HOLIDAY HOOLIGANDA~!

[Zack Malibu 0]

SCENE: The city. More specifically, an inner city area. Buildings are worn and torn. Laundry hangs outside apartment windows, even in the brisk air of winter. Snow is falling, and it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

 

It's also beginning to look like it's time for some more HOOLIGANDA~!

 

*jump cut~!*

 

The scene flashes back, and we see Johnny Jax, Scotty Static, and Jamie O'Hara (the latter wearing a Santa cap and drinking a 40. oz) parading through the streets, looking right at home.

 

STATIC

Ain't nothin' like bein' home for the holidays, you know what I'm sayin'?

 

O'HARA

When did we get to Atlanta? How much have I bloody drank?

 

Static shoves the smallest of the three Hooligans aside, and O'Hara simply takes another swig.

 

JAX

Everyone's in the spirit out here. Some people are naughty...

 

(cut to a shot of someone being inserted into the back of a police car, their hands cuffed behind them)

 

STATIC

...while some are being nice.

 

(a shot of a man and woman, in a very precarious position, is shown...complete with a black box blurring certain "activity")

 

JAX

Dammit man, we got kids watching!

 

STATIC

Sorry moms and dads, I know that wasn't the package you had in mind for junior!

 

O'HARA

Screw this. 'Tis the season for giving and receiving, so I'ma go get me a ho ho ho!

 

O'Hara storms away from the GPX, who look on at their tipsy friend. Jamie goes and approaches a woman of questionable occupation, not exactly dressed for winter weather. As he converses with her, a police car drives by, slowing to a crawl to check out what's going down. O'Hara, angered that the cops are profiling him, starts shouting and waving his arms, daring the cops to come and get him. Johnny and Scotty run up and drag their friend away, but it's too late...the sirens are on and the cops are giving chase!

 

SCOTTY

I don't think this is what they had in mind when they talked about "dashing through the snow!"

 

O'HARA

Yes they did! Dashing through the snow from one whore's open legs!

 

O'Hara drops his 40. oz during the Hooligans sprint from the authorities, and we fade to a black screen that's soon tagged with spraypaint, stating "HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE HOOLIGANS".

 

And now, back to Sofa Central.

 

COLE

Hahahaha...oh man, leave it to Jamie O'Hara.

 

COACH

J. had the right idea, but at the wrong time!

 

COLE

Keep in mind folks the views of The Hooligans are theirs and theirs alon...wait...what do you want!?

 

Michael Cole questions the arrival of Todd Cortez, who simply piefaces the announcer back, and grabs a live mic off the table!

 

CORTEZ

Are you KIDDING me? That's the type of crap you people buy into? Let me tell you somethin' about those Hooligans, talkin' about being "home on the streets". Those three vanilla midgets ain't got NO IDEA...NO IDEA what it's like bein' from the streets. The streets to them is all about image...all style but no substance. You think any cops pull THEM over? That they ever got racially profiled? Jumped as soon as they walked out their house for their lunch money? Have to live in the same apartment house as druggies and hookers and killers...the lower rung of society? They ain't NEVER had to live that life. They ain't NEVER had to suffer, but they wanna act like they're hard? Like they're legit? Well let me tell you people somethin'...I don't care which one of them you vote for...that loudmouth Scotty Static, that wannabe Johnny Jax, or that spot monkey O'Hara...come Mainframe Monday, I'm gonna punk off one of those posers, and THAT'S what's real!

 

Cortez throws the mic down, just as Michael Cole is climbing back into his seat. The fans boo the "Urban Legend" as he heads back up the aisleway, and HeldDOWN~! will be back, after this.