thin, Andre Mint thin, and you just have to rip it off, don't you? I'm not sure how much of a difference it makes but, at the very least, that cement's bound to be freezing cold. But that's the last thing on Wildchild's mind as he's rolled back into the ring while Ultimo hops onto the apron. He reaches over the ropes and tugs Wildchild up, snags in an awkward front facelock, and it's suplex to the unpadded outside time! He begins to make the lift but WC wisely laces his feet into the top rope to foil that attempt, followed by a few other stubborn attempts but an acrobat knows how to lace his feet onto wires, or ropes in this case.

 

Wildchild finally responds with an elbow and that throws him off guard long enough for Johnny to crawl over the ring barricade. He clubs Phantasmo on his back as he slumps off and right onto Johnny's shoulders while Wildchild hops onto the top rope. Oh yes, this won't be any double axehandle... and if it is, well, that'd be really, really lackluster. But instead he leaps off the turnbuckle and snags in a side headlock while Dangerous falls back in the Electric Chair position to complete the Dangerous Drop onto the unprotected cement! Well, if nothing else, it lives up to its name as UP seems done for his match. Finally they turned around to the neglected Benson, who's been recovering from that Johnny Kick, and hit a double superkick, the Chicklet Buster! Wildchild quickly picks him back up from the ground, rolls him into the ring, rolls in, lifts him up, whips him into the ropes, and floors him with a flying leg lariat! 'Bout time that move came up. Finally the referee crawls back into the ring as Wildchild high-tails it back to his corner while Johnny makes the cover- One, two, and a kickout. Didn't see that one coming and judging Johnny's face, he didn't either. But he picks him back up only to get a boot to the gut and Devin attempts an Irish whip but instead Dangerous spins around with an elbow. He then makes a break for his corner in an attempt to tag in Wildchild and Benson sprints after him in prevention. He dives out for a great football tackle from behind and that apparently seems to propel Johnny just close enough so that his fingers brush against Wildchild's outstretched hand.

 

It sucks to be Benson as Dangerous throws a kick back to his gut while Wildchild leaps over into the ring with a nice sunset flip- One, two, kickout. Phantasmo, amazingly still ready to fight for that title, watches on in concern, and begins to smack the top turnbuckle in hopes to revive his partner. Wildchild sighs and picks Devin back up, whips him into the ropes, and telegraphs the inevitable leg lariat. So Devin responds as he simply drops down and slides underneath the leg lariat on his stomach in an amusing sight. Greed must've taken over as instead of making the desperately needed tag he bounces into the ropes. He goes for a crossbody block but instead gets a dropkick, leaving him on the canvas, pinned again- One, two, and a save by Ultimo. The referee tries to chase him out but he ignores that since Johnny hops in, dashes across, and smacks him with two right hands. The third and fourth are blocked and Ultimo tackles him down as the two begin to roll around like a high school fight all the way to the outside. Now it's just both men in the ring and they both begin to race, slowly race but still race, each other to their feet. Finally they both get up, to a loud pop from the crowd, and begin to exchange quick, peppered punches. Wildchild gets the upper hand and Devin is backed towards the ropes as WC willingly hits the other ropes to nail a handspring elbow! Meanwhile, on the outside, a loud clang is heard as Dangerous sends Ultimo into the steel ringpost. Wildchild patiently waits in the ring instead of taking the easy pin and tags his partner in. He strips off his shirt, throws it into the crowd for a lucky lady (though I'm pretty sure that creepy old guy with that gross ear hair caught it), and signals for the Silver Bullet. He creeps behind the rookie, whips him into the ropes while Wildchild hops onto them, and he lifts him up for the backdrop suplex- while Wildchild smacks him with an elbow! Another pin attempt- One, two, and three! Johnny Dangerous remains the International Champion, plus Wild and Dangerous seem to have their groove back. This wasn't the best thing Wild and Dangerous has ever done but it was pretty entertaining with a few nice spots (mainly the Dangerous Drop on the unpadded outside), so a solid ***.

 

The Elimination Chamber

 

Now here's the main event that everyone has been buzzing about and for a good reason. Everybody knows the Elimination Chamber (but not from the SWF) and its sadistic yet beautiful potential. Early on we find out a nice lil' fact, Peters has, once again, abused his powers and put the team of Aecas and Janus on the outside as the special enforcement. Anybody lingering in that cage will regret it as they are granted full authority to do whatever the hell they want, and those are two guys you don't want coming after you. So the six men in this one are- Bruce Blank, Landon Maddix, Gabriel Drake, Spike Jenkins, Zyon, and Michael Stephens. Besides the World Championship being up for grabs, this one just has so much history packed in. Almost too much history for me to recap but I'll briefly try- Gabriel hates Michaels and doesn't care much for Maddix either. Meanwhile Zyon has been toppled by Stephens numerous times in the past few months while his former partner, Jenkins, is also in this match. Spike Jenkins hates, well, everyone but in particular Zyon, Blank, and he was a former Revolution Zero member. Blank just loves to destroy people so count him in for all sorts of sadistic thoughts. Finally, Maddix had a heated feud with Stephens, until that healed, and (as said earlier) had issues with Drake. See? This one has a lotta' drama in one confined, metal structure.

 

It's going to be Landon and Blank to start out. It's the same routine for roughly a minute, where Bruce charges and Maddix easily evades him. Now it's Matador Maddix as he runs Bruce straight into the ring post to everyone's amusement, well, probably not to Bruce's since, you know, he just made an ass of himself. He takes advantage with a superkick to the back of his head as he's slumped into the corner, followed by the Get Licked, and then a gorgeous Cucaracha Kick (the spinning gamengiri). But the Redneck Superman remains standing, swaying (though that may be the beer) but still standing. So Maddix decides to finally topple him with a dropsault. He bounces into the ropes and smacks him with a double stomp and then a back senton before getting the cover- One, tw... can't even get the two count. He lifts up Bruce, though, and delivers a few nice kicks right into Blank's face but it's Bruce Blank, so he's quite to recover. Maddix tries to continue with his offensive flurry but Bruce simply catches him on the rebound from the ropes, tosses him into the air like a pizza, and then punches him in the gut on the way down. He then shows off his technical skills as he steps onto Maddix's throat and I gotta' wonder how long 'til Blank murders somebody that way. I mean, a lot of SWF stars break their necks and rebound, but a crushed windpipe might be hard to shake off, I bet HVT would be able to pull it off, though. He lets go of the chokehold, probably not realizing there aren't any rules, and then nearly falls over trying to pick up Maddix. This man is shitfaced, shitfaced I say. Anyway he lifts Maddix above his head for the Guerilla Press but can't help but to benchpress the smaller Maddix, until he loses count. That lets Landon slip off his shoulders and when Bruce spins around he snaps off a forearm... a forearm that hardly makes Bruce Blank blink and he responds with a huge, wild right hand. But Landon is able to duck underneath and snap him down to the canvas. He tries for the cover but gets a two count and quickly changes gears to the Land of Nod! Bruce Blank shows his toughness, and superior size, as he stands back up while Landon desperately clings onto his hold. He then charges back against a corner to crush Landon between the Redneck Superman and the turnbuckles, which frees Bruce and leaves Maddix on the canvas. Blank tries to see if a headstomp would be able to make Landon's head explode, in a Scanners' way, you know, but the quick Roach rolls away. He pops up behind him and leaps up for the Lung Blower but Blank clings onto the top rope as the two awkwardly have a mid-move stalemate until Maddix gives up. He lets go and falls back to his feet on the canvas but only to receive a gigantic mule kick from Bruce! Ladies and gentlemen, there's nutshot of the year, right there. He goes for the pin, One, two, kickout. Bruce Blank lifts him up and sets him into the Tree of Woe position and you gotta' wonder how Megan's feeling, actually, gotta' wonder how Landon's feeling. Wow, it's already been four minutes and fifty seconds as the countdown begins, as do the dramatic strobelights. It lands on Gabriel Drake and he charges into the ring to whail on Maddix-

 

Wait, no he doesn't, instead he walks over to Stephens' lil' cage o' confinement, though I guess that's the purpose of all cages, and tries his hardest to knock it down. Michael just seems amused by the action, actually taunting him, until Drake gives up and turns his attention to Maddix. he walks over just as Landon frees himself. But that doesn't mean he's free, actually, because he gets caught in a huge Spiral Powerbomb by Drake, who goes for the pin- One, two, pull off by Bruce? How drunk is that man? Drake growls at Bruce and he shoves Blank. Now there are two guys in the SWF who I wouldn't want to shove (well, sans Aecas and Janus) and those two are the ones shoving each other. Bruce Blank shoves back even harder at Drake, who retaliates with a huge spear. He mounts Bruce and begins to rain down hard rights until Blank swipes an arm off him, gets a kick while the two are on the canvas, and they both scramble to get back up. Drake, sober and not very beaten, gets up first as Blank struggles as he looks ready to rip Blank apart. But. Instead Maddix comes back at the most opportune time with a low blow, making sure his nuts aren't the only ones to suffer tonight. He nails a Crash Landon '05 and goes for the cover- One, two, kickout. Still a bit too early for people to just be giving up their title shots yet, apparently. The two get up and Drake tries to take him down for some good ol' matwork schooling but Landon is able to prevent it, even snatch him in the standing headscissors. But there's one complication that I'm seeing that, apparently, Landon hasn't realized quite yet, the massive Blank charging at him. He nearly knocks Landon's head off with a lariat that makes everybody, including myself, wince in sympathy. Drake's freed from the standing headscissors, which makes sense since Landon literally flew backwards from impact, and even Blank tries to steady himself after such a huge hit. Drake lets out a primal roar and grabs Blank up off the canvas, spins him in 180* rotation, and drops him throat first across the ropes! He promptly follows it up with a cover- One, two, kickout. He grunts and then turns his attention to the downed Maddix, there's another cover- One, two, and guess what? A kickout. But that doesn't discourage Drake as he begins to whail on Maddix's leg and there goes the count down again... and the strobelight flashes among the cages until it stops on Michael! Even Koreans adore him because the pop he got could've blown that roof off. Drake pays no attention to this as he continues to try to stretch Maddix to unimaginable postions with the Stretch Muffler Crab until he gets nailed by a springboard dropkick from the Champ. Blank makes a bumrush towards Stephens but he eats a dropkick that sends him reeling backwards as well, followed by Drake advancing but he gets floored by a hard enzuigiri! Blank recovers and tries to double clothesline the tag team down but both duck underneath, followed by a jab to the eyes and a foot stomp. They both glance at each other, nod, and take Bruce down with a stunning Labertino's Sunny Revenge from England! Here's a cover- One, two, but Drake breaks the pinfall. That may seem like a stupid move, as it should be every man for himself, but who the hell wants to be left in the ring with those two? Certainly not Drake. Now the attention is divided as Michael rushes over to unleash a very familiar combination to Drake- Right, left, right, left, and he winds up for the Discus Clothesline but Drake ducks underneath and reverses with the Brute-Force Trauma (same as Crash Landon '05)! Maddix makes his move as he's able to duck underneath Drake's attack to hit the far ropes and rebound with a flying forearm that takes him down. He rolls back up and springs onto the top turnbuckle and dives off looking for a diving headbutt but all he hits is canvas. Both of the men get back up to their feet and Drake is able to catch the groggy Landon onto his shoulders for the fireman's carry, prelude to Mark of the Beast. Landon saves himself, however, as he plunges his fingers into his opponent's eyes and slides off the back to safety. But self-preservation isn't enough, no, he locks in the reverse headlock and seems to be ready to nail the Landon Eye but Drake is able to fire off some punches to his ribs. He is able to turn his body around and lifts Landon up again in the fireman's carry, but there's no escape this time as he nails the Mark of the Beast! He goes for the cover as Stephens tries to make the save- One, two, and three!

 

Adios, Maddix. This leaves Stephens in an awful position as he's left against Drake and Blank, at least until the next person enters the match. Blank decides to enter the fray, out of pugnacious spirit or too much booze (it's hard to tell), and kicks each man down before stomping on them. Blank finds that stomping people out drunk is a hard feat, so he picks up Drake to swing a wild haymaker that hits nothing but air. Now, this leads to one of the more amusing lil' sequences I've seen in a while. It becomes like a game of human pinball as Drake hits him hard enough that Blank turns right into Stephens' dropkick, which turns him into Drake's right, he turns one, again, and gets creamed by a gamengiri! Both men bounce off the ropes and coincidentally they double team him with the Professional Foul. Perhaps this is something on a subconscience level, something Freud would appreciate, but that's not -quite- the wrestling psychology that others refer to. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and sometimes a double team is just a... screw it. There's an awkward eye contact between the two as they realized what has happened but they shrug it off, each man beginning to pick Blank up off the canvas. They team up on him with a drop toehold and kneelift while Blank begins to fall over, while Michael seems to be stuck back in the good ol' days of their training. Drake, however, has felt he has done his share because he gets the jump on Stephens with a spinebuster that shakes the ring. The crowd instantly begins to jeer the Beast, who truly doesn't care, as he goes for the pin- One, two, kickout. He swears in frustration, rather audibly too, and pulls Michael upright. He whips him into the turnbuckle and the Sensation is momentarily too exhaused to do anything but smack against the turnbuckle, which leaves him open for a beautiful flying knee from Drake, followed by quick knife edge chops! The Champion slumps down and Drake lifts him up, looking like a vertical suplex, but instead plops him onto the top turnbuckle. He steps onto the top turnbuckle with the front facelock, ready to hit the superplex, but Stephens halts him with a quick jab to the ribs. It gives him the opportunity to get an odd side bearhug on his opponent before he simply steps off the top turnbuckle to land a Side Effect from the top rope! Both men are down on the canvas in a heap as the countdown begins and it stops, cuing that strobelight, that lands on the Unique Youth's chamber. He quickly hops onto the top turnbuckle and does what he does best, blindly leaps back with a moonsault that connects with both Stephens and Drake! It creates a double cover- One, two, but both men barely kick out in time. Zyon stands up, hardly even winded, and sees Blank stagger on his head. He charges up and hits a dropkick that sends Blank through the ropes onto the steel grate on the outside, but that doesn't keep Bruce down for long. Meanwhile, the Unique Youth hops onto the top rope and springboards off to plant Bruce with a flying forearm. Bruce stumbles back and settles against the cage's wall, which leads to Zyon tugging him over so he can go for the cover- One, two, and thr- no, an ungodly close kickout! Meanwhile, in center of the ring, Drake and Stephens are slowly getting to their front. Drake takes control with a front facelock and tries to gain his breath before getting the double underhooks while Zyon climbs the side of the cage itself. The Unique Youth takes a huge risk, that could have a huge reward, as he leaps off with a modified Cannonball Kamikaze but the Redneck Superman rolls away! A smirk creeps along Drake's face as he lets go of Stephens to see a prime opportunity as Blank rolls away from the battle scene. He walks over and sadistically grabs his legs before easily twisting him into the Stretch Muffler Crab, or the Spite and Malice. There's nothing to save Zyon, far as I can think of, and he screams in pain from the move. Except for one pissed off Maddix who does his role by splashing Drake in the face with a PespiMax, but that's all Zyon needs to low blow his opponent and follows through with a schoolboy- One, two, three!

 

Drake is out of the match in a very, very odd fashion and he suffers his first pinfall of his wrestling career from that. He breathes rage and takes a bit too long to leave because Aecas and Janus decide to step in. Suddenly Stephens leaps in with a dropkick from behind that floors Drake, allowing Aecas and Janus just to casually grab a leg, drag him out of the Elimination Chamber. Finally Drake decides to pursue after Maddix, who has disappeared backstage, and that fully takes him out of the equation. Stephens and Zyon gang up on Blank, whipping him into the ropes, and hitting a Flapjack onto the beaten and battered Bruce. They pick themselves back up off the canvas and Zyon kicks him in the gut, snatches him in the set-up for a Fisherman's suplex but instead nails the Fisherman's neckbreaker with a bridge- One, two, kickout. This time Zyon attempts the Goku Crossface but his technical skills haven't been very well-known, but that's for a reason. Especially since Stephens is able to roll free, and in a nice lil' counter sequence, and nearly locks in the Regal Stretch. He tries to lock in that 3/4ths headlock but can't as he gets bombarded by elbows and Zyon is able to squirm free. The countdown begins again, though this time's evident who'll enter, and indeed Jenkins does. He scrambles over to take advantage of Blank's injured state, beginning to fire off his signature combination of kicks but the final one is caught by him but he doesn't do much with the opportunity. Spike gets thrown back, he rolls up, and charges with a hard lariat that doesn't floor Blank. He follows up with a huge Yakuza kick and the attempt at a cover- One, two, and a kickout. He quickly moves onto Zyon with a butterfly suplex that's immediately followed by a double stomp, but instead of covering he focuses in on Stephens. He charges over, while all Stephens can do is hold his hands up, and nails him with the Dangerous Wizard. He tries for the cover- One, two, kickout. He doesn't get too discouraged as he smells blood in the water and gets the standing headscissors, steps over both arms, and hits the Ratings Crash! Here's the cover- One, two, and thr... Zyon breaks it up, to everyone's dismay. Now Zyon attempts to go for the pinfall and gets the cover- One, two, and Jenkins breaks it up. Now the two former partners exchange blows on their knees while standing up and that gives Stephens time to slip underneath the bottom rope to temporary safety. Until Bruce Blank steps over the top rope and heads towards the champion himself. Meanwhile Spike gets the advantage and throws Zyon over with a German suplex, bridge included- One, two, but a kickout. Meanwhile Bruce Blank takes control of Stephens and Russian Legsweeps him onto the steel, he tries to take the win- One, two, and barely a kickout. Inside the ring Zyon gets whipped towards the turnbuckle but recovers by hitting the No Regards on Spike for a cover- One, two, kickout. Zyon realizes that that wasn't -quite- enough and so he scoops him back up, just to get into him into a fireman's carry until Spike throws knees at him. He slides off behind Zyon and shoves him chest first into the turnbuckle. Outside the battle rages on as Bruce drags Stephens' face against the top rope, then smacks his head against the plexiglass (that was Drake's, by the way), and finishes it up with smashing him against the chamber's wall. He goes for the cover and things look bad for the Champion- One, two, and Spike breaks up the pinfall! Blank pursues after Jenkins and the two begin to brawl, with Blank having the upper hand. He sends Spike stumbling backwards with a huge boot to the head and he turns around to see Zyon taking flight- but he simply lariats him out of the air! He then turns his attention back to the recovering Stephens on the outside, well, yeah, the grate counts for the outside, nevermind. Anyway. But Stephens outsmarts him with a gullotine on the top rope that sends Blank staggering back towards an elbow strike from Spike, followed by a roaring elbow that sways him, and even Stephens is hollering at Jenkins for one more. He complies and Blank finally falls while Zyon gets up, ready to brawl again with Spike. Instead he gets motioned towards the top turnbuckle, which he hops onto, and then mounts the plexiglass cage! You knew something like this was inevitable and so did the crowd who take snapshots as he leaps off with the Final Flash that connects! Cover- One, two, and Jenkins double stomps Zyon. What a dick. Then Spike makes the cover onto Bruce, One, two, and three!

 

Ladies and gentlemen, Blank has left the building. Well, actually, not yet since he nearly looks dead in that ring. Spike picks up his former partner, stuns him with a palm strike, and then nails him with a lariat. Cover, one, two, and this time the Champion breaks up the pin! Zyon and Stephens now team up on the terrified Jenkins as they rush up, raining down blows, whipping him into the ropes, and a double dropkick, but that's not all. They demolish Spike with a double Hangman's neckbreaker! But they don't end the onslaught there as they hit the Extremely Bad hangover for the cover- One, two, and ho-ly shit Spike kicked out. The two have another little discussion while Spike gets back to his feet, while Zyon takes a step forward- and gets low blowed by the Champion! He then shoves him towards Jenkins, right into his arms, and even Stephens signals for the Endwell. Spike complies as the fans are nearly foaming at the mouth in rage at the cover, One, two, and three!

 

Zyon's gone and now the crowd chants, "Tttoooxxxxiiicccc." Spike and Stephens, two former allies and foes, now stand next to each other. They begin a back-and-forth exchange of strikes, starting with an elbow, followed by the European uppercut, followed by another elbow, uppercut, and then Spike switches it up with kicks. He fires two off but the third one is caught and Michael slams him with a headbutt. Spike throws out a kick right into Stephens' kneecap to buy himself extra time. The Hollywood Superstar tries for a palm strike but it is ducked underneath and gets countered by a jawbreaker! He tries for the Sunny in England but Spike shoves him off and into the turnbuckles. He nails a palmstrike to the side of Stephens' head, Irish whips him, but it gets reversed. Now Spike's the one coming back and Stephens tries for the soccer tackle but Jenkins wisely hurdles over it. Stephens tries to get the jump from behind but Spike leaps into the air with the Pele Kick, which sends him all the way back into the ropes. He charges and smacks Stephens with a lariat that sends him toppling over the top rope, plopping onto the steel grate. He stands Stephens up and gets the double underhooks, he's looking for the Endwell. But there's a moment of hesitation and Stephens is able to free his arms, tackle Spike down onto the grate, and finally fall backwards to launch Spike against the steel cage! He covers- One, two, and three!

 

Michael Stephens remains the Cruiserweight and World Champion in a superb match. What a great match to introduce the Elimination Chamber into the SWF. **** 1/4

 

Match of the Night: Most likely the Elimination Chamber, but for the ones who love the pure wrestling then Hawke versus Flesher is an absolute must.

 

Spot of the Night: Easily the Final Flash from top of the chamber during the Elimination Chamber. Though I still love the Dangerous Drop onto the unpadded outside.

 

So there you, folks, that's a pretty solid PPV. Especially for Flesher/Hawke and the Elimination Chamber.

 

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Jesus Christ.