HD: Conquistadors vs. THR

[Tony149 0]

* DING DING DING *

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the next contest...one fall, 15 minute time limit. Currently in the ring, accompanied by their advisor MACKENZIE DECENZO...

"BOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

BUFFER (CONT'D)
...the self proclaimed meanest and baddest men in all of Latin America, the always unpredictable...LOS CONQUISADOOOOOORRRRRRRSSSSSSS!

Mackie points to her clients, who raise their gold fists in the air. 

COLE
No surprise here. Mackenzie DeCenzo now advising Los Conquistadors after Theodore Moneymaker all but placed a bounty on Los Diablos de Fuego last week.

COACH
Mackie knows a thing or two about rebuilding a team's confidence. Remember what she did to the careers of Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard. She turned them into champions when everyone thought they were dead in the water.  

COLE
I understand Los Conquistadors have been put through some grueling training in preparation for their showdown with Moracca and Mariachi New Year's night. The best money can buy, as the Enterprise love to say. Uh-oh. We got problems. 

COACH
Speak for youself. The Beverly Hills Blonds are their way to Sofa Central!

NED
Get outta here, Cole. 

COACH
Yeah. Outta here!

SIMON
Sorry, Coach. I'm afraid you too. In order to prove we're not homophobic, we gotta hate everybody equally for the time being. You're still America's favorite brother though. 

COACH
But... :(

"Heart-Shaped Box" hits, the fans go nuts, and Synth and Logan emerge from the back. 

BUFFER
And their opponents...from Sin City, Las Vegas, Nevada...the greatest rock n wrestling band of all time, the HEAVENLYYYYYYYYYYYYY RRRRRRRRRRROCKERRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSS!

NED
Welcome to HeldDOWN~! with your new broadcast team. I'm Ned Blanchard...

SIMON
...and I'm Simon Singleton. 

NED
Otherwise known as the Beverly Hills Blonds, former 3-time tag champions of the world. Be sure to watch us capture the gold again New Year's night. We'll talk more about that later on, but right now...right now we have more company!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* DINGDINGDING *

The bell sounds, but the action is delayed by the unexpected appearance of the OAOAST tag team champions. Big Frank and Uber Bruiser stopping by to check out their hated rivals, one of the teams involved in the tag team championship match at New Year's Spectauclar: Monday Mainframe, in person and perhaps to get an up close and personal look at the business consultant of another team gunning for their title New Year's night.

NED
There they are, the two men keeping the World tag team titles warm for us until New Year's night, the Sooner Bruisers. 

SIMON
A couple of bad apples they are, Ned. Not as bad as you and me, of course, but bad apples nonetheless. They're the only team I dread having to face at Monday Mainframe. 

NED
The New Year's Spectauclar! And a spectauclar it will be -- that's the night the hottest tag team in the biz, the Beverly Hills Blonds, regain the World tag team championship for an unprecedented fourth time! 

SIMON
For real too. That Michael Cole originally tried to con the fans into thinking Black T were chasing their fourth tag title last year when it was really their third. Michael Cole is such a tool. 

Mackenzie eagerly points the champions in the direction of the Heavenly Rockers in hopes of a physcial confrontation. And it works. They want the Bruisers right now!

"YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" 

SIMON
And it looks like we might get a sneak peek of what's to come New Year's night...tonight! 

NED
Our favorite whipping boys vs. the most dominating tag team in OAOAST history. 

Distracted by the champions presence ringside the Heavenly Rockers leave themselves open to attack from behind, and Los Conquistadors capitalize, ambushing the greatest rock n wrestling band of all time. They toss Synth out to the floor and concentrate on Logan, pummeling him to his knees. Outside, the Sooner Bruisers put the boots to Synth, then pretend they're just trying to help him up when spotted by referee Charles Robinson. Charles warning the Brusiers not to get physically involved in the match or they will be ejected. Naturally, Big Frank and Uber promise not to interfere. 

NED
I don't think the referee has much to worry about in the Sooner Bruisers. Los Conquistadors have this match under control.
(shouting to ref)
They're just trying to watch the match, idiot! 

SIMON
Uno and Dos won't need any help anyway. The money our man Teddy spent training these guys in the jungles of Latin America have turned Los Conquistadors into savages. Latin American savages. They're harder than hardcore. They're extreme with an "X". And you can't get any more xtreme than that. 

Los Conquistadors target the neck of Logan Mann, clotheslining him on the top rope. Uno, or maybe Dos (they're hard to tell apart), then drops a series of elbows across the neck, pulling the head back and digging the fingers into the nose! Mann has his face stomped into the canvas and then is dragged to the Conquistador corner for a tag. The man who could be Dos or possibly really Uno whips Logan into the ropes and thrusts both forearms dangerously close to the throat on the rebound, following it up with a big legdrop. 

ONE...

TW-- KICKOUT!

Into the Conquistadors corner goes Mann again, driven face-first into the knee of the illegal Conquistador. For the sake of everyone's sanity we'll call him Uno, being that he was the first Golden Boy in. Accepting the tag for his team, Uno works Logan's body over with rapid rights and lefts, snapmaring him to the center of the ring and applies a neck vice to weaken the muscles in Mann's already less than 100% neck. 

"LO-GAN!"
"LO-GAN!"
"LO-GAN!"

The crowd rallies behind Mann, as does Synth who has finally made it up to his feet after the sneak-attack by Los Conquistadors and the cheapshots from the Sooner Bruisers. Big Frank and Uber teasing Logan with the tag title belts, drawing another warning from the referee. 

SIMON
Lindsay Lohan's here? Where? :P

NED
It's LoGAN not LoHAN. Although I wish it were Lindsay. You should see her orgasm, man. I tell ya, it's like a fish out of water. All squirming around while I'm squirting in. 

SIMON
You know I love you in a brotherly way, Ned, but you really gotta start using condoms, bro. Otherwise you're gonna have a crop of children. 

NED
Crop of children? Oh, I get it. I plant my seed in too many gardens. Crops. Niiiice. 

Turning out attention back to the ring, the fist is pumping and the adreanline is flowing as Logan makes it back to his feet and smashes the Conquistador's jaw into the crown of his head! The jawbreaker succeeding in breaking the neck vice. Logan glances over at Synth, reaching for the tag, but he's too far away. So disorientated he forgot where he was. Logan quickly recovers and inches towards his corner, shaking off the cobwebs along the way. But it's Los Conquistadors who make the tag first. Dos rushing in to drop the big elbow on Logan, before knocking Synth off the apron!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Dos drags Logan to the Conquistador side of the ring and performs the Mexican Hat Dance, mocking a cherished tradition of Los Diablos de Fuego and their people. Los Conquistador give the fist salute, which leads Dos to stick it between Logan's eyes!

ONE...

TWO...

SAVE BY THE SYNTHMEISTER!

NED
Oh, come on, ref! Disqualify the sonuvabitch!

SIMON
And some people have the audacity to say [i]we[/i] break the rules. Huh. That was textbook rulebreaking right there.

NED
Tag! We have a tag. Uno going back in. 

Charles Robinson struggles to prevent Los Conquistadors from double-teaming Logan, so Synth takes matters into his own hands and steps in, fending off Uno and Dos himself. The crowd is none to pleased when Charles finds the strength to restrain Synth, ordering him back on the apron. Los Conquistadors again seize the opportunity, firing Mann into the ropes, and elevating him high in the air with a double backdrop. Uno hits the ropes and delivers yet another elbow. 

NED
They sure love their elbow drops, don't they? In case you people at home are wondering, that's not an illegal double-team because Los Conquistadors did it within the allotted 10 seconds. 

SIMON
Certain commentators--cough*MichaelCole*cough--have led you to believe the rule is 5 seconds, but it's really 10. Trust us on that. 

ONE...

TWO...

KICKOUT!

Uno sits Logan up and places him in a reverse chinlock. Mackenzie directing the action outside, asking Uno to grind the knee into the spine of the back as he tightens his grip. Synth shouting words of encouragement to his partner, getting the fans into it as well. 

"ROCK N' WRESTLING!"
"ROCK N' WRESTLING!"
"ROCK N' WRESTLING!"

Logan tries to get the adreanline flowing again, kicking and screaming his way back into it. Logan slowly rising to a knee, then both feet. Elbow to the midsection gets Uno off his feet. So successful the first time Logan just keeps rattling off elbow after elbow until he breaks free. Then it's off to the ropes, but Dos grabs ahold of him. Uno charges in...and Mann moves aside, causing Los Conquistadors to collide! Back to the ropes and a blind tag, Logan drilling Uno with a spinning back elbow as Synth follows up with an elbow of his own...straight from the second rope!

ONE...

TWO...

THREE!



NO!

SIMON
Oh, ho, ho. Dos just in time with the save. But it's getting a little too close to comfort for me. 

NED
I hear you all the way, buddy. The match is starting to get away from the referee. If it gets anymore chaotic I might have to step in and help restore order. Uh, I mean YOU might have to step in and restore order, Simon. I'm hurt. 

All hell breaks loose as both teams brawl in the ring. Everyone from the referee to the men and women outside keeping a close eye on this one. Los Conquistadors forced to restort to raking the eyes to regain control. Synth and Logan duck a pair of clotheslines and dive through the ropes, wiping out the Sooner Bruisers outside!

"YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The crowd loves it, and so do the Heavenly Rockers. Synth and Logan hammering away on their arch-rivals. 

* WHAP *
* WHAP *
* WHAP *

Logan unstrapping the belt Big Frank wears as an armband and using it as a weapon, whipping the Man of Tomorrow! Los Conquistadors to the rescue, if you what to call it that. Uno and Dos blindsiding the Heavenly Rockers for a second time tonight. The Golden Boys, who thank you for not being their friend, send Logan into the guardrail before sending Synth back into the squared circle. A bad mistake since it allows Synth time, albeit brief, to compose himself and come right back at them. He levels Dos with a baseball slide and crotches Uno on the way in, pulling up on the middle rope. Uno, who landed out on the apron, is brought back up and suplexed inside. 

ONE...

TWO...

THR-- KICKOUT!

NED
Oh, hell yeah! He kicked out. That's exactly what Teddy paid your training for, to make you a fighter. Helluva competitor that kid is. Jesus Christ! What is this crap coming through out headsets?

SIMON
Our so-called "director" trying to tell us something. Hey, you guys in the truck shut up! We're trying to call a match here. What the hell are they saying Ned?

NED
The hell if I know. Somebody on their way to the arena. Probably some chump. 

Synth goes for a hangman's neckbreaker, but Uno shoves him towards the ropes where Mackenzie awaits, and she blasts the Synthmeister with her Gucci bag! Synth rolled up in a small package!

ONE...

TWO...

THREE-- NO!

Logan saves the day. As does Dos, who wallops Mann upside the head. The match degernates into another pier-six brawl. Double Irish whip by Los Conquistadors, and Logan goes tumbling over the top thanks to the Sooner Bruisers yanking down the top rope...just as Synth nails both Conquistadors with a pair of PERCUSSION DDT's!

Synth covers both Conquistadors.

NED
Action!

The Blonds leave the broadcast, at least Simon does as Ned stops in his tracks and grimaces in pain when he notices the camera right on him. 

NED
Ow, my badly injured groin. 

Unbeknowst to the referee, distracted by Mackenzie on the apron, the Bruisers are bruising Logan outside. Meanwhile, Simon comes off the top with a legdrop, placing one of the Conquistadors on top afterward. Singleton boasts over his job well done, to the cheers and applause of Ned Blanchard. 

NED
(laughing)
Yeah! That's my tag team partner. You see, that's why we're walking away with the gold New Year's night. It doesn't matter what type of match you people select. That right there showed you why the Beverly Hills Blonds are the best tag team in the world, period. 

As Ned finishes his verbal blowjob, cameras cut outside the arena where the pink Pinto affectionately known as the WANGMOBILE pulls up. The doors swings open in a surprisingly manly way and out step...

...LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO, sporting taria's in support of the embattled Miss USA! 

Unfortunately for Los Conquistadors, Mackie's high heels have caught on to the ring apron, and despite her best pleas the referee chooses to spend his time trying to free her rather than make the count.  

NED
Holy... Why didn't somebody tell me these guys were on their way? What? Oh, screw you guys in the truck. You'll be lucky if you still have jobs next week. Forget the lady, ref. She'll be fine. Make the count!

"YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!"

Simon thinks the cheers are for him, so he basks in the glory not knowing what's fastly approaching behind him. 

NED
Simon!

* BOOM *

Singleton eats a double right hand. But Los Diablos de Fuego didn't come alone. They brought along the WIFE of Logan Usher Mann...HOLLY-WOOD!

"YEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Holly yanks Mackie off the apron and gives her the wickest bitch slap you'll ever see! Charles Robinson sees the mayhem all around him and calls for the bell. 

* DINGDINGDINGDING *

Officials rush to restore order. 10 are needed just to pry the Sooner Bruisers away from Logan! Holly wants her some of Big Frank, trying to breakthrough the sea of referees and agents to get at the man who has caused so much pain and suffering in her and Logan's lives. The crowd still too caught up in the moment to boo the apparent double disqualification. Lost in the mayhem is Ned Blanchard, the victim of a Los Diablos de Fuego DRY HUMPING!

NED
Son of a biiiiitch! Go to break! Go...to...break! Anywhere but here!