HD: Blindfold Match + Promo

[King Cucaracha 0]

"JUST ONE ON ONE
THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY!
JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!

JUST ONE ON ONE
THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY!
JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!"

"First To Believe" by A1 thumps through the arena to the traditional reaction of wild, girlish screams from the crowd. But for once it's a solitary entrance as Shayne Brave walks to the ring alone and not all that cheerfully, despite his bright and sunny orange denim outfit. Shayne manages to find it in him to tag a few hands on his way down the aisle get other than that he's distinctly glum.

BUFFER
The following contest is a BLINDFOLD MATCH, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Detroit, Michigan. He weighs in tonight at one hundred and eighty two pounds... one half of D*LLLLUUUUUUUUXXXXX... this is "SHOWTIME" SSHHHAAAAAAYYYYNNEEEEE... BBRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAVVEEEEEEE!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
And as you can see, Shayne Brave coming alone tonight...

COACH
LOL!

COLE
...very mature, Coach. All outside parties have been banned from ringside here tonight to prevent any outside help in this Blindfold Match and of course, Jade Rodez wouldn't be by Shayne's side anyway. But not Tyler Bryant with him, Shayne is going to have to rely on this Nebraska crowd to guide him tonight.

COACH
Poor guy.

COLE
Boy you're a riot tonight, huh Coach.

Shayne slides into the ring and immediately finds himself confronted by referee Mike Chioda, brandishing a pair of black hoods. Not looking altogether convinced about this idea (and who can blame him, really?), Shayne stoops down and allows the blindfold to be put on...


[b]"BREEEAAAK!!"[/b]


...while "Tear Away" by Drowning Pool hits and the good feeling around the arena drains out the front door. Emerging through the sliding entrance doors comes Christian Wright, carrying his trusty black briefcase incase of any urgent paperwork that should arise during this match. Wink wink. Straightening up his fancy red polyester jacket with a big smile on his face, Christian strolls down the aisle with his head held high in the face of all the derisory and in some cases, frankly grotesque signs being brandished at him

BUFFER
And, his opponent. Now residing in Washington, D.C... weighing in at eight and one-third BARS of GOLD! He is the Chief Financial Officer for THE ENTERPRISE... "THE NATURAL" CCHHHRRRRRRIIIIISSTTIIIIIIAAAAAAANN WWRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIGGHHHHHTT!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Wright sets his briefcase on the top step of the ring steps and removes his jacket, biding his time as referee Chioda keeps the as-yet not blindfolded Shayne Brave back.

"WOO - DY!"
"WOO - DY!"
"WOO - DY!"
"WOO - DY!"

COACH
What the hell are these rednecks chanting Woody for?

COLE
Well, I believe they're referring to Christian's little friend, who of course joined us briefly at AngleMania.

COACH
Now, why would they do that? Hasn't the man suffered enough!?

COLE
Evidently not.

With his face turning red from a combination of embarrassment and rage, Wright paces on the outside, yelling at the Omaha crowd to pipe down. Which of course doesn't work. So Wright smartly gives up on the crowd and slides into the ring, demanding that Chioda hurry up with the blindfolding of his opponent. Chioda first ensures The Natural is safely in his corner, before going back over and lacing up the rope tie on Shayne's blindfold.

"WOO - DY!"
"WOO - DY!"

WRIGHT
SILENCE!

"WOO - DY!"
"WOO - DY!"

COLE
This may well be a first in OAOAST history.

COACH
And not a good one either! I hope it doesn't catch on, that's all I can say.

COLE
I was talking about the Blindfold Match...

COACH
Oh, yeah, that too.

With Shayne dealt with, Chioda now walks back over to Christian with the second blindfold and gestures for him to put it on. Wright seems pre-occupied with the crowd still, ignoring Chioda's demands to put on the blindfold. Eventually the referee does foist the hood on Wright though... only for The Natural to just hold it in his hand dumbly.

"HANG ON A SECOND!"

COLE
What the...

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

All of a sudden, the crowd's attentions turn to the entrance way, as THEODORE MONEYMAKER appears with microphone in hand, wagging his finger in the direction of the confused referee. Jade Rodez is at Moneymaker's side, scowling a little but showing no real signs of emotion.

MONEYMAKER
I think there's been some sort of a misunderstanding here.

"AAASSS - HOLE!"
"AAASSS - HOLE!"
"AAASSS - HOLE!"
"AAASSS - HOLE!"

MONEYMAKER
And if you common inbreds would just shut the hell up, I'd be glad to explain!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

MONEYMAKER
Luckily, Jade Rodez alerted me to the error, having of course signed off on the contract for this match. The contract which, apparantly, the incompetent officials of this company neglected to properly read. See, this IS a Blindfold Match. But, it never said that BOTH competitors would be wearing blindfolds.

COLE
Oh no...

Following the direction of the voice, the protesting Shayne lumbers his way across the ring...




...little realising that Christian has tossed the second blindfold away and is now creeping around behind him.

MONEYMAKER
The rules of this match state that only whichever one of those manufactured nobodies it is under that hood needs to wear a blindfold. And as you nickel n' dimers know, The Enterprise ALWAYS follow the rules! So, now that that has been cleared up...

Right on cue, Wright sneaks up from behind, just as Shayne realises he's in trouble and tries to untie his blindfold. But he doesn't get there in time, as Wright CLUBS him down with a brutal clothesline to the back of the head!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
OH! He blindsighted him! HAHA!



*DINGDINGDING!*

Referee Chioda is left with no choice but to call for the bell, as Wright leaps up and puts the boots to the fallen Brave amidst a venomous response from the crowd. Moneymaker can be seen in the background laughing at the top of his lungs on the stage watching all this while Jade remains pretty much emotionless next to him. Pulling Shayne off the mat, Wright lays into the blindfolded boybander with a European Uppercut, sending him staggering across the ring! And a second! Shayne hits the turnbuckles and comes darting out, not sure of what exactly he just hit, past Wright who follows after him with a third European!

COLE
This is bull! I guess we should have known The Enterprise had something up their sleeves, but this is ridiculous! It wasn't enough to force D*LUX into a Handicap Match last Saturday night... Blindfold Match my ass, this is a mugging!

COACH
You heard Teddy, they're just following the rules.

COLE
Rules they made up!

COACH
The benefits of being rich.

As Wright backs away, Shayne suddenly finds himself completely isolated in one corner of the ring. Shayne reaches out and starts to fumble at the air in front of him, trying to reach out for anything or anyone to tell him where he is and where his opponent is. That'd be an okay strategy in a normal Blindfold Match. In a Blindfold Match where your opponent isn't blindfolded, it's just making yourself a sitting duck.

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"
"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"
"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"
"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

Not particularly helped by the crowd, Shayne wanders out into the centre of the ring and into a boot to the gut from Wright. Wringing out the arm, an irish whip then follows from The Natural, setting Shayne up...



...for nothing as it turns out, Shayne unable to see the ropes coming and bouncing harmlessly off them chest first. Wright is left standing dumbly as Shayne collapses to the canvas, pulling himself right back up but finding himself even more lost than before.

COLE
Shayne should just pull the blindfold off now and be done with it.

COACH
Ah, but that's not following the rules. And we all know you how you love to preach about certain people and their respect for the rules, Mikey.

Shayne now looks for the help of the fans in telling him which direction to turn. To their credit, the people of Omaha manage to convey to Shayne just by 'NOOOO's and 'YYAAAYYY's that he should turn around. Unfortunately, they don't convey to Shayne that Christian Wright is right behind him and set for a Superkick.



*SMACK!*

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
HE DIDN'T SEE IT COMING!!

COLE
Oh brother. You've been saving these up all week, I bet.

COACH
Well, it beats doing a real job.

COLE
Amen.

Shayne's head SNAPS back from the completely unexpected kick and he flies back into the ropes, the lower two bouncing him back and saving him from spilling out to the floor. In hysterics on the stage, Moneymaker claps his hands in glee before giving the "money fingers" to Christian when he looks to the stage. Wright returns the gesture, as all the while Shayne lies motionless on the canvas.

"C - O - D!"
"C - O - D!"
"C - O - D!"
"C - O - D!"

COLE
This crowd want the World Tag Team Champions to end this massacare. But, I'm not so sure they're even here tonight!

COACH
They probably saw the word Arkansas on the schedule and ran in the opposite direction.

The chants begin to fade out when the Princesses Of Penis Pain fail to answer their cries, all the to the amusement of Moneymaker on the ramp. Back in the ring, referee Chioda is trying to convince Wright to end this beating. But it barely even registers with Wright as he brushes the referee aside, pulling Shayne up by the blindfold and turning to the entrance way. From there, Moneymaker shrugs his shoulders and tells him to "go ahead", which is the only real signal that will put an end to this. Wright sets up for a suplex, hanging Shayne's ankles across the top rope and leaving him hanging for a couple of drama-enducing seconds, before twisting to the side with the CONVERSION RATE!!

COACH
CHA-CHING!

Dragging the limp boybander away from the ropes, Wright hooks the leg...


1...





2...





3!!

*DINGDINGDING!*

COLE
And, mercifully, it's over.

Chioda wastes no time with the count and raises Christian's arm in a token gesture, before making a move to remove the blindfold from Shayne's head. Meanwhile, heads turn to the aisle, as Moneymaker is on his way to the ring with Jade in tow!

BUFFER
Your winner of the match... CHRISTIAN WRIGHT!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Applauding as he climbs the steps, Moneymaker dips into the ring and holds the ropes for Jade... before PUTTING THE BOOTS TO SHAYNE BRAVE!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Oh come on... enough is enough! You've aready beat the kid, what more do you have to prove damnit!?

As Chioda finds himself flung out of the way, the beatdown resumes as Christian adds his boots to the equation! Jade watches all this from a far-away corner, showing no signs of compassion for her former charge as he gets the bejeezus kicked out of him by The Enterprise duo. All the time Moneymaker howls with laughter, until suddenly the crowd erupt, due to the arrival of "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT at full speed down the aisle!! Tyler slides headlong into the ring... but slides too fast and too far in his exuberance! And by the time he scrambles to his feet, Moneymaker is waiting on him with a Lariat from the left side, clubbing Tyler down and setting the other D*LUX member up for a stomping!

COACH
Well, so much for the cavalry!

Moneymaker and Wright stomp away on Tyler now, with Shayne both physically unable to help and unable to even see what's going on with the blindfold still over his head!

COLE
This is ridiculous! The Enterprise, trying to systematically destroy D*LUX... and for what!? What did D*LUX ever do to deserve this!? Not a thing!

COACH
They stood in the way of progress, that's reason enough.

COLE
That's a crock of... WAIT A MINUTE!!

The crowd again rise to their feet, as more help is on the way. And this, it's in the form of KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN and ALIX MARIA SPEZIA, the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions running to the ring armed with CROQUET MALLETS!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

In the middle of their kicking, Christian notices the eruption from the crowd and the vengeful women charging their way, quickly alerting Teddy before bailing out of the ring! Moneymaker bails out too, just in time as Alix and Krista come in swinging, narrowly missing Moneymaker with the mallet! In all the chaos, Moneymaker and Wright don't even seem to notice that they're one short, frantic to get the hell out of dodge as Krista and Alix suddenly notice Jade Rodez, trapped in a corner like a dear in the headlights!

COACH
Oh no...

Alix's ADD draws her away from the really juicy confrontation and to D*LUX, checking the two boybanders are still breathing. Meanwhile, Krista and Jade come face to face, Jade trying to stay composed but her eyes telling a different story. Christian can be seen contemplating making a move to save her, but Moneymaker holds him back, noticing that Krista has stopped in her tracks. Dropping the unorthodox weapon in her hands, Krista just looks at Jade. A long, awkward look.

(You know where you've kind of got your mouth partially open, head cocked to the side, eyes water, as their lids try to flutter away the sight of person who hurt you so bad. Patty knows. Thanks Patty!)

Realising that her former mentor has no intentions of hitting her, cautiously Jade begins to leave. She doesn't take her eyes off of Krista, just incase, until she makes it through the bottom rope to the floor, at which point she turns her back and simply walks away.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Wow... was that... [i]compassion[/i] from Krista?

COACH
First time for everything I guess.

"Money Talks" plays through the P.A again as Moneymaker, Wright and now Jade leave. COD look on, daring them to stay and fight, as D*LUX start to drag themselves back to life around them.

COLE
D*LUX taking a beating here tonight but one thing is for sure, if not for Chicks Over Dicks' intervention, it could have been a lot worse. Thank goodness they arrived when they did.

COACH
And thank goodness they managed to get those croquet sticks through customs. Cause you know Arkansas ain't cultured enough for them to have bought them here.

COLE
Did you just say croquet [i]sticks[/i]?

COACH
Uh... gotta go!

[b]COMMERCIALS!![/b]

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
Welcome back to HeldDOWN~!... where, before the break, we saw the quote-un-quote Blindfold 'Match', which turned out to be not so much a match as a beatdown at the hands of Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright. Thankfully Chicks Over Dicks were on hand to run The Enterprise off and during the break, one of our many hidden cameras picked up this...


[b][COLOR=red]**DURING THE BREAK**[/COLOR][/b]

Still wielding their croquet mallets, Alix Maria Spezia and a visably shaken-up Krista Isadora Duncan have made it through the 'go' position on their way back to their locker room and more importantly the free-bar mandated by their contracts (P.S. Krista likes to drink!). However, their progress and their inevitable hangovers are hampered momentarily as D*LUX drag themselves through the curtains behind them.

KRISTA
Oh... yeah, you guys. I told you we forgot something. Well, actually, I told you we forgot something important, I guess I was half right at least. No offence meant, it's just nothing feels all that important to me right now. Life itself doesn't seem the great, incomprehensibly complicatedly crafted gift from above some people believe it to be. So, anyway, sorry for leaving you.

ALIX
Slaps forehead.

KRISTA
I agree. But, isn't that really more of an action than a piece of dialogue sweetie? Shouldn't you have actually slapped your forehead?

ALIX
Wouldn't that hurt?

KRISTA
Good point. *slaps forehead* There. Much better.

D*LUX look a little disturbed for a moment at the self-abuse being dished out to Ms. Duncan by Ms. Duncan, before realising they should talk advantage of the lull in talking while they can.

SHAYNE
Miss Krista, we wanna thank you helping us. For a moment, I wasn't sure anyone was going to save us.

ALIX
Well, we would have swooped to your rescue sooner, but we let Team Jamaica borrow our croquet gear so we had to take a detour.

KRISTA
Listen dumplings, your buddy Leon might be a spineless dweeb who's to afraid to fight when a battle comes a knockin', but my spine was voted the 3rd hottest in the entire world and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let it go to waste! Plus, am not a dweeb. I don't even know what that means. Infact, I've never even heard that word before. Trust me, if you need someone to rely on in the field of potentially and Buddah-willing one day successfully castrating Theodore Moneymaker, look no further than Chicks Over Dicks!

Brushing aside their considerable anguish, the boybanders perk up with excitement at Krista's somewhat vulgar offering of assistance.

SHAYNE
Oh, we surely won't! Nobody kicks BUTT liked you do.

TYLER
And by the way, thanks for not hurting Jade when you had the chance. That was really noble of you.

Krista scoffs.

KRISTA
Trust me, I didn't do it for you and I sure as sugar didn't do it to be 'noble'.

TYLER
Well, whatever the reason, thank you.

An awkward pause follows, as Shayne begins to gather the requisite amount of courage needed to extend an invitation to the former beauty queens.

SHAYNE
And, if you ever want to talk about your feelings with us, we'd love to lend an ear to you and listen. And...well, maybe, perhaps write a song about it.

ALIX
:wub:

KRISTA
(dryly) I'll keep that in mind. Now, if you don't mind, I have an appointment with my friends Jack Daniels and Joe... uhm, Joe Vodka? Look, I'm gonna get drunk, okay. Badda bing badda boom, I'm out.

And with that Krista and Alix, with a swoop of her imaginary cape, leave and we return to Sofa Central!

COACH
Yeah, extra anchovies... huh? We're on already? (hangs up cellphone) That was the shortest COD promo in history!

COLE
You're not kidding.

Cole finishes painting his final toenail before tucking his boney legs back under the announce table.

COACH
Green? Ew.

COLE
Shut up.

Edited May 4, 2007 by Patty O'Green