King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2007 *DINGDING!* BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with NO Disqualifications and NO Count-Outs!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Alright, here we go Coach! The 'Boose is back to defend the OAOAST's honour tonight, against Landon Maddix. COACH Let's hope he shoves that cricket bat right up his fu... "REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!" "Personal Jesus" powers through the arena and it's main event time, as the birthday boy Landon Maddix emerges onto the stage. Stretching his arms out to soak in the abuse of the fans, Landon seems defiant in the face of the match he's about to compete in. Especially with a bright green party hat wedged on his head. Megan Skye appears at the side with a party streamer, but not a the matching party hat, despite Landon's insistance. BUFFER Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by MEGAN SKYE! He hails from Madrid, Spain, by way of Huron, South Dakota... weighing in tonight at two hundred, eight pounds. Buffer produces a cuecard from his pocket, under the duress of Landon. BUFFER He is the number one contender to the SWF World Heavyweight Championship... COACH Who cares? BUFFER ...and, today, celebrates his twenty third birthday... COLE Again, who cares!? BUFFER ...here is LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MMMAAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Ignoring the deadpan delivery, Landon thanks the world's most famous ring announcer for his intro once he's spun into the ring. Maddix then takes the microphone and calls for the music to be cut, grinning from ear to ear as he looks out across the fans. No birthday cheer from them, their presents limited to middle fingers and abusive cries. Still... MADDIX Thank you Albuquerque! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Now, I'm sure you're all itching to see the guy who's spent the last few years hiding behind a microphone come out for his 'triumphant return', but before we get to that, there's one more thing to be taken care of. Today is my twenty-third birthday. Which comes with many traditions. Cake. Presents. And festivities. And seeing as I don't trust any of you people to give me the bumps without trying to bump my proverbial uglies, male and female, I will instead settle for a rendition of Happy Birthday before I start this match! COLE Oh, come on! How egotistical can one person be? MADDIX So, everybody, after three... "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" The fans don't even wait for '1' before starting up a song of their own! Maddix scowls a little, waiting for the rendition to stop. However, as it does, "Cochise" by Audioslave hits and Landon's birthday celebrations will have to go on hold, perhaps indefinately if the man on his way to the ring has his way. Lowering from the rafters, Caboose finds safe ground on the stage and points his cricket bat threateningly in Landon's direction as the crowd go wild! BUFFER And, introducing his opponent! Hailing from Derby, England... weighing two hundred and twenty five pounds... please welcome back to HeldDOWN~!... CCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE It's been a fair few months since we last saw Caboose, destroyed by Landon's on again, off again running buddies The Wildcards and becoming one of the first OAOAST victims. We know that Leon Rodez is on his way back and now, Caboose is fit and ready to go, although how long his in-ring comeback will last is anyone's guess. COACH Hopefully long enough so Maddix gets what he deserves! As Caboose slides into the ring Landon promptly slides out, perhaps forgetting about the party hat still on his head which makes his reminstrations to the referee about Caboose's cricket bat all the more ludicrous. COLE Landon got himself into this at AnglePalooza, by involving himself in Bruce Blank's plan to win Survive Or Surrender, which basicall consisted of hanging Zack Malibu. Luckily Caboose was waiting in the wings, Zack obviously covering every angle on that night just incase. And with Zack busy in training for his huge main event showdown with Drek Stone at AngleMania VI, it's left to Caboose to exact some revenge for the number one contender. *DINGDINGDING!* Continuing to stall for time, Landon talks strategy with Megan, the sumb of which seems to be 'don't get hit with the bat'. A wise strategy, one which comes into immediate effect as Caboose tires of waiting and rolls out of the ring with the bat in hand... COACH HOLY CRAP! *WHOOSH!* ...narrowly missing Landon AND MEGAN with a wild swing, BUT KNOCKING THE PARTY HAT CLEAN OFF OF LANDON'S HEAD! Landon, having pulled Megan down to safety, has to shove his manageress out of the way before crawling away in fear of his life! The barricade stops his progress, unable to maneuver over it quickly enough... *CRACK!* ...and JUST AVOIDING the bat as it instead slams into the guardrail!! COLE Woah! Caboose is trying to knock Landon's head clean off his shoulders! I've been hit by that bat more than my fair share of times and let me tell you folks, it's not a pleasant experience. COACH Not where 'Boose hits you it ain't. COLE What does tha... actually, nevermind. Going into reverse, Landon skips away, pleading for mercy. After all, it's his birthday, even without his party hat. Caboose is hot on his heels though and Landon is finds himself trapped again, bumping into the ringpost... *CLUNK!* ...but DUCKS again, the willow bat proving it's lethal strength by withstanding the colission with the steel in one piece! Caboose growls at his latest airshot and turns around looking for Landon, who's suddenly disappeared. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Where'd he go, I didn't see. COACH He's under the ring Mikey. And he might wanna stay there too with the mood Caboose is in. Unfortunately for Caboose, this is the one time he wouldn't mind being hooked up to a headset with Jonathon Coachman and there not one in sight. So he's still clueless about where his opponent has gone, looking through the crowd for any signs of movement. As his eye is taken Megan Skye begins to sneak up, eyes on the cricket bat. But before she can grab it, Caboose's eyes lock on her and she finds herself in the same position Landon was earlier. Trapped like a dear in the headlights, with a cricket bat being aimed at her head! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAA..." *WHAM!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Caboose takes his mind off of Landon though and doesn't see him emerging on the other side of the ring and subsequently wiping him out with a Suicide Dive through the bottom and middle ropes! The low trajectory makes the dive more of a tackle and sends Caboose crashing shoulder first into the guardrail, the cricket bat going flying in the other direction as Megan rushes over to tend to Landon! COLE As sneaky and as unconventional as it was, that was one heck of a momentum changer by Landon Maddix! Pushing to his knees, Landon brushes Megan's concern away and tells her to 'get the bat'. Frantically Megan does just that and under Landon's direction she rushes off down the aisle with it, heading backstage with Caboose's trusty equalizer in tow! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And now, Megan Skye, taking the cricket bat out of the equation! Not a moment to soon for Landon's liking I'm sure! COACH Much as I hate to admit it, that's a smart move right there. Get that thing as far away from 'Boose's grasp as possible before he smashes you for six like an Australian spinner. COLE ... COACH What? I've been doing my research. Picking Caboose back up, The Next Generation rests the Brit against the guardrail... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lashes him with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a second! He then pitches Caboose back into the ring, shrugging off the chance to take advantage of the no disqualification stipulation and taking things into his domain. Climbing to the apron, Landon measures Caboose as he gets back to his feet. The shoulder is still a concern for 'Boose, nursing the right arm at his side as he turns around, unable take evasive action as Landon springboards to the top and knocks him down with a Springboard Dropkick! The cover follows... 1... 2... But Caboose kicks out! "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" Scooping 'Boose off the canvas, Landon targets the shoulder briefly with an arm wringer, only really to set-up an irish whip into the corner. As the Brit settles in the turnbuckles Landon then follows in, landing a Running Forearm against the buckles. Another whips now sends Caboose across the ring into the opposite corner and Landon looks for the same again, running in with the forearm wielded...AND EATS A MOUTHFUL OF BOOT!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Coming out of the corner with a clothesline, Caboose says to hell with an aching shoulder and mows Landon down! A second clothesline follows! And a third, forcing Landon to stop, drop and beg off from the Brit! COLE Oh no no. Wishful thinking to say the least! COACH Well, it was worth a try. Or, maybe not, Caboose never going to give Landon a reprieve. Pulling him up, he sends Landon into the corner with an irish whip. His version with enough force to cause Landon to bounce back out of the turnbuckles on impact, stumbling into Caboose who presses The Next Generation up and lets him plummet all the way back down, face-first! Landon bounces hard off the canvas, back to his feet, Caboose running off the ropes behind and using Landon's long blond locks to plant him again, this time with a Facecrusher! CABOOSE C'MOOOOONN!! Caboose is ALL fired up right now! Something which Landon doesn't want to deal with anymore, rolling out of the ring to safety. Caboose isn't fooled by the attempts to escape under the ring this time though and reaches out of the ring, grabbing hold of Landon by the hair again... *CLANG!* "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ...AND TAKING A TRASH CAN LID OVER THE HEAD!! COACH Why the hell do they keep the trash cans there? COLE I'm sure that's what Caboose is thinking right now. You know, in between the pain and all. Caboose slumps further into the middle rope as Maddix disposes of the bent metal lid and slides back in. Off the ropes, a full head of steam accompanies Landon back into Caboose with a Dropkick to the back, whiplashing his throat off the middle ring rope! 'Boose then falls back into the cover from La Cucaracha... 1... 2... NO! "CA - BOOSE!" "CA - BOOSE!" "CA - BOOSE!" "CA - BOOSE!" COLE The OAOAST fans, solidly behind the former voice of HeldDOWN~! The crowd support doesn't seem to be doing Caboose much good at the moment, Landon able to pick his spots as he stalks over the Derby native. A straight kick to the gut rocks Caboose back onto his knees, 'Boose pulling himself up only to get another hard kick driven into his chest! He remains on his feet though, so Maddix loads him into the ropes and whips him across the ring. Caboose comes back swooping, ducking underneath Landon's final attempt at a kick. Keeping his run going, Caboose bounces off the ropes again and as Landon turns around, the two-time former OAOAST Champion is charging headlong at him, tackling the two-time former SWF Champion down with a Spear!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" With the wind driven out of him, it's all instinct that drags Landon back up to his feet. His instincts are wrong however, regretting not staying down as Caboose pulls him down with the End Of The Line!! COLE Flatliner from Caboose! COACH But he's not going for the cover, 'Boose isn't done yet! Indeed, climbing to his feet, Caboose walks across the ring to where he expects his cricket bat to be laying. Of course, it's not there anymore thanks to Megan Skye though. So Caboose is forced to make a little bit of a longer walk, grabbing Michael Buffer's chair from underneath him. COLE Caboose isn't here for a victory or a payday. He's here for revenge in Zack Malibu's name! And what's revenge without a chair in the face, really? Folding up the chair, Caboose slides in and circles The Next Generation. Landon is having a distinctly unhappy birthday at the moment and it's only about to get worse, as Caboose is set to deliver him one last, special present, rearing back... *CRACK!* ...AND GETTING THE CHAIR KICKED BACK INTO HIS FACE BY [B]TODD CORTEZ!?[/B] "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE WHAT THE HELL!? COACH We should have known it! We should have known Landon wouldn't be alone tonight! The Albuquerque crowd give Cortez the traditional hostile welcome as he picks up the chair, measuring Caboose. The Brit is dazed from the first shot and although he sees the second one coming, he can't do anything to avoid it. *CRACK!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE A second time with that steel chair! This is turning into a glorified handicap match! Caboose goes down in a heap and Cortez throws down the chair, Landon watching on and trying his best to look surprised. The Urban Legend tells the birthday boy to 'finish it' as he sits back in the corner and Landon is happy to oblige. Draging 'Boose up, Maddix slowly lifts the deadweight Derby native up onto his shoulders, struggling a little even after all the work Cortez done for him. But, eventually, Landon manages to power Caboose forward... *SMACK!* "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ...INTO THE KNEE TO THE FACE!! GO 2 SLEEEEEEEP-UH!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Give me a break! Cortez does the work and now Landon's going to try and claim the victory off of this? Landon makes a typically theatrical deal over making the cover, Cortez watching on with arms folded... 1... 2... COLE C'mon 'Boose, C'MON 'BOOSE... 3!!! COLE DAMNIT! *DINGDINGDING!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BUFFER Here is your winner... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MAAADDIIIIXXXX!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Nobody in the arena likes it, Buffer included. Not even referee Nick Patrick, who begrudgingly calls for the bell but doesn't make the slightest move to raise the winner's hand. Landon doesn't care though, as he's already on his way out of the ring before Caboose comes back around. COLE Thanks to Todd Cortez, Maddix survives his birthday intact. I guess Cortez is taking Landon up on his offer... and even without Bruce Blank, the OAOAST is still in the grip of these damn invaders! What a sickener to end HeldDOWN~! From Coach, this is Michael Cole and well, you make your own comments. I've got standards to keep up with and right now, I don't think I can. We'll see you next week. Cortez stays unemotive about the result but leaves by Landon's side, taking the abuse from the crowd just as La Cucaracha does. Retrieving his battered party hat and placing it back on his head, Landon poses for the baying crowd. Nevermind that there's a huge dent in it, to the point that it sits almost horizontal on his head. Landon doesn't care, singing a solo rendition of 'Happy Birthday To Me' as we... FADE OUT! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
