King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted July 28, 2007 As we return to the airwaves, Sofa Central has a special guest. The CEO of The Enterprise himself, Theodore Moneymaker, takes his place on the sofa, not before being thoroughly brown-nosed by Coach of course who shakes the wealthy socialite's hand eagerly. COACH (sharply) C'mon Mikey, stand up! Show some respect COLE Settle down Coach. I would have thought you'd be used to Mister Moneymaker joining us out here by now. It seems like he's out here every other week nowadays and here you are acting like The Pope just sat next to you or something. MONEYMAKER The Pope? HA! Michael Cole, there's yet another example of a man who merely wishes he had the power and respect of yours truly. Sure, the Catholic community's support is unwavering, but prayers and spiritual elightenment will only obtain a fraction of what my wealth can! Let's face facts, there's been dozens of Popes and there'll be dozens more. However, there is and only ever shall be simply one Billion Dollar Heir! BWAHAHA! COLE Fantastic. So, may I ask why you're out here tonight? MONEYMAKER First of all little man, my business is just that. Second of all, it's Mister Moneymaker to you. I realise you actually remembered to give me that courtesy tonight, but I'm going to remind you just for the hell of it. Besides, I'm out here to watch my fellow Enterprise members. COLE Well, seeing as you're out here, there's plenty to talk about regarding The Enterprise that hopefully you can fill us in on. While Moneymaker has been making himself comfortable, the stage-hands have rolled out the red carpet ready for "Call Me" by Blondie to hit. The crowd greet the 80's kinda rock, kinda pop, I dunno, it's in some sort of genre song with the disdain it deserves. Nothing against Blondie. It's just Ned and Simon are asses. "Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime CALL ME! (call me)" With a distinct lack of Mackenzie DeCenzo at their side, The Beverly Hills Blonds are instead followed out by their third man, CPA. Simon carries his Siclopse over his shoulder as Ned hangs back a little, clearly taking with a couple of pretty females in the audience. Must be tourists. OH! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Championships!! On their way to the ring at this time, representing THE ENTERPRISE, are the reigning and defending Champions! At a total combined weight of seven hundred, twenty five pounds. CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN, otherwise known as C-P-A... and, SIMON SINGLETON, NED BLANCHARD, they are... THE BEVERLY HILLS... BBLLLLLLOOOOOONNDDSSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The Six Man Tag Team Champions, who will be defending their belts here, live from London, England. And I for one would say it's about time. COACH What's that supposed to mean? COLE Well... have these three even defended the belts on OAOAST television since winning them? Not that I recall. It seems like they've been ducking every challenge they've had, up until now, as the OAOAST committee have finally stepped in... MONEYMAKER Excuse me, but let me cut you off right there little man. My men are proud champions, who've been defending their titles whenever they deem fit within the mandatory 30 day period at live events and the such. And they certainly haven't 'ducked' any challenges... COLE What about Krista and D*LUX at The Great Angle Bash? MONEYMAKER That was a line-up change neccessitated by unforseen, outside factors. With the Siclopse set up in the aisleway, Singleton rolls into the ring and immediately rolls cameras to one side of the audience. And after capturing nothing but a sea of downward-pointing thumbs and upward-pointing middle fingers on his imaginary camera, he turns to where Ned gives his man a thumbs up from the corner as if for a souvenir photo. But of course IT'S NOT A REAL CAMERA, just a hand-signal. Yeesh. Meanwhile, the red carpet clears and "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 begins to play. A much more responsive London crowd rise to their feet, showing that boyband fever isn't entirely dead in Blighty! BUFFER And, introducing the challengers... Bounding out onto the stage, Tyler Bryant and Shayne Brave earn themselves bonus points with the fans for their Union Jack design denim jeans and jackets! Tyler looks out upon the fans, Shayne firing the people up before they both begin their walk to the ring. BUFFER First, total combined weight, three hundred eighty two pounds... "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT... they are D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXX!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" "Give me something to believe in Cause I don’t believe in you anymore Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to try (Yeah) So this is goodbye" The boybanders break out a few of their funky fresh moves in between slapping the hands of the fans. They stop short of entering the ring just yet though. Partly for the numbers dis-advantage. Mainly because CPA is stood by the ropes on their side shooting them a death-glare, Ned and Simon pulling faces from behind their powerhouse of a partner's back. COLE D*LUX and The Beverly Hills Blonds have a long and storied history, made all the more heated since Jade Rodez joined up with The Enterprise. By the way, what is up with the match we're going to see later, Bra and Panties for the World Tag Team Championships!? MONEYMAKER Michael, you sound appalled at the prospect. Which is hardly surprising. But, the match is a test of faith for a certain Ms. DeCenzo. COLE But, it seemed like Jade was less than thri... MONEYMAKER Jade had her reservations, yes. After all, she is a refined young woman now, since I rescued her from the bulldyke claws of Chicks Over Dicks. However, she realises the opportunity put forward to her and I have assured her she'll come out of it with her head held high. Unlike those harlets you currently call 'Champions', who I'm sure will have their heads buried deeply within each other's cro... COLE Okay, I think we get that visual, thanks. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" The crowd have taken up the chant in the delay, Blanchard's attempts to make them 'pipe down' having no effect. Only one thing could. :CUE: Trust Company, "Rock The Casbah":. The crowd cease the chants and on cue they erupt, as out storms LEON RODEZ!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" BUFFER And, from Grand Rapids Michigan... weighing in at two hundred, eighteen pounds... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! Hand-tagging his way down the aisle, Leon meets up with his tag team partners in the aisle and is faced with the same prospects they were. CPA, standing and waiting. That doesn't seem to deter Rodez though as he quickly skins off his robe and breaks for the ring, sliding through the unprepared CPA's legs and making a beeline right for Ned Blanchard!! Blanchard just about gets out of dodge, but Singleton's attempt at a cheapshot makes him the new object of Leon's anger. And as CPA tries to get across and help out, D*LUX pounce from behind, all hell breaking loose as referee Mike Chioda waves frantically for the bell! *DINGDINGDING!* With right hand after right hand, Leon backs Simon up into a corner and shows no signs of let-up. Behind him, D*LUX have CPA stunned and connect with a Double Dropkick. CPA stays on his feet though, so D*LUX quickly remove their jackets and hit the ropes. Double clothesline attempt from the bigman is ducked on both sides and Shayne and Tyler come off the opposite ropes, stereo flying forearms putting CPA down! MONEYMAKER Come on referee, get some control! Out rolls Allen, D*LUX following as a team. Meanwhile, Leon has scaled the middle turnbuckle and has The Video Voyeur trapped... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SE..." No! The chain stops at six, thanks to a Ned Blanchard double axehandle! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MONEYMAKER There we go Ned, there we go! Pulling Leon down off the ropes, Blanchard lands with a right hand of his own. And another. Leon is backed up against Simon now as Ned attempts an irish whip. Reversal by Rodez though, sending Ned corner to corner and hard into the turnbuckles on the far side. Simon sees this as his opportunity to pounce. But Leon is ready for him, as he elbows him in the face and sends Simon for the ride too. Horror-stricken at the sight of his partner careening towards him Ned throws his hands up and screams for his partner to "STOOOPP!", as if that would do any good, the fans erupting for a BHB pile-up in the corner! Simon and Ned clock heads and Singleton collapses backwards. Suddenly, every fan on one side of the ring is blowing and hand-waving, trying with all their might to make Ned fall too. They needn't worry, as sure enough the woozy Blanchard flair-flops out of the corner... COLE Mister Moneymaker, remember what you said about COD earlier? Well... "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...HEAD-FIRST INTO HIS PARTNER'S CROTCH!! SINGLETON :O Much to The Blonds embarrassment, Ned doesn't seem to be moving. His face buried deep in another man's crotch, the crowd laugh it up at Blanchard's expense as Singleton tries to unwrap his numbing legs from around his partner's head. MONEYMAKER NO, NO! This is hideous! Somebody get in there and seperate them, for the love of all that's holy, this is making a mockery of the entire concept of heterosexuality! Watching on with some amusement, Leon turns to the fans and shrugs his shoulders, as if to say he didn't know that would happen. Apparantly, he also didn't know he'd get clubbed from behind by CPA seconds later, sent spilling through the ropes and to the floor! Finally, on Theodore Moneymaker's protestations on the outside, CPA untangles The Beverly Hills Blonds from their 'predicament'. From behind comes Tyler Bryant now though, clubbing CPA from behind. Not with the strength CPA himself used on Leon moments earlier of course, but enough to get his attention. A succession of right hands back CPA in the corner. Tyler then looks to whip the bigman out. CPA is going nowhere though and boots Tyler in the gut, grabbing the head and ramming Tyler face-first into the turnbuckles! COLE Remember, this is all a preview of the big 5 on 5 grudge match at AngleSlam, The Enterprise facing Leon, D*LUX and of course Chicks Over Dicks! COACH I hope that last bit was a preview of the bra and panties match later. Mmm. MONEYMAKER *glares* COACH Uh... I mean, uh... death to lesbians! Yeah! [i]Except for the pretty ones. Holla.[/i] After choking Tyler in the corner up to a 4 count, CPA pulls his opponent into the centre of the ring. Scoop and a slam positions The Tremendous One, as Allen comes off the ropes with a big elbow... NOBODY HOME! Tyler dodging out of the way! CPA climbs back up nursing his right arm as Shayne Brave rolls back in, D*LUX combining with a double drop toehold. Hitting the mat hard face-first, Allen pushes right back up onto his knees... ...as D*LUX fire off basement dropkicks in stereo, sandwiching CPA's head in between! COLE New Kicks On The Block! Cover by Tyler, as legal a man as this match has so far... 1... 2... No! Together, D*LUX pull CPA back up and send him off into the ropes. The tag-team specialists then look for a Double Hiptoss... but CPA sets himself and not even Shayne and Tyler combined can take him over. They try again from standing, but CPA won't budge. So they go to the gut with knees and instead drop him with a Double Bulldog! MONEYMAKER Now this is just getting ridiculous. Two on one, still! The OAOAST committee and I will be having words about the signing of officials to Enterprise matches in the future, that's for sure! COLE To be fair, I don't see the Champions making an atte... HEY! Over at Sofa Central, a pale-white Ned Blanchard grabs a jug of water and proceeds to tip the entire contents over his face. Meanwhile, D*LUX are still full of peppy, boyband energy. Spotting Simon Singleton limping around ringside, Tyler and Shayne quickly converse and set themselves up. Off the ropes comes "Showtime" Shayne, Tyler ducking his head and backdropping his opponent over the top, RIGHT ONTO THE VIDEO VOYEUR!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" And on the other side, Tyler lines up Ned Blanchard CONNECTING WITH A PESCADO!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE D*LUX, taking to the air! Back in the ring, Rodez measures CPA, encouraging him to get back to his feet. Slowly Allen does, looking around for one of what were his last opponents before he got dropped on his face, D*LUX. Instead it's Leon thatn darts past him, coming off the ropes for a crossbody... ...CAUGHT! CPA carries Rodez like a small child into the centre of the ring, before twisting him around with a big Powerslam. Unlike a small child. That's just wrong. COLE What a Powerslam from the 280 pounder! That could do it right there. 1... 2... Shoulder up. With D*LUX and The Beverly Hills Blonds now battling on the outside, CPA backs into a corner and sets himself on the second rope. COLE This is something we don't usually see, the bigman leaving his feet. CPA steadies himself on the ropes... but takes too much time, allowing Rodez to run in and take him right off the buckle with an Armdrag!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" COLE And maybe we shouldn't see it again in the future if that's anything to go by! Leaving the ring, it's Leon's turn to head up the ropes now. He goes all the way up to the top however, waiting for CPA to turn around before soaring and wiping out The Director Of Security with crossbody block Ricky Steamboat himself would be proud of... 1... 2... NO! Pushed off the cover and to his feet, Rodez immediately runs the ropes. Staying low, CPA forces Rodez up and over and winds up with a big haymaker to greet him on his return from the opposite side. However, Leon is able to slide through the legs and quickly connect with a Dropkick before CPA can figure out what happened! Out of the ring goes Allen, leaving Rodez to prepare for a dive of his own! But before he can follow through on his promise of highspots to the London crowd, Ned Blanchard pounces from behind! COLE Blanchard, taking care of Tyler Bryant out here and yet another sneak attack. Blanchard seems to have a real knack of taking Rodez from behind. MONEYMAKER If only. COLE What? MONEYMAKER What? I didn't hear anything. After some blows to the back, Ned wheels Leon around, whipping him to the ropes. A clothesline misses though. And with Blanchard knocked off balance by his wild swing, forward tumbles Leon, knocking Ned down with the SHACK ATTACK!! RODEZ COME ON YOU SUNNUVA BITCH!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Oh no, this ain't good. COLE Oh boy, has Leon been waiting for this or what!? Ned rolls to his knees and despairingly begs off from the fired up New-Age Love Machine. Quickly, having landed with an undetected lowblow on Shayne Brave, Simon Singleton rushes in for the rescue. Rodez catches him coming in with a boot. But fighting off two men proves unwise and eventually The Blonds beat Leon down with forearms. MONEYMAKER You know, perhaps Leon should go back to his cute little 'nicest man in the OAOAST' phase. Because when you try and take on an Enterprise, you cant just focus on one section, one department. You're fighting an entire Enterprise and you have to realise, it's not person, it's strictly business. Together, the three-time OAOAST Tag Champions send the neutralised Rodez into the ropes. Drop toehold from Simon, the point of the elbow from Ned, patented Beverly Hills Blonds/NNMX, perhaps enough as Singleton makes a cover... 1... 2... No! Not enough! Spotting danger out of the corner of his eye, Ned quickly bumps Tyler Bryant off the apron. Meanwhile, Singleton has Rodez backed into a corner and pins him back with a blatant choke. Once Ned is ready he then whips Leon out, right into a heavy-duty clothesline that takes him right off his feet! High-five from The Blonds, the British crowd getting on their case as Simon mockingly 'rolls cameras'. COLE Okay, another question, Mister Moneymaker. Why are The Beverly Hills Blonds, or any Enterprise members for that matter, not entered into the Scramble Cage Match on August 2nd to unify the Tag Titles? MONEYMAKER Because, quite simply, there will be no 'Scramble Cage' once Mackenzie and Jade become OAOAST Tag Team Champions. They will decide what fate best serves the belts and we will work out a settlement with the HI-YAH Champions. Problem solved. The arrogant Blonds clearly think they have Rodez where they want him as they look for a double irish-whip and the Double Feature Flapjack. The first part of which is no problem. But as they duck their heads for the flapjacks, Leon manages to put on the brakes, kicking Singleton in the shoulder blade! Leon then looks to boot Ned too. However, Ned catches the foot and feeds his jaw, just daring the compromised Rodez to hit him. To his credit, Leon tries just that with an Enziguri. Only for Ned to duck... *SMACK!* ...leaving SINGLETON to take the kick!! BLANCHARD Aw, shit! Ned reels around, right into an Inverted Atomic Drop! Nursing his pride and joy, Ned leaves himself wide open, as Rodez connects with a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... ...and getting cut off with a quick kick. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Smirking away to himself, Ned taps his temple to show how smart he is as he executes an irish whip. A one-handed irish whip isn't the wisest idea though. And sure enough, Leon stops at arm's length, swats the hand away... *SMACK!* ...and belatedly nails Blanchard upside the head with the enziguri! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Blanchard has enough about him to keep on rolling as he hits the mat, all the way out of the ring to prevent being pinned. So Rodez takes back over on Singleton, hauling him up and whipping him into a corner. Simon hits hard and begins to stagger out, only for Leon to crush him right back into the buckles with some Double Knees! And from there he hangs on, riding Simon all the way down and bringing him into an Inverted Lungblower! Clearly winded, Singleton uses the turnbuckles behind him to pull himself up and little else besides. Rather than follow up though, Rodez is forced to get out of the way, as CPA comes charging in... ...AND COLLIDES WITH SINGLETON, AVALANCHING HIM IN THE CORNER!! COACH Oh come on, not again! Why is this referee allowing this? COLE What, allowing two Enterprise members in the ring against one opponent? MONEYMAKER Yes! After a brief moment of shock at crushing his own partner, CPA re-sets his focus on Rodez. Even more angry than before he charges at The Silky Smooth One looking to make good on his attack this time. But Leon is quick enough to dive out of the way and CPA instead runs INTO A DOUBLE SUPERKICK FROM D*LUX!! The bigman rocks backwards, schoolboyed by Leon... 1... D*LUX guard off on the save... 2... NO, TWO!! COLE Wow, we almost had new 6-Man Tag Team Champions right there! As CPA starts to get back up, Leon quickly turns to his partners and gives them some quick directions. The trio of challengers then wait for CPA to turn around, luring him in... and connecting with not one, not two but THREE stereo Superkicks to the head area!! COLE Triple Superkick this time, that oughta do it! CPA topples like a big redwood and quick as a flash, Leon, Tyler and Shayne all pile on top of The Director Of Security... MONEYMAKER What the hell is this!? 1... 2... SAVE BY SINGLETON!! COACH Why the hell did the referee even count that!? There were three guys making the pin... [i]three[/i]! That's like... two more than there should be! MONEYMAKER You know, it's clear this referee needs a reminder of the rules. And if no-one else is willing to deliver it, I guess it's down to me. Moneymaker removes his headset and makes for the ring, while D*LUX take it to Simon Singleton. A couple of boots double The Video Voyeur up and D*LUX run the ropes... but get simultaneously low-bridged by Ned Blanchard, taking hard spills to the arena floor! COLE Oh! D*LUX down and... and now, Moneymaker is up on the apron! Referee Chioda rushes over to the CEO of The Enterprise, pointing him back down the arena floor. Moneymaker doesn't so much plead his case as rip into the referee for his officiating so far, providing a distraction as CPA lands with a hard closed fist on Rodez, the former professional boxer dropping him clean. Still the referee is distracted as CPA begins to haul the dazed Rodez up, Singleton's eyes now turning to the entrance way as CHRISTIAN WRIGHT comes charging out from the back!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh come on, it's a set-up! It's a damn set-up! COACH Just like Mister Moneymaker said, when you fight an enterprise, you fight the [i]entire[/i] Enterprise! Sliding his prized briefcase into the ring, Wright skulks back off just as soon as he arrived. With a satisfied smile on his face, he watches on as Singleton grabs the briefcase, CPA holding Leon upright. Singleton winds up like Sammy Sosa himself, checking for sure the referee is still pre-occupied before swinging for the fences... *THUD!* "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ...AND KO'ING CPA AS RODEZ DROPS LOW JUST IN TIME!!! COACH NO! MISTER MONEYMAKER! SIR! CPA collapses, leaving Singleton with his head in his hands! The London crowd quickly encourage Leon to get the briefcase. But not willing to stoop to those lengths, Rodez instead waits for Simon to turn around and hoists him into a piggyback, cradling the head and SPIKING him with the Stunner! BANANA HAMMOCK! COLE This one's gonna be over! But damnit, Moneymaker is STILL on the apron!! COACH So? He can do whatever he wants, he's rich! COLE Please, he's no Lindsay Lohan. Smart enough to see a cover is pointless, Rodez gets straight back up and begins to make a move towards Moneymaker and the referee. But his path is suddenly blocked by Ned Blanchard, who sneaks back into the ring and lifts Rodez up. Caught completely by surprise, Leon is completely helpless as Ned then drops him back across the top-rope with the STUN GUN!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Right across the top ring-rope throat first! And the referee didn't see a thing! Sneaking around like a thief in the night, Ned grabs his KOed tag team partner by the hand and drops him across the chest of The Silky Smooth One. Blanchard then waves Moneymaker down and slides out of the ring, keeping Tyler Bryant at bay as the referee notices the 'cover'... 1... COLE Not like this! 2... 3!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Ah, what a crock of... BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... and STILL OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN, CPA... and THE BEVERLY HIIIIIIIILLLSS BBLLLLLOOOONNDDSSSSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Grabbing the belts, Moneymaker glides past D*LUX on the floor, Blanchard landing one last punch on Tyler before escaping with the boss. The duo collect Singleton as well before they make for the exits, no time apparently to drag the unconscious CPA with them unfortunately. Christian Wright joins his co-horts in the aisle and the four Enterprise members get themselves to a safe distance, Ned and Simon clutching the three 6-Man belts over their chests as they lie in the aisle, Moneymaker laughing away to the booing London fans. COLE The number advantage, yet again. And of course, these five are proud of themselves. The Enterprise steal another one at the expense of D*LUX and yet another of Leon Rodez, who had [i]this[/i] match won just like he had his match at The Bash won! Finally coming to, CPA rolls out of the ring and is waved over by his Enterprise buddies. Shayne Brave manages to roll into the ring and checks on Rodez, who has sat up holding his throat. Both glare out into the entrance way, as CPA is re-united with his team-mates and his belt and Moneymaker revels in the victory. MONEYMAKER :D Yeah. Like that. COLE Well, thankfully, there'll be no numbers advantage at AngleSlam. It'll be 5 on 5, all in! COACH What about Mackenzie? And Jade? And... that intern chick? COLE Molly Nerdly? COACH That her name, is it? COLE Well, I'm afraid you might be right. I think AngleSlam is going to be the closest we're going to get to an even match between The Enterprise and anyone. But, after this display, I'm worried about the future of the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles. What are we going to see later on tonight here in London, England? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
