SO: THR vs. MGHWC

[Tony149 0]

“Heart-Shaped Box” hits and the crowd ERUPTS, rising in unison as the Heavenly Rockers rush onto the stage. Holly whisked ringside by her husband Logan Mann, leaving Synth to bang his head and high-five fans. 

BUFFER
The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time! Accompanied by their manager HOLLY-WOOD, hailing from Sin City, the former OAOAST tag team champions of the world...THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!

“YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

Synth returns the love shown to him and Logan by pointing at each section in the arena. Mann completely oblivious to all and everything around him, including Holly, so focused on the match is he. 

COLE
To say Logan is a man -- pardon the pun -- possessed would be an understatement. He’s been waiting for the chance to get his hands on Rico de Janeiro ever since the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew’s inappropriate behavior in front of his wife Holly. 

COACH
Rico is a newbie, Cole. How was he supposed to know that was Logan’s wife? 

COLE
What?! Are you kidding me?! They’re one of the most high profile celebrity couples in the world! 

COACH
Who my sources say are experiencing marital woes, which shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone considering Logan is obviously still playing the field, probably with Melody Nerdly. But who am I to judge? Holly is just looking for a good time. And you couldn’t find a better person to do it with than Rico de Janeiro. 

COLE
(gasps)
How dare you’d spew such lies to a worldwide television audience?! Based on your remarks there’s no doubt in my mind or the fans mind your source is none other than Rico de Janeiro. I wouldn’t trust a word that comes out of that man’s mouth. On behalf of the OAOAST I’d like to apologize to the Mann and Nerdly family for those appalling comments. 

Easy lover
She'll get a hold on you believe it
Like no other
Before you know it you'll be on your knees

Oozing machismo and holding the silverware, the sleaze ball tag team of “Sweet” Lucius Soul and Rico de Janeiro are pelted with boos on their way to the ring, Phil Collins’ vocals booming overhead. 

BUFFER
And their opponents, total combined weight 410 pounds, the HI-YAH World tag team champions...RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL...THE MARDI GRAS HOOOOMMEWRECKING CREW!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Lucius struts onto the apron and inside the squared circle. Rico, however, pauses on the steel steps to stroke his ‘stache as he admires Holly from a distance. All hell breaks loose the second Rico reaches for one of his beads, as Logan gives chase and Synth goes to town on Lucius! 

COACH
Lucius didn’t even have time to remove his coat, Cole. Defend that?

* DINGDINGDING *

COLE
Logan’s snapped. I can’t believe Rico had the nerve to go to his beads. Like Holly would agree to flash him. 

COACH
Well, she did sleep with Ned Blanchard behind Logan’s back long ago. Not exactly a woman of high character is Holly-Wood. 

COLE
:o

Sweetness is hammered against the ropes and fired off, elevated high above on the rebound and down courtesy of a back body drop. The agony on Soul’s face is self-explanatory. He returns to his feet clutching his lower back, but the Synthmeister has little sympathy, connecting on a dropkick and a clothesline that knocks Lucius outside. There, Logan finally catches up with Rico, but the King of Mardi Gras is able to slip out of his Hawaiian shirt and roll inside.  

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

The crowd reacts as de Janeiro realizes he’s caught between a rock and a hard place, or the Heavenly Rockers to be exact. Rico picks his poison in Synth, who ducks a right and atomic drops the Brazilian heartthrob into an AXE BOMB from Logan! 

COACH
Fortunately for Rico, Mikey, the atomic drop caused his sunglasses to fall off, or it could’ve gotten ugly in a real hurry. I’m sure women around the world breathed a sigh of relief. 

In a first for de Janeiro someone other than a woman mounts on top of him, and it’s his face that pays the price thanks to a series of left hands. Brought up by the beads around his neck, Rico is shot into the corner and decked by a hard back elbow to the sternum. He rolls out to the floor as “Sweet” Lucius Soul makes his presence felt again, but a WICKED LEFT HOOK takes care of him. 

COLE
The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew are on the ropes early. How fortunate are they that this isn’t a title match? 

COACH
Moot point. As stated by the Crew last week, the Heavenly Rockers aren’t even in contention for a title shot. Besides, Synth and Logan said they didn’t care if it was title or non-title. 

COLE
The Heavenly Rockers might not be in line for a HI-YAH tag title match, but one team in line for a shot are the Lone Star Gunslingers. You know they’re keeping a close eye on this one. 

Right on cue, a small box appears on the upper hand right corner of the screen to show the Gunslingers and Melody huddled backstage around a monitor. Look closely and you’ll see newly assigned OAOAST road agent Tony Brannigan in the background. 

COLE
And there you see them. The Gunslingers said they’d be here to watch the Heavenly Rockers backs and they are; returning the favor from a few weeks ago. 

Logan heads to the top and drops a double axe handle onto Rico below. The King of the Mardi Gras can barely stand as he’s brought to his feet and slammed face-first into the timekeeper’s table, and then the steel steps! Mann STRANGLES de Janeiro with his own BEADS before swinging him back in by the neck. Rico pleads on his knees for mercy, but Logan has none of that, SPITING in de Janeiro’s face! 

“YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

Full of rage, Logan kicks Rico in the chest and tries to GOUGE his eyes out! 

COLE
Oh, the humanity. Or lack thereof. 

Numerous attempts to get Logan to break the hold go unsuccessful, forcing referee Brian Hebner to physically interject himself, giving Rico de Janeiro the opening he needs to deliver a crippling LOW BLOW. 

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

Doubled over in a world of hurt, there’s little Logan can do to prevent the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew from making the tag, and “Sweet” Lucius Soul from executing a BUTTERFLY BACKBREAKER! 

COACH
Welcome to Nawlins, son. Heh. 

ONE…

TWO…

But only two, as Synth stomps Lucius in the back of the head to breakup the pin. Soul follows a scoop and a slam with some strutting and ‘fro combing to the corner. Once atop the turnbuckles he checks his ‘fro one last time and flies…

COLE
Swan Dive head BUTT! 

…BUT NOBODY’S HOME!

“YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

A good news/bad news situation for the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. The good news is Soul’s afro protected his head. The bad news is, Logan rolls to his corner and makes the tag! Whether it’s the rush of adrenaline or the speed he’s on, the Synthmeister comes in a house afire, snapping Lucius over with a swinging neck breaker and then dropkicking an incoming Rico de Janeiro. Perched on the second turnbuckle Synth drops a BIG ELBOW on Soul and covers! 

ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT! 

Full arm drag and twist, and the Heavenly Rockers make a tag. Logan Mann off the top with a double axe handle onto the outstretched arm of Lucius Soul. A well placed knee to the midsection frees Lucius from an arm wringer. He whips Logan into the ropes but misses a roundhouse kick, as Logan ducks under and decks Rico on the apron! If at first you don’t succeed try, try again is Soul’s motto. Having whiffed on the roundhouse, he’s able to extract a measure of revenge by catching Logan on the way around with a beautiful spin wheel kick. But the blow causes Mann to fall out by Rico. Unaware of who lurks behind him de Janeiro walks right into a stinging left hand from Logan!

COLE
Look at Rico staggering around. It’s like he spent an entire night partying down in Bourbon Street. 

Logan is fast to react, placing Rico in front of him, as Lucius dives through the ropes and accidentally wipes out his own buddy with a SUICIDE DIVE! Mann returns inside only to throw himself back out and onto “Sweet” Luicus with a PESCADO! 

COACH
He’s just showboating now, Cole. Quite frankly, it’s disgusting. If I wanted to see that I’d just go back to my other gig. 

Feeding off the energy of the crowd Logan decides to give an encore performance. He ascends to the heavens and leaps with his patented move, a double axe handle smash…but Rico catches him in midair and RAMS LOGAN INTO THE RINGPOST!!

COACH
Oh, that’s karma. That is karma! 

Lucius gets right in Logan’s grimacing face and asks, “Does it hurt? Does it hurt?”

SOUL
:lol: 

Mann is shoved back in and a tag is made. Rico de Janeiro returns to action, stroking his porno ‘stache as he loves to do, clubbing Logan across the shoulder blades before muscling him up in the BODY LOCK! 

“LO-GAN!”
“LO-GAN!”
“LO-GAN!”

COLE
Synth and Holly encouraging the crowd to get behind Logan, wrapped in that body vice or Canadian backbreaker to some. 

COACH
It’s the Body Lock. And somewhere Jesse Ventura is smiling. Remember, Logan had his ribs crushed into the ring post earlier, and the butterfly backbreaker before that. His ribs have got to be screaming right about now. 

Rico thrusts his pelvis Holly’s way, baiting Synth inside, which distracts the referee from seeing Lucius enter and hammer Logan in the face. Trapped in no man’s land Logan’s only chance to escape is by repeatedly drilling his elbow onto the crown of de Janeiro’s head. The strategy works as Rico can only sustain so many blows to the head, enabling Logan to float over…into a big time clothesline from the King of Mardi Gras! So pleased with his actions Rico takes a bow and caresses his hairy chest, doing so while smacking his lips together at Holly. 

COACH
She winked at him, Cole! 

COLE
She did not. 

COACH
I saw her. Holly wants some of that Brazilian hard candy. 

COLE
Brazilian, wha-- never mind. 

Perfectly executed gut wrench suplex flattens Logan. Needless to say, the official isn’t too pleased when Rico goes for the pin and lifts Mann’s off the mat before a count can be made. 

“RICO SUCKS!”
“RICO SUCKS!”
“RICO SUCKS!”

Momentarily flustered by the chant, the man from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil goes on about his business, shooting Logan off to the far side and plants a RUNNING HIGH KNEE that would make Harley Race proud right in the kisser. Rico fondles his moustache as he measures Logan for the PORNO ‘STACHE LEGDROP! 

COLE
He got all of that. It may be over right here. 

ONE…

TWO…

* OOF *

“YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Rico is rolled onto his back following a SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK by Synth. He and Lucius go at it until the referee intervenes. As Synth is escorted to his corner, the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew capitalize on the situation with a SPIKE PILEDRIVER on Logan! 

COACH
Synth has the referee distracted! 

COLE
What are you talking about? The Homewrecking Crew are the ones who benefited from it.

Soul and de Janeiro scream at Brian Hebner to turn around. He finally spots the cover and counts. 

ONE…

TWO…

THREE!





NO!!






RICO
:angry:

COLE
So, Coach, what were you saying earlier about karma? 

COACH
Shut the…

Coach’s mic is cut off as Rico mounts on top and pins both of Logan’s hands to the mat.  

ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT!

Looking to add a little something extra to wear Logan down, Rico leaps in the air in hopes of dropping all his weight down on Mann’s stomach…but Logan wraps him around in a body scissors! Unlike most people in this situation Rico doesn’t panic. The strongman is able to break Logan’s grip and hook both legs under his arms. That’s all “Sweet” Lucius Soul needs to see. He literally leaps into action, jumping over the top rope as he swings onto the middle turnbuckle inside and blasts Logan with a BICYCLE KICK as Rico SLINGSHOTS him towards the corner! 

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

COLE
My goodness, we almost had a decapitation on live pay-per-view television. 

COACH
Now those are educated feet. 

ONE…

TWO…

THR -- NO!!

Synth yanks Lucius away. Naturally upset, Soul avoids confrontation and places Logan in a reverse chinlock. Given the non-stop action throughout the match, the competitors deserve a rest break. But all Logan needs is 10 seconds. He rises to his feet and falls to the seat of his pants, smashing his head into the jaw of “Sweet” Lucius! Too weak to attempt a pin Logan starts inching towards his corner. His wife, best friend and thousands more behind him in his quest for a tag. Two men who don’t support his efforts are the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Having shaken off the cobwebs, Soul is able to tag Rico, who charges across the ring and knocks Synth off the apron, dragging Logan back towards the Crew’s side of the squared circle. An old school big elbow finds its mark and the cover is made. 

ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT! 

Unable to score the pin Rico digs into his bag of power moves, whipping Logan to the ropes for a power slam…but Mann slips over the top and nails a desperation DDT!!!

“YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

COLE
Percussion DDT! He got it, but can he make the cover? 

COACH
That’s the least of his worries right now. Tagging in the fresh man has to be top priority. He’s been in there too long. 

“LO-GAN!”
“LO-GAN!”
“LO-GAN!”

The Heavenly Rockers lead vocalist crawls to the wrong corner. Slumped against the turnbuckles he notices Rico has reached his side and has made the tag, causing him to dive towards the right corner…but Lucius manages to grab a foot. Logan hobbles up on one leg and swings wildly at Soul’s head, not even coming close to making contact. 

SOUL
Whatchu gonna do, sucka? Huh? Whatchu gonna do? 

ENZURIGI KICK, that’s what! 

COLE
Logan kicked Lucius so hard it flipped him onto his back! Dare I say that’s a little payback from earlier? 

“YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Third time’s the charm for Logan, as he’s finally able to make the tag. The crowd EXPLODES as Synth comes in firing, decking both Soul and de Janeiro. He slams them both in succession and then sends Lucius into the direction of Rico, causing the two to collide. Synth spins Lucius around and hits a hangman’s neck breaker as Rico falls out to the floor! 

ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT!

Synth lowers the shoulder after whipping Soul into the ropes, but Sweetness telegraphs it and leapfrogs the Synthmeister on his way to spring boarding off the middle rope and back at Synth, hooking the head for a SWINGING DDT…but it’s blocked and countered into a FISHERMAN’S SUPLEX!

ONE…

TWO…

THR-- NO!!

SAVE BY RICO!

Logan returns to the fold, dropping Rico with one punch. But a head BUTT to the gut stops Logan in his tracks, allowing Rico to toss him out through the ropes. Just when it seems the Homewrecking Crew will have a 2 on 1 advantage, Rico is clotheslined over the top. There to greet him…Logan Mann, who shoves the King of Mardi Gras into the ring post near the timekeeper’s table! 

COLE
That takes care of one problem. Now… Oh, no, don’t tell me. Are we going to see it?

The fans rise as Logan heads to the top, Lucius tucked between Synth’s thighs. Synth delivers the SIT-OUT POWERBOMB as Logan connects on the FLYING LEGDROP! 

COLE
Electric Melody! How long has it been since we’ve seen that?

Before the referee can count he orders Logan out of the ring. Having spent his last bit of energy on the leg drop, Logan struggles to accommodate. He reaches to Holly for assistance, asking her to help pull him onto the apron. To ensure no foul play is involved the referee keeps a watchful eye on the two. But it’s the other side he should be watching, as Rico climbs onto the second turnbuckle, his fist wrapped in a countless number of BEADS, and drills Synth in the back of the neck!

COLE
Why that no good, slimy son of a…

Rico drapes Lucius on top and exits, placing the beads inside his tights to create the world‘s largest boner! With Logan now on the apron the referee goes to count. 

ONE…

TWO…

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

BUFFER
Here are your winners, the team of RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL...THE MARDI GRAS HOOOOMMEWRECKING CREW!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Holly throws her arms in the air in disbelief, stepping inside to get some answers from the referee. The crowd cheers as MELODY NERDLY arrives on the scene to inform young Brian Hebner what happened, pointing to Rico’s crotch. Rico denies any wrongdoing, claiming he’s just happy to see Melody, but Hebner doesn’t buy it. He reaches in and pulls the beads out of Rico’s tights, then waves the pin off! 

“YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

COACH
He can’t do that! 

COLE
Yes, he can. He’s the referee. 

COLE
So are we going to start reversing the outcome of the Super Bowl? I’m sure a lot of people in Chicago would love to go back and take away points the Colts scored because Rex Grossman isn’t an efficient quarterback. 

After conversing with the official ring announcer Michael Buffer reads the following announcement:

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention please. Due to the use of an illegal object, the referee has REVERSED his decision. Therefore, the winners of the match as result of a disqualification…THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!

“YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

CUE: “Heart-Shaped Box”

The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew push Hebner to the ground and attack Synth and Logan out of frustration. Rico gives Logan a MOUSTACHE RIDE while Lucuis puts Synth down with FRO 2 SLEEP! 

* DINGDINGDINGDINGDING *

COLE
Come on, there’s no need for this. 

Soul and de Janeiro spot Holly and Melody in the corner and nod, as if to say “one for me, one for you.” Holly positions herself in front of Melody to protect her. The strong independent woman that she is, Holly is ready to take both men on (!). 

COLE
Oh, no. We need help out here. We need help out here now! 

Cole’s prayers are answered as the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS hit the ring and the Homewrecking Crew with fists and bionic elbows! 

“YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

COACH
What are they doing here?

COLE
Living up to their word. All right! 

The Homewreckers RAKE the eyes and whip the Gunslingers into the ropes, but Jock and Baron duck a pair of clotheslines and connect with a couple LARIATS! Soul and de Janeiro roll outside as officials and agents swarm the area. Lucius screaming at the guys to "Watch the 'fro, bro." They’re handed their HI-YAH tag titles and escorted backstage. 

COLE
Get these clowns out of here. 

COACH
Yeah. Instead of worrying about Rico and Lucius, let’s get the Gunslingers out of the ring first. 

COLE
I’m talking about the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, not the Lone Star Gunslingers. 

“Heart-Shaped Box” is cued again as Jock and Baron help the Heavenly Rockers up to a rousing ovation. The Texans raising the hands of the winners, although they might not look it. Logan wraps his arm around Holly’s neck and points at the Gunslingers, his way of thanking them. High-fives are exchanged as are smiles, at least from Melody since that really isn’t Holly’s thing. 

COACH
What a terrific foursome they are. The Lone Star Gunslingers said they’d be here to watch the Heavenly Rockers backs and they were. Perhaps lost in the aftermath was the great match we just saw, Coach. 

COACH
The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew score the 1-2-3, yet they lose by disqualification. One of the biggest miscarriages of justice I have ever witnessed, but a heck of a match.