HD: Diablos vs. Conquistadors

[Tony149 0]

Starts off as Los Diablos de Fuego promo but turns into match.

 

"Mean" Gene Okerlund holds center stage atop the one and only interview stage.

GENE
Los Angeles, California...LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO!

"It's Raining Men" blaring overhead and Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties produced gingerbread men falling from the ceiling (designed like Los Diablos themselves), Moracca and Mariachi prance onto the stage covered in glitter. Lots of body glitter. The ambiguously gay duo get Gene to bump and grind with them once on the platform. For added effect, they mask Gene's baldness with -- you guessed it -- glitter!

GENE
Gentlemen, it was 3 weeks ago tonight, in front of a worldwide television audience, that you were forced to watch as your masoct El Ovéja was for all intents and purposes brutally executed right before your very eyes. I know how difficult it must've been for you to muster up the strength to appear last week and cost the Beverly Hills Blonds their match against Rescue 911 in what I'm sure you believe was a justified act. 

MORACCA
(broken English)
"Mean" HACHI MACHI Gene, ole, please forgive me and my partner for our speak as our English no very good. But what was good was our time spent with El Ovéja. His time on this planet or in America wasn't long, but he left a legacy of peace and happiness in all our lives. He touched our hearts and souls with his happy-go-lucky lifestyle. A life that began in a factory in China, El Ovéja was shipped to a Wal-Mart supercenter in New Mexico where he found his way into our lives some months after Mariachi and I crossed the border in search of work in OAOAST. Did you know Mexico and New Mexico are different places, Mr. Sparkle Sparkle?

GENE
That I did. Both lovely places, too. 

MARIACHI
Si, amigo. Amore. Love. Los Diablos de Fuego full of it. Which is why we don't mourn the death of El Ovéja. We celebrate his life. We dedicate our careers to his memory, his spirit. Never in my wildest wet dream could I imagine somebody would be so vicious, so spiteful that they would mercilessly end the life of a poor baby. But that's exactly what Los Conquistadors and Beverly Hills Blonds did. They were big ol' meanies. Now they make us mad and angry. And you wouldn't like us when we're angry. 

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

MORACCA
¿Qué es esto? What is this?

No red carpet arrival for the Beverly Hills Blonds and Mackenzie DeCenzo. It's all business tonight. The trendsetters that they are, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard are determined to bring the 1980s Miami Vice look back into the mainstream, decked out in pastal suits and sunglasses. Mackie's hot as usual, showing off those legs in a short skirt and carrying a GUCCI PURSE. 

GENE
Moracca, Mariachi, I beg your pardon, gentlemen. I didn't expect this at all. 
(to Blonds)
Mackenzie DeCenzo, what is the meaning of this? You 3 have no reason to be out here. 

MACKENZIE
Gene, darling, we're rich and famous. That's all the reason we need. Isn't that right, Ned?

NED
You're exactly right, Mackie. But there's another reason for us to be out here other than being rich and famous, liver spot, and that's to clear up the lies spread by those two "homies," Los Diablos de Fuego. So I directed my comments to them. Just because you've replaced Chicks Over Dicks as America's sweethearts, it doesn't give you the right to slander the good names of the Beverly Hills Blonds and Los Conquistadors. Thanks to your lies my kid thinks I'm the world's worst father -- something years of brainwashing by my ex-wife couldn't even do -- because Los Conquistadors, [u]on their own accord[/u], decided to deviant from the script and rip your stupid $5.99 inflatable sheep doll apart. Is that what you wanted, to drive a wedge between father and daughter?

COLE
How dare Ned use his daughter like a prop. 

GENE
If I may interrupt you, Ned. 

NED
No, you certainly may not.

GENE (CONT'D)
That's not how I recall those events. 

SIMON
Of course not. You're senile.  

GENE
I'm sure our fantastic production crew have the video in the truck, if you don't believe me. 

NED
(stammering)
I don't need to see something I remember so vividly. 

GENE
Look at you. You're stumbling over your own words!

SIMON
These guys are con artists and homewreckers, Okerlund. They suck you in with some sob story and then steal your wallet, rape your sons, or even worse...prevent you from going to the pay window, which they're gulity as charge of doing to us. Yeah, and a great story it is, fellas. A real tear jerker. If there's anyone on this stage you wouldn't like to see angry, it's Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard. So now that we're standing face-to-face, why don't you try to fight us like hetrosexual men? Let's see how tough you are when you're staring us in the eye and not our butts. 

NED
I wouldn't count on it, man. They got no balls. Hahaha. 

* WHAP *

"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

MACKENZIE
:o

SIMON
:huh:

Moracca SLAPS Ned and then catches him with a right hand. Soon all 4 men are slugging it out on the podium! Gene and Mackenzie run for cover. Then the unfathomable. Los Diablos de Fuego are ambushed by LOS CONQUISTADORS. The Blonds burst in laughter, like they've just seen the Santa Claus 3, as the Golden Boys pumpel the flaming luchadors to a chorus of boos. All 3 members of the Enterprise decide to view the action from the friendly confines of the arena floor, thus putting themselves out of harm's way. But given the current circumstances, that seems highly unlikely. 

COLE
It was a set-up! It was a damn set-up! Damn them! 

COACH
Once again my main man Teddy Moneymaker funded the lastest Beverly Hills Blonds motion picture. And damn if they don't know how to write a great script. It sucked you right in. 

In typical Blonds fashion, Los Conquistadors write Mariachi out of the scene following a hot shot, tossing him outside like a dog that can't stop peeing on the brand new rug imported from Japan. The Blonds disappear and then re-appear with Charles Robinson in toll. Charles enters the squared circle and signals for the bell. 

* DING DING DING *

COLE
You've got to be kidding me. They're actually gonna let this continue? 

COACH
Los Diablos de Fuego did agree to wrestle. 

COLE
Yeah, the Beverly Hills Blonds, not Los Conquistadors. I'm now being told by our directior Peter Piper this indeed IS a sanction match. Who the hell thought that was a good idea? Didn't they see what happened? Los Diablos de Fuego got jumped by Los Conquistadors, damnit. I guess Theodore Moneymaker is right: Money talks. 

Los Conquistadors shoot Moracca into the ropes and clothesline him. Dos (Conquistadors wanted to shake things up by having Dos start) then drops a big elbow and goes for the cover, but Moracca kicks out before a count can be made. Clinching his fist in ANGIER~! Moracca lands a series of right hands to the midsection, then rocks the Conquistador with shots to the face...but Dos drives the knee into the gut and rams Moracca into the boot of Uno in the corner. An exchange is made and Uno shows everyone why his mommy and papi named him "number one" in Spanish, chopping Moracca hard against the turnbuckles. Uno whips Moracca to the far corner and charges in, but Moracca gets the foot up and kicks Uno in the face! Moracca applies a front facelock and climbs onto the middle rope, spinning around and down...on his feet in the center of the ring as Uno shoves him off. Moracca ducks under a clothesline and drills Uno with a SPRINGBOARD LEG LARIAT!

ONE...

TWO...

KICKOUT!

The good samaritan that he is, Moracca brings Uno up to his feet and pays for it, although he didn't have any goodwill in mind himself, as the Golden Boy RAKES the eyes. Uno raises his fist in the air before delivering a vertical suplex later, which is followed up by a big legdrop. No attempt at a pin is made as Uno feels Moracca hasn't been weaken enough, so he tags Dos. Los Conquistadors display some amazing teamwork as Uno smashes the forearm into the midsection while Dos comes off the ropes and snaps Moracca over in a swinging neckbreaker! Dos again passes over a pin attempt in favor of a bodyslam, then heads to the top. BIG SPLASH...MISSES ITS MARK! 

"YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

NED
:huh:

COLE
Look at the experssion on Blanchard's face. After everything that's happened, Los Diablos de Fuego now find themselves with an opportunity to get back into the match if Moracca can just make the tag. He had the presence of mind to move out of the way, but you gotta wonder how much he has left in him. So far he's taken the brunt of the punishment. Right from the start, in fact. 

COACH
Behind the masks and body glitter, Los Diablos de Fuego are spirited competitiors. Can't deny that. Won't deny that. But they don't have the support of the Enterprise. 

COLE
They have the fans support. 

COACH
(laughs)
The fans can't jump in the ring and hit somebody with a chair, baby boy. Not saying the Blonds or Enterprise would, because unlike the Devils of the Fire Simon and Ned don't need to resort to those kinds of tatics. They have something called talent. 

Moracca and Dos tag out simultaneously. Uno rushes inside to meet Mariachi head-on, but ends up walking straight into a SPRINGBOARD SEATED SENTON and a faceful of crotch!

ONE...

TWO...

THR--NO!

Dos makes the save just in the nick of time. His next move isn't as successful, however. Mariachi floats over an attempted bodyslam and takes Dos down with an inverted facebuster! He rolls back onto his feet and slams a charging Uno. Then flying headscissors for everyone, followed by a double coconut! Moracca returns to the fold, hooking up with Mariachi to nail Dos with a double dropkick! And it doesn't get any better for Los Conquistadors or the Beverly Hills Blonds. Simon and Ned can only watch as Uno winds up on the receiving of a SODOMIZER!

COLE
There it is! The Sodomizer! It's over! It's all over!

Ned jumps on the apron and grabs the attention of not only the referee but Los Diablos de Fuego as well. Meanwhile, over at the corner, Simon shields Mackenzie from the eye of the referee and Los Diablos as she hands her Gucci purse to Dos. He opens it up and pulls out the dreaded BARB WIRE COAL MINER'S GLOVE. 

COLE
Oh, no. It's that damn glove. The very glove that busted open Los Diablos de Fuego on two separate occasions and shreded El Ovéja to pieces. 

Glove in place, Dos sneaks up on Los Diablos but gets caught in the act, causing him to panic and swing wildly. Both Diablos duck and give him the KISS OF DEATH~! Not all is lost, though. The bright minds that they are the Blonds also devised an alternate ending, plan B. Simon slides in and rumbles towards Los Diablos, who leapfrog over the top...ACCIDENTLY SENDING HIM INTO THE REFEREE! 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COACH
We don't have a referee. He got squashed between both Blonds. How Los Diablos must envy him right now. 

COLE
Enough with the gay jokes. We've got a serious problem out here. No referee. 

That's not the only problem. After Simon is driven into the mat courtesy of a DOUBLE HALF-NELSON FACEBUSTER, Ned wallops Moracca across the back with Mariachi's own PITCHFORK, then jabs it in Mariachi's gut and throat!

COACH
You live by the pitchfork, you die by the pitchfork, fellas. Hahaha. 

Ned drapes Uno on top of Mariachi and exits, where he helps Mackenzie roll the referee back in. Charles Robinson shakes off the cobwebs and makes the count. 

ONE...

TWO...

THREE!

* DING DING DING *

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COLE
Excuse me, fans. I want to barf. What a disgrace this is. The Beverly Hills Blonds should be ashamed of themselves. 

COACH
Look on the bright side, Mikey. It makes up for last week. Now Moracca and Mariachi will know what it feels like to have victory snatched out from under them. 

The Blonds and Conquistadors are joined by an exuberate Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright. Handshakes all around. Then all 6 men turn their attention to Los Diablos de Fuego, still laid out on the canvas. Teddy removes his jacket and asks CW to hold Moracca up. Punch after punch after punch. Moracca unable to defend himself. Likewise for Mariachi, who too experiences the wrath of Theodore Moneymaker. 

COLE
Hey, come on. There's no need for this. 

Cole isn't the only one who feels this way, so does...Ned Blanchard? The Handsome Hustler tells the man who signs his checks that's enough. Everyone looks at Ned in stunned disbelief. Blanchard explains his actions by carefully yanking the barb wire coal miner's glove off the hand of Dos and putting it on his, drawing cheers from his associates. Ned is about to strike when RESCUE 911 shockingly hit the ring a house afire, taking on all members of the Enterprise and Los Conquistadors...and living to tell about it!

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

COACH
Who do these guys think they are? 

"9-1-1"
"9-1-1"
"9-1-1"

COLE
Listen to that, Coach. A 9-1-1 chant. The fans certainly appreciate what EMT Tim and Officer Bosley have done, as I'm sure Los Diablos de Fuego will as well. 

7 people who aren't pleased are The Enterprise and Los Conquistadors. Theodore on the verge of blowing a gasket. Mackenzie having to calm him down. Rescue 911 help Los Diablos de Fuego to their feet as "It's Raining Men" hits. Moracca and Mariachi finally notice the hunky studs assisting them. 

MORACCA & MARIACHI
:wub: :wub: 

COACH
Now I think [i]I'm[/i] the one about to barf. 

COLE
Something tells me we haven't heard the last of this. Still to come, an interview with the World tag team champions, the Sooner Bruisers. Don't go away! HeldDOWN~! returns right after this.

Edited November 9, 2006 by Tony149