HD: AngleSlam Main Event Contract Signing

[Zack Malibu 0]

COLE

Right now, let's take you up to the ring and our master of ceremonies for the evening, the incomporable Mene Gene Okerlund!

 

We cut to the ring which has been lined with a lavish red carpet during our last time-out. After all, this is a formal event and what would a format event (in professional wrestling) be without a red carpet. An official looking figure stands at the head of the table set up in the ring, while at the foot stands the forementioned "Mene" Gene with microphone in hand.

 

OKERLUND

Ladies and gentlemen, we are just about ready for the official contract signing for your main-event at AngleSlam 2007, eminating from Madison Square Garden!

 

A respectful round of applause just about drowns out some scattered boos.

 

OKERLUND

Mark the date down on your calenders, August 26th in New York City, the sixth annual edition of AngleSlam. And headlining, a battle between two 'controversial' OAOAST superstars. One of it's newest taking on a true veteran of this ring. It promises to be an intriguing match-up for sure. And we're going to sign on the dotted line right here, right now here in Atlanta!

 

Up goes a cheap pop, Gene redeeming his earlier New York references.

 

OKERLUND

So without further ado, let's get our champion and our challenger out here. It is my pleasure to introduce you first to the challenger come August 26th. A man who's name is synonimous with the OAOAST and has been for the past four plus years. But, he is a man who has never captured the golden ring, the World Heavyweight Championship. And he would love nothing more than to do so in a setting such as Madison Square Garden. He is the man cashing in his Golden Contract with that hope in mind, please welcome "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"... he is PUERTO RICAN LLLIIIGHTNING!!!

 

 

The lights go down in the arena. The crowd instantly start buzzing, probably just pleased that the unexpected blackout has stopped the World Champion's singing. But after a few seconds the fans aren't quite so cheery, as Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them:

 

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

 

With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. The entrance doors slide open and out come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, his girlfriend and Women's Champion Ms. Lindsay Gonzale and his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick! The crowd boos away as PRL holds his black briefcase spray-painted with L.C. in yellow high, which of course contains his Golden Contract inside.

 

COLE

Well, there is the challenger. We saw last week, PRL crashed the party of our new World Champion... turn about fair play perhaps, as if not for the interventions of Todd Cortez and The South Central Militia, PRL might have beaten Maddix to the punch in cashing in his contract on Zack Malibu.

 

COACH

Might have? Boricua and Vitamin X hit the ring first, they had Zack right where PR wanted him. If Landon hadn't had the same idea and the same type of opportunity with his contract, that man on the way to the ring would finally have won the OAOAST World Title that's eluded him for so long.

 

COLE

And look at this, no Lightning Crew. Popick obviously ever-present and Lindsay...

 

COACH

Miss Lindsay.

 

COLE

Yeah yeah. But no Boricua, no Wall, no Vitamin X. That's a good sign.

 

PRL, Lindsay and Popick enter the ring and PRL again raises his briefcase in the air. The trio then breeze past Okerlund to take their places, eager to get the formalities over with. A microphone sit among the papers and Tha Puerto Rican typically notes it, ignoring the contract itself.

 

OKERLUND

And now ladies and gentlemen, let's bring out the other half of our main-event. He is the new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, a man with a laundry list of accolades in this business that few others can compare with. But come AngleSlam, he will be making his first PPV defence of the OAOAST World Title... quite possibly his first defence, period. Right now, let's hear it for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the World... "LA CUCARACHA"... LANDON MMMMMMMADDIX!!!!

 

 

"REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!"

 

"Personal Jesus" by Marilyn Manson hits, as from behind the entrance doors comes Todd Cortez. Of course, he's just leading the way (rather far out ahead mind you) for Megan Skye, who heralds the arrival of Landon Maddix. Landon stops at the top of the ramp and adjusts the title sitting over his left shoulder, grinning away like a chesire cat as he shrugs, as if to say "yep, I know I'm great".

 

COLE

Landon, also looking a little light in the entourage stakes. We saw earlier what happened with The South Central Militia, he's lucky PRL didn't bring his entire back-up with him.

 

COACH

Nevermind that Cole. Come on, this is the WORLD CHAMPION! Is that the best intro you can give?

 

COLE

Well he is the World Champion. And he's just under seven weeks away from his first date with destiny, AngleSlam 2007.

 

Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. PRL, Popick, Lindsay and even Todd watch on pretty unanimously unimpressed as Landon finally stops with the posing and goes to take his seat.

 

OKERLUND

Now gentlemen, before...

 

Going to put his belt down, Landon notices the eager look on Tha Puerto Rican's face and thinks twice. He positions Cortez at his side before sitting down, setting the belt on his shoulder, right in PRL's eyeline.

 

OKERLUND

...before we go any further, do any of you have any questions.

 

Talk about waving a red rag at a bull. Quick as a flash, both men go for the mic. After a brief tussle over it, Landon manages to snatch it away, to muttered curses from PR.

 

MADDIX

I don't have any questions, but I've got something I'd like to say.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

MADDIX

First and foremost, it's Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. It's like Oreo filling, if it's not in the middle, it's just not right. And secondly, I just want to make one thing clear. Gene, you said something about this being my first Pay Per View OAOAST World Title defence at AngleSlam and you may be right. But this won't be my first rodeo, so to speak. I've done it all a dozen times in the past. I've main-evented countless SWF PPVs, often as the defending World Champion. Of course, I needn't remind people I am the only man to have won both the SWF and the OAOAST's World Championships. The point is, nobody... especially YOU, 'PRL', should be worried about yours truly getting stage-fright in the Garden.

 

Landon points the finger right down the barrel of PRL's eyeline.

 

MADDIX

You and I have one thing in common, neither of us have defended this belt before. The difference is, I've been a World Champion. I've been there, I've done that and I'm doing it yet again. If anything, everybody should be worried about you CHOKING yet again with the big gold on the line!

 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

And the gloves are off early!

 

Looking up at Popick, PRL is fuming. Quickly, Popick demands that Gene Okerlund hand him his microphone, which immediately finds it's way into PRL's hand.

 

PRL

First of all, you should know your role... and SHUT your MOUTH!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Not impressed, Landon makes a 'yawning' motion with his hand, lounging back in his seat.

 

PRL

Who in the hell do you think you are, to come into the OAOAST, the promotion that Tha Puerto Rican built and to run your mouth at me!? Who!? Let me tell you something buddy, I couldn't give a flying CRAP about what you've done in the SWF, the XWF, the WWF, wherever the hell you've been! You are in Tha Puerto Rican's yard now! I have left more blood, sweat and tears... tears of joy... in an OAOAST ring than you could ever hope to. This is my destiny! AngleSlam, this isn't about you. This is about Tha Puerto Rican realising his dream of finally capturing the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, the title I have been screwed out of time and time again in the past! And when it's all said and done... all the smoke has cleared, the dust has settled... Landon Maddix, you can go back to the SWF with your head held high and you can tell Joe Nobody and Bob What'shisface and the rest of the SWF jabronis that you got your ass kicked by the OAOAST's finest!

 

MADDIX

Oh, this is 'your yard', huh? Listen buddy, you may be a big name in OAOAST folklore. But rest assured, you are a nobody in my world. And this belt says the OAOAST IS my world!

 

PRL

Yeah, well, this middle finger says 'up yours'! *flips Landon off!*

 

Landon's eyes bug open.

 

MADDIX

Oh yeah!? Well...

 

Landon begins to pantomime some rather homosexual 'mouth movements', which gets PRL on his feet ready to snap.

 

OKERLUND

Gentlemen, PLEASE! A little decorum, PLEASE, this is an official contract signing!

 

Trying to look apologetic, Landon slowly stops his pantomiming. PRL slowly sits back down, unballing his fist.

 

MADDIX

So, what happened to the rest of your cronies? Where's... where's Vitamin Barn?

 

PRL

Vitamin X!?

 

MADDIX

Yeah, that guy. Isn't that your M.O, safety in numbers?

 

PRL

Well, it's clearly not yours now, is it? I mean seriously, I feel a little bad. If I'd have known you were going to bring ALL your friends and family out here, I might have done the same.

 

Landon glares a little at the suggestion and prepares to show PR his list of contacts on his cellphone.

 

PRL

But no, I jest. Listen, you're new to all this, here in the OAOAST. Maybe you don't realise who you're dealing with, The Lightning Crew. Take a look at my beautiful fiancee, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. She's holding the gold. That's just a little preview of what's going to happen at AngleSlam.

 

MADDIX

I hope not. Seriously, I happen to value my personal appearance. If I ever wake up looking like THAT, you won't see me around here for dust!

 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COACH

Uh-oh.

 

COLE

This is getting personal now.

 

PRL

(raising his voice)

I'll have you know, my fiancee is the most dominant and most beautiful woman in the OAOAST!

 

MADDIX

Yeah, on Opposite Day!

 

LINDSAY

 

 

COLE

What the hell does that mean!?

 

PRL

Listen, just because you ended up with a horsefaced woman for company, don't go ta...

 

MADDIX

Horsefaced!? Well, at least she doesn't look like an underage curb-crawler!

 

PRL

She is not underage! And at least mine doesn't like a VERY experienced curb-crawler, like yours!

 

MADDIX

Your momma!

 

PRL

Oh, you didn't just bring Momma Puerto Rican into this!

 

MADDIX

Uh-huh!

 

PRL

Nuh-uh!

 

MADDIX

Yuh-hu...

 

OKERLUND

DAMNIT ENOUGH!

 

Both PRL and Landon turn around in shock at the interruption. Poor Lindsay and Megan both look close to tears at the poor attempts at defending their honour put forward by their men.

 

PRL

Don't you EVER interrupt the Champ again you worthless jabroni!

 

MADDIX

Yeah, don't interrupt the Champ. I'm the Champ. Don't interrupt me.

 

PRL

Not for long.

 

MADDIX

Yes for long.

 

OKERLUND

STOP IT, STOP! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN HERE!

 

 

........

 

 

PRL

He started it.

 

Pouting, Landon picks up PRL's copy of the contract and throws it a few inches down the table, to the future challenger's SHOCK~!

 

COACH

This is getting out of hand!

 

COLE

(fighting back laughter)

This is getting ridiculous.

 

Even the mighty Mene Gene seems to be struggling to keep the petulant AngleSlam main-eventers under control. Suddenly, "Medal" hits, and the crowd erupts at the very sound of it, as it can only mean the arrival of one man...the owner of the OAOAST himself, ANGLESAULT!

 

COACH

I bet he's here to can yo' ass for laughing on the job!

 

COLE

I think he's got bigger fish to fry than that, Coach!

 

Dressed well in a three-piece suit, Anglesault comes down the aisle and gets into the ring, much to the chagrin of both champion and challenger. Anglesault shakes Gene Okerlund's hand before taking the mic from him, and now the man who signs the checks has an open forum.

 

ANGLESAULT

Listen girls...

 

The crowd pops, laughing at Anglesault's unoriginal, yet humorous statement. Landon pounds the table and waves a finger in his face, while PRL shouts at Anglesault, both accusing him of stealing their spotlight.

 

ANGLESAULT

Before we delve further into HeldDOWN~! becoming an episode of Laugh-In, I've got a serious matter I'd like to address, that being the main event of this August's pay per view spectacular, AngleSlam.

 

Landon and PRL perk up, wondering exactly what's so serious about their title match.

 

ANGLESAULT

See guys, I have no problem with the two of you main eventing AngleSlam. Landon Maddix, you were able to cash in on your guaranteed title shot and walk away as the OAOAST World Champion just a few weeks ago, right here on HeldDOWN~! Now, I know that you, PRL, take issue with what went down that night, and have claimed YOUR title shot, asking that it be at AngleSlam to be held in New York City.

 

Both men agree with what Anglesault has to say so far...

 

ANGLESAULT

BUT...

 

...there's the word they feared.

 

ANGLESAULT

It was brought to my attention that there is someone else on the OAOAST roster deserving of a title shot. Now, I very well couldn't pull Tha Puerto Rican out of the match that he earned, but I know what's fair, and I know a big business opportunity when I see it. After consulting with my advisors, namely Bill Watts and the other two that I've dubbed the "Three Wise Men", we came to a conclusion. That on August 26th, at AngleSlam, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix WILL defend his OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship against Tha Puerto Rican...

 

MADDIX

We KNOOOOOOOW! Could we skip the dramatics and cut to the chase...what's the deal here? Winner takes on whoever you have lined up? Or are you gonna throw one of us to the lions while we're preparing for the match?

 

ANGLESAULT

Neither, Mr. Maddix. Instead, as of RIGHT NOW, I am ruling that the main event at AngleSlam become a THREE WAY DANCE FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!

 

The crowd roars, and Tha Puerto Rican can't believe he's not getting his one on one shot, protesting the call. Meanwhile, Maddix is having a shitfit, stomping and pouting because now he's got to worry about not one, but two opponents...

 

...and that's when "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and nearly blows the roof off the place!

 

ANGLESAULT

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, introducing the #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Title, getting his right as former champion to challenge at AngleSlam...ZAAAAAAAACK MALIBU!

 

Malibu, in street clothes, comes out and powerwalks to the ring, while Maddix is flipping out. Putting his title belt on the table, he accosts Anglesault, pushing the company namesake into a corner and grabbing him by the collar...until Malibu slides into the ring, takes Landon by the scruff of the neck, and hurls him over the ropes to the floor!

 

COLE

Landon Maddix making a rough exit from the ring!

 

Malibu turns around, and now he's face to face with Tha Puerto Rican, who is not too happy with Malibu sticking his nose into his business, ruining his one on one matchup with the man who screwed him out of using his Golden Contact on Zack Malibu. It's a tense moment for the two men, until Zack walks by him, takes the contract, flips to the last page, and signs. Malibu then takes the contract and jams it into PRL's chest, letting him know that the past crimes of The Lightning Crew against him have not been forgotten. Tha Puerto Rican, giving Malibu the evil eye, puts the contract on the table and signs it as well, officially making both men challengers for Landon Maddix at Angleslam, much to the chagrin of the brash superstar.

 

COLE

Can you believe this turn of events!? Zack Malibu, who lost the title due to Landon Maddix taking advantage of his weakened state, is using his rematch clause to disrupt the encounter between Tha Puerto Rican and Landon Maddix!

 

COACH

This is BIG, Cole. This is bigger than your sister big!

 

COLE

I don't HAVE a sister, Coach.

 

COACH

Damn it...I knew I shoulda went with a "your momma" joke there.

 

Maddix hops up on the apron, dangling the World Title at both PRL and Zack. Malibu steps towards him, and Landon hops off the railing. Throwing the belt over his shoulder, he points at both Tha Puerto Rican and Malibu, promising them that they're just going to be notches in his belt, as he backs away. Malibu and PRL's eyes follow Maddix as he stands in the aisle and raises the World Title belt up to boos, while Anglesault claims the signed contract in the background.

 

COLE

Landon Maddix is our World Champion, but he may be living on borrowed time, because he has to deal with not one, but TWO challengers with personal vendettas against him! Nevermind the summer heat...at Angleslam I think we're guaranteed a MELTDOWN in our main event!

 

FADE OUT.