Ask The Dictator!

[Guest]

I figured I should get the pulse of the people, at least this demographic anyway, of what measures to implement once I am Maximum Proconsul of America(with Kinetic as Assistant Proconsul). Anything is fine, and I'll respond to each with how I would put your ideas into action. I'll make one for wrestling too on the General Wrestling board.

 

Go ahead, tell me how to stamp out or nurture what you want!

[Guest dreamer420]

why are you wasting perfectly good threads?

[Guest Mark4steamboat]

Off topic(what the hell is the topic anyway?) but this reminded me of an episode of home improvement where randy called Tim a tyrannical fascist a tim replies "did u just call me a dinosaur?" oh well it was funny.

[Guest]

This is a waste? I find it to be a very good idea, considering I don't want to be an unpopular dictator or anything. Besides, tell that to the guy who keeps asking us what we'd rather do.

[Guest dreamer420]

unpopular dictator? meaning what exactly?

[Guest]

Well, first of all (and probably most importantly), someone must end the reign of terror that is Microsoft and all of its underling businesses.

 

Someone must put both Gallagher and Andrew "Dice" Clay into popularity. See also: Sifl & Olly. See also: Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

 

Also, someone must end the existance of visors (worn forward or backward, both are equally stupid). I really, really hate those things with a passion.

[Guest]

::the Taskmaster leads a revolution that causes the Dictator to be overthrown, which eventaully causes the Dictator to be publicly executed::

 

Honestly, you are a weak Dictator!  A Dictator should take, without asking.  If you really are a powerful tyrant, then wipe Frankie Williams and his sick threads off of the face of the earth.

[Guest]

I'm all about competition in business, so Microsoft will be GONE and Bill Gates made to work for us and make our governmental computers work better or something(I know little about computers). The employees will still be safe, as the Microsoft breakup will be like the Bell Telephone breakup of the 80s. There will be several companies, each with a specialty, but each handicapped in their own way so as to allow newer competitors.

 

Networks will allot both men a half-hour timeslot once a week on Thursday nights, and since the bans on certain words will be lifted, their full comedic geniuses will be shown to the masses.

 

The state will work with various cable networks to reinstate these programs, but cannot guarantee the performers' willingness to work them again. You may have to settle for just reruns, and since we run the show, you'll like it.

 

Visor-wearers will be accosted by policemen who will stand at every intersection of major cities and diligent, obedient citizens of smaller towns. They will be forced to remove their visors, which will be thrown into the Great Bonfires of each city. Should they resist, they can be roughed up a little or arrested, depending on their degree of stubborness.

[Guest]

MarioLogan, you will have a position as Chancellor of Frightening/Offensive/Disgusting Matters and the state's full support in stamping out Frankie Williams's tripe.

 

And I will take without asking, but I at least want to LOOK like I care what people think.

[Guest]

Oh yeah, and another thing...I hate it when I'm playing No Mercy and someone uses a created wrestler who has A and B power moves assigned to the short grapples. Now if that isn't worthy of swift and harsh fascistic justice, I don't know what is!

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Okay this thread sucks. so did the one in General Wrestling. One more of these and we're taking this to No Holds Barred.

 

Oh and can I be Chief of Kicking Yo' Momma's Ass?

[Guest]

MarioLogan, you will have a position as Chancellor of Frightening/Offensive/Disgusting Matters and the state's full support in stamping out Frankie Williams's tripe.

 

And I will take without asking, but I at least want to LOOK like I care what people think.

::The Taskmaster stands at a balcony, and laughs for recieving this new job::

 

"AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"

I love using this laugh.

[Guest]

THQ will come under intense governmental pressure to make that impossible in future games, but we cannot claim responsibility or engage in action that would change the state of current copies of the game. Should they continue to allow this to happen, we'll order the Acclaim ECW people to destroy the THQ offices and facilities. Competition in business is good in the State of America, but not when it is at the expense of the consumer.

[Guest dreamer420]

get in line CWM

[Guest]

My mother has a heavy security detail protecting her, so that position would be futile, and only add to the burgeoning beauracracy that the State of America already is. One of my objectives is to streamline the government, not bury it in paperwork.

 

I don't know what the problem with this thread is. I never insult anyone else's ideas.

[Guest caboose]

Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge = Worst Forum Gimmick Ever

[Guest goodhelmet]

Kotzenjunge, I personally think this thread is necessary and long overdue. In order to have a successful fascist regime we must first establish an ideology that the masses will accept in their false consciousness. What economic mode of production are we applying? State capitalism? Feudalism? Mercantilism?

 

What mystical religion will the masses accept as their beleifs? Good-old boring fire and brimstone Xianity? Fundamentalist Islam? The caste-system of the Hindus?

 

What celebrations will we allow to subdue the masses from their state of contempt and inferiority?

 

Finally, will all nWo shirts pre-1998 be burned without prejudice?

[Guest J*ingus]

I humbly ask to be appointed as Minister of Entertainment, so that I could rule movies, TV, and wrestling with a thundering velvet glove.

[Guest]

You know, I never attacked anyone's "gimmicks." I don't consider my personal title a gimmick. It stems from a time after the Panamanian invasion in 1989, when Uncle Duke of Doonesbury fame was sent by the government to oversee reconstruction. They wanted to give him a title that sounded powerful but didn't really tell much about itself. Thus Maximum Proconsul was born. The only other option with a posting name like mine was Puke Boy, which is what Kotzenjunge means in German.

 

No problem, Jingus, as long as your actions go along with the line of the party and State of America, you have a free hand. I dub thee Baron of Entertainment Jingus. Your first assignment: Get them to speed up new Ren and Stimpy episodes.

 

Now, to address Goodhelmet's oodles of questions.

Economic Status, in the spirit of pure Fascism, will allow the private sector to maintain their current workings and such. The government will take little action in the dealings of the economy a la Adam Smith's philosophy, but will still extract maybe a little higher than before duties and taxes. Much of this will be figured out by our Ministry of Treasury, which will consist of top economists fleeced(read: stolen) from our Ivy League schools.

 

Religion in the State of America is allowed, but the official state line is that of Nothingism. Churches, Synagogues, Mosques, all will be allowed to stay, but any church that takes collections will have a percentage of their collections taxed, after treaties with the Vatican, Cantebury, and others. Only a little bit will be taken, say 2%. People will be aghast if they found out, but we'd just reveal the secret treaties and mass disillusionment would occur, thus making way for the ultimate religious objective: Elimination of it.

 

Celebrations... celebrations. These would remain the same while religion still persisted, with the exception of the Maximum Proconsul's birthday. As religion is phased out by the mass disillusionments and state supported science-heavy education, more Roman-style holidays would take place, or whatever the Cabinet was capable of thinking up, perhaps a popular referendum on what holidays they would wish to have, that being only a giant suggestion box really.

 

And I explained the Great Bonfires earlier, but once again: State and Smark-offensive materiel will be burned in every city and town in their own Great Bonfire. It will provide a time for bonding of the citizenry in a common cause, and make them all feel wanted and belonging. Paramount is the shirt burning, but you get the idea.

[Guest goodhelmet]

while your stance for the new state is idealistic and classical in the fascist sense, it is a system doomed to fail. eventually, the people will revolt. you must produce a false consciousness among the masses that will want them to support your regime even though it is against their interests.

 

also, i disagree with your stance on religion. religious ideals by their nature may support totalitarian regimes but any modern totalitarian state would not allow conflicting ideologies within its borders. religion must be abolished!

[Guest]

I'd rather the people abolished it themselves through their own discontent than me forcing them to abandon it, but you're probably right.

 

And remember, this is all 20 or so years from now. With the current reaching into common life that has begun with the War on Terrorism, I might not have much work to do myself as far as changing it goes. However, I do see your point, and we will find a way to get them to support us that doesn't go the Nazi way of finding a common scapegoat in a race. Maybe just a scapegoat in the form of a political party.

 

I've already got a Baron of Entertainment, Minister of Defense, Minister of Propaganda, and Chancellor of Frightening/Offensive/Disgusting Matters. I've also got an Assistant Proconsul, but no one said I couldn't have two! I could use a person like you to keep your Maximum Proconsul's feet on the ground as far as his schemes go. Now you're an Assistant Proconsul with Kinetic.

[Guest]

Kotzenjunge, I have read over your thesis and must say I agree with some of your points. I am a profound Anarchist and believe that the government is best which governs least. Your ideas are a step in the right direction. I ask that you make me Minister of War. With your grand armies under my control we shall crush our enemies with one brutal assault on all who oppose us. Nothing shall stand in our way once the opposition is erradicated.                  SupaTaft

[Guest goodhelmet]

"Now you're an Assistant Proconsul with Kinetic. "

 

Sorry bro. I take orders from no one. You would be the puppet leader while I control you like a marionette. I am EVIL~!

 

 

BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

[Guest]

Hey, I offered, Goodhelmet. You're always welcome to a position when you want.

 

Oh, and SupaTaft, we have a Minister of Defense already, but he's a dweeby rising Junior who really couldn't defend a plate of food from a hungry child. So, SupaTaft, you are now the future Minister of Defense, although we will have the eventual ideological split, since you're an anarchist and I'm pretty much advocating the opposite in this little fantasy world we're creating in this thread.

 

The State of America(so far):

Maximum Proconsul: Kotzenjunge

Assistant Proconsul: Kinetic(acceptance pending)

Minister of Defense: SupaTaft

Baron of Entertainment: Jingus

Chancellor of Frightening/Offensive/Disgusting Things: MarioLogan

Minister of Propaganda: massivvHEDtrauma(was already promised this position as a friend of mine)

 

Wow, this looks like a positively Hellerian Cabinet. Especially MarioLogan's position. I might just create a Major Major Major Major position. All we really need is a name for the Party.

[Guest J*ingus]

Baron of Entertainment: Jingus

Awesome duuuuuuuude.  

 

My first decree: a 24-hour Mystery Science Theater 3000 channel is hereby established.  It will play every MST3K episode ever recorded, including the old public access ones.  Also, the entire cast and crew will be rehired and immedietly put to work on making new ones.  

 

My second decree: ownership of the WW(F)E is hereby turned over to a joint corporation in which Scott Keith and Chris Hyatte are both 50% owners (that should be entertaining).  Tommy Fierro gets ownership of NWA-TNA, just for something to laugh at, in the unlikely event that we ever get tired of laughing at MST3K.  

 

My third decree: Vince Russo and Jerry Bruckheimer are to be shot several times in the back of the head and buried in an unmarked grave.  

 

My fourth decree: Sam Raimi is to direct the actors for all the Star Wars movies forthcoming.  George Lucas may retain control over effects & stuff because only an artificial lifeform like himself can understand how to make all that crap.    

 

My fifth decree: Shakira, Alicia Witt, and Daffney are all to report to my bedroom, stat.

[Guest Kinetic]

I find your ideas intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.  I accept my position as Assistant Proconsul.

[Guest]

I didn't realize how much a Baron of Entertainment could do. I endorse all actions so far, with the possible exception of the fifth decree. I get first dibs on them.

 

And as painful as that WWE ownership may be, go with it. It'd make for interesting trainwreck television.

 

This may just turn into a Fantasy Fascist Fun thread, since the questions have halted. Fine by me!

[Guest]

"I find your ideas intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.  I accept my position as Assistant Proconsul."

 

Good to hear! By the way, I remember who said that Simpsons quote, but what episode was it in? If anyone, including our Baron of Entertainment can help, it'd be appreciated.

 

Oh yeah, anybody got an idea for a name for the party?

[Guest goodhelmet]

Yes, the name of the party should be the Alienated Bourgeois Crackers Determined to Undermine the Rationalized Proletariat league.

[Guest]

The ABCDURPL? Too long.

 

The thing is that this will all come about by me being elected President. I have decided that I will run as a Republican because I can get more money that way and get more people on my side, as moderates and conservatives outnumber liberals, and moderates can be coaxed in my direction with my Republican in-name-only affiliation. The party's name would be then changed to... ah screw it. ABCDURPL, or "Abbey" for short in honor of the Regime's favorite band will be the name.

 

The Abbey Party. I like.