HD: The long-awaited Landon segment!

[King Cucaracha 0]

"REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!"

Marilyn Manson's take on "Personal Jesus" powers through the arena and for the first time in three and a half weeks it brings LANDON MADDIX to an OAOAST arena! Like so many of the company's fans, Landon is coming alone tonight, Megan-less as he steps through the sliding entrance doors with microphone in hand. Maddix signals for production to cut the music and they oblige.

"DREK STONE BEAT YOU!"
*clap clap clapclapclap!*
"DREK STONE BEAT YOU!"
*clap clap clapclapclap!*

Unfortunately for him, another bout of noise replaces it though.

COLE
Landon Maddix making his first appearance since New Year's Spectacular, where indeed Drek Stone did pin him to retain his OAOAST World Championship in the impromptu triple threat main-event. Of course, Tony Brannigan did the damage, Drek picked the bones. Either way Landon doesn't seem to happy about being reminded about it on his 'triumphant' return.

MADDIX
(sarcastic)
Oh, it's sure good to be back!

Landon rolls his eyes, to make sure everyone gets the point.

MADDIX
So, your Saviour has returned!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

MADDIX
And not a moment too soon. The question on everybody's lips since New Year's Spectacular has been 'where is Landon'? 'Where is Landon'? I'm like the OAOAST's answer to Poochie. Only, you know, popular. And not just ironically popular. Well OAOAST fans, wonder no more. You see, over the past few weeks, I've been in strict, regimental training for both The Lethal Rumble and The Clusterfuck. Oh yeah, and I've been working for the SWF too. But mainly, strict regimental training. This year, I intend on making history. History that no man has so much as dreamt of previously. And I've trained like I've never trained in my life over these past few weeks, ready for my triumphant comeback fight! So, to build some media interest in this landmark event in professional sports, I had a good friend of mine videotape me and mix it into a neat little video package. Take a look!

Landon directs everyone in Boston to the AngleTron. They have a choice whether to watch. You? Well...



[b]*WHOOSH~!*[/b]

MADDIX
What makes me... think... I'm gonna win... the Lethal Rumble?

Cut to a shot of Landon in the January air, doubled over in exhaustion. Looking back over his shoulder, Maddix surveys the set of steps he's just scaled and smiles to camera.

MADDIX
Because I've got the Eye... Of The TIGER!



.:CUE: "You're The Best", Joe Esposito:.


[b]Try to be best[/b]
[i]Sat at his breakfast table, Landon cracks a couple of eggs...[/i]
[b]‘Cause you’re only a man[/b]
[i]...mixing them in a glass and chugging them down...[/i]
[b]And a man’s gotta learn to take it[/b]
[i]...before suddenly turning violently ill[/i]

[b]Try to believe[/b]
[i]Now at a non-descript SWF training facility, Landon performs a couple of chin-ups.[/i]
[b]Though the going gets rough[/b]
[i]Mainly because there a rabid dog pacing underneath him, Landon apparantly unaware of the t-bone steak taped to his right boot[/i]
[b]That you gotta hang tough to make it[/b]
[i]Not to mention where the dog even came from[/i]

[b]History repeats itself
Try and you’ll succeed[/b]
[i]Footage of Landon competing in and winning the 2005 SWF Clusterfuck[/i]
[b]Never doubt that you’re the one
And you can have your dreams![/b]
[i]Footage which Landon is studying closely. Although, why he needs the half-glasses he's sporting to do so isn't clear[/i]

[b]You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down[/b]
[i]The iconic image of Landon in his sweats, jogging up a set of gruelling steps[/i]
[b]You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down[/b]
[i]Landon stops when he reaches what he thinks is the top. Unfortunately, as he looks up, he sees literally hundreds more steps and realises he's at the Cathedrale Notre-dame de Paris[/i]
[b]You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own[/b]
[i]Luckily, Megan Skye is on hand with a megaphone, her 'encouragement' convincing Landon to keep on jogging towards the summit[/i]

[b]Fight ‘til the end[/b]
[i]Back in the gym, Landon practices his shadow-boxing skills next to a punchbag[/i]
[b]Cause your life will depend[/b]
[i]Before testing out his kicks on the same punchbag[/i]
[b]On the strength that you have inside you[/b]
[i]And for no real reason at all, testing his strength at the Carnival. :MALLETSHOT:[/i]

[b]Ah you gotta be proud[/b]
[i]Landon looks through the window of the gym complex, staring out at the night sky...[/i]
[b]starin’ out in the cloud[/b]
[i]...and Megan Skye, dangling the keys to the padlock she's used to lock the door tantalising towards Landon's gaze[/i]
[b]When the odds in the game defy you[/b]
[i]So Landon shadowboxes some more, periodically checking his watch and the padlocked door[/i]

[b]Try your best to win them all
and one day time will tell[/b]
[i]Having eventually been freed, Landon now interrupts another training session. Resident SWF scrubs Martin 'Big Country' Hunt and Ced Ordonez are the unlucky parties[/i]
[b]when you’re the one that’s standing there
you’ll reach the final bell![/b]
[i]Clips of Landon hurling both men over the top rope follow, dusting his hands successfully as they lay possibly injured outside of the ring[/i]

[b]You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down[/b]
[i]A group of tourists are looking out off of Santa Monica Pier, admiring the view. Into shot runs Landon, grabbing one of the tourists by the head and pitching him up and over the railing, into the water below![/i]
[b]You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down[/b]
[i]Landon leaps around celebrating like he just won the Rumble. And some more shadow boxing[/i]
[b]You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ho-how-ho-own[/b]
[i]Landon's celebrations slow down though, as he sees the rest of the tourist group glaring at him[/i]


[b]INSPIRING GUITAR SOLO~![/b]
[i]Cue the ever-popular slow-motion sequence, Landon running down Santa Monica Boulevard. Behind him, twelve angry tourists and a state patrol car. As he begins to tire, Landon ducks into a video arcade, evading the mob as they inexplicably miss him turning off and keep on running[/i]


[b]You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down[/b]
[i]Landon, now a little better recovered, stand playing the Royal Rumble Arcade Game (hard to find, too)[/i]
[b]You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down[/b]
[i]Annoyed, Landon wrenches at the joystick a little before grumpily reaching for some more quarters[/i]
[b]You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own[/b]
[i]Into the arcade arrives Megan though and she resumes shouting at Landon through the megaphone, causing him to go back to his jogging from earlier[/i]

[b]Fight ‘til you drop[/b]
[i]Jogging![/i]
[b]never stop
can’t give up[/b]
[i]Shadow boxing![/i]
[b]Til you reach the top (FIGHT!)[/b]
[i]Cat skinning![/i]
[b]you’re the best in town (FIGHT!)[/b]
[i]More jogging![/i]
[b]Listen to that sound[/b]
[i]Kickbag pounding! A bunch of sit-ups![/i]
[b]A little bit of all you got
Can never bring you down[/b]
[i]Neck bridges! Chin-ups! Hindu squats! MORE SHADOW-BOXING! This man is READY![/i]

[b]You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever bring you down
You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down[/b]...



"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Back in the arena, Landon applauds as the video fades away.

COACH
Wow.

COLE
What the hell was that? He didn't even get his movie references right!

COACH
Who cares, I love that song!

MADDIX
Yes I am, Joe Esposito. Yes. I. Am. And nothing's gonna ever keep me from winning the Lethal Rumble, this Sunday night at AnglePalooza. Not nothing, not nobody. People might claim that having one eye on 29 men this Sunday and the other eye on 19 men this Wednesday is putting a little too much on my plate in one go. That's just regular routine for Paris Hilton though and she seems to be doing pretty well for herself.

Landon licks his index finger, scoring 'one zinger' for himself on his imaginary scoreboard.

MADDIX
Lethal Rumble, Clusterfuck. SWF World Title, OAOAST World Title. Nobody has achieved either of those pairs of accolades. Nothing less than all four is going to be good enough for me. This is my chance at history. Yes, I've already won the Cluster' and the SWF World Title in my past, but achieving them all in the same year would be the historical cherry on my cake of wrestling history. Which is why I've trained those extra hours, studied those extra tapes, minimised those extra bookings. All for a one week spurt at glory and immortality! Certainly not all for nought.

Smiling, Landon fiddles with the microphone a little.

MADDIX
Right now, everybody's talking about Zack Malibu. Everybody's talking about Survive Or Surrender. They're talking about Drek Stone in Ocean's Thirteen. They're talking about the Anderson Cup. But soon, pretty soon, the entire wrestling world is going to have something of REAL importance to concern themselves with. A REAL, true, once in a lifetime achievement. History, meaningful history. And to those twenty nine other guys in the Lethal Rumble, dreaming of seeing their name up in lights on the Skydome marquee as Number One Contender... I've got one warning to you all. You might not be right now, but one way or another, by the time AnglePalooza is in the books I guarantee you that everybody will be talking about one man and one man only. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix!

Landon and microphone disappear back through the entrance doors, leaving the fans to muse over what they've just heard.

COLE
Well, a statement of intent from Landon Maddix. Was it me, or did that sound a little... well, ominous.

COACH
A little, yeah.

COLE
We'll see if he delivers on that promise, this Sunday night.