HD: Jade/Ned segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

This goes before my other segment. No pleases, no pleasantries. It goes there or ELSE.

 

COLE
Last week here on HeldDOWN~!, it was a chaotic end to the broadcast. The main-event saw Chicks Over Dicks defending and retaining their OAOAST Tag Team Titles against the special challengers Los Infernales in a great match. But all hell broke loose at the end, with all sorts of schenanigans with referees and portable cameras. Things didn't get much better after the match either as The Enterprise ambushed en mass COD. Luckily, D*LUX and Leon Rodez were there to make the save. But that wasn't the real story as we went off the air...


[QUOTE=LAST WEEK ON HELDDOWN~!]
Suddenly a mighty shout of jubilation springs through the stands. The abrupt sense of joy is brought on by D*LUX, and a chair wielding Leon Rodez rushing down the ramp. At the sight of his hated enemies, Moneymaker orders his crew to fortify their ranks. As he watches Simon leap out of the ring and cowardly head for the hills, he's quickly realizes his boys aren't up for a fair fight, and changes his commands to that of retreat. Wright doesn't think twice about answering the command, diving from the ring, and joining Simon in departure through the crowd. 

COLE
Money can buy a lot of things but it can't buy guts!

Mackenzie retreats behind the announce table, unable to shield her concern for Alix and Krista. Ned grabs the hand of a disinterested Jade Rodez and takes flight through the stands. Unfortunately for Ned his escape route is soon trailed by Leon Rodez, to the delight of the audience. With the weapon toting Leon distracted by Ned and Jade, Moneymaker demands that the remaining member of The Enterprise, CPA, stand and fight. It's a request that's granted in spirit, but not in reality, as the boybanders chop the big man down with springboard lariats!

“YEAAAAAA!” 

COLE
Alright D*LUX!

Moneymaker is quick to realize that CPA may not be able to overcome this numbers disadvantage, and hurriedly drags him out of the ring. With Mackenzie in tow, CPA and Moneymaker retreat up the ramp. Moneymaker stays silent, except for a growl of frustration, but CPA mouth launches a plethora of threats at the boybanders. However, D*LUX pays them no mind, instead focusing on the health of the tag team champions. Somehow, through their expert medical knowledge, they both determine that Krista needs immediate CPR, which prompts Krista to shoot off the canvas and yell “Nope, I'm fine!” The situation grows even more annoying for her when Rescue 911 enters the ring to administer assistance and decides the same thing, only they believe they should be the ones to administer CPR.

Elsewhere Leon continues his frantic hunt of Ned and Jade. Dragged like a sack, Jade is cut through the swamp of audience by Ned's frantic movements. The same audience members are mowed down just seconds later by the running Leon. Fraught with panic, Ned steps up the pace in his retreat, weaving Jade to and fro. Any audience member with an object in his hand, cups, cotton candy, finds it quickly removed and enlisted as a missile in the war against Leon. The Grand Rapids Golden Child effortlessly swats these bombs away, and increases the ferocity of his pursuit. Unfortunately things get rather messy when Ned tries to lose himself within a wave of arena security. The guards, fearing an outbreak of violence from the fans, ask Leon to show some restraint. He shows them the back of his chair. THWACK! THWACK! Guards are mowed down with deadly precision by Leon.

COACH
What the hell is he doing!?

THWACK! A redwood of a man is felled by Leon's rampage. THWACK! Then another! At this point, Ned realizes the guards are nothing more but pylons to be crushed by the razor sharp rage of Mister Rodez. Thusly he pulls Jade along as though they were running from a ticking time bomb. 

The time bomb explodes.

Leon hurls his chair right at Blanchard. Jade finds out why her brother's tryout for the Detroit Tigers failed miserably, as his projectile falls short of it's mark. Jade throws up her hands to try and ward the descending warhead off. Too slow. The bomb detonates on her face, blasting her backwards onto the harsh concrete.

COACH
That idiot! How on god's green earth can you sit here and defend that no good piece of shit time and time again like he was sent from the heavens above?

Jade hits the floor, the nerve endings in her face burning as though they were on fire. Despite the boos of the audience, It takes Ned a moment to realize what fate has befallen Jade. Then her horrified, sustained scream clues him into what terrible events have transpired. Leon wishes to rush to her aid, but without his chair, all he can do is watch helplessly as security drags him away.[/QUOTE]


COLE
It was an abrupt end to the show and we promised you updates on Jade's condition on OAOAST.com. And those of you who logged on will have seen that thankfully, Jade did not suffer any significant physical damage.

COACH
But plenty of mental damage! Let's not downplay this now.

COLE
Well, it's plain to see there's plenty of issues within the Rodez family, more and more by the week thanks to The Enterprise's continued involvement in their lives. The point I'm building up to here though is that amongst the updates on OAOAST.com, we were sent exclusive footage after the show went off the air last week. Now, it was sent to the front office under the guise of a 'Fancam' video that someone in the arena had taken. However, it's pretty obvious just who's 'Cam' was infact responsible for shooting this footage we're about to show you.


[QUOTE=OAOAST.COM EXCLUSIVE]
Back in time we go, to the bygone days of June 14th, 2007. A shaky handheld camera follows after Ned Blanchard, who has the weeping Jade Rodez bundled up in his arms, carrying her through a part of the backstage area. What part isn't clear, but it's not one with many people in it's midst. Tons of production equipment, spare lighting, anvil cases as far as the eye can see. Ned looks lost and comes to a stop, laying Jade down on two of those very anvil cases. The youngest Rodez sibling holds her hands over her face and continues to cry in pain as Ned stops to clutch his lower back for a minute at having to carry Jade around.

BLANCHARD
(whispering)
[i]You sure it's on?[/i]

SIMON SINGLETON(???????)
We are rolling Neddy.

Ned gives a quick thumbs up before Jade looks out from her hands.

BLANCHARD
It's okay Jade, don't worry. We're gonna get you some help, paramedics, EMTs, doctors, they're all on their way, the finest money can buy. Everything's fine now, I promise. You're safe.

JADE
My... my eye...

BLANCHARD
Don't worry, we'll get some plastic surgeons over as well. Everything's taken care of. You just let Neddy take care of you until they all get here. Can you see okay?

JADE
(sobbing)
Yes... yes, I can see.

BLANCHARD
And you're not bleeding... what about, uhm... what about your brain? Is your brain okay?

SINGLETON (off-camera)
It your [i]brain[/i] okay!?

Whipping his head around, Blanchard hisses at Simon to be quiet. Showing his deep concern for the fallen damsel, Ned sits on the anvil case, placing a comforting arm on Jade's stomach, co-incidentally just as she was about to start standing up.

JADE
What... what happened?

BLANCHARD
Look, I don't know how to tell you this. I mean, it was... it was crazy. I always thought your brother was so calm and sensible, but he was like... like a madman. He was swinging this chair, left and right, knocking people down. I didn't really see much, I was trying to make sure you were safe. There was definately a small child he hit in the face, that much I do know. And he may have hit a pregnant woman in the stomach, although she may just have been on the tubby side. And then... I mean, it was terrifying. He just grabbed this chair out from under an old woman and the next thing I knew, he must have saw red and he, he just flung it at you. I tried to dive into it's path but my foot got caught behind one of the seats. Luckily I managed to get free and fight him off before he did any more damage to you. But, I just had to stand there and watch you... oh, I'm just so glad you're okay.

Ned cradles Jade's head as she begins sobbing again. He still manages to find a spot to turn back to the camera and flash an 'a-okay' sign, ever the professional.

SINGLETON (off-camera)
Oh, that is smooth my friend.

After a few more seconds of cradling and comforting, finally things begin to get awkward and as Jade realises she can't pry herself out of Ned's hug, Ned quickly lets her go.

BLANCHARD
WHERE THE HELL ARE THE EMTs!? This could be a serious injury, what the hell is keeping them!? I just hope Leon hasn't gone and KOed all of them with a chair too.

JADE
I...

BLANCHARD
It's okay, don't talk. You're safe so long as I'm here, I took night courses in First Aid the day I realised I was going to become a father. You just never know when someone you hold so dear is going to need you.

SINGLETON (off-camera)
Yes Ned, go for the kill.

BLANCHARD
Don't you worry about a thing. I'm going to make sure your brother pays for what he did to you, mark my words! I will make him pay for ever daring to harm a hair on your sweet little head.

SINGLETON (off-camera)
Note to self: in final edit, insert porn music cue here.

BLANCHARD
To think, he could have harmed your beautiful fac...

Suddenly, footsteps can be heard rushing this way. The camera jerks up to reveal two EMTs jogging over, causing Ned to stand up, looking accusingly at the two medical technicians as they take over care of Jade.

BLANCHARD
Oh. Oh, thank... thank goodness you're here. What a relief. [i]Simon, a word...[/i]

With gritted teeth, Ned turns to the camera and drags the cameraman away a few steps.

BLANCHARD
What the hell are THEY doing here!?

SINGLETON (off-camera)
Don't look at me, I didn't call them. I didn't think anyone'd find us down here, I mean, nobody's ever found me down here when I've been... uhm... when I, with the...

BLANCHARD
Look, nevermind that. I think that's a wrap, don't you?

SINGLETON (off-camera)
Oh yeah, sure, let me jus...


[i]*STATIC*[/i]

[/QUOTE]


Back to Sofa Central we go, Michael Cole shaking his head as Coach sits next to him with a goofy grin on his face.

COLE
What a deplorable human-being, Ned Blanchard is. Not to mention Simon Singleton with that 'Siclopse', voyeurism at it's worst.

COACH
Hey, sometimes guys just like looking, that's all.

COLE
I... I don't even know how to respond to that. Needless to say, I don't think that video is going to do anything to fan the flames on this issue with The Enterprise and Jade's former confidantes. And somehow, I get the feeling that was the exact intention. That and the fact 'guys just like looking' I guess. Good Lord. More HeldDOWN~! coming up, I think I need a shower. Hopefully there aren't any cameras hoping to get a look at that.

COACH
On behalf of the entire world's population, I guarantee it.