King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted December 28, 2007 As we return to HeldDOWN~! at the Holidays, the red carpet has been rolled out reading for the arrival of the OAOAST's true box-office superstars. Leading the way is Molly Nerdly, the hired intern more concerned with making sure she gets the right shots of the right people than playing to the thousands of people in attendance. Lucky then that Ned Blanchard and Simon Singleton do more than enough showboating to make up for anyone in the OAOAST. The Beverly Hills Blonds tread the red carpet, not looking phased by the task that awaits them. [i]"Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime CALL ME! (call me)"][/i] BUFFER The following tag team contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, on the way to the ring. Being accompanied by by MOLLY NERDLY... at a total combined weight of four hundred and sixty pounds. They are the former three time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions and the former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champions. Representing THE ENTERPRISE... "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD... "THE VIDEO VOYEUR" SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVEEEERRRRLLLYYY HHHIIIIIILLLSSS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Molly sets up the Siclopse at ringside, with Simon overseeing his [b]unpaid[/b] intern's efforts. Ned is too enfactuated with a couple of females three rows back to care about being in the ring alone though. COLE The Beverly Hills Blonds brought this match on themselves, by as we saw earlier trying to goad Zack Malibu and Bohemoth into a confrontation on their latest taping of Reel Talk. If they'd pulled it off it would have been a 'reel' talking point. But, instead, they get a tag match with two World Title contenders. Simon finally enters the ring, ignoring Ned's attempts to point the two hotties in the crowd out to him and trying to get him focused on the actual match ahead. COLE Not ideal preparation this for The Beverly Hills Blonds, as they begin their 2008 Anderson Cup campaign next week against The Christ Air Express at the New Year's Spectacular. Can't wait to get down to Monterrey, Mexico for that show! COACH Oh, yeah. I love taking my own bottled water with me on road trips for fear of contamination. COLE Coach! .....we're going on a [i]plane[/i]. COACH Oh right, right. Sorry. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" As "Liberate" by Disturbed powers through the PA system, Pheonix somehow gets even HOTTER for the entrance of the coolest man in Arizona, The Meterosexual Monster, Bohemoth! Adjusting the orange-tinted sunglasses, Bohemoth marches to the ring, not waiting around at ringside for any partners. BUFFER And the opponents. First, hailing from Greenville, South Carolina... he weighs in at two hundred and eighty four pounds... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHEEEEEEEEMMMMMMOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHHHHHH!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Bo slides into the ring and referee Mike Chioda is quick to warn The Beverly Hills Blonds not to try anything stupid. So too is Bohemoth with an angry glare in their direction. No sooner has Bo's music died down than it's replaced by "Getting Away With Murder", a similiarly loud cheer going up around the arena for that also. BUFFER And... weighing two hundred, ten pounds! From Providence, Rhode Island... the former three-time OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the World... "THE FRANCHISE", ladies and gentlemen, this is ZZAAAAAAAACCKK... MMMMMMAAAAAAALLLLLLLLIIIIIIIBBUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Stepping through the golden shower (of pyro), Zack pulls the hood down from his entrance attire and fires up the crowd, as if they needed it. Zack then marches to the ring with a similar purpose to his partner, who calmly goes through his warm-ups in his corner. COLE Ned and Simon will be banking, I'm sure, on these two men not being able to get along. Zack and Bohemoth's challenge may not be a direct challenge to one another, it may be friendly competition, but it does seem to be creating some tension as you'd expect from two proud athletes such as they. COACH It's not about being proud athletes Michael. It's like when two guys at a bar make a bet over who can pick up a girl first. At first, everything's nice and friendly. But it's all based on ego. And you know those two egos, especially ones as big as Malibu and Bohemoth's, are going to get poked and prodded, until sooner or later it begins to get personal. All these hand-shakes and compliments are only going to last for so long, before somebody's ego gets knocked too far out of line and they do something about it. That's the entertaining part... you KNOW it's going to happen, you just don't know when! Playing it cool, Ned and Simon talk strategy in the corner while Zack and Bo try to decide who's going to start. Easier said than done maybe. Eventually Zack decides to be the bigger man and allows Bohemoth to start, which prompts Simon to give his partner the signal with a pat on the back. Ned suddenly wheels around and sprints forward looking for the cheapshot... ...and SLAMMING on the brakes when he realises just who he's running into! COLE Uh-oh! Ned making a quick re-think here. Ned glares at Simon, who has wasted no time taking up position on the apron, for selling him out before trying to reason with Bo. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" BLANCHARD So... uh... see, here's what I think happened... Clothesline by Bo! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds, but it looks like Ned has had enough before he's even gotten started, rolling to his knees and begging off from The Meterosexual Monster. Bo picks him up by the EARS and shoves back into a neutral corner, ramming him in the gut with a shoulder. And again. And once more for good measure. Irish whip sends Ned corner to corner, hard enough for him to be bounced right back out into a Gorilla Press! Even seven feet in the air Ned tries to reason with the bigman, buying enough time for Singleton to come into the ring to help out. Zack is wise to that though and intercepts him with a clothesline. Out of the ring rolls Simon. But if he thinks he's escaped the worst of the situation, he's in for a hell of a shock as Ned comes soaring over the top and lands on him with a thud at ringside! COLE Oh my, Ned Blanchard thrown all the way over the top and onto his partner! The Beverly Hills Blonds are not getting off to an auspicious start... Brushing aside his partner, Zack grips onto the top rope and pulls himself all the way over with a SOMERSAULT PESCADO, wiping out the Blonds! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE ...and it didn't improve any there, either! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" Bohemoth watches on with hands on hips as he waits for Zack to feed him somebody. Zack first deals with the hands being held out over the guardrail by his adoring fans, which wastes too much time for Bohemoth's liking. The bigman leaves the ring and throws Ned back inside leading to an 'exchange of words' between himself and his preppy partner. COACH Here we go! This is what the people want to see Michael, I just hope TSM's got enough juice to cope with the ratings spike! COLE Not on their show, but Ned and Simon may get what they wanted after all. With the air apparantly cleared, Zack and Bo go their seperate ways with Bo heading back into the ring. The moment he ducks his head through the ropes though he finds a knee driven into the temple by the resourceful Ned Blanchard! Bo collapses into the ring, Ned right on him with some frenzied stomps before reaching out and tagging Simon Singleton in. The Video Voyeur picks up right where his partner left off, before springing off the bottom rope with a kneedrop. COLE The first little lapse in concentration by Bohemoth and The Blonds, the former 3-time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, are right on top of him. Singleton drops a second knee on Bohemoth before positioning his throat across the bottom rope, stepping on his neck as he mugs to camera three, aka. his own Siclopse. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Jumping off of Bohemoth, Simon takes referee Mike Chioda aside and tries to explain to him the importance of figure allignment in the world of photography and how that process takes more than the five seconds he was allowed. Chioda, perhaps keen on taking up a new hobby, takes all of this in while Bohemoth's throat is now draped across the middle rope by Ned Blanchard!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And there's a good reason why Ned and Simon are three-time Tag Champions, their flagrant disregard for the rules! Seeing enough, Zack jumps from the apron and rounds the ring to help out his partner. Referee Chioda manages to spot that though, jumping out of the ring to cut the aghast Franchise off. Back in the ring, this allows The Beverly Hills Blonds to do even more damage. Ned keeps Bo pinned throat-down over the ring rope while Simon heads to the middle rope. Right on cue, Molly throws the trusty BHB clapboard to her personal B.O.S.S, an adept catch from Simon followed by him coming off the ropes, bringing the clapboard down on the lower back of Bohemoth!! COACH Aaaaaaand... CUT! COLE This is ridiculous. What kind of people bring a clapboard to the ring with them anyway!? COACH People who like hitting other people with clapboards. COLE Evidently. Simon ditches the evidence and forces Bo down into a pin, while Chioda finally gets Zack back to his corner... 1... Bo powers out! Rolling Bohemoth over onto his front, Singleton singles out the small of the back with stomps and then the point of his elbow. Bo climbs to his feet but the kicks keep coming, Bo finding himself backed into the Beverly Hills district of the ring and sneakily trapped by a handful of the tights on the outside by Ned. More kicks from Singleton wear down Bohemoth to the point that Ned can safely tag in, stinging Bo with a hard uppercut as he steps through the ropes. COLE Chioda warning Ned to open the fist up but that's like telling a drunk carjacking hit-and-run driver not to litter. Once he's shaken off the effects of the right hand, it looks like the shot has woken Bohemoth up. And The Hansome Hustler suddenly regrets tagging in, as he tags Bo... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and another one! Bohemoth is still standing though and getting progressively angrier, so Ned changes tact. A quick ankle pick puts the 284 pounder off balance and allows Blanchard to sweep the standing leg from underneath him. As Bo tries to roll away, Ned pins him on his front and quickly peels off his right elbowpad, digging the point of the exposed elbow into Bo's spine! COLE That must be excruciating! Hearing Bo's shouts of pain Zack steps in and shoves Blanchard off of his partner, before being sent back to his corner. Ned waves him on his way, then reaches down and applies a Boston Crab. COLE Coming into this match, I doubt many people expected The Blonds to be picking Bohemoth to try and isolate from his corner, but they've been doing a pretty good job so far. Albeit with some shortcuts along the way. COACH Shortcuts Shmortcuts! You forget, Ned and Simon have a crucial advantage over Bohemoth. They've got inside knowledge. COLE Of course, I've got no doubts they've been in Christian Wright's ear ever since that confrontation on Reel Talk happened. Ned sits down on the Crab, but just isn't powerful enough to keep Bohemoth pinned down. And after a brief struggle, Bo is able to reach out and grab the bottom rope to break the hold. Blanchard typically milks the count a few seconds before breaking, then tags in Simon Singleton again. The Video Voyeur quickly kneels down on Bohemoth's back and 'rolls cameras' in the direction of Zack, drawing him into the ring. Chioda does his job and keeps Zack at bay, distracting him from another aspect of his job... "OOOHHHHHHHHH!" ...preventing lowblows, Singleton dropping a leg across the nether regions! COACH Looks like this feature might have to get an PG-13 rating. Not that movie or TV guidance ratings really matter. But, authenticity. Simon drags Bohemoth into position and climbs to the middle rope. Finally Chioda is undetained again, in time to see Singleton come off the second rope with a kneedrop to the lower back, before turning Bo over and covering... 1... 2... NO! "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" With some difficulty Singleton gets Bohemoth back to his feet, then just dumps him on the ropes. Tag is made and Ned steps in, trying to pick Bo up with his throat across the top rope. He has to settle for a sort of wheelbarrow lift to get the legs off the canvas, in time for Simon to leapfrog him and drive his weight into the small of Bo's back! Ned then follows up with a Russian Legsweep, making the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Hauling Bo back up, Ned sends him into the ropes with an irish whip. That all becomes wasting effort the moment he ducks his head however, Bohemoth coming to a stop just short and CLUBBING Ned between the shoulder blades! "YYEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!" As Ned arches upright, Bohemoth backs into the ropes once more... ...but this time, he meets a knee from the outside from Singleton! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Simon turns out to the crowd and again 'rolls cameras', Molly capturing the taunt in a dramatic up-angle on the Siclopse. Behind him, Ned now charges at Bohemoth. With a duck of the head Bo manages to backdrop Blanchard however, sending him over the top... ...and although Ned lands on the apron, his trailing foot catches Simon in the back and knocks him to the floor! COLE Down goes Singleton! COACH Oh my god, oh my god... is the camera okay!? Luckily, it seems to be, as does Molly (thanks for caring, Coach!) as she gets out of harm's way just in time. Meanwhile Ned manages to drive a knee in through the ropes to catch Bohemoth and sets him up for a suplex to the floor. No way that's happening though. Ned has to wait for Simon to climb back up and help him, The Blonds now positioning Bo for a [i]double[/i] suplex up and out of the ring. Even combined they struggle to get Bohemoth up though and Zack sees his chance, running down the apron and scaling the turnbuckles on the far side. The Franchise then sacrifices his body as he dives out to the arena floor, managing to catch Singleton with an axehandle on the way down! Both Zack and Simon hit the floor with a splat, leaving Ned to be suplexed back inside by Bohemoth! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Big move for Bohemoth to turn the tide! But, right now he's got nobody to tag out to! COACH Yeah, thanks to Zack playing the hero and trying to one-up his own partner. COLE I really don't think that's what happened. Bohemoth rolls over and looks to his corner, to find just turnbuckles. No Zack, no nothing. So he does the same as Blanchard and drags himself back to his feet to continue the fight himself. Ned is up first and strikes first with a right hand. Bo comes right back with one of his own though, staggering Ned back three or four steps. Back comes Ned with a right... and Bohemoth rocks him again. Irish whip by Bo this time, catching Blanchard on the rebound with a BIG Powerslam!! 1... 2... NO!! With Zack now limping back to his corner, Bohemoth knocks down Ned with a clothesline. And a second. And, once Ned finally makes his feet for the third time with hands begging for mercy, a third clothesline! The Handsome Hustler is reeling and Bohemoth ignores Zack as he re-grabs the tag rope and offers the belated tag... Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! *slap!* COLE Blind tag? COACH Oh boy oh boy! How how does the Neilsen Scale go, anyway? Tagging himself in, Zack steps in to be confronted by an unhappy Meterosexual Monster. As the clear difference of opinions rages, Ned manages to get across to his corner and tag out to Simon Singleton who creeps into the ring. Bohemoth and Zack continue to debate between themselves... ...allowing Singleton to creep over and schoolboy Zack... 1... 2... KICK BY BO TO BREAK THE COUNT!! COLE Oh, I wasn't sure he was going to save him for a second! Apparantly not concerned by the fact he just got kicked in the ear by him, Singleton quickly scoops up Zack and holds him in place, offering Bohemoth a free shot at his partner! Simon urges Bo to "go ahead". But, Bohemoth just looks at him like he's crazy and goes to leave... at which point Simon shoves Zack into Bo! Bo shoves Zack right back at Simon, who again traps him and gives Bohemoth the option again now that Zack has "attacked him first". Still no dice however, as Zack performs a standing switch and grabs a waistlock... *SMACK!* ...Big Boot by Bo... ...into a Release German by Zack, DROPPING SINGLETON ON HIS HEAD!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Bohemoth did NOT take the bait and instead Simon took the ride with the UGLY landing!! Seeing his partner getting decimated spurs Ned into the action. Balling up his fists he runs at Zack with a wild double axehandle, which Zack is easily able to duck and spin into a waistlock. ZACK One more? BOHEMOTH Sure, why not? *SMACK!* ...Big Boot by Bo... ...into a German by Zack, this time with no release! Zack hangs on and rolls through with The Handsome Hustler, bringing him to his feet for a second rolling German! Clinging onto the waistlock, Zack brings Ned up one more time. He doesn't go up for another suplex though, instead jarred across the knee with an atomic drop, setting him up in the path of the charging Bohemoth... ...AND A MURDERLINE!!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh he took his head off! COACH He did not, quit exaggerating! Ned's fine! Look at him! Cut to a close up of Ned, right leg twitching. COACH That'a boy Ned, keep on dancing you crazy cat you! COLE I've got a feeling the end may be near. As Molly becomes the lone voice wondering what happened to the referee's five count to get one in and one out of the ring, Zack and Bo turn to each other and try to figure out who's going to finish the match off. Apparantly neither wants to give up that privilege, Bohemoth picking Simon slowly up while Zack crouches and keeps one eye on the awaking Ned. Still with half an eye on each other, Zack watches Ned up while Bo scoops Simon off the mat with a double leg. *WHAM!* FRONT SPINEBUSTER by Bohemoth... *SMACK!* "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" ...AND SCHOOL'S OUT by Zack!! Both Ned and Simon are out. Double cover... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Here are your winners... the team of BOHEMOTH and "THE FRANCHISE"... ZACK MMAAAALLLIBU!! Molly sadly turns the Siclopse off as Zack and Bohemoth stand up from their pinfalls and turn to each other. Not nearly as heated as before, the two seem to have gotten over their misunderstanding enough to exchange a wry smile with each other from across the ring as they stand over the motionless Beverly Hills Blonds. COACH Well, in the end, Zack and Bo were able to stay on the same page and pick up the win here tonight. But although The Beverly Hills Blonds won't get the blow-up they were hoping for, the seeds of doubt have been planted. Tension definately seemed to rise at times in this match. How long can these two stay on the same page in co-pursuit of the World Heavyweight Championship? COLE With people like you and The Blonds pushing the buttons, I'm not so sure. COACH And it'll be every man for himself January 27th, at AnglePalooza, in the Lethal Rumble. Sooner or later Michael... sooner or later. COLE That remains to be seen. For now, an impressive win by the makeshift team of Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, a bad start to Anderson Cup season for The Beverly Hills Blonds. With another exchange of looks, Bohemoth leaves Zack to soak up the adulation of the victory, happy with just another in the 'W' column. Zack watches him leave before he so much as climbs the first turnbuckle. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
