HD: Opening promo + Match

[King Cucaracha 0]

[b][color="#000000"]THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY[/color]
[/b]

[b][color="#808080"][font="Microsoft Sans Serif"]PRESENTED IN HD[/font][/color][/b]

“YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” 

...we are suddenly LIVE in Seattle, Washington! We couldn't afford Safeco Field you understand. And there's no time to waste, no fancy videos, no highly debated theme music, no Sofa Central banter. Instead we go straight inside a rockin’ Key Arena and Michael Cole on the INTERVIEW STAGE. 

COLE
Good evening and welcome to Thursday night’s most watched television program, HeldDOWN~! And at this time I’d like to introduce to you, accompanied by their Chief Financial Officer MACKENZIE DECENZO and JADE RODEZ, the reigning OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions…the BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS and CPA…and the newly crowned One & Only World Tag Team Champions…THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT… THE ENTERPRISE!!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

"You break the laws
You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all
Come on come on, lovin' for the money
Come on come on, listen to the Money talk
Come on come on, lovin' for the money
Come on come on, listen to the Money talk
Money talks"

Theodore Moneymaker relishes the hostile reception, laughing manically, arms high up to his sides, as he leads The Enterprise to the podium. Tagging along is MOLLY NERDLY, Simon Singleton’s recently acquired [s]flunky[/s] intern. She watches intently, jotting down notes as the “Video Voyeur” records on his 'Siclopse' camera.

COACH
Yo, vendor guy! Yeah, can a brother get a chili-dog here or what? I've been waving atcha for like ten minu... huh? What do you mean I'm on? ...Oh. Hey ya'll in TV land. Coach here. Heh.

CPA stands imposingly in the background, while the rest of the gang surround Moneymaker on the interview stage.

COLE
Mr. Moneymaker, congratulations are in order for your and Christian Wright’s victory last week, in the process becoming the first ever One & Only World Tag Team Champions. That coming off the heels of the Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA’s successfully defending the World 6-Man Tag Titles…

SIMON/NED
:D :D

COLE
…against Leon Rodez and D*LUX a couple weeks ago on Syndicated. However, both victories came with their fair share of controversy. I’m speaking of your involvement in the 6-Man Title match that ultimately led to the Blonds and CPA retaining and also the matter in which you and Mr. Wright went about capturing the One & Only World Tag Team Championship last week.

MONEYMAKER
Nobody cares how you win, just who won, little man. But it’s only apropos, being that we’re in the Pacific Northwest where rain is seemingly an every day part of life, you and the 9-5ers of the world are drowning in your own sorrow now that my Enterprise has added the One & Only World Tag Team Championship to our portfolio! Given the amount of gold we’re carrying, you’d think we just robbed Fort Knox. Luckily for the federal government, we’re upstanding citizens and proud Americans unlike those Chicks Over Dicks, who everybody knows wouldn’t think twice about going through with such a stunt to strike at the heart of capitalism. As far as I’m concerned, they’ve already committed one act of domestic terrorism the night they cost Mr. Wright and myself the World Tag Team Championship. Don’t remember? I figured you wouldn’t, so allow me to refresh your memory by taking you back in time to the start of the New Year -- the New Year’s Spectacular to be exact. The titles are on the line in a Tag Team Turmoil match. Because “money talks, bullshit walks”…heh heh heh…CW and I happen to draw the last spot in the bout. Pretty good deal, right? It got even better when the previous two combats eliminated themselves via double count-out, making us the new World tag team champions by default. Then in a deed that ranks up there with Pearl Harbor and 9/11...

COLE
:O

MONEYMAKER
…COD return out of the blue and surprised us for the 1-2-3. HAHAHA! What goes around comes around, little girls. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, people are screaming bloody murder. Just the other day my office received an e-mail linking to an online petition asking the Board of Directors to overturn our win. Let me tell all you lowly cellar dwellers out there, crying over spilled milk isn’t going to wipe the wet spot off the floor, losers. Maybe it’ll finally open up your eyes and make you realize never to bet against the Billion Dollar Heir. I’ll pay any price and use anything, or anyone… (glances at Mackie)

MACKENZIE
:wub:

MONEYMAKER
…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…to get what I want. 

Applauding, Ned steps into centre stage. After all, it's been five minutes and people have stopped looking at him, which is bugging him no end.

BLANCHARD
It’s been said behind every great man is an equally great woman. But that isn't always the case. Just look at Krista. That was a situation where there was a great man behind a woman, which produced a baby girl. Well, actually... I guess I didn't produce the baby girl while I was [i]behind[/i] her, per-se. Although, we did this one thing where... my point is, the Enterprise is fortunate to have TWO great women, [i]real women[/i] in Mackenzie DeCenzo and Jade Rodez. They put their... (looking at Jade) bodies... on the line, in more ways than one to ensure COD was less than 100% going into the Scramble Cage match. And for that, we were all very gratified.

Simon slaps Ned on the shoulder.

BLANCHARD
Uh, [i]grateful[/i]. Yes.

WRIGHT
Indeed. Because of the efforts of our graceful confidantes, unsuccessful though they may have inevitably concluded, the debauchery that infested the tag team division under COD’s reign of tyranny has been mercifully cleansed. Ultimately, the pride and integrity of these championship trophies have been restored.

SINGLETON
(filming himself speak at same time)
Yeah, now parents finally have role models their children can hopelessly fail to emulate. But don’t feel too bad kids, there aren’t many people in the world who can follow in our footsteps.

BLANCHARD
Better to shoot for the stars than the arm with heroin.

SINGLETON
That’s deep, man.

BLANCHARD
I’m a father. I have a vested interest in the youth of America. 18-25 year old females!

The Blonds high-five and goof around with a non-respondent CPA. Meanwhile, Theodore picks up where CW left off.

MONEYMAKER
As a token of our appreciation, ladies… 

With the snap of his fingers, stage hands bring out a pair of GIFT BOXES (one large and one regular sized). Mackenzie is slightly disappointed to receive the smaller of the two, but knowing Teddy spares no expense she eagerly unwraps the present. Her jaw drops as she pulls out a MINK FUR COAT and puts it on.

MONEYMAKER
There you go, sugar. None of that faux fur others in the OAOAST run around with. It’s the real deal, baby. You deserve it for all the work you’ve done. Go ahead Jade. Open yours up. 

BLANCHARD
That's a hard one for me to pass up, but yeah, open it Jade. I picked this out myself.

JADE
:unsure:

That look says it all, but Jade goes ahead and opens the box anyway. Inside...

JADE
:rolleyes:

MACKIE
:lol:

…a giant FRAME PHOTO OF NED SUNBATHING IN HIS SPEEDOS!?!

BLANCHARD
Do you like it? I chose it myself. If you think that’s hot and it totally is, then what you’re about to see is going to blow the mercury through the thermometer! Ned Blanchard in action. Well, really the Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA. By popular demand we're going to put our belts up in the most anticipated sequel in history. Bigger than every blockbuster in Hollywood combined!

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
CALL ME! (call me)

The Blonds, Mackie and Jade head to the ring under the security protection of CPA. 

COLE
Oh, my! You’re telling me the Blonds and CPA are going to face Leon Rodez and D*LUX in a rematch for the 6-man tag team championship?

MONEYMAKER
Like Ned said, little man, it’s by popular demand. But it won’t be the only tag title one the line this evening. Because I’m in such a good mood, you’ll also have the privilege of seeing the new One & Only World Tag Team champions in their first title defense! So what we’re going to do right now, Cole, is take a quick break to allow the nickel-and-dimers of the world -- and there’s plenty of them, just look at all the poverty out there in the stands -- to get on the phone and call their friends because they’re not going to want and miss this, the most anticpated sequel in history. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

COLE
You heard it, fans. Don’t you dare go away. The 6-Man Titles are on the line next! 

* COMMERCIAL *

[King Cucaracha 0]

As we return to HeldDOWN~!, a wide shot of the ring captures the 6-Man Tag Team Champions as they continue to warm up for their big title defence. Mackenzie, Molly and Jade all watch on from the outside as meanwhile, Theodore Moneymaker has joined the announce team at Sofa Central. Christian Wright is there too but thankfully for those of us without Harvard degrees (raises hand), he doesn't have a headset.


BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest one fall with a 30 minute time limit and it is for the OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Championships! In the ring, the reigning OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions. Representing THE ENTERPRISE, the team of NED BLANCHARD and SIMON SINGLETON, THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS... and, their partner, CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN, C... P... A!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

BUFFER
And, the opponents...

It's at this point that Ned Blanchard steps forward and hands Michael Buffer a cuecard. The world's most famous announcer looks confused, as sound the crowd as some generic Latin music begins to play. And instead of the venegeful challengers we had expected, through the sliding doors walk three masked man in full bodysuits. One in blue, one in red and the final one in bright green.

COLE
What the...

BUFFER
Hailing from The Priory rehab clinic in Hollywood, U.S.A... total combined weight, 'medically insufficient'... please welcome, LOS NINOS ANOREXICO!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The gracious champs applaud their challengers as they walk slowly to the ring.

COLE
What is this!? Theodore Moneymaker, you said this would be a rematch for the World 6-Man Tag Titles! With all due respect to Los Ninos Anorexico, a trio of talent currently competing in our developmental territory, they are no Leon Rodez and D*LUX. 

MONEYMAKER
Who ever said they would be? You’re the one who jumped to conclusions, Cole. The Enterprise promised a return bout and we delivered. From the OAOVW's Summer Blast event, Los Ninos Anorexico vs. The Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA. Rodez and D*LUX had their opportunity and blew it, just like COD did last week. It’s time new blood got a crack at both the 6-Man and One & Only Tag Titles. 

COLE
So what you're saying is, and correct me if I'm wrong here, you're DUCKING not just Leon Rodez and D*LUX but COD as well? 

MONEYMAKER
Michael Cole, you're one phone call to the president of TSM from being replaced on HeldDOWN~!

Los Ninos Anerexico enter the ring and warmly shake hands with the welcoming Beverly Hills Blonds. Simon seems a little surprised at the firmness of the handshake he gets from Red Nino, pointing out his opponent doesn't look that 'anorexico' but Ned brushes off his concerns, telling him it's "just a gimmick, dummy". In the background, CPA just cracks his knuckles.

COLE
At least somebody is taking this seriously.

After a consultation, it's Green Nino to start up against Ned Blanchard.


*DINGDINGDING!*

Drawing his challenger in, Ned stops short of a lock-up... to offer his opponent another handshake. He accepts before they circle again, with Ned this time looking up with the Green Nino. A brief tussle ensues before Ned throws Green Nino down, turning to his corner and 'catching his breath' as he warns his partners about how much of a challenge that just was.

MONEYMAKER
Great strength from Ned! Don't just the book by it's cover gentlemen, these three challengers are truly [i]hungry[/i] competitors.

Once he's worked out the kinks from that last exchange, Ned locks up with Green Nino again. Ned grabs a side headlock this time, takes Green Nino over and tries to pin his opponent down. Green Nino reaches his legs up and grabs a headscissors to free himself, only for Ned to escape with a lazy kip-up. The not-so athletic move doesn't impress the crowd, who boo Blanchard as he STRUTS over to his corner. Tag is made to Simon, who leaps into the ring, ready to lock it up with the Blue Nino.

MONEYMAKER
The kid in the blue doesn't look too eager to go toe to toe with Simon Singleton guys. This is a big opportunity for these kids. Infact, they were so nervous about this high profile match, I actually caught them throwing up in the bathroom earlier! BWAHAHA!

COACH
HAHA! Brilliant Mr. Moneymaker, brilliant! See, because they're Los Ninos Anorexi...

COLE
I got it, yes.

Simon and Blue Nino draw into a greco-roman knucklelock and pull each other chest to chest for a test of strength. The two men are actually pretty evenly matched in height but Singleton has the power edge as he begins to lean Blue Nino backwards. Blue Nino shows great neck strength as he bridges to keep his shoulder off the canvas. However, he gets pulled back upright by Simon, who swings behind into a hammerlock. Reaching around for an escape, Blue Nino eventually settles for taking Simon's leg out with a drop toehold. He floats over into a side headlock, but Singleton climbs up quickly to his feet, executing a back suplex on the Anorexico!

COLE
Well, the challengers look fundamentally sound at least. But they're in there with multi-tag team champions.

Cover by Simon...


1...





2...





No!

Bringing Blue Nino up, Simon hooks up his challenger for a suplex. And with Molly Nerdly catches all this intently on the Siclopse he takes Blue Nino up, leaving him hanging for a second to give his intern extra time to find the right camera angle before he drops him. Floatover, cover...


1...





2...





No!

Blue Nino sits up in search of his corner. He gets trapped in a rear chinlock though.

MONEYMAKER
Look at this. Great wrestling, great competition, great sportsmanship. This is the kind of match The Enterprise should be involved in, which we're simply unable to while dealing with miscreants like Leon Rodez and Chicks Over Dicks.

Such is his comfort in this hold, Singleton is able to relay directorial input to Molly while he grinds away on the chinlock. Blue Nino begins to fight though. And suddenly he bridges up, grabbing the Blond locks of Singleton and sitting out with a Jawbreaker!

COLE
Woah!

Simon staggers around, but still finds time to mark that up as a cut-scene to Molly, even as Blue Nino comes up behind him to execute a bulldog! Quickly, Blue Nino makes a cover...


1...





2...





Kickout!

COLE
Almost an upset right there!

Wringing out the arm of Singleton, Blue Nino tags back in Green Nino. Green Nino heads up top and comes down across the arm with an axehandle before taking over the possession of the arm. Which puts an end to the fair competition in a hurry, Simon going to the gut with a knee and measuring Green Nino for a hard right hand! Green Nino rolls through as in rushes Singleton, looking for a big clothesline. He swings high and wide however as Green Nino zips behind to execute a schoolboy roll-up...


1...





2...





No!

Slowly but surely, the smiling faces of The Enterprise are growing pale. Lucky then that Singleton lands a quick knee to cut of Green Nino's exuberance before any more damage can be done.

COLE
Mister Moneymaker, you've gone awfully quiet.

MONEYMAKER
Dignified silence. Pity you can't follow my lead.

Tagging in, Ned Blanchard quickly takes up a hold on Green Nino, throwing him into a neutral corner. The Handsome Hustler then takes a moment to thank the big man upstairs for making him so great before he follows in... to a raised knee! Stumbling backwards, Blanchard reaches out and just as soon as he came in, out he goes, with CPA tagging in. Green Nino meanwhile tags in the Red Nino as our fresh men enter.

COACH
Business is about to pick up!

Indeed it is.


Not because of CPA you understand.

As the bigman marches across the ring, up to the top rope springboards Red Nino, SOARING with a majestic Crossbody to wipe him out! Red Nino then mounts CPA, peppering him with wild right hands as all around look on in shock!

COACH
Uh, Teddy?

COLE
This Anorexico is no lightweight!

After a couple of exchanged looks, Ned and Simon eventually realise they have to do something and rush into the ring. Simon gets into the fray first, but he leaves it first too, as Red Nino jumps up and guides him up and over the top, to the floor! Lagging behind, Ned gets caught with a boot and thrown outside too. As CPA gets back up, Red Nino then measures him and connects with a jab. And another jab. And another. And another



Hang on. This looks kinda familiar.


'Red Nino' turns to the outside and brings the crowd to their feet, as he blows a kiss towards Theodore Moneymaker. And the CEO of The Enteprise almost collapses off the Sofa as 'Red Nino' connects with the Enziguri on CPA, knocking the bigman down, falling throat-first across the middle rope!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

MONEYMAKER
No... no no no, you... tell me this isn't what I think it is! TELL ME!

The previously disappointed Seattle crowd are now on their feet, as 'Red Nino' pulls off a strangely recognisable JIG~! before hitting the ropes, shooting back and driving the weight into the spine!

COLE
CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES...

As Moneymaker rises from his seat, 'Red Nino' stays sat on CPA's lower back, reaching up and pulling off his mask... TO REVEAL THE SMILING FACE OF LEON RODEZ!!!

"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
...AND CALL THAT BITCH LEON RODEZ!! OH YEAH, WE'VE GOT A SIX-MAN TITLE MATCH ON OUR HANDS NOW!!

MONEYMAKER
NO! This isn't how it's supposed to happen!

Simon Singleton slides back into the ring... making it only halfway before his ankles are caught, SHAYNE BRAVE and TYLER BRYANT pulling him outside and peppering him with blue and green gloves to the face! Meanwhile, off the ropes comes Leon again. This time he lands with a dropkick to the back of CPA, the ring rope he was leant against bouncing him back and towards the centre of the ring. Quickly, Leon barges into the bigman, forcing him out through the ropes and to the floor. He then wheels around to find Ned Blanchard rolled into the ring by D*LUX, looking up and freezing in shock!

COLE
Aw yeah!

Despairing, Ned tries to beg off. But his prayers go unanswered as Leon boots him in the gut, lifting him into the corner and...


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...connecting with a knifedge chop!


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...again!


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...third time!



*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...four!


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...five!


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...six times!


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...SEVEN?!

COLE
Leon Rodez is chopping the hide off of Blanchard's chest! He's been waiting seemingly a lifetime for this!

Weeping, Blanchard pleads for some mercy as Leon finally stops with the chops. He whips Ned out of the corner, waiting for him to nestle in the opposite turnbuckles before rushing after him. Taking off in mid-ring, Leon propels himself towards The Handsome Hustler's gut with the SUPERMAN SPEAR!! He then deadlifts Ned, dropping him by the turnbuckles with a sidewalk slam and heading to the top rope!

MONEYMAKER
Why is this match still going!? This is supposed to be Los Ninos something or other. THESE ARE NOT LOS NINOS SOMETHING OR OTHER DAMNIT!!

Finally taking action on behalf of his corporation, Christian Wright vacates his seat and starts to make a beeline for Leon. However, Leon spots him and reacts quickly to re-adjust on the turnbuckles, taking off AND FLYING OVER THE CROWD OF VALETS IN THE ENTERPRISE'S CORNER TO TAKE OUT CW WITH A CROSSBODY TO THE OUTSIDE!!!!!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Quickly covering for their partner, D*LUX enter the ring, having taken out Singleton with a DOUBLE SUPERKICK! Blanchard is on his way up and D*LUX stalk behind him, waiting as he turns around and meeting him with two boots to the gut. Taking an arm and a leg each, Shayne and Tyler lift The Handsome Hustler up and drop him across the knees with the Double Gutbuster!

COLE
COWELL MOVEMENT!

Down to one knee goes Ned, setting him up for the SHINING ENZIGURI from Tyler!!


*SMACK!*

Blanchard slumps over as Leon re-emerges and heads up top again. Quickly Shayne and Tyler take off in opposite directions. Tyler rushes to knock Singleton off the apron, while Shayne WIPES OUT CPA WITH A SUICIDE DIVE!! All this as Leon sets himself up top for the 450 SPLASH!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
COVER!!


1...







2...








3!!!!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
WE'VE GOT NEW CHAMPIONS!!

COACH
NOOOOO!!

Mouth agape, Moneymaker holds his head in his hands as D*LUX re-unite in the ring and celebrate with a boyband embrace! Leon pushes up to his knees over Blanchard, looking down at The Handsome Hustler and showing off those pearly whites that have been absent from the OAOAST for so long now.

BUFFER
Your winners of the match... and the NEEEWWW OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... LOS NIN... uhm, D*LUX and LLLEEEEEOOOOOONN RRROOOOOOOODDEEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

The 6-Man Titles are handed to the new champions, to the despair of Mackenzie and Molly, the surprise of Jade and the utter outrage of Theodore Moneymaker. D*LUX take their belts and go to their fans to celebrate, while Leon grabs his third of the gold and leans over the ring ropes, dangling it in the eyeline of The Billion Dollar Heir!

MONEYMAKER
This is bull! Absolute bull, we didn't sign for a match with Leon Rodez and D*LUX!

COLE
And Chicks Over Dicks didn't sign up for Scramble Cage expecting you and your partner to gatecrash right at the end, but hey, what can you do?

MONEYMAKER
Don't start with me Michael Cole! Somewhere in this arena, there are three malnurished men laying in pools of their own blood, mugged by these opportunistic nickel and dimers! This should NOT stand! This is preposterous! Prepostoterous I say! You haven't heard the last of this, guaranteed!

COLE
Hey, don't you have a One And Only Tag Title defence later on? If I were you Mister Moneymaker, I'd be reviewing my plans for the evening!

MONEYMAKER
.....my God you're right.

Dropping his headset, the seething Billion Dollar Heir rounds up his troops. CPA looks ready to go back in for more but Moneymaker tells his cohorts that they're done for the night, looking horror-stricken as he tries to rush the group to the back. Blanchard has to be helped back by Simon, Wright not looking too steady either, The Enterprise looking on as D*LUX and Leon continue to revel in their victory.

COLE
What a start to HeldDOWN~! We've got new OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Titles as The Enterprise just got 'trumped'. And let's not forget, Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, defending their titles later on tonight. The Enterprise came in with all the gold, they may leave with [i]none[/i] by the night is over! Unbelievable!

COACH
You've got that right.