SO: Tha Puerto Rican vs. Bohemoth

[Ed Wood Caulfield 0]

Can I have the pre-main event spot? Please? Pretty please with sugar on top?

 

The Cell is close to the ground when we return to live action. 

COLE
And there you have it. That is what has led us to today. Tha Puerto Rican, for the first time in his career, will step into the dangerous Hell In A Cell against the 6'7" 284 pound Bohemoth. And fans, I don't think this will be for the weak of heart. 

COACH
I can't believe that this match is happening! Oh God. I'm gonna say a silent prayer for Tha Puerto Rican if you don't mind. 

COLE
Go ahead. In fact, stay silent as long as you want. I don't mind! 

COACH
You little...

COLE
Fans, the only other person that'll be in the Cell is the referee, Charles Robinson. But other than that, PRL and Bohemoth will be all alone. No Lightning Crew member will be able to help Tha Puerto Rican tonight, just as Bo wanted! This might just be the biggest challenge Tha Puerto Rican has ever faced and I think it's safe to say that he is the underdog in this match-up. 

COACH
That just gives him more ammunition to beat Bohemoth and PROVE YOU WRONG! 

COLE
Weren't you saying a silent prayer? 

COACH
I was taking a break. Here I go again. What up G? It's your greatest creation Coach here! I just want to ask if you could watch my main homie PRL tonight in his match against the demon -- ya know, Bohemoth.

COLE
Coach, a silent prayer is supposed to be SILENT.

COACH
Okay! (Mumbling)

COLE
Ugh. Anyway fans, this is it. It's about to begin. The first half of the double main event of School's Out: Tha Puerto Rican vs. Bohemoth. Hell In A Cell! The Golden Contract is on the line! Is this PR's Last Stand? We are about to find out. Let's go to the ring! 

The Hell In A Cell is on the ground. 

*DING DING DING*

The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. This causes the crowd to pop. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: 

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing over the P.A. system. The crowd stands up, greatly anticipating PRL's entrance. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke comes "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. The boos get louder. P.R. looks at the crowd with disgust etched on his face. He's wearing his HBK-like entrance attire of blue cowboy chaps and a blue vest in addition to his usual sunglasses and earring on his left ear. He's also carrying his black briefcase that has the Golden Contract inside which has "L.C." spray-painted on the front in yellow. Puerto Rican raises the briefcase over his head to boos. 

COLE
And there he is. And he's holding the Golden Contract...possibly for the last time. This just might be the last time we will ever see Tha Puerto Rican, at least walking on his own two feet. There might not be anything left of him after this match-up! 

With a sneer on his face, PRL continues raising the black spray-painted briefcase over his head as Stephen Joseph Popick comes out, wearing a black PRL T-shirt, a leather jacket, a $500 Rolex watch on his left wrist, black jeans, and black boots. And his glasses, can't forget that. Popick raises his hands to jeers from the crowd but an evil smile on his face. Popick talks to PRL while the OAOAST Women's Champion, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, comes out. She is carrying the OAOAST Women's Championship belt over her left shoulder, and is wearing a black tube-top with "LC" spray-painted onto it in purple, a gold necklace, diamond earrings, gold bracelets, black finger-less gloves with a drawings of bones on them for some reason, a belt with a skull and crossbones belt buckle, tight black jeans with purple pinstripes, and black heel boots. And her hair now has pink highlights. Lindsay outstretches her arms and garners a mix of boos and cheers which she responds with a cocky smirk. 

COACH
*Drool*

COLE
Coach, stop drooling! 

COACH
Dude, just LOOK at her! 

PRL gives his wife-to-be a kiss on the lips, and then motions for someone else to come out. After a few seconds of waiting, Cuban Wall, the Muscle of The Lightning Crew, comes out to LOUD boos. Wall, the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt resting on his right shoulder, walks with his eyes focused right on the ring. He raises his right fist in the air, and then high-fives PRL. PRL then high fives Lindsay and Popick. 

COLE
Well, he's got 3 people with him, but they're not going to do any good. They're not going to be allowed in the Cell! 

COACH
They're just there for moral support. This IS PRL's biggest match to date you know! 

COLE
For once you may be right. 

COACH
Plus, well...this maybe the last time PRL will see any of his friends or his fiancee ever again. I can't believe I just said that.

COLE
You may be right about that too, Coach. 

PR looks at Popick, then at Lindsay, then at Wall, and together, the four of them begin their walk to the ring as "Know Your Role '99" continues playing. 

BUFFER
The following contest is the Hell In A Cell Match scheduled for one fall and it is for the Golden Contract. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick, his fiancee, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Women's Champion Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, AND the Muscle of The Lightning Crew, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion Cuban Wall. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is a former OAOAST North American Champion. A former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion. A former OAOAST X-Division Champion. A 3-time OAOAST Puerto Rican/Italian/Puerto Rican Champion. AND the longest reigning 24/7 Champion in One And Only AngleSault Thread history. He is the leader of The Lightning Crew. The Man With The Golden Contract. He is "The Corporate Champion" THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Popick puts his left arm around PRL's shoulders and taunts the camera while they continue their walk to the ring. 

COLE
We've got a dead man walking! 

COACH
Oh hush up! 

COLE
Seriously, Michael Buffer listed all of PRL's accomplishments, and yes it's true. Tha Puerto Rican has beaten alot of men and won quite a few titles in his four year career in the OAOAST. But he has also hurt, betrayed, lied to, manipulated, and just been a general ASS to most of the OAOAST roster during his time here! So, to the OAOAST fans, and possibly most of the roster, this is a match that is a long time coming! Infact, I know for a fact that there's a large group of OAOAST wrestlers assembled backstage watching on a monitor, all of whom hoping to see the demise of Tha Puerto Rican live in Houston.

COACH
You people. You sick people. You WANT Bohemoth to hurt Tha Puerto Rican. You WANT him to destroy poor PR, end his career. How do you sleep at night? PRL does NOT DESERVE THIS! 

COLE
That's one man's opinion. 

COACH
It's the right opinion. 

COLE
There's no such thing as a 'right' opinion. That's why it's called an opinion and not fact! 

COACH
Yes there is. Here's another opinion: Michael Cole is a gay fruitcake. Can you deny that? 

COLE
Oh will you stop? 

Soda and garbage is thrown in PRL's direction as he gets closer and closer to the Cell. PRL looks at the camera and mouths, "I'm the man." Popick mouths, "You want the best? You got it!" 

COLE
PRL looking cocky and confident as ever. I wonder if he's just playing for the cameras? 

COACH
Nonsense. PRL is ready to go. He might have been scared before, but he knows what he's getting himself into. He's ready. Bohemoth just better BRING IT! 

COLE
He seemed to be frightened beyond belief earlier tonight. 

COACH
THAT was just for the cameras. What if Bohemoth was watching? PR's not afraid of any man! Not even Bohemoth! Watch! 

COLE
Amazing how you can change your opinion at a moment's notice! 

COACH
Pot. Kettle. Me. 

Tha Puerto Rican walks close to the Cell...and then without missing a beat, turns right around and walks back to the entrance! 

COLE
Wait...where is he going? 

COACH
It's all part of the plan. Don't you see? 

Wall, Lindsay, and Popick just watch as PRL walks back to the entrance, shaking his head leaving the crowd confused. His theme music continues playing as PRL walks through the curtains. 

COLE
Did he just forfeit? 

COACH
Uh...I guess? 

COLE
He DOES realize that if he forfeits, then Bohemoth gets the Golden Contract right? 

COACH
He does? OH CRAP! PRL COME BACK OUT! COME BACK OUT! 

The camera focuses on the entrance for a few seconds...until finally, PRL comes right back out...along with OAOAST Road Agents Terry Funk, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Mike Rotundo, Ted DiBiase, and Dean Malenko! 

COLE
It looks like PRL has been FORCED back out here! 

COACH
They're forcing him against his will! There's a conspiracy against Tha Puerto Rican! 

COLE
Pipe down Coach!

The OAOAST Road Agents order for PRL to enter the Cell. PRL tries to keep his cool, but it's obvious to everyone watching that he's going to break down at any moment. PR nods his head and then turns to his friends and motions that there's nothing he can do. Now, Lindsay, Popick, and Cuban Wall are slightly worried as they watch PRL take a deep breath...and walk through the door, entering the Hell In A Cell. 

COLE
Well, he's finally in. Thank goodness. 

COACH
Oh lord. Oh God. Oh SWEET JESUS!

The crowd boos loudly as The Corporate Champ climbs the ring apron and stops on the ring apron. Instead of sneering at the crowd like he usually does, PRL mutters something about the OAOAST Road Agents. PRL has a look of hesitation on his face, but after some more motioning from the OAOAST Road Agents, PRL looks at Lindsay, Wall, and Popick, and then enters the ring. PRL spins around; soaking in the fans' boos. PR continues looking back at the OAOAST Road Agents, muttering to himself. He starts to take off his blue vest, when the pyro explodes right behind him, causing him to jump back a bit!  

COLE
P.R.'s pyro went off without him! 

Tha Puerto Rican stops to recover and catch is breath as the crowd laughs. He says, "Oh yeah. I forgot." PRL grabs his black spray-painted briefcase and walks over to a second turnbuckle where he raises the briefcase over his head. The crowd boos. PRL heads to another second turnbuckle and raises the black spray-painted briefcase over his head again. The crowd, again, boos. 

COLE
PR's off his game a bit, isn't he? 

COACH
No he's not! He's not! He's ready! Oh boy, is he ready! 

PRL gets off the second turnbuckle and heads to a third second turnbuckle where he raises his black spray-painted briefcase with his right hand in the air and "smells the electricity" as a spotlight shines on him a la The Rock. PRL gets off the second turnbuckle and heads to the fourth second turnbuckle where he does the same Rock pose while the crowd boos. PRL looks at his crew, who are still standing in the entryway, now even more worried than before. The OAOAST Road Agents are also there. PRL gets off the second turnbuckle and finishes taking off his blue vest and cowboy chaps. 

COLE
Well, he got himself into this. It was his chairshot that led to this match! He asked for all of this, as far as I'm concerned. 

COACH
No he didn't. NOBODY asks for a Hell In A Cell Match! NOBODY. This is the fault of the OAOAST Board of Directors, and when PRL dies because of this match, I hope that Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez sues them for everything they got! 

COLE
Coach, first off, you're admitting that PRL is in big trouble here. And second of all, if Lindsay were to sue the OAOAST Board of Directors for everything they got, you would be out of a job! 

COACH
Well...umm...maybe...I...darnit!

COLE
Heh. I never get tired of pwning you!  

COACH
I hate you so very much. 

Tha Puerto Rican removes his sunglasses and earring and hands them over to a ringside attendant. P.R. then looks at his briefcase. After staring at it for a moment, he kisses the briefcase, and then hands it over to referee Charles Robinson, who raises it over his head, and then hands it over to the ringside attendant as the lights go back on in the arena. 

COLE
This is only the second ever meeting between Bohemoth and Tha Puerto Rican. We all know about the melee that ended OAOAST Syndicated last month. And this Hell In A Cell will see to it that it doesn't happen again. 

COACH
Couldn't the OAOAST have thought of a better, *safer* way to have a rematch than *THIS*!? I mean, this match has shortened many careers! 

COLE
It's the best way to settle this feud once and for all! No outside interference, no countouts, no disqualifications. The only way this match ends is by pinfall or submission! So it'll either be the Erotic Awakening Of B or the Corporate Nightmare that could quite possibly finish this match!  

COACH
And finish a career. 

COLE
That too, Coach. The Hell In A Cell has gotten the nickname "The Devil's Playground" for a reason. And we are about to find out why. Tha Puerto Rican is now inside the Cell, and he might be staring into his grim future.

Tha Puerto Rican stares at the roof of the Cell. He then does a big cartoonish *Gulp*. He looks at Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Stephen Joseph Popick, and Cuban Wall, who root him on half-heartedly. Sweat is now dripping off of PRL's nose. Puerto wipes the sweat off of his forehead, but doesn't do anything to stop shaking in his boots. "Know Your Role '99" dies down as Tha Puerto Rican paces back and forth in the ring. 

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"
"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"
"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"
"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

PRL yells at the crowd to stop chanting that. P.R. covers his ears to drown out the chant, but it doesn't work! 

COLE
The fans getting on PRL's back already!

COACH
Would they STOP with that chant already? Bo's not gonna kill ANYBODY tonight! If anybody's doing the killing, it's Tha Puerto Rican! Cole, stop laughing! 

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"
"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"
"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"
"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!" 

PRL stands tall in the ring, looking right at the entrance, trying not to think about the chant. He has a serious expression on his face, but it's quite obvious that he's hiding his fear (and failing at doing so quite miserably, by the way). PRL does a cartoonish *Gulp* again. 

COLE
Is he up for the task against "The Metrosexual Monster"? There's a group of people backstage hoping this is the last they'll ever see of Tha Puerto Rican, and I'm sure these fans are hoping for the same result! 

COACH
They're going to be so pissed when PRL proves them wrong! I can't wait! 

*BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!*

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

PRL isn't even bothering to pretend anymore! The moment "Liberate" by Disturbed starts playing, he jumps back and a look of pure and utter FEAR appears on his face! 

COLE
I think the reality of the situation has finally set in for Tha Puerto Rican! 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Oh...my...GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! 

PRL is looking around the Cell for escape as Bohemoth himself comes out slowly, staring right at Tha Puerto Rican. Bo flexes his muscles IN ANGER~! PRL is standing still in utter fear as Bohemoth stares right at him through his orange-tinted sunglasses. Bohemoth begins his walk to the ring as "Liberate" continues playing. 

BUFFER
And his opponent. From Greenville, South Carolina. Weighing in at 284 lbs. He is a former HI-YAH World Heavyweight Champion and a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion. He...is...BOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEMOOOOTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

COLE
PRL's gonna be all alone in there like a rat in a trap against HIM! 

COACH
SHUT UP! Don't rub it in! 

COLE
This is Bohemoth's day, ladies and gentlemen! A sold out Toyota Center in Houston, Texas is about to see a match that some say is four years in the making! Bohemoth wants School's Out 2007 to be forever known as the date of PR's Last Stand!

COACH
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 

Bohemoth stops and lowers his sunglasses so that he can get a good look at Tha Puerto Rican, before pushing them back up and continuing his walk to the ring, walking past a worried Popick, Lindsay, and Wall along the way. Bohemoth enters the Cell and then jogs up the ring steps. 

COLE
Bohemoth is in. Tha Puerto Rican is in. Referee Charles Robinson is in. We are just about ready for Hell In A Cell! 

PRL stands at a turnbuckle corner as he watches Bohemoth remove his orange-tinted sunglasses and throw them away. Bohemoth has now locked eyes with Tha Puerto Rican. PRL looks around frantically for a way to escape. After a quick limbering process, Bohemoth enters the ring. As soon as he does, PRL scuttles out of the ring to find Charles Robinson pad locking the door to the Cell.   

THA PUERTO RICAN
What are you doing? What--what--what are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? 

COACH
This is not a good time to be Tha Puerto Rican! 

COLE
No indeed not as the referee for this match locks the Cell cutting off Tha Puerto Rican from his friends and girlfriend! 

COACH
Say goodbye, PRL! This might be the last time they ever see you! :(

PRL
Come on! Do you have to lock it? Can't you leave it open? Please? Please? Please? 

The OAOAST Road Agents stand by to make sure that the Cell door is locked tight. Popick, Lindsay and Cuban Wall shove their way to the door so that they can say goodbye to PRL. The three of them offer last words of encouragement while Bohemoth stands in the ring, waiting for the bell to ring. 

COLE
I think Tha Puerto Rican is having second thoughts now! The OAOAST Road Agents are there to make sure that it is indeed locked. There will be NO interference from The Lightning Crew! There is only one way out, and that's through the door, BUT the referee is the only person who'll have the key to unlock the door! 

PRL is close to tears now as Popick, Wall, and Lindsay hold onto the steel mesh. They try to calm PR down, but it's not working. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Lindsay! LINDSAY! 

POPICK
Stay cool, brother! Stay cool! You're gonna win! You're gonna win! 

LINDSAY
Keep calm, baby! I'm here! I'll be here for you when you get beat him! 

CUBAN WALL
We're here in spirit, boss! Don't worry! Go get him! 

PRL
Guys don't go! COME BACK! COME BACK! COME BACK! 

COLE
The Lightning Crew and Popick trying to console Tha Puerto Rican. But I don't think it's working! It's PR in the inside of the Cell, NOT Popick! 

Tha Puerto Rican 'suddenly realises that he left his TV on stand-by' and realising the damage he could be causing to the environment, he tries to open the Cell door, but it's been pad locked. Still, he doesn't give up, pulling on the door as hard as he can and failing. Bohemoth watches as PRL kisses Lindsay one more time and then climbs the ring steps. 

COLE
And now Tha Puerto Rican, and Tha Puerto Rican ALONE must deal with Bohemoth! 

COACH
Oh my God. This is real. This is real. This is really happening! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! OH MY GOD! 

COLE
Well, this won't be pretty. We can tell you that much. Thank God we're on pay-per-view! 

The OAOAST Road Agents take Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Stephen Joseph Popick, and Cuban Wall back to the entrance. Lindsay blows PRL a kiss as she walks away. PRL waves goodbye, and then stares at Bohemoth who is in the ring. PRL takes a deep breath, and then enters the ring himself. 

COLE
And here we go. The match the world has been waiting for!

COACH
I can't watch this. But I must because I am a broadcast journalist and it's my job. 

COLE
Oh, don't make me laugh! 

"Liberate" by Disturbed dies down. TPR stares at Bohemoth. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of the bell ringing. PR and Bohemoth stare at each other from opposite sides of the ring. Neither man says a word. 

COLE
I think I have an idea of what's going through PR and Bohemoth's heads right now. 

COACH
Me too. Oh how I am NOT looking forward to this! 

COLE
Well, he brought this on himself! Everything that happens in this match is own fault! 

COACH
No it isn't! Not at all! That's B.S.! 

COLE
No it isn't. 

COACH
Yeah it is. 

COLE
No it isn't. 

COACH
Yes it is. 

COLE
No it isn't. 

COACH
Yes it is. 

COLE
Yes it is. 

COACH
No it isn't. 

COLE
Yes!

COACH
Damnit! 

Charles Robinson calls for the bell. 

*DING DING DING*

[b]"P.R.'s Last Stand?"
HELL IN A CELL MATCH FOR THE GOLDEN CONTRACT
"THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN (Holder of The Golden Contract) vs. BOHEMOTH[/b]
Bohemoth and PRL continue staring at each other. Finally, PRL says something. And keeps talking. And talking. And talking. 

COLE
PRL laying in the trash talking, like usual. 

COACH
He's the master at it! 

The Corporate Champ tries to psych out The Epitome Of Masculinity, but Bohemoth stands there unfazed. P.R. then rips his white Lightning Crew T-shirt like Hulk Hogan and throws his Puerto Rican flag bandana at Bohemoth! The crowd boos! 

COLE
Who does he think he is? Hulk Hogan? 

COACH
He does the shirt ripping better than Hulk! 

COLE
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Let's not say things we can't take back! 

PRL flexes his muscles and shows off his own impressive (but not as impressive as Bohemoth's) physique, and then walks right up to Bohemoth and starts jaw jacking with him. 

COLE
PRL is confronting Bohemoth face-to-face! 

COACH
See? He's not afraid! He's not afraid! 

COLE
This is something we've seen over the past four weeks, but this time, Bohemoth is free to do whatever he wants! 

COACH
And he'll STILL chicken out! 

PRL waggles his head and raises his voice, but Bohemoth continues staring at him. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
You're a fool! A fool Bohemoth! You're an asswipe, a loser, and I'm going to be SO happy when I destroy you tonight! YOU'RE GOING DOWN BOHEMOTH! YOU'RE...GOING...DOWN! 

Bohemoth punches PRL in the face! 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
He's waited four weeks to do that! 

Tha Puerto Rican staggers around the ring, already dazed and confused! Bohemoth just watches as PRL stumbles back towards him. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
That didn't hurt. 

Tha Puerto Rican Flair Flops onto the mat! 

COLE
I guess it did! 

Bohemoth goes to pick Tha Puerto Rican, but PRL quickly zooms out of the ring! Bo calmly climbs out of the ring and follows PRL around ringside. 

COLE
Now Tha Puerto Rican is trying to run away from Bohemoth! 

COACH
But where is he going to hide? 

COLE
Exactly! There's nowhere to hide in the Hell In A Cell! 

Tha Puerto Rican pleads with Bohemoth to stay away from him, but Bohemoth just walks slowly towards PRL with anger on his face, like a killer in a slasher flick. PRL jumps over the ring steps and continues running while Bohemoth continues walking slowly, knowing he's got PRL right where he wants him. At one point, PRL bumps into Bohemoth, so he turns around and runs the other way! 

COACH
This is truly Hell In A Cell for Tha Puerto Rican!

COLE
He won't be hard to find! 

Tha Puerto Rican slides into the ring. Once he sees Bohemoth sliding into the ring, PRL bounces off the ropes. Bohemoth goes for a clothesline. PRL ducks, bounces off the ropes, and right into a big boot from Bohemoth! 

COLE
This won't be pretty! This will NOT be pretty! 

COACH
Here we go! Oh God! 

Tha Puerto Rican is kissing the canvas! He tries to get up, but falls back down! Bohemoth helps PRL up by picking him up by his head, and then slamming his head on the top turnbuckle pad! PRL stumbles, but he doesn't fall! Instead, PRL stumbles through the first and second ropes, gasping for air. 

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican got himself into this, let's see if he can get himself out! 

Bohemoth grabs PRL, and then slams his head on the same top turnbuckle pad as before! This time, PRL FLIES out of the turnbuckle corner and onto the mat! Puerto Rican is already dazed and confused as he rolls around the mat. Bohemoth picks PRL up again by his hair and then slams his head on another top turnbuckle pad! 

COLE
This whole thing started on the April 12th edition of HeldDOWN~!, and it will end tonight at School's Out! 

COACH
Yeah, but the question is: who will be more injured? PRL or Bohemoth? 

COLE
I think the answers obvious.

COACH
Oh hamburgers!

PRL stumbles to the mat, and uses the ropes to pull himself up. Bohemoth grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his right arm and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Bohemoth goes for a clothesline, but PRL ducks, and hits Bohemoth in the head with a Rock-style punch! He does it a second time! Then a third! And a fourth! And a fifth! And a sixth! 

COACH
Look! He's fighting back! He's fighting back! Yes! 

COLE
He is, surprisingly so! 

The punches do affect Bohemoth, as he rests on the ring ropes. PRL continues hitting him with Rock-style punches to the temple as the crowd boos. 

COLE
PR's gonna have to fight back! It's the only way he'll survive this match-up! 

Tha Puerto Rican's Rock punches take Bohemoth to a turnbuckle corner. PR continues laying in his left fists into Bo's face! PRL stands on the second rope, and starts hammering away at Bohemoth's head with rapid fire punches. 

"1! 2! 3! 4! 5!6!7!8!..."

COACH
Ha ha! Idiots! They can't count that fast! 

COLE
Coach, it would be impossible to count that fast. 

COACH
Not for me it ain't! 

PRL grabs Bohemoth's by his left wrist and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. P.R. charges forward. Stinger Splash! 

COACH
Excellent Stinger Splash from Tha Puerto Rican! PRL is already doing better than he did last month on OAOAST Syndicated!

PRL follows up the Stinger Splash with a kick to the abdominal area of Bohemoth! The Corporate Champ then goes back to his Rock punches, weakening the 6'7" former OAOAST 24/7 Champion! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! PUNCH! 

COACH
Yes! He's doing it! He's really doing it! 

COLE
PRL is in control, hammering away at Bohemoth as this match gets underway! I'm sure he has already surprised the naysayers!

COACH
He has! And I just KNOW he loves proving them wrong! 

TPR taunts Bohemoth, and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle--Bohemoth reverses--PRL does a Flair Flip onto the ring apron! Bohemoth follows that up by clotheslining PRL, knocking him down! 

COLE
And Bohemoth fires back on Tha Puerto Rican! 

COACH
AAAH! 

Bohemoth stops PRL from falling onto the ground by grabbing his tights. Bo pulls P.R. back into the ring. He then picks Tha Puerto Rican up by his EAR! 

COACH
Ouch! Watch what you're doing there! You could have ripped his ear clean off! 

COLE
Then what would happen? Would he start ripping Mick Foley off? 

COACH
Oh will you stop? 

Bohemoth says something to PRL while holding him by his left ear like he was a nun at a Catholic school! PRL whines, so Bohemoth slaps his mouth! 

PRL
OW!

COLE
People have been wanting to do that for years!

Bohemoth clotheslines PRL back down to the mat! He then goes for the cover. 

1...2...KICK OUT! 

COLE
He kicked out!? 

COACH
Yes. He did! 

COLE
Wow. That legitimately surprised me.

COACH
Not me! Oh no! 

Bohemoth doesn't let the fact that PRL kicked out after two minutes of ass kicking stop him. He gets up, and waits for PRL to get up too. Tired of waiting, Bohemoth grabs PRL by his hair and whips him into the ropes. PRL bounces off the ropes, and Bohemoth grabs him in a Cobra Clutch! Bo then gives PRL a backbreaker! 

COLE
Style Injection!

Bohemoth just watches as Puerto clutches his back in horrible pain! He picks Tha Puerto Rican up again. 

COLE
I think Bohemoth is going to take Tha Puerto Rican apart limb from limb! 

COACH
He's taking his sweet time because he can! He's in no hurry! He wants to destroy PRL once and for all, so he's inflicting much pain on him as he can! He's ENJOYING this! The sick freak! 

Bohemoth punches PRL in the face! 

COLE
There's the punch for March 10, 2003! 

Bohemoth punches PRL again! 

COLE
There's the punch for March 11, 2003! 

Bohemoth punches PRL a third time! 

COLE
There's the punch for March 12, 2003! 

COACH
What are you doing? 

COLE
Bohemoth said he would punch Tha Puerto Rican for everyday he's been in the OAOAST, so I'm just helping him count along! 

COACH
You're enjoying this too, aren't you? 

COLE
Well--

COACH
AREN'T YOU!? 

COLE
Eh...a little. 

COACH
I knew it! You little goatee wearing bitch. 

Bohemoth punches PRL in the face a fourth time! 

COLE
There's the punch for March 13, 2003! 

Bo punches PRL again! 

COLE
March 14, 2003! 

And again! And again! And again! And again! And again! And again! Again! Again! Again! 

COLE
March 15, March 16, March 17, March 18, March 19, March 20, March 21, March 22, 2003!

COACH
STOP IT! 

Bohemoth chokes PRL with his right boot! 

COACH
Now come on! I know this is no disqualifications, but this isn't right! 

Charles Robinson tells Bohemoth to stop with the choking, but he's still doing so, as PRL gasps for breath! After a few more seconds of choking, Bohemoth stops and then gives the ref a dirty look. The crowd has quieted down and is intently watching Bohemoth dominate Tha Puerto Rican. And Bo continues doing so, scooping Tha Puerto Rican up and then slamming back down onto the mat HARD! PRL lets out a girlish scream! Bohemoth bounces off the ropes, charges forward, jumps up, and then jumps down with his right knee hitting PRL's face! 

COLE
Kneedrop from Bohemoth, and a BIG kneedrop at that! 

COACH
Goodness gracious! His knee is as big as PR's face! 

Bohemoth calmly goes for the cover. 

ONE...TWO...KICK OUT! 

COLE
Whoa! He kicked out again! 

COACH
He's showing sparks of life! They're not there for long, but they ARE there! And as long as they're there, there is still hope! 

Bohemoth argues with the referee, but Charles Robinson puts up two fingers and that's that. PRL gets up, now severely weakened just like last month, and stumbles around the ring. Bohemoth puts a stop to that by grabbing P.R. and whipping him into the ropes. Bohemoth follows that up with a BIG BOOT! PRL falls to the mat! 

COACH
I thought I saw something fly out of his mouth! 

Indeed something did...PRL's own teeth! The crowd is shocked at this development. PRL slowly crawls on over to his stomach, and there he makes the shocking discovery...


HIS TWO FRONT TEETH ARE MISSING! 

PRL is HORRIFIED when he touches the holes where his teeth should be! PRL's two front teeth are now lying on the mat, which the camera does a close-up of! 

COLE
His teeth are gone! Bohemoth has literally knocked Tha Puerto Rican's teeth out! 

COACH
I don't believe it! Look at that! Look at them lying on the mat! Oh, his matinee idol looks are gone!  All these years and they're gone! PRL's gonna end up looking like a toothless freak! 

COLE
So then he'll rip off Mick Foley? 

COACH
Michael Cole, please shut up about that! 

Tha Puerto Rican is freaking out! He rushes over to grab his two front teeth, but is stopped by Bohemoth. Bohemoth then looks at PRL, looks at the teeth, and then stamps his right foot on the two front teeth! 

COLE
Oh! Adding insult to injury! 

PRL is teary eyed! He speaks with a lisp now as he tries to get used to having no two front teeth anymore. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
My teeth. My teeth. My teeth!

Bohemoth kicks the remains of PRL's two front teeth out of the ring and then picks the toothless Puerto Rican up. Bo gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Bo goes for a clothesline, but PRL ducks, stops in his tracks, and hits Bohemoth with a punch! And then another punch! And another! And another! 

COACH
Yeah! That's what you get for knocking his teeth out! Lay the smackdown on his candy ass, P.R.! 

The crowd boos loudly! PR goes for a punch...BLOCKED! Bohemoth punches Tha Puerto Rican, which sends him hard back down onto the mat! PR flops up and down like a fish out of water! Bohemoth picks PRL up. He punches him right in the face! 

COLE
That's for March 23, 2003. 

Bohemoth punches PRL again! 

COLE
March 24, 2003. 

And again! 

COLE
March 25, 2003! 

Bohemoth watches as Tha Puerto Rican slowly gets up. Bo cracks a little smile as he sees PRL wallow in misery. Once Puerto is on his feet, Bo grabs him by his hair, charges forward, and then throws PRL OVER the top rope and onto the floor, with PRL nearly hitting the steel mesh on the way down! 

COLE
Oh my! PRL went FLYING right there! He is at the mercy of Bohemoth right now! 

The camera cuts to the lockerroom where the people at the party all have smiles on their faces watching PRL lie on the protective mats. PRL is breathing heavily now. He barely manages to sit up, so that he can spit out some blood left over from his missing teeth. Bohemoth sneers at PRL. 

"MAKE HIM BLEED!"
"MAKE HIM BLEED!"
"MAKE HIM BLEED!"
"MAKE HIM BLEED!" 

COACH
These fans are SICK! SICK! SICK! 

COLE
They've been waiting for a match like this for a LONG time! Let them enjoy it! 

COACH
Absolutely not! 

PRL slowly gets up. He pushes himself onto his knees, and then uses the steel mesh to pull himself up--Bohemoth gets out of the ring and grabs PRL! 

COLE
That was a really nasty fall by the way! Bohemoth just threw him over the top! That's it! No protection! He just threw him like he was yesterday's newspaper! 

Bohemoth grabs P.R.'s throat with his bare hands and then lifts him up in the air! Bohemoth gives PRL a double chokehold to the crowd's delight! HOWEVER, since they're near the steel mesh, PRL pokes Bohemoth's eyes, escaping the chokehold, and then climbs the Cell! 

COACH
Look at this! There you go! That's my boy! 

COLE
PRL desperately trying to escape by any means necessary! 

COACH
Who cares about winning? Your life is on the line here! Get away! Get away! 

PRL continues climbing the Hell In A Cell, but Bohemoth doesn't let that worry him. Instead, he simply grabs P.R. by his tights and pulls him down onto the floor--NO! P.R. holds onto the Cell! Bohemoth tries to pull PR down again! PR still holds on! Bohemoth tries once again, and this time PRL is pulled off the Cell onto the protective mats! PRL lies stomach first on the floor. 

COLE
So much for that. 

COACH
Ugh! Come on PRL! Come on! I'm rooting for you to make it out alive buddy! 

COLE
I'm sure that's comforting him. 

COACH
Of course it would. Everybody likes me! I'm Da Coach! 

The OAOAST Starbucks Double Shot Expresso Instant Replay shows Bohemoth throwing Tha Puerto Rican over the top rope and onto the floor. 

COLE
Watch this. A BRUTAL fall from Tha Puerto Rican! Bohemoth just threw him without a care in the world! It was amazing! 

COACH
This match is already brutal to watch and we're not even 5 minutes in! I shudder to think what's going to happen the longer this match goes! 

COLE
It can go as long as it wants. Bohemoth is going to take his sweet time dishing out the punishment he feels PRL deserves for four years of bad behavior here in the OAOAST! 

COACH
This isn't right! This isn't right at all! 

COLE
It's right in the eyes of Bohemoth. Will you tell him differently? 

COACH
...No. 

Bohemoth picks P.R.L. up and says something to him with fire in his eyes. "The Metrosexual Monster" whips The P.R. Menace into the steel mesh! P.R. hits the steel mesh left shoulder first, then bounces back out onto the floor, where he gets a MURDERLINE~! from Bohemoth! 

COLE
Oh my! A lariat on the floor! Bohemoth is taking Tha Puerto Rican apart piece by piece! 

COACH
He's in no hurry and that's so so sad to know! 

COLE
I think he's starting to like this! 

Bohemoth lets PR get to his knees before picking him up once again. PIMPHEMOTH~! then whips Puerto Rican into the steel mesh again! He then follows with another MURDERLINE~! 

COLE
Two in a row! Two in a row from Bohemoth! 

COACH
I sure hope Lindsay isn't watching this match now! 

The Corporate Champion's eyes are glazed over. He's mumbling incoherently as he sits up. P.R. grabs the steel mesh and mumbles incoherently at the fans, not even having the energy to taunt the fans like he usually does! Bohemoth slowly walks over and grabs Tha Puerto Rican by the roof of his mouth and lifts him up! 

COACH
Oh come on! Hasn't he done enough damage to Tha Puerto Rican's mouth already!?

Bo grabs PRL and slams his head on the ring apron! PRL slumps to his knees! Bohemoth grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his hair again. PRL's mouth is wide open, so the camera gets a good shot of the space where his two front teeth used to be. Bo drags Tha Puerto Rican over to a corner of the Cell, and then places him in between his legs. The crowd cheers. Bohemoth looks at the fans, and then lifts PRL up in the air--

---PRL holds onto the Cell and starts punching away at Bohemoth while hanging around his neck! 

COLE
PRL is fighting back! He's fighting back again! 

COACH
Look at PRL use the Cell to his advantage! That takes brains, Cole! Something Bohemoth obviously doesn't have! 

PRL fires away with right fists, most likely using his missing teeth as motivation to attack. But Bohemoth's strength plays a factor here as the punches don't affect him like they would someone of PRL's size. So, Bohemoth shakes off the numerous punches, grabs PRL by his tights in a powerbomb position, and then SLAMS PRL's back right into the steel mesh! And again! Bohemoth lets go, and PRL drops to the floor! 

COLE
And so much for that. 

PRL lies on the protective mats on his stomach, his eyes closed, breathing heavily while the crowd cheers. 

COACH
What a sad sad shot that is! 

COLE
Maybe to you. But these people in the Toyota Center are liking it! 

COACH
What a sad sad people they are! 

COLE
Oh come on!

Bohemoth slowly walks over to where Tha Puerto Rican is lying just as he's starting to get up. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Is there a doctor in the houseth? Is there a doctor in the houseth? 

Bohemoth picks the groggy PRL up. Some blood spills out of P.R.'s mouth. Bohemoth slams Tha Puerto Rican's head on a top ring step! Bohemoth then sets PRL up against the ring apron, measures him up, and punches him in the face! 

COLE
March 26, 2003. 

And again! 

COLE
March 27, 2003. 

And again! 

COLE
March 28, 2003. 

And again! 

COLE
March 29, 2003. March 30, 2003. March 31, 2003. April 1, 2003. April 2, 2003. April 3, 2003. April 4, 2003. April 5, 2003. April 6, 2003. Bohemoth is doing good on his promise thus far! 

Bo throws Tha Puerto Rican into the steel mesh! 

COLE
April 7, 2003. April 8, 2003. April 9, 2003. April 10, 2003. April 11, 2003. April 12, 2003. April 13, 2003. April 14, 2003. 

PRL is about to collapse onto the ground, but Bohemoth holds him up, then lifts him up in a bearhug position. Bo walks over to another corner of the Cell and then charges forward, hitting PRL back-first into a ring post! He then follows that up by slamming PRL's back into the steel mesh! Then back to the ring post! Then back to the steel mesh! These are the following sounds PRL makes: 

"OOH!"
"AAH!"
"OOF!"
"AAAH!"
"OH!"
"AH!"
"OOF!"
"OOF!"
"OH GOD!"
"AAAH!"
"AAAAAH!"
"OOF!"
"AH!"

THA PUERTO RICAN
GOD HELP ME! 

Bohemoth lets go of PRL, and The Corporate Champ collapses onto the floor! The crowd cheers loudly! 

COLE
This match has been almost all Bohemoth since the bell rang! Bohemoth is beating Tha Puerto Rican up pillar to post and PRL seems powerless to stop it! 

COACH
He's not using much wrestling moves. He's just BEATING him. Like this is a bar fight or something! 

COLE
Bohemoth is certainly going all out here. He's not trying to win a wrestling match. He wants to HURT Tha Puerto Rican! And that's exactly what he's doing right now! 

COACH
Can't he show him a *little* mercy? 

COLE
Did PRL show mercy to anyone he ever hurt? 

COACH
Well--uh---

COLE
Well there you go. 

Tha Puerto Rican starts speaking incoherently again. PRL gets on his knees. There, Bohemoth picks him up. 

COACH
Not again! 

Bohemoth scoops PRL up, in a running powerslam position. He then adjusts it a little so that PRL is a human javelin! 

COACH
Not your head! Not your head! 

Bohemoth takes a few steps back with PRL hanging over his right shoulder. He then charges forward--NO!--PRL slips out and shoves Bohemoth right into the steel mesh! 

COACH
Yes! 

COLE
P.R. with a counter, showing some life again! 

THA PUERTO RICAN
HA HA! 

Bohemoth gives PRL a MURDERLINE~! knocking him down to the ground! 

CROWD
HA HA! 

COLE
And down goes Tha Puerto Rican! Again. 

PRL spits out some more blood on the floor. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
I...can't...breathe! I...can't...breathe! 

Bohemoth picks PR up by his hair. 

COLE
PRL was going to be rammed head-first into the steel mesh, dropped off by Bohemoth, but he escaped, but Bohemoth mowed him down anyhow! 

COACH
He can't seem to keep the advantage for long! 

Bohemoth slams PRL's head on the top ring step again! Bo grabs PRL, who is COMPLETELY out of it, and punches him in the face!  

COLE
April 15, 2003. 

COACH
If you count the dates one more time, I'm going to scream! 

PRL falls to the floor. Bohemoth chokes P.R. with his right foot again! 

COLE
Bohemoth once again using an illegal move, but he can in this match! 

COACH
He's choking the life out of him, literally! Why doesn't anybody stop him!? 

COLE
Why don't you!? 

COACH
I've got a job to do! I'm a broadcast journalist! 

PRL tries to stop the choking, but Bohemoth eventually stops on his own. 

COLE
Well, they call this match Hell In A Cell, and I would suggest that Tha Puerto Rican feels like he is living in hell right now! 

COACH
I guess it's a little too late to expect any compassion whatsoever from Bohemoth. How much longer will this continue!? 

PRL uses the steel mesh to pull himself up. Bohemoth picks him up anyway. The 6'7" 284 pound big man grabs P.R. by his left hand, and then whips into the steel mesh--PRL reverses--Bohemoth reverses--PRL leaps onto the steel mesh like a Spider-Man! 

COACH
Whoa! 

He then leaps off with a crossbody block that knocks Bohemoth down! 

COACH
Beautiful! Beautiful! 

COLE
P.R.L. with an impressive offensive manuever! 

COACH
Keep it up! Keep it up! 

PRL gets right back up and starts hitting Bohemoth with his shaky leg kicks! He then gets down on his hands and knees and starts punching Bohemoth in the face! 

COACH
There's one for January 17, 2006! And there's one for February 24, 2005! And there's one for March 17, 2004! And there's one for April 16, 2007! And there's one for July 8, 2019! And there's one for August 10, 1996! And there's one for--

COLE
Coach, what are you doing!? Bohemoth hasn't been in the OAOAST for that long, and besides that, you're getting the dates all mixed up! 

COACH
Who cares? PRL is beating Bohemoth and that's all that matters! 

The crowd boos LOUDLY as Puerto Rican continues beating up Bohemoth! 

"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"

COACH
He does not suck! Look at him now! LOOK AT HIM NOW! 

The punches managed to keep Bohemoth down on the floor. PRL sneers at the crowd. He then slowly gets up, cracks a smile at Bohemoth's current position, and then rolls back into the ring. 

COACH
You've got the advantage now, Puerto! Keep it up! Keep it up! 

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican's gotta distance himself for his own good. He needs some oxygen! He needs to put himself back together before he can continue! 

PRL laughs a little, but then coughs and spits out some blood. He checks the holes in his mouth now and whimpers over the loss of his two front teeth. PRL then simply falls to the mat and tries his best to recover as much as he can while Bohemoth struggles to get up. 

COLE
PRL's gotta use his speed if he wants to win and keep his Golden Contract. He's gotta stay on top of Bohemoth! His speed and his agility are his keys to victory! 

COACH
Damn straight. 

PRL spits out some more blood, wipes the sweat off of his forehead, and then slowly gets back to a vertical base. At the same time, Bohemoth is back on *his* feet and using the ropes to pull himself back into the ring. PRL gets to his feet, and Bohemoth gets on the ring apron at the same time, so PRL punches Bohemoth in the face! He does it again! And again! And again! 

COACH
January 18, 2086. February 12, 1904. March 16, 3010. June 21, 1867. 

PRL punches Bohemoth for a fifth tim--
BOHEMOTH GRABS PRL AND GIVES HIM A STUNNER FROM THE OUTSIDE! 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

P.R. shoots up and then quickly falls back down onto the mat! He rolls halfway across the ring. Bohemoth gets to his feet on the outside and catches his breath. 

COLE
PRL has been slingshotted halfway across the ring! 

COACH
Oh man! He's going to die. He's really going to die! 

COLE
He certainly looks like he's been in a car accident, that's for sure. 

PR and Bohemoth both cough and catch their breath; PRL struggling while lying on the mat, Bohemoth on the outside holding the Cell. PRL then has a sneer etched on his face when he sees Bohemoth on the outside. He slowly gets up, using the ring ropes to pull himself up to a vertical base. The sneer is still on his face as he gets to his feet. Bohemoth is on the ring apron about to enter the ring...when Tha Puerto Rican charges forward, shoulderblocking Bohemoth right into the Cell! 

COACH
Yes! 

Bohemoth falls to the floor! The crowd boos as PRL walks with a swagger in the ring! 

COACH
He knocked Bohemoth clear from the ring right into the side of the Cell! 

COLE
PRL back on his feet once again! 

COACH
Where he will remain for the rest of this match-up! 

PRL laughs a little as he watches Bohemoth slowly get up. PR rests on the ropes while Bohemoth uses the steel mesh to get to his feet. The sweat is already perspiring out of the big man. PRL rushes into the ropes, charges forward, and then leaps into Bohemoth with a TOPE SUICIDA which sends Bohemoth crashing into the steel mesh again! 

COLE
PRL using his body as a torpedo! 

COACH
He's using his speed and agility to win, just like you said! 

Bohemoth lies on the floor. PRL uses the Cell to pull himself up again. He then climbs the Cell so that he is a good 6 or 7 feet above Bohemoth, and then leaps off, dropping his left elbow right onto Bohemoth's chest! 

COLE
That was like a Corporate Elbow Drop right there! 

COACH
It sure was! Innovative offense from Tha Puerto Rican tonight at School's Out! 

PRL gets up, and spits at a fan who was taunting him! P.R. then gets onto the ring apron and walks to a ring post. 

COLE
What's he gonna do now? Bohemoth is down on the ground! 

PRL rushes forward, jumping off the ring apron, doing a SHOOTING STAR PRESS~! right onto Bohemoth! 

COLE
OH MY~! Tha Puerto Rican astounding us all! A Shooting Star Press from the ring apron! When has he ever done THAT before!? 

COACH
There's a first time for everything, Cole! And what better time than now to try something new? 

PRL sits up, a sneer on his face again. He taunts the fans, and then spits out some more blood, before getting up. 

COACH
He's pulling out all the stops! He's sacrificing his own body to keep the advantage on Bohemoth! As long as PRL controls Bohemoth and not the other way around, he'll be fine!

[Patty O'Green 0]

eeeee sketch ma nig do you have the other half???

[Ed Wood Caulfield 0]

Part 2!

 

The OAOAST Starbucks Doubleshot Expresso Instant Replay shows Bohemoth giving Tha Puerto Rican a Stunner from the ring apron. While in real time, PRL is up and slowly walking over to some ring steps. 

COLE
Bohemoth turned things around by hitting PRL with a Stunner from the outside. An impressive move from the big man! But what's PRL going to do?

COACH
What's PR going to do, you ask? Why, take off the top ring steps and use them as a weapon of course! 

And indeed, that's what PR does, removing the top two ring steps from their base, and then lifting them up over his head, before bringing them down onto Bohemoth's back! 

COLE
Oh no! 

COACH
Hey, his career is on the line here! You'd do the same thing if you were Tha Puerto Rican! 

COLE
But I'm not Tha Puerto Rican, and I'd never want to be! 

COACH
Not even if you could have sex with Lindsay Gonzalez? 

COLE
ESPECIALLY because of that!

PR bashes the ring steps into Bohemoth's back again! The crowd boos! 

COLE
PRL smashing those ring steps right into the spine of "The Metrosexual Monster"! 

Bohemoth lies on the floor breathing heavily. TPR looks very ANGRY as he holds the ring steps over Bohemoth's body. The crowd boos loudly. 

"P.R. SUCKS!"
"P.R. SUCKS!"

THA PUERTO RICAN
Your ass is mine, fool. 

PRL watches as Bohemoth turns over onto his stomach. He then pushes himself up onto his hands and knees. 

*BAM!*

PRL hits Bohemoth with the ring steps for a third time! 

COACH
1! 2! 3! He got him good! 

PRL throws the ring steps aside. He does the "You can't see me!" hand gesture just to be an ass. 

COLE
Those steps weigh AT LEAST 150 lbs.! 

PRL stops to catch his breath, and then climbs the bottom ring steps. He taunts the fans, and then grabs Bohemoth who was crawling on the floor. 

COLE
PRL with the advantage now! He has Bohemoth right where he wants him! 

COACH
He's going for the kill! I can feel it! I know he is! 

PRL places Bohemoth in between his legs. The crowd buzzes in anticipation of P.R.'s next move. P.R. grabs Bohemoth and tries to lift him up! P.R., using the bottom ring steps as a way to make himself the same height as Bohemoth, tries to lift Bohemoth up again. He gets Bohemoth off his feet, but fails to follow through. 

COACH
Is he gonna do it? Is he actually going to do it? 

COLE
He's going for a Piledriver, but can't seem to get it! 

PR tries a third time. He manages to *almost* get Bohemoth in position to finish the Piledriver, but then Bohemoth gets back to his feet. PR then tries for the fourth time and *this* time he gets Bohemoth up in the air all the way so that he can drill him into the bottom ring steps with a Piledriver! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COACH
He did it! He actually did it! Woo-hoo! 

COLE
I can't believe my eyes! Bohemoth has just been given a Piledriver by Tha Puerto Rican! Tha Puerto Rican, the 5'9" 220 pound Puerto Rican lifted up and gave the 6'7" 284 pound Bohemoth a Piledriver! What a scene we just saw! 

COACH
The tide is shifting, Mikey! Soon, people will remember School's Out 2007 as the day Tha Puerto Rican took down "The Metrosexual Monster" once and for all!

PRL rests on the bottom ring steps, using most, if not all the energy he had left to Piledrive Bohemoth. Bohemoth lies on the floor, breathing heavily and holding his head in pain. 

COLE
Did you hear Bohemoth's skull hit those steps? 

PRL tells a cameraman to move out of the way, or in his own words, "Get the fuck outta my way, dorkface!" PRL stands up, getting a second wind now. Bohemoth is still on the ground, but PRL is on the ring apron. So, PRL jumps off the ring apron and stomps on Bohemoth's body! 

COACH
Just like Bohemoth stomped PRL's teeth earlier! 

COLE
I don't think you can compare the two. I mean, the guy lost TEETH! 

PRL is still lisping while he trash talks thanks to the two missing front teeth. He spits some blood at Bohemoth! PR laughs manically while the referee tries to retain *some* law and order in this match. Bohemoth is still lying on the protective mats. 

COACH
This is turning into a little preview of Hell for Bohemoth! 

COLE
You're right! Bohemoth is in a bad way here! 

"BO-HE-MOTH!"
"BO-HE-MOTH!"
"BO-HE-MOTH!"
"BO-HE-MOTH!"

TPR rolls back into the ring. He gets up and rests on the ring ropes. His hair is matted now. He clutches his back for a few seconds and then climbs the top rope. 

COLE
Oh no. Now what? 

COACH
Something good, I bet! 

PRL is hunched over on the top turnbuckle. He watches as Bohemoth uses the steel mesh to pull himself up. PRL taunts Bo, and then rolls his eyes when Bo takes a little while to get up. Finally, Bohemoth gets to his left knee. He then slowly gets to a vertical base. At that point, PRL jumps off the top rope and nails Bohemoth with a double axehandle! 

COLE
The Corporate Axe from Tha Puerto Rican! PRL using the ropes for more momentum, knocking Bohemoth back down! 

COACH
You know all the mind games. The caskets, the body bags, the bloodied T-shirts, the tombstones. It's all coming back to bite Bohemoth in the ass! He said that karma was gonna get PRL? Well, karma is really going to get Bohemoth, and it's getting him right now, tonight here at School's Out! And I love it! I freaking love it! 

COLE
Bohemoth is down, and one things for sure: when Bohemoth is down he can't give you the Erotic Awakening Of B!

COACH
Exactly. 

P.R. sneers at Bohemoth, and then rolls back into the ring. He gets up and spits some more blood out of his mouth. PRL taunts some fans at ringside, calling them pieces of trailer park trash. 

COLE
P.R. back in the ring. We talk about the resilience that Tha Puerto Rican has. That's been put to the test, and he's passed that test! 

Bohemoth is up and he's rolling into the ring. PRL stops him by kicking him in the face repeatedly! The former OAOAST X-Division Champion grabs the man who he feels is responsible for him losing the Title and positions him in the ropes. PRL measures Bo up...and then hits him with a Rock-style punch to the temple! He does it again! And again! And again! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT! PUNCH! Bohemoth falls down to the mat! 

COACH
August 26, 1993. October 31, 2034. November 23, 1654. December 25, 1492. May 5, 1988. June 15, 2004. July 12, 6567. Smarch 13, 1313!  

COLE
That's not even a month! 

COACH
Yes it is! Don't you hate that lousy Smarch weather? 

COLE
Oy.

PRL taunts Bohemoth some more, and then exits the ring. He looks under the ring apron for something. 

COLE
What's he doing now? What's he looking for? 

COACH
Anything he wants. It's all legal! 

PRL comes out with...a steel chair. 

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

PRL throws the steel chair into the ring and follows himself. 

COLE
That's what started it all! That's what started it all in the first place! A steel chair! 

PRL gets up and grabs the steel chair while the crowd grows antsy. P.R. has a look of disgust on his face as he raises the steel chair over his head and jaw jacks with the fans. Bohemoth starts to get up. 

COLE
Remember this is no disqualification! He can use it! 

COACH
And he better use it often! I want to see blood...on Bohemoth! 

PRL raises the steel chair over his head. The crowd is trying to warn Bohemoth of what's to come. Bohemoth pushes himself up and is now on his hands and knees. 

COACH
It all makes sense. This all started with a chair, now let's end it with a chair! 

Bo is on his right knee. He slowly gets up. 

*WHAM!*

PRL HITS BOHEMOTH IN THE BACK WITH THE STEEL CHAIR, KNOCKING HIM BACK DOWN! 

COACH
Yes! Yes! All right! Give it to him! Give it to him! 

The crowd boos. Bohemoth lies flat on his back, his eyes closed. PRL sneers at Bohemoth while still holding the steel chair. 

COLE
PRL has used the steel chair on Bohemoth AGAIN! For the fourth or fifth time, I've lost count! 

COACH
It's all come full circle Michael. What started on April 12, 2007 ends tonight on May 27, 2007. PRL and Bohemoth are about to settle this once and for all and I've got my money on a certain Corporate Champion right about now! 

COLE
Bohemoth is down again as a steel chair has yet to fail Tha Puerto Rican when it comes to dealing with Bohemoth! 

COACH
Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 

A LOUD "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts up as P.R. paces back and forth. He takes a rest at a turnbuckle corner, staring down Bohemoth. He sees that Bohemoth is not moving, so he sets the chair on the turnbuckles, and then walks on over to where Bohemoth is lying. However, he changes his mind and looks back at the steel chair. 

CHARLES ROBINSON
Come on! He's out! Put it away! Come on! Let's go! Put the chair away! 

COACH
Like he'll listen to you in this type of a match! 

COLE
PRL looking back at that chair. 

PRL tells Charles Robinson to "Shut your word hole!" He then walks back over to the turnbuckle corner and grabs the steel chair again. 

CHARLES ROBINSON
No! Don't! That's enough! 

COACH
Yes! Yes! Yes! Keep going! Do it until you can't do it no more! 

The crowd is growing antsy again. PRL walks on over, but is stopped by Charles Robinson. 

COACH
All the referee can do is ask politely. He cannot take the chair away! He cannot disqualify him! 

PRL raises the steel chair over his head, and then lunges with it after Charles Robinson. "Lil' Naitch" quickly backs off after that. PRL has an evil grin on his face as he slowly walks over to where Bohemoth is lying, just like Bohemoth walked slowly towards him earlier. 

COACH
Turnabout's fairplay Bohemoth!  

Bohemoth slowly turns to his side. He then slowly turns to his stomach so that he can push himself onto his knees. 

COLE
Right now, Tha Puerto Rican is the 'Chairman' of the OAOAST! 

COACH
Ooh! Bad pun! 

COLE
Shut up, Coach! 

COACH
No you shut up! 

COLE
No you! 

COACH
You! 

COLE
You! 

COACH
You! 

COLE
You! 

COACH!
You! 

Cole punches Coach in the face! 

COLE
May 27, 2007! 

Bohemoth is breathing heavily as he stands on his hands and knees. He then only stands on his left knee. Bohemoth then slowly gets up. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation. 

COLE
He's going to level him! 

COACH
Look out! 

*WHAM!*

PRL HITS BOHEMOTH IN THE BACK WITH THE STEEL CHAIR FOR A SECOND TIME~!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

PRL
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! WOO! 

COACH
It takes two to make things all right! 

COLE
Right to the back! And look at PRL! He's smiling! He LIKES this! 

COACH
And why not? Things are going his way, let him celebrate it! 

The Corporate One smiles evilly while looking at Bohemoth lying on the mat. He spits at him, but this time it's saliva, not blood. Charles Robinson tells PRL to throw the chair away, but P.R. keeps holding onto it. 

"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"

The camera cuts to the party backstage where everyone is really worried now. Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly give each other looks of concern. "Shooter" Jay Darring and Lauren Gellar root Bohemoth on. K-NESS screams out, "LET'S GO BOHEMOTH! LET'S GO!" 

COLE
The people at the party are not in a pleasant mood right now! 

COACH
Aw. PR's going to be a party crasher when he comes out of this match alive! HA! HA! 

COLE
A high concussion flow to the spine! 

PRL throws the steel chair away and then falls to his knees. He crawls over and covers Bohemoth.  

COLE
This could be it? 

COACH
Nobody thought he could do it! 

1...












2...
















2 1/2











2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999


















3--BOHEMOTH SHOVES THA PUERTO RICAN OFF OF HIM! 

COLE
No! 

COACH
Crap! 

Tha Puerto Rican yells at the referee, but Charles Robinson says it was only a two count. Bohemoth slowly starts to get up. 

COACH
I can't believe it! 

COLE
You better believe it! Because it's true! 

COACH
He was SOOOOO close! 

COLE
Indeed he was Coach! But it was not to be! PRL still must fight in this match! Because Bohemoth won't give up! He will not submit! He will not quit yet! 

PRL is a little lost for a second, wondering what to do next. He decides to simply kick Bohemoth while he's down. PRL then picks "The Metrosexual Monster" up and takes him over to a turnbuckle corner. PRL attacks Bo with Rock-style punches to the temple. 

COLE
PRL is assaulting Bohemoth! Who would have thought that would happen when this match began?

COACH
PRL. He knew. He knew. 

PRL keeps on punching Bohemoth. Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT! PUNCH! BLOCKED! BOHEMOTH PUNCHES PRL!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

PRL punches Bohemoth! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Bohemoth punches PRL!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

PRL punches Bohemoth! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Bohemoth punches PRL!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

PRL punches Bohemoth! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"BOO!"
"YEAH!"
"BOO!"
"YEAH!"
"BOO!"
"YEAH!"
"BOO!"
"YEAH!"
"BOO!"
"YEAH!"
"YEAH!"
"YEAH!"
"YEAH!"
"YEAH!"
"YEAH!"
"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Bohemoth knocks Tha Puerto Rican down! 

COLE
And Bohemoth is right back in control! 

Bohemoth picks Tha Puerto Rican up. Bo whips PRL into the ropes. Bo goes for a clothesline, PRL ducks, bounces off the ropes, and hits Bo with a flying forearm! Bo and P.R. both fall to the mat! But 5 seconds later, Tha Puerto Rican KIPS UP~! to loud boos! PRL strikes a cocky pose, further irritating  the crowd! 

COACH
Yes! He's still got juice in his system! 

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican is showing his arrogance! In the face of all of this adversity! 

COACH
He's coming back, Mikey! Tha Puerto Rican is on the rebound! 

PRL sneers before grabbing Bohemoth by the legs, and pulling him into the center of the ring. Since Bohemoth is so damn big, PRL has a little trouble doing so. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
God damn, you're heavy. 

Afterwards, P.R. exits the ring and climbs the top rope. 

COACH
And look now! He's going to fly! He's actually going to fly! 

COLE
Despite missing teeth, blood coming out of his mouth, and a severe beating at the hands of Bohemoth, The Corporate Champ STILL wants to go to the top rope! I don't know if this is a bright idea. 

COACH
Of course it is! 

PRL steadies himself on the top turnbuckle. 

COLE
PRL is so cocky. He is so self-assured. 

COACH
You know why? Because he can be! 

PRL removes his left elbow pad and throws it aside since he's in the Cell and all. He then stands upright on the top rope, stares down at Bohemoth, and then leaps off the top, doing the "Up yours!" hand gesture in mid-air, and then dropping his left elbow right into Bohemoth's chest! 

COLE
Corporate Elbow Drop! 

COACH
And an excellent one if I do say so myself. 

PRL gets right back up and sneers at Bohemoth. He then power walks up to Bohemoth...and kicks his right arm onto his chest. 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

COLE
Oh no. He's not--he's not going for it is he? 

COACH
This is for everyone who thinks PR dies tonight! 

The crowd is standing up! Bohemoth's eyes are closed. PRL taunts the fans, and then removes his right elbow pad, spits on it, and throws it down onto Bohemoth's chest. 

COLE
The thousands in the Toyota Center are standing up! 

COACH
They wanna see it! They wanna see it! 

PRL does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, leaps over Bohemoth, and then bounces off the opposite ropes. 

COACH
It's now time for the electrifying move in professional wrestling, the IntenseZone Elbow! 

PRL stops, does some Hulk Hogan poses to mock Bohemoth, and then drops the IntenseZone Elbow to a loud pop from the crowd! 

COLE
IntenseZone Elbow! 

COACH
Yes! Bohemoth is finished! 

COLE
What? 

COACH
You heard me! 

The crowd is going nuts following the IntenseZone Elbow. PRL rolls through and is on his feet again. 

COACH
Through all the pain, all the beatings, he is still standing and still ALIVE! 

COLE
PRL is growing even MORE cocky by the second...as though that was even possible!

P.R. spits some more blood out from where the gap in his teeth are. He continues taunting Bohemoth, who is still on the mat, as he heads to a turnbuckle corner. 

COLE
P.R.'s got momentum now! 

COACH
He's gonna do it! He's gonna do it! 

PRL points to Bohemoth...and then starts stomping his right foot a la Shawn Michaels. The crowd boos. 

COACH
Oh yeah! Do it baby! Do it! 

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican is 'Tuning up the band'! 

P.R. continues stomping his foot. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. Bohemoth starts moving his arms. PRL is motioning him to continue. 

COACH
He's in trouble now! Real BIG trouble! 

COLE
PRL is ready to strike. 

Bohemoth slowly sits up. He gets on his right knee. 

COACH
PRL is about to become The Giant Killer! 

COLE
Not another stolen nickname! 

PRL
COME ON! 

The crowd is desperately trying to warn Bohemoth of his fate. But Bohemoth is still slowly getting up, so it's not getting through. PRL has an evil smile on his face as he watches Bo stand upright. 

COLE
He's going for it! This could be the end! 

Tha Puerto Rican charges forward. Bohemoth turns around...


*KA-POW~!*

And gets hit with the SWEET CHIN MUSIC~!!!!

COLE
The Sweet Chin Music found its mark! Bohemoth is down again! 

COACH
Yes! Yes! Yes! Go for it, P.R.! Go for yours! 

COLE
Bohemoth is down on the mat! He got hit with the Sweet Chin Music! And usually, the Sweet Chin Music is the set-up for...














"THAT'S IT!"

COACH
YES! 

COLE
He's ready to end the match and retain his Golden Contract! 

The crowd boos loudly! PRL sneers at the crowd while Bohemoth continues lying on the mat. Puerto gets into his predator position. 

COACH
We saw a Corporate Elbow Drop, an IntenseZone Elbow, a Sweet Chin Music, and now the Corporate Nightmare! That's four great moves in a row! What have done to deserve such a treat? 

COLE
Maybe I kicked a dog in a past life.

The boos get louder as Bohemoth starts to move his arms. P.R. motions for the big man to get up. He taunts his opponent as a "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts. 

COACH
There are 16,000-plus ready to bare witness to the final match in Bohemoth's career! 

Bohemoth moves to the side. He then pushes himself onto his hands and knees, breathing heavily all the while. 

COLE
Bohemoth has been assaulted quite brutally over these past few minutes! And now, PRL is ready for the death blow! 

Bohemoth is on his left knee. 

COLE
Bohemoth has never gotten the Corporate Nightmare before! 

COACH
Well he's about to!

Bohemoth slowly stands up straight. The crowd tries to warn him of what's behind him. 

COACH
If Bohemoth was smart, he'd stay down. 

COLE
Oh come on! He's out of it! He's not going to know! 

COACH
Of course he's not going to know. He has no brain! 

COLE
Oh will you stop?

Bohemoth gets to a vertical base. When he does, P.R. nods. Bohemoth turns around--



KICK! WHAM! CORPORATE NIGHTMARE! 

BOHEMOTH WON'T BUDGE! 

COLE
PRL is having trouble lifting Bohemoth up! 

PRL tries again! Bohemoth still won't budge! 

COACH
Keep trying P.R.! Use all the strength you've got left! USE IT! USE IT! 

P.R. tries a third time, and this time he is able to get Bohemoth off his feet. The crowd boos. PR keeps straining and actually gets Bo higher and higher off the ground! 

COACH
Oh my God! Look! He's doing it! He's really doing it! 

PRL keeps lifting Bo, amazing the crowd, until he's got him in the usual position he has people in for the Corporate Nightmare. He then DRILLS Bohemoth's head right into the mat to finish the move! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COACH
YES! YES! 

COLE
Corporate Nightmare! The Corporate Nightmare has been hit! Bohemoth is DOWN! 

COACH
The match is over! It's all over! 

The crowd boos. PRL is lying on the mat also, the energy he needed for the Corporate Nightmare taking alot out of him.  Both P.R. and Bo are breathing hard. 

COLE
PRL gave Bohemoth the Corporate Nightmare! Bohemoth, the 6'7" 284 pound monster is knocked out! 

COACH
And P.R. did it by himself! Did you see any Lightning Crew members helping him? No! See? He doesn't need their help! 

COLE
I wish he proved that more often! 

PR gets up. The crowd boos. Puerto clutches his back, and breathes a sigh of relief. He points and laughs manically at Bohemoth's misery. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
There's your hero! There's your monster! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHA! 

BOHEMOTH GETS RIGHT BACK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

THA PUERTO RICAN 
*Girlish Scream!*

COLE
HE GOT UP! HE GOT RIGHT BACK UP! 

COACH
HOW DID HE DO THAT!? 

The crowd is going nuts! PRL looks like he's just seen a ghost! Bohemoth stares a hole through Tha Puerto Rican, and PRL takes that as a cue to start running away! 

COLE
I think business has just picked up! 

COACH
GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! 

PRL zooms out of the ring and tries to open the Cell door. However, it is padlocked. Still, PRL keeps trying to pull the Cell door off its hinges as Bohemoth exits the ring and slowly walks over to where PRL is standing! 

COLE
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! He's trying to get away! 

COACH
He can't! The doors locked! 

COLE
Try telling him that! 

Bohemoth grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his hair! PRL screams! Bohemoth slams Tha Puerto Rican's face on the Cell door! He does it again! And again! And again! And again! 

COACH
What is he doing to PRL's beautiful face!? 

Big Bo pulls Tha Puerto Rican's legs out from under him, and then positions himself so that his back is to the steel mesh...before slingshotting Tha Puerto Rican right into it! 

COLE
PRL driven right into the Cell! 

COACH
Oh dammit! 

PRL falls to the floor! A small cut appears above his right eyebrow. Blood starts pouring out as Bohemoth gets up. 

COLE
He's been busted open! Tha Puerto Rican has been busted open! 

COACH
AAH! NO! 

Bohemoth picks the now-bleeding Puerto Rican up. He punches him right in the face! 

COLE
February 13, 2004! 

Bohemoth punches PRL again! 

COLE
March 21, 2005! 

Bohemoth punches PRL again! 

COLE
June 16, 2006! 

COACH
What the hell? Those aren't in chronological order! 

COLE
Who cares? I'm enjoying this! 

COACH
You sicko! 

The man also known as PIMPHEMOTH~! grabs the bleeding PRL and throws him back into the ring. 

COLE
The handsome features of Tha Puerto Rican now being rearranged by Bohemoth! 

COACH
Somebody's gotta stop this, Cole! STOP IT! 

COLE
And Bohemoth is right back in control! Not wise to try and stand and strike with The Metrosexual Monster, especially when you're giving up 50-odd pounds in weight.

With PRL staggering aimlessly to his feet, his face now COMPLETELY covered in blood, Bo watches him onto the ropes. And as PRL lounges against those ropes to try and get his head together, Bohemoth almost takes it off with a clothesline! PRL goes tumbling over the top, the apron bumping him into the door of the cell just to compound his misery.

COLE
PRL didn't manage to put Bohemoth away when he had the chance. That may have been his one and only chance!

As Tha Puerto Rican pulls himself up on the outside Bohemoth follows. Retrieving the steel chair used on him just moments ago, Bo realizes how dented it is and throws it aside. Instead he goes further across the outside, picking up the disassembled top half of the steel steps. The crowd buzz as PRL slowly turns around, seeing Bohemoth with the steps in hands and his eyes bulge. Bo holds the steps at waist height, with the actual steps towards him. As he drives forward, that then traps PRL against the back of the steps and causes him to be 'ploughed'...




*CRASH!*



...INTO AND ALMOST [i]THROUGH[/i] ONE PANEL OF THE CELL!!

COLE
Holy Cow! They almost broke the Cell!

COACH
Nevermind that, they almost broke PRL!

A couple of the fixtures pinning the Cell wall in place seem to actually fly off, a couple lying at PRL's feet as he falls against the dented Cell. Bo gets rid of the steps now and with PRL right near the corner of the Cell, he sets him up... and GRINDS the flat of his boot across his face! And again! A third time!

COLE
Watch out!

Taking a full run-up from the opposite side of the ring, as far as the confines of the Cell will allow him, Bo then charges for a fourth and final time AND KICKS PRL'S FACE INTO THE CELL!!!

"YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
FACEWASH!!

As Bo's boot mows through PRL's face it again hits that side of the cage. Blood is now on the sole of Bohemoth's boot. A clear dent has been put in the steel mesh now and as he sees it, Bohemoth quickly drags Tha Puerto Rican away and to his feet. PRL is on wobbly legs as Bohemoth drags him across ringside. But he still has enough where-with-all to get a RAKE OF THE EYES in, stopping The Metrosexual Monster in his tracks.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

With Bohemoth blinded, the desperate Puerto Rican quickly follows up with a BACKRAKE!!

COACH
That's it, fight PR, fight!

COLE
He's fighting like a girl.

COACH
But he's fighting, that's the main thing! Besides, what's wrong with fighting like a girl? Lindsay is a girl and she's tough as hell!

COLE
But PRL is a man.

PRL checks his face for any lost facial features, as Bohemoth starts to growl. Which alerts PRL that he might be in trouble, so he lands a quick kick to the gut to keep Bo quiet. Another kick finds the mark before The Man With The Golden Contract glances over his shoulder, to the side of the steel he'd just come from. And with a quick grab of the wrist, he looks to Irish whip Bohemoth in...



...REVERSED...










[b]*CRAAASH!*[/b]


"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"



...AND PRL CANNONS INTO THE WALL WITH SUCH FORCE THAT HE ENDS UP EMBEDDED IN IT!!!!

COACH
:O

COLE
Oh, MY!

With the top half of PRL's body hanging out of the hole created in the Cell and his legs flailing pathetically inside, the broken links of the steel dig into his side, trapped like a small animal in those plastic rings that hold together six-packs. As he screams in pain and flails around though, he somehow manages to escape the 'net', crawling through the gap at the very edge of the Cell and out to the arena floor.

COLE
Wait a minute... PRL is out of the Cell!

COACH
Oh, thank God! Obviously the Cell is irreparable, stop the match while we get it fixed, we'll try again in a month or two maybe.

Not to be though. As PRL nurses his ribs, Bohemoth marches over to the broken Cell. Referee Charles Robinson tries to tell Bohemoth to keep inside the Cell as the rules would dictate. But, seriously, it wouldn't be Hell In A Cell if the match didn't go [i]OUT[/i] of the Cell, would it? So Bohemoth kicks at the bottom corner of the Cell panel, just below where the hole has been created. He manages to open up the hole a little more. And although it's still a tight, skin scratching squeeze, Bohemoth manages to try and slink through the gap! Freaking out, PRL sees he hasn't really escaped and starts to try and run away.

COACH
Why the hell is the match still going?

COLE
*shrugs*

PRL isn't getting very far very quickly, Bohemoth stalking after him like something out of a horror movie. With a couple of small puncture wounds around his kidney area, PRL doesn't seem to be moving to the best of his capabilites. And realising running isn't working, he takes the most desperate of all desperate measures in Hell In A Cell.


He starts to scale the cage!


"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
Oh no, PRL what are you DOING!?

COLE
Well, like it or not, as little as this has to do with the rules of Hell In A Cell, this is what people pay their money to see out of Hell In A Cell. This could get very ugly here.

COACH
No kidding!

As PRL begins his climb, Bo stops. He looks up at the Cell. Not fancying his climbing skills that much he tries to stop PRL by shaking the cage. But as PRL transitions to the panel above the one Bo's shaking, that doesn't seem to work too well. Tha Puerto Rican's feet are out of reach now and Bo is left with no choice but to climb after his opponent.

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Oh boy.

Tha Puerto Rican makes the cardinal mistake of looking down and seeing Bo closing in on him, he panics again. Bohemoth reaches up and pulls himself up onto the thicker part of the cage, able to stand on the steel support which is much safer than the mesh surrounding it. Meanwhile, PRL has almost reached the top of the Cell. But by now he's freaking out about how high up he is and he certainly doesn't want to be standing on TOP of the cell! So, he tries to change direction, carefully making his way over to the corner of the Cell.

"DIE P - R, DIE!"
"DIE P - R, DIE!"
"DIE P - R, DIE!"
"DIE P - R, DIE!"

COLE
Well, PRL's not very popular, but I don't think we REALLY want to go so far as to see that!

COACH
Of course now! How can these people even chant that!?

As he begins to make his way around the corner of the Cell, PRL finds himself on the same steel support as Bohemoth. Actually cutting the corner to the adjacent side of the cage doesn't prove as easy as PRL expected. And as he tries to shuffle his feet around, Bohemoth manages to club him in the back!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
Oh God!

Left standing on one foot only, PRL begins to wobble. He looks over his shoulder, fear-stricken. Another shot his him in the back!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

This time Tha Puerto Rican's chest bounces off the corner of the Cell. And that's solid steel, leaving him even more precarious than he was before.

COLE
This is not going to end well!

Bohemoth slowly steps across, getting close enough to PRL to grab him behind the head. Again PRL's eyes bug out, as Bo pulls his head back...







...AND SLAMS IT INTO THE STEEL BAR!!


COACH
OH NO...



PRL almost falls, but his fingers are still just about laced around the steel mesh. 



Until Bohemoth carefully turns side on, reaching out...







...PUSHING PRL...













[b]*THUD!!*[/b]


"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"


...AND HE FALLS FROM HALFWAY UP THE CELL, COMPLETELY TAKING OUT THE CORNER SECTION OF THE BARRICADE ON HIS WAY DOWN!!!!!!!



"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"


The announcers are silent. A solitary airhorn goes off in the background. PRL lays on the thick, curved corner section of the barricade. Blood is still flowing down his face. His arms and legs are splayed out and security guards have converged around him to keep the fans at bay.

From high above halfway up the Cell, Bohemoth looks down on what just happens. Cool and calm as ever. Barely a flicker of emotion.

COLE
My... my God. PRL just fell what had to be 10 feet and he just SNAPPED that section of the barricade completely off it's... I mean, that's solid steel Coach!! There some padding for aesthetics, but that's got to be 5 inch thick metal underneath!! And PRL just fell right onto it!!

COACH
(sombre)
Okay... all bias aside, can we stop the damn match already.

PRL still hasn't moved as Bohemoth begins to make his way down from the side of the cell. Referee Charles Robinson has left the Cell now to get out and check on Tha Puerto Rican.

"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"

The crowd chant for The Metrosexual Monster, all but ignoring PRL. Still lying on top of the block of the barricade, PRL looks to be completely motionless and surely unable to continue. Bohemoth lands on solid ground now and takes a moment to sort his own aching body parts out. All of which paling in comparison to PRL's situation.

COLE
Well, I don't know if PRL's going to be able to carry on here. He could be seriously, seriously injured.

COACH
It has to be over. It has to be.

COLE
There was absolutely no give to that barricade. Nothing but steel and PRL not only fell against it, from a... a tremendous height. But, he also landed on it. The only, ONLY thing that broke Tha Puerto Rican's fall was that steel barricade!

Bohemoth walks on over and picks PRL up! 

COACH
THIS MATCH IS STILL GOING ON!? 

COLE
Apparently so, Coach! 

Bo grabs Tha Puerto Rican's head with both hands, and then simply flings PR right into the announce table! 

COLE
Whoa! 

Cole and Coach stand up and get out of the way! PRL rolls off the announce table into the sofas! P.R. gets on his knees, having no idea where he is. His hair is now red and black. Puerto rolls back onto the announce table trembling in fear. He finally stands up, but when he does, Bohemoth grabs him and lifts him up into a Gorilla Press Slam position! Bo holds P.R. up in the air for a few seconds, and then throws him THROUGH the announce table! 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

P.R. now lies in the wreckage of the announce table with the crowd cheering! Bohemoth takes a minute to rest. PRL starts crawling around the wreckage, speaking incoherently. Blood now covers PRL's entire face! Seriously, there isn't anything but red on his face all the way to his ears! Coach yells for somebody to stop the match, but obviously no one is going to listen to him. Bohemoth picks Tha Puerto Rican up. 

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"
"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"
"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"
"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

Bo drags Tha Puerto Rican around ringside back inside the Cell. As he does this, the Starbucks Double Shot Instant Replay shows the shot of PRL falling through the barricade from three different angles. Ted DiBiase and Terry Funk come out to make sure PRL and Bohemoth go back into the Cell. Once they're inside the Cell, the door is padlocked *twice*. Bohemoth throws PRL back into the ring, and this time the crowd explodes. 

COLE
PRL's walking back into Purgatory! PRL's gonna walk through Hell, maybe for the last time! 

The camera does a close-up of PRL's very bloodied face. PRL is still spitting out blood. His eyes are also glazed over. Blood drips onto the mat. Bohemoth slowly walks back into the ring. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
I...I don't...I don't deserve this! I don't deserve this! I...don't...deserve...this! 

The camera shows Charles Robinson and Ted DiBiase finishing locking the Cell door. The camera cuts to the ring where Bohemoth gives PRL a MURDERLINE~! 

COLE
LARIA-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! 

Bohemoth watches as PRL lies on the mat, struggling to get up. He starts moving his arms and barely sits up. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Okay...okay. I deserve this! I deserve this! I deserve all of this!

COLE
I don't think it is a matter of 'if' but 'when' now! We are seeing the end of "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican's career right before our very eyes! 

COACH
You're right! You're not *maybe* right! YOU ARE RIGHT! This is it! This is the end! We are witnessing the disinegration of Tha Puerto Rican's career tonight at School's Out! 

Cut to the party backstage where everyone is gathered around the TV smiling brightly. 

COLE
There are plenty of people who are enjoying this moment right now! Finally, after four years, tonight is *their* night!

COACH
Oh God! Everything you're saying is true! I HATE THAT! 

Bohemoth picks Tha Puerto Rican up. PRL's mouth is wide open. Bo whips "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican into the ropes. 

SPINEEEEEEEEEEEEEBUSSSSTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~! 

COLE
Spinebuster! Bohemoth with his signature Spinebuster, and Tha Puerto Rican's head bounced off the mat! 

COACH
Oh My God, he's dead! 

PRL lies down on the mat. Bohemoth takes a little longer than usual to get up. But when he does, he exits the ring. PRL sits up, and bleeds some more blood onto the mat! 

COLE
This is PRL and Bohemoth's first Hell In A Cell, and I'm damn sure neither one will EVER forget this experience! 

COACH
This IS Hell! 

COLE
And Bohemoth, and what is he doing? Going to the outside. 

Bohemoth looks underneath the ring apron for something. He comes out with...another steel chair! 

COLE
Oh no. Oh no. Bohemoth has a chair. Bohemoth now has his own chair. 

COACH
Hasn't PR suffered ENOUGH!? 

The crowd cheers loudly as Bohemoth walks up the ring steps with the steel chair in his right hand. 

COLE
We may see some poetic justice! 

COACH
JUSTICE!? THERE IS NO JUSTICE HERE! 

The camera cuts to the party backstage where everyone is on the edge of their seats. Bohemoth enters the ring. Charles Robinson tries to warn him not to use the chair, but Bo isn't paying attention at all, instead staring at Tha Puerto Rican. P.R. is using the ring ropes to pull himself up. 

COACH
GET OUT OF THE WAY, P.R.! GET OUT OF THE WAY! 

PRL's face, hair, neck and chest are covered in blood. He uses the first and second ring ropes to get to his right knee. He then uses the top ring rope to pull himself to a vertical base. Bohemoth just stands there watching. 

COLE
Will Bohemoth strike? Will he get some payback for all those chairshots over the past two months? 

PRL's legs are wobbly, but he is up. 

COACH
LOOK OUT! 

PRL turns around...






*WHAM!*

AND BOHEMOTH SLAMS THE STEEL CHAIR OVER THE TOP OF THA PUERTO RICAN'S HEAD~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

The impact of the chairshot is so powerful that the steel chair is now hanging around PRL's neck! 

COLE
JESUS! 

COACH
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! 

The crowd EXPLODES with cheers! PRL falls to the mat, unconscious! 

COLE
PAYBACK'S ARE A BITCH! 

COACH
Michael! 

The people backstage are celebrating! Bohemoth fires the crowd up some more! He lets out a mighty yell and then shakes the top ring rope. 

THUMBS UP...






THUMBS DOWN~!

"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
It's over! It's all over! Bohemoth is going to win the Golden Contract! 

COACH
And Tha Puerto Rican's career is finished! 

COLE
This is what the fans wanted to see! And now they're going to get it! It's all over! 

The crowd is whipped into a frenzy! Bohemoth picks "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican up. He removes the steel chair from around his neck and tosses it out of the ring. Bohemoth then hooks Tha Puerto Rican up, causing the crowd to cheer. 

COLE
He's going for The Erotic Awakening Of B! 

The crowd is at a fever pitch when Bohemoth lifts Tha Puerto Rican up---

SUDDENLY THE LIGHTS GO OUT!!!!!!!

COLE
What!? What the? 

COACH
AAH! Mikey, I'm scared! 

COLE
Pipe down, Coach! 

The crowd is as confused as the announcers as to why the lights have suddenly gone out. There is total darkness for seconds on end which seem like hours to the people in the arena. 

COLE
The lights went out. Either someone forgot to pay the electrical bill, or something fishy is going on in the ring! 

COACH
I select B for $400, Michael.

The crowd only sees black in front of them for a few seconds more, before the lights go back on in the arena to reveal Bohemoth getting beat up by...



CABOOSE!?!?!?!?!?

COLE
WHAT!? 

COACH
YO~! 

COLE
Caboose--what--what the---WHAT THE HELL!? 

COACH
I'm liking this! 

Caboose keeps punching Bohemoth, almost knocking the big man down! The crowd is stunned at what they are seeing as the fan favorite continues punching the other fan favorite while PRL remains knocked out on the mat. Caboose punches Bohemoth. He then punches him a second time. Then he does the SHANE-O-MAC SHUFFLE, and punches Bohemoth for the third time, and it now becomes clear to the audience what's going on.

COLE
Hey! Wait a minute! 

"Caboose" punches Bohemoth, bringing him down to his right knee. He then takes off his hair, to reveal that it's a wig, to reveal that it's really VITAMIN X underneath the face paint! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

COLE
Oh come on! Vitamin X is back! 

COACH
YES! The X-Man is back in the OAOAST! 

COLE
We haven't seen him since OAOAST Syndicated last month! And frankly, I was starting to get used to him not being here! 

COACH
I wasn't! We needed our Prince back! 

Prince Vitamin takes a royal bow for the fans. They boo. He laughs manically, thinking he has Bohemoth right where he wants him. 

UNTIL Bohemoth charges at him with a MURDERLINE~! 

COLE
YES! GET HIM! GET HIM! GET HIM! 

Bohemoth stomps the crap out of Vitamin X! X immediately begs for mercy, but no mercy is the theme of the night! Bohemoth picks X up and whips him into the ropes. He then follows that up with a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK Body Drop, that sends Vitamin X's feet hitting the roof of the Cell! 

COACH
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! 

The crowd is going wild again! Bohemoth screams for Vitamin X to fight some more. X holds his back in pain. While he does this, Cuban Wall enters the ring! 

COLE
The 24/7 Champion is here! 

Mr. Boricua enters the ring soon after! And so does The Bone Thug! Together, the two Lightning Crew members beat on Bohemoth in the ropes to boos! And PRL is STILL knocked out! 

COLE
And The Lightning Crew doing what they do best! And that's dominate using 2-on-1 or more tactics! 

COACH
This is what made The Lightning Crew the most feared stable in wrestling! 

"BO-HE-MOTH!"
"BO-HE-MOTH!"

Mr. Boricua, Cuban Wall and The Bone Thug continue beating on Bohemoth...until Bohemoth finds the strength within to push Bone Thug off of him, and beat on Mr. Boricua and Wall! Bohemoth head butts The Bone Thug, knocking him down! Bo knocks Wall a little off his feet with a punch! He then starts punching Mr. Boricua in the face again and again and again! Boricua is dazed and confused, but he doesn't fall! Bo hooks Mr. Boricua up! 

COLE
Can he hit it? 

Vitamin X hits Bohemoth in the back with the cricket bat! Bohemoth lets go of Mr. Boricua! VX hits Bohemoth in the back with the cricket bat again! 

COLE
That damn Vitamin X! He's using that cricket bat as a weapon! 

COACH
Oh like when Caboose did it a thousand times it was a good thing! 

VX nails Bo with the cricket bat one more time! Cuban Wall starts beating on Bohemoth again. Mr. Boricua and The Bone Thug join in. 

COLE
We've got a 4-on-1 beatdown going on now! Damnit! Damnit! 

The booing continues! Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Vitamin X, and The Bone Thug team up on Bohemoth, bringing him down to the mat! PRL is still knocked out. Wall and Boricua clutch Bohemoth's throat! 

COLE
Oh no! 

Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall lift Bohemoth off the mat! And then slam him down! 

COLE
A double chokeslam! A double chokeslam! Bohemoth is down! And the leader of The Lightning Crew is STILL down! 

Vitamin X and Cuban Wall pose. Mr. Boricua grunts, snorts, yells, and cracks his knuckles. The Bone Thug yells out, "ARRIBA LA RAZA~!" 

COLE
The Lightning Crew has attacked once again! Bohemoth is out cold! 

COACH
Yes! Excellent work by The Lightning Crew! Great teamwork gentlemen! 

Vitamin X tells The Lightning Crew to pick Bohemoth up. Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua do so, sitting Bohemoth down on the mat. 

COLE
Now what? 

VX grabs the cricket bat and points it at Bo. 

COACH
Uh-oh! Bohemoth is in trouble now! HA HA HA HA HA! 

COLE
Oh no. This isn't going to end well. This will not end well! 

Vitamin X takes a few practice swings, and then gets into position. He rushes forward...




AND CRACKS THE CRICKET BAT ACROSS BOHEMOTH'S HEAD~!!!!!

COLE
Oh my! The cricket bat has been broken in half! 

COACH
I am loving this! I am SO loving this! 

COLE
Bohemoth has been attacked! And now, he is busted open too! 

Indeed, Bohemoth has a cut on his forehead. Blood starts coming down his face. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall drop Bohemoth to the mat. Cuban Wall then adds insult to injury by bouncing off the ropes, jumping up, and coming down with The Lightning Crew Splash on Bohemoth! 

COACH
THAT'S for breaking PRL's teeth earlier! 

COLE
Bohemoth has been assaulted by The Lightning Crew! 

COACH
Just another victim in the long LONG LONG list of them! NOBODY CAN STOP THEM! NOT EVEN BOHEMOTH! 

Cuban Wall gets up and taunts Bohemoth. He grins evilly. The crowd is beyond PISSED right now. Vitamin X laughs at what has happened. Mr. Boricua grunts. The Bone Thug just stares at Bohemoth. Bohemoth is lying flat on his back on the mat with blood pouring down his face. PRL is also still knocked out. 

COLE
The Lightning Crew has struck again! They have demolished Bohemoth! 

COACH
Yes! That's what The Lightning Crew is all about! Surprising people! They've done it again tonight! That's why I love those guys so much!

Wall, Boricua, Bone Thug, and Prince Vitamin leave the ring. Cuban Wall tells Charles Robinson, "It's all yours!" Vitamin X and The Bone Thug leave through the hole in the Cell. Meanwhile, Mr. Boricua rips the Cell door off its hinges and throws it aside, so that Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua can leave the Cell that way.

COLE
This is shocking! 

COACH
This is The Lightning Crew at their best! 

Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, Cuban Wall, and The Bone Thug walk back to the entrance. VX raises the two pieces of the cricket bat over his head to boos. He laughs manically. 

COLE
Vitamin X disguised himself as Caboose! He appeared when the lights went out somehow, and attacked Bohemoth! And then the rest of The Lightning Crew came out and did their usual crap! I don't believe it! And listen to this response!

COACH
And we've STILL got a match, Cole! 

COLE
That's right! The match is still going on, but both men are busted open and out! So what's going to happen now?

PRL gets out of the puddle of his own blood and crawls on over to where Bohemoth is lying. 

COACH
Look! Look! Look! 

COLE
That little weasel! 

The booing gets louder the closer PRL gets to Bohemoth. Eventually, PR summons the strength to put his left arm over Bohemoth's chest. 

COLE
He should be dead by now! Instead he's doing this! 

COACH
This ain't P.R.'s Last Stand! This is Bohemoth's Last Stand! 

PRL has Bohemoth covered. 

COLE
I bet he has no idea what just happened! 

COACH
Who cares! Here and now is what matters! 

"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican is lying on his stomach, breathing heavily, still bleeding from head to toe. The only way he can say he is covering Bohemoth is because he has his left arm over Bohemoth's chest. Bohemoth also is bleeding and is knocked out. At this, referee Charles Robinson begins his count.

1...

COACH
There's 1! 






2...

COACH
2!  







2 1/2

COLE
Stop this! Oh no! Come on! Come on! No! 








2.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

COLE
Not this way! No! No! No! No! NO! 


















3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*DING DING DING* (35:15)

COACH
YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! 

COLE
..........

CROWD
.............

EVERYONE BACKSTAGE AT THE PARTY
......................................................................

"Know Your Role '99" starts playing. P.R. is still covering Bohemoth. The crowd is shocked at first, but their shock turns to boos rather quickly. 

BUFFER
Here is your winner...and STILL The Man With The Golden Contract..."The Corporate Champion" THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

A puddle of blood now forms on the spot where PRL's head lies on the mat.  

COACH
He did it! He finally did it! He proved you wrong! He proved ALL OF YOU wrong! Tha Puerto Rican WILL NOT DIE!

The camera cuts to the party backstage where everyone is sitting in stunned silence. "Shooter" Jay Darring and Lauren Gellar are crushed. The Mad Cappa can't believe it. K-NESS is freaking out. D*LUX just shake their heads in disappointment. Colombian Heat says, "That is whack!" Spanish Fly is pissed. John "Rock Hard" Brickston is trying to hold back his rage. Otaku II and Ayane Mitsui both let out a deep sigh. 

COLE
The disappointment is obvious on everyone's faces! We all thought we would see the final match in Tha Puerto Rican's career tonight--

COACH
Not me! 

COLE
--But instead, Tha Puerto Rican, somehow, someway survived, and he is STILL The Man With The Golden Contract! 

COACH
Doesn't this prove once and for all that Tha Puerto Rican is the greatest wrestler in the OAOAST today?

COLE
I dunno. He did need some help. 

COACH
*Some* help. This is true. But HE is the one who got the pinfall! And that's all that counts! 

Cuban Wall, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, and Stephen Joseph Popick enter the Cell. Popick is the first one to greet Tha Puerto Rican, pulling him off of Bohemoth. 

POPICK
P.R.! P.R.! Speak to me! 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Am...I...dead? 

POPICK
No, you survived! 

THA PUERTO RICAN
...Hoo...ray.

Popick pulls PRL up to his feet which is when Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez wraps her arms around him. She kisses his blood soaked face, not caring at all that she's now got blood on her pouty lips. She keeps kissing him until Cuban Wall interrupts and gives PR a high five, telling him, "You did good, boss." PRL is barely conscious. He just nods his head weakly and mumbles incoherently. Popick and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez carry PRL out of the ring as "Know Your Role '99" continues playing. 

COLE
I'm in shock. I don't believe it. Tha Puerto Rican is a bloodied mess! And yet HE is the winner! 

COACH
That means he survived, Cole! That means HE is the MAN! That means that he went to HELL and back! 

COLE
He's being dragged out of the ring! And yet, this man is the holder of the Golden Contract, which means he can cash in on an OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship shot whenever he wants anytime he wants! 

COACH
I know! Isn't life grand right about now? PRL is on top of the world! 

COLE
He sure doesn't look like it. 

COACH
Please don't rain on my parade. Let me enjoy this moment, bitch. 

Cuban Wall holds the ropes so that PRL, Popick, and Lindsay can leave the ring. Wall then hands PR the black spray-painted briefcase with *his* Golden Contract still inside. PRL clutches the briefcase close to his heart as he leaves the Cell. Bohemoth is still knocked out. 

COLE
PRL needed help from FOUR men, but in the end, the record books will say that Tha Puerto Rican, on May 27, 2007 at School's Out, DEFEATED Bohemoth. How about that? 

Stephen Joseph Popick raises Tha Puerto Rican's right hand in victory. PRL holds his black spray-painted briefcase containing his Golden Contract inside with his left hand. Popick laughs manically and screams "YES! YES! YES!" while Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez says, "It's okay baby. It's okay! You're going to be all right baby! You're going to be all right!" Cuban Wall taunts some fans at ringside. PRL is completely out of it. Garbage is thrown at PRL. 

COLE
He doesn't know where he is! His body is covered in blood! 

We cut back to the backstage party where everyone is pissed off beyond belief. 

COLE
We thought tonight, PR would get his. But believe it or not, he will live to fight another day. 

COACH
And that's the important thing. He SURVIVED! PRL is a SURVIVOR! HE SURVIVED THE ONSLAUGHT OF A MONSTER! He deserves all the credit in the world for that! 

COLE
He deserves credit for having 8 people watching his back. But he doesn't really deserve credit for winning tonight. 

The Cell is now being raised back to the roof of the arena. The crowd boos loudly as PRL, Popick, Lindsay, and Wall walk back up the entrance. They are joined by Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, The Bone Thug, Thomas Rodriguez, and Princess Stacey. The Lightning Crew and Popick engage in a group hug at the entrance. 

COACH
What a great night! Tha Puerto Rican has defeated Bohemoth, and Vitamin X has returned! The Lightning Crew is back in full force, baby! 

COLE
The Lightning Crew certainly made their mark tonight! And now, PRL can still say that he has a guaranteed World Title shot at his disposal! 

COACH
How sweet it is! 

Soda is thrown at PRL's head, barely missing by an inch. Puerto Rican hugs Lindsay, then Popick, then Vitamin X. Popick and Lindsay help PRL raise the black spray-painted briefcase over his head one more time. The crowd boos. 

COACH
That's the money shot right there! There's your proof that PRL is the best thing going in the OAOAST today! THAT'S what I'm talking about! 

Popick laughs manically. He taunts a fan who threw garbage at him. PRL sneers at the crowd. Lindsay has an evil grin on her face. The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick exit through the curtains. 

COLE
Who would have ever thought we would see *this* image tonight? 

COACH
I did. Well, without the blood. 

COLE
Let's go back to moments ago. 

The OAOAST School's Out logo 2007 flashes across the screen. Cut to the ending of the match starting with Bohemoth about to give PRL the Erotic Awakening Of B. 

COLE
Bohemoth had the match won. He was about to do the Erotic Awakening Of B, when the lights went out, and seconds later, Caboose arrived. Or not. Instead, it was Vitamin X making his return, dressed as Caboose. The Lightning Crew then came out and attacked. Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, The Bone Thug. They had Bohemoth cornered, but Bohemoth struck back...until Vitamin X used Caboose's cricket bat to knock out Bohemoth! One shot to the head later, and Bohemoth was busted open. Then Cuban Wall added The Lightning Crew Splash just to add insult to injury. PRL snuck in for the victory, and now he can say that he has defeated Bohemoth! 

The OAOAST School's Out 2007 logo flashes across the screen. Bohemoth is STILL not getting up. His face is now a crimson mask. Bo moves his arms, but then goes back to being limp. 

COLE
We're back live, and Bohemoth has STILL not gotten up! 

COACH
He got hit with a freaking cricket bat to the head, Cole! That should have knocked him out! 

COLE
It did knock him out! But now he is moving a little.     

Bohemoth rolls to his side. 

COACH
Awww, the big baby lost. HA HA! 

COLE
Bohemoth had the match won and you know it! 

COACH
But who won it? Tha Puerto Rican! So stop with the 'what ifs', Cole! 

COLE
I can't believe it. Bohemoth has lost to Tha Puerto Rican! He is bleeding. He might have a concussion. This was supposed to be the greatest night of his life, and it's turned to this. 

COACH
This was the greatest night of his life! Now, one day, he can tell his grandkids about the time Tha Puerto Rican laid the smackdown on his candy ass! 

COLE
This was supposed to be the night that Tha Puerto Rican got his...but instead he got one over on us! 

Bohemoth sits up. He looks completely out of it too. The lights are on, but nobody's home. He starts to get up as "Know Your Role '99" has to be restarted over the PA system. However, he falls back down to the mat. Bo tries to get up again, but this time he can't even sit up.  The last image we see is of Bohemoth lying flat on his back, bloodied, his eyes glazed over. The Cell has been lifted to the top of the Toyota Center.

[Patty O'Green 0]

consider it edited in