HD: NRG/Mardi Gras

[King Cucaracha 0]

[b]This New Year's Day, there won't be a GM in control...[/b]

[i]COLE
AXEL SLAM! AXEL SLAM![/i]

[b]...no authority figure in control...[/b]

[i]IT'S ANGLESAULT~?!?!??! ANGLESAULT IS HERE ON HELDDOWN~![/i]

[b]...no recently divorced pseudo celebrities in control...[/b]

[i]**THIS ANNECDOTE REMOVED FOR LEGAL REASONS**[/i]

[b]...because, this New Year...



[COLOR=red]ANGLE[/COLOR][COLOR=blue]SAULT[/COLOR]
YOU'RE gonna be in control!


It's the first ever, completely interactive event in OAOAST history, where YOU decide the challengers, the challenges and the stipulations!


[COLOR=red]ANGLE[/COLOR][COLOR=blue]SAULT[/COLOR]
All with the power of your interweb machines!


[COLOR=purple]*NEW YEAR'S SPECTACULAR:
MAINFRAME MONDAY!*[/COLOR]
[i]January 1st, 2007; Daytona Beach, Florida[/b][/i]


COLE
Mainframe Monday coming up on January 1st and you, the OAOAST fans, can vote on what YOU want to see from this coming Monday night. Just added to the card this past week, the OAOAST World Tag Team Championships will be up for grabs as six teams challenge for the belts. The current Champions, The Sooner Bruisers, must contend with The Heavenly Rockers, The Beverly Hills Blonds, The Love Doctors, Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright and finally, Rescue 911.

COACH
Who?

COLE
You'll have three choices. It'll either be a traditional Over The Top Rope Battle Royal, a Tag Team Turmoil Match or a Triple Chance Battle Royal with over the top elimination and a singles match between the final two teams. What odds must The Sooners defy? You decide in four days time.

COACH
Will I have my laptop by then?

COLE
Never you mind Coach. You know what happened to that kid who swiped his Christmas present early.

COACH
My mom would never do shop me. I'm the apple of her eye!

COLE
Sure. On a lighter note and speaking of the tag division as we were, until you started whining about that damn laptop again, up next the OAOAST's newest tag team debuts. The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew as they've christened themselves, with Rico de Janeiro at the helm. We've seen Rico a handful of times on HeldDOWN~! and he's been unsuccessful to say the least, against Theodore Moneymaker and then in tag action against D*LUX twice. He blames a lack of experience and then a series of subpar partners. But Rico now has the experience of the bright lights and TV cameras and now, a handpicked partner, Lucius Soul who's been gaining a reputation in OAOVW and was weeks away from a tryout on OAOAST events. Until that is Rico offered him an immediate route onto the big show and understandably he struck a deal.

COACH
Finally Rico has a partner who he can get along with. A man with talent. A man with an eye for the ladies. A man with the Mardi Gras spirit in his heart.

COLE
A man with outdated hairstyling techniques?

COACH
Hey! The fro'll never go out of style.

"Easy lover
She'll get a hold on you believe it
Like no other
Before you know it you'll be on your knees"

As the soothing sounds of "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins play through the arena, those with decent memories react for the entrance of the tag division's newest combo! Not new to the fans is Rico de Janeiro, swaggering through the curtains wearing a bright (and I mean bright) orange Hawaiian shirt and a large collection of Mardi Gras beads around his neck. Rico stops and strokes down his porn 'stache, before swaggering on. Meanwhile, his newfound tag team partner appears through the sliding doors, busily combing his afro as he struts down the aisle.

"She's an easy lover
She'll take your heart but you won't feel it
She's like no other
And I'm just trying to make you see"

At the bottom of the ramp Soul stops to run down the fans a little, smirking away the whole time and happy to be on the big show. Meanwhile, Rico swaggers up the ring steps and strokes his porn 'stache in the direction of two screaming Wisconsin hotties, before entering the ring.

BUFFER
The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a total combined weight of four hundred, ten pounds... the team of RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL... they are, THE MARDI GRAS HOMEWRECKING CREWii

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
Man, these two guys just ooze charisma!

COLE
Is that what it is? They look pretty sleazy to me, but maybe I've watched one too many 80s detective shows and developed some stereotypes.

COACH
You're in the right business if you have.

As Lucius joins his partner in the ring, Gavin Rossdale's "Adrenaline" now hits and the walking merchandise stand that is Flex Phillips leads the way for the nutritional gurus, proudly wearing his NRG track jacket. Flex takes a swig from his NRG "Winter Berry and Pomegranate NRG Drink" bottle as everyone's favourite human puppydog Biff Atlas follows behind, soaking up the cheers from the adoring crowd.

BUFFER
And their opponents! Total combined weight five hundred, fifteen pounds, the team of BIFF ATLAS and FLEX PHILLIPS... NUTRITION'S REAL GURUS... N... R...G!!!

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"BIFF!"
"BIFF!"
"BIFF!"
"BIFF!"

Fueling the chants, Biff pumps his fist to the beat. Flex is a little less co-operative, possibly because the crowd aren't chanting his name, possibly because he's busy jawing back and forth with Soul. Into the ring climbs the bigman and The MGHWC understandably duck out to the apron encouraging calm, as Biff continues to play to the people.

COLE
And would you listen to the reaction for Biff Atlas! He's really endeared himself to the OAOAST fans in recent months, the people have taken him in as one of their own and to be honest, I can't figure out when or why it happened. But it has.

COACH
Like the blind leading the blind. The mentally blind at least.

The MGHWC continue to stall for time on the apron as NRG are ready to go. And they're not wasting time (there's a triple main event to get to after all), Flex catching Rico unawares, yanking the top rope and bringing him in the hard way~!


*DINGDINGDING!*

Rico rolls back to his seat and tries to beg off, shuffling across the ring trying to calm Flex down. There's no reprieve coming though and Flex hauls Rico up, nailing him with a big forearm that sends Rico staggering back into a neutral corner! Another forearm! And a third, before Flex tears the gaudy Hawaiian shirt from de Janeiro's back and wraps it around his throat!

"YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Oh, Rico is in trouble! Flex Phillips, trying to choke the moustache right off his lips!

COACH
That doesn't even make any sense!

With the shirt still wrapped around the throat, Flex beils Rico out of the corner and into the centre of the ring HARD! Rico again tries to beg off as Flex does as his name would dictate, flexing his muscles. That buys Rico time to scramble back to his feet and rush the posing bodybuilder, but Flex sidesteps and guides Rico sternum first into the turnbuckles behind him. Out bounces the Brazilian, into a right hand. Another. Another. Another. And yet another. Somehow Rico is still standing after this onslaught, albeit with a noticeable wobble, so Flex takes him behind the head, running him headfirst into the turnbuckles. With a wrench of the arm Flex then sends Rico coast to coast into the opposite corner, the force bouncing Rico back out... 


...into a GORILLA PRESS...


...and a slam, which causes Soul to freak out in Mardi Gras territory!

COACH
Woah!

COLE
New partner or not, Rico de Janeiro doesn't seem to have had a change of luck thus far.

Despite the huge slam, Rico seems more concerned with his moustache as he climbs back to his feet, stroking it down with his free hand, the other pinned to his lower back. Around he turns and Flex is waiting, mowing The King Of The Mardi Gras with a clothesline before making the tag to Biff Atlas!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Biff balls up the fists and the crowd know what's coming! Unfortunately for Rico he doesn't, barely knowing where he is by now as he turns right into a heavy haymaker!

"BIFF!"

Another right hand follows...

"BIFF!"

...and another...

"BIFF!"

...before Biff loads the Brazilian into the ropes with an irish whip. Soul tries to make a blind tag but the tagrope simply won't stretch far enough, leaving him to watch on in despair as Rico goes soaring courtesy of a HIGH backbody drop from Atlas! In shock, Rico sits up, but Biff shoves him back down and makes the pin...


1...





2...




Kickout.

Up pops Rico looking for the tag. Biff quickly grabs him by the head though, dragging Rico back to his feet and sending him for the ride again. But naïvely Biff ducks his head looking for another backdrop. And this time Rico is well prepped for the move, managing to lunge forward and drop an elbow across the back of the head to counter!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

From the corner Flex tries to encourage Biff to 'shake it off'. Which he has no chance to, as Rico pulls him to his feet in a front facelock and drags him to the corner, allowing "Sweet" Lucius Soul to tag in.

COLE
Well, our first look at Lucius, let's see what the fuss is about.

In glides Lucius and he lands a quick kick to the exposed gut of Biff before taking the chance to taunt Flex, luring the hotheaded bodybuilder into the ring. That allows him to place Biff in the corner and let Rico do some dirtywork with the tag rope around the throat, some more smack talk keeping Flex in and the referee distracted.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
Looks like the tables have turned Mikey.

COLE
Thanks to the illegal use of that tag rope.

COACH
Yeah, sure. But the fact is Lucius came in and immediately turned the match into his team's favour. None of Rico's other partners got that far.

Finally referee Charles Robinson manages to convince Flex to go back to the corner. By now though Rico has abandoned the tag rope, walking down the apron stroking his porn 'stache in innocence, Lucius taking over on Biff with stomps in the corner. Stomp after stomp finds the well chiseled frame of Biff until he's pushed up against the bottom turnbuckle. At which point Soul SLAMS the flat of his boot into the face and mugs for the crowd, who haven't taken to the New Orleans native.

"BIFF!"
"BIFF!"
"BIFF!"
"BIFF!"

Lucius pulls Biff out of the corner and tags Rico back in. A double whip by The MGHWC sends Biff into the ropes and Lucius drops down in the centre of the ring, forcing Biff to go up and over... into a Harley Race style High Knee from Rico! The new partners high-five, before Rico follows up with the pin...


1...





2...




Kickout.

Unhappy with the count, Rico encourages to referee Charles Robinson to 'speed it up, baby' as he climbs back up. Drawing on the crowd and his partner's encouragement, up climbs Biff, fists shaking. A clubbing forearm over the back doesn't seem to stop him for too long. Another forearm over the back puts him down to one knee again, but still Biff is fighting. So Rico hits the ropes in front and charges back with a firm stance, thundering the elbow hard into the sternum. The wind goes rushing out of Biff's lungs and although he doesn't go down immediately, he does drop to his knees after a couple of seconds, sucking wind.

COACH
Man, you could hear the contact all around the arena there. Rico, showing the form that propelled him to the position of Nose Tackle at Rio de Janeiro University!

COLE
What!? There's no such thing... and where did you get that cowboy hat!?

COACH
Props department.

A lucky fan gets a black Resistol to remember the night by as Michael Cole sends it flying into the crowd. 

Meanwhile back in the ring, another exchange is made by The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Up to the top goes Lucius as Rico holds Biff in place by the arms, leaving him wide-open for a fist delivered down across Biff's bald head. A little juking and jiving follows, Lucius feeling good about life right about now. Biff tries to shake off the cobwebs as Lucius closes in and hits another right hand. Without the added height they don't seem to have the same effect, so Lucius instead lands a roundhouse kick to the chest. And a second, Biff now softened up enough to go back to the right hands. With Biff up against the ropes, Soul now looks to shoot him off with an irish whip. It's reversed by the pocket powerhouse, but as Biff's attentions turn to reaching his corner and a tag he forgets all about Lucius, who soars back with a (briefly) gravity defying Flying Clothesline! Cover is made...


1...






2...





And Flex makes the save!

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

SOUL
C'mon, get that sucka outta here!

Flex is sent back to the corner, while another tag is made on the other side. In swaggers Rico, driving a double sledge across the fallen Atlas before taking issue with Flex Phillips. The bigman restrains himself and warns Rico he'll pay later, but Rico seems distinctly unconcerned as he greets Biff climbing up with a knee to the gut. Rico now backs Biff into a neutral corner, landing the forearm to the sternum again. And with Biff winded, the Brazilian climbs the ropes, that cocky Latino smirk on his hairy lipped face as he pins the bald head back...


...and lands a big right. 

And another. 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Obviously the crowd aren't counting along, but if they were they'd be up to three. 

Four. 
Five. 
Six. 
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
And...


...Rico stops, stroking down the porn 'stache...



...allowing Biff to counter, lifting Rico off the ropes and carrying him into the centre of the ring, before planting the horrified Latino ladies man with an Inverted Atomic Drop!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Rico a little too pre-occupied with the moustache and it cost him! A dumb move if I ever saw one.

COACH
He's proud of his appearance, that's all. If you could grow a moustache you'd understand!

Left hurting downstairs, the 'stache is the least of Rico's worries now and he looks to buy some recovery time with a tag to Lucius Soul. In rushes Lucius, looking to catch Biff off guard with a clothesline. But Biff sees it coming and ducks underneath, Soul managing to put on the brakes just short of Flex in the corner. His joy is short lived however, because Biff is waiting on him.

Right hand.

"BIFF!"

Right.
"BIFF!"

Right.
"BIFF!"

Right.
"BIFF!"

Right.
"BIFF!"

Right.
"BIFF!"

Right.
"BIFF!"

Right.
"BIFF!"

Right.
"BIFF!"


...with Lucius rocking and reeling, Biff wiiiiiinds up...


"WOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH..."


...and lands the BIG final haymaker, dropping Lucius in one!

"BIFF!"

COLE
Biff succeeded where Rico failed, completing the series of 10!

That offensive burst took all the energy Biff had at his immediate disposal though and he drops to one knee, to the frustration of Flex Phillips who is desperate for the tag. The crowd get behind Biff as he glances up, looking for the corner and making the slow, painful crawl towards his partner. On the other side Rico is still nursing his own injuries, so Soul bypasses a tag and tries instead to cut Biff off...




...BUT THE TAG IS MADE!!

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Here. Comes. Flex!

Riled up from his extended spell on the apron, Flex comes in and transforms into a human HOUSE OF FIRE! A clothesline puts Soul back down the moment he reaches his feet. Up climbs Soul again, but again he's nailed with a clothesline. Rico sees his partner in trouble and comes in looking for the save, finding only more of the same, that being a clothesline that knocks him clean off his feet. And Flex is feeling it now, treating the crowd to an impressive 'most muscular' pose that almost tempts Vince McMahon to pick up the phone to his accountant and say "hey, maybe we gave up on that WBF thing too soon!"

COLE
Flex Phillips is cleaning house and Rico might be getting that sinking feeling again right about now.

COACH
Don't count him out yet Mikey. He's not the same guy we saw those past three times. Well... he is, but he isn't. You know what I'm saying.

Posing time is over now as Flex sends Rico for the ride. Rico grips the top rope and stops his momentum though, giving Flex the ol' porn 'stache stroke, distracting him as Lucius comes up from behind...



...but a sidestep from Flex causes Lucius to hit [i]Rico[/i] with a huge Bicycle Kick, sending Rico spiralling up and over the top rope to the arena floor!

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
Oh no!

COLE
Rico's got more than a sinking feeling after that one!

Momentarily freaked out by his miscue, Soul tries to apologise. Being KOed on the floor Rico can't hear anyway, so Lucius remembers he's got a match to get on with, turning on his heels and charging at Flex. But he runs right into a Sidewalk Slam from Ft. Lauderdale's finest! Popping to his knees, Flex signals that it's over as he makes a lateral press...


1...






2...






NO, kickout!

COACH
There we go! This guy's no pushover, not like Rico's past partners.

COLE
Kickout by Soul, but NRG are still in the ascendancy here.

Lucius Soul is in the ascendancy too. Literally, as Flex pulls him off the mat and up into the air with an effortless Gorilla Press! So effortless that Flex starts doing reps with the 185 pound newcomer. Back into the fray comes Biff Atlas meanwhile and on orders from his partner he drops to one knee, ready for the NRG Burst! Referee Charles Robinson is trying to gain control of the match though and finds himself in the way trying to get one man in and one man out...



*CHING!*

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"


...meaning he misses the LOWBLOW by Rico de Janeiro on Flex Phillips!

COACH
So much for ascendancy!

COLE
Out of sight of the referee, lowblow! Don't tell me this is how Rico intends on getting his first OAOAST victory!

COACH
Well, that's one method he didn't try before.

Going into a sudden state of rigor mortis, or rigor paralysis at least, Flex drops Soul who just manages to catch himself and land on his feet. Biff reacts, brushing referee Robinson aside and rushing at Lucius. Lucius drops down though, forcing Biff to go up and over, right into the waiting arms of Rico with a HOTSHOT!

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

As Biff whiplashes off of the rope, Soul takes Flex and calls over Rico. Together The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew pitch the bigman to the arena floor and pool their efforts towards the lone man in the ring, Biff Atlas. Biff is still choking for breath as Rico hauls him up, clubbing him with a couple of forearms. Snaking behind, Rico then takes Biff up for a Back Suplex as Soul positions himself, taking Biff by the back of the head and guiding him down with a Neckbreaker in stereo with the suplex!

COACH
What a hairraising experience for Biff Atlas! Haha, get it? Coz, the hair?

COLE
Genius.

Biff writhes on the canvas as Soul jumps for joy. Meanwhile, the much calmer de Janeiro swaggers back to his feet, hands on hips, looking for the answer to one simple question.



RICO
WHO WANTS A MOUSTACHE RIDE!?!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
Sit down Michael!

COLE
I am sat down you moron!

Apparantly no-one wants to take The King Of The Mardi Gras up on his gracious offer. So Rico turns his attention back to Biff, pulling him up off the canvas and into a standing headscissors. And despite Biff's 220 pounds of muscle, Rico is able to muscle him up over his shoulder, placing the hands in the armpits and muscling him up a little further with the crucifix...





...and DRIVING him down with the Crucifix Powerbomb!

COACH
The Moustache Ride!

COLE
What strength from de Janeiro! Impressive!

Rico strokes down the porn 'stache as he crawls into the cover...


1...




...and Lucius lands a baseball slide to keep Flex out of action...


2...








3!!!

COLE
And that's it!


*DINGDINGDING!*

As soon as the bell sounds, Rico punches the air in relief. But he soon regains his cool and simply strokes down the porn 'stache in victory. Soul returns to the ring too and pats his new tag partner on the back, celebrating a job well done.

BUFFER
Your winners of this match, the team of RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL... THE MARDI GRAS HOMEWRECKING CREWii!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Some questionable tactics, but you can't argue with the results. Rico de Janeiro picks up his first ever OAOAST victory, with the newcomer Lucius Soul by his side and I can guarantee they won't care about the means or the methods.

COACH
And so they shouldn't! Rico needed a partner he could rely on and he found him. He needed a partner to help him towards victory, he found him. And hey, first time out they beat NRG. Who knows how far these two could go together Mikey. It could be a year round Mardi Gras celebration... and I LOVE Mardi Gras celebrations!

COLE
Settle down Coach.

COACH
But... Mardi Gras! You know what you've got to do to get those beads, right?

COLE
(sighs) Yeeess.

COACH
I wanna see someone show it! Where's Stacey when you need her? Get her out here. Find Lindsay, find anyone, The Coach ain't fussy...

COLE
Commercials!