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SWF Storm - 4-25-2007

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The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation Presents...


Live, April 25th, from the Anthony Nesty Sport Arena in Suriname!


Toxxic vs. Jimmy the Doom

---> Doomscription pending.

"The Beast" Gabriel Drake vs. "Disney Sponsored" Alan Clark

---> I admit it. I just booked this because of its hilarious style clash. :P
Rules: Standard singles.

Wild and Dangerous vs. Blood and Thunder (MANSON and JJ)

---> Finally it's time for our Tag Team Champions to get back to tagging! Now if only there were more teams around... well, at least one team is!
Rules: Standard tag. Use the tag ropes, or a hungry unicorn will be set loose at ringside.

Special Commentator: Landon Maddix

---> We've used plane delays too much... this time, it was an escaped manatee that caused horrible rush hour traffic, resulting in Zyon and Jakey missing their last show. So tonight it's a do-over, with an added twist! Landon Maddix and Zyon shook hands last show, all but cementing their intent to have a World Championship Match at the next PPV! Tonight, as Zyon takes on this impressive newcomer, Landon will be ringside to offer his thoughts on the match - and on his future opponent!
Rules: Standard singles. Landon may write, if he wishes.

"Trademark" Tad Michaels vs. JRR

---> JRR puts his winning streak to the test against newcomer "Trademark" Tad Michaels!
Rules: Standard singles match.


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“I’m standing here with the SWF Tag Team Champions, Wild and Dangerous,” says Ben Hardy, “and gentlemen, tonight you have a match against Blood and Thunder. This is your first tag team match since you two won the titles from Toxxic and Landon Maddix. Why haven’t you done so until now? And is there any concern about cohesion and continuity tonight?”


“Well, to answer your first question,” replies Johnny, “as a wise man once said to me, the answer to any question that starts with ‘why don’t they’ or ‘why haven’t they’ is always ‘money!’ The people running the SWF right now are desperate to drive the ratings up as high as possible, and they know that they can get higher ratings by putting a two-time former World Heavyweight Champion, and the most popular superstar in the SWF today in separate matches than they can by booking us together. And we don’t necessarily agree with that, but we don’t get paid to make those decisions… Now, as far as whether or not we’re worried about continuity? Man, our continuity is second to none; even when we were fighting each other, we were still a great team, that’s how good our continuity is… if we took a year off, and then came back, we’d still be just as great as ever!”


“It don’ matter how long we been apart,” adds Wildchild. “Because when we form like Voltron, an’ bus’ out dat Blazin’ Sword, dere ain’t nobody in de SWF dat can see us!”




Johnny, WC and Ben all turn their heads to see MANSON and JJ Johnson heading aggressively towards them.


“Hey fellas, don’t rush this ass-whippin’,” says Johnny. “We’ll take care of business out in the ring soon enough!”


“Not so fast,” says MANSON. “Since you guys are so confident about how great you are… why didn’t you put the belts up?”


“We didn’ make de match,” replies WC. “De man tells us who, when an’ how t’wressle. If he says t’put de titles on de line, de we put ‘em on de line. If he don’, well we don’.”


“Nobody’s stopping you from putting them up tonight,” whispers Johnson, “except you.”


“You know what?” replies WC. “Dis here is my territory! Suriname is a part of de Caribbean Community… Dese here are my people! I can’t disappoint dem and cheat dem out of a title match!”


“How about it, Johnny?” goads Ben. “Does your partner speak for you?”


“You bet your ass!” replies the Barracuda emphatically. “It’s on, boys! I hope you brought your Excedrin, because you’re going to have a hell of a headache when we get done with you two tonight!”


“And there you have it!” shouts Ben, as Champions and challengers head off into different directions. “What was originally scheduled to be a non-title match will now see the SWF Tag Team Championship defended here tonight! I’m Ben Hardy, now let’s send it back to King and Mak!”

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Francis and Suicide King are plugging the sponsor when the lights dim and music begins to play – “Personal Jesus” by Marilyn Manson to be specific.


“Wait a minute!” Mak Francis cries.

“Oh, this is not what I need right now,” Suicide King bemoans.


The World Heavyweight Champion, Landon Maddix, not dressed for combat but rather in a power suit with a red button-down shirt and tie, comes through the curtain while carrying his championship over his shoulder.


“Landon Maddix is scheduled is not scheduled for combat tonight!” Mak Francis reminds the fans.




The crowd obliges with loud cheers while Landon strides to the announcer’s table, soaking in the adulation as he walks to the table. Suicide King stares daggers into him while Mak Francis tries to maintain professional decorum.


“Well, I guess you’ll be having a seat by me, Landon,” Mak says as he rises; Suicide King stays seated. Landon smirks and stands up on the announcer’s table, then holds his belt in the air to another pop from the crowd.


“C’mon, there’s a show to do!” Suicide King reminds the champion. Landon smiles at one last cheering blonde chick in the crowd, then takes a spot next to Mak Francis.


“Put the headset on there,” Mak Francis tells Landon. Landon does so and immediately lets out a loud “WHOO!”


“It’s great to be here, Mak Francis!” Landon yells. “I’m the World Champion, I get to have a little rest … it’s nice to just sit back, relax, and watch some wrestling! AM I RIGHT, SUICIDE KING?”


Suicide King rolls his eyes and doesn’t respond.


“I’m still confused as to why you’re out here,” Mak Francis says. Almost immediately after, the arena goes black and the words “I’m BORN”, “I’M ALIVE” and “I BREATHE” alternate on the Smarktron.


“That’ll explain it!” Mak corrects. “Vitamin” by Incubus plays and the crowd is on their feet. Zyon emerges through the curtain and stands at the top of the ramp; like Landon, he also soaks in the moment, then sprints down the ramp like a track star.


“The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, and it is to determine the #1 contender for the SWF Cruiserweight Championship! Introducing first, from Elkhart, Indiana, weighing in at 200 lbs: ZYON!”


Zyon leaps onto the ring apron, then flips into the ring. He runs up to the top rope and does a pose, but he seems to be looking at Landon Maddix as much as he is the audience.


“And that’s the unofficial #1 contender for your championship right there, Landon!” Mak states.


“Uh …Yup,” Landon says, in a tone so obvious you can almost hear him roll his eyes.


“Now, this match is not to determine the #1 contendership for your title, but for the Cruiserweight Title!” Mak goes on.


“Thank you, Captain Obvious!” Suicide King yells.


“It speaks!” Landon cries before loudly laughing.


Zyon jumps off the rope and gets back in the center of the ring before the arena is filled with red and loud techno music plays.


“King, is this from your new mix tape?” Landon asks.


The Fabulous Jakey emerges from the curtain, and tonight he is wearing a floor-length banana boat yellow trenchcoat and a matching fedora.


“His opponent, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, weighing in at 160 pounds, THE FABULOUS JAKEY!”


“There are no words,” is all Landon can say.


Jakey walks up the steps and enters through the ropes, then poses in the middle of the ring with his arms in the air. Funyon is just about to leave the ring when Jakey stops him and asks if he can have the mike for a moment. Funyon obliges and Jakey takes the mike.


“Last week, my opponent and I were scheduled to have a match to determine the #1 contender for the Cruiserweight Championship,” Jakey tells the fans. “I could not make the show, hence the re-match. But then when I’m at home watching on TV, it turns out that Zyon doesn’t want the Cruiserweight Title. He wants the big one.”


Jakey turns around to face his opponent.


“Now unlike you, Zyon, I actually care about the Cruiserweight Title. So since you’ve decided you’ve got bigger fish to fry, why don’t you forfeit the match and just name me the #1 contender, and then you and Landon can go take tango lessons or whatever you do before you big dance?”


Zyon incredulously grabs the microphone away from Jakey, then stares him down before carefully holding the microphone to his lips. His answer:




Zyon shoves Jakey down to the mat and yells at the ref to ring the bell.




Jakey pleads while Zyon angrily stomps on him. Zyon stands Jakey up in the corner, then grabs the collar of his turnbuckle and thrashes him across the ring by it. As Jakey struggles to get to his feet, Zyon continues kicking him in the side. Jakey pleads with the ref to stop the onslaught, and referee Eddy Long steps in between the two men and orders Zyon to “cool it”, allowing Jakey to slide out of the ring to a chorus of boos.


On the outside, Jakey, facing the entrance ramp, takes off his trenchcoat and bitches, and Zyon runs off the ropes again and hits him with a running baseball slide to the back of the head.


“And Jakey goes down!” Mak yells.


Jakey falls face-first on the apron and Zyon slides out of the ring, then picks up Jakey and punches him with lefts and rights.


“And this match so far has been all Zyon!” Mak cries.


The ref begins a count and Zyon grabs Jakey to get him in the ring, but Jakey knees Zyon in the gut, then sends him face-first into the pole.


“You spoke too soon!” Suicide King yells.


Jakey sends Zyon back into the ring, then climbs up to the top rope. Zyon gets to his feet just as Jakey hits a –


“High Cross Body!’ Mak Francis cries.






Zyon quickly kicks out of it, and the men are both back at their feet. Zyon goes for a strike of some sort, but Jakey wraps around him and rolls him up for a quick




And Zyon kicks out again


“Zyon is known for his speed, he’s known for his strikes, if Jakey can find a way to outwrestle him—“ Mak begins.

“Watch and learn, Landon!” Suicide King yells.


The men are back up and Zyon kicks Jakey in the gut, then hits a snap suplex, followed by a second one. Zyon raises his arms for crowd’s approval, then gets up on the top rope facing the opponent. Before he can do anything, Jakey gets to his feet and pulls the top rope, leaving Zyon to be crotched on the top rope!


“Zyon in a bad way!’ Mak yells. Jakey backs up into the turnbuckle and puts Zyon up on his own shoulders.


“What’s Jakey gonna do here?” Mak asks.

“It looks like he’s setting up for an Electric Chair—“ Suicide King begins.


Before Suicide King can finish his thought, Mak quickly counters into a victory roll






Jakey quickly kicks out and they’re both at their feet, but this time Mak kicks Jakey in the gut, then goes off the ropes and his a clothesline, then a second one. Jakey gets up for the third time and Mak runs at him, then hits a Lunging Yazuka Kick that knocks the opponent down.


“And some flash from Zyon!” Mak yells.


Jakey sits up, but Zyon is ready for him and hits a seated dropkick with an audible kick that leads the crowd to gasp. Jakey grabs his face in pain and Zyon picks the opponent up, then gives Landon a knowing look.


“Zyon perhaps trying to send a message here!” Mak cries.

“Just say it!” Landon yells.


Zyon hooks Jakey’s neck and hits a Reverse DDT that further neutralizes him. Zyon then goes to the top rope again and the crowd cheers. Zyon hits a high leg drop that connects, with his leg smashing right against Jakey’s face.


“The high leg drop! Cover!”






Jakey kicks out and Zyon picks him up and throws him into the turnbuckle. Zyon runs for a charge but Jakey kicks Zyon in the face and hits a bulldog from the corner. Jakey then goes up to the top rope himself, facing the audience.


“This is rather uncharacteristic of Jakey! What’s he gonna do here?” Francis asks.


Jakey attempts a Moonsault and while the form is beautiful, Zyon rolls out of the way, causing him to crash and burn!”


“And Jakey misses the Moonsault! And Zyon is gonna take advantage!”


Zyon trash-talks and, as Jakey rolls over to his back, jumps on the top rope, yelling something along the lines of This is how it’s done!


Zyon deftly scores the Moonsault onto Jakey and lands with expert precision.


“And that’s how you do it!" Mak yells.


“He’s just showing off!” yells Suicide King.


Zyon has a nonchalant pin, with minimal body leverage and his elbow pressed against Jakey’s face as the ref counts:






Jakey kicks out of it; Zyon gets a somewhat mischievous look on his face at this kickout


“Look at that sick smirk!” Suicide King yells.

“You have to believe he was expecting a kickout!” Mak yells.


Zyon picks Jakey up and shoves him into the turnbuckle, then stomps a mudhole in him with kicks and knees to the gut. The ref admonishes Zyon to get a clean break.


“Jakey can barely stand!” notes The Franchise.


Zyon picks Jakey up and hits a suplex out of the corner to get the opponent back in the middle of the ring. Zyon then patiently waits for Jakey to get up. Jakey staggers and gets to his feet and Zyon grabs him from behind in what appears to be a back drop, but Jakey flips backwards over Zyon and hooks the head and neck.


“And a nice counter by Jakey!”

And seemingly out of nowhere, Jakey runs to the ropes and launches off the top rope, hitting a


“Springboard bulldog!” cries The Suicide King. “This could do it!






Zyon kicks out of it with relative ease; Struggling through pain but still adamant, Jakey picks up Zyon and kicks him in the gut, then hits a Jumping DDT that drives his head into the mat


“What a DDT!” Suicide King yells. “Go for the pin, Jakey!”


Instead of going for a pin, Jakey walks over to the ropes and stares at the World Heavyweight Champion Landon Maddix … and blows him a kiss and winks at him! Landon looks like he’s just walked past an open septic tank, while the crowd responds as if a finisher has just been delivered. Suicide King is cracking up while Mak and Landon are beside themselves.


“Our Landon Maddix has a very diverse fan base!” Suicide King yells.

“Shut up!” Landon yells back.


Jakey turns around while Zyon, who has been struggling to his feet, delivers a Spinning Wheel Kick to the face that knocks Jakey down. Jakey gets up and Zyon throws him off the ropes, then meets him with a lunging Asatsuken Knee that bashes his face in!


“Zyon getting more and more aggressive here!” Mak cries.


As Jakey gets up reeling from the previous maneuver, Zyon runs at him again and hits him with the Snap, a front dropkick to the chest that again knocks him down. Zyon then kips up to the crowd’s approval and points to the top rope while the crowd roars.


“And Zyon going to what he knows best!” Mak yells.

“Are you prepared for such a high-flyer?” Suicide King asks Landon, who is silent.

“He’s still recovering,” Mak retorts.


Zyon jumps on the top rope and leaps into the air, rolling himself into a ball.


“The CANNONBALL KAMIKAZE!” Mak yells as Zyon drives both his knees into Jakey’s sternum.


Zyon, staring right at Landon, goes for a pin and hooks the leg:







“Wait a minute!”


Zyon pulls Jakey up by his hair and points at the World Champion


“What a foolish move by Zyon!” Suicide King yells. “The arrogance of this man!”


“He’s sending a message to the World Champion!” Mak cries.


Zyon hoists Jakey up on his shoulders in a standing fireman’s carry, then ducks his head and pushes Jakey forward. Zyon drops to the canvas and throws his knees up, leaving Jakey to land on them sternum fast.


“And again to the sternum!” Mak cries. “Jakey could have ruptured something!”

“C’mon, Landon, you’ve got to be feeling something by now!” Suicide King cries.

“Hey, this kid came to play,” is all Landon has to say.


Jakey is nearly lifeless on the mat but Zyon stares at him menacingly. Zyon kicks him a few times, almost toying with him like he’s a mouse.


“And Zyon doesn’t look to be done just yet!” Mak yells. “He really wants to make it clear what he can do in that World Heavyweight Title match!”


Zyon picks Jakey up and throws him into the turnbuckle closest to the announcer’s table, then does a running charge to Jakey, who nearly collapses. Zyon grabs Jakey towards the center of the ring and points at Landon again.


“You ready to see this one?” he yells, and the crowd approves. Zyon hooks the neck as if he’s about to deliver a Swinging Neckbreaker, but with a force of life yet to be seen, Jakey wraps around Zyon, hooks his arms, and bends both their bodies backward


“Wait a minute! Jakey with a backslide!








Landon stands up and mock claps along with the jeering audience


“Here is your winner, THE FABULOUS JAKEY!” Funyon informs us.


Zyon, on his knees with a look of disbelief, is beside himself while the ref raises the arm of a barely standing Jakey.


“Well, you have to believe that Zyon had this match won!” Mak Francis yells.


“But he got greedy!” Suicide King cries. “He was more concerned with showing Landon Maddix what he could do than with actually winning the match!”


“Zyon, almost dominating the match here, but got outwrestled in just the last seconds!” Mak cries.


Landon leaves the announcer’s position and walks by the ring, giving Zyon a sarcastic shrug. Zyon looks at Landon angrily, then, out of nowhere –




Zyon delivers The Big Shot to Jakey and his own music plays while he stares down the World Heavyweight Champion, who walks up the ramp grinning.


“Well Zyon didn’t get it done tonight, but he’s got time to prove his worth to Landon Maddix as a #1 contender!”

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“Welcome back to Storm, everybody!” says Mak Francis. “And coming up next, we’ve got Wild and Dangerous taking on Blood and Thunder, in what has apparently become a title match! As earlier tonight, the Champions, unbelievably, agreed to put their belts on the line in what was originally supposed to be a non-title match!”


“A very unconventional turn of events here tonight,” adds the Suicide King. “It’s not very often that you see anything like that. But Wild and Dangerous wants to prove that they deserve to be the champions, and they’re willing to defend the titles against anybody. It remains to be seen whether or not that’s actually a good idea!”


“Well, we know that MANSON is just coming off a tough loss last week to Big Bully Bruner,” says Mak, “and he’s definitely going to want to get back on track, and there’s no better way to get on track that to win a title in an opportunity like this!”


“Well, they’re definitely a good matchup for the Champions,” says King. “They’re fast enough to keep the two pretty boys in front of them, and they’ve got enough power to give them a long night, but I’m inclined to think that experience and teamwork are going to prevail in the end.”


“We’ll know here in a few minutes,” says Mak, “as we send it up to Funyon in the ring!”





“Ladies and gentlemen,” says Funyon, “this contest is for the SWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!”






The lights suddenly dim and the speakers are overwhelmed by the guttural, distorted warbling of Cephalic Carnage’s “Scientific Remote Viewing.” Strobe lights pulse as well as they can in the outdoor arena, as smoke billows out from the stage area. The Nesty erupts in a chorus of boos as the curtain parts and out walk MANSON and JJ Johnson.


“This has got to be a little disorienting for MANSON,” notes King. “I mean, he was getting cheered in Peru just last week, and now he’s getting booed like crazy here in Suriname!”


“Well, look who he was in the ring against,” replies Mak. “That Bruner is one bad dude. Not only that, but this time he’s actually partnered up with JJ Johnson, who doesn’t resemble a crowd favorite in any way, shape or form!”


“Introducing first,” booms Funyon, “the challengers! At a total combined weight of four hundred fifty-eight pounds, here are MANSON and JJ Johnson, the team of BLOOD AAAAAND THUNDER!” MANSON and JJ enter the ring, with Johnson stepping between the ropes as MANSON slides underneath the bottom. Johnson flexes his wrists as MANSON gets back to his feet, raising the bat over his head with one hand as he removes his mask with the other!”


“I don’t know if they’re going to be capable of winning the Championship here tonight,” says Mak, “but they definitely look ready!” Referee Red Herrington walks up to MANSON and demands that he remove his metal bat from the ring; the Savage Messiah nonchalantly flips his bat over the top rope, nearly hitting the ring attendant in the head! He then removes his cloak and also tosses it over the top rope, as his music fades out.


The crowd begins cheering loudly, however, as it is soon replaced by the sounds of LL Cool J and Busta Rhymes’ “Starsky and Hutch.” Wild and Dangerous step out onto the stage and salute the crowd.


“They love Wild and Dangerous here in Suriname!” shouts Mak.


“Well, I’m sure they love one of them, anyway,” snipes King. “They probably just tolerate the other one!” Wildchild and Johnny slap hands with the fans at ringside as they make their way towards the ring.


“And their opponents!” says Funyon. “At a total combined weight of four hundred thirty-nine pounds, here are the SWF World Tag Team Champions… WILD! AAAAAND DAAAAANGEROUS!” Johnny and WC enter the ring simultaneously and each head over to a corner of the ring, where they scale the turnbuckles to face the crowd. They then hop down into the center of the ring and surrender the title belts to Herrington, who holds them aloft to display to the crowd as “Starsky and Hutch” fades out.


“This should be a real barn-burner,” says Mak, as Johnny exits to the apron. Across the ring, MANSON steps out onto the apron as Herrington motions for the timekeeper to ring the bell, signifying the start of the match:






“Bell’s gone,” says Mak, “and we’re underway!” Wildchild and JJ Johnson meet in the center of the ring for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, and WC quickly takes advantage, hooking his arm underneath JJ Johnson’s arm, and ripping his opponent through the air with a lightning-quick armdrag! JJ Johnson gets back to his feet and locks up again, only to be taken down with a second armdrag!


“JJ Johnson is feeling the effect of Wildchild’s patented armdrags!” says Mak, as WC shifts to an arm wringer. “He snaps you over so quickly with those, it’s almost like a body slam!” Johnson negotiates his way to his feet and stuns Wildchild with a kneelift to the midsection. He lifts Wildchild over his head, but the Bahama Bomber wriggles out of his grasp and lands on his feet behind his opponent. The Caribbean Cruiser traps JJ Johnson in a waistlock and pushes him towards the edge of the ring; Mr. Cold Front Classic grabs onto the top rope to keep from getting pulled into a rollup, but the Tropical Tumbler handsprings back to the center of the ring. JJ Johnson charges towards him, arm raised to deliver a clothesline, but WC drops down to the canvas in a split to avoid his opponent easily; Wildchild quickly pops to his feet and evades him with a blind leapfrog, and then hops off the canvas to catch JJ Johnson as he rebounds a second time, planting his feet in the Canadian Murder Machine’s chest and locking his hands behind the Johnson’s neck as he arches back to take the jobber over with a Freefall monkey flip! Johnson scrambles over to his opponent and tags in MANSON, who rushes towards WC, only to get taken over with a second Freefall!


“Wildchild’s got a two-for-one special going on in the ring!” chuckles Mak, as WC drags MANSON over to his corner. “He’s practically giving them away!” Wildchild tags Johnny into the ring and the two partners whip MANSON across the ring, leaping into the air as he rebounds to level him with a double-dropkick! Johnny takes over the onslaught as WC rolls out of the ring, hammering MANSON with clubbing forearms.


“Johnny is definitely the power man of the team,” says Mak as Johnny grabs MANSON by the wrist, “and his strength can make if difficult for opponents to scout these guys.” Johnny whips MANSON across the ring, but the Raging Bull reverses, sending Johnny into the ropes instead; the Barracuda leaps onto the middle ropes and feints a rebound cross-body, causing MANSON to belly out against the canvas, unaware that Johnny is measuring him as he gets to his feet…




.. Before leveling him with a flying lariat! Johnny pulls MANSON back to his feet and drags him back over to his corner, where he tags WC back in; the Barracuda takes MANSON over with a snapmare as Wildchild leaps back into the ring and runs to the ropes, picking up speed as he rebounds and blasting MANSON in the face with a running basement dropkick!


“Wild and Dangerous’ teamwork has been immaculate thus far,” says Mak. “This could be a long night for Blood and Thunder!”


“Or a very short one,” replies King, as WC pulls MANSON to his feet. He runs to the ropes to prepare for an attack, but JJ Johnson drives a knee into his back from the outside of the ring! WC turns around to confront him, which gives MANSON the opening to floor WC from behind with a clothesline!


“An opening!” shouts Mak. “This could be the opportunity that the challengers need!” MANSON tags Johnson back in, and then holds Wildchild from behind while Johnson delivers a boot to the midsection! JJ Johnson pounds Wildchild from overhead with a battery of forearm smashes, and then scoops him up for a slam! He tags MANSON back in and whips WC across the ring, but the Bahama Bomber reverses, sending Johnson into the ropes instead, and leapfrogs Mr. Cold Front Classic as he rebounds, watching as he collides with his partner at full speed!


“The challengers tried for some double-team action, but Wildchild was too fast for them!” shouts Mak. WC leads MANSON over to his corner, where he makes the tag to Johnny. WC whips MANSON across the ring and bellies out against the canvas as Johnny leapfrogs to avoid him; he then bellies out as MANSON rebounds a second time, and Wildchild leapfrogs to avoid him. The Human Hurricane then bellies out once more, and MANSON steps over him as he bounces off the ropes a third time…






… Into the waiting arms of the Barracuda, who scoops him off the canvas, spins sharply on his heel, and plants him into the canvas with a ferocious powerslam!


“Awesome double-team by Wild and Dangerous!” shouts Mak. “MANSON didn’t know whether he was coming or going! That’ll definitely knock the starch out of you,” says Francis. Johnny quickly dives in to make a cover and Herrington slides in, counting for…








NO! MANSON suddenly rolls his shoulder off the mat, saving himself for the time being. It doesn’t matter too much to the Barracuda…if Blood and Thunder want more he can certainly dish it out with the best of them. He reaches down and pulls MANSON up and with the challenger still reeling from the powerslam, he doesn’t get much hesitation nor does the Raging Bull seem ready to mount any counteroffensive!


“MANSON must still be feeling the effects of his match with Mister Bruner last week,” says Mak. “He’s not fighting back at all; it’s almost like a living, breathing punching bag!” It’s not everyday that you can get the better of someone like MANSON, especially to this degree; opportunities like this don’t come often and Johnny knows he can’t hog all the fun by himself and so he grabs MANSON by his arm and whips him into the Wild and Dangerous turnbuckle!




MANSON goes into the steel post back-first and then Johnny runs in, leaps up and sandwiches the Savage Messiah between him and the ring post with an avalanche! MANSON staggers out of the corner as Johnny reaches over and tags Wildchild in. The Bahaman steps through the ropes and then grabs one arm of MANSON’S while Johnny takes hold of the other to send the Raging Bull across the ring with an Irish whip. MANSON hits the far ropes and comes back as Wild and Dangerous step in to take the Generic to the mat with a double hip toss… but MANSON suddenly leaps up and knocks both men down with a double lariat!


“Uh-oh!” shouts Mak. “Wild and Dangerous had better hope that they can recover quickly; MANSON looks like he’s caught a second wind, and he’s not a guy that they want to get going!”


MANSON is hurting but he knows he doesn’t have much time to react, so he quickly hops up and heads for his corner to tag his partner in! Johnson comes in quick, stepping through the ropes like somebody just lit a fire under his ass! He heads for Johnny since he’s the first up and blast the Barracuda in the face with a series of right hands! He can only hope that it’s enough to knock some of his bearings loose because he boldly takes the Barracuda by the back of his head and quickly leads him across the ring before tossing Dangerous out of the ring, over the top rope and to the floor!




As Johnson clears the ring MANSON heads for the corner post. Johnson then turns his attention towards Wildchild; He pulls Wildchild to his feet but by this time WC has had ample time to recover and he greets Johnson with a headbutt! Both men drop to their knees as MANSON tries to put the drop on the Bahama Bomber.


“Well, Wildchild appears to have blocked the Doomsday Device,” says Francis, as Mr. OSITY steadies himself atop the turnbuckle, preparing to take flight, “but MANSON is still in a good position to it a top rope maneuver! If he lands this, it could still spell disaster for Wild and Dangerous… and I think this crowd knows it!” As locked in as MANSON is on Wildchild, he barely gets a glimpse of Johnny Dangerous from the corner of his eye before the Barracuda grabs his foot and pulls it off the turnbuckle to send the Raging Bull into the turnbuckle crotch-first!




“My sentiments exactly,” King says. Wildchild is back up to a vertical base in time to see MANSON straddling the turnbuckle with his mouth gaping wide open. Johnson can see that his opponent’s attention is distracted and he takes it as his open opportunity to attack. He quickly hops up, steps forward and grabs around the Bahama Bomber’s waist from behind, looking for a suplex, but Wildchild quickly swings an elbow into the Canadian Murder Machine’s forehead to end that thought; he quickly spins around and trips Johnson up with a double-leg takedown.


“What do you suppose is going on here?” Mak wonders aloud, as WC grabs both of JJ’s legs, and silently cues Johnny out on the apron; the Bahama Bomber locks his hands underneath Johnson’s legs and falls backwards, launching JJ up off the mat and roughly onto his stomach with a slingshot! Seconds later, Johnny pushes MANSON from behind, pitching him into the ring with a Rocket Launcher splash, and knocking him into Johnson’s exposed back!


“Wow!” exclaims Mak, as WC rolls MANSON out of the ring. “The Champs are really doing a number on JJ’s back!” Herrington admonishes WC as Johnny climbs into the ring; he drags Johnson over towards the edge of the ring and lifts him up, dangling him by his upper body over the top rope as he hangs onto his legs.


“Uh-oh,” says Mak, as WC suddenly takes off running across the ring, “I think we know what’s coming next!” Johnny lowers his head as Wildchild vaults over his shoulders…






“-And crashes down onto Johnson’s back with a Slam Dance!” shouts Francis. “Blood and Thunder is in serious trouble now.”


Johnny exits to the apron, leaving Wildchild to make a cover on Johnson as the referee drops and counts for:








NO! Johnson brings his shoulder up off the mat to end the count. He rolls onto his stomach and begins pushing up off the mat, trying to get back on his feet, but the Bahaman backs up into the ropes and comes back in, dropping a knee directly into the small of Johnson’s back!


“It doesn’t look like Wild and Dangerous want to keep the pressure on Johnson’s back and keep him off his feet,” says Mak.


“Which is a smart move on their part,” Suicide King adds in. “Johnson is a one man wrecking machine if he gets going and he can’t do that lying face-down in a state of constant misery.”


Still, Johnson might have gotten knocked back down again but it isn’t like him to stay down and take a beating, after all…he didn’t win two straight Coldfront Classic Tournaments without being able to stay in the fight against the best. Once more the Canadian Murder machine starts to shove up off the mat, getting up on his knees as Wildchild makes his way back in for another shot…




…and connects with a lighting-quick, sharp kick to Johnson’s back, sending him face down into the canvas once more! This time Wildchild makes his way across the ring to tag in his partner, letting Johnny enter to a rousing round of cheers from the crowd. The Barracuda comes in and pulls the Canadian Murder Machine up to his feet with a quick arm wrench, then steps forward to send Johnson across the ring with an Irish Whip…NO! Johnson digs his feet into the canvas and reverses, sending Johnny across the ring instead!


“I told you they didn’t want to let him up to his feet,” mutters King. Dangerous hits the ropes and rebounds off them, headed back towards Johnson for what is sure to lead to the Barracuda’s untimely demise as the Murder Machine starts the movements for his rolling elbow! He swings it out…




“Nobody home!” exclaims Mak Francis, as Johnny deftly avoids the blast, sailing right under it on his way towards the opposite side of the ring, leaving Johnson in surprise as he is left to wonder what the hell happened to Johnny Dangerous! He was right there! He couldn’t have missed! However, missed is exactly what he did, and as Johnny hits the ropes to come screaming back across the ring towards his opponent, Wildchild reaches out to make a blind tag on his partners back, and then Dangerous dives through the air like a guided missile…




…and blasts the Canadian Murder Machine in the chest with a diving shoulder-block!




The crowd winces at the absolutely stiff shot, wondering exactly how Johnson’s ribcage can stay intact after that, but nonetheless it does, it just puts Mr. Coldfront Classic on his back once again. This time it doesn’t look like Johnson’s going to be able to kick out, which is why MANSON decides to reestablish his presence in this bout! He quickly heads into the ring from behind the Barracuda…




…only to find two feet connecting with his face as Wildchild cuts him off with a double dropkick, dropping Mr. OSITY to the mat like a bad habit! Again the Bahaman rolls the Raging Bull’s seemingly lifeless body out of the ring, and then heads back towards his partner. Together they lift Johnson up and snare him in a double side headlock and then lift him up for a vertical suplex…




…and then they fall back, slamming the Canadian Murder Machine back-first into the mat! Dangerous stands back up to his feet and starts to head towards the apron when his partner grabs him by the arm and stops him and motions for the Dangerous Drop, getting a resounding pop from the crowd!


“Wild and Dangerous are looking to end this massacre with a Dangerous Drop,” Francis comments. “If they can pull it off it’ll be lights out for the Challengers.”


Johnny pulls Johnson up and lifts him into the Electric Chair Drop position as Wildchild climbs the turnbuckles. Johnny moves a little closer to the corner and then executes the drop, precisely as Wildchild springs into the air. He snares Johnson’s head in a side headlock as he flies through the air, and Johnny kicks his legs out from underneath him…






… Sitting out into an Electric Chair Drop as Wildchild drives the Canadian Murder Machine’s head face-first into the canvas with a flying bulldog headlock!


DANGEROUS DROP!” shouts Mak. “This one is over!”


Moving quickly, Wildchild floats over Johnson then grabs his leg and rolls back on it to firmly pin his shoulders to the mat. Herrington is right there to make the count…




















“Starsky and Hutch” booms from the speakers and Funyon grabs his microphone to make thie announcement; “Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this match by pinfall…WILD! AAAAAAAAAAND DAAAANGEROUS!!”


“This crowd is roaring in excitement at the conclusion of this match,” the Franchise notes. “It’s not very often they get to witness a live wrestling show, let alone one of the most dominate tag teams defending their belts. This will definitely be something they remember as well as Blood and Thunder.”


“You can bet your bottom dollar they’ll regroup and come back stronger then ever though,” King just has to say. “Tonight they obviously suffered from jet lag but that won’t happen again!”


Herrington hands the golden Tag Team Championships back to Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous. Every time they’re able to have their belts back they can breath a little sigh of relief – for now they were successful, but every time they put those belts on the line they know it could very well be the last. They each head to a corner with a belt in hand, climb up the post, and hold their titles out for the fans as flashbulbs pop from all corners of the arena…





As we:


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“Welcome back to… wherever the hell we are this week…”


“Mak Francis, goodwill ambassador to Latin America!” Suicide King says, giving the camera two thumbs up.


“Hey, I’d like to see you do the pronunciations,” Francis grumbles, then brightens. “Anyway fans, we’re back here LIVE~, and coming up is the main event which sees Jimmy The Doom go head-to-head with Mi- excuse me, with Toxxic. King, your predictions?”


“Toxxic pasted Doom when they met for the World Title,” the Gambling Man says simply, “I can’t see a different outcome for tonight. Mainly because Toxxic’s awesome, and Doom sucks guanaco wang.”




“Just getting into the spirit of things, Mak.”








The lights drop out and two lines of hooded figures start to march down the entrance ramp, chanting as they come. The local fans don’t seem too sure what to make of them, but the druids pan around the ring until they completely encircle the competition area. Then, with them all in position the music suddenly changes and ‘Yakety Sax’ by Boots Randolph starts to pump out of the speakers!




“Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall,” Funyon booms as Jimmy The Doom and Lois The Unethical appear at the top of the entrance ramp. “Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Lois The Unethical; from Doomopolis, Doomtopia, he weighs in tonight at 230lbs and is the SWF Cruiserweight and Hardcore Champions; this is ‘The Straight-Bread Sensation’, JIMMY… THA… DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!”


Doom waves his hands at the fans, then takes off his lime green stovepipe hat and waves that around as well. Meanwhile Lois stumps down towards the ring beside her husband, knitting needles keeping her bun of hair in place (and also some knitting, as Lois combines practicality with style). The fans respond positively, although the ones nearest Jimmy look rather confused because no matter how many times you see the Doomtopian on TV, his physical presence still comes as something of a shock.


“Jimmy The Doom was unable to get to the arena last week-”


“Arena? Pfah!”


“-to compete against Danny Williams,” Mak Francis continues, glaring sideways at King, “although Williams was similarly delayed. Accordingly, I expect Jimmy will be well-rested for tonight’s encounter. On the other hand, Toxxic hasn’t competed since that barnstorming win over Danny Williams at From The Fire!”


“He was rehabbing a concussion,” Suicide King explains as Jimmy starts mounting the steps to the ring (before Lois reminds him that such an action isn’t suitable for TV, so he starts climbing them instead), “you can’t expect him to wrestle with a concussion, can you?”


Doom steps through the ropes and shakes hands fulsomely with Brian Warner, who eyes him warily due to the fact that Jimmy attacked the referee with a herring prior to his last match with Toxxic. However, that particular Doomtopian purification ritual is apparently only necessary for World Title matches and Warner escapes without fish abuse.


“I still can’t believe they put this moron in the main event,” King sighs, “what the hell has this place come to?”





Every light hits full, the Smarktron whites out, and the oozing bassline of ‘The Gush’ by Raging Speedhorn starts to fill the arena. The Smarktron fades back down to black, and as it does so jagged white letters flash up a familiar phrase, one word at a time:




Three chords ring out and the Smarktron shows Toxxic being knocked from the top rope by a Nathaniel Kibagami springboard enzuigiri… then taken off the top rope with the Mark Of The Beast by Gabriel Drake… then chokeslammed out of the Clusterfuck by Janus. Finally the shot changes to Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with the Stephens Shock Syndrome, the picture starting to strobe and intercut with an image of his smiling face, the devastating impact timed to coincide with the-




-stagewide explosion of red pyro that announces the arrival of the SWF’s most decorated Englishman (and incidentally igniting a couple of druids, who run around in circles before falling off the stage in flames).


“Jesus, you’d have thought they’d have learned from last time,” King comments.


And through the flame and smoke…




…lopsided grin plastered across his features…




…red-and-black canvas trenchcoat swirling around him…




…comes the man known as Toxxic.


“And his opponent,” Funyon booms, “accompanied to the ring by his sister Amy Stephens; from Nottingham, England, he weighs in tonight at 218lbs; the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’… TOXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!”


‘Dysfunction is my game

These thoughts drive me insane

Tell me the price, of which I have to pay…’


Toxxic veritably swaggers down the ramp, baiting the fans with a smile on his face, then pausing at the bottom to cross his arms briefly in the straight-edge ‘X’ before throwing them wide, palms flat to the floor, to ignite another blast of red pyro from the top of each ringpost as the chorus roars in!







The Straight-Edge Sensation rolls into the ring, pops up to his feet and strips his trenchcoat off with a flourish, then throws it over the top rope. The England soccer shirt with ‘sXensational’ as the player name follows it a moment later, Toxxic electing not to send it into the crowd on this occasion. Brian Warner, who has already checked Doom, approaches the Englishman and pats him down to check for foreign objects but predictably finds none. With that over the referee backs away and calls for the bell.




Doom advances towards Toxxic, clearly eager to close with the devious and dastardly Englishman, and Toxxic meets him halfway to slam into a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Jimmy tries to bear Stephens down towards the mat using his leverage, but Toxxic smoothly slides out to the side and takes Doom’s arm with him to apply a hammerlock. Once behind the Doomtopian Toxxic kicks him in the back of the knee to bring him down, then leaps up and dropkicks Jimmy in the back of the head! Doom is blasted forwards and down into the canvas; he manages to avoid hitting as hard as he might by bringing his left arm up to cushion the impact, but that doesn’t help him much in the long run as Toxxic springs back up, runs to the ropes and rockets off to smash a basement dropkick into the side of Doom’s head!




“Jimmy’s head is harder than most, but that’ll scramble his brains!” Mak Francis notes clinically.


“What brains?” King snorts.


Toxxic pounces on Jimmy before the Doomtopian can properly recover and grabs a front facelock, then drags Doom up to a standing position and extends his right arm out to the side while grinning widely. However, this Business is destined to remain Unfinished because as Toxxic twists and brings his arm down to complete the elbow-drive bulldog Jimmy shoves him away, then as Stephens turns back towards his opponent Doom jumps up to his a dropkick of his own!




Toxxic hits the mat, but recovers and comes back up to his feet quickly - however, not quickly enough to evade a corkscrew flying elbow, as Jimmy charges at him and leaps into the air to take the Englishman down again! The crowd roars in approval once more, and this time Toxxic is slower to his feet. Jimmy grabs the four-time World Champion and hooks him up for a suplex, then brings the straight-edger up and over with a standard vertical that dumps him down onto his back. Jimmy didn’t become a double champion by passing up the chance of a cover so he makes one, hooking the leg as he does so…


















…but Toxxic kicks out moments after the referee’s hand goes down for a second time, and a swift and easy victory escapes Jimmy. The Straight-Bread Sensation hoists his Straight-Edge counterpart up off the mat and positions himself behind Toxxic, then takes the Englishman’s head between his hands and starts to squeeze!


“Head Vice here from Jimmy The Doom,” Mak Francis notes.


“It’d be a little more impressive if it came from someone who didn’t have the muscle tone of a rubber band,” Suicide King replies disdainfully, commenting on the fact that Jimmy The Doom appears to be the offspring of toastracks and pipe cleaners.


“Well, yeah,” the Franchise admits. Sure enough, Toxxic seems more perplexed than agonised by the apparent submission he’s in - it’s uncomfortable, but hardly likely to force a tap out. So he reaches up two black-nailed hands and starts to try and prise Jimmy’s hands loose. Doom does his best to maintain his grip but the Englishman manages to free himself, then twists around whilst maintaining a hold on his opponent’s wrists. This ends up with the two men facing each other, their arms crossed, and Toxxic wrenches Jimmy towards him into the headbutt that he usually uses to set up his goku-raku neckbreaker-




-unfortunately Doom’s head is rather harder than Toxxic anticipated, and instead of following up as planned the Englishman simply staggers back a step holding his head, while Doom does the same!






Doom recovers first and charges Toxxic, but the Straight-Edge Sensation comes to his senses a split second later and has good enough reactions to take Jimmy down with a drop toehold. He tries to transition this into the Regal Stretch, but Jimmy’s able to use his ludicrously long reach to shuffle towards the ropes and clamp his hand around one in short order. Brian Warner comes in and orders Toxxic to break, which the straight-edger does with bad grace.


“Well King, I’ve yet to see much evidence of a ‘pasting’,” Mak Francis comments.


“Toxxic’s coming into this match at a disadvantage, he’s been out of competition since From The Fire,” King complains, “a little ring rust is only to be expected!”


“You know he’d kill you for making excuses for him, right?”


Toxxic honours the break, but not really the spirit of things as he waits until Jimmy is upright before charging back in and delivering a stunning European Uppercut while Doom is still in contact with the ropes. The force of the blow is perhaps a little mitigated by Jimmy’s height advantage, but it staggers the Doomtopian and Toxxic simply follows up with one, two, three right hands to the skull that knock Doom along the ropes into the corner. Once there Toxxic takes Jimmy’s wrist and goes to Irish whip his opponent across the ring, but the double champion reverses the momentum and sends Toxxic towards the far buckles instead… only for the straight-edger to vault athletically to the top rope before corkscrewing back with a flying clothesline to take Doom off his feet! Then, to add insult to injury, the smirking Englishman kips up!




“Now that’s good!” King exclaims, clapping, “nothing like a Role Reversal to brighten the day!”


“Oh, he’s good alright,” Mak Francis agrees, “but he’s also an arrogant asshole who’s completely forgotten about the spirit of competition he personified only a couple of months ago.”


Toxxic drops into a crouch, waiting for Jimmy to get back to his feet; he doesn’t have long to wait, the tough Doomtopian fighting his way back up very quickly. However, once back to a vertical base Doom suddenly finds two arms encircling his chest, as Toxxic grabs him then hoists him up off the mat before kicking out his legs and dropping down with a Sambo Slam!




“Side Effect!” Mak Francis shouts. Jimmy does a fairly good impression of a flipped turtle as his arms and legs wave vaguely without any great effect, the breath knocked from the Doomtopian’s lungs by the force of impact. Meanwhile, Toxxic has picked himself up again and heads for the turnbuckles where he vaults to the top rope in one jump again, then leaps back and off to drop a closed fist right between Jimmy’s eyes!




“That’s a good way to break your hand,” Francis comments as Toxxic rubs his fist thoughtfully after landing.


“As long as he breaks Jimmy’s head first,” King replies.


“I know what my money’s on.”


Toxxic is nothing if not stubborn, and the Englishman doesn’t seem willing to give up on his plan yet so he heads back for the turnbuckles once more. He vaults up again and leaps back to land another fistdrop on the skull of Jimmy The Doom, much to the displeasure of the crowd!




Once more the straight-edger shakes his hand out, and once more he gets up and heads back towards the corner. However, this time Toxxic seems content to shake things up a little and while he still vaults fluidly to the top rope, this time he pauses for a moment and stands straight atop the ringpost, inviting the jeers of the crowd with a familiar lopsided grin on his face, then leaping off backwards to corkscrew through the air and transition into the Hangover…




-which Jimmy dodges!




“Toxxic went to the well once too often,” Mak Francis shouts, ignoring the fact that wells are rarely found above ground level, let alone in mid-air, “and this is Doom’s chance to capitalise!”


“That was a freak muscle movement that send Doom rolling away,” the Suicide King splutters, “he was writing in pain from Toxxic’s previous attacks! That was not a deliberate dodge!”


Regardless, Jimmy has got an opportunity to get back on the offensive, and the Doomtopian realises it. With Toxxic trying to stagger back to his feet nursing a numbed (yet stinging) hip, the resilient Hardcore and Cruiserweight Champion gets up to a vertical base himself, then advances on the immobilised Englishman and delivers a palm thrust to the jaw!






Toxxic staggers back, but Jimmy follows up with another-




-that sends his opponent stumbling into the ropes, then grabs Toxxic and Irish whips him across the ring. Toxxic still seems to be having some mobility problems and there’s a noticeable limp as he bounces off the ropes - this may explain why Jimmy is able to catch him with a flying front snap kick that blasts the former World Champion in the chest and lays him out on the mat!




Jimmy drops to make the cover and Brian Warner follows him down to count…


















…but Toxxic kicks out!


“You’re going to have to do more than that!” King shouts at the lanky double champion.


“Perhaps, but it’s worth noting that Jimmy has made two covers so far, whereas Toxxic has made none,” Mak Francis points out as Doom takes hold of his opponent and starts to haul him upright.


“It’s the final cover that counts,” King sniffs.


Jimmy has Toxxic by the head and takes this opportunity to send a couple of straight kicks into his opponent’s stomach, winding the straight-edger still further. He then twists Toxxic around and grabs a reverse facelock before leaning forwards and cradling the Englishman’s near leg. From there Doom hoists his opponent up into the air before dropping backwards to spike him on his head with the Doom Driver!






And Jimmy goes for that final cover!


















-but Toxxic kicks out again! However, Jimmy was decidedly closer to the three this time, as witnessed by the sigh of disappointment that ran around the arena! The Doomtopian looks at Brian Warner just to check, but the referee remains adamant and waves for him to continue. Jimmy grabs Toxxic accordingly and starts to bring him up; however, Toxxic turns the table by grabbing Doom’s head in both hands, positioning his skull underneath Jimmy’s jaw and then sitting out with a jawbreaker!




Jimmy staggers backwards but Toxxic is holding his own head, clearly still in pain from the Doom Driver as well as Doom’s hard jaw. The straight-edger slowly topples backwards until he’s prostrate on the mat again, and Jimmy gets the chance to recover before advancing on the Englishman. However-




-it appears that Toxxic was not quite as hurt as he made out!


“Kip-up enzuigiri,” Mak Francis calls, “and Toxxic suckered Jimmy into that one!”


Doom topples forwards while Toxxic shakes his head as he lands on the mat; although he was playing possum a little, it’s also clear that he’s not firing on all cylinders yet. As a result it takes him a couple of seconds to recover, and by that time his resilient Doomtopian opponent is starting to get up as well. Toxxic doesn’t intend to let Jimmy get his bearings back though, and he grabs Doom’s head from behind before twisting Jimmy around and down to smash his face into one knee-




-before grabbing a front facelock and falling backwards with a DDT!


“Now that’s a Sobering Thought!” King shouts with malicious glee as Toxxic rolls Doom onto his back and makes a cover…


















…but Jimmy kicks out well before three! Toxxic simply hauls Doom into a sitting position, then quickly gets onto his backside behind Jimmy and threads his legs up beneath Doom’s arms to apply a double-leg nelson on his opponent. Doom struggles, but his arms are trapped high and ineffectual as Toxxic rests back on his elbows, waiting for the weardown hold to take effect on his opponent and soften up Jimmy’s neck.






“I’ve got to say King, I wasn’t expecting Toxxic to resort to this against Jimmy,” Mak says, “I’d have expected him to maximise his speed advantage.”


“Oh, what, you think Doom’s going to out-wrestle him?” King snorts, “come on, Francis. Toxxic may not be Flesher, or even Jay Hawke, but he’s got this moron completely outclassed on the mat.”






The crowd are getting behind Doom in a vocal fashion, but of more consequence to the Doomtopian right now is the fact that Toxxic is behind him in a physical fashion, and has him trapped in a hold to boot. For his part Toxxic seems content to rest up for the moment and gradually try and straighten his body to exert more pressure on Doom’s neck as he bends the double champion forwards… but he’s reckoned without the extreme resilience and resistance to pain of Doomtopia’s favourite son!






With the crowd fuelling his fire Jimmy braces his legs against the canvas and starts to push backwards, seeking to fight against the pressure! Toxxic manages to hold on for a couple of seconds, but then Doom’s determination starts to prevail and Jimmy starts to straighten his body, forcing Toxxic back as he does so. As the Englishman starts to bend double his shoulders start to come into ever closer proximity to the canvas as Jimmy seeks to turn defence into attack!






…but Toxxic has an answer to that and laces his fingers together, then simply pastes Doom in the top of the head with a double axe handle! The impact jolts Jimmy and causes him to slacked off on the pressure for a moment - a moment that’s enough for Toxxic to twists his body sideways and haul Jimmy after him, ending up on his front but with Doom stacked on his shoulders for a pin!


















…but Jimmy somehow manages to roll out backwards and escapes! Both men scramble to their feet, trying to be the first one to gain the advantage of a vertical base; Toxxic gets their first and quickly closes on his gangly opponent, then lashes out with a


























Toxxic staggers as the momentum of his non-connecting move carries him off-balance, but worse is to come because he turns around to find Jimmy in the closing stages of his own discus move - the Discus Headbutt!




“Toxxic’s down!” Mak shouts as Doom’s cranium sends the Englishman sprawling, “and yet again, Jimmy The Doom shows why he is not an opponent to be taken lightly!”


“There’s no way someone 6’5 can be only 230lbs!” King shouts, eager to capitalise on anything he can, “Doom can’t be Cruiserweight Champion! Award the belt to Toxxic!”


Doom staggers to a halt and shakes his head to clear it, then focuses on the stunned Englishman and scoops him up off the canvas before whipping Toxxic into the far turnbuckles. Toxxic hits hard and the breath blasts from his lungs, but worse is to come as Jimmy mimics putting a telephone to his ear, then charges across the ring like a hyperthyroid stork in the process of getting airborne! He crashes into the Englishman, snares him by the head and falls back to take the smaller man over with a headlock takedown.


“That’s the 73.5267.1094Q80.16, and Jimmy’s dialling home!” Mak Francis shouts. The Suicide King just looks at him in disgust.




Doom gets back to his feet and heads for another turnbuckle, then steps to the outside and starts to climb. However, he only gets halfway up before Toxxic struggles to his feet and runs at the Doomtopian, firing right hands upwards to cut him off!


“Toxxic beat Jimmy last time with a Stephens Shock Sydrome off the top rope,” Mak Francis exclaims urgently, “and Doom could be in a sticky situation once more!”


Sure enough, Toxxic is climbing up after his lanky opponent and continuing to rain punches up (if one can rain upwards) at Jimmy. The Englishman gets to the second rope and then starts trying to grab a double underhook, perhaps seeking to win this match the same way he won the last one, but Doom wriggles free and fires a palm thrust into Toxxic’s ribs. Toxxic winces in pain, but fires back by grabbing Doom’s moustache and using it to pull the double champion into a sickening headbutt!




Both men waver, but Toxxic recovers first… and leaps up to wrap his legs around Jimmy’s head, then backflip and haul Doom off the top rope to the mat with a super hurricanrana!




“High risk lives up to its name sometimes Francis,” the Suicide King proclaims, “and it’s only worth playing the odds if you come out on top as often as Toxxic does!”


The Straight-Edge Sensation takes a few seconds to recover from the disorientating ride he just sent himself one, but once he starts to push himself up he quickly realises that Jimmy The Doom is still down and hurting. This seems to give the straight-edger a new lease of energy and he drags Doom up off the mat, then suddenly throws himself into a drop toehold that sees Jimmy end up strung throat-first over the second rope! Toxxic picks himself back up before raising his face to the skies…




…and with that the Englishman charges towards the far ropes, bounces off with even greater speed and hurtles back towards the prone Doom…


…drops into a baseball slide and skids under the bottom rope to the arena floor…


…then turns around and nails Jimmy with a European uppercut before posing ‘for’ the fans.




“Is 0115 the dialling code for Nottingham, England?” Mak Francis asks wearily.


“I believe it is,” King replies with a certain amount of smug satisfaction.






Toxxic climbs back up to the apron, then grabs onto the top rope. Jimmy has rolled away from the ropes after that European uppercut and Toxxic seizes his chance by pulling back on the cable, then slingshotting himself into the ring to deliver a hilo to the downed Doomtopian. The Englishman rolls through and up to his feet, then immediately backflips to land a standing moonsault!




Brian Warner drops to make the cover…


















…but Doom kicks out! Toxxic doesn’t seem that distressed, so he starts pulling Jimmy up to a vertical base once more, only to slap on a front facelock and this time deliver the Unfinished Business (without any showboating, just to be on the safe side).




Toxxic rolls Doom over into a pin, and Warner makes the count again…



















-but Jimmy still kicks out! Toxxic looks a little less pleased at his opponent’s resilience this time around and casts a glare at Brian Warner, but the referee is quite clear on his count so the straight-edger hauls Jimmy up off the floor… and places him in a ¾ facelock.


“They’re expecting good weather in Nottingham!” King calls, making a rather forced pun on the name of the move.


…a pun which is justifiably punished, as Jimmy shoves Toxxic away from him and prevents the Sunny In England from being executed! Toxxic turns back to try and regain the advantage, but simply eats a Yak Kick!





















-but the Straight-Edge Sensation kicks out!






“Jimmy The Doom has turned this around again, but can he capitalise?” Mak asks. Jimmy seeks to answer that question as he hauls Toxxic up and places the Englishman in an armwringer, then lands a kick to the stomach that doubles the former World Champion over. From there Doom nails a knee to the face, then two quick kicks to the back of Toxxic’s leg that buckles the straight-edger’s knees and bring him down into the perfect position for Jimmy to lash out with a long leg in a roundhouse kick to complete the Doomsday…


…that Toxxic ducks…


…and the Straight-Edge Sensation brings Jimmy over into a schoolboy!



















-but Doom still kicks out!




Jimmy doesn’t want to lose the initiative so he surges back to his feet, faster than Toxxic who is still dazed from the lead-in to the Doomsday, and nails Toxxic with another kick while the Englishman is still trying to rise. Doom then brings him up and shoots him off the ropes, measures the rebounding straight-edger and then lunges for the Jimmy-plex, swinging around and launching Toxxic overhead…




…but Toxxic instinctively flips through and lands on his feet! However, he’s too disorientated to follow-up immediately and Jimmy regains the upper hand by delivering the Hand of Doom, then grabs Toxxic by the throat with both hands and lifts for the Jimmy Bomb…


…but Toxxic plants his feet into Jimmy’s chest, grabs his opponent’s arms and throws his weight backwards to turn it into a monkey flip!




“Jimmy just can’t land that last, telling blow!” Mak shouts, “Toxxic’s fighting a rearguard action, but he’s holding Doom off!”


Jimmy gets back up to his feet after the monkey flip and once again charges in to try and regain the advantage… but this time he acts a little too recklessly.




“Soccer tackle!” King shouts as Toxxic dives to the mat and slices Doom’s shins from under him, “Toxxic for England!”


Toxxic shakes his head to clear the remnants of his wooziness, then hauls Doom up off the mat. The Doomtopian lists to one side as Toxxic places him in a front facelock, then reaches through to hook one of Doom’s long legs…


“Caffeine Bomb?” Mak asks.


That’s surely the intention, but Jimmy has other ideas. The Doomtopian suddenly stands firmly and rams a palm strike into Toxxic’s ribs, then a second, and when Toxxic’s grip loosens Doom extracts his head from his opponent’s grasp before securing his own front facelock and dropping Toxxic with a DDT!




“It looks like Toxxic’s not the only one who can play possum,” Mak Francis exclaims as Jimmy head for the turnbuckles, the leg that seemed barely able to support his weight a moment ago now being used to walk with barely a limp, then start climbing towards the top rope, “Jimmy’s going up high!”


“It didn’t work before, it won’t work now!” Suicide Kings shouts as Jimmy heads towards the top, “it won’t work!”


Jimmy gets to the top rope and stands up.


“It won’t work!!”


Jimmy leaps off, somersaulting through the air and coming down with Jimmy’s Jump, the devastating flipping headbutt-




-that Toxxic dodges by rolling to one side.




“Yes! I told you!” King screams.


Jimmy The Doom landed hard, with most of the impact on his head. Doomtopian or not, that’s going to stun you for a while. Long enough, in this instance, to be hauled up to your feet by a grim-faced English straight-edger, have two arms wrapped around your torso, then get planted into the canvas with the second Side Effect of the night.








Toxxic gets back to his feet and heads for the turnbuckles himself. He hasn’t got the energy to leap athletically up as he did earlier in the evening, but Jimmy currently has little in the way of conscious thought or breath in his lungs. He’s not going anywhere.




Not in the time it takes Toxxic to get to the top rope, anyway.




So the Straight-Edge Sensation takes a deep breath, then jumps off into the air, flipping backwards as he goes and coming down with one leg outstretched…




…to land it across Jimmy’s throat.


“INGLORIOUS!” King roars as the shooting star legdrop hits home. Toxxic rolls on top of Doom and Warner dives to count…






















“Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner,” Funyon booms, “the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’… TOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC!!”




“Jimmy The Doom came so close, so close, but Toxxic picks up the win,” Mak Francis says sadly. “Fans, that all we’ve got time for on Storm, but make sure to tune back in next week!”









© 2007 Acid Rayn Productions for the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation

‘Raising Workrate By Typing Faster’

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