King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted November 8, 2007 "Stronger" by Kanye West blares out from the entrance stage. "Makes us harder, better, faster, STRONGER" BOOM BAM BOOMBOOMBOOM! "I need you right now!" The crowd, confused for a moment, stops its P.R.! chant (which they've been doing non-stop since 3AM the day before), now sees a certain wrestler emerge from the back. Confusion turns to hate, and that leads the crowd to immediately boo. Stephen Joseph is walking out, the OAOAST Heavyweight Champion. "Ladies and Gentlemen, your NU OAOAST HeavyWeight Champion of the world, from Atlanta, Georgia ..." The crowd uproar is so loud that the ring announcer cannot be heard. Stephen Joseph is walking slowly to the ring, holding a beautiful big gold belt up over his head, his two hands clutching at the sport's most prized possession. Stephen Joseph is immaculately dressed in a Hugo Boss $10,000 dollar suit, dressed to the nines in the best whites money can buy. The crowd continues to jeer at SJ as he walks down to the ringside steps. Dressed to the nines, SJ lowers the belt and uses a free hand to adjust his tie. Stephen Joseph catches the thrown microphone. He taps it quizically and then looks at the crowd of fans. A soft chuckle later, he brings the mic to his lips, and the crowd boos evermore. SJ pauses and it can be seen that he isn't bothered at all. In fact, he may actually enjoy being the center of all that is hated. SJ: How's it going OAOAST fans? How about that Halloween Spooktacular? Once again, good ole Stephen Joseph shows why he's the greatest Superstar that's been in the OAOAST. Zack Malibu my ass. Crowd: YOU SUCK! PR'S BETTER! MY GRANDMA'S BETTER! SJ: Hmm. You guys don't like me very much do you? ::SJ chuckles:: After all I've done for you. Like come back from retirement twice when I said I wouldn't? Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SJ: Hmm. Like when I brought out the greatest 3 man group ever? The Trinity? Man in Crowd: You pervert Jesus! SJ: Uhh huh. Guess you all didn't like my numerous title runs either. My political staging, backstabbing, and manipulation? That's a darn shame. You know, I'm taking a trip down memory road here. I recall that once I wasn't expected to win the OAOAST World Title. Let's roll that clip! --OAOAST WOOSH~!-- to the clips from OAOAST World Without End 2005 ::CLIP 1:: Popick covers Brannigan, hooking up his leg and getting extra leverage from the tights, straining with all his body to pin Tony’s shoulders down! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING* BUFFER Tony Brannigan has been eliminated! ::CLIP 2:: PK flips Popick onto his shoulders – KNIGHTMARE! Knight brings SJ into the middle of the ring! ONE! TWO! THREE! No? Hebner’s hand doesn’t hit the mat for the third time – Stephen Joseph has grabbed it! Hebner angrily tries to shake his hand free, and Knight gets up and stomps SJ’s arm to force him. PK puts Popick onto his shoulders, and tries for another Knightmare – but as he turns SJ’s boots collide with Hebner’s head! Stunned, Hebner falls to all fours, holding the side of his head. COLE Oh no! Hebner couldn’t get out of the way in time! CABOOSE Someone get another referee out here, quick! The impact with our near geriatric official causes Knight to lose his grip and Popick falls to the mat – cue instantaneous low blow! Knight collapses to his knees as the fans scream displeasure. Popick brings Knight to the corner and applies a full nelson – then jumps off and round and delivers FINALITY! Cover! Hebner recovers quickly and gets in position for the count. ONE! TWO! CABOOSE No! No! THREE! *DING DING DING* Trash begins to fill the ring as Stephen Joseph rolls off Knight, clenching his fists and pumping them, repeatedly screaming "YES!" as Hebner retrieves the belt. BUFFER The winner of the match.... CABOOSE Don't say it, Buffer. BUFFER and NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU (Caboose: GODDAMNIT!!!) OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the World – STEEEEEEEEPHEN JOOOOOOSEPH! The new champ grabs the title from Earl Hebner and raises it high above his head, grinning from ear to ear. ::END CLIPS:: --OAOAST WOOSH~!-- back to the ring SJ: I outlasted three other men, and pinned two of them, in a fatal fourway match. No one gave me a shot. But I did it. I didn't cheat. I didn't have help. I DID IT MYSELF! And did I get any respect? No, I didn't! That damn bunch of Upstarts pissed all over what I had done. I had helped them, and they dropped me like a bad habit. And then they learned what happens when you cross SJ. SJ: Last Thursday, no one gave me a shot. Except myself. Don't you think I don't know that. Crowd: PR! PR! PR! PR! PR! SJ: Excuse me, I'm talking here. This is my moment. When has Tha Puerto Rican won the OAOAST World Title, let alone twice? Thank you. I rest my case. SJ: Anyways, as I was saying, no one gave me a shot. And then, when Zack and Cortez interrupted the match, and next thing I know, I'm the CHAMP BABY! Crowd: PR! PR! PR! SJ: Seriously people. I'll get to him. I want to say one thing though. Zack Malibu, don't you think for a moment I am done with you. I'm not. I will EXPOSE you for what you are. For that deepest of the darkest of secrets that you've held for 5 years in the OAOAST. You can't stop the truth Zack. Crowd: SJ SUCKS! ZACK SUCKS! PR RULES! SJL Okay, I'll address everyone's favorite underachiever now. Would that make your A.D.D. ridden brains happen, ya zombies? *SJ looks more serious, less cocky* Here's the truth, no spin zone. The whole plan last Thursday was to soften up Maddix for PR. God I wanted PR to win the title. I wanted some payment for my investment. I mean, really, the guy talks like a cheap Rock Ripoff. I wanted to help change that, make him better, make him believe in him, not some pandering lap dog of the Purto Ricans. I was gonna injure Maddix when no one could see it, and then PR could take advantage of that for his shot. So if you want to know who to blame for SJ's win, its not SJ, and its not PR, and its not Maddix. Turn your blame to Zack and Cortez, because they interrupted, and thusly they changed how things would be. Its THEIR FAULT you get to deal with ME now. SJ: You see, once they interfered, and I got clocked,I didn't know where I was! And then I saw Maddix, and instinct took over. I don't remember the 3 count. I don't even remember standing. Its Zack's fault, not mine! Its Todds fault, not mine! SJ: So here it is. PR, I was a little harsh earlier. We're friends, we're pals. You know this. You know that I have had your back for years. I believe in PR when no one else did, not even your countrymen! SJ: PR, when I won the title the first time, who did I give first shot to? I gave it to you! SO you have nothing to... *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* [size="5"][b]"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"[/b][/size] The pop from the crowd is off the charts. A lightning bolt hits the entrance, and "Know Your Role '99" starts playing, bringing the crowd to its feet as the one guy they've been waiting for is finally going to make an appearance. The PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and out from the smoke comes "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. And somehow, the crowd's cheering gets even louder. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is finally back home in San Juan, Puerto Rico! What a homecoming for The Corporate Champ. Popick looks on from the ring as PR looks at the crowd with a serious expression on his face. He is decked out in a Puerto Rican flag bandana on the top of his head, sunglasses, an earring on his left ear, white dress shirt, red tie, black sports jacket, $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, his engagement ring on his right ring finger, black dress pants, and black dress shoes. PR looks right at Popick, and then begins his walk down the entrance ramp. COLE The very foundation of the OAOAST was rocked last Wednesday night when Stephen Joseph Popick won his second World Heavyweight Title, just one month before his client, the man you see coming to the ring, is scheduled for a World Heavyweight Title Match of his own! If anyone is going to feel the effects of Popick's Title win, it's definitely Tha Puerto Rican! COACH PRL is back home, and Stephen Joseph Popick is the World Heavyweight Champion! It's like destiny! It's like this was meant to happen! You can't make this stuff up! COLE It is strangely appropriate that we begin the Popick Era in San Juan, Puerto Rico. But these people aren't here to see Popick. They came to see Tha Puerto Rican, and they couldn't be any more thrilled right now that he's here in the arena! PRL walks around ringside, letting the people in the front row get a good look at him and his greatness. PR climbs the ring steps and stops at the ring apron. He looks at the crowd, lowers his sunglasses, and does a Corporate Eyebrow, before entering the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans cheers while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. PRL does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd cheers even louder. Popick applauds his client and friend. PRL heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands. The crowd cheers. PR says something and then jumps off the second turnbuckle so that he can head to another second turnbuckle to raise his hands again. The crowd cheers some more. P.R. then climbs off that turnbuckle and heads to a third second turnbuckle where he raises his right fist in the air and "smells the electricity" ala The Rock while a single spotlight shines on him. COLE These 10,000-plus have been waiting since February 10, 2004 to see Tha Puerto Rican appear in a wrestling ring in Puerto Rico! The last time the OAOAST held an event in Puerto Rico was on a special edition of OAOAST IntenseZone dubbed The Battle Of San Juan which was hosted by The Lightning Crew! On that night, Tha Puerto Rican, Colombian Heat, Cuban Wall, and PROTOTYPE: The PERFECT Lightning Crew Member now known as John "Rock Hard" Brickston defeated the team of The Mad Cappa, Reject, Teddy Weddy, and K-NESS. It was a memorable match and a great moment in Tha Puerto Rican's career. And now tonight, on November 8, 2007, over three years later, Tha Puerto Rican is back in San Juan, Puerto Rico, in front of 10,050 of his fellow Puerto Ricans! PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, receiving cheers. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the ropes and calls for a microphone. Popick only stands and watches, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt slung over his right shoulder. COLE We have not heard from PRL since last Wednesday. He should definitely have alot on his mind concerning the result of the main event of the Halloween Spectacular! COACH You heard Popick. It was all in the heat of the moment. Hopefully, Tha Puerto Rican understands this. Popick didn't mean no harm and wasn't intentionally trying to sabotage PRL's World Title plans! COLE You might think so. But let's just wait and see what PRL thinks. PRL grabs a microphone from a ring attendant. The lights go back on in the arena. P.R. paces back and forth in the ring, staring at the NEW World Heavyweight Champion of the One And Only AngleSault Thread. "Know Your Role '99" dies down, but the crowd's cheering does not. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" COLE Listen to this! The respect, the love, the admiration the people of San Juan have for their native son! [size="5"][b]"P.R.!"[/b] [b]"P.R.!"[/b] [b]"P.R.!"[/b] [b]"P.R.!"[/b][/size] PR stops to "smell the electricity" once again. The crowd can't stop chanting his name. The camera cuts to a good amount of pro-PRL signs in the crowd for once. The camera also shows several fans waving Puerto Rican flags. COACH Will they let him speak already!? COLE Let them have this moment, Coach. They've waited years for this night! PRL stops and stares at Popick. The World Champ is all smiles. But The Corporate Champ isn't. P.R. finally brings the microphone to his lips. At this the chants stop as all of San Juan anxiously awaits for him to speak. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Just before I talk about what went down last Wednesday night, I have something to get off my chest. And that is, after all these years, FINALLY...Tha Puerto Rican...HAS COME BACK-- "TO SAN JUAN!" Tha Puerto Rican, his head tilted back, takes a pause before speaking again. THA PUERTO RICAN ...home. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THA PUERTO RICAN Home to San Juan. The birthplace of Tha Puerto Rican. This is where the legend began. This is where it all started. Right here. 28 years ago. When my mommy and daddy did the horizontal rumba, and through that the corporate sperm met with the corporate egg and 9 months later, the Corporate Champ came out into this world and proceeded to slap his doctor before he could slap him! The crowd cheers. Popick chuckles. PRL This is home. Home of the best damn food in the world! The crowd cheers. PRL Home of the best damn music in the world! The crowd cheers some more. PRL Home of the best damn HOTTEST women in the world! The crowd cheers again. PRL And I just happen to be with the HOTTEST one of them all! Sup Lindsay? Heh, heh. And most importantly, this is the home of the best damn wrestling fans in the entire world! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" PRL You people know greatness when you see it! And you know that Tha Puerto Rican is without a shadow of a doubt the most electrifying man in ALL of entertainment! The crowd happens to agree with cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN And now with all that being said, this leads me right into the next topic of discussion. Namely you, Stephen Joseph Popick. The crowd gives a mixed reaction to Popick. Some cheer because of his association with PRL, but others boo because he IS The Most Hated Man In The OAOAST after all. PRL Now Stephen, last Wednesday night, you surprised the hell out of everybody, when you crawled over, covered Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, and got the 1-2-3 becoming the World Heavyweight Champion for the SECOND time in your career. Now, I gotta give credit where credit is due. You managed to finally unseat the little cockroach after all these months, and for that, I say congratulations! Popick nods his head and mouths, "Thank You!" PR Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations are in order...but I'm not about to just sit back and watch you hold that belt for God knows how long. This gets Popick's attention, and the crowds as well. PRL You see, seeing as how we are here in San Juan, Puerto Rico. CHEAP POP~! PRL Tha Puerto Rican's hometown. Tha Puerto Rican lives 45 minutes away from this arena. This is my homecoming, this is Tha Puerto Rican's homecoming. Seeing as how we are surrounded by the millions-- "AND MILLIONS!" PRL ANNNNND MILLIONS of Tha Puerto Rican's fans...I see no better time than now...to issue you a challenge. You and me. One-on-one. "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican vs. Stephen Joseph Popick for the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship TONIGHT here in SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Hey! How about that? A blockbuster main event for us here tonight! Right in Puerto Rico! THA PUERTO RICAN I see no better time than now to do this match! We are live in San Juan! The Lightning Crew wants it! I want it! THE PEOPLE WANT IT! CROWD WE SURE DO! THA PUERTO RICAN (CONT'D) ALL OF PUERTO RICO WANTS IT! How much more appropriate can you get? Me winning the World Heavyweight Title here in my hometown? I couldn't ask for anything better! So what do you say, Popick? Are you game? Do you want to go one-on-one with The Corporate One tonight? Are you down? In front of all of my friends, in front of all of my family, do you want to duke it out for the World Title tonight? COACH Well? Do you!? Popick doesn't seem too keen on this idea. In fact, he appears a little bit nervous about it. The crowd is antsy, waiting Popick's response. SJP thinks about PR's challenge. COLE Popick doesn't seem too thrill on the idea of having a Title match tonight. COACH How do you know? Stop assuming things! Assuming only makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'umption'! SJP adjusts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder and then speaks. POPICK As much as I would love to defend the World Heavyweight Title against you tonight, Puerto...I'm afraid that that match is out of the question. PR is stunned. So is the crowd. COLE What? POPICK You see, I am not of the authority to make matches here in the OAOAST. Only AngleSault and "Cowboy" Bill Watts have that ability. And as far as I know, AngleSault is still determining how to readjust the World Title situation now that I have the belt. So until he tells me otherwise, I am afraid that you are NOT the Number One Contender to this Title. At least not now. THA PUERTO RICAN But can't you do something? You're a member of OAOAST Corporate! That's how I became The Corporate Champion in the first place! Can't you pull some strings? Bribe somebody? Do something to have a Title match tonight!? POPICK Believe me, I would do so in an instant. But I believe it was one 70's Dude who once said I have as much power as the janitor. And he wasn't too far off from the truth. So no, P.R. I am afraid that a World Title Match between you and me will NOT happen tonight in San Juan. [size="5"][b]"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"[/b][/size] COLE I gotta say, something doesn't seem right about this. COACH There you go. With the conspiracy theories. Popick doesn't own the OAOAST. At least not yet. So he can't book matches on the fly! Only AngleSault and Bill Watts can do that! He just told you that a few seconds ago! COLE Still, it makes me wonder-- COACH Shut it, Cole! There's nothing underneath the surface or whatever! It's as clear as day! Popick can't defend the Title tonight! That's that! PRL is pissed that Popick turned down his challenge. And the crowd is not too happy about it either. POPICK Although, I gotta say, you are right. It is appropriate that we are here in San Juan on the first HeldDOWN~! of my second Title reign. And I do stress 'SECOND' Title reign, since we've been friends for how long? THA PUERTO RICAN A while. POPICK Almost as long as the last time we were here in San Juan. And in that time frame, HOW many World Titles have I won? PRL Two. POPICK Right. Right. And exactly HOW many World Titles have YOU won? PRL Zero. POPICK Right. I thought my memory was a little hazy. But I was right. Exactly 'nada' World Title reigns for you, my dear amigo! PR Popick, what's the point of this!? SJP Oh nothing. Nothing. Just thought I'd remind you of who's had more success in the OAOAST. I mean, we might be in YOUR hometown, but it is I, Stephen Joseph Popick, who holds the gold! And I hold the biggest and greatest gold of them all! This doesn't help Popick win the fans who are already booing him. In fact, MORE fans start booing him after this comment. COACH Well, he's right. He IS OUR World Champion! COLE I still can't believe it! Earlier this year he was holding the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles with PRL! Now he holds the World Title! Again! THA PUERTO RICAN You know Popick, you really ought to know when to talk and when to KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" POPICK I beg your pardon? PRL We might not be able to have a World Title Match tonight...but I am THIS close to wanting to have a one-on-one match against you anyway, 'amigo'! COLE Uh-oh! Things are heating up! COACH There we go. Heat of the moment again! SJP Now P.R. Stop and think. You're letting that Latin temper of yours get the better of you again! PRL Don't throw that bullcrap at me, Popick! You and I both know that no one AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS NO ONE deserves a World Title shot more than I do! And with you as Champion, that should make that scenario a THOUSAND TIMES easier than ever before! I've spent the last 5 damn months or so chasing that monkey ass Landon around while at the same time trying to fend off HACK Malibu! I've had to deal with the both of them in Handicap Matches, Ladder Matches, Triple Threat Matches, the works! And last Wednesday, I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought my chasing was over. I thought my dream of becoming World Champion was close to becoming a reality. I thought I was a few days away from attaining the richest prize in our industry. But it turns out I was wrong. Apparently, I had gotten my hopes up and they came crashing down on me once again. Story of my life. Pffft. Some friend you are! Pffft. PRL turns and walks away. POPICK P.R., wait! PRL exits the ring. The crowd boos. But suddenly, Tha Puerto Rican stops and gets back into the ring. A sly smile appears on his face. PRL I just realized something. I know why you don't want to have a Title match with me. Not because of the OAOAST Board of Directors or whatever. Remember your first Title reign? POPICK Of course. Best 3 months of my entire life! PRL How sad. Anyway, remember the matches that we had? POPICK Indeed I do! We had one of the best matches of all-time at November Reign 2005! PRL Co-sign. But you know what I remember most about those matches? POPICK How much we entertained the crowd? PRL No. How awfully close I came to winning the World Title each and every time! I had your number, Popick and if I recall correctly, and I'm sure I do since I have a pretty good photographic memory, but...I seem to recall you *cheating* to beat me in both our matches! POPICK Well...yes...but...you see-- PRL Now, usually people cheat when they know they're outmatched. POPICK Yes, but-- PRL And if that's the case, then you obviously felt threatened by me. POPICK Not really. I-- PRL And you knew I could take your Title very easily. POPICK Not very easily. PRL SOOO, you cheated, and held onto the Title by the skin of your teeth! POPICK No. I-- PRL Now that you got that belt again, the memories of our Title matches are running through your head. POPICK Yes. But-- PRL And you do not want to go through those matches again. Because you know I'll whip your candy ass! POPICK Now come on! PRL! I-- PRL So, you deny me a Title match, because you know that at my first opportunity, I will lay the smackdown on your candy ass and become World Heavyweight Champion for the first time in my career! POPICK Uh...well-- PRL So THAT'S why you denied me a Title shot...because...well...you're a coward. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Oh! PR struck a nerve right there! COACH How dare he? Shame on you, P.R.! Shame! Popick seems offended by this remark. PRL You're scared of me! You don't want to fight me because you're scared of me! You chicken out because you don't want me to take your Title like you KNOW I will! SJP Now listen here, P.R. I am not afraid of YOU, and I am not afraid of ANYBODY! I am NOT a coward! I am going by the OAOAST guidelines for once in my life! Believe me, I don't like this anymore than you do! I would GLADLY, GLADLY have a match with you...just so that I could wipe that arrogant smirk right off of your face! PRL Then why don't ya? Huh? Why don't ya? Put your money where your mouth is! Put the belt up for grabs and meet me in the ring TONIGHT! COLE Sounds good to me! POPICK Once again, Puerto! I CANNOT PUT THE BELT ON THE LINE! No matter how much you bitch and moan, a Title Match tonight in San Juan WILL NOT HAPPEN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tha Puerto Rican is not amused. Neither is the crowd. PRL I can't believe you would deny me a match in front of my people! POPICK Well, life isn't fair, Puerto. You should know that by now. PRL Too bad. I would have loved to kick your ass here in my hometown of San Juan! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Stephen Joseph chuckles. SJP You know, I think you're letting these people's cheers get to your head! PRL Hey! These people want to see this match as much as I do! Right San Juan? "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" PRL It's just too bad that ol' Stephen Joseph doesn't have the BALLS to face me one-on-one in the ring tonight for the Title! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH OH NO HE DIDN'T! COLE PRL REALLY egging Popick on here! "ASSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSS-HOLE!" Stephen Joseph is PISSED OFF right now! He is literally shaking. His face is turning red. Popick tries to remain cool, but the anger is in his eyes. PR chuckles, and then sports a cocky smirk on his face. The crowd continues chanting, "ASS-HOLE!" at the World Heavyweight Champion. POPICK I don't have the balls to face you? I DON'T HAVE THE BALLS!? PRL Nope! Nothing down there! POPICK Let me tell you something you ungrateful son of a bitch! I'VE GOT BALLS THE SIZE OF GRAPEFRUITS! If I could right now, I WOULD SLAP THE TASTE RIGHT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH! You dare threaten me? You dare mock me!? What makes you so great? Huh? Mr. Puerto Rico! Is that what you want to be? You ain't Mr. Puerto Rico! You ain't NOTHING! People, do you know what Tha Puerto Rican's real name is? Edward Quagmire! That's right. EDWARD QUAGMIRE. Nothing Latino sounding about that name, is there? The only Quagmire I know is a cartoon character, and he's WHITE for chrissakes! COACH He's got him there. POPICK And what about that mansion you have? Huh? That $20 million mansion you have in San Juan? How often do you go there? How often do you sleep there? Have breakfast there? Make love to Lindsay there? How many times? 1-2 times a year? At best? You know where you spend most of your free time, PR? In Miami! Or New York! Or Los Angeles! In the continental United States! Far away from San Juan, Mr. Puerto Rico! PR is getting really annoyed now. POPICK And then, what about your friends? Remember? Your old buddies from San Juan? The ones you used to hang out with? Remember them? Where have they been? When have you hung out with them? When have they come to OAOAST shows or flown on your private jet? Do you even remember their names, Mr. Puerto Rico? How about-- THA PUERTO RICAN Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa whoa! Whoa! Hold on there, Popick! Hold on there! What are you trying to do here? Trying to defame me? Smear my good name? Popick, buddy, I thought we were friends! POPICK We are, Puerto. But this is a reality check! You aren't Mr. Puerto Rico! You go around calling yourself 'Tha Puerto Rican' and wearing the colors of the Puerto Rican flag, and talking about representing your roots. But you aren't representing your roots. You traded your life in San Juan away a LONG time ago! You aren't the man you used to be. You aren't a real Puerto Rican! You're nothing more but a SELLOUT! PRL Now see, that's where you're wrong Stephen! THAT'S where you are wrong! I've never traded in my roots for anything! I've always been proud of where I came from! I've always managed to never forget who I am! Tha Puerto Rican remembers being a youngster and taking trips to Olde San Juan. (CHEAP POP~!) I remember making patalinos with my grandmother and listening to my grandfather sing songs with his guitar. I remember my father taking me to this very arena to see Carlos Colon (CHEAP POP~!) wrestle and win match after match and reign as Universal Heavyweight Champion in the WWC! I have Puerto Rico running through my veins! You call me Mr. Puerto Rico, but you're wrong. I am not Mr. Puerto Rico. Tha Puerto Rican removes his sunglasses and stares directly face-to-face with Stephen Joseph Popick. PRL I AM Puerto Rico! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The crowd erupts! PR and Popick continue staring at each other. PRL has a serious expression on his face, while Popick is a little bit nervous. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" COLE This crowd is 100% behind their hometown hero. COACH You can't blame them. Although I do wish things were a little bit more civil between PR and Popick. COLE You can cut the tension with a knife folks. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" Popick stares at PRL and then brings the microphone to his lips. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK So, you ARE Puerto Rico, huh? PRL nods his head. POPICK Then I guess you represent every man, woman, and child on this island? PRL nods his head again. POPICK Then I guess that means this is how I feel about every single inhabitant of Puerto Rico. Stephen Joseph Popick SLAPS PRL across the face! COLE Hey! Wait a minute! COACH Popick just bitchslapped PRL! COLE He slapped his own client! The crowd is stunned! PRL holds his left cheek in pain. He does the McMahon SNEER~! Popick tells him to "Bring it!" PRL removes his black sports jacket, loosens his tie, and rolls up his sleeves! Popick drops the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt on the mat, removes his sports jacket and motions for PRL to fight him! The crowd cheers! COLE Oh my! They're going to get into it! Things can explode any minute! COACH Their alliance is broken! Oh no! PRL and Popick stand nose-to-nose, literally! Both their faces are red. The crowd is going nuts at this point! COLE The World Heavyweight Champion and his friend are wanting to tear each other apart now! "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick are spewing venom at each other. PRL is FUMING! The crowd is at a fever pitch. "TIME OUT! TIME OUT! STOP THE MADNESS! THIS IS INSANITY!" Suddenly, all heads turn to the entrance way... as out strides LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX, microphone in hand. COLE It's the FORMER Champion! COACH Hey, don't call him that! Call him the [i]ex[/i] cham... no, wait, actually that's worse. Just call him Landon. Landon. PRL and Popick, who were seconds ago nose to nose, have both turned their attentions to Landon now. So have the crowd, chanting something rather unpleasant in Spanish towards him, knowing full-well he's half-Spanish and can understand him. PRL smiles at the chants, while Popick just looks confused. MADDIX Before you two launch into the catfight of the century out here, I suggest you both calm the hell down. Okay? This is not happening. Not tonight. I could care less if we're in San Juan, San Jose, San Marino... it doesn't matter, we're not going to see this tonight. See, last week, I got SCREWED out of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX And, predictably, you cheer because it was caused by some shady, law-breaking Hispanic. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" PRL looks a little pissed at that remark. MADDIX The fact that you two managed to screw up something so simple as injuring me ready for November Reign when you've got three guys who are basically hired lackeys for you, haven't wrestled in about half a year and for all intents and purposes seem to have become your personal beverage collectors and holders yet get flown with you to every OAOAST show, two of whom about 7 foot, 300 pounds, who could have done the job for you in any parking lot the OAOAST has passed through... that is quite frankly embarrassing. The fact that it's ended up with you, PRL, bitching about your MANAGER winning a title that you never even had and needed his help to even try and get... it'd be funny if I wasn't so pissed off right now! COACH He's got a point you know. I guess. MADDIX The point in all of this being, I should still be the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion right now! And if ANYBODY is going to be getting an OAOAST World Heavyweight Title shot tonight, it's going to be me! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX I mean, let's think about it. Do you people REALLY want to see your hero here, 'Mr. Puerto Rico', getting a title-shot out of PITY? And have it be, what, his fifth shot at the title in as many months? Maybe more? Or do you want someone who's proven he doesn't choke under pressure? I mean, let's face it, it's about time another Spanish [i]conquistador[/i] rolled into this god-foresaken island and captured what's rightfully his, eh? Oh, just major heel heat there. PRL Hey, we're already got two Conquistadors in this company already and they suck hard enough as it is, without you getting involved! MADDIX Hey, if my ancestors hadn't colonised this place, you'd still be Tha Uncivilised Mud Hut Dwelling Type Guy! "PUER - TO RI - CO!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* "PUER - TO RI - CO!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* COLE Landon is in hostile territory right now. PRL Landon Maddix, you come into this arena, MY arena, in front of MY people... and you have the nerve to talk down to me? You know, I've had a lot of shots at the World Title. And maybe I didn't take it from you. But maybe that's because I never had the chance to wrestle you one on one, mano a mano... of course, we can change that tonight! COLE Uh-oh. Landon raises his eyebrows a little. PRL If I can't get my title shot tonight, I'd love nothing more than to kick your ass in San Juan!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX You know what, I didn't fly all the way here for nothing. I sure as hell didn't do it for the culture or the hospitality either. So, seeing as AngleSault's still shuffling around his OAOAST trading card collection trying to come up with a new November Reign main-event, I think beating you tonight might just be the perfect way to remind him, I deserve my rematch. PRL Then it's settled. You can go one... on one... with Tha Puerto Rican, here tonight... and I will whip your CANDY ASS all the way back to Espagna!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd seem to like that and as Maddix walks off grinning, PRL turns to Popick. The World Champion grabs the title and starts to leave too, having cooled down a little bit from the earlier altercation. PRL Oh and, Popick... this isn't over. PRL raises the Corporate Eyebrow as Know Your Role '99 kicks in again. Popick just turns and walks off, leaving PRL to soak in the moment with his people. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted November 8, 2007 (edited) sorrry, but alf already called the opening segment about two weeks ago, and even the segment after that! Edited November 8, 2007 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted November 8, 2007 ...OPENING SEGMENT!! Nah, stick it wherever. I've already stolen main-event, I don't want to go stealing anything else from someone. (It's only the new World Champ and PRL in Puerto Rico after all!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
