HD: Caboose Returns segment

[Ed Wood Caulfield 0]

"Cochise" by Audioslave starts playing, causing the crowd to cheer loudly. 

COLE
Well, here we go! He’s here! 

"Cochise" plays a little bit longer than usual, and then finally, the entrance doors slide open and Caboose steps out onto the entrance stage. The crowd cheers louder! The ’Boose puts his hands on his hips and smiles at the crowd. He’s wearing baggy black jeans, a long sleeve under shirt, a short sleeve open shirt, and Airwalk trainers. Caboose walks down the entrance ramp as his entrance theme continues playing. 

BUFFER 
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...CAAAAAAABBBOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEE! 

COLE
The master of the Emerald Fusion, the former HeldDOWN~! commentator. A two-time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion and a former OAOAST World Tag Team Champion! Caboose is here tonight, following his loss to Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix two weeks ago in that Street Fight! 

COACH
We actually heard from Caboose since he was taken out by The Wildcards! I can’t wait to hear what he has to say! This should be good! 

Caboose climbs the ring steps and enters the ring. He climbs a second turnbuckle and glares at the arena, as the thousands in attendance cheer for The ’Boose. Caboose nods his head in acknowledgement of the fans. 

COLE
Everyone has come alive in Budakon Hall! Japan loves Caboose just as much as the rest of the OAOAST fans around the world! And they’re happy that he’s here in "The Land Of The Rising Sun"! 

Caboose gets off the second turnbuckle and calls for a microphone. 

COACH
It’s great to have Caboose back on HeldDOWN~! Here we were, thinking we would never see him again, but he’s back and he looks to be in great shape! 

COLE
The man knows how to speak to a crowd. Let’s listen in. 

Caboose has a microphone in his right hand. He looks at the crowd with a gleam in his eyes. "Cochise" by Audioslave dies down. 

"CA-BOOSE!"
"CA-BOOSE!"
"CA-BOOSE!"
"CA-BOOSE!"

The crowd cheers some more. Caboose mouths, "Thank you!" 

CABOOSE
I--

*KA-CHING~!*

*Come and take your Vitamin X.*

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

"Bling-Bling" by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys starts playing. 

COLE
Wait? What!? 

The entrance doors slide open, and Vitamin X comes out, doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle onto the entrance stage. The X-Man has a cocky smirk on his face as he looks right at Caboose. Caboose is puzzled by Vitamin X’s appearance. VX tries to get the crowd fired up, but fails miserably. Dollar signs are superimposed over the entrance ramp as Prince Vitamin walks down to the ring, bobbing his head to the beat of his entrance song. 

COLE
What in the world!? What--what is HE doing here!? 

COACH
It’s the X-Man! He probably has a good reason why he’s out here! 

COLE
But he didn’t even give Caboose a chance to speak! He just came out here, unannounced! What does he want? 

COACH
I don’t know. But it probably has something to do with Caboose. 

Vitamin X jaws with the fans, and then climbs the ring steps, hopping onto a second turnbuckle. Vitamin X crosses his arms into a X. Afterwards, Vitamin X gets off the turnbuckle and hops into the ring, then does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle again while Caboose looks quizzical. X pulls out a microphone from his black sports jacket. 

VITAMIN X
Okay, cut it! 

"Bling-Bling" by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys dies down. The crowd boos loudly. VX holds the microphone with his right hand and patiently waits for the crowd to quiet down. 

COLE
I still don’t understand why he’s out here! I mean, he’s not Caboose’s friend. He doesn’t know Caboose personally at all!

COACH
He’s probably here to applaud Caboose for being one of the few commentators that didn’t badmouth him when he was on HeldDOWN~! 

COLE
I think Caboose’s opinion on alot of things may have changed since we last saw him.

Vitamin X looks over at Caboose. He smiles a sly smile. Finally, The X-Man puts the microphone to his lips and starts speaking. 

VITAMIN X
So, you’ve decided to make your return to in-ring action in the OAOAST, huh, Caboose? Well judging by your performance against Landon Maddix a few weeks ago, I think it would have been better if you STAYED retired instead of coming back to the ring! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

COACH
Ooh! That wasn’t nice! 

Caboose just stares at Vitamin X. 

VX
That match wouldn’t have gone the way it had if it were three, four years ago. You see, the Caboose of 2002 would have MURDERED Landon Maddix in five minutes. The Caboose of 2003 would have given Landon TWO Emerald Fusions, THEN beaten him to death with the cricket bat, THEN would have given him ANOTHER Emerald Fusion just because that’s the kind of guy he is! But how did the Caboose of 2007 fare? He got beaten by two men and a chair! THAT’S IT? THAT’S all it took to beat you? Aren’t you the same guy who used to take on The Trinity 3-on-1? Aren’t you the same guy that knocked out Dan Black and Tony Brannigan with your own bare hands? Sure, you did do a good beating on Landon at Anglepalooza, but he came back and came back strong and you brought NOTHING in return! What happened? What happened to the Caboose of yesteryear? What happened to the man who was an OAOAST Legend? What happened to the man who beat some of the greatest wrestlers of all-time and won titles along the way? What happened to the man who was a former member of the aWo and the Dangerous Alliance, and then betrayed both groups and NO ONE saw it coming? I tell you what happened to him! He died. And he ain’t NEVER coming back! 

The crowd boos! Caboose keeps staring at VX. 

VX (CONT’D)
You see, ever since you retired, you’ve been coasting by on your legacy because honestly...you can’t go anymore. You’ve gone soft, Caboose. You’re not the same man you used to be. People used to FEAR YOU, Caboose! People used to look up to the rafters because they were afraid you might show up! You were wild, you were insane. You were paranoid, you were unpredictable. And you were entertaining! But now? You are bland, you are sane, you are predictable, and you’re boring! Where’s the fire? Where’s the passion? You don’t have that anymore! All you care about is getting a paycheck. The Caboose we all know and love doesn’t exist anymore. No. In his place is a lazy, money grubbing, good-for-nothing bum! Caboose, quite frankly, now a days: YOU SUCK! 

The crowd boos some more! Caboose just stands there, staring at Vitamin X. Vitamin X has a cocky smile now. 

COLE
Wow. 

COACH
You know, the more I think about it, he’s right! 

COLE
What!?

VITAMIN X
So, what I suggest to you is that you pull the plug on your comeback. Save some of your dignity while you have a chance. Retire quietly and never show your face on OAOAST TV ever again! Go back to England and be a hermit for all I care, but just don’t wrestle again, because you’re not the same man you used to be and you will NEVER be the same man you used to be. So what do you say? Will you do yourself a favour and get the hell out of the ring before you do more harm than good? Huh? Think of your fans! Don’t you want them to remember you for your glory years and not today? Please, do it for them! Keep your legacy in tack! Don’t tarnish it! Please! 

The crowd boos. Caboose thinks this over. VX just looks at him. 

COLE
Vitamin X just unleashed a mouthful of hatred on Caboose! 

COACH
Yeah, Caboose should heed X’s advice. Retire now, and move on! 

COLE
Coach, what happened to you? 

COACH
Vitamin X is right! Caboose has gone soft since he retired. He’s not the same man he used to be! 

COLE
Oh come on! 

Caboose is still thinking. 

COACH
Caboose, buddy, retire! 

COLE
He’s not your buddy, Coach. He never has been. 

COACH
Yes he was. And yes, he is a hasbeen! 

COLE
Oh, will you stop!?

Caboose puts the microphone to his lips. 

CABOOSE
As if I’m going to take career advice from someone who calls himself "Prince Vitamin"! 

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COACH
Hey, you can’t talk to him that way! 

CABOOSE
I mean, seriously, maybe the OAOAST match quality has gone down since I retired, but I didn’t know that dancing badly was now considered a wrestling move! 

The crowd cheers again! Vitamin X responds the only way he knows how. By doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle again. 

VITAMIN X
You think that’s bad? You think that’s bad!? 

CABOOSE
Do you really expect me to take anything you say seriously? You’ve been in the OAOAST for HOW many years? Four? And just how many titles have you won? Oh yeah, ZERO! Have you won any tournaments? No. Not that either! And am I getting things mixed up, or do you hold the record for the shortest time in the Lethal Rumble Match? 

COLE
Vitamin X was in the Rumble for 10 seconds back in January! 

COACH
Not cool, Caboose. Not cool!

CABOOSE
Kid, I thought you had potential, that’s why I rooted for you so much when I was doing announcing. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe you DON’T have potential! Maybe you really ARE just coasting by on your Lightning Crew association! I won more titles in my first two years in the OAOAST then you have in your ENTIRE career here! Doesn’t that fact just drive you mad? Huh? Doesn’t it? 

X puts his head down. He doesn’t say anything. 

CABOOSE
You’ve got everything you need to be a superstar. You’ve got the look, you’ve got the catchphrase, you even got the girl. But you’re missing one important element: TALENT! Now, I have that in spades, but you? Well...atleast you have the talent to satisfy your woman. Or maybe not. 

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

This last comment puts Vitamin X over the edge. He even does the McMahon SNEER~! to emphasize this point. 

COLE
Vitamin X didn’t like that last comment AT ALL! 

COACH
How DARE you! 

COLE
His eyes are red! It looks like he’s going to explode at any minute!

VITAMIN X
Listen here, you old fossil! I am TWICE the man that you are in and OUT of the ring! I can run circles around you! When it comes to talent, I am LEAGUES BETTER THAN YOU! YOU WILL NOT DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME!?!? I AM THAT MUCH BETTER THAN YOU!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?!?!? I AM THE X-MAN AND YOU ARE JUST A CHUMP! YOU HEAR ME, A CHUMP! A CHUMP! A CHU--

CABOOSE GIVES VITAMIN X THE END OF THE LINE~!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
End Of The Line! End Of The Line! Vitamin X has been knocked out! 

Caboose stands up tall and smiles. Vitamin X’s eyes are glazed over. "Cochise" by Audioslave starts playing again. Caboose stands over VX. He chuckles. 

COACH
What did he do!? Why did he do that for!? 

COLE
Caboose got tired of X running his mouth, so he shut him up! 

COACH
How could he do that!? That’s a future Hall Of Famer Caboose just knocked out! 

COLE
Well, maybe so--

COACH
Maybe!? Definitely! I thought Caboose was better than that! He should know better! 

COLE
Caboose can still bring it when he wants to! I think he just proved it right now! 

COACH
No he didn’t! This wasn’t a match! Let’s see what happens the next time Caboose wrestles! 

Caboose smiles. He leaves the ring as "Cochise" continues playing. Vitamin X still hasn’t moved. 

COLE
Well, it didn’t go exactly as planned, but Caboose DID make his return tonight, and he DID speak his mind, albeit in his own way! 

COACH
Oh, when The Lightning Crew hears about this! 

COLE
Caboose is back in the OAOAST, and he’s not going anywhere! We’ll be right back right after this! 

Caboose slaps some hands as he walks up the entrance ramp. Vitamin X is still knocked out inside the ring. The camera does a close-up of Vitamin X, his eyes glazed over while "Cochise" by Audioslave continues playing. This is the last image we see before we go to commercial break.

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