HD: HR promo

[Tony149 0]

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the men who survived the Sin City street fight last Sunday night at AngleMania, the GREATEST Rock 'n' Wrestling band of ALL time... THE HEAVENLY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!!

“YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

So deafening is the ovation that “Heart-Shaped Box” can barely be heard in the background. Logan walks down the aisle hand and hand with his wife Holly-Wood, his fist raised in triumph, while Synth bangs his head to the imaginary tune of his air guitar. 

COACH
Either they just got back from a funeral or they’re big fans on Johnny Cash, all dressed in back. 

COLE
Perhaps both. They did vanquish the Sooner Bruisers from the OAOAST for 90 days, remember? 11 of which have passed, meaning only 79 more days until they’re eligible to return. 

COACH
And I’m counting them down. 

Logan rips the microphone from Buffer’s hand and motions for him to beat it (You didn‘t actually think Buffer would conduct the interview, did you?).

LOGAN
Lone Star Gunslingers, get out here right now! The Heavenly Rockers got something to say to you man-to-man and face-to-face. 

Fall Out Boy’s “Thriller” hits and the fans react! She might not have been able to train the seal at SeaWorld, but Melody takes pride in knowing she’s trained the fan base to pop for the new theme music of her tag team of Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels, the Lone Star Gunslingers. 

COACH
Here are 3 more people who should be counting down the days until the Sooner Bruisers return, Melody and the Lone Star Gunslingers. If it weren’t for their blatant interference Big Frank and Uber would have won at AngleMania. 

COLE
You know the real reason for the Gunslingers involvement in the Sin City street fight. They came to the aid of the Heavenly Rockers when Los Conquistadors decided to stick their noses where it didn’t belong. They were only evening the odds. 

COACH
Spoken like a true fan boy. What a homer you are. Replace the “er” with an “o” and the answer is still the same. 

It's all business once Mel and the Gunslingers enter the ring. Jock and Baron standing toe to toe with Synth and Logan. 

LOGAN
Last week the Heavenly Rockers gathered together to watch the number one rated program on Thursday nights, HeldDOWN~!, and heard “sources” reported we were “appreciative” of your help at AngleMania. Obviously nobody bothered to check their facts because everyone knows the Heavenly Rockers don’t need any help fighting their battles. Neither one of us sent out an SOS. The street fight was punishing not only for the men involved, but also for my wife Holly-Wood. She was a bit shaken up, as we all were. If all the hard partying wasn’t enough on my brain, I suffered a mild concussion. Synth and I both needed stitches after it was all said and done. But war is hell and hell was unleashed on the Sooner Bruisers! Now their sitting at home just as we promised they’d be. 

SYNTH
:headbang:

LOGAN
However…HOWEVER, we also know the roles [I]might[/I] be reversed had it not been for your help. For that we thank you. 

Mega-Powers handshake! 

“YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Melody is unable to control her emotions as he jumps into Logan’s arms and yanks in Synth, giving them both a big bear hug. Baron pulls Mel off and tries to calm her down, but she can’t help herself, and greets Holly like a long lost sister. Holly isn’t sure what to think of the overly exuberant gal pal of the Gunslingers, standing emotionless as Mel goes on and on about adding the Heavenly Rockers to her MySpace friends list. 

COACH
How do Jock and Baron put up with her? I mean, she’s a child in an adult’s body. Heck, she’s more of a man than you. 

COLE
Hey!

LOGAN
Make no mistake about it, the Heavenly Rockers march to the beat of their own drum. Understand?  

BARON
Loud and clear. Like we said…

MELODY
Oh, my gosh! Our first win as a team one week, friends forever with the Heavenly Rockers the next. This is sooooo cool. Ahhh! I can’t believe it. Holly, I just know we’re going to be the best of friends. You can come over to Alix and Krista’s place for Girls’ Night Out on the weekends while the boys head down to Texas for a bar-b-cue at Jock’s. You guys won’t regret this. It’s the start of a beautiful friendship sayeth Melody Nerdly! 

HOLLY
Sweetie, we realize you’re a young tag team just getting their feet wet in the tag division, so allow me to indulge you with some constructive criticism on behalf of the Heavenly Rockers. Your helping us means you’ve placed yourselves in the kitchen, and for your sake I hope you’re able to stand the heat because there’s no way out. You’ve made yourselves targets for attacks by teams who wish the Heavenly Rockers ill. Believe me, the Sooner Bruisers are the most vindictive people I know. Once you’ve screwed with him they won’t rest until they’ve returned the favor. 

JOCK
Ma’am, we ain’t scared one lick of the Sooner Bruisers.  We’ve dealt with some roughnecks in the past and expect to do so in the future. It’s the price one’s got to pay in order to walk around these neck of the woods as champion. 

SYNTH
Not to infringe on anyone’s phrase, kinda, but ain’t that the truth. You strike moi as the type of dudes who ain’t afraid to throw down a few beers and then go out and crack some heads, or bang some broads which the Synthmeister’s got to do by myself now that my main Mann got hitched. But ah just wanna wish you fellas luck next week, because we’s gonna have ourselves a par-tay, daddy-o. TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL! 

COLE
Oh, my!

COACH
Next week?!

COLE
Yeah, a tag team battle royal. Wow. We know two of the participants. Hopefully we’ll find out more tonight. If not, be sure to log onto OAOAST.com for more information.