HD: Opening segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

As is becoming almost customary (like Meatloaf sang, two outta three ain't bad), HeldDOWN~! kicks off in a big way as "Getting Away With Murder" by Papa Roach powers through the arena. The Memphis crowd rise to their feet as the doors part, making way for the World's Heavyweight Champion!

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... your OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... ZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK MMMMMAAAAALLLLLIIIIIIIBBUUUUUUUU!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Zack tags a few hands on his march to the ring. He certainly doesn't look in that great of a mood. But, he knows what's up when it comes to keeping the masses happy. A slapped hand here, a bought t-shirt there. Ching ching ching all the way to the bank baby.

COLE
And welcome to the home of Kings, Memphis Tennessee, where the King of the OAOAST is wasting no time in gracing us with his presence.

COACH
What's the over-under on an Elvis reference tonight? I've got 2 minutes, fifty one seconds in the sweepstakes.

Rolling into the ring, Zack accepts the microphone from Buffer and waits for some decorum from the crowd.

ZACK
(holds up a hand to quieten the crowd)
Now, I don't want to waste too much of everyone's time tonight talking. There's plenty of other people in the back who can do that job much more efficiently. I want to make this real short and sweet. Last week, as I'm sure you all saw, I defended this OAOAST World Heavyweight Title for the first time in virtually three years. Just like I promised to, I started on the road to bringing some prestige back to the World Title. Boricua was a stiff test. He's a big guy, an uncompromising opponent. Trust me, I've still got the bruises from Boricua even a week on. But I took him on and I came out victorious.

A few of the crowd applaud, needlessly.

ZACK
Thank you. Now, one other thing I promised was that I was to be a fighter. Not someone who shies away from battle. If someone wants a shot at Zack Malibu, they're not going to have to wonder if and when he's going to be in the same area-code, let alone the same arena. They can be sure that he won't be hard to find. Which brings me to Landon [i]'La Cucaracha'[/i] Maddix...

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

ZACK
It's real simple. Seeing as you're finding it so hard to wait until The Great Angle Bash, let's not wait. You clearly want Zack Malibu... and trust me, I'd like nothing more than to ki...

The World Champion begins to trail off at the end of his last sentence, his eye caught by the changing picture on the AngleTron. The sounds of the hustle and bustle of the Memphis air hover around as we see the very person, LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX, standing in what is clearly the parking lot. Landon smirks as back in the arena, Zack puts his hands on his hips.

MADDIX
Let me cut you off, because we all know where this is going Zack. You play the bigman, I come out full off bravado and say I'll take you on...... just not tonight~!, right? Well, usually that might be true. Clichéd as it may be, I'm a sucker for the classics. But, honestly... (glances at watch)... it's not really worth my time. See, there's the point right there Zack. At The Great Angle Bash, you will be worth my time. Your World Heavyweight Championship will be worth my time. Now? No. Just... just no.

ZACK
So, you found a cameraman and dragged him into the parking lot just to tell me 'no'?

MADDIX
Pretty much, yes.

Zack rolls his eyes.

MADDIX
Although, I do feel I owe you an explanation. See, last week, I guess you could say I 'played my Wildcard' when I came out and attacked you. A moment of weakness, I assure you. See, I'd just lost the SWF Title, I...

ZACK
Yeah, I heard about that!

Unhappy at being cut off, especially for the reason he was, Landon grits his teeth.

MADDIX
Jest all you like, Malibu. All that's going to do is make me more determined to take YOUR title! Infact, the only reason I'm even here tonight was to sign off on some paperwork. Now that's done? Well, I guess I'll be on my way. See you June 24th Zack.

And with that, Landon begins to walk off.

ZACK
Hey, Landon! Don't try and leave in a limo whatever you do, never know what might happen!

COLE
*rimshot*

COACH
*shifty eyes*

MADDIX
(jogging back into shot)
I'll have you know, I leave [i]everywhere[/i] I go in a limo. That's the life you lead when you're a bonafide success story like myself. Comes with the territory.

ZACK
Okay, if you insist. But, just to be on the safe side, let me get the door for you.

And with that (I really have to come up with some new segueways), Zack drops the microphone and begins to march back up the aisle. The crowd cheer Zack on as we see Landon on the AngleTron, questioning to someone if Zack is actually coming after him. The parking lot and the ring are understandably a little ways away though, so in the meantime, we cut to Sofa Central.


COLE
Well, anyone hanging out in the parking lot was probably tempting fate to begin with, considering recent events...

COACH
*more shifty eyes*

COLE
...but now, I suggest they make themselves scarse and quick. Because Zack Malibu is on the warpath!

COACH
Yawn. Same old, same old. You know, Zack's got a real mentality problem. He always has to take everything in this business to heart and have everything effect him so personally, it's no wonder he's got so many enemies. If you continually go looking for trouble, sooner or later you're gonna find it, that's my opinion.

COLE
I hardly think Zack is 'looking for trouble'. It was Landon that interrupted him two weeks ago... and Landon who tried to ambush him just last week!

COACH
Look, he already explained that...

COLE
...okay, we're hearing through the headsets, that Zack is... well, let's go back there...


We cut back to the parking lot, just as Zack has made his way into the parking lot. As he skims past a couple of cars, Zack finds himself in the wide-open, looking around a little cautiously as he unstraps the OAOAST World Title and sets it on a car hood. With no sign of Landon around, Malibu stands with hands on hips, scanning the lot. Let's face it, wrestlers in parking lots, it doesn't always end well. Which gives Zack the right to look a little suspicious.

COLE
Did Landon leave?

COACH
Well, that was his intention before Zack went storming out there, so maybe.

Keeping half an eye on his belt, Zack continues to walk around, trying to figure out if he's even in the right spot which Landon was being filmed from. And after a few seconds warning, suddenly off jogs Zack, in the direction of where Maddix can be seen, standing on the roof of a white rental car.

COLE
Here we go!

Curiously, Landon doesn't seem worried that he's been found, or that he's being charged at by the world's foremost pissed off prep. A simple smirk hangs on his face. Zack continues running at him, ready to scale the front of the car in mid-run...




...when suddenly, he comes to a stop.


*OOOOF!*

A painful stop.

COLE
HEY... what the hell!?

The same smirk stays etched on Landon's face, as Zack collapses, wheezing from the knee driven into his gut from MARCELLUS WALLACE of the South Central Miltia! Before Zack can recover his breath Marcellus grabs him in a front facelock and holds him in place, as VINCENT SANTANA runs over...




*KE-RAAAACK!*


...AND BREAKS A WOODEN 2x4 CLEAN IN HALF OVER ZACK'S LOWER BACK!!!

COLE
OH! That two-by-four, right across the ribs... damnit, it was all a trap!

COACH
Gee, ya think Columbo?

Zack drops to the cold concrete, groaning in pain and clutching his ribs as The SCM look at one another, shrug and figure why not put the boots to the World Champion for good measure. With the two on one beatdown in progress, Landon climbs down from the car in the background, swaggering over, so pleased with himself. With a couple of pats on the back Landon calls off the hounds and kneels down next to Zack, who is still curled up, agonisingly groaning and wheezing for breath.

MADDIX
See, I tried to warn you this would happen, I really did. It's just like I said Zachary... ALL the more determined now. All the more determined.

Letting out a tortured cough, Zack can do little more than just glare up at Landon through his wincing eyes.

MADDIX
Looks like you're not quite the 'fighting champion' you proclaim to be anymore, huh Zack? Hope you know a good chiropractor buddy, not long now. 10 more days and you are mine Zack, whatever's left of you at least. Oh and hey, seeing as it's Memphis, what the hell. (throws arms skywards) The King is dead... long live the King! HAHA, man I am a RIOT! C'mon guys.

With one last soccer kick delivered to the ribs, Santana along with Wallace and Landon walk off, leaving Zack laying like roadkill in the middle of the parking lot. Zack continues to groan in pain as finally the camerman has the good sense to forget about filming and try and tend to the World Champion.

COLE
Well, Landon brings up a good point, we probably should have seen this coming. After all, he's done some pretty low things in the past. And that ranks right up there! He lured Zack back, right into the waiting South Central Militia, who by the way I have NO idea what their problem with Zack is. What is their relationship with La Cucaracha!? I don't get it. The former SWF World Champion...

COACH
Why must you keep bringing that up?

COLE
...he looks like a desperate man to me. And that desperation has led to what we just saw. Zack Malibu, the World Champion, laid out and hopefully if someone is listening, we can get some medical attention back there for Zack.

COACH
[i]Somebody[/i] better be listening, otherwise our job is pretty pointless. But that aside, let's not get it twisted. 'Desperate' is one opinion on it. Me? I prefer genius.

COLE
Genius!?

COACH
Genius. It was an ingenious plan. Landon fed Zack the bait and sure enough, SuperZack swallowed it hook, line and sinker. Hell, I'm sure deep down Zack realised it might be a trap, but he just couldn't resist the chance to play the big action-hero of the OAOAST, our very own Sylvester Stallone. And now he's lying in the dirt trying to hold his ribs in place. Hardly Eye Of The Tiger stuff, is it? Because Zack's not dealing with some action-movie villian who leaves James Bond tied-up in a room all alone, he's dealing with Landon Maddix.

COLE
...you're unbelievable. Let's take a well deserved break, shall we?