King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted May 17, 2007 !!! As we return to HeldDOWN~!, we're transported straight to the ring where Biff Atlas is standing, ready for his first match as a bonefide singles competitor. If you don't know why he's a singles wrestler now, you should really read the dirtsheets. Wellness, that's all I'm saying. Biff is sporting new aquamarine blue shorts with a picture of the globe on the BUTT and the word 'ATLAS' written across it in deep red lettering. Plus of course that trademark teeny-tiny hula skirt and ankle vine bracelets. For some reason, Biff also has the microphone, waiting for the signal that we're on air before beginning. BIFF Ladies and gentlemen... "BIFF!" "BIFF!" "BIFF!" "BIFF!" BIFF ...yes, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, you may know me as a recreational bodybuilder or as a 'nutritional guru'. In the past, I came to you and I spoke about energy drinks and workout regiments. But that was then and this is now. You are looking at a new Biff Atlas! You see, I now have a much more important message to tell the world. I have a much more important cause to follow. And tonight, before my match, I would like to take a moment to talk to you all about a subject very close to my heart, Global Warming! ..... CROWD :huh: COLE :huh: COACH :huh: BIFF Global Warming is a very real danger that affects all of us and the planet that we inhabit. Now, our government would have you believe that this problem is just a creation of the media. They are dragging their heels on energy conservation. Despite that fact that in a matter of just a few years, the entire West Indies could be 65 feet under water! But, all is not lost! Global Warming is a preventable danger, so long as we tackle this issue head on! Every single person in this audience tonight can do their bit to prevent climate change. Everyone. Taking your computer off of stand-by, using public transport, flushing your toilets once a month... all of these minor things could have a huge effect on the future of this planet. The planet that I love so much. The planet. The Atlas! Help prevent Climate Change and change the world! Thank you! The crowd sit in stunned silence, unsure of how to take in that diatribe. Suddenly the pro-Biff signs disappear and the cheers are gone for Biff, as he removes his hula skirt and passes it to the outside. COACH Okay. That was... interesting. COLE It was something alright. I don't know about Global Warming, but this crowd don't seem to be warming to Biff Atlas' words here tonight. He will be representing the OAOAST here tonight though, because he'll be taking on WDW's latest acquisition and dare I add, the latest man to turncoat on the OAOAST. COACH And it could be anybody! I lost track of all the names being thrown around backstage earlier. COLE Yeah, it turned into a bit of a witchhunt in the end. I still can't believe Alix accused Terry Taylor. I wonder if he regained consciousness yet. COACH Who cares? BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring, from Venice Beach, California... he weighs in at two hundred and twenty pounds... BBIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFF... AAAAATTLLLLLLAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!!! Biff salutes the crowd and gets a now mixed reaction. All eyes now turn to the stage as an awkward silence falls across the arena for a couple of seconds, before finally... "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" The pumping beats of "Fix Up, Look Sharp" by Dizzee Rascal pound through the arena... and through the sliding entrance doors swaggers JAMIE O'HARA! COLE No way! COACH Unbelievable. BUFFER And, his opponent represents World Domination Wrestling! Hailing from Birmingham, England... he weighs in at one hundred and seventy pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE... OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The Birmingham Bad Boy jaws away at no-one or no-thing in particular as the marches down the aisle, brash as ever. Up the steps he climbs, vaulting in over the top rope and jawing now at someone in particular, that being Biff Atlas. Biff points the finger right back though, leaving referee Nick Patrick to step in between them. COLE Well, I must say, I didn't expect this. COACH Man. I expected better from the J-OH. To think, we used to be crew. COLE Ebonics aside, Jamie O'Hara, WDW's newest signing? This a major coo! *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and O'Hara immediately dives towards Biff, looking to sweep a leg. Biff avoids it though, so O'Hara comes back to his feet and into a collar and elbow tie-up. With the clear power advantage, Biff backs O'Hara up into a corner, pinning him in and surprisingly giving a clean break. Unsuprisingly, O'Hara doesn't reciprocate though, pushing back on the turnbuckles and driving his feet into Biff's burly chest to drive him backwards. O'HARA WOT NOW!? EH!? WOT NOW!? Allowing Jamie to jaw away, Biff looks for another collar and elbow tie-up. A little naively O'Hara accepts and again he gets muscled right back into a corner, forced against the turnbuckles... and this time, Biff clubs him across the chest with a forearm! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Do these people realise what show they're at? Biff clubs O'Hara with a second forearm! And a third! Whipping O'Hara across the ring, the reformed nutrition guru then charges in, looking to crush the Brit with an Avalanche. Up and over goes O'Hara though, rolling down Biff's back and waiting for him to turn around before connecting with a Dropkick! Biff falls back into the corner now and O'Hara dives onto the middle rope in front of him, fist clenched, ready to unload... "OI!" "OI!" "OI!" "OI!" "OI!" "OI!" "OI!" "OI!" "OI!" "OI!" ...with ten punches (honestly, there's ten, you can count them yourself) to the forehead! COLE It sounds like a soccer game here in Oklahoma City. COACH Obviously you don't watch much soccer then. Jumping off the rope it's O'Hara's turn to try an irish whip. An arm wrapped around the top rope prevents Biff from being taken for the ride though and eventually he fires a kick into the gut to force the Brit off of him. As O'Hara turns around, Biff then loads up the arm looking for a big clothesline coming out of the corner. O'Hara ducks it though, coming out of the corner himself with a big Busaiku Knee Kick to take Atlas down! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Out of the ring rolls Biff, looking to recollect himself. O'Hara looks to follow, but referee Nick Patrick manages to keep some order, preventing Jamie from leaving the ring while he counts. COACH How do you kick someone with your knee anyway? COLE You don't. It's just what it's called. COACH But it makes no sense. COLE Take it up with KENTA. COACH Who? As Biff continues to walk it off around ringside, the impatient O'Hara sneaks out of the ring behind referee Patrick and rounds the ring in pursuit of Biff. Busy conserving his own energy much like he was preaching earlier, Biff doesn't see O'Hara coming. Until it's too late that is, O'Hara springing off the ring steps and crushing the horror-stricken Atlas with a Somersault Seated Senton!! "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" COLE Daredevil move from Jamie O'Hara, something which I guess we're not going to see any more off on HeldDOWN~! after tonight! O'Hara fires up the crowd a little before he collects and dumps Biff back into the ring. And in he follows with the cover... 1... 2... No! Backing into a corner, O'Hara props himself on the second rope, encouraging Atlas back to his feet. Over staggers Biff, a little close for Jamie's liking which earns him a Nikey right in the mouth! As Biff staggers back, O'Hara then tumbles off the ropes with a big Blockbuster! COLE Oh, SNAP~! Cover... 1... 2... No! COLE O'Hara is going to have trouble keeping Biff down for three, lacking a lot in the power department compared to his opponent. Leading Biff to his feet, a forearm finds the mark from O'Hara. A second. And a third. Biff looks dazed so into the ropes goes Jamie. But suddenly Biff comes into life and as O'Hara shoots back, he gets MOWN down with a clothesline!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Hahaha... wow! The bottom half of O'Hara's body landed about five seconds after the top half did! That's what I call a near decapitation! COLE That was a tremendous clothesline, for sure. Could be a tide turner. As O'Hara rolls around looking for an escape route, Biff stops him with an elbow, pinning him down... 1... 2... Kickout, right into a side headlock. COLE And Biff wisely slowing things down, trying to keep O'Hara grounded. The stocky Biff puts all his 220 pounds behind the headlock, trying to make O'Hara carry his weight. Atlas then uses the headlock to bring O'Hara up before whipping him into the ropes, pressing him into the air on the rebound with Flapjack, J-OH plummeting back down to earth face-first! The impact bounces him back up to his knees and Biff quickly grabs him, sending him into the turnbuckles with a whip this time. Biff follows up with the Avalanche he wanted earlier, waiting on O'Hara to stumble out of the corner and catching him around the waist for a Side Belly To Belly Suplex... 1... 2... Kickout! Back up come Atlas and O'Hara. It's Atlas who's in control right now, O'Hara sucking wind and not helped by a knee driven into the breadbasket. With a waistlock, Biff then deadlifts The Birmingham Bad Boy up and over his shoulder into the Canadian Backbreaker, the submission hold made famous by Jesse "The Body" Ventura! Biff squeezes down on the hold as Patrick looks up for any signs of a submission. COLE I'm hearing through my earpiece that... this is 'The Greenhouse Effect'. Cute. "JA - MIE" "JA - MIE" "JA - MIE" "JA - MIE" COLE This crowd still solidly behind O'Hara, despite his defection from the OAOAST. Perhaps these fans in Oklahoma want to give him a good send-off in his last HeldDOWN~! match. COACH Or perhaps they're just dumb. With the support of the crowd behind him, energy pumps through O'Hara's body all of a sudden. And he begins to fight the hold, driving his elbow forward a couple of times. No precision, but the elbows do hit Biff, enough to allow O'Hara a little room to manoeuvre, squirming around... ...and ESCAPING the hold, sliding down the back and looking for a Backslide! He doesn't have the power in his legs to take Biff over though, the pocket powerhouse bending over which brings O'Hara over his back and out in front, for a clothesli... DUCKED! O'Hara sweeps under the arm and runs on to the ropes, springboarding off the second rope and connecting with a twisting Dropkick! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" COLE O'Hara connects! And the momentum may have shifted once more! COACH Come on Biff! I can't believe I'm cheering for you, but damnit I am so you'd better win! COLE Don't sit on the fence Coach. Both men are a little slow to their feet, meeting in the centre of the ring with O'Hara landing a kick to the gut. O'Hara wraps Atlas up and struggles a little for the suplex, settling for a Snap Suplex which doesn't have much height but enough behind it to send Biff retreating into a corner holding his back. The Birmingham Bad Boy follows right in, stomping away with his Nike trainers before hopping up onto the thighs looking for a Monkey Flip... but Biff just POWERS him off! Through to his feet rolls O'Hara but his run at Biff is lazy and he gets met with a boot up! BIFF AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH!! And with a shoutout to the world's foremost movie on the issue of Global Warming, Biff scoops O'Hara up onto his shoulders, into a fireman's carry... ...and gets taken over with a crucifix... 1... 2... NO! Rolling to his feet, Biff loads up one of his big guns again, throwing another clothesline. Again it doesn't find the mark though, O'Hara quick enough to duck underneath and wrap around Atlas with a waistlock. Throwing back elbows, the waistlock is broken by Biff, who tries to whip O'Hara into the ropes. O'Hara spins out though, connecting with a kick to the gut before kicking Biff up underneath the jaw, with a move reminiscent of Guile from Street Fighter!! COACH If he starts throwing electric, this could get ugly! COLE Not to mention the damage it could do to the environment. As Biff staggers backwards, out to the apron exits O'Hara. With a good grip on the top rope he springboards, soaring with a Crossbody... ...CAUGHT! And Atlas drops O'Hara down with a slam, right by the turnbuckles. Stepping over O'Hara's body, Biff makes a big circle with his hands and gives the call for the "EARTHSAULT!" which seems to have much the same set-up as a Moonsault would. COLE Biff Atlas, going up. I'm not so sure how smart this is. COACH Duh. It's Biff Atlas. COLE Ah, true. Scaling the turnbuckles with his back to the ring, Biff looks through his legs to check that O'Hara is still there while he steadies himself. Once set, he then backflips, soaring through the air with impressive form on the Earthsault... *WHAM!* ...AND CRASHING TO THE CANVAS! NOBODY HOME! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE O'Hara able to roll out of the way! As Biff clutches at his gut, O'Hara quickly exits the ring again and heads to the top rope himself. O'Hara faces the ring though and as Biff lies winded by the turnbuckles, SuperJay reaches the high-rent district and flies, tumbling through the air AND CRASHING DOWN ACROSS BIFF'S CHEST WITH THE 630 SPLASH!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE SIX! THIRTY! SPLASH! 1... 2... 3!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" COLE And Jamie O'Hara, signing out with a victory! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... JJJAAAAAAMMIIIIIEEE... O'HHHAAAAAAAARRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" O'Hara holds his ribs as his hand is raised in victory, The Birmingham Bad Boy shouting out to the world. Pulling away from Patrick he then exits the ring and tags some hands, before heading off out of the OAOAST with his head held high. COLE Impressive showing from O'Hara and I for one will be sad to see the last of that young talent here on HeldDOWN~! O'Hara, moving on to pastures new. I'm not so sure on his thinking behind signing up with Alfdogg and his crew, but we wish him good luck nonetheless. COACH Not too much luck though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
