AP: Jade/Stacey

[King Cucaracha 0]

The AngleTron lights up with the words PRINCESS STACEY in pink cursive font as "Maneater" by Nelly Furtado starts playing. Which can only mean one thing. And if you don't know what that is after that opening line, you might as well stop reading now because you're an idiot.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
Woo-hoo!

COLE
Well, it looks like Stacey actually going to go through with this. Not that she has much choice with a contract signed and sealed, but still.

COACH
Oh, I wish we had a contract signed and sealed together.

COLE
Try to control yourself would you? The last thing you need is another restraining order filed against you.

Princess Stacey comes out with a look of disgust on her face. With her left hand on her left hip and a sneer on her face, Stacey points to the tiara on the top of her head, and then walks to the ring, jawing with the fans along the way. She's not alone though, as The Lightning Crew's other female member, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, follows Stacey out.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following women's match is scheduled for one fall! On the way to the ring, being accompanied by Ms. LINDSAY GONZALEZ! From Tampa, Florida... she represents THE LIGHTNING CREW... PPRRRRIIIIIIINNCCEEEEEEESSSSSS... SSSSSTTAAAAAAAAAACCCEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Princess Stacey climbs the ring steps, wipes her shoes on the ring apron, and then enters the ring under the second rope. Stacey stretches her arms out and walks around the ring, an arrogant smirk on her gorgeous face. Which isn't enough to prevent the boos, Lindsay about the only one in the arena applauding The Princess in the entire state of Rhode Island right about now. To her credit, Stacey has come dressed to compete, actually wearing a blue sports bra and customized black short tights with PRINCESS written on the rear in pink cursive font, with a small diamond used to dot the I. Not bad for a non-wrestler, huh?

COACH
Alright, Stacey looks ready!

COLE
I wouldn't go that far. Stacey...

COACH
That's [i]Princess[/i] Stacey to you! I don't have to use the prefix because we're close friends, you however do.

COLE
Okay, [i]Princess[/i] Stacey, has never wrestled in her lifetime. That we know of. I heard some rumours from Colombian Heat about something she got up to in her college days, but at the risk of a lawsuit I'll steer clear of them. On a completely unrelated note, I happened to bring some Jello out here with me. Just incase, you know.

COACH
:O

As Stacey goes through some very half-hearted looking warm-ups in the centre of the ring, Daft Punk's "One More Time" starts up. To a much warmer reception than her opponent's music, as the pigtailed Jade Rodez storms out, already pointing fingers and making threats to The Princess as she stomps down the aisle!

BUFFER
And, her opponent! From Grand Rapids, Michigan... JJAAAAAAADDEEEE RRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Jade doesn't take so much as a backwards step, rolling into the ring and sending Princess Stacey ducking for cover. Referee Charles Robinson is forced to step in and hold Jade at bay, as Lindsay rushes around ringside, pretending to hold back Princess Stacey, who looks on wide-eyed.

COLE
Well, unlike Princess Stacey, Jade Rodez at least has some professional wrestling experience. She's got a couple of matches under her belt, but progressed into a managerial role once the Women's Division mysteriously disappeared.

COACH
Yeah, did we ever find them girls?

COLE
Missing Presumed Dead.

COACH
Oh.

To go with the purple and black boxing shorts, Jade also has some mad boxing skills, shadow-boxing as she looks down at Princess Stacey. Suddenly The Princess doesn't look quite so confident with life, Lindsay trying to give her a pep-talk, but struggling to be heard over the chants of "JADE!", "JADE!", "JADE!".

COLE
Well folks, first time we've had women's action on Pay Per View in a long time. Don't expect this to be a catch-as-catch-can classic. This going to be more of a catfight than a wrestling match, but it should be entertaining nonetheless. Jade Rodez, looking to give Princess Stacey a little of what she's got coming after her turning of coat and dumping of Colombian Heat to join The Lightning Crew.

COACH
What the hell does 'catch-as-catch-can' mean anyway?

COLE
*groans*

Cautious to say the least, Princess Stacey climbs the steps into the ring, Lindsay yelling at the referee to keep the firey Rodez sibling back. Once Stacey is finally in the ring, the referee then calls for the bell...


*DINGDINGDING!*

...and as soon as Jade moves in, Princess Stacey moves out, scrambling out of the ring before any physical contact can be made!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Oh come on!

COACH
Hey, don't rush her! You wouldn't rush Picasso in mid-painting, you wouldn't rush Beethoven in the middle of one of his pieces, why rush Princess Stacey?

As Lindsay and The Princess go into a conference on the floor, Jade sits back and waits, arms folded. Eventually the girls high-five and Princess Stacey is ready to go. Stacey even goes so far as do dare Jade on as she climbs back into the ring, putting up an unconvincing fighting stance. In moves Jade, her fighting stance a little more threatening. And seeing the two balled up fists ready to pound the good looks out of her, Stacey freaks out again and scrambles back out of the ring!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
We could be here all day at this rate.

COACH
What's wrong with that? The sofa's comfortable enough, we've got Mountain Dew on tap and one thing's for sure, the view is EXCELLENT!

COLE
You do know that Jade's brother Leon is watching on PPV tonight, right?

COACH
I wasn't talking about her, idiot.

Another team conference starts up between Stacey and Lindsay, who seems to be guiding The Princess point by point through what she should do. Unfortunately, her plan doesn't reason for the chance of Jade Rodez exiting the ring on the two Lightning Crew ladies' blindsides, grabbing them both by the hair...


*CLUNK!*


...AND THROWING THEM TOGETHER WITH A DOUBLE NOGGIN' KNOCKER!!!

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
HEY! No fair!

As both girls go down, Jade finally has her hands on Princess Stacey and throws her back into the ring. Despite being clearly groggy already, begging off is Stacey's first instinct. Of course, it won't work as Jade climbs to the apron and heads after The Princess. But as Stacey fears for her life and clings onto referee Robinson, Lindsay does some clinging of her own, grabbing Jade's ankle before she can get fully into the ring! Jade tries to kick Ms. Lindsay off, but can't do so, before Stacey runs over and boots Jade in the head!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Well, so far Lindsay has been as involved in this match as Stacey is.

COACH
And she's got a legally binding manager's license, so she's got every right to be out here tonight.

COLE
If she keeps this up, she might not last long. If Robinson catches her, no manager's license is going to stop him from throwing her BUTT out of here.

COACH
He'd better not do. Her BUTT is the only thing keeping me sane with you jabbering on next to me!

Princess Stacey almost looks stunned that she's even on the attack. She boots Jade in the head again, but after that she looks lost, asking Lindsay for advice on what to do next. Lindsay tells her to make the cover and she does just that...


1...



...getting hardly any body-to-body on the shoulders and allowing an easy kickout.

COLE
I'm not sure how much work Princess Stacey has done in preparation for this match. Her fundamentals look like they need some work.

COACH
They look fine from where I'm sitting.

Beginning to pull herself up, a scowl has formed on Jade's face. She came in POed and now she's even angrier. Again Princess Stacey seems to panic, but Lindsay encourages her to stay on the offence. So Stacey measures Jade, making a big deal out of dropping the big elbow...




...and missing, hopelessly!

COLE
Oh dear.

The Providence crowd laugh it up at Stacey's expense, as she comes back up holding her right arm. Jade is waiting on her and rears back, landing a big elbow strike that knocks The Princess back off of her feet! Going back into retreat, Princess Stacey tries to crawl on her hands and knees to get away. Jade drags her back up though, rearing back and popping 'poor' Stacey with another elbow to the jaWii

COACH
Come on, show some mercy! She's not a wrestler!

COLE
Then she's kinda in the wrong business.

It's looking bad for Stacey now, which prompts Lindsay to climb to the apron, complaining about the use of the elbow. That distraction seems to work, as Jade turns her attention to Lindsay. Allowing Princess Stacey a window back into the match, sneaking up behind Jade and grabbing hold of her by the pigtails, dragging her to the canvas hard! Off the apron jumps Lindsay, the plan taken care of, leaving Princess Stacey to pick up the offence with some blatant choking!

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOU..."

Princess Stacey knows just about enough to break before five, still earning herself a warning from Robinson.

"GOLD - DIG - GER!"
"GOLD - DIG - GER!"
"GOLD - DIG - GER!"
"GOLD - DIG - GER!"

Ignoring the chants, the suddenly confident Princess drags Jade back up by the hair. And with the pigtails in hand, she throws Jade forward, turning her inside out with the ever popular Hairmare! Stacey holds out her arms and laughs maniacally as she sees Jade writhing on the canvas, nursing her scalp.

COACH
The Princess is taking over now. Maybe little Jade bit off a little more than she could chew, daring to challenge The Princess.

COLE
Maybe she didn't think she'd be getting into a Handicap Match.

COACH
What are you talking about!?

COLE
Oh, please.

With the hair again, Stacey sets Jade up once more, performing the Hairmare for a second time. Jade ends up hurt by the ropes as Stacey pulls the left-over strands of hair from between her fingers. Another warning is coming from Robinson. And Lindsay Gonzalez takes complete advantage, as she grabs Jade's head and begins to choke her across the bottom ring rope!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Come on Coach, what about that!? Do you not see that!?

COACH
I'm looking at Princess Stacey and so should you be!

COLE
You're too much, really.

Lindsay breaks the choke just before she can be caught by the referee. Leaving Princess Stacey to dot the Is and cross the Ts on the situation with a cover...


1...






2...




No!

With Jade still down, Stacey quickly leaps up and hits a Kneedrop! The crowd boo react like she just Pedigreed someone.

COACH
Oh yes! Perfect execution!

Princess Stacey pulls Jade up now and Lindsay tells her to 'go for it'. Nodding in agreement, Stacey reaches down, managing to muscle Jade up and down with a Bodyslam!!

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
YES!

COLE
Scoop and a slam from Princess Stacey.

COACH
Oh boy, this is great! The Princess is making you and everyone moron in this arena eat their words right about now, she's out-wrestling Jade Rodez.

COLE
I wouldn't go that far.

COACH
I would! Go for the IntenseZone Elbow next Stacey!!

Princess Stacey sneers out at the crowd now and laps it up. After the mocking she's recieved so far, she's going to soak up every moment of this dominance.

Unfortunately though, she gets a little too arrogant. With Stacey's back turned, Jade begins to pull herself back up on the ropes. Lindsay sees another opening and jumps to the apron to try and interfere. She pays for it though, as Jade catches her by the hair and pulls her up on the apron, firing off an elbow strike that knocks Lindsay back to the arena floor BUTT first!!

"YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
There goes the first line of defence!

COACH
Turn around Stacey! Please turn around!

Hearing the cheers of the Rhode Island natives, Princess Stacey knows that something must be up. As she turns around, she finds herself confronted with Jade Rodez, fists clenched and ready to kick some royal ass! Princess Stacey's lip quivers as she tries to beg off. But it's not going to work, as Jade grabs her around the neck and drives her into the corner, Stacey trying to claw her away, to no avail...


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...as Jade lands a knifedge chop! Princess Stacey's eyes bug out and she screams in pain, as Jade pins her back again...


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...and lands a second knifedge to the chest! Stacey obviously isn't used to the stinging effects of getting chopped in the chest and doesn't cope with it well, jumping around in the corner, flapping her hands like a maniac as she complains about the pain!

COACH
Stop it! Why, of all the things in the world you could to to a young woman like Stacey, would you do that!?

COLE
Probably for the enjoyment of the Grade A hissy fit she's throwing now.

The Princess looks close to tears right now, a bit of a pathetic sight. One which every fan in the arena is enjoying right now. Hey, let's face it, she had it coming. As Stacey still tries to stop the stinging, actually trying to fan her own chest in a lame attempt to quell the pain. Jade drags her out of the corner with an irish whip, Princess Stacey going coast to coast into the opposite turnbuckles. As Stacey lays hurt in the corner, Rodez then runs in and lands two knees in the already hurting chest!

COLE
Double Kneeeees! The end is in sight!

Curled up against the bottom turnbuckle, Stacey looks like a stroppy child who doesn't want to play anymore. A stroppy shild with a possible bust sternum. Her defence doesn't work, about to be taken to the naughty step by Jade Rodez as she's pulled up by the hair. There's only one thing left for Princess Stacey.


The eyes.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Ugh, she clawed her right in the eyes! Those fingernails might have blinded Jade right there!

For a moment Princess Stacey is too hurt to follow up. But as the stinging begins to subside a little in her chest, Stacey finally realises she's in a fight. And if she's going to survive, she's going to have to fight back. Stacey goes to the eyes once more with another cruel rake of the face, now talking trash to the youngest Rodez sibling. Letting out an evil laugh, Stacey then pulls back...


*SLAP!*


...and slaps Jade right across the cheek!



Biiig mistake.

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Uh-oh.

COACH
Uh-oh? What do you mean uh-o... uh-oh! Uh-oh! RUN STACEY!

The slap doesn't put Jade down. It doesn't even put her on the backfoot. It hurts, don't get that wrong. But it also pisses Jade the hell off!! Princess Stacey's sneer quickly disappears as she sees Jade is still standing and now glaring a hole right through her, panicking and looking for some help from Lindsay Gonzalez. Of course, Lindsay is still down though. So Stacey starts to plead for her li...


...WHAM! Elbow strike ends the pleading! Another elbow! Another! Another!


*SLAP!*

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

...and a reciept for the slap, Jade paintbrushing the stunned Stacey right across the face! As Stacey falls back into the ropes, Jade grabs the arm and sends her across the ring with an irish whip. As The Princess comes back, Jade ducks her head and sends her overhead with a hair-raising BAAAAACKbody Drop!! The force of which dislodges Princess Stacey's tiara, which ends up a couple of feet away. Symbolically, Jade walks over and STOMPS ON THE TIARA, BENDING IT IN THE MIDDLE!!

COACH
(howling)
OH NOO!

COLE
I think The Princess has been dethroned!

COACH
How dare that fat peasant crush The Princess' crown with her giant manly feet!? How dare she! How dare she!?

COLE
Calm down Coach! She can probably find the brand of Christmas crackers she found it in cheap now it's January!

COACH
:O

If Stacey knew what just happened, no doubt she'd be furious. It's doubtful she knows anything about much at all right now as she is dazed from the backdrop. As she slowly climbs back to her feet, Stacey does notice something is up though. She glances up, feeling the lack of a tiara, reaching up and checking her head. Nothing. 

No time to worry about that though.




*SMACK!*

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
GAMENGIRI!! STACEY JUST GOT KNOCKED OUT!!

COACH
No!

The cover!


1...








2...









3!!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

*DINGDINGDING!*

COLE
Paybacks are a bitch!

COACH
Nooo-oh-ho-hoooo!

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... JJJAAAAAAAAADDEEEE... RRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Just now sitting up on the outside, Lindsay looks into the ring and is horrified, as Jade Rodez stands over The Princess, victorious. And, to boot, THE TIARA HAS BEEN BROKEN~! I can't put over how serious that is, people, I really can't. Jade looks down at The Princess with a vengeful smile, pointing down at the motionless Stacey and telling her 'that was for Colombian Heat', before working the crowd behind her.

COLE
In the end, Princess Stacey was out of her depth. And she might need to dip into her boyfriend's wallet after this one. A new tiara and possibly some expensive dental work, Vitamin X better get the cheque book ready.

COACH
How can you be so heartless!? Poor Stacey got kicked in the face, she shouldn't have to be subjecting to this sort of abuse! This never should of happened!

COLE
But it did.

COACH
You're a cruel, cruel man Michael Cole.

COLE
Don't judge me!

COACH
...

COLE
...more coming up on AnglePalooza.

Jade now leaves the ring and begins to tag hands all the way up the aisle. Meanwhile, Lindsay checks on Stacey, who is still seeing stars. Lindsay picks up the mangled tiara and quickly hides it behind her back as Stacey woozily sitting up, trying to hide the damage from The Princess who's emotional enough as it is right now, close to tears as she looks up the ramp and sees she's been beaten.